Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 31 - The Cult of Ascension - Session Zero Heroes | TTRPG Actual Play Adventures & Improv Storytelling

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hello, weary traveler.
I'm not sure what strange magic must have brought you here,
but you have stepped into a realm of my creation,
a sprawling city filled with danger and glory,

(00:22):
and most importantly, lots of gold.
I call it, Ilanumis.
Who am I?
You might ask.
The name is Jarjir, and I'm the patron deity of gambling.
Long story short, this group of idiots,
or as you may call them, heroes, made a bet with me
that they had when it took to make a mass trove of gold,

(00:44):
but left some of the key details blank.
So I filled them in myself.
I sent them to this pocket dimension,
into the city I had created with brand new bodies
they have to attune to.
Can these fools pass my test, or will they
be trapped here forever?
So experience my world of trials and tribulations,

(01:07):
and join alongside this posse of pitiful people,
or as I like to call them, the criminals of Ilanumis.
Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of The
Criminals of Ilanumis.
Well, it's not the podcast, or the sessions of your heroes,
but Criminals of Ilanumis is the show
that we're doing right now, which
is a Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition actual play podcast

(01:30):
set in the homebrewed world of Ilanumis,
where one, two, three, four, five people at the table with me
were dropped to actually-- that's not entirely true.
Four of them were dropped in.
One of them was already there, but whatever the case,
have been put on a mission from the deity of this pocket
world dimension thingy to accumulate
a total of a million gold pieces,

(01:53):
or be trapped here forever.
I just don't want you guys to lose sight of that.
With that being said, let's introduce the players.
To my right, we got Dave, who plays Maki.
Yep, I play Maki.
That he does.
And he's a shadowy sorcerer who also recently hit the gym.

(02:16):
And drank an egg.
And you know what?
I think that egg had some effects.
He got a soul.
It was the magical arcade.
Well, you are a kanku.
So do kankus lay eggs?
Did you just wake up one day and your behind was kind of sore?
And so you were like, what's this thing?
Cracks it open and drinks it.
Oh, you cannibal you.

(02:38):
You drink your own child.
You nasty cannibal you.
Moving on, we've got Fattie Lumpkins, who plays Keto.
Yes, I do not play Maki.
I play Keto.
And I recently developed an anger management problem.
So in addition to being an equinoid,
I am a rage in barbarian.
Oh, I was just going to ask, do you have a problem

(02:58):
with your anger?
Or do you have a problem managing other people's anger
for them?
We'll see how that plays out.
You're like a backseat anger person.
Like, stop being so angry up there.
You can't be just beating people to death.
But who knows?
So far, you have been doing a lot of the beating people
to death.
So that'll be interesting.
And next up, we've got Quinn, the person who's

(03:20):
playing the only character from this very world, which
is Feather McGregor, AKA Lil Sauce.
Yep, that is me.
Very much going on in his life.
Got a lot going on with these guys.
Realizing that I'm in a pocket dimension,
but also the blank space stuff going on.

(03:41):
Can go a bunch of different ways here.
I'm conflicted.
And all the stress that they put on you has clogged you up.
You haven't pooped in as long as they've been here.
They've spent about two and a half weeks.
So, and that includes in your fighting
against the Allosaurus, man.
He had days worth of food just trapped in there.

(04:01):
It says he's a kenkut.
Does that mean he also hasn't defecated at all?
That's what I'm saying.
I don't think he's gone.
I don't think he's gone sat on the pot in a minute.
Oh, I was about to say a day in his life.
A day that he has never--
He hasn't ever.
So hopefully he gets some laxatives,

(04:21):
hopefully eat some fiber.
Do kenkus have cloacas?
I'm going to just say it.
You know what I'm going to say?
I was about to have a 15 minute discussion on this.
I'm pretty sure they did that on the Adventure Zone.
They had a whole discussion about cloacas.
Understandably.
Yep.
Yep.
So we won't do it since they did it already.
All right, moving on.
We've got Jackson who plays Diaz.

(04:45):
I like saying it like that.
I don't know.
Yeah, I play Diaz.
He's a ranger now.
He was a fighter.
I had a fun fact about Diaz, but now I'm
curious about Kenku anatomy.
And I think Diaz is going to go explore his body.
He's going to find some interesting facts about himself
today.
That's what a cloaca is.

(05:06):
Diaz, what are you doing over there?
Censored, censored, censored.
And last but not least, we've got Karen.
Karen is playing Rorik.
The only goblin in the troupe.
Yeah.
So that is a true fact about Rorik.
Accurate facts.
That's what I do.
My name is Skylar.
I'm the Game Master, the Dungeon Master, and the Sexy Master.

(05:30):
And let's jump right back into things.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
All right, welcome back, everybody, to "Cripple's
of Honor and Nubis."
When we last left off, you guys had
met with the fought and killed Radicus,
the sort of villainous leader of a group of scroungers who

(05:53):
were out digging up bones in the local graveyards,
bringing them back to Radicus, who
was putting them onto a strange teleportation circle that
was on this table that he had in sort of a secret room
and sending them off to who knows who.
And you guys decided to take the Rocky
Taki that I have personally made overpowered by accident

(06:17):
and put it on this same tablet in which it disappeared
to wherever everything else has allegedly been going.
And you guys, I'm assuming, are stepping outside
of Radicus's place.
I'd like to argue that the Wacky Taki is not that overpowered.
We're just a very creative bunch who have figured out ways
to use it.
I don't necessarily disagree.

(06:38):
You do make a very fair point there.
So you guys are stepping out of this facility.
It's down by the docks.
And you are looking out into the night sky.
And sure enough, off in the distance,
you see-- not too far from you, actually--
you see a beam of light erupt into the night sky.

(06:58):
Now, this beam of light is something
that only you guys can see.
As you guys kind of established at the beginning,
the NPCs of this world per se cannot detect this light.
They don't notice it.
It doesn't shine for them.
It was specifically attuned to you guys in your group.
So with the ability to see the light off in the distance,

(07:20):
what are you guys doing?
I think we should go towards the light.
No, don't go towards the light.
What are you guys, a bunch of moths?
No.
OK, so your group of moth-like creatures
move towards the light with eyes wide, almost hypnotic.
No, I'm just kidding.
But you do move towards the light,
and it ends up taking you, maybe almost honestly,

(07:40):
a mile into the Wakandale District.
Now, the Wakandale District is very different than the districts
that you guys have been in thus far.
I don't even think you guys necessarily really
been in the Wakandale District outside of maybe just
like passing glance.
This medium-sized district pulsates with energy.

(08:02):
It is a series of factories and warehouses.
Some of them currently functioning even into the late night
that you guys have kind of found yourself at.
Some of them close down dark and seemingly decrepit.
But whatever the case, you hear the rhythm of drums,
of sounds that float through the air
amidst all of the factories and businesses that

(08:24):
still remain open.
You hear powerful engines.
You hear crowds of people and workers
who are taking the night shift at these places.
And as you follow this light, you are led to a warehouse,
just a massive building structure.
Is that where the light is?
It's coming out of the center of this place, yes.

