Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 10th September 2026 - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
From the ZM Podcast Network.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
This is Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Big Pod.

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Thanks to Animates, making happy happen for pets. Good morning.
Welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
I could just not imagine wearing a $ 30, 000 watch, like
the gift to the police commissioner.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
I don't know what I'd do with that.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
Which is on display in the police museum. Like, just
sell it and buy a new Skoda police car.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Or give it to the fire people so they can
sell it and buy some more stuff. It doesn't even
track your heart rate. You know what I mean? Doesn't
even log my work out of my steps. I think
this $ 30, 000 watch is also just a little bit of
an indicator of what's wrong with society, too.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
Except we don't have time for that now, Vaughn. Nah,
not at all.

Speaker 4 (00:40):
Do you think if we had one lotto and we
would have, you know, taken care of each other, that
you'd ever sort of find yourself in a position of
wearing a.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
Watch like that? No, no, no, no, no. Definitely not. Wanker.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
Coming up on the show, the top six scientists are
making concrete with human poop.

Speaker 1 (00:58):
They are, that's correct. And apparently it's 42% stronger than concrete.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
Mean.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
That's good. Well, there's so much poop floating around. I've
got the top six signs your concrete used to be poos.
I don't think you want mine. I've got IBS. You
know what I mean? Its consistency is inconsistent.

Speaker 5 (01:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:12):
Bruno Mars tickets on the show around quarter past, 20
past seven this morning. Listen now for the activator and
free fuel. Thanks to BP at eight o'clock this morning.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
How good. Next on the show, though. There's a woman
who's made a pretty fair trade. I reckon.

Speaker 5 (01:27):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
Like the old school bartering. Yeah, a bit of a barter.
She's like, I've got something. I want something else. Let's trade.
There is a woman. Her name is Brenda Deutsch.

Speaker 4 (01:40):
She's 70 years old. Previously was sentenced to seven years
in prison.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
Oh, goodness.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
That has now, as of yesterday, been changed. unbelievably, to
three years of state-supervised probation.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
Which is like ankle monitor, right? Yeah, you just hang around,
live your life. Still wild. I saw another guy at
the gym the other day at an ankle monitor. At
the gym? Yeah, I saw a guy at an ankle
monitor yesterday. And I was just like, hot. Not a gym,
just out and about. I was just like, hot. You
weren't at the gym, but I was like, Hayley would
like this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is funny when

(02:19):
you're like, good on you. Good on you, just getting
a little workout in. Because are you allowed to? Do
you have to be a certain thing from your house
or something? Surely it'll depend on your crime, right? It's
just sometimes there's a whole lot of different ones, but
sometimes it's like you've got to be home at a
certain time. Curfew. You can't take it off even if
that's the situation. Right. Or there's those new ones that

(02:40):
have got like GPS monitoring in them. Right. And I
think you've got to plug yourself in every now and
then to give yourself a little charge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (02:47):
So, yeah, that sentence from seven years in prison to
three years of just basically, like, ankle mon, which is
crazy considering.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
Which is what they call an ankle mon. Anky mon.
Anky mon. Oh, my God, I'm dating this new guy. Like,
he's anky mon, but, like, it's fine. He's really nice.

Speaker 4 (03:02):
Like, I'm just nervous to introduce him to my parents
because he's, like, anky mon.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
Things you never want to hear from your own kids. Mum,
don't get mad. He's anky mon. He's what? Why are
you saying he's on the anky mon? But, like, what
the hell is anky mon? Amazing. Ankle monitor. Don't you
judge me, Mum. I know Dad was Ankymon.

Speaker 4 (03:19):
Don't tell me you didn't date a couple of guys
who were Ankymon, Mum.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
You loved an Ankymon, Mum. So the reason she's Ankymon,
which is crazy, I don't know how she got away
with this, is because she made an exchange. Just put
9696 if you're currently on Ankymon. I don't think we've
got criminal listeners. No, we do. Yes, we do. We're
the bad boys of radio. I would almost put money
on the fact that at least one person is listening
right now. Or if you've been on Ankymon. Yeah, 9696. Yeah,
and how did you charge yourself? What kind of Ankymon?

(03:43):
What kind of plug does it have? Is it like USB-C?
Or did you have to find an old adapter? Oh,
my goodness.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
It's like a flat lay pad. You've got to lay
your ankle on it like that. Oh, you think it's
wireless charging?

Speaker 1 (03:55):
Yeah, can they dock? If it's wireless charging, the Ministry
of Justice is using their money incorrectly. No, you have
a wireless pad at the bottom of your bed when
you sleep. No, that's absolutely unnecessary. So don't talk to
me about Ankymon. I know Ankymon, okay? And female Ankymons,
did you have to miss shaving that bit? Yeah, you would.
Or could you move it around? You can move it
up and down a little bit.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
Well, the reason that this woman, Brenda Deutsch, went Ankymon
is because she made an exchange. Now, the exchange she
made was.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
She wanted a monkey. Okay. Oh, cute.

Speaker 4 (04:26):
She's owned monkeys before. She's owned, no, she apparently didn't
treat the monkeys very well.

Speaker 6 (04:30):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 (04:30):
But she's had seven monkeys in the past. Right. And
she was like, you know what? I'm a real hankering
for a monkey.

Speaker 4 (04:37):
She was like, what have I got to exchange for
this monkey? And she was like, oh, what about this,
my latest foster care child? So she exchanged.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Oh, my God. A kid.

Speaker 4 (04:46):
And it was surfaced after excessive school absences triggered the
school to go like, where, why has this kid gone all.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
Why is this kid now a monkey?

Speaker 4 (04:57):
And it was because the family that she'd exchanged, been
exchanged into were a bit slack because they were more
focused on the monkeys and probably drugs as well.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Right. Now, I have no idea. What the hell? You
get ankle monitoring for that? She's been locked up in prison.
I know. For slapping a child for a monkey. Yeah.
I mean, I get the allure of a monkey. Don't
get me wrong. But also, how old is she? You
said she was old, eh? Yeah. 70. So it was
a plea deal and they've done it.

Speaker 4 (05:25):
Because she doesn't have a great history of fostering kids,
you know. And if she said yes to the plea deal,
then she like loses her license. She loses this. She'll
never like be near any kids again, basically. And she's
just Anky Mon now. But I'm like, where did they
go for the monkeys? Oh gosh, she started a GoFundMe.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
Oh, crap. To rebuild her independence. America. Now that she's Ankymon. America. Yeah,
it's America. Who the hell is giving her money? Feeling
sorry for her? Oh, my God. Have we got any
texts on the machine from Ankymon? Yep. Ridiculous. On community
detention for a year and police curfew a year before that,
I've just messaged back, was that Ankymon or just random checks?
Because I know sometimes I'll just be like, surprise, it's 8.02,
you should be home. Where are you? Oh, okay. I'm

(06:09):
not on Ankymon, but I'm a police officer, so I'm
going to curfew exemption where they can go to the
gym for an hour. It will still track their GPS
and EM bail will be notified. Electronic monitoring. Bail will
be notified if they deviate from their approved absence location
or return home late. Oh, okay. Anyway, how comfortable would
that be on your leg 24-7 especially? Could you say

(06:30):
that to your parents instead? He's EM. And you're like,
is that ethical monogamy? And you're like, no, no, no.
Electronic monitoring. And the person who was on police curfew,
random checks and then Ankymon. And then Ankymon. Did they
call it Ankymon? It was more like the police would
rock up at 3 a.m. to see if you were
home when you were supposed to be home overnight. Just
put a note in the window. I'm sleeping. Calm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,

(06:53):
it would be great. Imagine a cop. That would actually
be a quiet period. You're like, you should go and
give them a bloody 4 a.m.

Speaker 2 (06:59):
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
Or get up, Ankymon. Get up. That would actually be
quite fun, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would be.

Speaker 7 (07:05):
Play ZN's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley.

Speaker 1 (07:07):
Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Speaker 2 (07:14):
It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole.
Silly little pole.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
Silly little pole.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
Silly little pole.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
Silly. In Western countries like the United States, men are
considered tall starting at six foot and women are considered
tall starting at five foot eight inches. So you're tall.
I am tall. 173 centimetres or 183 centimetres for gentlemen.
We'd all be considered tall. We are tall, yeah. I'm
like nearly 5'11.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
Quite often people say they didn't realise you guys were tall.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
Yeah, when they meet us, say we're a very tall show.
Very tall. Well, so little Poles, at a concert, should
tall people have to stand at the back of the
mosh pit? Here we go. Get out. Here we go. 61%
of people said yes. Yeah, but they're... Why should we
stand in the back? What?

Speaker 2 (08:03):
No.

Speaker 4 (08:04):
Because we're just so far away. I'll always, when I
go with my bestie, who she's short.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
How tall is she? Five, five, six, five, six, something
like that.

Speaker 3 (08:13):
Five, five.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
Um, I'll always make sure she's in front of me,
but we do, we work angles. Yeah. Like I'll go
behind her and then we kind of work an angle
that she gets a gap. I get a gap.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
Although there is nothing worse. And as finding the perfect spot,
you've got your angles. You can see the stage. The
concert's about to start and then some tall a-hole stands right.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
In front of you.

Speaker 4 (08:34):
We were seated because, you know, it was that kind
of concert for Goo Goo Dolls and Matchbox 20.

Speaker 8 (08:41):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (08:42):
And there was a massive MF-er in front of me.
That guy was like all torso.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
But, you know, you just sort of make do and
you stand up a little bit. You just go to
the side. Exactly. No, no, no, no. And if you're short,
don't get on shoulders because then you're a giant. Yeah, yeah.
And rows behind you can't say. Well, we asked and 61%
of you said yes and 39% of you said no.
I think there's a short people and tall people. We're
being targeted. Sean says, I'm a 6'4 lad here. Do

(09:10):
you want me to send you through that? Yes, please. Link. Photos?
Do you want photos? Yes, please. Happy to, as long
as you give up your extra leg room on flights. True.
You also make clothes the same price as ours, and
you give up the ability to fit under the standard
shower head as well.

Speaker 4 (09:27):
Yeah, because 6'4, he's buying a, he's probably at a
Johnny Biggs extra long length pant.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
He's getting a lengthier pant. And he said, go back
to your booster seat, short stack. He's also a big
daddy in his pants. Telling us what to do. Yeah.
Big daddy. Big daddy. William says, six foot four.

Speaker 9 (09:48):
Chuck it through.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
Can't help it. Mosh pit feels more at home because
you're always moving and never in the same people's way.
I think that's the thing. If you're all dancing, it's
all kind of everywhere. And everyone's got their hats on.
up with their bloody phones yeah also get some platform
shoes short stuff okay I love this okay other end
of the scale Sophie says I'm five foot piss Five

(10:12):
foot squat. Okay. Line it up like the school photo day,
I reckon. Shortest or tallest, we'll all be able to see. Brilliant.
Gemma said, I say no, even though it would be
fantastic as a five foot girly. They're always right in
front of me. Yeah. Not really fair to tell a
person they're too tall to be at the front.

Speaker 8 (10:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:30):
Thank you. Lucy said, if yes, then they should automatically
get exit rows on planes for free. Yes. Yeah, there
you go.

Speaker 4 (10:36):
Nothing like being a tall person and looking over and
little nana's in the exit row and you're like folded
in half.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
She couldn't open the door. Also, your nana's not opening
the exit over wing. No, she's not. Move over, you weak...
I was about to swear again. I can't do it.
She's going to snap on impact. Get her in the
back row. Tash said, I'm a shorty and tall people suck.
At Blink-182, I had a six-foot MF stand right in

(11:00):
front of me and I had to stretch to see Travis.
I'll move to the side. Imogen said, no, I'm short
as hell, but I understand tall people have rights too,
and they don't have binocular eyeballs. Thank you. Thank you, Imogen.
Tall people are people too. She doesn't know that we
do have binocular eyeballs, but that's okay. Don't tell the
short people that we also have binocular eyeballs. Philippa said

(11:21):
the tall people would like a seat because their backs
are probably sore. Yeah, actually, they do hurt. I mean,
I'd rather have a seat, to be honest, anyway. Oh, mate.
I'm not a mosh pitter. You're nearly 50. No. I'm
close enough, but just to the side that I'm not dancing. Yeah.
GA all day. As a tall person says, Steph, I
see how we are annoying. However, shorties should not be

(11:43):
in GA. It's not safe for them. They might get
stood on. It's simply not safe. It's not safe for
you down there, shortie pie. I love that everybody's firing shots.
Shortie cutie pie. Stand wherever you want. There are zero
rules in a mosh pit. Honestly, if you want a
better view, get there earlier and fight harder for it. Yeah, true.
And Courtney said, from a certified short ass, absolutely not.

(12:03):
First and first serve, they're paying just as much to
be there as you are. Yeah. Thank you. So for
still a little poll, we said at a concert, should
tall people have to stand at the back of the
mosh pit? And surprisingly, 61% of you said yes.

Speaker 2 (12:13):
The Fletchmore and Hayley Big Pod.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
Well, Apple this morning in a fancy event at their
headquarters have announced a whole bunch of new products. including
the rumoured foldable iPhone, the Duo, which had just updated
their prices on the New Zealand website. People were predicting
this would be Very expensive, and they were not wrong.

(12:40):
Prices in New Zealand for the new foldable iPhone, which,
by the way, if you've got a.

