This is an authentic, uninhibited journey into my secret world--that I guess is not so secret now. I just want people to know that they are not alone and that there are people who do understand. I was able to hide everything so well that nobody ever saw the life of quiet desperation I was living. Trauma, Major Depression, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, isolation, fear, stigma, suicide and the inability to communicate it with those I loved. You are not alone. I am not alone.
This is a rebroadcast of Episode 17, with a special introduction.
I'm back in Philly, back home, and answering many of the same questions. I don't mind talking about it but it may help if you read the damn book. Or listen to the podcast.
I'll get back into new episodes next week
This is a repeat of Episode 5 with a special introduction.
I'm a mess right now, traveling cross country. I had started a new episode but it did not get done. While driving, though, and thoughts tugging at me, I realized I wanted to repost Episode 5, The Mental Health Triangle with the special introduction.
As I evolve, the podcast evolves. Episodes 5 and 17 come up the most in my thoughts and new scripts, so with everything go...
My last podcast had me thinking about things, breaking down the subtle signs of depression. A column that I just wrote, "Lessons Learned from a Bar Fight," was a mixture of the podcast and reactions to posts I am seeing. That led me to Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting.
All that led to this podcast. It is about something I have been saying for years in various forums and various lectures on many different topics. "Don...
I delve deeper into some columns that I wrote this past week to try and untangle depression from my life.
Dedicated Regina and Vivian, the first who asked the question that set me on the path to the answer and the second who provided a billboard to the answer.
I use Writer's Block as an example. I realized that my life had unknowingly become writer's block and show how the depression infiltrated every facet of my life. ...
This wasn't supposed to be an episode but it became one. I do tend to ramble.
I discuss the book that is now available at your favorite bookseller, a name change to the podcast, support for the podcast, my first column for the website and my first article for the website.
I am doing what I meant to do in 1997 but got sidetracked by the depression among other things.
Better late than never.
In my last episode, The Space Between Breaths, I mentioned tWitch, but I stayed away from the topic. What can I add to the conversation? As I say in my podcast, I am not a mental health care professional with letters at the end of my name. I am just a guy who has been there. What the hell do I know?
An article/post got me typing. It featured a smiling picture of tWitch and was, "I Still Don't Think We Understand Depressio...
I wasn't planning on doing another episode this year as I was supposed to be on my way to or settling in Rochester, Minnesota, but I am still stranded in Tijuana. As I was sitting here, waiting, a title popped into my mind. Things typically start with that. Things are a bit scattered with everything packed, but I'm going to try and plow my way through and maybe make some sense.
The space between breaths brought a memory o...
I wasn't okay and did not even realize it. The caricatures of PTSD, Major Depression and trauma are easy to spot, but what about the subtleties, the hints and allegations? I am only learning them now. I'm realizing that it was never a matter of "if" another depressive episode would hit but "when."
Education can be painful at times. Sort of like hearing the whistling of that paddle coming to my backside in gr...
The holidays, starting with Thanksgiving, present a difficult time for people who are struggling. They present me with a difficult time. I look forward to January 2nd, when everything returns to normal.
I rejoice in your joy and happiness. Newton's Third Law comes into play though, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
I'm okay. I really am fine. But I hate the holidays. It is not so much as a "Bah ...
I had to battle through the depression to do this episode. Instead of succumbing to it, I dissected it. The depression twisted questions exhaust me, as well as the equally twisted answers. But then a few things happened right before I recorded it that really screwed it up. It taught me about patience and hope.
The wall of depression is something I have been coming to all my life and saying, "what the hell is wrong with me?" I know what is beyond the wall: my true self and also, possibly, my destruction. In the podcast, I explore the wall. In this episode, I explore setting up camp at the wall.
This is not my best effort. I am male and have the flu: hear me whine? But it is apt for the episode. It works in its own way. You do the ...
In this episode, I go way back in time to meet that scrawny kid with a bad haircut again. The first meeting did not go so well. This one went better.
He is a child of trauma. Adultification? I don't know.
This one got complicated. I started writing the script and fell down a rabbit hole. I followed the paths presented to me.
They led me to Jake and Elwood Blues, Pink Floyd, my Coci Carol and Deborah Tannin. I just went with it because I think they were bringing me to something important.
Ultimately, they brought me to some insights into communication.
This episode evolved. Into a movie. A few things came together, conversations with family members, a movie I watched, slivers of information and realizations.
A common hashtag I use is #keeptalking. I started to use #startlistening.
It got away from me a little bit but this is my story of the where I was, where I am, where I hope to be and the full story of how the podcast came about. Instead of getting naked about mental ...
It happened and I did not even realize it: I was sinking into the depression again. It is difficult to recognize it. A friend's email gave me the kick I needed to recognize it and begin to climb my way out.
For World Mental Health Awareness Day (a day late). What is chronic depression? I think I found a way to explain it. Then I dive into addiction, a Rat Park and boundaries.
I was triggered by a post I saw on LinkedIn about an advertisement for teletherapy.
The journalist in me understood her point of view; the SW Philly boy in me read "Let them eat cake."
"Let them eat cake," wrongly attributed to Marie Antoinette, "...is taken to reflect a princess's frivolous disregard for the starving peasants or her poor understanding of their plight."
I dive into her...
The final episode in support of Suicide Awareness Month. Moving beyond depression into something new: hope. I wonder where the hell it came from.
Let's Get Naked About Mental Health!
In this episode, I'll be continuing with the "Suicide Awareness Month" theme. I've gone to one extreme where I almost committed suicide, took everybody to the other side of suicide, those left behind, and now I want to discuss the gentler side of suicide. Yes, there is a gentler side. Michelangelo will also be making another cameo appearance.
Continuing with the theme of Suicide Awareness Month, let's take a look at the other side of things. Those left behind. I've been asked a lot about it when I began opening up about it. I scripted this one but did do a free form one. Might post that later. Bottom line: if someone you know has committed suicide or attempted it, talk to a professional.
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