February 10, 2026 • 18 mins
Today on the pod, we talk to friend of the show Guy Williams.
What's he been up to in Western Australia?
PS: You can see Guy Williams at the 2026 Best Foods Comedy Gala, on Friday 1 May at the Kiri Te Kanawa Theatre, Auckland and Saturday 2 May at the Opera House, Wellington and Sunday 3 May at the Christchurch Town Hall. Tickets on sale now at comedyfestival.co.nz
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Daily bespoke content that you won't find on the radio
show The Dark Breakfast Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
So we're just recording now, yeah, yeah, are we actually recording?
So it'll play a little bit of it bad damn
jerrym and blah blah blah. And then.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Check one too. Is this working?
Speaker 4 (00:20):
Hello? Just back of a little bit?
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Hello, Hello, Hello, I could tune you up, Jerry about
that first link out there? Is that working? Can hear me?
I'll tell you this. Turn Guy Williams down, he talks that.
Speaker 5 (00:32):
Good morning, Welcome, Guy Walliams is on the podcast today.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Nice to be here, Good to have you here. Man.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
What time do you call this?
Speaker 4 (00:41):
I call this? I was in Perth and now my
body clocks stuff.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
That's a brutal flight.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
My career has been going bad, and now I'm working
in the mines.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Yeah, little five fi action and just in between the gigs?
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Is it between the gigs? You know how it is?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
If we see you with a full sleeve tattoo and
Bali knicks you, no, we'll know exactly what's on.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
Let me tell you that. Let me ask you this
about the about the FIFO culture, about the Perth guy.
I mean, I've lived a privileged life of leisure for
most of my life, So I don't. I don't relate
to the working class like you guys do. Here. You
guys are down in the com wines every day, probably
doing some fox. He's heading out chocolate bars.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Oh we've been there, don't that's such? Yeah, we've been there.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
What's up with the photo realistic tattoos of celebrities?
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Yeah, yeah, it's a cultural It is a cultural phenomenon.
I know what you're talking about it. No, I don't
have it. No, but my family live in Kalgoli, which
is six hours in land from Perth.
Speaker 4 (01:35):
Beautiful.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
I've got family with various times lived in Perth, so
I'm familiar with the lifestyle.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
And you've got to think about who are their cultural icons.
Who do these people look up to? They look up
to NRL players and NRL players, they get photo realistic
tattoos of people's faces.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
So it's a trickle down fashion.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
That's so. For example, Adam Reynolds, who's plays for the Broncos,
he has a full thigh tattoo of post Malone's face
on his thighs. Makes sense and that, Yeah, and then
it's trickled down economics from there.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
And that's a dangerous game because post Malone is like
I would say, like, I mean, he's past his prime now,
but he's still alive, yes, and could at any time
become you know, get canceled. Yeah, was a huge Cagno fan.
I mean, he's come back now, but he went full
Nazi here for a while. I don't have his picture
on my arm.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
That's the equivalent of you know, people named their daughter
Kalisi before the last season of Game of Thrones came out.
It's exactly that same sort of thing. I feel like
post Malone might have been in the Epstein files.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
I was looking for Jerry's name and then was, well,
what about Paul Holmes's daughter?
Speaker 5 (02:45):
Is she's got a photo realistic picture of Paul Holmes
on her thigh?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Wow? Wow, Now, well that's quite intense.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
That's a very intense, especially if.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
Paul Holmes fan, you know b fan back in the day,
and then you.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
She would have met him though, you know what I mean, Like,
whereas having post Malone or Kanne on you, at least
she was someone.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Who has deceased, because yeah, if you go with someone
who's still alive, they can still red. But so I'd say,
if you are going to get a photo realistic person, yes,
go with someone who has passed, and that way their
legacy is kind of locked in as far as we know.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
You'd want to be certain, wouldn't you.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
You'll be certain it's all good. But also just I
reckon real life people as well, like NRL stars or
whatever is a bit better than like heath Lys Joker,
and I love I love that movie. Don't get me wrong.
It's a great movie of the Dark Knight. But Heathley
just there's a few two mini out there in New Zealand.
I think we need to come back on the heath
lygious jokers.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
I have seen a few of those. Yeah. So Dian
under tells a great story of he was over I
think either in Australia or Balley. There's an NRL player
whose name is Todd Carney.
Speaker 6 (03:55):
Yeah you engined, well remember him? But he the one
who pioneered bubbling, the bubblin, the bubbler, the bubbler Pineyer.
