August 12, 2026 • 32 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
It's that time time time, time, Luck and Load. Michael
Verie show is on the air.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
About a week ago, at nine twenty six in the morning,
I received an email that went as follows. Zar three
months shy of my fortieth birthday, my dad called me
at work, asked me if I had a minute to talk,
and proceeded to inform me that I was no longer
the oldest child in the family. He'd met a woman
(00:44):
before my mom and had a night of fun. He
had no idea that a baby had been conceived until
the DNA testing showed my sister as a match to
my aunt, who had also submitted her DNA for testing.
My mother was understanding upset, but I think she was
more accepting of the situation when I.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Told her that it would only have been a problem.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
With me if the newly discovered person was younger than me.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
This happened all before me.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
It makes me wonder how many families DNA testing have
affected in this way. In our case, we love having
her as an addition, and we're grateful.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
To have found her.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
That email came just a matter of minutes before another email.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
These things happen in bunches. It's crazy I asked the
other day.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I said, I'll give you some I'm gonna throw out
some words and you tell me free association what comes
next on Facebook? And I did Merle Norman, and I
did Pigley Wiggly and kangaroo shoes and two people and
so twenty minutes into the post, two people said buster
brown shoes and exactly the same words. And I'm not
(02:01):
suggesting they cheated or used AI. Maybe they did. I
hope not, because that's that's unfortunate to me. What's interesting
is the human element, not you know, plugging in words.
But I think it was just the pure coincidence. It
happens a lot where these things will bunch up. So
just before that, I received an email from a woman
named Rachel, and she said, Zar, I found out at
(02:25):
the age of thirty three that my dad is not
my biological dad. Kicker is my dad. The person who
raised her doesn't know my biological dad knows about me,
but doesn't want anything to do with me, even though
I'm his only child. He's now a retired doctor in Dallas. Rachel,
(02:49):
You're on the Michael Barry Show.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Welcome, Hi. How did this come to your attention?
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Well, I had a family member on my mom's side
out of spite. She was mad at my mom tell me.
One day, I blew this information, and of course I
was very upset and didn't want to believe it. So
I tricked my dad because he really believes anything I
tell him. Somehow, I tricked him to doing a swab,
(03:17):
So I sent a swab off and back then it
you know the trick.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
What did you tell him you were to swop?
Speaker 3 (03:23):
I told him it was for some other reason, like
some other medical reason. I want to say I was
cool by them, but I don't know. I tricked him
in something. He believed me and he let me swab him.
He never asked me again about it. So anyway, I
got the results back and it said, you know, ninety
nine point nine percent not your biological match. So wow,
(03:45):
I was like, wow, what do I do with this?
And my mom finally found out that I knew, and
she kind of confronted me about it, and I think
she never had any intention on me ever finding this out.
She was very angry that I knew, and her biggest
concern is that, you know, my dad would find out,
which was my concern as well, because I don't want
him to know. Honestly, he doesn't deserve that, and like
(04:09):
it does hurt my heart though whenever he talks about
things and talks about my children and how they must
get this and that from him and things, and I'm
like to I think in my head, I'm like, wow,
this is might have been his biological grandchildren. But it's
kind of one of those known secrets in the family
of my mom's side anyway, And nobody will tell him
because they love him and they don't want to hurt him.
(04:31):
But it's just sad that everybody knows except you know him.
I mean, my siblings don't know either. It's just me
that knows the information.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Does it matter to you?
Speaker 3 (04:45):
It kind of did. Initially I was angry that my
mom hid this from me, but she told me she
wasn't sure, you know, for sure, but I looked just like,
you know, my pological father. So it's kind of hard
to shoot that. But no, I guess.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Now, do you know the story behind what happened how
they hooked up.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
I do.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
They were both from a really small town. My mom
and dad were on they were separated because my dad
something happened for the issues, so she went back to
her little town and he was there visiting. I want
to say he had a break during his residency and
they I got hooked back up, and then my mom
and dad reconciled shortly after that, so she was not
(05:28):
exactly for sure. I even found a calendar of hers
and her stuff, and she had tried to like plot
out the days on the calendar. So she said, you
didn't know, and but but he knew somehow. I guess
she told it it was a possibility, and I reached out,
like I said to him a few times.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
How did that process go? I, well, this is crazy.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
When I had a family member that actually worked in
his office because her husband was doing his in his
residency at the hospital, so she was working in his
office fifth and I had her give him something for me.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
And something is a note like a yeah note.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
My information contact to Nick tell him let him know
that I knew the truth. And he didn't really say
much about it. And then I had sent him a
letter I believe in the mail to his house. I
knew the address. He never got a response. I get nothing.
I knew that his wife knew about me, so I
(06:29):
boldly reached out to her, and she was not very
nice at all about it, and she told me that
I should not expect to ever sit down and have
a one to one conversation with him.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Okay, so and they never had children?
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
How old were you when you reached out to him?
Speaker 3 (06:50):
I was thirty three when I found out, so shortly
after that.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
No, actually not.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
I did reach out, yes, initially, and I took a break,
and then eventually I got me, had a two kids,
and I reached out again like I's in a picture
book at one point, just to show like, hey, this
is me, is my family, is my life, and he's
still doesn't really have any interest.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Did that hurt you?
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Yeah? It's like I mean, isn't it nature that you
want to know who you're where you came from?
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Not me, but I know everybody else I do.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
I'm just I was curious. I just want to know
who he was, what he was like, because I have
a feeling that we are more like than he was pacing.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
But I'm pretty sure a part of me is dead
because I know that biology matters so much to people,
and it's never mattered to me from from day one,
and and I've had people tell me that that's weird,
and okay, I don't. I don't say it as a superpower,
and I don't say it as a confession. It's just
(07:56):
that's how you know. Some people like chocolate and some
people like vanilla.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Italian cream cheese, which I had at Caraba's yesterday. Now
that I really like that, But it's never mattered to me.
But it matters emotionally, very deeply to a lot of people.