(08:46):
Cool.
With you guys having found the source, what is your plan?
There are front doors.
They're open.
There's lights on the inside.
And there's an individual-- almost looks like a bouncer--
is standing at the front door.
And from inside, you hear a lot of people talking.
And you can kind of make out the sound of what almost sounds

(09:07):
like a light.
They just kind of like it.
Not a chant per se, but kind of almost like a--
[HUMMING]
Like just an ongoing sort of hum tune almost.
Is there a window that I can see?
There are windows.
They're probably a good 15 feet up off the ground, though.
This is kind of a warehouse.

(09:28):
So they're not like--
How big of a building is it?
It's pretty big.
Yeah, it's a warehouse.
And this is--
OK, and we see the light coming out from which part of it?
You can see it coming out of the windows.
You can see that the front door is open.
It's just kind of radiating out.
We don't know exactly where the rock is.
Right.
Oh, you're saying the rock slide is just kind of-- yeah,
it's just stemming from the roof.
Not like it's on the roof, but like blasting through the building.

(09:49):
Is there like a line for this club?
Club.
I thought this was the warehouse.
Well, it is a warehouse, but it kind of does--
I mean, with the bouncer and the lights on inside,
and the people you can-- the crowd you can hear,
it kind of does actually feel a little bit like a club.
The last warehouse we went to was also not a warehouse,
but a giant lifting--
Well, to clarify, what is a warehouse?

(10:11):
You know, a warehouse just--
A guy who turns into a house on a full moon.
That's it.
Jackson's right here.
He's got a point.
I mean, it's just a big storage place.
Whatever you're putting in the storage place and whoever's
in there doesn't really matter.
How you utilize the space is up to the owner.
Right.
Right.
What are the wares that are being stored here?
And when's--
In the house.

(10:31):
In the house, yeah.
In the house of dancing.
To answer your question, Dave, about the line,
there's-- it's not so much a line.
I think there might be a couple of people that are outside
taking a smoke.
And then there's a lot of people inside.
But there's no line suggesting that the place is
full or anything like that.
Oh, OK.

(10:51):
Do we hear anything coming from it?
Yeah, you hear a lot of people talking inside.
Like, you can tell it's a pretty big crowd in there.
And then otherwise, they're just like a soft, kind of like
rhythmic, [MUMBLING]
almost coming from inside.
But it's like barely noticeable underneath the many
people talking.
Almost like a home from like a machine or something like that.

(11:12):
Or a humdinger.
It's a real humdinger.
Well, I say we just work our way inside.
Let's see what the bouncer says.
OK.
See what he says.
And if we have to, we'll just kill him.
I feel like that's what's going to happen.
Please.
Do you approach the bouncer directly, or do you just
try to walk it?
Just walk up to the bouncer and be like, how much should you
get in?
Have you never been here before?
Not a fan.

(11:32):
Oh, well then, the ascendants welcome you.
And he holds out his hands as if to gesture
you're free to go inside?
Dang.
As Dez walks by the bouncer, he pounds his chest twice
and throws up a peace sign right out of him.
Just to let him know that I'm cool with this neighbor.
He nods, and he says, and to you too.

(11:56):
Wow, thank you for welcoming my son.
Oh, of course.
Are you thinking of attempting to ascend today?
Kiddil will clasp his hands together and bow.
OK.
That action triggers Agra.
Well, I hope that one of you is the chosen one.
And he nods as you guys go inside.

(12:17):
And as you step inside, you see there are a lot of people
here, like tons of people.
And they're all just kind of hanging out.
They're all socializing at the moment amidst each other.
Nobody's really doing anything.
But essentially, it's a big, wide open space.
There's lights coming from the ceiling.
There's a balcony area where you see some people have gone up
too as well to kind of help make space on the main floor.

(12:38):
And then at the very end, you see this big stage.
And there's a big black curtain on the back end of the stage.
The stage itself is open, but there's a curtain behind it.
And you're inside.
You can't see it.
I don't think you can see the light at the current moment.
So you guys are inside.
There's people here.
What are you doing?

(12:58):
Does it look scary?
I don't think any of you would find this scary.
I don't think any of you have any reason.
Besides for the fact that Lil Saw said this guy's big and scary?
Well, the bouncer's outside.
He didn't fall you in.
Oh, and we don't currently see the bones that were teleported here.

(13:19):
Correct.
You do not.
I bet they're grinding them up and making them into tea.
Oh, bone meal tea.
That's kind of gross, because those are humanoid bones
right out of the graveyard.
Do we see where the beacon is?
No.
Now that you're inside, you can't see the beam of light.
Are there any pamphlets?
Oh, that's a good question.

(13:40):
Any promotional signs?
Any weird posters, kiosk, graphic t-shirts?
There's definitely a lot of hippies wearing graphic t-shirts,
for sure.
But none of them really seem to suggest any singular theme.
I wouldn't say that there's anybody heaning out pamphlets.
What I would say is that the lights start to dim a little bit.

(14:03):
And everybody just kind of gets quiet.
And you see up on the stage as three cloaked figures
shuffle slowly and rhythmically out onto the stage.
Quick, get some seats, guys.
The seminar is starting.
And you look around and you realize that this is just standing for it.

(14:23):
There's no seats here.
Or it sits on the floor.
That's fair.
I think there's probably a few people that do.
You see some older people.
I don't want to go sit by them.
OK, you go sit next to the older--
Uncomfortably close to them.
Oh, OK.
Oh, hello there, sir.
Am I in-- did I make you the time?
Oh, I think you're just in time.

(14:44):
They're going to see if they can find out who the chosen one is.
Maybe it's me.
Might be me.
It could be you.
Rory looks over at Keto and pats on the ground right next to him.
It's a sit down.
Keto is going to put up his hood and then will proceed to sit down after.

(15:04):
Are you going to sit down next to Rory?
Yep.
Can I roll a perception check to see if my best friend's here?
Sure.
My best friend, Gavin.
Gavin?
Yep.
It's a seven?
Oh, no, absolutely.
There's so many people here.
0% chance--
So you're saying there's a chance.
I'm saying if there's that many people here,
the chances of him being here are high.
So I'm just going to tell you something right now.

(15:27):
As the DM, right?
So when you guys roll, sometimes it's like, oh yeah,
would this logically happen?
And sometimes it's make the decision for me.
So when you roll, it wasn't a seven to be like,
do you see him?
For me, it was a seven of, is Gavin here?
No, he's not here.
Fair enough, he's not here.
Because I was going to save my spot next to me for Gavin
in case if he was here.

(15:47):
After you offered it to Keto, I was looking around
before Keto sat.
He's got two sides.
He's got a side of his arms.
No, the other side is sticking up by the old people.
I will shove them out of his way.
Sittin' in the old lady's lap, like, come sit with it.
Sorry, you just--
Gavin needs to sit here.
Where is everyone else?
I'm talking to Dez, I'm saying.

