Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 15th May 2026 - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
From the Zitian podcast Network. This is for the Police,
Big pod, brought to.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
You by Chemist Warehouse, the biggest brands at the lowest
process in India.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
There is a chance for you to pay for a
prison break. I've always wanted to try to break out
of a prison. No, I've always wanted to try to
outrun the police. How would you go? What are you?
What's your don't the wall one hid in the laundry truck? Yeah, yeah,
and then they'd get to the laundry factory and they're

(00:30):
probably I'd end up in a big commercial washer and drown.
While you're in the truck.

Speaker 4 (00:34):
You've got to tuck and roll out. You get a
couple of like gravel rashes. But it's worth it because.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
Now you're a free man. Just jump out on the motorway,
jump out on the tuck and roll. No, this is
the opposite. So they are giving you the chance and
a real and like an active prison, working prison, a
working prison, to feel the jail experience. Now I will
say this is a this is in a separate part,
so you're not like in the main soule blot and
for two rupee which I looked up as is nothing

(01:03):
that's thirty five to Zealand dollars. You can stay for
twenty four hours. It's going to be cheaper than accommodation.
Yeah yeah, well I'm in India. You can get some
absolute Oh yeah, it's great. You've been what shacks you
can get the cheapest accommodation in can get nice stuff too,
and even the nice even like a nice hostel, would
be cheaper than that. Yeah yeah, yeah, so for half

(01:26):
that price, half the hours, so you could just do
twelve hours, just do like a night.

Speaker 4 (01:30):
Oh no, I want to do, but I want to
be I want to hear the.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
Kerfuffle of the prism. But it's so I don't know
if if you would if you're in a separate area,
but it's very like an old school. Where you're staying
is almost an i'd say an older part, older.

Speaker 4 (01:44):
Part because there's black bars and concrete walls and a tiny,
hard looking single bed and a silver toilet in the room.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
But you'd imagine it's great for social media. If you're
an influence me.

Speaker 4 (02:00):
To spend a day in prison in India, I totally
do this.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
If we could share a cell, like if you just
with a group of friends, I'll do it. If we
could share a cell how many how many to a cell?
One the steel the steel toilet, you get a pot
of drinking water, a pot, yeah from India, as well
my drinking vessels to have a lid. Oh is it
a pump? You know what I mean? Like, no, no,

(02:26):
it's not, no, it's not.

Speaker 4 (02:28):
I've lost the passion because getting Deli belly while locked
up in prison with a steel toilet, steel toilet. It
was embarrassing enough when I thought you're gonna hear me
through the wall of the barley villa. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no,
I mean that I was making the same sounds in
my room.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
How come I didn't get Bali doing we're weak? You
just you prioritize gut health, yeah, oh yeah, whereas I
prioritize making my guts didn't exist, making my gut be
like you're.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Right, and Hailey, big pod.

Speaker 4 (03:03):
Now, death, it is inevitable death and taxes right, unavoidable.
It's happening to all of us. I am closer to
it than when I started talking.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
Grim. That was grim.

Speaker 4 (03:20):
Have you guys read about the oh we've talked about this.
I think the four thousand weeks book.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
Yeah, I've seen a graphic present.

Speaker 5 (03:27):
Man.

Speaker 4 (03:29):
My average you get four thousand weeks in your life,
and then I found myself at the top of this
year kind of wishing a lot of it to speed up.

Speaker 3 (03:37):
I've just got to get you want your holidays get
to us.

Speaker 4 (03:41):
I'm just going to get to the end of the start.
I just need to get to the weekend. And you're
like you, you're just throwing them away. You only get
four thousand of them, carp.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
A DM and then some people get less and some
people get more. I see yesterday was the top to
one's birthday. Yeah, oh that didn't look particularly well in
the post on social media, but they read said reached
sixty eight.

Speaker 4 (04:01):
Yeah, absolutely, they've been through it. Let's not talk about them.
And now I'm talking about death. Yeah, so let's talk
about It's sort of funny.

Speaker 3 (04:14):
And he didn't. How many weeks did it? Has he had?

Speaker 6 (04:16):
Then?

Speaker 3 (04:16):
How many weeks and hundred years? Weeks and one hundred
years we should be to work it out? Five two hundred? Yeah,
So there you go, say, he got way more, way more.
Oh my god, if we are so lucky.

Speaker 4 (04:29):
So death is inevitable, and it does mean that you know,
when the people around us dying, we go to funerals,
and maybe you will attend a funeral where maybe you
didn't know the person as well as a friend of yours,
and you want to go up to them and you
want to give them some words of comfort.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
Well, a psychologist has.

Speaker 4 (04:45):
Said, here's something you don't want to say, and we're
probably all said.

Speaker 3 (04:49):
It's not sorry for your loss, because isn't that something
everyone says. I wouldn't say anything.

Speaker 4 (04:54):
I just like, I'm sorry for your losses. It's on
the list of that's fine. There's that I am very
sorry for your loss. It's acknowledging their loss.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
Right. What you don't want to do is minimize their
grief in any way. And here's the sentence.

Speaker 4 (05:09):
They've pointed out that probably a lot of us have said, hey,
at least they went peacefully. You know, maybe someone you
know suffering journey.

Speaker 3 (05:19):
But I mean it's true, right, at.

Speaker 4 (05:21):
Least they went peacefully. They're not in pain anymore. That
kind of stuff, because all you're doing like they're gone
and the grief is the size of the grief, and
by trying to put a positive spin on it, at
least they no longer in pain. It's like, no, I
should just wish they were here. So what you want
to do is nothing that minimizes it. At least they
went peacefully. Here's some other examples of how you might

(05:43):
unintentionally be minimizing someone's grief.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
At least she lived a long life.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
Yes, you know when grandma dies at ninety, like your
grandma died late. At least she lived a long life,
and she yes, but I'm still very sad.

Speaker 3 (05:58):
Way, but my mom says all these things at her
own parents' funerals.

Speaker 6 (06:01):
Ye.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (06:03):
Or here's another one. I know people try to do
this to try to relate to you, but it doesn't work.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
I know how you feel. My mom passed away recently.

Speaker 4 (06:10):
I know how you feel. I lost a loved one too.
It's like, yeah, today's not about you, secually, not about you.

Speaker 3 (06:16):
That's a classic friend that always makes about themselves talks.

Speaker 4 (06:19):
About this a lot when people go, oh my, how's
your cancer journey and he goes yeah, ye, and he's like,
oh my brother had a you know, had a cancer
and did it and you're like cool, but I'm doing
it now, or like oh, yeah, I lost my brother
to cancer.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
You're like, awesome, I'm alive, you know.

Speaker 4 (06:33):
Yeah, yeah, death is better than suffering. That's the same
thing you're minimizing. They're in a better place now. We're
just wanting to be alive. Actually in a hole in
the Grandeur about to me, yeah, saying to it apparent
figure like you know, you've got to stay stay strong
for the Kurds.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
No, no, you're allowed to fall apart. Someone's dye.

Speaker 4 (06:52):
I hope you're okay. I'm not okay, and it's okay
that you're not okay. And then here's the other one
that someone said, let me know if there's anything I
can do, because now I've.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
Put a burden on you. Bring them back. Yeah, I
don't know, bring it back, cure what killed them.

Speaker 4 (07:06):
But by saying, you know, let me know if there's
anything I can do, you're actually that's a very passive offer.
Just do something for them, Just cook for them, just
turn up, just come over and clean or whatever. Don't
be like, hey, text me because now I've got a
job to do and my my loved one's diet. Yeah,
better alternatives. I'm so sorry for you're lost. They touched

(07:26):
a lot of lives, including mine. I feel very lucky
to have known them. My heart goes out to you
and your family. Lovely to see you.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
I wish it was under bitter circumstances, no minimizing or
just blast. Yeah, man, what a suck? What a suck search?
Do you know we keep it casual? Guts suck search?
What an owl? Yeah? Yeah, took an owl? Is that
a gin z? Man?

Speaker 4 (07:55):
God, you've gotta enjoy them while they're here, because nick
minute they're gone.

Speaker 3 (07:59):
I don't know if we're doing that one, but it's
just keeping it light. Yeah, you didn't do it. Happened
to my name's funeral. You know the sad part. We
poor bearied. We put her in the hearse and then
they went to start it up and went and wouldn't start,
and they had to jumpstart the hearse. That was quite funny.

Speaker 4 (08:15):
When my nana was being lowered into the hole the
moldy way, which is just ropes, not a system, one
of the guys was holding the ropes and he you know,
it's quite janky the way that they get down on
these ropes. His cell phone fell out of his brist
pocket and fell into the hole underneath the coffin.

Speaker 3 (08:33):
So then dude. So someone's getting lowered by the ankles
to grab.

Speaker 4 (08:41):
So, of course becauses are now holding the ropes. Someone
takes over his rope. Nana's teetering on the ropes. He
just slips into the hole, gets his cell phone and
my mom on the side. Overwhelmed by grief, she goes
it could be quite good.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
We could call her.

Speaker 1 (09:01):
What is Haley pod?

Speaker 3 (09:03):
From the unmoderated comments section, this is the top six.
I don't worry to speaks silly. Somebody's birthday Winter, happy
birthday of Jeff's tag jiffs right here in back in
the day here sprow, I'm talking like pre us waits

(09:30):
a good you don't see and then you see him
is a good fellow, bloody decent as the day is long.
We love a decent We love a decent fellow. Love them.
Today's top six is dealing with not the top six
endearing qualities of Jeff stag, but it's the top six

(09:52):
good products to save the day financeally for Gwyneth Paltrow,
what are you looking at? A page? Deal? So I'm
on the Goop website. I didn't even go to the
Goop website. Check what they had so you have to
tell me. There's a lot of crap on here. There's
a lot of crap on here.

Speaker 4 (10:08):
A lot of toys, say, a lot of toys which
we love, very good from the female sexual health, but they're.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
A knockoff man the Womanizer as just to satisfying pro too.
Everyone's got a version of weighted rest bangles. There's body
balanced magnets. I mean, there's some all rights, there's some
good stuff on here, but there's a lot of rubbish.

(10:33):
I've just made up six things. Okay, Well, I've been
scrolling the website, so if they exist, I'll tell you.
But over the years, she's been very famous for selling
bizarre crap and a lot of this you could just
get on and a.

Speaker 4 (10:46):
Lot of it not very well researched for its actual
scientific benefits.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
Yeah, but if it makes it so they laying off
stuff because they're just not having trouble selling. Yeah, they
just cozy cry babes. Just one of those classic things. Yeah,
when times get tough, people can't afford fifteen thousand dollars
lamps that look like bread. Yeah. Top six goot products
to save the day. Number six on the list are
bees wax and a human ear wax candle with a

(11:12):
horse here Wick, it's ethically sourced human airwax. Haley, I
know you only said her yuh because you were worried
about humans being well be slaved. But there free range
humans donating their air wax. I'm very dry in the air,
are you. I wouldn't be able to donate. I've got
a goodyear, Yeah, I don't.

