Episode 109 - American Cousins (2003) - The Culture Swally

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:29):
Very well, I'm quite fond of a pokie hat, now and again.
I like how we flake in your ice cream, I do, yeah.
Do you know something like a cone?
I mean I don't know, I don't know like sort of modern generations relationship with the cone,
but because it's not something that you would just routinely have,
do you know what I mean?
You're unlikely to have like a soft scoop ice cream dispenser than your kitchen.

(00:53):
Yeah, because a soft scoop ice cream has got about like 3000 calories a pint, right?
So it's not something that you're going to have routinely.
So to have like a wee cone, then again like if you're at the seaside or something,
I always really enjoy it.
And I like it when the ice cream is going away, way down into the very, very tip of the cone.
So like, you've got delicious ice cream all the way until you're finished,

(01:15):
I always felt like, are you bit sort of rinsed if I finished the ice cream and it was just left for
the kind of empty cone.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's a highlight of going to the beach especially when you were in Aberdeen,
did you get on the sternwippy?
And it was, oh, it was lovely, yeah, oh delicious.
But yeah, it's not the type of thing you would have every day or normally.
No, and of course, there's this sort of element of danger as well when you have a cone

(01:39):
that Aberdeen beach in the summer,
'cause you're probably going to get pursued by a cloud of wasps,
so you got like trying to get indoors to eat it or just, you've got to navigate the wasps and the seagulls.
Yeah, of course, yeah, after you're trying to get your cone.
But yeah, they're good.
Excel gullies.
Excel gullies.

(01:59):
How's everything else?
All good?
Oh, good.
Yeah, but all good.
I know we've got an old galley, our story coming up,
but we're just having a little bit of other about how we feel about Oasis.
And I did see, I saw an interview with Liam,
because obviously the big news of the last sort of a couple of weeks is Oasis are reforming
and their tickets have gone in sale and there's this dynamic pricing, which,

(02:22):
if I've understood it correctly, the fewer tickets that become available, the higher the prices,
she seems a bit cynical.
Seems quite cynical.
But I saw Liam Gallagher being interviewed.
I think it's an older interview, but he was talking about how the very first festival he ever went to
was in Glasgow.
Yes, yeah.
I saw that, yeah.
Maybe in Glasgow, green or something, they was just saying how he was sort of insinuated,

(02:47):
how he was just completely off his box the whole time, just wondering through the slant,
the dance, the cloud of smoke and cigarette smoke and smoke,
machine generated smoke and how the time he had.
Yeah, I'm sure it sounded like he had a wonderful time.
Yeah, that festival, very fond memories of it, so that's very good.

(03:07):
And it's nice that he's repaying his experience by playing in Edinburgh,
rather than Glasgow.
I know, where he was discovered arguably.
Well, not even arguably, the kids career would not have turned out the way it turned out
if he hadn't been discovered in Glasgow.
I mean, I must say, when it'd been famous, but it wouldn't have followed the same path,
right?
Might have taken a bit longer.
So he has such a kinship for Glasgow, but yeah, why are they playing in Edinburgh?

(03:30):
Murrayfield, I guess, did a hamdener be bigger capacity?
Instead of hamden, I would have thought hamden would have been a better venue to play in
Murrayfield, but nevermind.
I don't know.
I've never been a gig at Murrayfield, actually.
In fact, I don't think I've ever been in Murrayfield.
I've passed a stadium many times, but I've never been to it.
I've never been to a gig in Murrayfield either, and I've never been to a game either.

(03:52):
I just don't know, they come not, you know.
I don't want to cast aspersions on a certain type of person, but I can see the crowd
at Murrayfield when Scotland playing, I always think, thank God I'm not there.
These just aren't my people.
I mean, good luck to them, but I just don't belong there.
Have you ever been to a gig at Hamden?
I've not been to a gig.
I mean, I've been to a gig at Hamden, but never.

(04:13):
I've never been to a gig in that.
No, I've never been to a gig in Hamden.
No, no.
Have you?
Yeah, I'd stayed at your flat.
My girlfriend at the time went to see you two at Hamden.
Oh, that's right.
So you did, yeah.
That's right.
Yeah.
So yeah, I'd say only a gig I've been to at Hamden, but now a few games, but a couple of
Scotland games and maybe about five Aberdeen games at Hamden, but yeah, only one gig,

(04:39):
but yeah, you two.
That was great.
Yeah.
I mean, it's quite a famous clip I think or it's kind of a well-known thing, but I was actually
there for that when like towards three quarters of the way through the set, Bono goes quiet
and he starts clicking his fingers.
Yeah.
And every time I click my fingers, a child in Africa dies.

(05:01):
And this Ouija near the front just shouts at top of his voice, stop clicking your fucking
fingers then.
So it's not an urban myth.
I was genuinely there for that.
So I just, just a ripple of laughter.
I went up to Bono looking pissed off and started singing beautiful there or something.

(05:26):
But yeah, you know, I think the Bono should have fucking won better.
You know what I mean, I mean, the thing that Glasgow a lot, it, my cousin Derek is a, well,
I don't know about now, but certainly even more teenagers, just massive, massive YouTube
fan.
And I remember particularly shooting the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, when they were
touring like, act on baby, I think was the album, they were, they were, they were sort of

(05:48):
the, they kept the, they were sort of touring, maybe.
No, it was an zoo TV.
Oh, yeah, it was an, was that a, was that a, was that actually an album?
Yeah, it was.
It was, um, that's a great album.
Uh, disco takes the first track on that album.
That's a fucking great, right?
Right.
I'm not like a big, yeah, too fun.
Evidently.
I'm not, I'm not a big fan, but yeah, he was fucking YouTube after.
I know they, they, they, they did a few nights at parkhead and maybe like the early 90s and

(06:12):
my cousin managed to go twice.
Um, I think potentially on consecutive nights, um, he went to, he went to the show.
So yeah, I think that was the tour they came out of the big lemon, don't know.
Yeah.
It was like a big lemon.
They came out of it.
They wrote something I think about, whatever I think about you too, right?
When I was about, uh, Dick Tenor, I live in a, my dad, uh, moved into a house in

(06:32):
barhead with my stepma and the people that I lived there before, evidently somebody in the
house was a huge YouTube fan because the spare bedroom, it wasn't like a post, it was a sort
of like a poster that you paint on the wall when it was almost like the full wall and it
was like, it was the album cover of the Joshua tree because it was a spare bedroom.
Whenever I was there, like my dad hadn't got around the painting over it.

(06:54):
And whenever I was staying there, like the way I was always obviously in the spare bedroom.
So like the beds, so I headed there just faced.
I'd always just thought, hey, you be like, line in, I'd wake up in the morning and just
like a line bedstaring at this fucking massive painting of Joshua tree.
And then we went up into the loft and they had left a pool table behind that we could not

(07:14):
believe our luck.
They left a pool table behind.
I guess they had built it in the loft and then just couldn't be asked to take it apart
again and get it back down.
And there was more like YouTube posters all just sort of painted on the, what do you call
it?
So the eaves with the comes down like that on an angle.
Yeah, huge YouTube fans, whoever lived there before, but my dad just fucking painted over

(07:35):
them.
My dad didn't like you too.
He also took a bit of a sectarian sort of attitude towards them as well, which was unfortunate.
I think we'll leave it there.
Right.
Shall we have a look at what's been happening in Scotland over the last couple of weeks
correct?

(07:55):
Let's do it.
Hello, this is the out there heavily broadcasting code variation and here is what's been going
on in the new.
It's okay.
We don't get many downloads in Ireland.
Okay Greg, what have you seen in the news over the last couple of weeks that has caught

(08:18):
your eye?
Well, this one I think has to be one of the best swally stories that I've seen for a long
time.
So they one that I've discovered myself anyway.
We had them, we know we've got the stories on the podcast before that have demonstrated
that no matter what they're in prison for.

(08:38):
Scottish lags often have a good sense of humor like the whole Nicholas Rossi thing and
then a red one as well about a guy who some like happy guy in a Vanessa apparently was
a rapist and he tried to fake his own death in America and he got he got, he got, he got
extra, extra dated.
Thank you back to Scotland because he was a sort of happy guy and the guy, the guy he's on

(09:00):
these floor are all like doing like wolf calls all night because he look because he's just
like a big a bit of a swampy, you know.
I mean, this one's absolutely brilliant.
So this is from the, this is from the Scottish sun on the 4th of September and the head, this
the headline is jail heist crafty cons Nick prison TV to play Xbox and replace it with

(09:20):
cardboard.
One.
So crafty cons of Nick to widescreen TV from a prison exercise area and replaced it
with a bit of cardboard.
The stunt, the stunt allowed in mates at Lomas prison just near Bishop Riggs to play Xbox
games on the 42 inch screen for a fortnight before the guards rumbled the rules.

(09:43):
A second missing telly was also later discovered at the Nick in Bishop Riggs near Glasgow.
A source told the Scottish sun.
The 42 inch TV is usually well mounted and is in the car to go exercise zone but some
Collins managed to remove the brackets, grab the telly and slaughtered a piece of cardboard
better be painted black in his place.

(10:05):
They then transferred the big TV to a cell where they were able to spend a couple of weeks
playing the Xbox and the end they were rumbled when guards noticed about five prisoners
all huddled round the same screen.
I don't think anybody thought they would get away with it for so long.
After the TV was found staffed in extra checks and me laced another bigger TV and I was

(10:26):
still being taken from a different communal area.
This vanishing trick was eventually busted by guards on August 15th.
Most prisoners have smaller TVs in their cells but a widescreen is about double the size
of the normal TVs they have.
A Scottish prison service was confirmed.
Two TVs were reported missing at his majesty's prison Lomas and subsequently traced and

(10:49):
recovered by staff.
That's a story.
But yeah, honestly, it really fucking made me chuckle.
How did it take them so long to discover that one of them had them in his cell?
Like it must have taken up the whole wall.
I'm instantly thinking of the sign filled episode where there's a cramer, there's a Kenny

(11:11):
Rogers chicken shop opens across this apartment and like the neon light shines in his
building and it shines through his people even.
There must have been this massive light coming from this one cell of prisoners playing
fucking, I don't know, BioShock or the first Xbox game they're playing.

(11:33):
I love it.
I love it though.
Probably Grand Theft or something like that.
I just like the sort of an engine duty within the mini laugh.
How did it take that off the wall and smuggled it back to their cells without being spotted?
It's not like you can conceal it like a fucking shiv or something like it's a fucking massive

(11:55):
TV.
How the hell did they manage to get away with that?
It's got a big fat prisoner when it stuck up his jump.
It's like kind of landscape, you know, to make his shoulders look red, bro.
Yeah, just maybe laugh, I've either been to replace it with a bit of cardboard.
I'm like, it's like, we need to put something in its place because the notice something's

(12:19):
missing if we don't just a fucking bit of a cardboard box.
It's like, it stuck in the bracket.
Oh, go ahead.
They'll just think it's a hello fresh channel or something.
I mean, I presume they don't get a hello fresh deliveries in prison.
You never know.
They've got Xboxes and stuff, so maybe.
Yeah, that's incredible.
What a fucking great story.

(12:39):
It was so funny.
It's just, it'd been me think, you know, like the Shoshan Credension, it's like years of
10th thing me, but these little, eh, geology hammers that rock hammer just like carefully
knocking out the wall behind the poster and dropping it in the yard and stuff.
These guys are like, fuck this, fuck lives, pap, I can't put them in there.

(13:00):
Can I turn the up to sell?
Footing my kai on, if I know what it is.
Yeah, yeah.
Fuck it.
It'll be a laugh.
Oh, fucking hell, honestly, it'll be a laugh.
Anyway, that's my first story this week, which you're, which your first story in this week's
episode.
Well, you've alluded to who my story is about earlier, Greg.
You kind of spoiled it.

