Cultural Nuances and Interracial Relationships: A Deep Dive

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Is it ever okay for parents to have favorite children? This week on "Your Opinion Doesn't Matter," we sit down with the delightful Sherry Berry from Carriacou, West Indies, to unravel the complexities of family dynamics and favoritism. We begin with a light-hearted discussion about our summer highlights, from Sherry's love for the West Indian Culture and enjoying a good "fete". We also exchange some fun compliments on our summer styles and hairstyles, bringing a burst of seasonal joy to the episode.

As the conversation deepens, Sterling confronts the thorny issue of favoritism within families. One host opens up about the freedom felt due to less parental pressure compared to a sibling, while Sherry shares her experience of raising three children without favoritism. She gives us a glimpse into her childhood in Grenada, contrasting it with her siblings' upbringing in the United States, shedding light on cultural nuances that shape parental expectations and sibling bonds.

In our final chapters, we tackle the sensitive topic of favoritism based on skin color and its impact on family dynamics. We share heartfelt personal stories, including one host's experience with a father's overt favoritism towards lighter-skinned siblings. The episode concludes with reflections on relationship regrets, interracial dating, and the cultural expectations that come with it. We underscore the universal desire for mutual respect and commitment in relationships, leaving listeners with thoughtful insights on love, communication, and personal growth. Tune in for a compelling conversation that promises to resonate on multiple levels.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome.
Welcome to the your OpinionDoesn't Matter podcast.
I am one of the hosts, mrLamont, and I'm here with none
other Sterling, how are youdoing?

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Yeah, yeah, everything good, man, I can't
complain.
Man, how's everything with you?

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Yeah, everything is good man.
Everything is good man Tryingto dot the I's and cross the T's
.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 (00:20):
No doubt, no doubt this thing called life.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
No doubt, no doubt.
And we have a special guest,yes, very special Special guest.
You know, come from one of thebiggest families in Caracol,
never mind the Caracol, the partof the West Indies.
Yeah, how are you doing?

Speaker 3 (00:34):
I'm very well.
Actually, everyone calls meSherry Berry.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Sherry Berry.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
Sherry Berry Nice nice nice, nice, nice nice.
So, yeah, how's everybody'ssummer?
Summer is cool, it's cool, it'sgoing great.
I'm happy for that moment toget a little bit of heat,
although it's too much heat forme per se, but it's nice to be

(00:59):
able to go out.
I get to meet a lot more peoplein the summertime.
Go to Little Fat and just takeit all in so you enjoy it,
because once that cold hit,sherry Berry's in doors.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
Right, right.
How about you Ster?

Speaker 2 (01:13):
For me, man.
I always get excited whensummertime is coming.
It's one of my favorite seasons, and summer it lived up to
everything I expected.
You know Was out there gettingthe fresh air, enjoying the sun,
you know, hanging out with myfamily and friends.
So it's been a really goodsummer.
I enjoyed it.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
Yes, man, and the FET , the FET.
You know FET Musk man, the WestIndian thing is the FET.
Yeah, man, I didn't go to a FETin a couple years you know I
got to in a couple years youknow, I got a and being that
y'all have a huge family man,it's FETs all the time for y'all
.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
FETs galore.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
All the time.
Yes, man, I be feeling deprivedsometimes.
I have a small West Indianfamily here.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
It's probably like seven of us.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Still a blessing.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
Yeah, still a blessing, still a but yes, but I
have to, you know, indulge in afet before the summer really
ends you're always welcome.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
You like family.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
You know that and I heard, delaware had their first
carnival wow, yesterday.
Wow, I wasn't actually aware ofthat, yeah they went down there
, some of the homies went downthere, nice, and they out there
fetting away yes, yes, yes, yes.
So yes, darling um, you saidsomething interesting, you
wanted to speak about.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
Before I even get that man, I gotta tell you
that's a really nice sweater yougot on you know what I
appreciate it, man.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Yeah, can I ask you?

Speaker 2 (02:34):
a question is that is that your favorite sweater?

Speaker 1 (02:37):
I mean, no, it's just .
You know, I just like sweatershere and there, okay, different
color varieties and stuff likethat.
Nice, nice, nice.
That's a hell of a sweater man.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
I like that, thank you, it's a nice sweater.
So, miss Berry, yes sir, thathairstyle, that is smashing.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Let me ask you is that one ofyour favorite hairstyles?

Speaker 3 (03:00):
I wouldn't say the word favorite, but I would say
it's one of the better ones.
I always try to tell peoplethat from a woman that loves
various styles, as you know, andI did a lot of weave shortcuts
back and forth and then Idecided to go natural.
So I try to look for naturalstyles and I get more

(03:21):
compliments with this one, so Ithink it's a sticker.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah well, let me add to the compliments you look
goddess-like with this hair.

Speaker 3 (03:27):
Stella, oh my gosh.
I'm going to take it.
I'm going to take it.
Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
So, Stella, you switched up, you know.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yeah, yeah, you know I'm trying to go a little
cleaner for the viewers outthere, you understand.

Speaker 3 (03:38):
Nice nice, nice, good job, yeah, but this isn't my
favorite outfit.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
But you know, while we're speaking about favorite
things, I just wanted to get thesubject of favoritism in the
household with parents and kids,and do you think it's OK for
parents to have favorite kids?
You, as a parent, do you havefavorite kids, and when you was
growing up, were you subjectedto being the favorite kid or the

(04:06):
least favorite kid in thehousehold?
I'll start with you, man.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
Now, when I come up, it's like me and my brother.
We was like closest in age, mysister's seven years younger.
There was no real favorite kindof my brother.
He was the educated one.
He went away from high school.
You know what I mean was hewent away.
Um, he went away to height fromhigh school.
You know I mean he was a smart,smart guy, went away to high
school.
Then he went to john j, I meanjohn hopkins university, um, it

(04:34):
was not a favoritism, eventhough he was a smart kid.
They looked at him as thatbright kid, okay, but but they,
my father, still showed me superlove.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
I was still closest to my father's so so did you
feel any negative effects ofyour brother getting the
spotlight in any way that it did?
Nah?

Speaker 1 (04:53):
I mean no, not, not really my mom's everything,
everything was it was.
I think it was kind of abalance because I think I had
more fun than him.
You know, the pressure reallywasn't, it was on me, but they
looked for him to be like theyknow who's gonna light that
candle and keep it going he wason the forefront of the pressure
.
Yeah, he was here.
He took the heat for you and Ijust get the shrapnel smack me

(05:16):
around.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
You know me yeah, yeah, awesome, awesome, awesome.
What about you, sherry, and didyou experience?
I mean, did you experience?
I mean, did you experience anyfavoritism by your parents
growing up, or even now, do youhave a favorite child in your
household?

Speaker 3 (05:31):
So I have three beautiful children?
Yes, you do.
And I have no favorites, reallyno, absolutely not.
I think all my kids are theirown individuals.
They all come with differentpersonalities, different goals,
different wants and desires andas their mom, I'm just here to
support them in anything thatthey do.
Now, not everything that theydo in that way I may agree with,

(05:54):
but I will never put oneagainst the other.
So I'm not going to say, oh,your sister's doing this, why
are you not doing this?
Or why is your brother doingthis and you're not doing that.
I think it will haunt them asthey get older in life and maybe
can hold them back from doingthings that they wanted to do in

(06:18):
life, because that's going toseem like, oh, my mom preferred
this child over that child, mymom preferred this child over
that child, although my kids dothink like, oh you, you know,
you pamper this one more thanyou pamper this one and I think
I don't.
I don't personally think thatway.
I think what happened is thatmy oldest is 28 and the youngest

(06:42):
is 16.
So you have to wear the optionof a grown woman versus someone
that still needs their mom 24-7.
So I'm a little bit more needytowards the 16-year-old because
she needs me there for her.

