📻 Please explain from G Lane - FULL RADIO SHOW - The Hauraki Breakfast Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Never miss an episode.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Even accidentally.

Speaker 3 (00:04):
Set the Hauraki Breakfast podcast to auto-download in your settings.

Speaker 4 (00:08):
The Hauraki Breakfast. Thanks to Bunnings Trade. Build big rewards
with new PowerPass Pro Rewards by Bunnings.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Jerry and Mania.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
The Hauraki Breakfast.

Speaker 4 (00:18):
We accept gifts much like Richard Chambers. If anyone wants
to send us in a gold watch, we will accept
it and we will put it out in the office
and display and people can come and have a look
at that gold watch.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
What would you give someone a $ 30, 000 gold watch for?
Particularly a cop.

Speaker 4 (00:31):
So you could display it at the cop museum. Okay, yeah. Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 (00:35):
Wait, what does it read on the display, do you reckon?
This is when we let that guy away with the
drug bust.

Speaker 4 (00:41):
I don't know. This is a watch that was given
to us. I mean, does someone wind it up every
now and then? Does it still tell time? I don't know.
It's a Cartier watch, is it? Is it Cartier?

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Got to be honest, you get two bloody Warriors tickets
from Wendy's and all of a sudden there's a full
criminal investigation. You get a $ 40, 000 watch as a policeman.
You put it on display?

Speaker 4 (01:04):
Crazy. Give us a call now, 0800 Haraki, 0800 428
725 if you want to take the kick off. We'll
come up with a couple of suggestions for songs and
then you get to choose which one we start the
show with.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
Give me, Gerry, this morning, Slings and Arrows, Fat Freddy's Drop.

Speaker 4 (01:22):
That's a good way to ease into the day.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, also a bit of spring about at the moment.
I feel like it was a really sunny afternoon yesterday.

Speaker 4 (01:30):
Yeah, springy was yesterday. Very springy. Don't know if it's
super springy everywhere else in the country. Actually, I had
a look. Yeah, it was. Down country, it was bloody
warm as well. 17 degrees in Alexandra.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
Yeah, I'm ready for Fat Freddy.

Speaker 4 (01:41):
Yeah, the birds were out and so were the blossoms
and the blooms. I thought this could be a good
way to start the show. We used to be friends,
the Dandy Warhols. 0800 HARAKI, 0800 428 725. Give us
a call and you get to choose which song we
kick the show off with.

Speaker 1 (01:59):
Text through from Scott on 3483. Man, I could really
go for some classic Incubus right about now.

Speaker 4 (02:05):
This is the reason why we've got to this point
is because we were staying in the show. I think
there was one week where we started the show with
Incubus three times out of five.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Was it the GOAT?

Speaker 4 (02:17):
I feel like it was. It was like we sort
of became very, very incubus focused, which is quite concerning.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
Yes, you decided this could never happen again.

Speaker 4 (02:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:24):
So we've come up with a couple of suggestions on 3483. Ruda, again,
by the way, if you're just joining us this morning,
is Crook. He's at home, which means no one out
in the B studio to man the phones. So there's
a chance that they may actually not even be on.

Speaker 4 (02:38):
Well, this happened yesterday morning, and I think the same
thing's happened again this morning. So we'll take it to
the text machine here on 3483. And this text here
from Richard. I'll take slings and arrows any day of
the week. So let's kick it off with slings and arrows.
Fat Freddy's Drop. While we sort our phones out.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
Do you find that some bands are seasonal? Like in winter,
I listen to Queens of the Stone Age and Linkin Park. Summer,
Fat Freddy's Drop get a run.

Speaker 4 (03:05):
I think absolutely. I reckon if you looked at their
plays per season, I'd say it would be like 85%
spring and summer.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah. 86% this morning.

Speaker 4 (03:17):
Welcome along to the show. Nice to have your company
this morning.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Nigerian Mania, the Hodaki breakfast.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
Nice way to get into spring with Fat Freddy's Stripe.
Get ready to sit around the barbecue with that one
later on in the season.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yes, I saw a story out of Australia. This has
been bubbling for a while now. Peter Volandes came out
and said that they're basically 90% sure. He's the guy
that runs the NRL, Peter Volandes.

Speaker 4 (03:41):
He's so Australian that he decided to just put an
apostrophe instead of spelling his name V-E-R-L-A-N-D-Y-S, Volandes. He decided
just to drop the E-R after the V and just
put an apostrophe in it.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Like how McDonald's over there is just genuinely called Macca's,
like on the signs and everything.

Speaker 4 (04:00):
Yeah, drop all the rest of it and Volandis.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
He looks a little bit like a vampire. And he said,
I'd say you'd be 90% sure that we will be
going to Eden Park for week three of the NRL
playoffs and we've discussed it with the club. Obviously, they
would like to stay at Mount Smart, but they realise
that if all goes to plan, they're going to have
a massive audience and they'll be accommodated at Eden Park.
Where do you stand on this?

Speaker 4 (04:22):
Here's what I like about Peter Volandis. I watched an
interview on him the other day, and he has taken
the NRL to a whole other level. Before that, he
ran Racing Australia.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:34):
And then he famously was the guy that came out
and said, an Australia without rugby league is not Australia.
During the COVID time, when everyone else was saying, we
can't play sport, we can't do anything, he said, no,
we'll keep playing. Yeah. We'll find a way through this
because an Australia without rugby league is not Australia. He
saw the big picture. And so I think Peter Valandi's

(04:55):
here has seen the big picture again. And that big
picture is more money in the coffers for the NRL.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
But do we as fans care about that? We're told
all season that you want to finish top four so
that you get home field advantage. And then when we
do that and we finally get it, then they say, well, no,
you don't get home field advantage. You're going to go
and play across town. The other thing I would say, Jerry,
to you and your mate Peter Volandes is- I like

(05:22):
Peter Volandes. You and PVL.

Speaker 4 (05:24):
He's my favorite sports administrator.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
JW.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
Ooh, that's a huge claim.

Speaker 4 (05:28):
He's my favorite.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
Because you love sports administrators.

Speaker 4 (05:31):
Well, my father was a sports administrator.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
You like him more than your father.

Speaker 4 (05:36):
And my mother was a sports administrator.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
You like Peter Volandes more than your mother.

Speaker 4 (05:39):
I come from a long line. No, they have retired.
I come from a long line of sports administrators. So
I can spot a good sports administrator when I see one.
Peter Volandis. Yeah, he is. He's my favorite.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
I think he's directly responsible for why the NRL is
going so good at the moment. Put him in charge
of Super Rugby. But as a fan, you don't really
care that the NRL is going to make more money
from that. If you're going to change the rule for
the Warriors and they have to go and play at
a different stadium... Then shouldn't all of the Sydney teams

(06:12):
have to go and play at the biggest stadium they've
got as well? Why is it a different rule for
the Australian teams and not for New Zealand?

Speaker 4 (06:18):
Okay, that's quite hard to argue against.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, because they've got that, what do they call that stadium?

Speaker 4 (06:23):
Is it a core? What is it?

Speaker 1 (06:25):
Yeah, is it Homebush? It's the Stadium Australia one, yeah.

Speaker 4 (06:28):
Yeah, the big one.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
It's like 100,000 people or something like that.

Speaker 4 (06:30):
Where they're having the grand final.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
That's the one you'll be at.

Speaker 4 (06:32):
Yep, we're going to go up there. We're going to
be going up on the river cruise.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
That's the one I'll be at, and that's the one
you could be at if you listened out for our
Would You Rather podcast. Later on in the show. Anyway, yeah,
and then the other thing is I feel like, I
know it's still in the same town, but you lose
a lot of home field advantage. Like, you know, those
guys know where their locker is in there. They know
how the light switch is a bit dicky, so you've
got to, you know, hit the wall and then flick
the thing. There's all those kinds of things they lose.

Speaker 4 (06:56):
I know.

Speaker 5 (06:57):
I know.

Speaker 4 (06:58):
But so Cronulla, so what about the other teams? As
you mentioned, Sydney, Cronulla are hosting the Cowboys at Allianz
Stadium in their playoff weekend. So the capacity at Shark
Park is only 14,000.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 4 (07:11):
But I think what Peter Valandes has done here is
he's gone one game, okay, yep, I understand you guys
want to play, you know, you've got your home advantage
at Mount Sinai. Have your own little Mount Sinai. And
so we'll give you that. He's conceded, and then he said,
but we do want to make as much money as
we can, because they make twice as much money, because
they make all the money on tickets.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
I know, but why do I as a fan care?
I don't care how much money they make.

