Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm having flu grade diarrhea in a public restroom and
there's no toilet paper? What do I do? Take it
a long?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (00:13):
I'm sorry? Did you need it? Repeated? I'm having flu
grade diarrhea in a public restroom and there's no toilet paper?
What do I do?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Are you alone in the restroom?
Speaker 4 (00:27):
It's a great question because you've always told us what
not to do. You don't use clothing and then flush
the clothing.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
You never flush the clothing, Never flush the clothing.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
No, that's an instant clog.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Absolutely. Yeah, but it's flu grade. You did say, yes,
it is a flu grade diarrhea. What a descriptor? Go? Please?
Speaker 5 (00:54):
Well, I asked you, is there somebody else in the
bathroom that I could say? Hey, do you have any
toilet paper? I'm out in this stall?
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Okay, I'll give you that just in case on the
outside chance that somebody is somebody's in there. Did anybody's
headphones just go out on the left side? No, okay,
it's my headphones. Get new cans. Okay, how much wax
is that your finger? Sorry?
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Oh, that's a little hack. I've never seen you put
the wax on the plug.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yeah, my headphones are all jacked up. I can't even
hear it.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Did you just tighten the adapter?
Speaker 1 (01:26):
The I tried doing that, but it's up here, it's
up here. I have to get new headphones. Drink Kristin.
Can I hate to do this? Can you do me
a favor? Never mind, I'll get them after the breaking
the All right? Do you want us to grab you
a pair? Yeah? Please? Like, I can't, I can't go.
I can't go one ear? What just grab one pear? Please?
(01:47):
I'm sorry. Are you sure it's not your left ear? Yeah? Okay,
so I will give you that. You have asked somebody
else in there? No, there's nobody else in there.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Okay.
Speaker 6 (02:03):
Next?
Speaker 5 (02:07):
Well, am I am? I wearing a sweater that I'm
willing to part with.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
You're gonna wipe with a sweater.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
And then throw it in the trash?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
A sweater?
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Yeah, sweaters are uncomfortable to wear. Yeah, but you're wiping
your rear end with one.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
I mean, it's desperate times called for desperate measures.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
It's it flew grade.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Yeah, you're probably not wiping at that point.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
The Oh, yeah, you are what I thought you always
say you have to like da hello, Oh my god,
these are the worst headphones ever? We give these two guests.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
I don't know what pilots you got them from. No,
the guests one have all the condoms on them. Ye,
because AIDS is no party.
Speaker 6 (03:00):
But that.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Those are yours, she's saying.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
No, they're not like you have a spare pair.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Oh they were the ones on the side of the thing.
Oh yeah, that's these are messed up, Kristen. Yeah, can
you grab another one?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Diva?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Was that a diva? I want to be able to hear.
I want to be able to hear. I'll edit all
this out, all right. You're using a sweater the pitfalls
of a live show.
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Also, I feel like most hosts would have just like
gone on and not said anything.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I can't because I can't hear.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Oh my god, if you only have it on one year,
antiest coming up?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I can't which ones are?
Speaker 3 (03:38):
These are the guest ones? She brought in a bunch.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
Oh, it's like when snakes all get tangled up in
those balls.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Would you just throw the pans? I put them down.
They crashed to the floor. Oh my god, Kristen.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
Ye, okay, so now Kristen has three to all tangled.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I just need the cord.
Speaker 7 (04:03):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
Oh my god, sucks. Not just the guests that looked
doumb with those on. Okay, what are you doing, Elliott?
Speaker 3 (04:17):
He can't hear you. Are they both work? That didn't work?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
He?
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Or did he just he plugged in the wrong pair?
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Because perfect? All right, we're back. I love that though,
and all of that sound horrible.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
He didn't just give you hers that wax?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
No, thank you? All right? A sweater is a horrible idea.
If you would have said your own underwear, then I'll
give you that.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
That probably would have been better.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I'll give you that. And but we don't flush that now.
