Kristin Greathouse [00:00:00]:
Things that I see a lot is that they apologize for their feelings and that they don't take care of themselves. And so I always hope that I get that across when I'm meeting with any of them, that they are important and they are special and they are valued. And, you know, I hope as. As we work together that they feel that and they start to believe that themselves. Sometimes you need somebody to believe it for you first, just to keep supporting you in that, and then hopefully eventually they'll start believing it themselves.
Jennifer [00:00:34]:
All right, welcome back to the podcast. I'm Jennifer.
Ashlee [00:00:37]:
And I'm Ashlee. And literally, I'm going to start it off the way I said I would. We have a guest who does all the incredible things. I can't. I can't even personally name them all because she's that amazing. So what we will do is we will have her introduce herself and tell us a little bit about what she does and what we're going to talk about today. So I'm going to hand it over to you. Hi.
Kristin Greathouse [00:00:59]:
Thank you. I am Kristin Greathouse. I am the wife of a first responder. I am the daughter of a first responder. My dad's a firefighter. My husband is a police officer. I am a nurse, and I am actually a board certified nurse coach. So I'm.
Jennifer [00:01:18]:
You have it all.
Kristin Greathouse [00:01:18]:
Trying to do a whole other.
Ashlee [00:01:20]:
I wasn't kidding. I started us with a banger. Were just talking about all the things about this podcast, and then here I am throwing a curveball, 0.5 seconds in this whole dynamic of dad being a firefighter but married to a police officer, that wouldn't have worked out in my house. My dad said, you are not allowed to date those firefighters. So I am. Oof. I'm impressed how you snuff that one in there.
Kristin Greathouse [00:01:44]:
It's funny. So my husband and I grew up together. He's just a couple years older than me. I've known him since I was a baby, and we never dated in high school or anything like that. It wasn't until we were much older. But he knew my dad and he was always very respectful of my dad. My dad, I think, was impressed by that. Just of this young kid who was, you know, very respectful and.
Ashlee [00:02:06]:
What?
Kristin Greathouse [00:02:06]:
Yes. Yes.
Ashlee [00:02:07]:
Yeah, right?
Kristin Greathouse [00:02:08]:
Yes. Should have known it was going to lead to somebody. But they have a great time joking around about firefighters and cops. So it's a fun time when we get together.
Jennifer [00:02:21]:
Well, it sounds like you've made a bridge between firefighting and policing. And I really want to talk about this bridge you have with being a licensed nurse and coaching. So can you tell us just a little bit about. I guess maybe back up and tell us a little bit what nurse coaching is and then it kind of explain your trajectory in terms of how it was something that interests you.
Kristin Greathouse [00:02:41]:
Absolutely. Nurse coaching is an actual recognized board certification for nurses. So you do have to be a registered nurse, an rn, which I am. So I got my adn, which is my associate degree in nursing, and then I got my bsn. I'm currently in school for my dnp, which is a doctorate of nurse practitioner. So I have about three more years. I will make my husband call me doctor, of course.
Jennifer [00:03:07]:
Doctor. Great house.
Ashlee [00:03:09]:
Doctor.
Kristin Greathouse [00:03:09]:
Yes. I got into nurse coaching. I actually saw. It was a fluke. I saw it as an ad on social media somewhere and it piqued my interest and I looked into it, but it wasn't until well over a year later that I actually signed up for it. The certification is nurse coach, but that doesn't mean that I coach nurses. It just means that I am a nurse and I am also a certified life coach. I can coach anyone about anything.
Kristin Greathouse [00:03:35]:
The beauty is a lot of people will come to nurse coaches because we have that clinical background and experience in nursing. And so we do have a little bit of a step up on things when it comes to healthy things.
Jennifer [00:03:49]:
Right.
Kristin Greathouse [00:03:49]:
Working out, eating healthy. You know, not that I'm going to give someone a healthy eating plan because I'm not a nutritionist and I'm not going to give somebody a workout plan because I'm not a trainer. But I can help people to figure out the best things for them. Like I said, I found it on social media. I finally went through the program. I got the board certification. I kind of use it all the time, some very intentional times. And then other times it just kind of comes out when I'm talking to somebody and it's like, oh, well, tell me more about that.
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(00:00):
Things that I see a lot is that they apologize for their
feelings and that they don't take care of themselves.
And so I always hope that I get that across when I'm meeting
with any of them, that they are important and they are special
and they are valued. And you know, I hope as as we
work together that they feel that and they start to believe
(00:24):
that themselves. Sometimes you need somebody to
believe it for you first and then just to keep supporting you
in that. And then hopefully, eventually
they'll start believing it themselves.
All right, welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Jennifer. And I'm Ashley, and literally
I'm going to start it off the way I said I would.
We have a guest who does all theincredible things.
(00:45):
I can't, I can't even personallyname them all because she's that
amazing. So what we will do is we will
have her introduce herself and tell us a little bit about what
she does and what we're going totalk about today.
So I'm going to hand it over to you.
Hi, thank you. I am Kristen Greathouse.
I am the wife of a first responder.
I am the daughter of a first responder.
(01:08):
My dad's a firefighter. My husband is a police officer.
I am a nurse and I'm actually a board certified nurse coach so
I'm. Trying to.
Do a whole lot. I wasn't kidding.
I started us with a banger. We were just talking about all
the things about this podcast and then here I am throwing a
curveball .5 seconds in this whole dynamic of dad being a
(01:31):
firefighter but married to a police officer.
That wouldn't have worked out ofmy house.
My dad said you are not allowed to date those firefighters.
So I am oof. I'm impressed how you snuff that
one in there. It's funny.
So my husband and I grew up together.
He's just a couple years older than me.
I've known him since I was a baby, and we never dated in high
(01:52):
school or anything like that. It wasn't until we were much
older, but he knew my dad and hewas always very respectful of my
dad. My dad, I think, was impressed
by that, just of this young kid who was, you know, very
respectful and what yes, yes, right, yes.
Should have known it was going to lead to something but they
(02:14):
have a great time joking around about firefighters and and cops
so. It's a fun.
Time when we get together. Well, it sounds like you've made
a bridge between firefighting and policing, and I really want
to talk about this bridge you have with being a licensed nurse
and coaching. So can you tell us just a little
bit about, I guess maybe back upand tell us a little bit what
(02:35):
nurse coaching is and then it kind of explained your
trajectory in terms of how it was something that interests
you? Absolutely, coaching is an
actual recognized board certification for nurses, so you
do have to be a registered nursein RN, which I am.
So I got my ADN which is my associate degree in nursing and
then I got my BSN. I'm currently in school for my
(02:59):
DNP which is a doctorate of nurse practitioner.
So I have about 3 more years. I will make my husband call me.
Doctor, of course. Doctor Greathouse.
Doctor Yes, I got into nurse coaching and I actually saw it
was a fluke. I saw it as an ad on social
media somewhere and it piqued myinterest and I looked into it,
but it wasn't until well over a year later that I actually
(03:21):
signed up for it. The certification is nurse
coach, but that doesn't mean that I coach nurses.
It just means that I am a nurse and I'm also a certified life
coach. I can coach anyone about
anything. The beauty is a lot of people
will come to nurse coaches because we have that clinical
background and experience in nursing.
(03:43):
And so we do have a little bit of a step up on things when it
comes to healthy things, workingout, eating healthy, You know,
not that I'm going to give someone a healthy eating plan
because I'm not a nutritionist and I'm not going to give
somebody a, a workout plan because I'm not a trainer, but I
can help people to figure out the, the best things for them.
(04:04):
I, like I said, I found it on social media.
I finally went through the program.
I got the board certification. I kind of use it all the time,
some very intentional times and then other times it just kind of
comes out when I'm talking to somebody and it's like, Oh well,
tell me more about that. Honestly, that's so incredible.
