May 14, 2023 • 33 mins
Ben Maller & Danny G. deliver mail bag fun for your Sunday! All questions sent in by new listeners & P1's of the #MallerMilitia! Download, subscribe, and remember that sharing is caring (unless it's an STD.) Follow Danny G. @DannyGradio and Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and listen to the original terrestrial radio edition of "Ben Maller Show," Monday-Friday on Fox Sports Radio, 2a-6a ET, 11p-3a PT!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kabbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now in
the A.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Everyway. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallor and Danny G
Radio is a production of iHeartMedia. Unless it's well, it
is cutting well. There are corporate overlords. They are, but
they don't really mess with us too much. I will
give them credit. They don't even know we really exist. Danny,
I don't think, and we'd like to keep it that way.
I think I don't know. I have no idea in fairness.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
They kind of do know, because we're always like the
third or fourth streamed out of all of iHeart with
thousands of channels. Yes, for some reason, people go to
Fox Sports Radio the most.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Yeah, that is pretty cool. iHeart is the largest audio
company that I know of. Is there anyone bigger than
iHeart in terms of what they produce content.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
No, I think it's iHeart first and then Odyssey second.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah, those are the two big media companies. And yeah,
Fox Sports Radio God bless you because of You is
always in the top five out of all of the
options that you have available, always in the top five.
Which is wonderful, which is glorious and marvelous and all that.
(01:47):
And the Fifth Hour, which is a spin off of
the overnight show, the Ben Malor Show, which I'm part
of with my name on it, and Danny g Radio
Covino and rich On the newest show, the newest weekday show,
and this is Sunday and Danny, what does Sunday mean?
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Mail? Mother sucker?
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Ohioal will you please do the honors? It's this mail bag.
These are actual questions by actual listeners. And I was
(02:29):
concerned when we started this podcast years ago that we
would not get enough email every week to have a
mail bag. And originally we did this podcast. I think
we did it, if I remember correctly, one day a week.
Then we went to two days a week, and then
we said I'll screw it, We'll do it three days
a week because we're losers and not you, Danny. That
(02:49):
was before you came on. We were losers. Other people
were losers, and here we are three days a week.
So anyway, whenever you want real fifth hour at gmail
dot com, all letters, no numbers, knock yourself out first
on the mailbag. Mike in Fullerton writes in he says,
I called it, guys. I predicted your old studio would
(03:11):
be used for podcasts. I also guess it would become
a hobo hangout, which would have been a lot cooler.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Though there are some sleeping bags I've seen in there.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yeah, there is still an opportunity for that to become
a homeless shelter. It is not over All that would
take is to open that door that goes out to
the street where all the homeless guys are hanging out.
Just let them in, just shepherd them in and be
and then you'd be fine. I have been hanging out
(03:42):
a lot in the old studio. The company thought it
would be a good idea for me to come into
the studio a little bit more. And you know, I
drive out from the north Woods. It's a nice long drive,
and so I have to leave at a certain time
because I'm supposed to watch these late NBA playoff games.
I've determined it's very hard to do that, Danny. When
you're sitting on the one oh one freeway or the
(04:06):
four oh five, it's very difficult to actually be able
to watch an NBA playoff game and do your job
properly when you anyway, So I've been getting there hanging
out in the old studio and it's great because no
one bugs me. But I say, no one bugs me,
but there have been people that have like walked by
and kind of distracted me, which I don't. I mean,
(04:27):
because that's a soundproof room.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Well it's to be expected because there's at that time
of the night, there's producers and editors, and it used
to be interns. Right, When are we going to bring
interns back?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
By the way, I demand, we need interns. Why do
we not have it?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
COVID.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
COVID's over COVID the world organization, and bring them back,
bring the interns back.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
And of course they see a celebrity sitting in that room,
they're gonna pop in and say something.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Oh, of course, you know, it's it's a it's like
a beehive there. The later you get, the more activity,
and all the management people I run into, all the
salespeople everyone. That's really why I need to be there, Danny,
to out with the sales staff and the management people
and the people cleaning the toilets, unless none of those
(05:19):
people are there, unless none of them are there and.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Anyway, But I was talking about Jason Smith too, and
I said celebrity.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Uh, Mike Harmon's the star of that show. The great
Mike Harmon is the one that moves the needle on
that show. And Mike also says, Danny gee, he says,
as far as the movie thing, he says, forget the movies.