(07:02):
Where my daughter lives on herown, my oldest lives on her own
and is doing her thing and isliving her life.
As far as growing up, I havefive.
It's five of us, yes, and allof us are very close.
Yes, all my brothers andsisters, we're very close, love

(07:22):
each and every one of them.
I think with my mom I would saythat she had favorites.
I always used to say that.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
Was it obvious.

Speaker 3 (07:29):
I think it was obvious.
I think it's obvious and itstems from my brothers and
sisters mainly grew up inGrenada and I grew up here.
Okay, so it's a level ofdifference.
Like my mom would say, you gaveme trouble, you know, you're
hardheaded, you didn't listen,you didn't do this, but
ultimately it was more ofgrowing up in this country and

(07:53):
the difference with you know,the children here and going to
school and the things that theydid here Back home.
You didn't do that.
So my brothers and sisters wasmore structured differently.
So my brothers and sisters wasmore structured differently and
so I feel like my mom felt likethey were the model and would
keen to them and I was more ofthe rebellious one because you

(08:14):
know, out here people come toyour house, they go outside,
they go hang out, they do thingswhere my parents didn't grow up
with that and didn't want thatin their household and I was one
of the child that kind of likefought against that, like no,
I'm going outside, no, no, no,I'm doing that.
So the favoritism in my aspectof it came from that point of

(08:37):
view.
Nice nice.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
It seems like your parents suffered a form of
culture shock too, raising theother kids back home and then
raising you over here, yeah,which is which is crazy?

Speaker 1 (08:48):
Real quick.
What's the age difference inyour family, your brothers and
sisters?

Speaker 3 (08:52):
my brothers and sisters, oh my God, oh so the
ones that was born in Grenada.
I think we're like seven toeight years apart.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 (09:04):
Seven to eight years apart, and seven to eight years
apart, and so when I was alittle in like elementary school
, my brothers and sisters wasalready like going on to college
, oh okay, and and or more thanlike eight, nine, ten years, and
we could be a little off.
I'm not sure of the age, sodon't quote me, but we are
different in in that aspect.

(09:24):
So you know it.
It it just stems differentlylike they were already high
school.
Someone's already working anddoing their thing where I was
just now coming up.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah right, yeah right.
So how about you still?
How was the um?
Was favoritism like really athing in your house?

Speaker 2 (09:43):
um, now, as me, being a parent, I try not to show any
favoritism.
I have a son and a daughter,daughter's 19.
My son is 15.
I love both of them indifferent ways and it's like
Sherry said with my son it'smore of a kind of rougher,
tougher kind of love, you know,and with my daughter I'm a
little more gentle with her.
So therefore, I try to keep iteven keel.

(10:04):
I love both of them the same.
Now, on the other end, let metell my story.
I grew up with that favoritismhousehold and I may be somewhat
a little bitter, you know, butgrowing up in my household, my
father, he, had favorites and itwas obvious and I was at the
bottom of the totem pole.

(10:25):
Now, how many of y'all?
It was three of us in myhousehold me, my sister and my
brother.
I was the first and, from asfar back as I can remember, we
just didn't get along.
Then my sister came, then he,he loved up and she was getting
that affection I didn't get.

(10:46):
I can't say it.
I just had an attitude like hey, listen, you don't like me, I
don't like you either, you knowwhat I'm saying.
And then my brother was born,and then the love went from my
sister to my brother.
He loved the hell out of them.
Me.
I didn't get any of that, but Ithink it just made me thick
skin, gave me a hard shell andmade me stronger.

(11:06):
But it did affect me to thepoint, you know, and he was just
like blatant with it.
You know, Westina, he didn'tcare.
You know he didn't try to showany.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
Do you think he didn't care, or he just didn't
know how to acknowledge the factthat there was even something
wrong with what he was doing?
Because I don't think that theyalways are aware that there is
something even wrong with it,culture-wise?
I'm just saying, you know, itbecomes like a norm.
What is he talking about?
Yes, so you know, I don't thinkthat your dad intentionally, I

(11:37):
think he thought it was the normand if anyone was to speak to
him today he would think whatare we talking about?

Speaker 2 (11:43):
Yes, you're exactly right, Because if I bring it up
today he'd be like I don't knowwhat you're talking about.
But when I look back in ourresearch I actually feel I'm not
a professor, I don't have a PhD, but I think his dislike for me
actually had to do with mypigmentation of my skin.
You understand what I'm sayingBecause when I was born if y'all

(12:05):
think I'm dark now my mom saidI was really dark when I was
born, so he just didn't take aliking to me.
And then when my sister wasborn, she was a few shades
lighter than me and he acceptedher quickly.
And then, when my brother wasborn, he was a little few shades
lighter than my sister and alittle few shades lighter than
my sister, and he grasped ontoboth of them tightly and he just

(12:26):
you know, I think that's prettysad, it is.
I think that's sad because I'mnot out here crying, though.
I'm just telling my story.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
I just think that it's sad because when you look,
if you're a black man and you'redating a black woman or married
a black woman and then you havechildren, what do you think is
going to come from that?
So that's something, that's theinner part that maybe people
need to look at, and I'vementioned before that I think
that black people, you know,when you look, you're like, okay

(12:53):
, I'm dating a black man, but Iwant my child to come up with
curly hair and lighter skin orsomething like that and it's
like what are you thinking?
did you really love the person,or were you loving the skin.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
Right, it's actually a part of systemic racism.
I don't really blame my father,because I think he grew up the
same way.
He just didn't know any better.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
So did you see?
You felt that vibe of the wholesituation, the lack of love,
when you saw love, when he waslike actually showing it to your
sister.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
That's when you saw love, when he was like actually
shown it to your sister.
Did that's when you knew, okay,this is not what it was?
Yeah, well, I knew, I knew itwasn't right off the back.
And then when my sister, mybrother, I knew definitely it
was obvious now, but I'll haveto give all praises to my mother
, because I think my mother seethe same thing too and that made
her embrace me closer.
So, for, from the lack of loveI was getting from him, she, she
, she overcompensated and gaveit to me to the point where I

(13:49):
didn't feel, anyway, I was good,you understand what I'm saying.
Shout out to my mom.
She's a very special woman.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Let me ask y'all a question How's the relationship
like far as okay?
Do y'all ever I grew up in ahouse and we didn't tell each
other I love you?
Oh, yes, my mom and my popshe'll be probably on Christmas
or something, or something likethat.
You know what I mean.
Or you better realize it Likehey, I don't know.
We don't never hear that wordlove.
I love you.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
That is a fact.
You don't hear that word, thatis a fact.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
I'm like, it's like I don't know.
I mean, I just knew.
I thought it was in my house.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yes, no, I think it's black.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
Prevalent in a black West Indian household.

Speaker 3 (14:32):
Yeah, I don't think that they it's like oh, she know
, I love her, but saying theword it's a different thing.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
I think it stands back to our great grandmothers
and grandfathers living hardlives, you know, struggling back
in the islands.
There wasn't a lot of money,they were all sharecroppers,
they were farmers, and then lifewas hard and I think they just
lacked the empathy towards oneanother.
To say, baby, I love you,so-and-so, is just something
that you're supposed to know,and I think they pass it on to

(15:05):
our parents and then our parentspass it on to us.
But I am trying to change thecycle where in my household now
I make sure that we say we loveyou all the time.
I tell my wife I love her.
I tell my kids I love them.
I tell my mother I love them.
I just we just recently, uskids, about 15 years ago, we
started.
We just started acknowledgingbirthdays, parents' birthdays,

(15:27):
gifts, christmas telling eachother.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
we loved them.
Yes, we wanted to change thecycle.
I think that's a big deal.
I think that's a big deal.
I love my brothers and sisters.
That's how I grew up up, and mybrothers and sisters is a big

(15:50):
part of my everyday goal, whichis harder as you grow up as an
adult, because once they havetransitioned into their own
family, their family don'tunderstand the love because they
didn't grow up with that orthey think it's a little weird.
Like you know, I've been insituations like how come you
talk to your brothers three andfour times?
Or why do your brother feellike it's okay to pop up and,

(16:11):
you know, say hi, but it's likethat's what we know.
So you know, as a little sister, I'm always there underneath my
brothers and sisters.
So, you know it's alwaysimportant to be like.
You know I'm a big Christmasfan, so you know I love having
the whole decor of Christmas andyou know, sharing gifts or

(16:33):
opening all up together.
Christmas trees and it could bethe little token but, it's an
appreciation of just me, showingyou that I love you and I care
about you.
And you know, birthdays Ialways, you know, text my
brothers and sisters, wish themhappy birthday and always be
like I love you so much.