Speaker 4 (07:30):
Well, they don't necessarily care what you think as a fan,
because they're the NRL.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
And that's the problem. That's where the issue lies.

Speaker 4 (07:35):
And they control the finals.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
I guess they're only up... There's another thing that you
need to factor in is that we've got a terrible
record at Eden Park. In fact, I don't think we've
ever won at Eden Park.

Speaker 4 (07:47):
Well, that's a concern. Yeah. The other positive I would
say about Eden Park is it's going to mean that
more people can go along to the game.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
25,000 more, yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:56):
Yeah, which is quite a lot. So maybe this time around.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
But will they have to be quiet so that Helen
Clark can get to sleep on time? Is that going
to be an issue too?

Speaker 4 (08:04):
Imagine if it was in the afternoon though. Like an
afternoon game at Eden Park is pretty cool. And I
know it's great at Mount Smart, but, I mean, imagine, like,
50,000 Warriors fans in one place. Imagine 50,000 Warriors fans.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
I think it'll look weird in 10 years' time when
we look back and watch that game and, you know,
imagine if the Warriors went the whole way and we go, oh.

Speaker 4 (08:24):
Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Remember they played that game at Eden Park?

Speaker 4 (08:26):
That was weird. I reckon that'll be bizarre. It's good
for me because I'm more likely to get a ticket
and also I can ride my bike there. Okay?

Speaker 2 (08:33):
All right.

Speaker 4 (08:34):
It's because of.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
I'm assuming I'm myself.

Speaker 4 (08:36):
Yeah, okay. I'm... I don't care in the end who
the money goes to, whether it goes to the Warriors
organization or Peter Volandes.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
As long as you can sit in the corporate box
with Chris Luxon and Matt Haith.

Speaker 6 (08:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (08:48):
I've always wanted to sit beside Chris Luxon.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
Oh, look, it's 6.20 on the Hauraki Breakfast.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
You know what that means.

Speaker 4 (08:59):
Our favorite segment of the day.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
It's on boy you to tears.

Speaker 4 (09:03):
The segment called, is this too boring for 620?

Speaker 1 (09:04):
Is this segment, what is the metric for this segment?
What happens if we accidentally come up with something that's
too entertaining? Is that problematic for 620 at this point now?

Speaker 4 (09:14):
So do we want it to be more boring or
do we want it to be more entertaining? Because the
question is, is this too boring for 620? And normally
the answer is no.

Speaker 6 (09:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
So are we, are we failing in this endeavor?

Speaker 6 (09:26):
Maybe.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Well, Allow me to attempt to fail again. I'm trying
to reconnect with my cat.

Speaker 4 (09:34):
Okay. I think we've taken a bold step towards failing.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
Yeah, a bold step towards failure. Yeah, I just, there's
just been a, you know what I noticed that on
Sunday morning when I got up to watch the Warriors,
I think when, I don't know if I'm the only
person that thinks this way, but when you're going to
get a pet, it was the message she wanted to
get a pet. I was like, yep, sweet. And in
my mind, I was like, someone to watch the footy with.

Speaker 4 (09:57):
You know?

Speaker 1 (09:58):
I'll park up on the couch, cat will be up
on the couch watching the footy with me. Hasn't happened.
And on Sunday, when I got up at three in
the morning to watch the All Blacks, the cat came down,
had a look at me, had a look at the
All Blacks, was like, nah, not for me. Buggered off
out the cat door, off down the street.

Speaker 4 (10:13):
Okay, so you've got a problem.

Speaker 1 (10:14):
We've got a fractured relationship.

Speaker 4 (10:15):
You've got a problem. I mean, but there could be
one of three reasons why this is happening. One, The
cat doesn't like rugby.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
Well, people are turning the game off at the moment.
Maybe my cat's just one of them.

Speaker 4 (10:28):
Struggling with the rules. Maybe the cat's a bit of
a thicky.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
Well, I know my cat does have some pretty far
right opinions, but I think one of them is bringing
back rucking. It reckons bringing back... It also thinks the
game's gone soft, which I agree with. This is why
I can't understand why our relationship's so fractured.

Speaker 4 (10:45):
So does the cat... Moose. Let's call the cat by
its name, Moose. Does Moose... Watch rugby league.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
Moose has watched rugby league a little bit, although lately
not so much, which again has led me to want
to reconnect with my cat.

Speaker 4 (11:00):
Okay. The other option is that the cat doesn't like you.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yep.

Speaker 6 (11:02):
Yep.

Speaker 4 (11:03):
The other option is that it's busy and it's got
some things to do and it's got places to be,
particularly at that time of day.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
Particularly at 3am. Yeah, I can understand that. Well, they
say that your pet takes on aspects of its owner's personalities.
And everyone in my house hates me, so I can
see why it would.

Speaker 4 (11:25):
Including you.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Including me. So I can see why it would get more.
So then I was like, well, how do you reconnect
with a cat? The cat is seven or eight years
old now. Can you teach an old cat new tricks?
Is it too late? Is it too late for me
to bond with my cat again? I've started by feeding
it way more, which has had the knock-on effect if
it's put on about two kilos.

Speaker 4 (11:48):
But then you'll get that type of dependency, that human-cat
dependency that nobody wants, which is the following around getting
under your feet dependency.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
That's what my missus has.

Speaker 4 (11:57):
I hate cats that get under your feet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
Well, particularly coming down the stairs. I've got a car
that's coming down the stairs.

Speaker 4 (12:03):
And it thinks that by getting under your feet, it's
going to get food. Every morning.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
Honestly, one day it scooted underneath my feet coming down
the stairs, and I fell down the stairs. And when
I got up, I flicked the light on. There was
a black rubber mark from the sole of my shoe
at about eye level on the thing because I'd fallen
so far. But yeah, how do you reconnect with a cat?

Speaker 4 (12:25):
I don't know. But it depends. I remember when my
cat used to come and meow in the middle of
the night. Went through a pussy. This is pussy. Family cat.
Burmese cat. Lovely cat, actually, pussy. But at nighttime, she
was problematic. She would sometimes just come into our bedroom
and just start meowing. And I was like, I've got
to shut this down. I'm not having a cat wake

(12:48):
me up in the middle of the night. I didn't
sign up for this. So I would get the cat,
and I'd pick the cat up, and I would take
the cat into the shower, and I'd turn the shower on.
And the cat would like, meow, and get out of there.
So anyway, next day, the cat came in, meowed in
the middle of the night. I'm like, we know how
this works, cat. I got up, grabbed the cat, took

(13:10):
it into the bathroom, turned on the shower. The cat
was out of there again.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
Did you run the cat under the shower?

Speaker 4 (13:17):
Oh, I turned the shower on and then put the
cat under the water. The cat didn't like that. So
then the third night, the cat did it again. I
think there was a couple of days in between where
it decided no, and then it forgot. And then it
came back in. So I picked the cat up. I
started walking towards the shower. It's the only time that
cat ever scratched me. It went, oh, God. No, no,

(13:40):
I'm not having a bar with us. And gave me
a scratch and then got the hell out of there before.
The cat never, ever came in and meowed again. Oh,
so it worked? It totally worked.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
Well, that doesn't really help me because I'm trying to
bond with my cat.

Speaker 4 (13:53):
No, I can't remember where that story was going.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Okay, was that too boring for 620?

Speaker 4 (13:57):
I think you've got to teach that cat a lesson.
I think you've got to control that cat. Less food.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Nigerian Mania. The Hauraki Breakfast.

Speaker 4 (14:07):
Evidence yesterday that people who are doing news have run
out of ideas. I mean, that's rich coming from me.
I ran out of ideas about 10 years ago. But
I was reading this poll in one of the digital
news sites, one of the New Zealand digital news sites.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
Not the Herald, which is a bastion of journalistic integrity.

Speaker 4 (14:29):
I'm not going to say whether it's the Herald or not.
It's just our digital.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
It's irreputable.

Speaker 4 (14:33):
Digital news site. Is it?

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yep.

Speaker 4 (14:36):
Reputable? Yeah, I think so. Reputable.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (14:39):
Caribbean? Caribbean. And it said, the question was in the poll,
it said housing market meter. Because obviously at the moment,
house prices are going, in most places, down.

