May 20, 2025 • 51 mins
In this episode, Eddie and Kevin dive headfirst into a full-blown neighborhood watch meltdown, confront rogue cake vendors, and lock eyes with a suspiciously intelligent squirrel. Also: cult recruitment techniques, unsolicited shade fashion, and the philosophical hunger for nuts. Plus! Charlotte exposes Eddie, Hollywood stories about Mickey Rooney and the Muppets Movie.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hey, folks, it's me, Kevin Tinkin here.
I'm just looking at this YouTube channel, and gosh, it
would fill my heart with joy to have a couple more subscribers over here at the Apocalypseon YouTube channel.
Let's go check it out.
Go over to Patreon.
Go to eddiepepatone.com for all his live
And now. let's do the show.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Apocalypse soon.
(00:30):
Very excited to be here.
Beautiful day, beautiful day, sunshine, Park. puppies, old
dudes in the park wearing hats looking good.
And here he is.
Oh, yeah.
He's got the new red shades
on.
The hat's looking fine.
He just got done 69 in the entire world.
It's.
Hey!
(00:51):
Ye!
Hello, everybody, and this is the podcast about the neighborhood watch.
I'm Vinnie Thompsonson.
This is Tony Stevens.
And we've been watching the park today, huh, Tony?
A lot of riffraff right here.
A lot of people I don't recognize, not a big fan.
Not a big fan.
Look at this guy over here here.
Yeah, a nice squirrel man.
Jeez, Louise.
(01:12):
Anyway, we try to keep our neighborhood safe by
hating people that we don't know or
or want to know, really.
Who's this fucking guy?
He's selling cakes?
What's this guy doing?
Yeah, what is this guy this guy doing?
Pce of shit?
Hey, I don't Move it along.
Move it along.
Hey, it's Apocalypse soon, everybody.
(01:33):
Hey, sometimes we get right into a character.
Oh, yeah.
And just go, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, but welcome everybody to our podcast.
It is a beautiful day here.
It really is.
In the shade.
It's a little warm, a little warm
in the sun, but it is a gorgeous day.
We have a beautiful squirrel
to our right, your left, if you're watching.
(01:54):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That squirrel is very curious about what's going on.
I think he wants a nut.
Yeah, I mean he's.
Hey, we all want a nut, bud.
Yeah, oh, he's looking at the camera.
He's very curious.
Hi, baby.
I wish I had something from.
Anyway, what's going on, Kev?
We've been seeing a lot of each other.
Kevin, hired by the comedy store now,
(02:16):
climbing up that comedy store. store ladder.
Oh, I'm climbing.
Doing spots and parking cars.
Oh, yeah.
Spotots and cars..
Wouldn't it be funny if every valet in L.A.
had to do standup as well?
Like every valet?
I park a car, but then I have to do a stand-up.
(02:39):
Yeah, you go to Mel's and the guy's like, you, right.
I have to do a spot and a floor.
Where are you from, sir?
I'm from Italy.
I just got here.
Do you know the Italian Ellien?
I do.
Nobody will believe in me.
But, yeah, no, I've been celebrating my wife's birthday the other day.
She turned 21 again.
(03:00):
And it was.
Forever.
21.
Forever.
Foreverver 211.
Is that the name of that story?
It is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's what they mean by that, huh?
Like, I'm never getting older.
That's only one.
Hey, ladies and guys, you know what?
We age and look at me.
You know, I'm almost out of here and I
(03:20):
got to tell you, it feels good when you when you're, I
mean, life is, is, you know, it's beautiful, but it's also a lot to deal with.
And to know that you're going to be out of the game is nothing
too terrible, really.
I mean, life will go on., you know?
Yep.
(03:41):
No, you start dying the moment you're born.
You know?
Hopefully it'll be reach around in heaven.
They'll be.
That's a country song.
They'll be rerounds in heaven
for you and my babies.
Reach around in heaven.
And we have a beautiful, I think it's a police helicopter.
(04:04):
Oh, gorgeous, gorgeous police helicopter, monitoring the
lovely North Hollywood skyline.
Keep it up, boys.
You get them, guys.
Don't worry about civil disorder.
Don't worry about those liberties and whatnot.
(04:25):
Now, there's a big party.
We get a lot of parties out here in the park.
Balloons.
Sometimes a bouncy house.
Is there a bouncy house?
I don't see a bouncy house, though over there your house.
By the way, folks, I just bought a bouncy house for my family.
We don't have a regular house, so we live in the bouncy house.
And I got to tell you, it's very hard to do certain things
(04:47):
like cook because the
electrical company, anyway, this is a bit about having a bouncy house.
And if you are in a bouncy, a lot of people don't look at this.
They look at like a bouncy house and they think of it as a fun experience for the kids.
But it's actually a house, you know?
A lot of people don't even look at that.
And you come on down, the big Al's bouncy houses.
(05:09):
Come on get you in a two bedroom for only 25 grand
That's right.
Oh, it's amazing how real estate,
you know, the prices of apartments even out here.
Dude, California is not doing well with apartment
prices, but I know it's kind of everywhere.
But I don't know.
Now, not like here.
(05:30):
Well, New York, you know.
Yeah.
I wonder what Chicago is like That's got to be pretty expensive, too, right?
I don't know.
Folks, is Chicago affordable?
By the way, we were just talking to a friend of ours, Carlos, who's from Chicago
He was in the park, and I I had mentioned
that I saw there was a huge dust storm that swept through Chicago.
(05:53):
That's wild.
How wild is that?
I guess it's getting dusty out there.
You know what?
I mean, no, but this was wild.
If you saw this, it's because in the Midwest yesterday,
there were tons of tornadoes and like
super cell, and they spawned all this stuff.
Oh, wow.
(06:15):
But no, but the ground
the earth, the earth, the art is
so dry that the
wind, when these storms happen, the wind and it created a dust storm.
Hey, welcome back to Explaining the Elements with Tony.
Now, Tony, you were talking about dust storms there.
Yeah Now, let me tell you something.
(06:36):
No amount of lemon pledge is going to wipe out this
dust that came through Chicago yesterday.
That's right, and that goes out out, that's another reminder, we are sponsored by the maids Union.
You want a maid, you better get it from the fucking union and we'll kick your ass.
Yes, maids Union.
I'll never never forget being tied up by a maid.
(06:58):
I paid very good money.
Oh, yeah.
I said, look, madam, I know you work here
at the hotel cleaning and whatnot..
Is there any way you could tie me up and just do whatever the hell you want?
I'll give you $130.
Well, you had gotten your medical reports that day.
I remember, you know, you needed it.
You know, you needed I needed a little tie up.
(07:20):
So she ties me up, takes the 130,
and says, "Good day, sir, didn't do a thing to me
and just left me, and I understand that she's wanted in six, seven states.
If you see her, don't say nothing, all right?
She's a good gal. took care of my buddy here.
Tony.
Now, Tony, you said it was a dust storm out there in
(07:42):
Yeah, man, the weather is getting fucked up.
Now, yeah, so first dust storm, they're saying there
wasn't an event like this since the 1930s.
Oh, that's wild.
Yeah.
When there was the dust bowl.
Do you remember the dust bowl?
Yeah.
I'll never forget it.
The grapes are Wrath.
(08:04):
I mean, I remember.
Henry Fonda.
Oh, yeah yeah.
Jane Fonda.
Yeah.
Yep.
Jane Fonda.
She wasn't in that.
No, it's too bad.
No, but Henry Fonda played Tom Jad famously.
John Steinbeck novel.
Yeah.
Grapes a Wrath about just the unbelievable
poverty and
people coming from the dust bow into California.
(08:27):
The Okies.
Yeah, yeah.
I've played Oklahoma, and I'll tell you, man,
it could use some dust.
Yeah..m kidding.
I'm kidding.
It was fine.
It was fine.
I had fun.
I remember performing there, but it was a weird kind of
bar upstairs upstairs, you know?
(08:51):
And just, it was a funny scene.
There was one person who was obviously on drugs, just nodding out.
And I'm like, sir, sir!
And I'm like, sir, sir, don't nod.
You know?
I was like, don't nod, sir.
You were trying to say things that he couldn't agree with.
Sir, I understand.
I understand that you want to go bye-bye.
(09:14):
We all want to go bye-bye, sir.
We don't want to deal with things.
But please, sir, please have some decorum in public.
Do not do this during my sex, sir.
Feel free to off yourself after my.
By the way, there was a woman, and there always is either a woman
or a man, or both, a couple sometimes.
You know, right up front
(09:36):
Sometimes a couple will hate you together.
Like, they will, like, you know, doing stand-up
and you'll see a couple, both of them looking at you like this.
And I addressed one of them yesterday.
I was like, you look so fucking angry
and bored, I said to her.
And she goes, nothing.
(09:59):
I go, that's okay.
I go, that's okay.
They put people like you up front to chip away at my self-esteem.
Chip, chip, chip goes to self-esteem.
And And she just stone-facing you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's funny, you know, it's funny.
I have to watch it.
I was getting angry
at people this weekend.
(10:23):
Getting angry at sad people.
No, just kind of, you know, being a little
irritable sometimes on stage,
which is not a good thing.
Well, I mean, yeah, yeah, I always try
to, if I feel myself actually feeling angry, I know I've screwed up.
(10:45):
And then, but I don't know, because I'll lose my decorum.
I did Dude, I just did a show in San Clemente down...
That's where the Nixon Library is.
Is that By the way, yes.
Well, Nixon's from San Clemente.
Ah.
Or was.
He hailed from San Clemente.
But an absolutely
(11:06):
gorgeous crowd.
Well-to-do?
Yeah, pretty well-to-do.
Probably the best looking crowd I've ever seen, just beautiful people of all ages.
Really?
Yes.
Holy shit.
And Iit
the headlining with my buddy Mike Menendez
I don't know, Mike.
There was this There was this beautiful woman who had a bald head.
(11:30):
She was very tan.
I don't know if she was Brazilian or whatever.
She was, but she was very beautiful.
She apparently got the Brazilian wax in the wrong place.
Go ahead.
Oh, yeah.
She wouldn't shut the fuck up.
Oh, that I don't, that.
Well, yeah, yeah.
And I at that I don't, that I'm like, after
the second admonition, then it's like
(11:55):
you need to go.
Absolutely.
Well, eventually she's, uh, I was playing, having fun.
You know, hey, lady, you know, hey, look at this.
We' be a beautiful woman.
It's time to talk, I guess, huh?
And then people laughing or whatever.
And I eventually, I just, I stopped, I paused, I
slowly turned to her, and I go, so you're just going to keep fucking talking to you?
Oh, you got mad.
(12:16):
You got mad.
Yeah.
And she goes, well, what do you would just want me to shut up or laugh?
And I go, yes.
And the audience applaotted.
And then I was able to go back into my material, but like, whoo.
No, but, but, but, but, you know, that's the thing.
And it's so funny to me that
the idiots want to watch crowd work video.
(12:37):
Like, they like the heckle shit.
Yeah.
And it's just so fucking annoying.
You know what I mean?
I thank you.
Oh, I know this dog.
Boba!
Boba.
I think you thank her drink.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Afterwards, I thanked her.
I was like, I just want to say, hey, thanks to the hot Lex Luther over there.
(13:00):
I have nine minutes written down in my material to talk to some random woman.
