Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
The views and opinions expressed in the following programmer, those
are the speaker and don't necessarily represent those of the
station it's staff, management or ownership.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Welcome to finding out with Pete and the Poet Gold
and our special series to celebrate Women's History Month titled
Poet Gold Knows Women Lead Duchess Luncheon, gathering women leaders
of Duchess County to participate in my workshop. Great, so
let's move on to the second question. Actually, the second
part of the process of being the poem is being accountable,
being accountable for our choices.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
That we make in life.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Sometimes the lack of accountability can create societal tsunamis right collectively,
when we don't want to be accountable for our individual choice,
the choice that we made maybe ten years ago will
impact us ten years later, and we can't figure out, well,
why am I here? Well, it's something that happened, that
one small choice that may have had a butterfly effect
(00:58):
in your life, and then you land someplace and oftentimes
we're too busy to reflect upon it, and then we
projected onto others. So what was the hardest choice? You
did not want to be accountable for, but in the end,
you had to. Yeah, I told you we're gonna.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
Get deep in here today.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
What was the hardest choice you did not want to
be accountable for?
Speaker 5 (01:22):
But in the end you had to?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
M yeah, yes, M yes, a new circle, one of
the other circles. But but I realized everyone's doing their
own circle things, so it's okay. The hardest choice you
(01:47):
did not the hardest choice. You did not want to
be accountable for, but in the end you had to.
What was the hardest choice you did not want to
(02:07):
be accountable for, but in the end.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
You had to.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
And then, of course, was there a woman who taught
your accountability in life? Was there someone in your life
who taught your accountability how to take responsibility for the
choices you made?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Who was that lady?
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Okay, we're ready to share.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
We're ready to share.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Okay, let's start here in the back of the room.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
We're gonna reverse it. We're gonna start with you guys.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yes, what was the hardest choice you did not want
to be accountable for, but in the end had to.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
I mean I can okay, so.
Speaker 6 (02:55):
Hi, uh, Well, this is a hard question because I
am often take Andrea, So there's not too many things
that I do that I don't want to do, you
know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
So we can go back to your childhood before you
became god.
Speaker 5 (03:10):
Okay, no, seriously, I'm just just fud it.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
So I think.
Speaker 6 (03:17):
A decision that was made by my family to uh
take responsibilities kind of the next generation of my family
and carry the legacy of my family forward. When my family,
the elders of our family got together and decided who
would be the person to do it, they chose me
to lead.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
That I didn't.
Speaker 6 (03:37):
Want it at the time, one because it was a
confirmation for me that they would be passing on and
I didn't really want to deal with the thought that
they would not be there, and so I didn't want
it for that reason. And then but now that they
gave me the past, the torch to me to keep
the legacy alive.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
I am totally thrilled that they chose me.
Speaker 6 (04:01):
And I think it's a definite honor to their legacy
that I that I cherish and so and I learned
that from when the next questions you asked about the
the who taught.
Speaker 7 (04:12):
You off, you know, to be responsible.
Speaker 6 (04:13):
If my grandmother, uh Cora Matthews used to always say
all the time. The biggest problem that we have in
our community that nobody.
Speaker 5 (04:22):
Wants to take responsibility for their actions.
Speaker 6 (04:24):
It's always somebody else's fault. And she said we would
be further along as a people if people would just
take responsibility for what they do and stop blaming other
people for the things that we don't really want to do.
So I've my whole entire childhood, I've been taught that
that's one of the things.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
That keeps people with the people at a disadvantage.
Speaker 8 (04:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:48):
Right, anybody want to share anyone good? Yeah, this is
a tough one for me.
Speaker 9 (04:55):
My mother was sick for a long period of time.
She lived in our Ington, Virginia, and each one of
us in the family had to take a week of
going down and taking care of her.
Speaker 5 (05:07):
And the end.
Speaker 9 (05:11):
Of my week, you know, I kissed her and told
her that, you know, I'll see her in three weeks,
and it was and two days later she died and
I wasn't there. Yes, And so I felt that responsible.
Did I really know whether or not she was going
(05:34):
to die before I came back, you know, And I
think about that all the time. So I have to
be accountable for the fact that she got away from me.
I dream about her every day. During last night and
she said she was coming over at three pm for dinner.
So yeah, so we still we have a very close relationship.
Speaker 10 (05:56):
Now, yes, astutely, Lord, Oh mine's quick. I'm of my sisters,
I'm the I'm the one who lives closest to my parents,
and by default, I'm responsible for everything that happens as
they get older and pass away. And that is in
twenty sixteen, when my life was, you know, less, less busy,
(06:19):
and when I wasn't managing the entire household, that was
much more irrealistic. But now fast forward ten years later,
I'm questioning that decision. So that's that's my journey, and
I'm not sure what's next. But that's something I've been
held accountable for.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
Thank you, Lord, thanks for sharing.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah right, we started with you, right, Okay, so we're
gonna go to your group.
