Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 30 - Awe Rats! - Session Zero Heroes | TTRPG Actual Play Adventures & Improv Storytelling

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
[MUSIC]
Hello, Erie Traveler.
I'm not sure what strange magic must have brought you here, but
you have stepped into a realm of my creation.
A sprawling city filled with danger and glory, and most importantly,

(00:24):
lots of gold.
I call it, Ilanumis.
Who am I, you might ask?
The name is Jarjim, and I'm the patron deity of gambling.
Long story short, this group of idiots, or as you may call them,
heroes, made a bet with me that they had when it took to make a
mass trove of gold, but left some of the key details blank.

(00:48):
So I filled them in myself.
I sent them to this pocket dimension, into the city I had created
with brand new bodies they have to attune to.
Can these fools pass my test, or will they be trapped here forever?
So experience my world of trials and tribulations, and join alongside
this posse of pitiful people, or as I like to call them,

(01:12):
the criminals of Ilanumis.
Alright, welcome back everybody to another episode of The Criminals of Ilanumis.
We're back.
Once again, I'm Skyler.
I am the host and game master.
And joining me today are the usual players who I'll quickly go through and introduce.
We've got Dave, who's playing Maki, the shadow sorcerer, Kanku.

(01:36):
We've got Fatty Lumpkins, who's playing Keto, the warrior like cobalt.
We've got Lil Saus over in the back.
Right, that's right we do.
Who's playing another Kanku, who is a soft salesman, or at least he was,
and also was a member of blank space before he first quit,

(01:57):
and then it was destroyed.
Julia is dead.
We'll move past that though, because we're all sick of hearing about it.
Next up we got Jackson, who's playing Dez.
He's a ranger.
He's also a Kanku.
So we've got a lot of Kankus at the table, and the only non-Kanku person we've got left
is last but not least Cameron, who's playing Rorik, who is a goblin.

(02:23):
And he's kind of a mix of multiple trades at this point,
thanks to the level ups you guys did this last time.
He's got a little bit of Rogue, a little bit of Bard, and a little bit of Fighter.
And he's still, he's a very confusing, he's an enigma of multi-classing.
He's a mind.
This is enigma.
I'm an enigma.

(02:44):
Me, a D.
Actually, no, what?
I know I'm going to wait.
Artificer.
Oh, okay.
That's what you're going to call it.
No, he's an Artificer now.
That's his other level.
Oh, that was the other plus one level that you took.
So he's got three in Rogue, three in Bard, one in Fighter, one in Artificer.
Interesting.
All right.
Well, hey, for those of you that were sitting, waiting on the edge of your seat ever since

(03:07):
last episode came out, wondering what Rorik picked as that plus one unknown little
level, that's what he picked is Artificer.
So that should be interesting, especially with how much you guys have discussed the
Legionnaires.
But before I get too deep into that, we'll jump into today's episode of criminals of
Isla Numa.
All right.

(03:30):
So where last we left off, you guys had reunited with Lil Sauce.
Lil Sauce, you had reunited with them.
It's a beautiful thing.
It's a very beautiful thing.
It is very beautiful.
Lil Sauce had told you guys all about his adventure and his quest to take out an individual or
to find or you're not really 100% sure, an individual named Radicus, who is currently

(03:54):
sending out local scoundrels to go dig up bones, especially magical bones from local
graveyards, bring them to him in exchange for money, maybe sometimes even the drug known
as euphoria.
But what's important is that he seems to have some kind of connection potentially to the
organization known as the Legionnaires, who Lil Sauce knows were behind the destruction

(04:19):
of blank space and the killing of Julia, which again, will get passed because we're sick of
hearing about it.
She was bruised.
Okay.
And that's why we're, yeah.
Anyway, I'd like to take the rock to start this off with.
Okay.
Not Dwayne Johnson, but yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'd like to shake it.
What do you want?
I just let you guys just left the arcade.

(04:40):
I went back in.
No, he doesn't.
No, he doesn't.
He can't just hide in my arcade forever.
Um, so I get a question for you.
Oh, okay.
This isn't about the money, is it?
You brought these guys here because you want us to stop the Legionnaires.
Yes or no?
No, no.
All right.
I was just miffed at these guys and I said, Hey, you know, if you're going to play games

(05:03):
with me, I'll play a game with you.
Well, I was kind of going to use that as motivation to get these guys to go with me.
You just say yes.
Oh, I don't really know much about these Legionnaires.
Do tell.
This isn't helping my cause.
Oh, well, I'm always intrigued.
I'm excited to watch.
Let's see.
Go check out these Legionnaires.
I'll be interested to see.
Here's the thing.
When I started this world, it was very primitive or very not primitive, basic.

(05:27):
It was very basic.
It was just a very straightforward city and they built a lot of it themselves.
And it's interesting to see how they've grown and evolved and started groups and organs.
I mean, the whole beasts thing.
I never would have expected that.
Really?
Yes.
I'm so intrigued.
These, these are some creative bastards.