Speaker 1 (12:43):
It's like a Kindle on its side.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
Yeah, if you've got a Pro, like, 17 at the
moment or a Pro 16, it's about 80% bigger than that.
So it's like almost like two iPhones on top of
each other landscape.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
Almost. And then you'd fold it in half like a book.
Whereas the Samsung one, does that fold up? Yes. Yes.

Speaker 4 (13:04):
Flips up and down like that, and it's like a
normal kind of phone shape.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Okay, so, and they've announced the iPhone 18 as well,
but that's just, bleh. So is that, the 18's just
standard looking iPhone?

Speaker 3 (13:16):
It looks exactly like the 17 Pro and the 17.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
I'll sit this round out. The Duo, prices in New
Zealand start from $ 4, 199. Wow. So $ 4, 200. Yeah. Jeez Louise.
That is insanity. Just did a quick check on the
Samsung Galaxy Z Fold 8. Yeah. $ 2, 699 New Zealand dollars.

(13:40):
So it's a considerably cheaper option.

Speaker 2 (13:43):
Yeah, heck.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
This is not for me. I don't like faulty phones. Same,
I don't like it. I don't like faulty phones. If
someone's going to break it, they're like, oh, we were
watching the hinge thing before. So when it shuts, it's
also got the screen on the front. And then when
you open it, that screen turns off and you've got
the big screen. They were like, advanced hinge technology. I'm like, ah,
so I break that. My fat ass will leave that
in my back pocket and I'll sit on it funny

(14:06):
and I'll open it and I'll be like, how'd that happen? Right.
Like snap it open too fast like that? Yeah. Well,
I don't know. I think you've got to wait a
month if you're wanting to buy the new product. I'm
all right. I'm going to wait. I'll just stick to
the iPad mini. I've got an iPad Mini. You've got
an iPad Mini. I rate the iPad Mini.

Speaker 3 (14:23):
But this almost, I think, like, if you travel a
lot or you use an iPad a lot, it's almost
like it could, you could get away with ditching the
iPad if you travel.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
Yeah, I think so. It's kind of like the size of, like,
a paperback novel. Or just the mini iPad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can I give you some other tech news? Please do.
I'm a tech girl. Yesterday, Armageddon Expo, this is the
pop culture... You guys have probably heard of it. Nerdfest. Nerdfest, yeah.
The Armageddon Expo, which happens all around the country various

(14:52):
times of the year, have said smart glasses and other
wearable eyewear with recording devices are now not permitted at Armageddon.
Cameras taking photos and recording the crowds may be part
of the norm at Armageddon, but no one should be
captured stealthily without their knowledge and permission. Because there's a
lot of people in cosplay. And there's a lot of
pervy dudes who are like, record that, take it home

(15:12):
for later. Yeah, a lot of anime-inspired cosplay. Yeah, so
that's quite... Sexy.

Speaker 4 (15:19):
The Sailor Moon outfit leaves little to the imagination.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
And there's, like, furries.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah. There's a bit of the, like, Armageddon. I'm not
here to yuck anybody's yum.

Speaker 4 (15:29):
But that kind of cosplay and, like, kink world have
a big crossover.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
Oh, yeah, there's a Venn diagram. Bit of a Venn diagram, yeah.
But they're in costume to enter, like, the cosplay things,
and that doesn't mean you can automatically take photos of them. Like,
walking up to someone at the beach and just, like,
recording them in their keenies. It is. When I saw
this post, it's quite funny. Like, they know their audience.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
Also, that is such a bigger question, those glasses. It's
a question for the entire society, isn't it?

Speaker 4 (15:58):
Like, if you guys both need glasses, right? So, if
Sal was on a date with you, what am I
supposed to do? Be like, can you take those off?
Or can you show me that you're not filming?

Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, but then you just wouldn't have... It's weird.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
Yeah, because are the smart glasses, can you put prescription
in them?

Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yeah, I think so. Surely. Well, otherwise we have what
use are they? But how does the screen work? Is
it projected onto? Oh, my God, I don't know. Or
would you have to. Also, like, can I just speak
to men for a moment? Yeah. If there's a post
like this and, you know, it's heavily implied that people
are using these smart glasses to capture video of people and.

(16:35):
and use it for nefarious purposes and sort of invade
their privacy. Don't post from your public Facebook page saying
it's a terrible idea and I should be allowed to
do what I want. Dude, there's more than a few. Really? Yeah. Okay.
Thank you. Yes.

Speaker 4 (16:54):
The standard Ray-Ban Metaframes handle a total power range of
negative 12 to plus 2.25. So you can put prescription.
But if you're someone like maybe Shannon's got really bad
or my brother's like blind without his glasses, wouldn't be
able to because my brother's blinds are like those.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
They go beyond the frame. So blind people can't be perverts.
Is that what you're saying? Thank God. Thank God. The
less perverts we have in general, thank God.

Speaker 10 (17:19):
The ZN Podcast Network. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
From the unmoderated comment section, this is the top six. Well,
scientists have developed a concrete using phases and it's 42%
stronger than our, what are we making concrete out of now?
Lime and river sand. Stones. Because China used all its
river sand. Did it? For concrete, yeah. There was a
massive river sand shortage. It's the better sand apparently. We've

(17:49):
got so much river sand. No, there's something, I listened
to a podcast about it Of course you did. The
sand is better for concrete when it's round. Or square.

Speaker 3 (18:00):
But what about the Romans like are famous for their concrete?

Speaker 1 (18:05):
It's still the same concrete.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
Whereas my driveway is like so terrible. Yeah. But the
Romans didn't fly up and down their driveway to Mazda CX-7,
you know. Yeah, they weren't fanging it up there. A
slow trot in a light horse and cart. Do you
know what I did?

Speaker 4 (18:21):
I had some of that like quick dry, you know,
easy concrete mix.

Speaker 1 (18:26):
It's so heavy.

Speaker 4 (18:27):
The powdered stuff. And the bag had burst and I
wasn't going to use it. So I threw it into
the skip bin and then it rained. I was like,
what if that just turned into a.

Speaker 1 (18:35):
Brick. Brick and concrete. I've seen people who build retaining
walls out of just putting those bags there and then
just spraying them with water. Wetting them. I don't think
that's going to work. Lazy. There's two schools on it.
Some people think it works great and some people think
it's absolutely terrible and a disaster waiting to happen. I've
got the top six signs your concrete used to be
human poo. Number six on the list. Let's get it

(18:56):
out of the way. How are they going to mix
it in? Do they just mix it in and it works?
You shit straight into the truck. You back up to
the churner at the back of the truck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then put a toilet on top of the truck
and it goes in. Then chuck a bit of sand
in and away you go. Anyone got one on board?
Eco poo. Top six signs your concrete used to be
human poo. Number six, let's get out of the way.
It's got a bit of corn in it. Yeah, you

(19:17):
can just see it. It's just got a bit of
corn in it. You're driving along, you're driving. That's the corn.

Speaker 5 (19:21):
Corn.

Speaker 1 (19:22):
Corn. Number five on the list of the top six
signs your concrete used to be human poo. You touch it,
you sniff it, and you go, poo, poo. Poo, what's that? Poo. Smell. Poo. Poo.
I kind of like it. Poo. Number four on the
list of the top six signs your concrete used to
be human poos. After a big night out, your concrete's
a bit runny. Oh. A slight tang to it.

Speaker 11 (19:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
Bit of a soury.

Speaker 12 (19:45):
Oh, holy.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
Number three on the list of the top six signs
your concrete used to be human poo. Bit of blood
in it. Oh, no. I think you should get your
driveway checked. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Don't be embarrassed. Yeah. Get
a colonoscopy on that thing. Number two on the list
of the top six signs your concrete used to be
human poo. Bit of toilet paper stuck in the corner. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Bit of toilet paper stuck in the corner. Side of
the driveway. Sort of flapping in the wind.

Speaker 6 (20:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
Pull that out. Top six signs your concrete used to
be human per number one on the list. Rather than
your car leaving skid marks on your driveway, your driveway
leaves skid marks on your car. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 (20:21):
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
I'm not sure how it works, but, you know. And
once it dries on, you're really going to have to
piss quite hard on the car to get it off. Yeah,
you are. Aim, get it down, get it moving. Hit
it hard with some urine. That's today's top six.

Speaker 2 (20:35):
The ZM Podcast Network.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
Right now, we want to know from you, 0800 DARS
at M. You can text through 9696. What was your
parking mishap? When did a car going very slow, I'm
guessing into a small space, go terribly, terribly wrong? Yeah,
maybe you were backing up. You confused the pedals. You
were pulling in somewhere and, I don't know, you slipped.

(20:58):
I don't know. We want to talk about this because
yesterday at Calston McDonald's, Calston is a West Auckland suburb. Yes,
I've been to this McDonald's. Yes, so have I. Because
this was by our friend's place. So you've probably been
in the later hours of the evening for nuggies. Or
pre-drink nuggies because you've got to line the tummy. Yeah,

(21:19):
it was. Because we know what happens when you don't.
So the car ended up on its roof. Going through
the drive-thru, you can find these sweaters online, and if
you can work it out, then you should join the
special crash investigation unit. Is it one of those ones
where there's one... Is there a gap, like a drop?

(21:39):
There's a car park above it.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
Right.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
So I think they've gone over that and maybe freaked
and turned as they went and hit. One side and rolled. Okay.

Speaker 4 (21:52):
Because you know that this is sort of a slight
digression for a moment. The new McDonald's where we live, Vaughan,
they admit every time I go through regularly. The QMU one. Yeah,
the QMU one. They made it too tight. Is it
always curb?

Speaker 1 (22:07):
It's a nightmare in the Ranger. You've got to go over...
a curb to get around the vent. Oh, right, okay.
From the speaker to the window. That's so true.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
Because I remember back in the day, famously, the Nelson
KFC in Tohuna had a hill start.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
Before you got to the window. Did a handbrake. Yeah.
Ready to go.

Speaker 8 (22:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
In a manual, like, come on. Yeah. Did it. It did.
I think they changed it, though, because they re-noted it
a few years back. Yeah, right.

Speaker 6 (22:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
It might still be there. I'm just looking. I'm looking.
I'm on the Google Maps. I'm going to hit the
street view. Oh, gosh. It was a while ago. That was, like, 2000s. Yeah.
Back in the day when I lived in Nelson. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (22:50):
So- So parking mistakes, because I'm lucky I haven't had one.
My driver's on a slight lane and my boyfriend drives
a car that does everything, like it's electric, so you
just basically pull up and then you just get out.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
Of the car and it just turns off. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (23:06):
So when he drives my car, in which you need
to put the handbrake on, put it in park and
turn the vehicle off, he'll.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
Often just get out. Yeah. And sometimes I get in
and I'm like, oh, it's wiggly in here.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
I knew someone that was driving a manual and... What's
the next person to use the car? And because someone
had put the park brake on and put it in first?

Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yes. Which is what you do, right? Yeah. He started
the car and it lurched forward into a tree. Wow.
I think the most dangerous part about your driveway, Sproul,
is the ditch outside. Sometimes if I'm backing out and
I'll turn to get the arse end out onto the
road and you're like, whoa. It's the big ditch you'll
end up in and your belly out in that. Okay, well,

(23:48):
it was a, sorry. Someone just messaged in, have you
heard about the Dunsandle parking accident, the Dunsandle pub about
five days ago? No. Apparently it was a kid picking
up their dad because their dad had been on the bus.
They drove through the park. They would go to park
in front of it and must have. Just keep going. Wait,
how old was this kid? 16. They just said kid. Oh, okay.
We need to know more about that. 16-year-old. Oh. Okay,

(24:11):
so they came. I was, in my head, the beautiful
story was a 10-year-old was told to grab the keys
and come get dad from the park. No, they're 16.

Speaker 3 (24:17):
Also, like, aren't you driving on the farms from when you're, like,
10 anyway?

Speaker 1 (24:21):
Yeah, you'll be all right. Yeah, okay. Well, that's embarrassing.
I mean, good on Dad for not drunk driving.

Speaker 3 (24:24):
Okay, 0800-DARLS-AT-M. We want to take your calls now. Text
us 9696.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
What was your parking mishap or disaster?

Speaker 3 (24:32):
Somebody flipped their car in the Calston McDonald's drive-thru yesterday
in West Auckland.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
What a day, eh? What do you even do on
the insurance claim? Wanted nugs. F'd up parking, flipped car. Yeah,
flipped car. Was it post-nug? Because if the nugs are
coming out of the box, that's a bad day. Yeah,
it is. DJ, what was your parking miss at?

Speaker 12 (24:54):
Oh, it was my daughter.

Speaker 1 (24:54):
Okay.

Speaker 12 (24:55):
Our driveway goes straight down into a garage, but there's
a little parking bay on the right, so she drove
down the drive, turned into the little parking bay, and
went to reverse back around so she could drive straight
out of the drive.

Speaker 5 (25:06):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 12 (25:07):
And her boots got caught up in the pedals, and
the car just spun right around, like almost 360 and
ended up diagonal across the garage door.

Speaker 1 (25:18):
Oh, my God.

Speaker 12 (25:18):
So the garage had to be braced, and the car
had to be, like, with a special tow truck, like,
lifted out the walls of the garage door.

Speaker 1 (25:26):
Oh, no. Okay, so we don't drive in Ugg boots
anymore then.

Speaker 12 (25:29):
Don't do that.