Speaker 11 (06:43):
Okay, we're grouped number four, and so we made a
new circle.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Huh, what hardest choices? And you're right when you said
we're gonna get.
Speaker 5 (06:52):
A little deep with this one.
Speaker 11 (06:54):
One of the things somebody said was moving away from
their bio sister or biofamily and making a family of
their own and deciding that that is what was best
for them somebody else, which I can totally resonate with
terminating employees. Sometimes you know they need to go, but
telling them is hard. It's never a good feeling. But
(07:18):
sometimes it's best for not only you and the company,
but also best for them to figure out what their
next move is. And then choosing career, choosing care versus career,
whether it's parents, whether it's children. I know for myself
I have a disabled daughter and there came a time
when I was in the military that I then had
(07:39):
to give that up to ensure that at least one
of her parents were home to make sure she got
the care that she needed. So this is near and
dear to my heart as well. And then we talked
about people who helped us to realize, you know, responsibility
and accountability, and moms came in again, Katherine, dads came in.
(08:02):
I had my Daddazel and I don't want to pronounce
this wrong.
Speaker 10 (08:05):
And said veru veru.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
And then we had the nuns from Catholic school. M definitely,
oh yes, I had those moments. Stick out your hand.
Speaker 8 (08:17):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Indeed, I have a story in my book called the
can Collector. That speaks to termination, right, you know that
it is a challenging and difficult thing to do because
you're impacting someone's life. And it's how we do it
in the process, you know, how do you terminate and
lift at the same time.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
Yeah, so I get that.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Thank you, Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
Back back the room.
Speaker 12 (08:45):
Yeah, where where Group three?
Speaker 4 (08:47):
What's your name? Learning?
Speaker 12 (08:49):
Liz?
Speaker 5 (08:49):
Learning Liz?
Speaker 13 (08:51):
Where?
Speaker 7 (08:52):
Group three about being accountable and the hardest choice. Our
first was you're called to serve the Lord and you
become a pastor and you realize that you are the
shepherd and you have a flock to take care of.
It's a very big responsibility. Another one is taking care
(09:14):
of your aging parents. We're resonating with several of you,
and as well as taking care of a child rather
than your career, your job. You may have worked through
your first child, but you realized that, you know, after
experience that it's important, it was important to be home
(09:37):
taking care. And the last one is marriage loyalty into play.
And I said that and to put it in context,
we don't have any children or anything like that, but
what if your family doesn't get along with your spouse,
and you know, there's a lot of criticism or whatever
and distrust. Who's do you stand by? And I'm not
(10:02):
saying that's my whole life, but my marriage actually taught
me to stand up and be authentic about being married,
you know, yeah, you know. And so again the last
one was staying home for a while to raise my kids.
And we did not put names, so we'll say the
(10:23):
names my mother, Peggy again.
Speaker 14 (10:27):
My mom, Denise, my mom and dad, Lily and Philip,
my mom, Addie.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
Okay, all right, thank you ladies, Thank you so much. Laura.
Can we get to your group?
Speaker 15 (10:37):
Sure, so too, it's who speakingless, Laura. Okay, so we
dug deep group too, dug deep for this and collectively,
you know, when we talked about the toughest choice and
being accountable and divorce is one. Choosing to marry it
(11:03):
was another. And a recurring theme was either running for office,
taking on a new job. So we have several of
those that came up, and becoming a foster care parent,
becoming a care taker, taking on the ministry, becoming a minister,
becoming an entrepreneur, and.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Being a mother.
Speaker 15 (11:27):
Right, so those are our choices.
Speaker 5 (11:30):
Okay, thank you did you mention the women.
Speaker 15 (11:32):
We talked about the we named the women before.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Add one more name, that is Cora. Cora Okay, all right, Cora,
I said, that's aw mama's name.
Speaker 5 (11:43):
All right.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
And Yvett your group, Yes, Yokahu, Yvette is here.
Speaker 16 (11:50):
We talked about getting divorced. There's a couple of getting
divorced here. I talked about substance use disorder. So it's
something that happens to so many of us and we
don't talk about it. So it's really important to be
authentic about it, be accountable to it and for it
(12:11):
and of it, because we have to take away the stigma.
We have to end the shame surrounding substance use disorders.
So that was a huge one. We talked about this
has happened in two of our families, just of our
small group here, and we talked about interventions, and we
talked about what families go through and the accountability that
(12:34):
really happens at every single level when you deal with this,
especially children as well. So a lot of what we
don't discuss with substance use disorder needs to also be
brought into the sunshine right and into the light, and
a lot of the women that helped us with accountability.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
My I'll start with me.
Speaker 16 (12:59):
Both of my ayboy and us are were very very accountable,
chatty women. They like to sit down and talk for
a really long time. A aw amama.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
And then when.
Speaker 16 (13:12):
It came to a divorce, somebody that really helped through
one of our shining lights here forward. Her name was
Johnny Fiber.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Is that right?