(05:48):
Well, thanks for an offer.
We'll talk to you tomorrow.
Geez.
All right.
Fine.
Well, you got to turn them up.
I still need to collect the money, but I really think Richard should go after this first because
like I said, it's going to be hard to get money.
The Legionnaires are taking over the whole area.
I don't expect to me.

(06:09):
All right.
Well, you have a direction to go in any other way.
It is.
It is.
Well, I don't even think it's daylight yet.
It's still like dark out.
I mean, you guys just hit midnight so that you could do the.
You know, we want to sleep then and wake up in the morning.
Well, you, you also know that Radicus runs the night shift at the dock.
You know, whenever he's tired, we can go do some reconnaissance.
You just slept.
They are.

(06:30):
They, they're tired.
I'm not tired.
I just slept.
I know.
I mean, I guess that's up to you guys.
But if, if you guys sleep and you sleep past.
Yeah, we will.
Well, of course we will.
Well, we would.
My thought was we go and inspect the day shift and show up as day shift employees.
I just got hired and do some snooping around and then, you know, volunteer to work extra hours

(06:53):
on the night shift and see what we can figure out.
And we're going to make some good money from getting employed for the day.
Some good money.
Well, you know, maybe that, you know, dock workers, famously well off.
We're going to make some good dock working money.
It's going to be pretty minimum wage.
You would know that.
Yeah.
As a little sauce.

(07:14):
Yeah.
Well, we couple, couple of silver.
Okay.
Is that what you guys want to do?
You have a week and go or we can go right now.
I think it would be good if we just went right now.
You could short rest.
You could spend an hour just kind of like, what does a short rest get you?
Cause I did take one big swing from.
We'll see.
That's exactly what it would help you with is, is just getting your health back.

(07:36):
You would be able to roll as many of your hit dice as you want to.
So it's up to you guys.
Did anyone else even take any damage during the fight?
No.
Just heat up.
So here's what you should rest is good.
Who's strong.
Then you guys can heal me.
Yeah.
Honestly, short rest, he's the, if he's the only one that needs the rest as a fighter,
short rest gets him everything back anyways.

(07:59):
So go for it.
We leave in one hour.
So in total, there are up to eight dice that I could roll.
I mean, I need them all.
Correct.
Okay.
Okay.
Plus six.
Okay.
Well, then I'll just be done.
So you guys head down to the Atlanta, was it the Atlantic Heights districts docs?
Yeah.
They are over by the edge of sort of the border of this district that borders the ocean.

(08:25):
And heading there.
It's not hard for you guys to pick up.
There's not a lot of activity that goes on at the docs at night at this, especially this
time of night, technically morning at this point.
So you guys are able to easily navigate, although you do see quite a few sketchy individuals
amidst the shadows, amidst the corners, hiding behind buildings that peer at you.

(08:48):
Questioningly.
Nobody seems to try to make any moves at you, but you definitely feel the sense that people
around here are not the friendliest people at this time.
With that being said, you do make your way to what seems to be the dock house or office
where you allegedly believe that Radicus is at.

(09:09):
What's the plan?
Uh, Des punches his open hand.
I'm down.
Now to be fair, and it's important to point out for little sauce specifically outside
of like Radicus was basically your lead, right?
That was all you were able to really garnish from the blank space headquarters.
Aside from knowing that the legionnaires are involved somehow, all you know is that you

(09:31):
were supposed to follow or find out about the grave robbers.
That was going to be your first hint.
But outside of that, you don't have a follow up lead.
So just putting that out there from, from a detective standpoint as, as you were, right?
With blank space, usually going in and just killing the dude.
Well, no, I'm not saying killing.
Oh, rough.
I don't know.
Everybody else was like punching.

(09:52):
Well, punching that stabbing.
Oh, it was.
Dead stabs.
No.
Just pulls the bloodied.
That's what I'm doing.
No, I just got to go rough this guy up.
All right.
So you guys step inside.
It's a very quaint.
Everything smells very salty.
Sea water, fishy kind of smell.

(10:13):
Des might honestly enjoy it as it might be a bit familiar to home.
I don't know.
Maybe whatever the case.
There's a woman at a front desk that's sitting there.
She has these big, giant, wide brimmed glasses.
She has like those, the, the bead things that kind of like go up and around her, her head
to like hold her glasses so she could like lower the glasses and still kind of like

(10:35):
hangs from her, from her ears.
I don't know what those are called, but they're very interesting.
Anyway, she, her glasses are down just enough so that she can look over them as you all step
in and she's like, can I help you all?
Yes.
Looking for a manly radical.
You're here to see radicals.
Are you here about the, she pauses for a moment.
She says, extra curricular work or are you here for the docs?

(11:00):
For the docs.
Understood.
He's finishing.
Wait, hang on.
No, you said it.
I'm not going to make you that trade.
He, he, no, I don't want him to think of you.
Please, please take a seat if you would.
And she points over, there's just like a handful of chairs.
It's like a reception office.
Okay.
Thank you.
Thank you.

