June 10, 2025 • 27 mins
June is designated as PTSD Awareness month, because mental health matters.
It’s no secret that our combat-wounded Veterans didn’t just leave what they experienced on the battlefield behind, they brought it home with them, often experiencing the life-altering effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
This, combined with the injuries they and their fellow service members sustained, or the loss of life they witnessed around them, can be devastating and debilitating. It not only affects them, but those within their circle of influence: their family, friends, and even co-workers. It can severely impact relationships, careers, and make day-to-day life difficult to manage.
There are no shortcuts on the journey to healing and well-being, and today’s special guest has dedicated her life to helping others find peace, wholeness, and healing in their own lives. Today, WWIA Founder and CEO, John McDaniel, is honored to welcome Dr. Stacey Scheckner to the podcast.
Dr. Scheckner is a Licensed Psychologist who has been providing therapeutic services in Florida for over 18 years. Through personal and professional practice and study, she has made it her mission to help people become the best version of themselves. She has successfully worked with clients to help them in a variety of ways: from achieving more in their career, working through difficult divorces, overcoming the effects of PTSD, or raising mentally and physically healthy children. Whatever the issue, her focus is to help people unlock their potential, overcome their challenges, have a positive mindset, and live wholistically better lives.
John and Dr. Scheckner discuss the causes and effects of PTSD, and how healing is possible. They also talk about the challenges of parenting for servicemembers and Veterans, and ways to improve those relationships at home. This is an important podcast and an outstanding interview that we’re excited for you to hear.
Takeaways:
- The podcast emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing PTSD among combat Veterans, highlighting that many Veterans bring their battlefield experiences home, affecting their daily lives.
- Dr. Stacy Scheckner of Happy Counseling in Tampa, Florida, discusses the profound impact of PTSD not only on Veterans but also on their families, as symptoms can strain relationships and hinder normal functioning.
- Listeners are encouraged to seek professional help for PTSD, as acknowledging the need for assistance is a sign of strength and a crucial step towards healing and recovery.
- The conversation explores practical strategies for Veterans to manage triggers and emotional dysregulation, particularly in parenting situations, emphasizing the need for self-awareness and coping mechanisms.
- John McDaniel and Dr. Scheckner advocate for open discussions about mental health and the necessity of addressing emotional trauma to foster resilience and well-being among Veterans and their families.
- The episode underlines the significance of love and support in parenting, suggesting that Veterans should prioritize quality time with their children to reinforce bonds and facilitate healing.
Happy Counseling (Dr. Stacey Scheckner): https://www.happycounseling.com/
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello and welcome to the WWIAPodcast. We're honored to have you
join us in our mission tobring honor, connection and healing
to America's combat woundedPurple Heart heroes. If this is your
first time listening to thispodcast, we welcome you if you're
(00:21):
a returning listener. Thanksfor coming back. Please be sure to
tell others about our podcastand leave us a review if you're enjoying
what you're hearing. June isdesignated as PTSD Awareness Month
because mental health matters.It's no secret that our combat wounded
veterans didn't just leavewhat they experienced on the battlefield
(00:42):
behind, they brought it homewith them, often experiencing the
life altering effects of PostTraumatic Stress Disorder. This,
combined with the injuriesthey and their fellow service members
sustained or the loss of lifethey witnessed around them can be
devastating and debilitating.It not only affects them, but those
(01:03):
within their circle ofinfluence, their family, friends
and even co workers. It canseverely impact relationships, careers
and make day to day lifedifficult to manage. There are no
shortcuts on the journey tohealing and well being and today's
special guest has dedicatedher life to helping others find peace,
wholeness and healing in theirown lives. Today, WWIA founder and
(01:29):
CEO John McDaniel is honoredto welcome Dr. Stacy Scheckner to
the podcast. Dr.Scheckner is alicensed psychologist who's been
providing therapeutic servicesin Florida for over 18 years. Through
personal and professionalpractice and study, she's made it
her mission to help peoplebecome the best version of themselves.
(01:49):
She has successfully workedwith clients to help them in a variety
of ways from achieving more intheir career, working through difficult
divorces, overcoming theeffects of PTSD, or raising mentally
and physically healthychildren. Whatever the issue, her
focus is to help people unlocktheir potential, overcome their challenges,
(02:09):
have a positive mindset, andlive holistically better lives. John
and Dr. Scheckner discuss thecauses and effects of PTSD and how
healing is possible. They alsotalk about the challenges of parenting
for service members andveterans and ways to improve those
relationships at home. This isan important podcast and an outstanding
(02:30):
interview that we're excitedfor you to hear. Let's jump right
into the conversation withJohn and Dr. Scheckner now.
Hi, I'm John McDaniel, Founderand CEO of the Wounded Warriors in
Action Foundation's podcast,and this is Honor, Connect, Heal.
(02:53):
So today I have with usanother very special guest and this
is a person who I admire andobviously respect a great deal. I
saw you first on TV andthought, geez, this is somebody that
I should get to know, andwe've known each other now for four
(03:14):
or five years. Welcome to theprogram. This is Stacy. Dr. Stacy
Scheckner. Welcome.
Thank you for having me. It'sexciting. Our kids are actually similar
age and so it's exciting tosee them grow up together.
Yeah, it's cool. So you are a.Tell us about your credentials, first
(03:34):
off. I mean, I'm sitting inyour office and there are diplomas
all around me. And you areessentially a doctor of the brain.
Yes, but tell us about it.
It's a good way of putting it.That's how I explain it. Y.
Tell us about your education alittle bit and the work that you
currently do.