If we don't want to use our underwear, what would
most people tell you to use socks? Thank you? You
got two of them and you can them rip socks.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Oh so you're just like using like the top part.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
No long way, so you have more strips? Oh yeah,
flu grade? Okay, all right, so there goes your clothing.
Give me another option.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Okay, So you're clearly going to get us to an
idea we've never heard before.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
A lot well, yes, a lot of people have heard
of it. I've never heard of it, and I've never
done it. But I guarantee you people listening.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Have something beyond a piece of clothing.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Yes, well, I could give you the easy one that
nobody's mentioned. What crab walk like.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Not tend to it at all.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
The no, crab walk out and go find another stall,
or go crab walk out because you don't want to
slip the cheek. But crab walk out and either go
to another stall, see if they have toilet paper, go
to the paper towel spencer, use that. Try to find
a seat cover in there, maybe somewhere, and use that.
So crab walk is easy. You've done that before multiple
(06:09):
times in my life weekly. Yeah. Absolutely. And by the way,
you know what else isn't an answer? Check before you
sit down that that's not an answer, blu Ray, that's
not an answer. So yes, hobble out. By the way,
the hobble also works well if you are in a
bathroom that has the lights that go out like our
(06:32):
lights go out. Now, you do run a risk on
the hobble because I grab some canvy. I could be
mid hobble and somebody walk in and then you look ridiculous.
I got No, that's never happened, and I've never done
I've never walked in on someone, but they could be
(06:55):
shirt under chin and some walks in. Yeah, keep going,
So hobble is obviously it.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
Jesus, this is worse than having three penises. We eliminated
all clothing articles and accessories. The hobble is gone. The
hobble is gone. Asking the person next to you you
quick right?
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Oh? Line two? Hi Elliot in the morning. Hello, there's
a chance I just call there he is? Yeah? Hi,
who's that?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Hi?
Speaker 6 (07:37):
Yes, sir, don't forget I missed the phone book and
the yellow pages. I used to keep it in the bathroom.
Edward the best.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
At Home? Did guests find that?
Speaker 3 (07:52):
What's the phone book for?
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I guess maybe you could convince yourself it's for your
feets so your legs don't fall up.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
It's the pre squatty potty bar.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Why is so much of it missing? Obviously? Another Another
easy go to is just waited out until somebody does
walk in okay, and then ask.
Speaker 6 (08:16):
For a right.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Uh, where am I going? Mine?
Speaker 6 (08:20):
One?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Hi Elliott the morning.
Speaker 6 (08:25):
I'm hey Elliott, I miss is Steve. I'm from Denver.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Hey, what's going on? Steve?
Speaker 6 (08:31):
Hello? Okay, so I have I'm a story. I'm for yous.
I was down.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
I think my headphones were cutting out. Again, I'm sorry,
say again.
Speaker 6 (08:39):
Uh, I was down. I'm in Mexico a couple of
years ago, and there was no toilet paper. But this
is one of the bathrooms here where they I mean,
you can't flush the toilet paper. So I looked into
the trash can. Next I'm to the toilet and and
(09:05):
I found the cleanest looking piece of toilet paper and
had to use that.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Nobody said repurpose.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I should have stressed domestic. Oh my god, all right,
very good, very good. How you doing, my friend?
Speaker 6 (09:39):
Oh, I am doing well. Taking a walk right now?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Excellent? Excellent, All right, dude, I appreciate it.
Speaker 6 (09:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Brother. That's a great one. No, it's not. I'll just
pull my pants back up. Oh my please tell me
that's not. Nope, spoiling your no. Ultimate hack line four.
Come on, Hi, Oh the morning. Any how's it going good?
What you got Yeah?
Speaker 7 (10:06):
So late ly wait for my wife to fall asleep,
and I head over to the casino.
Speaker 6 (10:10):
And I live in the middle of nowhere, a PA.
So I'm driving through back roads and it hits me.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
So I pull off to the side of.
