What to Do When Feedback Gets You Stuck

If you get feedback that grinds you to a halt, there's a problem. But YOU are not the problem—the feedback is.

Recently, a writer came to me with feedback she was struggling to implement. She’d written a draft of her story, but she knew it needed revision. So she’d gotten a manuscript evaluation from another editor. And the feedback she got in that evaluation really threw her off.

When this writer and I talked, she was so confused. She knew what her vision was for her story, and why she’d made the story structure choices she’d made.

But the feedback she’d gotten called some of those foundational structure choices into question. It would be a really big overhaul—a different core conflict and a different genre.

The writer was quick to assure me that she was willing to do that work. She was not afraid of a page one rewrite. She was not afraid of getting tough critique. She wanted honest feedback from experts, and she was determined to do whatever it took to revise her manuscript into a story that works.

And yet, she was stuck. She had started mapping what it would look like to implement the feedback she’d gotten. And she had this nagging feeling that it would mean walking away from something about her story that mattered to her.

So what was she to do?

What do you do when feedback gets you stuck? When it seems to make things worse, not better? When you can’t figure out how to implement it, no matter how hard you try?

In this episode, I’m sharing what to do with feedback when it doesn’t get you traction, but grinds you to a halt.

You’ll hear:

• What the problem ACTUALLY is (hint: YOU are not the problem!)
• Why feedback can be true and unhelpful
• What to do when the feedback just doesn’t work
• How to get feedback that gets you traction again
• And more!

If you have ever gotten feedback that you just can’t make work, this is what I want you to hear.

Links mentioned in the episode:

• Get feedback that gets you traction again: alicesudlow.com/nrs 

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Recently a writer came to mewith feedback that she was

(00:03):
struggling to implement.
She'd written a draft of herstory, but she knew it needed
revision.
So she'd gotten a manuscriptevaluation from a different
editor, and the feedback thatshe got in that evaluation
really threw her off.
When this writer and I talked,she was so confused.
She knew what her vision was forher story and why she'd made the
story structure choices thatshe'd made, but the feedback

(00:26):
that she'd gotten called some ofthose foundational structure
choices into question, it wouldbe a really big overhaul, a
different core conflict, and adifferent genre.
The writer was quick to assureme that she was willing to do
that work.
She was not afraid of a page onerewrite.
She was not afraid of gettingtough critique.
She wanted honest feedback fromexperts, and she was determined

(00:48):
to do whatever it took to reviseher manuscripts into a story
that works.
And yet she was stuck.
She'd started mapping what itwould look like to implement the
feedback that she'd gotten, butshe had this nagging feeling
that it would mean walking awayfrom something about her story
that mattered to her.
So what was she to do?

(01:10):
What do you do when feedbackgets you stuck when it seems to
make things worse?
Not better.
when you just can't figure outhow to implement it, no matter
how hard you try, that's whatI'm sharing in this episode.
If you have ever gotten feedbackthat you just can't make work,
this is what I want you to hear.

(02:18):
Welcome to your next draft.
Today we're talking aboutfeedback.
Because the specifics of thestory that I shared up front are
unique.
The manuscript evaluation, thestructural feedback, the vision
that the writer would be walkingaway from.
But I have heard version afterversion of this story from so
many writers.

(02:39):
You know, your story isn'tperfect.
You know it needs revision.
So you seek out feedback, youshare your story with alpha
readers, critique partners,editors, beta readers, writing
workshops.
They're smart, creative,well-intentioned people.
They're savvy readers.
You trust them to see what youare too close to see, and to
give you good advice that youneed.

(03:02):
you hope that when the feedbackcomes, it will show you what
you've missed, give you thedirection you've been looking
for, and help you get tractionin your revision process.
But when you get the feedback,it actually leaves you more
stuck than before.
Pages full of observations aboutyour story, but nothing clear to
do with them.

(03:22):
A variety of suggestions forchanges you should make,
solutions you should apply, butso many of them don't seem to
fit or feel misaligned with yourvision notes on everything from
the concept of your story toyour use of commas with little
or no holistic vision orprioritization of concerns.
Yet you believe that feedback isessential to grow.