Speaker 7 (14:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (14:52):
In fact, for the last quarter, the biggest drop in
decline in house prices since 2020 or 2022 or something.
Is that right?

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah, 2022 it would have been. Geez, you would hate
to have bought one of those new build townhouses in
about 2021, wouldn't you?

Speaker 4 (15:06):
Know someone who did that?

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (15:08):
Do you? No, do you?

Speaker 1 (15:09):
Oh, do I? Yeah.

Speaker 6 (15:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
She lives with me.

Speaker 4 (15:15):
I'll just hang in there. Things will go back. Things
will go back.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
I want to hang, you know that picture of the
kitten hanging off the branch that says hang in there?
I just want to bang that up on the wall
of the house.

Speaker 4 (15:26):
It's so funny. Before then, people were like, house prices
can't go down. They never go down. They never do.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
You take a lot of advice being like, hey, mate,
you'll never regret giving on the ladder. I know you're
on the bottom rung, but trust me, this is where
it starts. And they only go up like... Is this
advice from the 80s? I don't even know if it was.

Speaker 4 (15:44):
I think, yeah, I reckon that part of that ridiculous
housing increase was driven by the media. People are like, quick,
get on the ladder. You're not on the ladder. Look,
record profits in housing. You don't want to miss out.
Don't miss out.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
You can't afford not to.

Speaker 4 (16:00):
You're never going to be able to get on the
property ladder if you don't get on.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
It's also. Turns out.

Speaker 4 (16:05):
Yeah, well.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
Turns out.

Speaker 4 (16:07):
Turns out.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
You can get yourself into a pretty sticky situation. I, um.
Is there another country that's as obsessed with owning a
home as we are?

Speaker 4 (16:16):
I don't think so. I think Australia's up there. Yeah, close.
But most countries, no. Most countries, it is definitely a
thing here, eh? It always was.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
Oh, I don't want to be bloody, why would I
be paying someone else's mortgage when I'm going to be
paying mine? It's like, because if the roof comes off,
it's not your problem. Because you can live in a
flasher neighbourhood than you could otherwise afford to buy. And
if at any point you want to leave, you can
just up sticks and bounce.

Speaker 4 (16:37):
I think part of it is we control freaks as well.
We like to control our environments. And I think for
a long time it was particularly affordable. A lot of
countries around the world, you just couldn't afford to. It
was so expensive. But in New Zealand, land was cheap
and all that sort of stuff. But then all of
a sudden- It wasn't.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
It wasn't.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
And we had some of the most unaffordable housing. So
this poll was related to the fact, obviously, that people
are talking about housing and housing prices again. This time
they're talking about the fact that they're going down. And
the poll was, where do you want house prices to
go from here? Was the question?

Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (17:12):
What are my options?

Speaker 4 (17:13):
Up or down? So the options are, it's a meter
and it's got a little arrow on it. And one
side says, cheapest chips.

Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yep.

Speaker 4 (17:21):
So you want prices to be cheapest chips for houses, right?
And the other option was rich people only.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Who's going to click rich people? I think even rich
people wouldn't click rich people only.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
15,805 people voted.

Speaker 6 (17:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (17:39):
God knows why. But they did. And unsurprisingly, the arrow
is almost perfectly straight up between the two.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
It's the classic, who wants house prices to go down?
Who wants their house price to go down?

Speaker 4 (18:00):
Could everyone else's go down and mine go up? Just,
you know, 7% or something.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
I wouldn't mind that.

Speaker 4 (18:05):
That would be nice. And then I wouldn't seem like
an arsehole.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
Then I could sell it and buy away a flashy one.

Speaker 4 (18:08):
Yeah, okay. Instead of I wouldn't be rich people only.

Speaker 2 (18:11):
I am doing a world first, well, at least for me,
this weekend.

Speaker 3 (18:16):
This weekend, team, I am playing in soccer.

Speaker 4 (18:29):
You're playing in soccer?

Speaker 1 (18:30):
I'm playing a game of soccer. This will be the
first game of soccer I have ever played. You know
Sam Smith? Not the singer, but the comedian.

Speaker 4 (18:40):
Yes, the comedian. He writes for Taskmaster. Does he?

Speaker 1 (18:44):
I thought those were your jokes.

Speaker 4 (18:45):
No, he writes... Wow.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
What else?

Speaker 4 (18:48):
He writes some of the tasks for Taskmaster.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
He also has organized a thing called the Battle of
the Boots. It is a fundraiser for the Multiple Sclerosis Foundation.
And as my initials are EMS, and a lot of people,
when they see my initials written down, think I'm a
member of that foundation. Although the least I can do
is give back. He reached out and said, would you
be willing to play in this game? And I said,

(19:11):
he said, the coaches are Graham Henry and Raewyn. Henry.

Speaker 4 (19:17):
Oh, yeah. Great coaching combination.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
Great coaching combination. And I said, sure, I just want
you to know I'm from the South Island and I've
never played a game of soccer before.

Speaker 4 (19:28):
I can't believe that. You've never played a game of
soccer before.

Speaker 1 (19:31):
I've kicked a soccer- You're 35. I'm 35, yeah. What,
does it happen as you get older? Well- Does it
just happen to you?

Speaker 4 (19:36):
No, but I think in 35 years, you would have
somehow played a game of soccer.

Speaker 1 (19:40):
Look, I've kicked a ball around, and maybe in PE,
we might have, you know? But I've never, like, laced
them up and walked out onto the pitch for- for 90, 80, 90.
How long's the game?

Speaker 4 (19:53):
90. This is the problem.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
And how many balls are in play?

Speaker 4 (19:57):
One. Okay.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
So you got the, How hard could it be?

Speaker 4 (20:03):
I'm looking at the coaches and I'm thinking, well, one's
a rugby coach, the other's a netball coach. That's not
really going to help you. It's not like you can
go to them for some advice, Raewyn Henry and Sir Graham.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
Well, Raewyn is going to be my coach. Some of
my team members include Josh Thompson, Paul Williams, Mania Stewart,
that's me, and interestingly, Coach Lady Ray, interestingly, Clint Roberts.
Pax Asadi is on my team. Now, My game plan
is I think we run a little two up front

(20:33):
sort of action with me and Pax and just bamboozle them.
Run the little who's who.

Speaker 4 (20:38):
So no one will know who's who.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
So no one will know who's who. It's like there's
two of them.

Speaker 4 (20:42):
That's smart. I think Pax played a bit of basketball.
I'm not sure what he's like on the football field.
Josh Thompson. I mean, he's also from South Canterbury. Yes.

Speaker 1 (20:53):
So that's a bit of camaraderie straight off the rip.
Do they play soccer in South Canterbury? I'm sure somebody does.

Speaker 4 (21:00):
Not really.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
But I don't know who or against who.

Speaker 4 (21:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
So any tips? Have any of you guys played soccer before?

Speaker 4 (21:11):
I played a year when I was 10. I always
played rugby as a kid. And then one year, all
my friends played soccer. And my dad played rugby. And
so I said to him, I'm going to play soccer
this year. And he was like, ugh. And he said, oh, well,
it's up to you. So I played. I think they

(21:32):
put me at, like, in the midfield, which I think
was a place where you kind of hid some people
in those days.

Speaker 1 (21:37):
That's what I was going to ask, is where do
you hide terrible players?

Speaker 4 (21:40):
I mean, I could kick. I was, like, mildly coordinated.
Kid could kick. But, you know, I had no skill
for it. And then I then went back to playing
rugby again. My dad never came along and watched a game.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
Yeah, that's fair.

Speaker 4 (21:53):
He didn't refuse to. He just didn't seem to find
the time.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (21:57):
And fair enough, I certainly didn't set the world on
fire as a football player. So yeah, one season back
when I was 10.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
But hey, look, it's one season more than me.

Speaker 7 (22:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (22:05):
Zoe?

Speaker 1 (22:06):
Many, many years. Ah, okay.

Speaker 4 (22:09):
Zoe was almost professional. She was very close to going
professional in the Bundesliga. Totally in the Bundesliga. In the Bundesliga. Yeah,
in Germany. She knows all about it. Well, it's a
big sport in Germany, so.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
Yeah, okay. Well, looks like I've come to the right
place then. Jerry played a season once and hated it.
Zoe played... Semi-professionally.

