May 4, 2026 • 30 mins
Today on the pod the team talk about some niggly little sicknesses that are hanging around.
Then we talk to Benny Feldman who's going to be performing at the NZ International Comedy Festival in Auckland and Wellington. He tells us what it's like to be a comedian dealing with Tourette’s
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Daily bespoke content that you won't find on the radio
show The HURDARKI Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Welcome along to the podcast that's loftly this morning. It's
funny you say that same.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Yes, so is Zoe.
Speaker 4 (00:12):
Oh oh no, how you read it? Mine's mainly in
my throat, to be honest. It's it's run down down
the back passage into the throat.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Man, that's a weird place to get a cold.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
That's a different sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I would say that I would always prefer the nose
to the throat to me, if something's happening in the throat,
if I'm going it's not what I've heard. If the
back passage to.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
The nose and it runs down the back, have you ever.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Tried to show it in the nose? No, not easy.
I can't imagine it would be. But you're sort of
splits off like a snake's tongue. Anyway, it does, so
then the lostrals work a bit easier. Actually. Site just
this little side note here. I was at lunch on
Saturday and we were talking micro penises, and here we go.
(01:00):
What constitutes a micro penis?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Oh? Is it like? Damn?
Speaker 2 (01:07):
It?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Is it like dwarfs? And where it's an actual condition.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah, okay, so it's not it's not a specific size,
it's it's a specific size. It is a specific size.
It's under a specific yeah. Right, so that's more like
a midget.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yeah it can we well, it's actually it's it's can
you say that it's less than seven point five cents?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
Oh that's so we were talking about it at attention?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yeah, yeah, right, okay, yeah, when stretched, when stretched stretched? Yeah,
because I don't know if it is an attention. I
just think it's when you get it and then you
just pull it. Okay, but what if you're on sports mode?
Speaker 4 (01:51):
So what's going on?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
You know when you're on sports mode and you go no,
like if you go for a run or something.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Oh it can't count. Then you're on sport. Everyone's I
show me someone who's not.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
You know, can you imagine who's got worse sports mode
than a trey athlete? You are going for a swim
and then you're going for a run, you know what
I mean? Yeah, I don't know what a bike does
to it, but pound your balls'll.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Hide away, hide away. I mean that's functional, isn't it?
In that In that regard. It's good the way that
it decides when and where it needs to show itself,
and it's like that we're out of here. Yeah, we
don't need to We've got nothing to show here.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Do need to be doing this?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
We've got nothing to show. I mean, we've got a
pair of bike shorts to show. I suppose if you're
looking hard.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Yeah, well yeah, like generally all good, generally all good
getting changed in front of your part, and sometimes if
you're on sports mode, though, you're like, oh, I'll just
go to a shower.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
I got very confused when you said sports mode because
it made me think of crocs. I more commonly know
the condition you're talking about as exercise deck. Oh yeah,
I've heard of it being food a single. You don't
have that with crocs, a single approach. It's confused for
a straight at it.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
My mad Yeah, not sports mode. Now. I was introduced
to sports Mode by a differend of the show. It
was with That's Everyone Austin Tom Oh Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
You know when you're in sports mode, So you were
saying that sometimes there's a time and you'll be like,
I think I'll just go and get changed over here
in the corner. Yeah, in front of your partner gives a.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Bit of privacy place.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Would you mind turning around or could gently stop staring
at me?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I don't mind it, like you look, but if you're
still steering him, hey, not giving a good account of
myself here is no one wants here.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
No, I've got to a point now where I just
I think it was from childbirth. I'm just like whatever,
now I'm getting changed, even if I'm in sports mode.
I've heard that's a watershed moment. Actually, the other day
I was doing setups in the bedroom just before I
went to bed. I thought, I just a quick ground,
hadn't done any exercises.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
That is that your Is that how you in this ship?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Well? Not with what I was showing down below, that's
for sure. Because I moved into sports mode and I
was doing sit ups and I looked down, you know,
because I'm coming back. I'm coming up and I'm coming
down and I came up and I'm like, well that's
and then Tossie walked down like a man. There's You're
just that's ugly and yak.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
You're just curled in the corner.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
No, it's like, what is that? And it's because it's
between you squeezing it between your legs and looked I
was basically doing a vanagina angina set up.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Are you running sit ups with your feet in the air.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Or feet flat feed in their exactly? It was a manchina.
I was doing a vagina set up.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
You're doing like a fetal position ded ant.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Since I can't imagine you would since I did this
sit up, Okay, I think it was I It was
a mistake. Yeah, it was a big mistake.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Didn't Is there a mirror and you didn't catch a
glimpse of yourself in that position?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Did you? No? Thank god? But I did. Look seriously, lockdown,
I'm running a vagina So because I've got the leagues
together and I'm sort of a V set up, Yeah,
it's a V set up, a visit up. I'm doing
a V set up. So you're also stretching the arms
and now are you are your leagues straight in the
(05:28):
sort of bent in the slightly bent position? You're not
very flexible. That's the other problem.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
That's a good point.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Yeah, there was. It was not good. What was going
on down there?
Speaker 4 (05:37):
What about nude press ups? Those suck? Tell you what
don't do a nude press up.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Well, you do a bit of duncan, you'll dunk them duncan.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Duncan.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Yeah, I mean duncan you do a couple of dunk as. Anyway,
what did what did?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Where did you get to with the micro.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I just talk about an inflection. People talk about things
that people are dealing with. It times their life and
everyone's dealing with certain things.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
A terrible case of micro penis.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Well, you know, I feel for people out there who've
got that going on. That's pretty tough. Oh yeah, but
it's just as hard being at the other end of
the spectrum. Is it what I thought it was? Actually? Oh?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Looks heavy problems.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Really, you can't got to get her at your pennis
come out of your cheers. Oh look, it's just a
lumbar as you man, It's just really it's just sort
of you know, it's a candle lever provided quite quite
good for balance and keel.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Wow, I had a tail it will be but to
balance it out at the moment, she's all she's all
one way traffic.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
And micro penis is defined as a penis that's typically
two point five standard deviations below the mean size for
given age okaya, often resulting in a penis and an
adult less than seven point five.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
So that's interesting. So if it's two point five standard
deviations away from the norm, then that means that it's
different per country.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Remember we did the yeah the average, Yeah, per countrys
didn't account for themselves very well.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
No, is that why we seen the under eighty five
rugby team to go and play them.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
An interesting shower situations some of those sril Ankins if
they had a communal shower the two teams, whoa what
what is wrong with these people?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Did you see that story on the news last night
and they had yeah, the Kurt Baker double. Kurt Baker's going, yeah,
yeah Baker, Yeah, so good Jill and Kirk Baker's going.
Can you imagine if the Sri Lankan team walked past
the changing rooms at that time? So the fuck?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
That is one of the coolest New Zealand traditions. It's
like and that I can see that going for a long,
long long time.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
I was thinking that exact same thing while I was
watching that last night, because when the report Kate Wells,
Kate Wells, yeah, yeah, she was like that before because
that was going on in the background, like, are they
showing this something news? Yeah, and then they cross back
to her and she goes they're performing a Kurt Baker
celebration in the background. I was like, that's fucking that's
crossed over. I know it's mainstream.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I was in the in the studio when that happened,
and I was watching the monitor and I was like oh,
and I was laughing, and I looked up and I
was like, oh shit, there's ten seconds to go of
the story. Yeah, And because I wanted to say to Kate,
did you notice that there was a Kurt Baker situation?