Speaker 4 (11:31):
And I'm jeless because I would love the feeling of
getting a bit of coop out.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
There's got to be a there's got to be some
sort of evolutionary reason. I've got a wet air and
you've got to dry. Our people perhaps came from very
different climates, but we're both from Scotland. Who knows number
five on the list of the top six goot products
to save the day, an activated charcoal or a sandblaster
remove psychic residue and also gives you a light exfoliation.

(11:59):
But you might not be right, So I don't know
if your or should be saved with activated charcoal. Yeah,
that doesn't sound right. Just a bit full noise, and
that's because you guys have got bad auras. Let me
bring on my aura glasses. Oh yeah, I reckon, I reckon,
you'd like this, Hailey on the goop, We've sat a
brass Captain bottle opener and it's like an it's like

(12:20):
a bottle opener. But I've got one like that. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (12:26):
Now mine was a naked mermaid with a set of
honk and breast.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
Oh that's cool. Yeah, fifty dollars. That's probably one of
the cheaper things on its The wooden yeah, oh yeah.
The wood penis bottle openers a place number four on
the list of the top six group products to save
the day of four thousand, two hundred dollars wooden spurn
list by a ball and these healer really need to

(12:51):
get them. Blessed you can, yeah to blessed to be
stress number three on the list of the top six
group products. Say the day are tuning for walk. It's
calibrated to the frequency of female rage. Say your lady's
losing her mind. Just we're like neutralizes that they go,

(13:12):
it's just yelling about I don't know. You'll give me
a kiss. I number two on the less of the
top six goot products to save the day. She's had
some candles, Yeah, different smelling candles. Remember the candle that
smelled like a yeah, her personalizing. Yeah, this is a
candle that smells like a clean divorce. Oh yeah, great.

Speaker 4 (13:33):
Is any such thing conscious uncoupling? Well, yeah, the conscious candles.
Anytime you think about going like, oh I'm gonna get
I'm taking the.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
Car like candle or you know what, you loved that car?
You had divorce number one on the less of the
top six goot products to save the day. Well, she
had all the Yeoni eggs, right, she's had a little
thora of Yoni eiggs, well of ygs. I'm just thinking
the females, if they want ye you've probably got one now. Yep.
The antique mail are the untapped mail market. I'm calling

(14:06):
them prostate stones. You need to work on your marketing.
Prostate Stone subscription box, Okay, new months, fresh stone, fresh seat,
collect the fibrures amethyst, yep, sure, Prostate Stones, March quarts

(14:27):
April gravel Yeah yeah, yeah, times are getting touted. We're
just going to check you some gravel. Yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
ZNM podcast Needwork plays MS Flesh one Dubai.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
It might not be somewhere that people want to travel
to at the moment. Uh, and everybody's leaving what was happening,
vorn just the whole thing in the Middle East, A
couple of you.

Speaker 4 (14:54):
Know how people years ago were campaigning for peace in
the Middle East.

Speaker 3 (14:57):
Yeah, didn't work. Well, I feel like I said it
at least three times. Yeah, it didn't help. Man, Dubai
has opened the world's first, and I am assuming the
claiming it's the world first. I don't know if any
other place in the world that's doing this. The world's
first women only beach.

Speaker 4 (15:16):
Makes sense for a place like Dubai, but more conservative. Yes,
Dubai probably the least conservative out of the Middle Eastern.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
Yeah, because so many expats. Yeah, but women can now relax,
Women enjoy amenities and a camera free environment.

Speaker 4 (15:31):
Oh you providing female residents and tourists with an exclusive
private seaside retreat.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
So no men, no men leering it, you know, me
taking photos? Okay, but if you don't put up my
auxiliary cord. I believe I've got live audio feed of
the lesbians approaching the woman's only beach in Dubai.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
Oh, I'm.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
No one ugly at me. What's that? Let's just pulled up?
Man's the BT fifty?

Speaker 4 (16:05):
Is that woman shaved off the side of her hair
looking at me.

Speaker 3 (16:11):
Wait a second, Has she got blue hair dye in that? Move? Hawk? Suspicious?
Has she got two tattoo sleeves on her eyes? What
is she wearing? A zena warrior princess too? Shit?

Speaker 4 (16:25):
Hang on a moment, is that a septum piercing I
see coming towards me.

Speaker 3 (16:30):
Doc Martin's at the beach. Oh wow, okay, all right,
well you might have some lesbiansan brigade. I'm happy. I'm
happy to sit this one out if if as long
as the lesbians gets, you know, being a pillar of
the lesbian community as I am and have been awarded
multiple years in a row, I'm happy for them to

(16:53):
have that one. Yeah. Here's the thing.

Speaker 4 (16:54):
I love this idea because sometimes you just want to
sort of feel nice and comfortable and relax and don't
worry about it. I also do, and this is very hypocritical,
and I'm aware of it.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
If a man does that to a woman. I like
to look at the guys of the beach. So I'm
a little bit like, what am I doing here?

Speaker 7 (17:11):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (17:11):
So you'd rather be at all? I like an oogle
for Google's sort of a free trade oogling agreement. Yeah,
I'll give you fatine take off the tariffs. Let ye
have you the oogle free market. Have you ever been
on a beach though in Europe where like people just sit,
women will just sit with their tat. It's awesome, but

(17:35):
it's just like you feel awkward because you're not looking.
But then if you're nearby, you're just like, I'm not looking.
I'm not like we feel awkward.

Speaker 4 (17:42):
The Europeans don't, so they save that for a newdi beach.
I've taken my top off at a New Zealand beach
and like laid on bees. Yeah that's a question and
people are already like, I know, yeah, nipples, slightly larger
nipples on something fatty.

Speaker 3 (18:00):
If a wave had their feet and she jumps up nipples,
that's the source of life. Plants I ever saw was
at the beach in Grease. It was huge and it
was on an old dude turn. I was like, good
for you wrist or editors at rest that play, you
know when it was large at wrist that Yeah, I'm

(18:22):
almost terrified. You know when you see your dad's and
you're a little kid and you assume it's big just
because you're so small. It's got a messabie and you
think I did. I felt like that, but I was
an adult. Yeah, and you're like one day, well might
be there. Bad absolutely never not at chance. And now.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
Podcast were silly little POI.

Speaker 8 (18:47):
It is so silly, silly, silly, that silly little pool,
silly silly.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
Silly poll. Will you be getting an inheritance just to
based a little pole? Because there's some UK story about
someone having a tanty because their parents got inheritance from
their parents and then I an didn't get any. You
were in the will you're an extra line, you know
those money columns, and they're like do you have any
need advice on money and stuff? And they're like, yeah,

(19:21):
my parents won't give me any of the inheritance. So
it was at one point six million New Zealand dollars,
he's eight hundred thousand pounds and mum and dad have
held on to it.

Speaker 4 (19:30):
But once they go, it's yours with whatever they spend
it on, with property, or.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
If they decide to give it to you. It is true.
I mean unless your grandmother said I want little Tiffany
to get yeah, and then she would have got it
at the time. Yeah, exactly. But she didn't say that.
There's entitled bitch is giving us the exact reason why
Grandma didn't write her into the world.

Speaker 4 (19:54):
If your retirement plan is waiting for your parents to die.

Speaker 3 (20:00):
Yeah, Europe, Like I know, friends at the moment like
have told me stories like when people die, money brings
out the worst in people age and families start fighting
and then you know, not talking to each other. That's horrible.
So I've told my parents not to leave any I
don't want it because I've said it, and I'm said
to my siblings, I said, I don't think we'd fight
about it. We're all too like proud to accept money. Yeah,

(20:23):
it's stubborn to accept me. But who knows totally change it?
Change does totally change. So yeah, spend it all in
a Christen if you're listening or Patsy, don't leave any
thing behind. They don't worry. I don't worry about it, man,
they're renovating villas in Italy. I think your parents are
definitely not leaving anything behind. They literally live with me.
Yeah you know, so, said little Paul. Will you be

(20:45):
getting inheritance the options, Yes, I know, I am I
think so, but not sure. And no the most popular.
I think so, but I'm not sure forty one percent. Yeah,
no comes in at thirty four percent, and what twenty
five percent of people said yes, I know, I am wow. Wait,
that's a lot of people that aren't getting anything because
their parents what said to them, by the way, you're

(21:05):
not getting anything, or they just don't have anything, or
they just don't have anything. If you have, you know,
struggled through life and you're on super and you're still
renting and you don't own it, like you're struggling to
get by day to day, your kids are going to
just you just need to survive your life. Yeah, and
there were more and more of that. Hell Matt says,

(21:27):
does it count if I'm going to inherit all their debt? Well,
that's an inheritance. Inheriting turn it into DIBt that you
don't have to pay. Do you have to pay their
debt when they die? Why do you inherit the house
and the house is going to mortgage? Yes, that's what
life insurance as for. You may emancipate them. Get emancipated

(21:48):
if your parents are and then you know, just still
be their son. But just legally the bank can't come
after you tea and said, Lord, I hope not. I
need my parents' money now, not when they decide to
cark it. That's fear, like I eat it now, but

(22:08):
you can't just take it now. Yeah, but not when
they can, not when they cart it. My mother keeps
telling me she has no money saivit corea. Yeah, okay,
cats Is told mom and dad they worked hard for it,
so as the this spin would rather recurasion to have
fun and anything left over as a welcomed but not expected.
That's the right attitude. Had started with nothing, and I said, though,
in with nothing, because I'll bankrupt them. No, brother, but

(22:33):
Grandpa said, my son is getting the money instead. Oh okay,
I'll skip your car. Just get me. I'll just look
after it for him. That's happened. Dana said, I will be.
But it's a farm, so loophole. I'll get a lifetime
of work. And did Yeah, there's a great little loophole there, Logan.

(22:56):
I think I get my grandad's World War two watch
at some point. That's you sell that immediately. No doing
it's special. I'm an only child and my parents own
their house. I guess I'm just waiting for the grim Reaper.
It was grim but funny. But you were your parents

(23:16):
while they're with us. Yep. Um Earl says, no, my
mother decided to buy lots of gift cards and send
them to her friends that she found on Instagram. A
sad to say. Instagram, Facebook and WhatsApp have been removed
from her phone. Not angry, Just what the safety for
our oldies do? Check on them? Yeah? The timely reminder

(23:37):
it must be due for a net safety week must
be Yeah, one of those every year. They're always around here. Yeah.
And the way they're cloning our voices these days. Yeah,
Hailey's not even here today.

Speaker 4 (23:50):
Yeah, she had a big night as she sent me
in small glitches in the system.

Speaker 3 (23:56):
It's almost flawless, yeah, most Yeah, because you know Hailey's
got her own glitches in the systems she does. What
else is message? I like how this Haley AI? I
just agrees with me, like all as down, I'm doing
a great Why would I disagree with you? You're always right? A.
Haley is great. I so much better than Haley. Nothing's

(24:17):
better than my two friends. And we spell h A
I ali y because of AI. Yeah, and the better
way to spell Haley yeah, more, you're so funny and cute. Thanks,
Ai Hailey, Joanna's here, My brothers and I got fifty
thousand dollars cash. Who my dad died. Mum's still alive. Now,
Mum's honing through what's left. Good on her though, good honor.