Speaker 4 (25:30):
My dad was always like, you'd always take your jandals
off when I would wear jandals because they flip your thing.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
But Ugg boots. It was wild that it was illegal
to drive in bare feet, but it wasn't illegal to
drive in jandals. Because it's way better. They do that
when they get bent over in court. Oh, God.

Speaker 12 (25:46):
DJ.

Speaker 1 (25:46):
DJ, thank you. Jacob, what was your parking miss at?

Speaker 8 (25:51):
Yeah, when I went out on a date with my
girlfriend for the first time, I tried to kiss her
for the first time and ended up kissing her on
the nose. And so I got a bit panicked and
jumped out of the car and left the car in park,
reached my foot back in to try and push the brake,
ended up hitting the accelerator and ramming into a parent's garage.

Speaker 1 (26:13):
Dude, wait. Smooth, dude. Smooth, man. Dad was just standing
there like, this cannot be. Wait.

Speaker 8 (26:19):
She was just about in front of the car as well.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
I almost killed her. Oh, my God. And, Jacob, are
you still with this girl? Yep. Married four years later. Hell,
there we go. No, that is the most. You must
have really turned that terrible kissing technique around.

Speaker 5 (26:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
He's got a couple of tricks up his sleeve. You
better make up for it later. Holy moly.

Speaker 3 (26:40):
Yeah, when you go away for a romantic weekend to,
you know, like a, I don't know, like one of
those cabins.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She drives? Yeah, no, no, I still drive, yeah. Okay, okay, right.
Was it just the nerves?

Speaker 8 (26:52):
Yeah, it was.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
100%. That's actually pretty cute. Do you know what? It
probably endeared you to her more.

Speaker 5 (26:58):
Totally.

Speaker 4 (26:59):
But also the thing that you panicked for the nose
cast and like leapt out of the car is so funny.

Speaker 8 (27:04):
And I went inside so panicked that her parents were
so nice about it.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
They were like, oh, it's all good. We can fix it.
We can fix it. It's all good.

Speaker 8 (27:11):
And then I was like, sitting there like shaking.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
I was so like, oh my God. That's super cute.
That's super cute. That's really cute actually. Are we going
to call it a week? I do know I was
literally going to say I think Jacob's going to call
it a week. It's such a wholesome story. You're a sweetie.
We'll hook you up.

Speaker 3 (27:22):
Thanks to Chemist Warehouse, home of the biggest brands, lowest prices.
Little prize pack for you there, Jacob.

Speaker 1 (27:26):
Wait there. Some messages in. A friend of mine got
in her car after shopping at Pack and Save, and
the car in front of her had left. She's like, sweet,
I'm going to drive right through, not knowing there was
a concrete divider. Oh, yep. Two, by the way. One
to stop the cars coming the other way as well.
They got over the first one, panicked, got over the
second one, and it ballied the car out, and both
wheels were off the ground. Because I always do that
if I've parked, and I'm like, hell yeah, man, drive

(27:47):
straight out. Yeah, but I see, I do too, but
I'm an arranger, so I just don't care. Get over
those things. Oh, my gosh. I was pulling into my parents' driveway,
forgot to move my foot from the accelerator to the brake,
drove straight through their garage door and smashed into the
car on the other side. No. My partner's cousin was
22 and having her first driving lease in an empty

(28:08):
car park, tried to park the car, managed to drive
over the top of the massive bit of concrete, got
stuck right on the tip of the concrete and the
car was like bellied out on the seesaw and they
couldn't get it off. They had to get a tow truck.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
How embarrassing in an empty car park, like on a
Sunday morning, no one's here.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
I'd try everything before I called someone. I'd get the
jack out and jack up the back of the car
and try to just get some wheels on the ground.
I had to reverse park when I was getting my
waft done. The guy came to say your car's passed,
but did you realise you scraped all the way down
the wall when you were trying to park? They said,
so that's why you turn your radio down when you're reversing. Yeah.

(28:43):
At least you're listening to ZM. Keep it loud. Crack
it up. But you don't want to miss a damn thing.
I moved to Napier. There are two streets in the
main part of town, both of them one-way streets, but
they go in opposite directions. One time I went down
the wrong way of one of them, and there was
a car coming the other way. I had to try
to reverse and then parallel park. Could not do it
for the life of me. In a panic, hit a car,
had to keep going, got out of the way. One

(29:04):
of the shopkeepers came out, helped me park my car.
Easily the most embarrassing day of my life. Oh, my
dad was doing the skid in the shed on Christmas Day. Now... Wait, what?
Dad should know better. Like he's going to turn in
the tyres. Of course he would. In the garage. Yeah,
that's bad. Anyway, the VK Commodore gripped and sent through
the side of the shed and into my auntie's minivan.

(29:26):
We don't like her, so it's okay. Oh, that's good.
Regardless of whether or not you like her, now you've
got a hole in the shed and I'm assuming some
damage to the VK. And I'm guessing Dave was a
little pissed as well. Dad had probably had a couple
of drugs. We'd owned our house for one week. Not
a good start to this text.

Speaker 4 (29:39):
And I never lived in a house with an internal garage.
Drove straight through the garage into the wall and ended
up with my car bonnet in the dining room.

Speaker 5 (29:45):
Oh.

Speaker 8 (29:46):
Jesus.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Yes, I think that episode of The Bear, the Christmas one,
where the mum loses it at the end and drives
the car through the side of the house. You've always
got to have enough crap in the garage that as
soon as you hit it, you see it move.

Speaker 9 (29:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
You have some stacked shelves. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
Some people put a tennis ball there, don't they, or
a foam noodle. One of those swimming pool noodles. So
when you see it move or something move, you know
that you stop.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
Hot glue a pool noodle to the wall. Hot glue
a pool noodle. It'll stop you. You'll just grow up
and know when to stop.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 10 (30:13):
The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley.

Speaker 1 (30:19):
All right, Shannon's got a hacky. Oh, guys, I've actually got,
we're lucky. I've actually got news because I play, every
time we do a Shannon's hack, I play this off. YouTube. Yes.
This instrumental of the B-52's Love Shack. Yes. I've had
a word because, you know, I'm on the Christensen family plan.

Speaker 13 (30:35):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (30:35):
Oh, my God, yes. YouTube have said we're not in
the same household. So my YouTube premium has been paused
until I can prove that we're living under the same roof.
People are locking down. Do you have to get into
bed with Mr. and Mrs. Christensen and say I'm here?
I had to sleep between the Christensens. Ricky and Sam,
who I believe are brothers, not even. Oh, okay, right.
And somebody else. There's four people on this family plan. Well,

(30:58):
are they all in the same house? Well, I don't know.
Are Ricky and Sam in the same? I've got YouTube premium.
I could just. I could just play it, take over,
sort of render you useless. No, I was just going
to say, it's lucky there's no ad loaded up. Wait,
are you saying you've got ads now? Yeah. I'm back
to having ads. Despite the Christiansen saying, how dare my.
Are you still in a personal recession or can you get? Dude,
I'm deeper than ever. And it's more personal than ever.

(31:21):
What's a recession's extreme depression? Yeah. I'm depressed both financially
and mentally. Okay, right. But this is royalty free. You
can still do it. Well, an ad hasn't loaded up,
but I can't promise at some stage during one's not
going to pop up. Oh, for crying out loud. But
for now. If you see a faded sign at the

(31:42):
side of the road that says 15 miles to a
Shannon's Hack. Get down. Shannon's Hack, baby. And producer Shannon,
if you're new to the show, pitches us hacks. Yeah.
Quite often terrible. We really like when she tells us
unpredictable stories about history. We really like that segment. She's like,

(32:04):
I've got a hack. We're like... Do you have any history?

Speaker 4 (32:05):
We always get those ones that are rare. A lot
more work to be put into them. I'm going to
do a little hot tease here. There may be the
appearance of a live Shannon's Hack at our live FVH
Genuine Friends Tour.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Maybe. Wow. We're still trying to sell those remaining tickets,
not put people off coming.

Speaker 4 (32:27):
I would say the bad hacks, when you see them
in the flesh, will be muchos entertainment.

Speaker 3 (32:34):
Especially when you see the look drain from Shannon's face
as we give her two stars.

Speaker 4 (32:38):
And she says, can you take off your shoes? I
want to duct tape some pads to your feet.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
And you think, okay. Producer Shannon, where are we heading
in the realm of hacks today?

Speaker 14 (32:45):
We're talking hosting.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
Oh, I love to host.

Speaker 14 (32:48):
Hosting a party.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
Wait, you've done a hosting hack before, eh? Oh, probably.
You've done a hosting a dinner party hack before and
it was terrible. It was, wasn't it?

Speaker 4 (32:57):
Oh no, that was the one when you order a
kebab and you get them to drive you home or something.

Speaker 2 (33:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (33:01):
If you can't get an Uber home, just order delivery pizza.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
And hop in. Go to the pizza and hop in.
Uber Eats and wait for them to turn up.

Speaker 14 (33:11):
One of my better ones.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
One of the better ones.

Speaker 5 (33:14):
No, a hosting hack today. So for someone like myself,
I don't really have furniture as such.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
No, or space for more than two humans.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 (33:23):
But often if you're hosting, your table is going to
be used for food, but you might want a secondary
table for things like beer pong, perhaps, or just general,
maybe a.

Speaker 14 (33:33):
Table for presents or something.

Speaker 1 (33:35):
For snacks. Yeah, snacks.

Speaker 5 (33:36):
It's just quite helpful sometimes to have more tables than
you normally own.

Speaker 14 (33:39):
But tables are expensive.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
They are expensive.

Speaker 5 (33:42):
Obviously, you could go to a hardware store and buy
a trestle table, but that's money, and this is a
money-saving hack.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
Oh, okay. Money-saving hosting hack. Okay, here we go. Here
we go. Don't tell me it's the bed. No. Oh, my.
Put a sheet of ply on the bed. If it's
the bed, I'm going to flip the table, which might
be the bed.

Speaker 14 (33:59):
You might not be stoked where this is going.

Speaker 5 (34:02):
So what I want you to do is grab a
screwdriver and just take your door off its hinges.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
Oh, shut up. I'm crying out loud. Shut up.

Speaker 14 (34:10):
Walk with me.

Speaker 5 (34:11):
I want you to take your door off its hinges
because your door is free and it's temporary.

Speaker 14 (34:16):
This is a temporary situation. You could then get two
dining tables.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
You also don't need to take any screws out. You
just pop the pin out of the door's hinge.

Speaker 5 (34:22):
I've never done this, but I just assumed it was
a screwdriver situation. What?

Speaker 1 (34:26):
You've never done it? You've never taken a door off
its hinges and used it as a table? No.

Speaker 5 (34:30):
But then you just get two chairs, two dining table chairs, and.

Speaker 1 (34:34):
Just kind of sit up. Oh my God, Christ alive.
This is a green table. No, some of them are
rounded at the top. Yeah, they won't hold the door.
They won't hold. My doors are Cody wood. This is sacrilege.
You're going to get ring marks. You're going to get
drink marks on the Cody. I know. On the Cody door.
Because I live in an old house, it's wonky. I'm
never getting that door back on. No. Yeah. Now we're

(34:54):
all showering with the door off.

Speaker 14 (34:55):
I just think it's quite.

Speaker 1 (34:56):
I went bathroom for some reason and I regret it.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
Even though your guests would need the toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Even though there's like bedrooms and stuff.

Speaker 5 (35:03):
I'm imagining you'd do maybe like an internal kitchen door
if you had like... Because when you're hosting it, you
want the free-flowing space. So there are spare doors you
could use that aren't needed.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
This is one of the worst yet. You're not getting
your bond back with all the marks on the door.
This is one of the worst yet, Shannon.

Speaker 4 (35:18):
You're taking your door off its hinges and putting it
on dining chairs.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
As a free table. As a free table.

Speaker 14 (35:26):
And then you can put it back. So it's a
temporary free.

Speaker 5 (35:28):
Table because obviously as well, if you buy a secondary table,
you don't need it all the time, but you can
put your door back on.

Speaker 1 (35:34):
I mean, that's a great storage solution. She's not wrong.
It is a zero. How much is a trestle table
from Mitre 10? No, one of those fold-down ones that
turns into like a suitcase. And you slide it under
the bed. Folding table NZ. You find that out. $ 64
at Trade Tested. That's cheap compared to when you have
to replace the door. $ 35 at the warehouse.

Speaker 4 (35:53):
There's a $ 40 one, a basic camping fold-down table at
the warehouse.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
Yeah, okay, there we go. I think someone's some feedback.
She's not wrong. Yeah. She's not good, but she's not wrong.
Thank you. That kind of sums it up. Oh, yes,
the words she's saying are able to be done. They
are words. Hey, if Jack and Rose can use the
door as a, wait a minute, that didn't work either. No,
it didn't work. From Liliana.

Speaker 14 (36:18):
You're just reading all the negative ones.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
One person said I love this hack. Yeah, that's a
positive one. Who's Jenna though? That person doesn't own their house. Yes.
They're renting and don't care about getting their bond back.
It's not worthy of any points, Shannon. It's a zero
from me. A zero. But you said, functionally, it does work.

Speaker 14 (36:38):
You have said that this is a concept that would work.

