February 21, 2025 • 8 mins
On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John talks about when you're in a dead end relationship
Intern John's debut comedy album "The Album" is available right NOW! InternJohnComedy.com proceeds benefitting the Fisher House Foundation
Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com
Intern John's debut comedy album "The Album" is available right NOW! InternJohnComedy.com proceeds benefitting the Fisher House Foundation
Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ain't a happy Friday, friend. Welcome to the thoughts shower.
My name's intern John.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Been a week.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hockey sadly came to an end this week. The boys
made to the second round of the state playoffs. That
game was on Wednesday. Oh yeah, I think it was Wednesday. Yeah,
we're down one, nothing tied. It sadly lost an overtime,
ten minut overtime with twenty eight seconds left to the
(00:29):
number one team in the league. So a Cinderell run.
Sadly came to an end. But overall good season. Yeah,
at one point of the season we were one to ten,
which was not great, was not fun. To the credit
of my kids, they bowed back, you know, And that
was kind of the speech it gave to them in
(00:51):
the locker room afterwards, is that one of the hardest
things to do in life sometimes is try in that
a lot of folks don't try all right, for fear
of failure. That a lot of folks would rather not
try and fail so they can say, well, I wasn't
even trying versus give their all, have it not go
right than having to live with, you know, not having
(01:14):
the success.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
So I was very proud of them.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
They won the conference championship for the first time in
five years, got a very cool trophy. So overall, good
season made me very excited for what's coming next. So
I'm very excited for that. My weekend hopefully is gonna
be you know, relaxing because now that hockey's over, hockey's
basically six days a week is kind of a second
(01:38):
full time job. So that's the one positive of the
hockey season ending is that usually now it's like more
time to kind of relax and I don't say recharge
my brain, but like usually when hockey ends, like the
creative part of my brain gets a little more juice
versus I guess the analyticals side. So that's the plan.
(02:01):
Do a dinner date tomorrow. My buddy Ryan very excited
for that. I have not had a chance to see
him in a little bit. I'm trying to just to
I'm trying to just to I'm trying to just get
back out a little bit and to slowly, you know,
get back into I don't save life. But you know,
(02:22):
next week it'll be two months without Chewy, which is insane.
It's it's still a weird. It's like something doesn't quite
feel right, if that makes sense. You know, I go
home and skills, runs to the door, and usually Chewy
would wake up and slowly come afterwards. It's it's still
(02:43):
like my brain still hasn't quite computed that he's not there,
you know. So, but we're trying to pick up the pieces.
But get back on track a little bit and trying
to you know, I don't have normalized as the right word,
but get back out there and try to try to
live life as the kids says. So I'm excited for
(03:05):
that tomorrow and hopefully just sleeping, hopefully doing a whole
lot nothing. Let me get to this for your Friday.
Are you giving too much in a dead end relationship?
We've all been there. Get to that point relationship where
it's like, at this point, it's not going anywhere, there's
not much I can do.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
At what point do I cut bait?
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Starting with you're the sole planner and initiator, yes, from
dates to vacations. If you're always the one making plans
and your partner passively agrees with disagrees, it's lack of
effort on their part. I'll say this, I had an
X where I planned all the dates and all the vacations,
which I don't mind doing.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I kind of prefer that. But then she complained.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
This was several acts ago about that kind of stuff,
like she didn't like what we're doing. And I was like, Okay,
you plan it, and she's like, what do you mean.
I'm like, you plan one, you plan vacation. I'll pay
for it. You plan it, And I think like three
minutes in she had a breakdown. I'm like, yeah, it's
not as easy as it looks, is it. Now your
(04:11):
identity revolves solely around your partner.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I could not do this.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
They say, remember when your days a fill with hobbies,
friends and personal goals. If that was a fade in
the background, replace entirely by your spouse's interest in needs.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
It's the red flag. That's a tough one.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
But I think I see folks to this all the time,
where you kind of like lose yourself too much in
the relationship, so we really kind of forget who you are,
which is scary if the financial responsibilities rests on your shoulders.
Uh yeah, they say, managing finances is a share responsibility
in partnership if you're being in the brunt of financial
(04:46):
obligations while your spouse contributes little nothing.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
It's a sign and balance.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
This is obviously more for like marriages, and I guess
if you're a living with each other, Yeah, that's tough.
I do think there probably is relationships where one that
person brings more to the table financially, but it should
be fifty to fifty, right makeup somewhere else.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I saw this great video.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
This woman talking about relationships where it's like you can't
give your one hundred percent every day. So she will
talk to her person and be like, hey, I got
seventy five today, and he'll be like, okay, I can
bring you up. You know, I'll give you some of
mine basically, and maybe maybe it's closer like she was like, uh,
I got sixty percent to that. He goes, okay, that's fine,
I'll give you an extra forty, you know what I mean.