Speaker 16 (13:23):
And Marilyn, Oh, they're smoking up here too. I'm sorry
I didn't see.
Speaker 5 (13:29):
Smoking smoking smoking okay, and I can't remember who wrote it.
If you want to talk about it, quitting smoking. This
is huge, absolutely, thank you, thank you, clapping up, clap
it of all right.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
The next phase is addressing our fears. Addressing our fears
requires vulnerability and trust or believe we can move in
different directions away from fear or a negative thought. So
what is the one fear or block you wish you
(14:06):
could change? What is the one fear or block.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
You wish you could change for yourself?
Speaker 17 (14:14):
That's very easy, comes doubt, no doubt.
Speaker 18 (14:27):
That yeah, tech something that.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Financially because.
Speaker 12 (14:47):
Oh that's fine too. What's something fear? What's something? Do
the question a poet go.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Yes, what is the one fear or block you wish
you could change. The one fear block you.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Wish you could change.
Speaker 19 (15:11):
So financial security, my son.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
Understand.
Speaker 6 (15:29):
So financial security is the doubt is a fear.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Suspect.
Speaker 13 (15:38):
I don't know, alright, what else?
Speaker 12 (15:50):
You can bring your chair?
Speaker 5 (15:51):
Come on, just bring your chair over.
Speaker 19 (15:54):
Just bring your chair.
Speaker 20 (15:56):
Again, you know, friend saying, you saying, it's crazy.
Speaker 12 (16:15):
Everybody's just shaking as you.
Speaker 21 (16:19):
Okay, well you're.
Speaker 19 (16:26):
Right, it's not the best.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
And the next part of that is site a woman
in your life, you watched move past her fear. Site
a woman in your life, you watched move past her fear.
Speaker 11 (16:49):
Past it's hard for me.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
Of examples from women in.
Speaker 19 (16:54):
My life, my life most.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Hard and.
Speaker 10 (17:13):
Yeah, I know right, imagine it came from a place
of authenticity in the.
Speaker 22 (17:23):
Rock just two minutes older, sister beings pretty big.
Speaker 18 (17:39):
So your sister what's your name?
Speaker 7 (17:46):
Was like, yeah, yeah, women in my family, Oh.
Speaker 8 (17:59):
Your story st want to.
Speaker 7 (18:29):
Want to be.
Speaker 12 (18:45):
Jeers jeers.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Very I should just get.
Speaker 4 (19:10):
Yeah, right, because not.
Speaker 12 (19:18):
Everything that's just responsible.
Speaker 19 (19:41):
Counts still.
Speaker 8 (19:46):
Still manage, still.
Speaker 21 (19:57):
Failure handle that baby.
Speaker 22 (20:13):
Maybe has.
Speaker 8 (20:17):
Huge I didn't.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
I listen, God, Okay, all right, accountable?
Speaker 15 (20:40):
I think you.
Speaker 10 (20:44):
Forces part.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Okay, now we're gonna share. Let's see, let's start with
number three. So okay, number three, I'm smiling. Okay, what's
the fear of the block.
Speaker 5 (21:15):
Losing the snun.
Speaker 14 (21:18):
Just so trusting people?
Speaker 12 (21:23):
You know, you some some of us trust naturally and then.
Speaker 14 (21:29):
It doesn't work out or you get betrayed, and it's
really hard to go back to the trusting. And that's
like a big fear because you want to open up
and you want to trust, and then and then you
realize the betrayals and that that becomes very difficult. That's
(21:50):
one fear public speaking, which I'm sure a lot of
people can share. But it was interesting because the person
who said public speaking, we were like, really, like you.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Look so cool.
Speaker 14 (22:06):
Not not meeting everyone's expectation, it's a bigger fear, like
people put you on this pedestal and yeah, and you're
just human, and it's the fear of not meeting their
expectation and their disappointment and then losing authenticity. So that
(22:29):
was me, And it's very difficult when you can't please
everyone and you have to keep focused on your mission
while trying to understand all the other stakeholders that have
(22:49):
their own feelings, and it can be taxing and fearful,
and but not to take it personally and to be
authentic to who you are and what you stand for can.
Speaker 10 (23:04):
Be very, very difficult.
Speaker 5 (23:07):
And we must all remember that perfection is an illusion. Okay.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Was there a woman that demonstrated, you know, working through
fear that you can relate to that?
Speaker 8 (23:22):
Anyone?
Speaker 5 (23:22):
Come up for you, guys, my sister.
Speaker 14 (23:27):
Back to mother Theresa.
Speaker 16 (23:28):
Huh.
Speaker 14 (23:32):
One of my favorite quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt, who says,
you must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
Yes, thank you my mother being one of the first.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Female pastors in this region.
Speaker 23 (23:51):
You know, I saw her tunnel through all of that,
you know, when men said, well God didn't call a
lady thea and all this stuff and having to still
do it.