Then she comes straight off the back and she's like,
and you may have noticed it. Yeah. I was like, God,
I'm you. I was thinking that so and then I
(08:29):
was thinking about all of the Kurt Baker celebrations that
are going to be happening in clubs around the country
in years to contain, same as you were, and they're
going to be calling at the Kurkbacker.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
I will do a Kurt Baker if we win today.
There be kids who don't know who Kurt Baker is.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Yeah, cniration where I'm a bit confused as to what
a Kurk.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
But you don't know who.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I don't know it is the is the celebration in
the changing room where someone is nude and then they're
on the shoulders so you can't see the downstairs. Yeah,
but they but they know they're always in a photo.
First ever done by k Baker. Kurt Bakers the sevens
New Zealand series. It's one of the great New Zealand
traditions and it's starting to apparently for the ANZ Netble
(09:09):
Championship team they did a Kurt Baker did that, yep.
But but they put the nipples in front of the
front of the upstairs operation but no downstairs. Yeah, okay, it's.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
On those girls, as opposed to the Ginger Paul Henderson,
which was the Ranfrelly shield in front of us downstairs
once they won it in Southland maybe maybe it was
South New Ginge used to put the old Ranfreelly shield
in front of his downstairs.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
In the nine to three vers Canterbury.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
I think it was, oh yeah, Well. The only thing
is how do you decide who's going to be the
sicker that puts his hand up gun jump on the
back of the neck.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
There's always one. Don't worry about that and I know
exactly who it is. It's the person who doesn't have
a micro pennis. They're not seven point five, but they're
also not the not the mess of horse. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's the right in the middle range dude. And that's
my experience with my friends. It's all the real average guys,
like mid rangers, exactly average. They're the ones that love
(10:12):
getting whiskey penis exactly straight through the middle average, you know,
middle of the road. Yeah, but who's the sick?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Just like you go bang that thing in the back
of my neck here and jump up on my shoulders.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Right, who's that? Who's the carrier?
Speaker 3 (10:26):
It's a different sort of thing. That's the guy you
gotta watch out for. Man, That's the kind of guy
will be sitting there, did quiet for the entire pass up,
and then right at the end of the night, a
lot of pubs on fire or something, do you reckon?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
There has ever been a guy who's been that guy
who's then he'll lose that information that he's gained from
that feeling that he's gained, and then produced an experience
for himself after it. Has that ever happened in New Zealand? Wow? Look,
every Curt Backer. That's ever been done, has been posted,
(10:56):
so we could probably get back.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Through and find him. Just ask every single person, just
asked for a single person.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Have you ever somebody's ever reminisced?
Speaker 4 (11:07):
Yeah, yourself question, because I feel like I've seen every
now and again someone will take to social media that
has a micro penis and they'll talk about how they've
got the smallest penis in the world. What sort of
mentality do you have to run to be?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Like?
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Right, I've got this thing.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
I've got this.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
Three centimeter doodle and I'm going to take to social
media and I'm going to talk about it. I'm going
to put a challenge out and I'm going to say,
show me if you've got a smaller one, because mine
is the smallest in the US.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
What's your algorithm?
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Seven to you? Man?
Speaker 4 (11:38):
That was on a TMZ website actually, which was on tmz,
which I've got on my social media for work purposes.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Sure, So I don't think there's a Goainnest world record
for smallest penis. No, Well, I mean I can check
it if you want. Let's say a lot, it wouldn't
be yours. It's certainly not mine. Oh, check the record.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Yeah, check the red I thought you were wondering if
you're in contention.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
No, No, I'm definitely. I mean I'm not look, I'm
not micro sort of zone.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
God damn it. Michael Phillips, Oh there is thirty eight
year old from North Carolina claims to have claims to
have the world record.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
It was it was always going to make good on Michael.
It was always going to.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Be not good on Michael Man.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
We're not good on him because he's Oh why he
committed to.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
Us no zero point ninety seven centimeters erect.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Yeah, but good on him for like going, you know what,
I'm going to make it. I'm going to make a
life out of him. That's such an American thing to do,
to look at it and.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Be like, there's money there. I make a bit of
money out of this.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Good on Michael.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
He's speaking public, needs to raise awareness about his condition
and challenge body shaming.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Jerry. That's what I would say to Michael. You know,
good on him because he is he's doing some good
work out there. Because I was just that's how we
got in this conversation. We were talking about people that
have the inability to pleasure another person. Yeah, and because
we're talking about other people say, well, that is a
tough situation. And I said, well, what about a person
of the micro penis if you're going to go there? Yeah,
And they said what do you mean, There's no such thing.
(13:06):
And I said, your sire. Oh's Michael Phelps.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
There, Michael Phillips there, Phillips.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
There he is.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
There's a picture of him there.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
What makes sense why he was the fastest swimmer of
all time? Just no drag. We had a mate who
we were on the person one night in a flat
and moment and he was just gone number ones against
the fence and as he did that, a car pulled
into the driveway and just let him up with the
(13:36):
with the thing.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
With the lights. You're telling a good story here, I'm
picturing it that way. Yeah. Wow, I can't see the fence.
I've got the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Well wait until I described the silhouette that he cast. Oh,
it was so imposing that the entire group is saw
was like, Holy, come bring that over here.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Have you got this? And he had no idea he
had an enormous hog on him until that night because
it never shown anyone else and were like, I do
want to say his name, but.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
We'll call them Michael Phillips. We'll call them, Yeah, we'll
call them. May get over here, Mac, Have you got
this fels pet? Can I ever look at? Have a
look at next?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Bloody? Oh?
Speaker 3 (14:23):
And he's standing there with this thing out, just going.
I didn't know. I just I thought everyone just had
like a like, no, does it get bigger? He's like, no,
this is pretty much it. It just goes up and
now but doesn't really change size now man, And so yeah,
make had a fucking dangler on it, right.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
He didn't realize I had no idea. If you don't
go to it's probably not until you go to boarding
school and or you have multiple partners or multiplier and
they say jeep as creepers. That's intense. That thing.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Damn damn that thing hadens.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
But like you guys never got curious with like a
tape measure to figure out Like so you figure out
what the average is, and then you see where you
are against the average.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Well, I mean I can pretty much guess there was
no need for a tape measure. You've never I can,
I can, I can eyeball things and tell how long there?
Speaker 3 (15:13):
So you've never googled her longs an iPhone.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
No, no, neither.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Jerry and Manaia joined the complate the Hardaki Breakfast discussion
group on Facebook. For more Jeremy Wells and Manaia Stewart
find them on Instagram at Hodaki Breakfast.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Benny Feldman, comedian, Welcome to the show. Good to be here,
Thanks for having me, so good to have you from
New York City. That's right, eighteen hour flight.
Speaker 5 (15:41):
You were saying, yes, crazy long flat. Apparently they sort
of pizza in the middle of it while I was
a sweep and I missed it.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Is that right? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Is that a New York thing?