(05:29):
Like energy wise, I think it's important if emotional support
feels one sided. Yeah, if you are going through something
and your partner's not there support you. However, if they
are going through something and you're there instantly, that's not fair.
Then it's almost like you're a fan, you know. The
year's kind of waiting hand your foot for their approval,
(05:51):
and nobody wants that. If your efforts go unnoticed, he's unappreciated.
I do think I've been there, And then it gets
to a point where it's like why am I even trying?
You know, like why even give my all to something?
If I'm not gonna get recognition for it? Like that,
(06:12):
that's the time for me to cut bait and bail.
Do a couple more of these. If you have no
social life, if you've distanced yourself from your friends and
family prioritize your partner's needs, or because they disapprove your
social interactions, it's a concerning sign. Yes, I have always
encouraged girlfriends to have girls' nights. I don't get people
(06:34):
who don't want their person to hang with relationships with
their partner or whether with friends, because it's like, don't
you want your person to go away for a while
every now and then you know and like recharge.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Don't you want that?
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Because especially too, because it's like you want the friends
to like you, because if the friends like you, they
might bail you out. If your partner's friends hate you
and like you get in the fight, they might intentionally
talk ish make it look bad. But if they're like, oh,
they're a good person. You need the friends on your
side absolutely. If you're always the first to apologize, yeah,
(07:15):
they say, taking responsibility for your actions is commendable. But
if you're always the one maning fences, it indicates an imbalance.
I think again, past relationships, I feel like that's always,
not always, but been an issue where a lot of
times it's like you just apologizes to end the fight.
Not even so much you agree to something wrong, but
it's like, if I could just get out of this fight,
(07:37):
I can go about my day one hundred percent. If
your needs are always in the back burner, yeah, dude,
they say, when was the last time your needs and
desire took center stage? If you struggle to recall, it's
a lopside dynamic. Excuse me, yep. I think that's beyond fair,
especially if you're always the one sacrificing for your person
and then you don't get in return. No, if you
(08:00):
feel like more like a caretaker than a partner, yes,
if you're taking care of your person and it's almost
like you're their parent, that's not good. You don't deserve that.
You deserve more the bare minimum of somebody matching your energy.
You know we can't be burning ourselves out in these
dead end relationships.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Life's too short. Listen.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I hope you have a fantastic week and appreciate you listening.
Sloshower
Ain't a happy Friday, friend. Welcome to the thoughts shower.
My name's intern John.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Been a week.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hockey sadly came to an end this week. The boys
made to the second round of the state playoffs. That
game was on Wednesday. Oh yeah, I think it was Wednesday. Yeah,
we're down one, nothing tied. It sadly lost an overtime,
ten minut overtime with twenty eight seconds left to the
(00:29):
number one team in the league. So a Cinderell run.
Sadly came to an end. But overall good season. Yeah,
at one point of the season we were one to ten,
which was not great, was not fun. To the credit
of my kids, they bowed back, you know, And that
was kind of the speech it gave to them in
(00:51):
the locker room afterwards, is that one of the hardest
things to do in life sometimes is try in that
a lot of folks don't try all right, for fear
of failure. That a lot of folks would rather not
try and fail so they can say, well, I wasn't
even trying versus give their all, have it not go
right than having to live with, you know, not having
(01:14):
the success.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
So I was very proud of them.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
They won the conference championship for the first time in
five years, got a very cool trophy. So overall, good
season made me very excited for what's coming next. So
I'm very excited for that. My weekend hopefully is gonna
be you know, relaxing because now that hockey's over, hockey's
basically six days a week is kind of a second
(01:38):
full time job. So that's the one positive of the
hockey season ending is that usually now it's like more
time to kind of relax and I don't say recharge
my brain, but like usually when hockey ends, like the
creative part of my brain gets a little more juice
versus I guess the analyticals side. So that's the plan.
(02:01):
Do a dinner date tomorrow. My buddy Ryan very excited
for that. I have not had a chance to see
him in a little bit. I'm trying to just to
I'm trying to just to I'm trying to just get
back out a little bit and to slowly, you know,
get back into I don't save life. But you know,
(02:22):
next week it'll be two months without Chewy, which is insane.
It's it's still a weird. It's like something doesn't quite
feel right, if that makes sense. You know, I go
home and skills, runs to the door, and usually Chewy
would wake up and slowly come afterwards. It's it's still
(02:43):
like my brain still hasn't quite computed that he's not there,
you know. So, but we're trying to pick up the pieces.