And that's not to say that that's stupid or sillier.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
I laugh at it.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I'm curious about hold on for just a moment I
took and.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
If you don't like them, we'll reprint them or rEFInd
your money, no matter who's fault it is.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Show you photo map, your photo matters. And I was.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Asking a friend of mine the other day, growing up
today versus when I grew up.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
When I was in high school.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
The biggest three issues that every young man was scared
the death of all we talked about. It's all your
parents worried about. Was getting a girl pregnant. That was it,
none of this other stuff. That was one, two and three.
(09:07):
And we had classmates who got a girl pregnant. She
moved into their house. There was Edna Gladney. You know,
girls would go off and live with Ain't Edna and
come back after a year stay away.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
It was a big deal.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
So I asked a friend of mine the other day,
and I can't say why he would have insight into this,
but I said, this issue never even gets brought up.
You never hear it. Like young I had the talk
with my kids. We had it about three times a year,
and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one in our
(09:49):
friend group who did. But I don't know. I have
a sneaking suspicion. But I was told by the person
who would have a pretty good knowledge as to why
this doesn't come up anymore, is that abortions are so common,
so common, and not just the traditional d NC. We're
(10:13):
talking a pill, they can take it all all these
different things.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
But it's uh that.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
That was kind of quicksand right, or you know that
that was a big deal in our childhood, and then
it never was like that that That's all we talked
about was you're gonna get Stephanie pregnant, You're gonna get
Jennifer pregnant, You're gonna get Julie pregnant. And oh my god,
Oh my god, she's she's late on her period and that,
and so I think more children were born out of
(10:42):
wedlock to in to kids of good homes back then,
and then you have these situations like this. By the way,
some of you still struggle with this because I'm making observation.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It's not a judgment. I really don't like red trucks. Ah, God,
why they tell you a red truck?
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Calm down. I just don't like red trucks. That doesn't
make you a bad person if you own red trucks.
It doesn't mean red trucks are horrible. That is just
an observation. Don't read anything more into it than that.
It's exhausting to me when you do, because then I
have to speak in parenthetical statements, and I don't want
to do that. I don't want to clarify everything I
say simply a statement. Biology has never mattered to me.
(11:27):
It matters deeply to people now. I want to understand why,
because I think we're craving something, we're seeking something, and
there's nothing wrong with that. So, Rachel, did you ever
actually speak to your biological father?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
No?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Is he still alive?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Yes, he is probably about seventy seven and.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
You are how old now fifty? Have you ever conceded?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
And I'm not suggesting you should just showing up and saying, hey,
I want you to just lay eyes on me.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I am of your blood.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
It's funny because me and my husband kind of he
jokes and says I can make him talk to you,
you know, like I thought about that and considered it,
but I never really had the courage to do. So.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Do you feel he owes that to you?
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Kind of? Well, that's just me. I mean obviously he doesn't.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Really, you don't have to be ashamed of your opinion.
Go ahead tell me why.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
I don't know. I mean, I'm his so we would
think that he should acknowledge me in some way. I
guess to getting nothing back. Even if he would just
reply and say, hey, I really don't have any interest
in anything. He won't even give me that.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
You've given him that opportunity.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
I've given him opportunities to respond to me, even if
it would be that negatively, like when I would what
was that, I'd give him my information to contact them.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Because the person you know, okay, so we know he
saw it.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yes, his wife did confirm that he had received the
things that I had sent him.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
If you found out he died tomorrow, would you go
to the funeral?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Ooh, I don't know. The thing is that his family
knows about me, so and I know them. I've met
them many times, and so I mean I would know
quite a few people at the funeral, which would be
kind of odd.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
What do you mean so many times? How do you
meet them?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Because the little town that they're from, I spent lots
of time there. I grew up pretty much grew up
there in the summertimes, and I have family that still
live there that I visit, and their own some businesses
in the town. And one time I went with my
cousin into the store and his brother saw me and
said told his wife, who had no idea, that oh
(13:56):
my god, that's Jim's daughter right there, look like him.
And that's how that all started. And so now she
didn't know his wife, and now now she knows, and
she's like everybody knows.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Yeah, well maybe everybody knows. And he's just he's.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Uncomfortable how to process this and what to do with
it and where to put it, so he just wants
it to go away.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
M h. Yes, his wife made to comment that he
is a very private person.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Does it affect your self worth? Do you feel like, hey,
I Madter, you should acknowledge me. I'm a human being,
flesh and blood yours.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Yes, I thought that. I don't understand why he won't
acknowledge me, So it does hurt my feelings.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Would you want it to go further than that? Or
would that be it like? Would you would you like
to have a monthly phone call?
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Well, it'll probably depends how the first interaction went.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
What's ideal? What would be the ideal situation or how
it would go. Would you have conversations you say, hey,
did did do you have sickle cell anemia? Or did
you find any chance? Have you know this condition?
Speaker 3 (15:15):
I would like to know that, and I did ask
that question, but I never got a response because I
don't know anything about my medical history in that way.
So I would like to know that. Yes, but.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
It was weird.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
All right? Hold up there, Rachel, Yeah, little son, mister
markal Berry's George asleep. I can't.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
You know, I never expected him to play the RCC
because I have a reputation in the music business, so
imagine my surprise when he said, yes, he would love
to come and play. And we're pretty big in Portland.
It's a really really successful market for us, and that's
(16:12):
that's his home. But he had spent some of his
formative years in Katie, going to high school here. He
came for a year or two Chad knows the story
about than I do, and lived with his dad. His
parents were divorced and it was a rough time for him.
He was very clear about that and and we had
(16:34):
we spent quite a bit of time together while he
was here. He spent a lot of time with our listeners.
We had some great conversations. They put on a great
show that was That was an RCC highlight. I'll tell
you that that was a lot of fun. I received
an email from a woman named Rachel, who's our guest,
and Rachel told the story that came within that there
(16:56):
were two similar stories and you know, almost back to
act and she wrote simply, Zara, I found out at
the age of thirty three that my dad is not
my biological dad. Kicker is my dad doesn't She's okay,
I mean, I'm gonna add some words. I found out
at the age of thirty three that my dad, person
(17:16):
that raised you, is not my biological dad. It wasn't
his DNA kicker is my dad. Your real dad doesn't know.