I am a licensed psychologistin the state of Florida. I have my
(03:58):
PhDs in counseling and schoolpsychology, and I also have my master's
and specialist degrees inpsychology and in undergrad, I have
my bachelor's in psychologyand music and we can talk about that
as well. I have worked with 2year olds to 92 year olds and I love
(04:22):
what I do. I love helpingpeople. And yes, I explained, I am
the doctor of the brain, thedoctor of feelings. Helping parents
be the best they can be,helping families be the best they
can be.
Yeah. So, you know, I began tothink about, you know, my work, you
know, my work with the combatwounded veterans that we serve and
(04:44):
your work. And I just thoughtthis is somebody that we should talk
to that I should talk to andthat maybe could help folks through
the power of this podcast. AndI think you're the perfect person
to do it. And so I think weshould start. We do want to talk
about parenting, but I thinkwe should start with PTSD. And I
(05:10):
know that probably a very highpercentage, 90 plus percent of the
veterans that we serve havesome form of ptsd. So I want to talk
about that. I think it'ssomething that needs to be talked
about. And you mentioned to mein the pre show, when we were chatting
(05:32):
about it a couple weeks ago,you said everybody has ptsd. And
I just thought, wow, what agreat way to start the program, you
know, and then I thought aboutPTSD on, like most challenges on
a continuum. You know, there'sfolks that have just a little bit
of ptsd, and then there'sfolks on the other side of the continuum
(05:53):
that really probably suffer orare debilitated by it, and everybody
else is kind of in the middlein this continuum. So tell us a little
bit about, you know, what isPTSD and what are the things that
you see on a recurring basisthat might indicate that somebody
has ptsd and then we can talkabout how to maybe deal with that.
(06:17):
Absolutely. It's very, veryimportant. Ptsd, Post traumatic stress
disorder. And I think ageneral definition of it that may
hit home with people who arelistening is when you experience
something, especially theveterans, that is outside the norm,
(06:37):
or what we call the norm of,you know, living in society, growing
up in society, experiencingadulthood in society, when you experience
something that is unique toyou and other people maybe around
you during that time, and thatis absolutely outside the norm, you
can get ptsd. And I shouldfurther explain that it's a life
(06:59):
or death situation where youhave to make maybe life or death
decisions that affect you therest of your life, but yet you have
to continue living in thisquote, unquote, normal society, functioning
within a family, functioningat work, functioning as a parent.
So PTSD affects us in manydifferent ways. Sleep, eating habits,
(07:26):
the way we handle anxiety, theway we handle anger. Basically, like
with patients who were justhere before you. Emotional dysregulation.
So even if they haven't goneoff to war, it's if they grow up
or are in an environment asadults in which something terrible
is happening and they have tosurvive in that moment and they have
(07:47):
to do what they need to do.But later on, how do you function
and be normal in society aftergoing through what you just experienced?
Yeah. Now in the case of ourveterans, right?
Yes.
Something traumatic hashappened. They went off, they raised
their right hand, they wentoff to war, they saw combat, maybe
(08:12):
they were wounded, injured.Maybe they saw and likely saw others
wounded and injured. Maybeoftentimes there were men or women
who they were very close toand maybe perhaps it was themselves.
I mean, it would be hard tosay, for example, that if you were
shot seven times in Iraq orAfghanistan or some other place and
(08:37):
lived through that experienceand then had 72 surgeries, that it
might be hard to live a normallife or it might be hard to come
back after that and sort of benormal or not have ptsd.
(08:57):
Absolutely. Because how dothey go back? And they go back and
their 10 year old comes homeand kicked the soccer ball and it
accidentally broke a glass. Sohow do you. That's a normal thing
that happens. But you've justseen people be murdered, friends
and loved ones losing limbs.Like, how can you then in that moment
(09:20):
be able to control your anger,which really comes from the pain
of what you see, not that yourson kicked a soccer ball.
Right.
How do you, how do you controlthat? And how do you just live A
normal. Oh, a parent. A glassbroke. How do you do that? When you've
undergone what you've got, andthat's what I help families and people
with, is like, how do you. Howcan you parent? But how do you. It's
(09:45):
devastating what you've been through.
Right. And then when thesetriggers happen.
Yes, triggers.
Yeah, you know, something.Something triggers you. It makes
you perhaps angry, it makesyou perhaps sad, confused. Lots of
these emotions that we allhave. And the question is, how do
you regulate them and how doyou respond? We can't really control
(10:07):
what other people do, but wecan control how we react to that.
That's exactly right.
So what are some tools that wecould give people in that scenario
where you say, okay, hey, nowwe're back from the war. First off,
if you need professional helpand it's okay to ask for it, you
should ask for it, you shouldseek it. Right. And so let's talk
(10:31):
about first, what can atherapist like you do for somebody
that has ptsd? What can you do?
I think if you come back andyou don't know if you have ptsd,
first of all, if you've gonethrough seeing torture and murder
and things beyond the scope ofwhat you would have seen if you didn't
go, I think that people haveto recognize you probably do have
(10:55):
it, and it's okay. It isabsolutely okay. You didn't do anything
wrong. It's normal for you tohave ptsd.
Not your fault.
It's not your fault. And it'snot weak to admit it. It's strong
to it. It's going, you knowwhat? If I wouldn't have been there
and I wouldn't have had thatjob, I. I wouldn't have it because
I would be back here inAmerica or wherever you live. But
(11:17):
I did go, and I did do thesethings, and I did listen to my officers
and I did fight for mycountry. And it's okay that I have
ptsd, because the things Iwent through are not what a normal
person would go through,meaning in their normal life. Not
that you're not normal. So ifyou come back, most likely you have
it. But still, if you think,okay, I'm processing, I'm handling
things. I'm not upset aboutit. If you see that you're triggered
(11:41):
very easily with your kids orwith your wife or husband and you
do lash out and it'sirrationally disproportionate to
the situation, then you cansay, it's okay. I'm allowed to be
upset. I'm human. I'm not arobot. I'm not a computer. I can
be upset about what happenedand what my friends went through
(12:01):
and what I went through. Ijust need to take accountability
and not lash out at my familyand friends. I need to go to the
therapist and say, look, dude,I have all this crap inside of me.
