From Bystander to Lifesaver: What Stops Us from Helping? (S4) S29

Welcome to the Inspirations for Your Life Podcast with your host, John C. Morley — Serial Entrepreneur & Podcast Coach. In today’s episode, we dive deep into a phenomenon that affects how we react in moments that truly matter. Why do good people freeze when help is needed? What stops someone from stepping in when lives are at risk? From psychological hesitation to cultural barriers, we unravel the truths behind inaction — and more importantly, how you can be the change in critical moments. Get ready to explore not only the science behind the bystander effect, but also practical tools and mindset shifts that can turn anyone from a passive observer into an active lifesaver. 🚑💭1️⃣ Bystander Effect: More People = Less ActionWhen emergencies strike, it seems logical that more witnesses would mean quicker help. But the opposite is often true. This is known as the bystander effect, where the presence of others dilutes personal responsibility. People assume “someone else” will take charge, and as a result, no one does. The more people around, the less urgency any individual feels to act — a dangerous illusion that can cost lives. Recognizing this effect is the first step toward breaking it.2️⃣ Fear of Doing It Wrong 😨Many people hesitate to help simply because they fear making things worse. Whether it's giving CPR, administering first aid, or calling for help, people often worry they’ll be blamed if the outcome isn’t perfect. This fear of liability or judgment paralyzes action. But in truth, doing something — even imperfectly — is almost always better than doing nothing. Understanding your Good Samaritan rights and preparing through training can ease this fear and boost your confidence.3️⃣ Uncertainty if It’s an Emergency 🤷‍♂️In high-pressure situations, people often freeze because they're unsure whether it’s really an emergency. Questions like “Am I overreacting?” or “Maybe they’re just sleeping?” cloud judgment. This hesitation costs precious time. It’s important to train yourself to trust your instincts. When in doubt, err on the side of caution. It’s better to respond to a non-emergency than to ignore a real one.4️⃣ Social Influence: No One Else Is Helping 👀People look to others for cues on how to behave, especially in unfamiliar or tense situations. If no one else is reacting, we often assume there’s no danger. This creates a loop of silence — everyone waiting for someone else to make the first move. The antidote? Be that first person. When one person steps up, others are more likely to follow. Courage is contagious.5️⃣ Lack of Skills or Knowledge 📚Sometimes it’s not fear — it’s just not knowing what to do. Most people want to help, but without training in CPR, first aid, or even knowing how to call emergency services correctly, they freeze. Basic life-saving knowledge can make a massive difference. Imagine if just 10% more people in your community were trained — how many more lives could be saved?6️⃣ Personal or Cultural Hesitation 🌍Cultural norms, personal beliefs, or past experiences may make someone reluctant to get involved. For some, it might be taboo to touch strangers; for others, fear of misinterpretation or crossing boundaries may hold them back. We must be aware of these invisible blocks — and learn how to respectfully navigate them. Empathy and awareness help bridge these gaps.7️⃣ Fear for Personal Safety ⚠️It's natural to worry about your own safety. What if the person is violent? What if it’s a dangerous area? Self-preservation kicks in, and rightly so. But assessing the risk smartly is key — helping doesn’t always mean rushing in. Sometimes calling 911, alerting others, or distracting from a distance can be life-saving actions without endangering yourself.8️⃣ Training Builds Confidence to Act 💪The best way to overcome hesitation is preparation. When you’ve been trained — even just once — you’re far more likely to take action. CPR, AED usage, basic trauma response, and even verbal de-escalation training trans

Episode Transcript

(00:17):
Hey guys, good evening.
It is John Seymour Lee here, serial entrepreneur.
It is great to be with you on
Inspirations for Your Life.
This evening it is, well, today is Wednesday,

(00:38):
July 16th, 2025.
It's great to have you with me.
Thank you so much for being here.
Hey friends, if you're new to the show,
well, we have a master topic every single
week, and this one is the power to
change your life is already in your hands.
And the granular, which we have every day,
which leads to the master topic from bystander
to lifesaver, what stops us from healing?