My biological dad knows about me, but doesn't want anything
to do with me, even though I'm his only child.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
He's now a retired doctor in Dallas.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
My position, you don't have to agree, is there's not
real dad and dad. A father is the person who
tucks you in at night, who takes you to the doctor,
who pays your bills, who loves you, who would protect you,
who would defend you.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
And it's my position.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
You don't have to agree that anybody can can drop
a seed that doesn't create this de.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Bond or it's my dad. No, it's not.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
That's that's your sperm donor. He's not any more of
your dad than when men had a classmate in college.
It would go once a week and he would donate
his sperm, and people pay for that for artificial insemination
their children all over the world. He doesn't know and
he's their dad. No, he's not their dad. He just
donated his sperm. It's it's science, but that's not what
(18:23):
makes being a dad.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
A dad.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Is your DNA.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
If you think it is, that's your business. I disagree,
but I don't believe that. I've never believed that. I
think that's I think that's the wrong way to look
at it. But I also understand a lot of people do.
That's deeply important to them. If you have a DNA
story of some sort or another, and I'll get some
of the emails, feel free to call us. Seven one
(18:45):
three nine nine nine one thousand and seven one three
nine nine nine one thousand.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Rachel, where do we go from here? If you put
this to bed, you've done with it?
Speaker 3 (18:54):
I think so. I think I've had a lot of
time in years to process it, and I honestly don't
think about it as much as I used to. It
used to bother me. I think about it probably every day.
But now now that my mom has passed and my
dad is getting older and he's starting to have his
own health issues, and you know, I look back on
my childhood. I had a great childhood. My dad is
(19:16):
more than I could have ever asked for. A very
nice man would do. He would do anything in the
world for me. You thing, because I'm perfect, which is scary,
but so no. I mean, in a way, I just
I don't care as much anymore.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
The way I look at it, this is a thing
that happened. How old are you?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Forty fifty fifty years ago? Something happened, all right, and
a baby was born, and that baby's you, and a
man and a woman loved you, and sounds like you
had a wonderful life.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
And also.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Maybe maybe there was a fuel tank leak in your
mom's car one day, and maybe also a door was
left open, and maybe the air conditioning unit crash. All
these things happened then, uh, And if you found out
about them now, they don't change who you are, right,
nothing changes. If you had never found this out, your
life wouldn't be different. It just happened to have found
(20:11):
out that Susie spoke to Wendy and said, I don't
really like Tammy. You don't I thought y'all were breast friends. No,
I think she's a bitch. Oh my god, this is
URCHI No, it's really not. It doesn't I would argue
just my position. It doesn't matter. It's interesting. That's why
I had you on. It's interesting. It's interesting to think about,
how but this is a this is a Rachel issue.
(20:33):
This is not that guy in Dallas. It is not
your mom, it's not your dad. This is this is
you and what you do with it. And I say
this all the time. Whether it's a cancer diagnosis, the
loss of a child, of promotion, winning the lottery, all
of these things are ours to control in our own head.
What you do with this has nothing to do with
any of them. It's completely how you choose to deal
(20:55):
with it. That's just my position.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
True.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
I'm glad you reached out, Rachel. You have a great
radio voice, by the way, really wonderful.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Voice. I am am self skied.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
How about that.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
It's funny.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Huh yeah, it is. Well, thank you, sweetheart. You're wonderful.
You know, do with this what you want.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
The reason I'm not a counseling and therapy guy, the
reason I come off to many people often as harsh,
is because I choose my own happiness, and I believe
we all choose our own happiness. I have known people
who fret and worry and and worse, drink, do drugs,
(21:43):
get depressed, get sad, wallow in what they consider to
be something terrible, and I'll say, hey, what's where it's horrible?
Speaker 1 (21:51):
It's terrible. It's unbearable. All right.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
How about if I told you had brain cancer and
you had two weeks to live, would that be worse? Well,
of course, okay, Well then it's not that bad, is it.
It's not that bad the grand scheme of things, it's
not that bad. I also believe that we choose what
to do with things. So if someone has made us
angry over something they've done, cut them out of your life.
(22:17):
You don't need them, you can't fix them. They're not you.
You can't control them. You can't live other people's lives.
So many people spend so much time frustrated and angry
that they can't change another people, a person to be
what they want that person to be. That's not about
that person and their behavior and how they're not measuring up.
It's about control and your inability to make the world
(22:40):
perfect when you want it to be perfect. When you
stop and think about, oh, you're right, I could simply
choose not to worry about that ever again. You wake
up every day to a job you hate. You go
to bed every night thinking about how you have to
get up and do that job again. You hate everybody
your job, You hate everything about your job. It's the
(23:02):
worst job ever.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Go find another one. Why let that ruin you?
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Well, because it becomes in and of itself, an activity
becomes an activity to wallow in that it becomes part
of your identity. It becomes part of who you are is. Oh,
that's Barbara. She's five eight, one hundred and fifty. She's
(23:35):
forty six years old. She went to Robert E. Lee
High School. And also, oh, also, she has an ex
who cheated on her and with her best friend. Those
are the things you need to know about Barbara. Oh, okay,
how long has she been divorced? Fourteen years?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Well?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Why is that part of her identity? Because she drags
it around. She wears the T shirt. She went to
the park. She wears a T shirt. You need to
know that's who she is. If you talk to her
for sixty seconds, you're gonna find out that thing you
ever had, that person that you know. And then someone
else that you know meets that person for the first
(24:15):
time and they.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Go, oh, I met oldbody you went to school with.
Oh did he tell you the story about?
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (24:20):
I did?
Speaker 1 (24:21):
How long into the car? Okay, Well, then that's that's
part of who his identity is. He's he's choosing that
seven one three, nine nine, nine, one thousand. Shit. I've
heard from a number of people.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
About issues related to discovering that your biological father is
not the man who raised you. Somewhere there's some guy,
maybe he has another family and it was it's his
DNA that make up your DNA. Does that matter to you?