Now he's got a tattoo of his dad's name on
his throat. Wow, his dad's name is Darryl.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
And Die tells this great story of meeting a guy
coming up to him saying, hey mate, mess a fan.
You know how the Warrior is going to go this
year whatever? And he noticed that he this guy there's
random punder that character Diet also had Darryl tattooed on
his throat and he's like, is your dad's name Daryl?
Is that nut just Big Todd?
Speaker 4 (04:24):
CARN'TI there?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
So he got Darryl tattooed on his throat? Yeah, yeah,
it seems like a wacky radio stunt, doesn't it in
the throat test genuinely does. So you've been over in
Western Australia.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Guy, I've been Perth? Yeah, Perth. Did you go over
to Rotto? I actually went to Rott Oh yeah yeah nice,
just see the kepper Burrows. Yeah, I I well you
got it's not quackers, you know. That's that's good. That's
a good effort for a deep cut of Wistern. Australian note,
because not many people even know that Perth exists, let
(04:58):
alone about the Quackers.
Speaker 5 (04:59):
I only know I have all of my Perth knowledge
from the nineteen eighty seven America's Cup Challenge, So everything
I know about the Freemantle doctor. Yeah, the title Relief
had a Freemantle. I know about the Quakers, although I
was confused with Kappa Baros and that that doctor.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Did the doctor come in about three thirty as.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Doctor the way to describe the wind.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Yeah, yeah, mantal doc comes in off the Indian Ocean.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
And then I had some Kiwi fan friends fans I
now call my friends fan shout to Charlotte Hobson. She said,
that's why they're called the Freemantle Dockers, this AFL team.
That's not what. No, they call the Fremantle doctors for
people who work on the docks, not because of the
light wind that comes in ah Okay.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Which is called the doctor. So they'd be called the
Freemantle doctors. If they were named they would they.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Would be called that. But Mania, it's interesting. It's interesting
the Quakers, the Quakers. You bring that up because it
was it was funny but weirdly traumatic at the same time.
And I thought, rottenest right, this tourist attraction, right, which
they tell you when you land in Perth. Can I
say it's a ten out of ten. It's one of
(06:09):
the best places I've been in my life.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Rotteney Asylan. Right, it's got beautiful beaches, beautiful quakers. They
genuinely are like, so the most amazing creature because you
can do selfies with it. It's like comes right up
to you.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
They smile.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Yeah, but sharky. That's sharky. But it's also very Whaley.
It's on the Humpback Highway.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
So wait, Whaley doesn't outweigh the sharkiness.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Well, don't they repel, wouldn't they repel some of the sharks.
They attrack themtrack the shark.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
I think they live in I think they coexist right
as part of the marine environment. I think they co exist.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Perth people before they go into the water, they actually
look up a shark app which I assume they had
like tracking devices on these sharks. No, it's just some
bastard and a helicopter flying up and down his human eyes. Yeah,
and then he logs on this shitty app and that
that is what keeps them safe. And they're stay away
from that beach because there's shark. There's a shark there
(07:05):
right now.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
That's real sharky tiger sharks or something out there.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
They're not good ones.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
And do you know what's funny, Yeah, the bad bad sharks,
bad sharks. This is what's funny though, is that they
built a shark net And I'm like, great, the shark
problem is solved. We swimming in the lake, the sharks
from outside the lake. The sharknit is dangerous the sharks.
So they're getting rid of.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
The shark nets. On the shark gets stuck in it.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
Yeah, I'm not normally a political creakness gone mad sort
of guys, political freakness gone mad.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
That is the point of the sharknit. Yeah, and from
time to time somehow shark gets inside the net and
is now stuck in there.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
Worth you. But apparently they've moved on to some sort
of like electromagnetic ways of repelling the sharks now. But yeah,
they're quite sharky.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
That makes more sense to me, that does.
Speaker 5 (07:51):
It's quite sharknick focused Australia. Like the big sharknit is
quite a big industry in Australia. They got them all
up the oldie as well. I mean they don't seem
to stop any sharks. The other thing there is they
kill other fish of course, get caught in the bloody nets. Yeah,
that's right, so that they're a net. I mean it
stops it kills fish.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
But why does it? Why? Why why does sharks attack
in Australia and not in New Zealand because we were sharks.
That's a great point. Southland Sharks NBL team up.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
The Southland Sharks.