(04:24):
And that was going through my brain too.
I'm like, it's something that I feel like can be used in a lot
of different aspects of your life, which I find incredibly
powerful. And so I love how you were just
like, yeah, it kind of just comes out because I mean, how
how does it not right. Like, and I really, really love
that. We do want to ask what it's like
for you, though, to also be married to a first responder and
(04:44):
how it's kind of shaped like your life and your mindset on
things. Lord, how much time do you have?
She said we need 13, so it's not.
Yeah, yes. Well, first of all, I will say I
love my husband and I actually like him.
We are best friends. So I have a little bit of
different perspective. Like I said, I knew my husband
growing up, so I knew him beforehe was a first responder.
(05:07):
Although I think everyone alwaysknew that he was going to become
a police officer when he, you know, grew up and became an
adult. But we were only ever friends
back in high school and didn't start dating until he had been
on the job for several years. So even though I I knew him, I
didn't get to know him well until we started dating.
And like I said, he had already been an officer for several
(05:29):
years at that point. I should say, to answer your
question, I am extremely proud to be married to a police
officer. He's been in law enforcement for
26 years, I think now. He's been promoted several
times. He's accomplished so many things
in his career. I mean, I couldn't even list
them all, but I'm extremely proud to be married to an
(05:50):
officer. But that said, I say we're best
friends and we are, but it's taken a lot of time to get where
we are. I really always say if there's
an emergency, I want him to be there because he's very calm.
He's very steady in chaotic situations.
I love that about him because I am not always calm and steady in
those situations. Early on in our relationship, I
(06:12):
would say he was probably very hyper vigilant, as many officers
are. You know, I always had to sit
with his back against the wall in a restaurant, always carried
his gun with him whether he was on duty or not.
He was always kind of overly concerned, I would say, about
where the kids were, what they were doing, who they were with.
His favorite saying was always nothing good happens past
(06:33):
midnight, so nobody needs to be out late, you know.
And so a lot of times back then,I had to be very mindful of what
I said to him because often I never really knew what was going
to set him off necessarily and really upset him.
I would say time, his age, therapy, and I would say
especially EMDR have really mellowed him tremendously.
I don't really worry about setting him off anymore because
(06:55):
he doesn't necessarily get as upset as he used to.
We live on a farm, we're in the country and it's really our
sanctuary. And I think ever since we've had
this place, it's just calming toturn into my driveway and drive
up to my house and know that it's.
Awesome. We're here and it's very
peaceful out here. I think that's really shaped a
lot about our marriage and, you know, our mindset and and that
(07:18):
kind of thing. I hope that I answered your
question. You did.
And I mean, I think they're we're seeing more and more
research just about being in nature is such a positive thing
and how special that, you know, your house is surrounded by
that, you know, and that you guys have that kind of piece.
That's beautiful. And I appreciate you kind of
sharing that kind of journey andwhat marriages are, you know, we
(07:39):
work together and feeling that kind of shift and work.
And I think that that's beautiful with the coaching and
you thinking about life coach. And I do think that there's
probably some research about nurses and police officers being
together, right? Like that's a thing.
It's. Been a way, yeah, yeah.
Can we just go to Q? All the reels that I watch of
(08:02):
like nurses running and like thepolice officers going after
them, I have to crack up every time.
Every time. I love that.
Yes, it's so true. And firefighters, to be honest,
I know probably just as many nurses with firefighters as they
are with Lisa. Right.
What do you feel like in terms of like first responder families
(08:24):
and how something distinct like coaching is helpful?
I love to give the distinction that coaching is different from
counseling or from therapy. Counseling and therapy really
helps people to, on the past, the things that they've been
through, the things that they maybe can't get past or the
things they're just, you know, upset about.
You guys know this is what you do every day.
(08:46):
With coaching, we're looking at the future.
We are figuring out where a person is and where they want to
go and how to fill the gap, how to get to that place but do it
on their terms. Especially with first responder
families, A lot of the coaching I've done with first responder
families has been with spouses and it's in more of a group
(09:08):
setting. First, everyone is just getting
to know each other and they're not really sure what to say.
And then, you know, by the end of it, we're all helping each
other out like, Oh my gosh, my husband does that too.
Or Oh my gosh, my kids went through that same thing.
We just there's so many similarities and a lot of times
in those group settings, I'm learning from them because they
(09:28):
have all been through a lot of the similar situations,
especially kind of the emotionalroller coasters that you can go
on with the first responders andthe the situations that they've
been in and the things they've seen.
And then you know how the families are the support for
them, but also they see them a lot of times that they're worst.
And so there's definitely a counseling and a therapy side of
(09:50):
that that is absolutely necessary.
Coaching kind of comes in after you've, we dealt with those
things in the past and you're like, OK, well now what, you
know, where do we go? What do we do?
How do we move forward? And so I love that part of it
because a lot of people get concerned.
They'll go through these emotional things.
(10:11):
A lot of them will go through EMDR and they'll come out and
they feel so much better. And then there is an eventual,
like you all say with EMDR, you're going to start feeling
the feelings that you hadn't been feeling.
And a lot of times that gets to be very overwhelming.
And so coaching can come in and say, OK, these are the things
that we can work on to help you get through those feelings.
And I love that coaching is future focused because it's very
(10:35):
important to fix the things in the past, but it's also
important to start looking to the future.
Absolutely. And I appreciate that
distinction. And I think it's a great way too
to think about people that want to set goals and things like
that, especially if we have addressed some things in the
past. I think with some of my clients,
it gets to a place like you're doing really great, but what
(10:56):
about this, what about this? And they're all things in the
future where I think really coaching would be a great place
to kind of step in and say, hey,like these are the plans and the
things, things that we want to work towards.
Absolutely. I think what's really powerful
about our podcast, we have so many people that listen.
And so like, the cool thing is, hopefully I don't know how many
people know about coaching, right?
Like I, I really don't. And so This is why we were so
(11:18):
excited to have you on because we want our first responders and
their families to realize there's a lot out there.
Like there are all these other resources.
And so if someone is listening and they're still trying to
learn what is this about, could you give us a little rundown of
what a typical like coaching session may look like with a
client and a first responder family?
Absolutely. Coaching sessions are pretty
(11:39):
much the same no matter who the client is.
Now that said, we can definitelytailor things to different
people in different situations. A session would start out with a
greeting like, hey, I'm glad you're here.
And, and one of the first thingswe do is we go through
agreements. So we do agreements instead of
expectations because expectations are one sided.
(12:02):
And but you know, especially as an adult myself, if someone
looks at me and says, I expect you to blah, blah, blah, it's
probably not going to be something I want to do.
But if we go over, you know, certain things and we just say,
can we agree on these things? And the agreements are like
we're in a safe and a confidential space that the
(12:23):
client is completely in control of the depth of conversation.
I invite them to play full out or just to give it their all,
even if all they have to give is30% because they're exhausted
from work or whatever. Like just give as much as you
can. That they have radical self
responsibility. Like the things that come up,
the thoughts they have, the feelings they have that they
(12:44):
accept those and, and try not tofight them because we can work
with them instead of trying to push them away.
And then giving each other feedback.
I love feedback at the end of mysessions just to say, did we
talk about what you wanted to talk about?
Do you feel good about this? You know, what do we want to do
differently? So those are the first things we
do. We talk about any homework they
may have had from a previous session.
(13:05):
They had a previous session. If it's not in a initial
session, we talk about a goal that they said at their last
session, did they work towards it?
Did they actually do what they said they were going to do?
And if they didn't, that's fine.You know, let's just talk about
why you didn't. Maybe it wasn't the right goal
for you right now. I've had people get on sessions
with me and say you're going to be so mad at me, I didn't do
(13:27):
blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I would never be
mad at you. I'm not here to judge you.
I'm here. To support you.
One of the first things I will say to start out a session is
what do you want to focus on today?