(16:53):
Yes, and because I truly do.
And you don't get to say thatevery day because they're all
living their lives, but anyopportunity that I can get to
say it to them, I will.
And unfortunately, I lost mydad.
You know my dad was killed andyou know it's a day, every day

(17:15):
that goes by, of a man that Iadore and I love more than
anything else.
And I'll tell anybody, whateveryou're going through in your
household, in your life orwhatever it is, family friends,
take the moment, tell your momyou love her.
I don't have the bestrelationship with my mom.
I didn't grow up having youknow, I was a rebellious child.

(17:38):
I didn't listen, I did what Iwanted to do when I wanted to do
, but all that lady had was mybest interests you know in mind
and she tried to carry that outthe best way she can.
So I can't go back and, you know, take away all the things that
I put my mom through.
But I can make a difference nowso I can visit her, I can call

(18:02):
her, I can text her.
You know, I can be there forher because she was there for me
from day N.
I can't be there for my dad,nice.
And he spoiled me ridiculouslyand loved me up and that got
taken away from me.
So I'll tell anybody you knowwhatever's going on in your
household, fix it.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
Fix it, it's okay.

Speaker 3 (18:23):
Yes, because we don't get to do it all over again.
But we could definitely work onwhat we have right now.
So that's my take on that Fixit, fix it.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
Family love.
I actually fixed the situationwith my father.
I mean, we good, now youunderstand what I'm saying.
I grew up.
I understood what he was goingthrough.
Again, I do not blame him.
I think he's just a product ofgenerations of the same thing.
You understand?
Did you ask him?
I asked him.
He cannot comprehend what I'mtelling him.
He's so West Indian.
He's like what are you talkingabout?

Speaker 1 (18:59):
It wasn't me.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
Think about therapy.
Something to think about.
I went to therapy.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
I love therapy.
I I love going to therapy.
Therapy was so good to me thatmy therapist was getting tired
of me.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
Right right right.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yes, I love therapy, you understand.
But to get my father to go totherapy I don't know if you're
talking about that Nah, that'llnever happen, because first you
have to acknowledge that he's indenial right now.

Speaker 1 (19:22):
You understand what.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
I'm saying that's a problem.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
Right, right right.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
But we good, we good solid right now.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yes, solve what's going on in family first, and
then friends.

Speaker 3 (19:31):
Yes, that's a different.
That's definitely you're goingto need like 10 therapists
around for this joint rightthere, yeah.
You know that was just.
That was a very touchingsubject and I hope everybody
took a light to it.
And I just wanted to touch onsomething else that I think,
else that I think you know bringa lot to people's life as well.

(19:52):
And I want to touch on regrets.
You know, I think it's a bigsubject, huge, and I think part
of regrets is acknowledgments.
That's just my take, yes, andwe can get into that.
I think we can have a, you know, an open forum, of course.
So my thing is that I wanted totouch on in regrets, you know I

(20:21):
want to touch on relationship.
Has anyone ever been in arelationship and can look back
on their relationship and say Ihave regrets on it?
And if you could do it overagain, what would you do
differently?

Speaker 1 (20:35):
I got regrets.
I got regrets to a point where,as far as the relationship, I
felt that in a sense, like shewasn't the one Basically she was
.
It's like you know whensomebody say I'm going to edit.
It's like you know, like whensomebody say, for all your
womanizing, you're going to havea daughter.
Yes, yes, yes yes, this girl wasthere to just show me, like,

(21:01):
just show me all, right.
Yeah, this is your punishment.
This is your punishment forwhat she didn't do.
What she did do, and I was allthe time, I was just taking
responsibility.
I was taking responsibility,but no, no, no, no.
So now, as far as, what would Ido if I had to do it all over
again?
I'll cut her off.
No, I don't deserve this.

(21:22):
I don't care what what I'vedone.
I didn't do it to you and Ishould not have you do it to me.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
period, you know yes, I could speak on that.
I think when it comes torelationship, we all have
regrets.
I mean, yeah, I had a fewrelationships where I didn't
realize it was over and I stayedaround too long.
You know, because I was thetype of dude always needed
closure.
I'm a closure type of guy, likeif you don't want to deal with
me, no more.
I want you to tell me listen, Idon't want to deal with you, no

(21:47):
more.
I want you to tell me listen, Idon't want to deal with you, no
more.
I'd rather deal with that thanyou playing these little games.
But as I got older, you know youget to read the games and you
could.
You could read in between thelines and know they went out.
You know, without them sayingit, you know.
But as far as that, yeah, Istayed in a few relationships
too long.
I loved a few people more thanthey loved me.

(22:08):
But on the other end, there's afew people that loved me more
than I loved them and I theymight think I treated them wrong
.
For all of those, I mean, Ifeel sorry about it, but leading
all the way up to everythingnow I feel like it all led up to
me finding my wife now and I'min, I'm in a great relationship
with my wife now and I justthink everything that didn't
work out or everything that allled up to this and I'm at where

(22:31):
I'm supposed to be now.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
Nice, that's nice, that's nice.
Well, my take on it is in arelationship aspect, I do have
regrets, and my regrets comefrom growth.
I just think that, with me,wanting to be in a relationship
and ready to be in arelationship is two different

(22:53):
things.
Yes, and going into arelationship and not
understanding my partner, or nothaving the willingness to
understand where he's comingfrom, just knowing like, hey,
I'm the girlfriend or I'm thefiance.
And my friends joke about a lotof things with me, sometimes
like, oh girl, you catch ringsbecause I did get three rings.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
Oh, you see the Lord of the Rings.
Lord of the Rings, Lord of theRings.

Speaker 3 (23:21):
But, you know I wasn't ready.
I wasn't ready and it soundsnice like, oh my God, you're
engaged and oh my God, you knowyou're engaged and oh my God,
you know your thing, but are youready, you know, and that's
something that I had to dealwith.
So, as far as regrets, yes, Ihave regrets of not one

(23:43):
particular person, of notlistening to that person, but
just wanting to be with thatperson, but wasn't listening to
that person.
I understand and notunderstanding what he wanted
from me as a woman.
And if I was willing to, Iwasn't willing to give him that.
And not until we're in a badplace I'm sitting back and

(24:05):
saying, damn, I wanted to givehim that.
So you know, that's where myregrets come from in life and
you know people can say what youwant to say.
You know, a lot of times I meetguys like, oh God, you're not
wifed up yet, You're not marriedyet, it's not my time and it's
not.
I have no issues getting a man,I have no issues finding a

(24:26):
partner.
It just was not my time yet.
And as I'm older, now I'm readyfor whatever comes to my table,
because I know how to handlewhat comes on the table and
there will be no more regrets,Because then I'm also in a place
that I can give him what hewants and he can receive it and

(24:49):
he can embrace it.
And reciprocate it and exactly,and we could be okay.
So I'm looking to throw regretsout the table on my book and
never have to revisit that wordor have that word in any
relationship that god placed me,because he's placing me there
because it's my time right.

Speaker 1 (25:07):
yes, you know, that's my take on that I I look at
regrets as like a learning.
You learn from it Of course.
You learn from it.
It's a learning, it's a lessonin every type of regret, like,
even like, go a little further,as far as in the modern
relationships, like you regretwhat you should have done with
this friend or that friend, orin business or stuff like that.