Speaker 5 (08:20):
Yeah, muckl I think just more like New Zealanders, and
I think the sharks have there are more like Australians. Yeah,
an early thing for the sharks Australia is a brutal
how to go for the jugular. We can't really be bothered.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
We can't. Yeah, plenty of food around here. We're all good.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Jerry Wells and Mania Stuart find them on Instagram at
Hadarki Breakfast. Jerry and Manaia joined the complaint the Hadaki
Breakfast discussion group on Facebook for more.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
Yeah, but just to finish my my long, big story,
which is it really a story. It's more of a
political rant. I got to I got to Rottenest. They're like,
you got to go there for all these reasons, the
vintage lighthouses, the quakers, the beaches. As soon as I
got off the boat, turns out Rottneys Island is the
site of an indigenous genocide. You should know that. That's
(09:12):
the dyke irony of it though, way you know, they're like, surprise,
we tricked you again. But like there's hundreds of bodies
and they'n't even looked up the whole, the even scan
the whole on hundreds of bodies buried under what was
the children's camping site. That's crazy, right, You've at least
got to give Kiwis a heads up on the brochure
that we're heading to basically like the Australian Auschwitz or
something like that. It's crazy, right.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
But the Quakers a kid ruins. I'm glad I didn't
know that when I went there. Yeah, would have just
dampened the whole experience.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
It puts a damper on the whole. I'm going to say,
do the research when you leave the island, obviously, but
it's a crazy thing to not at least give you
a head Like if you went to Auschwitz to check
out their amazing historic trains, you would at least want
to heads up that, hey, this is also the site
of that. And this is what I realized. Now it
seems like I'm downplaying the value of Auschwitz. I'm not.
I want to just re winde my way out of
(10:02):
that and apologize for even trying to make that joke.
But my point was going to be is that I
don't know, it's Australia. Just just everywhere I go in Australia,
they fed me up, you know, they fed me up,
even Perth in general, just the way I'm digging myself the.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Vibe in general. I'll dig out with a pleasant story
about quackers. My my cousin went over there on a
stag do and they well got drugs. So you would
have noticed all of the all of the shops and
all of the houses on the genocidal territory you visited
as a plast they all have knee high doors to
stop the crackers. Yeah. Yeah, So they were on a
(10:38):
stag doer and they got wasted and they fell asleep
with the doors open, and they woke up just covered
in quockets all on the bed and the bed and
your bags pulling everything apart.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Yes, that's adorable.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Are they curious these quakers? Are they well no natural
predators because as guy I mentioned, they killed them all.
But but so so they don't they like key You
know that you can just walk straight up to them
and picked them up annoyingly. They are the size, shape
and weight of a rugby ball if you're gonna try
and kick, if you're gonna kick an animal over across bar,
and you couldn't design it better than a quaker. Okay,
(11:12):
but yeah, so no natural predators said that you can
walk right up to them? Are they just on Rotney Styland?
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Just?
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I think there's one other island in Australia. But yeah,
it's not a nice name for an island. Is it
Rotto again?
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Again? It has like a beautiful indigenous name. But they
one Dutch guy went there and said they look like rats,
so he called it Ratnest Island. That's what it's called.
Rotney Stadium. Yeah, disgusting and then they killed him.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
So so the comedy fists.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
Yeah, man, Yeah, I'm excited. I'm promoting something and promoting
We're going to chrish chich for the first time.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Are the comedy gallas? Never been to cross Chit?
Speaker 4 (11:49):
You never been a crash Chit? God, that's a real
I was born there, I left, never had gone back.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
That the new stadium that's drawn you back? What is it?
What is it that's brought you back?
Speaker 4 (12:00):
I don't know. Just I think they've spin off for
a blog once saying like, why isn't the comedy fistal
come to crash it? And I think that is that's
quite a good point. So why are we leaving money
on the table? So we're gonna We're going to crash
it for the first time ever and it's exciting. Speaking
of Die Inward, the hostess die Inward as well, which
is pretty special for me because he he gave my
gave me my for better or worth, gave me my
(12:21):
start in the comedy game. So yeah, yeah, crush Woman's Hospital. Yeah, yes,
I was shut We're probably related.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
But that's how that works.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Yeah, you don't be a woman to be born there though.
That's no, you don't. But they do kick you out
pretty quickly if you're not. I got tossed. There's there's
been a scandal with third hospital. Isn't there? I got
I got boldt it's not there.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
The scandal that it doesn't exist.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
You were there.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
I went there to try and deliver my baby. And
this is very scandalous. So when is it?