Or out of all the areas in your life, what feels like it could
use the most support? And then we just talk.
We just have a conversation. I ask questions, they dig deep
(13:48):
and they get brutally honest. And I think a lot of times they
surprise themselves with some ofthe things that they come up
with. But typically they have an
overall goal that they want to achieve.
And it may take several sessionsof small goals each time to work
their way up to that goal. We get there and the goal
typically changes every week, especially if they're working on
(14:08):
it and they achieved that goal. Let's set the next one and let.
Let's keep moving. Forward.
So I love that. I mean, that's amazing.
And I clearly know that you're working with first responders
when you're saying agreements and not expectations, because we
know a first responder will be quick to tell you what they're
not gonna do rather than what they're right.
So I think that that's amazing. You know, you kind of mentioned
(14:31):
this earlier, like how much coaching shows up just in
day-to-day life. And so I was just kind of
curious, if you don't mind sharing, this might be a little
personal, but where coaching hasshown up, maybe at home,
especially with a first responder as a spouse?
At home, my nursing background, I've worked in Med surg and, you
(14:52):
know, hospital medicine and I'vealso worked in psych.
My nursing psych background has helped tremendously at home, not
just with my husband, although that of course is.
Uninvitable. It helps, OK.
It helps, it does in the coaching, but I think I've
learned not to take things personally, especially if he's
(15:13):
had a really hard day at work and he comes home and, you know,
I just know he's looking for a fight, not necessarily with me,
but he just needs to get things off of his chest.
And a lot of times it might comeoff as anger and frustration
towards me, but I know it's not.It wasn't, you know, I didn't
start it. And he just needs to get it off.
(15:33):
Truly try to listen to where he's coming from.
And I have to remember, you know, he has his own experiences
and his own perceptions. And, you know, again, it's not
my fault. That's not necessarily.
Sometimes I'm sure I do things to upset him but but.
What a great, but I feel like that right there like will
resonate with so many spouses orfirst responders because we talk
(15:57):
a lot from the clinical side of things.
We talk a lot about how PTSD, depression, anxiety, right?
Like it can manifest in different ways.
And one of the biggest ways for our first responders is anger,
right? Like that irritability, that
quick diffuse talking on egg shells, man, I've heard it all
right? Like I felt it as a child of a
first responder that just, it just says going to resonate with
(16:17):
so many people because it does feel like a lot of the times
they are looking for that fight and it's really, really hard.
I think as a spouse, but also asa child, I know I interpreted a
lot of my dad's stuff of Oh my gosh, he doesn't really, it's
me. Like my dad's mad at me.
I must be the reason that he's so unhappy.
I must be the reason that he's angry.
And I think spouses probably hold that even to a higher
(16:39):
degree, right? And I, I do see that in
relationships a lot that it falls apart because of that.
So I think that's such a great point and I love that coaching
has done that for you. Absolutely.
A lot of times I used to internalize everything,
everything that he would say, everything to do.
But especially after, you know, going through a conference for
mental health for first responders, hearing their
(17:00):
stories and just hearing exactlythe things that they've been
through, the things that they'veseen.
I have no, I haven't been through those things.
So I don't know how I would respond.
It's so easy to say, you know, Iwould never and I would always.
But if you haven't been there, you don't know.
And so I feel very fortunate to have gone to that conference and
(17:20):
hear all those stories and experience all those things
because I think that has helped to shape me, kind of make me a
little bit softer with him and not be so ready to to argue back
to. That is so fair.
I'm going to get myself in trouble here because we have
this very beautiful question sheet and of course I'm the
troublemaker and have to go off of it for a second here.
(17:42):
So we edit everybody we edit. So at any point you're like, no,
we're we don't want, I don't want to talk about this.
I can always edit it out, but I don't want to pass up on the
opportunity to ask, especially because we work so heavily with
this podcast on like children are first responders.
And I'm kind of honing in on that aspect, a little bit of it.
And Jennifer and I, I've talked at length about how we just feel
(18:03):
like children are first responders are so resilient,
right? And we, I mean, it is a
beautiful thing. And here we are again with
another child of a first responder who's kicking ass in
the world and doing all these incredible things.
And so I just kind of wanted to ask, what was your experience
like growing up in a first responder family with a dad as a
firefighter? And do you feel like that has
impacted your ability? Like, did it come from childhood
(18:26):
to media didn't? But to like Thrive and to be a
life coach and to do all these incredible things to help
people. I honestly think it probably
did. I don't think I knew that early
on. My dad was a firefighter, so he
worked 24 hours on and 48 hours off, and he almost always had a
second job because, you know, firefighters, firefighters.
(18:48):
I'm like, wait, I want three days off and I'm gonna be out.
I'm going to the bottom. Right.
Then I go. Like.
We're doing contracting work, yeah.
Yes, yes, I, I don't know. But he almost always had a
second job. And so a lot of times he wasn't
home. He would get off work and maybe
he would come home, you know, maybe he would get off at 7:00
(19:08):
AM after a 24 hour shift. He would come home, he would
shower and he would be gone again.
And so my mom, she often said she felt like a single mom
because, you know, he was working and he was supporting
the family. And, you know, I always knew
when he was there, he was there and he was attentive and loving
(19:28):
and, you know, he was this amazing dad.
He was also gone a lot. And there were times that he
would come home and he would just be very quiet and
introspective. And I was the same way.
Like, what did I do? Like he doesn't really want to
talk to me. And I think as a small child,
you don't know the things that you don't know.
(19:50):
And so you don't have that adultperspective to be able to say
this was something that happenedthat had nothing to do with me.
Now, like I said, after hearing those stories and knowing the
things that my dad has seen over, you know, I mean, he had
an almost 40 year career in the fire service, so.
What did he see? What did he have to do?
(20:10):
The things? I have a much deeper respect for
him now as an adult and knowing now some of the things that he's
experienced so. Yeah, I appreciate you going
rogue there, Ashley, and asking that question.
Tory. In first responder families,
like, I mean, there's a cause inthose families like, you know,
obviously your dad serving on the fire department.
(20:31):
Is that any type that kind of led you into nursing in terms of
like a career path? Like, was it important for you
to do something like that? I think probably my mom was a
nurse for again almost 40 years.They both had these.
I call them like high stress environment jobs.
(20:52):
I actually, I didn't go to nursing school until I was 40.
I was old. I was one of the oldest ones in
my class. Huge.
OK, people won't see the video, but she's flawless and I'm over
here like, Oh well, what? OK.
No, no, not even. But thank you.
I'll tell you what really inspired me.
So I wanted to be a nurse like straight out of high school when
(21:14):
I first went to college. And then my life just took a
different path and I decided that nursing was not for me at
the time. And then once my son graduated
high school, I just said, I'm I'm going to do it.
I'm going to go for it. And so I did.
But one of the other big reasonsthat I wanted to do it was that
conference, that mental health conference for first responders.
(21:35):
And I saw the need. I knew I wanted to get my nurse
practitioner and I knew it wouldtake a long time.
I wanted to be able to do a lot of what you all do with the
psychotherapy aspect, but then Ialso wanted to be able to have
that medication side where somebody needs to be prescribed
something, you know, I'd have that ability to.
(21:56):
So I kind of wanted that dual ability, but I think it was
probably the combination of my dad, my mom just from my
childhood, and then, you know, my husband and my experiences
with first responders and mentalhealth that really kind of led
me on the path I'm on. That's beautiful and I just, I
love serving those that serve and I just hear that in you as
(22:17):
well, like recognizing that these people are sacrificing so
much and wanting to be there andbe able to help them obviously
protects your clients privacies.But is there anything that you
see in terms of patterns or themes that show up with nurse
coaching with first responders like be it spouses or the first
responders or if you work with kids, the first responders?
(22:40):
Is there something that you kindof like?