Speaker 4 (22:29):
For me, there's a basic checklist of things that you'll
probably need to tick off before you go onto the field.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Oh, big Dilly's text in. I played soccer in South Canterbury,
if that helps. And we'll give her some tips then, Dilly.
How do you play soccer?

Speaker 4 (22:43):
3483, have you got any tips for Mania on the
soccer field?

Speaker 2 (22:46):
Jeremy Wells and Mania Stewart.

Speaker 4 (22:50):
So Minaya is playing in a charity football match in
the weekend, his first ever football match in his life.
When I say football, I mean soccer.

Speaker 7 (22:58):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (22:58):
You claim that they don't play football in South Canterbury,
not a sport that came across your radar.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
Yes, but then we got a text here saying the
local South Canterbury Northern Hearts team just won the Southern Premiership.
Assistant coach Mitchell Hand, shout out to him, is an
avid Hauraki listener. Okay, this is great. So it's in
my blood. So the beautiful game is within me. The
other day, I dropped the shampoo thing out of the
shower caddy, just corralled that thing with my foot. So

(23:27):
first touch, not an issue.

Speaker 4 (23:29):
Well, you've kicked some goals before in rugby, haven't you?

Speaker 1 (23:33):
No, I charged a goal down.

Speaker 4 (23:34):
Oh, okay. That's the opposite. Yeah. So you don't want
to be doing that with your hand. You don't go
running it. So you know about the handball rule.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
I know that you can't use your hands unless you're
Diego Maradona.

Speaker 4 (23:45):
Yep, that's exactly right. Unless God is involved.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
Unless God is involved. And 13 years of Catholic education,
God may be involved.

Speaker 4 (23:51):
Oh, of course. But you don't go charging at people
with your hands up in the air like you do
when you're trying to charge a kick down. Because that
will land you in quite a lot of trouble.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
Although, charity football match, who's the ref going to be?

Speaker 4 (24:04):
Good point. I would have thought a celebrity of some sort.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
Why not force them to make a decision?

Speaker 4 (24:10):
Is this televised?

Speaker 1 (24:11):
I would pray to God not. But no, I wouldn't
have thought so.

Speaker 4 (24:17):
It's been picked up on TVNZ Plus or Duke?

Speaker 1 (24:20):
You can go and have a look at MS underscore
Auckland underscore NZ, the Battle.

Speaker 4 (24:24):
Of the Boots. I've got a bit of a checklist here. Yes, please.
Just a couple of basics that you have to be
able to tick off to be able to play, even
in a charity game. You know, just a social game,
I suppose. Yeah. Can you jog for 10 minutes?

Speaker 1 (24:39):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
So you need to be able to obviously move around.
You can jog for 10 minutes.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
I can jog for 10 minutes, but isn't the game 90? Oh,
I suppose you can walk around for a little bit, eh?

Speaker 4 (24:47):
Oh, totally.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
What's the position with the least running?

Speaker 4 (24:51):
I would say centre back. Yep. Yep. Well, goalie. Oh, yeah, goalie.
Too much pressure. Have you got a goalie yet? Too
much pressure. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
I actually haven't talked to anyone here.

Speaker 4 (25:02):
I think you'd be quite good in gold. Do you
own a pair of soccer boots? Because that's footwear is crucial,
particularly at this time of year where you still have
very wet fields. In fact, you'd say arguably probably the
wettest that they've been so far. Grass is starting to grow,
but you've got to have solid footing because when you plant,
are you left or right footed? You don't know, do you?

Speaker 1 (25:26):
Sort of ambidextrous. sort of stuff if you were.

Speaker 4 (25:29):
To kick a rugby ball yeah would you kick it
with your right or your left foot right okay so
you're right footed so you've got to be able to
plant that left foot crucial.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
So perhaps the shoes that i wore when i came
and played golf with you and i slipped over and
got drenched through my undies and all of my clubs
fell out of my bag and my phone fell out
of my pocket and the guy that was playing with
us ran over and said are you okay i probably
shouldn't wear.

Speaker 4 (25:51):
Those shoes You know, they're still talking about that fall
on the golf course.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
I know because I haven't been invited back. I have,
from my time working in the mainstream sports media with Beaver,
he gave me his World Cup winning boots.

Speaker 5 (26:06):
What?

Speaker 4 (26:07):
Yeah. What?

Speaker 1 (26:08):
The boots that he kicked the golf? The boots that
they made the movie about. What? I have those.

Speaker 4 (26:13):
You've never told me this.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Because you'd try and take them off me.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
You own Beaver's boots?

Speaker 1 (26:18):
Would Frodo tell anyone that he had the ring?

Speaker 2 (26:20):
No.

Speaker 4 (26:21):
Hold on.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (26:22):
You own the boots, which kicked the goal, which won
us the World Cup in 2011, which changed the course
of rugby history in this country.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
Got national a second term. I think, got Ted, in fact,
this will be the second time he's ever, I wonder
if he'll recognise the boots when I wear them out there.

Speaker 4 (26:42):
Hold on. These are the boots that got me a knighthood.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
Are those the boots?

Speaker 4 (26:45):
Yeah, they don't fit. Oh, they don't fit.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
But they have delivered one of the most important consequential
kicks in New Zealand. In fact, the most consequential kick
in New Zealand history.

Speaker 4 (26:55):
I mean, boot technology has moved a long way in
15 years. But still. Oh, they've got something. They've got mana.
They've got wairua.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
I'm about to destroy that mana. Um, a few texts
have come through. Man, I could wear his golf shoes.

Speaker 4 (27:08):
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
Best position would be water boy. Watch bend it like Beckham.
It'll teach you everything you need to know. Just stand
up top yelling to my feet. Every time someone tries
to pass you the ball, but you can't quite get
it and you'll be fine. Sam Smith, who's organised this,
is legally blind, so is a great target for sneaky
tackles and other sight-based distractions. He also gets easily riled
up if you don't laugh at his jokes. Use this

(27:31):
sparingly as he's a trained dentist that understands pain, but
with poor eyesight, can inflict maximum damage. Go in defence,
get in the way, just hack it out of there
if there's too many of you, and never pass back
to the keeper.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
Jeremy Wells and Mania Stewart. The Hodaki Breakfast.

Speaker 4 (27:47):
7.52 on our Hauraki Breakfast. Time for your latest sport headlines.
Thanks to Export Ultra, the beer for here. The Kiwis
have named a 40-man training squad for the upcoming League
World Cup, staged mostly in Australia. Wow. Eight warriors have
made the initial selection, including uncapped trio Jacob Laban, Tanner Stowers-Smith,

(28:10):
and Tain Tuopiki. Knights second-drawer Francis Manulelelua.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
Yep.

Speaker 4 (28:18):
And Cowboys prop. Tom Mikaele have a big choice to
make thanks to league's loose eligibility criteria. Both have been
named New Zealand and in Samoan's game squad. Messy.

Speaker 1 (28:33):
So they've been named for New Zealand and Samoan.

Speaker 4 (28:36):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
How does that work? Yeah, it's a bit of a
squirrely one at the moment with the eligibility issues. They
relaxed them last year. Basically what was happening is New
Zealand was getting penalised for being a tier one nation when...
You know, players could play for other nations and then
play State of Origin and then blah, blah, blah. Anyway,
40-man training squad is crazy. It is crazy. I'm looking

(29:00):
forward to that World Cup, but we've got an NRL
competition to win first.

Speaker 4 (29:04):
We do. First things first. You and I. Ben Shelton
has knocked defending champion Carlos Alcaraz out of the US
Tennis Open in a five-set quarterfinal that took four hours.

Speaker 1 (29:15):
And 28 minutes. Simply too long. Finished at 3.33am in
New York. And that is an absolute nightmare. That's a
game of golf, not a game of tennis. Why are
they starting at 11? This happens every year, doesn't it?
Tell me this, Gerry. Favourite tennis player?

Speaker 4 (29:30):
Of all time?

Speaker 1 (29:31):
Current.

Speaker 6 (29:32):
Current.

Speaker 4 (29:34):
Current favourite tennis player is Yannick Sinner.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (29:39):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (29:41):
Sabalenka for me.