(13:21):
No, sorry.
For listeners, we don't, we don't know each other's new stories ahead of time, but we give
each other kind of a little hint just to make sure we don't cover the same new stories.
So my story is indeed about no Gallagher, right?
That was very fitting in terms of Oasis come back.
So this is from the Scottish Sun this week.
Tenants Lager is supplying a dedicated tap for no Gallagher at Oasis Scottish gigs after

(13:45):
he hailed the brew the best in the world.
Wow.
No proclaimed his love for the Scots Lager when he spent the weekend celebrating Burns Night
in Bamshire in 2015 and was rewarded with a terrific offer from the makers.
Hazel Alexander, CEO of Brown Manager at Tenants, said, "When the man who called Tenants,
the best beer in the world returns to the stage in Scotland.

(14:09):
It's only right he is the finest pint waiting."
So in tribute to his legendary status, of course, we'll ensure he's looked after with a dedicated
backstage tap for his gigs at Murryfield.
Here's to making every rock and roll star moment in Edinburgh even more iconic.
Oh, Hazel.
The indie rocker lived up to his then-boosey reputation when he celebrated Burns Night

(14:32):
and the 40th birthday of former Supermodel Rose Ferguson.
He was pictured alongside Supermodel Kate Moss, Radio 1's Nick Grimshaw and actress
Sadie Frost about that be a fucking great night.
And other rock and rollers as he posed outside the Craig and Lache hotel holding a half-drunk
pint of Tenants aloft.
He declared to all in sundry, "I just stuck to the Tenants Lager.

(14:56):
It's the best beer in the world."
I'd like a lifetime supply.
That was a terrible man, Caxen, I'm sorry.
While other guests at the big bash sampled Whiskey, the high-flying bird star seemed to
like the Scottish Lager so much, he even organized his own carry out, taking home a pint when
his chauffeur to car picked him up at the end of the night.
Comparing himself to Rolling Stones legend Mick Jagger, who was still live-inning up the

(15:20):
stage at 81, no, 57, recently told Matt Morgan on his podcast, just because Jagger is
mints about at 103, doesn't mean everyone can.
The Manchester Musician continued, "Well, I mean, they've got to be pushing what, 70
now?
I mean, the way I feel fucking now, I'll be fucking lucky if I make it to 60."

(15:43):
He is new-worldly mentioned as Weightgain and Point Disfinger is drinking habits.
He said, "I could do with getting off the booze.
Let's put it that."
But earlier this year, the star said he swapped booze for peppermint tea on New Year's
Day, but the health-conscious, live-for-ever songwriter will not be no-ale-galaguer permanently.
No-al-who-co-ro-hits, including cigarettes, alcohol, wonderwall, dutly back an anger, said,

(16:08):
"I've been drinking every day for four years, half a bottle of red-binded night."
And then it just goes on about no-galagers, basically.
He did say last year that dry January is for middle-aged women.
He said that stopping drinking fucked up his sleep, and he said, and speaking of another
matmorgan podcast, he said, "I'm all or nothing, and I can do it."

(16:32):
I quit drugs like that.
I just got up one day and said, "After tonight, that's it.
So, Bryty, I'm all for it.
I know it's not going to last forever, so yeah, I'm liking it.
I'm embracing it.
I'm not going to be the new way of life as I do like a drink, but now that I've got back
into the way that it was before lockdown, I think I'll stop drinking at home."
So no-galager is going to have a dedicated tenants tap because he has claimed that tenants

(16:56):
is the best lager in the world.
And I think we are probably in agreement on that, are we?
No, I'm not on the other way in agreement, but we have also said in this podcast that we
think tenants is the baby not in so many words, but we've definitely indicated that our
opinion is it's the best lager in the world.
I mean, we were in Scotland in July, there wasn't a fucking free-tentance everywhere

(17:16):
that we went.
No, there wasn't, no, definitely wasn't.
I see there, do you know, deal this month for the next two weeks, it's two pounds for a
pint of tenants in every bell haven't been in Scotland.
I saw that, yeah.
And I'm like, fucking hell, I'd get cirrhosis of the liver if I was back.
Wonder why that didn't have, just be.
I don't know, but, fair play, I don't know how to get in Rando, like minimum, I guess

(17:39):
the minimum pricing of alcohol is only supermarkets and stuff, yeah, retail, but yeah,
I don't know what to do in that, but maybe it's to get people back to drink tenants, but
I, I don't really think it's a novelty in terms of when I'm home, I will drink tenants because
I can, because I can't get it here, but I genuinely just love it.

(18:01):
It's just such a lovely lager.
It's just so nice and I remember going through a period, as you know, when I was younger in
my early 20s, I always drank Stella.
Yeah, well, we all did.
Famously.
Yeah, it was fresh.
For some reason, one night, I think I was not pubbing, they didn't sell Stella, so I drank
tenants.
I had about six pint of it, I woke up the next morning and had zero hang of it, and I was like,

(18:22):
wait a minute, there's got to be some sort of correlation there.
Yeah.
So after that, I switched to tenants and, yeah, I actually love a pint of tenants right now.
Yeah.
So good.
I was annoyed by myself because when we were all together in 222 for Steve Kugin, the only
pint of tenants I had was when you and I were in Aberdeen Airport in the morning, under

(18:44):
way home.
You know what I mean?
Why have I not been to ten more pint of tenants?
Well, I've been in Aberdeen this week.
So they could say to myself when I was sort of anticipating or tripping July, I'm definitely
going to have a few pint of tenants and I definitely did, especially in the last day,
you know, a right scoop.

(19:05):
I don't find tenants out of a can these days to be a little bit, just not as nice, it's
not as nice as it used to be, but for me, well, I just don't like it as much, but I do still
very much love a pint out of the tap, off a tap.
Do you find a cans, aren't as nice because you can't look at the lager-lovely's anymore?
That may, maybe that's why.

(19:26):
I mean, I don't, I remember my first, the first time I bought a carry out of tenants and
I was 18 and I wasn't long 18 and I bought it from the, or local shop in a little village
and obviously I wouldn't, I've got served there before, so everybody fucking knew me and knew
how old I was.
And it was still the sort of classic light bluish can with the, the big frothy pint on it,

(19:48):
you know?
I think, I know it well.
I don't think there was a lager-lovely on them, but pretty soon after that, they, they
changed over to the now, I guess it's become classic and it's own right, the yellow and
red design.
Yeah, because I was always, I do remember the lager-lovely's purely because, the fainted, the fainted
them in a fucking swing parking, if they were you went.

(20:12):
Yeah.
Well, when I was, when I was younger, I used to spend a lot of summers at my grandmother's
house and, because my mum was a single parent, so she'd be off working, so I'd, I'd go
rent my grandmother's and two of my uncles lived with my grandmother.
They were both, well one was never married.
But their one was divorced and, it won't be like this, they were both alcoholics and they

(20:37):
probably picked it up from and they would, pretty much every day, they would, one of the
bob would go to the shop and he would get six cans of the McEwan's export for him and six
cans of tenants for my other uncle, George.
And they would just sit and drink those six cans like through the day and watch the horse
racing, just enjoy themselves, both unemployed, both claiming the brew, it was fine.

(21:03):
And yeah, I remember that was my first exposure to the lager-lovely's because, uh, Uncle
George, you drink tenants every day, then to, we'd always see the lager-lovely's.
And yeah, I remember that blue can as well, very specifically when it changed, um, iconic
can that.
But yeah, I genuinely do think tenants is the best lager in the world.
I love it.

(21:24):
I mean, I'll take a can if I can pull it inside glass and get, get some aid about it.
Yeah.
For sure.
I mean, in fact, the, um, they could have big boot, they could have big beer shop and not
too far from me, does occasionally have tenants.
And all of them, all of his tenants' talk is made me want to go in, in, in bison.
But I've always, I've got to get a bit of respect for no galager because he, he's about ten

(21:44):
or eleven years older than I am.
And, you know, like I'm at an age now where, you know, I do think quite carefully about
how much I'm, I'm going to drink and, you know, I don't like to rip the arse out of it
although that's, that's the kind of drinker bought then a half of white wine and I feel absolutely
atrocious the next day.
Like, one of the worst hangovers I've had in years.

(22:06):
Um, but generally speaking, I'm pretty, trying to look after the old, uh, the old, uh, physical
and mental health, uh, by not getting pushed every fucking weekend.
But the fact that he just very much, you know, they, for a guy's early age, it's, you know,
it's becoming a little bit more of a taboo to be a fucking someone who likes to cane it, you
know, um, when he's just like, well, look at my foot.

(22:29):
For a playtime, yeah.
Yeah, thank you.
Take my heart off to him.
And I love how he just, I love how he roasts all these guys like jagger and stuff because
he's obviously, he's always been very, very candid about who, who, who his sort of musical
heroes are and it's guys like Paul McCartney and Townsend and Paul Weiler and Mick Jagger
and blah, blah, blah.
And he'll still just like roast them, I guess all.

(22:51):
There was some photographs on Instagram.
Do you remember the War Child album, the charity album that they did for War Child?
And he did it.
So there was, there was photographs of that recording session and he did, um, a version of
come together with the smoking module filters who were like Johnny Depp, Paul Weiler, him,
maybe someone else.

(23:12):
So, uh, sorry, Paul McCartney, but he was there too.
So there's pictures of him with Paul McCartney and he's just not smelling.
They, they can't be quite relaxed, you know?
Well, they, you know, likes being with all these young people, making, making music and all
that, I could do it, Paul McCartney, but, um, they, they, those just like, fucking, there's
like one picture of him smithing.

(23:32):
I was like, I can see why he don't fucking smell you.
He looks like he's having like a stroke.
That's why he doesn't.
I would say, I do like, no, I used to listen to the, um, it was a podcast.
I mean, it was a radio show when I was, it was a radio, um, on a Saturday night, it was
the Russell Brand.
Oh, yeah, it's the show.

(23:53):
Russell Brand, the Matt Morgan and Lowe was on the picture, wasn't it?
Yeah, and Lowe.
Yeah, he used to phone in every week and I used to download that podcast every Sunday and
listen to it and just be in hysterics and know because he was, he's a funny fucker.
Yes, funny, yeah.
He's really funny.
He's just, he's really dry.
Yeah.
And I do like him.
I'm not, I'm not a master fan of Liam, to be honest, but I do, I do like, no, I've got

(24:14):
a lot respect for him.
I'm warm to Liam more as he's got a bit older, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
He's, he's sort of, he's a bit more like a boy.
I saw some clips of him on Jonathan Ross on his chat show and he's, you know, he's quite
self, he's sort of developed a bit of a self depreciating humor and stuff like that,
you know, and I guess it just sort of comes with age.
I think it was the funniest story that I saw Liam ever tell was when he realized that Jamie

(24:39):
Oliver living next door and they were all walking back from the pub one night throwing
walks that he's windowed demanding that he made them bacon mopes.
Because I'm not, I'm not a fan of Jamie Oliver.
I do find that I'm using though that Gary Glitter gets more money off of the sale of every
copy of what's the story more than Liam does.

(25:01):
Yeah.
Or because of the little, it's good to be back better at the end of the, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's yeah, yeah, a little fun fact there for you.
Whatever mine.
Oh, there we go.
Tenants Lager is officially the best beer in the world according to no Gallagher and no,
I'd say we agree.
Tenants, if you're looking to sponsor us then you can get in touch, culturesmalley@gmail.com.