Speaker 7 (10:15):
A back road and I'm sitting there squat squatting right
next to the road. I figured no one's around in
the middle of the night. Let some lights start coming down,
so I have to pan a panic, and I start wattling.
I waddled my way over behind a tree. I dropped
my phone, I dropped all the napkins that I had
brought with me. The car goes by, and I'm in
the middle of a field with grass up to my knees,
(10:36):
my phones nowhere to be found. The napkins are everywhere,
blown in the wind, and I'm I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
What to do. Oh you know what? And the my
only the only two left on my list. You can't
be out in a field, What did you do?
Speaker 6 (10:54):
I was waddling around, trying.
Speaker 7 (10:55):
I was waddling around trying to find the napkins I
weren't used, and.
Speaker 6 (11:01):
I was not very clean. But eventually I finished up
and just went home. Didn't even go to the casino.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
There you go, There you go, You know what. Good
call on your part, Good call on your part. Line three?
Come on, can we get to the two that remain?
Speaker 6 (11:16):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Elliott the morning there? Yeah, Hi, who's it?
Speaker 8 (11:19):
Hey? Megan from Fairfax, So I have two. So once
I was in a really gross New York City bathroom,
I had tissues in my backpack, so I used those
because there was no toilet paper in the bathroom. And
another time I have used the role itself, like once
the toilet paper ran out, like.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
The car cardod very good, I mean, good job, you're sweat.
Speaker 9 (11:46):
Do what you gotta do?
Speaker 8 (11:47):
You know?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I now, can I eliminate one of the two that
are left so that we could get to the really
good one?
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Go ahead?
Speaker 1 (11:56):
So where is this happening?
Speaker 3 (11:59):
He said?
Speaker 1 (11:59):
The public resture, right, But you're at you're at your
you're somewhere, right, call them, Oh that's come up before
I think. So let's say you're at Wegmans and this happens.
Is it embarrassing? Of course it is, But at least
(12:19):
you're getting the flu gray. But yes, at least you
call you go hey, listen, this is embarrassing. But I
am in I'm literally in a stall in your bathroom.
There's no toilet paper, and they will help you that one.
Nobody thinks of that. No, Like, listen, I know a
guy who used whatever the cleanest dirty toilet paper. That's
(12:42):
the worst can somebody please?
Speaker 4 (12:45):
A handful of people are asking about the carrying of
a handkerchief. No, no, no, that counts as clothing or accessories.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Yes, I mean, and how many people carry handkerchiefs? I
know one to Jake Johansson.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
There's my one. All right, Come on, somebody nailed this
for me. Please say again you you solve it yourself.
You're you're not calling anybody. You're by the way, you're
not even waddling line three, Hi, Elliet the morning Elliott, Yes, sir,
I oh, I had to go go ahead.
Speaker 6 (13:26):
I was going to work one night and I had
to stop down at the barn for something. And I
got out of my car and my butt said, you're
not going anywhere, so went behind this wagon.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Okay, I got I got it. I gotta jump in.
I got I gotta jump in. I love the story.
I love the setup. Public bathroom, public bathroom. Not because
I can go all day with people who were like
like dog dragging their ass in a field. No, okay, No,
you're in a public bathroom. You're sitting on.
Speaker 10 (14:03):
A toilet, flu gray diarrhea.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
You look to your right, Oh it's empty. What do
you do? We've gone through our socks. We've gone through
our underwear, We've crab walked out, we've waited it out,
We've called the front desk to ask for help. What
are we missing? Please? Seems exhaustive. I don't know. It's not.
(14:31):
And it's by the way, it is such a great
hack that once, once, you once, once I give it
to you, it'll be the only one you use.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
On the scale of gross, is it your own clothing
or is it Steve from Denver?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
It's neither. Actually it's not as gross as either one
of those. Well, I thought your own clothes wasn't that bad.