Speaker 3 (12:56):
When is the I don't know, I've done know, but
just you can google these things.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
What's with the information? So I don't worry about it
just google it. We're coming to Chrish, We're coming to
one and we're coming to Auchland. When are we?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
I don't know if you've got a month? Times have
you got a month? And my Irick may or something
isn't a may it's a good time.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
It feels like it was. I didn't realize The Comedy
girla responsored by a mayonnaise company and the big pun
I was like, we need to move out of may
and they're stuck there because of Mayo. That's the reason
why they that.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Two things to get why the mayonnaise sponsored the Comedy Girl?
Are we playing this like? Are we playing this podcast
like today?
Speaker 5 (13:39):
Yes, this is the deepest tease we've ever done for
a promotion and a few months the bloody thing even.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
You even talked to us about it. But we appeel
hear this. They'll be buying so many tickets they will
be phizzy for it.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
So tickets have already gone on, tickets haven't even gone.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
On Saturday Comedy Fisto dot Co do on in zid
and it's may On in Auckland.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
You're gonna say for contract or reasons, you got to
say Mayo Mayo.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
For Mayo and Wellington and Mayo is the third Mayon Mayonse,
the third Sunday Mayon the town Hall in Chicha.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Would it killed the comedy festival to go to Dunedin?
Speaker 4 (14:18):
You know what? Just my okay, we're struggling Wellington enough
as it has also been Auckland as well. See you
there all.
Speaker 5 (14:26):
Right, okay, hey what else is happening? So I feel
like you've been in Australia. I follow you on on
the socials.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
So I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend that I'm so bad
on there.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Yeah, it's a lot of traveling.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
Yeah, well that I mean, that's my job. I'm a comedian.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Yeah, if you.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Always go you on tour. I'm always on tour. That's
my life.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
You're got to go to where the people are because
you can't tell the same jokes. The same people.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Bombed everywhere in New Zealand, so IM going to go
bomb in Australia. It's called doing New Zealand Warriors is
what it's called. But now I I I stand a
lot of quist hotels. How do we feel about the Queen? Yeah?
You see this is a class thing, though, Jeremy, because
you're as how you've been a possibly too long. I think.
I think for you maybe a Quiest hotel has a
(15:12):
step down, but for me and Mayah, working classmen from
tim Adoo killed.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
Look, I don't mind a Quist. I'll take that over
an Ibis. Ibis can go shove it up their ass.
Those things I don't, I don't know good by them.
There's something about an Ibis that no person has ever
enjoyed walking out of that Ibis. Every person that's ever
walked down of an Ibis said I feel like I need
a shower. There's something about it that just the the
(15:41):
set up. It's not creaking on the fact that it's
like I was staying a ship motel any day other week.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
I actually don't care about that.
Speaker 5 (15:47):
But there's something about an Ibis that lacks any kind
of soul.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:52):
Yeah, it's the way it's designed that somehow they've somehow
managed to make sure the doors open the wrong way
and if you're single roue, everything is not quite right.
It's there's something about them.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
They've got the housekeeping that insists on barging into the
house no matter how many times you say no, no, no,
I'm I'm going. There's no no, no, no, I coming now,
no no, no, no no.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
It's like a holiday in like there's nobody that ever
took a holiday. When on a holiday, it's only people
that ever been on a holiday and has always been business.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
It's soulless, Like it's like I love McDonald's. Don't get
me wrong. I grew up my dad operated at McDonald's,
but like it's the McDonald's vacation of like these big
chains that have no soul whatsoever. They reak of cleaning products.
Nothing is clean Years. It's the it's that bloody years
bro that they put in their own that it's the
race we're a lonely businessman go to. I'm going to
(16:46):
say something darker. Yeah, masturbate. That's where they go to masturbate.
That's what it was. They should call it a masturbation
lodge and at least then you'd go for a for
a laugh. The mastabatorium.
Speaker 5 (16:56):
Massurbatorian one giant, bloody mess to.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
This is the ibis, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
Yeah? But they're all you can mastivate in all a
peel wondering like where can I get this experience? It
doesn't have to be an ibis. You can you can
masturbate and Sheraton.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Double Tree by Hilton Double Tree one of my favorites.
It sounded like an air read when I masturbated the
Double Tree. Don't you masturbating the best Wiston? Recently? I
did business.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Actually, you're right.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
That was in Houston, next to the George H. W.
Bush Memorial Airport, and I had a pizza on the way,
so it was quite dangerous.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
Yeah, it added a lot of.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Pressure, a lot of time pressure to the whole situation.
Jo Is on the way with the meat lovers from Domino's.
How long have we got here?