(01:02):
Series four, show 29, episode number five.
All right, guys, great to be with you.
A big, big welcome to everyone that's coming
for the first time and a big welcome
to all of you that are coming back.
We really do appreciate you as well.
If you have not checked out believemeachieved.com,
what are you waiting for?
Go ahead and check that out right after

(01:23):
this episode is over, which you can do
24 hours a day.
Hey guys, if you're thirsty, I don't want
you parched, so go get yourself some water.
I have some RO here.
Really delicious.
I'm quenching my thirst.
Maybe you want a snack.
Maybe you want a piece of fruit, whatever
it is, feel free to go get that
and I'll be here and we're going to
kick this show off right now.
All right.

(01:43):
So a big welcome again to everyone to
the inspirations for your life podcast.
Excuse me here a second.
Had a pretzel before there and I'm your
host, John Seymour, serial entrepreneur, engineer, podcast coach.
And I'm also a video producer and graduate

(02:05):
student and a lot more.
And in tonight's episode, I'm going to dive
really deep into a phenomenon that affects how
we react in the moments that truly matter
in our life.
Why do good people freeze when help is
needed?
What stops someone from stepping in when lives

(02:28):
are at risk from psychological hesitation to cultural
barriers?
We unravel the truths behind inaction and more
importantly, how you can be the change in
critical moments.
Get ready everyone to explore not only the
science behind the bystander effect, but also the
practical tools and mindset shifts that can turn

(02:49):
anyone from a passive observer into an active
listener.
Are you guys ready?
All right, let's kick this show off then.
So number one is the bystander effect.
More people, less action.
Now that sounds like something that's pretty easy
to understand, but sometimes people misunderstand like what

(03:13):
that's totally about, right?
So when emergencies strike, unfortunately, it seems logical
that more witnesses would mean quicker help, you
would think.
But the opposite is often true.
This is known as the bystander effect, where
the presence of others dilutes the personal responsibility.
People assume someone else will take charge and

(03:35):
a result.
No one does anything.
The more people around, the less urgency any
individual feels to act.
The dangerous illusion that can cost lives transpires.
Recognizing this effect is the first step toward
breaking it.
And I think that's hard for a lot
of people to like come to grips with,

(03:57):
to even understand that.
But I'm here to tell you that this
is very important.
Number two, the fear of doing it wrong.
I think I got this from my dad
like you're going to do it wrong.
The fear of doing it wrong, many people
hesitate to help simply because they fear making
things worse.

(04:18):
Whether it's giving CPR, administering first aid, or
calling for help, people often worry they'll be
blamed if the outcome isn't perfect.
This fear of liability or judgment paralyzes action.
But in truth, doing something even imperfectly is
almost always better than doing something that's nothing,

(04:41):
right?
Understanding your good Samaritan rights and preparing through
training can ease this fear and boost your
confidence.
So you are protected.
And let me just talk about that.
So what is the good Samaritan law?
Let's talk about that.
So the good Samaritan law protects individuals who

(05:01):
voluntarily offer assistance to someone in need during
an emergency from being held liable for unintentional
harm or injury caused by them while providing
that aid.
These laws aim to encourage people to help
those in distress without fear of any legal
repercussions.
The law applies when someone provides help without

(05:23):
being legally obligated to do so, such as
a preexisting duty of care or contractual obligation.
And the assistance is rendered in response to
an emergency such as a medical crisis or
an accident.
Now, the good faith part is the person
providing the aid must be acting in good
faith, meaning they are genuinely trying to help
and not acting with malicious intent.

(05:45):
While protected from the liability for unintentional harm,
individuals are still expected to exercise reasonable care
under the circumstances.
Exceptions.
Good Samaritan laws typically don't protect against gross
negligence, willful misconduct, or actions taken during the
course of one's employment where they are compensated
for providing assistance.

(06:05):
So the primary goal is to remove the
fear of legal consequences that might prevent people
from wanting to step up and help others.
So that's really what it's about.
Number three, guys, uncertainty if it's an emergency.
In high pressure situations, people often freeze because
they're unsure whether it's really an emergency.