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Maybe? I don't know. I don't know. Yes, that's bloodyh.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
What do they do in Detroit? I think it's square?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
There is it?
Speaker 5 (15:58):
Yes, squearing like a sponge your bread. Actually, my opening
joke is about pizza. You weren't setting me up for that,
but then it's like, nah, yeah, Like I feel like
regional pizza is just like one Italian guy went to
a city in nineteen ten and forgot how to make pizza,
Like put the sauce on top of the cheese. Somebody's
like it kind of curves something Oho somebody's like, yo,
(16:20):
you fucked up. He's like, he's Chicago. That's like my
one of my starting jokes. That's funny, crazy to lead
that up.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
It's just os is audio even as you can tell
is that? Are you from New York? I'm from Philadelphia?
Oh okay, I had a felly the pizza they have.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
They have a thing called tomato pie, which is like
a kind of like facacca bread with.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
A sweet sauce. You serve it cold. Oh really, yeah,
it's really good. They like halftime at soccer games.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Yeah, American football or what?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Yeah? No, not American football?
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Yeah? Did you really?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Yeah? Soccer?
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Unt least you actually follow the sport, in which case
you call it football and then tell everyone off when
they call it. Yeah, that's what Mike's so hard to
get into it.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
But you see football in America as American football, isn't it? Yes,
so you can't be calling football. But weird In New Zealand,
some people call I grew up and rugby was football. Yeah,
we're going on to the footy. I've never heard soccer
called going along to the footy? Mint non, okay.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
That's thing plays rugby either.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Person?
Speaker 5 (17:25):
Why would you why would you. I'm sure a couple
of people do. I've never seen it being played, No.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
I think part of it is if you grow up
playing football with the pads and the helmets and there,
and then you see someone playing without it, like that
must be the most off putting thing.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, how's the city here? Horrible?
Speaker 3 (17:44):
I guess the other thing is no public healthcare over
in the States, So probably too risky to be playing
rugby as well.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Yeah, true, okay, yeah, yeah, I think though with the
helmets you can still get some pretty nasty because it's
the rattling around, isn't it rattling around the brain on
the stem that's the problem, Not necessarily the straight hit
to the head. Yeah. I mean, football players get a
lot of so I imagine if you were doing it
without any pads.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
That's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, you guys gotta get back. Yeah, but you know,
I mean to get hit in the head, you know,
get hit in the head. You got to avoid the head,
you know. Okay, no, yeah, in football they're kind of
on purpose. Bok. Yeah, I think that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
It is they do. They point their heat at the
knees of their opponent and just drill straight in there,
it's insane.
Speaker 5 (18:28):
I do really you play basketball at all? Yeah, I've
never really played that. I only played soccer growing up.
And like, you have shitt guards so you can kind
of like have contact, yes, And I tried to playing
basketball and I was like, what do you mean I
can't touch them?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yeah, so the speciing of it's so odd to me.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
You kind of can in certain ways and then other
ways you can't. I always whenever I played a lot
a bit of basketball growing up, whenever a dude showed
up with the mouth garden, I was like, this is
going to fuck up, Like why have you shown up
with the mouth guard? What are you about to do?
And sure enough, elbows are always just start swinging the
elbows around, okay, and you've got that on so that
when I sing mys back, your teeth don't come out.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Well mind, my son plays rugby and he's fourteen, and
you're not allowed to play without a mouthguard. When I
was growing up, you were allowed to play with that
math guard if you didn't mind. I've still never seen
and all my time playing rugby, I never saw anyone
get their tooth knocked out. Oh really that you see that?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
We had a Stayers Versus Leavers game at school, which
is all the seventh formerst who are leaving versus everyone
else at the school, and it's their last head out,
so they don't give a shit. And yeah, one of
the fellows at school got his entire front row of
teeth dished in. Okay, god, yeah, because he was playing
without a mouthguard.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
All right, Well that's interesting. I just maybe it's just
because everyone plays with mouthguards most people, so you don't
see it. But I've seen so many more concussions than
I have teen knocks.
Speaker 5 (19:44):
I ran into a parked car when I was younger.
That ship my front tooth. Yeah, and it was like
you could tell it was chip for years. I think
finally it's like even down. Yeah, I think a little
bit after, like truly, like a decade and a half. Yeah, yeah,
I just was playing with some fronts, ran trade into
a parked car. Explain that.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah, yeah, you'll be careful with that. It's so New
York City, New York City, because it's all different. Have
you been caught between the Moon and New York City before?
I haven't been cut between what the moon and New
York City. You've not been caught between the Moon and
New York City. I don't know what you mean by that.
(20:26):
It's a Christopher Cross song, oh, Arthur's theme. I'm surprised
you when my problem is whenever I go to New York,
I've got when I've got New York, that song in
New York and my head the whole time in.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Pire state of mind.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yep, And I've got this song okay, okay, whole time,
and it ruins my experience of it. Whenever I get back,
I play the song back in the New York groove.
My roommate gave me that great so that went that
when I think about it, like God, that's a great
song by Ice Freely from Case. I think that was
(21:04):
his first ever solo hit, Ice Freely.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Sorry, I was really caught up and after Christopher Cross, Yeah,
who was it?
Speaker 3 (21:12):
I wasn't Is that Christopher Cross?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
The Cross I know, Criss Cross? Yeah, yeah, not Criss Cross.
I'll make you w on the jump jump a different
different guy. Christopher Cross with the high voice yacht Rock
nineteen seventy one. You're possibly thinking of Michael Bolt.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Different guy.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, Ice Freely. If you got New York, I've got
this New York's grove. This seems right. Yeah, hell yeah,
I feel like I'm on a New York street.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
I feel like I feel like a fire. Hydrants just
burst and kids are playing underneath the water.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
And is it like is it like an Ackland song
you play when you get back to Aakland absolute us?
A song in the history of Auckland about Auckland. No
single songs? Great question.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Yeah, probably be the closest thing we've got.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
Opinion Road by the Mutton Birds. Is that kind of
that's about part of all.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It's about Dominion Road. Let's rate it right now, Doon Road.
Let's do it right now. Let's come up with a song. Okay,
what was your first impression of Auckland when you came
to Because I've lived in.
Speaker 5 (22:23):
All the trees are falling over all the trees that
go sideways, the trees go sideways, line, then all the
trees sway.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yeah, what are we in? I don't know how to
do music at all. I'm putting this on you guys. Okay,
your observations are crucial in the situation.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
So great point.
Speaker 5 (22:46):
All the trees are sideways, All the trees are sideways.
That is definitely true. You guys have grassy volcanoes here.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
That's pretty cool. We don't have volcano. I think grassy
volcanoes is quite a nice chorus. What about the smell? Now,
did you notice a weird smell when you arrived in Auckland? Report?
It certainly smells different than almost.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
It smells different, But I couldn't possibly put my finger
on the that's hard to describe idea.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Finger.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
The sum of different plants, the sum of different plants
and manure. There's a light manure smell to.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
It, many different plants.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
The smell of poop is not different from New York
City ship if anything that's human in New York City. Yeah,
here you got what like? She is more like yeah, ows,
there's more livestock focused. Okay, yeah, I haven't. I haven't
noticed that. I have noticed the trees song where the
(23:46):
sideways trees I've not seen.