So really appreciate this.
Then
the guy, Mike, after the show, you're going to love this.
Yeah.
I take a walk after my set.
I'm smoking a J.
I come back.
Mike Menendez is flirting with this woman.
(13:22):
Oh, my.
Ends up getting her number
And so I'm like, by the way, I'm almost positive she was drunk.
Because people who usually talk
like that are either really fucking stupid.
Yeah.
Yes.
Or they're drunk or whatever.
They're so like, they're just oblivious.
Yes.
(13:43):
So I came up and I was like, well, well, well, look what we got here.
Very interesting.
See we loyalties lie, Mike
And then she's like, I'm so sorry.
I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings.
And I was just like, D. Did you say that?
I go, darling, I'm all right.
Don't you worry about me.
You focus on this guy right here.
And I just walked away.
And then I just, I was like, hey, I'll meet you over here.
(14:06):
And then when I saw him, I was like, hey, good on you, buddy.
You got a number from beautiful woman, but Jesus Christ.
I mean, it's just too bad.
It's just too bad that
we have to deal with that.
And I would have said something like this.
You know, I would have said, look, I drove here from
fucking L.A. for this shit.
Okay?
(14:27):
Please don't, don't, you know?
I'm one of the biggest comic geniuses
you're ever gonna see in my act depends
on me getting into it with the audience.
And when you do that shit.
Anyway.
I don't know, but I let's see.
(14:48):
I performed three times this weekend, Friday, and two on Saturday.
Right.
I did the Comedy Store main room on Friday.
and it was a little light, but they were they were game.
They were game to go with all kinds of crazy shit.
I've been getting crazier on the main stage.
The main stage, in the comedy store, we have like the OR,
(15:11):
which is a smaller room and comics love it because
smaller, you kind of work out all kinds of shit. 383 00:15:19,041 --> 000000000:15 Then the main room is more presentational, like a big fucking room. 384 00:15:23,041 --> 000000000:15 Yes. 385 000000000:15 --> 000000000:15 You know, you do your A material, but I've been just getting up 386 00:15:27,041 --> 000000000:15 there and fucking around and doing a lot better like that. 387 00:15:30,041 --> 000000000:15 Dude, you said something the other night, which was like 388 00:15:33,041 --> 000000000:15 this business or whatever, 389 00:15:37,041 --> 000000000:15 and you're like, and they just, they you're doing your thing and then they just fuck you. 390 00:15:41,041 --> 000000000:15 You get fucked by everyone. 391 00:15:43,041 --> 000000000:15 Oh, yeah, you put that clip up? 392 000000000:15 --> 000000000:15 Yeah, but I edited a part out because there's a part where you go, 393 00:15:48,041 --> 000000000:15 I'm doing my, I don't know who the fuck Andrew Santini is. 394 00:15:52,041 --> 000000000:15 Oh, who this. 395 000000000:15 --> 000000000:15 Santino. 396 000000000:15 --> 000000000:15 Yeah, well, you said Santini in it. 397 00:15:56,041 --> 000000000:15 Yeah. 398 000000000:15 --> 000000000:15 And then, 399 000000000:15 --> 000000000:16 but the attitude of it was just like, 400 000000000:16 --> 00:16:03,958 I was doing my thing, and these fucks are coming out of nowhere, 401 000000000:16 --> 00:16:07,958 getting all, you know, blowing up.
(16:07):
And I'm still here, like, and I just, the attitude of it was fucking hilarious. 403 000000000:16 --> 00:16:13,958 And, I mean, the clip was great.. 404 000000000:16 --> 00:16:15,958 And it was crushing too. 405 000000000:16 --> 00:16:18,958 Yeah, and that's the most important thing, folks And I'm hope you don't 406 000000000:16 --> 00:16:22,958 mind me taking some time to talk about stand up a little, because, you know, 407 000000000:16 --> 00:16:25,958 it's what we do, being and Kevin do, and it's 408 000000000:16 --> 00:16:28,958 one of the only things in the world I have insight on. 409 000000000:16 --> 00:16:30,958 Also, I don't know.
(16:30):
Talk about it. 411 000000000:16 --> 00:16:33,958 Yeah.
What was. 413 000000000:16 --> 00:16:38,958 Fuck, I lost my train of thought because I get so deep into it. 414 000000000:16 --> 00:16:40,958 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With the stand.up.
But yeah, it's that's the thing.
The reason why, this is what I wanted to say, I was talking about
how the business and life in general is very
like you think you're going to fucking, you know, kill it.
(16:54):
Yeah.
But life fucking beats you up a lot.
It does.
You know, and the successful people are the ones who persevere.
Yeah.
You know, and keep going, you know?
Yeah, it doesn't seem to end.
And that seems to be life in general.
And with comedy, especially, though, I've felt it more and more,
(17:15):
oh, I got a little ant on my neck.
That was nice.
Yeah, yeah.
My Aunt Lena used to be on my neck all the time.
And I was like, Lena,
Give me a kiss, honey.
Come on,.
Give me a little fool.
I love my Aunt Lena.
She was just like that., you.
And my grandmother and aunt, Italians,
you know, Sicilians, and they would, they'd be, go, give me
(17:39):
They would just pinch my cheek
to the point where I almost called the authorities.
How old were you at this time?
It was about 41.
No.
I was a. like
teenager, younger.
Little younger than teenager.
(18:01):
I will tell you, as a comedy fan, I am always
interested in your childhood.
I am interested in
the early days of Pepatone, you know, kind
of like when you watch a, you know, they're doing an origin story on Captain America.
Like, I'd love to watch the origin story of Eddie Pepatone.
(18:22):
Yeah, with your Aunt Lena pinching your cheek.
Did you guys have big family gatherings and stuff?
Yeah, we did for a while
We did for a while, and we used to all convene
at headquarters, which was my grandmother and grandfather,
my dad's parents, Italians in Marine Park, Brooklyn.
And my uncle, two uncles,
(18:45):
you know, the three brothers, my dad and his two brothers.
Oh, that's, my dad, too.
Is that right?
They have three brothers?
Yep.
Yeah, Ami, Ambrose, and Ray.
That's a cool one.
And Ray was an incredible, my dad used to say to me about Ray.
He was a carpenter.
And he goes, Eddie, he's a wizard with tools.
(19:06):
And I go,
I don't care.
I just want to play with my friend.
Isn't that the way it is, too?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Papatone family.
Did you, when did the family, when was headquarters?
(19:28):
When did that stop?
It didn't really.
You know, just when it kind of., you know, then
everybody, everybody gets older and we, you know, start going as college.
Everybody just kind of fades a
little away because people move, you know, I went to LA.
But I've been recently getting back together and seen a bunch of my cousins, and it's really sweet.
(19:53):
You never, I realize you never lose that family vibe.
Absolutely.
With people you've been related to and especially
who, you know, you got to know grown up and
you don't see them for 20 years sometimes.
And then you see him and it's like, holy shit.
Yeah, my friend Joey came to the comedy store like probably four or five months ago.
(20:15):
And it's a guy that I grew up with, we
went to high school together and then I knew him a little bit in college, but
we weren't like tight, but I saw him and
I was like, hey, somebody from the real world.
Like it was like very much. him, huh?
Yeah.
Where was that?
This was at the comedy store.
(20:36):
But anytime I see some of the you know, family or whatever
you just kind of ease right back in, you know?
And, yeah, the cousins especially, like,
you know, everybody's, because every, the adults are judgmental,
a little bit more judgmental of everything and they're proper and they're established or whatever. whatever.
You know, they have their careers and stuff.
And the cousins are all kind of
(20:58):
you know, we're kind of doing our thing for the most part, but a
lot of us are like fucking clueless about what we want to do.
So we're just like doing our thing, you know?
And let me ask you this.
Do you think kids today, you just got me thinking
about when you said careers, you know, the adults have their careers?
What are options for kids these days?
(21:21):
Is it tough?
It's very tough.
Because you have two kids, and are they getting to be college age now?
My son is 16, about to be 17
Oh, yeah.
coming up here pretty soon.
I'm about to have a birthday party.
I was 17.
Remember that famous.
Oh, yeah.
It was a very good good year.
We should do a bit where
(21:45):
we record you singing that, but it's personalized to you.
Yes.
I had a. a major psychotic break.
I would look at myself in the mirror and not know who
my face was when I was 1
Is that funny?
(22:06):
Yes.
I think you could definitely do something like that.
Is that a Muppet hat?
Yeah, well, it's.
It's Kermit the Frog's.
Love it.
You know I got to meet?
I got to meet Kermit and all those guys on the Muppet movie.
I don't know if you know, I was on the Muppet movie.
You
Watch a piece of cake.
Okay, there, God!
The Muppet movie
(22:29):
was Jason Segel and Amy Adams were the stars.
And I played a mailman and
they were going to have a nice little segment for me.
I got choreographed by the choreographer.
This is a little inside Hollywood shit.
Love it.
The choreographer was Mickey Rooney's kid.
Really?
(22:51):
Yeah.
And
Mickey Rooney was still alive and he was on
the set, just sitting there in a chair.
This is what happens when you get.. you're an old star
in Hollywood faded star and you're just about dying
and he would just be in a chair.
Mickey Rooney, fucking the Mickey Rooney, and I'm in the Muppet movie about to do this
(23:14):
postman thing.
A D. Dancing, which scares me.
Because I have some kind of dyslexia
when people are showing me moves, like, put your right foot here
and your left foot in, your right foot.
You got to shake a orange throw in.
Dude, is that what he was doing in the chair?
(23:36):
He was No, so, yeah, back to me.
Thank you for reeling me in.
No, folks, you need somebody to reel you in.
Oh, yeah.
I've always, I've often pictured my role in this as like
I have a beautiful, wild animal and I have to corral you a little bit.
Folks.
And, you know, you're still free.
(23:57):
Folks, we live in a decaying
empire, an authoritarian country
now ruled by brute savages.
Yet we're still trying to pretend our lives
are going to go swimmingly.
A lot of you have already acquiesced to
(24:18):
these scumbags in power and you will be silent.
Everybody's going to be too afraid to speak out.
And if they come for me, I'll say it was Tinkin!
Tinkin was pull pulling the strings!
I'll be like, I'm willing to take this sacrifice."
Anyway, Mickey Rooney.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(24:39):
On the set of the Muppets.
Again, we got to set the scene here.
It's Eddie having trouble.
learning dance moves while a fading
Mickey Rooney on the set of a huge huge Hollywood movie.
Fading was a nice term for what he.
So he was just there. like this
(24:59):
And I said, Mr. Rooney, sir!
Mr. Rooney, he was just like,.
And then I was like, sir, I so enjoyed you
in all that you did.
I forget what movies you were in right now,
(25:21):
but I just want to say, I know you're famous.
and even though you've seen better days.
Oh, Mick, he just drooled down.
Can someone get Mr. Rooney?
Here we go, sir.
Give him the cloth.
There we go.
Anyway, I'm not.
Anyway.
It's just weird.
I'm not trying to make fun of the elderly because I'm going to be there soon, just going.
(25:45):
I'll be with you, you know, I'll be there.
Pretty soon I'm going to be like, put on the hockey game.
It's time for hockey and spaghetti.
Hockey and spaghetti.
And that sounds good.
And we put a H and spaghetti.
Oh, yeah.