(25:29):
And one regret as far as likefriendship, or as far as like
business and stuff like that, orjust people, or just people in
the landscape of where, thedirection of your business,
whichever way you're going withit.
One of my regrets is I didn'treally believe in myself too
tough, I didn't have thatcourage to like all right, it's

(25:52):
like I always, I always feltthat I always needed a team.
Yes, I always felt like Ineeded a team to do it instead
of just applying, applying likemyself, to it all that happens
and then I wind up being insituations where, like I had to
question, I question my moves, Iquestion why did I select this
person or that person to comewith me on this journey?

(26:14):
And then everything justbackfires because you know what
I should have?

Speaker 2 (26:18):
just took time out and just done me as far as life,
you're going to make mistakesand, like you said, the
important part is like you learnoff the mistakes and you make
sure those mistakes don't happenagain.
And I'm sure every I believeevery human being has some sort
of regrets.

Speaker 3 (26:34):
I mean, if you're not , if you don't have regrets,
you're not living or you're inheavy denial.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
So of course.
But you know, as we get olderwe try to get it right, and the
closer we get to getting itright, the more complete we are
as people.

Speaker 1 (26:46):
I agree, I agree, I agree.
And one of the questions thatwas in our group chat from
Sherry Ann.
She was asking would we stepout from dating our race?
Would we do that Absolutely?
And sometimes I tell you this,I tell you this man If my fiance

(27:12):
didn't come, I would have beendealing with a.

Speaker 2 (27:14):
Dealing with a caucasian woman easy, easy, she
saved the black race.
Now, now, what's one thing withme you got to divide now dating
?
Dating somebody out the raceand getting settled down with
somebody out the race is twodifferent things.
Now, what were you talkingabout, like settling down,
marrying this person?

Speaker 1 (27:29):
oh, yeah, I would have done.
I would have done it.
I mean it was she, I would.
Yeah, I would have done it.
I mean it was she, I would havedone it.
I would have done it because Iwould have found that one, the
one that actually idolized andloves the black man you know
what I'm saying and I would haveyeah, I understand that point.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
Okay, I don't want to jump in.
No, I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
I understand that point.
Sometimes you got gotta lovewho loves you, right?
You know some people say that'sthe philosophy a certain other.
But uh, me I can see myselfdating outside the race because
to me beautiful women are justbeautiful women, right, no
matter what race.
But as far as marrying somebodyI'm, I'm big on who I bring
home to my mother and that's oneof the reasons why, you know,

(28:09):
my wife is from the same culture, she's from the same place my
mother's from, so they have thisconnection.
Where they could, I don't haveto be around and they could sit
around and they could talk, talkand get along.
You know, there's no barriers.
But as far as me bringing amarrying a Caucasian, there's
nothing wrong with Caucasianwomen, you understand.
It's just not my cup of tea andI can't see me just bringing

(28:30):
Caucasian women home to mymother.

Speaker 3 (28:38):
I think somewhat.
They might not say it, but Ithink they will feel a little
disappointed for our culture.
Well, I think dating outsidethe races to me it was never a
thought process, but it hasbecome a thought process and my
take on it is is just the blackmen which I love.
I think that we don't promoteour black men as much as we we

(29:00):
need to black women.
I don't think that we put themon the pedestal that they need
to to be as no, but on theinterim, the black men don't
give us what we're looking foreither.
So you got to look at it onboth aspects of it, as to why a
woman me I can only speak to me,would want to even entertain or

(29:26):
go outside the race.
So I can love my black men.
But if you sit in here andyou're not loving me the same,
or your commitment status is, Idon't know you're okay with me
being your baby mother, you'reokay with me being your friend,
but you want me to cook, cleanand wash and do everything as a
wife needs to be and don't wantto go further into that, then

(29:49):
it's hard to put you on thatpedestal that you do deserve,
because black men are always putdown.
I find it's like, oh, you'realways finding a fault with the
brothers, there's alwayssomething with the brothers, but
so the brothers need to stopthinking about what if could.
Or my homeboy never got marriedand that worked great.

(30:12):
And you know, the boy down theblock was living with his girl
for 10 years and nothinghappened and make your own
decision, build your own lifeand give the woman what they
want because she deserve it, nothand it over, because some of
you guys just hand it over andthese women don't even deserve
it.
They're not even getting up andsay babe, did you eat, did you

(30:34):
drink?
Are you okay?
Are we going 50?
All right, you got a dollar, Igot a dollar, we got two, and
these are the women that youpush to the side and then you
uplift the other women.
So you know it's it's.
You know it's like a give andtake kind of situation.
Another race is quick to upliftme, it's quick to say you're

(30:56):
beautiful.
It's okay to say babe, you wantto go out to eat, you want to
go out to drink.
You know you want to go out anddo stuff, not always be in one
place.
So sometimes black women doentertain the fact of going
outside the race because therace giving them what they want.

Speaker 2 (31:14):
I agree 100 percent.
And you know a lot of black men.
They don't know how.
They don't know how to loveblack women because they don't
love themselves.

Speaker 3 (31:24):
But then they love outside of their race.
So then that's that's the thing, because then you know, I see
comments of people saying youknow what I can?
I can go out and date this,this person, because a black
woman, she talks too much or shehas too much attitude, or she
has all these different things.
What do you think a white or aSpanish or Chinese have?

(31:50):
She wants a man that'swellressed and groomed and
taking her out, and you know shewants the same thing.
She's maybe not as vocal, Maybeshe's not as vocal about it,
but she's thinking along thesame lines that any woman is.
I feel like any woman wantsthat.
I want a black man because Ithink black men deserve to be

(32:15):
analyzed, to be the king, to beable to be like I have my queen
and they walk that path.
I don't want to walk withanother race and like, okay,
they're a cute couple, why can'tI have my black man on my side
and have that?

Speaker 1 (32:31):
What about the requirements?
Are you going to have the samerequirements for the black man
as the white man?

Speaker 3 (32:35):
I want a man the word is a man that's going to bring
what I'm looking for.
That's the question.
My preference is my own.

Speaker 1 (32:45):
Right, but I look at it like this I look at it for a
black woman who has this thingwith her.
I look at it for a black womanwho has this thing with her, and
for black men.
She's going to run into thesame problem with a white man,
because what she's going toexpect from the white man, as
you say, is going to be similarto the black man.
Only difference is that he'sjust going to really really care

(33:05):
about you and he's not going toreally cheat on you, stuff like
that.
And that's what I think.
But for me, how the differencewould be is I would be the same,
but like, right now, if I getinto, when I get, I mean, I'm
engaged, however, but I don'tput pressure on my fiancee for
this or that.
I don't put no pressure on her.
But then I was finding myselfbefore her.

(33:27):
I was going through like womenwho was just over the top.
The expectations were so high.
They had high, highexpectations that they don't
even see in they self.
This is what I want.
I want this, I want that, butlike come on.
You want somebody fit and thisand this and you don't go to the
gym.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
Yes, these black women right now are very
demanding right now.
No offense to black women outthere and I'm not generalizing
but I'm going to say apercentage of black women right
now are very demanding.

Speaker 3 (33:58):
But then you have men that when they meet a woman,
you don't come to the table justas you are.
You come to the table inpretense and then you don't want
to keep up the pretense thatyou brought to the table.
So if you came to me in a, in agap t-shirt and some gap

(34:19):
slippers, and I accept you forwho you are, that's how it is.
But if you come withbalenciagas and you come with
gucci and you come with this,and then you're buying this off
off the bet, this is exactlywhat she's expecting all the
time.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
You can't change the game she's supposed to see past
that, yes, you you, can't youwhat I'm trying to say right,
and it's cool, I can take it.

Speaker 3 (34:45):
But a lot of women are going to say every woman
likes nice things, of course.
But I can accept a man for whothey are, in brand name or off
brand name, because I knowbetter is to come, because
that's how you present yourself.
But if you present yourself infancy cars, in all these brand
names and stuff, this is what Iexpect from you each time you

(35:07):
pulled up to me, each time youcome out, because that's what
you present every.