(03:45):
You know that getting feedbackis part of being a writer.
You want to be a good writer, aserious writer, a professional
writer, someone who can handlereceiving feedback even when
it's tough, the kind of writerwho will put on your big boy
pants and make the changes thatyou need to make.
And so you do your absolute bestto implement the feedback.
You fight to make it make sense.

(04:07):
You accept that you'll need tobend some things that you
thought were important and justhope that they don't break.
After all, you tell yourself,great writers kill their
darlings, and when you can'tmake the feedback fit when it
feels like your story hasn'tjust bent but broken, when all
of that work leaves you feelingmore stuck than before you

(04:28):
internalize it, you tellyourself that you are the
problem.
You, the writer who can't takefeedback, you, who's too
attached to a darling to takegood advice, you who's just not
good enough at story to figureout how to make this change you
who's so audacious as to followyour nagging gut feelings rather

(04:52):
than following instructions fromwiser, more experienced story
experts.
Does this sound familiar?
Have you ever struggled to applyfeedback to your story and then
blamed yourself for it?
I sure have.
I am very, very familiar withthe experience of something not
working and me believing thatthe problem is me.

(05:16):
I fear it rarely in writing,since I'm not out here writing
novels, but I feel it in allkinds of other areas of my life.
As an editor, as a book coach,an employee, a friend.
It is my default setting.
If something isn't working, Imust be the problem in whole or
in part.
Now I am very tempted to go downa really deep rabbit hole here.

(05:39):
I spent decades believing thatthis is a good and honorable and
kind and honest and generous andnoble approach to life.
It is only in the last few yearsthat I have begun to understand
how operating with this as yourdefault setting primes you for
abuse.
I would love to unpack all ofthat because I have a lot of
hard earned thoughts on it, butthat's not the topic of this

(06:01):
podcast.
So I'll just say, if thisresonates with you, like it
resonates with me, I encourageyou to explore it more.
Interrogate that thought.
the one that says that you arealways at least part of the
problem.
It might be less true and lesshelpful than you think.
And to bring us back to revisionin the context of getting

(06:24):
feedback on your writing, here'swhat I want you to know.
If the feedback you receivemakes you feel stuck or is
difficult to implement, theproblem is not you.
The problem is the feedback.
Sit with that for a moment.
The problem is not you.

(06:45):
The problem is the feedback.
Now, you might think I'm sayingthe feedback you got is wrong or
bad or harmful to your story.
That can be the case, but evenwhen the feedback is true, it
can still be the problem.
Here's what I mean when I saythe problem is the feedback.

(07:05):
The feedback might be too largeor too broad to be helpful.
It might point you at a giantconcept like.
Your character needs a betterarc, which is just way too vague
and big to be useful.
The feedback might point you toa symptom of your story's
issues, but applying a solutionto the symptom might not solve

(07:25):
the root cause.
So when you try to follow thefeedback, even though it's
pointing to somethinglegitimate, the solution doesn't
feel right for your story.
The feedback might point youdirectly at the true root cause
of your story's issue, But theangle it directs you to
approach, it might be one thatyou don't have access to right
now.

(07:45):
Imagine that there's a room witha dozen doors.
The feedback has pointed you tothe right room and to one of the
doors that leads to it, but thatdoor is locked.
In order for you to get into theroom, you've got to try a
different door.
In order for you to solve theroot issue in your story, you've
got to explore it from adifferent angle.
When I say.

(08:06):
The problem is not you.
The problem is the feedback.
That's what I mean.
Those are three instances wherethe feedback can be true and it
can still be unhelpful to you.
Now, the problem with thefeedback can also be that the
feedback is just bad.
It can mean that the feedback issending you in the wrong

(08:26):
direction away from the storythat you want to write.
Let that possibility sit at thetable with you.
The feedback you got might bewrong.
But even if the feedback isright, this is still true.
The problem is not you.
The problem is the feedback.