You put your big eating shirt on.
There's a nice looking lady.
(26:07):
Welcome to hockey and Spaghetti.
Our guest is Ed Pepperato.
Hey, and spaghetti.
All right, just wait a minute.
We'll get to you, Mr. Peppatone.
Please give me hockey with me idiot.
Did somebody get him his joint?
Did somebody get him his joint?
He's cranky.
All right, here you go, buddy.
Just spanning you joints.
That's basically. and hockey.
(26:29):
Basically, what I'm like.
I mean, not a bad existence.
I'll say that much.
Yeah.
By the way, the eating shirt is something
you referenced in in that when you used to do this
the sing and dance man on one of your specials.
You did a..
When did I say this?
You come out and you're you're doing like, the lounge singer.
(26:53):
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've been done him in a while.
It's been a bit.
It's like Do you like the lounge singer a bit?
Oh, I mean, it's.
I feel like it's a fluid for you to
swim in, you know, like bits like that.
Like, you know where I forgot
Last night, I felt like I just, I
was a little off last night.
(27:17):
You know those nights when, like, I've been having really good
nights, but last night, I keep doing this because it is a rhythm thing.
Yes.
It's a rhythm thing.
And I let myself get.
I didn't get into the rhythm.
Yeah.
And I forgot to come on.
(27:38):
I wanted to come on singing going, hey, Paris, is where you're.
This is what I wanted to do.
I wanted to do a bit like this.
I wanted to come on and just start going to the crowd
Hey, Paris is where I fell in love.
Under an umbrella in an outdoor cafe.
How about you, sir?
Paris is where I fell and left.
(28:00):
And then I break out on a character and I go to the audience.
Folks, do you remember
when there used to be music like that?
It's because it was a simpler time.
We weren't, you know, a
genocide hadn't been live streamed.
You know, and all these cowards who talk about the
genocide and so there aren't songs
(28:22):
like, my baby likes a red dress.
There aren't songs like that anymore.
Now the songs are like, now, get the children and run.
Just saying how music, like, like the bit on that one.
Well, like the music.
I mean, you're right.
The romance is kind of out of a lot of it, you know, in any way.
(28:45):
And like the reality is just like fucking or death.
You know, it's like literally
Like hard dicks and wet pussies and What are you told?
You got my attention.
Done The music.
What are you talking about?
Like, you listen to what's on the fucking radio.
It's literally like..
Oh, you're saying it's very profane?
Oh, yeah.
But like deep and people are like, I'll fucking kill you.
(29:07):
And I'm I got a
I got a hard dick.
It's not all all like that, is it?
I mean.
Not all of it.
You're probably just listening to messages left for me on my phone.
To music.
You, motherfucker, I saw the early show and I want to fuck you, Jack.
Anyway, so..
(29:28):
Hey, Eddie, this is Jerry again.
Just wanted to call, let you know, I still got that hard dick.
I'm ready to fuck you up here, pal.
Hey, Jerry, sorry I was away.
I hope your dick is still hard.
Jerry, did your dick just go off?
Beep.
Dude, watching, I remember watching Mickey Rooney as a
kid in Pete's Dragon, the original Pete's Dragon.
(29:52):
Pete's Dragon.
What's that?
It's one of the first movies where they would draw on some celluloid,
so there's an animated dragon on it.
Oh, shit.
And it was a movie, a Disney movie, good movie.
It's a musical.
But Mickey Rooney played one of the best drunks
I've ever seen in my life.
And it's probably, it's probably either a
trope of somebody else who did the drunk, but
(30:14):
like when he's drunk, it was like, that
was the drunk guy ever everybody else would play.
You gonna see a
hideous monster?
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
And it's fake.
It's 50. 50 feet of terror cost, also
sharp, like a kill a man's shreds.
(30:38):
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, go watch Pete's Dragon..
There's a moment in which him and his buddy are just sipping on whiskey and they wander in.
They're walking on the beach drunk as they could possibly be.
And they wander into this cave and they see Pete's dragon, Ellieiot
and they're just drinking.
They give him some booze.
It's a great scene.
Yeah, yeah.
(30:59):
These are some of my, these are some of my special childhood memories.
Yeah, and,
you know, he's a small dude, Mickey Rooney.
Yeah.
Matter of fact, his kid, who is the choreographer, just carried him around in one of those frontal
baby knapsacks.
He just had little Mickey.
He goes, Dad?
(31:20):
Huh? 755 00:31:21,041 --> 000000000:31 Your best days are behind you.
I'm Mickey Fucker Root.
That's what he kept saying.
I don't know why I'm going over. 759 00:31:29,041 --> 000000000:31 I'm Mickey.
How did I get into the Muppet thing?
Oh, yeah.
See Kermit.
On your hat.
And I don't know if I talked about this, but..
Yes.
Well, you didn't really talk about what Mickey was like.
You were just saying he was in a chair
kind of there.
(31:42):
There was nothing to know.
And I wasn't going to approach him.
I was kidding.
I did, yeah.
I didn't go near him.
I remember the makeup woman.
She's doing the makeup on the movie, and she's as
she's doing, I'm saying, I'm saying shit like, Mickey Rooney's here, huh? 777 00:31:59,041 --> 000000000:32 You know, bullshitting the makeup. 778 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 This is makeup chair. 779 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 Yeah. 780 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 I'm I, oh, Mickey Rooney's here. 781 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 And she goes, yeah. 782 00:32:05,041 --> 000000000:32 I have it on Good authority that he 783 00:32:08,041 --> 000000000:32 killed his last wife and buried her in the desert. 784 00:32:13,041 --> 000000000:32 Like, I swear to God she said that. 785 00:32:16,041 --> 000000000:32 That Rooney, apparently, I guess if you Google it, 786 00:32:19,041 --> 000000000:32 he, I think one of his wives wound up missing or, I don't know. 787 00:32:24,041 --> 000000000:32 No fucking way. 788 00:32:26,041 --> 000000000:32 I don't know. 789 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 I mean, I don't want to, you know, It's like William Shatner, whose wife 790 00:32:31,041 --> 000000000:32 drowned in a pool. 791 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 The big stars out here, Robert Wagner, Natalie Wood drowned. 792 00:32:38,041 --> 000000000:32 Yep. 793 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 You know, all these old Hollywood tales, you know, 794 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 What's the guy who got shot? 795 000000000:32 --> 00:32:48,958 Thomas Ins. 796 000000000:32 --> 00:32:50,958 Randolph Hurst Oh, yeah. 797 000000000:32 --> 00:32:53,958 On the boat. 798 00:32:53,958 --> 000000000:32 Yeah? 799 000000000:32 --> 00:32:54,458 Oh, yeah.
(32:54):
Yes. 801 000000000:32 --> 00:32:56,958 Well, and well, the.
Chapain was on that boat. 803 000000000:32 --> 00:32:59,958 You know what's interesting?
I was you would reference the film that's based on a true story where 805 000000000:33 --> 00:33:06,958 the guy kills the other guy with the tripod. 806 000000000:33 --> 00:33:10,958 That's called Auto Focus, I think? 807 000000000:33 --> 00:33:12,958 Maybe.
It's, it's, it's Greg Kinnear. 809 000000000:33 --> 00:33:15,958 Yeah.
(33:15):
As Bob Crane, Bob Crane, who was Hogan in Hogan's Heroes. 811 000000000:33 --> 00:33:19,958 And he was brought up in a very Christian
Yeah.
uh, oh, you can relate it. brought up in
a very kind of Christian household.
His wife was, you know, he had a double lifeessionally.
He was just fucking everything that moved in Hollywood.
And then he would go home and like w presents.
(33:36):
And him and John Carpenter, who was a film, not the
big John Carpenter filmmaker, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Did you watch it recently?
No, that's what I was going to say.
I
I couldn't I couldn't I could not find a place to watch it.
What do you mean?
It's not It wasn't on any streaming services that I could find.
I thought every.
Really?
Yeah.
Ah.
(33:57):
So I'm like, I feel like they're trying to.
It's a fucking pretty haunting movie.
Yeah, I want to see it.
I like
I like going back and watching movies that are kind
of universally recognized as good movies..
Or even, I mean, honestly, even just watching old
movies in general just because they feel so different.
They do.
Yeah.
(34:17):
And I think what it is
is, like, I love watching Film Noir and
the the old film Noir.
And it's just, the pace is slower.
Yes.
In a lot of these.
And today it's like boom, boom, boom, like everything is coming at you.
I remember Sarah Silverman said once
(34:40):
you know, I watched a Marvel trailer and it felt like
I was getting fucked in the mouth.
No, I mean, they just come out?
They come at you.
Oh, yeah.
It's they are trying to grab your attention from moment one.
And things are really good at grabbing attention nowadays.
So it's like even the audacity to ask somebody to sit in a theater for two hours
(35:03):
you know, with these kids that are literally going from subject
to subject to subject to subject, not just kids.
I mean, it's everybody.
You know, my wife sometimes all
look over and all four of us are all just, and
I'll go like, all right, let's go outside or whatever, you know, try to do something.
Jeez, Louise.
(35:24):
The little ant got me.
Wow, you really have a lot of ants on you.
What's the matter?
Folks, we interrupt this brook.
I do?
Kevin Tinken has lost his mind.
I'm covered in ants.
You know, that's what people who were D team, like going off of alcohol?
A!
(35:45):
They They call them delirium tremors.
Yes, I think.
Yeah..
Ah, the DTs.
That's the old word for like, uh. you know,
trying to get off of alcohol.
Intoxification.
Oh, thank you.
Yes, yes, yes.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that.
Thank you.
I think that's what it is.
Oh, my gosh.
Look at this little fluffy, this little fluff ball over.
I'm looking at this doggy over here.
(36:06):
Oh, my gosh.
Watch him.
He's going to get his ball.
Run for your ball.
Run.agine this is the whole podcast.
Us going like this, Kev.
Run for your ball
Oh, that's a little fluffball?
You know what we should do?
I'm not sure we're out with time or not.
I don't know where we're at with time.
What?
What do you mean?
I thought you were keeping track.
I'm not keeping track at all.
But I think we're we're, I know we're not.
(36:29):
We're still pretty early.
35.
You know, we should do
Charlotte's Charlotte's spills
the tea about Pitone.
Why, you set it up good.
Set it up for everybody.
Uh huh, uh huh.
Hey, guys, and it's time for another expose from Charlotte.
It's Charlotte spill.ills the tea about Eddie.
(36:52):
Hello, everybody.
My name is Charlotte.
And
okay, so yesterday, I'm late laying
down on the couch at the feet of my master
at Peppaton, and all of a sudden, he pulls down his pants and starts pulling on that thing.
He's always pulling on.
And And it's sad to watch these days because
(37:15):
of the prostatectomy he had.
It's just a little wet noodle that he keeps, you know.
he keeps pulling, pulling.
And I got to tell you, I'm trying to sleep.
He pulls on it.
I'm trying to sleep.
I'm an older dog now.
I'm 16.
You know?
And I'm trying to sleep, and I look to my right, and this
(37:38):
guy, you know, he ain't a small guy.
And he's just pulling on this wet noodle.
Anyway, that was early in the day.
And by early in the day for him, I mean, like three.
I mean, he gets up at 200.
I don't mind it.
I'm an older dog.
I lay there with him.