Can you help me poop it out sothat I can go home and tickle and
have fun with my family andfriends and not get triggered by
these silly little things?
(12:23):
You know, in our first show,we talked about, I mentioned this
idea of a box, right? Andputting this ptsd, these bad things
maybe in a box. And, well,it's not great to put a lock on that
box, because that box needs toopen up on occasion on some frequency
(12:46):
to exercise the things thatare inside. It's like a volcano,
right? Or a tire that has toomuch pressure in it. Eventually it
fails and maybe it explodes.So we have to deal with these things.
And that's where aprofessional like yourself comes
in, where you can maybe chatabout those experiences and how you
(13:06):
feel about them.
That's right. And some peopledon't want to. They want to live
in denial. They want to comeback and not. And I feel bad because
it's not that they want tolive in denial, but what they went
through was so unimaginable.They may feel no one can relate to
them. They may feel they haveto deal with it on their own. They
feel they have to be strongand just move forward. But unfortunately,
(13:30):
it's okay to need help. Thereare people who are trained in your
brain chemistry, and youdeserve. For everything you've been
through, you deserve to have ahappy life. You deserve to be with
your family and friends andnot have to lash out there. And so
you come in, whether weekly ortwice a week or once, and you can
(13:50):
let that little box open, andthe box then gets smaller and smaller
and smaller till one day,guess what? You don't have to live
with the box. And once thatbox is gone, you make room for all
the happiness you deserve. Soplease come in, because if you don't
(14:10):
guess what happens on theother end, you project. The box gets
bigger and bigger and projects.
Yes, go ahead. Yeah, no, I wasgonna say, when we talk about this
idea of triggers and tools,what could you say? Give the scenario.
(14:32):
You gave the scenario. Soccerball knocks over a vase or something
or a lamp, and it's. It getsbroken. And maybe somebody's first
reaction is to do that, is toreact. Well, that's an eight year
Old child, you didn't mean todo that.
Not on purpose. No one'spurposely trying to.
Exactly. And so in that case,if someone's initial reaction would
(14:57):
be to emote and to saysomething that, that causes the child
to have a reaction, he didn'tor she didn't mean to do that. But
what kind of things can we doto help people understand what their
triggers might be and torecognize those triggers once they're
(15:22):
happening? Because we'veobserved something, we've assessed
rapidly what just happened.Now we want to react and that's all
natural. But what shouldsomebody that may have a real bad
reaction, what should they door what should we say? What kind
of tools can we give them tomaybe deal with that type of scenario,
(15:46):
that reaction that we want totry to really think about before
we actually do something thathurts somebody, what is it?
Well, we're hurting, so wewant to hurt them. But then when
you look at your child, you'regoing to be mirroring all this pain
that they don't even know thatyou experience and that goes into
them. That's what scares thechild. So the second you react, you
know what, you're not going tobe perfect. You're a work in progress.
(16:08):
And I say go to the childlater on when you're calmer and say
look, should we be playingsoccer in the house? No. Do you get
a consequence? Maybe you haveto do some cleaning around here to
make up for the money. Yes.But should daddy or mommy have yelled
at you? Absolutely not. Weshould have taken a deep breath,
walked in the other room, calmdown and then come back and just
(16:31):
like a business or a teacheror ed your educated, we need to teach
you that there's rules andthere's consequences in life but
we don't get to emotionallyregulate on top of you because you
know, you didn't know what Iwent through in war and you didn't
cause the war. The 8 year olddidn't cause the war. Right. The
things happen. So you canapologize and say I'm working on
(16:53):
this. I'm going to write downthe things that bother me in day
to day normal life like soccerin the house and I'm going to be,
I'm going to note my triggers,note how I want to react and then
learn coping skills to calmdown before I parent you.
Yeah. So this is all anattempt to be the, this is on your
website, be the best you, youcan be.
(17:15):
The best version of yourself,the best.
Version of yourself that youcan be.
Sean, you know how we getsick, like with colds or flus. Guess
what? Your brain has boo boos,too. Your brain can't be perfect.
So that's why, again, if yougo to, you're going to have ptsd,
and that's okay. You had to dothings, and we're all proud of you
for doing those things. Sogive yourself the gift of a therapist,
(17:39):
of a trained therapist to helpyou get those boo boos out. I mean,
you're not a dentist. Youcan't fix your teeth. You're not
an ophthalmologist. You can'tfix your eyes, and you're not a therapist.
It doesn't mean you're notintelligent. It doesn't mean you're
not strong. It doesn't meanyou're not good. It just means you
got some boo boos in yourbrain and let the therapist let me
do my job and take them out soyou can go be happy.
(18:02):
That's great. There's a signsomewhere in your office here that
says, choose happy. And, yeah,think happy. Be happy. Choose happy.
I mean, you know, and that'sthe thing, is that happy is a choice.
You know, there are thingsthat do that you see or you experience
that automatically make youhappy. But the times where you might
(18:25):
not be feeling happy, maybesad or, you know, or angry or something
like this, we have a tendency,people do, to drill into those. Stay
into that spot too long whereyou can actually go, well, you know,
there's nothing I can do toaffect this right now.
Exactly.