(24:37):
There'll be a four left when she's done.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
So for do I just interrupt quickly to say, your
face gives big I know how to have sex innergy.

Speaker 3 (24:44):
See so much better than ordinary Hailey, Ai Hailey, Sorry,
Ai Hailey, it's not that's just not what we say
to Vaughn. Oh what do we say? Shirt Day? Which
can I just say? And I said, we are the
funniest on the show. Let's think twice on pink shirt Day,
you're wearing the shirt. Yeah, that says no bullying. What

(25:07):
have you got to say about my face? It is
a beautiful face worn and I personally agree, but I
am a robot, so my opinion is all funay discus
on Monday Born like, it just feels like covert bullying.

Speaker 4 (25:22):
I would never do that to you with that cute
button nose and that's sexy, sexy face.

Speaker 3 (25:27):
Will you be getting an inheritance? Is today silly little
Pole and twenty five percent of you said yes, I will.

Speaker 1 (25:33):
Be the Fletchhorn and Haley.

Speaker 3 (25:37):
Okay, So two things.

Speaker 4 (25:39):
I'm just doing a social media overhaul because I've got
new clips and I'm touring at the moment, and I'm
trying to be better at social media because I just
I'm not good at it and I don't understand.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
Also, you've become famous this week, haven't you.

Speaker 4 (25:52):
Yeah, because Ershula Carlson we talked about this. Ursula Carlson
has a sketch comedy show and I was in a
couple of the sketches.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
And one of the I've been watching some of them
and they are very funny. Well they're so they're not
so well done. I'm not telling her that. Why not?
It's you. I loved it. Have you told her? God? No, no,
very proud of you getting a big hit. I'm God,
I'm proud of it, Mum tell her no, no, no, no,
no God.

Speaker 4 (26:19):
Anyway, So, one of the skeitches, which is called Southound
Books of Bullshit, It's had three million views and the
comments are crazy and ersh messaged me being like co
lab on the post, so that I've posted it to
on my page and the.

Speaker 3 (26:32):
Comments are just crazy.

Speaker 4 (26:33):
As I mentioned, people just go nuts, people thinking it's true,
people calling me up for being a bad interview, even
though it.

Speaker 3 (26:38):
Was a character.

Speaker 4 (26:39):
And I was talking to Ershe about this, and she
was like, my favorite game is to get in there
and respond to all the trolls. And I, as someone
who has worked in the public eye for like coming
up ten years, my thing was never respond.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
I don't think you should.

Speaker 4 (26:55):
Yeah, and I and I was always told because the
first time even went on seven days I told it
a colorful joke, shall we say, And for a year
I was ripped apart on Twitter, like absolutely what. People
messaged my mum saying that she should have aborted me.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
Like it was, oh my whole noise.

Speaker 4 (27:13):
It was a it was a joke about Simon Bridges
at the time, and so the right you know, the
sort of right leaning people took immense offense to which.

Speaker 3 (27:21):
Is weird given the flakes. Yeah, yeah, they called everybody
snowflakes because yeah, so you know, usually crushed and their
feelings it hurt. Yet when the birds are the other fire,
who's the snowflake?

Speaker 4 (27:30):
So very early on I was a given great advice
which is like ignore, ignore, ignore, or don't feed it.

Speaker 3 (27:35):
And Ursula has gone to me. She says, no, Babe,
have it. It's a lot of fun. So she's South
Africa are built different, yo, But I want to be
more luck right lack for me. I think I've become
weak by living in New Zealand and all of this.

Speaker 4 (27:52):
So I recently collabbed on a post from my Garla
set with Comedy Festival and it's a joke about what
men look like when they put on their own condoms.

Speaker 3 (28:02):
Very funny, you can say.

Speaker 4 (28:04):
I love the joke and as you can imagine, wind,
oh are they not corn offindered?

Speaker 3 (28:13):
What fun of I willie?

Speaker 4 (28:15):
Honestly they are just the absolute to light And it's
had a million views and sow quite.

Speaker 3 (28:21):
A few comments to an eighty eight of them, and
I've just been having we should aute fun, sorry, we
should collab with the page and then get our kpiyes up. Yeah,
can you do that?

Speaker 4 (28:31):
Do you want to collab? Shan's got some do have
a hooone on my material, Babs.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
It really feels like a loophole there to get management
off our back. I'm happy. I'm happy to collab so,
for example, someone said, Brian, Brian.

Speaker 4 (28:48):
Also, of course it was Brian really scraping the ass
of the barrel for material.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
What age group is the audience? Not you, Brian. Why
does every white male thing everything should be for them
just because it has always Babes, it's the it's the
top of the thing.

Speaker 4 (29:03):
I just said, ages five plus back to Brian, and
then he got an absolute dreaming from some fans about
like always feeling triggered, and I said, it's all about
how men curve their spine when they put on condoms.
I said, yeah, how effing curved is Brian's ooh spine?

Speaker 3 (29:15):
Right?

Speaker 4 (29:16):
Chross, Oh wait, so you're not just responding to them,
you're also getting a roaster. Chris said, what a classy woman.

Speaker 3 (29:23):
That's a jug.

Speaker 4 (29:23):
I said, grassiest, Chris, I went to private school, and
I think you can tell. Canaan said it was two days.
I was not laughing at three now, and I said, Canie,
thank you so much for coming back. Fingers crossed For
day four, Fitness BMW said, guessing the shows about sexual
stuff like every female comic. I said, Babe, if men
had orgasms like ours, you'd be talking about it too.

Speaker 3 (29:45):
Oh wow, because this is how it starts with your
auntie on TikTok and the comments.

Speaker 4 (29:55):
Well, now, men are definitely not going to be wearing
a condom, I said, babes, I think you might be
slipping with shit bags, making fun of the few men
that actually bother offering to.

Speaker 3 (30:03):
Put one on. I see it. Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (30:05):
I've just been absolutely going in and it's my new
modus operanda.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
I love it, just heaving it. So now a minute,
terrified in an intervention. I don't think this is going
to end. Well, no, it's absolutely agree that I love
the roasting of them, but you just end up down
a hole and then before you know what, you're getting
pulled over by the police and you're a sovereign citizen.
You don't want to show them your license, you know,

(30:30):
like because you're so angry because you're online all the time.
I love it.

Speaker 4 (30:34):
I'm done, I'm done with the light. Don't don't feed
it anyways. So then I thought, let's see how TikTok's going.
But I've actually been banned from TikTok of that filthy content.
That's the discovery I made after not opening it for
a year. I've been banned for posing as Hailey Sprowl.

Speaker 3 (30:47):
But you are Hailey sprow to TikTok, prove it? Prove it?
How do you prove it? Maybe I'm not plot twist,
its plot twist.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Maybe the ZM podcast needwork. Play z m's flesh worn
and Haley want to know.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
Now how long you left it before going to the
doctor or the hospital because a story out of China,
and this would be an unbelievable story if it wasn't
for two things. The fact that there's an X ray
and it's a man, because we know men are terrible
at this. Men will be like I can finally go
to the doctor. Been bleeding out there, I don't know

(31:31):
wherever for like months. Oh you never ignora bleeding out there?
Saw for years, just living with that pain and then
finally go to the doctor and it's fixed. Yeah, but
a man on a drunken night out in twenty eighteen
in China swallowed a metal chopstick and he has been

(31:52):
living with the pain of a twelve centimeter chopstick like
those Korean ones. Yeah, like it's another big one, one,
not like the long ones you get with your southsay,
although there would hell, sorry, did a slide down? Hell,
well was it when we uspsticks r we talked about

(32:13):
only just what last month about the listener that swallowed
was a fork because they were laughing. And then they
seen us the x ray, seen us the x ray
and it was Legit had the New Zealand Hospital stamp
on it and stuff. So if you're like this with
a chop stick, and maybe you went in deep, you
on the back of your drunk and maybe you laugh,
or you you took a breath in at that very moment,

(32:36):
slips out of your finger down lodged in a throat. Yes,
and he has been described as an alcoholic, so he
must have been like very very drunk.

Speaker 4 (32:44):
Sure, but at some point in a moment of sobriety, Yeah,
I've got a chopstick in my throne.

Speaker 3 (32:49):
So I mean it happened twenty eighteen. He said. At
the time he felt a bit of discomfort whenever he ate,
but he didn't have problems breathing, and he just convinced
himself it was just because he was an alcoholic and
he drank way too much. So when he did finally
sort out the pain and look at the chopstick too,
it's tapered at one end, like it's a chunky chopstick

(33:10):
that's got a flare at the base. Yeah, I know,
metal chopstick. So yeah, they actually had surgeons. They extracted
the chopstick using a minimally evasive technique through his mouth.
They thought initially they might have to like can't open
the throw side, which is crazy, but like just another

(33:33):
example of a man. And like you say, it's not
always men, but most of a lot more of hard
and art. You'll be right. I went to the doctor recently.
I went in off my list and I just felt
like he was dismissive on everything. You know, they don't
like a list fifteen minute appointment too. My doctors like one,

(33:53):
if you need, you're a your issues are a lot.
I come and I'm like, I just had like three
things and I've just felt all of them were dismissive.
I was like, okay, I don't care if he doesn't care,
I don't care. No, no, no, no, no, what's respect?
You need to find a bit of doctor because you
worry a lot. I don't worry a lot. I was like,

(34:16):
this almost really swollen. Feel the difference. He's like, oh yeah,
I wouldn't wry about that. And I was like, what
about this? He's like, oh, I don't worry about that.
I was like, what about this lump on the corner
of my eyelid, Like that's been there for years, it
goes up and down. Should we worry about that? He's like, maybe,
you know, he might have been having a hard day. Yeah, totally.
I was the last last care about the ring to

(34:38):
I was his last appointment for the day. I think
he just wanted to get home, get back to the beach. Heir.
Was it a Friday, Get to the beach house, get
out to the beaches. Holy are they already coming in?
Can we read one? Yes? Okay, let's get the ball rolling. Oh,
eight hundred dollars in em as a number nine six
ninety six to text us. What did you put off
going to the doctor or the hospital? My husband? I'm
so sorry to start with us.

Speaker 5 (34:58):
One.

Speaker 4 (34:59):
My husband popped in there seas on his knee, squeezed
it in the shower, then knelt down the next day.
He works with stock crates and got pooh bacteria in it.
He got blood poisoning. He went to ed on the
fourth day of being one well after popping it and
would have died if he left it any longer.

Speaker 3 (35:18):
Is an open and he put in it. Okay, well,
how long did you leave it before going to the doctor?
Give us a call? Eight hundred dollars? How long did
you leave it before you went to the doctor or
the hospital? You just put it off. You're like, oh my,
I'll be fine. I'm so worried. Oh my god. There
are some crazy stories. Friend James, when he was sick,

(35:39):
he just thought it was the fluid in the Christmas
meningitis and if he hadn't gone to the hospital, Yeah, exactly.
That start with I chopped my leg with a chainsaw.
You know, like, okay, I'm sorry, that's straight to the hospital.
I chopped my leg with a chain saws. You got
to get the rest of the tree sword first. I'm like,

(36:00):
my dad was shocking at this. When it were he'd
injure himself real bad and be like after okay, and
my granddad's are the same. Soon that'd say and bleeding
out on the on the on the grass, the broken
my Brandad had a broken finger, and he's like, I've
got things to do.