You know, at some point, though, I have to check and see if he's dead
(37:59):
you know?
And then he's got to go clean up the mess that I left.
He's got pads all over the place for me because I am
an elderly dog, and I, you know, I don't know.
I don't feel like.
Anyway, I don't want to get into my shit
literally, but he's got to clean it up, and that's
the first thing he does in the morning, and then he washes his hands.
(38:23):
And by the way, I
was standing behind him the other day, and his ass is awful.
It doesn't have any definition.
He doesn''t have any definition to his ass.
It just kind of sags.
It just kind of sags there, like a
loaf of fucking Italian, not Italian.
(38:44):
I'm the Italian.
Shut the fuck up.
Anyway.
And then, so he washed his hands after cleaning my shit.
And then we go downstairs.
And you know what he does a lot of times?
Like, I'll go down the first set of steps.
It's two levels of steps, and there's a landing.
And I always wait for him.
Sometimes
(39:06):
I think he's coming down and he winds up
going into the bathroom and I'm on the landing going, "Are you fucking coming down?"
And he'll stay in that bathroom for a while, you know?
And I don't know if you know it, but he has a bridge in the lower part of his mouth, and it's disgusting.
He takes out the bridge.
(39:26):
He looks like a fucking hillbilly with these missing teeth, and he starts brushing
his fucking bridge.
And I'm a fucking dog!
I don't need to see this shit.
These human beings.
We have the good sense, you know, take us to the vet and put us down.
You know, somebody should put this fuck down at this point.
(39:48):
No, I love him.
What am I doing?
I'm getting I love him to death, you know.
He feeds me, he cooks me chicken.
You know, he cooked me some chicken dyes yesterday.
He wound up eating a bunch of them, but, you
know, I don't like size as much as him, you know?
But anyway, the biggest thing I want to say
(40:10):
is his ass has no definition.
Thanks for joining us on
another Charlotte tells the truth about Eddie Pepitone.
Dude, yeah.
I don't know what the fuck happened to my ass.
I's.
You know what?
That would be funny, by the way, all over
your neighborhood, there are posters of your ass, and it says, if
(40:34):
you've seen this ass reward.
Have you seen my ass?
Right.
I haven't.
Hello, little guy. 1001 00:40:44,500 --> 000000000:40 Hello. 1002 000000000:40 --> 00:40:45,500 Yeah, I got to start doing squats.
Another nice puppy.
Oh, yeah, puppy.
Hello, baby.
What you doing?
Hey, buddy buddy.
Oh, you coming to say hello?
You're the first dogkey who's come by today.
(40:56):
Oh, you're sweet.
Hi, sweetheart.
Oh, you's a good guy.
Yeah, you got a mohawk.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's a good pupper like the bullies.
Look at you.
Yeah.
Is he yours?
No, no, no.
It's somewhere around.
Oh, probably.
Hey, hell yeah.
(41:17):
What do you see?
You've seen your eyes on YouTube.
Oh, cool.
So you're the one.
Oh, Kevin.
Kevin got in a good one-liner.
Hey, buddy,'s your is that is that?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay.
I love the people who are on a phone, not paying any attention to their dog.
They're on FaceTime, too.
Like, hello!
Yeah, yeah.
(41:38):
This is their FaceTime calls here in the park.
I'll give you.
Let me tell you something, Rodrigo.
I am in love with Manuela and I will.
I will pursue her to the ends of earth.
What?
I am in North Hollywood Park?
(41:59):
Yeah,while, the dog's running into the street.
Oh, man.
No, I. Yeah, so where were we?
Mickey Rooney, The Muppets, Charlotte, Charlotte, Little Charlotte.
I love that you're cooking her chicken
What?
You're cooking her chicken and taking care of her.
Yeah.
(42:20):
Oh, it's sweet.
The greatest thing.
is and it's gotten really more intense is when
I go to do the shows at night, right?
So I leave her alone for, it's about three
hours, let's say, sometimes four, let's say three, and I come back.
She goes so apeeshit.
(42:42):
And I have her on the couch and she's just She's so
excited that I'm back home because she knows it's chicken time.
Yep.
Yep.
You know, she knows burgers are going on the grill.
Oh, yeah.
I get it.
I get it.
She salation.
Oh, Daddy!
Daddy, you're back!
(43:03):
Can you cook me a late night burger?
Right?
She's so cute when she barks, she jumps a little.
Yeah.
It's very cute.
Oh, God.
I love these animals.
Man and his dog.
It's so much simpler, you know.
It is.
Well, what's that quote that's like the greatest truth you'll ever know
is just to love and be loved in return or something like that?
(43:25):
And I think that's the love of a dog.
And again, you know, I've adopted the policy
of being in the ballpark, of course,otes.
You know, but I'm pretty sure it's something like that.
is true in the ballpark of quotes,
no thy is one of my favorites things.
No thy.
(43:47):
Yep.
If you you know Jerry, you know yourself.
You know, that's Jerry, that's a quote, right?
No thy.
No, no
self, I think..
This is the guy, Ballpark quotes guys.
What's another quote that people use?
At the end of the day, what do you think of at the end of the day?
(44:08):
I never use that, do you?
At the end of the day, I don't know.
I don't need that.
I mean, I was in sales for a long time,
Is't that corporate speak?
Well, I think it's one of those things where I
found myself using certain phrases that I no longer use,
that I, and at the end of the day, is one of those, where I'd be like,
guys, we got to look at this, you know, when you check our inventory, it costs
(44:31):
X amount of dollars to bring that in, and we sell it for X amount of dollars.
You subtract the, you know, the labor and whatnot.
And at the end of the day, that's your profit right there.
You know?
But, you know, at the end of the day, we got to..
It's people don't talk like that.
Normal people are like, look, Margaret.
Yeah, Al?
At the end of the day...
(44:53):
What are you talking about?
About 830?
That's early, Margaret.
The end of the day is, for me, sometimes 2
a.m. I know, Al, but you have a horrible disorder.
Hey, Margaret, please, don't start talking about my disorders.
Look, Al, not only do you have a rash
(45:15):
okay?
You have a r rash now on your inner thigh,
and you have a disorder where you stay up late at night.
Why are you first of all, why are you washing our
our laundry in public?
What are you talking about?
We don't have a machine.
That's why I have to go in the public and wash and I have to go to a public washing machine.
(45:38):
I'm not talking about that, Margaret.
I'm talking about on the podcast, you're saying I have a rash.
Yes, you do
And you don't know where it's from.
I know I don't, Margaret.
That's the thing about rashes.
You don't know where they're from.
All of a sudden they're on your body and like, and you're like, what the fuck?
This is an invasion.
Al?
(46:00):
Yes?
I love you so much, D. Don't Don't try to throw me off with the love thing.
Ah, You're starting to get to me.
Al?
Unbutting the back of my dress and have your way with me.
Aw, come on, Margaret.
(46:22):
I wanted to talk about something else, and I forgot.
now because you flash your sexuality.
You weaponize your sexuality against me.
Oh, come on, you enjoy it.
I guess I do.
Yes, you do.
(46:46):
All right, I'll unbutton the back here, dress.
Thank you, Al.
Put on the jazz music and I'll fry up a couple of crabs.
Margaret, please don't talk about crabs.
Just before sex.
It just feels wrong.
I love crabs.
Yeah, but it has a sexual disease Kanake.
(47:08):
No, I'm talking about the Maryland crab cakes I make for us.
All right, let me unbutton your drink.
So when are you going to start the crabs, though?
I don't know.
Because if I am putting your dress, you
don't want to get grease all over your body.
(47:33):
You're right.
Margaret, this is going slow.
Al, the greatest gift we can give
each other is just to know we've been loved.
The hell are you talking about?
The greatest gift we can give each other is like a new car.
A new car is the best gift you can give some. someone.
(48:00):
You ever do that, Margaret, where you say, "Hey, look out the window and there's a big bow on the car?
No.
Well, go ahead, Margaret, look out the window.
You're kidding!
Go ahead.
Look out the window.
I just see...
No, I don't see any car with the bow.
I know, I'm sorry.
(48:23):
Ladies and gentlemen, Alan Parker
were pronounced dead at 258% Pacific time.
I love the idea that Al hates having sex. 1185 00:48:37,041 --> 000000000:48 So he's just like, 1186 00:48:42,041 --> 000000000:48 Come over and have sex with me. 1187 00:48:47,041 --> 000000000:48 By the way, it reminded me of something that 1188 00:48:51,041 --> 000000000:48 my grandmother once said she was talking about the slogan 1189 00:48:54,041 --> 000000000:48 of Burger King, which is have it your way. 1190 00:48:57,041 --> 000000000:48 Yeah. 1191 000000000:48 --> 000000000:49 But she would say, it's Burger King, have your way with us. 1192 00:49:03,041 --> 000000000:49 And she 1193 00:49:06,041 --> 000000000:49 was like, I mean, this was, I mean, this was she's 1194 00:49:09,041 --> 000000000:49 in her late 80s, early 90s. 1195 00:49:11,041 --> 000000000:49 Frank, I'm going to Burger King and have my way with them. 1196 00:49:14,041 --> 000000000:49 Oh, come on, Al. 1197 00:49:16,041 --> 000000000:49 You know that always makes the papers. 1198 000000000:49 --> 000000000:49 I know.. 1199 000000000:49 --> 00:49:22,958 You don't want to be in the papers again for having your way with all the Burger King people. 1200 000000000:49 --> 00:49:24,958 Nah.
(49:24):
Shoot.
What?
I was looking at the time.
I'm like, I think. 1205 00:49:27,958 --> 000000000:49 I got. 1206 000000000:49 --> 00:49:28,458 Oh, we're, uh.
I think we got to go. 1208 000000000:49 --> 00:49:30,958 Oh, we're in it, baby. 1209 000000000:49 --> 00:49:32,958 Yeah, baby.
All right.
Well, that was it. 1212 000000000:49 --> 00:49:35,958 All right, Kev, why don't you wrap her up for everybody? 1213 000000000:49 --> 00:49:41,958 By the way, thanks for going with us again on a circuit bit of a journey. 1214 000000000:49 --> 00:49:42,958 We got a little true Hollywood stories.
Yeah, I love it. 1216 000000000:49 --> 00:49:45,958 We got a little bit of Pepatone history. 1217 000000000:49 --> 00:49:48,958 We got a little off the rails. 1218 000000000:49 --> 00:49:50,958 You know, it was all the good things, all the things people love. 1219 000000000:49 --> 00:49:53,958 We had some puppy petting.
(49:53):
I mean, this is the gambit.
Yeah. 1222 000000000:49 --> 00:49:56,958 This is the 1223 00:49:56,958 --> 000000000:49 We really got the trail mix of the Apocalypse podcast. 1224 000000000:49 --> 00:50:01,958 This podcast today was the Ark of Life itself.
Absolutely.
First to death.
Alan Margaret died right at the end.
If you want more of this podcast or
you want to see the true golden through line, go
to patreon.com slash Eddieepatone and
(50:15):
you can subscribe to this podcast for five or 20 bucks and we'll get you this video
podcast the day that it comes out as opposed to a week later for everybody else.
We'll also give you some exclusive Pepatone stand-up clips.
We just put up
the live show up there with our stand-up as well.
And then go to Eddieepitone.com.