Speaker 5 (23:47):
So I feel like, like, okay, in America, all of
our trees, as far as I not not all of America,
but the Northeast, the trees pretty much just grow up
where it's like here, I've seen a lot of trees
that grow like pretty heavily diagonal or yeah, yeah, oh wow,
we don't have that.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
No, it's just all the storms and hurricanes and stuff
we have here. I think that's yeah. Yeah, yeah, stick
around for a couple of days you'll see one.
Speaker 6 (24:12):
Yeah, our trees need to grow and with spinley branches
moving out to sort of so the wind can get
through them effectively, because otherwise, you know, if you're thinking
about a.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Maple tree or.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
A conifer, perhaps one.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Of those big suckers that you get in America, a sequoia.
A seconda. They are a gondola.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Sorry, they.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
A beach, a copper beach. They they are a big
area mess and so they're easily blown over the trunk,
so they have to have a bunch of points of
contact with the ground.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
That's kind of it's a safety issue. Interesting, it's a
safety issue. So you've come over here obviously for the
for the comedy show. That's right. The first thing they
put on your thing is he's a comedian with tourette.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
That's right, you little ticks and stuff.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Yeah, yeah, do you fund that? Does comedy help with
the turrets or does the turrets help with the comedy? Oh?
Speaker 5 (25:07):
Man, I would say the thretts helps more with the
comedy than the comedy hells of the threats because I
have when I'm more like nervous and I have like adrenaline.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
And stuff actually makes the threats kind of flare up.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
So going on stage in front of thousands of people's
probably a.
Speaker 5 (25:18):
Bit Yeah yeah, yeah it actually it actually does make
it a but I don't mind. And I kind of
do like a hold and release system, where like I'll
tell a joke and like kind of hold it, and
then in between jokes, I'll kind of like let the
tension release and I'll tell another joke. So some people
will be like, oh, that looks too well timed, he's
faking it, But I'm like, no, I'm able to like
kind of do like a kind of a system.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Is it like a snaeze? Can you feel it coming
on and you can hold it for certain period?
Speaker 6 (25:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Not everybody with.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
Threats has that, but I've got that called the pre
monitory urge. Sometimes I feel like, uh, so I have
Sometimes I say worse words and should fuss. I say
like slurs and stuff. Yeah, so cheery, yeah, welcome. I
feel like like Neo and the Matrix is like a
bit where it's like, uh, the slurs are like the bullets,
(26:01):
and I'm able to kind of like hold them, and
I'm like, oh, like, I'm like trying as hard as
I can't stop.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
And can you stop them? I can stop them.
Speaker 5 (26:09):
I can redirect them and stuff, so like I'll like
I'll turn it into like my body is shaking and
stuff like that. But it has to come out in
some form. Typically it gets really uncomfortable if I hold
that in entirely. But also the show is barely about Tourette's.
It's like I just have it, you know what I mean?
I find it kind of I do find it a
little interesting, but I musto you know the ch Hadburg is. Yeah,
(26:31):
I kind of do like that, right, I'm like.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
A one ladder guy.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Yeah okay, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I've never met anybody with troops before Wins. Did you
first know that you had to read? I didn't get
diagnosed until I was twenty one. I had mild lutics
growing up, and then I did psychedelics when I was
like twenty one and it got worse. Oh really, yeah,
I can't do them again. I would like to do them.
Fuck up my brain.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
I think it might fix it. That might fix it.
Speaker 5 (26:59):
That's what everybody says, I'm okay, no I had. I
had a joke about that too, where it's like people say,
like it, I should do it again. I'm like, you
know the movies when somebody gets in the head with
a coconut and then the only way to get fixed
is like get hit by a second coconut.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
That's not real medicine. So that's yeah, that's how I
don't think of if. I mean, firstly made someone. Secondly
that so you had texts so you didn't have to
riots before.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
So I had mild I had mild tics growing up,
starting at like age seven, but I never got it
like officially diagnosed until I did the psychedelics and it
really ramped up and I was like, oh, I need
to get this checked out.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
How did that feel?
Speaker 6 (27:39):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
That was actually pretty crazy. I remember I was like
had an internship. I was sitting in the cubicle and
my hand kept like spasming, and I like kind of
stared at it for a while. I thought I was
having like partial spasms or like seizures or something. Yeah,
So that was It freaked me out a lot. But
then the doctor was like, I was probably turetts. And
by the time I went to see an actual neurologist,
I was like, I had the I developed the cursing type. Okay,
(28:04):
and that's really obvious because that's like the only disability
that has cursing.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Yeah, okay, yeah, it's it's funny. I was kind of
interesting that it is that How does your brain know
that that's the wrong that that's what? Why is it cursing?
Why cursing any word?
Speaker 5 (28:20):
Yeah, I'm not sure. And I think my closest guess
from what I've felt personally, is that it's triggering like
the same part of the brain as if you're like
stubbing your toe a little bit, but there's no pain involved.
But it's kind of like the exclamation you know what
I mean? Yeah, kind of does that make sense? That's
(28:40):
pseudoscience on my part, but that's why that's what it
feels like it happens.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
Yeah. But so for example, if there was a word
that to you didn't mean anything offensive, it might not
necessarily spark in your mind when you take this it.
Speaker 5 (28:51):
Yeah, but I mean it's like if you stub your toe,
you're not gonna go like, uh, pancakes and rainbows.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly, but you might, but you might though,
Like it's like people have all sorts of texts.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
So yeah, that's just my personal experience with it.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Yeah right, if you could take time back, would you
still have that psychedelic experience. Yeah. I've enjoyed having throats.
It's kind of fun. Yeah, wow, it doesn't. It's not painful,
and I do feel like it adds a little fun
and flavor to the act, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Yeah, so yeah, I mean this one.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
I like that one, you know what I mean. That's sound.
It's actually quite nice for the heads. Yeah, that sounds
a lot like a New Zealand bird. Actually, that's it really. Yeah,
it's got a I think can drop that sound. Well
we can, so we can speak as well. So well
really four voice voice boxes. Yeah, I think that's.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
If you're ever walking through the bush here and you
hear something Hey yeah bird, really that's freaking that's what
they do. They go.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Like all of those sounds.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
There's wondering bird, there's one of the zoos somewhere. You
got met it, you'll probably be able to have the
on of it. So what does your show that you've
brought over to uh to the New Zealand comedy fiecet All.
It's a lot of jokes about uh like animals and
ship like that and uh blood and.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
Calm, and.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
It's uh basically like it's I'm kind of like I'm
a only not a guy like Mitch Hedberg. But it's
also sort of structured as sort of like a like
it starts with like more grounded stuff with like pizza
and animals, and it kind of like descends further and
further until yeah, basically.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Yeah, yeah, brilliant and I think you've got a show
it to not Tuesday. We're bringing this on Tuesday. Yeah,
yeah every day this week until Saturday. So Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,
Saturday in England and then in Wellington same next week Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Be any thanks for coming in. Good to be here
is bloody lovely to me, yea lovely to beat you guys.