Speaker 4 (36:41):
I've acknowledged the ability to remove a door from its hinges.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Yes. That is a thing that can happen. I'm on
some other feedback here. Someone said, my parents used to
do this back in the 70s when they had fondue parties.
They'd lay them on the floor. and people would sit
around the door. Why is the door, just do it
on the floor if you're going to do a door
on the floor. No, but it would have been shag
pile carpet in the 70s.

Speaker 6 (37:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
Someone said this.

Speaker 4 (37:02):
Hack is unhinged and I think that sums it up
quite nicely.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
I've done this. I used it to extend my dining table.
The problem were the grooves. Oh, yeah. Oh, if you've
got panels on the doors. Yeah. If you've got panels.
Shannon's off her hinges.

Speaker 4 (37:15):
I'll chuck it a one because someone said this is
perfect for a Dunedin flat.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (37:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 14 (37:20):
I have lived in Dunedin before.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
Did anybody do this in Dunedin?

Speaker 5 (37:23):
No.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
No, she's never seen it in the flesh.

Speaker 5 (37:25):
Not seen it in the flesh, but we did have
big holes in our walls, so I think this could
have been a.

Speaker 1 (37:29):
Nice way to decide. You should have taken the door
off its hinges and patched the wall with the door.
I'll give it one star.

Speaker 5 (37:35):
Yay.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
I'll take one. Is it out of pity?

Speaker 6 (37:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (37:39):
It's one star and I'll say today it's out of 10.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
Whoa. Yeah, because we can't do half stars. Because no
one's accepting zero. All right. All right.

Speaker 5 (37:48):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (37:48):
All right. If you see a faded sign at the
side of the road that says one star max for
Shannon's Hex. Yay. One star baby.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
The Fletchbourne and Hayley Big Pod.

Speaker 4 (38:03):
Now, you may remember Jojo Siwa came out as, what, man,
big pod. Gay coming out. She called her music gay pop.
And everyone was like, oh, Georgia Michael. Where did Jojo Siwa.
Was Jojo Siwa dance?

Speaker 1 (38:22):
Dance moms. Dance moms. Hell yeah, she was dance moms.
Then she was like this iconic little. This little tween
with the Jojo bows. Hey, I'm Jojo Siwa. All the
confidence in the world.

Speaker 5 (38:33):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (38:34):
And pure coincidence that we're about to talk about Jojo
Siwa and my memories that are on my phone. It's like,
oh shit, it was like 2017, so nine years ago
that my daughters interviewed her.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Did they?

Speaker 1 (38:45):
As a... Jojo, was it cool writing a book about
your dog? Yes, it was so cool.

Speaker 7 (38:52):
I mean, Bobo, she's my favorite little munchkin ever, and I.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
Love her so much.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
So getting to write a.

Speaker 9 (38:57):
Book about her, Jojo Loves Bobo, A Day in the
World's Cutest Canine.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
Was the best time ever.

Speaker 3 (39:02):
Jojo, do you want any more pets?

Speaker 1 (39:05):
I actually have other pets.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
I have two other dogs.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
Oh my God, the girls sound so young. Jojo, do
you want any poop heads? Really doing that thing where
time starts. And they're like, off, off, dad. I want
to have a cigarette. They're like, bruh, where's dinner? Yeah, yeah, bruh,
where's dinner? Bruh, that's yuck. I need to know if
I'm going to have a smoke before or after. Bruh.
So Jojo's saying, you know, and then she hard launched with,

(39:29):
come here, baby. and she had the kiss makeup and
was just like, I'm doing gay pop. I'm Jojo Siwa.

Speaker 4 (39:34):
And then she did Dancing With The Stars, which feels
crazy because she's literally a known professional dancer. And on
that show, she met Chris. No, on Big Brother, sorry.
She met a British guy, Chris Hughes. So I don't
know what he does.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
He's British. Yeah. Sorry, producer Shannon, what does he do?
He is a.

Speaker 14 (39:50):
He was on Love Island.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
Oh, sorry. I even asked. So he was on Love Island.

Speaker 4 (39:56):
They had a little flirt in the Big Brother house
and then they came out and then she was like,
we're together.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
He's British. I'm Joe Zewa. I think she's just on
the spectrum. Just does whatever. Yeah, fair enough. On the
queer spectrum. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (40:07):
So she was doing a podcast interview because a few
people have been noticing that that every now and then,
she has an odd accent.

Speaker 9 (40:16):
So I'm from Nebraska originally, but I have a quang
of an English accent, and it's because of my boyfriend
and his family and his friends, who I talk to often, right?
And so he doesn't hear it, his family doesn't hear it,
but Americans are like, where's your accent? And I'm like,
it's Nebraska, and they're like, that's not it.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
How long have you been dating him?

Speaker 9 (40:35):
We've been together, this month will be a year and
five months.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
Oh, nice. I hate that. Also, you can't really hear
it in there, but every now and then, like, on
her thing, she'll slip into, like, glorious or something. But
she's claiming that, like, she's got this sort of, like,
muddled accent from a year and five months. She is
every Kiwi that has moved to the UK on their... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
On their eye. Or kind of anywhere.

Speaker 4 (40:58):
I was hanging out with a friend in Melbourne and
he's been there for like 20 years, ages.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
Yeah. And, no, 15 years maybe.

Speaker 4 (41:04):
And we were at the pub and he was talking
about this and yeah, and then he had to go
and like wash his doona.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
And I was like, Ruben. I hate that. You're in
New Zealand. It's called a goddamn duvet. But I get that.

Speaker 3 (41:16):
Like even just if you go to Australia for a
few days, you start going, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
I just mimic them. I just mimic them. It's fun.

Speaker 4 (41:24):
I don't think you can tell that I went to
Paris this year, very much, you know. God, I'm doing
it again until it really rubs off. You know, and sometimes,
I know when I go home, luck, it changes and
I'll come back, you know.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
I'm constantly farting the urge to just speak to my bra.
Let's get into it. Let's get into it over the bra.
Lean in hard. And I'm like, God, sorry I'm so late.
I couldn't find the pod. But yeah, a year and
a half, Jojo Siwa. God bless you.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
The Fletchborn and Hayley Big Pod.

Speaker 1 (42:00):
Leah Shipkeva from Birmingham. She's 36 years old. That's my age.
These women that are competitive eaters are always so tiny.
So this chick is jacked, man. She's a lifter. Like she, brah.
She turns that food into broth. She's got 394,000 online
followers on Instagram. Who's our Kiwi girl? Nene Slager. Yeah,

(42:26):
that's Nene. Nene. And she... She's incredible. I know. Very slim. Yeah.
I'm so sorry to her because I have forgotten her name. Oh, wow.
That's the competitive eater we're talking about. She has a
six-pack of abs. Yeah, she looks like a bodybuilder.

Speaker 4 (42:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
And a booty and the quads. She looks like she'd
have to be really, like, focused on getting the exact
nutrition she wanted.

Speaker 4 (42:51):
Well, the exact nutrition she focused on on this day
was a burrito because she used to have the world
record for fastest burritos.

Speaker 1 (42:58):
She set that in 2019, lost it in 2022 to
an American... Okay.

Speaker 4 (43:04):
And the American beta with a record time of eating
the burrito in 31.47 seconds.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
Good God. To me, though, a burrito every time is
going to be different. There'd have to be some consistent
measuring of the burrito. Like a 500 grams of filling? Totally.

Speaker 4 (43:22):
Because I was like, you get a burrito from this
Mexican place and you get one from that Mexican place.

Speaker 1 (43:26):
Some of them are like Plate logs.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
And then like avocado or beans would slip down easier
than a meat piece.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
So it would have to be exactly the same every time.
Vegetarian would be cheating. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (43:39):
So she also, oh, no, this is the other woman
who set all these other world records, 42 world records
before this, eating records.

Speaker 1 (43:48):
Yeah. So, oh, no, this is this chick. Yeah, Leah.

Speaker 4 (43:52):
She has 42 world records, including fastest Domino pizza in
under a minute and.

Speaker 1 (43:57):
Fastest Terry's choc-orange. Wait, under a minute? For a full
Domino's pizza. And a choc-orange. But Domino's is not that thick. No,
it's thick. Fold and log it in.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
Yeah, it's so much bread and crust.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
Yeah. So the Terry's chocolate orange. Terry's chocolate oranges are
so sweet. Like, they're solid chocolate. Yeah. They're solid with
the orangey gooey inside. But they are unbelievably sweet. Like
one segment and I'm like. So she says she was
an overweight kid.

Speaker 6 (44:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (44:28):
And got into nutrition and fitness as an adult. Boy,
did she get into it. If you want to look
her up. Leah Shitkever. And then she said now she
trains six times a week, calls herself a gym addict.
So to balance out the eating challenges, she's like, dude,
I can eat calories because I work out so much.
So 30.75 seconds is the new Guinness World.

Speaker 1 (44:50):
Record that was granted to her. For eating a burrito.
For eating a burrito that fast. That's fast.

Speaker 4 (44:57):
Remember, I think in my first year here at work,
someone ate the nuggets, right?

Speaker 1 (45:03):
And I was like, it doesn't seem that fast.

Speaker 4 (45:05):
The moment I ate the first nugget, I was like,
I'm screwed. I couldn't, it's so much, it takes so
much more time than you think.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
Yes. Because I think about a burrito, I'm like, half
a minute. And are they allowed water?

Speaker 4 (45:16):
Yeah, usually in competitive eating, they can water it down.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
This woman also has the world record for eating the
most chicken nuggets in one minute.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
Oh, does she? She does, yeah. It's so hard.

Speaker 3 (45:28):
She has 19 McDonald's Chicken McNuggets in 60 seconds.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
19.

Speaker 4 (45:34):
We talked about this the first year I worked here,
and I was like, bring it on.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
We ordered nuggets, and I couldn't get any in. She
beat the New Zealand girl. Oh, really? What's her name?
Neela Zisa.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
Neela.

Speaker 1 (45:46):
That's it, Zisa. Neela Zisa. Neela Zisa. So Neela, the
New Zealander, had that in 2020, and... And, yeah, they
do it by grams.

Speaker 3 (45:55):
It was 290 grams was the New Zealand record, and
then she did it 315 grams.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
Wow. And maybe the same amount of nuggets. Crazy.

Speaker 4 (46:06):
Do you know Nela, Nela Zisa, our Kiwi competitive eater,
is a doctor by day, and she's training in psychiatry
as well, and she gyms.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
Bra, and just everything. Imagine if you arrived to your psychiatrist,
did you say psychiatry? Psychiatry, yeah. Psychiatrist, you arrived to
a psychiatry appointment slightly earlier, you knock on the door,
open it, and she's just like halfway through, just like
deep-throating a whole van. I know, with a camera on
a tripod, you're like. And she's like, I'll be with
you in a minute. Sorry, sorry, just trying to get
this record here. Sorry, I've just got some like dad

(46:38):
stuff I want to talk to you about.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
The ZM's Podcast Network.

Speaker 7 (46:42):
Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
My daughter, name and shame, Indy, she got her first attention. Naughty.
She got first detention. How old is she?

Speaker 5 (46:51):
14?

Speaker 1 (46:51):
14, yeah. She's never had a detention. She had a
detention because she had the flu, like proper the A
or B. Badass. It's going around. Which one is literally
tearing through this country's health systems? I don't know, but
it apparently still hasn't peaked. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So she
missed a week of school. Oh, yeah. Now, on that week,
she was due to hand in an assignment, and she didn't,

(47:12):
and she could have handed in online, and then she
went back to school, still hadn't done it, got her
first detention.

Speaker 3 (47:18):
Oh, I thought you were going to say she tried
to burn the school down or something.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's a little bit more.
I feel like that's a little bit more than a detention.
I feel like if you're trying to set the school
ablaze or fighting or anything like that, she's a stand
down these days. Or egg the teacher's car. You know
what I'm saying? I think a little bit more than
a detention. Mine was just like be rude. I was
just like distracting and rude and attitude-y. Yeah, not stopping

(47:43):
talking was basically the. One more time and you're out.
Being the class clown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The teacher said, Vaughn,
stop talking. I said, can you just hold on a minute?
I'm almost done. She was just like, and bye. Back
in the day, they'd write your name on the board
and that was your warning. And then the X was
15 minute, 30 minute, and then like whole lunchtime or something.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
It's your time, not mine. I remember doing a couple
of detentions. Can't remember what for. Probably talking in class
or being a smartass. We made it jobs, though, so ha, ha, ha.
Did you have to do lines? Yeah, oh, we did
a little bit of lines. It was different. Yeah, different now.
I think she was in there. She had to do
the assignment that she hadn't done. On her time. On
her time, in the lunchtime. Right. But she said they

(48:21):
had their computers and the internet, so she just played Roblox. Now,
I don't want to... I sent her an email and
I was like, so this is the other crazy thing.
Her friend who had never had a detention has wondered
what detentions are like and he's like, come with me.
So they get there and her name's not on the
detention list and the teacher's just like, just go in.

Speaker 3 (48:38):
No, because that's the idea is you're alone or with
other naughty kids.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
Yeah, you don't get to spend time with your friend.
So her friend and her sit next to each other
and start talking and then they get separated. So her
friend who didn't get a detention does this detention by herself.
Full detention experience without having done anything to get you detention.
You were never allowed to talk in the detention. No. God, no.
Otherwise you get another one.

Speaker 5 (48:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (48:58):
And then it would turn into a we had detention
and then you had Friday detention.