You can see all those tour dates and subscribe to us on Instagram, YouTube, all that good stuff.
(50:38):
It lets us know that somebody's watching.
Thank you, everybody, for watching and listening to
Apocalypse Soon, a podcast with no Upside.
Hey, folks, it's me, Kevin Tinkin here.
I'm just looking at this YouTube channel, and gosh, it
would fill my heart with joy to have a couple more subscribers over here at the Apocalypseon YouTube channel.
Let's go check it out.
Go over to Patreon.
Go to eddiepepatone.com for all his live
And now. let's do the show.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Apocalypse soon.
(00:30):
Very excited to be here.
Beautiful day, beautiful day, sunshine, Park. puppies, old
dudes in the park wearing hats looking good.
And here he is.
Oh, yeah.
He's got the new red shades
on.
The hat's looking fine.
He just got done 69 in the entire world.
It's.
Hey!
(00:51):
Ye!
Hello, everybody, and this is the podcast about the neighborhood watch.
I'm Vinnie Thompsonson.
This is Tony Stevens.
And we've been watching the park today, huh, Tony?
A lot of riffraff right here.
A lot of people I don't recognize, not a big fan.
Not a big fan.
Look at this guy over here here.
Yeah, a nice squirrel man.
Jeez, Louise.
(01:12):
Anyway, we try to keep our neighborhood safe by
hating people that we don't know or
or want to know, really.
Who's this fucking guy?
He's selling cakes?
What's this guy doing?
Yeah, what is this guy this guy doing?
Pce of shit?
Hey, I don't Move it along.
Move it along.
Hey, it's Apocalypse soon, everybody.
(01:33):
Hey, sometimes we get right into a character.
Oh, yeah.
And just go, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, but welcome everybody to our podcast.
It is a beautiful day here.
It really is.
In the shade.
It's a little warm, a little warm
in the sun, but it is a gorgeous day.
We have a beautiful squirrel
to our right, your left, if you're watching.
(01:54):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That squirrel is very curious about what's going on.
I think he wants a nut.
Yeah, I mean he's.
Hey, we all want a nut, bud.
Yeah, oh, he's looking at the camera.
He's very curious.
Hi, baby.
I wish I had something from.
Anyway, what's going on, Kev?
We've been seeing a lot of each other.
Kevin, hired by the comedy store now,
(02:16):
climbing up that comedy store. store ladder.
Oh, I'm climbing.
Doing spots and parking cars.
Oh, yeah.
Spotots and cars..
Wouldn't it be funny if every valet in L.A.
had to do standup as well?
Like every valet?
I park a car, but then I have to do a stand-up.
(02:39):
Yeah, you go to Mel's and the guy's like, you, right.
I have to do a spot and a floor.
Where are you from, sir?
I'm from Italy.
I just got here.
Do you know the Italian Ellien?
I do.
Nobody will believe in me.
But, yeah, no, I've been celebrating my wife's birthday the other day.
She turned 21 again.
(03:00):
And it was.
Forever.
21.
Forever.
Foreverver 211.
Is that the name of that story?
It is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's what they mean by that, huh?
Like, I'm never getting older.
That's only one.
Hey, ladies and guys, you know what?
We age and look at me.
You know, I'm almost out of here and I
(03:20):
got to tell you, it feels good when you when you're, I
mean, life is, is, you know, it's beautiful, but it's also a lot to deal with.
And to know that you're going to be out of the game is nothing
too terrible, really.
I mean, life will go on., you know?
Yep.
(03:41):
No, you start dying the moment you're born.
You know?
Hopefully it'll be reach around in heaven.
They'll be.
That's a country song.
They'll be rerounds in heaven
for you and my babies.
Reach around in heaven.
And we have a beautiful, I think it's a police helicopter.
(04:04):
Oh, gorgeous, gorgeous police helicopter, monitoring the
lovely North Hollywood skyline.
Keep it up, boys.
You get them, guys.
Don't worry about civil disorder.
Don't worry about those liberties and whatnot.
(04:25):
Now, there's a big party.
We get a lot of parties out here in the park.
Balloons.
Sometimes a bouncy house.
Is there a bouncy house?
I don't see a bouncy house, though over there your house.
By the way, folks, I just bought a bouncy house for my family.
We don't have a regular house, so we live in the bouncy house.
And I got to tell you, it's very hard to do certain things
(04:47):
like cook because the
electrical company, anyway, this is a bit about having a bouncy house.
And if you are in a bouncy, a lot of people don't look at this.
They look at like a bouncy house and they think of it as a fun experience for the kids.
But it's actually a house, you know?
A lot of people don't even look at that.
And you come on down, the big Al's bouncy houses.
(05:09):
Come on get you in a two bedroom for only 25 grand
That's right.
Oh, it's amazing how real estate,
you know, the prices of apartments even out here.
Dude, California is not doing well with apartment
prices, but I know it's kind of everywhere.
But I don't know.
Now, not like here.
(05:30):
Well, New York, you know.
Yeah.
I wonder what Chicago is like That's got to be pretty expensive, too, right?
I don't know.
Folks, is Chicago affordable?
By the way, we were just talking to a friend of ours, Carlos, who's from Chicago
He was in the park, and I I had mentioned
that I saw there was a huge dust storm that swept through Chicago.
(05:53):
That's wild.
How wild is that?
I guess it's getting dusty out there.
You know what?
I mean, no, but this was wild.
If you saw this, it's because in the Midwest yesterday,
there were tons of tornadoes and like
super cell, and they spawned all this stuff.
Oh, wow.
(06:15):
But no, but the ground
the earth, the earth, the art is
so dry that the
wind, when these storms happen, the wind and it created a dust storm.
Hey, welcome back to Explaining the Elements with Tony.
Now, Tony, you were talking about dust storms there.
Yeah Now, let me tell you something.
(06:36):
No amount of lemon pledge is going to wipe out this
dust that came through Chicago yesterday.
That's right, and that goes out out, that's another reminder, we are sponsored by the maids Union.
You want a maid, you better get it from the fucking union and we'll kick your ass.
Yes, maids Union.
I'll never never forget being tied up by a maid.
(06:58):
I paid very good money.
Oh, yeah.
I said, look, madam, I know you work here
at the hotel cleaning and whatnot..
Is there any way you could tie me up and just do whatever the hell you want?
I'll give you $130.
Well, you had gotten your medical reports that day.
I remember, you know, you needed it.
You know, you needed I needed a little tie up.
(07:20):
So she ties me up, takes the 130,
and says, "Good day, sir, didn't do a thing to me
and just left me, and I understand that she's wanted in six, seven states.
If you see her, don't say nothing, all right?
She's a good gal. took care of my buddy here.
Tony.
Now, Tony, you said it was a dust storm out there in
(07:42):
Yeah, man, the weather is getting fucked up.
Now, yeah, so first dust storm, they're saying there
wasn't an event like this since the 1930s.
Oh, that's wild.
Yeah.
When there was the dust bowl.
Do you remember the dust bowl?
Yeah.
I'll never forget it.
The grapes are Wrath.
(08:04):
I mean, I remember.
Henry Fonda.
Oh, yeah yeah.
Jane Fonda.
Yeah.
Yep.
Jane Fonda.
She wasn't in that.
No, it's too bad.
No, but Henry Fonda played Tom Jad famously.
John Steinbeck novel.
Yeah.
Grapes a Wrath about just the unbelievable
poverty and
people coming from the dust bow into California.
(08:27):
The Okies.
Yeah, yeah.
I've played Oklahoma, and I'll tell you, man,
it could use some dust.
Yeah..m kidding.
I'm kidding.
It was fine.
It was fine.
I had fun.
I remember performing there, but it was a weird kind of
bar upstairs upstairs, you know?
(08:51):
And just, it was a funny scene.
There was one person who was obviously on drugs, just nodding out.
And I'm like, sir, sir!
And I'm like, sir, sir, don't nod.
You know?
I was like, don't nod, sir.
You were trying to say things that he couldn't agree with.
Sir, I understand.
I understand that you want to go bye-bye.
(09:14):
We all want to go bye-bye, sir.
We don't want to deal with things.
But please, sir, please have some decorum in public.
Do not do this during my sex, sir.
Feel free to off yourself after my.
By the way, there was a woman, and there always is either a woman
or a man, or both, a couple sometimes.
You know, right up front
(09:36):
Sometimes a couple will hate you together.
Like, they will, like, you know, doing stand-up
and you'll see a couple, both of them looking at you like this.
And I addressed one of them yesterday.
I was like, you look so fucking angry
and bored, I said to her.
And she goes, nothing.
(09:59):
I go, that's okay.
I go, that's okay.
They put people like you up front to chip away at my self-esteem.
Chip, chip, chip goes to self-esteem.
And And she just stone-facing you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's funny, you know, it's funny.
I have to watch it.
I was getting angry
at people this weekend.
(10:23):
Getting angry at sad people.
No, just kind of, you know, being a little
irritable sometimes on stage,
which is not a good thing.
Well, I mean, yeah, yeah, I always try
to, if I feel myself actually feeling angry, I know I've screwed up.
(10:45):
And then, but I don't know, because I'll lose my decorum.
I did Dude, I just did a show in San Clemente down...
That's where the Nixon Library is.
Is that By the way, yes.
Well, Nixon's from San Clemente.
Ah.
Or was.
He hailed from San Clemente.
But an absolutely
(11:06):
gorgeous crowd.
Well-to-do?
Yeah, pretty well-to-do.
Probably the best looking crowd I've ever seen, just beautiful people of all ages.
Really?
Yes.
Holy shit.
And Iit
the headlining with my buddy Mike Menendez
I don't know, Mike.
There was this There was this beautiful woman who had a bald head.
(11:30):
She was very tan.
I don't know if she was Brazilian or whatever.
She was, but she was very beautiful.
She apparently got the Brazilian wax in the wrong place.
Go ahead.
Oh, yeah.
She wouldn't shut the fuck up.
Oh, that I don't, that.
Well, yeah, yeah.
And I at that I don't, that I'm like, after
the second admonition, then it's like
(11:55):
you need to go.
Absolutely.
Well, eventually she's, uh, I was playing, having fun.
You know, hey, lady, you know, hey, look at this.
We' be a beautiful woman.
It's time to talk, I guess, huh?
And then people laughing or whatever.
And I eventually, I just, I stopped, I paused, I
slowly turned to her, and I go, so you're just going to keep fucking talking to you?
Oh, you got mad.
(12:16):
You got mad.
Yeah.
And she goes, well, what do you would just want me to shut up or laugh?
And I go, yes.
And the audience applaotted.
And then I was able to go back into my material, but like, whoo.
No, but, but, but, but, you know, that's the thing.
And it's so funny to me that
the idiots want to watch crowd work video.
(12:37):
Like, they like the heckle shit.
Yeah.
And it's just so fucking annoying.
You know what I mean?
I thank you.
Oh, I know this dog.
Boba!
Boba.
I think you thank her drink.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Afterwards, I thanked her.
I was like, I just want to say, hey, thanks to the hot Lex Luther over there.
(13:00):
I have nine minutes written down in my material to talk to some random woman.
So really appreciate this.
Then
the guy, Mike, after the show, you're going to love this.
Yeah.
I take a walk after my set.
I'm smoking a J.
I come back.
Mike Menendez is flirting with this woman.
(13:22):
Oh, my.