I see a lot of? Yeah.
Actually, it's one of the thingsthat we kind of talk about early
on in the sessions, like an agreements thing, especially in
a group session, but with a lot of first responders.
First of all, they apologize. They just profusely apologize.
Like they may say something negative about their husband or
(23:04):
the job and they're like, I'm just, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. And I love to address that head
on and just be like, you are a person and you have your own
opinions and ideas and thoughts and feelings and they are valid.
So if that's how you feel, please don't apologize to me
because I'm glad that you're being true and honest and
(23:27):
expressing yourself. But that's definitely one of the
things I see. Another thing I see is they
often put themselves to the backburner and especially their
spouse and their kids come first.
That's the priority and I think a lot of them feel like they've
lost themselves because they haven't taken care of themselves
(23:48):
and they haven't. I say self-care and it's such a
buzzword. It's not one of my favorite.
I mean, when I say self-care, I just mean not arguing when
someone starts an argument with you, just to be able to stop,
take a deep breath and say, you know what, I'm not going to do
this or to go outside and get some sun on your face and walk
around for a few minutes to do some deep breathing exercises,
(24:09):
to roll your shoulders and move around.
Just little self-care like that.I mean, if you want to go to the
spa, I'm all for it 100% there. But that's not necessarily what
I'm talking about. But those are the big things
that I see a lot is that they apologize for their feelings and
that they don't take care of themselves.
And so I always hope that I get that across when I'm meeting
(24:32):
with any of them, that they are important and they are special
and they are valued. And you know, I hope as as we
work together that they feel that and they start to believe
that themselves. Sometimes you need somebody to
believe it for you first and then just to keep supporting you
in that, and then hopefully eventually they'll start
(24:54):
believing it themselves. I feel like that's one of the
hardest things for a lot of people to conquer, right?
Is just this notion of impostor syndrome and learning how to
love yourself. That self-confidence, it's just
not always easy. And I think too, I'm just, my
mind's going at 100 right now. And I just think too about how
if our partner is in the first responder world, sometimes we
(25:16):
can feel inadequate, right? And like, that's not true.
Our jobs are just as important and we're doing just as much,
you know what I mean? But in a different way.
I can see that with our spouse is that that may be something
very, very hard sometimes for people to kind of balance.
But either way, that's extremelypowerful.
And I again, I just, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I hope a lot of our
spouses are listening to this one because.
(25:37):
Well, and I. Definitely have seen that too,
in terms of, well, Bowser's job being stressful.
And you know, I don't think it'sintentional, but the first
responder minimizing it was like, well, I mean, did you put
in a burning building? And yet having a crappy boss and
having to work overtime and you know those things are stressful
(25:59):
even though maybe it's not life or death at times.
Yes, absolutely. So we're kind of on that topic.
I know self-care is a very big word.
Sometimes overused, sometimes it's you're like, yeah, yeah,
yeah, self-care. And I think we're all really
good at saying do self-care and maybe struggling to do it
ourselves still, right? Like there's some truth to that
(26:19):
from your perspective, your different careers and everything
that you do. Do you have anything that tool
wise or just recommendations that you're like, hey, yeah, I
this is a good way to do some self-care?
So some of the things I mentioned before, I mean
breathing techniques are one of the quickest and easiest things
that people can do, and they're all different kinds.
(26:40):
One of my favorite is tactical breathing, which, you know, box
breathing. I think a lot of people know,
but that's one of my absolute favorites.
Often what I find myself doing is just stopping and taking 3 to
5 deep breaths and counting maybe 8 seconds in and 10
(27:01):
seconds out. I mean, just stopping and
recognizing that my brain is starting to go.
I think doing body scans too, because when you're starting to
feel feelings, the physical feeling in your body, right?
So when you're starting to feel anger, feeling what, how does
that feel in your body? Does your heart start racing?
Do you start breathing faster? Does your face turn red?
(27:25):
Do you feel your muscles tightening up?
Doing body scans to see how you're doing throughout the day.
I love progressive muscle relaxations, tightening certain
muscle groups and then intentionally releasing that
tension like I mentioned earlier, like rolling your
shoulders, rolling your neck, getting up and walking around,
(27:45):
moving from one room just to a different room to get a
different perspective. Those are all really simple
self-care things that people cando.
Journaling is a good one if you have time getting your thoughts
out. A lot of people I've talked to
would rather do a video journal.Like they just want to turn on
the camera and start talking to it because a lot of times they
(28:06):
get it out better verbally than writing it down.
So that's kind of a fun thing. And then you can delete the
video and no one ever has to seeit, but you've at least got it
out there. So there's the calling a friend
to or family member just to chator laugh or just anything.
I think all of those are really important and a lot of them are
(28:26):
really simple and you can do them on your own.
Exactly. My gosh, that was so well done.
And there's some new things thatI learned.
I'm like. I love that video one, yeah.
I'm like, wait a minute, I gottabring this to my office right
now. Deep breathing, right?
So important. We know what it does for the
body, but yet when I present it to my first responders, they
look at me cross eyed like I'm on there, Ashley, I'm not into
(28:49):
your hippy dippy stuff. And I'm like, listen, I love how
you put it. Tactical breathing.
They do breath work all the time, especially when it comes
to like the range and stuff you aren't doing.
They do it it that way is such abeautiful way for our first
responders to be like, I'll holdup here.
Maybe they're on to something, right.
(29:09):
So I appreciate you so much kindof redefining that.
And also hopefully my people arelistening to be like, all right,
fine, we'll give her some grace because.
Right, you're not the only one. So yeah.
Maybe there's something masculine all.
Of a sudden, they'll come. Back to me and.
Be like, I listened to this episode and so now I'm doing my
tactical breathing. I'm like, yes, what I've told
(29:31):
you to do for three years now. Great.
I'm glad that's what did it. Good job, strong word.
Yeah, absolutely. Give him some attaboy.
I also do that with my husband, he loves it.
Yeah, yeah. I'll encourage sometimes though
parents too, if a kids having a moment that's upset, like, you
know, even if they skin any or something like that, just that
(29:53):
you start breathing because you know, you get that mirroring
happening sometimes with your kiddos.
So again, the more that we can practice it, the more kids get
to learn those kind of skills aswell.
Absolutely. Yeah.
Well, and I think when we recognize our own feelings, and
especially if we're getting angry with our child's child has
(30:13):
done something and then they getupset and they start to cry.
I mean, I'm sure my parents saidit to me.
You know, I'll give you something to cry and that.
Was just thinking in my head, what do you cry?
Do you want a reason to cry? Right, right.
Instead of just let them cry, let them get it out.
And actually you can tell your first responders this too.
It's good to cry if that's what you feel like you need to do.
(30:36):
Absolutely. That's another way I should say
about self-care is if you need to cry, then cry.
And I will say another good one to get a pillow.
I mean, if you're out in the country, you can just do it on
your own, But a lot of times geta pillow, put it over your mouth
and just scream as loud as you can.
Just sometimes you just need to scream.
(30:57):
He tells me to scream. You do and it it feels better
when you get it out. It does.
That is a super healthy thing todo for sure.
If somebody is interested in coaching, like what does that
look like? I mean, obviously I want them to
reach out to you, but like, how do you direct people if that's
something that they're interested in?
(31:18):
So I can give you my e-mail address and people are more than
welcome to reach out to me. E-mail me, it's I don't have a
website, you know, I don't have a Facebook page.
A lot of my coaching that I'm doing right now, I'm working on
a pilot program at the hospital where I work and I'm doing a lot
of nurse coaching there. So it's really word of mouth,
(31:39):
but I'm happy to give my e-mail address.
I don't know if you want me to give it on here or if you.
Want to put it in the show? Notes.
Yeah, I was going to say show notes and like we will be
introducing you and we can put it on there as well if you're
open to our socials. Absolutely yes.