Speaker 1 (35:11):
I mean women too.
They put on their sundays best.
They all do, everybody.
Their first impression iseverything to everybody for the
first week or so, and then Itell you something.
That's truth serum.
The truth serving to bringthings back to reality is that
once after you sleep to thatsleep with that person, then
you're gonna see how they reallyare, how that baby, how that
maybe not how they dress, butyou're gonna, you're gonna see
how they really are.

(35:31):
Maybe not how they dress, butyou're going to see how they
handle you.
From that point forward, peopleput their best Sunday clothes
on first.

Speaker 3 (35:39):
I'm going to put my best Sunday dress to go out to
eat, right.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
But I'm not.

Speaker 3 (35:44):
I am not and he knows that.
He knows me on that.
I was always what A sweatpants,sweatshirt, sneakers type of
girl and I was always my jeansnot too tight, not too this, but
I was always a down to earthgirl and that captured people on
its own because I bought who Iam.

(36:05):
So, therefore, when you saw mein my Sunday dress, you was like
, oh damn, I caught somethingreally good, right, right, okay.
So there's a difference,because I am going to go outside
in sweatpants, I'm going to gowith some slippers, I'm going to
go with a brand name t-shirt orno brand that I paid $5 for,

(36:26):
but when I go out, I am going toput myself together because
you're going to be like damn, Icaught something really good
here.
So, there's a difference betweenwomen and girls and there's a
difference between a woman thatcomes with who she is and have
that confidence in what she is,and then you have a girl that's
just looking for a moment toshine.
It's a big difference there.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
Understood.
I think it's human nature forpeople to put on their Sunday's
best First time.
First impressions meanseverything.
So, for that first time, you'regoing to do everything, You're
going to make sure everything isup to par to basically try to
impress this person Right, and,as a man, your motive is to
impress this person.
So therefore, you could getintimate with this person, yes,

(37:13):
and then, after you got intimateto this, person.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
I mean, I hate this, but with men sometimes the
interest kind of yeah, you'reconquered, yeah it feels like
you're conquered, so why do Ihave to do all these things
anymore?

Speaker 3 (37:20):
you know you want to keep her right but you want to
keep the person if you like her.
You love your fiance and youwant to keep her.
You loved your wife before shebecame and you wanted to keep
her.
You wanted to go in thatdirection.
So you got to keep coming tothe stuff on the table.
Now that you got me, don'tforget that once in a while we
went out to eat yes, don'tforget that once in a while we

(37:44):
go, you know, by my mom fordinner.
Whatever it is that kept youintrigued.
You want to keep that.
I want to be able to see youand be like, damn brother.
You still turn me on, fiveyears from now, 10 years from
now, whatever.
Because you still keep yourphysique up and you still
looking good.
You know, my hair's still done,makeup is still going Like

(38:06):
certain things.
You want to keep going.
When you fall, that's when youstart straying and I'm going to
tell every female this, everyfemale this.
Don't come to me and say, oh, Igot the and I could do this and
this is why he's over here andI do splits and cartwheel.
Girl, that don't work becausehe's gonna cheat.

(38:28):
He's gonna cheat.
You could have did 10 cartwheelit don't matter.
It don't matter.
He didn't cheat on you becauseof the cartwheel.
There was something missing inthe home somewhere, something
you did turned him off and hewent to the person that gave him
that at that moment.
Whether he keeps that person,that's a different story.
But there's a reason why hestole.
It was nothing to do with you.

(38:49):
Something you did turned himoff at that moment and then he
swore to that other person thatgave him that at that time.
Now, whether he keeps it up,that's on him.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
It's your job, too, to make sure he keeps it up, and
it's your job to make sure that, if you felt like you stole
what can I do to keep him back?

Speaker 3 (39:07):
Because, there's a reason why he left me in the
reason.
It wasn't just that it wassomething I did.
First you got to figure outwhat you did and then is it
worth it to keep going to try toget him back.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
But you know, sometimes, sometimes it men, men
are impulsive and it's likesometimes you don't need to do
nothing and they're gonnathey'll cheat there's
opportunity but that's who he isyeah, it is opportunity and
that's why I I always, like youknow, you try to cut certain
things Like you deal withsomebody all right, they had

(39:41):
homeboys, oh no, you make themcut ties with certain things so
they won't be put in a situationto actually you know, hey, when
they're tempted to indulge yeah.
Or they're the shoulder to cryon you know, no, no, no, no, no,
no.
But that's what majority of thetime, as you say, that is
something that they're lacking.
For you to want to go out anddo it.

(40:02):
Because you know, like me, Imean I stopped totally because
I'm happy.
I'm happy now and it's like I'mmore focused on something else.
You know, I got to the age Igot to a point in my life I'm
like all right, you know whatI'm going here, this direction.
I got my child and then you gotto a lot of time.
Men don't, they don't try to,they don't look at the risk

(40:24):
factor of what they're going tolose by doing that.
You don't look at it.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
You that you don't look at it.
You don't be like it'sspontaneous, you don't look at
it, but like, oh shit, if I get,especially if alcohol is
involved you don't you don'tlook at it.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
You don't look at that um, you know what's gonna
happen next, so shoot, you can't, you're gonna.
You you're seeing your childlike um what?
Every every once a month forthe weekends.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 (40:47):
yeah, so even if you have children and it didn't work
out with your partner and youmeet someone else, just you know
.
Think about your situationperiod and just you know if you
meet a girl that you really likeand she's beneficial to you and
you love her and you care forher, then you know, stick it out
.
You know she could bebeneficial and it's going to

(41:09):
help you in so many differentways.
Help you be a better father.
Help you, you know you could bea great step to help you in so
many different ways.
Help you be a better father.
Help you, you know you could bea great stepfather.
There's so many differentaspects, I think, in that.
And girls don't go talking to anext brother about your
relationship.
It ain't going to work.
It ain't going to work.

Speaker 2 (41:27):
You know why?
Because he's just sitting thereon the prowl, plotting,
plotting to get the next man outso he could get in his place.

Speaker 3 (41:35):
Plotting and it's lessons learned, because as
women I've done it, been guilty.
You just thinking oh, that's myfriend.
Women, there's no friends inmen.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
I'm glad you said that.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
There's no friends in men.
Men always have this there's.
Uh, that's positioning that'schess yeah, it's like damn he,
he did that.
Yeah, oh girl, you shouldn't dothat.
But in the back of your head hewants to talk to you girls, he
wants to deal with you.
So when your man said, leavethat friend alone, sometimes you
know we get combative and we'relike what, what, what?
I learned the hard way.
Sometimes you got to leave thatfriend alone.
It's not you know.

(42:17):
Do you want the relationship oryou want the friend?
You pick your battles, youchoose, but that's what it boils
down to.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
Let me piggyback on what you just said about the
friends now.
Now, if you're in an intimaterelationship with somebody and
you still have a bunch offriends, then do you think you
have to stop hanging out withthose friends and give all your
time and commitment to thisperson, or could you balance?
Could you balance?

Speaker 3 (42:39):
it.
There's no balance.
And what?