So what I can do is I canactually choose happy right now and
take a couple of deep breathsand actually reframe.
(18:50):
Reframe.
Right, Reframe.
It's reframing. It's like,okay, that person or that somebody
did something, and yes, it'sfrustrating, but how much of your
life are you going to befrustrated? And how much are you
going to say, okay, ithappened. Can I do something to fix
it or can I not? And then Iwant to be happy. You're the only
one in control of yourhappiness. You. You can't control
(19:13):
other people. You can onlycontrol yourself.
That's excellent. You know,let's talk a little bit more about
parenting, you know, and for,you know, in terms of, you know,
let's talk about the, youknow, the veterans who may have had
all these things happen tothem, and they spent a lot of time
away from home. They missed alot of their children's, you know,
(19:39):
youth as they were away ondeployments. And then they come back
and they have these thingsthat they struggle with. What can
we say about parenting ingeneral that is a good thing for
something for us, for ourveterans to take away from our conversation
(20:00):
today in terms of justparenting in general.
Here's a couple tips that Ithink would be useful. I think that
you as a veteran, the mommy orthe daddy, whoever, you know, you
deserve a break. And I thinkyou have to let the other parent
be more of the parent, meaningthe disciplinarian. I think for a
(20:21):
while you get to be the funguy. I think you got to get down
there and throw the Cheerioson the floor and you got to tickle
and draw a marker on the catand you got to just have fun because
you deserve it. And if youfeel you're getting upset about something,
you just tag team out to yourspouse and let them take over. Or
you know what, UnfortunatelyI'm very against technology, but
(20:41):
if you got to turn that TV onand watch a silly movie because you're
about had it up to here withteaching them about math, then that's
what you got to do because youmissed out on it like you said. And
I don't want you to miss outon more. So if you need to take some
time just to love them, that'sthe best kind of parenting that you
ever could give them is just love.
(21:04):
You know, just the other nightI had, you know, I limit. I'm a single
parent, so you know, I havemy. As you know, I have my two beautiful
boys, Dylan and Luke. Andusually we reserve the last part
of our day, our wind down formovie time before we go to bed. So
we might watch a show for anhour, maybe an hour and a half at
(21:26):
max. And they usually like togo into daddy's room because there's
a big bed and there's pillowsand it's quiet in there. And so that's
kind of like this comfy andthey like it. So we'll do that. But
what I try to do every timethere's a movie, because I don't,
no offense to them, but it'shard for me to watch a whole whatever
(21:49):
they're watching for an hour,hour and a half. So I'll come and
I'll go or check on them andsort of thing, I'll hop up in the
bed there and then Luke,especially Dylan used to be like
this, but he's getting alittle older. But Luke just. Well,
they both love when I jump inthe bed with them and they want to
(22:10):
just get cozy with you. Andeven if that's 10 minutes. How good
does that feel? It feels so good.
It feels amazing.
So amazing. And that's notgoing to last forever. And that's
what we need to remember, thateventually they're going to be off
in high school and in collegeand then it's gone. And you don't
miss those opportunitiesbecause those are moments that are
(22:32):
fleeting.
That's right.
And there's a lot of healingin there, too.
And there's a lot of healing.So even if you saw them do something
wrong.
Yeah.
Couple days later you couldgrab after that cuddling moment,
they're going to be moreresponsive. You can say to them,
hey, you remember when you didthat? I would prefer you do this
and that. Like, it's sodifferent. Take some time. You don't
need to parentinstantaneously. When you're in battle,
(22:55):
yes, you need to respondstraight away. But when you're at
home, you don't need to takesome time.
Take some time to respond.
Take some time. There's nofight or flight, really.
Think about what happens.
Think about it, refrain it.And just when you can say in a calm,
loving way, say it. Butsometimes you just forget about it.
You don't have to parent everylittle thing. It's love.
This has been great. I reallyappreciate your time. And I think
(23:19):
we should do some more of thisand talk more about parenting and
talk some more about someissues that veterans may have, especially
when it comes to parenting anddealing with whatever issues they
might have, still have. Andit's okay, right? It's okay. Is there
(23:39):
anything else you'd like toshare with us?
Yeah, I was just thinkingbefore we go, and we didn't really
talk about this, but I thinkthat you'll appreciate. I think in
terms of our significantothers, I think that if you're handling
the parenting okay, but you'relashing out maybe at your significant
other. I do have some pointsfor the significant other and yourself.
(24:02):
So we can talk about. If youfeel you have a partner who's come
back and has ptsd, what I cansay to you is this. Please don't
personalize it. Don't make itabout you. Don't yell back. Don't
jump into what they've gonethrough. I would say try to be compassionate
(24:26):
and loving and kind. You canhave boundaries. You can go to a
therapist like me and learndifferent ways to support through
this. But I say to parents,don't make it a conflict. Don't have
another war at home. Don'thave a war at home. That person who
loves you is going through alot in processing, and it may come
(24:49):
out on you. And, yes, that'snot okay. But don't make it about
you. That's now part of yourjob as the spouse of someone who
goes off to war is to be therefor them. Right.
Peace in the Valley.
Peace in the Valley, Yeah.
Peace in the Valley. Soimportant. Right? Wow, that's great.
(25:13):
Well, thanks for your time andall that you do for so many. It must
be challenging. You've beendoing this for, what, 21 years, you
said the other day?
22 years.
Almost 22 years.
More weeks than we're in 2025.
I know. I can't believe it.It's great.
That's right.
Yeah. Well, let's try to gettogether in 2025 and talk some more
(25:34):
to help some more people.
Absolutely. I would love to.And maybe even if people call in
or they write in, we can. Wecan have some more questions about
this.
You know what? That's what Iasked the guys to do, is to put a.