You're wiping your ass with your socks? Okay, I got
more socks at home till us Hi Elliot in the morning. Hello, Hi,
(15:15):
who's this? This is Kelly? Yes, Kelly. What can I
do for you?
Speaker 6 (15:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah, Well, I say what I've done in the past,
which picks some crowns from people washing their hands as
I crab walk to the seat, popped my eyes in
the seat and start watching it out right there?
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Who brush your teeth in public bathrooms?
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Right? I will tell you this. In the hot, cold game,
your feet are on fire. I thought we weren't crab
walking or not. You're an animal, sir, You're an animal.
Flush the toilet twice, just to make sure everything's gone.
(16:09):
You see how I'm sitting, I do with.
Speaker 11 (16:12):
My left hand. I go right in between my legs.
I grab the clean water and I clean my ass. Yes, yes,
(16:34):
but how quickly is that water no longer clean? What
do you mean flu grade? You keep saying flo and you've.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Already flushed it twice and it's clean, but then you're
mixing it up with dirty. Flush again, shaky, shaky, shakey,
flush again, right back ahead it Wow? Is that not
the most genius thing? And none of us have ever
done it?
Speaker 3 (16:59):
I'll never do nor will I ever do it.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Oh that's you would rather start taking off your shoes
and socks. Oh no way. That's why I give that,
and that's why I don't want my feet out there.
I give that guy credit that he took his ass
to the Saint. I know you don't even have to
go to the saint though. You could just do it
sitting right there again, and you don't have to stand up.
(17:22):
You're already seated, hand.
Speaker 10 (17:24):
Down, splashy, splashy, splashy, wifely, wife but wifey, and you're
good to go, and yeah, do you maybe have to
get like give your give your hands like a really
heavy wash afterwards.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Yes, that's genius, Patrick. And trust me, for the number
of times that I've hobbled, wobbled, done everything imaginable, I
regret not doing.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
This Patrick wrt's mid day type situation, but also ads
definitely would be the worst thing I've ever done, but
for times. And right above, Mark says, flushed the toilet
and use the clean water.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Yes, yes, yes, are these people speaking from experience. I
have used underwear, I have crab walked, I've done it all.
I've never done that, but now I will never do
anything but that.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
The other guests that kept coming in was COVID mask.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
All right, these last two breaks hard to forget. These
these are great. This Hall of Fame stuff right here.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Put us on in the buses, especially the part where
your headphones didn't work. Line three, Hi Elliet the morning, Hey, Yeah, Hi,
use this?
Speaker 9 (18:50):
Hey this is Emily.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Have you done this, young lady?
Speaker 9 (18:55):
Well no, no, no, no, okay, So what am I about
to say? I will done with peepee, but I feel
like it would work. Why are we not just using
the cardboard roll?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Oh somebody, yeah, somebody, somebody did mention that. Somebody did
mention the Yeah.
Speaker 9 (19:11):
You just squysh it get a little flat.
Speaker 6 (19:13):
Good, right? Have you?
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Have you thought about just flushing the toilet and then
using the clean water.
Speaker 9 (19:20):
I can't believe you are keeping on saying that it's
clean water ew, that's clean clean water.
Speaker 6 (19:26):
That is poopy water.
Speaker 5 (19:27):
You flushed, it's cleanish, it's I don't know, it's to filthy.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
It is notable. Means you can drink it.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
You can drink your toilet water. You first, you can
drink your toilet water at home. Absolutely you can. I'm
not saying while it's while, while hanky's in there, but
you can drink your toilet water. It's the same water
that comes out of your shower and your sink. Now,
Danielle de thank you. Oh she has commented she's gonna
(20:00):
need a tweezer. Now.
Speaker 4 (20:06):
She's not replying to your potable right, ridiculous. No, No,
she's replying to because she's had dingle Berry. He's talking
about the using of the quote unquote clean water.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Absolutely not really, she's not doing it. So what is
she doing well? Based on history just leaving it there
I'm having flu grade diarrhea in a public restroom and
there's no toilet paper? What do I do? Take it
a long?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (00:13):
I'm sorry? Did you need it? Repeated? I'm having flu
grade diarrhea in a public restroom and there's no toilet paper?