(08:49):
It is really, really importantto me that you hear this because
you are going to get a lot offeedback throughout your career
as a writer, and not all of itwill be useful or good, or
aligned, or even true.
You will encounter people whoare eager to shape the story of
your heart into a product thatthey believe they can sell.
If you enter every spacebelieving that someone else's

(09:09):
ideas about your story are morevalid than yours, you will hand
over your authority and cease tobe the creator who is defining
your own story.
I want you to be so grounded inyour story that no one can shake
you away from it, not even me.
I want you to trust yourself asan author, as a writer, as a

(09:29):
storyteller, because story isyour birthright.
I want you to know in your bonesthat you are not the problem.
You are a smart, creative,hardworking, determined,
open-minded, discerning person.
When you encounter goodfeedback, you take it without
hesitation.

(09:50):
When you struggle to applyfeedback, It's not because you
suddenly became dumb or lazy, orignorant, or foolish, or
resistant to good ideas.
It's because that feedback doesnot work for you.
The problem.
Is not you.
The problem is the feedback.

(10:10):
I remember once I went to mytherapist feeling really bad
about myself in our previoussession, she'd given me some
homework, a strategy to use toaddress a challenge that I was
facing.
I tried it, but I just couldn'tget it to work.
I felt like a terrible studentwho didn't study for a test.
I came to our session allstressed, prepared to apologize

(10:31):
that I'd failed and to promisethat I'd work harder on that
strategy next week.
This is what she said when Igave her my speech.
Well, that strategy didn't workfor you.
Not a problem.
Let's try another strategy.
I was floored.
I was like, wait, there are morestrategies.
I didn't fail.

(10:51):
If this didn't work this week, Idon't have to try it again.
We can just do somethingdifferent.
And she told me, yep, there aretons more strategies.
That's just one of many.
And we'll keep trying them untilwe find the ones that work for
you.
It was not my fault.
I did not have to contort myselfto fit a strategy that didn't

(11:13):
work with my brain.
I could say I tried it and itdidn't work and that taught me
something, and now we have moredata and can try something else.
The problem is not you.
The problem is the feedback.
If the feedback you've gottenhas left you feeling more stuck,

(11:34):
that feedback is not working foryou.
if the feedback feels misalignedwith your vision, that feedback
is not working for you.
If implementing the feedbackwould require you to contort
your story into something youdon't recognize and don't want
to write, that feedback is notworking for you.

(11:56):
I want you to do three thingswith it.
One, trust yourself.
Two, get a second opinion, andthree, let that problematic
feedback go.
And if you pick just one ofthose three things, let it be
this.
Trust yourself because you, dearwriter, are not the problem, and

(12:21):
your judgment about your storyis trustworthy.
That right there is what I wantyou to hear and I'm tempted to
drop the mic and wrap theepisode right now.
but I feel strongly that I wouldbe doing you a real disservice
if I went on this whole rantabout problematic feedback and
then I didn't give you a pathwayto get a trustworthy second

(12:42):
opinion.
So if this episode resonateswith you, then I have a service
designed especially for you.
It's called Next Right Step InIt.
I take a close look at yourstory to identify what it needs
most right now, and I give youone clear revision step to take.
Next.
I don't give you a laundry listof problems in your story.

(13:05):
I don't give you a 20 pageeditorial letter.
I don't give you suggestions forchanges that are disconnected
from your vision for your story.
I give you one thing to focus onnext.
One root issue that when solvedwill create cascading solutions
that clear up a myriad ofsymptoms, and you and I will

(13:25):
triangulate together what yourbest route is to solve that
issue.
Remember that room with a dozendoors.
In next right step, I'll showyou where that room is, and then
you and I will try a bunch ofdoors to see which one's open
most easily for you.
I will not leave you withfeedback you can't implement, or
that doesn't match your story.

(13:46):
I'll show you exactly where togo next to realize your vision
and I'll give you the path toget there If that sounds like
the kind of feedback that youneed.
Reach out and tell me about yourstory.
Go to alice udoh.com/nrs andfill out the form you find
there.
That's alice udoh.com/nrs, andof course, that link is in the

(14:08):
show notes as well, and go forthboldly in your writing, letting
this truth sink deep into yourbones where it cannot be shaken
out.
You are not the problem.
You are a smart, capable,creative, determined
storyteller.
Your judgment about story issound, and when you encounter

(14:33):
feedback that doesn't work foryou, you let that feedback go
because you are the authorityover your own story.
Until next time, happy editing.