Speaker 4 (29:43):
I see what's happened there. And another batting collapse from
Pakistan on the opening day of the third cricket test
against England. The tourists were bowled out for 133, having
failed to pass 200 in any of their five innings
across the series. Josh Tunga took four wickets for 42.
Ollie Robinson and Joffra Archer took three each. The hosts

(30:05):
are 156 for Fort Stumps. Emilio Gay and Harry Brook
both made half-centuries. Apparently three players on day boom and I.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
Yeah, they sent seven of them home last week. Sent
them straight to jail. Sent them out to exile. And
then brought Mike Harrison in, former Blackcap coach. friend of
the show, Mike Hesson, with a blank check, you'd have
to imagine.

Speaker 4 (30:25):
I'd imagine so. Look, do we need to threaten more
of our players with jail time?

Speaker 1 (30:30):
The problem is we threaten Pakistani players with jail time
and COVID, and then they, in return, threaten nuclear annihilation
against us. So it's a delicate balance, isn't it?

Speaker 4 (30:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:40):
Does England have nukes?

Speaker 4 (30:42):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
See, this is why they can get away with that
kind of stuff and we can't. Do we need nukes?

Speaker 4 (30:47):
More after. I've always thought that, yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:53):
So I was listening.

Speaker 4 (31:03):
To the Agenda podcast yesterday, Mania, and I heard this
about your interaction with Willie Mason.

Speaker 8 (31:11):
We have an apology to make to you guys.

Speaker 4 (31:14):
Mania, he.

Speaker 1 (31:15):
He's.

Speaker 4 (31:15):
Not present here, so we just want to.

Speaker 8 (31:17):
Yeah, he found an excuse not to come on the
pod today. is he's housing some significant demons. What happened
is he came in, had a chat to you, but
in mid-conversation, he browned out completely. And this is where
things get a bit blurry. He claims that it was amicable. However,
bystanders claim it was the clear case of a Wasted
Waz fan wounding a former kangaroo about his run-in with

(31:39):
David Kidwell.

Speaker 1 (31:40):
I remember it.

Speaker 4 (31:41):
Can you recall any of this? Yeah. You're so stupid.
I was just like, mate. I actually think that... Like it's, it's, it's,
I got like trauma about it or something like that.
Or it's the masses 20 years ago.

Speaker 3 (31:53):
I saw Kitty in a cafe two weeks ago, got up, embraced,
gave a mad hug.

Speaker 4 (31:58):
What's going on?

Speaker 1 (31:59):
Life goes on, but it doesn't go on for some people.
It was such an iconic thing.

Speaker 4 (32:04):
Right. And I tried to explain to him what happened
and he's like, he had his own little perception. So
you can't really argue with idiots.

Speaker 6 (32:11):
Is there any message you'd like to send to him
that we can pass on? Of course he didn't have,
I didn't have the gall to come on and show face.
So is there any message you'd like to pass on
to me?

Speaker 4 (32:18):
It's all right.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
I can talk to anyone.

Speaker 4 (32:21):
As long as it's like an amicable, decent conversation, mate.
Don't just have one on your side and you can't
understand my side. I actually played the game and got hit.
You didn't. So obviously there we've got the agenda podcast.
ACC here, G-Lane, talking about Willie Mason. And we have

(32:41):
Willie Mason now on the line who joins us. Morning, Willie.

Speaker 7 (32:46):
Hey, can I just say, that was very heavily edited,
that ad out. You know, I mean, look, you didn't
get the full whack of that interview, so you would
have got another side of it. But, hey, I thought
Willie was pretty good about it, actually. At the end
of it, he offered to break bread with Minaya before
the grand final in Sydney. He said, let's meet up,

(33:06):
we'll break bread. You know, I'm happy to move on.
It's just where the Minaya is, really.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
Well, this is the interesting part, G-Lone, is... My two
bits of feedback on that piece of audio were, one was,
you described me as 5'10. I'm 6'. Okay, so let's
start there. The second thing is, like Willie said, that
David Kidwell hit happened 20 years ago. I have no
memory of that. Was that in like 2004 or something?

(33:33):
How could I have gone up to him and reminded
him of something that I didn't have? So what I
think has happened.

Speaker 7 (33:37):
Is someone else. When you say you had no memory
of that hit 20 years ago, you have no memory
of that night.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
No, and somehow you do, despite the fact that it
was only me and Willie that were there. What are
your sources, and how do you answer allegations that it's
just whatever Joel Harrison put into the group chat the
day after?

Speaker 4 (33:55):
Hey, listen, listen.

Speaker 7 (33:58):
One of the most credible sources... that we could find
was the other protagonist in this confrontation, and that was
one big Willie Mason.

Speaker 1 (34:04):
Who has a memory of some wounder having a crack
at him about David Kidwell, and you've now told him,
it was me, and so now I.

Speaker 7 (34:12):
He identified you, he was like, yeah, I remember him, yeah,
bloody Mary.

Speaker 4 (34:16):
It could have been anyone. It could have been anyone.

Speaker 7 (34:19):
Could have been anyone. You keep telling yourself that. You
keep telling yourself that. We gave you the opportunity to
put it to bed.

Speaker 4 (34:26):
I did.

Speaker 1 (34:27):
I did. And then you keep running. So what happened
was I immediately couldn't remember what I'd said to him.
I went over to G-Lane afterwards. I was like, oh, God.
I was way too wasted to be talking to Willie Mason.
His podcast producer came over and grabbed me and said,
do you want to come and meet Willie Mason? I
was like, I'm too drunk. They took me over there anyway.
And then I was like, I left the conversation. I
was like, way too drunk. By the next day, it

(34:49):
was Pantsman said, oh, he hit him up about the
David Kidwell thing. The day after, G-Lone said, oh, he
challenged him to a run at straight. The day after that,
they had a full-on bust up.

Speaker 4 (34:59):
At the thing.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
And now, Lone, when I was at the pub the
other weekend, this guy comes up, taps me on the
shoulder and goes, hey, Willie Mason's out in the car
park and he's looking for you. I'm looking over my
shoulder everywhere I go.

Speaker 7 (35:12):
There's only one way to solve this, and that is
go to Sydney outside a course stadium before the grand
final and run it straight at Willie Mason.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
It's the only way.

Speaker 7 (35:19):
It's the only way you can put this to bed.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
Why are you running this campaign against me today?

Speaker 4 (35:24):
I'll tell you what. The valuable lesson here is always
be careful who you talk to after you've had a
couple of drinks.

Speaker 1 (35:30):
Yeah, don't talk to Lane.

Speaker 4 (35:31):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Time to play It's Academic.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Give us a call now. 0800 HODAKI.

Speaker 4 (35:36):
0800 428 725. If you want to play, you'll just
need to answer three questions correct out of five to
win a $ 100 Bunnings voucher and get your school on
much vaunted its academic roll of honour.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
Let's go to the phone lines where we find Ricky,
who is an entire wedding event venue in Tauranga. Good morning, Ricky.

Speaker 4 (36:01):
How are you going?

Speaker 5 (36:03):
Hey, how are you going?

Speaker 1 (36:05):
Good, thank you, Ricky. What high school will you be
representing this morning?

Speaker 5 (36:10):
Lindisfarne College in Hastings.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
Lindisfarne College I've heard of that is that a pretty
big school?

Speaker 5 (36:15):
I think there's about 400 people when I was there
maybe Tane Randall, John Temu and Izzy Dan.

Speaker 4 (36:24):
Would be out I remember playing Lindisfarne College in cricket
a couple of times.

Speaker 5 (36:31):
Yeah yeah yeah we used to play St Paul's right?

Speaker 1 (36:37):
Yes, St Paul's. How'd you go?

Speaker 4 (36:40):
We won.

Speaker 1 (36:43):
Classic revisionist history.

Speaker 4 (36:47):
Thresh them.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
You understand how this works, Ricky? Five questions, get three right,
you win yourself a $ 100 Bunnings voucher. It's as easy
as that.

Speaker 7 (36:55):
Yep, beauty.

Speaker 4 (36:56):
All right, Ricky, question number one for you. The $ 100
Bunnings voucher.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
Which actor played Wolverine.

Speaker 4 (37:03):
In the X-Men film Hugh Jackman. Correct. In which year
did New Zealand win the America's Cup for the first time? 96? No,
it was 95. Name one of the captains of the
New Zealand Warriors.

Speaker 5 (37:22):
James Roger Harris.

