Your Favorite Band Sucks

Your Favorite Band Sucks

Congratulations, you've found the bravest podcast on the Internet! Now, let’s review the facts: there’s no such thing as good art and it’s a red flag for any adult to have a favorite band. Naturally, most of you will disagree with that statement. That's fine. If it helps, pretend the hosts are only playing a drinking game. Some algorithm randomly assigns a band to deconstruct and that's all Mark and Tyler are doing in every episode. Start with an easy one, some band everyone already knows is trash, like The Beatles or The Clash. Laugh along, “Hahaha! So funny... Yes...” With time, though, the realization is inevitable: this is a true crime podcast. Culture is a pyramid scheme and your favorite band is just the soundtrack to a fake vintage t-shirt. (Your favorite t-shirt also sucks, by the way. This podcast sells better shirts at shop.yfbspod.com because we care.) In the end, it all comes down to one question: can you find the inner strength it takes to press play and learn why Your Favorite Band Sucks? [REQUESTS? We only take them from subscribers, so smash the button and put that request in a 5-Star Review!]

Episodes

June 10, 2021 37 min

If P.T. Barnum had lived to hear Death Grips, he'd have updated to quote to say there are 10 suckers born every minute because there hasn't been such a successful grift as this in the music business since at least the Sex Pistols. The "music" is obviously unlistenable because the music is always irrelevant when it comes to bands who get fast-tracked through the hype machine. But Death Grips also sucks for reasons th...

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It is undeniably tragic that so many people believe a trendy t-shirt design equates to good music. And you'd think doing an episode on Tool-for-sad-kids would be too depressing to be anyone's idea of a good time but this was such a bad "band" on every level that it actually pushes past the bleakness to become hilarious. Make sure you're ready to never willingly listen to Joy Division again before pressing play.

...
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April 29, 2021 34 min

Oh, calm down. What, did you think we weren't ever gonna get around to country music's one-man combination of The Beatles and the Sex Pistols? Even if this podcast didn't have a resident country music expert and even if Johnny Cash had never worked with Rick Rubin or written that song for Nine Inch Nails, we'd still have to do an episode on him just because of how purely and objectively he sucks. If Johnny Cash is y...

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April 15, 2021 54 min

None of your other trusted sources of news were doing their jobs so it's once more up to the Joint Chiefs of Stuff to come correct with the scoop: music has officially been scheduled for extinction. Oh, you haven't heard how things are going at Rolling Stone magazine right now? You haven't figured out why half the bands you see on someone's t-shirt every time you go outside are selling their publishing catalogs? Wel...

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April 1, 2021 44 min

"EvERyONe ALrEadY kNoWs juSTin BiEBer suCks!" That's you. And what you should be doing instead is shutting the hell up and pressing play because a) we're hilarious and b) you'll probably learn some stuff, smartypants.

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March 22, 2021 3 min

A trailer for everyone who can't grasp the importance of this podcast from the title alone.

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March 18, 2021 75 min

First of all, none of you are prepared for how many of your friends are secret Pearl Jam fans. Go look up this band's sales figures. You think it's just everyone you've never met buying copies of these albums? Wake up, people! Not only is Pearl Jam's music terrible, they are parasitic masterminds of commerce! The war with TicketMaster was just a smokescreen! All will be revealed...

P.S. Anyone else think it's we...

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November 23, 2020 53 min

Think you don't have much to be grateful for this year? Think again! Mark & Tyler are here to save 2020 from the bloody jaws of Christmas with the only holiday tradition that still matters: our annual Christmas Music Sucks episode!

As a cold darkness settles upon the land and trepidation rises in the hearts of a noble proletariat, fear not! Beneath these terrible trappings lay great opportunities and wonderful gifts! (Trans...