Ends up getting her number
And so I'm like, by the way, I'm almost positive she was drunk.
Because people who usually talk
like that are either really fucking stupid.
Yeah.
Yes.
Or they're drunk or whatever.
They're so like, they're just oblivious.
Yes.
(13:43):
So I came up and I was like, well, well, well, look what we got here.
Very interesting.
See we loyalties lie, Mike
And then she's like, I'm so sorry.
I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings.
And I was just like, D. Did you say that?
I go, darling, I'm all right.
Don't you worry about me.
You focus on this guy right here.
And I just walked away.
And then I just, I was like, hey, I'll meet you over here.
(14:06):
And then when I saw him, I was like, hey, good on you, buddy.
You got a number from beautiful woman, but Jesus Christ.
I mean, it's just too bad.
It's just too bad that
we have to deal with that.
And I would have said something like this.
You know, I would have said, look, I drove here from
fucking L.A. for this shit.
Okay?
(14:27):
Please don't, don't, you know?
I'm one of the biggest comic geniuses
you're ever gonna see in my act depends
on me getting into it with the audience.
And when you do that shit.
Anyway.
I don't know, but I let's see.
(14:48):
I performed three times this weekend, Friday, and two on Saturday.
Right.
I did the Comedy Store main room on Friday.
and it was a little light, but they were they were game.
They were game to go with all kinds of crazy shit.
I've been getting crazier on the main stage.
The main stage, in the comedy store, we have like the OR,
(15:11):
which is a smaller room and comics love it because
smaller, you kind of work out all kinds of shit. 383 00:15:19,041 --> 000000000:15 Then the main room is more presentational, like a big fucking room. 384 00:15:23,041 --> 000000000:15 Yes. 385 000000000:15 --> 000000000:15 You know, you do your A material, but I've been just getting up 386 00:15:27,041 --> 000000000:15 there and fucking around and doing a lot better like that. 387 00:15:30,041 --> 000000000:15 Dude, you said something the other night, which was like 388 00:15:33,041 --> 000000000:15 this business or whatever, 389 00:15:37,041 --> 000000000:15 and you're like, and they just, they you're doing your thing and then they just fuck you. 390 00:15:41,041 --> 000000000:15 You get fucked by everyone. 391 00:15:43,041 --> 000000000:15 Oh, yeah, you put that clip up? 392 000000000:15 --> 000000000:15 Yeah, but I edited a part out because there's a part where you go, 393 00:15:48,041 --> 000000000:15 I'm doing my, I don't know who the fuck Andrew Santini is. 394 00:15:52,041 --> 000000000:15 Oh, who this. 395 000000000:15 --> 000000000:15 Santino. 396 000000000:15 --> 000000000:15 Yeah, well, you said Santini in it. 397 00:15:56,041 --> 000000000:15 Yeah. 398 000000000:15 --> 000000000:15 And then, 399 000000000:15 --> 000000000:16 but the attitude of it was just like, 400 000000000:16 --> 00:16:03,958 I was doing my thing, and these fucks are coming out of nowhere, 401 000000000:16 --> 00:16:07,958 getting all, you know, blowing up.
(16:07):
And I'm still here, like, and I just, the attitude of it was fucking hilarious. 403 000000000:16 --> 00:16:13,958 And, I mean, the clip was great.. 404 000000000:16 --> 00:16:15,958 And it was crushing too. 405 000000000:16 --> 00:16:18,958 Yeah, and that's the most important thing, folks And I'm hope you don't 406 000000000:16 --> 00:16:22,958 mind me taking some time to talk about stand up a little, because, you know, 407 000000000:16 --> 00:16:25,958 it's what we do, being and Kevin do, and it's 408 000000000:16 --> 00:16:28,958 one of the only things in the world I have insight on. 409 000000000:16 --> 00:16:30,958 Also, I don't know.
(16:30):
Talk about it. 411 000000000:16 --> 00:16:33,958 Yeah.
What was. 413 000000000:16 --> 00:16:38,958 Fuck, I lost my train of thought because I get so deep into it. 414 000000000:16 --> 00:16:40,958 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With the stand.up.
But yeah, it's that's the thing.
The reason why, this is what I wanted to say, I was talking about
how the business and life in general is very
like you think you're going to fucking, you know, kill it.
(16:54):
Yeah.
But life fucking beats you up a lot.
It does.
You know, and the successful people are the ones who persevere.
Yeah.
You know, and keep going, you know?
Yeah, it doesn't seem to end.
And that seems to be life in general.
And with comedy, especially, though, I've felt it more and more,
(17:15):
oh, I got a little ant on my neck.
That was nice.
Yeah, yeah.
My Aunt Lena used to be on my neck all the time.
And I was like, Lena,
Give me a kiss, honey.
Come on,.
Give me a little fool.
I love my Aunt Lena.
She was just like that., you.
And my grandmother and aunt, Italians,
you know, Sicilians, and they would, they'd be, go, give me
(17:39):
They would just pinch my cheek
to the point where I almost called the authorities.
How old were you at this time?
It was about 41.
No.
I was a. like
teenager, younger.
Little younger than teenager.
(18:01):
I will tell you, as a comedy fan, I am always
interested in your childhood.
I am interested in
the early days of Pepatone, you know, kind
of like when you watch a, you know, they're doing an origin story on Captain America.
Like, I'd love to watch the origin story of Eddie Pepatone.
(18:22):
Yeah, with your Aunt Lena pinching your cheek.
Did you guys have big family gatherings and stuff?
Yeah, we did for a while
We did for a while, and we used to all convene
at headquarters, which was my grandmother and grandfather,
my dad's parents, Italians in Marine Park, Brooklyn.
And my uncle, two uncles,
(18:45):
you know, the three brothers, my dad and his two brothers.
Oh, that's, my dad, too.
Is that right?
They have three brothers?
Yep.
Yeah, Ami, Ambrose, and Ray.
That's a cool one.
And Ray was an incredible, my dad used to say to me about Ray.
He was a carpenter.
And he goes, Eddie, he's a wizard with tools.
(19:06):
And I go,
I don't care.
I just want to play with my friend.
Isn't that the way it is, too?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Papatone family.
Did you, when did the family, when was headquarters?
(19:28):
When did that stop?
It didn't really.
You know, just when it kind of., you know, then
everybody, everybody gets older and we, you know, start going as college.
Everybody just kind of fades a
little away because people move, you know, I went to LA.
But I've been recently getting back together and seen a bunch of my cousins, and it's really sweet.
(19:53):
You never, I realize you never lose that family vibe.
Absolutely.
With people you've been related to and especially
who, you know, you got to know grown up and
you don't see them for 20 years sometimes.
And then you see him and it's like, holy shit.
Yeah, my friend Joey came to the comedy store like probably four or five months ago.
(20:15):
And it's a guy that I grew up with, we
went to high school together and then I knew him a little bit in college, but
we weren't like tight, but I saw him and
I was like, hey, somebody from the real world.
Like it was like very much. him, huh?
Yeah.
Where was that?
This was at the comedy store.
(20:36):
But anytime I see some of the you know, family or whatever
you just kind of ease right back in, you know?
And, yeah, the cousins especially, like,
you know, everybody's, because every, the adults are judgmental,
a little bit more judgmental of everything and they're proper and they're established or whatever. whatever.
You know, they have their careers and stuff.
And the cousins are all kind of
(20:58):
you know, we're kind of doing our thing for the most part, but a
lot of us are like fucking clueless about what we want to do.
So we're just like doing our thing, you know?
And let me ask you this.
Do you think kids today, you just got me thinking
about when you said careers, you know, the adults have their careers?
What are options for kids these days?
(21:21):
Is it tough?
It's very tough.
Because you have two kids, and are they getting to be college age now?
My son is 16, about to be 17
Oh, yeah.
coming up here pretty soon.
I'm about to have a birthday party.
I was 17.
Remember that famous.
Oh, yeah.
It was a very good good year.
We should do a bit where
(21:45):
we record you singing that, but it's personalized to you.
Yes.
I had a. a major psychotic break.
I would look at myself in the mirror and not know who
my face was when I was 1
Is that funny?
(22:06):
Yes.
I think you could definitely do something like that.
Is that a Muppet hat?
Yeah, well, it's.
It's Kermit the Frog's.
Love it.
You know I got to meet?
I got to meet Kermit and all those guys on the Muppet movie.
I don't know if you know, I was on the Muppet movie.
You
Watch a piece of cake.
Okay, there, God!
The Muppet movie
(22:29):
was Jason Segel and Amy Adams were the stars.
And I played a mailman and
they were going to have a nice little segment for me.
I got choreographed by the choreographer.
This is a little inside Hollywood shit.
Love it.
The choreographer was Mickey Rooney's kid.
Really?
(22:51):
Yeah.
And
Mickey Rooney was still alive and he was on
the set, just sitting there in a chair.
This is what happens when you get.. you're an old star
in Hollywood faded star and you're just about dying
and he would just be in a chair.
Mickey Rooney, fucking the Mickey Rooney, and I'm in the Muppet movie about to do this
(23:14):
postman thing.
A D. Dancing, which scares me.
Because I have some kind of dyslexia
when people are showing me moves, like, put your right foot here
and your left foot in, your right foot.
You got to shake a orange throw in.
Dude, is that what he was doing in the chair?
(23:36):
He was No, so, yeah, back to me.
Thank you for reeling me in.
No, folks, you need somebody to reel you in.
Oh, yeah.
I've always, I've often pictured my role in this as like
I have a beautiful, wild animal and I have to corral you a little bit.
Folks.
And, you know, you're still free.
(23:57):
Folks, we live in a decaying
empire, an authoritarian country
now ruled by brute savages.
Yet we're still trying to pretend our lives
are going to go swimmingly.
A lot of you have already acquiesced to
(24:18):
these scumbags in power and you will be silent.
Everybody's going to be too afraid to speak out.
And if they come for me, I'll say it was Tinkin!
Tinkin was pull pulling the strings!
I'll be like, I'm willing to take this sacrifice."
Anyway, Mickey Rooney.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(24:39):
On the set of the Muppets.
Again, we got to set the scene here.
It's Eddie having trouble.
learning dance moves while a fading
Mickey Rooney on the set of a huge huge Hollywood movie.
Fading was a nice term for what he.
So he was just there. like this
(24:59):
And I said, Mr. Rooney, sir!
Mr. Rooney, he was just like,.
And then I was like, sir, I so enjoyed you
in all that you did.
I forget what movies you were in right now,
(25:21):
but I just want to say, I know you're famous.
and even though you've seen better days.
Oh, Mick, he just drooled down.
Can someone get Mr. Rooney?
Here we go, sir.
Give him the cloth.
There we go.
Anyway, I'm not.
Anyway.
It's just weird.
I'm not trying to make fun of the elderly because I'm going to be there soon, just going.
(25:45):
I'll be with you, you know, I'll be there.
Pretty soon I'm going to be like, put on the hockey game.
It's time for hockey and spaghetti.
Hockey and spaghetti.
And that sounds good.
And we put a H and spaghetti.
Oh, yeah.
You put your big eating shirt on.
There's a nice looking lady.
(26:07):
Welcome to hockey and Spaghetti.
Our guest is Ed Pepperato.
Hey, and spaghetti.
All right, just wait a minute.