Do you search them up? It's a big thing in
(25:01):
the adoption community, open and closed adoptions. A lot of
a lot of young people want to know hear this
a lot. I want to know. I need to know
who the biological father is. But often they will say
I need to know who my father, I need to
know who my mother is. And often, not always, often
(25:22):
that turns out to be a huge disappointment, if not
an outright train wreck, because a situation where a mother
gives up a child is often attendant to a bad
time in her life and maybe a bad life, a
wrecked life of prostitution or street life or promiscuity, drug addiction. Uh,
(25:48):
you know, getting getting cast about in the sea of
life and and and it's not good.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Now.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Occasionally there will be people who will get themselves out
of that. They were particularly young when it happened, but
I've known I found it to be the case more
often than not that the person who seeks out their
biological mother or father is disappointed by what they find
because the person's a mess, because the person starts asking
them for a lot of stuff, because the person turns
(26:15):
out to be a bad person in any way you
can imagine that, or because the person rejects them, and
that was what led to that first conversation, and then
they take it personally.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
How could you reject me?
Speaker 2 (26:27):
It's natural right you post something on Facebook, you want
to see that people say that you're clever and you're smart.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
We all do it.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
It's a natural human we're social animals. We want that feedback.
We want the positive wagging of the tail, not the
bearing of the teeth. We need that when we don't
get it. When we don't get it, most people are
incapable of turning that switch on and off.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Hard to do. To Lena, You're on the Michael Berry Show.
What's your story?
Speaker 4 (26:53):
I well, anyway, I took my ancestry test, and so
this guy showed up on the air and who at
heck his dad? And so, long story short, I found
out it was my dad's half brother's son, and he
doesn't have any children that you know, he's aware of,
and he's married as a Korean wife. But so you know,
(27:14):
had a one night stand in the military. And so
then they eventually met in San Francisco and and my
uncle wanted to do you know, the blood tests to
really prove it's really his son. Yes, he really is.
And then after that meeting, I guess his wife doesn't
want him to have anything to do with his you know,
(27:34):
somebody just found and then they flew off the career,
probably hiding the money.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
She probably didn't want him getting anything.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
But he didn't even care about that, you know. But
that was really weird that I found him like that.
So it's really interesting all these different stories that come about,
you know, by taking the ancestry or twenty three in
the year or whatever and finding out you had family
and things you didn't know about.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Did it matter to you.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Yes, as a matter of.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
Fact, Michael, all that matters a lot because he found
out your nationality, who are you, who's your family, your past?
Speaker 3 (28:13):
What are you?
Speaker 4 (28:15):
Matters a lot to me?
Speaker 1 (28:16):
To you, I want to be clear to you because it.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
Doesn't matter him. Yes, And Eric, my cousin. He's a
really nice guy. I mean, he lose in New York
and he travels the world all the time with the cruises.
I mean, I just can't believe my uncle would do
something like that and just have nothing to do. But
I guess he's controlled by his wife.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah, not uncommon.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
I am not trying to assert dominance in an argument
where my position is more important than yours. I'm simply
trying to say that your position is your position. It's
not universally held. I don't hold it. If I found
out I was born in Germany or or Ireland to
a Taiwanese mother and a Singaporean father, I wouldn't you know,
all of a sudden, you know, start studying their history
(28:57):
and learn their national anthem.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
It would not matter to me.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
And maybe I'm maybe I'm the outlier. That's okay too.
I'm simply trying to say, these are choices that we make.
Each of us has a has a different choice to make,
and I'm fascinated. I appreciate you being honest about that.
I do I Do you think about this often?
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Is this?
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Is this an important part of your life?
Speaker 4 (29:17):
Yes? I mean I think it's very interesting to know
where I come from. And I would think that other
people would think the same thing. But actually, you know,
my daughter has a friend she was adopted, and she
does not want to know. She will not take that
ancestry toes she has she has. She does not want
to know at all, you know, who her real biological
(29:39):
parents are. So she's like you, some people just don't care.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Is that odd to you?
Speaker 4 (29:49):
Yes, I think it's very odd, and I you know,
I want to tell her there's a place on ancestry
you can take it to put like a stop on
other people from seeing your results, Like it's only you
can see it because you know it does match you
up to people.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Get it.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Walk me through that, Walk me through why it's surprised you,
Walk me through why you think she should care.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
I find out, you know, her family, where they where
she comes from and all that. Then she could have
siblings that don't even know she exists.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Okay, so then she would reach out to them.
Speaker 4 (30:31):
Yeah, I think I think she's the only child that
you know, her parents adopted her. But I think you know,
she's having respect for her by her parents that adopted
her because she's raised a good life and everything, so
I guess she just doesn't care.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
You know.
Speaker 4 (30:50):
The radio show before years Tom, I knew him in
high school. I went to school in clear Lake and
he was adopted, and so he found out his mother's
from North Korea. And I know, Matt on the radio show,
he goes, how do you know it's North Korea because
it said North Korea? And so I always wanted him
(31:11):
to do that, please take her, you know, do the ancestry,
but he let his daughter do it. And yeah, because
he has a sister. She was also adopted, and she
reached out and did the ancestry and discovered her real
biological father. And he yelled at her and we don't
want anything to do with you. So maybe it scared him,
(31:34):
you know that he that's why he didn't want to
do it and get rejected. Maybe they have a fear
of rejection too. But I think it's important to know
where you come from. I know that, And I also
found out that got That's what I'm.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Trying to understand. Why is that important to help me
understand that?
Speaker 4 (31:56):
I don't know. I even found out to have a
little bit of Jewish because my dad dad's mother's side
came through Spain, and then my dad's dad they're all British.
My mom's mom's side is British. And then the mystery
is my grandpa Chevalier. We thought he was French and
it's likest the French, and it came out something else.