(16:08):
I wonder if that shadow caster guy is here.
I mean, he was collecting bodies.
My second best trend.
Dez nods along, and he motions to Machi to follow him.
And Dez is going to stand right in front row.
Oh, OK.
Yeah, Machi follows him.

(16:28):
All right, sounds good.
Awesome, so--
Start the mosh pit.
You guys watch as the ceremony starts to proceed.
These three figures step out, and they each
put their hand on each other's shoulders,
or at least the two on the right and left of the center
person put their hands on their shoulders.
And they say--
the one in the middle says--

(16:50):
For those who have never been here before, welcome.
We are His Seniors.
We are searching for the chosen one, one who will
ascend above all of us.
To my left is the Oracle.
And you see, the Oracle just lifts their hand into the air,

(17:11):
the one that's not on the shoulder.
I am the ritualist.
And they hold up a stone, just this spherical stone.
It literally just looks like a rock.
Like, it's not like a fancy orb or anything like that.
It just looks like it's just a plain old, very--
Is it our stone?
No, it is not your stone.
There's no light beam coming out of it.
And it doesn't-- your stone is honestly
like just a jagged, general rock also.

(17:34):
Yeah.
That's what you said there's was too, right?
Oh, no.
Well, yes, it is smooth.
But I mean, like, there's smooth and perfectly spherical.
It's spherical!
Like an egg.
But not oblong like an egg.
Like, just literally a ball.
Oh, I'm going to say, because Rocky might start
drooling in the front row.
And then they motion over to the final individual,
and they say--
And this is the conservator.

(17:57):
And the conservator holds out what
looks like a glass tube with a cork top.
And they say--
Together, yet shall find the chosen ones.
And then back to the ritualist, the person in the middle says--
Who among you would like to find out
if you are the chosen ones?
Dez shoots up his hand.

(18:17):
Rick does too.
He's so fast.
And then he grabs Keto's hand and raises it as well.
Oh, OK.
And then the old lady also raises her hand.
And then she looks at you like, oh, you did say that you
were going to try.
Let's see who they pick.
Oh, me, me, me, pick me.
And scattered around, there's a couple of other hands
that shoot up into the air as well.
Not a lot.
Like, compared to the number of people here,

(18:39):
it'd be less than a percent of people raise their hand,
including you guys.
Oh, well, our hands are raised.
Can I whisper to her?
Hey, by the way, what's the point of the chosen one anyways?
Oh, well, they're going to lead us into--
and then she's interrupted.
As you see the person on the stage, the ritualist says--
You.

(18:59):
--and points directly at the direction of you and the old
lady.
And the old lady kind of like looks at you.
The lower Keto's hand.
OK.
And then she like kind of waves her hand,
and you see the hood on the hooded figure nons.
So the old lady stands up.
Dang it.
She walks through the crowds, and she approaches the stage.

(19:22):
And you hear the first person.
The oracle says--
Do you agree to determine whether or not
you are a chosen person?
And she says--
I do.
I do.
Place your hand and mine.
So she places her hand in his hand,
and you watch as they all three begin to chant.

(19:45):
And some of the people in the crowd also kind of join in
on this chant.
And as the chanting begins, a light
starts to emit on this old lady,
an outline across her entire cell
that starts to center on the individual.
And as it does, you can see this light
starts to flow through her hand and into the hand

(20:06):
of the oracle.
And as it runs through the oracle,
through their center to the other hand,
and then it stops partway at the oracle,
and it starts to swirl as it's all
pulled out of the old lady.
And you see as it's pulled out of the old lady,
she was already kind of like a little bit wrinkly
and everything before.
But as it's pulled out of the old lady,
you see her just start to shrivel and shrivel.

(20:27):
Almost like a raisin in the sun.
And as this energy swirls through the robed oracle figure
center, he simply states, this is not the chosen one.
And you see what's left of the life in her face
just kind of like droop as the energy

(20:48):
flows through the oracle's hand to the ritualist,
through the ritualist into the stone,
and then to the conservator as it drains into the cylinder,
the glass cylinder that he has in his hand.
And he pops the cork back on it.
And as he does, the old lady just drops to the ground

(21:09):
and dissipates into dust.
I knew it.
I knew at the end of this she would be into dust.
I could feel it in my bones and the ones that she doesn't have.
You hear some gasps amidst the crowd, probably mostly news
people.
I don't know about you guys gasping at this,
what you just witnessed.
Does this scene it 100 times?

(21:29):
Oh, OK.
Over and over.
It's the same deal.
I didn't imagine Maki might have seen something like this
100 times with his cult background or something.
You hear some gasp.
The ritualist holds up the orb and says,
"Be not afraid.
Her soul over you needs to power the chosen ones

(21:50):
once they are found.
Is there any other individual who wishes to accept the test
and be calm and chosen?"
Des raises his hand so fast.
Before he was even done talking, as soon as he says,
"Do any of these?"
he was up.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, wow.
OK.
OK.
Man, we're about to fight.
Rorick raises Kido's hand.

(22:12):
Do you let it stay raised?
Kido pulls his hand out.
Rorick's hand is not up.
That didn't look like fun.
Kido does cast his echo.
Who does raise his hand?
Oh, I like this a lot.
The oracle points their hand out.
And it starts to kind of like go across the crowd of the room

(22:32):
and it lands on Des.
Yes.
He celebrates a little bit.
Yeah, he's giving high fives to people around him.
[LAUGHTER]
They're high five on your back.
They're like, you might just be the guy.
Yeah, I hope you're the-- I hope you're the one.
I hope you're the chosen one.
I'm him.
I'm the guy.
I'm the guy.
I'm Elijah Wood.

(22:52):
[LAUGHTER]
You go up, the dude touches you, and you just see your 100 lives
counting.
You go, brrr.
You approach the stage.
And just like before, you brush past the dust,
which is already starting to kind of just blow off the stage.
And the oracle holds out their hand to you and says,

(23:13):
do you agree to take the test to see if you are, in fact,
the chosen one?
I'm going to do the perfect mockery of the old lady.
I do.
[LAUGHTER]
Then take my hand.
I feel like we're going to have to shoot this guy with something
here, so I do.
I'll take his hand.
You take his hand.
Cut it off and put it in my pocket.

(23:33):
You take his hand, and as you do, again, they start to chant.
And some of the people in the crowd start to chant, too.
And this is where he dies.
Chris created a new character.
You see a light start to shine, but it's
not the same color as the old ladies.
The old ladies are sort of this bright blue light
that was almost like a light.

(23:55):
So it was almost so bright a light
that you almost didn't see the tint blue to it.
Yours has more of a red tone.
And you see the connection that you
make when you put your hand on the oracle's hand.
There's sort of like a [MAKES SONG]
of this same energy, this red energy,

(24:16):
almost like an electricity that's coming out of the connection.
And the oracle pulls back their hand, and they say,
Your soul does not belong here.
I'm the Antichrist.
You are not chosen.
But you are not of this world.