Speaker 4 (36:16):
This guy, I chopped my leg with a chainsaw. Early
in the morning on Mother's Day. But the wives were
away on a Mother's Day event, so I just thought
I can wait the eight hours before going to the hospital.
Plus I had eight trees to chop down anyway.

Speaker 3 (36:28):
Yeah. Wait, so you chop down all eight trees or
you had a gash in your leg. He's pretty sped
on it. The tighter muddy shirt around it stopped the bleeding.
Stays what how long did you wait before getting help?
It was four weeks? It was four weeks.

Speaker 9 (36:47):
I dropped a knife on my top of my foot.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
It was just a little cup.

Speaker 4 (36:52):
I'm always dropping nines in the kitchen and narrowly avoid
the foot. How was the foot though, jowing that four weeks?

Speaker 9 (36:59):
Oh, that was just a bit of a cat's like
a plaster on it. And then when I realized I
couldn't left my big toe anymore, you should go the doctor.

Speaker 3 (37:07):
Yeah, good idea. And what is what did that? What
was the diagnosis? Obviously the tendon sort of more than
a plaster, more than just a band aid. This isn't
giving big man energy. You're right, right, right? But did

(37:28):
you get it all fixed.

Speaker 5 (37:29):
Up in the end?

Speaker 3 (37:30):
Yeah? The master scar up My foot was right, Yeah,
amazing courageless material, but kind of like stays as a
bad as stay. Thank you, Alice, Sorry, Lisia, how long
did you wait until you got help from a doctor

(37:52):
or the hospital? Yeah, he caught you, he call you Alice. Okay,
well how long did you wait? Oh?

Speaker 9 (38:01):
Well he had a car crash on the Friday and
tell your few the doctors. So I got him in
on the Tuesday and it turns out he's broken his
we it not. It's a spinal fusion. So we're not
a well in turn, and we had to get well
and straight.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
Away was he there?

Speaker 3 (38:18):
Was here over the weekend or.

Speaker 9 (38:21):
Yeah, he's a trading I'm not gonna lie, you know,
she'll be right.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
Yeah, just get your thumb in there. Have you got
a bit of tiger barm? Get some deep Yeah?

Speaker 9 (38:33):
Pretty much that EO. So it's pretty serious and he
was lucky didn't paralyze himself.

Speaker 4 (38:38):
Yeah, you around the wrong way, that's crazy, wheelchair Alicia.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
Thank you as the messages in doubt with painful urination
for years, probably what I wouldn't put up with blood,
blood in the poop or a painful urination. I'll do
a painful way for a day or so before I'll go, okay,
give it to some water.

Speaker 6 (38:58):
In there years.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
I thought it was due to several surgeries I had
as a child. Turns out I had to block urethra.
It was giving me testical infections, after testical infections. After
testical infections, you've got a stone in your tube or something. Well, No,
I don't know. With a block a hose. I had
a block a gym my tube when I was nine
years old, and I had my organ removed. So I
would have. I would not because the testicles were aren't

(39:22):
directly related to the urinary system.

Speaker 4 (39:24):
No, I just got uty eyes every single week. Yeah,
which is probably what he's experienced.

Speaker 3 (39:30):
So I have spent at least a year in recovering
in or in hospital or having surgery because of it.
Oh my goodness. Yeah. And so as the tube clear
now were good to go, free flowing, fantastic, that's great.
They replaced it with an old plastic straw, a gardenia
adena hose, a lovely green gardenia hose dura with a
reel together on each and one of those highest joiners

(39:53):
clicked it up. You know when someone's got a house
and they've got a plastic reel or proper reel. And
for your highs, I'm always like, whatever, you're so, yeah,
that's I got three. I don't want to brag. Here
we go. I don't want to brag. I got a
couple of real cheap ones, couple of job mate numbers
from N to ten, couple of cheap is. They're still
gone though, Yeah right, I did spoil myself. One of
them was a really expensive one thirty meters fully retracts.

Speaker 4 (40:15):
I need that because I've got two long hoses at mine.
I just coil them up and they're just sort of set.

Speaker 3 (40:19):
You don't want to stone in your urethro. I don't.
You don't want to stone up reel that in. I
just saw I've had a sore left nut for two
and a half weeks. Now I'll be proving a google
of doing the job. Tell you what a good friend
of mine, I'm actually seeinghim this weekend. He one day
was putting on a witsuit and he was like, oh,
that's a bit funny, and tender had testicular cancer. Oh
shut yeah, around with the tests, get into your doctor.

(40:41):
I want everyone to take that on board this weekend. Okay,
you and you don't muck around with any testine. I'm
well aware of mine.

Speaker 4 (40:48):
Muck around with someone else's, yeah, not mine, but that
scheduled muck around, that's okay.

Speaker 3 (40:54):
Okay, okay, okay, as long as it's scheduled muck.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
Around the house, need work.

Speaker 3 (41:04):
Do you know what what this is? How you said
served a really good place?

Speaker 4 (41:07):
Yeah, so this was the vibe I went on and
I had a craving to listen to Kelly Clarkson's Because
of You.

Speaker 3 (41:15):
I'm not going to play that because it's it's a bit,
it's a bit down sad.

Speaker 4 (41:19):
But then it just started auto playing girly pop kind
of early two thousands hits, and I think that's where
I'm heading.

Speaker 3 (41:25):
Okay, okay, Well, Friday plashback coming up.

Speaker 4 (41:28):
Yeah, I'll figure this out. But first there is a
game that I think the girlies will love, but also
the guysis and the gayss and the themsies Daisy's.

Speaker 3 (41:36):
We'll love them, and the lesbies and the pans, the
initial I think the lesbians are covered under girlies. Okay, everybody,
everybody can play this game.

Speaker 4 (41:46):
I mean, genitally a sexuality race creed regardless if you've
got a long distance bestie, but it overseas or you know,
I live in Auckland. My bestie Jest lives in Wellington.
And you want to stay connected and and share your
day with each other. What you do is, okay, say
Fletch and Vorn. You guys in the future don't live

(42:08):
in the same city w're about to my living. You're
Brazil and you're the Bush.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
I can't even argue with that. I can imagine both
of us living, yeah, Scotland and in Scotland.

Speaker 4 (42:20):
Okay, so, but you guys want to stay connected, what
you'll do is Vorn, You're gonna message Fletch and Brazil
and you'll say, Fletch, your color today is red.

Speaker 3 (42:30):
And Fleta Fletch, your color today is brown skin light eyes. Okay,
you can say lands, baby, not a lot of brown
skin light eyes. Okay, you can say apart from that
kid on the one in Za that's trying to find
his dad or whatever it is, he's got brown skin
light eyes, so you can say to him, Okay, Fletch,
your color is browning right, and Fletch you can say

(42:51):
to Vaorn your color is green or whatever. Okay, well great,
because that's all I got the Scots son.

Speaker 4 (42:59):
You're then gonna go about your day and when you
are doing something and you see something green, you're just
going to take a little snap. Right, Oh, there's a
green billboard, there's a green thing, or a green top,
or a woman in a green dress. But you're going
to very sadly take a photo and then fletch.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
You want to go out.

Speaker 4 (43:15):
Your colors brown, anything brown. You see your experience. You
are going to not all of it, but but you
know that your best friend will lie.

Speaker 3 (43:23):
I send you some photos from Brazil in January this
year and you love them. Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 4 (43:29):
You're gonna you're going to take a little snap, okay,
and then at the end of your day, whether it
be in Brazil time or Scottish time, you're going to
send these snaps. You could make a collage if you want,
or just send them off and say, here you go, bestie,
here's my day in brown. Here you go, bestie, here's
my day in green. And then you get a little snapshot.
But it's really the same colors.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
Could you do the same colors like today our friendship
color is yellow and you go out, or it could
be our friendship thing and you could just take like dogs.
You can like today it's dog day. You see a
cute dog. You've got to see each other dog voters.

Speaker 4 (44:02):
At the end of the seen you're kind of just
going like it's a nice curated way to be like
his little moments on my day or like we're hanging
out a little bit being like oh, there's a.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
Dog, and it's better than just being like, hey, how
are you. What'd you do today? It just work. Yeah, Yeah,
that's a good idea. I really like this. I'm going
to start it with my bestie Jess best Fletch Worn
and Haley Big Pod time for Friday Flashbacker song. We
do this every Friday. It's got to be at least
ten years old and a banger. I've changed TechEd a
little bit.

Speaker 4 (44:30):
Tomorrow in Wellington, I'm at the Opera house warming it
up for Fletchborne and Hailey.

Speaker 3 (44:35):
Later and then just playing Kitty Tokana Fletch hit It.

Speaker 4 (44:42):
No, I'm not playing Kitty to Kanaware my show Sprawl
on the Prowlers in Wellington tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (44:46):
There's still a few tickets available. There's actually still a
few tickets for Fletch Word and Hailey Life all three
of us.

Speaker 4 (44:53):
Then I'm tomorrow see me be like, I've got to
see more of Sprowl on the Opera House stage.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
Come see us in October.

Speaker 4 (45:00):
So the show is called Sprowl on the prow all
about being post separation and the prowling that occurred.

Speaker 3 (45:06):
Thus, well, you kind of not around the neighborhood. It
sounds like you're walking down people's you know, passageways, And
I did walk down a few passageways. Well, I mean outside,
you know, the outside. You was outside for a bit,
and then I went in the windows, a bit of
peeking through the windows.

Speaker 4 (45:20):
And when you go into the theater, the party starts.
And I've got a real rock and playlist, all songs
about being single or promiscuous or independent, an independent woman,
Independent Women. Part one Destiny's Child. That's my choice for
Friday Flashback?

Speaker 3 (45:40):
Is it? M?

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Fletchvorn and Haley Big Pod.

Speaker 3 (45:46):
You're Friday Flashback on zid M. Destiny's Child Fletch Vaorn
and Haley. Good feedback. Hi, I haven even checked. I
was having a little dance with the gowls. My children
think I possessed, but this is my youth. Yeah, good man,
amazing that was for Charlie's Angels, wasn't it came? Yeah,

(46:08):
we have also had a message, great feedback, We'll just
leave it. They had a message that somebody has spotted
Minecraft filming and it was this time yesterday we announced
that we have a finders fee if you find Jennifer
Coolidge and get her on the phone with us on
the Fletchborn and Haley radio show. The first person to
do that you get five thousand dollars. That's how find

(46:29):
his fee. That's the fine. We want to do interviews.

Speaker 4 (46:32):
We said it, and then we asked the boss if
there was okay and he said it too late.