(06:25):
Questions like, am I overreacting or maybe they're
just sleeping?
Cloud judgment, perhaps.
This hesitation costs precious time.
It's important to train yourself to trust your
instincts when in doubt or on the side
of caution.
It's always better to respond to a non

(06:46):
-emergency than to ignore a real one.
Number four, guys, social influence.
You see, no one else is helping.
People look to others for cues on how
to behave, especially in unfamiliar or tense situations.
If no one else is reacting, we often
assume there's no danger.
This creates a loop of, well, silence.

(07:09):
Everyone waiting for someone else to make the
first move, the antidote.
Well, be the first person when one person
steps up.
Others are more likely to follow.
Courage, guys, is contagious if you didn't know
that by now.
Number five, lack of skills or knowledge.
Sometimes it's not fear.
It's just not knowing what to do.

(07:29):
Most people want to help, but without training
and CPR, first aid, or even knowing how
to call emergency service correctly, they freeze.
Basic life-saving knowledge can make a massive
difference.
Imagine if just 10% more people in
your community were trained.
How many more lives could be saved?
That's pretty amazing, right?

(07:51):
Personal or cultural hesitation.
This doesn't just happen, folks, when you're on
a trip, even though you might think that's
what it is.
It has really nothing to do with that.
Cultural norms, personal beliefs, or past experiences may
make someone reluctant to get involved.
For some, it might be taboo to touch

(08:12):
strangers.
For others, fear of misinterpretation or crossing boundaries
may hold them back.
We must be aware of these invisible blocks
and learn how to respectfully navigate them.
Empathy and awareness help bridge these gaps.
That's important.
Number seven, fear for personal safety.

(08:34):
It's natural to worry about your own safety.
What if the person is violent?
What if it's a dangerous area?
Self-preservation kicks in, and rightly so.
But asserting the risk smartly is key.
Helping doesn't always mean rushing in.
Sometimes calling 911, alerting others, or distracting from

(08:56):
a distance can be a life-saving set
of actions without endangering yourself.
Training builds confidence to act.
Did you know that?
Training builds confidence to act.
I think that's an important thing to realize.
Does that make sense, everybody?

(09:25):
So the best way to overcome hesitation is
preparation.
When you've been trained, even just once, you're
far more likely to take action.
CPR, AED usage, basic trauma response, and even
verbal de-escalation training transform fear into readiness.

(09:46):
You're no longer guessing.
You're doing.
The episode is your invitation here to take
that step and become empowered to make a
difference.
Like, you know, first, does

(10:07):
that make sense?
I think it's nice to understand that sometimes

(10:28):
we do something and
we get lost of why we're doing something,
right?
I think that can sometimes happen, right?
We get lost of why we're particularly doing
something.

(10:48):
So I think that's an important thing for
us to realize.
Now, here's the part of the program, guys,
that I really like.
Well, I like the whole show.
I'm sure you guys know that.
But here's the part of the program that
I really enjoy.
And so the reason I say that is
I get to share some personal lessons.
So what I'm going to do is I'm
going to basically give you a personal lesson

(11:13):
or story for each point that I have
covered tonight.
And hopefully this will solidify.
I'm hoping that this will solidify like, you
know, what it means to you.
But I realize that maybe, you know, you're

(11:35):
saying, John, it might not mean anything just
yet.
And I get that.
I definitely get that.
But we have to be understanding of that.
Does that make sense?

(12:04):
And hopefully, if you understand these things that
we talked about tonight, it can really transform
like who you are.
And by transforming who you are, it can
actually give you confidence to live the life

(12:25):
that you have not been living.
Not because you didn't want to, but because
you're pretty much afraid.
Does that make sense?
And so number one, the bystander effect.

(12:49):
More people equals less action.
I remember walking through Times Square one evening
when a man suddenly collapsed a few feet
from me.
Dozens of people turned their heads.
Some paused, but no one stopped forward.
For a moment, I froze too, not out
of fear, but because I subconsciously thought, well,
surely someone else will help.
But that moment stuck with me.

(13:09):
I realized how easily it is to get
caught up as a bystander in the bystander
effect, even when your instinct tells you to
act.
Later, I reflected on that and made a
conscious decision.
Never again would I be a passive observer.
I signed up for first aid training.
I'm a first responder and committed to be
that someone who acts.