This is a good time. I got to see that bird.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Jerry and Manayah catched the radio show from six tillteen weekdays,
The Hardarchy Breakfast
Daily bespoke content that you won't find on the radio
show The HURDARKI Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Welcome along to the podcast that's loftly this morning. It's
funny you say that same.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Yes, so is Zoe.
Speaker 4 (00:12):
Oh oh no, how you read it? Mine's mainly in
my throat, to be honest. It's it's run down down
the back passage into the throat.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Man, that's a weird place to get a cold.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
That's a different sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I would say that I would always prefer the nose
to the throat to me, if something's happening in the throat,
if I'm going it's not what I've heard. If the
back passage to.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
The nose and it runs down the back, have you ever.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Tried to show it in the nose? No, not easy.
I can't imagine it would be. But you're sort of
splits off like a snake's tongue. Anyway, it does, so
then the lostrals work a bit easier. Actually. Site just
this little side note here. I was at lunch on
Saturday and we were talking micro penises, and here we go.
(01:00):
What constitutes a micro penis?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Oh? Is it like? Damn?
Speaker 2 (01:07):
It?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Is it like dwarfs? And where it's an actual condition.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah, okay, so it's not it's not a specific size,
it's it's a specific size. It is a specific size.
It's under a specific yeah. Right, so that's more like
a midget.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yeah it can we well, it's actually it's it's can
you say that it's less than seven point five cents?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
Oh that's so we were talking about it at attention?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yeah, yeah, right, okay, yeah, when stretched, when stretched stretched? Yeah,
because I don't know if it is an attention. I
just think it's when you get it and then you
just pull it. Okay, but what if you're on sports mode?
Speaker 4 (01:51):
So what's going on?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
You know when you're on sports mode and you go no,
like if you go for a run or something.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Oh it can't count. Then you're on sport. Everyone's I
show me someone who's not.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
You know, can you imagine who's got worse sports mode
than a trey athlete? You are going for a swim
and then you're going for a run, you know what
I mean? Yeah, I don't know what a bike does
to it, but pound your balls'll.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Hide away, hide away. I mean that's functional, isn't it?
In that In that regard. It's good the way that
it decides when and where it needs to show itself,
and it's like that we're out of here. Yeah, we
don't need to We've got nothing to show here.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Do need to be doing this?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
We've got nothing to show. I mean, we've got a
pair of bike shorts to show. I suppose if you're
looking hard.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Yeah, well yeah, like generally all good, generally all good
getting changed in front of your part, and sometimes if
you're on sports mode, though, you're like, oh, I'll just
go to a shower.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
I got very confused when you said sports mode because
it made me think of crocs. I more commonly know
the condition you're talking about as exercise deck. Oh yeah,
I've heard of it being food a single. You don't
have that with crocs, a single approach. It's confused for
a straight at it.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
My mad Yeah, not sports mode. Now. I was introduced
to sports Mode by a differend of the show. It
was with That's Everyone Austin Tom Oh Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
You know when you're in sports mode, So you were
saying that sometimes there's a time and you'll be like,
I think I'll just go and get changed over here
in the corner. Yeah, in front of your partner gives a.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Bit of privacy place.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Would you mind turning around or could gently stop staring
at me?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I don't mind it, like you look, but if you're
still steering him, hey, not giving a good account of
myself here is no one wants here.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
No, I've got to a point now where I just
I think it was from childbirth. I'm just like whatever,
now I'm getting changed, even if I'm in sports mode.
I've heard that's a watershed moment. Actually, the other day
I was doing setups in the bedroom just before I
went to bed. I thought, I just a quick ground,
hadn't done any exercises.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
That is that your Is that how you in this ship?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Well? Not with what I was showing down below, that's
for sure. Because I moved into sports mode and I
was doing sit ups and I looked down, you know,
because I'm coming back. I'm coming up and I'm coming
down and I came up and I'm like, well that's
and then Tossie walked down like a man. There's You're
just that's ugly and yak.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
You're just curled in the corner.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
No, it's like, what is that? And it's because it's
between you squeezing it between your legs and looked I
was basically doing a vanagina angina set up.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Are you running sit ups with your feet in the air.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Or feet flat feed in their exactly? It was a manchina.
I was doing a vagina set up.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
You're doing like a fetal position ded ant.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Since I can't imagine you would since I did this
sit up, Okay, I think it was I It was
a mistake. Yeah, it was a big mistake.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Didn't Is there a mirror and you didn't catch a
glimpse of yourself in that position?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Did you? No? Thank god? But I did. Look seriously, lockdown,
I'm running a vagina So because I've got the leagues
together and I'm sort of a V set up, Yeah,
it's a V set up, a visit up. I'm doing
a V set up. So you're also stretching the arms
and now are you are your leagues straight in the
(05:28):
sort of bent in the slightly bent position? You're not
very flexible. That's the other problem.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
That's a good point.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Yeah, there was. It was not good. What was going
on down there?
Speaker 4 (05:37):
What about nude press ups? Those suck? Tell you what
don't do a nude press up.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Well, you do a bit of duncan, you'll dunk them duncan.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Duncan.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Yeah, I mean duncan you do a couple of dunk as. Anyway,
what did what did?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Where did you get to with the micro.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I just talk about an inflection. People talk about things
that people are dealing with. It times their life and
everyone's dealing with certain things.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
A terrible case of micro penis.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Well, you know, I feel for people out there who've
got that going on. That's pretty tough. Oh yeah, but
it's just as hard being at the other end of
the spectrum. Is it what I thought it was? Actually? Oh?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Looks heavy problems.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Really, you can't got to get her at your pennis
come out of your cheers. Oh look, it's just a
lumbar as you man, It's just really it's just sort
of you know, it's a candle lever provided quite quite
good for balance and keel.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Wow, I had a tail it will be but to
balance it out at the moment, she's all she's all
one way traffic.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
And micro penis is defined as a penis that's typically
two point five standard deviations below the mean size for
given age okaya, often resulting in a penis and an
adult less than seven point five.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
So that's interesting. So if it's two point five standard
deviations away from the norm, then that means that it's
different per country.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Remember we did the yeah the average, Yeah, per countrys
didn't account for themselves very well.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
No, is that why we seen the under eighty five
rugby team to go and play them.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
An interesting shower situations some of those sril Ankins if
they had a communal shower the two teams, whoa what
what is wrong with these people?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Did you see that story on the news last night
and they had yeah, the Kurt Baker double. Kurt Baker's going, yeah,
yeah Baker, Yeah, so good Jill and Kirk Baker's going.
Can you imagine if the Sri Lankan team walked past
the changing rooms at that time? So the fuck?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
That is one of the coolest New Zealand traditions. It's
like and that I can see that going for a long,
long long time.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
I was thinking that exact same thing while I was
watching that last night, because when the report Kate Wells,
Kate Wells, yeah, yeah, she was like that before because
that was going on in the background, like, are they
showing this something news? Yeah, and then they cross back
to her and she goes they're performing a Kurt Baker
celebration in the background. I was like, that's fucking that's
crossed over. I know it's mainstream.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I was in the in the studio when that happened,
and I was watching the monitor and I was like oh,
and I was laughing, and I looked up and I
was like, oh shit, there's ten seconds to go of
the story. Yeah, And because I wanted to say to Kate,
did you notice that there was a Kurt Baker situation?