(25:24):
What else have you seen this week, Greg?
I will just take free Lager as well, you'll be honest.
Yeah.
Just take free Lager.
Yeah, exactly.
So another sort of Swally centric where they're like a wee chat about our favourite food
and drink from Scotland, stay last week or rather the last episode we had the,
the, the big news that Murray Cup has been relaunched in Aberdeen in the north east of Scotland.

(25:46):
So this story comes from the daily record again on its 28th of August and the headline
meets Scotland's most dunkable biscuit crowned in care home taste challenge.
It's part of a competitive challenge taking basic care homes all over Scotland.
The country's most dunkable biscuit to eat with a cup of tea has been crowned.

(26:07):
So following the, follow it, can't fucking be a guy, believe this.
So following the excitement of the 2020-24 Olympics and as the Paralympics are about to
commence, I mean more than 100 residents at Renaissance Care homes all over Scotland have
been taken part in the dunkability challenge.
I mean, if they had a dunkability challenge on the Olympics, I'd be more inclined to watch

(26:29):
it to be quite honest.
Launched by supermarket giants, all day, Scots have been investigating which biscuits can
withstand the most dunks and a cup of tea before breaking.
According, well, what would you, if you had to just, kind of, shootin' from the hip?
What do you think, which biscuit do you think won the dunkability challenge?

(26:52):
I'm gonna go with a ginger nut.
I would have, before I read this, I would have agreed with you, right?
But according to the results of the challenge, the Bellman Caramel Wafor Biscuit, which will
be out these versions of the Tonics Caramel Wafor, I don't imagine.
Okay.
So, there's the undisputed dunkability champion.
Bedbhound in second place was Aldi's digestive biscuits, and then coming in last was Aldi's

(27:16):
specially selected all-butter shortbread fingers.
Maybe not selected, especially enough.
More than 100 residents across the country were asked to determine which of the three classic
biscuits could withstand the most tea dunks before breaking.
Before breaking, rather, the lighthearted competition turned an ordinary tea break into
an accessible sport and event, fuck off.

(27:38):
(laughs)
An accessible sporting event.
Sparking friendly rivalry amongst residents as they came together to see who's biscuit could
outlast the rest.
Bunti Smith.
Bunti!
Bunti!
Bunti!
I knew it was coming.
Bunti.
Bunti, Bunti, Bunti, Bunti.
How does your big minch grow?

(28:01):
Bunti Smith is 92.
Masha's funny Bunti.
Masha and it's out of control.
Resident, Jasmine Kierhol commented, "I always have a biscuit with my cup of tea, but I
never imagined I'd be competing in a dunkability challenge.
We had such a laugh taken part, and I could they believe it when the Karam away for was still
hoden up after two minutes?

(28:23):
It's definitely my new favourite."
Well-being lead at Renaissance Kier, Jade McGowan added, "The dunkability challenge
was a big hit with her residence.
The simple act of dunking biscuits with a competitive twist brought some lighthearted
fun into her daily routine, and events like these that remind us of the importance of
community and meaningful connections within our homes and the simple joys of life.

(28:46):
A big thank you to Aldi Scotland for all of their support, while the specially selected
all-butter shortbread fingers and the bellman digested biscuits put up a good fight.
The bellman Karam away for is really took the biscuit."
There you go.
So, wish if you liked a dunkability challenge?
I do like a cup of tea.
Yes, I would say I do quite like, but it would have to be like a hobnob or a ginger nut.

(29:13):
Yeah.
I'm not a big fan of dunking chocolate biscuits into my tea though.
So I prefer a mode of a savory biscuit, well, that's still sweet, but you know what I mean?
Something not chocolate, so I would never dunk like a Karam away for.
Yeah, they could add a bit of something.
Yeah, I need to be like a digestive, not really a big fan of a rich tea, but like, I'd say

(29:36):
a hobnob or a ginger nut, yeah.
I'll happily dunk that in my tea.
What about yourself?
Rich teas are just a fucking waste of time, that's why I'm doing bison.
Yeah.
I see, now I don't, I'm not a dunker because I don't like crumbs in my tea or coffee.
Okay.
And it goes back, and I remember really, really well, and so little boy, I used to always
get given apple juice with my breakfast.

(30:00):
I remember one day sitting, eating my breakfast like bowl of cereal, sugar puffs or something
or shreddies or something, and drinking away at my apple juice and then looking into my
apple juice and realizing that some crumbs out of my mouth, because that was a wee boy, and
somehow made their way into my apple juice, and it just, ever since then it's just fucking
put me right off.
So I'm not a dunker, either.

(30:21):
I am.
The trauma, you're not a dunker, no.
It's a childhood trauma.
We won't be dunking with bunty anytime soon then.
Wow.
I mean, no, I won't.
This is lovely though.
I mean, obviously this is just a massive campaign orchestrated by Aldi.
However, it's lovely that they're giving people in community homes or care home retirement

(30:45):
centers, something to do, and taking part in a challenge and bunty, obviously, at the time
of our life.
So it's, it's brilliant.
I'm really glad to hear this story.
Yeah, really nice.
Yeah, it's a nice story.
I mean, my relationship with care homes, again, coming back to childhood trauma, like my
great granny was in the care home outside Sterling, and she was like in our 90s when I was

(31:08):
wee boy, I met her and she was always, because I said part of getting old is like some people
go a bit to do the alley, unfortunately, right?
And I'd always just to make me a bit uncomfortable to do the alley, and patients.
And then is recently as maybe, when did my granny die?
Maybe about 13 years ago, my granny was in a care home in Comburnald, and me and my wife

(31:29):
and my daughters went to see her.
And then this old lady wiped her nose and my face, so she did.
She was, she was, you know, she was struggling with dementia and she was kind of zipping
around.
And my granny was like, oh, here she fucking comes again.
And I was like, who?
And you know, because I guess I was the kind of youngest man in there at the time, she kept,

(31:52):
you know, she was kind of kept trying to hold my hand, and then I got up to sort of sort of
knee out, my youngest daughter, she was the baby at the time, and she's like giving me,
she was kind of kissing me.
And then she just went, I know she was like, you're snorting, always wiped in my face,
it was horrific.
So it was, I kind of boked, I had to go and wash my face, like handsoped, because that was
all those available.

(32:13):
Oh, trauma, anyway.
I'm just trying to make a connection, right?
That's all.
Snorty connection with my cupid.
No, it's a nice thing that Aldi have done, and I don't think, I don't think they're just
trying to sell biscuits, I think they're trying to give something back to the community,
so well done, Aldi.
Yeah, they're trying to sell biscuits, of course they are.
Aldi, if you'd like to sponsor us, go to Smalley@gmail.com.

(32:36):
We will accept knockoff tenants as well.
Yeah, absolutely.
But I think I bought some IPA from Aldi, where I was there, well, maybe this year, and
it was quite nice.
It was pretty good.
Like Aldi's own IPA.
It was Aldi or little, it might be little, I kind of get them mixed up.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah, essentially the same thing.
Anyway, that was my second story, so what's your next story this week?

(32:58):
I'm having a bit of a celebrity special this week, right?
Because obviously my first story was about Noel Gallagher, and my second story is about
the wonderful first couple of Scotland.
So this is from the Scottish Sun this week, and the headline is, "Crankey Pankey".
Showbiz Geo, the crankies, revealed how they once stayed at Engelbert Humperding suite

(33:21):
in a guest house that doubled as a brothel.
Oh, you've both done it.
The husband of Bifetew, who were working at Leeds during their early 70s, when they discovered
that their landlady had a saucy secret.
In their updated biography, a funny way of life, Jeanette 77, "Fuck now she's 77."

(33:45):
Wrote, "I'm not doing a Jeanette Cranky impression.
The digs were run by a very posse lady, an Engelbert Humperding, used to stay at the
same place before he made it big.
She adored Engelbert, and even named her dog after him."
What the fuck?
That's gonna be annoying at the park.

(34:06):
Engelbert!
Engelbert!
What?
The way she ran her guest house was the lower down the bill you were, the lower the bedroom
was in the guest house.
So when we started out, we were literally sleeping in the basement.
By the time we topped the bill at the local Berkeley Club, we were honored as she told
us to be given Engelbert's room.
Ian also 77, and over there is the same age.

(34:30):
'Cause Jimmy always seemed so much younger.
So you could have knocked us down with a feather when we found out that this posched guesthouse
doubled as a brothel.
This woman would never let you answer the phone or go out into the back garden where she
had a huge shed.
But there was a Welsh comic called Dave Swan staying there too, and one night we came

(34:51):
back from my gig, and he was like, "Let's go and have a look at that shed."
So we sneaked down, and we found the key and opened it up.
Sure enough, it was a fetish room with chains and belts and a harness hanging from the roof.
Yes.
Jeanette said, "After that discovery, everything started to make sense."
For example, it was only the guest house I've ever been in in the world where they changed

(35:16):
your sheets every day.
It suddenly dawned on us that our beds were obviously induced during the day when we
brought it to work.
Jesus Christ.
We know the crankies are adventurous.
Of course.
They like to have a swing now and again, apparently, but they are shocked that they were staying

(35:39):
in a brothel in the 70s with a suite named after Engelbert Humberding.
That's a great name for a suite in a brothel.
We'll take you to the Humberding.
Yeah, take you off the Humberding with my Engelbear.
I wrote that we'd piece about the crankies for the website.

(36:00):
I had to try and read that.
I'm sort of interested to read their book, but also maybe a skip a couple of chapters.
When we did the crankies, Chris, my special, a few years ago, we spoke about this.
But I was a kid.
The crankies were fucking massive.
They weren't just on Scottish television.
They were on Cracker Jack, which was like BBC One, a prime time kid show.

(36:28):
And a Friday, the last one that was on in a Friday before the news came on.
They were fucking huge.
But, you know, I guess because the ball was being a married couple, they never really
aroused any suspicions on some of their peers.
Yeah, but yeah, I know.
I always like to hear about the crankies.
In their film today, there's quite a little funny line that the crankies are referenced.

(36:50):
It's my best use of swearing.
I was rude.
Yeah.
Yeah, look, the crankies is funny to hear about it because I'm a same as you.
They were a massive part of my childhood.
And they were so beloved.
And we spoke about them on our episode when we did the crankies Christmas Club, which was

(37:11):
a couple of years ago, available, really, or podcasts.
But it is so funny when you read about it.
I'm the same.
I kind of want to read their book, but I'm not sure if I want to because I don't really
want to hear about them getting up to stuff like that.
And, you know, fair play, as you say, it's all consensual.
No one's heart.
It's fine.

(37:32):
It's all adults just enjoying themselves.
I mean, this sort of apocryphal tale in my family growing up because Jeanette went to
call Scythacademy, which is where my dad grew up in the same school he went to.
My aunt is a year older than my dad's and whenever the crankies would be on the TV,

(37:53):
my dad who underdened on my granda wonder then one of them would always say, oh, she went
to school with your auntie Jean, but then I found out I did my research that it's not
true.
It's true and as much as she went to the same school, but Jeanette's, she's like, let me think,
72.
So Jeanette would have been with her left school by the time Jean started, I think, you know,

(38:17):
so.
But anyway, my dad and my granda are both away.
So it's fine.
It was something I could brag about when I was a wee boy, even though nobody ever fucking
believed me and it turns out they were right not to believe me because it was a massive
of eye.
We're not a massive lie.
Well, maybe it's from the best or they might have got caught up in the holidays.

(38:38):
Six games.
I mean, I've put another thought in your head now.
Yeah, it's put the photographs that you shared on the group last night in my head.
So that's.
Yeah, I maybe wish it moved on from the crankies.
Yeah, okay.
Have you seen anything else this week, Greg?
A very quick celebrity spot as well.

