September 6, 2026 • 4 mins
On Today's Lil Bitta Pod... if you're a vampire, you probably want to stay away from Fletch's place...
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
From the ZDM Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
It's Fletch Porn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Welcome
to A Little Bit of Porn. Guys, delivery. Delivery! Delivery!
What have we got? Well, as mentioned in the previous podcast,
I used my key to open this. Oh, no, you
absolutely animal. Yeah, down there. Key down there. No wonder
your lock's got a bit of tape in it. Key
(00:23):
down there, and then check the key for any tape.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
No tape going in. Now, so I was in the
kitchen the other day, and I was like, we're talking garlic.
Do you have a garlic press? How do you press
your garlic? I've got multiple.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I've got a microplane. I've got a garlic press. I've
got an old Italian plate, you know, with like serrated.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And you rub it. What do you mean an old plate?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
It's like a serrated plate. Like it's got all these
sharp bits and you get the clove and you go
like this.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
It's fairly Italian.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
No, no. Because that's what I was upset about, the
garlic press, getting garlic in it. So I got one
of the things that presses, you press down on it.
Look at this. Look at this. Hang on, I've got
to unwrap it.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Yeah, so mine's like the bowl version.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
You push it down on the garlic and it goes
in and you don't have to clean the fucking thing.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
I use too much garlic. I've been recently told I'm
using too much garlic. Well, yes, because I get a
big thing of minced.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Oh, no, but you don't. That's yuck.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
It's so expensive. I'm not buying the Chinese growing.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Go to the Asian grocer. No, the Chinese.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Garlic is grown in the faeces.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Human faeces. It's all grown in faeces. Are you sure?
Everything's in faeces. You can cook off the faeces. If
you heat it up enough, it cooks off the shit.
A faeces reduction. We can't go back there. And this
is a gun. It's metal, and you press it down.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
I don't trust Chinese.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
That's not.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Excuse me?
Speaker 3 (01:44):
I don't trust Chinese garlic.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
You took a big pause. I don't trust a train.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
It doesn't taste the same as doing your own. Hey,
this is nice, though.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, look at that. It's lovely, isn't it? Yeah, you can. Oh, sturdy.
Do you know what I reckon that would be good for, too? Play-Doh.
Because the shapes it would come through would be so nice.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I think it was maybe just after I was a
Play-Doh kid, but they got those dolls.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
And you'd pack them full of Play-Doh and you'd push
a lever and their hair would grow.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Imagine if you had acne.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Get them all in one.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Oh, God.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
You know what I mean? The popper.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
The popper.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
It's good stuff. Yeah, that's nice. That's a good purchase
for me. What are you making us? Well, nothing. Hang
on a second. What are you putting garlic in? What
do you mean, what am I putting garlic in? Food.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Because you buy your goop sacks.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
You buy goop sacks. They come with garlic in them.
You've got garlic in them. I don't always use a
goop sack. Sometimes I add my own garlic.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
What else are you cooking?
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Well, it's none of your business. What are you cooking
garlic in? It's none of your business.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Do you put garlic and onion in garlic? soften that
up before you put the beef mince into brown.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Sure you could do that right yeah i can add
it to a variety of dishes is there an italian
lover on there i don't have an italian lover heavy
on the garlic why is it funny that i'm cooking.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
I don't know it's sort of hilarious you live in
the city yeah yeah the producer girlies have picked up
on this energy too though i'm just messaging.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Me about anything do you have a partner No, because
you're always like, what are you cooking with your kitchen mixer,
your KitchenAid? None of your fucking business. You've got nothing
to be ashamed of. It is our business. Why is
it Gagey?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
It is 100% our business.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
As a trio, we share all of our business.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Well, not this business. This is a secret business. He's
got a secret garlic business. I've got a secret garlic business.
What about Ginger? No, it's too hard. That doesn't get minced.
That gets grated. That gets spooned. That gets grated. Too fibrous.
Very fibrous, isn't it? Very fibrous. Very fibrous, isn't it?
You could do all sorts.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
What else would you crush with that?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Again, none of your business. God, he's very cagey. What's
your issue? Who are you seeing? Why is he so secretive?
Is he a lover?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Is he a lover?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Is he an Italian lover? Is he a garlic lover?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Stop looking at your laptop like the podcast is done.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
We're not done. It's still going. Natural in. We're interrogating.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
It's unnatural that you're keeping information from us.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
We've got a meeting. It's okay, Jake. I'm just going
to move some garlic. Marty's waiting for a meeting. He
needs to know as well.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
The only thing we can guarantee at this stage is
it's not a vampire.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
That's the only thing we can guarantee at this stage.
There you go.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
It's the only thing we know.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Okay, well, the investigation, we've got our first clue.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Cross vampire off the list.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Not a vampire. I don't think that was the end either, actually.
That's not the end. That's not the end either, actually.
You wanted to fucking say something, Matt. That's very, very cagey. Okay,
I'm going to go back to my notes.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Not a vampire.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
The end. It's not the end, actually. Don't do that.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Funny.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Let's go.