So that's another thing. People think that there's something and
(32:17):
they're not. So I think it's really interesting to know
that Seth and I'm part of American Indian because my
you know, my ancestors came from Spain and then mixed
with the American Indians in Texas
It's that time time time, time, Luck and Load. Michael
Verie show is on the air.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
About a week ago, at nine twenty six in the morning,
I received an email that went as follows. Zar three
months shy of my fortieth birthday, my dad called me
at work, asked me if I had a minute to talk,
and proceeded to inform me that I was no longer
the oldest child in the family. He'd met a woman
(00:44):
before my mom and had a night of fun. He
had no idea that a baby had been conceived until
the DNA testing showed my sister as a match to
my aunt, who had also submitted her DNA for testing.
My mother was understanding upset, but I think she was
more accepting of the situation when I.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Told her that it would only have been a problem.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
With me if the newly discovered person was younger than me.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
This happened all before me.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
It makes me wonder how many families DNA testing have
affected in this way. In our case, we love having
her as an addition, and we're grateful.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
To have found her.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
That email came just a matter of minutes before another email.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
These things happen in bunches. It's crazy I asked the
other day.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I said, I'll give you some I'm gonna throw out
some words and you tell me free association what comes
next on Facebook? And I did Merle Norman, and I
did Pigley Wiggly and kangaroo shoes and two people and
so twenty minutes into the post, two people said buster
brown shoes and exactly the same words. And I'm not
(02:01):
suggesting they cheated or used AI. Maybe they did. I
hope not, because that's that's unfortunate to me. What's interesting
is the human element, not you know, plugging in words.
But I think it was just the pure coincidence. It
happens a lot where these things will bunch up. So
just before that, I received an email from a woman
named Rachel, and she said, Zar, I found out at
(02:25):
the age of thirty three that my dad is not
my biological dad. Kicker is my dad. The person who
raised her doesn't know my biological dad knows about me,
but doesn't want anything to do with me, even though
I'm his only child. He's now a retired doctor in Dallas. Rachel,
(02:49):
You're on the Michael Barry Show.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Welcome, Hi. How did this come to your attention?
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Well, I had a family member on my mom's side
out of spite. She was mad at my mom tell me.
One day, I blew this information, and of course I
was very upset and didn't want to believe it. So
I tricked my dad because he really believes anything I
tell him. Somehow, I tricked him to doing a swab,
(03:17):
So I sent a swab off and back then it
you know the trick.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
What did you tell him you were to swop?
Speaker 3 (03:23):
I told him it was for some other reason, like
some other medical reason. I want to say I was
cool by them, but I don't know. I tricked him
in something. He believed me and he let me swab him.
He never asked me again about it. So anyway, I
got the results back and it said, you know, ninety
nine point nine percent not your biological match. So wow,
(03:45):
I was like, wow, what do I do with this?
And my mom finally found out that I knew, and
she kind of confronted me about it, and I think
she never had any intention on me ever finding this out.
She was very angry that I knew, and her biggest
concern is that, you know, my dad would find out,
which was my concern as well, because I don't want
him to know. Honestly, he doesn't deserve that, and like
(04:09):
it does hurt my heart though whenever he talks about
things and talks about my children and how they must
get this and that from him and things, and I'm
like to I think in my head, I'm like, wow,
this is might have been his biological grandchildren. But it's
kind of one of those known secrets in the family
of my mom's side anyway, And nobody will tell him
because they love him and they don't want to hurt him.
(04:31):
But it's just sad that everybody knows except you know him.
I mean, my siblings don't know either. It's just me
that knows the information.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Does it matter to you?
Speaker 3 (04:45):
It kind of did. Initially I was angry that my
mom hid this from me, but she told me she
wasn't sure, you know, for sure, but I looked just like,
you know, my pological father. So it's kind of hard
to shoot that. But no, I guess.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Now, do you know the story behind what happened how
they hooked up.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
I do.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
They were both from a really small town. My mom
and dad were on they were separated because my dad
something happened for the issues, so she went back to
her little town and he was there visiting. I want
to say he had a break during his residency and
they I got hooked back up, and then my mom
and dad reconciled shortly after that, so she was not
(05:28):
exactly for sure. I even found a calendar of hers
and her stuff, and she had tried to like plot
out the days on the calendar. So she said, you
didn't know, and but but he knew somehow. I guess
she told it it was a possibility, and I reached out,
like I said to him a few times.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
How did that process go? I, well, this is crazy.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
When I had a family member that actually worked in
his office because her husband was doing his in his
residency at the hospital, so she was working in his
office fifth and I had her give him something for me.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
And something is a note like a yeah note.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
My information contact to Nick tell him let him know
that I knew the truth. And he didn't really say
much about it. And then I had sent him a
letter I believe in the mail to his house. I
knew the address. He never got a response. I get nothing.
I knew that his wife knew about me, so I
(06:29):
boldly reached out to her, and she was not very
nice at all about it, and she told me that
I should not expect to ever sit down and have
a one to one conversation with him.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Okay, so and they never had children?
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
How old were you when you reached out to him?
Speaker 3 (06:50):
I was thirty three when I found out, so shortly
after that.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
No, actually not.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
I did reach out, yes, initially, and I took a break,
and then eventually I got me, had a two kids,
and I reached out again like I's in a picture
book at one point, just to show like, hey, this
is me, is my family, is my life, and he's
still doesn't really have any interest.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Did that hurt you?
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Yeah? It's like I mean, isn't it nature that you
want to know who you're where you came from?
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Not me, but I know everybody else I do.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
I'm just I was curious. I just want to know
who he was, what he was like, because I have
a feeling that we are more like than he was pacing.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
But I'm pretty sure a part of me is dead
because I know that biology matters so much to people,
and it's never mattered to me from from day one,
and and I've had people tell me that that's weird,
and okay, I don't. I don't say it as a superpower,
and I don't say it as a confession. It's just
(07:56):
that's how you know. Some people like chocolate and some
people like vanilla.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Italian cream cheese, which I had at Caraba's yesterday. Now
that I really like that, But it's never mattered to me.
But it matters emotionally, very deeply to a lot of people.