Speaker 1 (49:02):
So you had your lunchtime detentions where I would take
your lunch break. Yeah. And then if you were real shit,
Friday afterwards you stay. Do any schools do a week?
Because remember there was a school and it was this
is going back sometime, but they're like, we're bringing in
weekend detentions to really, and all the parents are like,
why am I being punished? I'm going to take this
little shit to school to sit there for an hour.
What am I going to do? Yeah. Do you remember

(49:23):
being on report? Did you guys have that? No. Yes,
I never ended up on report. Ongoing bad behaviour. I'll
go have a meeting with the dean. Kind of like
home detention or probation.

Speaker 4 (49:32):
No, no, you get put on report and at the
end of every single class, you have to give it
to the teacher and they have to fill in how
you were. And then you have to be good and
then you get off report.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
You got off report when you did like a solid
week of good behaviour, right? You'd be like, oh, Mrs. So-and-so,
I'm on report. And she'd be like, well, then why
did you talk the whole class? Can you write something else?
Some of the dudes that I went to school with
that were on report like forever, police officers now.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
Really?

Speaker 1 (49:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (49:55):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (49:56):
Well, we want to know this morning, 0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696, the silliest
reason you got a detention, the craziest thing you did,
the naughtiest thing you did. Anonymous has already called in,
starting the ball rolling.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
What did you do? Good morning. First-time talker, long-time caller.

Speaker 5 (50:14):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
Oh, okay. Close enough. Okay. Close enough. Long-time listener, first-time caller. Yes. Anonymous,
what did you do?

Speaker 12 (50:21):
Well, uh, I had a couple of sports injuries at skill.

Speaker 1 (50:24):
No good. No good.

Speaker 12 (50:25):
And then, uh, I ended up getting crutches, uh, for
one of these injuries, right?

Speaker 1 (50:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 12 (50:29):
And turns out you can modify crutches.

Speaker 1 (50:33):
Um, to make a blow dart. We won't go into
a description. Wait, what? I thought you were going to
say a bong. I thought you were going to say
you can modify crutches to be a bong, and I
wasn't imagining how to do that, but a blow dart?

Speaker 12 (50:46):
Well, I am from Hamilton, so that wouldn't put a pass.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
Yeah, dude. Okay. So who did you, Anonymous, who did
you blow dart? Well, all our mates were in firing range. Okay, yeah.
So what were you using as a projector? Were you
sharpening pencils or something? Well, you could cut a corner
off a piece of paper and roll.

Speaker 12 (51:04):
It up into a nice cone-shaped dart.

Speaker 1 (51:06):
And if you wanted to, you could chuck a tack
in the front of it. So you're there. Oh, okay.
And you've got your long set of crotches, crutches, different. Crotches, yeah.
Which can also be made into a blader. Long crutches
and you just go down the end. Yeah, well, you
can take the foot off the crutch and you can
pull the whole thing apart, really. Yeah, yeah, you're right.

(51:29):
What do you do for a job now? Ah, well,
I've got the best job in the world. I am
a disability support worker. Oh, so you actually stayed with
the crutches. You were a rascal at school, but look
at you now, salt of the earth doing God's work
out there, working with people with disabilities. Good on you.
But do you tell your people if they are on crutches?

(51:51):
That's a blow dart in the making. Yeah, let me
show you a thing or two. Well, since high school,
this is probably the first time it's come up in
conversation in a long time. Yeah, nice. Okay, well, yeah,
have a lovely day. Let's start the calls now and
the text 9696 to text in. Funny stories coming through, though.
So good. I got a detention for speaking in third
person for an entire maths class.

Speaker 5 (52:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
Hayley needs to go to the bathroom. Hayley's going to
need a little help with her suntan clothes. Hayley doesn't
understand why you've introduced letters into maths. Hayley needs to
know what A equals. Amy, why did you get a detention?

Speaker 6 (52:28):
I got a detention for talking to a boy.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 12 (52:33):
So I went to.

Speaker 6 (52:34):
A Catholic girls' school, and I happened to be giving
my brother a bus ticket after school so he could
get home. He went to the school opposite us. We
got hauled out in front of the whole assembly and
told and given detention because we were seen fraternising with
males in school uniform and that was not allowed.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
Wait, that was your brother?

Speaker 5 (52:54):
What?

Speaker 1 (52:54):
That was your brother? What? You're not allowed to talk
to boys.

Speaker 6 (52:57):
I argued it with the sister and I said, look,
it was my brother. I was giving him a bus ticket.

Speaker 12 (53:03):
She said, no, you know the rules.

Speaker 6 (53:05):
Your friends were also seen fraternising with males.

Speaker 12 (53:09):
At the same time, you've.

Speaker 6 (53:10):
All got detentions, and if you need to see your brother,
do it further down the road so you're not in
line at all times.

Speaker 1 (53:16):
And they wonder why Catholic schoolgirl pregnancy rates are so high.

Speaker 5 (53:19):
Yeah. Whoa.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
That's insane behavior. That's crazy. Amy, thank you. Mackenzie, why
did you get a detention?

Speaker 11 (53:26):
I was laughing too hard at a kid putting a
piece of his ass trying to make himself fart.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
So, wait, what? I'm sorry.

Speaker 5 (53:37):
Sorry.

Speaker 1 (53:38):
What? A pencil? Where was this happening? In class?

Speaker 11 (53:43):
Yeah, in science. And the kid kept trying to put
a pencil down his ass to make himself fart, and
I laughed too hard. So I got moved, and then
I couldn't stop laughing because I was still thinking about it,
and I got attention for it.

Speaker 1 (53:56):
I mean, I don't want to know the answer, but
I also do want to know the answer. Did he
end up making himself fart?

Speaker 11 (54:02):
I don't think so. I don't know his logic behind
why he was trying to do it, because I don't
think that's logically possible, but no, he did it.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
I'm never going to be able to look at a
pencil the same again. I know, especially chew the end
of a pencil. Oh, yeah. Mackenzie, did he get a
detention for putting a pencil in his arse?

Speaker 12 (54:18):
Yeah, he did as well.

Speaker 11 (54:19):
I think there was about four of us in total
that ended up getting the detention. LAUGHTER We were all
laughing too much.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
Yeah. The laughing is a common theme throughout the messages
we're getting. And where is the pencil kid now? Yeah. Yeah, dude,
he's in prison. Is he working in stationery?

Speaker 11 (54:35):
Look, we're from down south. I think he's a bogan who, like,
drives shitty cars now, so.

Speaker 1 (54:40):
Yeah, right. Okay. That or the local MP. These pencil-up-the-bum
guys always end up visiting our local MP. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mackenzie,
thank you. Some messages in. Another person who got in
trouble for laughing, I was sitting next to a girl
who said to the teacher, shut up, fanny lips. And
I just lost my mind and I couldn't stop. I

(55:02):
haven't heard that insult forever. Fanny lips. I don't think
I've ever heard fanny lips. Have you never?

Speaker 14 (55:08):
No.

Speaker 6 (55:08):
As an insult.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
Among people that should. Yeah. Maybe because, you know, when
you were a kid, you can really, like, work out
someone's surname and how to turn it into sort of
a slur of sorts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah,
you can really work on it. Gaily smells. Yeah, so
it might have been, like, Mrs. Cranny Bips. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Crandabrit.
So they're like, oh, yeah. Shut up, Fanny Lips. We
found out our maths teacher was allergic to aerosol spray,

(55:32):
so we'd spray heaps on just before the class. And, like,
she wouldn't be able to teach. She'd have to leave
the room, so anybody that wore it in would get detentions. Oh,
that's so allergic. That's the kind of thing you look
back now and you're like, I can't believe we did that. Yeah,
you're like, oh, my God. We had an annoying French teacher.
So one day my friend and I cut the head
off his frog doorstopper and left it on his desk.

(55:54):
That's some, is it the godfather? The mafia that wake
up with the racehorse. Cut the head off the frog.
Who's got a frog doorstopper? The French teacher. We got
in big trouble. Got detention for not doing swimming sports
in third form because I got my period for the
first time. My mum was away and I didn't tell anybody.
So I didn't have an excuse note. My teacher gave
me detention and I cried and I had my first
period and my first detention on the same day. Yeah,

(56:15):
it's hard. My daughter got her first detention when she
was a new entrant. A bunch of girls went rogue
and did graffiti on the playground with crayons. They all
wrote their names, so that's how they got caught. Oh,
and they got a detention. Got kicked out of class
calling my food tech teacher Fanta Pants. Fanta Pants! I'm
going to go bless. Alicia said, this is a lame one.

(56:37):
I got my detention, my first ever detention for not
tucking my shirt in. I had to sit in the
hall in my lines. Literally, I just got off the
bus and it had like worked its way out on
the bus. Rich excuse. Was your private school really strict
on uniform? So strict. You couldn't wear your cardigan on
the street. It had to be blazer or dress.

Speaker 12 (56:54):
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 (56:54):
And then, yeah, because I tried to gothify my uniform
with purple hair and nose ring. And I used to
get like socks and cut finger holes and have like
goth sleeves and stuff.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
Oh, my God. Yeah, I always got detention for that.
My son got his attention for scuffing his feet along
the floor as he walked in the hallway. He got
his attention in the notes he'd lift your feet while walking.
That's too straight. That's old school. What are you, in
the military?

Speaker 2 (57:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:18):
I got a three-day detention at primary school for biting
my teacher, broke the skin, she needed stitches. Oh, my God.
That should be suspended. You know they're into rough stuff now, though.

Speaker 4 (57:30):
And that biter has definitely got an ADHD diagnosis by now,
haven't they? Definitely get some pills in you. Get a
couple of pills in you, mate. Concentrate that focus.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
I got a detention at age 12. The reason written
on the slip was distributing pornography, but I just found
a nudie magazine on the way to school and I
was showing people. My born-again Christian parents were... Less than impressed. Oh,
not happy. But you know what? They're born again. And
you know when someone says they're a born-again Christian, they
did some terrible shit. They did some shit. You only
do it because of the abhorrent behavior. They did something

(58:01):
so bad, their only option was Jesus. To beg Jesus
for forgiveness. They were like, okay, we've gone too far. Yeah. Oh, I...
I had deodorant and a lighter and I lit a
flamethrower and I turned and just burnt the eyebrows off
another kid so I got his attention for that. That'll
do it. A teacher wasn't listening to me so I
threw a pin out of his head. Detention? Was he allergic?

(58:24):
We have barely scratched the surface of the text messages.
Oh my God, so many. We've got naughty listeners. Oh
my God. Amazing messages. I got a detention because they
found out it was me that was doing the prison
tattoos in the girls' bathrooms at our Catholic school. With
a compass? Yeah, prison tattoos. It would have been with
a compass and a broken pen, eh? Amazing. I love this.
I'm not skinny. Someone said.

Speaker 4 (58:44):
Lunchtime, we decided to wag a class. We had to
jump over the fence. Everyone cleared the fence. I got
wedged on top of the fence and stuff.

Speaker 1 (58:51):
Oh no. I got detention for a week. We got
detention for synchronized sniffing in maths class. We used to
do synchronized humming. What is that?

Speaker 4 (59:01):
When you be like, everyone go, all together.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
But we used to go. So it was an unspoken rule.
And they wouldn't know who was doing it. You'd have
to do it so, I mean, we don't.

Speaker 4 (59:10):
Amplifying on mics, but you'd do it so quietly that
you'd try to make it seem like it was the
air con.

Speaker 1 (59:14):
And me and Torzi used to do it. And if
I needed to take a break, then she'd move them.

Speaker 5 (59:18):
And I'd go.

Speaker 1 (59:19):
You're kidding me. Like the whole class. Honestly, shout out
to all the teachers that put up with this. Holy moly.
Do you know, you're a teacher. I reckon you're all
due for another strike. I reckon go chuck a few
strikes out and be like, you know. And then send
the MPs this podcast. This is just barely the scratch
on the surface. Yeah.

Speaker 7 (59:39):
Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley.

Speaker 1 (59:41):
Right now it's time for... Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day.
It's hormone week here at Fact of the Day. And

(01:00:01):
of course, Fact of the Day is what I had forgotten,
but I quickly remembered. It was smooth. You would have
gotten away with it. It's brought to you by St.

Speaker 5 (01:00:07):
Pierre's.

Speaker 1 (01:00:08):
Fact! Today's sushi of the day is eight pieces of
California roll. For $ 8. 40. Don't you? Testosterone is the hormone
we're talking about today. There's research out that says trading flaws,
this is like your financial trading, think Wall Street stock
market traders, the finance bros, is that testosterone spikes in

(01:00:29):
traders correlate with bigger, riskier financial bets. It's called the
Wolf of Wall Street effect. Morning is when the testosterone
is higher. You have a testosterone surge. And that's when
it lines up with more overconfident trading decisions. They make riskier,
more high-stakes bets, he says. And it also lines up

(01:00:52):
with things like when there's sports in the morning. Oh, okay.
People make riskier decisions. Like, for example, if you're a
race car driver, you're likely to make a riskier decision
if you're doing it in the morning than you would
later in the afternoon when testosterone plateaus. Okay. So testosterone
also winning boosts testosterone. So athletes, after a win, their

(01:01:15):
testosterone boosts. If you lose, it lowers slightly.

Speaker 6 (01:01:18):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
And women, of course, have testosterone as well, smaller amounts
than men. Yeah. Some more than others. If women have
higher testosterone, they have higher libido and more muscle tone. Yeah. Oh, okay.
I've got the quads of a god.

