January 14, 2026 • 59 mins
ADHD, Creativity, and Building a Sustainable Life
Host Introduction and Credentials
In this solo episode, Mica McCook, food photographer and host of The Savory Shot, shares her personal journey with a late ADHD diagnosis. Based in Austin, Texas, Mica has built a successful creative career while navigating the unseen challenges of executive dysfunction, time blindness, and burnout. Her experience blends professional insight with lived truth, making this conversation both grounded and deeply human.
Episode OverviewThis episode explores how ADHD shapes creative work, energy levels, and self perception. Mica opens up about years of blaming herself for burnout, missed deadlines, and mental exhaustion. Through learning about ADHD, she reframes those struggles as neurological rather than personal failures. Listeners hear honest stories about hyperfocus, task paralysis, decision fatigue, and distorted time awareness. The episode also offers practical tools that support neurodivergent brains, including external time cues, breaking tasks into smaller steps, and designing workflows that reduce overwhelm. At its core, this conversation is about releasing productivity shame and building systems that honor how your brain works.
Call to ActionListen to this episode with openness and self honesty. Reflect on where your current systems create harm. Begin identifying supports that reduce mental load and protect creative energy.
Closing RemarksThis episode is a reminder that creativity thrives when it is supported with compassion. Your brain is not behind. Sustainable creativity begins when you stop forcing and start designing a life that works with you.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the 70th episode of theSavory Shot, a podcast about the art
(00:08):
and soul of working in food photography.
I'm your host with the most Mica McCook.
I'm a food photographer, born andbased right here in Austin, Texas.
Can I just say, I'm so damnhappy you're here today.
Thank you for tuning in.
(00:28):
Whether you're listening in yourstudio, on your morning walk, or
you're hiding in your car becauseyou just need five minutes of silence
before going into that grocery store.
I see you.
I love you, and I thankyou for being here.
If this is your first time, firstof all, welcome to what I like
(00:53):
to call The Hot Mess Express.
Thanks for giving this weelittle podcast a chance.
I thought it would be amazing,poetic even, to end this rocky,
bumpy, chaotic year for the podcastwith a solo episode and to listen.
(01:18):
I feel like I owe y'all anexplanation for this year.
I mean, I know I don't, but atthe same time, I kind of do.
Last year I talked about being burntout, needing a break, needing extra help.
I thought I nipped thatproblem in the bud.
(01:39):
I thought I was gonna ride off intothe sunset on a horse named Perfection,
Nah, that did not happen at all.
I dropped the ball and then Idropped it again and again and again.
(02:01):
It was just so hard toget back into a groove.
I I wanted to, I desperately wanted to.
But I was just frozen.
I couldn't edit another episode.
I couldn't write another show note.
I mean, my heart wasn't done.
I wasn't done.
(02:22):
But the amount of work required topublish an episode felt impossibly
huge, and I couldn't understand why.
What happened?
Why was something I loved so muchsuddenly this mountain I couldn't climb.
(02:42):
Earlier this year I was diagnosedwith ADHD, but honestly, it's only
been the last two months that I'vereally, truly begun to understand it.
And y'all, everything makes sense now.
Now listen.
I know some of y'all hear ADHD and thinkof that one kid in fourth grade who
(03:05):
wouldn't sit still and kept tapping apencil like he was auditioning for Stomp.
If you don't remember who that kidis, chances are that kid was you.
But seriously.
I thought ADHD was someone who's likesuper hyper and they're bouncing all
over and jumping all over and you can'thave like a conversation with them
(03:27):
because they're just like squirrel.
So like I thought that's what ADHDwas and that it was kid thing.
But ADHD isn't just a childhood thing andit's not just being hyper or distracted.
For so many of us, it's a whole, wholeway of experiencing the world, a whole
(03:51):
way of working, a whole way of being.
You work twice as hard toget the bare minimum done.
I just wanna say thatADHD is a pain in the ass.
If I hear one more person tell me thatit's a superpower, I'm gonna punt you to
the other side of the country because Idon't always feel like it's a superpower.
(04:20):
I know there are some pros to it,like we're good in times of crises and
we're good at thinking on our feet andgetting outta jams and all that stuff.
But for so many of us, we carrythese invisible struggles.
The burnout we can't explain, theprojects we can do in 12 hours.
(04:41):
That somehow takes usthree weeks to start.
The hyper focus that turns usinto superheroes and then, and
then we're puddles like instantly.
There's no gradual, it's just hyperfocus, puddle.The admin tasks s that
feel like climbing Mount Everestbarefoot and with no snacks, the
(05:04):
constant thinking and overthinkingand daydreaming and time blindness.
The shame we quietly, secretlycarry because the minute we
mention ADHD, someone rolls theireyes and says, Everyone has ADHD.
You're not that special.
(05:25):
Y'all, we've got a lot to talk about.
So much to talk about.
If you have ADHD, get ready tojust, just shake your fist in the
air and go, yes, yes, all of this.
And if you're neurotypical, thisis a great episode to listen so
that you know how to navigateconversations with someone who has ADHD.
(05:53):
But before we get into all of that, grabyour coffee, your wine, whatever you
have nearby, and let's start the show.
Well, welcome to the Savory Shot,a biweekly show about the art and
soul of working in food photography.
(06:13):
I'm your host, Mika McCook.
Every other Wednesday I sit down tochat with professionals in the industry.
So that you feast on only the besttips and strategies in the business.
Alright, tall, let's get started.
(06:36):
So even though I was diagnosed withADHD earlier this year, it's only been
in the last two months that I've madea real effort to understand what it is
and how it impacts me and my daily life.
I guess I was, no pun intended, well,maybe, maybe it's very intended,
(06:58):
but I guess I was procrastinating.
But I found myself feeling frustrated,like, I have this diagnosis.
I have answers to all these questionsI've had for nearly my whole life.
(07:20):
Why can't I sit down and payattention to the teacher?
Why do I fall asleep in class?
Why did I wait so long to do my homework?
Why did I buy that stupidsoft box that I never use?
Why am I putting off this to-dolist that it's starting to
look like a damn CVS receipt?
Why can't I just start it?
(07:41):
Why have I been staring atthis damn wall for 45 minutes?
Why did I just make popcorn whenI was headed to the bathroom?
Why?
All those things are likeanswered and I'm sitting here
thinking, why is this so hard?
(08:01):
Why am I like this?
When I'm on a set and I'm shooting mymind is in 20,000 different directions
and there's so much going on.
You gotta worry about styling,you gotta worry about directing.
You're in charge of a lot of things.
So my brain is like feeldirection here, direction there.
(08:23):
Left, right, left right?
And ironically, like, I'm calm.
That's fine.
I'm thriving in, in thatkind of environment.
But then there's the other
extreme where replying to one email,starting one edit, finishing a task
that takes eight minutes, suddenlythat feels like climbing mountain doom.
(08:47):
And I'd feel so frustrated asking myself,why does it feel like I'm thriving here?
Then I'm struggling over here, buteven when I'm thriving over here,
it still feels like I'm struggling.
Like I am putting all of my effortinto just getting shit done and
(09:08):
staying focused and staying on track.
And, and then, you know, I'd gethome from a photo shoot and I'm
out, I'm passed out on the couch.
And it's not even like a physicaltiredness, it's like a mental,
like, I'm mentally tired.
And it's all the time onshoots, answering emails.
And for the longest time I thoughtit was a motivation problem, or
(09:31):
discipline problem, or a me problem.
I, gotta push through, I gotta shamemyself into action, hype myself into
action, caffeine myself into action.
Like right before a shoot, I'm justkind of all over the place and I'm
thinking it's just 'cause I'm nervous.
I've just gotta clear my mindand meditate and type of thing.
(09:54):
And then after shoots, I'm exhausted.
I'm like, oh, I'm not exercising enough.
I don't have enough, enoughstamina to like get through.
So I'm like, get intoworking out and pumping iron.
And then I won't be so tiredafter shoots and I'm still tired.
And when I'm sitting at my desk, I'mlike, oh, I have all these distractions.
I need to get rid of them.
(10:15):
No music, no food, no sneaky snacks.
Like move everything away.
And then I'm still struggling.
Everything was a struggle.
In fact, we should just call thisepisode Mica's Lifelong Struggle.
I don't, just kidding.
I don't know what we're gonnacall this episode, but the
point is, none of it worked.
(10:37):
Nothing worked, and Icouldn't figure out why.
And then I got my ADHD diagnosis andlisten, I didn't immediately understand
what that meant, like I did, becauselike I had a conversation with a
friend and she like explained likeher symptoms and things like that.
(10:58):
And a lot of it sounded similar to meand I was like, oh yeah, I have that.
But when I got my diagnosis, Ididn't immediately understand
what my diagnosis meant.
Like I understood and it confirmedmy suspicions and it was like, cool.
Got it.
Thanks.
But I guess I didn't know the depth oflike how much ADHD impacted my life.
(11:28):
Over the last two months as I've taken thetime to like actually learn about ADHD,
there's just so many things that I canlike count that have made so much sense.
For example, the burnout makes sense.
The hyperfocus marathons made sense, theemotional spirals, the time blindness,
(11:49):
the endless mental tabs, like all openin my brain, all of it just clicked
into place and I, I felt relief.
I remember thinking,
I'm not broken, I'm not lazy, I'mnot purposefully being inconsistent.
Like everything just made sense and,sorry, I'm, I'm trying not to cry.
(12:18):
I'm trying not to cry.
It is just so,
it just felt so validating to learnthat my brain was running on an
entirely different operating systemand I had been shaming myself for
using it wrong, quote unquote wrong.
(12:41):
In college, in high school,in my young adult years.
I was just unfairly harsh onmyself and it only got worse
when I became a photographer.
When you work in a creative field,especially something as hands-on and
sensory as like food photography,ADHD doesn't just show up quietly.
(13:06):
Nah, boo.
She shows up with a fogmachine in a spotlight.
One of the first videos I watchedon ADHD, the psychiatrist talked
about Executive Dysfunction.
I'll put it in the show notes.
That video actually made me cry.
(13:28):
It actually made me cry.
But y'all, I had never heard ofExecutive Dysfunction in my life.
I'd never heard that term before.
And at first I thought it meantsomething serious like I had
brain damage or something.
I got a little panicky.
I said to myself, oh my God,I got executive dysfunction.
(13:53):
And because you knowyour girl loves drama.
I panicked even more when Ilearned what it actually meant.
Executive dysfunction, for those whodon't know, is what happens when the
part of your brain that's supposed tohelp you plan, organize, prioritize,
(14:15):
start, follow through, manage time.
That part of your brain just doesn't work.
Like it decides it'staken a leave of absence.
And I swear, like I jumped andI went to the living room and I
told Aaron, my brain is broken.
Like I was just like, what the fuck?