Yes, please. I'd love to.
I'd love to help, you know, but especially now that I've found
this little niche, then I reallywant to as many people as I can
(32:01):
so. Well, and I think it's really
powerful. I do think that our first
responders and our nurses and our therapists are really good
at helping others. But it can be hard sometimes for
us to help ourselves. And I think it's really powerful
when we can make an appointment that's about us, you know?
(32:21):
And so I think about that sometimes when maybe I am
struggling, there's this one thing I want to do and I just
can't seem to do it for myself. And it's so frustrating and I
get so upset about it. And again, if like knowing the
coaching's there, it's there to help with that because it can be
hard to make a lifestyle change or whatever it is that somebody
(32:42):
wants to do. And I think just kind of
sometimes putting our time and energy and to just meeting about
ourselves is really powerful. I like to tell people I'm your
biggest cheerleader. Whatever you want to do, I am
here for it, as long as it's moral and ethical and legal and
you know, there are some limitations to what I will
support you in. But.
(33:03):
For the most part, this guys thelimit.
I want everyone to achieve theirgoals.
I mean, why not? Life is short and if there's
things that we want to do, let'sdo them and enjoy as much as we
can so. Yeah, Oh my.
Gosh, well, that is incredible. I feel like that was the best
way to kind of put the exclamation point on this
incredible episode because it isalso true.
(33:23):
I hope, well, I don't hope, I know that people will listen to
this. I think it'll be new for a lot
of people and I'm so pumped for that.
And we need more resources. And Kristen, you are the best
person for us to come to with itand we are so incredibly
grateful that you were willing to even be on today.
Thank you all so much for havingme.
This has been a blast and I am just honored to be here and I
(33:44):
just hope I've helped out your listeners, even just one.
It would be great to know. Absolutely no.
It's more than one, Kristen, forsure.
And I'm so glad that you got to come on.
Thank you. Absolutely.
All right, you guys, well, we kind of know how this goes.
I always end it the same way because it's the best way, but
just never forget that when the call hits home, Jennifer and I
are here for you and we look forward to that next episode.
(34:05):
Bye. Thank you.
Things that I see a lot is that they apologize for their
feelings and that they don't take care of themselves.
And so I always hope that I get that across when I'm meeting
with any of them, that they are important and they are special
and they are valued. And you know, I hope as as we
work together that they feel that and they start to believe
(00:24):
that themselves. Sometimes you need somebody to
believe it for you first and then just to keep supporting you
in that. And then hopefully, eventually
they'll start believing it themselves.
All right, welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Jennifer. And I'm Ashley, and literally
I'm going to start it off the way I said I would.
We have a guest who does all theincredible things.
(00:45):
I can't, I can't even personallyname them all because she's that
amazing. So what we will do is we will
have her introduce herself and tell us a little bit about what
she does and what we're going totalk about today.
So I'm going to hand it over to you.
Hi, thank you. I am Kristen Greathouse.
I am the wife of a first responder.
I am the daughter of a first responder.
(01:08):
My dad's a firefighter. My husband is a police officer.
I am a nurse and I'm actually a board certified nurse coach so
I'm. Trying to.
Do a whole lot. I wasn't kidding.
I started us with a banger. We were just talking about all
the things about this podcast and then here I am throwing a
curveball .5 seconds in this whole dynamic of dad being a
(01:31):
firefighter but married to a police officer.
That wouldn't have worked out ofmy house.
My dad said you are not allowed to date those firefighters.
So I am oof. I'm impressed how you snuff that
one in there. It's funny.
So my husband and I grew up together.
He's just a couple years older than me.
I've known him since I was a baby, and we never dated in high
(01:52):
school or anything like that. It wasn't until we were much
older, but he knew my dad and hewas always very respectful of my
dad. My dad, I think, was impressed
by that, just of this young kid who was, you know, very
respectful and what yes, yes, right, yes.
Should have known it was going to lead to something but they
(02:14):
have a great time joking around about firefighters and and cops
so. It's a fun.
Time when we get together. Well, it sounds like you've made
a bridge between firefighting and policing, and I really want
to talk about this bridge you have with being a licensed nurse
and coaching. So can you tell us just a little
bit about, I guess maybe back upand tell us a little bit what
(02:35):
nurse coaching is and then it kind of explained your
trajectory in terms of how it was something that interests
you? Absolutely, coaching is an
actual recognized board certification for nurses, so you
do have to be a registered nursein RN, which I am.
So I got my ADN which is my associate degree in nursing and
then I got my BSN. I'm currently in school for my
(02:59):
DNP which is a doctorate of nurse practitioner.
So I have about 3 more years. I will make my husband call me.
Doctor, of course. Doctor Greathouse.
Doctor Yes, I got into nurse coaching and I actually saw it
was a fluke. I saw it as an ad on social
media somewhere and it piqued myinterest and I looked into it,
but it wasn't until well over a year later that I actually
(03:21):
signed up for it. The certification is nurse
coach, but that doesn't mean that I coach nurses.
It just means that I am a nurse and I'm also a certified life
coach. I can coach anyone about
anything. The beauty is a lot of people
will come to nurse coaches because we have that clinical
background and experience in nursing.
(03:43):
And so we do have a little bit of a step up on things when it
comes to healthy things, workingout, eating healthy, You know,
not that I'm going to give someone a healthy eating plan
because I'm not a nutritionist and I'm not going to give
somebody a, a workout plan because I'm not a trainer, but I
can help people to figure out the, the best things for them.
(04:04):
I, like I said, I found it on social media.
I finally went through the program.
I got the board certification. I kind of use it all the time,
some very intentional times and then other times it just kind of
comes out when I'm talking to somebody and it's like, Oh well,
tell me more about that. Honestly, that's so incredible.
(04:24):
And that was going through my brain too.
I'm like, it's something that I feel like can be used in a lot
of different aspects of your life, which I find incredibly
powerful. And so I love how you were just
like, yeah, it kind of just comes out because I mean, how
how does it not right. Like, and I really, really love
that. We do want to ask what it's like
for you, though, to also be married to a first responder and
(04:44):
how it's kind of shaped like your life and your mindset on
things. Lord, how much time do you have?
She said we need 13, so it's not.
Yeah, yes. Well, first of all, I will say I
love my husband and I actually like him.
We are best friends. So I have a little bit of
different perspective. Like I said, I knew my husband
growing up, so I knew him beforehe was a first responder.
(05:07):
Although I think everyone alwaysknew that he was going to become
a police officer when he, you know, grew up and became an
adult. But we were only ever friends
back in high school and didn't start dating until he had been
on the job for several years. So even though I I knew him, I
didn't get to know him well until we started dating.
And like I said, he had already been an officer for several
(05:29):
years at that point. I should say, to answer your
question, I am extremely proud to be married to a police
officer. He's been in law enforcement for
26 years, I think now. He's been promoted several
times. He's accomplished so many things
in his career. I mean, I couldn't even list
them all, but I'm extremely proud to be married to an
(05:50):
officer. But that said, I say we're best
friends and we are, but it's taken a lot of time to get where
we are. I really always say if there's
an emergency, I want him to be there because he's very calm.
He's very steady in chaotic situations.
I love that about him because I am not always calm and steady in
those situations. Early on in our relationship, I
(06:12):
would say he was probably very hyper vigilant, as many officers
are. You know, I always had to sit
with his back against the wall in a restaurant, always carried
his gun with him whether he was on duty or not.
He was always kind of overly concerned, I would say, about
where the kids were, what they were doing, who they were with.
His favorite saying was always nothing good happens past
(06:33):
midnight, so nobody needs to be out late, you know.
And so a lot of times back then,I had to be very mindful of what
I said to him because often I never really knew what was going
to set him off necessarily and really upset him.
I would say time, his age, therapy, and I would say
especially EMDR have really mellowed him tremendously.