Speaker 5 (24:04):
Hey, yeah, yes, thank you, Thank you guys for sharing
Rebecca your group.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Sure I'm resilient, Rebecca.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
All the people talking about this time of year and
how gray and cold and wet and is and I
was thinking when people were talking about the sunshine, that
about that Those of you who know Katie Lang's album
Invincible Summer just based on that quote from come you
in the depths of winter, I finally found within myself
an invincible summer m You know, I was thinking about
(24:35):
that when people were talking about the weather.
Speaker 14 (24:36):
We all really need spring, don't we.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
So the fears that this group talked about were fears
of the unknown, fears of failure people, fear of people
having telling you that you failed, fear of uncertainty and
fear for your kids' futures, fear of relationships, building relationships
like this group was talking about trust, and then we
(25:01):
talked about some of the ways like how to address
them and to confront and conquer freate fears and break
negative cycles of thinking and uh and then some of
the people we mentioned were moms again, Geraldine and Joyce,
(25:23):
who changed everything that she wanted to When things weren't
to her liking, she just moved and started over with
a blank slate for herself and her kids. And my mom, Verne,
who battled cancer and was still taking care of my
dad to the very very end and uh so and
refused to allow anybody else to do it, and uh
and so those were some of the people we mentioned.
(25:44):
I think Geraldine, Verne, Joyce, did I miss anybody? Anybody
want to add no, good, okay, I think that's ours.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
Thank you, Thank you so much for sharing. Thank you,
Mindy your group.
Speaker 8 (25:57):
Sure we love.
Speaker 24 (25:58):
We lost a couple of members, yes, oops, multitasking Mindy here.
Speaker 5 (26:03):
So we were good at coming up with fears.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Came easy.
Speaker 24 (26:10):
Fear of losing mental abilities, fear of losing our rights,
fear of aging, public speaking, group activities.
Speaker 5 (26:25):
Look at that.
Speaker 24 (26:26):
I guess we're overcoming that, right, performing and acceptance. And
for me, the person that I mentioned was me. I
said it wasn't really my mother, because although she was
(26:48):
very supportive, she probably made me more fearful. And it
was really finally me that it was time to step
up and speak out and find my voice.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
So I'm gonna let oops, I'll let you, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
A question for you. You said you said acceptance. Was
it fear of non acceptance or a fear of non acceptance?
Speaker 5 (27:16):
Non except okay, I just wanted to clarify that, all right,
thank you, thank you? All right?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Uh over here I managed to forget fear of death,
which was written larger than anything else. I don't know. Yes,
I was saving it for last because it seemed kind
of final, but that was definitely what I want.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
Thank you, re Becca. Yes, your group group was that
group two four four?
Speaker 15 (27:40):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (27:40):
Yes, who else gonna speak over there?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Fasten the mic, Fasten the mic, fasten the mic.
Speaker 5 (27:45):
I'm so let's speak up.
Speaker 16 (27:46):
Let's good, be afraid of the mic, right, Okay.
Speaker 25 (27:52):
So our fears were not feeling good enough, not keeping up,
fear of letting people in.
Speaker 5 (27:59):
Right, that's huge.
Speaker 25 (28:01):
And some of the people that we name were poet Goals. Yes, yes,
we also put on here, Gwen. We listed moms and daughters,
Hannah who was named earlier, my mom, Barbara, and then
all of us, all of us women are are are
really overcoming fears on a daily basis with all the
(28:22):
stuff that we're doing, especially as leaders in this community.
Speaker 5 (28:26):
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Group five.
Speaker 21 (28:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (28:31):
Lots of overarching themes here. Lots of overarching themes here.
Fear of letting people in, fear of being misunderstood, being alone,
just self.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Doubt in general.
Speaker 8 (28:45):
Uh.
Speaker 10 (28:45):
Fear of financial financial security was an overlapping one with
us as well.
Speaker 9 (28:51):
Uh.
Speaker 10 (28:51):
Lack of freedom is a big one for me, fearing
like that my freedoms will be taken away somehow, and
then a fear of that the youth, that the younger
generation won't realize their potential, and yeah and some some
over Some names that came up in terms of fearless people.
Speaker 5 (29:11):
Include Michelle Obama.
Speaker 10 (29:13):
I mentioned my sister Melissa, who beat two different types
of cancer over a period of several years. I mean,
if that's not overcoming fear, I don't.
Speaker 4 (29:22):
Know it is.