(24:38):
I don't know who you are or where you came from.
And they're whispering this.
They're not saying this out loud.
Everybody else in the crowd is gasped at this,
because they've never seen this situation before.
But this person is whispering this to you.
They say, where are you from?
Who are you?

(25:00):
You said we're on a stage.
Yes.
Is there a trapdoor beneath our feet right now?
Do a perception check.
OK.
Because they're meant to be hidden.
Well, not when you're standing on top.
I mean, I guess you'd feel--
You start jumping.
Yeah, yeah.
And he feels a little flimsy here.
It just starts jumping.
He just looks like a do-through-out-of-tan trim,
because he's not--
I'm the chosen.
I'm not the chosen.

(25:20):
What a mess.
Mine, mommy said.
You're the girl from Veruca Salt or whatever.
That's a six.
Did I use one of my luck points for him,
or does it have to be me?
I think it's only you, as far as I'm aware.
And at the very least, I don't think
you're close enough for it to apply.
You look at your feet.
You tap your feet.
It just feels like solid wood, as far as you're aware.

(25:43):
OK.
Where are you from, and who are you?
Dez whips out his little chalkboard,
but you said the lights are dim, right?
Yeah, but I think there's enough light here.
They're going to have to really squint at this one.
Dez writes on his whiteboard, he says,

(26:03):
wouldn't you like to know whether boy?
What are you trying to--
are you messing with me?
Dez wipes off his whiteboard and writes,
I just want to know where my rock is.
And the Oracle kind of looks over at the ritualist,
and they're like, are you talking about this rock?
Dez shakes his head, no.

(26:24):
That's not my rock.
I know not of what rock you speak.
Draw a picture.
Yeah, just--
I drew--
OK, I draw a picture from memory of our rock,
and point arrows to it.
The conservator steps forward and says,
he is a foolish bird.

(26:45):
He wants his rock.
It's probably just some shiny piece of trash
that he found on the side of the road.
Be gone with you, bird.
Oh, Dez pats at his pockets, and he pulls out one of his fuzzy
balls from his bag of tricks and points to it.
Like, ah, the rock's supposed to look like this,

(27:06):
and he throws it to the ground.
And that creates a big baboon.
A boo-baboon.
A big baboon.
It's just going to baboon all around the place.
He just starts babooning on stage.
He starts babooning like that scene.
You guys remember the Wild Thornberry's movie?

(27:27):
Yep.
Yep.
It's that scene where they're just bouncing their red booties
around and--
Just twerking on stage.
It's got a lot better.
You see the three robed figures step back,
and they say--
Adrian.
It sounds like the baboon summit.
The one guy looks at it and named it.
Just a feeding.

(27:47):
That's an Adrian.
Never seen anything more Adrian than that right there.
That baboon.
You're not wanted.
Off this thing.
Get this Adrian out of here.
I don't want to see this Adrian no more.
No, instead, you see an inch of the--
it's always funny when I say, like, oh, you guys know this guy.
You're going to go, oh.
Is this yet another random guy we saw in a tavern?

(28:08):
Not in a tavern.
No, no.
It was somebody that was pointed out.
And I'm going to explain it to you,
and you're still going to be like, oh, remember that guy.
Was the chick I got my cloak from?
No, she was a terrorist.
I'll just sit here and let you guys guess for a little bit.
Was it NPC number 63?
Was it--
Was it the random lady I stole coins from in the casino?

(28:28):
The old lady who attacked him in the casino.
That just got to sit again.
You'll never get your revenge.
Well, you did bite her leg.
So I think you already got your revenge.
It couldn't possibly be her because she
would have recognized you 100%.
I mean, you sat right next to her.
She's that old.
Yeah, that's true.
It's clearly the guy who was riding the horse carriage

(28:49):
in the very beginning of the sessions.
Is he dead?
Well, he survived somehow.
Oh, his wife and kids must be so happy.
No, he suffered horrible burns.
He's horribly disfigured.
Skyler just pulls us Star Wars.
Somehow, the carriage driver came back.
Outsteps this--
oh, I didn't know how tall he is, but he's freaking tall.

(29:10):
He's like seven foot tall.
He leaves huge, heavy footsteps as he walks,
which are probably even amplified by the fact
that he's on a wooden stage.
He has crazed eyes and wears sort of like a mad hatter style
top hat.
And he, in the dim light from which you can see him,
is a horrific visage.

(29:31):
He has what look like almost staples in his lips.
So dimidome.
It's not dimidome.
He has pale white skin.
He has two red, almost blood-like lines
that run from the incredibly dark orbitals,
with two red lines running up to the top of his head
that kind of disappear in the hat.
He's wearing a almost blood orange suit coat or petticoat.

(29:57):
And he has a--
the collars up.
He's got this bright red bow on.
And underneath the bow, you see this sort of like a pressure
dial on his upper chest.
And as he steps forward, you vaguely remember him
from the Minotaur races.
Oh.
He slipped on a banana peel.

(30:20):
Yeah, near the exit.
Right near the finish line.
He was going to take like a second.
Yeah.
Yep.
He was ahead.
He almost won it.
And then he slipped on that banana peel.
Yeah, that's the--
It was hilarious.
It was pretty funny, Roges.
He probably doesn't remember.
Oh, that's true.
That's not true.
Oh, but I digress.
I don't think he associates you guys directly
with the banana peel, right?
He probably thinks the baboon did it.

(30:41):
Oh, no.
Oh, you might have a point.
I sleight of hand a banana that I somehow
had into the baboon's--
He sees the banana--
So we recognize this guy, though?
I think you guys-- yeah, I think you guys vaguely--
like, I mean, that was the only interaction that you guys had.
Keto was going to don the Minotaur helmet.
OK, just--
Just rub some salt in the wounds.
He approaches--

(31:02):
[EXPLOSION]
What does-- I mean, is the baboon
doing anything in reaction to this,
or is it still twerking?
I think it's still-- you know, baboons don't really care.
OK.
A staple of baboon culture is they just don't care.
Sure.
I think he's still jumping around being a monkey.
OK.
I'm going to need you to roll for the baboon a string

(31:24):
check as this Adrian character just reaches down
and tries to grab it in a grapple around the scruff
of its neck.
That's a 13 for the baboon.
He reaches out to grab this baboon,
and the baboon dodges out of the way ever so slightly
and then continues twerking a couple steps away.
Nice.
Nice.
Am I close to the thick curtain?

(31:48):
Yes.
I would like to, while people are distracted
by the twerking baboon, sneak behind the curtain.
OK.
Do a stealth check for me.
OK.
And you can do it with advantage because you
have the baboon--
Having its thing.
--the distraction.
Yeah.
Like, all eyes and the whole thing
are on Adrian and other Adrian, apparently.

(32:08):
Oh.
What is-- what is-- what do you give me for a--
33.
I'll give you three-- three Schmeckles.
23, not 33.
23.
Cool.
I'll give you two Schmeckles.
No.
OK.
You slink off into the shadows of the darkness
and disappear behind this.
There's like a split, right?
That's kind of like layered over itself.