Speaker 4 (01:01:34):
But also a bit of a beard and acne and
my hair falls out.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
I get all those good testosterone payoffs as well. They're
good and they're bad. They're good and they're bad. Also,
you can kiss me because I want it, but you
will feel a bristle. When you go through puberty and
testosterone levels go up, it thickens the vocal cords. Thus,
your voice drops. It also affects your jaw and brow
bone growth. Which is why males' faces change so much

(01:02:00):
during puberty. Their jaw will get more, if they've got
high testosterone, they'll get a stronger jaw and a more
prominent brow.

Speaker 5 (01:02:05):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
The bad news is when you hit 30, testosterone decreases
at around 1% a year. Right. Yeah. So also other
things that lower it, apparently fatherhood. When a man becomes
a father, there's a drop in testosterone after the baby
is born because it takes away the aggressiveness like male

(01:02:27):
partner procurement of must be strong, must be all this,
and you've got the baby, so it kind of switches
you more towards a nurturing, caregiving behavior. And it's the
same when you get married, you switch out of the
gear of like, must-find partner to... Some men, though. No,
some don't. In fact, those last two ones, I think

(01:02:48):
that's optional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't slow men down
if they're fathers or newly married. So today's fact of
the day for Hormone Week is testosterone and the fact
that when your testosterone is higher, you're likely to make
riskier decisions. Oh! Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

(01:03:08):

Speaker 7 (01:03:19):
Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayleaf.

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
Now there was talk that when we broadcast from the
CRL Karangahape station on Monday that we may be in
line for a Guinness World Record of the World's Deepest
Radio Show.

Speaker 3 (01:03:33):
Yes, because we will be, for those that don't know,
it will be the deepest station in New Zealand.

Speaker 1 (01:03:40):
And it's got the biggest escalators. Because did you see
the plaque? Yeah, they were all.

Speaker 3 (01:03:44):
That Shannon sent in the group chat yesterday. Because the
girls went and did a little test.

Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
Yes. So good. It's ginormous, these escalators. What is this,
a bloody London tube? It's so cool.

Speaker 6 (01:03:55):
It is.

Speaker 3 (01:03:56):
It's like when you go, and we've had a quick look,
because we went on a testing train and got off,
momentarily at some of these stations.

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
They're incredible. But yeah, they're very, very long escalators.

Speaker 4 (01:04:07):
I'm very excited for the Karangahape Station one in particular.
Because that's been the one they've been working on the
most publicly.

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
You get to see it for the longest. It's beautiful.
It's so beautiful.

Speaker 3 (01:04:19):
43 metres, the escalators, reaching a depth of 33 metres
below ground. That's the same height as a 10-storey building.

Speaker 6 (01:04:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
Or like stacking six giraffes on the top of each other. Yeah,
I mean, that's so deep.

Speaker 3 (01:04:32):
Well, this is why we thought we'd be in line
for a Guinness World Record, because we're going to be
broadcasting the radio show Deep Underground.

Speaker 1 (01:04:38):
The world's deepest. live radio broadcast, and we're very excited
about this.

Speaker 4 (01:04:43):
I've never had a Guinness World Record. It's a classic
radio thing that I just haven't been part of before.

Speaker 1 (01:04:50):
So we locked it in and we announced it. Well,
this is why we don't try. Because when you try,
you fail. You fail. And if you didn't try, then
technically you couldn't fail. You're not a failure. Long been
a motto of the show, hasn't it? Yeah, it really
has been. Because in 2005, on the 24th of May,
Dan Lessard of Canada hosted a two-hour show consisting of

(01:05:11):
recorded material as well as live music and interviews from
a refuge station as part of the Creighton Mine in Canada.
The moment you said the word mine, I was like,
why didn't we think of mines? They're so much deeper.
At 2,340 metres below the surface of the earth. 2.3 kilometres.

(01:05:31):
Straight down. Jesus. Now, I've done the maths. Yep. That's
71 times deeper than we'll be. So it's us, how
deep we are below the surface, 71 times. Oh, my God.

Speaker 14 (01:05:41):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:05:42):
Is this why Guinness have been ignoring our request? Not
even worth replying in their mind, I'd say. But technically
we still will be New Zealand's deepest radio show. Will we?

Speaker 4 (01:05:57):
So I've heard word that on Sunday there are a
couple of radio people popping down.

Speaker 1 (01:06:05):
But you know what? It's not even about the accolades.
They're not doing a show though, are they? They're just
going along.

Speaker 4 (01:06:10):
It's not even about the accolades. We're actually doing it
for the entertainment. We're doing it for the listener.

Speaker 3 (01:06:14):
We're going to be like right on the platform that
we train every couple of minutes either side of us.

Speaker 1 (01:06:19):
It's going to be nuts.

Speaker 4 (01:06:20):
The show is going to be, I think we're going
to have a few deep themed things in there.

Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
Tell us your deepest, darkest secret. How deep was the cut,
you know, the wound. Yep. Let's get deep. Kitchen injuries.
Just say something deep. Like, what's your biggest fear? Like,
what are you afraid of right now? Is it aging?

Speaker 3 (01:06:36):
Also, if you are commuting on Monday, we've got some
JBL noise-cancelling headphones to give away. So if you listen
to the show on iHeart and you are commuting and
getting off at the K-Road station, come find us because
we've got some prizes as well.

Speaker 1 (01:06:51):
Well, you come say hi just in general. Yeah, so
very exciting. It's going to be so fun. Is it
so deep we can get coffee down there? Yep, yep, absolutely. Well,
I'm going to have a deep, deep roast. Deep, dark roast.
A deep roast. With coffee on the bank. Good, yes, good.
Everything's going to be deep. Okay. I'm even going to
put on a voice. A deep voice.

Speaker 3 (01:07:09):
Well, we will still be New Zealand's deepest radio show.

Speaker 1 (01:07:13):
It's just Guinness will not be. They don't want any
part of it. No.

Speaker 2 (01:07:17):

Speaker 10 (01:07:19):
Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley.

Speaker 1 (01:07:22):
So you might, if you were listening to the show yesterday,
remember my story about, How badly I needed a fridge cig.
Now that's a Coke Zero. And I'll have a Dublin
fridge cig, which is where you put Jameson's in it. Delicious.
What a treat. A little treat at the end of
the day. Otherwise not a.

Speaker 4 (01:07:38):
Quart of whiskey and Coke. But if you want to
sort of make it more elegant and more of a treat.

Speaker 1 (01:07:41):
The Dublin fridge cig. Yeah. So it sounds like a
cocktail now. I'm charging $ 18 for it. And I'm paying. Yeah,
you're paying top dollar for it. So that meant I
actually didn't stay at my house. I stayed at my
girlfriend's place. And so we're... You know what? News to me. Gosh.
So we're not... You're not married?

Speaker 4 (01:08:01):
No.

Speaker 1 (01:08:02):
Well, no, no, no. What happened? Not really. So yesterday
I got home to mine and I walked in pretty carefree, actually. Nice.
My bag didn't get snagged on anything.

Speaker 5 (01:08:13):
Nice.

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):
We had a fun show yesterday. Had a fun show,
bit of a hangout.

Speaker 5 (01:08:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08:18):
And I walked into my room and I was like, well,
that's cat piss. Oh, far out. Oh, no. So I,
and we talked about this recently, that I don't let
the cat in overnight. Yeah. The cat can get into
the laundry and sleep on the towel in the laundry
or there's a bed outside and it can sleep outside,
but it's not sleeping inside. It's too meowy. It's far
too meowy and my sleep's too precious. Yeah. So I

(01:08:38):
had put the cat out in my leaving the house. Yeah.
I'd put them in the laundry and I'd shut the
door and then I'd taken one thing to the car
and I'd left the front door open and I came
back and got the rest of my stuff and put
that in the car. Oh, you're an idiot. He snuck in.
Now the cat, and I can only deduce in that
moment when I went to the car and back, snuck in. Yeah.
But now you'll remember I shut the laundry door, which

(01:08:59):
is the only cat door, into the house. So he's
effectively in a prison of his own design. Yeah. Which is,
to be fair, you know, not his fault. Now, last
time this happened, the cat was locked in for the weekend.
The neighbours went and let him out when I kind of, like,
kind of clocked onto the fact I hadn't seen him
on any of the security cameras. I was like, that's weird.
He's either been run over or he's locked inside. Yeah.

(01:09:20):
Logged into, you know, you can do that drop in
on Alexa's.

Speaker 2 (01:09:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:09:23):
And hear what's happening. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:09:25):
You can just ask my, I've got a robot vacuum cleaner.
You can just say, find pet.

Speaker 1 (01:09:28):
And I've got the robot pet cam.

Speaker 2 (01:09:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:09:31):
Yeah. So I just go out and go, roll in.
I just drop in on communication on Alexa and I go, Cheeto,
and I have, And I was like, okay. So I
messaged the neighbours and they went over and opened the
door and let him out. Oh, bubba. Now, in that time,
he'd quite considerably. Considerably. Considerably. Considerably. No, considerably. Unconsiderably. He'd

(01:09:51):
done poos and wheeze on the bath mat. Oh, that's lovely.
It's nice. Now, that's good. That's really good. Guess where
the poos and wheeze was yesterday after he'd been inside
for a fraction of the time. Oh, I'd hope a
tile or a sort of. Yeah, the tiled floor. Right
on my bed where my head goes. Ha. Not on
the pillow, not on the pillow. Oh, yeah. But in

(01:10:12):
between the two pillows, right in the middle.

Speaker 2 (01:10:15):
Of all the.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
Places to poos and wheeze. Yeah. Why the poos and
the wheeze? Why are we in my head, guys?

Speaker 4 (01:10:20):
Well, this was about the time I get the message, yo,
are you home? Can I come and borrow your bistle?

Speaker 1 (01:10:26):
Yes. And I said, no, I'm not home. I'm not
going to be home for ages if you can wait. Well,
then I did some research on how to get this– fragrance,
shall we say. See, but can we just pause?

Speaker 4 (01:10:38):
Because I also said in this chat, he wouldn't have
done it if he knew that that was also his bed.
Because we talked the day before that if you let
him sleep with you and have cuddles like we do
with our cats, he would not desecrate his bed.

Speaker 1 (01:10:50):
He doesn't respect you. He doesn't respect you. He's like,
that's what he did. I don't respect him.

Speaker 4 (01:10:56):
He pissed on your bed and he walked away and
he said.

Speaker 3 (01:10:58):
Okay, you've got to get a new mattress. You can't
get cat piss out of a mattress.

Speaker 1 (01:11:02):
Yeah, no, you do. So I'm like, it's got to
be baking soda, right? So I'm like, does baking soda
get the spin? And this Google AI is just like, no.
Shame losing. I'm like, come on, man. You're always saying
baking soda and vinegar can fix everything. Get stains out,
get everything. And it's just like, nah, man, it's not.
It's no good. You need like specific stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:11:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:11:21):
Now, I'd washed the sheets. They come out, they're on
the line trying. That's coming out all right. But the
mattress I've dragged outside, I'm like, the smell's not going away.

Speaker 5 (01:11:29):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 (01:11:29):
Get the girls, get all sorted, like pretty busy afternoon.
And I'm like, I cannot sleep in this bed. So
I go down to the local, the closest place. They're like,
funnily enough, we're fresh out. I go to the supermarket.
There's all the stuff, but I'm like taking photos of
it and asking AI, is this legit? And they're like, no, no,
that's just a deodorizer. That's not going to do the job.

(01:11:50):
Because Febreze, that doesn't work on cat piss. It does
a bit of deodorizing, but no. But as soon as
the Febreze disappears, because the cat piss has got the
crystals in it. Right. The campus is bridled with crystals. Now,
the crystals are the thing that slowly as they dissolve
into the air, they're the stink. Oh, okay, right. So
there's this specific stuff that reacts with it, burns it

(01:12:11):
all off quickly. Right. And so I'm just like, does
Animates have this? Show sponsor. I'm like, surely Animates. Show sponsor.
There we go. Lovely. Surely Animates isn't still open. It's
half five. They were open. Did you go to Westgate? Yeah.
So I had to battle traffic. So I had to
get in traffic. I'm furious, by the way. I'm just, like,

(01:12:32):
losing it. You guys heard the voice note. I'm about
to blame... And he'd done that thing where he'd gotten
in the car. Oh, my God. I recorded this voice
note of everything that had gone wrong. The full breakdown
of the day. As I was getting in the car,
and when the phone connects to the Bluetooth in the car...
It disconnects.

Speaker 5 (01:12:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:12:49):
It stops the voice recording. So I'm like almost at
the first place I try. Ranting, ranting, which does always
make me feel a bit better. And then I look
down to send it. Guess what? It's not even been recording.
Ranting to yourself. There was eight seconds. It said voice note,
eight seconds long. I was like, I'm going to drive
my car into a creek. Yeah, take me. Take me, Jesus.
Then I remember it's not really my car, so I
can't do that. Yeah. So then I arrive at Animates.

(01:13:12):
Show sponsor. Show sponsor. Yeah. And a lovely young gentleman.
I was going to go look for it in the
store and I just, because I'll do that. Yeah. I'll
just find what I want. I don't want to bother them. Yeah,
and I kind of like the process. I walked in
and I looked at the store and I was just like,
I just turned straight to the guy. I was like,
cat piss. And he said, I beg your pardon? I said,
cat piss. Bed. I didn't even say anything. Bed. Cat piss.