Speaker 5 (17:50):
I'm still recording is a good place to win for
coming in.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Guy Hey, thank you for having me on your show
once again, and thank you to the people of Old
New Zealand for welcoming and me into the ear drums.
I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
MATERII and manyah catch the radio show from six thirteen weekdays,
The Hordakey Breakfast
Daily bespoke content that you won't find on the radio
show The Dark Breakfast Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
So we're just recording now, yeah, yeah, are we actually recording?
So it'll play a little bit of it bad damn
jerrym and blah blah blah. And then.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Check one too. Is this working?
Speaker 4 (00:20):
Hello? Just back of a little bit?
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Hello, Hello, Hello, I could tune you up, Jerry about
that first link out there? Is that working? Can hear me?
I'll tell you this. Turn Guy Williams down, he talks that.
Speaker 5 (00:32):
Good morning, Welcome, Guy Walliams is on the podcast today.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Nice to be here, Good to have you here. Man.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
What time do you call this?
Speaker 4 (00:41):
I call this? I was in Perth and now my
body clocks stuff.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
That's a brutal flight.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
My career has been going bad, and now I'm working
in the mines.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Yeah, little five fi action and just in between the gigs?
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Is it between the gigs? You know how it is?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
If we see you with a full sleeve tattoo and
Bali knicks you, no, we'll know exactly what's on.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
Let me tell you that. Let me ask you this
about the about the FIFO culture, about the Perth guy.
I mean, I've lived a privileged life of leisure for
most of my life, So I don't. I don't relate
to the working class like you guys do. Here. You
guys are down in the com wines every day, probably
doing some fox. He's heading out chocolate bars.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Oh we've been there, don't that's such? Yeah, we've been there.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
What's up with the photo realistic tattoos of celebrities?
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Yeah, yeah, it's a cultural It is a cultural phenomenon.
I know what you're talking about it. No, I don't
have it. No, but my family live in Kalgoli, which
is six hours in land from Perth.
Speaker 4 (01:35):
Beautiful.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
I've got family with various times lived in Perth, so
I'm familiar with the lifestyle.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
And you've got to think about who are their cultural icons.
Who do these people look up to? They look up
to NRL players and NRL players, they get photo realistic
tattoos of people's faces.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
So it's a trickle down fashion.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
That's so. For example, Adam Reynolds, who's plays for the Broncos,
he has a full thigh tattoo of post Malone's face
on his thighs. Makes sense and that, Yeah, and then
it's trickled down economics from there.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
And that's a dangerous game because post Malone is like
I would say, like, I mean, he's past his prime now,
but he's still alive, yes, and could at any time
become you know, get canceled. Yeah, was a huge Cagno fan.
I mean, he's come back now, but he went full
Nazi here for a while. I don't have his picture
on my arm.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
That's the equivalent of you know, people named their daughter
Kalisi before the last season of Game of Thrones came out.
It's exactly that same sort of thing. I feel like
post Malone might have been in the Epstein files.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
I was looking for Jerry's name and then was, well,
what about Paul Holmes's daughter?
Speaker 5 (02:45):
Is she's got a photo realistic picture of Paul Holmes
on her thigh?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Wow? Wow, Now, well that's quite intense.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
That's a very intense, especially if.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
Paul Holmes fan, you know b fan back in the day,
and then you.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
She would have met him though, you know what I mean, Like,
whereas having post Malone or Kanne on you, at least
she was someone.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Who has deceased, because yeah, if you go with someone
who's still alive, they can still red. But so I'd say,
if you are going to get a photo realistic person, yes,
go with someone who has passed, and that way their
legacy is kind of locked in as far as we know.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
You'd want to be certain, wouldn't you.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
You'll be certain it's all good. But also just I
reckon real life people as well, like NRL stars or
whatever is a bit better than like heath Lys Joker,
and I love I love that movie. Don't get me wrong.
It's a great movie of the Dark Knight. But Heathley
just there's a few two mini out there in New Zealand.
I think we need to come back on the heath
lygious jokers.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
I have seen a few of those. Yeah. So Dian
under tells a great story of he was over I
think either in Australia or Balley. There's an NRL player
whose name is Todd Carney.
Speaker 6 (03:55):
Yeah you engined, well remember him? But he the one
who pioneered bubbling, the bubblin, the bubbler, the bubbler Pineyer.
Now he's got a tattoo of his dad's name on
his throat. Wow, his dad's name is Darryl.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
And Die tells this great story of meeting a guy
coming up to him saying, hey mate, mess a fan.