(13:30):
If I could rewind that day, I would
have knelt beside him and done something, anything.
That experience taught me that awareness of the
bystander effect is the first defense against it.
So number two is fear of doing it

(13:51):
wrong.
Fear of doing it wrong.
Back in college, I saw a cyclist hit
by a car outside the campus bookstore.
I knew basic first aid, but hesitated.
What if I moved them wrong?

(14:11):
What if they sued me for making it
worse?
That fear almost escalated and kept me from
stepping in.
But then I thought, what if no one
helps because we're all scared of being wrong?
Eventually, I took action.
I called 911, kept the man calm, and
directed traffic until paramedics arrived safely.
Afterward, an officer told me how even small
steps like that make a huge difference.

(14:34):
That moment rewired something in me, an action,
because it beats perfection.
I've since educated myself on the good Samaritan
laws and continued training, so I feel ready
even if I'm not flawed.
So I think that's important for a lot
of people to understand.

(14:54):
I think that's a very, very important thing,
and hopefully that means something to you.
But sometimes people get caught up.
They get caught up.
So the thing that happens is uncertainty if

(15:18):
it's an emergency.
And so what does that mean?
One evening, I noticed a man slumped up
on a park bench, motionless.
A few people walked by, giving him side
glances but keeping their distance.
I caught myself wondering, maybe he's just sleeping.
But something in my gut told me this
wasn't right.
I hesitated, not because I didn't care, but

(15:39):
because I didn't want to overreact or embarrass
him.
I decided to call out gently.
When he didn't respond, I called for help.
It turned out he had suffered a diabetic
episode and needed immediate medical attention.
I learned that night to trust my instincts,
overreacting might cause a moment of awkwardness, but
underreacting could have cost him his life.

(15:59):
It's always better to check, right?
Number four, social influences.
No one else is helping.
No one else is helping.
During a late train ride, a young woman
was being harassed by a man a few
seats over.
Everyone saw it, but no one did anything,
including me at first.
I kept looking around, waiting for someone else

(16:21):
to step in.
When no one did, I realized we were
all silently waiting for a leader.
I stood up and asked the guy loudly
if everything was okay, just enough to draw
attention and diffuse the situation.
Others quickly followed, and the man backed off.
That experience taught me how powerful it is
to be the first to act.

(16:43):
Courage really is contagious, and often all it
takes is one voice to change the tide,
and other people started talking.
So I think that's an important thing to
understand, what that really, really means, okay?
So my next point is five, lack of

(17:04):
skills or knowledge.
A few years ago, I witnessed a car
crash, and I wanted to help the injured
driver, but I froze.
I had no idea how to check a
pulse, even though I was a first responder.
I just kind of like froze, applied pressure,
even what to say.
I felt powerless just because of the situation,
kind of like brain numbs you.
That experience stuck with me, and not because

(17:26):
I didn't care, but because I was unprepared.
After that day, I made a priority to
get trained in CPR and ED and basic
trauma care.
The confidence that came with that knowledge was
incredible.
Now I know I can offer more than
just sympathy.
I can offer help, and that can be
the difference life and possibly somebody's death.

(17:47):
Number four, personal or cultural hesitation.
At a local festival, I saw a child
fall and hit their head hard.
I started to move toward him, but paused.
His parents were from a culture I wasn't
familiar with, and I didn't want to overstep.

(18:07):
That moment of cultural hesitation gave me a
pause.
Would I offend them?
Would they see my help as interference?
I decided to approach respectfully and ask, would
you like me to help?
They gratefully accepted.
Since then, I made a point to educate
myself on how cultural views and intervention works.
Compassion is universal, but how you offer it

(18:27):
matters.
A respectful approach builds bridges where hesitation once
stood.
I think that's an important thing to understand.
Does that mean anything to you guys?

(18:48):
I know it could be interesting, but it
can be confusing.