(32:30):
Well, you find it and then you just slide right up
into it, rather than like trying to climb under it
or anything like that.
Because it's heavy.
Right.
You just slide right between the sections of this curtain
and disappear behind the stage.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Sick.

(33:08):
As you do that, the baboon--
the baboon is still twerking.
Adrian, big Adrian.
We'll call it that.
Big Adrian and little Adrian, the baboon.
Big Adrian approaches and he just like--
just goes to punch this baboon.
There's a 14 hit.
It does indeed.

(33:29):
Oh, and then that would be a 24.
How much health does he have?
Three?
Three?
It's a baboon.
It's just three HP.
It's got 1D6 HP.
He slams down with one fist, killing the baboon instantly.
Just suddenly just drop.
A blood mess.
It decapitates him.
There's a blood mess.
It's already dead, laying there on the ground,
takes the other fist, just smashes it into it,

(33:52):
just to add insult to injury.
Not breaking the stage surprisingly
with how hard he hit it, but just splattering the baboon
into like sort of a circular thing of blood.
He looks up and the conservator just says,
next time with a little more attacked, Adrian.
And with that, Adrian walks back over to the corner

(34:15):
on the stage.
Well then.
He's still on the stage?
Yeah, he's kind of off in the corner.
He actually kind of disappears in a particular shadow.
But now you know he's there.
You can kind of see just like a slight glint off of whatever
light is coming down on him.
It's like a Roomba returning to its docking station.
They look for an extraosen one.
You hear the conservator say--
A moment of your time as we clean up this mess.

(34:39):
And he snaps his fingers and then another cloaked individual.
Different cloak color though, right?
So these guys all had purple cloaks,
which you guys actually-- you specifically, a little sauce,
recognize from the vision that you had when you were looking
at the memories of Radicus.
It's the same color cloak as the people that came into his store
or his business and got him to do the job in the first place.

(35:02):
You see another individual in just like a plain black cloak.
And you see an arm reach out from it
and a magical sort of shadow stems from it
and sort of encapsulates this blood splot on the floor.
And as it sort of-- he moves his arm and as he does,
the shadow itself moves as well.
And it leaves behind no blood.

(35:24):
And then he does the same thing continuing over
to the dust pile that was the old lady.
So you're behind the stage.
What do I see?
Yeah, so you obviously see all the ropes and levers
and everything that usually would
pull a curtain out of the way and stuff like that.
You also see off to the right side of the stage,
there's a section that--
you see some stairs go down.

(35:45):
I am going to peek around the curtain.
I'm good.
Do I-- who wants to make eye contact with me?
Like in an uncomfortable way.
Kido has actually followed Adrian.
Is now just kind of stationed behind Adrian.
Oh, Rorik.
Rorik 100% would have followed as well.

(36:06):
On the stage?
No, no.
Because I thought you said Adrian was like off the stage,
just kind of lurking in the shadow.
But like he's in the back corner of the stage.
He's just going to position himself inconspicuously
near Adrian should a sneak attack be warranted.
You're in the front row of the crowd
on that side of the stage closer to Adrian.
Sure.
OK.

(36:26):
That works for me.
And then Rorik would follow them.
I do want to add that Rorik's jaw has visibly dropped
ever since he saw the baboon get smashed.
And it has not gone up yet.
OK.
So he's just following Kido.
Your jaw is dropped down.
And as you pass by, there's this just random dude that says,
oh, you know how you keep that open.

(36:46):
There's going to be a fly that'll go in there.
I turn to him going, oh, Maki.
Maki's been smashed.
The lookie's smashed.
Lookie's smashed.
And then Maki, are you also going with them?
Or are you--
Maki, do we make--
I peeked around the corner of the--
Yeah, I would be probably looking for you where you went.
Oh, OK.
Since you were right there.
I point to me.
I point to you.

(37:07):
I make a little walking motion with my hands.
And I say, I point left and right,
and then throw up the number two.
And then I wave you to come behind the curtain.
You get to interpret--
I feel like everything up until waving him over
to behind the curtain meant nothing.
It doesn't matter.
I tap my beak and acknowledge him.
Ah, there you go.

(37:28):
And then-- so what are you doing then?
I look for a way to go around the side behind the curtain.
OK.
So I make my way along the front row
to the right side of the stage.
Do you want to go to the opposite side?
That--
Yes.
OK, the opposite of Adrian.
The opposite of Adrian.
OK, yes.
So you go over to the opposite side from Adrian.
There are stairs, obviously, that people have been using.

(37:48):
I'd say there's probably one set in the center.
Most people use that when they're called up
to potentially be the chosen one.
Just go to the center side.
But on either side of the stage,
there's also stairs that lead up onto the stage as well.
Is a stage well built?
Or is it like a platform that's hollow on the edge?
Oh, yeah.
It's a fully built stage.
Like, this is a permanent--
It's fully enclosed.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to wait until they call someone else up.

(38:12):
OK, yeah.
I would say, yeah.
And once-- as soon as the mess is clean,
the person in the black cloak kind of just disappears.
Pretty much a minute--
it just disappears right there on stage.
And some people are like, whoa.
And then they say, let us return to the ceremony.
We must find the chosen one after all.
And so they redo the ceremony asking for volunteers.

(38:35):
There's a couple of people that raise their hand.
I think the reset of the situation
has kind of pushed some people to gain a little bit more
bravery after what they saw with the old lady getting
disintegrated.
And then they were like, I don't know if I'm
going to raise my hand this time.
Well, now they're kind of like, oh,
I kind of forgot about that already.
You guys got my back.
I'm going to go up there.

(38:56):
Anything goes down, you guys.
Dude, these guys have already left.
No one's near you.
No one's interested in me?
Yeah, you're just standing there, Mr. Crow.
I'm going to go ahead and--
You raise your hand.
Yeah, I'm going to go--
So we're all old deep-waters.
Where are you at, you're back, sonny?
So we're all gathered around, sneaking around.
And we all turn and look at the stage.
And we see little sashes climbing right up.

(39:17):
No, no, no, no, no.
They picked somebody else.
They picked somebody else.
No!
You say that out loud.
There's other people that say that every single time.
I'm like, oh, dang it!
Sucks to the death, Lash.
Oh, I'm thinking about it, Ruby.
You stand there as you see this giant muscular dude
get called onto the stage.
But as some of you were probably pretty dang sure
that you saw him at the beast's hideout, the beast's

(39:37):
headquarters.
Like, you know, I feel like I vaguely remember, like,
passing glance noticing that guy.
It wasn't anybody I've noticed.
Nobody that talked to you, nothing like that.
But just this big rip dude goes up onto stage.
He's a tiefling.
He's just a jack tiefling.
Muscles on muscles.
Looks like Bane with devil horns and a tail.