(14:36):
And I was panicking.
Like I really was freaking outbecause, all of those things are
literally what I do as a photographer.
I plan the shoot, I organizethe crew and the logistics.
I create the shot list andI prioritize the shots.
(14:57):
I start the shoot.
I run the shoot.
I keep track of time during theshoot, and then I finish the shoot.
Every single one of those skillsrelies on executive functioning.
So on one hand I'm like, hopeless.
(15:17):
I feel hopeless.
Like, how the hell have Ibeen doing this job any job?
But at the same time, I felt proud becauseI'm like, damn right, I did this job.
Despite all of thesesetbacks, I did the job.
(15:38):
I also felt relieved because, formost of my life I didn't understand
why I just couldn't get my shittogether in certain areas and learning
this, it felt good to know why.
(16:01):
I told myself, Mica, girl, you've gottahunker down and learn as much as possible
about this 'cause my favorite mottois, when there's a will, there's a way.
But I say it differently, I saywhen there's aMica, there's a way.
And thus began my YouTube wormhole era.
(16:23):
Try saying that 10 times fast.
YouTube wormhole era, YouTube.
Nevermind.
Point is, I descendedinto the ADHD rabbit hole.
I went on a personal research journey andI'm, I'm starting to understand like how
to navigate this, how to move past it.
(16:47):
When I was diagnosed, my psychiatristwas like, you definitely have ADHD,
but you have put in so many routinesand rigid, step by steps checklist
and everything that you have somewhatmanaged it, but you're making things a
lot harder on yourself than you need to.
So like, learning about executivedysfunction and learning that like a lot
(17:09):
of the tools that you can use to get pastit or work around it were things that
I was already doing and I didn't know.
But the biggest executivedysfunction that I definitely
struggle with is time blindness.
And time blindness is, it is not cute.
It will wreck your whole day, your wholeschedule, your whole sense of reality.
(17:34):
If you're not careful, like I usedto get in the shower and I swear
before Dumbledore, it was like a10 minute shower and I come out
and like 45 minutes have passed.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Or I get lost in a book.
Then I think, oh, it's like10 minutes have gone by.
I'll read for like 10 minutes andthen I look up and it's like three
(17:55):
hours later and I'm like, oh, shit.
Like, totally missed it.
TikTok was like the worst, 'causeyou just, you just scroll through and
you don't even know what time it is.
I remember one of my shoots, my crew andI were testing the light and the client
walked up to me and they asked like,are we getting started anytime soon?
(18:17):
And I remember thinking, started, started,we just started testing the light.
What?
And then I looked at my watchand I realized, oh shit.
So much time had passed.
I was like, what the fuck are we ina time vortex like, what the hell?
it I don't know if anyone sawInterstellar, but like the time slippage
(18:39):
or they're down in that gravity planet forlike 30 minutes in their eyes they're down
there for 30 minutes and they get back upto the ship and it's been like 25 years.
Like that's literally what it feels like.
Or, I mean, looking back, we were movingat a freaking snails pace because I,
me, kept shooting the same shot over andover again trying to make it perfect.
(19:05):
And I remember at one point theclient came back and they're
like, Hey, can we move on?
Like, we love this shot,we love what you did.
Like we, I don't think there'sanything more you can do.
So can we just like move on 'causewe don't wanna run out of time.
And again, I was like, run out of what?
And I looked at the clockand I was like, oh shit.
It's almost lunchtime.
And we still had liketwo more setups to go.
(19:28):
We were so behind the schedule and I wasjust standing there like, what the fuck?
It was insane.
Learning about time blindness.
It made everything click.
People with ADHD, we do not feel timethe same way neurotypical people do.
Like time is not a river.
(19:49):
It doesn't, it's a concept.
it's a myth.
It's a rumor.
It's a, an urban legend that,that, I swear y'all neurotypical
folks keep insisting is real.
My husband.
He gets so frustrated with me wheneverwe have to go somewhere, 'cause he's
like, he'll come up to me like 30minutes before you have to leave.
(20:11):
And he is like, Hey, we'releaving in 30 minutes.
And I'd be like, yeah,yeah, yeah, whatever.
And I'm like in the middle of somethingand I'm like, oh, I'm almost done.
And I swear no time has passed by.
And he'll come back and he'llbe like, Hey, we gotta go.
We got 10 minutes.
Like we gotta go now.
And I'm like, 10 minutes.
And I'm still not even dressed.
Like I'm not even dressed.
(20:32):
And Aaron's like, what the fuck?
We gotta go.
And we'd show up late, like 10,15 minutes late to whatever event.
And he'd be like, I don't understand.
I told you we had 30 minutes.
And even like, once I got ready andI'm like, ready to go, then boom.
I can't find my phone.
I can't find my purse, I can't findmy keys and where are my sunglasses.
(20:54):
It's so bright outside.
I gotta have my sunglasses.
And you know, when I was learningabout time blindness, I was like, yeah.
I was like shaking my headlike, this makes so much sense.
Because for me there are only two typesof time right now and not right now.
That's it.
Those are the categories.
(21:15):
Either I need to leaveright now or not right now.
And if something is not happeningright now, it just floats away.
Just like a little butterfly.
It just drifts off into a foggy, mythicalfuture that I cannot touch until suddenly.
(21:38):
Oh shit.
We booked the studio for four hours.
We only have two hours left and we've onlycompleted three shots and there are four.
Or I'll sit down to do my makeup whilelistening to a podcast and instead
of it being 30 minutes, suddenly I'vebeen blending eyeshadow for an hour.
I'm like, what the fuck?
I just started my makeup.
(21:59):
Or I'll sit down to lunch, like I saidbefore, open a book, especially if
it's one of my steamy romance novels.
And then I'll just be engulfedin this for like two hours.
I'm like, what the fuck?
And I'm like stumblingback into the office.
Like I've come back from Narnia
and it's not irresponsibility,it's neurology, ADHD brains
(22:22):
process times differently.
Now it is your responsibility tolike put things into place so that
way two hour, two hour book readingsessions don't happen or blending
eyeshadow for an hour doesn't happen.
That's on you.
That's your responsibility, butyour brain, , missing the concept
of time, that's not on you boo.
Like your brain just processesthings differently and what feels
(22:46):
like five minutes has like passed.
It's really like threehours or five years.
You just don't know.
You really just get so oblivious to it.
One thing I tend to do, and I'm reallybad about this, like I will sometimes
have to meet someone and like theother side of town, like you could
tell me I have to be in South Austinat three o'clock and it takes 30
(23:10):
minutes from my house to the coffeeshop, so I have to be there at three.
I'm not leaving my house till two 50.
I act like, yeah, I got, I canmake it there in 10 minutes.
Like I could just apparate there.
Like, no, no big deal, no problem.
Or I plan a shoot and I'll think, yeah,we, we can get 10 shots with multiple
(23:33):
light setups and, and done in eight hours.
Like, yeah, no, no big deal.
We could do that with asmall crew of two of us.
We could have a whole set up of foodand do this giant flat lay and then all
these other things in, in two hours.
(23:54):
Ugh.
You see, this is why ADHD creativeshyper focus for like 12 hours straight.
But it's also why we miss deadlines,forget appointments or underestimate
how long things are gonna take.
(24:16):
Here's another thing Istruggle with starting a task.
Y'all.
This is my Roman empire.
You know that song?
Let's get it started.
Let's get it started in here.
Like I shake my motherfuckingfist at that song.
Let's get it started.
(24:36):
Let's get it started.
And here, because in school I usedto get so frustrated with myself
because I just couldn't get startedon whatever damn thing I was doing.
It just, it didn't matter.
I couldn't get started until thedeadline was like hours away.
And once I got started, I was fine.
(24:58):
Like I found my groove and then boom.
But the launch is where I struggle.
And it's still that way today.
Like yesterday I was sitting inmy reading chair and I was like.
Mica, it's time to get ready for bed.
You need to put your clothes out, youneed to, you know, take your medication.
(25:20):
You need to go brush your, your teeth,your face, like do your nighttime routine.
You need to do it now.
And then I wouldn't move, likeI'm having this internal argument
with myself like, girl, get yourass up and go get ready for bed.
No, get your ass up andgo get ready for bed now.
And I just wouldn't move.
And this has been my whole life.
(25:41):
Like I've struggled with starting tasksmy whole life in school, I'd get so mad at
myself because I couldn't start my essays,couldn't start my homework, couldn't start
memorizing my lines until the deadlineswere like basically sitting on top of me.
Like, Hey girl, this isdue in like 10 minutes.
(26:02):
Get to it.
Chop, chop.
It was like that in college.
It was like that on my day jobs.
Like I have all these tasks andI'm like, I need to get started on
this, so I'll have time to do thisso that I can go home at this time.
No, never happened.
Never happened.
I mean, once I started,like I said, I was fine.
I can power through it.
AKA hyper-focused through it, but thestart, oh no, that start button was
(26:31):
like, it was like the little key inDumbledore, in the Harry Potter and the
um, the Sorcerer Stone where they'retrying to find the Sorcerer Stone?
Yeah.
It was like the start buttonwas hidden by Fluffy, the, you
know, the three-headed dog.
Ugh.
One thing I tend to do is I'll planmy shoots, like my test shoots.
(26:54):
I'll buy the props, buy the food,and then fail to set up my equipment.
I kid you not y'all,I'll be sitting there.
My brain will be like,you need to get started.
Go get your camera, go get your lights,like get up, go get your lights now.
And then immediately my brain willbe like, oh, I should check my email.
(27:20):
Or when it's time to like editphotos, I'll be at my computer and
I'll say, okay, it's time to edit.
And then I just won't move.
I'll just sit at my desklike a decorative plant.
I'll just sit there andsit there and sit there.
And you know, people with ADHD, wedon't struggle with doing tasks.
We struggle with starting them.
(27:40):
I've said it before.
I'll say it again.
I'll keep saying it.
Starting requires, I don't know.
It requires like activating the brain,shifting gears, moving into a new focus.
For me, it feels like my startbutton, it's like broken, like
it'll spark, it'll sputter, it'lldelay, but it's just not gonna work.
(28:03):
I'm just gonna sit there in myparking lot just staring ahead.
For the ones who have ADHD, havey'all ever sat down to write an email?
Like you know what you're gonna say?
You know who you're going to email?
Like you've got it allplanned out in your mind.
And so you sit down and you openGmail and you write out the subject,
and then you get to the littlebody part, and then suddenly the
(28:26):
English language leaves your body.
You're just sitting there like,
or you're about to begin editingphotos, and then you reorganize
your pens and you go, oh, I wonderwhy I have so many damn pens.
Oh, is that just me?
(28:46):
Am I the only one organizing pens?
Or have you ever opened yourlaptop to send an invoice?