Then she comes straight off the back and she's like,
and you may have noticed it. Yeah. I was like, God,
I'm you. I was thinking that so and then I
(08:29):
was thinking about all of the Kurt Baker celebrations that
are going to be happening in clubs around the country
in years to contain, same as you were, and they're
going to be calling at the Kurkbacker.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
I will do a Kurt Baker if we win today.
There be kids who don't know who Kurt Baker is.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Yeah, cniration where I'm a bit confused as to what
a Kurk.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
But you don't know who.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I don't know it is the is the celebration in
the changing room where someone is nude and then they're
on the shoulders so you can't see the downstairs. Yeah,
but they but they know they're always in a photo.
First ever done by k Baker. Kurt Bakers the sevens
New Zealand series. It's one of the great New Zealand
traditions and it's starting to apparently for the ANZ Netble
(09:09):
Championship team they did a Kurt Baker did that, yep.
But but they put the nipples in front of the
front of the upstairs operation but no downstairs. Yeah, okay, it's.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
On those girls, as opposed to the Ginger Paul Henderson,
which was the Ranfrelly shield in front of us downstairs
once they won it in Southland maybe maybe it was
South New Ginge used to put the old Ranfreelly shield
in front of his downstairs.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
In the nine to three vers Canterbury.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
I think it was, oh yeah, Well. The only thing
is how do you decide who's going to be the
sicker that puts his hand up gun jump on the
back of the neck.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
There's always one. Don't worry about that and I know
exactly who it is. It's the person who doesn't have
a micro pennis. They're not seven point five, but they're
also not the not the mess of horse. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's the right in the middle range dude. And that's
my experience with my friends. It's all the real average guys,
like mid rangers, exactly average. They're the ones that love
(10:12):
getting whiskey penis exactly straight through the middle average, you know,
middle of the road. Yeah, but who's the sick?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Just like you go bang that thing in the back
of my neck here and jump up on my shoulders.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Right, who's that? Who's the carrier?
Speaker 3 (10:26):
It's a different sort of thing. That's the guy you
gotta watch out for. Man, That's the kind of guy
will be sitting there, did quiet for the entire pass up,
and then right at the end of the night, a
lot of pubs on fire or something, do you reckon?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
There has ever been a guy who's been that guy
who's then he'll lose that information that he's gained from
that feeling that he's gained, and then produced an experience
for himself after it. Has that ever happened in New Zealand? Wow? Look,
every Curt Backer. That's ever been done, has been posted,
(10:56):
so we could probably get back.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Through and find him. Just ask every single person, just
asked for a single person.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Have you ever somebody's ever reminisced?
Speaker 4 (11:07):
Yeah, yourself question, because I feel like I've seen every
now and again someone will take to social media that
has a micro penis and they'll talk about how they've
got the smallest penis in the world. What sort of
mentality do you have to run to be?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Like?
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Right, I've got this thing.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
I've got this.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
Three centimeter doodle and I'm going to take to social
media and I'm going to talk about it. I'm going
to put a challenge out and I'm going to say,
show me if you've got a smaller one, because mine
is the smallest in the US.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
What's your algorithm?
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Seven to you? Man?
Speaker 4 (11:38):
That was on a TMZ website actually, which was on tmz,
which I've got on my social media for work purposes.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Sure, So I don't think there's a Goainnest world record
for smallest penis. No, Well, I mean I can check
it if you want. Let's say a lot, it wouldn't
be yours. It's certainly not mine. Oh, check the record.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Yeah, check the red I thought you were wondering if
you're in contention.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
No, No, I'm definitely. I mean I'm not look, I'm
not micro sort of zone.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
God damn it. Michael Phillips, Oh there is thirty eight
year old from North Carolina claims to have claims to
have the world record.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
It was it was always going to make good on Michael.
It was always going to.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Be not good on Michael Man.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
We're not good on him because he's Oh why he
committed to.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
Us no zero point ninety seven centimeters erect.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Yeah, but good on him for like going, you know what,
I'm going to make it. I'm going to make a
life out of him. That's such an American thing to do,
to look at it and.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Be like, there's money there. I make a bit of
money out of this.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Good on Michael.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
He's speaking public, needs to raise awareness about his condition
and challenge body shaming.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Jerry. That's what I would say to Michael. You know,
good on him because he is he's doing some good
work out there. Because I was just that's how we
got in this conversation. We were talking about people that
have the inability to pleasure another person. Yeah, and because
we're talking about other people say, well, that is a
tough situation. And I said, well, what about a person
of the micro penis if you're going to go there? Yeah,
And they said what do you mean, There's no such thing.
(13:06):
And I said, your sire. Oh's Michael Phelps.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
There, Michael Phillips there, Phillips.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
There he is.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
There's a picture of him there.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
What makes sense why he was the fastest swimmer of
all time? Just no drag. We had a mate who
we were on the person one night in a flat
and moment and he was just gone number ones against
the fence and as he did that, a car pulled
into the driveway and just let him up with the
(13:36):
with the thing.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
With the lights. You're telling a good story here, I'm
picturing it that way. Yeah. Wow, I can't see the fence.
I've got the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Well wait until I described the silhouette that he cast. Oh,
it was so imposing that the entire group is saw
was like, Holy, come bring that over here.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Have you got this? And he had no idea he
had an enormous hog on him until that night because
it never shown anyone else and were like, I do
want to say his name, but.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
We'll call them Michael Phillips. We'll call them, Yeah, we'll
call them. May get over here, Mac, Have you got
this fels pet? Can I ever look at? Have a
look at next?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Bloody? Oh?
Speaker 3 (14:23):
And he's standing there with this thing out, just going.
I didn't know. I just I thought everyone just had
like a like, no, does it get bigger? He's like, no,
this is pretty much it. It just goes up and
now but doesn't really change size now man, And so yeah,
make had a fucking dangler on it, right.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
He didn't realize I had no idea. If you don't
go to it's probably not until you go to boarding
school and or you have multiple partners or multiplier and
they say jeep as creepers. That's intense. That thing.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Damn damn that thing hadens.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
But like you guys never got curious with like a
tape measure to figure out Like so you figure out
what the average is, and then you see where you
are against the average.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Well, I mean I can pretty much guess there was
no need for a tape measure. You've never I can,
I can, I can eyeball things and tell how long there?
Speaker 3 (15:13):
So you've never googled her longs an iPhone.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
No, no, neither.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Jerry and Manaia joined the complate the Hardaki Breakfast discussion
group on Facebook. For more Jeremy Wells and Manaia Stewart
find them on Instagram at Hodaki Breakfast.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Benny Feldman, comedian, Welcome to the show. Good to be here,
Thanks for having me, so good to have you from
New York City. That's right, eighteen hour flight.
Speaker 5 (15:41):
You were saying, yes, crazy long flat. Apparently they sort
of pizza in the middle of it while I was
a sweep and I missed it.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Is that right? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Is that a New York thing?
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Maybe? I don't know. I don't know. Yes, that's bloodyh.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
What do they do in Detroit? I think it's square?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
There is it?