(39:59):
Anyway, he goes up there.
He's going through the ritual or whatever.
The rest of you guys, you've got Maki,
who's trying to follow after Dez.
Roll me a stealth check also with advantage.
19, 19.
OK, yeah.
You slowly creep up on stage, keeping yourself
amidst the shadows, possibly veiling yourself
with some, like, subtle magic with your knowledge

(40:21):
of the shadows to allow you to slip all the way back
to behind the curtain.
And once you're back there, it's just pretty much you and Dez.
So you guys unite in the back.
What are you guys doing?
Dez writes on his little whiteboard chalkboard thing.
Are the others coming?
Slash, did you get everybody else?
I peek out behind the curtain.

(40:43):
Look.
So you see Lil Sauce out exactly where you left him.
And he's got his hands crossed.
He looks really grumpy and upset that he didn't get chosen.
You see Kido and Rorik.
And they're over on the opposite side of you,
on the other side of the stage.
Kind of-- they almost look like they're creeping on Adrian.
Like, they're just, like, focusing on him

(41:04):
rather than all the stuff that's going on
on the center of the stage.
Like, they'll glance over every once in a while.
But their eyes are focused mostly on Adrian.
OK, let me see if this works.
How far away from Osarly?
The stage is pretty big.
I'd say, like, 50 feet or so.
I mean, technically, you could go over to the other side.
But then you're standing--
Walk across the stage.

(41:25):
Well, then you're standing, like, right next to Adrian
if you go over to that.
Because he's, like, taking up that corner back there.
He's like in America's Got Talent or any of those other shows
where you've got the host dude that's, like, behind the curtain.
He always stands there right on the edge
to let people in and everything like that.
And then he's just doing commentary.
Adrian, on the other hand, is not doing any commentary.

(41:45):
He is completely stoic.
Stone faced.
Possibly literally.
Do you think he ever wishes he was a game show host?
Adrian?
Yeah, Adrian.
You ever think, like, this was his stepping stone
into becoming the next host of AFV?
Who knows?
I mean, I could tell you because I made this character.

(42:09):
But there's no reason you would know, so I'm not going to tell you.
But he doesn't give off that vibe or anything?
No, dude.
He, like-- when I say stone faced,
I mean, like, he literally looks like a statue right now.
Completely unemotioned, motionless.
And his eyes are freaky AF.
He's got one that's, like, gold and it's got, like,

(42:29):
a circle in the very center of it and then the dot in the middle.
And you can see it going--
[MAKING DISTANT SCANNING]
--like scanning the crowd.
And then the other one is, like, a different shade of yellow
and it's got this purple center to it.
And it's just glazed over.
So does the curtain go--
is the curtain behind these guys standing on the stage?

(42:50):
Yep, yep.
And then you guys are behind the curtain.
Yep.
Oh, OK.
I just looked at Des and I point over.
I think I'm going to say, well, they're over there.
Do we need them over here or should we just go to them?
Des throws up his chalkboard and chalk in the air
and starts marching towards the staff.
Nice.
OK.
The stairs behind the stage.
OK.
I'm going to use a spell slot to cast Silent Image.

(43:14):
Oh, OK.
Over where you guys are standing.
Well, are they standing?
They're standing to the side of Adrian.
Yeah, like off the stage.
I was imagining we're by the wall.
Yeah, yeah.
Right by where Adrian's on the stage.
So like right by the stairs that would lead up onto the stage
where Adrian is, they're just kind of over there.
Yeah, OK.
So I create a Silent Image next to it.
It walks in front of them then.

(43:35):
It waves them like in front of their face
and gets their attention.
You guys, do you guys see this image of Maki?
Oh, it's all of you.
Yeah, I made an image of me.
I didn't say that.
I just imagined.
Oh, that's what I was like.
I wonder who he's going to make a look like.
Who's Maki trying to get the attention of?
Adrian or us two?
No, you two.
You two.
Yeah.
Roryk waves at Maki.

(43:56):
And then Elbow's Keto, who's been fixated on Adrian
this whole time.
The Elbow's Keto, he points at Maki and then waves again.
And then Maki's image points over to where the real Maki is.
And you see the real Maki.
Waving to you guys from behind the curtain.
Roryk races his hand and waves really higher now.

(44:18):
Oh, he's beckoning them.
Oh, I think he wants to go over there.
He beckons you guys.
Keto will give him the signal.
Adrian hears this.
He tries to improve upon Desi's hand signals.
But he pretty much does the same thing.
But he points over to the stairs.

(44:41):
The opposite side.
From Adrian.
Yeah.
And does the little walking symbol.
And then Keto looks at Roryk.
He also puts-- he rogues.
He points over.
Does he say where Sauce is, too?
Like out in the middle of the crowd.
He's like in the middle of the crowd.
He points to Sauce and makes a motion to grab.

(45:02):
Grab Sauce.
This is really important.
I am going to roll Insight.
Because if I fail, Roryk is grabbing a random person
to just bring with us.
I was really hoping for like a one.
That's a 19.
I think Roryk--
I think you actually what he means.
You look over and see little Sauce with just the sake
angry, grumpy look on his face.
Ah, yes.

(45:22):
Roryk is going to them walk over to get little Sauce.
I'm guessing Keto's with them.
I did have a question.
So Roryk sees these guys with purple cloaks on.
But do people in the crowd have purple cloaks on?
No.
Crowds.
Has it any cloaks on?
Not anything that wouldn't be outside of like an everyday

(45:43):
wear cloak.
OK.
But they don't feel like they're necessarily part of this.
They just feel like attendees that are hoping that they might
be the chosen one.
Or they're just there to see the chosen one get chosen.
OK, so you guys, you grab little Sauce.
Are you going with them?
Yeah.
I'm supposed to go up there.
I'm trying to be the chosen one.

(46:04):
I was going to attack them.
I was going to figure this out.
Later.
Tomorrow.
Why not now?
Because they want us to go backstage with them.
Yo, backstage.
All right, so you guys all head over
to the other side of the stage.
And you guys get over to the other side of the stage,
the stairs.
And I need you guys to do sort of like a collective average--

(46:25):
I'm going to average your stealth role here.
Which I'm sure Roryk is going to help quite a bit.
I have a 10 and 19.
I had 12 total.
Round up, it'd be 19.
It'd be 18.6.
Yeah, no, that's OK.
That's good enough.
That's good enough.
All right, you guys all managed to slink back behind the stage.
I think there's a moment where anyone watching

(46:46):
would see the conservator.
Actually, nobody even watching would notice.
I think just the conservator himself, kind of like,
for a moment glances over to that side.
But it's just as like Keto rounds the corner.
And then the--
He sees his tail.
Does his little wiggle.
Yeah, his tail disappears behind the curtain.
And the curtain gently sets back into place.

(47:07):
So he just kind of shrugs it off like nothing happened,
because he didn't see anything.
So you guys are all now backstage.
What are you doing?
Dez is going down those stairs.
All right.
So you guys are going down those stairs?
Dez going down those stairs?
Hurry, Dez already went down the stairs.
We've got to go after him.
You guys all rushed to catch up with Dez.
You go down these stairs, these wooden stairs.