And that's not to say that that's stupid or sillier.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
I laugh at it.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I'm curious about hold on for just a moment I
took and.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
If you don't like them, we'll reprint them or rEFInd
your money, no matter who's fault it is.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Show you photo map, your photo matters. And I was.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Asking a friend of mine the other day, growing up
today versus when I grew up.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
When I was in high school.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
The biggest three issues that every young man was scared
the death of all we talked about. It's all your
parents worried about. Was getting a girl pregnant. That was it,
none of this other stuff. That was one, two and three.
(09:07):
And we had classmates who got a girl pregnant. She
moved into their house. There was Edna Gladney. You know,
girls would go off and live with Ain't Edna and
come back after a year stay away.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
It was a big deal.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
So I asked a friend of mine the other day,
and I can't say why he would have insight into this,
but I said, this issue never even gets brought up.
You never hear it. Like young I had the talk
with my kids. We had it about three times a year,
and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one in our
(09:49):
friend group who did. But I don't know. I have
a sneaking suspicion. But I was told by the person
who would have a pretty good knowledge as to why
this doesn't come up anymore, is that abortions are so common,
so common, and not just the traditional d NC. We're
(10:13):
talking a pill, they can take it all all these
different things.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
But it's uh that.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
That was kind of quicksand right, or you know that
that was a big deal in our childhood, and then
it never was like that that That's all we talked
about was you're gonna get Stephanie pregnant, You're gonna get
Jennifer pregnant, You're gonna get Julie pregnant. And oh my god,
Oh my god, she's she's late on her period and that,
and so I think more children were born out of
(10:42):
wedlock to in to kids of good homes back then,
and then you have these situations like this. By the way,
some of you still struggle with this because I'm making observation.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It's not a judgment. I really don't like red trucks. Ah, God,
why they tell you a red truck?
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Calm down. I just don't like red trucks. That doesn't
make you a bad person if you own red trucks.
It doesn't mean red trucks are horrible. That is just
an observation. Don't read anything more into it than that.
It's exhausting to me when you do, because then I
have to speak in parenthetical statements, and I don't want
to do that. I don't want to clarify everything I
say simply a statement. Biology has never mattered to me.
(11:27):
It matters deeply to people now. I want to understand why,
because I think we're craving something, we're seeking something, and
there's nothing wrong with that. So, Rachel, did you ever
actually speak to your biological father?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
No?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Is he still alive?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Yes, he is probably about seventy seven and.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
You are how old now fifty? Have you ever conceded?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
And I'm not suggesting you should just showing up and saying, hey,
I want you to just lay eyes on me.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I am of your blood.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
It's funny because me and my husband kind of he
jokes and says I can make him talk to you,
you know, like I thought about that and considered it,
but I never really had the courage to do. So.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Do you feel he owes that to you?
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Kind of? Well, that's just me. I mean obviously he doesn't.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Really, you don't have to be ashamed of your opinion.
Go ahead tell me why.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
I don't know. I mean, I'm his so we would
think that he should acknowledge me in some way. I
guess to getting nothing back. Even if he would just
reply and say, hey, I really don't have any interest
in anything. He won't even give me that.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
You've given him that opportunity.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
I've given him opportunities to respond to me, even if
it would be that negatively, like when I would what
was that, I'd give him my information to contact them.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Because the person you know, okay, so we know he
saw it.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yes, his wife did confirm that he had received the
things that I had sent him.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
If you found out he died tomorrow, would you go
to the funeral?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Ooh, I don't know. The thing is that his family
knows about me, so and I know them. I've met
them many times, and so I mean I would know
quite a few people at the funeral, which would be
kind of odd.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
What do you mean so many times? How do you
meet them?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Because the little town that they're from, I spent lots
of time there. I grew up pretty much grew up
there in the summertimes, and I have family that still
live there that I visit, and their own some businesses
in the town. And one time I went with my
cousin into the store and his brother saw me and
said told his wife, who had no idea, that oh
(13:56):
my god, that's Jim's daughter right there, look like him.
And that's how that all started. And so now she
didn't know his wife, and now now she knows, and
she's like everybody knows.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Yeah, well maybe everybody knows. And he's just he's.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Uncomfortable how to process this and what to do with
it and where to put it, so he just wants
it to go away.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
M h. Yes, his wife made to comment that he
is a very private person.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Does it affect your self worth? Do you feel like, hey,
I Madter, you should acknowledge me. I'm a human being,
flesh and blood yours.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Yes, I thought that. I don't understand why he won't
acknowledge me, So it does hurt my feelings.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Would you want it to go further than that? Or
would that be it like? Would you would you like
to have a monthly phone call?
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Well, it'll probably depends how the first interaction went.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
What's ideal? What would be the ideal situation or how
it would go. Would you have conversations you say, hey,
did did do you have sickle cell anemia? Or did
you find any chance? Have you know this condition?
Speaker 3 (15:15):
I would like to know that, and I did ask
that question, but I never got a response because I
don't know anything about my medical history in that way.
So I would like to know that. Yes, but.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
It was weird.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
All right? Hold up there, Rachel, Yeah, little son, mister
markal Berry's George asleep. I can't.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
You know, I never expected him to play the RCC
because I have a reputation in the music business, so
imagine my surprise when he said, yes, he would love
to come and play. And we're pretty big in Portland.
It's a really really successful market for us, and that's
(16:12):
that's his home. But he had spent some of his
formative years in Katie, going to high school here. He
came for a year or two Chad knows the story
about than I do, and lived with his dad. His
parents were divorced and it was a rough time for him.
He was very clear about that and and we had
(16:34):
we spent quite a bit of time together while he
was here. He spent a lot of time with our listeners.
We had some great conversations. They put on a great
show that was That was an RCC highlight. I'll tell
you that that was a lot of fun. I received
an email from a woman named Rachel, who's our guest,
and Rachel told the story that came within that there
(16:56):
were two similar stories and you know, almost back to
act and she wrote simply, Zara, I found out at
the age of thirty three that my dad is not
my biological dad. Kicker is my dad doesn't She's okay,
I mean, I'm gonna add some words. I found out
at the age of thirty three that my dad, person
(17:16):
that raised you, is not my biological dad. It wasn't
his DNA kicker is my dad. Your real dad doesn't know.