Speaker 5 (15:58):
Yes, squearing like a sponge your bread. Actually, my opening
joke is about pizza. You weren't setting me up for that,
but then it's like, nah, yeah, Like I feel like
regional pizza is just like one Italian guy went to
a city in nineteen ten and forgot how to make pizza,
Like put the sauce on top of the cheese. Somebody's
like it kind of curves something Oho somebody's like, yo,
(16:20):
you fucked up. He's like, he's Chicago. That's like my
one of my starting jokes. That's funny, crazy to lead
that up.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
It's just os is audio even as you can tell
is that? Are you from New York? I'm from Philadelphia?
Oh okay, I had a felly the pizza they have.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
They have a thing called tomato pie, which is like
a kind of like facacca bread with.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
A sweet sauce. You serve it cold. Oh really, yeah,
it's really good. They like halftime at soccer games.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Yeah, American football or what?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Yeah? No, not American football?
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Yeah? Did you really?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Yeah? Soccer?
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Unt least you actually follow the sport, in which case
you call it football and then tell everyone off when
they call it. Yeah, that's what Mike's so hard to
get into it.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
But you see football in America as American football, isn't it? Yes,
so you can't be calling football. But weird In New Zealand,
some people call I grew up and rugby was football. Yeah,
we're going on to the footy. I've never heard soccer
called going along to the footy? Mint non, okay.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
That's thing plays rugby either.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Person?
Speaker 5 (17:25):
Why would you why would you. I'm sure a couple
of people do. I've never seen it being played, No.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
I think part of it is if you grow up
playing football with the pads and the helmets and there,
and then you see someone playing without it, like that
must be the most off putting thing.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, how's the city here? Horrible?
Speaker 3 (17:44):
I guess the other thing is no public healthcare over
in the States, So probably too risky to be playing
rugby as well.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Yeah, true, okay, yeah, yeah, I think though with the
helmets you can still get some pretty nasty because it's
the rattling around, isn't it rattling around the brain on
the stem that's the problem, Not necessarily the straight hit
to the head. Yeah. I mean, football players get a
lot of so I imagine if you were doing it
without any pads.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
That's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, you guys gotta get back. Yeah, but you know,
I mean to get hit in the head, you know,
get hit in the head. You got to avoid the head,
you know. Okay, no, yeah, in football they're kind of
on purpose. Bok. Yeah, I think that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
It is they do. They point their heat at the
knees of their opponent and just drill straight in there,
it's insane.
Speaker 5 (18:28):
I do really you play basketball at all? Yeah, I've
never really played that. I only played soccer growing up.
And like, you have shitt guards so you can kind
of like have contact, yes, And I tried to playing
basketball and I was like, what do you mean I
can't touch them?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yeah, so the speciing of it's so odd to me.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
You kind of can in certain ways and then other
ways you can't. I always whenever I played a lot
a bit of basketball growing up, whenever a dude showed
up with the mouth garden, I was like, this is
going to fuck up, Like why have you shown up
with the mouth guard? What are you about to do?
And sure enough, elbows are always just start swinging the
elbows around, okay, and you've got that on so that
when I sing mys back, your teeth don't come out.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Well mind, my son plays rugby and he's fourteen, and
you're not allowed to play without a mouthguard. When I
was growing up, you were allowed to play with that
math guard if you didn't mind. I've still never seen
and all my time playing rugby, I never saw anyone
get their tooth knocked out. Oh really that you see that?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
We had a Stayers Versus Leavers game at school, which
is all the seventh formerst who are leaving versus everyone
else at the school, and it's their last head out,
so they don't give a shit. And yeah, one of
the fellows at school got his entire front row of
teeth dished in. Okay, god, yeah, because he was playing
without a mouthguard.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
All right, Well that's interesting. I just maybe it's just
because everyone plays with mouthguards most people, so you don't
see it. But I've seen so many more concussions than
I have teen knocks.
Speaker 5 (19:44):
I ran into a parked car when I was younger.
That ship my front tooth. Yeah, and it was like
you could tell it was chip for years. I think
finally it's like even down. Yeah, I think a little
bit after, like truly, like a decade and a half. Yeah, yeah,
I just was playing with some fronts, ran trade into
a parked car. Explain that.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah, yeah, you'll be careful with that. It's so New
York City, New York City, because it's all different. Have
you been caught between the Moon and New York City before?
I haven't been cut between what the moon and New
York City. You've not been caught between the Moon and
New York City. I don't know what you mean by that.
(20:26):
It's a Christopher Cross song, oh, Arthur's theme. I'm surprised
you when my problem is whenever I go to New York,
I've got when I've got New York, that song in
New York and my head the whole time in.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Pire state of mind.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yep, And I've got this song okay, okay, whole time,
and it ruins my experience of it. Whenever I get back,
I play the song back in the New York groove.
My roommate gave me that great so that went that
when I think about it, like God, that's a great
song by Ice Freely from Case. I think that was
(21:04):
his first ever solo hit, Ice Freely.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Sorry, I was really caught up and after Christopher Cross, Yeah,
who was it?
Speaker 3 (21:12):
I wasn't Is that Christopher Cross?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
The Cross I know, Criss Cross? Yeah, yeah, not Criss Cross.
I'll make you w on the jump jump a different
different guy. Christopher Cross with the high voice yacht Rock
nineteen seventy one. You're possibly thinking of Michael Bolt.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Different guy.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, Ice Freely. If you got New York, I've got
this New York's grove. This seems right. Yeah, hell yeah,
I feel like I'm on a New York street.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
I feel like I feel like a fire. Hydrants just
burst and kids are playing underneath the water.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
And is it like is it like an Ackland song
you play when you get back to Aakland absolute us?
A song in the history of Auckland about Auckland. No
single songs? Great question.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Yeah, probably be the closest thing we've got.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
Opinion Road by the Mutton Birds. Is that kind of
that's about part of all.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It's about Dominion Road. Let's rate it right now, Doon Road.
Let's do it right now. Let's come up with a song. Okay,
what was your first impression of Auckland when you came
to Because I've lived in.
Speaker 5 (22:23):
All the trees are falling over all the trees that
go sideways, the trees go sideways, line, then all the
trees sway.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yeah, what are we in? I don't know how to
do music at all. I'm putting this on you guys. Okay,
your observations are crucial in the situation.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
So great point.
Speaker 5 (22:46):
All the trees are sideways, All the trees are sideways.
That is definitely true. You guys have grassy volcanoes here.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
That's pretty cool. We don't have volcano. I think grassy
volcanoes is quite a nice chorus. What about the smell? Now,
did you notice a weird smell when you arrived in Auckland? Report?
It certainly smells different than almost.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
It smells different, But I couldn't possibly put my finger
on the that's hard to describe idea.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Finger.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
The sum of different plants, the sum of different plants
and manure. There's a light manure smell to.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
It, many different plants.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
The smell of poop is not different from New York
City ship if anything that's human in New York City. Yeah,
here you got what like? She is more like yeah, ows,
there's more livestock focused. Okay, yeah, I haven't. I haven't
noticed that. I have noticed the trees song where the
(23:46):
sideways trees I've not seen.