Speaker 4 (37:26):
Correct. One more to go. How many degrees are there
in a circle?

Speaker 5 (37:30):
360.

Speaker 4 (37:32):
He's done it. Too easy for Ricky. And that's what
happens when you run wedding events. You know everything. You
see it all, Ricky. That's what happens. Congratulations. $ 100 worth
of Bunnings vouchers heading your way.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
Thanks, guys. Actually, while we've got you, Ricky, anyone that's
planning a wedding right now, what would your number one
piece of advice be?

Speaker 5 (37:57):
Number one bit of advice? Book your caterer in early.
They always book up early.

Speaker 4 (38:04):
What's early?

Speaker 1 (38:05):
What's early? How early are we talking?

Speaker 5 (38:09):
Five months.

Speaker 4 (38:11):
Five months?

Speaker 1 (38:12):
I have left it too late.

Speaker 6 (38:14):
Jeez.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
I have left it too late, Ricky.

Speaker 5 (38:18):
You'll be all right.

Speaker 4 (38:19):
Do we need to connect you guys? I think we
need to connect you and Ricky off air.

Speaker 5 (38:22):
Mate, I have a chat off air. All right. Yeah,
there's a huge thing you can do, mate. Save some money.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
Easy.

Speaker 4 (38:29):
Okay. I think there needs to be some advice offered
to Manaya there. Good on you, Ricky. Thanks for playing.

Speaker 5 (38:34):
Thanks, guys.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
See you later.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
I am playing in a soccer this weekend. It's the
first ever soccer that I've ever played. First proper game.
I've kicked the ball around a couple of times before,
but I need a few tips. We were talking about
this a little earlier on. It is a charity game
for the Multiple Sclerosis Foundation, which shares its initials with me.
So I felt like the least I could do was
do it. Lady Raewyn and Sir Ted Henry. Yes. gonna

(39:04):
say yes graham they are they're the coaches um do
they know much about football more than i do and
so i came to you cap in hand guys as
the as the foremost experts on the round ball in
new zealand.

Speaker 4 (39:21):
And when you say foremost experts i played one season
when i was 10 yes zoe was semi-professional zoe nearly
made the Bundesliga.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
The Bundesliga?

Speaker 4 (39:29):
The women's Bundesliga.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
The Bundesliga.

Speaker 4 (39:33):
The Frau Bundesliga. The Frau line.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
So I came to you guys cap in hand, and you,
the listener at home. I know we've got a big
round ball component of our listenership. So any tips? Any
tips for a first-timer? My key points of emphasis are
where do I hide? Is there one tip that you
could give me that, you know, like in basketball, the

(40:00):
trick is you can look like you know what you're doing,
but as soon as you catch it, just pass it
to someone else and then run somewhere else, and it
looks like, oh, he's active, he's trying to move the
ball around, but actually you're hiding.

Speaker 6 (40:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
So how do you do that in soccer?

Speaker 4 (40:11):
Well, what you do, you do a similar thing, really.
When you get the ball … You trap the ball
and then you try to pass the ball, essentially, into
space to create some space. Work out who the good
players are and connect up with the good players. And
that way, I mean, that's the whole idea of the game.
What you shouldn't do is don't do a six-year-old football

(40:34):
thing and bunch around the ball. Like the bunching around
the ball– Don't follow the ball around. Hey, don't worry.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
I won't be following the ball at all. I am
trying to stay as far away from this ball as possible.

Speaker 4 (40:46):
I think we also need to make sure that you're
kitted out right.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
Yep.

Speaker 4 (40:50):
Training's one thing, and I think we should get to
that later. But I think you've got to have your
kit right. Yep. Look good. Feel good. Feel good. Play good.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
Play good. They pay good. Yeah, I don't think you're
getting paid.

Speaker 4 (41:03):
But this is a charity game.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
I think you're paying them for the privilege.

Speaker 4 (41:05):
Which is very unusual.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
It's a charitable donation. I'll write it off on my
tax thing.

Speaker 4 (41:10):
So I think footwear is crucial in this situation because,
of course, you have had that schnafu on the Titirangi
golf course where you wore the wrong footwear and then
attempted to walk down a steep bank, I would say,
just a slight gradient. Slight gradient. Slipped. Made a real
meal of it. Ended up with your clubs flying everywhere.

(41:30):
You ended up with a wet ass.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
Legs akimbo.

Speaker 4 (41:33):
Yeah. And also, a whole lot of, basically, you may
have created a huge divot as well, which people on
the course have said that you didn't replace. Didn't they?

Speaker 1 (41:42):
Well, I thought they filled it in with sand. It's
now part of the course.

Speaker 4 (41:45):
Bunker. Created a bunker. So, yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
So, I've come to you guys in the studio and
you guys at home. Cap in hand, any tips? Any
tips from the Socorati out there?

Speaker 8 (41:55):
I reckon if you've got one dribbling move that you
can just repeat throughout the whole game, sort of like
a fake left and go right.

Speaker 4 (42:03):
Oh, okay. A joke. Zoe, you are aiming way too
high here for Manoa. A dribbling move. Let's hear her out.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
What kind of dribbling moves are there? What could I do?
Can I do that one where I flick it over
my own head and then over the defender as well?
I don't know.

Speaker 6 (42:16):
Can you?

Speaker 4 (42:17):
No.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
How hard could it be?

Speaker 4 (42:18):
I can do it.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
I've got two feet.

Speaker 4 (42:21):
Let's start at the beginning, trap the ball and kick it.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
Oh, here's a good point from Kyle on 3483. Don't
forget your shin pads. I don't have shin pads.

Speaker 4 (42:29):
No, you'll be all right. Will I? Yeah, a couple
of National Geographic's put them down the front of your socks.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Nat Geo's?

Speaker 2 (42:34):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (42:34):
Aren't they more of an upstairs thing?

Speaker 4 (42:39):
I think the footwear's crucial. Once you've got that sorted,
I think the rest of it should fall into place.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
Jerry and Minaya. The Hauraki Breakfast. Jeremy Wells and Minaya Stewart.
Find them on Instagram at Hauraki Breakfast.

Speaker 4 (42:54):
Minaya's playing in a charity football game in the weekend.
His first ever football game. He knows nothing about football.
I'm going to say nothing. I mean, I'm surprised how
little you actually know. But then again, they don't play,
I guess, in South Canterbury.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
Well, evidently they do because somebody texted through before and
said that the South Canterbury team actually won the Southern competition.

Speaker 4 (43:15):
So. Or is it just one team?

Speaker 1 (43:17):
Apparently they do, and they went really well, which tells
me it's in my blood. It's in my nature.

Speaker 4 (43:23):
It might be like the Harlem Globetrotters, but of the
South Island. They just go around and play against themselves
and just.

Speaker 1 (43:29):
Whoop the Washington Ambrose. No, that sounds to me like
it's just going to come naturally to me, I think.

Speaker 4 (43:35):
Yeah, it's not really a game that you kind of
just go out and it's not, you know, you can't
just fire yourself up and then just charge up the guts.
It's not that sort of game.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
Well, great, because that's not my kind of game anyway.
Text through from Mark Brown. I see you as a
defensive player, Minaya, in the first minute, going with a
two-foot-up slide tackle, chopping the opposition player and getting them
sent off. Problem solved. Pete writes, warm-up, dynamic stretch, groin, hammy,
and calves. Else you're going to go ping. Yeah, you're just.

Speaker 4 (44:07):
Getting to that age, 35, where you think you're still
a kid. But you're not. And you do have to–
it's exactly the type of age where.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
Your– I live in constant fear of an Achilles.

Speaker 4 (44:18):
Body belies your brain in that situation.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
I think my brain's on the same page as my body,
if I'm honest.

Speaker 4 (44:23):
Okay, that's good. I see that. I've just gone onto
the website here. I couldn't spell sclerosis. Very hard word
to spell. Battle of the Boats, 2026. It's at the
Birkenhead United football ground. Why are you telling everyone about this?
So people can come along and watch. Because I think
it would be good to get as much support along
there as possible. Shepherds Park, Birkenhead. I mean, it's free entry,

(44:48):
but you can sponsor players.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Yeah, go on then.

Speaker 4 (44:52):
You can sponsor a player.

Speaker 1 (44:54):
You can sponsor a player.

Speaker 4 (44:55):
Yeah, you can sponsor a player.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
Yeah, go on then.