(39:00):
Hollywood star Shia, the booth has been hanging about Edinburgh.
He's, it's thought that he's there because his wife is filming Delthoral's production of
Frankenstein that's been shorting in and around Edinburgh and Scotland at the moment.
And apparently he's been having a lovely time just doing a bar hop in around Edinburgh

(39:22):
on his own.
It seems, it does seem like he's been his own and he's been having drinks for people and
having a laugh and posing for pictures and it's all been very nice up until a couple
of nights ago where somebody had the fucking ruin it and wind them up.
So unfortunately, Shia has been filmed in Edinburgh City Centre, squaring up some guys

(39:45):
that I don't know what they said to wind them up, Transformers as Pish, maybe no idea.
I thought holes was rubbish, but anyway, Passersby stepped in to try and separate him from
a guy who was also pulled away by his friend, but a bar worker at Sramash in Edinburgh with

(40:05):
incident took place.
As back the Aelist, they're saying, "Jellis students antagonise them."
They said, "The guy who was involved in it has been in touch."
I told him to contact the police.
One of the guys who got involved with him outside, he messaged on Facebook asking if he
could get the CCTV.
We said because only Shia had got the police.
I watched the CCTV, and I don't think he was having a great time.

(40:27):
He was dancing about it.
To be honest, the other four guys were antagonising.
I knew who he was and they were poking at him.
The other guys were definitely antagonising them and trying to go to them in some sort of
reaction.
Yeah, the booth is in the city where these actress-wife Miyagoth shoots a new Frankenstein
film.
It's captured in the 37 second clip, raging against the group outside the OX-184 bar earlier

(40:50):
this week.
The source added, "He was dancing about having a good time."
I think the other guys were trying to spin each other around and dance with girls, and I
think they got a little bit jealous once he got involved.
A customer complained that the four students were antagonising them.
They all got asked to leave.
It was just words, "He was having a great time.
He was by himself."
Dancing about it was a Monday.

(41:11):
Early hours I chose the morning, I mean, fucking fearfully, shy.
A couple of musicians said he was really nice.
He was chatting away to them.
Yeah, he does utter the amazing only in America with somebody say, "I'm right here, motherfuckers."
But fortunately, I was claiming nothing.
Yeah, I was amazed by this article because it was so funny, literally two nights before

(41:33):
I watched an actor's round table with child-a-booth on it.
He was there with Adam Sandberg, Adam Driver, Robert D'Aurot, Tom Hanks, someone else,
can't remember.
And he came across so well.
He admits he's had issues and he's had troubles and he was in a mental institute for a while.
But he's sorted himself out.

(41:55):
And I think he had a very troubled childhood as well and stuff.
And he was a child star.
So he's done something that I don't agree with, but I was happy watching that.
I think, "Alright, good on you, Shire."
You sorted yourself out.
You seem like an okay guy.
Then I read this two days later and I read the article and then I read the follow-up article

(42:16):
about it.
It was these four students that were just basically antagonizing them.
I'm like, "Fair play."
It sounds like he's been having a good night.
Everyone's enjoying him.
He's buying drinks.
He's dancing.
He's having fun.
These four hours, all was taking a piss and he's just snapped.
I mean, like, fuck you.
Come on, let's go.
Right here.
And I'll be honest, I would not want to fuck with Shire LeBuff because he's unhinged and

(42:41):
he looks like a hard bastard as well.
I would not want to fuck with that man.
So I would not fuck no Jesus.
He's got screw loose.
Like no way.
No.
No chance.
I really like to men.
I don't, I don't, you know, watch this.
It's not really in, not really up your street, but he's in a good film.

(43:01):
Brad Pitt called Fury.
It's him, Brad Pitt, John Bärthonyl and they're like a tank crew making their way through
France in the second world war.
It's a good film.
David O'Rossel, I think, is the director.
I watched a clip of, it was John Bernthol, being interviewed, actually.
And he said about that film in terms of he's like, "Shire turned up and like he hadn't

(43:24):
washed for like about eight months or something."
Like, and he was proper method acting.
Like he'd cut his face like to, because he felt this guy should have a scar.
He pulled out one of his own teeth.
Like, he kind of like really went for it.
And John was like, "This kid's fucking crazy."
And he's like, by the end of filming, like Jesus Christ, that motherfucker is like the, you

(43:45):
know, he's committed.
Yeah, he is.
You know, he's 100% and he's a really good guy.
He's like, I know he's had issues and stuff, but he's, he's a fucking good guy.
He's like, and you know, as soon as filming finished, bang.
Yeah, sure.
Back to normal.
Yeah.
Got a shower, got a dentist.
It's all sorted.
Like, what am I doing next?

(44:06):
Transformers too.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, for play, I don't agree.
I would never give a hassle to...
No, I'd be buying it.
I'd be buying it, if I saw them out.
If you and I were in Edinburgh, we bumped into him.
We'd be with them for the whole night, buying rounds, talking about our favourite films,
having a laugh.
Try, try, try get them to record stuff for the podcast and the toilets.

(44:30):
Just say welcome to this culture, Swally, in a list.
Yeah, why would you antagonise the guy, you know?
Like, Shire, like, I'm sorry, man, but Cosmo is our Patency.
You could maybe be our international scene, like, kind of thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She'd be our international, like, hey, come on, come on, just a wee, wee little, I am Shire

(44:52):
and I'll be from wherever I'm in Scotland, I'll listen to culture, Swally.
Yeah.
I love tenants.
Yeah, I love tenants.
Yeah.
I bet he would get fucking hundreds of retellents if he said that.
I just want to see what the last, because I know that he was sitting in a ward saying maybe
the bag in his head, were he dreaded, not famous, any more on it.
Oh, he's in Francis' room, populous, a pending film, Megavopoulos.

(45:15):
He's got a part in that.
So, yeah, and he's, he's still them.
He's still kind of working away.
And if that was a big film, he was in, that peanut butter falcon before the pandemic,
that he got a lot of good reviews for.
So, yeah.
Yeah, like I say, I know he's had a lot of troubles, but I don't actually mind.
Oh, I know, I know.
That's good guy.
He's, he's okay, like, he's just troubled, but I do not agree with four fucking students

(45:40):
starting on it.
No, that's, it's not on and not called for it.
Yeah, you never, why, why do that?
Yeah.
It's just someone trying to enjoy their night, it's just real in their night.
It's, it's so you've got a story to tell, like, oh, fucking had a fight with Shire, a
bootflash.
Yeah, but they don't have a fight, don't they?
Because our students, they had to show to them.
Yeah.
And they should have been broken free and gone for one of them, they'd have been up the

(46:01):
road as quickly as possible.
I'm right here, motherfucker.
I see you, motherfucker.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the rest of your re-sabatical and Edinburgh Shire while your
missies finished shooting Frankenstein anymore for any more on the news this week.
No, that's for me, Greg.
So, right, before we go into what we're going to be talking about today, let's have a

(46:21):
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That's DorickSkateboards.com, link in the description of this episode.
Okay, Greg, so it was your choice on this episode, so why do you tell us what we're going to
be talking about today?
So, I've gone for, what is maybe bizarrely a bit of a deep cut, and I don't really, you
know, when we talk about it, and we talk about the cast, then we talk about how well

(48:14):
received this film was. It's a bit of a mystery as to how it's become, a bit of a deep cut.
But I've gone for 2003's American cousins, two New Jersey mobsters take refuge in Glasgow
after a deal goes wrong in Kiev with their cousin Bobby, played by Gerald Rapousskay, good

(48:36):
scotch name there, his grand-a-nono and their cafe in Glasgow, pursued by enemies both Russian
and Scouse, released in 2003 directed by Don Kutts co-starring, a Swally favourite Shirley
Henderson, Danny Nutschi, Russell Hunter, Dan Hadea, bizarrely Steven Graeme, and perhaps even

(48:57):
more bizarrely Big Pussy, Bump and Cero himself, Vincent Pastore, I mean, very much a cameo there.
So I'm, I've been looking forward to talking to you about this. You weren't, I don't think
you were sure if you had seen it when when I teed it up at the, on the last episode, right?
I hadn't seen it. I should point out as well, Greg, because just in case we upset any listeners,

(49:20):
because we do get some downboats in Russia. The gangsters are Ukrainian. Oh, sorry. And, yeah.
And that's definitely not two things you want to mix up, no, especially.
No, sorry for Russian listeners. Yes, I'm sorry for Ukrainian listeners as well. We do get

(49:43):
some downloads in Ukraine as well. I'd never seen it before. Okay. I was aware of it. I was
aware it existed probably mostly because of Big Pussy, B, get it. And I'd never actually
seen it. I really enjoyed it. It's a really quaint little kind of, I did what it is, like a gangster
movie, but like kind of romantic comedy, kind of culture clash type movie, but it really

(50:09):
works. Like I did enjoy it. I saw it described a couple of times online. It's like local key
room meets the sopranos. And I can kind of see it in a way, but not really, I can see a little
bit of kind of bill for sight influence in this film. Yeah, like slightly. Oh, no, but it's
yeah, I really enjoyed it. It's just like this quaint little enjoyable hour and 35 minutes

(50:35):
or so film. And yeah, it just kind of hits all the notes like this, you know, this laughter,
this fun, this, this apart where I was kind of tearing up, there's, yeah, it's a nice little
film. I really enjoyed it. And kind of not sure why it's not widely available as much,
because it took fucking ages to find this film. No, I know. I remember when we were in Glasgow,

(50:58):
I asked and thought if they had it on DVD and said it was deleted about five years ago.
Yeah. Like there's no way you can get it. But thankfully, it popped up on an American streaming
site, so I was able to watch it. But yeah, really enjoyed it. So you had seen this when it first
came out, had you? Yeah, I mean, fun. They enough when it came out, I was working at Frank

(51:19):
in Benys on Paysley Road in Glasgow. And they had the, because obviously it's Crip despite
a couple of American actors, then they are, you know, it's very much, very, very much a Scottish
production. You know, it's filmed on location in Glasgow. What they kept most of the cast are
Scottish. And so they had the premiere in the sunny world on Renfield Street in Glasgow.

(51:44):
And because Frank in Benys, for people who aren't aware of it, sort of like Italian, American,
influenced rest, they asked us if we would put some sort of postcards out on the whole
stand and stuff, but essentially advertising the film. And if we put the, these postcards
on the table talkers and things for a couple of weeks, and they said we would. So they gave

(52:07):
us tickets to the premiere. So me and my colleague Colin got to go and got to go to the premiere
and Shirley Henderson was there. Dawn Kutz was there. He introduced the film. He brought
Shirley up. They were the only two from the cast who were there. I think Russell Hunter who
plays non-oh had passed away by that point. I think he passed away before the film was released.

(52:27):
I'm not, don't quote me in that. I may not be true. But he wasn't there anyway. And so
yeah, Dawn Kutz and Shirley Henderson introduced the film. And I really, really enjoyed it because
there's a little bit of trepidation. You know, like, you never quite know if it's, you're
going to enjoy something like that or not. But yeah, really enjoyed it, but I hadn't seen
it since. And we watched it back, um, maybe like, sort of 22 years later. Um, it was almost

(52:53):
like watching it for the first time. Like, I didn't remember. But I saw Steven Graeme turn
up. I was like, fuck yeah, I had no memory of him or, uh, J. K. Abraham being in it. And
just, you know, the sort of the kind of sequence of events and whatnot. But, you know, just
to sort of emphasize how mad it is that this film is so difficult to track down. These are

(53:17):
the awards that it won in the year of release. So it won the audience award from Bathurst,
Scotland. Uh, Sergio Cascay won the best screenplay from Bathurst. Shirley Henderson got best
actress at the Sherborg Octaville Festival. It won the jury award at the Newport Beach Film
Festival. It got best film at the Milan International Film Festival, best director at the Milan International

(53:44):
Film Festival and the audience award. And, um, Screenwriter Sergio Cascay was also nominated
for the Bathurst, uh, Carl Foreman award, which I guess is somewhat not sure what that
award is, but I guess it's prestigious. Oh, Carl Foreman was a screenwriter for Bridge
over the River, uh, River, uh, Quayan, other films like that. So it's just it's mental.