(11:21):
Ert and Bernie, Radicus, we'll see you now.
And you see these two individuals that were over also sitting in, amidst the reception area.
One is a gnome and the other is a gnome.
They're both gnomes and they both stand up and you hear, they have this sack that they're holding and you hear as they sit up, it almost sounds like bones jumbling around in there.

(11:47):
And they confidently strut inside the office.
There's sort of like a curtain.
It's less of a door and more of a curtain that separates this office from the reception room.
They go past the curtain, you get a glimpse inside.
You just see a very large man in a vest that like doesn't really hold itself together by its buttons.
Like it's almost popping out.
I'm sitting behind a large wooden desk and as the curtain closes, that visage disappears, but you can kind of still hear what's going on inside the office here.

(12:15):
Oh, well, I see you brought me some bones.
Please, if I may take a look.
Oh yeah, of course, sir.
And you hear a jingle-er jumbling of the bones in that bag and you hear them kind of being dumped out and he says, "Yes, I see, I see."
I have one important question for all of you.

(12:38):
Oh, well, you see, sir, they are magical.
Yes, yes, they are from a magical.
Well, that's not the question I was going to ask.
In fact, I was going to ask if you think I'm stupid.
What?
What do you mean, sir?
You do think I'm stupid.
And you hear what sounds like something getting slammed against the desk and it shatters and it kind of sounds like pottery, like broken pottery.

(13:03):
He says, "These aren't real bones.
I know it.
You know it.
And what you now know is that you have wasted my time and I do not appreciate having my time wasted."
Oh, well, sir, okay, look, all right, we messed up a weekend.
And before they can finish their sentence, you hear what sounds like a jutting of wood and then all of a sudden,

(13:28):
you hear the voices scream as they sort of trail off from inside the room.
You hear not quite the screams disappear before you hear a "ooh."
And you swear you start to hear what sounds like the sound of squeaking and it grows and it grows, not in loudness so much as numbers.

(13:51):
And then you hear the very soft, subtle screams just barely audible over top the sounds of the squeaking.
And it lasts for a couple of minutes before it all goes silent.
And as it does, the secretary looks over her glasses and she says, "Raticus, we'll see you now."

(14:14):
All right, let's go.
All right, you all stand up and you head inside the curtain.
And as I mentioned, you see the same scene that you saw before, right?
It's a carpeted floor.
There's a big wooden desk right in the middle of it.
There's a couple of bookshelves here and there.
Raticus is a very large man.
He's a human male.
He's got big old mutton chops coming down.

(14:36):
Like I said, he's got a vest that's like barely holding on to his very large gut.
He says, "Oh, gentlemen, I see you here on dock business.
How can I help you?
Did you just bring your ship in?
Need to unload your goods?
Did you need to take off?
I don't recognize you, so I'm guessing it's not that.
That matter."
Does anybody have like a stomp or something like that?

(14:59):
Or a slow down or like that?
Done.
Would you put them to sleep?
I mean, I can distract them.
Can I do detect thoughts on them?
Okay.
I want to see if he's suspicious or if he really thinks that we're here for dock business.
I want to know what he's thinking about with those two people being two gnomes he just obviously killed

(15:21):
and why those bones are so important.
Okay.
As I'm having a normal conversation with him.
I'm going to bring up the, "Wow, it was a little loud up here a little bit ago."
I was going to say, you kind of want to use your discussion to manipulate what thoughts come to his head.
"Wow, it was a little loud up here a little bit ago.
What happened to those two fires they saw them go off?
They never came back down."
Oh, they had some unfortunate need to leave in an otherwise escalated measure.

(15:51):
They left through the window.
They left through the window?
Yes.
And he points behind him and there's a curtain window.
It's closed.
He said, "Yes, I closed it quickly so as not to let..."
Is that the fire escape?
Yes.
It is the emergency fire escape.
Should you not be able to, you know, sometimes if there was a fire in here the curtain would start on fire.
Then how are you going to get passed out?

(16:12):
So we use the window.
Or I would.
Okay, okay.
Yeah.
Were they here on the dock business too?
Yes.
Oh, dock business is tightly here?
It's been a little slow lately.
How about you?
Well, on the dock business, well, you know, whenever the dock business is slow, so is my business.

(16:34):
Oh, sure.
But the...
Managing the docks after all.
Do you do anything else on the side to make up for income in the slow time?
Hmm.
You...
I have a food truck or a food cart like travel around the cities.
Oh, do you now?
Yeah, I see.
I loaned out from this guy named Kai, you know.

(16:55):
And you know, it's a mobile, you know, Kai.
It's pretty cool.
Oh, it's an interesting business idea.
Seeing through some of the thoughts that he has, you see, when you mention the like sidegigs
information, you see the concept of the bones, right?
And you see him procuring bones from very sketchy looking individuals.

(17:18):
And then you see him putting the bones on what seems like almost like a spell like circle.
And you see it glow and the bones disappear and they're replaced by gold pieces.
And you when you talk to him about the sizes.
This is in his office?
This is in his...
No, it actually looks like there's a separate room that he seems to be doing that.
He's putting the bones on like a circle, like with a symbol, like magically.