Speaker 4 (44:59):
Should I sponsor you? Geez, you've gone.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Quiet all of a sudden. You were real keen on
someone sponsoring a player.

Speaker 4 (45:06):
Well, I just thought that I could sponsor Jono Pryor
as well.

Speaker 1 (45:09):
You don't want to be associated with that.

Speaker 4 (45:11):
Or Bree Thomasel.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
She could be quite good.

Speaker 4 (45:13):
She's actually, she is good. She's played semi-proff. Yeah, right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:21):
Right.

Speaker 4 (45:21):
And yeah, I'm just looking. Activities, kids, games, food and drink,
community stores and a post-match fundraising auction. Good stuff.

Speaker 7 (45:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
Should I get back to the text? Somebody's come through
and said, when you're playing, you don't actually have to
do anything. You can just hang back and occasionally yell
and it'll look like you know what you're doing.

Speaker 4 (45:37):
Yeah, that's good. And the other thing is I think
we need to work on, I've just got my own
checklist going here. I think. Apparel is crucial, and I
think if you could wear a football credibility headband, I
think that will give you immediate credibility as soon as
you walk onto the field. In terms of the defence,

(45:57):
the attack will stay away from you. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
Not going to zero in on me, I think.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
Yeah. And if you just can slightly avoid actually ever
getting the ball, which you can do in football.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
That's what I'm looking for. I don't want to see
that thing anywhere near me.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
Have you got a goal celebration?

Speaker 1 (46:13):
Snort the line. Do you think he's going to score a... Yeah,
I can't see that being an issue. On the list
of problems I'm foreseeing this weekend, not being prepared for
a goal that I've scored is pretty bloody low.

Speaker 8 (46:26):
You never know, you might be the player that they
tell the other players that.

Speaker 4 (46:29):
You know are warning about. Yeah. I mean, have you
contemplated the idea that there is an open goal situation
and you've got a shot at it and then someone
butchering that? I mean, have you contemplated that scenario?

Speaker 1 (46:41):
I haven't contemplated that specific scenario, but they do say...
about the bicycle kick, that you only get one chance.
And if it's presented to me this Sunday, I will
be taking it. I will be taking it.

Speaker 4 (46:55):
We've got to get cameras to the sky. Because imagine
if that happened, Manai, and we weren't there to document it. Yeah. Birkenhead, hey.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
I feel no fear that either of you are going
to arrange for a camera to be there. How's that
Wikipedia page going?

Speaker 4 (47:11):
Shepard's Park, that's the spot.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
Someone else said, just remember, shoulder charge is legal. Mania
should offer to be the keeper and just pray and
pray and praise on the good team and never sees
the ball.

Speaker 4 (47:20):
That's the other thing, you could get a red card
early in the game, Mania, that would be quite a
good option. Have you thought about that?

Speaker 1 (47:26):
What constitutes a red card?

Speaker 4 (47:28):
Yeah, just a tackle. Just tackle someone without the ball.
Shoulder charge.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
Shane sticks in and just called me fat.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
So I get it.

Speaker 4 (47:40):
So yesterday, team, I had confirmation that, contrary to popular opinion,
trust and chivalry still exist in our community.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
A man held a door open for you? Did he
push your seat in when you sat down for dinner?

Speaker 4 (47:59):
No, it occurred on a golf course. And I was
playing with Marilyn and Carolyn, the 80-year-olds that I play
with most weeks. Yep. At TITS, the golf course that
I play. Excuse me? TITS. I play at TITS.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
Do they ask you about Hillsbares?

Speaker 4 (48:20):
There's oftentimes conversations about Hillsbares. Where's Hilary? She seems to
be away a lot. That one? No, she's there most
of the time. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 (48:27):
I love that one.

Speaker 4 (48:28):
She's fine, though. She's well. Yeah, she's well.

Speaker 1 (48:31):
Whenever people see you, particularly the older female audience of
Seven Sharp, whenever they see you out in the wild,
their first question is always, where's Hilary? As if you
two are just wandering around the streets together.

Speaker 4 (48:43):
Well, both Marilyn and Carolyn were concerned yesterday because both
of them said something quite untoward happened last night on
Seven Sharp. And it was good that Hilary mentioned it
at the end of the show because there was a
wardrobe malfunction yesterday. I'm not sure if you guys are
across this. This is a side issue. This has got
nothing to do with chivalry in the community. But there

(49:04):
was a wardrobe malfunction. And it turns out that Hillary
was exposing a little bit more of herself than she
thought she would. And a few viewers picked up on it.
And interesting, no one in the control room had picked
up on it. I hadn't certainly been looking down. there
down there down there yep there was uh there was

(49:24):
a couple of buttons that were left undone on a
on a blouse oh and she deployed the puku it
was she was she was um yeah she was exposing
her her um her midsection right a sign of great
respect in some cultures well i And interestingly, the ratings
went up. A bonanza? Yeah, it doesn't take much for

(49:45):
the old 7 o'clock audience to get a little bit excited. Normally,
of course, she's exposed as a bit of shoulder, and
that gets a lot of the middle-aged women upset. But
this one.

Speaker 1 (49:53):
Was actually males.

Speaker 4 (49:55):
Oh, was it?

Speaker 1 (49:56):
So what about when she deploys the news cleave, and
then all of a sudden the inbox at TVNZ is
aflame with complaints? Is that still going on?

Speaker 4 (50:05):
It still happens.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
Oh, my God.

Speaker 5 (50:06):
I know.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
It's remarkable. It's remarkable. So anyway, I'm playing with Marilyn
and Carolyn, the 80-year-olds that I play with every week.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
I know them well by this stage.

Speaker 4 (50:14):
Yeah, Marilyn and Carolyn, and very fast players. They don't count.
They just walk around. Lovely people. And there was this
young gentleman. When I say young, he's probably in his 50s.
Looked like maybe he was part of the unhoused community.
Maybe looked like he had recently been incarcerated and had

(50:35):
been released. Okay. Had that kind of vibe.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
What was it? A hoodie?

Speaker 4 (50:40):
It was his clothes. He was wearing a hoodie? He
was wearing a hoodie, had the hoodie up. Also tats.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
On his hands?

Speaker 4 (50:47):
Yep. Particular types of tats that look like they've been
done by friends rather than professionally. Anyway.

Speaker 6 (50:54):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (50:55):
This gentleman came up, approached me, and I thought, oh,
this is going to be interesting. It's not often you
see members of the unhoused community on a golf course.

Speaker 1 (51:03):
But they're welcome.

Speaker 2 (51:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (51:05):
Well, not really.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
Is that why your golf course has a fence around
the front of it?

Speaker 4 (51:09):
Yeah, it's got a fence around it. We can't have
people just wandering through. You'll get hit by a golf ball.
It's a health and safety issue. So the guy comes
up to me, and I thought, oh, what's he got there?
He's got a couple of bags of golf balls. And
he said to me, anyone interested in buying some golf balls?
And I said, oh, yes, I certainly, I go through
a lot of golf balls, lose a lot of golf balls.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
I was going to say, we have a tough round.

Speaker 4 (51:28):
I was actually running low.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (51:30):
And they're bloody expensive golf balls. And he said, oh,
there's some really good ones in here. There's Pro Vs
and they're in good condition. And I had a little
look and I was like, oh, they are good. Yeah,
I'd love to. There were two shopping bags full of
golf balls. Like, I don't know how many, maybe 60.

Speaker 1 (51:45):
Reusable shopping bags or plastic?

Speaker 4 (51:48):
Plastic. Old school.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
And so- How many are we talking?

Speaker 4 (51:52):
I reckon we're talking, I don't know, 60?

Speaker 1 (51:55):
In each bag.

Speaker 4 (51:58):
Oh, 30 in each bag, maybe two bags? Quite a few.
And so I was like, oh, yes, please. That'd be great.
And then, oh, sorry, I've actually got no cash. This
is not going to work. And he goes, oh, you
can bank transfer if you want. And I said, okay.
And then he got his phone out and he goes, oh,
my phone's not really working properly. He goes, but what's
your phone number? And I'll send you my- He goes, oh,

(52:21):
you've got to probably keep playing. You guys have got
to keep going. And I said, yeah, we probably do.
And I thought, oh, it's a bit of a pity.
And then he goes, oh, no, no, look, I'll text you.
Give me your number. I'll write it down, and then
I'll text you, and then you can bank transfer me.
I mean, a lot of trust involved in this.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
He's giving a stranger his bank account details.