Speaker 2 (42:40):
about male friends also.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
You can have.
No, if we're talking aboutgirlfriends and male friends,
you can have girlfriends.
I have girlfriends that are incommitted relationships, some
are married friends.
I have girlfriends that are incommitted relationships.
Some are married, some are, youknow, in relationships.
And you have a friend like methat understands.
There's a time place.
There's a time for everything.
My friends cannot do the samethings you know that they used

(43:05):
to do.
They cannot go out and just upon a limb.
They have to answer to someone.
So, it's a matter of respect andI respect my friends and I
respect their relationships.
So you know, with that, to methat plays a role as far as male
friends I'm talking fromexperience I would leave that

(43:25):
alone.
It all ties into regrets andall of that.
I'm going to leave that alonebecause it ruined my
relationship.
Yeah, I don't play that malefriend.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
It ruined my relationship.
I don't play that malefriendship.
You got to cut all of that out.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
I was very combative like why and I fought and was
very argumentative and I was thelosing battle because I have my
own battles that I'm fightingbecause of being so combative.
So is it worth it?
Absolutely not.
If they're your true friend,they will understand.
And if they care about you andthey say that's really my

(43:59):
homegirl, they will back off,fall back.
And they will understand andrespect what you're asking of
them.
And women, you are not softRight and you're not less than
anything.
If you made a decision to sayI'm falling back, I'm not
calling you, don't text my phone, nothing, because my man yes,
or my future husband.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
Yeah, it's uncomfortable with that.

Speaker 3 (44:21):
Or my fiance has an issue and a problem and he
doesn't like it, I'm going tofall all the way back Because
you know what?
You'll be left with me Regrets,yes, thinking about be left
with me.
Regrets, yes, thinking aboutwhat if, could or would or
shoulda just leave it alone.
It's not worth it.
It's not, especially if you'retrying to build a family, you're
trying to build a home.
That male friend stuff don'twork.

(44:42):
No man is going to understandwhy is your friend hitting you
up at or this hour.
He's not going to understandwhy this friend feels the
privilege to ring your bell.
Why does this man feel meant tohug you or to say, hi, leave
that alone, leave it alone, Ibelong to him.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
That's right.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
And that's what my preference is is to him Facts
and that's it.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
Talk your shit.
Owned and operated by him.
That's right, that's it.

Speaker 3 (45:07):
If you don't like it, you can have whatever opinion
you want, but I belong to himand that's who I'm going to give
my all to, because when thatdoor is closed, the only love
I'm looking for is him.
So if I'm not looking for lovefor you, what do you matter?
At this point in time?
There's no argument there.
My devotion is to the personthat I want to be with, it's not

(45:30):
to my friend.
And if my friend don't like it,then obviously you was never my
friend in the first place andyou had alternative motive and
you needed to be left alonealtogether.
My man word is the word Okay.
Okay, now let's flip that?

Speaker 2 (45:45):
Could you?
Could your man or significantother or a fiance, a husband,
have female friends?
Would you feel comfortable withthat?

Speaker 3 (45:51):
I don't really know.
To a certain degree.
To a certain degree because I'mnot a jealous girl.
To a certain degree quote,unquote, because I can be a
little.
Everybody has a little jealousy.
I think that if I'm introducedto the girl and I say it's hi,
you could say hi, you could sayhi and what's up.
But there's a difference withyour homegirl coming over you

(46:14):
going by your homegirl, youdoing us.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
That that's a no, that's a disrespect because one,
she don't respect me.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
she's watching me and saying what is she talking
about?
That's her man and bigging himup and doing all of this.
This dude was right at my housebringing tea over, or he just
bought me a whole sandwich, orwhatever the case may be, it's
the same catch.
Number two is just a matter ofrespect, respecting your mate
respecting your husband,respecting your fiance and, most
of all, respecting yourself.

(46:42):
If I have a good thing, nobody'sgetting in between that.
Male, female, whatever you wantto be, you're not coming in
between that and that's a lessonI had to learn.
I would never bring anybodyinto my zone.
My man word is God as far asI'm concerned.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
How do you feel about that Mont?

Speaker 1 (47:03):
I mean as far as me having Female friends.
I wouldn't do it because Iwouldn't want her to have male
friends.
So I mean, I respect thelandscape, it's that simple,
it's simple I respect thelandscape.
I respect the landscape, butlet's, let's talk about
something else.
You're talking about respect,right?

Speaker 2 (47:21):
let's talk about respect.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
Now you know, growing up in these flappers, just like
you know, the western cultureis heavy, heavy over there when
we coming up, right, we comingup in, um, you know, hip-hop and
the reggae scene and clubs andall that stuff like that.
And my question to y'all right,I had a problem, like I had a
problem.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
See they laughing already.
I know where you're going.
They laughing already becausethey know.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
Because we spoke on it.
It's like this thing about youknow, you have a West Indian,
like, say, like a West Indianwoman, or like, say, like my
homeboy, he's married to a WestIndian woman and you know she
goes to clubs, and not her perse, she don't dance with people.
But then you would hear, it'sonly a dance.
Like my cousins and the girls.

(48:06):
They'd be like, oh, it's only adance.
But then my question to y'allas far as being respectful, if
you have a man, you have a woman.
Is it okay, being that it'syour culture, to dance with
other people Before?

Speaker 2 (48:18):
we get into that Grinding, yeah, yeah.
I think we need to define whatkind of dance you're talking
about.
We're not talking about alittle two-step.
No, we're talking about asoaker whining down to the
ground.

Speaker 1 (48:27):
Down to the ground Dirty wine kind of.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
Thing.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
Dirty, dirty wine.

Speaker 3 (48:31):
No, no, no, dirty wine, no.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
But there's some women that are involved with
people and they say it's just adance and they expect their man
to be okay with that.

Speaker 3 (48:43):
But you know what, in all perspective, westinian men
and Westinian women have adifferent.
It's going to be a whole, andI'm sure our viewers are going
to say the same thing it's awhole different.
It's a whole differentconversation, because they're
not going to see anything wrongwith that, because that's how
they grew up.
And they grew up as it's just adance Now, american men and a

(49:06):
West Indian woman.
That's a no, that's a no.
It's not.
They're not trying tounderstand it.
There's no, no, they're nottrying to understand it.
There's no reason, there's noacknowledgement of it.
I don't care if you grew up inthe back hill and that's what
you do Once you became my woman.
There's a no, and I know itfirsthand.
I know it firsthand.

(49:27):
That's a no.
It has caused conflict, it hascaused tear apart.
It just doesn't happen.
And all I could tell you, monty, it just took acknowledgement,
sitting back, putting myself inthat shoe, watching,
understanding and seeing how itplayed out and saying this

(49:48):
brother is right.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
Looking from the outside.
Looking at the outside.

Speaker 1 (49:53):
Did you argue with him first when he wanted those?
I certainly did.

Speaker 3 (49:56):
I try to build the case because this your culture.
It's not just, that's theculture.
No one, ever no one else I'veever dated, ever had an issue.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
Which you got to dance to.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
And it could be the other gentlemen that I've dated
has been West Indian or have hadWest Indian or had had West
Indian background, so it wasnever like an issue or to say,
well, okay, it's just a dance,like, oh, you know, that's,
that's cousin, cousin Troy, andyou know she's dancing with
cousin Troy and it's nothing.

(50:28):
However, dating someone of anAmerican, you know it's, it's a
no-go, it's just like it's nottrying to hear it.
Hit your back.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
Shouldn't even be touching the back of that person
.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
There's no comments.
And you know, in the first itwas just like, oh my God.
Like, I'll be honest, I wascombative.
I was like, oh my God, what isthat?
What is you know?
But then, when you sit back andturn, it's the same thing that
I said before.
If you have male friends andhe's God, your man is God.
What brings that same Godhaving an okay with me winding

(51:05):
on an ex-brother?

Speaker 1 (51:06):
Facts.

Speaker 3 (51:07):
I can't keep saying that's God and hold him up when
I'm basically putting dirt onhis face when I'm outside.
Yeah, it doesn't work.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
Yeah, what's your thoughts though?

Speaker 2 (51:17):
Yeah, no, that's a no-go.
That's a no-go in any way orform.
But my wife you can't, I don'tcare, cousin, you can't dance
like that to nobody.
And you can hear it in my voiceI don't.
I'll be very offended to thepoint where I might want to end
the relationship because I feelthat's very and I will feel
disrespected, right.
I would think the people aroundare looking at me and saying,

(51:39):
look, this man got his girlgetting grinded out by some
other guy.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
Yeah, but suppose you're not there.
It's still wrong.
It's still wrong.