You know how the Warrior is going to go this
year whatever? And he noticed that he this guy there's
random punder that character Diet also had Darryl tattooed on
his throat and he's like, is your dad's name Daryl?
Is that nut just Big Todd?
Speaker 4 (04:24):
CARN'TI there?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
So he got Darryl tattooed on his throat? Yeah, yeah,
it seems like a wacky radio stunt, doesn't it in
the throat test genuinely does. So you've been over in
Western Australia.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Guy, I've been Perth? Yeah, Perth. Did you go over
to Rotto? I actually went to Rott Oh yeah yeah nice,
just see the kepper Burrows. Yeah, I I well you
got it's not quackers, you know. That's that's good. That's
a good effort for a deep cut of Wistern. Australian note,
because not many people even know that Perth exists, let
(04:58):
alone about the Quackers.
Speaker 5 (04:59):
I only know I have all of my Perth knowledge
from the nineteen eighty seven America's Cup Challenge, So everything
I know about the Freemantle doctor. Yeah, the title Relief
had a Freemantle. I know about the Quakers, although I
was confused with Kappa Baros and that that doctor.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Did the doctor come in about three thirty as.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Doctor the way to describe the wind.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Yeah, yeah, mantal doc comes in off the Indian Ocean.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
And then I had some Kiwi fan friends fans I
now call my friends fan shout to Charlotte Hobson. She said,
that's why they're called the Freemantle Dockers, this AFL team.
That's not what. No, they call the Fremantle doctors for
people who work on the docks, not because of the
light wind that comes in ah Okay.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Which is called the doctor. So they'd be called the
Freemantle doctors. If they were named they would they.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Would be called that. But Mania, it's interesting. It's interesting
the Quakers, the Quakers. You bring that up because it
was it was funny but weirdly traumatic at the same time.
And I thought, rottenest right, this tourist attraction, right, which
they tell you when you land in Perth. Can I
say it's a ten out of ten. It's one of
(06:09):
the best places I've been in my life.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Rotteney Asylan. Right, it's got beautiful beaches, beautiful quakers. They
genuinely are like, so the most amazing creature because you
can do selfies with it. It's like comes right up
to you.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
They smile.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Yeah, but sharky. That's sharky. But it's also very Whaley.
It's on the Humpback Highway.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
So wait, Whaley doesn't outweigh the sharkiness.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Well, don't they repel, wouldn't they repel some of the sharks.
They attrack themtrack the shark.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
I think they live in I think they coexist right
as part of the marine environment. I think they co exist.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Perth people before they go into the water, they actually
look up a shark app which I assume they had
like tracking devices on these sharks. No, it's just some
bastard and a helicopter flying up and down his human eyes. Yeah,
and then he logs on this shitty app and that
that is what keeps them safe. And they're stay away
from that beach because there's shark. There's a shark there
(07:05):
right now.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
That's real sharky tiger sharks or something out there.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
They're not good ones.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
And do you know what's funny, Yeah, the bad bad sharks,
bad sharks. This is what's funny though, is that they
built a shark net And I'm like, great, the shark
problem is solved. We swimming in the lake, the sharks
from outside the lake. The sharknit is dangerous the sharks.
So they're getting rid of.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
The shark nets. On the shark gets stuck in it.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
Yeah, I'm not normally a political creakness gone mad sort
of guys, political freakness gone mad.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
That is the point of the sharknit. Yeah, and from
time to time somehow shark gets inside the net and
is now stuck in there.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
Worth you. But apparently they've moved on to some sort
of like electromagnetic ways of repelling the sharks now. But yeah,
they're quite sharky.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
That makes more sense to me, that does.
Speaker 5 (07:51):
It's quite sharknick focused Australia. Like the big sharknit is
quite a big industry in Australia. They got them all
up the oldie as well. I mean they don't seem
to stop any sharks. The other thing there is they
kill other fish of course, get caught in the bloody nets. Yeah,
that's right, so that they're a net. I mean it
stops it kills fish.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
But why does it? Why? Why why does sharks attack
in Australia and not in New Zealand because we were sharks.
That's a great point. Southland Sharks NBL team up.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
The Southland Sharks.