And then you end up watching a videoabout why whales sleep vertically.
They do it to conserve energyand to stay close to the surface.
(29:07):
You're welcome.
Again, it's not regular procrastination.
It's not laziness.
It's paralysis.
It's your brain acting like, likethat meme where the guy who's
like, the pills are too damn high.
That's pretty much like, what I envision,I envision my brain with the wig, the
(29:31):
powdered wig going, the amount of energyrequired to begin this is too damn high.
Let me be more dramatic, even moredramatic for a second because I haven't
been drama for your mama this wholeepisode, but do y'all remember Terminator
three, the Rise of the Machines?
Okay.
I'm going to assume that all of y'allhave seen that movie with Nick Stahl.
(29:55):
I think that's his name.
He was in the Carnival.
I had a crush on him.
Anyway.
Anyway, didn't even focus.
There's that scene where the TXcorrupts the Terminator systems
and Arnold Schwartzenegger islike trying to kill John Connor.
And he's like throwing him aroundthe little airstrip and then
like right as he's about to you.
(30:17):
Kill John Conner.
Like his original mission, his OGmission is still to protect John.
And so there's like this internalwar and he's like, freezes mid punch.
Do y'all remember that dialoguewhere he goes, what is your mission?
And then Terminator is liketo, and show the safety of John
Connor and Katherine Brewster.
(30:38):
And he's like, you areabout to fail that mission.
And then he like freezes.
Anyone?
I know y'all have seenthe Terminator three.
Anyway, that is whatstarting a task feels like.
Need to start task can't start task.
Start task.
(30:58):
Can't start task.
Freeze.
So yeah, we're not avoidingthe task, we're trying to push
ourselves into the runway.
We're trying to stop thecar, but it's winter.
We can't.
We just can't.
So I hope that explains, I mean,somewhere in all of my brain,
this all makes sense about whythis year was hard as fuck for me.
(31:19):
I just had a lot of shit to do for thepodcast and I just couldn't get started.
And then time blindness, like I didn'trealize, oh, the whole day has passed by
and I still need to edit that episode.
Huh?
Which brings me to anotherdiscovery that I learned about ADHD.
We struggle with task sequencing.
(31:40):
Meaning if a task has multiplesteps, even the tiny ones, the brain
panics.
Every time Aaron comes to me withlike these really complicated
things, I say to him, dumb it down.
Dumb it down.
Reduce the steps.
Reduce the steps.
Like, 'cause my eyes start crossingand I'm like, Nope, nope, nope.
(32:00):
And like, planning mysocial media every month.
Oh my God.
It's exhausting.
'Cause like I've made like thiscomplicated system where it's like
step after step after step, and nowI'm realizing if it has more than five
steps, like something's getting missed.
Like I'm not doing all of that.
Right.
(32:21):
If I put something vague on myto-do list, like plan social media,
I mean, I'll set up my computerand I'll be like, okay, air.
Huh?
What do I do first?
When Aaron plans his social media, like.
Most neurotypical brains.
He's just like, cool, I'll do thesetasks one-on-one, one by one first.
(32:42):
I'll do this second, I'll dothat, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And like me, I'm just like, burn the list.
Start fresh tomorrow, rebrand everything.
Move to Portugal, Harry Potter,
And like, I don't know, the smalltask, they feel huge because they're
(33:02):
not just tasked, they're decisions.
And, and for me, like making a tonof decisions, it just exhausts me.
That's why I hate getting on Google'cause it's like you Google something and
then it's like you have four bazillionresults and, and you're like, fuck, I
have to go through 23 pages of this shit.
(33:23):
Like, you don't have to, but like my brainwill be like, I need to make sure that I'm
getting the best of the best of the bestdecision, the best link, the best recipe.
It's just, decision makingdrains my brain fast, like it
overheats my brain overheats.
And it's just too much.
(33:45):
Like, for example, takeediting neurotypical workflow.
You choose your photos, then youimport the cold photos, and then
you go by each photo and you do yourtypical, you adjust the exposure.
Color, grade, make somehealing, yada, yada, yada.
Five minutes in, boom, export.
Done.
(34:05):
ADHD workflow.
Ha.
This is like 12 tasks, wearing atrench coat, pretending to be one.
You're like, oh, I'm gonna call.
And then you start calling, and thenyou see someone and you go, oh, I
wonder where that curtain came from.
And then you're googling thecurtain and then you're learning
(34:27):
about how curtains were made andsewed during the Renaissance.
Or like you're looking at food of, like,for example, I give you one example.
My last shoot they had likeolives and I thought, wow, those
are some really green olives.
I've never seen olives that green.
And so I googled, why are olives green?
(34:49):
And then I just went down therabbit hole of why olives are green
and the history of olives, whereit came from, who popularized it.
Why people prefer to drink it intheir, like all kinds of shit.
And I'm supposed to beediting these photos.
(35:17):
I will say, what's been helping me lately?
I talk to myself out loud.
Like I, I gentle parentmyself out loud, verbally.
I'll say to myself, Mica, get up.
10 seconds.
You've got 10 seconds.
And then I'll set a timer on mywatch and I'll be like 10 seconds.
And then after the timer goesoff, I go, okay, time to get up.
(35:41):
We gotta go edit, get up.
I know it sounds weird,but It works for me.
That's all that matters.
It works for Mo, your girl, yourhost, with the most it works.
The other thing that I rely heavilyon, on chat GPTI actually downloaded
A-A-G-P-T called My ADHD Chat, GPT Coach.
(36:06):
I tell you what that thing hasbeen like, my saving grace.
I use it for everything.
I use it to plan my day.
I use it to ask questions aboutlike why I do the things that I do.
But most importantly, I use it as amotivational coach to like get my ass up.
So like, I'll type something,I'll be like, I need to do task A,
(36:26):
but I'm struggling to start help.
And then they'll ask me questions like,what exactly are you struggling with?
What is on your mind?
Yada, yada, yada.
And then it'll be like,how about you stand up?
Even?
It's just for one minute, just stand up.
Then I'll stand, they'll be like,and I'll say, okay, I'm standing now.
I actually type that into my GBT.
(36:47):
Okay, I'm standing nowand it says, that's great.
Now walk to your desk.
And then it does it like step by step.
It holds my hand step by step until I'm ina groove and then I don't need it anymore.
But it's been my BFF, like itreally has been so helpful to me and
I'm learning that I don't need tofollow those productivity lies where
(37:11):
they're like, just be consistent.
One thing, and this is meveering off the road again.
But one thing that people with ADHDtend to do, it's very black or white.
Either we do it all orwe don't do anything.
And so oftentimes if we miss a deadlineor like you know, we're supposed to get
(37:32):
started at like six o'clock and it's6 0 5 and we haven't, then we'll just
scrap the plan because we didn't getstarted at exactly six o'clock and like
my GBT coach is great for talking meout of that black white frame of mind.
For example, this morningI fell asleep 'cause I was
reading right before my workout.
(37:53):
And normally I'm supposed to start workingout at, 5 52, but, I'm supposed to do my
pelvic stretching at 40 and I fell asleep.
I didn't wake up until sixo'clock and I was like, oh shit.
And normally my strength trainingtakes me about an hour and 15 minutes.
But I knew because I wasn'tgetting started until six o'clock,
(38:16):
that there was no way that I wasgonna finish this whole workout.
So in the past, what I would've done wasjust say, fuck it, I missed my workout.
I'll do my walk tomorrow or whatever.
But this morning I was like,okay, I've got an hour.
It's six o'clock.
I got a little over an hour to do this.
(38:36):
I have to start makingbreakfast by seven 15.
So what can I do until then?
Like how much of my workout routinecan I finish in that amount of time?
And so I got straight into my workout andI, I didn't finish it, but I did do it.
And so like I am getting out of thatframe of mind of the black and white.
(38:56):
Either I do it all or I don't do nothing.
I'm just like learning tolet go productivity lies.
And using what works for me,like what supports my brain.
And learning this haslike, changed everything.
It really has.
I haven't had a chance to implement thisand maybe by the time this episode comes
out, I will have a chance to implement it.
But I bought a couple of batterypowered digital clocks where it has
(39:20):
the time, like in big fat letters andI'm planning to bring them to shoots
because again, time blindness is a thingand I'm gonna have one by the setup.
I'm gonna have one at my laptop.
I also, I got my watch, and thegoal is just to have a clock
everywhere that I'm gonna look,there needs to be a clock everywhere.
(39:41):
And then the other thing that I do is thatI've been using that timer on my watch.
I just set it.
Okay, 30 minutes.
We got 30 minutes to do this.
Alright, we're gonna photographthis dish in 15 minutes.
We're doing 15 minutesfor this, for this shot.
I love it.
It's working for me.
It really is just keeping me,keeping my head in the game.
(40:02):
I wanna say that like, once I startedlearning about my neurodivergence and I
started like accepting that this mightwork for someone with a neurotypical
brain, but it's not gonna work for me andstop fighting it, like stop fighting it.
Once I stopped fighting it,everything softened in my life.
(40:24):
My self-talk, my expectations.
My self worth, even my creativity,like, it just, everything feels soft.
My whole life I never thought I had ADHD.
(40:49):
I knew I was struggling withsomething, but I thought I was,
honestly, I thought I was stupid.
And I thought that I was a slowlearner, that it takes me a while
to learn something, but once Ilearn it, it's ingrained in me.
But like, I have to workextra hard because I won't get
(41:09):
something on the first try.
Like I won't understandsomething on the first try.
And I hate that to tell y'all, like,that's really what I thought of
myself, that I questioned my IQ, Iquestioned my intelligence, my ability.
And I thought that maybe I was likea few pigs behind and, and it just
takes me a little while to get there.
(41:31):
But the reason why I didn't think Ihad ADHD is because I thought people
with ADHD was like super hyper, likejust bouncy everywhere off the walls.
And I didn't think I was that, likeI wasn't bouncing off the walls.
I wasn't cartwheeling throughthe grocery store, but I
watched a video about fidgeting.
(41:53):
About how people with ADHD fidget alot, and we're messing with our rings.
We're messing withwhatever's on our wrist.
We tap our toes, we tap our fingers,like we're just constantly moving.
And I didn't realizethat I was a fidgeter.
I am constantly tapping,shifting, doodling.
I click my pins.
(42:14):
Even right now as I'm recording this,I have a little fidget, a little
eraser that I kind of twist around.
I read online that it's good to have likefidget toys to give your, to stimulate
your brain until like, paying attention.
But like, I never realized how much of afidgeter I was until I watched that video.
(42:34):
Another thing I heard aboutADHD is that we can't focus.
And that's why I thought I didn'thave it, because I'm like I can focus.
If it's really important, I can focus.
I just need to like get my shit togetherand everything has to be like the
right condition and then I can focus.