But get back on track a little bit and trying
to you know, I don't have normalized as the right word,
but get back out there and try to try to
live life as the kids says. So I'm excited for
(03:05):
that tomorrow and hopefully just sleeping, hopefully doing a whole
lot nothing. Let me get to this for your Friday.
Are you giving too much in a dead end relationship?
We've all been there. Get to that point relationship where
it's like, at this point, it's not going anywhere, there's
not much I can do.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
At what point do I cut bait?
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Starting with you're the sole planner and initiator, yes, from
dates to vacations. If you're always the one making plans
and your partner passively agrees with disagrees, it's lack of
effort on their part. I'll say this, I had an
X where I planned all the dates and all the vacations,
which I don't mind doing.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I kind of prefer that. But then she complained.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
This was several acts ago about that kind of stuff,
like she didn't like what we're doing. And I was like, Okay,
you plan it, and she's like, what do you mean.
I'm like, you plan one, you plan vacation. I'll pay
for it. You plan it, And I think like three
minutes in she had a breakdown. I'm like, yeah, it's
not as easy as it looks, is it. Now your
(04:11):
identity revolves solely around your partner.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I could not do this.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
They say, remember when your days a fill with hobbies,
friends and personal goals. If that was a fade in
the background, replace entirely by your spouse's interest in needs.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
It's the red flag. That's a tough one.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
But I think I see folks to this all the time,
where you kind of like lose yourself too much in
the relationship, so we really kind of forget who you are,
which is scary if the financial responsibilities rests on your shoulders.
Uh yeah, they say, managing finances is a share responsibility
in partnership if you're being in the brunt of financial
(04:46):
obligations while your spouse contributes little nothing.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
It's a sign and balance.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
This is obviously more for like marriages, and I guess
if you're a living with each other, Yeah, that's tough.
I do think there probably is relationships where one that
person brings more to the table financially, but it should
be fifty to fifty, right makeup somewhere else.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I saw this great video.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
This woman talking about relationships where it's like you can't
give your one hundred percent every day. So she will
talk to her person and be like, hey, I got
seventy five today, and he'll be like, okay, I can
bring you up. You know, I'll give you some of
mine basically, and maybe maybe it's closer like she was like, uh,
I got sixty percent to that. He goes, okay, that's fine,
I'll give you an extra forty, you know what I mean.
(05:29):
Like energy wise, I think it's important if emotional support
feels one sided. Yeah, if you are going through something
and your partner's not there support you. However, if they
are going through something and you're there instantly, that's not fair.
Then it's almost like you're a fan, you know. The
year's kind of waiting hand your foot for their approval,
(05:51):
and nobody wants that. If your efforts go unnoticed, he's unappreciated.
I do think I've been there, And then it gets
to a point where it's like why am I even trying?
You know, like why even give my all to something?
If I'm not gonna get recognition for it? Like that,
(06:12):
that's the time for me to cut bait and bail.
Do a couple more of these. If you have no
social life, if you've distanced yourself from your friends and
family prioritize your partner's needs, or because they disapprove your
social interactions, it's a concerning sign. Yes, I have always
encouraged girlfriends to have girls' nights. I don't get people
(06:34):
who don't want their person to hang with relationships with
their partner or whether with friends, because it's like, don't
you want your person to go away for a while
every now and then you know and like recharge.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Don't you want that?
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Because especially too, because it's like you want the friends
to like you, because if the friends like you, they
might bail you out. If your partner's friends hate you
and like you get in the fight, they might intentionally
talk ish make it look bad. But if they're like, oh,
they're a good person. You need the friends on your
side absolutely. If you're always the first to apologize, yeah,
(07:15):
they say, taking responsibility for your actions is commendable. But
if you're always the one maning fences, it indicates an imbalance.
I think again, past relationships, I feel like that's always,
not always, but been an issue where a lot of
times it's like you just apologizes to end the fight.
Not even so much you agree to something wrong, but
it's like, if I could just get out of this fight,
(07:37):
I can go about my day one hundred percent. If
your needs are always in the back burner, yeah, dude,
they say, when was the last time your needs and
desire took center stage? If you struggle to recall, it's
a lopside dynamic. Excuse me, yep. I think that's beyond fair,
especially if you're always the one sacrificing for your person
and then you don't get in return. No, if you
(08:00):
feel like more like a caretaker than a partner, yes,
if you're taking care of your person and it's almost
like you're their parent, that's not good. You don't deserve that.
You deserve more the bare minimum of somebody matching your energy.
You know we can't be burning ourselves out in these
dead end relationships.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Life's too short. Listen.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I hope you have a fantastic week and appreciate you listening.
Sloshower
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