I don't really worry about setting him off anymore because
(06:55):
he doesn't necessarily get as upset as he used to.
We live on a farm, we're in the country and it's really our
sanctuary. And I think ever since we've had
this place, it's just calming toturn into my driveway and drive
up to my house and know that it's.
Awesome. We're here and it's very
peaceful out here. I think that's really shaped a
lot about our marriage and, you know, our mindset and and that
(07:18):
kind of thing. I hope that I answered your
question. You did.
And I mean, I think they're we're seeing more and more
research just about being in nature is such a positive thing
and how special that, you know, your house is surrounded by
that, you know, and that you guys have that kind of piece.
That's beautiful. And I appreciate you kind of
sharing that kind of journey andwhat marriages are, you know, we
(07:39):
work together and feeling that kind of shift and work.
And I think that that's beautiful with the coaching and
you thinking about life coach. And I do think that there's
probably some research about nurses and police officers being
together, right? Like that's a thing.
It's. Been a way, yeah, yeah.
Can we just go to Q? All the reels that I watch of
(08:02):
like nurses running and like thepolice officers going after
them, I have to crack up every time.
Every time. I love that.
Yes, it's so true. And firefighters, to be honest,
I know probably just as many nurses with firefighters as they
are with Lisa. Right.
What do you feel like in terms of like first responder families
(08:24):
and how something distinct like coaching is helpful?
I love to give the distinction that coaching is different from
counseling or from therapy. Counseling and therapy really
helps people to, on the past, the things that they've been
through, the things that they maybe can't get past or the
things they're just, you know, upset about.
You guys know this is what you do every day.
(08:46):
With coaching, we're looking at the future.
We are figuring out where a person is and where they want to
go and how to fill the gap, how to get to that place but do it
on their terms. Especially with first responder
families, A lot of the coaching I've done with first responder
families has been with spouses and it's in more of a group
(09:08):
setting. First, everyone is just getting
to know each other and they're not really sure what to say.
And then, you know, by the end of it, we're all helping each
other out like, Oh my gosh, my husband does that too.
Or Oh my gosh, my kids went through that same thing.
We just there's so many similarities and a lot of times
in those group settings, I'm learning from them because they
(09:28):
have all been through a lot of the similar situations,
especially kind of the emotionalroller coasters that you can go
on with the first responders andthe the situations that they've
been in and the things they've seen.
And then you know how the families are the support for
them, but also they see them a lot of times that they're worst.
And so there's definitely a counseling and a therapy side of
(09:50):
that that is absolutely necessary.
Coaching kind of comes in after you've, we dealt with those
things in the past and you're like, OK, well now what, you
know, where do we go? What do we do?
How do we move forward? And so I love that part of it
because a lot of people get concerned.
They'll go through these emotional things.
(10:11):
A lot of them will go through EMDR and they'll come out and
they feel so much better. And then there is an eventual,
like you all say with EMDR, you're going to start feeling
the feelings that you hadn't been feeling.
And a lot of times that gets to be very overwhelming.
And so coaching can come in and say, OK, these are the things
that we can work on to help you get through those feelings.
And I love that coaching is future focused because it's very
(10:35):
important to fix the things in the past, but it's also
important to start looking to the future.
Absolutely. And I appreciate that
distinction. And I think it's a great way too
to think about people that want to set goals and things like
that, especially if we have addressed some things in the
past. I think with some of my clients,
it gets to a place like you're doing really great, but what
(10:56):
about this, what about this? And they're all things in the
future where I think really coaching would be a great place
to kind of step in and say, hey,like these are the plans and the
things, things that we want to work towards.
Absolutely. I think what's really powerful
about our podcast, we have so many people that listen.
And so like, the cool thing is, hopefully I don't know how many
people know about coaching, right?
Like I, I really don't. And so This is why we were so
(11:18):
excited to have you on because we want our first responders and
their families to realize there's a lot out there.
Like there are all these other resources.
And so if someone is listening and they're still trying to
learn what is this about, could you give us a little rundown of
what a typical like coaching session may look like with a
client and a first responder family?
Absolutely. Coaching sessions are pretty
(11:39):
much the same no matter who the client is.
Now that said, we can definitelytailor things to different
people in different situations. A session would start out with a
greeting like, hey, I'm glad you're here.
And, and one of the first thingswe do is we go through
agreements. So we do agreements instead of
expectations because expectations are one sided.
(12:02):
And but you know, especially as an adult myself, if someone
looks at me and says, I expect you to blah, blah, blah, it's
probably not going to be something I want to do.
But if we go over, you know, certain things and we just say,
can we agree on these things? And the agreements are like
we're in a safe and a confidential space that the
(12:23):
client is completely in control of the depth of conversation.
I invite them to play full out or just to give it their all,
even if all they have to give is30% because they're exhausted
from work or whatever. Like just give as much as you
can. That they have radical self
responsibility. Like the things that come up,
the thoughts they have, the feelings they have that they
(12:44):
accept those and, and try not tofight them because we can work
with them instead of trying to push them away.
And then giving each other feedback.
I love feedback at the end of mysessions just to say, did we
talk about what you wanted to talk about?
Do you feel good about this? You know, what do we want to do
differently? So those are the first things we
do. We talk about any homework they
may have had from a previous session.
(13:05):
They had a previous session. If it's not in a initial
session, we talk about a goal that they said at their last
session, did they work towards it?
Did they actually do what they said they were going to do?
And if they didn't, that's fine.You know, let's just talk about
why you didn't. Maybe it wasn't the right goal
for you right now. I've had people get on sessions
with me and say you're going to be so mad at me, I didn't do
(13:27):
blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I would never be
mad at you. I'm not here to judge you.
I'm here. To support you.
One of the first things I will say to start out a session is
what do you want to focus on today?
Or out of all the areas in your life, what feels like it could
use the most support? And then we just talk.
We just have a conversation. I ask questions, they dig deep
(13:48):
and they get brutally honest. And I think a lot of times they
surprise themselves with some ofthe things that they come up
with. But typically they have an
overall goal that they want to achieve.
And it may take several sessionsof small goals each time to work
their way up to that goal. We get there and the goal
typically changes every week, especially if they're working on
(14:08):
it and they achieved that goal. Let's set the next one and let.
Let's keep moving. Forward.
So I love that. I mean, that's amazing.
And I clearly know that you're working with first responders
when you're saying agreements and not expectations, because we
know a first responder will be quick to tell you what they're
not gonna do rather than what they're right.
So I think that that's amazing. You know, you kind of mentioned
(14:31):
this earlier, like how much coaching shows up just in
day-to-day life. And so I was just kind of
curious, if you don't mind sharing, this might be a little
personal, but where coaching hasshown up, maybe at home,
especially with a first responder as a spouse?
At home, my nursing background, I've worked in Med surg and, you
(14:52):
know, hospital medicine and I'vealso worked in psych.
My nursing psych background has helped tremendously at home, not
just with my husband, although that of course is.
Uninvitable. It helps, OK.
It helps, it does in the coaching, but I think I've
learned not to take things personally, especially if he's
(15:13):
had a really hard day at work and he comes home and, you know,
I just know he's looking for a fight, not necessarily with me,
but he just needs to get things off of his chest.
And a lot of times it might comeoff as anger and frustration
towards me, but I know it's not.It wasn't, you know, I didn't
start it. And he just needs to get it off.
(15:33):
Truly try to listen to where he's coming from.
And I have to remember, you know, he has his own experiences
and his own perceptions. And, you know, again, it's not
my fault. That's not necessarily.
Sometimes I'm sure I do things to upset him but but.
What a great, but I feel like that right there like will
resonate with so many spouses orfirst responders because we talk
(15:57):
a lot from the clinical side of things.
We talk a lot about how PTSD, depression, anxiety, right?
Like it can manifest in different ways.