(42:56):
And I used to say to myself like,I have trouble starting, but once
I do, I'm like, Eagle-Eyed on mytask and nothing could stop me.
But little did I know that what I wasexperiencing was one of ADHD's most
confusing, magical, I don't even, magicalis even the word, but it is hyper focus.
(43:20):
I didn't realize that I was hyperfocusing on whatever it is that I'm doing.
And I guess that's where somewould consider that to be a, a
superpower, but it feels like it's.
A superpower, but with awful side effects.
Like it's the creative equivalentof having Beyonce level energy for
(43:41):
like six hours and then suddenlyyou're just a fainting goat.
And you know the thing abouthyperfocus, oh, she is a liar.
She fools you, convinces you that youare capable of Olympic level productivity
air and then suddenly boom, you areon the floor surrounded by piles of
(44:03):
paper because you suddenly needed toreorganize your entire desk drawer system.
With hyper focus, you get so zoned inon that task that everything goes away.
You skip meals, you skip bathroombreaks, you skip text messages,
(44:23):
emails, responsibilities.
You just escape everything you have.
No idea what time it is, what dayit is, where you are, who you are.
Like you push everything andeveryone away because this one task
has kidnapped your entire soul.
And I can see how some peoplewould call that like a superpower.
(44:44):
That's a superpower.
But for me, that's not good focus.
I feel like that's obsessive focus.
That's the I'll blinkto forget and eat focus.
It's the don't talk to me.
I'm stressed out and I'min the zone kind of focus.
And for people with ADHD, hyper focusis, I don't know, it's weird because
(45:06):
hyperfocus is one of the few timeswhere our brain feels completely quiet.
And honestly, I love it.
That's what I love about exercising.
That's what I love about my long walks.
People ask me all the time, how areyou able to do the 10 mile walks?
How are you able to do eight mile walks?
Don't you get bored?
I'm like, no.
It is amazing.
My brain is quiet.
(45:27):
Like I just am focused on my breathing.
I'm feeling the weather, like everythingis just so nice and my brain is just
at peace and everything melts away.
So in times like that, love hyperfocus.
I feel like I'm in flow.
I feel like I'm unstoppable.
(45:48):
But when it's hyper-focusing on like atask, I don't break it up into phases.
I just go all in and I'm like, Icannot stop this until it's done.
And then I feel like tremendousguilt afterward because while
I'm hyper focusing, I neglecteverything else in my life.
(46:11):
I walk out of hyperfocus,confused, bewildered.
I just stepped off a rollercoaster.
I'm disoriented.
And then I spend the rest of theweek catching up on everything that I
ignored for the last few days, whichis why I was getting frustrated with
(46:32):
the podcast because I'd get intothese hyper focus zones with editing
the show and it takes me about eightto 12 hours to edit one episode.
And it takes a lot longer'cause I get distracted.
But like,
it would take me eight hours to editone episode and That's a whole day.
(46:58):
And I've neglected everything else.
I've missed deadlines, I've missedphone calls because I am so dead set on
getting this episode edited and done.
And that's okay for a once in a whilething, but like the night before a show
or the night before the episode goes out.
And so now that I understand what'shappening with hyper focus, I feel
(47:20):
pressured to like catch up to repair, to,I don't know, make up for lost time, which
is wild because the time wasn't lost.
But I just feel guilty forneglecting everything else.
One of my last shoots earlier thisyear, my external monitors, the
(47:42):
Bluetooth connector kept malfunctioning.
We couldn't see like what I was shooting.
So we'd troubleshoot it, we'dreset it, we'd start, and then
it would malfunction again.
And it slowed productiondown tremendously.
We were so behind, so the client askedme if we had an HDMI cable instead.
(48:07):
And I was like, yeah, of course.
And I thought I packed it, butit turned out that I didn't.
So what did I do?
I obsessively searched through everysingle bag, every pouch, every zipper.
Hell, I was even temptedto go search my car.
(48:29):
My assistant was like, letme look for this HDMI cable.
You keep shooting, this is whatyou're supposed to be doing and
we'll find it and it'll be fine.
Nope.
I still kept searching 'causeI was like, I could have sworn
I packed this motherfucker.
I know I packed this.
And the client, bless them, offeredtheir cord, they had an HDMI cord and
(48:55):
they're like, here, just use this andlet's move on and I'll make sure to get
it from you, at the end of the shoot.
So even with that solution inmy hand, I could not let it go.
I had to find out either if the cordwas not in one of my bags or if it was
at home and I had to open every bag,touch every item, confirm for myself
(49:19):
that the HDMI cord truly was not there.
And even after we started shooting.
For the next few hours, all I couldthink about was that damn cord.
Where in my house was that damn cord.
By the way, that HDMI cord,I did leave it at home.
(49:44):
You wanna know where I leftit In my drawer with my socks.
Don't ask me why I was there.
I, I don't know.
I don't know why I put my HDMI cable inmy drawer, my dresser with the socks.
The thing that frustrates me abouthyperfocus is that from what I've learned,
(50:05):
hyperfocus doesn't show up responsibly.
It doesn't clock in at nine,and then it clocks out at five.
And it doesn't ask like, Hey girls,you got other things to do today.
It doesn't check your calendar, askabout your deadlines or consider,
you know, your hydration levelshyper-focused, just shows up and
(50:25):
you're like, oh, we're doing this now.
Bet.
Clear.
My schedule.
And what drives me nutsis the instant change.
It's like one minute you haveunlimited energy, unlimited
drive, unlimited creativity.
(50:46):
It's like I could go all night.
And then the next minute,boom, done, drained, empty.
Can't do it.
Won't do it.
And it doesn't matter if you're midemail, mid edit, mid photo shoot, my
brain will suddenly go, Kay, done now.
Adios.
Good luck out there.
Good luck honey.
And then it just like leaves me.
(51:08):
And then comes the burnout.
When you're in the middle of a photoshoot, you can't burn out in a photo
shoot, so you have to like chug your way.
And that's why like when I get home, Iam tired and Aaron will tell you this,
but like I get home and I pass out onthe couch, and that's why like I have
(51:31):
to put my equipment away right away.
I can't do anything that looks like rustuntil I put all my shit away because
I'm gonna pass out on the couch andthen I'm gonna leave my equipment out
for like the next five days before,I don't know, the next shoot happens,
or Aaron gets so frustrated with methat I end up putting my stuff away.
(51:53):
For the last two months,I've been hyper-focused.
See what I did there?
Hey.
Seriously, I have been hyper-focusedon learning about ADHD, the
impacts it makes in my life.
(52:14):
I am the type of person that, like,you give me the answer, you give me the
knowledge, I hit the ground running.
I don't look back.
I'm not afraid of hard work.
I'm not afraid to like do thestuff, the things, but just
like, tell me what I need to do.
And that's what next yearreally is gonna be about.
(52:35):
It's gonna be about figuring out whatchanges behavior wise I need to make
in order to be the best version of me.
I'm excited for this year.
I'm excited for like,how things are gonna go.
I'm excited for the sets thatwe're gonna create, the things
that I'm planning to do.
(52:56):
I'm just excited for 2026.
I'm ready for this year to get started.
I mean, I know at the time that I'mrecording this in December, so by the
time this comes out it'll be January.
But I'm excited for the year.
I'm excited for the possibilities.
I'm excited for the new things that I'mgonna be learning about my diagnosis.
(53:18):
I'm excited to meet other people withADHD and to feel connected in that way.
Like I am so jazzed and ready.
I don't know what theword is gonna be for 2026.
I feel like excited, hopeful, optimistic,those are all like overused words.
(53:42):
So when I have a better idea of likewhat the word of the year's gonna be,
I'll, I'll let you guys know, but Ijust, I will say that I'm excited.
And as I learn about my diagnosis,I'm gonna share with y'all.
I'll be in the stories.
I'll be talking all this smack all thisshit about, did you know type of stuff.
(54:04):
And then please, anyone who has ADHDlike diagnosed, please come talk to me.
Tell me your experience.
Like I've got so many questions.
Before I close this episode andwrap up this year, I wanna bring
you back to the heart of whyI wanted to share all of this.
(54:28):
I am done not with the show.
Didn't mean to scare y'all.
I'm not done with the show.
No, this is still a big part of my heart.
What I am done with is tryingto force myself into systems
that were not built for me.
(54:48):
I am done shaming myself for forgetting,for waiting for spacing out, for
procrastinating, for struggling.
I'm done.
I am done pretending I can remember37 things at once without help.
That I can accomplish allthe things without help.
(55:15):
That I can sit down and hunkerdown and do the damn thing.
Without complications.
I'm done.
I'm done, done, done.
Pretending like I've justgot all the fucking answers.
'Cause I don't.
In 2026, I'm creatingworkflows that flow with me.
I am creating systems that give methe space to, I don't know, flubber.
(55:46):
And I am creating rituals thatground me instead of overwhelm me.
And my second goal, I want to prioritizesustainability in my creative life.
I want less burnout.
I want more balance, more joy.
I want all these things on set in mybusiness, in my personal life, I want
(56:09):
to make more professional friends.
I need coworkers.
I need people to co-work with.
Like I need that.
And more than anything, like I don't wanta life where I sprint and then I crash.
I want creative joy to bethe default, not the reward.
(56:31):
I'm making space for all of that.
If my brain is tired and can'tfocus, then boo, we resting today
and we're gonna do it guilt free.
So now to you, I don't know if you'relistening to this on your walk, if
you're in your car, if you're atyour desk in your studio, curled
(56:52):
up on your couch, I don't know.
Wherever you are, if anything in thisepisode resonated with you, good.
that's what I want.
If you have ADHD like me, or if you thinkafter listening to this episode that you
might have ADHD and you're struggling,then this is definitely for you.
(57:18):
Here is an affirmation thathas been helping me every day.
I, at some point say tomyself one of these things.
I say, my creativity is not broken.
My brain is not behind.
I'm learning how to support myselfin ways that honor who I truly am.
(57:40):
ADHD is real.
This is real.
Why don't you go get some water?
Thank you for listening with an openheart, and thank you for keep showing up.
I love this show so much.
I put so much of myself in this show andI do it because y'all keep showing up.
(58:02):
Y'all give me so much hope, encouragement.
I don't know each and every one of youpersonally, but y'all are my family.
Y'all are the foundation of what keepsthis podcast going, and as long as
y'all keep showing up, as long as y'allkeep listening and giving me feedback,
(58:25):
I'm gonna give it everything I got.
So thank you for beinga part of this show.
Thank you for being apart of this community.
I hope that 2026 is going to be yourbest year, even though there's a lot
of crazy shit going on right now.
I hope that with all of thisheaviness that you'll find
(58:48):
yourself feeling light moments.
If this episode, anything in this episode,hit home, come talk to me, let me know.