(19:16):
I think most people get scared when we
talk about fear for personal safety.
While walking through a city at night, I
saw two people arguing loudly.
One seemed in distress.
I wanted to intervene, but a little voice

(19:38):
said, what if it turns violent?
I took a step back and called the
police.
I stayed nearby to report what I saw.
I didn't jump into danger, but I didn't
ignore it either.
That moment taught me that helping doesn't always
mean rushing into the center of chaos.
Sometimes it's about staying safe and taking some

(20:01):
meaningful action, like calling emergency services or getting
others involved.
Being smart about your safety ensures you can
help and keep helping.
I think that's a very, very important thing.

(20:22):
Does that make sense, everyone?
I hope it does.
The first time, I'll tell you, I was
training to let you know that training builds
confidence to act.
First time I took a CPR class, I
was nervous as you know what.

(20:42):
I wasn't sure I could remember everything in
an emergency, but the instructor said something powerful.
You don't need to be perfect.
You just need to start.
That clicked for me.
Repetition built muscle memory.
With each drill, I felt more ready.
You see, they get you scared.

(21:11):
You feel like you don't know if you
can do something a certain way because you're
not perfect, but starting is better than not
doing anything.
A few months later, I had to use
those skills when someone collapsed at a networking
event.
I acted quickly, confidently, and that person made
it to the hospital in time.
That moment wasn't luck, guys.

(21:32):
It was preparation training.
Training doesn't make you fearless, but it replaces
fear with purpose.
That's how ordinary people become lifesavers.

(21:53):
Does that make sense to everyone?
I know that sometimes you might be saying
something one way.
The reason you're saying it that way is

(22:14):
because you're fearful of what could happen, what

(22:36):
could happen, what
could happen, what

(22:58):
could happen, and that makes a difference.

(23:26):
I will say that we get fearful sometimes.
We get fearful because we're afraid of what
may happen or what may not happen, so

(23:51):
what do we do?
We just stand back and we hope that
somebody else is going to respond, but what
we learned today is the bystander effect could
make a big difference on someone's life.

(24:13):
We learned that and we learned what that
means.
We learned that done is better than perfect.
We can always go back and redo the
cake.
We can always re-ice it, but done

(24:34):
is better than perfect.
If we never start, we're never going to
get anywhere.
Does that make sense?
If we never start, we're never going to
get anywhere.

(24:55):
We're always going to be wondering what if,
what if, what if, what if, what if,
when we've got to just take the bull
by the horns and do something.
Does that make sense, guys?

(25:20):
I feel that when we think about the
bystander to being a lifesaver, many people feel
that, oh, their life is too important.
They don't want to get involved.
I use the expression by us, my driveway's
on fire, and I use that as a
silly example, but the truth is, so let's
say I'm outside and my driveway's on fire,

(25:43):
hypothetically, and I say, gee, I need help,
and they're like, oh, gee, John, yeah, I
got to take Brendan to band practice.
I got to take Kevin to karate and
I got to take Samantha to dance.
Just call 911.
They'll help you, but don't forget to message
me on Facebook.
Toodles.

(26:05):
Everyone's busy.
They don't have a moment.
Does that

(26:25):
make sense?
I know that can be a little bit,

(26:50):
I know this can be hard because we
feel that we are not ready for the
call, and by not being ready, I mean
that we don't want to take an action,
and the reason we don't want to take
an action is because of one thing.
You know what that thing is?

(27:10):
Fear.
False evidence appearing real.
Does that make sense to everybody?

(27:30):
I hope so, and hopefully, you'll get more
confidence in why you do something a certain
way.
I mean, hopefully.
I'm not going to guarantee it, guys, but
if we all thought of our lives as

(27:53):
the bystander, we're always waiting for somebody else.
You remember the person who falls, right?
I'm like, oh, I thought I was supposed
to.
I thought you were supposed to catch me.
I don't know.
Oh, nobody caught him.
Oh, well, I thought you were going to
catch him.
I thought you were going to catch him.
I thought you were going to catch him.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm John C.
Morley, serial entrepreneur.
Do check out BelieveMeAchieved.com for more of

(28:16):
my amazing, inspiring creations.
I'll catch you real soon.
Be well, everyone.