If you want to be a real hero, though, you
should buy some of those half price Clipper jerseys you
mentioned last week and pass them out to the class.
(05:50):
Kids know it's hip the clip, Thank you, Mike.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yeah, I's never seen one kid wearing one piece of
Clippers tire on that entire campus of eleven hundred kids.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
That's a lie, you're lying.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Oh, I'm serious.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
I saw a throwback Chris Paul one day. That's it.
But I was thinking, Ben, I should at least bring
in a dozen donuts on the last day of school.
I take that back, the last day of school. Everybody
thinks that so the kids are overwhelmed with donuts and
things like that. So probably the third to last day
(06:29):
or the second to last day, you get to jump
on the competing teachers.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah, plus, isn't the common decorum in my day, you're
supposed to give the teacher a gift the last day
of school.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
To think you would think that, But nowadays the kids
run the world, so it's like, you know, everybody's giving
them gifts for some.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Reason, if them teachers is what they say.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yeah, yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
All right, well great email Mike. Absolutely hip the clip.
And all those little kids will be grown up in
twenty years. They're going to all go to the into
a dome and they'll be able to piss wherever they
want because there's more toilets there than the other arena
in the NBA, and their urine, their bladder, the little
(07:15):
boys and girls bladder will thank the world that Steve
Baumer put all those urinals and all the urinal cakes
and all the toilets in that new arena.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
So the ghost of Bomber, you guys will have a
different curse working against you, dare.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
You, Alf writes, and he says Ben, the alpmobile will
soon be in need for a new set of tires,
and I was wondering if you could give me that
you were, Danny G you could give me that tire
Rack super secret P one promo discount code for the
one dollar off per tire per year for listening to
the Ben Mahler Show and the Third Shift with Ben
(07:51):
Mahler and the Fifth Hour. I will take my answer
off the air. Yes, well, Danny, people at tire Racket,
great spot, and I'm I'm sure you can pass that on, right, Danny,
you're you're the one that went out of your way
to make sure to get that code, And.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Yeah, I can get you at least a seven percent
off discount.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yeah, we'll hook you up ALF whatever you need. And
in fact, we'll actually, because you're such a big p
one Alf, we're gonna get you hot wheel size ties.
We can afford that. We'll get you the hot wheel
size tires, the actual tires for the grown up car
a little more expensive, yep.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
And just because you are ALF, I'll get you roadside
assistance for free.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
That's the way to do it. Sure, absolutely. Fred in Spring,
Texas says, Hi, guys, great show. Fred's a big fan
of emails. All the time. He says, do either one
of you employ techniques to help you deal with stress, meditation, exercise,
et cetera. I do bite my fingernails. That helps the
(08:58):
I like going to the tread motes. It's like a
double whammie because you get to you get the little
sweat going. You think you're doing yourself a good mitzvah,
staying in shape, and it's kind of it's kind of
nice to just let yourself go. I like going out
of the beach during the summer. I've talked about this
in mountains and the snow. I was just in the
snow for my birthday out in Sequoia, which I thought
(09:19):
was great. What about you, Danny, You a big meditator,
deep breathing exercises.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Nah, you know that new age stuff. I go old
school Hugh Hefner. When I'm stressed, my wife he gives
me a nice back massage. She says, oh, you're tight,
you seem stressed, and then she'll just go to town on
my back. And then somehow she starts going lower and
I don't call nine to one one.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Do you wear your your Hugh Heffner outfit? Do you
have the.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Silk robe and the smoking pipe.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Yeah, the pipe. You gotta have the pipe there, that's
the key. Uh, clearly, Walt writes in from what Talk,
he says last Saturday, I was hiking on a south
mountain in Phoenix. Here, he says, around ten pm, all
of a sudden, I heard a strange noise. It sounded
like air escaping from an irrigation system when it started up.