Speaker 10 (29:24):
Lucinda Wilson Todd also was a was a key name
that came up as well.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
And Hattie Jones.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
Good, yes, thank you, Thank you, ladies, thank.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
You, thanks for listening to finding out with Pete and
the poet Gode. Don't miss our next episode in our
special series to celebrate Women's History Month, titled Poe Gode
Knows Women lead Duchess Luncheon, gathering women leaders of Duchess
County to participate in my workshop
The views and opinions expressed in the following programmer, those
are the speaker and don't necessarily represent those of the
station it's staff, management or ownership.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Welcome to finding out with Pete and the Poet Gold
and our special series to celebrate Women's History Month titled
Poet Gold Knows Women Lead Duchess Luncheon, gathering women leaders
of Duchess County to participate in my workshop. Great, so
let's move on to the second question. Actually, the second
part of the process of being the poem is being accountable,
being accountable for our choices.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
That we make in life.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Sometimes the lack of accountability can create societal tsunamis right collectively,
when we don't want to be accountable for our individual choice,
the choice that we made maybe ten years ago will
impact us ten years later, and we can't figure out, well,
why am I here? Well, it's something that happened, that
one small choice that may have had a butterfly effect
(00:58):
in your life, and then you land someplace and oftentimes
we're too busy to reflect upon it, and then we
projected onto others. So what was the hardest choice? You
did not want to be accountable for, but in the end,
you had to. Yeah, I told you we're gonna.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
Get deep in here today.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
What was the hardest choice you did not want to
be accountable for?
Speaker 5 (01:22):
But in the end you had to?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
M yeah, yes, M yes, a new circle, one of
the other circles. But but I realized everyone's doing their
own circle things, so it's okay. The hardest choice you
(01:47):
did not the hardest choice. You did not want to
be accountable for, but in the end you had to.
What was the hardest choice you did not want to
(02:07):
be accountable for, but in the end.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
You had to.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
And then, of course, was there a woman who taught
your accountability in life? Was there someone in your life
who taught your accountability how to take responsibility for the
choices you made?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Who was that lady?
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Okay, we're ready to share.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
We're ready to share.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Okay, let's start here in the back of the room.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
We're gonna reverse it. We're gonna start with you guys.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yes, what was the hardest choice you did not want
to be accountable for, but in the end had to.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
I mean I can okay, so.
Speaker 6 (02:55):
Hi, uh, Well, this is a hard question because I
am often take Andrea, So there's not too many things
that I do that I don't want to do, you
know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
So we can go back to your childhood before you
became god.
Speaker 5 (03:10):
Okay, no, seriously, I'm just just fud it.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
So I think.
Speaker 6 (03:17):
A decision that was made by my family to uh
take responsibilities kind of the next generation of my family
and carry the legacy of my family forward. When my family,
the elders of our family got together and decided who
would be the person to do it, they chose me
to lead.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
That I didn't.
Speaker 6 (03:37):
Want it at the time, one because it was a
confirmation for me that they would be passing on and
I didn't really want to deal with the thought that
they would not be there, and so I didn't want
it for that reason. And then but now that they
gave me the past, the torch to me to keep
the legacy alive.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
I am totally thrilled that they chose me.
Speaker 6 (04:01):
And I think it's a definite honor to their legacy
that I that I cherish and so and I learned
that from when the next questions you asked about the
the who taught.
Speaker 7 (04:12):
You off, you know, to be responsible.
Speaker 6 (04:13):
If my grandmother, uh Cora Matthews used to always say
all the time. The biggest problem that we have in
our community that nobody.
Speaker 5 (04:22):
Wants to take responsibility for their actions.
Speaker 6 (04:24):
It's always somebody else's fault. And she said we would
be further along as a people if people would just
take responsibility for what they do and stop blaming other
people for the things that we don't really want to do.
So I've my whole entire childhood, I've been taught that
that's one of the things.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
That keeps people with the people at a disadvantage.
Speaker 8 (04:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:48):
Right, anybody want to share anyone good? Yeah, this is
a tough one for me.
Speaker 9 (04:55):
My mother was sick for a long period of time.
She lived in our Ington, Virginia, and each one of
us in the family had to take a week of
going down and taking care of her.
Speaker 5 (05:07):
And the end.
Speaker 9 (05:11):
Of my week, you know, I kissed her and told
her that, you know, I'll see her in three weeks,
and it was and two days later she died and
I wasn't there. Yes, And so I felt that responsible.
Did I really know whether or not she was going
(05:34):
to die before I came back, you know, And I
think about that all the time. So I have to
be accountable for the fact that she got away from me.
I dream about her every day. During last night and
she said she was coming over at three pm for dinner.
So yeah, so we still we have a very close relationship.
Speaker 10 (05:56):
Now, yes, astutely, Lord, Oh mine's quick. I'm of my sisters,
I'm the I'm the one who lives closest to my parents,
and by default, I'm responsible for everything that happens as
they get older and pass away. And that is in
twenty sixteen, when my life was, you know, less, less busy,
(06:19):
and when I wasn't managing the entire household, that was
much more irrealistic. But now fast forward ten years later,
I'm questioning that decision. So that's that's my journey, and
I'm not sure what's next. But that's something I've been
held accountable for.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
Thank you, Lord, thanks for sharing.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah right, we started with you, right, Okay, so we're
gonna go to your group.