Speaker 5 (08:20):
Yeah, muckl I think just more like New Zealanders, and
I think the sharks have there are more like Australians. Yeah,
an early thing for the sharks Australia is a brutal
how to go for the jugular. We can't really be bothered.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
We can't. Yeah, plenty of food around here. We're all good.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Jerry Wells and Mania Stuart find them on Instagram at
Hadarki Breakfast. Jerry and Manaia joined the complaint the Hadaki
Breakfast discussion group on Facebook for more.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
Yeah, but just to finish my my long, big story,
which is it really a story. It's more of a
political rant. I got to I got to Rottenest. They're like,
you got to go there for all these reasons, the
vintage lighthouses, the quakers, the beaches. As soon as I
got off the boat, turns out Rottneys Island is the
site of an indigenous genocide. You should know that. That's
(09:12):
the dyke irony of it though, way you know, they're like, surprise,
we tricked you again. But like there's hundreds of bodies
and they'n't even looked up the whole, the even scan
the whole on hundreds of bodies buried under what was
the children's camping site. That's crazy, right, You've at least
got to give Kiwis a heads up on the brochure
that we're heading to basically like the Australian Auschwitz or
something like that. It's crazy, right.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
But the Quakers a kid ruins. I'm glad I didn't
know that when I went there. Yeah, would have just
dampened the whole experience.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
It puts a damper on the whole. I'm going to say,
do the research when you leave the island, obviously, but
it's a crazy thing to not at least give you
a head Like if you went to Auschwitz to check
out their amazing historic trains, you would at least want
to heads up that, hey, this is also the site
of that. And this is what I realized. Now it
seems like I'm downplaying the value of Auschwitz. I'm not.
I want to just re winde my way out of
(10:02):
that and apologize for even trying to make that joke.
But my point was going to be is that I
don't know, it's Australia. Just just everywhere I go in Australia,
they fed me up, you know, they fed me up,
even Perth in general, just the way I'm digging myself the.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Vibe in general. I'll dig out with a pleasant story
about quackers. My my cousin went over there on a
stag do and they well got drugs. So you would
have noticed all of the all of the shops and
all of the houses on the genocidal territory you visited
as a plast they all have knee high doors to
stop the crackers. Yeah. Yeah, So they were on a
(10:38):
stag doer and they got wasted and they fell asleep
with the doors open, and they woke up just covered
in quockets all on the bed and the bed and
your bags pulling everything apart.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Yes, that's adorable.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Are they curious these quakers? Are they well no natural
predators because as guy I mentioned, they killed them all.
But but so so they don't they like key You
know that you can just walk straight up to them
and picked them up annoyingly. They are the size, shape
and weight of a rugby ball if you're gonna try
and kick, if you're gonna kick an animal over across bar,
and you couldn't design it better than a quaker. Okay,
(11:12):
but yeah, so no natural predators said that you can
walk right up to them? Are they just on Rotney Styland?
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Just?
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I think there's one other island in Australia. But yeah,
it's not a nice name for an island. Is it
Rotto again?
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Again? It has like a beautiful indigenous name. But they
one Dutch guy went there and said they look like rats,
so he called it Ratnest Island. That's what it's called.
Rotney Stadium. Yeah, disgusting and then they killed him.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
So so the comedy fists.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
Yeah, man, Yeah, I'm excited. I'm promoting something and promoting
We're going to chrish chich for the first time.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Are the comedy gallas? Never been to cross Chit?
Speaker 4 (11:49):
You never been a crash Chit? God, that's a real
I was born there, I left, never had gone back.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
That the new stadium that's drawn you back? What is it?
What is it that's brought you back?
Speaker 4 (12:00):
I don't know. Just I think they've spin off for
a blog once saying like, why isn't the comedy fistal
come to crash it? And I think that is that's
quite a good point. So why are we leaving money
on the table? So we're gonna We're going to crash
it for the first time ever and it's exciting. Speaking
of Die Inward, the hostess die Inward as well, which
is pretty special for me because he he gave my
gave me my for better or worth, gave me my
(12:21):
start in the comedy game. So yeah, yeah, crush Woman's Hospital. Yeah, yes,
I was shut We're probably related.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
But that's how that works.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Yeah, you don't be a woman to be born there though.
That's no, you don't. But they do kick you out
pretty quickly if you're not. I got tossed. There's there's
been a scandal with third hospital. Isn't there? I got
I got boldt it's not there.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
The scandal that it doesn't exist.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
You were there.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
I went there to try and deliver my baby. And
this is very scandalous. So when is it?
Speaker 3 (12:56):
When is the I don't know, I've done know, but
just you can google these things.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
What's with the information? So I don't worry about it
just google it. We're coming to Chrish, We're coming to
one and we're coming to Auchland. When are we?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
I don't know if you've got a month? Times have
you got a month? And my Irick may or something
isn't a may it's a good time.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
It feels like it was. I didn't realize The Comedy
girla responsored by a mayonnaise company and the big pun
I was like, we need to move out of may
and they're stuck there because of Mayo. That's the reason
why they that.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Two things to get why the mayonnaise sponsored the Comedy Girl?