Share it on Instagram, DMme, email me, send me an owl,
I don't know, smoke signal.
However you wanna reach out.
Come.
Holler at a girl, and if I'mnot distracted, I promise
(59:09):
I'll be the best listener.
Just kidding.
I'm just kidding
This episode is written and producedby me, your host, Mika McCook.
Like this episode, give us afive star review on Apple Podcast
and subscribe to the Savory Shotwherever you get your podcast.
(59:30):
Or follow me your host, MikaMcCook, on Instagram at Mika.
McCook or you can follow the podcast onInstagram at the Savory Shot Podcast.
If you have any questions, comments, orwould like to be featured on the show,
email us at podcast@thesavoryshot.com.
Welcome to the 70th episode of theSavory Shot, a podcast about the art
(00:08):
and soul of working in food photography.
I'm your host with the most Mica McCook.
I'm a food photographer, born andbased right here in Austin, Texas.
Can I just say, I'm so damnhappy you're here today.
Thank you for tuning in.
(00:28):
Whether you're listening in yourstudio, on your morning walk, or
you're hiding in your car becauseyou just need five minutes of silence
before going into that grocery store.
I see you.
I love you, and I thankyou for being here.
If this is your first time, firstof all, welcome to what I like
(00:53):
to call The Hot Mess Express.
Thanks for giving this weelittle podcast a chance.
I thought it would be amazing,poetic even, to end this rocky,
bumpy, chaotic year for the podcastwith a solo episode and to listen.
(01:18):
I feel like I owe y'all anexplanation for this year.
I mean, I know I don't, but atthe same time, I kind of do.
Last year I talked about being burntout, needing a break, needing extra help.
I thought I nipped thatproblem in the bud.
(01:39):
I thought I was gonna ride off intothe sunset on a horse named Perfection,
Nah, that did not happen at all.
I dropped the ball and then Idropped it again and again and again.
(02:01):
It was just so hard toget back into a groove.
I I wanted to, I desperately wanted to.
But I was just frozen.
I couldn't edit another episode.
I couldn't write another show note.
I mean, my heart wasn't done.
I wasn't done.
(02:22):
But the amount of work required topublish an episode felt impossibly
huge, and I couldn't understand why.
What happened?
Why was something I loved so muchsuddenly this mountain I couldn't climb.
(02:42):
Earlier this year I was diagnosedwith ADHD, but honestly, it's only
been the last two months that I'vereally, truly begun to understand it.
And y'all, everything makes sense now.
Now listen.
I know some of y'all hear ADHD and thinkof that one kid in fourth grade who
(03:05):
wouldn't sit still and kept tapping apencil like he was auditioning for Stomp.
If you don't remember who that kidis, chances are that kid was you.
But seriously.
I thought ADHD was someone who's likesuper hyper and they're bouncing all
over and jumping all over and you can'thave like a conversation with them
(03:27):
because they're just like squirrel.
So like I thought that's what ADHDwas and that it was kid thing.
But ADHD isn't just a childhood thing andit's not just being hyper or distracted.
For so many of us, it's a whole, wholeway of experiencing the world, a whole
(03:51):
way of working, a whole way of being.
You work twice as hard toget the bare minimum done.
I just wanna say thatADHD is a pain in the ass.
If I hear one more person tell me thatit's a superpower, I'm gonna punt you to
the other side of the country because Idon't always feel like it's a superpower.
(04:20):
I know there are some pros to it,like we're good in times of crises and
we're good at thinking on our feet andgetting outta jams and all that stuff.
But for so many of us, we carrythese invisible struggles.
The burnout we can't explain, theprojects we can do in 12 hours.
(04:41):
That somehow takes usthree weeks to start.
The hyper focus that turns usinto superheroes and then, and
then we're puddles like instantly.
There's no gradual, it's just hyperfocus, puddle.The admin tasks s that
feel like climbing Mount Everestbarefoot and with no snacks, the
(05:04):
constant thinking and overthinkingand daydreaming and time blindness.
The shame we quietly, secretlycarry because the minute we
mention ADHD, someone rolls theireyes and says, Everyone has ADHD.
You're not that special.
(05:25):
Y'all, we've got a lot to talk about.
So much to talk about.
If you have ADHD, get ready tojust, just shake your fist in the
air and go, yes, yes, all of this.
And if you're neurotypical, thisis a great episode to listen so
that you know how to navigateconversations with someone who has ADHD.
(05:53):
But before we get into all of that, grabyour coffee, your wine, whatever you
have nearby, and let's start the show.
Well, welcome to the Savory Shot,a biweekly show about the art and
soul of working in food photography.
(06:13):
I'm your host, Mika McCook.
Every other Wednesday I sit down tochat with professionals in the industry.
So that you feast on only the besttips and strategies in the business.
Alright, tall, let's get started.
(06:36):
So even though I was diagnosed withADHD earlier this year, it's only been
in the last two months that I've madea real effort to understand what it is
and how it impacts me and my daily life.
I guess I was, no pun intended, well,maybe, maybe it's very intended,
(06:58):
but I guess I was procrastinating.
But I found myself feeling frustrated,like, I have this diagnosis.
I have answers to all these questionsI've had for nearly my whole life.
(07:20):
Why can't I sit down and payattention to the teacher?
Why do I fall asleep in class?
Why did I wait so long to do my homework?
Why did I buy that stupidsoft box that I never use?
Why am I putting off this to-dolist that it's starting to
look like a damn CVS receipt?
Why can't I just start it?
(07:41):
Why have I been staring atthis damn wall for 45 minutes?
Why did I just make popcorn whenI was headed to the bathroom?
Why?
All those things are likeanswered and I'm sitting here
thinking, why is this so hard?
(08:01):
Why am I like this?
When I'm on a set and I'm shooting mymind is in 20,000 different directions
and there's so much going on.
You gotta worry about styling,you gotta worry about directing.
You're in charge of a lot of things.
So my brain is like feeldirection here, direction there.
(08:23):
Left, right, left right?
And ironically, like, I'm calm.
That's fine.
I'm thriving in, in thatkind of environment.
But then there's the other
extreme where replying to one email,starting one edit, finishing a task
that takes eight minutes, suddenlythat feels like climbing mountain doom.
(08:47):
And I'd feel so frustrated asking myself,why does it feel like I'm thriving here?
Then I'm struggling over here, buteven when I'm thriving over here,
it still feels like I'm struggling.
Like I am putting all of my effortinto just getting shit done and
(09:08):
staying focused and staying on track.
And, and then, you know, I'd gethome from a photo shoot and I'm
out, I'm passed out on the couch.
And it's not even like a physicaltiredness, it's like a mental,
like, I'm mentally tired.
And it's all the time onshoots, answering emails.
And for the longest time I thoughtit was a motivation problem, or
(09:31):
discipline problem, or a me problem.
I, gotta push through, I gotta shamemyself into action, hype myself into
action, caffeine myself into action.
Like right before a shoot, I'm justkind of all over the place and I'm
thinking it's just 'cause I'm nervous.
I've just gotta clear my mindand meditate and type of thing.
(09:54):
And then after shoots, I'm exhausted.
I'm like, oh, I'm not exercising enough.
I don't have enough, enoughstamina to like get through.
So I'm like, get intoworking out and pumping iron.
And then I won't be so tiredafter shoots and I'm still tired.
And when I'm sitting at my desk, I'mlike, oh, I have all these distractions.
I need to get rid of them.
(10:15):
No music, no food, no sneaky snacks.
Like move everything away.
And then I'm still struggling.
Everything was a struggle.
In fact, we should just call thisepisode Mica's Lifelong Struggle.
I don't, just kidding.
I don't know what we're gonnacall this episode, but the
point is, none of it worked.
(10:37):
Nothing worked, and Icouldn't figure out why.
And then I got my ADHD diagnosis andlisten, I didn't immediately understand
what that meant, like I did, becauselike I had a conversation with a
friend and she like explained likeher symptoms and things like that.
(10:58):
And a lot of it sounded similar to meand I was like, oh yeah, I have that.
But when I got my diagnosis, Ididn't immediately understand
what my diagnosis meant.
Like I understood and it confirmedmy suspicions and it was like, cool.
Got it.
Thanks.
But I guess I didn't know the depth oflike how much ADHD impacted my life.
(11:28):
Over the last two months as I've taken thetime to like actually learn about ADHD,
there's just so many things that I canlike count that have made so much sense.
For example, the burnout makes sense.
The hyperfocus marathons made sense, theemotional spirals, the time blindness,
(11:49):
the endless mental tabs, like all openin my brain, all of it just clicked
into place and I, I felt relief.
I remember thinking,
I'm not broken, I'm not lazy, I'mnot purposefully being inconsistent.
Like everything just made sense and,sorry, I'm, I'm trying not to cry.
(12:18):
I'm trying not to cry.
It is just so,
it just felt so validating to learnthat my brain was running on an
entirely different operating systemand I had been shaming myself for
using it wrong, quote unquote wrong.
(12:41):
In college, in high school,in my young adult years.
I was just unfairly harsh onmyself and it only got worse
when I became a photographer.
When you work in a creative field,especially something as hands-on and
sensory as like food photography,ADHD doesn't just show up quietly.
(13:06):
Nah, boo.
She shows up with a fogmachine in a spotlight.
One of the first videos I watchedon ADHD, the psychiatrist talked
about Executive Dysfunction.
I'll put it in the show notes.
That video actually made me cry.
(13:28):
It actually made me cry.
But y'all, I had never heard ofExecutive Dysfunction in my life.
I'd never heard that term before.
And at first I thought it meantsomething serious like I had
brain damage or something.
I got a little panicky.
I said to myself, oh my God,I got executive dysfunction.
(13:53):
And because you knowyour girl loves drama.
I panicked even more when Ilearned what it actually meant.
Executive dysfunction, for those whodon't know, is what happens when the
part of your brain that's supposed tohelp you plan, organize, prioritize,
(14:15):
start, follow through, manage time.
That part of your brain just doesn't work.
Like it decides it'staken a leave of absence.
And I swear, like I jumped andI went to the living room and I
told Aaron, my brain is broken.
Like I was just like, what the fuck?
(14:36):
And I was panicking.
Like I really was freaking outbecause, all of those things are
literally what I do as a photographer.
I plan the shoot, I organizethe crew and the logistics.
I create the shot list andI prioritize the shots.
(14:57):
I start the shoot.
I run the shoot.
I keep track of time during theshoot, and then I finish the shoot.
Every single one of those skillsrelies on executive functioning.
So on one hand I'm like, hopeless.
(15:17):
I feel hopeless.
Like, how the hell have Ibeen doing this job any job?
But at the same time, I felt proud becauseI'm like, damn right, I did this job.
Despite all of thesesetbacks, I did the job.