(54:04):
It's not even a YouTube, you know, um, there's like like a scratchy version of it in YouTube.
No, it's crazy that you've just listed all the awards that it's won and considering the cast
as well and it's, it's not available anywhere. Yes, to find. Well, it is, obviously, like,
because we find it, uh, eventually, but, um, yeah, it's crazy because it's such a, obviously,

(54:27):
it was a well-received film. It's got a good cast, you know, Shirley Henderson, you know,
Shirley would be kind of a, a big name in terms of it. You know, Stephen Graham, of course,
uh, not forgetting like Dan Hedea, um, and, you know, Vincent Pastor, you know, Big Pussy
himself, but great cast. It's a great film. I don't know why it's so difficult to find.

(54:48):
It's, it's just insane and it was obviously very well received. I think why would say
about this film? Like, if you showed me this film and asked me when was this film made?
Like, I know this sounds stupid in a way, because I thought about this when I was thinking
it. And this is very much like a kind of 2002, 2003 film. Yeah. You can just tell. And I
know you could usually tell when a film is made when you're watching it, but do you know

(55:11):
what I mean by that? It just, it just feels like a film of that era, kind of a British film
of, of that kind of that world. It's not quite like, you know, it's after lock, stock,
and snatch, but it kind of, it's, it's more of like a kind of a gangster number one,
or, you know, you know, what I mean, that kind of era, the attitude helps. Yeah. And yeah.

(55:34):
Yeah. Well, I don't know if you watched the last weekend. I watched a documentary series
called Vial Britannia, which is all about the British film industry from the sort of mid
1950s up until, I guess, maybe mid 2000s. And there was, there was the, there was the film
fund that you could apply for from the government. So they, they, they, they, they, I think the

(55:58):
Conservatives took it away. I think they mentioned on the, the, the, the Tories took it away when
they came in the power eventually. So that's why you don't, you don't get as many British
films now, but certainly they, when we were younger, after like the sort of success of four
weddings and a few more, the international success that is and then train spotting one or

(56:19):
two others, there was like a lot of them, a lot of, a lot of British films, you know, and
it, especially in the 90s, you had that sort of, kind of, a Brit poppy crossover, you know,
what I mean? It was like a good time for British music. It was a good time for British film.
And it, it, it, so I kept going into the 2000s. And, you know, and we've, we have reviewed quite

(56:39):
a few films that I've come out with in about this time. But, um, yeah, it's just a shame
that, um, you don't, you know, I mean, you, there's just, you don't have that output now because
studios need to want to make a film in the UK. And, you know, you're, they're, they're probably
going to back somebody like Guy Richie who has got a track record of successful films.
You know what I mean? Like, I've made a lot of money or, or directors like that. It'd be

(57:03):
harder now, I think, for someone like Don Kutz, who, you know, he'd done some shorts and some
TV working stuff. But it'd be harder for someone like him to get up, to get a film that
would get a cinema release. And then you've got the shrieming and everything as well. Of course,
which impacts, I mean, you make a very valid point there, Greg. In terms of a lot of the films
we've covered, maybe from around about this time or even later, like, I'm thinking there's

(57:26):
quite a lot of films that we have covered on the smiley that in the opening credits, it says
funded by the National Lottery. Yeah. And this wasn't one of them. Um, but I can think
of quite a few films that, that we've watched that have been funded in that way. And you're
right. It's kind of nowadays, it's probably more difficult to get a film like this off the ground.

(57:47):
And certainly, get, certainly get into the cinema, you know, like, if you're lucky, you can
maybe get, you can maybe, um, get like a streaming service, the Amazon or Netflix, who make a lot
of their own content, you know, and I think the good thing about Netflix in particular is they
understand that they want to be an international business. So they, they will fund films or TV

(58:08):
shows all over the world, you know, because they want to be, they want subscribers everywhere in the
world. And I guess the, the same is true of Amazon. Um, but I think, you know, be getting applying for
a grant from like the Glasgow Film Council or the National Lottery or something like that,
and a send than a cast. And I mean, the thing that strikes me about this, this film coming back to

(58:29):
the sort of aesthetic that you mentioned is the only part of it that feels like a set. And it might
not be a set either is the church next door to the cafe. They, they, they, they, the, the, the interior
of the church. And to be honest, that might not be a set either. Then this feels like it's all
completely filmed on location. Yeah. You know, the, the cafe, everything feels really real.

(58:50):
Uh, yeah, I would agree with you on that. I, in fact, I never crossed my mind. The church was
potentially a set. Maybe the, towards the end when they're in the stairwell, I didn't think maybe
that was maybe a set, but, um, yeah, you're right. It does, it does feel really real, um, and completely
filmed on location or, you know, even the, I did find it funny. I think it's the, the scene of the

(59:15):
airport. That's press with airport, but when they're leaving, it's, they're leaving Glasgow airport. Yeah.
So, uh, but yeah, pretty much, I would say filmed pretty much mostly on location to talk about the,
I mean, the film obviously, so we have Roberto who runs this Italian ice-screen stroke
fish and chip shop. And he's there with his, his granddad, Nano and, um, his assistant, um, Alice.

(59:43):
And again, so effectively, they, they have their, his American cousins come to stay with him because
they've, they've kind of botched, not botched a job in the Ukraine, but they've gotten to a little
bit of trouble in Ukraine and need to lay low for a while. And that's where the, the culture clash kind
of, of humor comes from. In terms of the, the kind of ice-screen fish and chip shop, that's, do you

(01:00:04):
still get that nowadays, do you think? Well, I mean, we, we haven't been in Scotland for a while,
but it was very much a, a thing for a long time. I think you do. I mean, Aberdeen Beach still has
like the Pavilion and the Inversneki, uh, cafes, Glasgow famously still has the University
of Caffey on Byers Road. I had to look in there when I was there last summer and it's, you know, I mean,

(01:00:27):
like by design, it feels like you're stepping back in time because they've, you know, they've kept it
as much as possible. They've kept it exactly as it, as it's always been, you know. But I mean,
I guess the, the big sort of, the big sort of tribute really in this is, is to the, the generations
of Italians that came to Scotland to set up. Maybe there's that scene really got when Danny Nutscheon,

(01:00:51):
Dan Hadea arrived at the airport and just see that cameo from John Burnley,
as the, as the wonderful immigration officer and, as he says, uh, Poke hats or, uh, fishing chips and
they just made Poke hats. I'm saying who they are. Who's down? Hello, you're back. Hi. This

(01:01:21):
is a Poke hat. Excuse me. Which in general is ice cream usually one of the other new guys? I mean,
like occupation? Well, from its, uh, mainly organized crime. I get pumped. Yeah, some catering, but

(01:01:42):
mainly organized crime. You know, cause and no stress, maybe you've seen it on TV.
That's what Italian's did. I mean, there's a, there's a famous Italian chip shop in, uh,
Mintlon in northeast of Scotland called Zanemays. And, um, Jack Webster, the, the only sort of famous

(01:02:05):
person, whoever sort of came from mod. He, he remembers like, he remembers the original Mr Zanemay
cycling into the village when he was a kid's with, um, you know, with this sort of trolley of ice creams
and stuff. Um, so I mean, yeah, I mean, it's certainly, it's not something that's particular to the
Glasgow or the west of Scotland that's, I think it's all over Scotland, you know, like these,

(01:02:30):
well, Capaldi's, uh, Peter Capaldi is a preferred example. That's why he's, yeah, who he is,
is because his, that his family came to Scotland before he was born and set up an ice cream business,
and a fish and chip business. I did love the, uh, the John Byrne as the, the customs officer. That's
fantastic. Um, the other person in the airport scene, the, the woman who, um, has her son. Yeah,

(01:02:51):
she's arguing at the counter. Did you recognize her? I was, I was trying to play her, but I couldn't
play her. She's definitely, I definitely recognize her. She is, she plays an iconic character in a much
beloved Scottish sitcom. And I could say four words and you'll know instantly who it is. Go say the
four words. A pint again. Oh, it's, it's a, it's, it's, it's V-Def from still game. Wow.

(01:03:14):
You get, it's called a fucking cranky. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. No, I agree. It's, it's kind of, uh,
I really enjoyed. So, uh, I, I, I was, let's talk about cast like in terms of, I, I don't really think
I've seen like, Jettel Lepowski in anything really before, um, looking through his, his IMDB. I'm,

(01:03:41):
I'm not sure I've probably seen him in stuff, but it's, it's great. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,
it's been 16 years of alcohol, but in a very small part in the acting, he's one of the actors in
the acting workshop. But I think he's kind of, yes. So I blink and you'll miss him. Yeah. But that's it.
But I think he, um, because I think he's, uh, he was in Australia for a while and then came back to

(01:04:03):
the UK, um, and then, but yeah, he's, he's, he's fantastic in this role as, as Roberto kind of
downtrodden put upon, you kind of feel that like he's just running this business, but it's all he knows,
but he's doing it to honor his dad, yeah, effectively. And obviously he's with Nano and, you know,

(01:04:24):
looking after him, he's in love with Alice, but he's, he's your kind of hero that you kind of want to,
hmm, to do well and you're, you're kind of rooting for him. And there are a couple of scenes later on.
I mean, specifically, seemingly smacks, um, Steve Gray, with the, with a mop bucket. Yeah.
You're just cheering. Yeah. Like, yes, cool. Yes, Roberto. It's, it's a wonderful character and it's,

(01:04:49):
he's well-rounded, like in terms of it, you can tell he's in love with Alice, but he sees that Gino is
trying to fire into her and you don't blame Gino at all because he's oblivious to what's going on
with Roberto because Roberto hasn't stepped up to it as, as Nano tells him at the beginning, like,
when are you gonna just ask her, right? When are you gonna do this? Like, you're obviously in love with

(01:05:10):
her. Why do you just do this? And Gino is obviously oblivious to it and they have a little kind of
romantic thing. And I think it's a very good scene where Roberto just gets pished and yeah, kind of
loses it. And you're kind of like, yeah, I can see that happening. That's just life, I think. Yeah,
we've all seen somebody just like, this appeared from a night out because then he hasn't gone the way

(01:05:32):
that they hoped it was gonna go, you know what I mean? And then, everyone sort of scrambled,
tried to find them and whatnot. Yeah, he's, he's good in this. I don't really understand why he's
still really happened for him. But he, you know, there's a, he's thought that he's a bit kind of
evocative of other Scottish actors. Like, there's a few mannerisms that reminded me a little bit of

(01:05:52):
Gordon's and Claire. You know, because he, yeah, he's not like outwardly awkward, like Gregory is and
Gregory's girl. But he has a little bit awkward, you know what I mean? There's like a slight awkward
to him and stuff. It's quite subtle. And if it is a good part, especially the bits that are,
kind of feels a little bit like the, the screenwriter, Sergio Cascades, you know, he's sort of indulging

(01:06:15):
his own heritage a little bit, you know, they went, they seem when he's talking about why you always
whistle when you're slicing the strawberries. I've seen my dad knew that if you're whistling,
you weren't eating the strawberries, you know what I mean? All that feels very true, you know,
I'm sure that that, I'm sure that Sergio Cascades writing from, from real life there when he,
and you know, the, the, the sort of institutions of this, of sort of Italian family business life