(10:17):
So I turned my cheap Walmart headlamp in the direction
of the noise and found a rattlesnake hanging out just
off the trail. Its tail was up in the air, shaking,
and it was looking directly at me, he says, for
half about half a second, he said, I thought of
(10:39):
taking a picture of it, but thought better and backed up.
When I got home, I immediately ordered an expensive and
much brighter headlamps. Either of you encountered a potentially deadly
creature in the wild. We We've been asked this before.
I think the deadliest cree I've been around are human beings.
(11:02):
Those are the ones that scared me the most. I
was actually having this conversation. I'm gonna name drop here
with our morning guy, Jonas Knox, who, as we have
the same battle driving in at really bad hours. He
drives in at a bad hour. I drive home at
a terrible hour. And we were telling stories about how
twice in my actually three times, but twice in the
(11:24):
span of a couple of days, wrong way drivers on
the highway, driving late at night, hardly any traffic, somebody's
coming at you eighty miles an hour. What do you do?
That's happened to me twice? Well, once was on the highway,
once was on a surface street near Dodger Stadium in
(11:46):
Lincoln Heights where I used to live in LA And
that was a that was a scary one. Also. So
as far as like outdoors, now I think it'd be
kind of cool to say I had like a bear,
but now it would be cool after it was over.
I think the animal I brought up before is like
(12:07):
we've seen like bobcats, coyotes, those kind of things walking around.
But that's about it.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
What about you, Danny, Yeah, I've told the stories before
about how my cousin would take me on some hiking trips,
especially during the summer, and one of the Yellowstone trips
he's famous for saying, oh, it's a it's a beginner's hike,
don't worry. And it turned out to be a nine
to ten mile hike, and one of those. He kept
(12:35):
telling me, I just want to see a grizzly on
this trip. I want to see one grizzly. We're on
this nine mile hike and we hear a grizzly bear growling.
We booked, we ran, we hauled ass Ben down this trail,
and he changed his mind quickly. Just the ferocious sound
(12:56):
of that beast would scare you know, whole brother. So
we hauled out away from that part of the trail.
Oh yeah, brother, And then he told me when we
got back to the car, he told me, I changed
my mind. I don't think I really want to meet
it grizzly on this trip.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
On second thought, I think we are good. I think
we are good on that. Next up, Barry from Nashville,
he says. For now, anyway, Berry on the move, he says,
yo yo, Ma, Benny, one of my favorite sayings is
he was sucking. One of your favorite sayings is he
was sucking his toes. Well, well, well, well, well do
(13:36):
you think this guy is a Ben Mallor fan? He
sends me this. I'm sure you saw the story Danny,
this guy at a hotel in Nashville was arrested for
going into the room and sucking on the toes of
a customer at the hotel there that happened to be sleeping.
(13:57):
And he says, the question is, have either of you
ever had had anything weird like this happened to you
in your hotel room. I did have someone walk into
my room in the middle of the night, but no
toe sucking. He also says Barry that this hotel this
happened at was at a He says, I guess we
can name them. We can name the hotel. I mean,
that's what this is. This is from Barry in Nashville.
(14:19):
He says it was a Hilton hotel. So he said
it wasn't some cheap mom and pop hotel. He says,
this was a big hotel chain. Yeah, what other decisions
you think the guy made to get to that point,
by the way, where he's like, you know, I think
today's the day I'm going to go into the room
and this person needs it sucked, and I'm the person
(14:41):
that's going to be the one to do that.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, So I've had, yeah, I have had people pop
in that that that went to the wrong room. We're
gonna do maintenance in the room. But that's it. I've
never had any anyone come in there and like to
suck the gunk under my toenails. I've never that happen.
