The Failing Writers Podcast

The Failing Writers Podcast

Failing Writers Dave Baird, Jon Rand and Tom Turner present a podcast for anyone who ever dreamed of becoming a writer... then went and put the kettle on.


October 2, 2023 100 mins
This week we're out and about tracking down poetry for National Poetry Day 2023. We take to the Yorkshire hills in search of the Stanza Stones. Join us on our adventure and help us celebrate some of the work of our current Poet Laureate, Simon Armitage.

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Imagine being a writer and not actually writing!
Oh wait.  That's us.
Imagine being a writer and NOT BEING ABLE TO WRITE!
That was Oli.  He had a 10 month long migraine that almost literally killed him.
Listen to his fascinating story and hear how he tried to made sense of it all through his autofiction book: Train Lord.  We talk about writing the truth, finding roots, failed orgies and about just how bloody ha...
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September 18, 2023 79 mins
Hello again.

This time out we're having a nice sit down with author Emma Healey. Her debut novel, Elizabeth is Missing, (which has been described as "bloody brilliant, honestly, you should read it Tom, it's funny and sad and intriguing. Proper mint it is.") has sold over a million copies and won the Costa First Novel Award. Plus it ended up being made into a film by the BBC, starring the late Glenda Jackson, who it t...
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Yeah? Well then blummin' well enter the Failing Writers Podcast £500, 500 word Flash Fiction Competition in association with Scrivener, you noodle-face.

PLUS make writing easier and go to, Hit '+Add Discount' on the pay page - use the code FAILING and get 20% off the indisp...
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August 21, 2023 86 mins
This time out we chat with award-winning, best-selling Patrick Ness. Author of young adult books, including The Chaos Walking trilogy and A Monster Calls -  his newest book Different For Boys - as well as books for adults n all, like.

(Not to be confused with Patrick Nest, a bee keeper from Godalming, Surrey. Although, I'm not sure how you could become confuse...
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Well, in answer to the question in the title... we're not sure. We should have asked our guests really - because they are self-confessed word-nerds. Authors and language bloggers, Jess Zafarris and Paul Anthony Jones (you might know Paul as "Haggard Hawks") are two people obsessed with the roots, origins and use of language. So, we thought we'd bring them together for a big ol' chat about interesting word things.

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July 24, 2023 98 mins
Hello there. Welcome to our little podcast. 

Do you like stories? 

Would you like to hear some now? 

Well click play, and you'll get to listen to loads of them! 

Somehow this episode has turned into a bit of a story-a-thon. Enjoy!
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You might know Mark Billingham as the prolific and award winning crime fiction author. We know him as a really nice bloke who we had a really lovely chat with. But we didn't think that even an interview as excellent as the one we enjoyed with Mark was enough for our amazing listeners. So, we also get stuck into another WIP, this time from listener Gayle Ramage, who shares her Scottish vampire story with us! Thanks for listenin...
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June 26, 2023 83 mins
This time out we talk to middle-grade kids' author Jack Meggitt-Phillips. We chat about his big break, about badgers and sexy fizzy drinks bottles. You know, all the usual stuff. We also check out another WIP from a listener and... and... erm... well, that's about it really. 

Jack's details:

Some of Jack's books:
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Last week we talked to Louise Voss, who spoke to us about her first agent, Joanna Frank. So, this week we talk to Joanna Frank, who speaks to us about Louise Voss. She also chats about her journey through the publishing industry, taking in pretty much every stop along the way. PLUS get some top tips for pitching and querying, as Joanna kindly shares with us her “dos” and “don’ts” when approaching an agent. We also take a look ...
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June 12, 2023 83 mins
Hello. Look at you reading the show notes! So... what have we got to tell you about? Erm, well, I guess the main bit is that we're talking to author Louise Voss this week. A bit back she tweeted that she was packing it all in because her enthusiasm balloon had been well and truly popped. We have a chat with her about that and other bits'n'bobs. Then in our Work In Progress feature, listener Donal Fogarty has sent in a short st...
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May 29, 2023 73 mins
Fancy going for a spin with us? ‘Cos we’re about to head off in this ole, beat up Cadillac. Laura Barton is at the wheel and she’s got the windows down and the radio up. Jon’s nodding seriously to the majestic growl of Johnny Cash and Tommy’s got his head out the window, forcing air up his nose like a blood hound. And we’re here and we’re alive and just shooting the breeze about sad songs, rock stars, lost love, writing, Betje...
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Hello. Welcome to our limerick special! In celebration of National Limerick Day, on the 12th of May, we’ve had a good delve into where limericks came from, what they mean to people and we’ve even had a crack at writing some ourselves too.

A huge thank you to our fantastic contributors:
Fred Hornaday -
Doug Harris – limerick collector extraordinaire 
Dr Matthew Potter - https://w...
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May 15, 2023 85 mins
Eh up Chucks. Int’ episode this week, we bants wit’ Bard o’ Barnsley ‘imsen, like.
Ye know the fella: that one who does all that poetry, and is ont’ wireless: BBC’s T’Verb. Yeah. Reight Yorkshire Talker ‘e is. 
Aye! That’s ‘im.
Ian McMillan.
There’s also some other little surprises for ya, which you’ll ‘ave to find out by usin’ yer lug’oles.

Ian McMillan’s ‘My Sand Life My Pebble Life'
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This time out, we talk about Andy Stanton working with AI on his next book - and discuss whether that's a bit naughty of him or not. We also take a look at some work-in-progress that listener AB Finlayson was kind enough to share with us. And sandwiched between all that quality content, is a rather lovely interview with author (and self-confessed writing addict) Kasim Ali.

Here's some links for ya...

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April 17, 2023 73 mins
Hello again! This week we're having a chat with Stuart Turton, author of "The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle" and "The Devil and the Dark Water". We also try to give some worthwhile feedback on work that one of our listeners has kindly sent in to us.
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April 10, 2023 34 mins
Just a little episode, to say "Welcome to season 3". This week join Jon and Tom to have a chat about what it was like to (try and) work together on our Poker Night project. 
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Are you ready for a BRAND NEW SEASON of the Failing Writers Podcast? Of course you are!! Well... you'll need to wait a bit longer. We've got to finish the end of Season 2 first. We promised that we would write a sitcom and pitch it to a TV big-wig, and (rather surprisingly) that's exactly what we've done. Enjoy!! 
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November 14, 2022 68 mins
Some will be sad. Some may be happy for what has been. Many will call it an “end of an error”. Well, you know what, they might all be right. This week we share some of our old writing from years ago, as we bring season two to an end… ish. We say “ish”, because we promise to be back soon for a one-off special, in which we’ll be pitching our Poker Night comedy project to a TV exec. But until then, goodbye and thanks for listenin...
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November 7, 2022 76 mins
Comedy star Lucy Porter joins us this week, to have a good old natter about comedy, quiz shows and cephaloporn. Plus she throws a few shiny pearls of wisdom in along the way too. 

Fancy seeing Lucy on tour?

Fancy seeing Lucy in an embarrassing ad? 
 Digital Cell Phones TV Commercial 2000

Any other links we need???
I don't know...
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