At the age of 25, the comedian Taylor Tomlinson was sure she had life and love figured out. She’d left behind a religious faith that felt too restrictive. She was engaged to a man she loved. She was also writing her first Netflix special. Tomlinson felt like her career and personal life were on track and that nothing could stop her. Then, suddenly, she surprised even herself by calling off the engagement.

Now 32, Tomlinson wishes she’d handled the breakup differently, but she doesn’t regret ending the relationship. That decision, she says, ultimately led her to seek help for her mental health. Eventually, she came out as bisexual, and started exploring an attraction to women that she thought she would never get to act on.

This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Tomlinson talks about how she stepped away from who she thought she should be — and who she was supposed to be with — and learned to be patient with the process of coming to know her own mind and heart. Even if it meant a long-term partnership had to wait.

Taylor Tomlinson’s memoir, “Actually, Nevermind,” is out now.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay, and how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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I’m Black, Even if You Don’t See it

I’m Black, Even if You Don’t See it •
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Modern Love