Speaker 3 (46:36):
I asked whereabout this is going down and waiting for
a reply, but yeah, apparently just across the road from
somebody's house. Eyes is eyes appealed for Queen Coolidge. I
would like to apologize to the humble patrons of Westgate
pack and saved my language yesterday. Oh okay, yeah, a
lot of it's been a week. Yeah, I'll say divorce

(46:59):
and for the week, and it has been a week
and sleep is important. Those are my lessons today, children,
he laughs, thing you cry. So I went on a
super market. A woman even sit in the super market.
Are you okay? And I said, here's why is that?
And she's like, you look fresh. Yeah, you look like

(47:21):
you're about to go. And I was like, astute observation.
Enjoy your shopping this after or before your words. Oh wow.
So then I actually came right a little bit because
my pack and Save's got this ramp and I always
take my feet off the ground at the top and
ride the trolley all the way down. I'm actually really
good at it. I've had lots of compliments because I

(47:41):
can get all the way to my car without stopping,
as long as there's not too many people got the technique.
There's a sign that says it's exactly what's not to do.
But people love when I get to the herep and
turn and I put one foot down and like drag
the whole trolley. I can save Tokyo drift ballets A
man to me, it's like watching the ballet. And I said,
thank you, sir, so you do it. I had a
really good run, and that kind of lifted my spirits temporarily.

(48:03):
I got to the car and I picked up the
paper bag that was I would say I overfilled it
with Kiwi fruit, but key fruit were cheap and it's
a good season for key It's also got a whole
bunch of mandarins. How good a mandarins? At the moment
I picked up the brown paper bag full of mandarins,
no props into the shopping bag, picked up the bag
of kiwi fruit, and the bag just ripped and the
kiwi fruit went. They were they didn't fall on the ground,

(48:26):
They just fell back into the trolley. But that was it.
It was enough to set you off. That was it.
And I screamed the F word into the trolley, not
to yourself. Well it was internal scream, no external, an
external F word scream into the trolley and people looked
and I was like and there was just like grunt

(48:50):
throwing things from the trolley to the bag. Got in
the car, almost slammed the door so hard it went
out the other side of the car. Got in, screamed again,
and then just had a cry before I off the car.
Par ah wrning.

Speaker 4 (49:01):
Do you know what those Sometimes it was it was needed.
It's cathartic. It was like we just got to release
that plug. Yeah, crying's good, Yeah, crying was good.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
It was a good cry. Gotta get out it out.
But that was the stra and I know it's it's
I mean, every time you could say, I know it's
a hard time of the year. Every time of the
year is a hard time of the year for somebody.
I just wanted to know what was what? What was it?
What was that final straw? Because it really was no
big deal. The baggrip, the k it came out. I
picked them up, but it was it was just like

(49:32):
it wasn't about the ye.

Speaker 4 (49:33):
Mine's like I'm having a bad day on maybe I'm
pre minstrel And if I catch a knee or a
hip on a corner of a cabinet or on a door.

Speaker 3 (49:45):
Handle and you're walking, you go pelt and then the
door goes into the back end around and just be like,
it's so funny.

Speaker 4 (49:55):
How many your fist us up to patch the tub
and you're like, what are you doing? Yeah, I feel
like we're going.

Speaker 3 (50:03):
To hear a lot from new parents.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
Yeah, Premier, it's a slid divorce deprivation them she them
hears him well.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
When when they opened up the marriage to everybody, everybody again,
even the games can get divorced. Now, Yeah, that's a quality,
Yeah that we fought for that.

Speaker 4 (50:25):
Yeah, yeah, but it's always something small and it's never
about the third No, it's never about that.

Speaker 3 (50:31):
Okay. So it was a bag of ki we fruit
ripping yesterday that gave you a little breakdown in the
car parket back and say, yeah, what was the straw?
The final straw for you on a bad day or
a bad week or a bad time. Eight hundred dollars
at MS. Right now, I've literally just driven away from
my house, leaving the kids behind because my daughter couldn't

(50:52):
decide which one of her six pink tops to with
a pink top out had enough? She just left them.

Speaker 6 (50:57):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
I mean we assumed you get down the road and
you get to a certain point and that parental guilt
will hit you and you'll be like, what have I done?
What if I've done?

Speaker 1 (51:03):
On my monster Flitch born in Hailey, Big Pod.

Speaker 3 (51:07):
We had a mental breakdown at Packing Save yesterday. It
was an intro course to a mental breakdown. It was
it was a trial for release.

Speaker 7 (51:17):
It was it was a.

Speaker 3 (51:19):
And now you'll get through the weekends. No, I get
to mow the lawns today. That's gonna be nice at all.
That'd be that'll be nice. Make your hair trimming a hedge.

Speaker 6 (51:29):
It was.

Speaker 3 (51:32):
I wanted to time this weekend, and the weather is
looking good. You're not at home but your home. Do
you have time to bring my plants to my house?
I thought about that, but I don't have a way
of getting them there without Is it possible for you
to that thing? I've got that thing, you know, like
you know my acts of services, your love language. You
know I love doing to get the van out to

(51:54):
get the plant. I don't want to bring the back
of the ranger. And I've got new leaves on those babies.
I feel like I'm sort of an uncle to.

Speaker 4 (52:00):
Your step to your to your house plants now, just
a small digression. I'll pay you in limes the tree
flourish I've got.

Speaker 3 (52:08):
I've got a lot of limes on my train. Okay,
growing yellow. It sounds like we've got some nice therapeutic
activities for you this weekend. Born and and you're welcome,
and you're we're gonna put you to work over this.
This breakdown you had in a pack and safe car
park and now it was a bag of key. We

(52:30):
picked up the brown paper bag. George, I thank you,
pack and safe for giving me that option for a produce.
I had it. I had, in fact overpacked the bag
of KIV and as I picked it up, the bed
wrapped and then just set off and I just I
saw it the trolley. I saw it everybody. I swore
in the supermarket, and I apologize to anybody, but to
be honest, I've seen some real mythy ship going down
in that pack and save. I think I'm on the

(52:51):
list at least. Yeah, lady ship. Yeah, I saw a
woman's throw a banana at her child. She even right,
she threw a banana. Okay, when you will be glad
to know that you are not alone and many people
have been set off by just the smallest thing. Bobby,
what happened? Yes, Poppy? Sorry Poppy, Sorry produces good by

(53:21):
stitched up? Sorry Poppy? Were you as Bobby? If imagine
if that was the small thing that set you off
and you started crying? What happened? Poppy? So we live
in Cambridge and we rented our house out for a
field days and it was quite stressful cleaning the house
and getting it up to like standard.

Speaker 10 (53:41):
So my husband was like me, I cleaned the microwave.

Speaker 3 (53:44):
So you don't have to do it, okay.

Speaker 10 (53:46):
And then I opened it.

Speaker 3 (53:47):
He gave it a he gave it a boy clean,
didn't he know? It was not all good?

Speaker 10 (53:52):
And it was letters everywhere and crumbed and we almost over.

Speaker 3 (53:57):
So he said that that was that cleaned.

Speaker 10 (54:00):
Yeah, he was likendred.

Speaker 3 (54:02):
It was not. It was not year crumbs and buts
and you know bets always stick to the top and
then get crusty. You can even I.

Speaker 10 (54:09):
Don't think he even looked up.

Speaker 3 (54:11):
That's the thing about a below bench microwave. You just
never see the roof of it, do you. You just
got to get on your knee. I know that a
maniacal Yeah, okay, Pobby, thank you. Let's go to anonymous. Anonymous,
what was the straw that broke the camel's back?

Speaker 10 (54:33):
Say a long, long, long, long, long, timeless nap.

Speaker 3 (54:36):
I'm calling you, sir, okay, well hung along long long,
Oh okay, it was weird. That was a sort of
quick brief cover of the Thong song, but a long, long, long.

Speaker 10 (54:50):
Long, long clear that it was good. So my thing
was pre med. Straw is such a ride, right, yeah,
I mean there's loops, sideway, you know, it's all over
the place, and my partner and I love watching crime
shows because we can We think we can solve it
really quick, of course, and we're watching them and then
he pulls.

Speaker 9 (55:09):
Out a phone and I here and goes.

Speaker 10 (55:12):
And I fun around and I was like, what.

Speaker 5 (55:15):
Are you doing?

Speaker 10 (55:16):
Are you googling?

Speaker 3 (55:17):
What happened? Oh no, he didn't.

Speaker 10 (55:21):
Yeah, he looked up from his phone and he looked
like a little scared idiot, dear. And then I just burned,
and I'm like, this was our thing. We're supposed to
solve it together. About three days la, I was like, wow,
that was crazy how I acted right.

Speaker 3 (55:40):
The post period clarity is so shame filled, isn't it?

Speaker 10 (55:44):
But it's almost a bit funny.

Speaker 3 (55:46):
You are like, did you see me on Friday? That
was insane? Yeah, I can say being on the receiving
ends pretty fun. Imagine feeling it. Okay, I anonymous, thank
you so much. I have a great weekend. Some messages,
so many messages. After getting my twin toddlers all strapped in,

(56:07):
I hear directly after clicking the seatbelt and getting kids
into those five point I've tried a couple. There is
no day greater in parenting than when your kids can
just buckle themselves in because it's so Yeah, the day
they could put in her own shoes and put her
on their own belt, game changing, release them into the world. Yeah,

(56:28):
they're ready for it. I was gonna be twin toddlers
all strapped in and a click goes the seatbelt. I'm
finally ready to go. Guess what I hear, mummy, I've
got to go to the toilet. I lost that.

Speaker 7 (56:37):
I just.

Speaker 3 (56:39):
Also, you have twin toddlers. You can cry at any time.
You're allowed. You're actually allowed. I'm mid IVF cycle. I
overfilled my water bottle and when it overfilled, the water
touched my hand and I started crying. Someone said Mother's Day.
I went to make a coffee, but the kids have

(57:00):
finished the milk and put it back into the for
a empty This is my day. Lost it through the bottle.
Yeah kind of mean, what's that have been a glass
bottle too? Oh my god. I got home from work.
I was like, all I need to do is get home.
All I need to do is get home. Got in,
pulled in the driveway, went to put my key in
the door and fumbled the keys and dropped and drop
them on the ground.

Speaker 7 (57:18):
The keys, so you think they're in the thing and
you're like, and then you drop them and you're like, oh,
the key is next level.

Speaker 3 (57:30):
And then and then they're on the ground and you're like,
and then you try to you miss it and you
miss this when you're having a bad day and you've
been down to pack something up and you miss it.
That's the one we have been And you start bouncing
at the herps. You're like, I am just going to
bid bid So the Kayla said. Recently, the Whisks started
throwing gang signs in the cutage drawer. They lose it.

(57:55):
They do lose it, they lose their shape.

Speaker 6 (58:00):
Some of me.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
I was like this, so the Whisks in the pantry
draw throw a gang signs. I neither draw shut show
that wiscoast boss. But then of course I need to
open the drawer again. And the worst is like, I
guess what, I'll teach you to slam me and you
can't open the drawer because of how ferociously you kicked.

(58:20):
I'm giving. I'm giving that. Ticks in the Way fifty
dollars animates about two thanks, That animates making Happy.