What do I do?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Are you alone in the restroom?
Speaker 4 (00:27):
It's a great question because you've always told us what
not to do. You don't use clothing and then flush
the clothing.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
You never flush the clothing, Never flush the clothing.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
No, that's an instant clog.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Absolutely. Yeah, but it's flu grade. You did say, yes,
it is a flu grade diarrhea. What a descriptor? Go? Please?
Speaker 5 (00:54):
Well, I asked you, is there somebody else in the
bathroom that I could say? Hey, do you have any
toilet paper? I'm out in this stall?
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Okay, I'll give you that just in case on the
outside chance that somebody is somebody's in there. Did anybody's
headphones just go out on the left side? No, okay,
it's my headphones. Get new cans. Okay, how much wax
is that your finger? Sorry?
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Oh, that's a little hack. I've never seen you put
the wax on the plug.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yeah, my headphones are all jacked up. I can't even
hear it.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Did you just tighten the adapter?
Speaker 1 (01:26):
The I tried doing that, but it's up here, it's
up here. I have to get new headphones. Drink Kristin.
Can I hate to do this? Can you do me
a favor? Never mind, I'll get them after the breaking
the All right? Do you want us to grab you
a pair? Yeah? Please? Like, I can't, I can't go.
I can't go one ear? What just grab one pear? Please?
(01:47):
I'm sorry. Are you sure it's not your left ear? Yeah? Okay,
so I will give you that. You have asked somebody
else in there? No, there's nobody else in there.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Okay.
Speaker 6 (02:03):
Next?
Speaker 5 (02:07):
Well, am I am? I wearing a sweater that I'm
willing to part with.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
You're gonna wipe with a sweater.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
And then throw it in the trash?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
A sweater?
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Yeah, sweaters are uncomfortable to wear. Yeah, but you're wiping
your rear end with one.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
I mean, it's desperate times called for desperate measures.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
It's it flew grade.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Yeah, you're probably not wiping at that point.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
The Oh, yeah, you are what I thought you always
say you have to like da hello, Oh my god,
these are the worst headphones ever? We give these two guests.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
I don't know what pilots you got them from. No,
the guests one have all the condoms on them. Ye,
because AIDS is no party.
Speaker 6 (03:00):
But that.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Those are yours, she's saying.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
No, they're not like you have a spare pair.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Oh they were the ones on the side of the thing.
Oh yeah, that's these are messed up, Kristen. Yeah, can
you grab another one?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Diva?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Was that a diva? I want to be able to hear.
I want to be able to hear. I'll edit all
this out, all right. You're using a sweater the pitfalls
of a live show.
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Also, I feel like most hosts would have just like
gone on and not said anything.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I can't because I can't hear.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Oh my god, if you only have it on one year,
antiest coming up?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I can't which ones are?
Speaker 3 (03:38):
These are the guest ones? She brought in a bunch.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
Oh, it's like when snakes all get tangled up in
those balls.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Would you just throw the pans? I put them down.
They crashed to the floor. Oh my god, Kristen.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
Ye, okay, so now Kristen has three to all tangled.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I just need the cord.
Speaker 7 (04:03):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
Oh my god, sucks. Not just the guests that looked
doumb with those on. Okay, what are you doing, Elliott?
Speaker 3 (04:17):
He can't hear you. Are they both work? That didn't work?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
He?
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Or did he just he plugged in the wrong pair?
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Because perfect? All right, we're back. I love that though,
and all of that sound horrible.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
He didn't just give you hers that wax?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
No, thank you? All right? A sweater is a horrible idea.
If you would have said your own underwear, then I'll
give you that.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
That probably would have been better.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I'll give you that. And but we don't flush that now.