We're going to do that forthis episode. I guarantee you we'll
have a special email set up soanybody can write in and ask a question,
(25:59):
and then maybe that's whatwe'll do the next time is we'll address
some of those questions.
That would be amazing.
What a great idea. Right?Let's do that. Let's do that.
Let's do that.
Well, Dr. Stacy Scheckner,thank you again for your time today.
And happy counseling dot com.That's excellent. Well, I hope you
have a great New Year's andChristmas and. And happy Hanukkah
(26:23):
too. Right?
Yeah. Thank you so much. AndHanukkah is on December 25 this year,
so.
Okay, well, we're all togetheron that.
We're all coming together,right? We're all gonna be supportive
of each other andcompassionate and make it a great
new year.
Excellent. Thanks again.
You're welcome. Thank you forhaving me.
Okay, bye.
(26:47):
Thank you for listening to theWWIA podcast. To learn more about
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please visit ourwebsite@wwiaf.org or follow us on
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If you'd like to comment oroffer feedback about our podcast,
(27:10):
or if you have a suggestionfor a future episode, please email
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us honor, connect and heal ourcombat wounded Purple Heart heroes
through the power of the great outdoors.
Hello and welcome to the WWIAPodcast. We're honored to have you
join us in our mission tobring honor, connection and healing
to America's combat woundedPurple Heart heroes. If this is your
first time listening to thispodcast, we welcome you if you're
(00:21):
a returning listener. Thanksfor coming back. Please be sure to
tell others about our podcastand leave us a review if you're enjoying
what you're hearing. June isdesignated as PTSD Awareness Month
because mental health matters.It's no secret that our combat wounded
veterans didn't just leavewhat they experienced on the battlefield
(00:42):
behind, they brought it homewith them, often experiencing the
life altering effects of PostTraumatic Stress Disorder. This,
combined with the injuriesthey and their fellow service members
sustained or the loss of lifethey witnessed around them can be
devastating and debilitating.It not only affects them, but those
(01:03):
within their circle ofinfluence, their family, friends
and even co workers. It canseverely impact relationships, careers
and make day to day lifedifficult to manage. There are no
shortcuts on the journey tohealing and well being and today's
special guest has dedicatedher life to helping others find peace,
wholeness and healing in theirown lives. Today, WWIA founder and
(01:29):
CEO John McDaniel is honoredto welcome Dr. Stacy Scheckner to
the podcast. Dr.Scheckner is alicensed psychologist who's been
providing therapeutic servicesin Florida for over 18 years. Through
personal and professionalpractice and study, she's made it
her mission to help peoplebecome the best version of themselves.
(01:49):
She has successfully workedwith clients to help them in a variety
of ways from achieving more intheir career, working through difficult
divorces, overcoming theeffects of PTSD, or raising mentally
and physically healthychildren. Whatever the issue, her
focus is to help people unlocktheir potential, overcome their challenges,
(02:09):
have a positive mindset, andlive holistically better lives. John
and Dr. Scheckner discuss thecauses and effects of PTSD and how
healing is possible. They alsotalk about the challenges of parenting
for service members andveterans and ways to improve those
relationships at home. This isan important podcast and an outstanding
(02:30):
interview that we're excitedfor you to hear. Let's jump right
into the conversation withJohn and Dr. Scheckner now.
Hi, I'm John McDaniel, Founderand CEO of the Wounded Warriors in
Action Foundation's podcast,and this is Honor, Connect, Heal.
(02:53):
So today I have with usanother very special guest and this
is a person who I admire andobviously respect a great deal. I
saw you first on TV andthought, geez, this is somebody that
I should get to know, andwe've known each other now for four
(03:14):
or five years. Welcome to theprogram. This is Stacy. Dr. Stacy
Scheckner. Welcome.
Thank you for having me. It'sexciting. Our kids are actually similar
age and so it's exciting tosee them grow up together.
Yeah, it's cool. So you are a.Tell us about your credentials, first
(03:34):
off. I mean, I'm sitting inyour office and there are diplomas
all around me. And you areessentially a doctor of the brain.
Yes, but tell us about it.
It's a good way of putting it.That's how I explain it. Y.
Tell us about your education alittle bit and the work that you
currently do.
I am a licensed psychologistin the state of Florida. I have my
(03:58):
PhDs in counseling and schoolpsychology, and I also have my master's
and specialist degrees inpsychology and in undergrad, I have
my bachelor's in psychologyand music and we can talk about that
as well. I have worked with 2year olds to 92 year olds and I love
(04:22):
what I do. I love helpingpeople. And yes, I explained, I am
the doctor of the brain, thedoctor of feelings. Helping parents
be the best they can be,helping families be the best they
can be.
Yeah. So, you know, I began tothink about, you know, my work, you
know, my work with the combatwounded veterans that we serve and
(04:44):
your work. And I just thoughtthis is somebody that we should talk
to that I should talk to andthat maybe could help folks through
the power of this podcast. AndI think you're the perfect person
to do it. And so I think weshould start. We do want to talk
about parenting, but I thinkwe should start with PTSD. And I
(05:10):
know that probably a very highpercentage, 90 plus percent of the
veterans that we serve havesome form of ptsd. So I want to talk
about that. I think it'ssomething that needs to be talked
about. And you mentioned to mein the pre show, when we were chatting
(05:32):
about it a couple weeks ago,you said everybody has ptsd. And
I just thought, wow, what agreat way to start the program, you
know, and then I thought aboutPTSD on, like most challenges on
a continuum. You know, there'sfolks that have just a little bit
of ptsd, and then there'sfolks on the other side of the continuum
(05:53):
that really probably suffer orare debilitated by it, and everybody
else is kind of in the middlein this continuum. So tell us a little
bit about, you know, what isPTSD and what are the things that
you see on a recurring basisthat might indicate that somebody
has ptsd and then we can talkabout how to maybe deal with that.
