Your Favorite Band Sucks

Your Favorite Band Sucks

Let’s review: there’s no good art and it’s a red flag for adults to have a favorite band. Naturally, most of you will disagree. That's fine. Just pretend it's a drinking game. An algorithm randomly assigns the band Mark & Tyler destroy in every episode. Start on one everybody knows is trash, like The Beatles. But soon you'll realize culture is a pyramid scheme and your favorite band is just the soundtrack to a fake vintage t-shirt. (Get Ad-Free Episodes Here: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/subscribe)

Episodes

December 30, 2021 39 min

You're not alone and you're not crazy. All anyone has to do is listen to any 5 Black Flag songs to confirm this has always been a terrible band. Everybody's just afraid to say it.

Maybe since you can't leave your house without seeing that logo, everyone assumes a ton of people must be listening to the band? Well, they're not. Nobody likes this music. (Except for Grateful Dead fans but you can't trust them.)

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Is Ryan Adams' music great? Or was he the guy who paved the way for Ed Sheeran? If only there were two professional music listeners to lay out the answers! Oh, wait, that's us. This is the first episode we almost titled "Ryan Adams Sucked," past tense, because we're about to prosecute this dude's entire career into oblivion.

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December 2, 2021 47 min

By pretty much any metric you want to choose, Van Halen was one of the worst bands of all time. This is the soundtrack to getting dumb, being dumb and staying dumb. Literally every fictional band from a movie about a band made better music than Van Halen. This is the musical equivalent of mixing every color of paint in the store together until you end up with brown instead of just buying brown paint.

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November 18, 2021 53 min

If you're anything like us, at some point in the past few years you've asked the question "What in the hell is a BTS and why are all these kids talking about it?" Well, the difference between us and you is we are professionals, so we found out what a BTS is and, friends, it is not good. In fact, it's bad. In fact, it sucks, which means we had to make this episode even if it's the last thing we do... And ther...

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November 4, 2021 52 min

Ever since we opened up 5-star reviews on Apple Podcasts to requests, there've been a few bands who are by far requested above all others. We can't do all those episodes right away because you've always got to keep the crowd wanting more but, every now and then, it comes time to give the people what they want. Today is one of those days.

And it's not like this will be a tough episode to do or anything, right? Coldpl...

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October 21, 2021 75 min

Nobody asked for it but we have to deal with it so now you do, too! Today, Mark and Tyler sit down to read the best YouTube comments left over the past few years. And by "best," we mean 99% of them are horrible because YouTube comments are one of the worst places on the Internet. Enjoy!

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August 5, 2021 58 min

David Bowie is perhaps the most successful con artist of all time. You wanna hear about someone who got away with straight up grifting for like 50 years? Today we're talking about a guy who probably would have committed infanticide if someone told him it was the only way he could ever become famous. If you're imagining all the incredibly embarrassing and awful behavior one could expect from a person like that, buddy, it'...

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July 22, 2021 32 min

So here's a thought: you're legitimately a sadist if this is your favorite band. There has never been a greater real life example of a million monkeys in a room with typewriters accidentally reproducing Shakespeare's body of work, except The Replacements only took four humans hating how bad they were at life and their instruments for about a decade in order to make whichever four songs you believe justify the rest of th...

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June 24, 2021 42 min

Well, well, well... After several years of sidebar potshots in so many episodes, it is finally time for the original fuckboy pop singer to take a turn in the spotlight. And, look, we're not even going to do that usual thing where we pretend a bunch of fans are going to get pissed off about this because, let's be honest, everyone in 2021 is deeply aware of how much Frank Sinatra sucks. Anyone still listening to this trash ha...

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June 10, 2021 37 min

If P.T. Barnum had lived to hear Death Grips, he'd have updated to quote to say there are 10 suckers born every minute because there hasn't been such a successful grift as this in the music business since at least the Sex Pistols. The "music" is obviously unlistenable because the music is always irrelevant when it comes to bands who get fast-tracked through the hype machine. But Death Grips also sucks for reasons th...

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May 13, 2021 62 min

It is undeniably tragic that so many people believe a trendy t-shirt design equates to good music. And you'd think doing an episode on Tool-for-sad-kids would be too depressing to be anyone's idea of a good time but this was such a bad "band" on every level that it actually pushes past the bleakness to become hilarious. Make sure you're ready to never willingly listen to Joy Division again before pressing play.

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April 29, 2021 34 min

Oh, calm down. What, did you think we weren't ever gonna get around to country music's one-man combination of The Beatles and the Sex Pistols? Even if this podcast didn't have a resident country music expert and even if Johnny Cash had never worked with Rick Rubin or written that song for Nine Inch Nails, we'd still have to do an episode on him just because of how purely and objectively he sucks. If Johnny Cash is y...

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April 15, 2021 54 min

None of your other trusted sources of news were doing their jobs so it's once more up to the Joint Chiefs of Stuff to come correct with the scoop: music has officially been scheduled for extinction. Oh, you haven't heard how things are going at Rolling Stone magazine right now? You haven't figured out why half the bands you see on someone's t-shirt every time you go outside are selling their publishing catalogs? Wel...

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April 1, 2021 44 min

"EvERyONe ALrEadY kNoWs juSTin BiEBer suCks!" That's you. And what you should be doing instead is shutting the hell up and pressing play because a) we're hilarious and b) you'll probably learn some stuff, smartypants.

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March 22, 2021 3 min

A trailer for everyone who can't grasp the importance of this podcast from the title alone.

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March 18, 2021 75 min

First of all, none of you are prepared for how many of your friends are secret Pearl Jam fans. Go look up this band's sales figures. You think it's just everyone you've never met buying copies of these albums? Wake up, people! Not only is Pearl Jam's music terrible, they are parasitic masterminds of commerce! The war with TicketMaster was just a smokescreen! All will be revealed...

P.S. Anyone else think it's we...

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November 23, 2020 53 min

Think you don't have much to be grateful for this year? Think again! Mark & Tyler are here to save 2020 from the bloody jaws of Christmas with the only holiday tradition that still matters: our annual Christmas Music Sucks episode!

As a cold darkness settles upon the land and trepidation rises in the hearts of a noble proletariat, fear not! Beneath these terrible trappings lay great opportunities and wonderful gifts! (Trans...

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September 17, 2020 30 min
When we’re talking about a band as insufferable as Aerosmith, you really "don’t wanna miss a thing,” so enjoy the climax of this terrible group’s trilogy: 90s Aerosmith and beyond! Alicia Silverstone’s wedgie! Song doctors! Our review of Armageddon - the movie and real life! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message
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September 3, 2020 34 min
Welcome to Part 2 of the Your Favorite Aerosmith Sucks podcast! In this installment, Mark helps Tyler through childhood trauma caused by Steven Tyler's... well, everything about Steven Tyler. Also, everyone who thought the "Walk This Way" collaboration with Run DMC actually mattered was either a dumbass or an executive at MTV (and therefore a dumbass). Step right up, folks. School is in session. --- Send in a voice m...
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August 13, 2020 37 min
If we had a dollar for every time someone told us to listen to Aerosmith's early stuff, we'd pay Aerosmith to stop being a band. And they'd take the money. You know why? The only thing they've ever been good at is taking money from idiots. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message
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