If we don't want to use our underwear, what would
most people tell you to use socks? Thank you? You
got two of them and you can them rip socks.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Oh so you're just like using like the top part.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
No long way, so you have more strips? Oh yeah,
flu grade? Okay, all right, so there goes your clothing.
Give me another option.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Okay, So you're clearly going to get us to an
idea we've never heard before.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
A lot well, yes, a lot of people have heard
of it. I've never heard of it, and I've never
done it. But I guarantee you people listening.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Have something beyond a piece of clothing.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Yes, well, I could give you the easy one that
nobody's mentioned. What crab walk like.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Not tend to it at all.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
The no, crab walk out and go find another stall,
or go crab walk out because you don't want to
slip the cheek. But crab walk out and either go
to another stall, see if they have toilet paper, go
to the paper towel spencer, use that. Try to find
a seat cover in there, maybe somewhere, and use that.
So crab walk is easy. You've done that before multiple
(06:09):
times in my life weekly. Yeah. Absolutely. And by the way,
you know what else isn't an answer? Check before you
sit down that that's not an answer, blu Ray, that's
not an answer. So yes, hobble out. By the way,
the hobble also works well if you are in a
bathroom that has the lights that go out like our
(06:32):
lights go out. Now, you do run a risk on
the hobble because I grab some canvy. I could be
mid hobble and somebody walk in and then you look ridiculous.
I got No, that's never happened, and I've never done
I've never walked in on someone, but they could be
(06:55):
shirt under chin and some walks in. Yeah, keep going,
So hobble is obviously it.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
Jesus, this is worse than having three penises. We eliminated
all clothing articles and accessories. The hobble is gone. The
hobble is gone. Asking the person next to you you
quick right?
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Oh? Line two? Hi Elliot in the morning. Hello, there's
a chance I just call there he is? Yeah? Hi,
who's that?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Hi?
Speaker 6 (07:37):
Yes, sir, don't forget I missed the phone book and
the yellow pages. I used to keep it in the bathroom.
Edward the best.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
At Home? Did guests find that?
Speaker 3 (07:52):
What's the phone book for?
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I guess maybe you could convince yourself it's for your
feets so your legs don't fall up.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
It's the pre squatty potty bar.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Why is so much of it missing? Obviously? Another Another
easy go to is just waited out until somebody does
walk in okay, and then ask.
Speaker 6 (08:16):
For a right.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Uh, where am I going? Mine?
Speaker 6 (08:20):
One?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Hi Elliott the morning.
Speaker 6 (08:25):
I'm hey Elliott, I miss is Steve. I'm from Denver.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Hey, what's going on? Steve?
Speaker 6 (08:31):
Hello? Okay, so I have I'm a story. I'm for yous.
I was down.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
I think my headphones were cutting out. Again, I'm sorry,
say again.
Speaker 6 (08:39):
Uh, I was down. I'm in Mexico a couple of
years ago, and there was no toilet paper. But this
is one of the bathrooms here where they I mean,
you can't flush the toilet paper. So I looked into
the trash can. Next I'm to the toilet and and
(09:05):
I found the cleanest looking piece of toilet paper and
had to use that.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Nobody said repurpose.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I should have stressed domestic. Oh my god, all right,
very good, very good. How you doing, my friend?
Speaker 6 (09:39):
Oh, I am doing well. Taking a walk right now?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Excellent? Excellent, All right, dude, I appreciate it.
Speaker 6 (09:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Brother. That's a great one. No, it's not. I'll just
pull my pants back up. Oh my please tell me
that's not. Nope, spoiling your no. Ultimate hack line four.
Come on, Hi, Oh the morning. Any how's it going good?
What you got Yeah?
Speaker 7 (10:06):
So late ly wait for my wife to fall asleep,
and I head over to the casino.
Speaker 6 (10:10):
And I live in the middle of nowhere, a PA.
So I'm driving through back roads and it hits me.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
So I pull off to the side of.