(17:43):
It like glows.
And the...you see like the bones sort of sink into it and then gold pieces come back out.
Does he have any ideas?
Is he suspicious or do you think we're dumb dock workers?
Um, he...yeah, I think there is a note of suspicion because of how confidently and straightforward
you said side business.

(18:04):
I think he was like, hmm.
Well, perchance, how may I ask you how successful is your little mobile meals?
Cobb?
It's pretty good.
The guy has it all set up for you.
You basically you pay for...he gets all the supplies and everything.
You pay him back and then you give him about a 30 percent.

(18:25):
But everything else is yours.
Well, all right.
Are you interested?
Do you want a card?
Oh, I think I'm all...I've got a bit of a...I've got some other things going on that require
quite a bit of my attention.
So I think I'm all right for right now.
Oh, like the bones?
Uh, pardon me.
And I would like to...what about my staff?

(18:45):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, you're definitely donking with your staff.
How long I'm bonking with my staff?
15.
15.
All right.
You roll damage on the staff.
And this is obviously non-lethal.
Oh, three.
Three?
Okay.
You whack him on the head and he immediately stands up and he says, "Now what a tarnation
deal.
Thank you.

(19:06):
I'm doing it."
He does whack him again.
Okay.
I think we should maybe take turns.
What is a dirty 20 giving?
Okay.
I mean, I hits, yeah?
Yeah.
Nine.
Nine.
All right.
You whack him again and go, "Oh, oh, oh."
What is going on?
I'm soaking in.
Oh, my brother.
No, take...no, I'm...
I'm sure.
No, stop before you can say anything.

(19:27):
Yeah, yeah, I am miss.
Did you just swing your fist or just...
But as he does one of those things where he tilts out of the way like drunken master
style with us, but it's completely unintentional.
I want to walk after you.
I'm good.
I'm a...I am an employee of the state.
You cannot treat me this way.
The name of the bone is this and where you're getting them from and why you're giving them.

(19:49):
Who you're giving them to?
Everything.
Oh, no.
Well, if you wanted to be a part of the bone business, you didn't have to beat me.
I don't want to be a part of the bone business.
I want to know who your bone business is and everything that's going on.
All I know is they promised to get some cloaked figures.
No more.

(20:10):
That's all I know.
That's the thing is, Sonic, is that really all he knows?
If you want to delve deeper, yes, he gets to make a wisdom say, but I'll give him disadvantage
just because he's a bit out of it.
Oh, it wouldn't matter.
It's like a five.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you see a memory.
You see a memory inside of his head.
Your eyes are like rolled back in your head.

(20:34):
You guys are all like kind of freaking out because he's just like starting to convalesce
a little bit.
You see Radicus.
Three cloaked individuals come into the office, this very office that you're in, approaching
Radicus.
They don't take their masks off.
You never see more than maybe like their nose at best in the light and you hear them start

(20:54):
to say, "We need..."
Is it for to keep a long story short?
They need middle management.
They need someone who knows the sketchy figures of the night.
They need people that can procure magical bones for them for a project that they are
putting together for a ritual.
Okay.
How often do they come?
They don't come at all.

(21:14):
I just put the bones on the magic circle.
Once I saw them in the office, three of them.
They don't come anymore.
Well, if you were to quit giving them bones, would they show up?
Possibly.
Well, they'd find someone else.
Well, I guess we need them to show up.
That seems like a bad idea, but why do you care so much?

(21:38):
Who are you?
Wait, what are these figures look like?
They're cloaking.
He's not cloaked up, white boy.
They wear dark purple cloaks.
Where do they say they come from?
They said they're part of a group known as the Cult of Ascendancy.
The Cult of Ascendancy?

(21:59):
That's what I said.
I said, I said, I said, the Cult of Ascendancy.
Would I have anything in this on that?
No.
I have written that Varus Shadowcaster wears a black cloak.
Is that correct?
Yes.
Okay.
Wrong color, not part of the group.

(22:19):
He's a limited lord, sir.
He couldn't possibly put on another cloak.
No, not with a shadow guy like him.
Dez is kind of working it out in his head on his chalkboard.
I'm like, let's see, there's the Cult of Ascendancy at the top.
And they got one guy and this guy.

(22:39):
It's a good buy bones for him.
And I'm sure that he's got people we know bringing him bones.
So he's got people under him.
And there are probably also convincing people to bring them bombs.
And so there's people on Indesis drawn a pyramid scheme on his chalkboard pointing at
the chalkboard and then pointing at the guy we're talking to.

(23:02):
It's a bone.
It's a bones pyramid scheme.
This guy bought into an MLM.
What a hurt.
Look, I'll buy bones for me.
I don't understand.
This was a lucrative business.
I don't know why you'd assault me.
They promised me a vacation.
They promised me a Lamborghini, a Mercedes Benz.
I want these cloaks figures to show back up.

(23:24):
They might not show up at all.
They might just find somebody else.
I don't want to lose this business.
Why you try to take it from me?
This business is wrong.
You know it's wrong.
If filing graves, they're dead.
Who cares?
Why do you care?
Is there some kind of dead protector?
Is this his magic circle on his desk?
No.
He's got a point there.