(06:17):
Absolutely. It's very, veryimportant. Ptsd, Post traumatic stress
disorder. And I think ageneral definition of it that may
hit home with people who arelistening is when you experience
something, especially theveterans, that is outside the norm,
(06:37):
or what we call the norm of,you know, living in society, growing
up in society, experiencingadulthood in society, when you experience
something that is unique toyou and other people maybe around
you during that time, and thatis absolutely outside the norm, you
can get ptsd. And I shouldfurther explain that it's a life
(06:59):
or death situation where youhave to make maybe life or death
decisions that affect you therest of your life, but yet you have
to continue living in thisquote, unquote, normal society, functioning
within a family, functioningat work, functioning as a parent.
So PTSD affects us in manydifferent ways. Sleep, eating habits,
(07:26):
the way we handle anxiety, theway we handle anger. Basically, like
with patients who were justhere before you. Emotional dysregulation.
So even if they haven't goneoff to war, it's if they grow up
or are in an environment asadults in which something terrible
is happening and they have tosurvive in that moment and they have
(07:47):
to do what they need to do.But later on, how do you function
and be normal in society aftergoing through what you just experienced?
Yeah. Now in the case of ourveterans, right?
Yes.
Something traumatic hashappened. They went off, they raised
their right hand, they wentoff to war, they saw combat, maybe
(08:12):
they were wounded, injured.Maybe they saw and likely saw others
wounded and injured. Maybeoftentimes there were men or women
who they were very close toand maybe perhaps it was themselves.
I mean, it would be hard tosay, for example, that if you were
shot seven times in Iraq orAfghanistan or some other place and
(08:37):
lived through that experienceand then had 72 surgeries, that it
might be hard to live a normallife or it might be hard to come
back after that and sort of benormal or not have ptsd.
(08:57):
Absolutely. Because how dothey go back? And they go back and
their 10 year old comes homeand kicked the soccer ball and it
accidentally broke a glass. Sohow do you. That's a normal thing
that happens. But you've justseen people be murdered, friends
and loved ones losing limbs.Like, how can you then in that moment
(09:20):
be able to control your anger,which really comes from the pain
of what you see, not that yourson kicked a soccer ball.
Right.
How do you, how do you controlthat? And how do you just live A
normal. Oh, a parent. A glassbroke. How do you do that? When you've
undergone what you've got, andthat's what I help families and people
with, is like, how do you. Howcan you parent? But how do you. It's
(09:45):
devastating what you've been through.
Right. And then when thesetriggers happen.
Yes, triggers.
Yeah, you know, something.Something triggers you. It makes
you perhaps angry, it makesyou perhaps sad, confused. Lots of
these emotions that we allhave. And the question is, how do
you regulate them and how doyou respond? We can't really control
(10:07):
what other people do, but wecan control how we react to that.
That's exactly right.
So what are some tools that wecould give people in that scenario
where you say, okay, hey, nowwe're back from the war. First off,
if you need professional helpand it's okay to ask for it, you
should ask for it, you shouldseek it. Right. And so let's talk
(10:31):
about first, what can atherapist like you do for somebody
that has ptsd? What can you do?
I think if you come back andyou don't know if you have ptsd,
first of all, if you've gonethrough seeing torture and murder
and things beyond the scope ofwhat you would have seen if you didn't
go, I think that people haveto recognize you probably do have
(10:55):
it, and it's okay. It isabsolutely okay. You didn't do anything
wrong. It's normal for you tohave ptsd.
Not your fault.
It's not your fault. And it'snot weak to admit it. It's strong
to it. It's going, you knowwhat? If I wouldn't have been there
and I wouldn't have had thatjob, I. I wouldn't have it because
I would be back here inAmerica or wherever you live. But
(11:17):
I did go, and I did do thesethings, and I did listen to my officers
and I did fight for mycountry. And it's okay that I have
ptsd, because the things Iwent through are not what a normal
person would go through,meaning in their normal life. Not
that you're not normal. So ifyou come back, most likely you have
it. But still, if you think,okay, I'm processing, I'm handling
things. I'm not upset aboutit. If you see that you're triggered
(11:41):
very easily with your kids orwith your wife or husband and you
do lash out and it'sirrationally disproportionate to
the situation, then you cansay, it's okay. I'm allowed to be
upset. I'm human. I'm not arobot. I'm not a computer. I can
be upset about what happenedand what my friends went through
(12:01):
and what I went through. Ijust need to take accountability
and not lash out at my familyand friends. I need to go to the
therapist and say, look, dude,I have all this crap inside of me.
Can you help me poop it out sothat I can go home and tickle and
have fun with my family andfriends and not get triggered by
these silly little things?
(12:23):
You know, in our first show,we talked about, I mentioned this
idea of a box, right? Andputting this ptsd, these bad things
maybe in a box. And, well,it's not great to put a lock on that
box, because that box needs toopen up on occasion on some frequency
(12:46):
to exercise the things thatare inside. It's like a volcano,
right? Or a tire that has toomuch pressure in it. Eventually it
fails and maybe it explodes.So we have to deal with these things.
And that's where aprofessional like yourself comes
in, where you can maybe chatabout those experiences and how you
(13:06):
feel about them.