And so uh well, never a good looking woman by.
(15:06):
It's always some weird looking dude that's into these, right,
you know. It's never a good looking lady. It's always
some weird Maybe maybe we don't hear about the good
looking women they're into that danny. Maybe they just they're
off on an island somewhere.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
I thought my birthday last year was gonna be extra
special because we did a staycation for my birthday the
day after Christmas. It's weird timing. It's always weird to
celebrate a birthday around that time of the year. Anyways,
So my girl got a room at the Westlake Village Inn,
which is a fancy hotel here in our area. We go,
(15:39):
we check in, we get the hotel card, the key card,
We go upstairs to our room. She opens the door
and there is this milf sitting on the bed, a
gig any. My girl really surprised me. This birthday.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
We're gonna have a happy, happy, happy birthdays where you're
gonna have.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
But then I quickly realized the way they were looking
at each other that they did not know each other.
And we walked in on somebody's room, which was awkward,
and so we had to back up and apologize, and
the lady ran over and shut the door and locked it,
and we're like, oh, we were so sorry. So we
went down to the lobby and it wound up giving
(16:21):
us a upgrade because the girl at the front desk
was so embarrassed. She's like, I'm gonna upgrade your guys's
room because of that. So we got one of the
best rooms in the hotel. But as I was sitting there,
I was thinking, man, instead of an upgrade in the room,
I would have rather had that.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Hey, when you were backing out, did you make the
sound of a dump truck? Wow? So did the woman
in the room that you walked in on? Did she
get an upgrade as well? Or just a lawsuit, just
a nice lawsuit? Yeah? Nick in Wisconsin right since its
(16:59):
b and Danny g it has been a couple of
weeks because I have not been able to think of
anything good. He says, I am super pumped for the
meet and greet on the twentieth, and my wife still
thinks I'm a loser for going next week. No, no Nick,
no bad job by the wife. How dare you? The
(17:21):
wife should be very supportive that you do a lot
of help with the kids and all that. You want
to go and hang out for a night. What's the
big deal? You don't have to stay the whole time.
Come hang out, You get to meet Doc, Mike, Regina, Me,
whoever else shows up, all the big superstars. There's a
rumor hollering James is going to show up unconfirmed. Big Night,
(17:44):
Big Night, anyway, says onto the question, would you rather
fight a kangaroo or a badger?
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Stinking badgers?
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Let's see here. I've seen those videos of kangaroo's boxing,
and I think I could take a medium sized kangaroo.
I think I would be okay. A badger seems more
deadly to me. Am I wrong? Danny?
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Yeah, I think you're right about that. What if we
throw an alligator into the mix, Sarness, though, it'd have
to be a baby gator. I'm not talking one of
those huge crocodiles.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Those nine foot two hundred year old crocodiles.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
If it's a huge alligator, I don't want any business
in the water with that.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Oh no, no, no, no, yeah, Well.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Kwaight Travis Aw he's used to brag on the air
that he could beat an alligator with his bare hands.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
What is going on? I don't know that I would
test that out. I don't think I would go down
down that road. Well, that could be part of Animal Thunderdome.
Do that and you could have clayon and.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
Yeah coming in twenty twenty four, twenty one four, Danny, twenty,
my son is gonna host it.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yes, your son's son will host it on with Fox Travis. Yes,
Jennifer and beautiful Richmond, Virginia.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
That's one of his sons.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
By the way, Okay, says Ben and Danny. G Of
all the vegetables, do you know which one ranks at
the top of the stinkiest, raunchiest, gag inducing stench if
it's been cooked and left over, sitting out in the
fridge or in the trash. You want to take a guest,
(19:37):
Danny hmm.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
One of the Jennifer says, this is the stinkiest vegetable.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
That's according to Jennifer, she has done her own think tank,
the Jennifer Think Tank. She has done the research, she
has lived her life. She has figured this out. She
has solved one of the great mysteries of life. She says.