(23:44):
You know, you have a great day's circle.
Where is this magic circle you're talking about?
It's in the back room.
He points towards one of his bookcases.
It's not a room.
That's a bookcase.
Oh, my head.
What'd you do with those two dwarves?
I what two dwarves?
No.
No.

(24:05):
Two rings.
They're fast.
What'd you do with the full shortbeam bowl?
Yeah, what's wrong with you?
What'd you do with?
They're gone.
They tried to trick me, so they're dead now.
Yeah, right there.
That's a reason to stop this business.
You're killing people.
Well, they lied to me.
And they lied to a lot of people.
You lied to me.
They're dirty rotten scroungers.

(24:26):
Nobody likes them.
They only serve to cause trouble.
That's why I hire them.
They're the only people willing to do dirty business like digging up grave.
Amy, I should throw you out that window.
Oh, well, I don't-- I'm--
You get a glimpse of his top thoughts.
It's him being stuck in that window, unable to fit all the way through.

(24:50):
But he doesn't want to say it out loud.
Well, you know what?
On second thought, you're probably too fat to go through that one.
Great.
I'll resist.
That's strongly.
We will do you the courtesy of not lying to you.
So let us be very clear.
We will hurt you.
We did not show us how to get through.
Is there a pond room?

(25:10):
Can I break it?
I think it says that.
It says what?
We'll hurt you.
Oh, he just wants to break something.
We will hurt you and the two of us will know.
There's one of those ships in a bottle sitting there just patching the sleigh.
Or just, no, do you know how hard it is to get those things in there?
Be free, ship.
Just know right off the wing.
You tell him, you tell him.

(25:31):
And it lands in the water.
It just stays floating.
And he's just warming up.
So now you better cooperate.
You didn't even give me a chance to cooperate.
You just started breaking my stuff.
Look, I can, I can activate.
I can activate the bookcase.
Just let me go.

(25:52):
How does that bones get to the point?
Is it all just magical?
Yeah, it just goes through the man.
What if one of us was the state on the man?
It's a little stood on it.
It's not very big.
How are even little?
I saw bones.
So will both work.
I wouldn't recommend it, but you can try.
I made up bones.
Hey, do you have any more of those fake bones left?
No, I threw them out the window with those bastard, you know, the stone on it.

(26:18):
Now why didn't you just put the gnomes through the portal?
Aren't their bones magical?
Are you saying that all gnomes is magical?
That's racist.
I don't know.
All right, let me open the bookcase for you.
We're just sending through some things on our bones to piss them off and see if they
show up.
You're like a bunch of kids just flushing random stuff down a toilet just to see what

(26:41):
happened.
How would it go, folks?
It's something good.
Free chicken nuggets.
Put the rock on it.
The beacon will show up where they are and then we can just go there.
That's a good idea.
And they have to know it because they'll just think it's a rock.
They'll actually see it.
It's actually a genius.
They're eating it with the rock on it.

(27:03):
He reaches underneath his desk and he pushes something in between everybody to make a
dexterity saving throw.
14 15 15.

(27:30):
Okay, seven.
Oh, 14.
Wow.
All right.
So for those that got less than a 15 or suddenly drops out.
Out from below you and you feel yourselves falling, falling a short 10 foot distance.
I won't make you take any damage because you fall onto soft loathing of just like sort

(27:54):
of torn clothing bits and it stinks really bad down here and it's pitch black.
I mean, if you have dark vision, okay, so you're the only one that doesn't keto.
No, I do, but I didn't fall down.
Oh, you didn't fall down.
That's right.
It does.
It does not.
I know.
Okay.
So the three of you that are down there, you start to hear what sounds like hundreds of

(28:19):
squeaking sounds.
Oh, and I think it's one of those situations where as you're sitting there, suddenly you
feel something furry brush against you, something small.
When the other one, I'm in that one.
I cast speak with animals.
Okay.
I hear a hundred voices screeching.
Food, food, food, food, food.

(28:42):
Okay.
I need some help.
Thinking about speaking with animals when Des is a mute.
Ah, no.
You see animals lying laying there, it's just a situation scarier is all you there.
Where as if you can mimic sounds so you just turn to your friends and say, what are they
saying Des?

(29:03):
Eat fresh food.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Okay.
So Des is just going to translate what the ranchers saying.
I should do everybody else.
And now I wonder, do the rats understand?
I think that's how it works.
It's two way.
Well, they'd understand you.
They understand you, but you're speaking right.

(29:24):
So you can talk every right, but nothing else.
That's funny.
Oh man.
Didn't think you're this more.
I'm going to have you guys roll initiative.
What's happening up above?
I don't know.
We'll find out in a minute.
But those of you that are down, roll me initiatives.
21.
21.
So they're roll one and hurry up.
Where are we going to be there?
I mean, I'm a roll team.