Speaker 11 (06:43):
Okay, we're grouped number four, and so we made a
new circle.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Huh, what hardest choices? And you're right when you said
we're gonna get.
Speaker 5 (06:52):
A little deep with this one.
Speaker 11 (06:54):
One of the things somebody said was moving away from
their bio sister or biofamily and making a family of
their own and deciding that that is what was best
for them somebody else, which I can totally resonate with
terminating employees. Sometimes you know they need to go, but
telling them is hard. It's never a good feeling. But
(07:18):
sometimes it's best for not only you and the company,
but also best for them to figure out what their
next move is. And then choosing career, choosing care versus career,
whether it's parents, whether it's children. I know for myself
I have a disabled daughter and there came a time
when I was in the military that I then had
(07:39):
to give that up to ensure that at least one
of her parents were home to make sure she got
the care that she needed. So this is near and
dear to my heart as well. And then we talked
about people who helped us to realize, you know, responsibility
and accountability, and moms came in again, Katherine, dads came in.
(08:02):
I had my Daddazel and I don't want to pronounce
this wrong.
Speaker 10 (08:05):
And said veru veru.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
And then we had the nuns from Catholic school. M definitely,
oh yes, I had those moments. Stick out your hand.
Speaker 8 (08:17):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Indeed, I have a story in my book called the
can Collector. That speaks to termination, right, you know that
it is a challenging and difficult thing to do because
you're impacting someone's life. And it's how we do it
in the process, you know, how do you terminate and
lift at the same time.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
Yeah, so I get that.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Thank you, Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
Back back the room.
Speaker 12 (08:45):
Yeah, where where Group three?
Speaker 4 (08:47):
What's your name? Learning?
Speaker 12 (08:49):
Liz?
Speaker 5 (08:49):
Learning Liz?
Speaker 13 (08:51):
Where?
Speaker 7 (08:52):
Group three about being accountable and the hardest choice. Our
first was you're called to serve the Lord and you
become a pastor and you realize that you are the
shepherd and you have a flock to take care of.
It's a very big responsibility. Another one is taking care
(09:14):
of your aging parents. We're resonating with several of you,
and as well as taking care of a child rather
than your career, your job. You may have worked through
your first child, but you realized that, you know, after
experience that it's important, it was important to be home
(09:37):
taking care. And the last one is marriage loyalty into play.
And I said that and to put it in context,
we don't have any children or anything like that, but
what if your family doesn't get along with your spouse,
and you know, there's a lot of criticism or whatever
and distrust. Who's do you stand by? And I'm not
(10:02):
saying that's my whole life, but my marriage actually taught
me to stand up and be authentic about being married,
you know, yeah, you know. And so again the last
one was staying home for a while to raise my kids.
And we did not put names, so we'll say the
(10:23):
names my mother, Peggy again.
Speaker 14 (10:27):
My mom, Denise, my mom and dad, Lily and Philip,
my mom, Addie.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
Okay, all right, thank you ladies, Thank you so much. Laura.
Can we get to your group?
Speaker 15 (10:37):
Sure, so too, it's who speakingless, Laura. Okay, so we
dug deep group too, dug deep for this and collectively,
you know, when we talked about the toughest choice and
being accountable and divorce is one. Choosing to marry it
(11:03):
was another. And a recurring theme was either running for office,
taking on a new job. So we have several of
those that came up, and becoming a foster care parent,
becoming a care taker, taking on the ministry, becoming a minister,
becoming an entrepreneur, and.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Being a mother.
Speaker 15 (11:27):
Right, so those are our choices.
Speaker 5 (11:30):
Okay, thank you did you mention the women.
Speaker 15 (11:32):
We talked about the we named the women before.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Add one more name, that is Cora. Cora Okay, all right, Cora,
I said, that's aw mama's name.
Speaker 5 (11:43):
All right.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
And Yvett your group, Yes, Yokahu, Yvette is here.
Speaker 16 (11:50):
We talked about getting divorced. There's a couple of getting
divorced here. I talked about substance use disorder. So it's
something that happens to so many of us and we
don't talk about it. So it's really important to be
authentic about it, be accountable to it and for it
(12:11):
and of it, because we have to take away the stigma.
We have to end the shame surrounding substance use disorders.
So that was a huge one. We talked about this
has happened in two of our families, just of our
small group here, and we talked about interventions, and we
talked about what families go through and the accountability that
(12:34):
really happens at every single level when you deal with this,
especially children as well. So a lot of what we
don't discuss with substance use disorder needs to also be
brought into the sunshine right and into the light, and
a lot of the women that helped us with accountability.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
My I'll start with me.
Speaker 16 (12:59):
Both of my ayboy and us are were very very accountable,
chatty women. They like to sit down and talk for
a really long time. A aw amama.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
And then when.
Speaker 16 (13:12):
It came to a divorce, somebody that really helped through
one of our shining lights here forward. Her name was
Johnny Fiber.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Is that right?