That's right. And some peopledon't want to. They want to live
in denial. They want to comeback and not. And I feel bad because
it's not that they want tolive in denial, but what they went
through was so unimaginable.They may feel no one can relate to
them. They may feel they haveto deal with it on their own. They
feel they have to be strongand just move forward. But unfortunately,
(13:30):
it's okay to need help. Thereare people who are trained in your
brain chemistry, and youdeserve. For everything you've been
through, you deserve to have ahappy life. You deserve to be with
your family and friends andnot have to lash out there. And so
you come in, whether weekly ortwice a week or once, and you can
(13:50):
let that little box open, andthe box then gets smaller and smaller
and smaller till one day,guess what? You don't have to live
with the box. And once thatbox is gone, you make room for all
the happiness you deserve. Soplease come in, because if you don't
(14:10):
guess what happens on theother end, you project. The box gets
bigger and bigger and projects.
Yes, go ahead. Yeah, no, I wasgonna say, when we talk about this
idea of triggers and tools,what could you say? Give the scenario.
(14:32):
You gave the scenario. Soccerball knocks over a vase or something
or a lamp, and it's. It getsbroken. And maybe somebody's first
reaction is to do that, is toreact. Well, that's an eight year
Old child, you didn't mean todo that.
Not on purpose. No one'spurposely trying to.
Exactly. And so in that case,if someone's initial reaction would
(14:57):
be to emote and to saysomething that, that causes the child
to have a reaction, he didn'tor she didn't mean to do that. But
what kind of things can we doto help people understand what their
triggers might be and torecognize those triggers once they're
(15:22):
happening? Because we'veobserved something, we've assessed
rapidly what just happened.Now we want to react and that's all
natural. But what shouldsomebody that may have a real bad
reaction, what should they door what should we say? What kind
of tools can we give them tomaybe deal with that type of scenario,
(15:46):
that reaction that we want totry to really think about before
we actually do something thathurts somebody, what is it?
Well, we're hurting, so wewant to hurt them. But then when
you look at your child, you'regoing to be mirroring all this pain
that they don't even know thatyou experience and that goes into
them. That's what scares thechild. So the second you react, you
know what, you're not going tobe perfect. You're a work in progress.
(16:08):
And I say go to the childlater on when you're calmer and say
look, should we be playingsoccer in the house? No. Do you get
a consequence? Maybe you haveto do some cleaning around here to
make up for the money. Yes.But should daddy or mommy have yelled
at you? Absolutely not. Weshould have taken a deep breath,
walked in the other room, calmdown and then come back and just
(16:31):
like a business or a teacheror ed your educated, we need to teach
you that there's rules andthere's consequences in life but
we don't get to emotionallyregulate on top of you because you
know, you didn't know what Iwent through in war and you didn't
cause the war. The 8 year olddidn't cause the war. Right. The
things happen. So you canapologize and say I'm working on
(16:53):
this. I'm going to write downthe things that bother me in day
to day normal life like soccerin the house and I'm going to be,
I'm going to note my triggers,note how I want to react and then
learn coping skills to calmdown before I parent you.
Yeah. So this is all anattempt to be the, this is on your
website, be the best you, youcan be.
(17:15):
The best version of yourself,the best.
Version of yourself that youcan be.
Sean, you know how we getsick, like with colds or flus. Guess
what? Your brain has boo boos,too. Your brain can't be perfect.
So that's why, again, if yougo to, you're going to have ptsd,
and that's okay. You had to dothings, and we're all proud of you
for doing those things. Sogive yourself the gift of a therapist,
(17:39):
of a trained therapist to helpyou get those boo boos out. I mean,
you're not a dentist. Youcan't fix your teeth. You're not
an ophthalmologist. You can'tfix your eyes, and you're not a therapist.
It doesn't mean you're notintelligent. It doesn't mean you're
not strong. It doesn't meanyou're not good. It just means you
got some boo boos in yourbrain and let the therapist let me
do my job and take them out soyou can go be happy.
(18:02):
That's great. There's a signsomewhere in your office here that
says, choose happy. And, yeah,think happy. Be happy. Choose happy.
I mean, you know, and that'sthe thing, is that happy is a choice.
You know, there are thingsthat do that you see or you experience
that automatically make youhappy. But the times where you might
(18:25):
not be feeling happy, maybesad or, you know, or angry or something
like this, we have a tendency,people do, to drill into those. Stay
into that spot too long whereyou can actually go, well, you know,
there's nothing I can do toaffect this right now.
Exactly.
So what I can do is I canactually choose happy right now and
take a couple of deep breathsand actually reframe.
(18:50):
Reframe.
Right, Reframe.
It's reframing. It's like,okay, that person or that somebody
did something, and yes, it'sfrustrating, but how much of your
life are you going to befrustrated? And how much are you
going to say, okay, ithappened. Can I do something to fix
it or can I not? And then Iwant to be happy. You're the only
one in control of yourhappiness. You. You can't control
(19:13):
other people. You can onlycontrol yourself.
That's excellent. You know,let's talk a little bit more about
parenting, you know, and for,you know, in terms of, you know,
let's talk about the, youknow, the veterans who may have had
all these things happen tothem, and they spent a lot of time
away from home. They missed alot of their children's, you know,
(19:39):
youth as they were away ondeployments. And then they come back
and they have these thingsthat they struggle with. What can
we say about parenting ingeneral that is a good thing for
something for us, for ourveterans to take away from our conversation
(20:00):
today in terms of justparenting in general.