(29:46):
They should be killing them.
They roll for initiative too.
Sure.
Yeah.
Dirty 20.
Mark, you told me what was it?
15.
Okay.
All right.
Des, you have a 21.
So you're going first.
To pull a bag out of or pull a ball out of his bag.
A giant weasel.
Okay.
Here's and joins us.
Okay.

(30:06):
Sounds good.
All right.
Is that everything?
Yeah.
That's all I'm going to do right now.
Okay.
Sounds good.
Okay.
Cool.
We jump over to Rorick.
Is it's like it's so he's got dark vision.
Yes.
Oh yeah.
So you're actually seeing, so you are just seeing a huge mass of rats flooding towards
you for lack of better words.

(30:27):
And you said it's a 10 foot drop.
Yeah.
So could Rorick just like run and jump up?
Yeah.
You can make an attempt.
I want to just run once the run and just try to jump and like grab the edge.
Okay.
Sounds good.
It's pretty acrobatic.
Sure.
Sorry.
Can I just go for it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
23.

(30:47):
Okay.
Yeah.
You jumped up and out.
Yeah.
Like, all right.
So now you're standing with everybody else.
Keto, you're up next.
Keto's just surprised that Rorick made his way out.
He's just going to ready an attack, I guess.
Against?
Are we all up?
He does a mo.
Oh, okay.
He's just got his blade out.

(31:08):
He's ready to go.
Okay.
You know, it's fair.
So that leaves Maki and Dez are both still in the pit.
All right.
Right.
Like, here we go.
Here we go.
For each of you, what's your armor class just to make this easier on me?
13, 14.
Okay.
So we have a 13 and a 14.
So each of you take five damage as the rats start to bite onto every feather.

(31:32):
Some of them getting in between your feathers.
All screeching horribly.
And of course, Dez, you're still hearing, "Beast, beast, beast Hollywood.
Delicious, you bird.
Tastes like chicken."
We jump over to sauce.
There, about 10 feet down.
I'm going to run over and rip those important curtains off the wall.
Ah.

(31:53):
And throw it and wrap it around my arm.
Okay.
And hang it down to give him a little bit of something to possibly grab onto.
All right.
Sounds good.
So we'll jump over to Maki real quick.
Maki, what would you like to do?
Oh, this works out.
So Maki will run over to where the curtains are hanging down.
He's going to grab a hold of them and try to start climbing up.

(32:14):
Okay.
Do an athletics check.
Do you start pulling yourself up this curtain?
Got a 13.
13?
Okay.
You are off the ground.
You're going to be rolling as the rats are kind of leaping up towards you.
You know, maybe one like manages to just barely grab your bird-like foot for a moment before
you kind of can kick it off.
You're about halfway or so up the curtain, nearing the top.

(32:37):
And then I'm going to use sorcery points to shorten the casting time of a spell to
one bonus action.
Oh, okay.
And I'm going to say, "Scram, you vermin."
And I'm going to cast Withering Bloom.
What?
Around who else?
Just, I don't know.
Des, Des is still in the hole.

(32:58):
You take damage.
I like it.
You won't have to.
Abarth is centered on the most rats around him, so he's probably towards where they were
coming from.
So it's a 10-foot radius sphere.
And each creature of my choice in that area must make a constitution saving throw.
Okay.
So I will not choose Des.
You'll take 2D6 necrotic damage on a failed Saze or half as much on a successful.

(33:25):
And what's your save DC?
Well, I think it's 15.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, okay.
It's went up a little.
Yeah, that sounds right.
With that, roll your damage.
So literally only one group of rats succeeded out of this massive horde.
Five damage.
Five damage.
So kind of like in Indiana Jones, when he falls into the pit of vipers with the gal,

(33:48):
and then he uses the torches to try to keep him back, that's kind of what happens here.
You have Des, who's standing there about to get flooded by these rats that are just like
a wave just coming over top of him.
And then Maki uses this spell, and you actually see them sort of just start to pull back as
this massive wave of damage affects all these rats, leaving Des in a nice open space around

(34:12):
him where the rats have retreated.
Des, you can also choose to use one of your hit dice to regain a number of hit points.
Oh, equal to the roll plus my spell cast.
Oh, okay.
So yeah, I mean, I will.
One d10 by two.
Roll waves.
Hey, I got a four.
Nice.

(34:33):
Plus whatever I did.
I mean, that's the fire damage for a lover.
Yeah, I'll just heal.
Nice.
All right, Des, you're back up.
There is now sort of an open space around you where the rats have sort of resigned away
from leaving, leaving you kind of almost in a circle of safety for at least a moment.
Okay, I mount the giant weasel.

(34:55):
I make a sound.
This is my main and we leap out of the hole.
Okay, sounds good.
Do you have the stats for your weasel?
I do.
Okay, perfect.
Yeah, roll, I guess, like a dexterity check with the weasel.
Okay.
So what does a weasel do with a seven?
The seven, it leaps up and just grabs right onto the edge of the curtain and it's just

(35:18):
kind of hanging.
It's like, it's like standing.
So it's like on its back feet are touching the ground, it's in its front like claws have
hooked onto the end of the curtain.
So I mean, that's one of his strangers that occurred from someone else in his history and
he's able to mimic it.
Just put a little us up.
So dark things about what, well, but does has been a false does his first words.