The hint here Danny. It starts with a bee and
an with an eye.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yeah, I was gonna guess califlower. It's in that family.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Yeah, cauliflower is is terrible and nasty and all that.
I am not a fan of the broccoli either. I'm
not a fan of the There's a lot of vegetables.
There's some cheeses that smell horrific.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
I like three cheese broccoli cheddar soup from Whole Foods,
but barely any broccoli in it, which is why it's good.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Well, I love garlic, and some people can't freaking stand garlic.
They like it. There are anti garlic people, you know,
we call them Danny the Devil, but they don't like
garlic and they are bothered by garlic and they can't
stand it and it drives them insane and all that.
And I have noticed most of the things that smell
(20:55):
pretty bad leave you with gas and bloating, right.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
Is it? Like?
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Don't don't most of these things that smell like cabbage
smells disgusting. I don't eat it. Broccoli, No, but don't.
Aren't these things they they're not good for your your
bloating situation at all.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Yeah, you're not wrong. It turns our nose off and
our stomach's off.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Yeah. And like Limburger cheese, which is the most often
called the most disgusting smelling cheese, Limburger cheese. I have
a theory that the cheese, these products smell like this
because you're they don't want you to eat it. It's
like a defense system for the for the broccoli. Don't
eat me. I smelled disgusting, horrible, all of that nasty
(21:40):
spin cycle. Regina right, since says what are you most
looking forward to when you get boots on the ground
in Minnesota? Yes, I was looking up some different places.
I've never been, so I've only been to the airport.
I want to get the vibe of the city. I
want to go. Uh, there's some I was looking up
some different things in Minnesota. There's like these old mills
on the Mississippi River which looked pretty cool. There's an
(22:03):
art there's this like outdoor art thing that I want
to check out. And I want to eat a lot
of good food like juicy Lucy's and all that stuff.
And I want to go to a lot of lakes.
It's the land of ten thousand Lakes. I would like.
I want to go to the lake where the Vikings
love boat happen. That's where I want to go. That's
where I want to hang out. Come on in, man,
(22:26):
Pete writes in He says, this is Pete and the
Machinist in Albany, Oregon. He says, I understand your position
on ranch dressing and how it is one of the
most despicable things on earth. To you, he says, short story.
When I started high school. I went to high school
with there was about twelve hundred people or so pizza
day in the cafeteria. You never saw a cup of
(22:46):
ranch dressing. My next year, I moved to my dad's
house in a rural town, one of these po dunk towns.
I started my sophomore year at a high school and
was built that was built around the turn of the
century and had an attendance of about one hundred and
forty people. On pizza day, every one of the students
got a section of their lunch tray filled with ranch dressing.
(23:10):
Oh my god, it's a nightmare to drown the pizza.
And when I say drowned, says, the pizza is the dressing.
That's what he meant. The school would actually water down
the ranch dressing so all the kids could get enough.
After that, Ranch grew on me a bit because I
(23:30):
was surrounded. My question is would there ever be a
situation where you could change your mind on ranch? He says,
I also love blue cheese, chipoltle, aoli, barbecue, sauce, mustard
for dipping. What are your favors? So I like honey mustard,
barbecue is a good one. Yeah, garlic aoli is not
a bad one. So to answer your question, Pete, yes,
(23:53):
I am a believer that every man has his price.
I'll tell you right now, anyone that cuts me a
check for five million dollars tax free, I will not
only eat. I will not only eat ranch dressing. I
will become a spokesperson and I will sing the praises
of the devil's blood. Five million dollars that's after taxes
(24:16):
and we're good. Cut me the check and I will
become an advocate. I will become an influencer for ranch dressing.
I will do the backstroke in a pool of ranch dressing.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
All right, I'm gonna give you a pizza place. It'll
change your life forever because of the pizza and the
ranch that they make in house. It is Toppers Pizza
and there's a location in Valencia, California. So if you
ever visit Magic Mountain, make sure to go to Toppers.