(01:06:41):
in Scotland. And you know, and he's not Italian, Gerald, Gerald, the post game, you know, that's not a
Italian second name, it's a Eastern European, it sounds like, but he, you know, and particularly
when he sings the song at the Kayley, you know what I mean? Nicky, but I think he's, I think he's really
good. He's really good in this. And I think that's a great part as well. It's, it's very much a kind of

(01:07:02):
part that kind of goes un, that's what I like about this film is, there's so many little parts that
you have to watch it pick up on and go kind of unmentioned in a way. So they make a big thing of the
whistling with the strawberry kind. And then after he sees the, the shoots in Satimos room,
in this case, the, the Kianti seeds seedlings. And then when Satimo comes down, he's got

(01:07:27):
in strawberries, he's not whistling. Yeah. Because he's obviously really pissed off. And I thought that
was kind of a really great little part that, that kind of doesn't need to be explained, doesn't need
to be over kind of emphasized that the audience is clever enough to understand that this is what's
happening. Yeah. And I like that. I really like that. And then you have, so there's, in the rewatchables,

(01:07:51):
they have their, the rewatchables podcast, they have that, that, that, that guy category. And there's
sort of two, there's like an American that guy in this film, Dan Hadea, who has turned up and everything.
And then there's also a Scottish that guy. And it's Russell Hunter because when you see him
first coming the screen, you're, I mean, I had to pause it because I knew it would just

(01:08:14):
fucking do my head. And because I had to know what he'd been in. You know what I mean? And of course,
he's been fucking absolutely everything. You know what I mean? Absolutely everything. And you know,
I think it's sadly when he was making this film, he was, he was, he was dealing with cancer. And he
does, you can sort of, he does look quite sort of drawn in stuff in it. But yeah, despite that,

(01:08:39):
he's fantastic. You know, in case he's not, when you actually evaluate the film, he's not in a lot
of the film. And I wonder if maybe there was, maybe because of his health, there might have been a
bit of a, a couple of last minute rewrites to kind of make his part a bit smaller. But you know,
this, this seems like he's in a fantastic, and of course, like the Pouski, he's not Italian either,

(01:09:01):
but he clearly knows that world and knows those people, you know, playing as he plays Bobby's grandad.
As Nano. It's the, the heartbreaking scene is of course when Roberto goes to hospital. Yeah.
Just use the empty bed there. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you, you, again, it's another thing of the film,

(01:09:21):
they don't need to beat you over the head, but you know instantly. Yeah. That he's passed away.
And I have to admit, I was very, I did let it like, oh no. Yeah. Like kind of watching that. He's,
he's fantastic. Just comes out with these little quips and yeah, he's, he's great kind of this wise old,
you know, guy, just trying to make Roberto have a, a better life in a, in a way and try to keep deal with it.

(01:09:47):
Yeah. Because he's the one that's pushing, you know, they,
Roberto's doing all that fucking creepy stuff like smear the analysis scarf and all this stuff.
He's, he's the one sort of pushing them, you know, to like, you know, she's, she's not a married
woman anymore. You know, you need to make your move, you know, and, you know, because it's obvious how

(01:10:07):
you feel about her. And I would agree with that Dan had, uh, had like being a real that guy. Yeah.
Like, probably best known for me, like playing um, Carlos, husband and cheers. Nictorality. Yeah, of course. Yeah.
But he's been in everything when you look at his IDB, you know, he's in, um, aliens, he's in, he's in,

(01:10:30):
he's in so much stuff, like everything, but he's a real that guy. But he's fantastic in this, uh, as, uh,
Satimo, like kind of really takes charge in a way. I love the, the, the fact like towards the, the end of
the film when it's kind of like the last battle he puts his sunglasses on. Um, as if he's like, right,

(01:10:51):
we're going to war. I need to put my sunglasses. Yeah. Yeah. I, I really like that. And yeah, he has some
great lines and some, yeah, he's great, but he kind of disappears for a bit. Like when they're at
the Kaley, he kind of vanishes for a while. What's he doing? The scene that I think he's particularly
good in is the scene when he confronts, uh, Jojo and he's paving in the church and he's saying that we

(01:11:13):
figure he's in miscassessment and all that kind of thing. Um, he's, uh, I mean, that's particularly good
seen that. I mean, almost let down by, um, Steven Rimkiss of those Jojo who, he's not a good actor.
Like, well, he's not, he's not good in this anyways. I ran this on this, but, uh, yeah, Dan Hadayaz,

(01:11:37):
I don't, I'm not sure that that, uh, I think he's, that might be a wig that he's wearing. It doesn't look,
I was looking at it earlier today when I was just doing my last minute notes and I thought it looks
about attached. There's, um, it's a wonderful chemistry as well in this between Henderson and
Lepaiski. And you are actually rooting for them. Like, and it's difficult because, like I've said

(01:12:01):
early, you kind of want to be pissed off at Geno for getting in the way. Yeah. You, you can't be pissed off
at Geno. This is a great character, but the, the chemistry between Henderson and Lepaiski is,
is fantastic. Like, you really are rooting for them. I don't agree towards the end where all of
a sudden they're like, yeah, let's get married. They haven't even kissed you and let alone anything

(01:12:21):
else, but, yeah, there is a, a real kind of, oh, guys come on, just get it together. A feeling
throughout this film. Yeah, I think it's, it speaks to the quality of surely Henderson's talent,
really, I think, you know, because, yeah, they're, they're, they're both very, very good, but I think she
in particular, you know, and she doesn't, this is at a time when she's not really doing, she's,

(01:12:43):
she's, she's doing a lot of work, but she's not necessarily leading like movies, you know, she's in,
I think the, sort of, the biggest thing just before this that she was in was Bridget Jones. She
plays one of, when he's a wiggler's, can a group of friends. Yeah, so it's nice to see her,
uh, Shirley Henderson, as the, as the kind of lead, you can't really say actress anymore,
lady actor and love interest and everything in this, because she really, I think she really, she really

(01:13:09):
drives the, the scenes that she's in, they can particular, the scene where Geno was sort of trying
to impress her and they have the, the kind of fish and chips competition and she has, she has to,
um, sort of rate his attempt, you know, like she's, she's really charming and stuff and you can see why,
because she's, you know, I think she'd be the first person to admit that she's not sort of traditional,

(01:13:34):
traditionally beautiful, leading lady, but, you know, what makes her charm in that scene? That's where
you, you understand why Bobby's like, head over heels and love with Alice and why Geno's
pursuiner, you know what I mean? She's kind of funny. She's, her body language and everything else,

(01:13:54):
she's, she's not, she's kind of flirty, but she's not really flirting, you know what I mean, it's
quite an intuitive, it's quite an intuitive performance from her in that scene, I think.
Start with overall presentation, speed service. Service was excellent, polite and professional,
could have been faster, but given it's this first time, it was adequate. Presentation also could

(01:14:16):
fish on top, not too many chips, not too few. Overall that is a pass.
Okay, test and texture, fish first. Okay.
Fish herself seems okay. A little undercooked maybe, but the batter, it's far too much

(01:14:39):
flour in the mix, don't, and it's practically raw. That's a feel. Yeah, no, she's great. That scene is,
is fantastic. She's, she's really good in that scene, I would completely agree with you on that and kind of a
self assured, but yeah, yeah, comes across well. Did you like, and this is another thing, they would
mark it as 2002 kind of era, did you like her acupuncture trainers? I'm just worrying.

(01:15:05):
I remember, I remember the three of us having a, you and I, you know, a mutual friend,
they'll have an apparevacupunctures. I never had a pairevacupuncture. I'm sure you had a pairevacupunctures.
I never had a pairevacupunctures. Never. I've never, I didn't know you did. I knew our mutual
friend did, you know, but I, I've never in my life had a paire of acupunctures. So the, the, the ones he

(01:15:30):
had had the big ostentatious E on the top. Yeah, and my ones were a little bit more subtle,
would mind had the, instead of lacy's, they had the little sort of elastic things that sort of
attached to little clips on the outside of the, I know the one you mean. Yeah, yeah. I sent it away
for them. My ex-girlfriend, who you know, got a catalog and I think they were quite expensive. I think

(01:15:54):
about 100 quids, which is quite a lot in the back then. They had the 2000s and I ordered them from
her from the catalog to pay them up. We broke up not long after. I don't know if I ever finished
paying for them and I know that, I know that she won't have finished paying for them. She probably
got a dad to pay off her catalog account or something like that. Yeah. So you've worked in

(01:16:19):
many a kitchen and obviously you're working catering. What is more difficult? Making a pizza or
frying a fish? I would say frying a fish. I mean, I mean, the, the hard work to make in a pizza is
all done before you cook it. You've got to get the dough right and everything like that, then it
proves and whatnot. So it definitely takes longer. But I would say in terms of the, the balance has to

(01:16:41):
be right in the batter when you're frying, when you're frying anything. But especially fish because
fish is quite a delicate protein. You need to, it's definitely a fine balance when it comes to your
flour, salt, ratios, etc. when you're making batter or you can fuck it right up. We've all had a
really disappointing fresh supper in our lives. This takes me back. I used to do weekends and

(01:17:06):
mancles piece of place. That was hard work. I know hard, but the cheese, but the butter and the oven,
too many jokes, dry and fish, no, that's hot. That's hot and crafty. Excuse me, how can it be to make
fish in French fries? I mean, back home, guys, do that kind of stuff when they're too dumb to collect

(01:17:29):
garbage. No fence. Well, a man's entitled to his opinion. Then again, if you haven't tried it,
how do you know? That's called my jersey. We call it a challenge. I've never, I've never
wanted a fish supper so much. Watching this, like watching this, I was like, oh, even though the chips

(01:17:52):
are always undercooked, as the the Fimo Cosmo says, your chips are shite, your chips are shite.
That's a thing. But it is a wonderful callback or way that they do it in terms of the
Gino is undercooking his chips. And then he's cooking the chips when, of course, the

(01:18:14):
scales, but I just refer to them throughout my notes as the Scallies, of course, it's Henry and Vince,
which great names for two skies, but I've just referred to them as the Scallies when they
are eating their chips, which obviously are undercooked, but they haven't complained about it,
and that's when Roberto realises that they're obviously up to something, and we've got

(01:18:36):
fucking Uzi 9mm underneath their jumpers. But well, he smacks them with that mop bucket. It's
fucking brilliant. It's a great moment. Yeah, it's a really good moment, and the tie in it back is,
you know, because obviously there's a whole Gino probably, so Bobby probably is quite familiar
with most of these customers. You know what I mean? Those, at least when people come in that he

(01:19:00):
doesn't recognise, and then it's not a Scottish accent and stuff, and he's immediately his suspicions
that are roused and stuff, and it's just so cool how it's the chips that are that are they're undoing.
It's, I mean, about, yeah, I would say the same as you, because it's just, it's impossible. I don't
care where any expats see. Right, I'm going to say something, which, and now I've lived in, I might

(01:19:24):
have said this before, but I've lived in England, and obviously I've lived out here for the last,
in the middle east for the last almost 10 years. You can't get good fish and chips in England,
right? You can't, it's impossible. You have a lot of knowledge, right? I bet you never had a decent
fish shop, I'd decent chips up a whole time, you're there, right? But everyone goes on about
Yarmouth, all the fish and chips in Yarmouth, and I went to Yarmouth and I had the fish and chips,