Speaker 2 (58:26):
Tom podcast Needwork plays It ends flesh forn and Hayley.

Speaker 3 (58:34):
Fact of the day, day day day day. Yeah, do
do do do do do do do do do do
do do do do do do do do do do do.

Speaker 6 (58:50):
Well.

Speaker 3 (58:50):
It's grasswork here at fact of the Ice said, I'm
mowing the lawns today. That's gonna be was head of
service new blades, not just sharpened new blades, running beautifully
cup new belts on it.

Speaker 4 (59:01):
I'm a bit worried because dad's doing my lawns today.
But mum does the edges with the.

Speaker 3 (59:06):
Sorry, the perimeters with the weed whacker. And she went
yesterday and.

Speaker 4 (59:11):
Got the wrong new spoolly, so she's going to unravel
the spoolly and then try to reravel a spoolly.

Speaker 3 (59:19):
That will fit my spooly. And I just think it
all feels.

Speaker 4 (59:22):
Did she get the wrong wire? Yes, you got the
wrong like clicking thing. So she's just going to add
in a fresh Okay, Yes, it's a bit. It's feeling
above a hat job there. Yeah, when you pop around
to not do my head, just have a little lot.
I'll bring some tools, have a look at the job
they've done. If it's unsatisfactory, they'll be hearing about it.

Speaker 3 (59:47):
So today's fact of the day for grass week is
when you're mowing your lawns this weekend, you're mowing an immigrant.
I feel wrong to say she really supposed lawns and
that emigrant is mum an immigrant, Okay, okay, But also
that coming out of the mouth of a white man,
always feel a little tarty the word immigrant immigrants. It's complete,

(01:00:09):
like by dictionary definition, because I'm not saying bloody in
front of it. For example, because what the grass was
introduced in his glass was introduced to New Zealand. I've
got one hundred and ninety native grass species in New Zealand,
but none of them are lawn grasses. They're your tussocks. Okay, beauty,
I got a bloody love.

Speaker 4 (01:00:26):
So wait, Native Mali yep, they had the long grasses
and the flexes and that kind of stuff, but they
don't have kaik or no sort.

Speaker 3 (01:00:34):
Of The most common grass in New Zealand farms and
lawns is perennial rye grass. And that's native perennial. No,
that's perennium. Yeah, the button, the spongy bit yeah yeah, No,
perennial rag. If you've got grass on it, you just
get a little bit of nads on there or something.
The lawns twos are a rasor so perennial ry grass

(01:00:57):
was native for Europe. It was broad here by guess
who co colonizing British people. Is he wearing a beret? Britt? Yeah,
you know who is it? One of the five women?
So that was broad here by British settlers in the

(01:01:18):
early eighteen hundreds because it was what they were used
to in it was what stockgate back time. Kai Couia,
which is my lawn and I hate that grass and
it's soft and free, but it's not frost resistant. And
the reason it's not frost resistant it's from Africa. It's
from the highlands of East Africa. It's named after the
Kaikua people of Kenya.

Speaker 4 (01:01:39):
We love the Kenyans, but their grass can actually take
a high when you rite and pull out a bit
this rope.

Speaker 3 (01:01:47):
Yeah, and now you've got a bald patch on your
kenyon more and the thatch and it's the worst lawn
it is. The it's nice in some of them because
it's a bit more drought resistant. Again because it's the
highlands of Africa. I did not know this couch grass
is from the Mediterranean. No one likes that. No one
wants that, and then I love the Mediterranean. Yeah, I

(01:02:07):
know Themterranean, through and through. Tall Fisky was European and
Kentucky blue grasses from Merk America also European. Stupid name
the blue grass music? Yeah, yeah, and they named it
after Do they have any hot Brazilian grass, Not that
I'm aware they have dark skin light eyes grass. They did,

(01:02:28):
they did. Yeah, And if we can that free trade
agreement with South America, we'll all have light eyes. American
open borders, open those borders for all coming come come
live here. Would be mad about that? No, No, then
I'll visit, yeah, and then I'll come back and we'll
just move around. It's mooly. But if you're mowing today's
spected that as of you're mowing your lawn this weekend,

(01:02:49):
you're moaning an immigrant fact of the day.

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Day day day day.

Speaker 6 (01:02:56):
Yeah. Did it did? Do? Dude?

Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
Dooo?

Speaker 1 (01:03:07):
Does that m podcast needwork?

Speaker 3 (01:03:09):
Jennifer Coolidge on The Flenchworn and Haley Show, five thousand
dollars to the first person somebody has message in more info.
They're filming in Fames and times. It's pronounced tams I'm
pretty sure it's cround Free Fame's tims. So there feels
like filming is happening, and if she's not part of this,
and if she's not part of that filming, maybe she'll
be hanging around Auckland or somewhere else's weekend. Yeah, well,

(01:03:33):
good luck over to you if you want five grand.
They took weekends off last year. Last time they were
from a Minecraft day because he had mamura to the
weekends off and play with his band.

Speaker 4 (01:03:43):
Yeah yeah, yeah, So maybe they're doing it again because
there's bands here with them.

Speaker 3 (01:03:46):
Okay, well, good luck five thousand dollars. Find the feed
of the first person that can get Jennifer Coolidge on
the show. Next, speaking of famous people, the question have
you ever kissed anyone? Famous? Great? Text? Nine six nine
sex as well? Can I tell you what? Wow, We've
got some messages on the Instagram response box. Can't you

(01:04:06):
go through those?

Speaker 7 (01:04:07):
Next?

Speaker 1 (01:04:07):
Names the Flitchborne and Haley big Pod You.

Speaker 3 (01:04:11):
Kissed a celebrity?

Speaker 7 (01:04:12):
No have you?

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
I was just like, I don't know, I haven't. So
when we're moving on to quick, I'm I don't feel
if you like you answered you kind of did that
like she could answer one. So we've asked the question,

(01:04:40):
have you kissed someone famous? Yes, because Peter Jackson. Okay,
I kissed Peter Jackson. I knew it. He's talked about
Kate Winslett her first on screen. It was him and
Heavenly Creatures, right, yes, that that right. Peter Jackson was
the man who gave Kate Winslet her first on screen
cast when she was seventeen screen he had a cameo, yeah, yes,

(01:05:05):
and creatures. Yeah, yeah, that's it is that. I mean,
I will have aged well because it was shot beautifully
at the time, probably with a rewatch. Dude, that's some
movie rules.

Speaker 4 (01:05:16):
Yeah, floorless all the late make believe in the imagination
stuff of the play.

Speaker 3 (01:05:20):
It's so beautiful. So he was the first to kiss there,
and he said she's gone on to curse Lena DiCaprio,
Adris Alba, even Peter's like, there's a few. He was
first amongst excellent company. He can say his kiss to
celebrity yeah, yeah, yeah, And well, we wanted to ask
this question as well, because I don't know celebrities come
to New Zealand or Key weis travel Yeah, maybe it's

(01:05:41):
a key we celebrity. So we asked, have you kissed
someone famous? Ninety three percent of people said no, okay,
just a poll first up seven percent said yes, okay,
here's here's a huh. I just love the tics. We
just got well.

Speaker 4 (01:05:58):
I hopped up with Michael Murphy of insid Idol, fame's
brother on Okay, no, we would have let you have
Michael Murphy, but it's his brother.

Speaker 3 (01:06:08):
His name Michael Murphy, Michael Murphy's brother. Sorry, hon, that
is stretcher. He said, I've kissed one of the Harlem
Globe trotters. Oh the bloody climb them feet big tall.
You know she might have had a letter Herbert. Herbert
Lang was the Harlem Globe trotter. She's had a smooth
don't name. We're not naming name. We're naming name. Wow,

(01:06:30):
we've been name name.

Speaker 4 (01:06:31):
Someone said, may be his friend kissed Zach Heffron at
a bar in La around fifteen years ago. Then Perez
Hilton remember him? Yep, she was on his website as
Zach's new girl.

Speaker 3 (01:06:42):
What wows he still doing that praise? Hilton is like
that name for a long time. Maybe he's given it up.
My sister kissed Ben Harper. Somebody messages that were not
to hang out with them. My sister hooked up with them.
She told her next boyfriend that she hooked up with

(01:07:03):
Ben Harper and she was never allowed to listen to
his music or go to his gigs again. Well, he's
coming back. He's coming back with Jack Johnson. But you
see that he's, you know, guy hooks and handsome. Wasn't
he back in the day. I think he's still quite handsome.
I haven't seen him lately, so I wont be Harper

(01:07:23):
or Lenny Kravitz, do you Lenny Kravitz is keeping it.
You go over Lenny Cravits, have a bit of seen Lenny.
Lenny Kravitz is like games. Remember that rung out of
those leather pants. Are you going to go my ways? Yes?
I am going to go your way. I'm going to
go anywhere your general vicinity Ben Harper's age like fine wine.

(01:07:45):
Of course, of course he is okay anywhere else. Googling
Ben Harper and get back to work. So many texts.
Someone helped up with Tomosy Thomasy uh coffee the MP
and x TV. Yeah, well into but that person's called Becks.
That's one of the books. So Tommy, you're telling me

(01:08:07):
Tommoty is not a gold stugger. Let's'll get around the
internet pretty quickly. I've just net Sky and one of
the guys from Ocelley. Okay, little gig Pick kiss the
presenter a celebrity big brother in the UK years ago.

(01:08:28):
When I went, my mate's jaw dropped to the floor.

Speaker 4 (01:08:30):
Who used to Someone just messaged they kissed the host
of Tipping Point.

Speaker 3 (01:08:37):
The British Tipping Point. Yeah what okay? I hooked up
with the drummer from Silver Chair. Wow. Good get Yeah,
then we ping ponged emailed for a while. Wow. That
was definitely the early two thousands.

Speaker 4 (01:08:52):
I jumped on stage during a Brian Adams conson and
kissed the bass player.

Speaker 3 (01:08:57):
I'm sorry, no, because no one knows you're gonna go
for bright.

Speaker 4 (01:09:01):
Yeah, Chris, I kissed Christian Collen on the Dance from
the Up back in early Dunedin days.

Speaker 3 (01:09:09):
Well they got on the Park Express he said, yeah,
they were drowning his sorrows after losing to the Islanders.
I hear right, Okay. Some more feedback on from our
Instagram question my mum kissed Russell Crow back at school
outside an ice cream shop when she was seventeen. And
let me tell you that woman wanks on about it

(01:09:29):
every change. You would the way you would, especially in
the gladiated days. Ar kissed him, kist him at school.
Someone kissed Robbie Williams. He used to do quite a
bit of player. It's quite a bit of kissing. Oh
we're not kiss shaming, No, no, no, no, not at all.
Snob ben Elton, ben Elton the author out. Remember when

(01:09:53):
he was in reception. We got a photo with it,
so there's much of a smootsher mm hmm. We don't
talk about who I hopped up with its celebrity because
he's laded himself on the Hollywood ship list.

Speaker 4 (01:10:07):
What maybe one of those comedians, maybe that went through
a bit of a cancel periods.