Speaker 5 (23:47):
So I feel like, like, okay, in America, all of
our trees, as far as I not not all of America,
but the Northeast, the trees pretty much just grow up
where it's like here, I've seen a lot of trees
that grow like pretty heavily diagonal or yeah, yeah, oh wow,
we don't have that.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
No, it's just all the storms and hurricanes and stuff
we have here. I think that's yeah. Yeah, yeah, stick
around for a couple of days you'll see one.
Speaker 6 (24:12):
Yeah, our trees need to grow and with spinley branches
moving out to sort of so the wind can get
through them effectively, because otherwise, you know, if you're thinking
about a.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Maple tree or.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
A conifer, perhaps one.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Of those big suckers that you get in America, a sequoia.
A seconda. They are a gondola.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Sorry, they.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
A beach, a copper beach. They they are a big
area mess and so they're easily blown over the trunk,
so they have to have a bunch of points of
contact with the ground.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
That's kind of it's a safety issue. Interesting, it's a
safety issue. So you've come over here obviously for the
for the comedy show. That's right. The first thing they
put on your thing is he's a comedian with tourette.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
That's right, you little ticks and stuff.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Yeah, yeah, do you fund that? Does comedy help with
the turrets or does the turrets help with the comedy? Oh?
Speaker 5 (25:07):
Man, I would say the thretts helps more with the
comedy than the comedy hells of the threats because I
have when I'm more like nervous and I have like adrenaline.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
And stuff actually makes the threats kind of flare up.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
So going on stage in front of thousands of people's
probably a.
Speaker 5 (25:18):
Bit Yeah yeah, yeah it actually it actually does make
it a but I don't mind. And I kind of
do like a hold and release system, where like I'll
tell a joke and like kind of hold it, and
then in between jokes, I'll kind of like let the
tension release and I'll tell another joke. So some people
will be like, oh, that looks too well timed, he's
faking it, But I'm like, no, I'm able to like
kind of do like a kind of a system.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Is it like a snaeze? Can you feel it coming
on and you can hold it for certain period?
Speaker 6 (25:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Not everybody with.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
Threats has that, but I've got that called the pre
monitory urge. Sometimes I feel like, uh, so I have
Sometimes I say worse words and should fuss. I say
like slurs and stuff. Yeah, so cheery, yeah, welcome. I
feel like like Neo and the Matrix is like a
bit where it's like, uh, the slurs are like the bullets,
(26:01):
and I'm able to kind of like hold them, and
I'm like, oh, like, I'm like trying as hard as
I can't stop.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
And can you stop them? I can stop them.
Speaker 5 (26:09):
I can redirect them and stuff, so like I'll like
I'll turn it into like my body is shaking and
stuff like that. But it has to come out in
some form. Typically it gets really uncomfortable if I hold
that in entirely. But also the show is barely about Tourette's.
It's like I just have it, you know what I mean?
I find it kind of I do find it a
little interesting, but I musto you know the ch Hadburg is. Yeah,
(26:31):
I kind of do like that, right, I'm like.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
A one ladder guy.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Yeah okay, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I've never met anybody with troops before Wins. Did you
first know that you had to read? I didn't get
diagnosed until I was twenty one. I had mild lutics
growing up, and then I did psychedelics when I was
like twenty one and it got worse. Oh really, yeah,
I can't do them again. I would like to do them.
Fuck up my brain.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
I think it might fix it. That might fix it.
Speaker 5 (26:59):
That's what everybody says, I'm okay, no I had. I
had a joke about that too, where it's like people say,
like it, I should do it again. I'm like, you
know the movies when somebody gets in the head with
a coconut and then the only way to get fixed
is like get hit by a second coconut.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
That's not real medicine. So that's yeah, that's how I
don't think of if. I mean, firstly made someone. Secondly
that so you had texts so you didn't have to
riots before.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
So I had mild I had mild tics growing up,
starting at like age seven, but I never got it
like officially diagnosed until I did the psychedelics and it
really ramped up and I was like, oh, I need
to get this checked out.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
How did that feel?
Speaker 6 (27:39):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
That was actually pretty crazy. I remember I was like
had an internship. I was sitting in the cubicle and
my hand kept like spasming, and I like kind of
stared at it for a while. I thought I was
having like partial spasms or like seizures or something. Yeah,
So that was It freaked me out a lot. But
then the doctor was like, I was probably turetts. And
by the time I went to see an actual neurologist,
I was like, I had the I developed the cursing type. Okay,
(28:04):
and that's really obvious because that's like the only disability
that has cursing.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Yeah, okay, yeah, it's it's funny. I was kind of
interesting that it is that How does your brain know
that that's the wrong that that's what? Why is it cursing?
Why cursing any word?
Speaker 5 (28:20):
Yeah, I'm not sure. And I think my closest guess
from what I've felt personally, is that it's triggering like
the same part of the brain as if you're like
stubbing your toe a little bit, but there's no pain involved.
But it's kind of like the exclamation you know what
I mean? Yeah, kind of does that make sense? That's
(28:40):
pseudoscience on my part, but that's why that's what it
feels like it happens.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
Yeah. But so for example, if there was a word
that to you didn't mean anything offensive, it might not
necessarily spark in your mind when you take this it.
Speaker 5 (28:51):
Yeah, but I mean it's like if you stub your toe,
you're not gonna go like, uh, pancakes and rainbows.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly, but you might, but you might though,
Like it's like people have all sorts of texts.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
So yeah, that's just my personal experience with it.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Yeah right, if you could take time back, would you
still have that psychedelic experience. Yeah. I've enjoyed having throats.
It's kind of fun. Yeah, wow, it doesn't. It's not painful,
and I do feel like it adds a little fun
and flavor to the act, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Yeah, so yeah, I mean this one.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
I like that one, you know what I mean. That's sound.
It's actually quite nice for the heads. Yeah, that sounds
a lot like a New Zealand bird. Actually, that's it really. Yeah,
it's got a I think can drop that sound. Well
we can, so we can speak as well. So well
really four voice voice boxes. Yeah, I think that's.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
If you're ever walking through the bush here and you
hear something Hey yeah bird, really that's freaking that's what
they do. They go.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Like all of those sounds.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
There's wondering bird, there's one of the zoos somewhere. You
got met it, you'll probably be able to have the
on of it. So what does your show that you've
brought over to uh to the New Zealand comedy fiecet All.
It's a lot of jokes about uh like animals and
ship like that and uh blood and.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
Calm, and.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
It's uh basically like it's I'm kind of like I'm
a only not a guy like Mitch Hedberg. But it's
also sort of structured as sort of like a like
it starts with like more grounded stuff with like pizza
and animals, and it kind of like descends further and
further until yeah, basically.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Yeah, yeah, brilliant and I think you've got a show
it to not Tuesday. We're bringing this on Tuesday. Yeah,
yeah every day this week until Saturday. So Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,
Saturday in England and then in Wellington same next week Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Be any thanks for coming in. Good to be here
is bloody lovely to me, yea lovely to beat you guys.
This is a good time. I got to see that bird.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Jerry and Manayah catched the radio show from six tillteen weekdays,
The Hardarchy Breakfast
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