Speaker 16 (13:23):
And Marilyn, Oh, they're smoking up here too. I'm sorry
I didn't see.
Speaker 5 (13:29):
Smoking smoking smoking okay, and I can't remember who wrote it.
If you want to talk about it, quitting smoking. This
is huge, absolutely, thank you, thank you, clapping up, clap
it of all right.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
The next phase is addressing our fears. Addressing our fears
requires vulnerability and trust or believe we can move in
different directions away from fear or a negative thought. So
what is the one fear or block you wish you
(14:06):
could change? What is the one fear or block.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
You wish you could change for yourself?
Speaker 17 (14:14):
That's very easy, comes doubt, no doubt.
Speaker 18 (14:27):
That yeah, tech something that.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Financially because.
Speaker 12 (14:47):
Oh that's fine too. What's something fear? What's something? Do
the question a poet go.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Yes, what is the one fear or block you wish
you could change. The one fear block you.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Wish you could change.
Speaker 19 (15:11):
So financial security, my son.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
Understand.
Speaker 6 (15:29):
So financial security is the doubt is a fear.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Suspect.
Speaker 13 (15:38):
I don't know, alright, what else?
Speaker 12 (15:50):
You can bring your chair?
Speaker 5 (15:51):
Come on, just bring your chair over.
Speaker 19 (15:54):
Just bring your chair.
Speaker 20 (15:56):
Again, you know, friend saying, you saying, it's crazy.
Speaker 12 (16:15):
Everybody's just shaking as you.
Speaker 21 (16:19):
Okay, well you're.
Speaker 19 (16:26):
Right, it's not the best.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
And the next part of that is site a woman
in your life, you watched move past her fear. Site
a woman in your life, you watched move past her fear.
Speaker 11 (16:49):
Past it's hard for me.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
Of examples from women in.
Speaker 19 (16:54):
My life, my life most.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Hard and.
Speaker 10 (17:13):
Yeah, I know right, imagine it came from a place
of authenticity in the.
Speaker 22 (17:23):
Rock just two minutes older, sister beings pretty big.
Speaker 18 (17:39):
So your sister what's your name?
Speaker 7 (17:46):
Was like, yeah, yeah, women in my family, Oh.
Speaker 8 (17:59):
Your story st want to.
Speaker 7 (18:29):
Want to be.
Speaker 12 (18:45):
Jeers jeers.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Very I should just get.
Speaker 4 (19:10):
Yeah, right, because not.
Speaker 12 (19:18):
Everything that's just responsible.
Speaker 19 (19:41):
Counts still.
Speaker 8 (19:46):
Still manage, still.
Speaker 21 (19:57):
Failure handle that baby.
Speaker 22 (20:13):
Maybe has.
Speaker 8 (20:17):
Huge I didn't.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
I listen, God, Okay, all right, accountable?
Speaker 15 (20:40):
I think you.
Speaker 10 (20:44):
Forces part.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Okay, now we're gonna share. Let's see, let's start with
number three. So okay, number three, I'm smiling. Okay, what's
the fear of the block.
Speaker 5 (21:15):
Losing the snun.
Speaker 14 (21:18):
Just so trusting people?
Speaker 12 (21:23):
You know, you some some of us trust naturally and then.
Speaker 14 (21:29):
It doesn't work out or you get betrayed, and it's
really hard to go back to the trusting. And that's
like a big fear because you want to open up
and you want to trust, and then and then you
realize the betrayals and that that becomes very difficult. That's
(21:50):
one fear public speaking, which I'm sure a lot of
people can share. But it was interesting because the person
who said public speaking, we were like, really, like you.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Look so cool.
Speaker 14 (22:06):
Not not meeting everyone's expectation, it's a bigger fear, like
people put you on this pedestal and yeah, and you're
just human, and it's the fear of not meeting their
expectation and their disappointment and then losing authenticity. So that
(22:29):
was me, And it's very difficult when you can't please
everyone and you have to keep focused on your mission
while trying to understand all the other stakeholders that have
(22:49):
their own feelings, and it can be taxing and fearful,
and but not to take it personally and to be
authentic to who you are and what you stand for can.
Speaker 10 (23:04):
Be very, very difficult.
Speaker 5 (23:07):
And we must all remember that perfection is an illusion. Okay.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Was there a woman that demonstrated, you know, working through
fear that you can relate to that?
Speaker 8 (23:22):
Anyone?
Speaker 5 (23:22):
Come up for you, guys, my sister.
Speaker 14 (23:27):
Back to mother Theresa.
Speaker 16 (23:28):
Huh.
Speaker 14 (23:32):
One of my favorite quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt, who says,
you must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
Yes, thank you my mother being one of the first.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Female pastors in this region.
Speaker 23 (23:51):
You know, I saw her tunnel through all of that,
you know, when men said, well God didn't call a
lady thea and all this stuff and having to still
do it.