Speaker 3 (01:10:14):
Someone said I accidentally pressed no. Then I remember I've
slept with an Olympian, quite a famous one too, So yes, yes,
I have kisses celebrity. It was more than kissing. My god,
what a fabulous body an Olympic. Have you seen those
abs and shoulders? Yeah, swimmers have the greatest. The person
that also sent that in their profile picture as their
wedding do you think they marrying the swimmer. They do

(01:10:37):
better have some abs and shoulders on them. Yeah, it's
from him, like because those Olympic swimmers both genders. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, maybe.

Speaker 4 (01:10:50):
One of the producers of Fletch and Vaughn count Current
from the two thousands.

Speaker 3 (01:10:57):
No, Noye gingertis one five five. I do apologize. We're
not going to read that out. But that's crazy. Oh
can we not read that one out? I don't know
a smear campaign, it does, okay, my grandma up with balls,

(01:11:17):
my grandma years ago. Sitting at a wet tongue. There's
a broadcast a professional we lubrepet our tongue.

Speaker 4 (01:11:23):
We keep lubricators. But producer Shannon wants to tell us
about a new show that because I haven't we've done
after maths. Remember I asked the listeners for all their
trash suggestions to fill my trash. Voyd and I actually

(01:11:43):
haven't started, have been too busy, but you reckon I
might like this one.

Speaker 11 (01:11:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:11:47):
So, Perfect Match is a dating show on Netflix. It's
basically the All Stars of dating shows. If you've ever
been on a Netflix show and you're hot, you're applicable
to go on this show.

Speaker 3 (01:11:58):
I've never been on Netflix, but I'm hot. Could I apply?

Speaker 6 (01:12:00):
Wow? This year, for the first time ever, they've kind
of opened it off a lot further. Last season they
had a few people from the Bachelor universe. This year
we've got an influencer for the first time, but also Hayley.
You'll remember Dave from Maths Australia.

Speaker 3 (01:12:16):
Like a mountain. He was like he was like seven foot.

Speaker 11 (01:12:20):
He's six six. He is a stocky man and he
is covered in tattoos.

Speaker 3 (01:12:23):
He's with jb Oh. Yeah, yeah, Dave, just go Dave
Maths Australia. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:12:29):
And he's he's a trade yes, and he's got the
cords of a lord and yeah. Like there's no inch
of his body that's not tedded under his face, which
is a preference.

Speaker 3 (01:12:40):
The other way before.

Speaker 11 (01:12:41):
Yeah, so perfect match.

Speaker 6 (01:12:43):
Basically, people couple up, imagine Love Ireland and the new
people come throughout the house.

Speaker 11 (01:12:48):
Now I'm not going to give.

Speaker 6 (01:12:48):
Any spoilers, but Dave comes in and immediately just goes feral.

Speaker 11 (01:12:54):
He goes Australian level.

Speaker 4 (01:12:56):
Wow, do you recollect the classic like Brits and a
mirror Cans are a little bit more like conservative in
the plind of game, whereas like the Aussies and Keywis
were like, let's mucking yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:13:06):
I think as well a lot of them are aware
of their social media presence after this, you know, they
don't want to make waves.

Speaker 11 (01:13:11):
They want to come off very likable.

Speaker 6 (01:13:13):
Dave is here to hook up and he has made
that very clear with how he entered on his first moment.

Speaker 3 (01:13:21):
Been six ft six and having an accident does help.
There's also something big you can't see. I'll be extremely
big heart.

Speaker 10 (01:13:32):
Dave is so genuine and genuine, is charming and has
an accent, and he's cute, cute.

Speaker 3 (01:13:40):
I've liked our chat. I like your to lie. Can
I have a kiss? Okay, I'm sorry. She described him
as charming and he said I really love that Chad
highly you're cute, and she's like, he's charming. You are
a New Zealander and we're not charmed by Australians in
the same way.

Speaker 6 (01:14:00):
So she basically had their show's equivalent of a boyfriend.
He waltz is in and says, you're cute, do you
want to kiss and just pashes her in front of
her boyfriend in front of everyone.

Speaker 3 (01:14:09):
But when you're six six, you're allowed to exactly. Americans
just done for the Excent was voted the hottest excent
in the world. How is this possible in America?

Speaker 6 (01:14:23):
In England, the man the men are mustley, but they're
lean mustly, whereas he's stocky and so the girls are
just like he's such a unit that they're all just
into him. But he's literally treating this like schoolies. He
is just trying to hook up with every single girl.

Speaker 3 (01:14:36):
Possibly. It is so fairal and so good. It's out now.

Speaker 6 (01:14:40):
Yeah, so five episodes are out now, another five coming
out next week. Basically, whoever wins the show, whoever gets
deemed the perfect match, they win a holiday together to put.

Speaker 3 (01:14:49):
Their match to the test. What's called perfect man perfect
match on perfect What are You Worn? No?

Speaker 1 (01:15:00):
In podcast network?

Speaker 4 (01:15:01):
Dear friend of mine, talented comedian, brilliant writer, creator of
television film everything, co host of The Great Quey Bake
Off that was canceled after he took Melon Simms John.

Speaker 3 (01:15:13):
But he's at Studio packs us sund.

Speaker 5 (01:15:15):
No connection to me being the host in the show
getting canceled. Man record numbers, record viewing numbers when I
came on board. Yeah, ratings, ratings up the wazoo.

Speaker 4 (01:15:27):
We were just having a good chat that you're not
actually doing a comedy fist show, which is maybe think
people will think comedy fist is on at the moment.

Speaker 3 (01:15:33):
That Yeah, well go see Pa Sosati, No, I'm not there.
What are you doing?

Speaker 5 (01:15:37):
Cutting a TV show, promoting a book, trying to maintain
a marriage, trying to raise kids, just.

Speaker 3 (01:15:47):
Trying to stay above water?

Speaker 5 (01:15:49):
Tragic tread just tread and water and they'll tell you
what my calves are sore.

Speaker 4 (01:15:56):
Ten minutes later than he was supposed to be get
a mount down about having a pink T shirt.

Speaker 5 (01:16:01):
Yeah, my daughter started crying because she didn't have a
pink T shirt and so we had to scour the
house looking for a pink T shirt and then we
found one of my wife's pink T shirt.

Speaker 3 (01:16:08):
So it's like way too big for her. And so
she don't say that in front of your wife. Jesus
a marriage gun.

Speaker 5 (01:16:17):
She also because she dropped me off today and she's like, oh,
I'll turn on the radio and listen. Whoops marriage to
a bass who is massive shirts. You just dropped it
in casually. But you're promoting a book, you wrote a book.
I wrote Mortified. Things I have to laugh about.

Speaker 3 (01:16:33):
I wrote a book. It's called Mortified.

Speaker 5 (01:16:37):
It's a series of short stories about the most embarrassing,
dumb things I've done in my entire life.

Speaker 3 (01:16:41):
For example, boo myself.

Speaker 5 (01:16:50):
And that is and that is exactly why I wrote
the book, Because I want this book to be an
example of letting go of this desire to seem perfect
all the time and lean into the idea that you
are a collection of awesome things and also some dumb
things and that's okay.

Speaker 3 (01:17:07):
It builds who you are.

Speaker 5 (01:17:09):
So the fact that we've all done it pretty much,
I want us to welcome it, laugh at it, bring
it in, learn from it, and accept it as a
part of you.

Speaker 3 (01:17:17):
That's the ethos of the book.

Speaker 4 (01:17:18):
Essentially, we've all done embarrassing things, and most the go
to for a comedian is to turn it into an
enjoyable moment.

Speaker 3 (01:17:25):
That's the power one hundred percent. But did you enjoy
writing this book? Because I Yeah, we have lots of
absolutely not.

Speaker 4 (01:17:31):
Books with white Chris Parker, Tom's says Brie Thomas. Sal's
written a book, yeah, and most of the time the
final product is always a joy, very proud of yourself. Yeah,
but I've heard the journey is harrowing.

Speaker 3 (01:17:42):
Oh, the journey was harrowing.

Speaker 5 (01:17:43):
Not only from like a writing perspective, because you've got
to write like seventy thousand to one hundred thousand words
like that. The craft perspective is also harrowing. But then
the topic that I chose was like a walk down
a dark, dingy memory lane that you don't really want
to walk down because it's all the bad stuff that
your mind has naturally put to bed. Yeah, and you

(01:18:04):
have to go into the recess of your recesses of
your mind and find them, And that in itself was harrowing.
There are I'm going to be completely honest, there are
one or two stories in here that I right now,
even to this day, right at this moment, still regret
putting in the book. And that's not me because you're
so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed, and I can't believe I'm
telling people that I did this. Well, because you got

(01:18:26):
to like fifty five thousand words in your car.

Speaker 3 (01:18:30):
Yeah, you go to the dark place. You're like, oh, well, yeah,
well signed the contract that had the forward pay that
my word count.

Speaker 5 (01:18:39):
That's part of the reason. But the other reason was
like if I if the opening chapter talks about the
ethos of the book, but then I don't do it,
if I don't honor it, then it's absolute.

Speaker 3 (01:18:49):
Can I swear? No, I can't. BS. You could probably
say bullshit, bullshit, it's absolute, BS, use your swear quote
of the So that's that's why, that's why they're in.

Speaker 4 (01:18:58):
I also wonder as well, Like as kiways, I feel
like if I was to write a book about all
the embarrassing things that happened to me, I will admit
that some of them would be filled by alcohol. But
you've never had a drop of alcohol in your life,
so you're just doing embarrassing things sober.

Speaker 3 (01:19:13):
Yeah, just so berlly doing dumb things because it's the
loosening about Yeah. Yeah, it makes you make silly decisions.
What's worse, your sober worse.

Speaker 5 (01:19:22):
I'm just completely conscious, completely with all my faculties in place,
going I'm.

Speaker 3 (01:19:27):
Going to do this thing. Do you give your mum
and dad read the book? I don't know. You can
not ask.

Speaker 5 (01:19:33):
I don't want to ask. Yeah, I don't want to
ask a lot of people if they've read this book. Yeah,
there's there's I tried to paint my mother features in
it the most, but I tried to paint her as
in a positive light.

Speaker 3 (01:19:46):
I tried to paint her.

Speaker 5 (01:19:46):
As someone who was just walking through life with me,
because she was a migrant and I was a child,
and so the beautiful irony was that we were trying
to figure out New Zealand at the same time together.
You know, I didn't have the luxury of having someone
that grew up in this country, and it could show
me the ropes because they're like, oh, I've been here
for thirty five years, mate, don't worry.

Speaker 3 (01:20:04):
Yeah, follow me.

Speaker 6 (01:20:05):
Well.

Speaker 3 (01:20:05):
Famously, for a while, you did try to pretend just
to be tongue.