And one of the biggest ways for our first responders is anger,
right? Like that irritability, that
quick diffuse talking on egg shells, man, I've heard it all
right? Like I felt it as a child of a
first responder that just, it just says going to resonate with
(16:17):
so many people because it does feel like a lot of the times
they are looking for that fight and it's really, really hard.
I think as a spouse, but also asa child, I know I interpreted a
lot of my dad's stuff of Oh my gosh, he doesn't really, it's
me. Like my dad's mad at me.
I must be the reason that he's so unhappy.
I must be the reason that he's angry.
And I think spouses probably hold that even to a higher
(16:39):
degree, right? And I, I do see that in
relationships a lot that it falls apart because of that.
So I think that's such a great point and I love that coaching
has done that for you. Absolutely.
A lot of times I used to internalize everything,
everything that he would say, everything to do.
But especially after, you know, going through a conference for
mental health for first responders, hearing their
(17:00):
stories and just hearing exactlythe things that they've been
through, the things that they'veseen.
I have no, I haven't been through those things.
So I don't know how I would respond.
It's so easy to say, you know, Iwould never and I would always.
But if you haven't been there, you don't know.
And so I feel very fortunate to have gone to that conference and
(17:20):
hear all those stories and experience all those things
because I think that has helped to shape me, kind of make me a
little bit softer with him and not be so ready to to argue back
to. That is so fair.
I'm going to get myself in trouble here because we have
this very beautiful question sheet and of course I'm the
troublemaker and have to go off of it for a second here.
(17:42):
So we edit everybody we edit. So at any point you're like, no,
we're we don't want, I don't want to talk about this.
I can always edit it out, but I don't want to pass up on the
opportunity to ask, especially because we work so heavily with
this podcast on like children are first responders.
And I'm kind of honing in on that aspect, a little bit of it.
And Jennifer and I, I've talked at length about how we just feel
(18:03):
like children are first responders are so resilient,
right? And we, I mean, it is a
beautiful thing. And here we are again with
another child of a first responder who's kicking ass in
the world and doing all these incredible things.
And so I just kind of wanted to ask, what was your experience
like growing up in a first responder family with a dad as a
firefighter? And do you feel like that has
impacted your ability? Like, did it come from childhood
(18:26):
to media didn't? But to like Thrive and to be a
life coach and to do all these incredible things to help
people. I honestly think it probably
did. I don't think I knew that early
on. My dad was a firefighter, so he
worked 24 hours on and 48 hours off, and he almost always had a
second job because, you know, firefighters, firefighters.
(18:48):
I'm like, wait, I want three days off and I'm gonna be out.
I'm going to the bottom. Right.
Then I go. Like.
We're doing contracting work, yeah.
Yes, yes, I, I don't know. But he almost always had a
second job. And so a lot of times he wasn't
home. He would get off work and maybe
he would come home, you know, maybe he would get off at 7:00
(19:08):
AM after a 24 hour shift. He would come home, he would
shower and he would be gone again.
And so my mom, she often said she felt like a single mom
because, you know, he was working and he was supporting
the family. And, you know, I always knew
when he was there, he was there and he was attentive and loving
(19:28):
and, you know, he was this amazing dad.
He was also gone a lot. And there were times that he
would come home and he would just be very quiet and
introspective. And I was the same way.
Like, what did I do? Like he doesn't really want to
talk to me. And I think as a small child,
you don't know the things that you don't know.
(19:50):
And so you don't have that adultperspective to be able to say
this was something that happenedthat had nothing to do with me.
Now, like I said, after hearing those stories and knowing the
things that my dad has seen over, you know, I mean, he had
an almost 40 year career in the fire service, so.
What did he see? What did he have to do?
(20:10):
The things? I have a much deeper respect for
him now as an adult and knowing now some of the things that he's
experienced so. Yeah, I appreciate you going
rogue there, Ashley, and asking that question.
Tory. In first responder families,
like, I mean, there's a cause inthose families like, you know,
obviously your dad serving on the fire department.
(20:31):
Is that any type that kind of led you into nursing in terms of
like a career path? Like, was it important for you
to do something like that? I think probably my mom was a
nurse for again almost 40 years.They both had these.
I call them like high stress environment jobs.
(20:52):
I actually, I didn't go to nursing school until I was 40.
I was old. I was one of the oldest ones in
my class. Huge.
OK, people won't see the video, but she's flawless and I'm over
here like, Oh well, what? OK.
No, no, not even. But thank you.
I'll tell you what really inspired me.
So I wanted to be a nurse like straight out of high school when
(21:14):
I first went to college. And then my life just took a
different path and I decided that nursing was not for me at
the time. And then once my son graduated
high school, I just said, I'm I'm going to do it.
I'm going to go for it. And so I did.
But one of the other big reasonsthat I wanted to do it was that
conference, that mental health conference for first responders.
(21:35):
And I saw the need. I knew I wanted to get my nurse
practitioner and I knew it wouldtake a long time.
I wanted to be able to do a lot of what you all do with the
psychotherapy aspect, but then Ialso wanted to be able to have
that medication side where somebody needs to be prescribed
something, you know, I'd have that ability to.
(21:56):
So I kind of wanted that dual ability, but I think it was
probably the combination of my dad, my mom just from my
childhood, and then, you know, my husband and my experiences
with first responders and mentalhealth that really kind of led
me on the path I'm on. That's beautiful and I just, I
love serving those that serve and I just hear that in you as
(22:17):
well, like recognizing that these people are sacrificing so
much and wanting to be there andbe able to help them obviously
protects your clients privacies.But is there anything that you
see in terms of patterns or themes that show up with nurse
coaching with first responders like be it spouses or the first
responders or if you work with kids, the first responders?
(22:40):
Is there something that you kindof like?
I see a lot of? Yeah.
Actually, it's one of the thingsthat we kind of talk about early
on in the sessions, like an agreements thing, especially in
a group session, but with a lot of first responders.
First of all, they apologize. They just profusely apologize.
Like they may say something negative about their husband or
(23:04):
the job and they're like, I'm just, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. And I love to address that head
on and just be like, you are a person and you have your own
opinions and ideas and thoughts and feelings and they are valid.
So if that's how you feel, please don't apologize to me
because I'm glad that you're being true and honest and
(23:27):
expressing yourself. But that's definitely one of the
things I see. Another thing I see is they
often put themselves to the backburner and especially their
spouse and their kids come first.
That's the priority and I think a lot of them feel like they've
lost themselves because they haven't taken care of themselves
(23:48):
and they haven't. I say self-care and it's such a
buzzword. It's not one of my favorite.
I mean, when I say self-care, I just mean not arguing when
someone starts an argument with you, just to be able to stop,
take a deep breath and say, you know what, I'm not going to do
this or to go outside and get some sun on your face and walk
around for a few minutes to do some deep breathing exercises,
(24:09):
to roll your shoulders and move around.
Just little self-care like that.I mean, if you want to go to the
spa, I'm all for it 100% there. But that's not necessarily what
I'm talking about. But those are the big things
that I see a lot is that they apologize for their feelings and
that they don't take care of themselves.
And so I always hope that I get that across when I'm meeting
(24:32):
with any of them, that they are important and they are special
and they are valued. And you know, I hope as as we
work together that they feel that and they start to believe
that themselves. Sometimes you need somebody to
believe it for you first and then just to keep supporting you
in that, and then hopefully eventually they'll start
(24:54):
believing it themselves. I feel like that's one of the
hardest things for a lot of people to conquer, right?
Is just this notion of impostor syndrome and learning how to
love yourself. That self-confidence, it's just
not always easy. And I think too, I'm just, my
mind's going at 100 right now. And I just think too about how
if our partner is in the first responder world, sometimes we
(25:16):
can feel inadequate, right? And like, that's not true.