(01:13:32):
And he's like, follow me. And he took me down
and he took me straight to the thing. To the
cat piss section. And I was like, does it come
in a smaller bottle? He's like, gonna need all of
that my brother oh cause you gotta soak it he's
like as deep as the piss went this stuff has
to get deep oh okay what's it on I was
like oh mattress he's like like a big and I
was like my mattress yeah he's like yeah man you

(01:13:56):
take that you take that it feels like you are
gonna need to buy a new mattress what about so
the bedding was that also no the bedding was alright
I don't know why there's no smell on that I
put that through the wash and that's okay you might
have got it soon enough But man, like, I haven't
seen the cat since. Oh, he knows. Because the girls
were home when I went to get the stuff to

(01:14:16):
spray and they sent me the thing and they're like,
he's sorry. Look at him. And the cat's just like,
not sorry at all. Yeah, yeah. But then when I
get home, he's gone. Yeah. I feel a bit of
a standoff with him.

Speaker 4 (01:14:26):
Were your girls like, you know that thing when my
dad would be human after a big bad day, it
was just sort of like.

Speaker 1 (01:14:32):
Give us a space. Let's give it a bit of space.
I did say to them later, I'm like, sorry about that.
You know, I wasn't angry at you. I'm angry at
the world. I'm angry at life. I'm very angry at life. Oh, God, mate.
That's okay. I'm so sorry to hear it.

Speaker 6 (01:14:44):
But guess what?

Speaker 1 (01:14:45):
Guess what I had when I finally got to sit down?

Speaker 6 (01:14:47):
What?

Speaker 1 (01:14:47):
Delicious Dublin fridge thing. Yeah, good. And you earned it.
Delicious little Dublin fridge thing.

Speaker 2 (01:14:53):
The ZN Podcast Network.

Speaker 7 (01:14:55):
Play ZN's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley.

Speaker 4 (01:14:57):
This was an interesting psychological article in a psychology journal.

Speaker 1 (01:15:03):
Okay. That you know I read on my spare time
because I am. Yeah, mm-hmm. I'm just, I like to
be learned. I like to stay learned.

Speaker 4 (01:15:08):
The gist of it was that it looked into the
psychology of what it means to display your kid's artwork, medals, drawings,
that kind of stuff on the fridge.

Speaker 1 (01:15:19):
It's not just... Somewhere to put it. You did this, eh?
When your kids would come home from kindy and have a...
I love it. I've kept it all. I've got it
all in a storage box. So I've got an idea
for you. I've been seeing this so much on my... Because,
you know, I've been getting into my crafting. Yep. Pinterest. Jeepers.
I've got that stuck in the back seat.

Speaker 4 (01:15:37):
But people getting like big canvases and cutting out the
best of the artwork and kind of mod podging it
on and covering it and putting it on the wall
and it looks so cool, like kind of eclectic style.

Speaker 1 (01:15:46):
I'm going to send you some examples. Please do, please do.

Speaker 3 (01:15:50):
Because when I see some of these paintings on parents' fridges,
I'm like.

Speaker 1 (01:15:54):
Why bother? No, but you get kind of abstract bits
and you can do things. Anyway, I'll send you some.

Speaker 4 (01:15:58):
So it taps into a deeper need for validation and
everything for the kids.

Speaker 1 (01:16:03):
And it says so much more to the kid. Like,
I'm capable. I'm valued. How you see me.

Speaker 4 (01:16:08):
And we know as kids, like, how much that meant
when your parents were like, I'm so proud of you.

Speaker 14 (01:16:12):
Look at that.

Speaker 1 (01:16:13):
Oh, look at Hayley's medal. Something like that. I never
got it, Tana. What are you talking about? Well, I
wanted to know, like, when did your parents not make
a big deal out of something, like, really big that
you achieved? They just didn't care about your big achievement.
I feel like this is just boomer parents. Like, thumbs up.
My mum is so bad. As a kid, I was

(01:16:34):
never deprived. Depraved. Deprived. You were depraved. You were depraved
as an adult, deprived as a child.

Speaker 4 (01:16:40):
I was never deprived of praise and attention and well-dones.

Speaker 1 (01:16:44):
But as an adult, my parents are slack at it.
I'll do like, I'll do an hour show and, you know,
rapturous applause. I get great things from strangers. And then
mum will be like, how was the show? She goes, great.
And she'll go, boom, thumbs up. Or she'll see something
and say nothing like, what time are you home? And
you're like, How was it? How was my show, mummy?

(01:17:07):
I won an award. Mummy, how was my show? Tell
them you're a special little girl. I know. Anyway, this
is what I want to know because, yeah, parents, they
get bad at it. Well, to get the ball rolling,
we asked this on Instagram, some of the responses. Rachel said,
I won a trophy at the British Olympic Trials. Oh,
my goodness. Okay, that's a big deal. My mum uses
it as a fruitball. Oh, my God. I got 98%

(01:17:30):
in a maths exam, and my dad asked me where
the other 2% was. That is so weird. I have
had therapy.

Speaker 2 (01:17:40):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:17:41):
Oh, yes. I graduated with honours and an arts degree,
and my dad told me it didn't count because it's
an arts degree. Wow. I mean, you've just been slaving
for years. I had the first grandchild, and Dad said, oh, yeah,
he's all right. Oh, gosh. When I, myself and my

(01:18:02):
partner brought our first home at 21 years old, my
mum was actually bitter about it. Oh, interesting. Jealous. Mum's
jealous that you kind of got a foot in there.
Got to either end. Yeah, interesting. When parents do, that's
odd when parents do that, aren't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:18:18):
Okay, well, 0800DARZATM is our number. We want you to
call us now. You can text her as well, 9696.

Speaker 4 (01:18:22):
When did your parents not care about your big achievement?

Speaker 1 (01:18:27):
Sometimes we don't really get it.

Speaker 5 (01:18:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:18:29):
But also as kids. There are some rough ones. As
a parent, like, I can't imagine not telling your kids
you're proud of them.

Speaker 2 (01:18:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:18:37):
Yeah, but some kids are shit, yours aren't. Do you
know what I mean? And also different generations, right? For sure. Yeah.
For sure. Like, it's just, I don't know, compliments. Back
in the day, it just wasn't done. Really, was it? Emily,
Tammy Merch, who's our tampon merchandiser that calls the show.
Good morning. You'll be finished for the day?

Speaker 13 (01:18:55):
No, I'm preschool teaching today.

Speaker 1 (01:18:58):
Oh, that's right. Double jobs.

Speaker 13 (01:18:59):
Don't Tammy Merch on Thursdays and Tuesdays.

Speaker 1 (01:19:02):
That's preschool days. Of course, Monday, Wednesday. Friday's the Tammy
Merch day. That's right. Of course. Now, Tammy Merch, when
were your parents not excited or happy about a big
achievement in your life?

Speaker 13 (01:19:16):
So beyond being a preschool teacher and a Tammy merchandiser,
I have a good handful of other qualifications. So I
studied beauty therapy. They came to that graduation ceremony.

Speaker 2 (01:19:29):
Right.

Speaker 13 (01:19:30):
I then studied personal training. They did not come to that.

Speaker 1 (01:19:34):
Okay.

Speaker 13 (01:19:36):
They didn't want to come to my floristry.

Speaker 1 (01:19:39):
Okay.

Speaker 13 (01:19:40):
And the reason for that was because they said, oh,
we've been to one, we don't need to go to
any other.

Speaker 1 (01:19:45):
I'll give them that. They're a bit same, same graduation ceremonies.
They're a bit same, same. They are dreary, aren't they?
And to be honest, like, make up your bloody mind,
Tammy Merchandiser, and settle on a career. Yeah.

Speaker 13 (01:19:57):
And they've both got two qualifications, and they've been to.

Speaker 1 (01:20:00):
All four of those graduations.

Speaker 5 (01:20:03):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:20:03):
What did they graduate in, though? If one of them's
a doctor, you're going.

Speaker 13 (01:20:06):
To be like. My older sister's graphic design and primary
school teaching. My younger sister was tourism and chefing.

Speaker 1 (01:20:16):
They're all just sort of floating around, aren't you? You're real.
Jack of all trades. This family's got a finger in everything. Yeah,
it does sound like they're over graduation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I got left out.

Speaker 6 (01:20:27):
I mean, they're five.

Speaker 1 (01:20:28):
They didn't need to go to eight. Five's enough. Tammy
and Mitch, thank you so much. Let's go to Brooke. Brooke,
when did your parents not care about a big achievement? Oh, hi.

Speaker 5 (01:20:39):
Morning.

Speaker 1 (01:20:39):
Morning. Well, I've given birth four times now. Yeah. And
every time has been a C-section.

Speaker 5 (01:20:47):
Okay.

Speaker 6 (01:20:48):
And my mum said I never had a real birth because.

Speaker 1 (01:20:52):
I always had C-sections. The recovery time from C-sections is
significantly longer than your standard natural birth. Yeah, your abdomen
gets sliced open seven sections below. Oh, you've had a
baby doesn't count. You go through skin, fat, muscle.

Speaker 12 (01:21:09):
Even my first one was an emergency, so I didn't
really have a choice.

Speaker 1 (01:21:13):
Is this why you had four? You were like, I'll
show you, Mum. There'll be a vaginal in here somewhere.
Far out.

Speaker 8 (01:21:18):
Trying to prove a point.

Speaker 1 (01:21:21):
Yeah, oh, that's brilliant, Brooke. Thank you. Is mum a bitch?
Can we just go back to Brooke real quick? Is
your mum a bitch? Are you there, Brooke? Brooke, is
mum a bitch? Mum a bitch? Is my mum a bitch? Yeah,
is your mum a bitch? Sometimes. A little bit. A
little bit. A little bit sometimes. This was one specific
thing she was locked in on. She was just sort
of generally a bitch. Joe, when did your parents not

(01:21:44):
care about your big achievement? Good morning, good morning. Hey, um,
so I managed to suss some tickets to the Waz
on Saturday. Wow, huge. Up the Waz, that's what.

Speaker 8 (01:21:54):
Hard to get.

Speaker 1 (01:21:55):
Up the Waz, mate, up the Waz. I got my
old man a ticket and he said, oh, where are
we sitting? I said, well, firstly, you're lucky to even come.

Speaker 8 (01:22:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:22:05):
It was self-standard, it is quite high, it is near
the top and then he asked, do I need to
bring binoculars? And I just thought, how rude, no wonder
mum left you and, um, And your barbecues are shit
that I come to on Sundays. Yeah, bro. Yeah, now
we're flinging shit at each other. I waited in queue.

(01:22:27):
Took me so long.

Speaker 5 (01:22:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:22:29):
You're a fat prick. You're a fat prick. Fat prick.
Can't even barbecue. Don't forget, Friday as well, we're wearing
it for the Waz tomorrow. Yeah, we are. Put on
some gear, mate.

Speaker 12 (01:22:38):
He'll be listening.

Speaker 1 (01:22:39):
He will be? Oh, great.

Speaker 12 (01:22:41):
He'll be listening.

Speaker 1 (01:22:42):
He will know my voice. Right. He listens to the show,
chooses to listen. Well, no, actually, let's give this guy
a second chance. Are you in the South Stand? I'm
in the South Stand, yeah. And Carwen? She in the
South Stand as well. I don't know if Carwen's maybe
in the South Stand. Yeah, South Stand's going to be
where it's at. That's all the bloody, fair bit of
ruckus in the South Stand. Fair bit of ruckus. Well,
enjoy the game, Joe. Thank you. Some other messages in

(01:23:04):
when your parents kind of didn't celebrate your achievement. At
my graduation, my dad left halfway through because he had
to get back to work. I found out when I
met up with my mum afterwards and she said, oh, yeah,
dad's left. She handed me a bunch of flowers and said,
all right, see you at home. Oh, God, we just
want to be praised. Also, they'd driven me to the ceremony,
so I had to bus home in my graduation regalia
in heels and a face messed up from makeup because

(01:23:26):
I cried the whole way. This was 10 years ago.
I've accomplished many other things, including a PhD, but I've
learned never to yearn for their approval for anything. That's sad. Wow.
There's some funny ones, Hayley. There are some, there's some
trauma and some issues. Did you read the mathlete one? No,
I haven't read it either. Two-time regional mathlete in year
seven and eight. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:23:47):
Won the first under-16s regional rugby tournament for our club,
second for under-18 rugby, and first in regional under-18 volleyball.

Speaker 1 (01:23:55):
We're going to overachieve it here. Yeah, wow. Did you
win money, though, was the first thing. Jesus.

Speaker 4 (01:24:02):
Now I send hate mail to my parents every year
in the form of a retirement home pamphlet.

Speaker 1 (01:24:08):
No, that's too expensive to be hate mail. Those aren't cheap.
You want to find them a nice dingy caravan park
to live in in their life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My
husband's family disowned us when we told them we'd purchased
a house and were moving towns. That's so weird. Yeah.
True story. I'm the only sibling to finish high school
and not get addicted to meth. Wow. But I'm the

(01:24:29):
one my parents are less proud of. What? Do they
like meth? What are the parents like? Man, you got
some good meth, son.

Speaker 3 (01:24:36):
No, but if your parents were on meth and the
other sibling was giving them meth, they would be the favourites.