(15:38):
I also felt relieved because, formost of my life I didn't understand
why I just couldn't get my shittogether in certain areas and learning
this, it felt good to know why.
(16:01):
I told myself, Mica, girl, you've gottahunker down and learn as much as possible
about this 'cause my favorite mottois, when there's a will, there's a way.
But I say it differently, I saywhen there's aMica, there's a way.
And thus began my YouTube wormhole era.
(16:23):
Try saying that 10 times fast.
YouTube wormhole era, YouTube.
Nevermind.
Point is, I descendedinto the ADHD rabbit hole.
I went on a personal research journey andI'm, I'm starting to understand like how
to navigate this, how to move past it.
(16:47):
When I was diagnosed, my psychiatristwas like, you definitely have ADHD,
but you have put in so many routinesand rigid, step by steps checklist
and everything that you have somewhatmanaged it, but you're making things a
lot harder on yourself than you need to.
So like, learning about executivedysfunction and learning that like a lot
(17:09):
of the tools that you can use to get pastit or work around it were things that
I was already doing and I didn't know.
But the biggest executivedysfunction that I definitely
struggle with is time blindness.
And time blindness is, it is not cute.
It will wreck your whole day, your wholeschedule, your whole sense of reality.
(17:34):
If you're not careful, like I usedto get in the shower and I swear
before Dumbledore, it was like a10 minute shower and I come out
and like 45 minutes have passed.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Or I get lost in a book.
Then I think, oh, it's like10 minutes have gone by.
I'll read for like 10 minutes andthen I look up and it's like three
(17:55):
hours later and I'm like, oh, shit.
Like, totally missed it.
TikTok was like the worst, 'causeyou just, you just scroll through and
you don't even know what time it is.
I remember one of my shoots, my crew andI were testing the light and the client
walked up to me and they asked like,are we getting started anytime soon?
(18:17):
And I remember thinking, started, started,we just started testing the light.
What?
And then I looked at my watchand I realized, oh shit.
So much time had passed.
I was like, what the fuck are we ina time vortex like, what the hell?
it I don't know if anyone sawInterstellar, but like the time slippage
(18:39):
or they're down in that gravity planet forlike 30 minutes in their eyes they're down
there for 30 minutes and they get back upto the ship and it's been like 25 years.
Like that's literally what it feels like.
Or, I mean, looking back, we were movingat a freaking snails pace because I,
me, kept shooting the same shot over andover again trying to make it perfect.
(19:05):
And I remember at one point theclient came back and they're
like, Hey, can we move on?
Like, we love this shot,we love what you did.
Like we, I don't think there'sanything more you can do.
So can we just like move on 'causewe don't wanna run out of time.
And again, I was like, run out of what?
And I looked at the clockand I was like, oh shit.
It's almost lunchtime.
And we still had liketwo more setups to go.
(19:28):
We were so behind the schedule and I wasjust standing there like, what the fuck?
It was insane.
Learning about time blindness.
It made everything click.
People with ADHD, we do not feel timethe same way neurotypical people do.
Like time is not a river.
(19:49):
It doesn't, it's a concept.
it's a myth.
It's a rumor.
It's a, an urban legend that,that, I swear y'all neurotypical
folks keep insisting is real.
My husband.
He gets so frustrated with me wheneverwe have to go somewhere, 'cause he's
like, he'll come up to me like 30minutes before you have to leave.
(20:11):
And he is like, Hey, we'releaving in 30 minutes.
And I'd be like, yeah,yeah, yeah, whatever.
And I'm like in the middle of somethingand I'm like, oh, I'm almost done.
And I swear no time has passed by.
And he'll come back and he'llbe like, Hey, we gotta go.
We got 10 minutes.
Like we gotta go now.
And I'm like, 10 minutes.
And I'm still not even dressed.
Like I'm not even dressed.
(20:32):
And Aaron's like, what the fuck?
We gotta go.
And we'd show up late, like 10,15 minutes late to whatever event.
And he'd be like, I don't understand.
I told you we had 30 minutes.
And even like, once I got ready andI'm like, ready to go, then boom.
I can't find my phone.
I can't find my purse, I can't findmy keys and where are my sunglasses.
(20:54):
It's so bright outside.
I gotta have my sunglasses.
And you know, when I was learningabout time blindness, I was like, yeah.
I was like shaking my headlike, this makes so much sense.
Because for me there are only two typesof time right now and not right now.
That's it.
Those are the categories.
(21:15):
Either I need to leaveright now or not right now.
And if something is not happeningright now, it just floats away.
Just like a little butterfly.
It just drifts off into a foggy, mythicalfuture that I cannot touch until suddenly.
(21:38):
Oh shit.
We booked the studio for four hours.
We only have two hours left and we've onlycompleted three shots and there are four.
Or I'll sit down to do my makeup whilelistening to a podcast and instead
of it being 30 minutes, suddenly I'vebeen blending eyeshadow for an hour.
I'm like, what the fuck?
I just started my makeup.
(21:59):
Or I'll sit down to lunch, like I saidbefore, open a book, especially if
it's one of my steamy romance novels.
And then I'll just be engulfedin this for like two hours.
I'm like, what the fuck?
And I'm like stumblingback into the office.
Like I've come back from Narnia
and it's not irresponsibility,it's neurology, ADHD brains
(22:22):
process times differently.
Now it is your responsibility tolike put things into place so that
way two hour, two hour book readingsessions don't happen or blending
eyeshadow for an hour doesn't happen.
That's on you.
That's your responsibility, butyour brain, , missing the concept
of time, that's not on you boo.
Like your brain just processesthings differently and what feels
(22:46):
like five minutes has like passed.
It's really like threehours or five years.
You just don't know.
You really just get so oblivious to it.
One thing I tend to do, and I'm reallybad about this, like I will sometimes
have to meet someone and like theother side of town, like you could
tell me I have to be in South Austinat three o'clock and it takes 30
(23:10):
minutes from my house to the coffeeshop, so I have to be there at three.
I'm not leaving my house till two 50.
I act like, yeah, I got, I canmake it there in 10 minutes.
Like I could just apparate there.
Like, no, no big deal, no problem.
Or I plan a shoot and I'll think, yeah,we, we can get 10 shots with multiple
(23:33):
light setups and, and done in eight hours.
Like, yeah, no, no big deal.
We could do that with asmall crew of two of us.
We could have a whole set up of foodand do this giant flat lay and then all
these other things in, in two hours.
(23:54):
Ugh.
You see, this is why ADHD creativeshyper focus for like 12 hours straight.
But it's also why we miss deadlines,forget appointments or underestimate
how long things are gonna take.
(24:16):
Here's another thing Istruggle with starting a task.
Y'all.
This is my Roman empire.
You know that song?
Let's get it started.
Let's get it started in here.
Like I shake my motherfuckingfist at that song.
Let's get it started.
(24:36):
Let's get it started.
And here, because in school I usedto get so frustrated with myself
because I just couldn't get startedon whatever damn thing I was doing.
It just, it didn't matter.
I couldn't get started until thedeadline was like hours away.
And once I got started, I was fine.
(24:58):
Like I found my groove and then boom.
But the launch is where I struggle.
And it's still that way today.
Like yesterday I was sitting inmy reading chair and I was like.
Mica, it's time to get ready for bed.
You need to put your clothes out, youneed to, you know, take your medication.
(25:20):
You need to go brush your, your teeth,your face, like do your nighttime routine.
You need to do it now.
And then I wouldn't move, likeI'm having this internal argument
with myself like, girl, get yourass up and go get ready for bed.
No, get your ass up andgo get ready for bed now.
And I just wouldn't move.
And this has been my whole life.
(25:41):
Like I've struggled with starting tasksmy whole life in school, I'd get so mad at
myself because I couldn't start my essays,couldn't start my homework, couldn't start
memorizing my lines until the deadlineswere like basically sitting on top of me.
Like, Hey girl, this isdue in like 10 minutes.
(26:02):
Get to it.
Chop, chop.
It was like that in college.
It was like that on my day jobs.
Like I have all these tasks andI'm like, I need to get started on
this, so I'll have time to do thisso that I can go home at this time.
No, never happened.
Never happened.
I mean, once I started,like I said, I was fine.
I can power through it.
AKA hyper-focused through it, but thestart, oh no, that start button was
(26:31):
like, it was like the little key inDumbledore, in the Harry Potter and the
um, the Sorcerer Stone where they'retrying to find the Sorcerer Stone?
Yeah.
It was like the start buttonwas hidden by Fluffy, the, you
know, the three-headed dog.
Ugh.
One thing I tend to do is I'll planmy shoots, like my test shoots.
(26:54):
I'll buy the props, buy the food,and then fail to set up my equipment.
I kid you not y'all,I'll be sitting there.
My brain will be like,you need to get started.
Go get your camera, go get your lights,like get up, go get your lights now.
And then immediately my brain willbe like, oh, I should check my email.
(27:20):
Or when it's time to like editphotos, I'll be at my computer and
I'll say, okay, it's time to edit.
And then I just won't move.
I'll just sit at my desklike a decorative plant.
I'll just sit there andsit there and sit there.
And you know, people with ADHD, wedon't struggle with doing tasks.
We struggle with starting them.
(27:40):
I've said it before.
I'll say it again.
I'll keep saying it.
Starting requires, I don't know.
It requires like activating the brain,shifting gears, moving into a new focus.
For me, it feels like my startbutton, it's like broken, like
it'll spark, it'll sputter, it'lldelay, but it's just not gonna work.
(28:03):
I'm just gonna sit there in myparking lot just staring ahead.
For the ones who have ADHD, havey'all ever sat down to write an email?
Like you know what you're gonna say?
You know who you're going to email?
Like you've got it allplanned out in your mind.
And so you sit down and you openGmail and you write out the subject,
and then you get to the littlebody part, and then suddenly the
(28:26):
English language leaves your body.
You're just sitting there like,
or you're about to begin editingphotos, and then you reorganize
your pens and you go, oh, I wonderwhy I have so many damn pens.
Oh, is that just me?
(28:46):
Am I the only one organizing pens?
Or have you ever opened yourlaptop to send an invoice?
And then you end up watching a videoabout why whales sleep vertically.
They do it to conserve energyand to stay close to the surface.
(29:07):
You're welcome.
Again, it's not regular procrastination.
It's not laziness.
It's paralysis.
It's your brain acting like, likethat meme where the guy who's
like, the pills are too damn high.
That's pretty much like, what I envision,I envision my brain with the wig, the
(29:31):
powdered wig going, the amount of energyrequired to begin this is too damn high.
Let me be more dramatic, even moredramatic for a second because I haven't
been drama for your mama this wholeepisode, but do y'all remember Terminator
three, the Rise of the Machines?
Okay.
I'm going to assume that all of y'allhave seen that movie with Nick Stahl.