Are we playing this like? Are we playing this podcast
like today?
Speaker 5 (13:39):
Yes, this is the deepest tease we've ever done for
a promotion and a few months the bloody thing even.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
You even talked to us about it. But we appeel
hear this. They'll be buying so many tickets they will
be phizzy for it.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
So tickets have already gone on, tickets haven't even gone.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
On Saturday Comedy Fisto dot Co do on in zid
and it's may On in Auckland.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
You're gonna say for contract or reasons, you got to
say Mayo Mayo.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
For Mayo and Wellington and Mayo is the third Mayon Mayonse,
the third Sunday Mayon the town Hall in Chicha.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Would it killed the comedy festival to go to Dunedin?
Speaker 4 (14:18):
You know what? Just my okay, we're struggling Wellington enough
as it has also been Auckland as well. See you
there all.
Speaker 5 (14:26):
Right, okay, hey what else is happening? So I feel
like you've been in Australia. I follow you on on
the socials.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
So I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend that I'm so bad
on there.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Yeah, it's a lot of traveling.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
Yeah, well that I mean, that's my job. I'm a comedian.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Yeah, if you.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Always go you on tour. I'm always on tour. That's
my life.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
You're got to go to where the people are because
you can't tell the same jokes. The same people.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Bombed everywhere in New Zealand, so IM going to go
bomb in Australia. It's called doing New Zealand Warriors is
what it's called. But now I I I stand a
lot of quist hotels. How do we feel about the Queen? Yeah?
You see this is a class thing, though, Jeremy, because
you're as how you've been a possibly too long. I think.
I think for you maybe a Quiest hotel has a
(15:12):
step down, but for me and Mayah, working classmen from
tim Adoo killed.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
Look, I don't mind a Quist. I'll take that over
an Ibis. Ibis can go shove it up their ass.
Those things I don't, I don't know good by them.
There's something about an Ibis that no person has ever
enjoyed walking out of that Ibis. Every person that's ever
walked down of an Ibis said I feel like I need
a shower. There's something about it that just the the
(15:41):
set up. It's not creaking on the fact that it's
like I was staying a ship motel any day other week.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
I actually don't care about that.
Speaker 5 (15:47):
But there's something about an Ibis that lacks any kind
of soul.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:52):
Yeah, it's the way it's designed that somehow they've somehow
managed to make sure the doors open the wrong way
and if you're single roue, everything is not quite right.
It's there's something about them.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
They've got the housekeeping that insists on barging into the
house no matter how many times you say no, no, no,
I'm I'm going. There's no no, no, no, I coming now,
no no, no, no no.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
It's like a holiday in like there's nobody that ever
took a holiday. When on a holiday, it's only people
that ever been on a holiday and has always been business.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
It's soulless, Like it's like I love McDonald's. Don't get
me wrong. I grew up my dad operated at McDonald's,
but like it's the McDonald's vacation of like these big
chains that have no soul whatsoever. They reak of cleaning products.
Nothing is clean Years. It's the it's that bloody years
bro that they put in their own that it's the
race we're a lonely businessman go to. I'm going to
(16:46):
say something darker. Yeah, masturbate. That's where they go to masturbate.
That's what it was. They should call it a masturbation
lodge and at least then you'd go for a for
a laugh. The mastabatorium.
Speaker 5 (16:56):
Massurbatorian one giant, bloody mess to.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
This is the ibis, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
Yeah? But they're all you can mastivate in all a
peel wondering like where can I get this experience? It
doesn't have to be an ibis. You can you can
masturbate and Sheraton.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Double Tree by Hilton Double Tree one of my favorites.
It sounded like an air read when I masturbated the
Double Tree. Don't you masturbating the best Wiston? Recently? I
did business.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Actually, you're right.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
That was in Houston, next to the George H. W.
Bush Memorial Airport, and I had a pizza on the way,
so it was quite dangerous.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
Yeah, it added a lot of.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Pressure, a lot of time pressure to the whole situation.
Jo Is on the way with the meat lovers from Domino's.
How long have we got here?
Speaker 5 (17:50):
I'm still recording is a good place to win for
coming in.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Guy Hey, thank you for having me on your show
once again, and thank you to the people of Old
New Zealand for welcoming and me into the ear drums.
I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
MATERII and manyah catch the radio show from six thirteen weekdays,
The Hordakey Breakfast
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