(47:29):
And it leads you down sort of back and below the stage.
So this is sort of like a basement section,
a small basement section of the warehouse itself.
And what you find down there is sort of like a big office,
almost like a planning center.
And you actually see there's a table in the center
of all of this that has a map, a 3D map of the city.

(47:49):
Oh, I'm on it.
I want it.
It's the whole-- I mean, it's like the table is part of it.
Like the table top, it was built--
Like it's a diorama.
Yeah, yeah.
And then over in-- actually, just do--
anybody want to do, I don't know, some kind of perception
check or anything else.
What are you guys looking for, I guess, would be the key question.

(48:11):
Is there anything weird about this map?
It's not like Steve Bishimi's map in "SpikeHits 2"
where you can-- things that are moving on the map.
That's not what I meant.
What I meant is like, it's one thing
if it's like an exact replica of the town,
but like, say for example, there's just the giant monster
on it or something.
Yeah, no, I get what you're saying.
There's a lot of figures or like X's and stuff.

(48:32):
Yeah, Mark's--
So the loo is coming out of the ocean.
Because it's one thing if it's just like a regular model.
But like, if there's particularly like notes or shapes
or stuff that's like not normal--
Well, this guy is just a kaiju enthusiast.
He might be.
He's got a model of his kaiju's on his.
Yeah, that's actually a really good question.
Roll me an insight check to see if you kind of like notice.

(48:55):
That's a one.
That's a one.
You fall.
I, Cameron, know what to look for.
Rory goes, oh.
You, as you're peeking onto the map,
your hand slips on the wood and you fall.
And one of the buildings that's particularly--
Oh, geez.
You've got a particularly sharp roof actually pokes you real good.

(49:17):
It deals one point of damage.
Thankfully, it was like your arm or something
and not like an eyeball.
Maki is going to take this opportunity
to study this map for future reference.
Yeah, yeah, OK.
So you get like a pretty good idea of like the sections
of the different districts of the city, anything in particular.

(49:37):
Are you just trying to kind of memorize it so that you know
where everything's at for the most part?
Or--
Yeah, just kind of trying to use my bounty hunting skills
to remember what it looks like.
Yeah.
Combined with my expert forgery skills.
Sure.
Oh, are you going to make a copy of the map or try to--
To some extent?
In a way, yeah.
OK, OK.
Dez is looking around the room.

(49:58):
Can I see any signs of a spot that
is claimed by like a clear leader of the group
and he kind of more ornate chair or a certain desk?
And do I see the bones?
Yes.
I see the bones.
You see-- well, you see a small pile of bones.
They're on a table.
And it sort of almost feels like a workbench.

(50:19):
And as you look around the room, you actually
notice there's three separate workbenches here.
This one with the bones on it has a handful.
It's got some shelves sitting up.
Kind of like you'd see in your dad's garage
with all the little peg holes.
And that way you can adjust where your shelves are at
and anything that would hang off of it.

(50:40):
But instead of tools, you see a variety
of different magical components.
Little sacks with different salts or other powders
or dried herbs or other things like that.
And then next to it, there's this little pile of bones
that are just sitting there waiting for them to be used.
Gotcha.
Sacks and bones.

(51:00):
Sacks and bones, man.
Sacks of bones.
Sacks of bones.
And I will add right next to that,
you see a stone table with a sigil on it.
And sitting atop of it is a rock that's
emitting a small beam of light.

(51:20):
Does gasps and runs for the rock.
My rock.
Yeah.
And now you have your rocky talky bag.
Sick.
Well done.
You guys did it.
You got your rocky talky bag.
Nope, that's what we came here for.
We'll leave.
All right, see you guys.
Is there anything else you guys would like to check for
while you're in here?
Also, I found a magical ritual table with some of the bones

(51:43):
and magic components hanging on the wall.
Yeah, but did you use the rocky talky
to ask where the nearest frog is?
Pretty sure you guys asked a question today.
Maki is going to reach into his front pocket
and pull out his monocle and adjust it on his own.
To magic detection mode.
Yes, he's going to click it and activate his detect magic.

(52:07):
OK.
Yes.
So Kido will blow his whistle and the Pink Panther song
starts ringing out.
This is always tricky with this because a lot of things
in this room are glowing.
The rocky talky is glowing.
Things on each one of the players in here
is probably something is glowing.
The magical workbench is definitely glowing.

(52:31):
The bones are glowing.
And some of the alchemical materials that are on there
might probably also be glowing.
I think because they have inherent magical abilities,
they too would also be magical in nature.
You also notice the other two work benches that are down here.
Both of which are actually very similar.
They're right next to each other.
In fact, they take up basically one whole wall

(52:53):
and they have a variety of what look like cogs and gears
and things like that.
And there's two or there's one particular thing
that sits on that table that is glowing with a magical energy.
I move over to the table to investigate what's on it.

(53:13):
Absolutely.
There is again, lots of like cogs, little metal components,
things along those lines.
But the thing that in particular is glowing
is this little tiny--
it's got a bulbous lower end, almost like you cut a ball
in half.
So you have this half cylinder or half sphere.
And then you have a cylinder that comes out of it.

(53:35):
And then the top has two protrusions on either side,
little tiny cylinder protrusions.
And then there's almost what looks like a little tiny
pot lid on the very top of it.
Is it like a cylinder cool?
Yeah, for the most part.
The shaft coming out of it or whatever.
Can I deter-- I don't know.

(53:55):
Does my monocle-- is it the detect magic spell?
Or--
I thought I'd just show the auras of magic items.
It does say, while using this lens,
you are under the effects of detect magic spell.
So yeah, so it would show you the type of magic
that it uses, which would be transmutation magic.

(54:17):
So you now have some strange thing,
item of some kind that seems to be emanating transmutation
magic has been used on it in some way, shape, or form.
It's like this big.
And for those that are listening at home,
like, I don't know, like maybe a foot tall and like three
or four inches wide, I don't know, with the diameter
and all that kind of stuff.

(54:38):
But I cast Mage Hand and I pick it up.
OK, nothing happens to it.
It doesn't seem to like react in any kind of way.
You just-- you pick it up.
There's maybe like a little bit of a clink
as you feel like it's loose but connected.
Like there's something inside that connects the whole thing,
but it doesn't like--
it's not tight to itself.
That thing there looks like a lid.
Can I open it?

(54:59):
Yes, with the Mage Hand.
So you use the Mage Hand to sort of grab the top of it.
And as you do, it pops open.
And there's like a little head, a little robotic, almost
mechanical head that pops out.
It's got these big eyes.
And they kind of go out like cartoon-esque.

(55:19):
But it's almost like little tiny spy glasses
when they extend out.
And then they re-center.
And you can see them spinning and adjusting
as they look around the room, adjusting their depth of field
to make out whatever's closest to them in a better clarity.
And it sees you.
And as it does, you see two little wiry things come out
of the two little protrusions on either side.

