129. Jaime Goff - How to Rewrite Your Leadership Story and Lead Securely

In this episode of Leadership that Sells, I’m joined by Dr Jaime Goff – a therapist turned executive coach and author of The Secure Leader. Jaime shares how childhood patterns and internal stories quietly shape the way we lead, and more importantly, how to change them.

We get into the deep but practical end of leadership: how trust issues, micromanagement, people pleasing, and self-doubt often stem from long-forgotten formative experiences. Jaime explains how these unseen narratives impact your ability to delegate, coach, and lead under pressure – and what to do about it.

If you’ve ever found yourself reacting in ways you can’t quite explain – over-controlling, avoiding conflict, chasing approval – this episode is for you.

How to rewrite your internal story to lead with more trust, clarity and presence

1. Deconstruct your story: Reflect on early emotional experiences that shaped your beliefs about yourself and others. What patterns are helping? What are holding you back?

2. Build emotional regulation: Learn to recognise your triggers and respond rather than react. Regulation is foundational to secure leadership.

3. Deepen authentic connection: Take small risks to build real trust with your team. Secure leaders connect with others from a place of self-worth.

4. Integrate a new identity: Decide who you want to be as a leader. Build new, reinforcing habits around that identity and keep moving towards it.

5. Start from worth and trust: You can’t truly value others if you don’t value yourself. Leadership that works starts with internal security.

Timeline summary

[03:07] – How early emotional experiences quietly shape your leadership patterns [05:03] – Why some leaders micromanage: it’s not about control, it’s about survival [07:00] – You can have all the tools, but mindset still blocks execution [08:22] – Awareness is the first step to rewiring your leadership approach [10:08] – The 3-part framework: regulation, connection, integration [13:00] – “Good leadership starts with seeing your own value” [14:47] – Most people rise to the occasion – if you give them the support [15:57] – Sales is a pressure game – here’s how to lead when it counts [16:35] – Don’t confuse worth with performance: reframing the internal narrative

Links & resources

Website - https://drjaimegoff.com/](https://drjaimegoff.com Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dr_jaimegoff/ LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/drjaimegoff/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@drjaimegoff Goodreads - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/235737746-the-secure-leader Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/Secure-Leader-Discover-Leadership-Story/dp/B0FBZ39H8Y/ Bookshop - https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-secure-leader-discover-the-hidden-forces-that-shape-your-leadership-story-and-how-to-change-them/f89704d58aefbc84

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