(29:55):
I think that's his name.
He was in the Carnival.
I had a crush on him.
Anyway.
Anyway, didn't even focus.
There's that scene where the TXcorrupts the Terminator systems
and Arnold Schwartzenegger islike trying to kill John Connor.
And he's like throwing him aroundthe little airstrip and then
like right as he's about to you.
(30:17):
Kill John Conner.
Like his original mission, his OGmission is still to protect John.
And so there's like this internalwar and he's like, freezes mid punch.
Do y'all remember that dialoguewhere he goes, what is your mission?
And then Terminator is liketo, and show the safety of John
Connor and Katherine Brewster.
(30:38):
And he's like, you areabout to fail that mission.
And then he like freezes.
Anyone?
I know y'all have seenthe Terminator three.
Anyway, that is whatstarting a task feels like.
Need to start task can't start task.
Start task.
(30:58):
Can't start task.
Freeze.
So yeah, we're not avoidingthe task, we're trying to push
ourselves into the runway.
We're trying to stop thecar, but it's winter.
We can't.
We just can't.
So I hope that explains, I mean,somewhere in all of my brain,
this all makes sense about whythis year was hard as fuck for me.
(31:19):
I just had a lot of shit to do for thepodcast and I just couldn't get started.
And then time blindness, like I didn'trealize, oh, the whole day has passed by
and I still need to edit that episode.
Huh?
Which brings me to anotherdiscovery that I learned about ADHD.
We struggle with task sequencing.
(31:40):
Meaning if a task has multiplesteps, even the tiny ones, the brain
panics.
Every time Aaron comes to me withlike these really complicated
things, I say to him, dumb it down.
Dumb it down.
Reduce the steps.
Reduce the steps.
Like, 'cause my eyes start crossingand I'm like, Nope, nope, nope.
(32:00):
And like, planning mysocial media every month.
Oh my God.
It's exhausting.
'Cause like I've made like thiscomplicated system where it's like
step after step after step, and nowI'm realizing if it has more than five
steps, like something's getting missed.
Like I'm not doing all of that.
Right.
(32:21):
If I put something vague on myto-do list, like plan social media,
I mean, I'll set up my computerand I'll be like, okay, air.
Huh?
What do I do first?
When Aaron plans his social media, like.
Most neurotypical brains.
He's just like, cool, I'll do thesetasks one-on-one, one by one first.
(32:42):
I'll do this second, I'll dothat, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And like me, I'm just like, burn the list.
Start fresh tomorrow, rebrand everything.
Move to Portugal, Harry Potter,
And like, I don't know, the smalltask, they feel huge because they're
(33:02):
not just tasked, they're decisions.
And, and for me, like making a tonof decisions, it just exhausts me.
That's why I hate getting on Google'cause it's like you Google something and
then it's like you have four bazillionresults and, and you're like, fuck, I
have to go through 23 pages of this shit.
(33:23):
Like, you don't have to, but like my brainwill be like, I need to make sure that I'm
getting the best of the best of the bestdecision, the best link, the best recipe.
It's just, decision makingdrains my brain fast, like it
overheats my brain overheats.
And it's just too much.
(33:45):
Like, for example, takeediting neurotypical workflow.
You choose your photos, then youimport the cold photos, and then
you go by each photo and you do yourtypical, you adjust the exposure.
Color, grade, make somehealing, yada, yada, yada.
Five minutes in, boom, export.
Done.
(34:05):
ADHD workflow.
Ha.
This is like 12 tasks, wearing atrench coat, pretending to be one.
You're like, oh, I'm gonna call.
And then you start calling, and thenyou see someone and you go, oh, I
wonder where that curtain came from.
And then you're googling thecurtain and then you're learning
(34:27):
about how curtains were made andsewed during the Renaissance.
Or like you're looking at food of, like,for example, I give you one example.
My last shoot they had likeolives and I thought, wow, those
are some really green olives.
I've never seen olives that green.
And so I googled, why are olives green?
(34:49):
And then I just went down therabbit hole of why olives are green
and the history of olives, whereit came from, who popularized it.
Why people prefer to drink it intheir, like all kinds of shit.
And I'm supposed to beediting these photos.
(35:17):
I will say, what's been helping me lately?
I talk to myself out loud.
Like I, I gentle parentmyself out loud, verbally.
I'll say to myself, Mica, get up.
10 seconds.
You've got 10 seconds.
And then I'll set a timer on mywatch and I'll be like 10 seconds.
And then after the timer goesoff, I go, okay, time to get up.
(35:41):
We gotta go edit, get up.
I know it sounds weird,but It works for me.
That's all that matters.
It works for Mo, your girl, yourhost, with the most it works.
The other thing that I rely heavilyon, on chat GPTI actually downloaded
A-A-G-P-T called My ADHD Chat, GPT Coach.
(36:06):
I tell you what that thing hasbeen like, my saving grace.
I use it for everything.
I use it to plan my day.
I use it to ask questions aboutlike why I do the things that I do.
But most importantly, I use it as amotivational coach to like get my ass up.
So like, I'll type something,I'll be like, I need to do task A,
(36:26):
but I'm struggling to start help.
And then they'll ask me questions like,what exactly are you struggling with?
What is on your mind?
Yada, yada, yada.
And then it'll be like,how about you stand up?
Even?
It's just for one minute, just stand up.
Then I'll stand, they'll be like,and I'll say, okay, I'm standing now.
I actually type that into my GBT.
(36:47):
Okay, I'm standing nowand it says, that's great.
Now walk to your desk.
And then it does it like step by step.
It holds my hand step by step until I'm ina groove and then I don't need it anymore.
But it's been my BFF, like itreally has been so helpful to me and
I'm learning that I don't need tofollow those productivity lies where
(37:11):
they're like, just be consistent.
One thing, and this is meveering off the road again.
But one thing that people with ADHDtend to do, it's very black or white.
Either we do it all orwe don't do anything.
And so oftentimes if we miss a deadlineor like you know, we're supposed to get
(37:32):
started at like six o'clock and it's6 0 5 and we haven't, then we'll just
scrap the plan because we didn't getstarted at exactly six o'clock and like
my GBT coach is great for talking meout of that black white frame of mind.
For example, this morningI fell asleep 'cause I was
reading right before my workout.
(37:53):
And normally I'm supposed to start workingout at, 5 52, but, I'm supposed to do my
pelvic stretching at 40 and I fell asleep.
I didn't wake up until sixo'clock and I was like, oh shit.
And normally my strength trainingtakes me about an hour and 15 minutes.
But I knew because I wasn'tgetting started until six o'clock,
(38:16):
that there was no way that I wasgonna finish this whole workout.
So in the past, what I would've done wasjust say, fuck it, I missed my workout.
I'll do my walk tomorrow or whatever.
But this morning I was like,okay, I've got an hour.
It's six o'clock.
I got a little over an hour to do this.
(38:36):
I have to start makingbreakfast by seven 15.
So what can I do until then?
Like how much of my workout routinecan I finish in that amount of time?
And so I got straight into my workout andI, I didn't finish it, but I did do it.
And so like I am getting out of thatframe of mind of the black and white.
(38:56):
Either I do it all or I don't do nothing.
I'm just like learning tolet go productivity lies.
And using what works for me,like what supports my brain.
And learning this haslike, changed everything.
It really has.
I haven't had a chance to implement thisand maybe by the time this episode comes
out, I will have a chance to implement it.
But I bought a couple of batterypowered digital clocks where it has
(39:20):
the time, like in big fat letters andI'm planning to bring them to shoots
because again, time blindness is a thingand I'm gonna have one by the setup.
I'm gonna have one at my laptop.
I also, I got my watch, and thegoal is just to have a clock
everywhere that I'm gonna look,there needs to be a clock everywhere.
(39:41):
And then the other thing that I do is thatI've been using that timer on my watch.
I just set it.
Okay, 30 minutes.
We got 30 minutes to do this.
Alright, we're gonna photographthis dish in 15 minutes.
We're doing 15 minutesfor this, for this shot.
I love it.
It's working for me.
It really is just keeping me,keeping my head in the game.
(40:02):
I wanna say that like, once I startedlearning about my neurodivergence and I
started like accepting that this mightwork for someone with a neurotypical
brain, but it's not gonna work for me andstop fighting it, like stop fighting it.
Once I stopped fighting it,everything softened in my life.
(40:24):
My self-talk, my expectations.
My self worth, even my creativity,like, it just, everything feels soft.
My whole life I never thought I had ADHD.
(40:49):
I knew I was struggling withsomething, but I thought I was,
honestly, I thought I was stupid.
And I thought that I was a slowlearner, that it takes me a while
to learn something, but once Ilearn it, it's ingrained in me.
But like, I have to workextra hard because I won't get
(41:09):
something on the first try.
Like I won't understandsomething on the first try.
And I hate that to tell y'all, like,that's really what I thought of
myself, that I questioned my IQ, Iquestioned my intelligence, my ability.
And I thought that maybe I was likea few pigs behind and, and it just
takes me a little while to get there.
(41:31):
But the reason why I didn't think Ihad ADHD is because I thought people
with ADHD was like super hyper, likejust bouncy everywhere off the walls.
And I didn't think I was that, likeI wasn't bouncing off the walls.
I wasn't cartwheeling throughthe grocery store, but I
watched a video about fidgeting.
(41:53):
About how people with ADHD fidget alot, and we're messing with our rings.
We're messing withwhatever's on our wrist.
We tap our toes, we tap our fingers,like we're just constantly moving.
And I didn't realizethat I was a fidgeter.
I am constantly tapping,shifting, doodling.
I click my pins.
(42:14):
Even right now as I'm recording this,I have a little fidget, a little
eraser that I kind of twist around.
I read online that it's good to have likefidget toys to give your, to stimulate
your brain until like, paying attention.
But like, I never realized how much of afidgeter I was until I watched that video.
(42:34):
Another thing I heard aboutADHD is that we can't focus.
And that's why I thought I didn'thave it, because I'm like I can focus.
If it's really important, I can focus.
I just need to like get my shit togetherand everything has to be like the
right condition and then I can focus.
(42:56):
And I used to say to myself like,I have trouble starting, but once
I do, I'm like, Eagle-Eyed on mytask and nothing could stop me.
But little did I know that what I wasexperiencing was one of ADHD's most
confusing, magical, I don't even, magicalis even the word, but it is hyper focus.
(43:20):
I didn't realize that I was hyperfocusing on whatever it is that I'm doing.
And I guess that's where somewould consider that to be a, a
superpower, but it feels like it's.
A superpower, but with awful side effects.
Like it's the creative equivalentof having Beyonce level energy for
(43:41):
like six hours and then suddenlyyou're just a fainting goat.
And you know the thing abouthyperfocus, oh, she is a liar.