We'll get to you, Mr. Peppatone.
Please give me hockey with me idiot.
Did somebody get him his joint?
Did somebody get him his joint?
He's cranky.
All right, here you go, buddy.
Just spanning you joints.
That's basically. and hockey.
(26:29):
Basically, what I'm like.
I mean, not a bad existence.
I'll say that much.
Yeah.
By the way, the eating shirt is something
you referenced in in that when you used to do this
the sing and dance man on one of your specials.
You did a..
When did I say this?
You come out and you're you're doing like, the lounge singer.
(26:53):
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've been done him in a while.
It's been a bit.
It's like Do you like the lounge singer a bit?
Oh, I mean, it's.
I feel like it's a fluid for you to
swim in, you know, like bits like that.
Like, you know where I forgot
Last night, I felt like I just, I
was a little off last night.
(27:17):
You know those nights when, like, I've been having really good
nights, but last night, I keep doing this because it is a rhythm thing.
Yes.
It's a rhythm thing.
And I let myself get.
I didn't get into the rhythm.
Yeah.
And I forgot to come on.
(27:38):
I wanted to come on singing going, hey, Paris, is where you're.
This is what I wanted to do.
I wanted to do a bit like this.
I wanted to come on and just start going to the crowd
Hey, Paris is where I fell in love.
Under an umbrella in an outdoor cafe.
How about you, sir?
Paris is where I fell and left.
(28:00):
And then I break out on a character and I go to the audience.
Folks, do you remember
when there used to be music like that?
It's because it was a simpler time.
We weren't, you know, a
genocide hadn't been live streamed.
You know, and all these cowards who talk about the
genocide and so there aren't songs
(28:22):
like, my baby likes a red dress.
There aren't songs like that anymore.
Now the songs are like, now, get the children and run.
Just saying how music, like, like the bit on that one.
Well, like the music.
I mean, you're right.
The romance is kind of out of a lot of it, you know, in any way.
(28:45):
And like the reality is just like fucking or death.
You know, it's like literally
Like hard dicks and wet pussies and What are you told?
You got my attention.
Done The music.
What are you talking about?
Like, you listen to what's on the fucking radio.
It's literally like..
Oh, you're saying it's very profane?
Oh, yeah.
But like deep and people are like, I'll fucking kill you.
(29:07):
And I'm I got a
I got a hard dick.
It's not all all like that, is it?
I mean.
Not all of it.
You're probably just listening to messages left for me on my phone.
To music.
You, motherfucker, I saw the early show and I want to fuck you, Jack.
Anyway, so..
(29:28):
Hey, Eddie, this is Jerry again.
Just wanted to call, let you know, I still got that hard dick.
I'm ready to fuck you up here, pal.
Hey, Jerry, sorry I was away.
I hope your dick is still hard.
Jerry, did your dick just go off?
Beep.
Dude, watching, I remember watching Mickey Rooney as a
kid in Pete's Dragon, the original Pete's Dragon.
(29:52):
Pete's Dragon.
What's that?
It's one of the first movies where they would draw on some celluloid,
so there's an animated dragon on it.
Oh, shit.
And it was a movie, a Disney movie, good movie.
It's a musical.
But Mickey Rooney played one of the best drunks
I've ever seen in my life.
And it's probably, it's probably either a
trope of somebody else who did the drunk, but
(30:14):
like when he's drunk, it was like, that
was the drunk guy ever everybody else would play.
You gonna see a
hideous monster?
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
And it's fake.
It's 50. 50 feet of terror cost, also
sharp, like a kill a man's shreds.
(30:38):
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, go watch Pete's Dragon..
There's a moment in which him and his buddy are just sipping on whiskey and they wander in.
They're walking on the beach drunk as they could possibly be.
And they wander into this cave and they see Pete's dragon, Ellieiot
and they're just drinking.
They give him some booze.
It's a great scene.
Yeah, yeah.
(30:59):
These are some of my, these are some of my special childhood memories.
Yeah, and,
you know, he's a small dude, Mickey Rooney.
Yeah.
Matter of fact, his kid, who is the choreographer, just carried him around in one of those frontal
baby knapsacks.
He just had little Mickey.
He goes, Dad?
(31:20):
Huh? 755 00:31:21,041 --> 000000000:31 Your best days are behind you.
I'm Mickey Fucker Root.
That's what he kept saying.
I don't know why I'm going over. 759 00:31:29,041 --> 000000000:31 I'm Mickey.
How did I get into the Muppet thing?
Oh, yeah.
See Kermit.
On your hat.
And I don't know if I talked about this, but..
Yes.
Well, you didn't really talk about what Mickey was like.
You were just saying he was in a chair
kind of there.
(31:42):
There was nothing to know.
And I wasn't going to approach him.
I was kidding.
I did, yeah.
I didn't go near him.
I remember the makeup woman.
She's doing the makeup on the movie, and she's as
she's doing, I'm saying, I'm saying shit like, Mickey Rooney's here, huh? 777 00:31:59,041 --> 000000000:32 You know, bullshitting the makeup. 778 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 This is makeup chair. 779 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 Yeah. 780 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 I'm I, oh, Mickey Rooney's here. 781 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 And she goes, yeah. 782 00:32:05,041 --> 000000000:32 I have it on Good authority that he 783 00:32:08,041 --> 000000000:32 killed his last wife and buried her in the desert. 784 00:32:13,041 --> 000000000:32 Like, I swear to God she said that. 785 00:32:16,041 --> 000000000:32 That Rooney, apparently, I guess if you Google it, 786 00:32:19,041 --> 000000000:32 he, I think one of his wives wound up missing or, I don't know. 787 00:32:24,041 --> 000000000:32 No fucking way. 788 00:32:26,041 --> 000000000:32 I don't know. 789 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 I mean, I don't want to, you know, It's like William Shatner, whose wife 790 00:32:31,041 --> 000000000:32 drowned in a pool. 791 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 The big stars out here, Robert Wagner, Natalie Wood drowned. 792 00:32:38,041 --> 000000000:32 Yep. 793 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 You know, all these old Hollywood tales, you know, 794 000000000:32 --> 000000000:32 What's the guy who got shot? 795 000000000:32 --> 00:32:48,958 Thomas Ins. 796 000000000:32 --> 00:32:50,958 Randolph Hurst Oh, yeah. 797 000000000:32 --> 00:32:53,958 On the boat. 798 00:32:53,958 --> 000000000:32 Yeah? 799 000000000:32 --> 00:32:54,458 Oh, yeah.
(32:54):
Yes. 801 000000000:32 --> 00:32:56,958 Well, and well, the.
Chapain was on that boat. 803 000000000:32 --> 00:32:59,958 You know what's interesting?
I was you would reference the film that's based on a true story where 805 000000000:33 --> 00:33:06,958 the guy kills the other guy with the tripod. 806 000000000:33 --> 00:33:10,958 That's called Auto Focus, I think? 807 000000000:33 --> 00:33:12,958 Maybe.
It's, it's, it's Greg Kinnear. 809 000000000:33 --> 00:33:15,958 Yeah.
(33:15):
As Bob Crane, Bob Crane, who was Hogan in Hogan's Heroes. 811 000000000:33 --> 00:33:19,958 And he was brought up in a very Christian
Yeah.
uh, oh, you can relate it. brought up in
a very kind of Christian household.
His wife was, you know, he had a double lifeessionally.
He was just fucking everything that moved in Hollywood.
And then he would go home and like w presents.
(33:36):
And him and John Carpenter, who was a film, not the
big John Carpenter filmmaker, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Did you watch it recently?
No, that's what I was going to say.
I
I couldn't I couldn't I could not find a place to watch it.
What do you mean?
It's not It wasn't on any streaming services that I could find.
I thought every.
Really?
Yeah.
Ah.
(33:57):
So I'm like, I feel like they're trying to.
It's a fucking pretty haunting movie.
Yeah, I want to see it.
I like
I like going back and watching movies that are kind
of universally recognized as good movies..
Or even, I mean, honestly, even just watching old
movies in general just because they feel so different.
They do.
Yeah.
(34:17):
And I think what it is
is, like, I love watching Film Noir and
the the old film Noir.
And it's just, the pace is slower.
Yes.
In a lot of these.
And today it's like boom, boom, boom, like everything is coming at you.
I remember Sarah Silverman said once
(34:40):
you know, I watched a Marvel trailer and it felt like
I was getting fucked in the mouth.
No, I mean, they just come out?
They come at you.
Oh, yeah.
It's they are trying to grab your attention from moment one.
And things are really good at grabbing attention nowadays.
So it's like even the audacity to ask somebody to sit in a theater for two hours
(35:03):
you know, with these kids that are literally going from subject
to subject to subject to subject, not just kids.
I mean, it's everybody.
You know, my wife sometimes all
look over and all four of us are all just, and
I'll go like, all right, let's go outside or whatever, you know, try to do something.
Jeez, Louise.
(35:24):
The little ant got me.
Wow, you really have a lot of ants on you.
What's the matter?
Folks, we interrupt this brook.
I do?
Kevin Tinken has lost his mind.
I'm covered in ants.
You know, that's what people who were D team, like going off of alcohol?
A!
(35:45):
They They call them delirium tremors.
Yes, I think.
Yeah..
Ah, the DTs.
That's the old word for like, uh. you know,
trying to get off of alcohol.
Intoxification.
Oh, thank you.
Yes, yes, yes.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that.
Thank you.
I think that's what it is.
Oh, my gosh.
Look at this little fluffy, this little fluff ball over.
I'm looking at this doggy over here.
(36:06):
Oh, my gosh.
Watch him.
He's going to get his ball.
Run for your ball.
Run.agine this is the whole podcast.
Us going like this, Kev.
Run for your ball
Oh, that's a little fluffball?
You know what we should do?
I'm not sure we're out with time or not.
I don't know where we're at with time.
What?
What do you mean?
I thought you were keeping track.
I'm not keeping track at all.
But I think we're we're, I know we're not.
(36:29):
We're still pretty early.
35.
You know, we should do
Charlotte's Charlotte's spills
the tea about Pitone.
Why, you set it up good.
Set it up for everybody.
Uh huh, uh huh.
Hey, guys, and it's time for another expose from Charlotte.
It's Charlotte spill.ills the tea about Eddie.
(36:52):
Hello, everybody.
My name is Charlotte.
And
okay, so yesterday, I'm late laying
down on the couch at the feet of my master
at Peppaton, and all of a sudden, he pulls down his pants and starts pulling on that thing.
He's always pulling on.
And And it's sad to watch these days because
(37:15):
of the prostatectomy he had.
It's just a little wet noodle that he keeps, you know.
he keeps pulling, pulling.
And I got to tell you, I'm trying to sleep.
He pulls on it.
I'm trying to sleep.
I'm an older dog now.
I'm 16.
You know?
And I'm trying to sleep, and I look to my right, and this
(37:38):
guy, you know, he ain't a small guy.
And he's just pulling on this wet noodle.
Anyway, that was early in the day.
And by early in the day for him, I mean, like three.
I mean, he gets up at 200.
I don't mind it.
I'm an older dog.
I lay there with him.
You know, at some point, though, I have to check and see if he's dead
(37:59):
you know?
And then he's got to go clean up the mess that I left.
He's got pads all over the place for me because I am
an elderly dog, and I, you know, I don't know.