Speaker 7 (10:15):
A back road and I'm sitting there squat squatting right
next to the road. I figured no one's around in
the middle of the night. Let some lights start coming down,
so I have to pan a panic, and I start wattling.
I waddled my way over behind a tree. I dropped
my phone, I dropped all the napkins that I had
brought with me. The car goes by, and I'm in
the middle of a field with grass up to my knees,
(10:36):
my phones nowhere to be found. The napkins are everywhere,
blown in the wind, and I'm I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
What to do. Oh you know what? And the my
only the only two left on my list. You can't
be out in a field, What did you do?
Speaker 6 (10:54):
I was waddling around, trying.
Speaker 7 (10:55):
I was waddling around trying to find the napkins I
weren't used, and.
Speaker 6 (11:01):
I was not very clean. But eventually I finished up
and just went home. Didn't even go to the casino.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
There you go, There you go, You know what. Good
call on your part, Good call on your part. Line three?
Come on, can we get to the two that remain?
Speaker 6 (11:16):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Elliott the morning there? Yeah, Hi, who's it?
Speaker 8 (11:19):
Hey? Megan from Fairfax, So I have two. So once
I was in a really gross New York City bathroom,
I had tissues in my backpack, so I used those
because there was no toilet paper in the bathroom. And
another time I have used the role itself, like once
the toilet paper ran out, like.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
The car cardod very good, I mean, good job, you're sweat.
Speaker 9 (11:46):
Do what you gotta do?
Speaker 8 (11:47):
You know?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I now, can I eliminate one of the two that
are left so that we could get to the really
good one?
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Go ahead?
Speaker 1 (11:56):
So where is this happening?
Speaker 3 (11:59):
He said?
Speaker 1 (11:59):
The public resture, right, But you're at you're at your
you're somewhere, right, call them, Oh that's come up before
I think. So let's say you're at Wegmans and this happens.
Is it embarrassing? Of course it is, But at least
(12:19):
you're getting the flu gray. But yes, at least you
call you go hey, listen, this is embarrassing. But I
am in I'm literally in a stall in your bathroom.
There's no toilet paper, and they will help you that one.
Nobody thinks of that. No, Like, listen, I know a
guy who used whatever the cleanest dirty toilet paper. That's
(12:42):
the worst can somebody please?
Speaker 4 (12:45):
A handful of people are asking about the carrying of
a handkerchief. No, no, no, that counts as clothing or accessories.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Yes, I mean, and how many people carry handkerchiefs? I
know one to Jake Johansson.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
There's my one. All right, Come on, somebody nailed this
for me. Please say again you you solve it yourself.
You're you're not calling anybody. You're by the way, you're
not even waddling line three, Hi, Elliet the morning Elliott, Yes, sir,
I oh, I had to go go ahead.
Speaker 6 (13:26):
I was going to work one night and I had
to stop down at the barn for something. And I
got out of my car and my butt said, you're
not going anywhere, so went behind this wagon.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Okay, I got I got it. I gotta jump in.
I got I gotta jump in. I love the story.
I love the setup. Public bathroom, public bathroom. Not because
I can go all day with people who were like
like dog dragging their ass in a field. No, okay, No,
you're in a public bathroom. You're sitting on.
Speaker 10 (14:03):
A toilet, flu gray diarrhea.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
You look to your right, Oh it's empty. What do
you do? We've gone through our socks. We've gone through
our underwear, We've crab walked out, we've waited it out,
We've called the front desk to ask for help. What
are we missing? Please? Seems exhaustive. I don't know. It's not.
(14:31):
And it's by the way, it is such a great
hack that once, once, you once, once I give it
to you, it'll be the only one you use.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
On the scale of gross, is it your own clothing
or is it Steve from Denver?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
It's neither. Actually it's not as gross as either one
of those. Well, I thought your own clothes wasn't that bad.