Speaker 4 (52:41):
Not only that, but he's also given me the golf balls. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
So you cleaned them out.

Speaker 4 (52:46):
I said, yep, I'll take all of them. And so
I took all of them, chucked them in the golf bag. Jeez,
the golf bag was heavy after that. I only just
had enough space for them.

Speaker 1 (52:53):
What did he charge you for 60 golf balls?

Speaker 4 (52:55):
30 bucks.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
Oh dear. He has massively undersold himself there.

Speaker 4 (53:00):
Well, yes. But the other thing was the trust. And
then so I finished my round of golf and then
I ended up, he'd text me by that stage with
his bank details. Turns out they were the wrong bank details.
So I had to go back and go back and
tell him that they're the wrong bank details. But then
I put a bit of interest on the top of
it because I thought $ 30 is not enough, really.

Speaker 1 (53:21):
I mean, generally about $ 1 to $ 2 a ball.

Speaker 4 (53:25):
I would have thought so.

Speaker 1 (53:26):
So he could have charged you $ 120 and you probably
would have paid it.

Speaker 4 (53:29):
I would have thought so. And the other thing for
me in this situation was he had trusted me and
then given me a good deal. And so I thought,
you know what, I'll pay back that by doubling how
much I'd suggested. So I gave him $ 60.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
$ 60.

Speaker 4 (53:44):
And I mean, I could have possibly given him more.
And then it turns out that the bank things are right.
And then I paid him the money. And then he
came back and said, if you need any more golf balls,
please get in touch. In fact, what's your home address?

Speaker 1 (53:55):
I'll come around.

Speaker 4 (53:55):
And now he's saved in my phone as golf ball, dude.
I saw yesterday you and Tony Lyle on a podcast.
And I'm scared that you are poking the tiger here
because it seems that you are rage baiting South African
rugby fans.

Speaker 1 (54:15):
Didn't think we were. We were just having a yarn
about the game. But evidently, like we've discovered on this show,
South African rugby fans are the Indian cricket fans of
the rugby world. And if you mention them, particularly if
you mention a scrum, it goes viral in South Africa.

Speaker 4 (54:32):
Well, let's have a listen to the clip in question.

Speaker 6 (54:34):
I think that's where the springboks are going. We're looking
to get clean ball out the back. The Springboks are
looking to get a penalty, and I think that's the difference.

Speaker 4 (54:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (54:41):
Where they're not even, they don't want to get it
out the back.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
No.

Speaker 6 (54:44):
They're not wanting to use the scrum for what it's for.
They want to use it as like a, they're almost
using it like they're double dipping chips and dip. Where
we're trying to dip the chip into the dip and
then eat the chip and dip.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
Yeah, yeah. That's exactly, they're playing for an error.

Speaker 4 (54:58):
Yeah, they're playing for the error.

Speaker 6 (54:59):
They're dipping the chip, sucking the dip off and then
re-dipping the chip.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
That's their whole game plan has basically been contestable kick,
try and manufacture a knock on, get ourselves a scrum,
win a scrum penalty, kick it into the corner, roll
over and score a try. That's basically their whole. And
roll over they did.

Speaker 6 (55:12):
There was one point where they rolled over and I
haven't seen this probably since that killer bees year, was
a rolling maul that was scored under the posts from
a line out.

Speaker 4 (55:22):
Pandemonium. So, South African rugby fans. Oh, boy. Furious.

Speaker 2 (55:28):
Oh.

Speaker 4 (55:29):
You better never go to the Republic, Maniah Stewart, because
I tell you what, they will have your name at
passport control, and there will be an angry mob ready
to take you away to Pretoria.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
Yeah, I don't even really particularly know what I said there.
Is that not their strategy? Try and get a knock-on,
win a scrum?

Speaker 2 (55:49):
What?

Speaker 1 (55:49):
What was the particularly inflammatory part of that? I don't really.

Speaker 4 (55:53):
No, I think that's exactly what their tactics are.

Speaker 1 (55:55):
Yeah, but there's something that happens where you mention South Africa.
In fact, if we wanted to game the system, we
could probably clip this break and put it up on
socials as well. Remember, because we did this last year
where we talked about the... We got the pitchforks out,
whose fault was it that the All Blacks lost. That
one got about a million views and another thousand comments

(56:15):
in there. Then we talked about the flyover. I mean,
you just mentioned South Africa and rugby. I think there's
something in it. Maybe we should just go full. If,
God forbid, we lose the bolt on in Baltimore this weekend,
do we just come in on Monday and just make
the greatest bit of clickbait fake outrage that you've ever
seen in your life?

Speaker 4 (56:34):
I think we could make a huge amount of money
online from it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
How do we monetize it?

Speaker 4 (56:38):
Should we try it? Should we try it on Monday?

Speaker 1 (56:39):
Let's have a crack on Monday.

Speaker 4 (56:40):
Okay. So the worst possible things we can about South
African rugby.

Speaker 7 (56:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (56:44):
And then just see how many views we can get.

Speaker 1 (56:48):
What do you reckon? I reckon somewhere in the realm
of one to two mil, I reckon we can get.

Speaker 4 (56:52):
Okay. Let's aim for it on Monday. You guys would
have seen a bit of Australian news over the years.
There's a particular style that Australian news readers and journalists have,
which is totally different than New Zealand journalists.

Speaker 1 (57:10):
I've noticed this, yes.

Speaker 4 (57:12):
In Australia, they... They speak in a way that is
so unlike how people actually speak in real life. It's
like they pronounce every single word on its own.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
It's like the emphasis is on every single syllable.

Speaker 4 (57:26):
Yeah. Like if they were to read a sports headline,
for example, they'd say, the Kiwis have named a 40-man
training squad for the upcoming League World Cup, staged mostly
in Australia. So it's like, you'd normally say the Kiwis

(57:47):
have named a 40-man training. You read it as you'd
say it, but they are literally saying every word on
its own with completely different intonation going. It's almost syllable
for syllable.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
You think that we kind of do that a little
bit to a degree, our journalists here in New Zealand,
until you go over there. Because I always think that
whenever I, there is a news accent that they do,
and you're like, hey, You wouldn't talk to another human
being like that. So why do we all of a
sudden do that on the news? Then you go to
Australia and you're like, are they taking the mick here? Like,

(58:19):
is this for real?

Speaker 4 (58:21):
Well, it turns out that other people have gotten onto
it as well because the other day I was scrolling
through Insta and I came across a young man who's
doing impersonations of Australian newscasters. Have a listen to this.

Speaker 7 (58:37):
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and
they're like, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better
than yours.

Speaker 1 (58:47):
I could teach you, but I have to charge.

Speaker 4 (58:50):
That is the best impersonation of an Australian journalist I
have ever heard.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
That is exactly what they sound like. When we went
over there earlier this year and whenever I'm overseas and
the overseas, I like to put on the local breakfast show.
Just to get a feel. And that's exactly. Don't just
be talking normally like this. And now we're going to
cross out to bloody. alice who's out at a you
know whatever turtle farm well well thanks very much for
crossing to me as you can see behind me the

(59:20):
turtles are going well i don't know what that is
do they get They must get taught that because I
know someone who moved over to Australia and she got
a job on TV and all of a sudden she
was doing it too.

Speaker 4 (59:33):
I think what happens is people do impersonations of people
and then if everyone was impersonating one person, then now
they are all impersonating the same person ultimately because it
all goes back to the original person.

Speaker 1 (59:51):
And so then do you think that it gets thicker
and thicker because the impersonation you're doing is of someone
else doing an impersonation of an impersonation of an impersonation
of an impersonation. Okay, well, let me just try. Should
we read a script and see if we can do
it on the Australian internet?

Speaker 4 (01:00:11):
Have you got one?

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
Have you got one there? 9-11, which is tomorrow, by
the way, news story. I reckon I can do this.

Speaker 4 (01:00:22):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
Classic of Trump one pops up. Donald Trump often brings
up September 11 and the devastating Al-Qaeda attack that struck
his hometown, New York City, almost 25 years ago. His
recollections of that day have repeatedly included exaggerations and falsehoods,
including this week when he shared an anecdote at a

(01:00:46):
White House event commemorating the attacks that appears to be untrue.

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