(01:19:46):
and it was fucking shite-deler, to like proper Scottish fish and chips. Yeah, I had fish and chips
in Brighton, I've had them in Blackpool, and it all was rubbish, right? So, what's in this,
when we were back in Scotland in July, I had to have, I had to have a roll of the chips,
Maduley Goodening Glasgow, right? I had to have one. Yeah. Yeah, it was, it was no way that I was getting

(01:20:09):
on that plane without having a roll of chips, and I had one and it was fucking amazing, but yeah,
all the way through this, I was just thinking, I don't know when I'm going to get, when I'm going to
get a decent chip supper next, just don't know. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, I think I'm going
to be in Glasgow for a day or two in December, will that be the chance, but I'll be with my family,
so I'm going to be able to get one if they want to get one, if they want to get one off to miss out,

(01:20:32):
and blah, blah, blah. So, yeah, my mouth was fucking watering all the way through the film. Yeah,
when Gino presents the fishing chips to Alice and okay, they've got the slice of lemon a bit of
parsley on it, like okay, that's not going to happen, you know, we'll do like that, but when he's
like salt and vinegar, like oh, you just a little bit and he's pulling the salt and then he's going

(01:20:53):
it, I'm just like oh my god, my mouth was watering, like oh, fuck, I want some of that, I really want
some of that, but ever come across a chipee, they can sort of British style chipee and answer them.
There is somewhere that does, yeah, there is, but they're a bit further away, but there is like a little van
that does like proper British fishing chips, so I don't know how it is, but yeah, I need to test that

(01:21:20):
one day and see, um, so tightrope, so tightrope, yeah, is, they're called a chippy, so yeah, I need to
check them out and see if they're any good, but yeah, it's a tightrope and I might just wait,
because I feel bad, like last couple of times when back at Scotland, I haven't had, um, no I know.
Fish and chips, so I thought you'd, I thought you'd been right in behind me to get a rolling chips

(01:21:43):
with the other guns. I was not, I was not hungry, but, um, but they, I was full attendance, so I wasn't
in, I was full attendance, that's why I needed the fucking rolling chips. Yeah, to make sure that
could continue drinking tenants, and they'll have to go to bed. I mean, we can continue the food chat
because there is a wonderful scene where, uh, Jino has Haggis, which, which made me want to have a

(01:22:07):
fucking bad at Haggis, and he bites into it and he's like, oh, it's spicy, and then, no, no, so,
yeah, that'll be the sheep's stomach, and he instantly peaks, and it's funny, like I've explained
to quite a few people having been in Amsterdam, like in terms of Haggis, like, oh, yeah, Haggis,
and I explained to them what it is, and they're like, yeah, I don't want to ever eat that, and I'm like,

(01:22:29):
but it's so lovely. Like, if you just don't have, like, you have to taste it to know what it tastes like,
but it's, you need to get all for the kind of the preconceptions, and I agree, it sounds disgusting,
if you explain to someone what Haggis actually is, but it's so good. Yeah, I don't think it's, it's not
made the way that it used to be made anyway. I mean, I'm not like, boy, then everything in a sheep's

(01:22:51):
stomach, you know what I mean is like, I mean, there is a bit of awful in there, I'm sure, but I mean,
like, some cultures eat a lot worse, you know what I mean is part of their, sort of culinary heritage
than that, do you think? Yeah, of course. Yeah, the French eat horse. So, is that worse?
Was that better? I mean, you know, you live in Dubai, Greg, like, I've lived there as well. I have

(01:23:17):
seen neighbours having a goat in their backyard and ready to slaughter. Yeah. That they're going to eat
and I'm like, yeah, I'd, at rather a sheep's stomach than goat. I mean, I wouldn't know, obviously.
Yeah, vegetarian, but, you know, vegetarian Haggis is wonderful. I like goat. Fair enough. Okay.

(01:23:37):
Right, anyway, let's go off to the, the food chat. This was rated as one of the top three
Scottish feature films of all time in a poll by the list. Can you name the top five, Greg?
Top five. Top five. Top five gangster films, you just say. Top five Scottish feature films.

(01:24:01):
Oh, right, sorry. Okay, so number one, I'm going to say local hero. No, that is number four.
Okay. Have I got to get in my order? No, you can just shut them out. All right, I'm just telling you,
that's number four. So, local hero, American cousin's number three, local hero's number four. Okay.
Greg, these girls got me in there. That's number two. Number two, train spot in center. It's number one.

(01:24:22):
Wow. So fucking, well, Greg, if you can get this last one, then you've done it.
Got to film, let me think. I would say it's a old Scottish film, something that I haven't caught on
Swally, but we're going to. I know what it is. Whiskey, go lower. Fuck me, Greg, you've just got the

(01:24:43):
top five Scottish films according to the list magazine. That's amazing. Well done. That is impressive.
Yes. So, yeah, top five films, Scottish films according to the list magazine are
train spotting Gregor's girl, American cousins, local hero and whiskey galore. Again, just
compounds even more how this film is so difficult to track down there, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, it's

(01:25:07):
insane. Right. Let's go on to him. Big pussy himself, Vincent Pastor. So prominent on the poster,
on the DVD cover. Yes, he saves the day. It's just a fucking glorified cameo roll, isn't it? For sure.
But he's fucking great. It's pussy. It's so good. Such a big fan of the sopranos as

(01:25:29):
you are as well. It's just so good to see him. It's like, ah, no, I do have an issue. No, do you get
sighted taxi? Right. First of all, there's no way a fucking Glasgow cabbie is driving into that
area, seeing someone holding a gun to someone's head. Yeah. And it's going to just drive the taxi in.
Okay, let's just, yeah, put that aside. Tony gets out, talks to the guy, and then all of a sudden,

(01:25:53):
25 other guys come out. Yeah. Did they get a minute? Did they get a mini bus? Or how did they get there?
Like, just after him. Yeah. Yeah. The ending is all the bit, the endings are a little bit contrives
or supposes. I mean, I imagine that, I imagine that a lot of the money was off the back of the
fact that they'd got Vincent Pastor and, because you know, he's, I think this, I think his

(01:26:18):
character, sorry, if you're not seeing sopranos, massive spoiler coming your way. Opposed for a second,
give you a chance to hit it forward. His character just been killed off, right? And he was one of the
main characters in the first two series. So I think his, I think he goes to the end of the series two,
and I think the series two came out in like 2001. I think it's series three, guys. No, it's

(01:26:39):
series two. It's a very last one. Yeah. Last episode. Okay. It comes back for a couple of
the cameos. Oh, yeah, yeah, it does. Yeah. But yeah, it's the last episode of the series two. But,
yeah, trust me, watch them a lot. But yeah, he's obviously, I think they've probably got some funding
off the back of the fact that he's in the film. And it's funny, you know, we're seeing
near the beginning of the review about how it's all filmed on location. They keep, looks quite a

(01:27:04):
lot like, sight hill. I think that's going to film. And when we see, when we see, when we see,
big pussy on the phone near the beginning, it's supposed to be in New Jersey. I think that bridge is
just over the river in Glasgow and the south side. Pretty sure it is southeast of Glasgow. I think
that, that bridge is brought out and managed to get an American car for him to sit in to take the

(01:27:26):
phone call. Yeah, well, that's very tough. Like, I think they have to, um, well, Glasgow has been
doubling for America a lot over the last sort of 10 or 15 years. I mean, the flash, like they use
Pets of Glasgow to double for Gotham City, World War Z famously the first sort of five or ten minutes
of that film is all shot in George Square. I think a lot of the, the fast of the furious, the

(01:27:48):
Hobbes in Shaw spin off, big car chase through the merchant city. Glasgow has been doubling for America
for quite a long time. So it's fair. It's all, it's Fairfax, right? Fair enough. Yeah.
I have a couple of questions about this that I would, I would like you to obviously
clear up, but I just want to discuss with you. Okay, so first of all, Satimo, just, so he gets shot

(01:28:09):
in kind of the opening scene because Grace, they say, is it just Grace made them like, so it's just
Grace dims. We just have a bullet in his arm, the whole film, because what's the, the scene where
Gino is with the spoon kind of holding it against his Grace? Like, that's never kind of really gone
into, like does he have a bullet in his arm? The whole film or is he just, it's just been graced?

(01:28:30):
I don't know because he does see, like in that after the shootout, Gino asks them, he says,
are you all right? He says, are you hit? And he says, it just, it just, it just graces me. Let's go.
You know? Because it takes Gino's expensive tie to kind of, to make it, yeah.
To sort of, I don't know, to sort of dress it or whatever. No, this is after 9/11. How did the

(01:28:51):
fuck does he get his gun? In Scotland. Guess we just have to, how about poetic license? Right,
get pussy toning up with fucking a whole legion of my feels and many bus off camera. Gino,
have you a bath? Do you take baths? Skrigg? No, they, you kind of get a bath that I, that I can fit in
in the Middle East at all to put all to e, but even so, not a big fan of the bath. That's not a bath

(01:29:15):
actually, because when I was in Milan in, um, February of this year, I'd just create a big bath in the
hotel and had a month or a while and I thought, I could get in the bath and I'll watch, I better
whatever I was watching in the bath and relax a bit, um, but I was too hot, they get, can I, can I,
the, the, the temperature rate and they, you, you can go out of the bath, you can have a bit sweaty,
don't you think? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree with you on that.

(01:29:36):
What about you, you like a bath? I don't have a bath, if you did, would you, would you use the bath?
Um, no, well, what, what, my third apartment now, it's, um, my first two had baths and I don't
think I'd ever really use them. No, and, and do buy, yeah, at a bath in every house I lived in,
hardly ever had a bath. Yeah, not a big fan. I don't have to, I don't have to show her. I don't have

(01:29:58):
time for the bath. Yeah, I do remember when you let us use your place in Dubai when you were in
Germany for Christmas, my bathing, my daughters in your bath. Oh yeah, because they were re-then,
you know, they've been swimming, um, so we've stuck them in the bath. Did you like that, uh, when
Vincent Henry, the Scallies, um, are sat in the bar, they're drinking watermelon bacardi

(01:30:22):
breeze ears. Yeah, again, just dates the films. Like, why they're not drinking a patotenins,
they're drinking watermelon bacardi breeze ears. Yeah, maybe, maybe bacardi puts some money into
the films, well, maybe that's right, possibly. Um, I read a review of this online that said it was

(01:30:43):
a complete ripoff of comfort and joy, which I had to say, yeah, although anything that's got
in common with comfort and joy is a sort of ice cream element. Exactly. Yeah, it's like gangster,
but the Italian gangsters, but then the gangsters in this are all ukulean or, but you know,
the person who has said that has watched this and probably hasn't watched comfort and joy since it

(01:31:08):
came out and can't really remember much about it, you know what I mean? And it's just made a lazy connection.
prick prick, there we go. That's our assessment of that. But otherwise, yeah, really, I really enjoyed
this film. Like, it was really good. Like, I really, um, I, I will watch it again. Um, it's a bit

(01:31:30):
convenient at the end, obviously. Yeah. It turns out the, uh, Roberto is a stamp collector and
there all of a sudden Tony has this rare stamp that is worth $300,000 and means they get to open a
new restaurant and they have a fucking vineyard outside. Wherever that was before, like, you never
saw that. No, outside the restaurant before, but, uh, yeah, they've just suddenly bought all of that

(01:31:54):
land with the 300 grand, but I guess at that time in Glasgow, maybe it was, uh, available. So, yeah.
But they would have had to have sold the stamp to get the money to do it, right? Well, yeah, of course.
I thought that was the, yeah, the reason that they've, he's given him the stamp, he sold the stamp and
got the money and then, obviously, with the vineyards, but the thing that it made, it made me think of,