Speaker 2 (51:48):
It's still wrong, wrong is wrong, no matter what
you understand.

Speaker 3 (51:51):
And also when your man and I'm speaking because my
man spoke about it and still Idid it because I was saying like
, oh, you know, my friend at thetime was like his wife was
right there, yeah.
So I felt like, okay, you know,his wife is there, you know,
it's cool, it's just a dance.
But I didn't put the man that Iput as God and said that's my

(52:14):
man and I love him so much first, because if I had put him first
at that time, at the moment,then I would have never did a
dance.
You know, and even though it wasjust a dance.
It's just the whole perspectiveof the disrespect, because he
walks around like this is who heis then now I'm disrespecting

(52:36):
him.
Yes, because now I done showedhim like he's not the man, you
know regardless to how you wantto put it.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
So it all the ego.
Fuck this eagle up, so it allfalls into regrets.

Speaker 3 (52:45):
You know it all.
It all falls into regrets, andit all falls into respect and
the thing, the only thing youcan try to do, if that person
allows you, if that personallows you back into the element
, if that person allows you backinto his world, is to try to
fix what you.

(53:06):
You know where you and it canbe it's and I'm not.
I'm not preaching for anyparticular reasons.
I'm just saying, if that personallows you back women, if that
person allows you back into yourworld, into his world, and
allowed you and talked about ortalked to himself, don't
disappoint the brother, becausethe next time around it might
not be the way you anticipatedit to work in your favor.

(53:29):
If you hold that person humblyand you respect and love the
person, respect everything abouthim.
Your body is his body andthat's just how it works.
So when you walk outside,you're a representation of him
at all times, no matter what.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
And that just took time knowledge growth
understanding and even if you'rein a party with your
significant other.
Even though there's hundreds ofpeople around, your focus will
still be on your significantother On that partner.

Speaker 3 (53:59):
That's your partner, because you said you wanted to
be in a relationship yeah.
So that's a question women, wehave to when we ask our brothers
that we want them to respect us, we want them to love us and we
want all these different thingsthat we want all the time when
we walk outside, show them thatit's worth everything that we've

(54:21):
talked about in that house.
Show them that it's worth itwhen you walk.
My friend says something to methat it just sticks to me and it
raged in my head all the time.
It's like, no matter where I'mat, I'm there with you.
I'm not physically there.
Yeah, you're a reflection ofhim.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
I'm a reflection of you all the time.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
And no one should feel comfortable enough to
approach you and to even get youin that mindset.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
Say it's a West Indian man, he has no problem
with that.
But would your philosophy stillbe the same?
That's different, or you wouldlike.

Speaker 3 (55:02):
I'm only speaking of what happened to me on the sense
of dating an American person,west Indian person.
I never had those issues.
So if you asked me that youknow, prior to I, probably my
views probably Would have beendifferent, because that person
never, you know, gave me that,you know, like I was free to do

(55:22):
what I wanted to do, right.
But at the same time I can tellyou that it leaves you with no
structure, and I'm not saying itlike you know.
It just leaves you With nostructure and I'm not saying it
like you know.
It just leaves you with nostructure.
It's like everyone's having fun, everyone's having a good time
and there's no balance, if Imake sense.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
Yeah, and it's like, as far as dancing I mean West
Indy with me I could say it'sonly a dance.
West Indy men say it's only adance.
But trust me, the men like say,some of the American boys they
up on it and even some WestIndian boys they up on it.
They have intentions Even tothe moves, how it's just a dance
and people closing their eyesand you grinding and all that

(56:00):
stuff.
Come on, you're doing too much,you're bending down it's doing
so much.
You're doing so much To me, Ithink it becomes like dirty
dancing you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
It is.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
It's sensual.

Speaker 3 (56:11):
It's sensual, it's sexual.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
Some cultures they dance, they dance to, you know,
according to they, you know toget a mate or something like
that.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
You know what I mean?
Yeah, the mating dance.
Yeah, they do certain things.

Speaker 1 (56:30):
So dance is really mean In the animal kingdom too,
yeah yeah, yeah, In the peacocksPeacock was spread.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Spread it, Spread it Like okay what's going on?
You know what I mean?
That's a mating call.

Speaker 3 (56:39):
So I think that, and then you think she belongs to
everybody, right, she's turningon to everybody there's nothing
about me, that's special.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
Let's be realistic.
If you see a woman that youwere sexually attracted to and
you get a chance to grind on her, you're going to get, you're
going, you're going to you'regoing, but then you don't want
her.

Speaker 3 (56:57):
It goes back to that you don't want her.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Why, right, you don't ?

Speaker 3 (57:02):
you don't want her, because then you're just like
okay, no, no, Sterling Stoker, Ithink he's talking about from a
hunter perspective.

Speaker 1 (57:11):
Oh, from a hunter.
Yeah, yeah, Okay, got you.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
I'm trying to get yo she fly.
I want to get up on that.
Begin a soaker dance now.
Now, that dance is going to bemore than a dance to me.
You understand, you put yourbest runs.

Speaker 1 (57:22):
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 (57:22):
Facts facts, the best hip movements and all that.
You know what I?
Yeah, yeah, getting your rocksoff.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
That's how I feel, hey, I mean listen.
I say that's why, hey, listen,Men, men don't just go for that.
It's only just a dance, thoughman Don't buy into that Many
have been fooled.
Don't buy into that man.
She's out there dancing.
No, no, no.
She go to Trini or go to thesecarnivals.

Speaker 3 (57:47):
But, it, it's good for us to go out and dance by
ourselves too and have a goodtime, and the men don't always
have to like come over likeflocks, you know.
Oh, it's just a dance.
I was just at an eventyesterday chilling and they're
like it's just a dance.
Why you don't want to dance?
Because I don't want to dance.
I'm okay with dancing by myself.

(58:09):
I'm okay with dancing with mygirlfriend, that's.
It Doesn't make me, corny,doesn't make me anything.
I don't want to.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
I hated that when I was single, when you went to a
club and the girl is skinningout and you tried to dance and
she's like I just hate to danceby myself.

Speaker 1 (58:27):
That was always back to me.
I'm just putting on a show formyself, but it depends on how
she's dancing too, because ifshe's just dancing, music
training.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
Sensual dancing?
Well, no, sensual dancing.
And she's going to a moment andthen she's dancing with her
friend.
She got the friend, the girl,humping on her like the girl is
a mom.
No, no, no.

Speaker 3 (58:43):
That's a bit much.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
Hold on hold on Move over a little bit Let me get
some room over there.
You know what I mean.
But yeah, again, I mean, listen, it's a culture difference.
But you know, I cause I wasspeaking to my other homeboy
about it and I was used tosaying like yo, nah, cause he's,
he's American, his wife isTrini.
He's like nah, I'm not goingfor that.

(59:06):
I don't want thing going on hereand that's pretty much even.
I tell you this, I tell youthis even go a little further
than that.
I wouldn't even my fiance Idon't care if she's out with her
girls or whatever I don't evenwant a guy just holy dancing in
front of each other.
I don't even go for that.
Yeah, I don't even go for that.
No, let alone up grinding.

(59:28):
I'm not going for that becauseI'll get for the same respect.
I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 2 (59:31):
Yeah, me too, that's the same thing.
I don't do that when.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
I go with my wife.
I don't focus on anybody else Idon't dance with anybody.
Imagine them holding your handand pulling to the dance floor.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
Sherri-Ann is my cousin, so if Sherri-Ann come,
we'll bust a little.
Yeah it's your family herethere's a difference.

Speaker 3 (59:55):
We're not like you know no, there's no grinding or
anything like that because atthe same time, sterling also
have to respect the fact thatyou know, if I introduce you to
my peoples and I say that's mycousin, I focus.
If he walk into some place,what the if sterling is on you
like this, that ain't no cousinthat ain't no, cousin, you know
dance and stuff like that.
So it all ties into thosedifferent type of things.