Here's a couple tips that Ithink would be useful. I think that
you as a veteran, the mommy orthe daddy, whoever, you know, you
deserve a break. And I thinkyou have to let the other parent
be more of the parent, meaningthe disciplinarian. I think for a
(20:21):
while you get to be the funguy. I think you got to get down
there and throw the Cheerioson the floor and you got to tickle
and draw a marker on the catand you got to just have fun because
you deserve it. And if youfeel you're getting upset about something,
you just tag team out to yourspouse and let them take over. Or
you know what, UnfortunatelyI'm very against technology, but
(20:41):
if you got to turn that TV onand watch a silly movie because you're
about had it up to here withteaching them about math, then that's
what you got to do because youmissed out on it like you said. And
I don't want you to miss outon more. So if you need to take some
time just to love them, that'sthe best kind of parenting that you
ever could give them is just love.
(21:04):
You know, just the other nightI had, you know, I limit. I'm a single
parent, so you know, I havemy. As you know, I have my two beautiful
boys, Dylan and Luke. Andusually we reserve the last part
of our day, our wind down formovie time before we go to bed. So
we might watch a show for anhour, maybe an hour and a half at
(21:26):
max. And they usually like togo into daddy's room because there's
a big bed and there's pillowsand it's quiet in there. And so that's
kind of like this comfy andthey like it. So we'll do that. But
what I try to do every timethere's a movie, because I don't,
no offense to them, but it'shard for me to watch a whole whatever
(21:49):
they're watching for an hour,hour and a half. So I'll come and
I'll go or check on them andsort of thing, I'll hop up in the
bed there and then Luke,especially Dylan used to be like
this, but he's getting alittle older. But Luke just. Well,
they both love when I jump inthe bed with them and they want to
(22:10):
just get cozy with you. Andeven if that's 10 minutes. How good
does that feel? It feels so good.
It feels amazing.
So amazing. And that's notgoing to last forever. And that's
what we need to remember, thateventually they're going to be off
in high school and in collegeand then it's gone. And you don't
miss those opportunitiesbecause those are moments that are
(22:32):
fleeting.
That's right.
And there's a lot of healingin there, too.
And there's a lot of healing.So even if you saw them do something
wrong.
Yeah.
Couple days later you couldgrab after that cuddling moment,
they're going to be moreresponsive. You can say to them,
hey, you remember when you didthat? I would prefer you do this
and that. Like, it's sodifferent. Take some time. You don't
need to parentinstantaneously. When you're in battle,
(22:55):
yes, you need to respondstraight away. But when you're at
home, you don't need to takesome time.
Take some time to respond.
Take some time. There's nofight or flight, really.
Think about what happens.
Think about it, refrain it.And just when you can say in a calm,
loving way, say it. Butsometimes you just forget about it.
You don't have to parent everylittle thing. It's love.
This has been great. I reallyappreciate your time. And I think
(23:19):
we should do some more of thisand talk more about parenting and
talk some more about someissues that veterans may have, especially
when it comes to parenting anddealing with whatever issues they
might have, still have. Andit's okay, right? It's okay. Is there
(23:39):
anything else you'd like toshare with us?
Yeah, I was just thinkingbefore we go, and we didn't really
talk about this, but I thinkthat you'll appreciate. I think in
terms of our significantothers, I think that if you're handling
the parenting okay, but you'relashing out maybe at your significant
other. I do have some pointsfor the significant other and yourself.
(24:02):
So we can talk about. If youfeel you have a partner who's come
back and has ptsd, what I cansay to you is this. Please don't
personalize it. Don't make itabout you. Don't yell back. Don't
jump into what they've gonethrough. I would say try to be compassionate
(24:26):
and loving and kind. You canhave boundaries. You can go to a
therapist like me and learndifferent ways to support through
this. But I say to parents,don't make it a conflict. Don't have
another war at home. Don'thave a war at home. That person who
loves you is going through alot in processing, and it may come
(24:49):
out on you. And, yes, that'snot okay. But don't make it about
you. That's now part of yourjob as the spouse of someone who
goes off to war is to be therefor them. Right.
Peace in the Valley.
Peace in the Valley, Yeah.
Peace in the Valley. Soimportant. Right? Wow, that's great.
(25:13):
Well, thanks for your time andall that you do for so many. It must
be challenging. You've beendoing this for, what, 21 years, you
said the other day?
22 years.
Almost 22 years.
More weeks than we're in 2025.
I know. I can't believe it.It's great.
That's right.
Yeah. Well, let's try to gettogether in 2025 and talk some more
(25:34):
to help some more people.
Absolutely. I would love to.And maybe even if people call in
or they write in, we can. Wecan have some more questions about
this.
You know what? That's what Iasked the guys to do, is to put a.
We're going to do that forthis episode. I guarantee you we'll
have a special email set up soanybody can write in and ask a question,
(25:59):
and then maybe that's whatwe'll do the next time is we'll address
some of those questions.
That would be amazing.
What a great idea. Right?Let's do that. Let's do that.
Let's do that.
Well, Dr. Stacy Scheckner,thank you again for your time today.
And happy counseling dot com.That's excellent. Well, I hope you
have a great New Year's andChristmas and. And happy Hanukkah
(26:23):
too. Right?
Yeah. Thank you so much. AndHanukkah is on December 25 this year,
so.
Okay, well, we're all togetheron that.
We're all coming together,right? We're all gonna be supportive
of each other andcompassionate and make it a great
new year.
Excellent. Thanks again.
You're welcome. Thank you forhaving me.
Okay, bye.
(26:47):
Thank you for listening to theWWIA podcast. To learn more about
the Wounded warriors in Actionfoundation and how you can get involved,
please visit ourwebsite@wwiaf.org or follow us on
social media, on Facebook,Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
If you'd like to comment oroffer feedback about our podcast,
(27:10):
or if you have a suggestionfor a future episode, please email
us at podcast wiaf. Org. Thankyou for your support and for helping
us honor, connect and heal ourcombat wounded Purple Heart heroes
through the power of the great outdoors.
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