I don't feel like.
Anyway, I don't want to get into my shit
literally, but he's got to clean it up, and that's
the first thing he does in the morning, and then he washes his hands.
(38:23):
And by the way, I
was standing behind him the other day, and his ass is awful.
It doesn't have any definition.
He doesn''t have any definition to his ass.
It just kind of sags.
It just kind of sags there, like a
loaf of fucking Italian, not Italian.
(38:44):
I'm the Italian.
Shut the fuck up.
Anyway.
And then, so he washed his hands after cleaning my shit.
And then we go downstairs.
And you know what he does a lot of times?
Like, I'll go down the first set of steps.
It's two levels of steps, and there's a landing.
And I always wait for him.
Sometimes
(39:06):
I think he's coming down and he winds up
going into the bathroom and I'm on the landing going, "Are you fucking coming down?"
And he'll stay in that bathroom for a while, you know?
And I don't know if you know it, but he has a bridge in the lower part of his mouth, and it's disgusting.
He takes out the bridge.
(39:26):
He looks like a fucking hillbilly with these missing teeth, and he starts brushing
his fucking bridge.
And I'm a fucking dog!
I don't need to see this shit.
These human beings.
We have the good sense, you know, take us to the vet and put us down.
You know, somebody should put this fuck down at this point.
(39:48):
No, I love him.
What am I doing?
I'm getting I love him to death, you know.
He feeds me, he cooks me chicken.
You know, he cooked me some chicken dyes yesterday.
He wound up eating a bunch of them, but, you
know, I don't like size as much as him, you know?
But anyway, the biggest thing I want to say
(40:10):
is his ass has no definition.
Thanks for joining us on
another Charlotte tells the truth about Eddie Pepitone.
Dude, yeah.
I don't know what the fuck happened to my ass.
I's.
You know what?
That would be funny, by the way, all over
your neighborhood, there are posters of your ass, and it says, if
(40:34):
you've seen this ass reward.
Have you seen my ass?
Right.
I haven't.
Hello, little guy. 1001 00:40:44,500 --> 000000000:40 Hello. 1002 000000000:40 --> 00:40:45,500 Yeah, I got to start doing squats.
Another nice puppy.
Oh, yeah, puppy.
Hello, baby.
What you doing?
Hey, buddy buddy.
Oh, you coming to say hello?
You're the first dogkey who's come by today.
(40:56):
Oh, you're sweet.
Hi, sweetheart.
Oh, you's a good guy.
Yeah, you got a mohawk.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's a good pupper like the bullies.
Look at you.
Yeah.
Is he yours?
No, no, no.
It's somewhere around.
Oh, probably.
Hey, hell yeah.
(41:17):
What do you see?
You've seen your eyes on YouTube.
Oh, cool.
So you're the one.
Oh, Kevin.
Kevin got in a good one-liner.
Hey, buddy,'s your is that is that?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay.
I love the people who are on a phone, not paying any attention to their dog.
They're on FaceTime, too.
Like, hello!
Yeah, yeah.
(41:38):
This is their FaceTime calls here in the park.
I'll give you.
Let me tell you something, Rodrigo.
I am in love with Manuela and I will.
I will pursue her to the ends of earth.
What?
I am in North Hollywood Park?
(41:59):
Yeah,while, the dog's running into the street.
Oh, man.
No, I. Yeah, so where were we?
Mickey Rooney, The Muppets, Charlotte, Charlotte, Little Charlotte.
I love that you're cooking her chicken
What?
You're cooking her chicken and taking care of her.
Yeah.
(42:20):
Oh, it's sweet.
The greatest thing.
is and it's gotten really more intense is when
I go to do the shows at night, right?
So I leave her alone for, it's about three
hours, let's say, sometimes four, let's say three, and I come back.
She goes so apeeshit.
(42:42):
And I have her on the couch and she's just She's so
excited that I'm back home because she knows it's chicken time.
Yep.
Yep.
You know, she knows burgers are going on the grill.
Oh, yeah.
I get it.
I get it.
She salation.
Oh, Daddy!
Daddy, you're back!
(43:03):
Can you cook me a late night burger?
Right?
She's so cute when she barks, she jumps a little.
Yeah.
It's very cute.
Oh, God.
I love these animals.
Man and his dog.
It's so much simpler, you know.
It is.
Well, what's that quote that's like the greatest truth you'll ever know
is just to love and be loved in return or something like that?
(43:25):
And I think that's the love of a dog.
And again, you know, I've adopted the policy
of being in the ballpark, of course,otes.
You know, but I'm pretty sure it's something like that.
is true in the ballpark of quotes,
no thy is one of my favorites things.
No thy.
(43:47):
Yep.
If you you know Jerry, you know yourself.
You know, that's Jerry, that's a quote, right?
No thy.
No, no
self, I think..
This is the guy, Ballpark quotes guys.
What's another quote that people use?
At the end of the day, what do you think of at the end of the day?
(44:08):
I never use that, do you?
At the end of the day, I don't know.
I don't need that.
I mean, I was in sales for a long time,
Is't that corporate speak?
Well, I think it's one of those things where I
found myself using certain phrases that I no longer use,
that I, and at the end of the day, is one of those, where I'd be like,
guys, we got to look at this, you know, when you check our inventory, it costs
(44:31):
X amount of dollars to bring that in, and we sell it for X amount of dollars.
You subtract the, you know, the labor and whatnot.
And at the end of the day, that's your profit right there.
You know?
But, you know, at the end of the day, we got to..
It's people don't talk like that.
Normal people are like, look, Margaret.
Yeah, Al?
At the end of the day...
(44:53):
What are you talking about?
About 830?
That's early, Margaret.
The end of the day is, for me, sometimes 2
a.m. I know, Al, but you have a horrible disorder.
Hey, Margaret, please, don't start talking about my disorders.
Look, Al, not only do you have a rash
(45:15):
okay?
You have a r rash now on your inner thigh,
and you have a disorder where you stay up late at night.
Why are you first of all, why are you washing our
our laundry in public?
What are you talking about?
We don't have a machine.
That's why I have to go in the public and wash and I have to go to a public washing machine.
(45:38):
I'm not talking about that, Margaret.
I'm talking about on the podcast, you're saying I have a rash.
Yes, you do
And you don't know where it's from.
I know I don't, Margaret.
That's the thing about rashes.
You don't know where they're from.
All of a sudden they're on your body and like, and you're like, what the fuck?
This is an invasion.
Al?
(46:00):
Yes?
I love you so much, D. Don't Don't try to throw me off with the love thing.
Ah, You're starting to get to me.
Al?
Unbutting the back of my dress and have your way with me.
Aw, come on, Margaret.
(46:22):
I wanted to talk about something else, and I forgot.
now because you flash your sexuality.
You weaponize your sexuality against me.
Oh, come on, you enjoy it.
I guess I do.
Yes, you do.
(46:46):
All right, I'll unbutton the back here, dress.
Thank you, Al.
Put on the jazz music and I'll fry up a couple of crabs.
Margaret, please don't talk about crabs.
Just before sex.
It just feels wrong.
I love crabs.
Yeah, but it has a sexual disease Kanake.
(47:08):
No, I'm talking about the Maryland crab cakes I make for us.
All right, let me unbutton your drink.
So when are you going to start the crabs, though?
I don't know.
Because if I am putting your dress, you
don't want to get grease all over your body.
(47:33):
You're right.
Margaret, this is going slow.
Al, the greatest gift we can give
each other is just to know we've been loved.
The hell are you talking about?
The greatest gift we can give each other is like a new car.
A new car is the best gift you can give some. someone.
(48:00):
You ever do that, Margaret, where you say, "Hey, look out the window and there's a big bow on the car?
No.
Well, go ahead, Margaret, look out the window.
You're kidding!
Go ahead.
Look out the window.
I just see...
No, I don't see any car with the bow.
I know, I'm sorry.
(48:23):
Ladies and gentlemen, Alan Parker
were pronounced dead at 258% Pacific time.
I love the idea that Al hates having sex. 1185 00:48:37,041 --> 000000000:48 So he's just like, 1186 00:48:42,041 --> 000000000:48 Come over and have sex with me. 1187 00:48:47,041 --> 000000000:48 By the way, it reminded me of something that 1188 00:48:51,041 --> 000000000:48 my grandmother once said she was talking about the slogan 1189 00:48:54,041 --> 000000000:48 of Burger King, which is have it your way. 1190 00:48:57,041 --> 000000000:48 Yeah. 1191 000000000:48 --> 000000000:49 But she would say, it's Burger King, have your way with us. 1192 00:49:03,041 --> 000000000:49 And she 1193 00:49:06,041 --> 000000000:49 was like, I mean, this was, I mean, this was she's 1194 00:49:09,041 --> 000000000:49 in her late 80s, early 90s. 1195 00:49:11,041 --> 000000000:49 Frank, I'm going to Burger King and have my way with them. 1196 00:49:14,041 --> 000000000:49 Oh, come on, Al. 1197 00:49:16,041 --> 000000000:49 You know that always makes the papers. 1198 000000000:49 --> 000000000:49 I know.. 1199 000000000:49 --> 00:49:22,958 You don't want to be in the papers again for having your way with all the Burger King people. 1200 000000000:49 --> 00:49:24,958 Nah.
(49:24):
Shoot.
What?
I was looking at the time.
I'm like, I think. 1205 00:49:27,958 --> 000000000:49 I got. 1206 000000000:49 --> 00:49:28,458 Oh, we're, uh.
I think we got to go. 1208 000000000:49 --> 00:49:30,958 Oh, we're in it, baby. 1209 000000000:49 --> 00:49:32,958 Yeah, baby.
All right.
Well, that was it. 1212 000000000:49 --> 00:49:35,958 All right, Kev, why don't you wrap her up for everybody? 1213 000000000:49 --> 00:49:41,958 By the way, thanks for going with us again on a circuit bit of a journey. 1214 000000000:49 --> 00:49:42,958 We got a little true Hollywood stories.
Yeah, I love it. 1216 000000000:49 --> 00:49:45,958 We got a little bit of Pepatone history. 1217 000000000:49 --> 00:49:48,958 We got a little off the rails. 1218 000000000:49 --> 00:49:50,958 You know, it was all the good things, all the things people love. 1219 000000000:49 --> 00:49:53,958 We had some puppy petting.
(49:53):
I mean, this is the gambit.
Yeah. 1222 000000000:49 --> 00:49:56,958 This is the 1223 00:49:56,958 --> 000000000:49 We really got the trail mix of the Apocalypse podcast. 1224 000000000:49 --> 00:50:01,958 This podcast today was the Ark of Life itself.
Absolutely.
First to death.
Alan Margaret died right at the end.
If you want more of this podcast or
you want to see the true golden through line, go
to patreon.com slash Eddieepatone and
(50:15):
you can subscribe to this podcast for five or 20 bucks and we'll get you this video
podcast the day that it comes out as opposed to a week later for everybody else.
We'll also give you some exclusive Pepatone stand-up clips.
We just put up
the live show up there with our stand-up as well.
And then go to Eddieepitone.com.
You can see all those tour dates and subscribe to us on Instagram, YouTube, all that good stuff.
(50:38):
It lets us know that somebody's watching.
Thank you, everybody, for watching and listening to
Apocalypse Soon, a podcast with no Upside.
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