(35:47):
Des has mimicked before.
Yeah, it's true.
It's been a while.
Only in moments of fierce.
Roryck, you're up.
I grab the curtain.
He's grab it with a little sauce and start pulling them out.
I already guess both of them are on the curtain.
Keto, what do you do?
We'll join force.
Okay.
So Maki, you're halfway.

(36:09):
Okay.
So you're on.
Okay.
So the three of you, I would say if anything, you guys are helping.
Here's what I'm going to say.
You get advantage plus add one to roll to pull them up.
So you're doing a athletics check.
16.
Okay.
16.
Yeah.
That's actually pretty good.
Yeah.

(36:30):
You start to pull hoisting everybody up.
Maki peeks over the side.
You pull him up and then you've got the, the half of the weasel has been pulled up so far.
So in theory, does he could climb the weasel and get off, but captain, it was down to
shit.
Well, whatever the case, Maki, now that you were up there, you do still have your turn
as well.
Come on.

(36:50):
Help us.
Is does attached to the curtain or the weasel somehow or was he on these old for dear creating
the weasel?
Yeah.
I'm just going to help try to pull up the rest of the curtain.
Okay.
Do a do an athletics check.
That's a five.
You wish over and you grab onto the quarter of it.
You pull it just like a little like an inch.
Just pulling the wrong way.

(37:12):
You pulled it back down.
This climbs up and is like, all right, this is, this is how you really do is weasel.
Come on.
Good.
And then you have a new euphemism.
Pull up his little, uh, 22.
Holy.
You just grabbed the curtain and just Bob goes to weasel.
It's great.

(37:32):
All right.
He's back up out of the hole.
You're all out of breath.
Some of you featuring some really ugly looking welts from the bite marks that you've just
experienced.
You turned in adult C. Radicus.
What?
Well, for half a second, you see the bookshelf shift back into place.
A Desmond like to rip the bookshelf off.

(37:53):
Oh, you guys are going to out to initiate right now.
So yeah, go for it.
I can and wills.
Just a strength and go to help them.
Yeah.
Give him advantage for you guys helping him, please.
Cause that was, oh, give me advantage.
Yeah.
Cause that was a nap one.
Oh, let's not do that.
Okay.
Okay.
That's better.
That's a 20 wine.

(38:16):
Okay.
So you all start to run over and help as Des is pulling this wall.
Des, yeah, just almost as, as intensely as he pulled that curtain with the weasel on
it out.
He just pulled, you pull this off and you can see like the hinged, uh, um, track that
was thing sits on.
It's almost like a barn doors in a sense.
And you just rip it right off that track and set it aside.

(38:37):
And there's just a brick wall opening, um, into sort of almost a weird tunnel as secret.
The door did just close.
Do we see him running away?
Can I shoot magic missile on him for a guaranteed hit?
I would let you because it's magic missile and it's a guaranteed hit.
I will let you use for his legs.
Perfect.
One.
He's definitely not going to die.

(38:59):
Two, three.
Five, six.
That's good.
Okay.
Yeah.
Three magic missiles go flying down the tunnel.
All three of them smash into his stubby legs.
He trips and falls and starts to kind of roll a little bit.
And he's like, this works for me.
Um, as he's, as he's rolling down the tunnel, everybody running out of here.
I'm going to say, uh, Barbara, please hold all my appointments.

(39:23):
I'm giving these guests a tour of, uh, the rest of my office facilities.
I'm a stud sir.
You guys all go chasing after the guy who's rolling like, uh, the blue, the girl who turns
into a giant blueberry and will he walk at the truck?
Violet.
There we go.
That's how I was trying to think up.
Um, and yeah, you guys catch up to him.

(39:43):
It's a little bit of a chore to get him to stop.
Cause I mean, he's gotten a good roll.
They're smoothing and you grab him and you pull him.
It's not that far of a hallway.
It's to be fair.
It's not that far.
In fact, maybe he just slams into the wall and he's like, oh, I'm in so much pain.
What do you people want from me?
Why couldn't you just let the rats eat you like everyone else?

(40:05):
We're not like everyone else.
What do you want?
I'd like to, uh, drag him to the rat hole and just kind of like hold him over the edge.
You roll him like a wheel of cheese back out the tunnel.
Will cheeses ironic.
Oh yeah.
Cause they're right.
Or the racks.
And you hold them over the hole and in, in your mind, you immediately realize he's not

(40:28):
going to fit in his hole.
He's that big.
Three of us fit in it.
But this makes the hole bigger.
So can you make this guy smaller?
He says, what?
Don't you guys keep threatening me before you even give me a chance to tell you anything.
What do you want?
I told you everything I know.
Yeah.
So now we're going to kill you.