Our jobs are just as important and we're doing just as much,
you know what I mean? But in a different way.
I can see that with our spouse is that that may be something
very, very hard sometimes for people to kind of balance.
But either way, that's extremelypowerful.
And I again, I just, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I hope a lot of our
spouses are listening to this one because.
(25:37):
Well, and I. Definitely have seen that too,
in terms of, well, Bowser's job being stressful.
And you know, I don't think it'sintentional, but the first
responder minimizing it was like, well, I mean, did you put
in a burning building? And yet having a crappy boss and
having to work overtime and you know those things are stressful
(25:59):
even though maybe it's not life or death at times.
Yes, absolutely. So we're kind of on that topic.
I know self-care is a very big word.
Sometimes overused, sometimes it's you're like, yeah, yeah,
yeah, self-care. And I think we're all really
good at saying do self-care and maybe struggling to do it
ourselves still, right? Like there's some truth to that
(26:19):
from your perspective, your different careers and everything
that you do. Do you have anything that tool
wise or just recommendations that you're like, hey, yeah, I
this is a good way to do some self-care?
So some of the things I mentioned before, I mean
breathing techniques are one of the quickest and easiest things
that people can do, and they're all different kinds.
(26:40):
One of my favorite is tactical breathing, which, you know, box
breathing. I think a lot of people know,
but that's one of my absolute favorites.
Often what I find myself doing is just stopping and taking 3 to
5 deep breaths and counting maybe 8 seconds in and 10
(27:01):
seconds out. I mean, just stopping and
recognizing that my brain is starting to go.
I think doing body scans too, because when you're starting to
feel feelings, the physical feeling in your body, right?
So when you're starting to feel anger, feeling what, how does
that feel in your body? Does your heart start racing?
Do you start breathing faster? Does your face turn red?
(27:25):
Do you feel your muscles tightening up?
Doing body scans to see how you're doing throughout the day.
I love progressive muscle relaxations, tightening certain
muscle groups and then intentionally releasing that
tension like I mentioned earlier, like rolling your
shoulders, rolling your neck, getting up and walking around,
(27:45):
moving from one room just to a different room to get a
different perspective. Those are all really simple
self-care things that people cando.
Journaling is a good one if you have time getting your thoughts
out. A lot of people I've talked to
would rather do a video journal.Like they just want to turn on
the camera and start talking to it because a lot of times they
(28:06):
get it out better verbally than writing it down.
So that's kind of a fun thing. And then you can delete the
video and no one ever has to seeit, but you've at least got it
out there. So there's the calling a friend
to or family member just to chator laugh or just anything.
I think all of those are really important and a lot of them are
(28:26):
really simple and you can do them on your own.
Exactly. My gosh, that was so well done.
And there's some new things thatI learned.
I'm like. I love that video one, yeah.
I'm like, wait a minute, I gottabring this to my office right
now. Deep breathing, right?
So important. We know what it does for the
body, but yet when I present it to my first responders, they
look at me cross eyed like I'm on there, Ashley, I'm not into
(28:49):
your hippy dippy stuff. And I'm like, listen, I love how
you put it. Tactical breathing.
They do breath work all the time, especially when it comes
to like the range and stuff you aren't doing.
They do it it that way is such abeautiful way for our first
responders to be like, I'll holdup here.
Maybe they're on to something, right.
(29:09):
So I appreciate you so much kindof redefining that.
And also hopefully my people arelistening to be like, all right,
fine, we'll give her some grace because.
Right, you're not the only one. So yeah.
Maybe there's something masculine all.
Of a sudden, they'll come. Back to me and.
Be like, I listened to this episode and so now I'm doing my
tactical breathing. I'm like, yes, what I've told
(29:31):
you to do for three years now. Great.
I'm glad that's what did it. Good job, strong word.
Yeah, absolutely. Give him some attaboy.
I also do that with my husband, he loves it.
Yeah, yeah. I'll encourage sometimes though
parents too, if a kids having a moment that's upset, like, you
know, even if they skin any or something like that, just that
(29:53):
you start breathing because you know, you get that mirroring
happening sometimes with your kiddos.
So again, the more that we can practice it, the more kids get
to learn those kind of skills aswell.
Absolutely. Yeah.
Well, and I think when we recognize our own feelings, and
especially if we're getting angry with our child's child has
(30:13):
done something and then they getupset and they start to cry.
I mean, I'm sure my parents saidit to me.
You know, I'll give you something to cry and that.
Was just thinking in my head, what do you cry?
Do you want a reason to cry? Right, right.
Instead of just let them cry, let them get it out.
And actually you can tell your first responders this too.
It's good to cry if that's what you feel like you need to do.
(30:36):
Absolutely. That's another way I should say
about self-care is if you need to cry, then cry.
And I will say another good one to get a pillow.
I mean, if you're out in the country, you can just do it on
your own, But a lot of times geta pillow, put it over your mouth
and just scream as loud as you can.
Just sometimes you just need to scream.
(30:57):
He tells me to scream. You do and it it feels better
when you get it out. It does.
That is a super healthy thing todo for sure.
If somebody is interested in coaching, like what does that
look like? I mean, obviously I want them to
reach out to you, but like, how do you direct people if that's
something that they're interested in?
(31:18):
So I can give you my e-mail address and people are more than
welcome to reach out to me. E-mail me, it's I don't have a
website, you know, I don't have a Facebook page.
A lot of my coaching that I'm doing right now, I'm working on
a pilot program at the hospital where I work and I'm doing a lot
of nurse coaching there. So it's really word of mouth,
(31:39):
but I'm happy to give my e-mail address.
I don't know if you want me to give it on here or if you.
Want to put it in the show? Notes.
Yeah, I was going to say show notes and like we will be
introducing you and we can put it on there as well if you're
open to our socials. Absolutely yes.
Yes, please. I'd love to.
I'd love to help, you know, but especially now that I've found
this little niche, then I reallywant to as many people as I can
(32:01):
so. Well, and I think it's really
powerful. I do think that our first
responders and our nurses and our therapists are really good
at helping others. But it can be hard sometimes for
us to help ourselves. And I think it's really powerful
when we can make an appointment that's about us, you know?
(32:21):
And so I think about that sometimes when maybe I am
struggling, there's this one thing I want to do and I just
can't seem to do it for myself. And it's so frustrating and I
get so upset about it. And again, if like knowing the
coaching's there, it's there to help with that because it can be
hard to make a lifestyle change or whatever it is that somebody
(32:42):
wants to do. And I think just kind of
sometimes putting our time and energy and to just meeting about
ourselves is really powerful. I like to tell people I'm your
biggest cheerleader. Whatever you want to do, I am
here for it, as long as it's moral and ethical and legal and
you know, there are some limitations to what I will
support you in. But.
(33:03):
For the most part, this guys thelimit.
I want everyone to achieve theirgoals.
I mean, why not? Life is short and if there's
things that we want to do, let'sdo them and enjoy as much as we
can so. Yeah, Oh my.
Gosh, well, that is incredible. I feel like that was the best
way to kind of put the exclamation point on this
incredible episode because it isalso true.
(33:23):
I hope, well, I don't hope, I know that people will listen to
this. I think it'll be new for a lot
of people and I'm so pumped for that.
And we need more resources. And Kristen, you are the best
person for us to come to with itand we are so incredibly
grateful that you were willing to even be on today.
Thank you all so much for havingme.
This has been a blast and I am just honored to be here and I
(33:44):
just hope I've helped out your listeners, even just one.
It would be great to know. Absolutely no.
It's more than one, Kristen, forsure.
And I'm so glad that you got to come on.
Thank you. Absolutely.
All right, you guys, well, we kind of know how this goes.
I always end it the same way because it's the best way, but
just never forget that when the call hits home, Jennifer and I
are here for you and we look forward to that next episode.
(34:05):
Bye. Thank you.
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