Speaker 1 (01:24:41):
Yeah, true. They got the meth hookup. 9696, are your
parents on meth? I told mum I was the first
ever Māori head prefect in my school and she said,
being Māori was probably the only reason I got it.
Oh my God!

Speaker 2 (01:24:57):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:24:58):
That's so bad. Oh, my. That's so bad. My parents suck.
No call on my children's first birthday or any for
that matter, even the 21st. I recently turned 50. I
thought that might muster up a call, but no, I
call them in their birthdays. Oh, don't. Yeah. I'd just
be like, don't at that point. Yeah. God. Somebody said, man,

(01:25:19):
a lot of parents are going to be getting messages
today about this topic. I know, yeah. I ran the
Comrades Marathon, 92 kilometers. There was 13,000 entries that year.
And my dad said, that's nice. Did you win? 92 kilometres.
Completing it is what counts. Yeah. I tried out for
a New Zealand rep team and got a rejection letter

(01:25:41):
as the first selection and got put on the reserves.
Mum had put the rejection letter on the fridge and
that was 25 years ago. She still has it. Which
will sort of motivate you to never give up. You know?

Speaker 12 (01:25:55):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:25:55):
Remember that time you didn't make it?

Speaker 5 (01:25:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:25:58):
Wow. I ran an 85-kilometer race. Old Ghost Road is
what it's called. It took me a while. And my parents,
the first thing they did was mention how fast my
cousin ran a marathon. Now, there's some major differences here.
I did a trail run that was 85 kilometers long,
and they did a road marathon.

Speaker 5 (01:26:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:26:16):
You cannot compare these two. They told me that my
cousin had run a faster marathon. You did four times more, right?

Speaker 5 (01:26:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:26:22):
Well, yeah, exactly. You did distance and the fact that
you're on a track.

Speaker 4 (01:26:25):
My mum always said, your sister's a smart one, your
brother's a creative one, and you just need to get
through life.

Speaker 1 (01:26:31):
Oh, my God. We should have sponsored this segment with therapy. Yes, yeah, yeah.
Get help. In my mid-80s, In the mid 80s. And
I was like, God, thank you for listening. In the
mid 80s, my friends and I did a solo parachute jump,
half a day's training at the local airfield.

Speaker 4 (01:26:52):
I had to borrow $ 80 off the old man. And
as I was walking out the door, he said, how
do I get my money back if you die? That's
just old mate though. That's classic old mate. I'm the
oldest of four and according to my mum was the
easiest child. I won an end of year best student prize.

Speaker 1 (01:27:06):
Yeah. My parents didn't come to the awards ceremony because
my baby brother had a picnic at his kindy that day.
I am still wildly bitter. Wow. There's some people holding
on to these, eh?

Speaker 5 (01:27:17):
Um.

Speaker 1 (01:27:18):
IOE won a history essay competition when I was 10,
won $ 150. So at 10, that's a big deal. After
the assembly where it was announced, another parent said to
my mum, you must be so proud. My mum seemed
genuinely surprised by her question and said, I guess so.
I hadn't really thought about it. Yeah, I guess so.
My step mum told me my early childhood education degree

(01:27:38):
wasn't a real degree because I went to AUT and
technically that's a technical institute, not a university. That's a university. Yeah. Wow. Wow.
These are incredible, aren't they? Good stuff. Good stuff. My
mum was five minutes up the road from the first
business that I opened. It took her three months to
come and see it. You wouldn't even go on the

(01:28:00):
day you opened? You know, not everyone should be a parent.
That's what I'm really... No. Because if my kid kept
ringing me and come to this and do that and
put this here and aren't.

Speaker 4 (01:28:09):
You proud and stuff, I'd probably grow a bit tired
of it as well. What do you want a gold
medal every day?

Speaker 1 (01:28:14):
I'm still working.

Speaker 2 (01:28:18):
The Zanam Podcast Network.

Speaker 1 (01:28:19):
Well, September 11 is a date that we're living in
for me. And if you were around and remember it,
then it might surprise you to know it was 25
years ago this year. So tomorrow is our September 11,
but technically it was September 12 when it happened here. Yeah.
September 11, 2001. I remember it. Don't I remember it.
I think it's one of those shocking things. It's like
when Princess Diana died, I always remember. as mowing the lawns.

(01:28:40):
When the 9-11 thing happened, I woke up, the clock
radio told me it was weird. It was like very serious.
I was like, what's happened here? I was already awake.
What time were you sleeping until? I was like seven.
It was 7 o'clock the alarm went off.

Speaker 5 (01:28:52):
Was it?

Speaker 1 (01:28:53):
Okay. And then my flatmate Ben came running up the
driveway because he had a job working like talkback nights. Oh, yeah.
Like panelling and stuff, doing the buttons and getting the callers.
And he'd watched it all unfold like live. And so
he arrived with the whole backstory of 9-11. And then
we just sat in front of the TV all day
watching the horrendous different angles of a terrorist attack. You'll

(01:29:13):
never forget the footage.

Speaker 4 (01:29:14):
I don't know why there's so much of it on Instagram.

Speaker 1 (01:29:17):
Yeah. Could you imagine if it happened now how much
more we would see than we did? I don't want
to see– I want to see less of it. I find–
this is hot take. I find 9-11 so dark. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:29:30):
The videos, like one popped up the other day of
like the– you know, people were chosen to jump and you're.

Speaker 1 (01:29:34):
Like, oh. A few years ago they said they'd come
across all this footage that they'd never had before and
it was like these college students who were living like– Oh.

Speaker 6 (01:29:41):
My God.

Speaker 1 (01:29:42):
And they're having drinks? And then it just– In the
background of their video? It just always blows my mind. Well,
you might be thinking after we've talked about how horrendous
it was visually in the ward. Every time I hear
a plane going over my house to come into land
at the airport, I'm like, imagine that sound. It may

(01:30:02):
surprise you to know a cafe in Bournemouth in the
UK is hosting an immersive 9-11 watch party with guests
invited to relive the world's deadliest terror attack as it
was happening in real time. It will happen at around
about the same time that it happened. Oh, I hate this.
And they've been invited to leave their phones at the
door and experience the fears, tears, and paranoia of lies,
news channels, analysis, and raw footage of the disaster played

(01:30:24):
out in real time. Oh, my God. So it starts
with the reports of the first... tower being hit and
then 17 minutes later, wasn't it? Wait, did you say
a cafe? Are they doing this to sell paninis? No!
I don't want a cranberry berry. Do you know what
I mean when I'm watching this? Chicken cranberry berry panini. Yeah,
I'm just here for a nice sort of chive scone.

(01:30:44):
It was not intended as a celebration or a trivialisation
of the event. It's by a political arts group. Oh, okay.
Do you think this was... They're holding it at the
Wild Booscoom Cafe.

Speaker 3 (01:30:57):
Is this aimed at, like, maybe Gen Zs or younger
people that didn't experience it and lived through it?

Speaker 6 (01:31:01):
Maybe.

Speaker 1 (01:31:02):
The people that will flippantly share the dark memes without really... Maybe. Yeah.
If you were too young to get a feel for
what it was like, they said, if you were there
when it happened, it might refresh your memories. If you
were too young to get a feel of what it
was like as it happened, then you can experience it
in real time. Or for a bit less, we forget. Like,
we don't want to forget.

Speaker 4 (01:31:19):
If we forget, we, you know, history repeats. But also, like,
to keep the sort of close-up details and the.

Speaker 1 (01:31:24):
Yeah, the... Yeah, the footage that sort of keeps on playing. Interesting.
Where do you buy tickets? You know, I'll plug the
website for this. I was going to say ticket... No. No,
they don't. It's my friend's birthday tomorrow. He hates... What's
your birthday? It's like September 11, okay? Oh, wow. Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:31:45):
The ZN Podcast Network.

Speaker 3 (01:31:47):
Well, our Australian neighbours at Flinders University have released some research...
And I want to ask, Georgia's in as well, Georgia
from the day show.

Speaker 1 (01:31:55):
Wazzup?

Speaker 2 (01:31:56):
Wazzup?

Speaker 1 (01:31:57):
Wazzup? We don't do that anymore.

Speaker 12 (01:32:00):
Don't we?

Speaker 1 (01:32:00):
Shit. What are you doing? Having a bad bud watching
the game. Wazzup? Having a bad bud. When you guys
flush the toilet, do you put the lid down?

Speaker 9 (01:32:09):
No.

Speaker 1 (01:32:09):
I put it down after. I kind of knock it
down as I'm flushing. No, because, yeah, you've got to
flush and check. Flush and check. There's no flushing. Yeah,
you've got to flush and check. I'm a heavy toilet
paper user. I do put it down a pad before. Yeah,
so no one hears me. Splash pad. I go mini flush.
I go mini flush. Toilet paper, wipe the seat, even
at my own house. Oh, that's crazy.

Speaker 6 (01:32:30):
Pad, poop.

Speaker 1 (01:32:32):
Toilet paper. Flush. Flush. Wash.

Speaker 4 (01:32:34):
Mine's like lots of toilet paper just to double, triple
check I've actually wiped it clean.

Speaker 1 (01:32:38):
Everybody's clean. Sometimes it's like wiping a Sharpie.

Speaker 5 (01:32:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:32:42):
Go on, I know.

Speaker 1 (01:32:43):
Just keep going. I keep going until you guys get
that toilet paper that does the little red dot until
you're finished. No. That's a bit fancy. Unnecessary. You don't
see the dot until... You've wiped in a minute. Georgie
doesn't get it. I don't get it. It means he's
bleeding from wiping too much. Oh, you're bleeding. That's dangerous.
You've got to get checked for that. He's wiped so
hard he's made his anus bleed. I thought it was
a special toilet.

Speaker 6 (01:33:02):
Paper, guys.

Speaker 3 (01:33:02):
Okay, so Flinders University in Australia, they have released research.
Researchers have found that flushing toilets.

Speaker 1 (01:33:09):
releases aerosols or bio aerosols yeah spray spritz vapors that go.

Speaker 3 (01:33:16):
Into the surrounding air studies detected particles at heights corresponding
to breathing the breathing zone of human.

Speaker 4 (01:33:22):
Adults yeah but they don't know me i'm 5 11
so so it gets to you faster no it gets.

Speaker 1 (01:33:27):
Me later Because I'm up higher. From the toilet, my
face is away. Why is everybody always worried about poo particles?
I have poo particles, man. I don't wash my mushrooms.
So I have a coffee sometimes on the weekend. I'll
have a coffee while I'm sitting on the toilet.

Speaker 12 (01:33:40):
Actually, same.

Speaker 1 (01:33:41):
Coffee on the bog rules. I sometimes eat a little sandwich. Same.
I'll brush my teeth. I don't know about eating a sandwich.
Bread's very porous.

Speaker 4 (01:33:49):
I will brush my teeth on the toilet too.

Speaker 1 (01:33:53):
I've done that. I've done that. Do you lean over
and spit in the sink? Because from my toilet I
can go.

Speaker 3 (01:33:58):
Okay, how many seconds do you reckon that the aerosols
after you flush are hanging there at mouth-breathing height?

Speaker 1 (01:34:05):
How long does it take to get there? No, how
long are they hanging in the air?

Speaker 4 (01:34:09):
You know when you see like a fly spray dispenser?

Speaker 1 (01:34:13):
Yep. It settles. So how many seconds? Five. Ten. 20 seconds,
according to the research. Oh, I'm at the bathroom. Exactly.
I don't wash my hands that long. I'm not standing
there going flush. Don't you? I'm just kind of like flush,
no skids.

Speaker 14 (01:34:28):
No, we do.

Speaker 1 (01:34:29):
Flush looking, checking. Always checking. Oh, actually, yeah, heads in
the bowl. Yeah, you're basically checking and you're getting it
all in your face.

Speaker 5 (01:34:37):
I am.

Speaker 1 (01:34:37):
So we need to stop doing this. God, I've eaten worse.
When I started seeing Amy, she doesn't have her toilet
brush out.

Speaker 12 (01:34:44):
She hides it.

Speaker 1 (01:34:45):
She thinks they're disgusting and they should be hidden. What
a nice one. That's brass. What is she, a hotel?
She hides the toilet brush. I hate that. And the
first time I would go pose before I went to
her house, God forbid. Yeah. You know? Yeah. God, yeah.
She could wake up to the fact and be like,
what am I doing with this? Or afterwards be waiting,
be like, I need to pee.

Speaker 9 (01:35:04):
No, you don't.

Speaker 1 (01:35:04):
No, you don't. Just go away. And so there was
a skit and I was like, there's no toilet brush.
And it was the first time I noticed there was
no toilet brush. Were you like down there with some
wads of paper? You did, eh?

Speaker 2 (01:35:14):
You did.

Speaker 1 (01:35:15):
I wrapped my hand in it and I was like...
When you're having a hotel hookup. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:35:22):
Hotel hookups and you take a poo before they come
over and then there's no bloody brush and you're like,
what am I doing? Sacrifice the hand.

Speaker 1 (01:35:28):
And then you can't get into it. I tell you what,
if it's at a hotel, I'm not above using the
hand towel. And then just throw it in the bin. Yeah,
that's on you. Throw it in the bin. George, get
that out of there. If you liked today's podcast, tell
your friends you could send them the link. And if
you don't have any friends, just pretend you did. Yeah, great.

(01:35:49):
And rate and review. And maybe get out there and
try to make some friends.

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Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 10th September 2026

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;} Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 10th September 2026