My biological dad knows about me, but doesn't want anything
to do with me, even though I'm his only child.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
He's now a retired doctor in Dallas.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
My position, you don't have to agree, is there's not
real dad and dad. A father is the person who
tucks you in at night, who takes you to the doctor,
who pays your bills, who loves you, who would protect you,
who would defend you.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
And it's my position.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
You don't have to agree that anybody can can drop
a seed that doesn't create this de.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Bond or it's my dad. No, it's not.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
That's that's your sperm donor. He's not any more of
your dad than when men had a classmate in college.
It would go once a week and he would donate
his sperm, and people pay for that for artificial insemination
their children all over the world. He doesn't know and
he's their dad. No, he's not their dad. He just
donated his sperm. It's it's science, but that's not what
(18:23):
makes being a dad.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
A dad.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Is your DNA.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
If you think it is, that's your business. I disagree,
but I don't believe that. I've never believed that. I
think that's I think that's the wrong way to look
at it. But I also understand a lot of people do.
That's deeply important to them. If you have a DNA
story of some sort or another, and I'll get some
of the emails, feel free to call us. Seven one
(18:45):
three nine nine nine one thousand and seven one three
nine nine nine one thousand.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Rachel, where do we go from here? If you put
this to bed, you've done with it?
Speaker 3 (18:54):
I think so. I think I've had a lot of
time in years to process it, and I honestly don't
think about it as much as I used to. It
used to bother me. I think about it probably every day.
But now now that my mom has passed and my
dad is getting older and he's starting to have his
own health issues, and you know, I look back on
my childhood. I had a great childhood. My dad is
(19:16):
more than I could have ever asked for. A very
nice man would do. He would do anything in the
world for me. You thing, because I'm perfect, which is scary,
but so no. I mean, in a way, I just
I don't care as much anymore.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
The way I look at it, this is a thing
that happened. How old are you?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Forty fifty fifty years ago? Something happened, all right, and
a baby was born, and that baby's you, and a
man and a woman loved you, and sounds like you
had a wonderful life.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
And also.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Maybe maybe there was a fuel tank leak in your
mom's car one day, and maybe also a door was
left open, and maybe the air conditioning unit crash. All
these things happened then, uh, And if you found out
about them now, they don't change who you are, right,
nothing changes. If you had never found this out, your
life wouldn't be different. It just happened to have found
(20:11):
out that Susie spoke to Wendy and said, I don't
really like Tammy. You don't I thought y'all were breast friends. No,
I think she's a bitch. Oh my god, this is
URCHI No, it's really not. It doesn't I would argue
just my position. It doesn't matter. It's interesting. That's why
I had you on. It's interesting. It's interesting to think about,
how but this is a this is a Rachel issue.
(20:33):
This is not that guy in Dallas. It is not
your mom, it's not your dad. This is this is
you and what you do with it. And I say
this all the time. Whether it's a cancer diagnosis, the
loss of a child, of promotion, winning the lottery, all
of these things are ours to control in our own head.
What you do with this has nothing to do with
any of them. It's completely how you choose to deal
(20:55):
with it. That's just my position.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
True.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
I'm glad you reached out, Rachel. You have a great
radio voice, by the way, really wonderful.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Voice. I am am self skied.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
How about that.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
It's funny.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Huh yeah, it is. Well, thank you, sweetheart. You're wonderful.
You know, do with this what you want.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
The reason I'm not a counseling and therapy guy, the
reason I come off to many people often as harsh,
is because I choose my own happiness, and I believe
we all choose our own happiness. I have known people
who fret and worry and and worse, drink, do drugs,
(21:43):
get depressed, get sad, wallow in what they consider to
be something terrible, and I'll say, hey, what's where it's horrible?
Speaker 1 (21:51):
It's terrible. It's unbearable. All right.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
How about if I told you had brain cancer and
you had two weeks to live, would that be worse? Well,
of course, okay, Well then it's not that bad, is it.
It's not that bad the grand scheme of things, it's
not that bad. I also believe that we choose what
to do with things. So if someone has made us
angry over something they've done, cut them out of your life.
(22:17):
You don't need them, you can't fix them. They're not you.
You can't control them. You can't live other people's lives.
So many people spend so much time frustrated and angry
that they can't change another people, a person to be
what they want that person to be. That's not about
that person and their behavior and how they're not measuring up.
It's about control and your inability to make the world
(22:40):
perfect when you want it to be perfect. When you
stop and think about, oh, you're right, I could simply
choose not to worry about that ever again. You wake
up every day to a job you hate. You go
to bed every night thinking about how you have to
get up and do that job again. You hate everybody
your job, You hate everything about your job. It's the
(23:02):
worst job ever.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Go find another one. Why let that ruin you?
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Well, because it becomes in and of itself, an activity
becomes an activity to wallow in that it becomes part
of your identity. It becomes part of who you are is. Oh,
that's Barbara. She's five eight, one hundred and fifty. She's
(23:35):
forty six years old. She went to Robert E. Lee
High School. And also, oh, also, she has an ex
who cheated on her and with her best friend. Those
are the things you need to know about Barbara. Oh, okay,
how long has she been divorced? Fourteen years?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Well?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Why is that part of her identity? Because she drags
it around. She wears the T shirt. She went to
the park. She wears a T shirt. You need to
know that's who she is. If you talk to her
for sixty seconds, you're gonna find out that thing you
ever had, that person that you know. And then someone
else that you know meets that person for the first
(24:15):
time and they.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Go, oh, I met oldbody you went to school with.
Oh did he tell you the story about?
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (24:20):
I did?
Speaker 1 (24:21):
How long into the car? Okay, Well, then that's that's
part of who his identity is. He's he's choosing that
seven one three, nine nine, nine, one thousand. Shit. I've
heard from a number of people.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
About issues related to discovering that your biological father is
not the man who raised you. Somewhere there's some guy,
maybe he has another family and it was it's his
DNA that make up your DNA. Does that matter to you?