From the ZDM Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
It's Fletch Porn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Welcome
to A Little Bit of Porn. Guys, delivery. Delivery! Delivery!
What have we got? Well, as mentioned in the previous podcast,
I used my key to open this. Oh, no, you
absolutely animal. Yeah, down there. Key down there. No wonder
your lock's got a bit of tape in it. Key
(00:23):
down there, and then check the key for any tape.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
No tape going in. Now, so I was in the
kitchen the other day, and I was like, we're talking garlic.
Do you have a garlic press? How do you press
your garlic? I've got multiple.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I've got a microplane. I've got a garlic press. I've
got an old Italian plate, you know, with like serrated.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And you rub it. What do you mean an old plate?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
It's like a serrated plate. Like it's got all these
sharp bits and you get the clove and you go
like this.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
It's fairly Italian.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
No, no. Because that's what I was upset about, the
garlic press, getting garlic in it. So I got one
of the things that presses, you press down on it.
Look at this. Look at this. Hang on, I've got
to unwrap it.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Yeah, so mine's like the bowl version.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
You push it down on the garlic and it goes
in and you don't have to clean the fucking thing.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
I use too much garlic. I've been recently told I'm
using too much garlic. Well, yes, because I get a
big thing of minced.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Oh, no, but you don't. That's yuck.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
It's so expensive. I'm not buying the Chinese growing.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Go to the Asian grocer. No, the Chinese.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Garlic is grown in the faeces.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Human faeces. It's all grown in faeces. Are you sure?
Everything's in faeces. You can cook off the faeces. If
you heat it up enough, it cooks off the shit.
A faeces reduction. We can't go back there. And this
is a gun. It's metal, and you press it down.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
I don't trust Chinese.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
That's not.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Excuse me?
Speaker 3 (01:44):
I don't trust Chinese garlic.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
You took a big pause. I don't trust a train.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
It doesn't taste the same as doing your own. Hey,
this is nice, though.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, look at that. It's lovely, isn't it? Yeah, you can. Oh, sturdy.
Do you know what I reckon that would be good for, too? Play-Doh.
Because the shapes it would come through would be so nice.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I think it was maybe just after I was a
Play-Doh kid, but they got those dolls.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
And you'd pack them full of Play-Doh and you'd push
a lever and their hair would grow.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Imagine if you had acne.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Get them all in one.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Oh, God.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
You know what I mean? The popper.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
The popper.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
It's good stuff. Yeah, that's nice. That's a good purchase
for me. What are you making us? Well, nothing. Hang
on a second. What are you putting garlic in? What
do you mean, what am I putting garlic in? Food.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Because you buy your goop sacks.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
You buy goop sacks. They come with garlic in them.
You've got garlic in them. I don't always use a
goop sack. Sometimes I add my own garlic.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
What else are you cooking?
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Well, it's none of your business. What are you cooking
garlic in? It's none of your business.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Do you put garlic and onion in garlic? soften that
up before you put the beef mince into brown.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Sure you could do that right yeah i can add
it to a variety of dishes is there an italian
lover on there i don't have an italian lover heavy
on the garlic why is it funny that i'm cooking.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
I don't know it's sort of hilarious you live in
the city yeah yeah the producer girlies have picked up
on this energy too though i'm just messaging.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Me about anything do you have a partner No, because
you're always like, what are you cooking with your kitchen mixer,
your KitchenAid? None of your fucking business. You've got nothing
to be ashamed of. It is our business. Why is
it Gagey?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
It is 100% our business.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
As a trio, we share all of our business.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Well, not this business. This is a secret business. He's
got a secret garlic business. I've got a secret garlic business.
What about Ginger? No, it's too hard. That doesn't get minced.
That gets grated. That gets spooned. That gets grated. Too fibrous.
Very fibrous, isn't it? Very fibrous. Very fibrous, isn't it?
You could do all sorts.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
What else would you crush with that?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Again, none of your business. God, he's very cagey. What's
your issue? Who are you seeing? Why is he so secretive?
Is he a lover?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Is he a lover?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Is he an Italian lover? Is he a garlic lover?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Stop looking at your laptop like the podcast is done.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
We're not done. It's still going. Natural in. We're interrogating.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
It's unnatural that you're keeping information from us.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
We've got a meeting. It's okay, Jake. I'm just going
to move some garlic. Marty's waiting for a meeting. He
needs to know as well.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
The only thing we can guarantee at this stage is
it's not a vampire.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
That's the only thing we can guarantee at this stage.
There you go.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
It's the only thing we know.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Okay, well, the investigation, we've got our first clue.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Cross vampire off the list.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Not a vampire. I don't think that was the end either, actually.
That's not the end. That's not the end either, actually.
You wanted to fucking say something, Matt. That's very, very cagey. Okay,
I'm going to go back to my notes.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Not a vampire.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
The end. It's not the end, actually. Don't do that.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Funny.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Let's go.
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