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September 17, 2020 30 min
When we’re talking about a band as insufferable as Aerosmith, you really "don’t wanna miss a thing,” so enjoy the climax of this terrible group’s trilogy: 90s Aerosmith and beyond! Alicia Silverstone’s wedgie! Song doctors! Our review of Armageddon - the movie and real life! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message
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September 3, 2020 34 min
Welcome to Part 2 of the Your Favorite Aerosmith Sucks podcast! In this installment, Mark helps Tyler through childhood trauma caused by Steven Tyler's... well, everything about Steven Tyler. Also, everyone who thought the "Walk This Way" collaboration with Run DMC actually mattered was either a dumbass or an executive at MTV (and therefore a dumbass). Step right up, folks. School is in session. --- Send in a voice m...
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August 13, 2020 38 min
If we had a dollar for every time someone told us to listen to Aerosmith's early stuff, we'd pay Aerosmith to stop being a band. And they'd take the money. You know why? The only thing they've ever been good at is taking money from idiots. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message
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July 23, 2020 40 min
Well, it turns out we weren't ready for the jelly. Talking about this soap opera of a "group" took longer than we thought it would, so here's Part 2: The Bootylicious-ing! Can Mark & Tyler prove themselves survivors? Listen and see. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message
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July 9, 2020 45 min
Let's just say there's such a thing as your dad being too big of a Jackson 5 fan. There's also a reason your worst high school girlfriend listened to Destiny's Child. Ready for this history lesson on 90s pop? No, you're not. You could never be ready for us to tell you EVERYTHING THE ILLUMINATI DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW about Destiny's Child... You could never be ready for this jelly. --- Send in a voic...
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June 25, 2020 46 min
This guy should have been a one-hit wonder and we never should have had to do a single episode about him. But no... You people had to start taking him seriously after Odelay and now this is happening: Beck Sucks, Pt. 2: Beck to the Future! Mark & Tyler get into the ridiculous critical acceptance of "Sad Beck," the Grammy Awards and, inevitably, more Scientology... --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspo...
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June 11, 2020 39 min
Beck is the only argument needed against having respect for 90s pop culture. This is what every 8th grade boy in America was like before ADHD meds were invented. Beck's music is what it would sound like if chugging a 3-liter of Surge cola and shooting yourself in the b-hole with a paintball gun was a band. Now add Scientology. See? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message
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May 28, 2020 69 min
It's no exaggeration to say this podcast probably wouldn't exist without the everlasting influence of Ludwig van Beethoven on music. This guy sucks so much he basically invented it. This guy sucks so bad it killed classical music entirely - which is actually pretty awesome, not gonna lie. This guy sucks so hard we had to make a long episode AND A NEW T-SHIRT about it... Press play, then head over to shop.yfbspod.com to chec...
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May 14, 2020 52 min
This is what happens when you’re too ugly for hair metal. Honestly, the guys in Pantera should have worn MORE makeup if they wanted to record a soundtrack to the evil western KISS would have made if they were actually badass. Then they had to go and single-handedly destroy the genre of metal. Thanks, guys. Pantera sucks. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message
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April 30, 2020 44 min
The suck level in Billy Joel's career was simply too much to cram everything in one episode, so Mark and Tyler came back for seconds. Since you people let this guy have somewhere close to a dozen Top 10 pop songs, quite a few of those need to be discussed at length.* Just like every great sequel, it's everything you loved about the first one... but more! The generation gap gets wider! Billy Joel gets richer and further out...
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April 16, 2020 47 min
When you look up the word "hack" in the dictionary, it would be really helpful if they included a picture of Billy Joel, since he is perhaps the most successful hack in the history of recorded music. Afraid listening to Elton John will turn you gay? Don't worry, Billy's tough! Wish you had the pipes to sing along with Nilsson? Simply lower your standards! Speaking of low standards for entertainment, on a scale of 1 ...
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April 1, 2020 49 min
In these trying times, it's important to focus on things that bring us together rather than tear us apart. We need to unite against a common enemy and that enemy is... Nickelback. At what point do we stop giving our neighbors in The Great White North benefit of the doubt? It can't be a coincidence that all of the worst music comes from Canada, can it? Rush, Celine Dion, Leonard Cohen. It's like, what are you people doin...
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