(01:00:16):
And you know his wife I love, Ilove his wife.
You know you stand here, youstand here.
You do you know one little twothings like all right, you walk
away, there's no, there's notouching, there's no, none of
that.
That's that, to me, isappropriate, right, you know, I
don't know how you feel aboutyou know your, but it's like if
she's with her cousin and she'sstanding here and he's standing

(01:00:37):
there and it's like okay, yeah,a little twit.
You know you're not going toyeah, but you will still feel
some way if your cousin was upon as a West Indian and up on
because West Indians they do dothat.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
And I have a question .
When women say I'm a single mom, I mean single in two ways
single that you're not in arelationship, or single that
you're doing this alone single,as, financially, I have done it
alone.

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
Single, as you have children and there are men.
At the time I had my kids young.
That was like, all right, well,I got her pregnant and it was
like, okay, it didn't work out,and on to the next and they live
in their life and I'm the childthat like, okay, it didn't work
out, on onto the next and theylive in their life and I'm the
child that.
I'm the woman that didn'tbelieve in child support.
I'm not taking you to court, Ididn't force you.
I didn't force you to.

(01:01:21):
I didn't force you to sleepwith me.
I didn't force you to do all ofthat.
I'm not going to force you totake care of your seed.
Your parents should have grownyou in the fact that you would
want to take care of yourchildren and you should want to
do what you need to do.
And since you're not, I'm goingto do what I have to do,
because they're not babiesforever.
They do grow up and they do seethings on their own.

(01:01:42):
So, as a single mom that tookcare of my children, I took the
time to say you know what I hadmy daughter at 19.
I couldn't do it by myself.
Say you know what I had mydaughter at 19.
I couldn't do it by myself.
My sister stepped in and helpedme.
My daughter calls my sister momas well, but she was a mom.

(01:02:03):
She is a mom and I tookaccountability to say I couldn't
do it alone.
It was hard, you know what Imean.
And my daughter graduatedbeautiful young lady doing her
thing, you know, and I continuethat trend with my son and with
my other daughter.
It's like no regrets on havingmy children whatsoever Hands

(01:02:24):
down.
I would do it all over again 20times.
But I take acknowledgement,accountability for my actions,
for sleeping with these peopleand for having children.
I take accountability, you know, for all of those things that
happen and with thataccountability, I continue to
raise them to be model citizens.

Speaker 1 (01:02:43):
Nice, nice.
When I hear women say, um, theysingle mothers, and and, but
the say the father, yes, yourcircumstance is different.
I say the father, yourcircumstance is different.
Say the father is actuallyhelping.
It's like a major role in achild's life.
I hear that.
I hear that I heard this actualconversation where this couple
they wasn't together and hewould ask her what are you

(01:03:04):
saying?
When you're saying I'm a singlemother, what are you implying?
You're not a single mom If I'min my child's life, how are you
a single mom if I'm?

Speaker 3 (01:03:13):
in my child's life.
How are you a single mom?
Maybe she's using the term inthe sense of like she, not with
the.

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
I think they're talking about the household but
a lot of times when women sayshe's a single mom, she's
basically saying that I'mholding my kids down.
What does that mean?

Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
I think she means she's paying the bills in the
household.

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
Yeah, that means the man ain't doing nothing Because
if he has his child, he'ssupposed to be giving money to
pay for certain things.

Speaker 3 (01:03:38):
Well, my definition of a single mom is if you are a
woman that have children, youare no longer with the gentleman
that you had the child with andhe is not financially
contributing to your household,contributing to your child,
whether it's summer clothes,winter clothes, money on a
weekly basis, food in the fridgethose things is what keep your

(01:03:59):
child going.
If I'm doing all of that bymyself, I am a single mother.

Speaker 2 (01:04:05):
But I don't think when women say single mothers
they don't mean all of that.
It could mean different things.
You know, it could beinterpreted in different ways
the word single but you know theway it should be is like okay,
you're doing everything byyourself.

Speaker 3 (01:04:17):
If the man is partaking, you know whether he's
paying child support, whetherhe's paying child support and
taking care of his kid.
He's picking up every otherweekend and he's doing his stuff
.
He's not.
You're not a single parent.

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
You know You're not a single parent.
You guys are doing it together,you're just not in a
relationship aspect.
If he's talking to you, ifevery guy's talking to you, like
you're single, I'm single.
He's talking to you.
Hey, how you doing Blah, blah,blah.
And then what's your status?
Yeah, I'm single.
Oh, no, I'm a single mother.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
No, I'm single.
I think she's saying I'm single, oh no, I'm a single mother.
Like no, I'm single.
I think she's saying I'm singleand I'm a mother, I'm single.
I would say I'm single, do you?

Speaker 3 (01:04:57):
have children?
Yes, I do have children.
Are you with their father?
No, I'm not with their father.
Yeah, but I think that you knowit depends on the dialogue Of
the conversation.

Speaker 1 (01:05:05):
I believe women.
I believe women who has kids,and even though they're not with
the gentleman but he's a hellof a father.
I don't think it should bebrought out in the front.
You're single, you're notsingle.

Speaker 3 (01:05:18):
I think don't join the two together.

Speaker 1 (01:05:20):
You're not a single parent.
Don't say that You're single.
You're not a single.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (01:05:27):
I understand what you're saying.

Speaker 3 (01:05:29):
I would say, as far as relationship-wise, it's okay
to talk to other people andengage or whatever, or date.
But you know, when the questioncome of children me and my
child's father co-parent-Co-parent, a beautiful co-parent
situation.
I wouldn't use the wordbeautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:05:45):
I would just say you know?

Speaker 3 (01:05:46):
we co-parent, because then you don't want to use
certain words when you'regetting to know someone.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
Because then it's like okay, what's?

Speaker 3 (01:05:54):
beautiful.
You know everyone's a littletouchy about these type of
things.
So I would just say weco-parent, we co-parent nicely.
You know he picks him up everyother weekend or you know he
gives money, stuff like that,and that's you know.
Maybe another time we couldtalk about it, because that's
always a subject that needs tobe brought forward, and women
always a subject that needs toto be brought forward.

(01:06:15):
And women there's a lot ofthings that women do on that
type of line that you might notlike me, viewers, for that, but
my views is very strong on that.
Like, if the man want to be afather, let him be a father.
Stop giving him a hard time,stop doing all these extra stuff
.
Stop, you know, trying tobecause you're still living a
single life and maybe notmarried.
Or you know, living with a manand he done moved on and got

(01:06:36):
married.
Don't give him a hard time.
You had your chance and forwhatever reason it didn't work
out.
It has nothing to do with thechild.
I think that's a great subjectthat you know.
One day we could just probablytouch on and see what the
viewers view.
But, women may not like me onthat.
I'm very strong about that.

Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
Like leave the brothers alone, Stop taking them
to court, and I'm involved inthat.
I got strong views too on that.

Speaker 3 (01:06:57):
I say that Stop dragging them to court, stop
dragging their name down, stopgiving them such a hard time,
because you're preventing themfrom being the father that they
can be because of that and stoptalking bad about them to the
kids, To the children.
Stop it Like that.
I'm not for.
I don't praise no woman forthat.
You never get me on your sidefor that, women, you never like
it.
I feel like you guys arebehaving off of hate, hatred and

(01:07:20):
it's not being right.
If he wants to be a father, letthe man be a father.

Speaker 1 (01:07:24):
Let him be, let him be, let him be, let him be, let
him be.

Speaker 3 (01:07:27):
He'll probably be the thing ever happened and what's
going to end up happening?
That child's going to grow uphating you, the mother, and more
falling to the father, becausehe can see that the man is
trying and everything that he'sdone.
You are just.
You know, let him be.
There's a lot of good brothersout there that it just didn't
work out in relationship-wise,but he's an excellent father.

Speaker 2 (01:07:46):
Let him be Facts plus facts.

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
I'm not going to get much plus on that for the women
but,