(55:42):
And it's just these little wire arms.
And it kind of like waves at you.
And then it looks down and sees that it's floating in the air.
And it's like, whoo!
Rock straw drops again.
It's just a dish robot from the movie "Robots."
And it's kind of what I'm imagining this to be.
Actually, I'm glad I got there.
But yes, it is kind of similar to that, yes.

(56:06):
Oh, hey, little fella.
Hello!
Are you guys seeing this?
This thing's talking to me.
Yeah, you guys see it.
It's floating robot of greatness.
I floated over to Rourke and see if he wants to grab it.
I grabbed the rug.
It reaches out its hand as if to shake.
Rourke does like a little dance in his place.
And he runs over and it goes to shake its hand.

(56:28):
And he grabs it with both his hands
and then holds it up in his air and goes, frog!
Dez takes his writing utensil and writes on, said robot,
F, period R, period O, period G.
And yeah, and you have until next session
to figure out what that means.

(56:49):
I just said.
Well, what it represents.
I just said.
What?
Floating robot of greatness.
Nice!
He's so good.
I didn't pick up on that.
That's pretty great.
OK, yeah.
When you write on it with the chug it, like,
[HOOTING]
like the Pillsbury Doe Boy.
It's giggling?
Yeah, it's kind of--
Oh, this is great.
All right, repeat after me.

(57:09):
I, wow, you, Raric.
What I do.
Oh, this is great.
[LAUGHTER]
All right, I think we can leave.
This is a huge six.
I see this as an absolute and then we--
And maybe you'll remember this pet better
than the other pets you guys collected

(57:31):
and have disappeared from evidence.
I was re-listening the past episode
and he had a pet bird that he would just point to.
And you had a frog.
I had a little frog named Glob.
Yep.
And they're gone now.
They're just--
[INAUDIBLE]
Oh, wow.
He's a free bird.
He's a free bird.
That's right.
He's a free frog.
There you go.
But now you have a new frog.
And this frog--
And it's a robot.

(57:51):
He can say more than Glob.
Don't leave this one in your pocket when you do laundry.
[LAUGHTER]
I made that mistake one time.
As you guys are having a good time with this,
you hear a final couple of words coming from upstairs.
It's been kind of like semi-muffled the entire time.
But you hear--
Thank you all, people.

(58:12):
Perhaps you'll find a chosen one next time.
And you hear a lot of cheering and cheering,
which is kind of disturbing to think about that people were
like disintegrated up on stage.
And everybody's like, all right, well, next time maybe
we'll get them.
And you actually see amidst this room,
there is a door with a glowing--

(58:33):
four glowing letters on it in red.
E-X-I-T.
Interesting.
I don't know what the frog door means.
And then in parentheses it says above it, it says emergency.
OK, emergency frog, guys.
I think we should wait and confront these guys
and kill them if we need to.
Why did they need bounds?

(58:54):
I think we should get some answers.
Well, surprise attack.
We'll hide and then come in.
We'll just jump in.
Is there cover in this room?
Not a lot.
I mean, you could get under the table.
Yeah, I mean, you could--
Yeah, I guess you could.
Do you think this warehouse is stone or is it wood?
Is it like a big barn?
Going to knock on the wall.
It's metal.
It's metal.

(59:15):
Yeah.
Which actually a lot of things in the Condale District
are actually metal.
So do we stay and jump these mofos or--
Yes.
OK, why do you really want to do that?
They wouldn't let me be the chosen one.
Oh, understandable.
Understandable.
I had a plan.
I had an agreement.
I was planning, I mean, would I be the chosen one now?

(59:36):
But I was going to hit them with this, hit them with that,
and then I was going to take them all.
You were just going to attack them in front of the crowd.
Give them one of those footshots.
And then a little bit of--
And then, you know.
Here's what I'm going to say.
Dave, Maki, as you are copying the map down
on a piece of paper, let's say, you
notice what seems to be like a little flag that's

(59:59):
coming out of a space in the medium-billed district.
And you notice that there's writing on this flag.
I look closer to see what the writing says
if I can make it out.
It says unknown euphoria distributor.
And Little Sauce, you look at the map--

(01:00:20):
I don't know if Maki points this out to anybody else.
But if Little Sauce, if you looked at the map,
you would notice that it is pinning the exact spot where
the rock bottoms club is at, which you also
have that note that said to meet with somebody
at the rock bottoms club.
That radicalist was getting his euphoria supply.
And just as you're finishing, kind of like putting this

(01:00:42):
all together, you hear footsteps,
three sets of footsteps coming down the stairs
to this basement section.
And then a fourth, very heavy set.
I think we're able we should leave.
Kido's at the door already.
I grab a bag of bones off the table.
Oh, he's got the magic bone.
So is this map like an exact replica of just the West?

(01:01:05):
No, no, no, it's the whole city.
I'm fine with leaving, but I ain't happy about it.
Is it really spot on?
Yeah.
Can I grab Little Sauce's treehouse?
Yeah, yeah, you find it on the map,
and you rip it right off.
This is awesome.
Look, Glenn, I ran over to Little Sauce
and go, look, Little Sauce, it's your house.
Now they can't track us.
And I threw it into my bag of holding.

(01:01:26):
As you show it to Little Sauce, Little Sauce,
you notice one thing that catches your eye just
before he throws it into his bag.
And that is a big red question mark
has been marked on your house.
And then it gets thrown into his bag,
and you guys quickly shuffle out the door
as the footsteps start to reach the bottom of the stairs.

(01:01:48):
And with that, we will close out tonight's session.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Thank you so much for listening to "Criminals of Island
Numus," a Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition actual play
podcast set in a homebrew world created by me, Skyler Gorsett.

(01:02:11):
If you've been enjoying our show so far,
be sure to like, follow, and subscribe wherever it is
that you're streaming from, whether that be Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or anywhere else
that podcasts can be streamed.
Or just check us out on our website, sessionzeroheroes.com.
Additionally, if you enjoy coin, you
might enjoy some of Session Zero Hero's other shows,
such as our "Benders and Brues" and "Avatar Legends"

(01:02:31):
actual play, where we jump into the world of "Avatar
the Last Airbender" and "Legend of Korra"
using the Avatar Legends system created by Magpie Games.
Or one of our various one shots, which we are currently
coming out with, where we use a variety of games and TTRBG
systems to tell a variety of fun, exciting, emotional,
and hilarious stories within our group.
We have all sorts of other content

(01:02:52):
that we highly recommend checking out within the SZH channel.
And more to come in the future.
To find out more about what we do at Session Zero Heroes
and to keep up with a lot of the other content we produce,
be made aware of future projects, shows, and content.
Be sure to follow us on social media, on Facebook, X,
Instagram, and Discord.
These are all great ways to get in contact with our team,

(01:03:15):
as well as to keep up to date with everything
that we're creating and working on.
We'd love to see you there.
In the meantime, thank you so much for listening.
And don't forget to stay curious,
stay heroic until we roll again.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(upbeat music)

All Episodes

Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 31 - The Cult of Ascension

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

Crime Junkie

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 31 - The Cult of Ascension