Do you search them up? It's a big thing in
(25:01):
the adoption community, open and closed adoptions. A lot of
a lot of young people want to know hear this
a lot. I want to know. I need to know
who the biological father is. But often they will say
I need to know who my father, I need to
know who my mother is. And often, not always, often
(25:22):
that turns out to be a huge disappointment, if not
an outright train wreck, because a situation where a mother
gives up a child is often attendant to a bad
time in her life and maybe a bad life, a
wrecked life of prostitution or street life or promiscuity, drug addiction. Uh,
(25:48):
you know, getting getting cast about in the sea of
life and and and it's not good.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Now.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Occasionally there will be people who will get themselves out
of that. They were particularly young when it happened, but
I've known I found it to be the case more
often than not that the person who seeks out their
biological mother or father is disappointed by what they find
because the person's a mess, because the person starts asking
them for a lot of stuff, because the person turns
(26:15):
out to be a bad person in any way you
can imagine that, or because the person rejects them, and
that was what led to that first conversation, and then
they take it personally.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
How could you reject me?
Speaker 2 (26:27):
It's natural right you post something on Facebook, you want
to see that people say that you're clever and you're smart.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
We all do it.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
It's a natural human we're social animals. We want that feedback.
We want the positive wagging of the tail, not the
bearing of the teeth. We need that when we don't
get it. When we don't get it, most people are
incapable of turning that switch on and off.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Hard to do. To Lena, You're on the Michael Berry Show.
What's your story?
Speaker 4 (26:53):
I well, anyway, I took my ancestry test, and so
this guy showed up on the air and who at
heck his dad? And so, long story short, I found
out it was my dad's half brother's son, and he
doesn't have any children that you know, he's aware of,
and he's married as a Korean wife. But so you know,
(27:14):
had a one night stand in the military. And so
then they eventually met in San Francisco and and my
uncle wanted to do you know, the blood tests to
really prove it's really his son. Yes, he really is.
And then after that meeting, I guess his wife doesn't
want him to have anything to do with his you know,
(27:34):
somebody just found and then they flew off the career,
probably hiding the money.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
She probably didn't want him getting anything.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
But he didn't even care about that, you know. But
that was really weird that I found him like that.
So it's really interesting all these different stories that come about,
you know, by taking the ancestry or twenty three in
the year or whatever and finding out you had family
and things you didn't know about.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Did it matter to you.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Yes, as a matter of.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
Fact, Michael, all that matters a lot because he found
out your nationality, who are you, who's your family, your past?
Speaker 3 (28:13):
What are you?
Speaker 4 (28:15):
Matters a lot to me?
Speaker 1 (28:16):
To you, I want to be clear to you because it.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
Doesn't matter him. Yes, And Eric, my cousin. He's a
really nice guy. I mean, he lose in New York
and he travels the world all the time with the cruises.
I mean, I just can't believe my uncle would do
something like that and just have nothing to do. But
I guess he's controlled by his wife.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah, not uncommon.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
I am not trying to assert dominance in an argument
where my position is more important than yours. I'm simply
trying to say that your position is your position. It's
not universally held. I don't hold it. If I found
out I was born in Germany or or Ireland to
a Taiwanese mother and a Singaporean father, I wouldn't you know,
all of a sudden, you know, start studying their history
(28:57):
and learn their national anthem.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
It would not matter to me.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
And maybe I'm maybe I'm the outlier. That's okay too.
I'm simply trying to say, these are choices that we make.
Each of us has a has a different choice to make,
and I'm fascinated. I appreciate you being honest about that.
I do I Do you think about this often?
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Is this?
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Is this an important part of your life?
Speaker 4 (29:17):
Yes? I mean I think it's very interesting to know
where I come from. And I would think that other
people would think the same thing. But actually, you know,
my daughter has a friend she was adopted, and she
does not want to know. She will not take that
ancestry toes she has she has. She does not want
to know at all, you know, who her real biological
(29:39):
parents are. So she's like you, some people just don't care.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Is that odd to you?
Speaker 4 (29:49):
Yes, I think it's very odd, and I you know,
I want to tell her there's a place on ancestry
you can take it to put like a stop on
other people from seeing your results, Like it's only you
can see it because you know it does match you
up to people.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Get it.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Walk me through that, Walk me through why it's surprised you,
Walk me through why you think she should care.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
I find out, you know, her family, where they where
she comes from and all that. Then she could have
siblings that don't even know she exists.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Okay, so then she would reach out to them.
Speaker 4 (30:31):
Yeah, I think I think she's the only child that
you know, her parents adopted her. But I think you know,
she's having respect for her by her parents that adopted
her because she's raised a good life and everything, so
I guess she just doesn't care.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
You know.
Speaker 4 (30:50):
The radio show before years Tom, I knew him in
high school. I went to school in clear Lake and
he was adopted, and so he found out his mother's
from North Korea. And I know, Matt on the radio show,
he goes, how do you know it's North Korea because
it said North Korea? And so I always wanted him
(31:11):
to do that, please take her, you know, do the ancestry,
but he let his daughter do it. And yeah, because
he has a sister. She was also adopted, and she
reached out and did the ancestry and discovered her real
biological father. And he yelled at her and we don't
want anything to do with you. So maybe it scared him,
(31:34):
you know that he that's why he didn't want to
do it and get rejected. Maybe they have a fear
of rejection too. But I think it's important to know
where you come from. I know that, And I also
found out that got That's what I'm.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Trying to understand. Why is that important to help me
understand that?
Speaker 4 (31:56):
I don't know. I even found out to have a
little bit of Jewish because my dad dad's mother's side
came through Spain, and then my dad's dad they're all British.
My mom's mom's side is British. And then the mystery
is my grandpa Chevalier. We thought he was French and
it's likest the French, and it came out something else.
So that's another thing. People think that there's something and
(32:17):
they're not. So I think it's really interesting to know
that Seth and I'm part of American Indian because my
you know, my ancestors came from Spain and then mixed
with the American Indians in Texas
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