Are All Lovers Pilgrims?

We give up on those we profess to love too soon.   There is something primordial, something gossamer, to do with the body, to do with first inchoate impressions, which attracts us to one another in the first place. Because relationships often begin in shallow waters.   As things start to become serious, the couple traverses depths. It's not easy. And unexpected. Murky, weed-laden, algae-full. The clear eyes and the pellucid surfaces of early days is suddenly overladen with things about each other we don't even recognize. It is difficult to swim through the muck. For it seeps into our pores, into the day-&-night of our lives, into our senses, and suddenly everything which was golden turns murky, overladen with offal. What attracted now repulses.   This is when things start collapsing. We completely forget what brought us to each other in the first place.   In the old days, when coupledom, marriages, were unending, and meant for forever, this was a phase which was meant to be borne, till it passed - and one learnt to live with it. Often, things remained as they were, however deep the relationship went. Toxicity was the norm. Individually we were supposed to grow, as a couple we were supposed to fly. Instead there was claustrophobia and a sense of doom.   But the tragedy often was elsewhere. The tragedy was when we never gave a chance to time and change.   Because as one swam through the muck, something magical often started to emerge. Pellucid waters. Depths which captured light like mussels catch pearls. Where the muck was the rough exterior but grace and beauty were permanent residents - albeit hidden. For the couple, there was a sense of transcendence.   And since it was reached with patience, forbearance, commitment, there was a sense of gratefulness and wonder which filled us.   So, beyond anything and everything, relationships need the patience of space. Time's hard knocks are a phase to build resilience, to understand the other, and more importantly, for us to uncover layers in ourselves we didn't know existed.   Discovery and understanding are both the magnet and the glue which holds a couple together.   If you liked this poem, consider listening to these other poems on the passages of relationships - 

• Lovers Who Synchronise (and those who don't)
• Return to You
• I Said I Love You First

Subscribe to my newsletter 'The Uncuts'

Follow me on Instagram at @sunilgivesup.

Get in touch with me on [e-mail]   The details of the music used in this episode are as follows - Satisfaction by Sascha Ende Reaching the sky by Alexander Nakarada Link: https://filmmusic.io/en/song/Satisfaction Link: https://filmmusic.io/en/song/Reaching-the-sky Licence:  https://filmmusic.io/standard-license