Speaker 5 (24:04):
Hey, yeah, yes, thank you, Thank you guys for sharing
Rebecca your group.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Sure I'm resilient, Rebecca.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
All the people talking about this time of year and
how gray and cold and wet and is and I
was thinking when people were talking about the sunshine, that
about that Those of you who know Katie Lang's album
Invincible Summer just based on that quote from come you
in the depths of winter, I finally found within myself
an invincible summer m You know, I was thinking about
(24:35):
that when people were talking about the weather.
Speaker 14 (24:36):
We all really need spring, don't we.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
So the fears that this group talked about were fears
of the unknown, fears of failure people, fear of people
having telling you that you failed, fear of uncertainty and
fear for your kids' futures, fear of relationships, building relationships
like this group was talking about trust, and then we
(25:01):
talked about some of the ways like how to address
them and to confront and conquer freate fears and break
negative cycles of thinking and uh and then some of
the people we mentioned were moms again, Geraldine and Joyce,
(25:23):
who changed everything that she wanted to When things weren't
to her liking, she just moved and started over with
a blank slate for herself and her kids. And my mom, Verne,
who battled cancer and was still taking care of my
dad to the very very end and uh so and
refused to allow anybody else to do it, and uh
and so those were some of the people we mentioned.
(25:44):
I think Geraldine, Verne, Joyce, did I miss anybody? Anybody
want to add no, good, okay, I think that's ours.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
Thank you, Thank you so much for sharing. Thank you,
Mindy your group.
Speaker 8 (25:57):
Sure we love.
Speaker 24 (25:58):
We lost a couple of members, yes, oops, multitasking Mindy here.
Speaker 5 (26:03):
So we were good at coming up with fears.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Came easy.
Speaker 24 (26:10):
Fear of losing mental abilities, fear of losing our rights,
fear of aging, public speaking, group activities.
Speaker 5 (26:25):
Look at that.
Speaker 24 (26:26):
I guess we're overcoming that, right, performing and acceptance. And
for me, the person that I mentioned was me. I
said it wasn't really my mother, because although she was
(26:48):
very supportive, she probably made me more fearful. And it
was really finally me that it was time to step
up and speak out and find my voice.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
So I'm gonna let oops, I'll let you, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
A question for you. You said you said acceptance. Was
it fear of non acceptance or a fear of non acceptance?
Speaker 5 (27:16):
Non except okay, I just wanted to clarify that, all right,
thank you, thank you? All right?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Uh over here I managed to forget fear of death,
which was written larger than anything else. I don't know. Yes,
I was saving it for last because it seemed kind
of final, but that was definitely what I want.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
Thank you, re Becca. Yes, your group group was that
group two four four?
Speaker 15 (27:40):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (27:40):
Yes, who else gonna speak over there?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Fasten the mic, Fasten the mic, fasten the mic.
Speaker 5 (27:45):
I'm so let's speak up.
Speaker 16 (27:46):
Let's good, be afraid of the mic, right, Okay.
Speaker 25 (27:52):
So our fears were not feeling good enough, not keeping up,
fear of letting people in.
Speaker 5 (27:59):
Right, that's huge.
Speaker 25 (28:01):
And some of the people that we name were poet Goals. Yes, yes,
we also put on here, Gwen. We listed moms and daughters,
Hannah who was named earlier, my mom, Barbara, and then
all of us, all of us women are are are
really overcoming fears on a daily basis with all the
(28:22):
stuff that we're doing, especially as leaders in this community.
Speaker 5 (28:26):
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Group five.
Speaker 21 (28:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (28:31):
Lots of overarching themes here. Lots of overarching themes here.
Fear of letting people in, fear of being misunderstood, being alone,
just self.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Doubt in general.
Speaker 8 (28:45):
Uh.
Speaker 10 (28:45):
Fear of financial financial security was an overlapping one with
us as well.
Speaker 9 (28:51):
Uh.
Speaker 10 (28:51):
Lack of freedom is a big one for me, fearing
like that my freedoms will be taken away somehow, and
then a fear of that the youth, that the younger
generation won't realize their potential, and yeah and some some
over Some names that came up in terms of fearless people.
Speaker 5 (29:11):
Include Michelle Obama.
Speaker 10 (29:13):
I mentioned my sister Melissa, who beat two different types
of cancer over a period of several years. I mean,
if that's not overcoming fear, I don't.
Speaker 4 (29:22):
Know it is.
Speaker 10 (29:24):
Lucinda Wilson Todd also was a was a key name
that came up as well.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
And Hattie Jones.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
Good, yes, thank you, Thank you, ladies, thank.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
You, thanks for listening to finding out with Pete and
the poet Gode. Don't miss our next episode in our
special series to celebrate Women's History Month, titled Poe Gode
Knows Women lead Duchess Luncheon, gathering women leaders of Duchess
County to participate in my workshop
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