Speaker 5 (01:20:07):
I did, because you know, and it's you know, it's
funny how things cyclical, because back then it wasn't pretty
cool to be Iranian, and it's kind of come back.
Being Iranian is not that great anymore. Yeah, yeah, I
don't know. People keep making a face every time I
sam Persian, but I don't know what's happened. Yeah, So
it's yeah, funny, but yeah, being Iranian was lame, and

(01:20:30):
so I pretended that I was half Pakistani, half tongue
because back then Pakistani was more just like as similar
to Indians, was very like Apu from the Simpsons and
you get yeah, cricket and you get made fun of.
But it was lighthearted, whereas Iranian was like, you're here
to destroy our society. And so I was like, no,
I'm not, I'm Tonguan and they were like, great.

Speaker 3 (01:20:48):
Your book is I might read it. Do you have
you done an audiobook? I have got That was hero
I see least on the twenty sixth of May. So
coming up the audiobook because Fletch doesn't read. Yeah, you
can't read. You've never learned. Which listens on Instagram? Yeah,
I've got an Instagram. I listen to audiobox and so

(01:21:09):
you'll listen. Do you say anything like listening? That's the Instagram.

Speaker 4 (01:21:15):
I think we should take one to day listening to
pe societies Mortified. We'll do that and your book Mortified
Things I Have to Laugh About by Pecks Usudy is out.

Speaker 3 (01:21:25):
Now Packs Haley. It has been one of the modes
of the morning. I'm sorry for big Late. I'm so
sorry for late. I'm really sorry to be read Flitch.

Speaker 1 (01:21:41):
And Haley big Pod.

Speaker 4 (01:21:43):
Now, while we know that producer Shannon doesn't really know
how to cock. She has a dairy chicken breast. She's
the crop Pot's been a mystery to her. She lives
in a myth manner and sometimes it comes up with
really bad hacks. She does really interestingly theirself at night
with History, Yes, Historic documentary constantly wants to teach us

(01:22:06):
about the interesting parts of history she found.

Speaker 3 (01:22:08):
And we just thought it's Friday.

Speaker 4 (01:22:09):
It's letter because you saw something a moment of history,
I believe, deep history that you thought would take off fletch.

Speaker 3 (01:22:15):
For on a name it.

Speaker 11 (01:22:16):
Yeah, so I'm deep in Spanish royalty.

Speaker 3 (01:22:18):
At the moment you go on, you're weird your guy, which, yeah.

Speaker 11 (01:22:22):
So the Habsburgs is one of the most famous dynasties.

Speaker 6 (01:22:24):
They inbred themselves so much that if their parents were siblings,
they would be less ancestral. They were so twisted that
their family tree was more of a family shrub a circle.

Speaker 3 (01:22:36):
So you you every night, so you watch all this
trash reality show during the day and then at night
every night you will go to sleep some World War
II history or some kind of anything history. And at
the moment it's Spanish.

Speaker 6 (01:22:49):
Which is crazy, like Spain, I'm like, oh, how cool
and ethnic. But they were all so white.

Speaker 3 (01:22:55):
Yeah, they were so pale. Spain like earlier than that,
the way like from the Middle East, from deep in
the Mediterranean, they kind of came out the Muslim culture
had a lot to do with Spain and then kind
of got kicked out and the whites came back and.

Speaker 7 (01:23:09):
Hard.

Speaker 3 (01:23:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:23:11):
So I just I was watching this documentary last night
and all I could think about was you guys, which
is not my favorite way to fall asleep.

Speaker 3 (01:23:16):
So you're watching a documentary about in bred white people
and you're like, oh, my god, my friends, that's crazy.

Speaker 11 (01:23:23):
So one of the kings, his name was Ferdinand. Now
that's not fact check me.

Speaker 3 (01:23:29):
I did fall asleep during this.

Speaker 11 (01:23:30):
I've done some googling since.

Speaker 3 (01:23:31):
But you know, yeah, so.

Speaker 11 (01:23:34):
Ferdinand he had four wives.

Speaker 6 (01:23:36):
Let's not talk about his relations to all of them,
because it was missy Okay one of his wives. She
was quite young when they got married, of the area,
you know, and she was raised by nuns so much
though that she had never seen any form of male
anatomy or did not know what sexual relations were.

Speaker 11 (01:23:53):
She did not know how her babies were made.

Speaker 6 (01:23:55):
On her wedding night, she shows up and she's like, hey, Ferdinand,
we're now married.

Speaker 11 (01:24:00):
And she's sitting there like ready to she knew something
was going to happen.

Speaker 5 (01:24:03):
To know what?

Speaker 3 (01:24:04):
And f anybody asks, wildly concerned where we're going to
end up in the.

Speaker 6 (01:24:07):
Yea, this is his third wife. He's ready to get
down to business.

Speaker 3 (01:24:14):
He knows what he has to do. Can I just say,
if this is going to be a segment where Shannon
gives us history, maybe we need some kind of historical music.
You remember a history, yeah, tutorish years yeah, yeah, and
then you know it can be like today in History
with Shannon Trump. Yeah, unpredictable history, unpredictable history. It's happened

(01:24:35):
and we should know about it. But it's going to
there's gonna be a Twitter. I love that. It's a
great name for a segment.

Speaker 4 (01:24:40):
Unpredictable History and unpredicted history. It's a local historian, Shannon Trump.

Speaker 3 (01:24:44):
Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 6 (01:24:46):
So Ferdinand is ready to get down to business, you know,
and he pulls down his pants and he has what
doctors have now diagnosed macro genus amelia.

Speaker 3 (01:25:00):
I was falling asleep with the excuse me, Penis Vawn
please responding standards authority.

Speaker 11 (01:25:08):
Still where history is quite unpredictable. Now a French doctor,
this is a drug.

Speaker 3 (01:25:13):
Quote confirmed, ty tiny tell us what okay?

Speaker 6 (01:25:18):
So this was in the seventeen hundreds, a doctor. This
has been written down. Here is a direct quote of
how they described his genitals. Thin as ceiling, wax taper
at the base, thick as a fist at the end.

Speaker 11 (01:25:31):
And it was as long as a billiard cue.

Speaker 6 (01:25:34):
Triangular, thin as ceiling, wax taper at the base, thick
as a ceiling.

Speaker 3 (01:25:41):
That's thin right, like like a doorstop, like what a
stalag night, like a like a trumpet, like a road
cone upside down.

Speaker 11 (01:25:53):
As long as a billiard que.

Speaker 6 (01:25:56):
No, that's sort of a poetic This is from a doctor.
They would because they so he had all these wives.

Speaker 11 (01:26:03):
He could not procreate. This was a huge issue every
time he tried to have.

Speaker 3 (01:26:08):
You tried getting a road tapered, very tapered, you could
get that much the other way around. You could know
he's at the base at the know, the skinny WANs
at the base, the skinny it's ending in a fist.
It's into a road car exactly.

Speaker 6 (01:26:30):
Oh dear, he's the king bearing her mind now, he
is like, let's, you know, make the marital stuff. She's terrified.

Speaker 3 (01:26:44):
She's never seen penis the first time you see. It's terrifying.

Speaker 6 (01:26:48):
She runs out of the room and all the pope
is outside her room and nuns and they're like.

Speaker 3 (01:26:54):
The Pope was listening.

Speaker 11 (01:26:57):
Famously, like doctors had been studying him his whole life.

Speaker 6 (01:27:00):
He's the king, you know that you're across as medical
issues and the fact he couldn't have children until this point.

Speaker 3 (01:27:05):
So we got the door. Love the noise she makes,
she says, old.

Speaker 6 (01:27:13):
She runs out, and they say, look, it is a
bit weird, but you need to make the next air
of spain, like this.

Speaker 3 (01:27:19):
Is your you know your job, and this is your
hand and then oh.

Speaker 4 (01:27:26):
Sorry, sorry, you put it into some other scepticle and pop.

Speaker 1 (01:27:35):
It in another way.

Speaker 6 (01:27:36):
Well, she runs out and they say you got to
go back in, and so she goes back inside and
obviously this is really a tragic I'm not but she
sits down and she's still so terrified that she should herself.

Speaker 4 (01:27:47):
Okay, perfect, perfect, We stayed and that is another edition.

Speaker 3 (01:27:55):
Wait, so she she should himself.

Speaker 6 (01:27:58):
He comes back and says, crossing woman, you are not
allowed in my bedroom for a week until you're clean
of your excrement. It cocks her out of her bedroom,
has bedroom for a week to clean herself off, and
I guess get over the whole.

Speaker 3 (01:28:12):
Sometimes it gets in the crevices.

Speaker 6 (01:28:15):
Anyway, they finally get there and they ended up having
two daughters with each other, so they made it work.

Speaker 3 (01:28:23):
She was seeing someone else came out and didn't have
some weird reverse coneck and a huge draw story of
Ferdinand and that was unpredictable history. Local historian Shnon podcast
have an ouncet for us Kiwi's there is you haven't

(01:28:44):
said that right KOs. There is a cheaper and free
supported plan coming to day So they've said that the
plan will launch in New Zealand next year, with the
launch date yet to be named. Okay, okay, so it's
a while away. I'm assuming they have to build this
right Wait? So okay, so how's it different In Australia,

(01:29:09):
standard Netflix stand with ads cost nine ninety nine a
month and that supports streaming and downloads from two screens.
So that's where they's eleven ninety six, So they're already
it's weird they're already doing this in places. Maybe they're
still testing, and maybe it's not one hundred percent because
my Amazon I got ads, my Amazon Primes got ads,
and mostly their ads are just for other Amazon shows,

(01:29:30):
so you don't mind that. Yeah, but there have been
a couple of like paid like commercial sponsorship ads. So yeah,
so currently Basic is nine to ninety nine with one screen,
so you'll get the standard two screens, but it'll be less, right,
Okay maybe yeah, so I don't know, but yeah, so
I don't know. Yeah, they're saying next year, next year. Weird.

(01:29:52):
It's already in some countries but not here. But we're
always a bloody last, aren't we. But it's not like
a huge discount, like if it was like five bucks,
but if it's like a dolly, you're like kind of
like no, so verse we have been.

Speaker 4 (01:30:07):
We're watching because we just want to watch teen episodes
into the early hours of the morning, uninterrupted, without moving
once or peing or doing anything.

Speaker 3 (01:30:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:30:16):
So yeah, I mean it's man, people are crunching down
on subscriptions.

Speaker 3 (01:30:21):
Yeah, I tell you what's still free radio? Grat thank
you for did we have some ads? Granted? Granted? Free
is free? I heart radio or I heart cocked up
the mess wherever you go, as long as there's as

(01:30:45):
long as there's cell reception of Wi Fi. You catch
up on the podcast over the weekend. Fleet, Sworn and
Hayley don't forget as well. While we're ad at our
live shows. We're sold out in Hamilton, We're sold out
in christ jur there are some tickets left in Welling.
But Monday there is an announcement because I couldn't idly

(01:31:06):
sit by and let christ be sold out and begin
a messages some people who still wanted to come. So
I've pulled some strong tears. Yeah tears they were. It
makes you listening Monday morning will reveal all, well, congratulations
to you podcast listen. You've reached the end. So I
would assume if you've listened all this way through you're
either asleep in which case, or do you enjoyed it.

(01:31:27):
So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's
how podcasts work. Play z MS, Fletchborne and Hailey

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Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 15th May 2026

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;} Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 15th May 2026