(01:32:16):
do you remember the scene in small faces when Lex has round it is Italian mates and his dad has been
trying to grow, his dad's wrapping his vineyards with foil. He's great. He's, he's, uh, great
prancer foil. He's, he says he's been trying to grow grapes in the garden since he got here. He's
never managed it or something like that because it's got his winter and I just thought to myself. Yeah,

(01:32:39):
grapes. There's a reason that if, if, if grapes could grow in Scotland, the, the Scottish wine in this
day would be as big as the Scottish whisky in this day if not bigger. These were special grapes,
grape, that can grow in any climate. Yeah, I thought, I mean, I felt, I kind of understood why it had to

(01:33:01):
be these little sort of shoots of grape plants that was what all the trouble was about in Kiev and
why there were fugitives and everything because if it had been something like drugs or whatever,
then it's going to be difficult for the audience to warm to these guys, these gangsters, you know what?
I mean, you know, I guess it is asking a lot for you to fit to, as the audience, to like them anyway

(01:33:26):
because the first time we see them, they were in a shootout, you know, there's Dan Hadea, it's pretty
good at being menacing although Danny Noot she doesn't really do anything sort of menacing or
aggressive in the film, he's just like, they're kind of full full on charm offensive. But I did feel
just like a wee bit, I don't know, they can be a wee bit let down that it wasn't something like,
I don't know diamonds or gold or something, something like that that they were, that it was quite

(01:33:52):
steak. Good, like it was quite, you know, and I, I thought it was quite nice that when it comes down to
Roberto and he's like, like, are you upset about what I did yesterday in terms of shooting the guy in the
leg and he's like, you know, gave my granddad a heart, like a fucker, yeah, it's again, yeah, yeah,
like that, you know, quite nice scene, he's like, I don't care about that but I'm presuming you've

(01:34:14):
got drugs upstairs, he's like, no, no, it's not drugs, it's, you know, yeah, the fight is keyanti,
yeah, no, I thought that was, that was pretty good, yeah, I liked that, maybe we would have a nice
glass of red wine as well, that scene, yeah, for those two talking about the keyanti, with some fish
and chips, with some fish in it, yeah, fish and chips, they're rolling chips, even better.

(01:34:34):
Okay, is it time to put American cousins through the Swally Awards?
Yeah, let's do it Greg, what is first, although I know what's first, it's the Bobby the Barman award,
isn't it? Bobby the Barman award for the best pub. So, if by my, by my reckoning, we've got the choice
of three, there is the, just mentioned a moment ago, this sort of clubby pub where we see Stephen

(01:34:56):
Graving in Co, having the Big Hardy Breezers and having a bit of a face off against the guy with the
smashing Pringle jumper on, there's, there is the pub that we see them and I get about later,
when Jojo's Goon goes to give them information, and then there is the pub that the Kaley has been held
in at the, at the, at the moment, there's just one other one? No, that's the three that I had.

(01:35:20):
I quite like the look of the bar that the skyscars are in Drunken Picardi Breezers, but,
the social club, I don't know, I think the Kaley music would do my head in, but it looked like
there was a good buffet, like it was getting some rolls and stuff there. I bet it was cheap for a pint
there as well. Yeah, definitely. Probably, I didn't have to be my choice, I think. Yeah, just sitting

(01:35:41):
in the bar. What about you? Well, I chose that too, you know, I hadn't really thought it through
about the sort of cheap drinks and the, and the good, the good buffet, but, um, yeah, I thought,
yeah, that's, that kind of reminded me of the social club in the village of Mord, the Naberdingshire,
there was, like, like, like a British Legion. Yeah, so yeah, yeah, yeah, I think, um, yeah, you know.

(01:36:04):
Okay, so next one, is there a Patron Swain of the podcast, James Cosmo Award for being in
everything Scottish? Russell Hunter. Russell Hunter? See, I thought we were going to have to debate
this, because I picked Russell Hunter. I thought you might pick, sure, the Henderson. But sure,
the Henderson is actually quite an international actress. Um, I said, but I, Russell Hunter, for all the
reasons that he mentioned, when we first spoke about him earlier on in the recording, the guy is

(01:36:28):
just prolific, you know? Yeah, yeah, so I, sort of, uh, Cosmo Bothering, kind of filmography,
really, you know, um, Cosmo Bothering. Next thing, the Jake McQuillan, your T-Zoot award, it has to
be Roberto with a mop and bucket. Yeah, I didn't, yeah, I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've written

(01:36:53):
them, uh, the big fella getting shot in the knee, um, Cosmo Bothering. Okay, it's a bit unexpected.
But yeah, but in terms of the sort of, uh, criteria, I think, um, Bobby Tanon, um, uh, Steven
Graeme over the bones with the mop bucket, it's a better fit. Yeah. So normally we would have the,
um, you make regular board for a graturist, you know, to say, but I mean, I get, you see,

(01:37:15):
Geno's arse, that's a minute, you know? Well, that's still nudity. I would say that counts and,
obviously, Charlie Henderson scenes his big salami and says, wow, afterwards. So, um,
his big salami, Geno's, Geno's packing. Big salami or recoilable? It's not a recoilable. So,

(01:37:35):
I'm sure it's a, a big churrito that he's, I don't know, a Spanish, um, big salami, we'll say,
we'll be a co-oper. Next then, the Francis Bagbea award for graturist swearing. What did you go for?
Fuck off Biggles. Just for some reason. I know it's not the most graturist moment, but I hadn't
heard that anybody referred to Biggles since I was a fucking kid and, uh, just Steven Graeme when he

(01:38:00):
bumped into the pilot. Fuck off Biggles just made me laugh. That was my choice until like two seconds,
later. He said, "Shop, you fucking cranky." Yeah, so that said, that's my choice. There are some great
uses of swearing later on as well. But yeah, um, I went with, yeah, "Shop, you fucking cranky."

(01:38:21):
Next day, fuck off Biggles.
Subscribe, isn't it, Little Chuckle? Next, archetypal, Scottish moments.
I went with either visiting Loch Lomond, or, I mean, the dashing white sergeant.
Yeah, I've written Kayleigh/Walk Lomond in the pissing rain. Yeah, I don't think I've been to Loch
Lomond when it hasn't rained. Yeah. And then, um, next thing is the Sean Connery award for who

(01:38:49):
wins the film. Who did you go for for this one? Do you know, I've really agonised over this.
I'd written, I'd written, at one point, I'd written Dan Hadea, and then I'd put a line through it
because he does sort of disappear. But when he's on screen, he, you know, even when he's sort of quietly,
there's a, I mean, I've seen her too when he sort of sitting quietly at the back of the screen while,

(01:39:12):
at the back of the shot, when, um, when Bob and Genoa were talking, or, you know, having a bit of a
back and forth, he's really, I think he's really good. But for all the reasons, I set it with on,
for all the reasons that I mentioned earlier, they're on when we were talking about her.
I guess, show the Anderson. Okay. Yeah. I think she just drives the film, you know. What about you?

(01:39:32):
Who'd you go for? I went for Lepkowski, however, you might have swayed me on Henderson because she does
kind of drive the film. Yeah. If I think about probably the most memorable scenes they are involving her,
you're right. Like that scene where she's reviewing his fish and chips is great in terms of,
and yeah, she is, yeah, fuck it. I've changed one mind. Henderson, point for me. Yeah. She's great.

(01:39:58):
Okay. So that was American cousins. If you want to see it, you're gonna have to really, really search
for it, especially if you are in the UK or Europe, um, American listeners may come across a bit easier.
What was the website that was on in America this streamer? Um, it is, let me just double check.

(01:40:19):
It is available on, uh, the bloco or something like that. It's like, to me or something. To me.
Yeah. I got sure. Yeah. To me. But it's available, um, yeah. If you can search for it, then you will
be able to find it. So yeah. So American cousins was my choice, um, um, being sort of wishing
like, because I'd done it sooner because it is just because I think it's just because I got to go

(01:40:42):
to the premiere. It's sort of, it was a good memory. It was a good memory, um, doing that, um,
so maybe that's why. But anyway, that means that the half-empty Iron Blue bottle spins
back round to you. What are we watching on the next episode? Well, the next episode will come out
on the third of October Greg, which means it's Halloween month, which means it's the swallow spooktuck.

(01:41:06):
So on the next episode, I'm gonna give you Christopher Lee, Wow, Peter Cushing, Dianna Doors,
Michael Gambon and Fulton MacKai. Second mentioned this episode. Yeah.
Let's be look at it. And I think this is going to be right up your street. We'll look at a 1973 film

(01:41:27):
covering the mysterious deaths of three trustees at an orphanage on the Scottish Island of Bala,
and the film is called Nothing But The Night. And it is available on YouTube.
It is a bit of me, you're quite right. Yeah. I know it is. I know it is right up your street.
Fucking Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, I think it was produced by Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing.

(01:41:51):
They sent their own film studio. Okay. Did this film and it was a massive film.
Back to it.
But it is a complete, uh, 1970s kind of hammer horror film.
Brilliant. And it also stars Gwen Strong, aka Cassandra from Only Fools and Horses, as a child

(01:42:12):
actress. And Keith Barron from G.E. Free. Brilliant. I'm gonna, I'm gonna die,
Lou G.E. Free. I need to watch that again. I love that. Yeah. So, um, nothing but the night
available on YouTube. So that's the first episode of our Swally Spooktacular. Brilliant.

(01:42:33):
Yeah. Okay. Right. Thank you very much for listening everyone. Uh, if you want to follow us on the
socials, you can follow us on Insta at Culture Swally Pod, or you can follow us on X,
formerly known as Twitter at Swally Pod. And if you want to get in touch with us, you can,
you can email us on Culture Swally at gmail.com with any recommendations or anything you've

(01:42:55):
seen in the news. Or hey, if you're just wanting to touch, say hello, just send us a message.
And we have a wonderful website as well. Don't we, Greg?
We do. You can find us at cultureswally.com where we find links to all the episodes.
There are four mentioned, uh, crankies, uh, essay and some other, uh, bits and bobs about Scottish
filming culture. And if you're interested in, uh, Scottish film, although that documentary series

(01:43:21):
I mentioned earlier is primarily about the British film industry. Uh, there are, um, there is a lot of
a coverage of, um, Scotland, particularly in the 80s, uh, with films like Local Hero, which we've
covered in the Swally for our 50th episode. And also, uh, restless natives, sorry, to be a second

(01:43:42):
to get there, uh, as well. Um, so, uh, yeah, if you're interested, it's called Real Britannia.
Uh, it's one or two years old, animated by Nick Helm, um, but some great talking heads in there,
Mike Lee, uh, Mike Newell, Ken Roach, I wrote on there, uh, so it's where Worth A Watch? Wonderful.
Yeah, you did send that to me and I meant to watch it and I was going to watch a yesterday, but I ended

(01:44:06):
up watching, uh, a documentary about the attitude era of WWE, which, um, is available on Smarter's.
If you want to look for it, it's, well, Worth A Watch, but, uh, I might watch that, um, documentary, um,
later on. But yeah, fantastic. Okay, wonderful. Right. Uh, I will see you next next month, next, uh, next time

(01:44:30):
for our, uh, first episode of our Swally's Butak, which we have three episodes of, because we have
three episodes coming out in October, Greg. So we've got three scary films to cover. So, until next time,
until next time. Public relations, my ass. Excuse me, Mr. Guiney.

(01:44:51):
Why not? Oh, please. We from New York, Jersey and I am now, we are in public relations, my fat ass.
So what do you say? You saying our mobsters? So you better look out, or you land up in the river
quite well and concrete well is.

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Episode 109 - American Cousins (2003)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 109 - American Cousins (2003)