She fools you, convinces you that youare capable of Olympic level productivity
air and then suddenly boom, you areon the floor surrounded by piles of
(44:03):
paper because you suddenly needed toreorganize your entire desk drawer system.
With hyper focus, you get so zoned inon that task that everything goes away.
You skip meals, you skip bathroombreaks, you skip text messages,
(44:23):
emails, responsibilities.
You just escape everything you have.
No idea what time it is, what dayit is, where you are, who you are.
Like you push everything andeveryone away because this one task
has kidnapped your entire soul.
And I can see how some peoplewould call that like a superpower.
(44:44):
That's a superpower.
But for me, that's not good focus.
I feel like that's obsessive focus.
That's the I'll blinkto forget and eat focus.
It's the don't talk to me.
I'm stressed out and I'min the zone kind of focus.
And for people with ADHD, hyper focusis, I don't know, it's weird because
(45:06):
hyperfocus is one of the few timeswhere our brain feels completely quiet.
And honestly, I love it.
That's what I love about exercising.
That's what I love about my long walks.
People ask me all the time, how areyou able to do the 10 mile walks?
How are you able to do eight mile walks?
Don't you get bored?
I'm like, no.
It is amazing.
My brain is quiet.
(45:27):
Like I just am focused on my breathing.
I'm feeling the weather, like everythingis just so nice and my brain is just
at peace and everything melts away.
So in times like that, love hyperfocus.
I feel like I'm in flow.
I feel like I'm unstoppable.
(45:48):
But when it's hyper-focusing on like atask, I don't break it up into phases.
I just go all in and I'm like, Icannot stop this until it's done.
And then I feel like tremendousguilt afterward because while
I'm hyper focusing, I neglecteverything else in my life.
(46:11):
I walk out of hyperfocus,confused, bewildered.
I just stepped off a rollercoaster.
I'm disoriented.
And then I spend the rest of theweek catching up on everything that I
ignored for the last few days, whichis why I was getting frustrated with
(46:32):
the podcast because I'd get intothese hyper focus zones with editing
the show and it takes me about eightto 12 hours to edit one episode.
And it takes a lot longer'cause I get distracted.
But like,
it would take me eight hours to editone episode and That's a whole day.
(46:58):
And I've neglected everything else.
I've missed deadlines, I've missedphone calls because I am so dead set on
getting this episode edited and done.
And that's okay for a once in a whilething, but like the night before a show
or the night before the episode goes out.
And so now that I understand what'shappening with hyper focus, I feel
(47:20):
pressured to like catch up to repair, to,I don't know, make up for lost time, which
is wild because the time wasn't lost.
But I just feel guilty forneglecting everything else.
One of my last shoots earlier thisyear, my external monitors, the
(47:42):
Bluetooth connector kept malfunctioning.
We couldn't see like what I was shooting.
So we'd troubleshoot it, we'dreset it, we'd start, and then
it would malfunction again.
And it slowed productiondown tremendously.
We were so behind, so the client askedme if we had an HDMI cable instead.
(48:07):
And I was like, yeah, of course.
And I thought I packed it, butit turned out that I didn't.
So what did I do?
I obsessively searched through everysingle bag, every pouch, every zipper.
Hell, I was even temptedto go search my car.
(48:29):
My assistant was like, letme look for this HDMI cable.
You keep shooting, this is whatyou're supposed to be doing and
we'll find it and it'll be fine.
Nope.
I still kept searching 'causeI was like, I could have sworn
I packed this motherfucker.
I know I packed this.
And the client, bless them, offeredtheir cord, they had an HDMI cord and
(48:55):
they're like, here, just use this andlet's move on and I'll make sure to get
it from you, at the end of the shoot.
So even with that solution inmy hand, I could not let it go.
I had to find out either if the cordwas not in one of my bags or if it was
at home and I had to open every bag,touch every item, confirm for myself
(49:19):
that the HDMI cord truly was not there.
And even after we started shooting.
For the next few hours, all I couldthink about was that damn cord.
Where in my house was that damn cord.
By the way, that HDMI cord,I did leave it at home.
(49:44):
You wanna know where I leftit In my drawer with my socks.
Don't ask me why I was there.
I, I don't know.
I don't know why I put my HDMI cable inmy drawer, my dresser with the socks.
The thing that frustrates me abouthyperfocus is that from what I've learned,
(50:05):
hyperfocus doesn't show up responsibly.
It doesn't clock in at nine,and then it clocks out at five.
And it doesn't ask like, Hey girls,you got other things to do today.
It doesn't check your calendar, askabout your deadlines or consider,
you know, your hydration levelshyper-focused, just shows up and
(50:25):
you're like, oh, we're doing this now.
Bet.
Clear.
My schedule.
And what drives me nutsis the instant change.
It's like one minute you haveunlimited energy, unlimited
drive, unlimited creativity.
(50:46):
It's like I could go all night.
And then the next minute,boom, done, drained, empty.
Can't do it.
Won't do it.
And it doesn't matter if you're midemail, mid edit, mid photo shoot, my
brain will suddenly go, Kay, done now.
Adios.
Good luck out there.
Good luck honey.
And then it just like leaves me.
(51:08):
And then comes the burnout.
When you're in the middle of a photoshoot, you can't burn out in a photo
shoot, so you have to like chug your way.
And that's why like when I get home, Iam tired and Aaron will tell you this,
but like I get home and I pass out onthe couch, and that's why like I have
(51:31):
to put my equipment away right away.
I can't do anything that looks like rustuntil I put all my shit away because
I'm gonna pass out on the couch andthen I'm gonna leave my equipment out
for like the next five days before,I don't know, the next shoot happens,
or Aaron gets so frustrated with methat I end up putting my stuff away.
(51:53):
For the last two months,I've been hyper-focused.
See what I did there?
Hey.
Seriously, I have been hyper-focusedon learning about ADHD, the
impacts it makes in my life.
(52:14):
I am the type of person that, like,you give me the answer, you give me the
knowledge, I hit the ground running.
I don't look back.
I'm not afraid of hard work.
I'm not afraid to like do thestuff, the things, but just
like, tell me what I need to do.
And that's what next yearreally is gonna be about.
(52:35):
It's gonna be about figuring out whatchanges behavior wise I need to make
in order to be the best version of me.
I'm excited for this year.
I'm excited for like,how things are gonna go.
I'm excited for the sets thatwe're gonna create, the things
that I'm planning to do.
(52:56):
I'm just excited for 2026.
I'm ready for this year to get started.
I mean, I know at the time that I'mrecording this in December, so by the
time this comes out it'll be January.
But I'm excited for the year.
I'm excited for the possibilities.
I'm excited for the new things that I'mgonna be learning about my diagnosis.
(53:18):
I'm excited to meet other people withADHD and to feel connected in that way.
Like I am so jazzed and ready.
I don't know what theword is gonna be for 2026.
I feel like excited, hopeful, optimistic,those are all like overused words.
(53:42):
So when I have a better idea of likewhat the word of the year's gonna be,
I'll, I'll let you guys know, but Ijust, I will say that I'm excited.
And as I learn about my diagnosis,I'm gonna share with y'all.
I'll be in the stories.
I'll be talking all this smack all thisshit about, did you know type of stuff.
(54:04):
And then please, anyone who has ADHDlike diagnosed, please come talk to me.
Tell me your experience.
Like I've got so many questions.
Before I close this episode andwrap up this year, I wanna bring
you back to the heart of whyI wanted to share all of this.
(54:28):
I am done not with the show.
Didn't mean to scare y'all.
I'm not done with the show.
No, this is still a big part of my heart.
What I am done with is tryingto force myself into systems
that were not built for me.
(54:48):
I am done shaming myself for forgetting,for waiting for spacing out, for
procrastinating, for struggling.
I'm done.
I am done pretending I can remember37 things at once without help.
That I can accomplish allthe things without help.
(55:15):
That I can sit down and hunkerdown and do the damn thing.
Without complications.
I'm done.
I'm done, done, done.
Pretending like I've justgot all the fucking answers.
'Cause I don't.
In 2026, I'm creatingworkflows that flow with me.
I am creating systems that give methe space to, I don't know, flubber.
(55:46):
And I am creating rituals thatground me instead of overwhelm me.
And my second goal, I want to prioritizesustainability in my creative life.
I want less burnout.
I want more balance, more joy.
I want all these things on set in mybusiness, in my personal life, I want
(56:09):
to make more professional friends.
I need coworkers.
I need people to co-work with.
Like I need that.
And more than anything, like I don't wanta life where I sprint and then I crash.
I want creative joy to bethe default, not the reward.
(56:31):
I'm making space for all of that.
If my brain is tired and can'tfocus, then boo, we resting today
and we're gonna do it guilt free.
So now to you, I don't know if you'relistening to this on your walk, if
you're in your car, if you're atyour desk in your studio, curled
(56:52):
up on your couch, I don't know.
Wherever you are, if anything in thisepisode resonated with you, good.
that's what I want.
If you have ADHD like me, or if you thinkafter listening to this episode that you
might have ADHD and you're struggling,then this is definitely for you.
(57:18):
Here is an affirmation thathas been helping me every day.
I, at some point say tomyself one of these things.
I say, my creativity is not broken.
My brain is not behind.
I'm learning how to support myselfin ways that honor who I truly am.
(57:40):
ADHD is real.
This is real.
Why don't you go get some water?
Thank you for listening with an openheart, and thank you for keep showing up.
I love this show so much.
I put so much of myself in this show andI do it because y'all keep showing up.
(58:02):
Y'all give me so much hope, encouragement.
I don't know each and every one of youpersonally, but y'all are my family.
Y'all are the foundation of what keepsthis podcast going, and as long as
y'all keep showing up, as long as y'allkeep listening and giving me feedback,
(58:25):
I'm gonna give it everything I got.
So thank you for beinga part of this show.
Thank you for being apart of this community.
I hope that 2026 is going to be yourbest year, even though there's a lot
of crazy shit going on right now.
I hope that with all of thisheaviness that you'll find
(58:48):
yourself feeling light moments.
If this episode, anything in this episode,hit home, come talk to me, let me know.
Share it on Instagram, DMme, email me, send me an owl,
I don't know, smoke signal.
However you wanna reach out.
Come.
Holler at a girl, and if I'mnot distracted, I promise
(59:09):
I'll be the best listener.
Just kidding.
I'm just kidding
This episode is written and producedby me, your host, Mika McCook.
Like this episode, give us afive star review on Apple Podcast
and subscribe to the Savory Shotwherever you get your podcast.
(59:30):
Or follow me your host, MikaMcCook, on Instagram at Mika.
McCook or you can follow the podcast onInstagram at the Savory Shot Podcast.
If you have any questions, comments, orwould like to be featured on the show,
email us at podcast@thesavoryshot.com.
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