(40:49):
What?
No way.
No, don't do that.
The weasel is gnawing at the edges of the hole to slight method.
I can make it smaller.
I actually can't.
Like I was your camera.
Yeah.
Oh no.
You don't look where you want.
I'll give you a, I give you a, I can only give you what the money if you give me bones,

(41:09):
but I don't know what you want.
Please don't kill me.
I would like to use my fireballs on the whole to make it burn some of the whole away.
Okay.
You're trying to make the whole bigger.
That's fine.
We can be real.
I want to put him down as well.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to put him down.

(41:30):

(41:51):

(42:13):

(42:34):

(42:55):

(43:16):
Now it's my turn.
Can you let me go now?
The only thing is let's go.
And then you already fall into the hole.
And you hear it slam heavy into the ground below and kill it.
All the way.

(43:37):
Okay, so remind me.
Did you say you did have dark vision?
No.
No.
Okay, so you don't have dark vision.
Des doesn't have dark vision.
But the rest of you that have dark vision can see inside of there.
I don't want to see.
I just fire bolt down there.
Okay.
Dude, there's a ton of clothes.
It would light up.
Yeah.
Okay.
So you fire.
So it ignites the whole thing.
There's a lot of light down there.
And you see him.

(43:58):
He reaches into his pocket and he pulls out a vial and he says,
"One last go."
And he downs the vial.
Oh, that's the horror.
And he kind of just like his eyes kind of roll back as the swarm of rats just overtakes
him.
And then like step out the fire as they rush in.
There's still fire kind of going on underneath.
So then it's just this horrible, horrible disturbing mess of rats eating a man as everyone's being

(44:24):
burned alive down there.
Hey, hey, Barbara.
I'm going to take the rest of the week off.
Understood, sir.
Barbara also increased the wages of all the nighttime dock workers.
10%.
Can do, sir.
I'm examining this magic.
I could do some good.
Portal.
Yeah.
I'm going to go down and you guys can check out the magical sigil that is on this sort

(44:48):
of like stone block table.
There's a couple of oddball things.
I think there's a skull.
There's, you know, the classic very like culty feel things.
A lot of candles.
A lot of candles.
There's like a jar with some like really spooky looking flowers coming out of it.
There's a little bucket of chalk for--

(45:09):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You know.
You got to redo a line or something.
Yep.
Absolutely.
And Rourke's standing on it.
Yeah.
Oh, and he's holding the book.
Yeah, I've got the book.
It's a catchy tune.
Rourke, I don't think that's a good idea.
Okay.
You want the book?
Oh, yeah.
Here, I get him the book.
All right.

(45:30):
You're probably the only one that cares about this thing more than anyone here.
This whole book, you flip through all the pages.
It's completely blank except for the one page with the incantation right on the center
page.
It looks like it's handwritten.
There you go.
I'm ready.
I'm not going to read it.
Let's go outside and see if we can see the bright light.
Is there anything else in this room?

(45:52):
This particular room?
No, it's pretty bare.
Oh, there's more rooms.
No, no, no.
I meant like there's the office and then there's this.
There's a rear?
Well, that's about it.
Oh.
What is the sigil, like a specific thing?
Yes.
It looks like--
I will put the chalk in my mind.
I'm going to put the letter Y. And then so where the long line kind of comes down and

(46:14):
makes the back end of the Y, sort of the spine of the Y, in the empty space of the circle,
there's a moon symbol.
Oh, the moon.
My biggest enemy.
I'm sorry.
It's because it's big.
The movie with Thomas Hanks?
Yeah.
That makes sense.
Is there anything else that you guys would like to do?

(46:37):
Well, I want to look for drugs in his desk.
There you go.
Yeah.
He's in euphoria.
You open up his desk and sure enough, you find three vials and they're all labeled for euphoria.
And there's a card inside and it's poorly written.
It's handwritten.

(46:58):
It's a handwritten business card.
And it says, for more euphoria.
It just says that on one side of the card, then you flip it over and it says rock bottoms
club ask for McCool.
And with that, we'll end tonight's session.
Thank you so much for listening to criminals of island numus, a Dungeons and Dragons fifth

(47:33):
season.
And I'll see you guys next time.
We'll see you guys next time.
Thanks for watching.
Additionally, if you enjoy coin, you might enjoy some of session zero heroes other shows

(47:56):
such as our benders and bruise and avatar legends actual play where we jump into the world of avatar
the last airbender and legend Akora using the avatar legend system created by magpie games,
or one of our various one shots, which we are currently coming out with where we use a variety of
games and TTRBG systems to tell a variety of fun, exciting, emotional and hilarious stories within
our group.

(48:17):
We have all sorts of other content that we highly recommend checking out within the SZH
channel and more to come in the future to find out more about what we do at session zero
heroes and to keep up with a lot of the other content we produce and be made aware of future
projects, shows and content.
Be sure to follow us on social media on Facebook, X, Instagram and discord.

(48:39):
These are all great ways to get in contact with our team as well as to keep up to date
with everything that we're creating and working on.
We'd love to see you there.
In the meantime, thank you so much for listening and don't forget to stay curious, stay heroic
until we roll again.
[Music]

(49:00):
[MUSIC]

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Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 30 - Awe Rats!

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