You're wiping your ass with your socks? Okay, I got
more socks at home till us Hi Elliot in the morning. Hello, Hi,
(15:15):
who's this? This is Kelly? Yes, Kelly. What can I
do for you?
Speaker 6 (15:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah, Well, I say what I've done in the past,
which picks some crowns from people washing their hands as
I crab walk to the seat, popped my eyes in
the seat and start watching it out right there?
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Who brush your teeth in public bathrooms?
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Right? I will tell you this. In the hot, cold game,
your feet are on fire. I thought we weren't crab
walking or not. You're an animal, sir, You're an animal.
Flush the toilet twice, just to make sure everything's gone.
(16:09):
You see how I'm sitting, I do with.
Speaker 11 (16:12):
My left hand. I go right in between my legs.
I grab the clean water and I clean my ass. Yes, yes,
(16:34):
but how quickly is that water no longer clean? What
do you mean flu grade? You keep saying flo and you've.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Already flushed it twice and it's clean, but then you're
mixing it up with dirty. Flush again, shaky, shaky, shakey,
flush again, right back ahead it Wow? Is that not
the most genius thing? And none of us have ever
done it?
Speaker 3 (16:59):
I'll never do nor will I ever do it.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Oh that's you would rather start taking off your shoes
and socks. Oh no way. That's why I give that,
and that's why I don't want my feet out there.
I give that guy credit that he took his ass
to the Saint. I know you don't even have to
go to the saint though. You could just do it
sitting right there again, and you don't have to stand up.
(17:22):
You're already seated, hand.
Speaker 10 (17:24):
Down, splashy, splashy, splashy, wifely, wife but wifey, and you're
good to go, and yeah, do you maybe have to
get like give your give your hands like a really
heavy wash afterwards.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Yes, that's genius, Patrick. And trust me, for the number
of times that I've hobbled, wobbled, done everything imaginable, I
regret not doing.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
This Patrick wrt's mid day type situation, but also ads
definitely would be the worst thing I've ever done, but
for times. And right above, Mark says, flushed the toilet
and use the clean water.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Yes, yes, yes, are these people speaking from experience. I
have used underwear, I have crab walked, I've done it all.
I've never done that, but now I will never do
anything but that.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
The other guests that kept coming in was COVID mask.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
All right, these last two breaks hard to forget. These
these are great. This Hall of Fame stuff right here.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Put us on in the buses, especially the part where
your headphones didn't work. Line three, Hi Elliet the morning, Hey, Yeah, Hi,
use this?
Speaker 9 (18:50):
Hey this is Emily.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Have you done this, young lady?
Speaker 9 (18:55):
Well no, no, no, no, okay, So what am I about
to say? I will done with peepee, but I feel
like it would work. Why are we not just using
the cardboard roll?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Oh somebody, yeah, somebody, somebody did mention that. Somebody did
mention the Yeah.
Speaker 9 (19:11):
You just squysh it get a little flat.
Speaker 6 (19:13):
Good, right? Have you?
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Have you thought about just flushing the toilet and then
using the clean water.
Speaker 9 (19:20):
I can't believe you are keeping on saying that it's
clean water ew, that's clean clean water.
Speaker 6 (19:26):
That is poopy water.
Speaker 5 (19:27):
You flushed, it's cleanish, it's I don't know, it's to filthy.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
It is notable. Means you can drink it.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
You can drink your toilet water. You first, you can
drink your toilet water at home. Absolutely you can. I'm
not saying while it's while, while hanky's in there, but
you can drink your toilet water. It's the same water
that comes out of your shower and your sink. Now,
Danielle de thank you. Oh she has commented she's gonna
(20:00):
need a tweezer. Now.
Speaker 4 (20:06):
She's not replying to your potable right, ridiculous. No, No,
she's replying to because she's had dingle Berry. He's talking
about the using of the quote unquote clean water.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Absolutely not really, she's not doing it. So what is
she doing well? Based on history just leaving it there
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