It's on Magic Mountain Parkway, so it's not that far
(24:49):
from the park. And Ben, they're pepperoni and olive pizza
with their homemade ranch. It'll change your life.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Danny, all due respect it you want to start a fight,
we can start a fight. But here's the thing. Okay,
if you make pizza the right way, you don't need
ranch dressing. You don't need any dressing. You don't. It's
the pizza that's the star of the show.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
You know that pizzas a ten out of ten, Ben,
but the homemade ranch makes it at twelve.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Icing on the cake and agree to disagree on that
and we'll just leave it at that. John from Omaha says, guys,
do you think humanity will step foot on Mars by
twenty fifty? You know, I think we will. Actually, I
think that'll be the next big thing. And like the Net,
And maybe not right now, but when we get to
twenty thirty or so, I think there will be human
(25:44):
beings on Mars. But it's really fucked up. Would you
like to be the first peep by curse? Would you
like to be the first people to go to Mars?
There's no food, there's no water, n What the hell
are you going to do? And it takes like a
year to get there. And they think they think you
can grow food in Martian soil, they don't know, but
(26:08):
you need water. Hello, what are you gonna do for
the water?
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Unless there's some Martian hose up there. There's no reason anybody,
any guy, as we learn that word on the podcast Friday,
there's no reason any guy would rush up to that planet.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
You imagine what that would be like, Like I get
upset flying from la to Boston, which is like five
and a half hours or whatever it is, and the
trip to Mars is thirty three point nine million miles away.
Thirty three point nine million miles away. You go there,
there's no water, there's no food. They think they can
(26:50):
grow potatoes and carrots and cabbage in the Martian soil
that they need a greenhouse. But you got to transport everything. Man, man,
oh man. I did see a story this week that
said that the first human crew to Mars should be
all female astronauts. I don't know. Do they know what
(27:12):
happens if you pro create? If they bring men and
women and they you couldn't even you couldn't get someone
pregnant because spoiler alert, there's no hospitals and there's no
doctors in there.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
There's a Mission to Mars show on Netflix that's pretty
good and it's with Hillary Swank. Check that out. Do
a search on that on Netflix. But she's one of
the astronauts who's first to go up to Mars.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Michael writes, and he says from Parts unknown, is swearing
necessary on the Fifth Hour podcast? No, no, no, no, no, no.
One need to be as an asshole and swear, right, Danny,
We don't need to curse.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
It depends what kind of fuckery is going on on
each episode exactly.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Calm down. If you knew how much we could curse
and how much we actually curse, come.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
On, yeah, there's really like two percent cursing on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah, calm down, all right, just you know, go to
pray for me or whatever I am, Alex Writzin, he says,
and this is the last one. Are there a high
percentage of really weird people in the radio business? From
the stories that you guys have told on this podcast,
it sure seems to be the case. Who was is
(28:30):
the most eccentric person you have worked with in the
radio world? Where to begin on this, Danny, It the
strangest people at the radio station are often the head
engineer of the radio station. That is usually the most
(28:52):
out there individual. But it started when I was in
college radio. We had a guy, a DJ named Blue,
that was his DJ name Blue, and he he had
this VW fan and he sometimes would like randomly he'd
played long blocks of in those days, there were certain
(29:16):
songs that were like twenty minutes or whatever you wanted
to break and he would go down to his car
for like ten minutes and sit. I think he was
like meditating as something. But he was like a really
kind of weird, weird dude. But yeah, there's been a
ton I don't is anyone that pops into your head, Danny.
And we told the stories off and on on this
podcast about some of the people we've run across and
(29:40):
I mean, there's there's some interesting cats, and the business
has changed a lot over the years, because it's a
lot different now than when we started because of Yeah
and all that other stuff.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Got him trying to think of the guy's name, But
it doesn't matter to our audience anyways. But up in
the Stockton Modesto, California video market when I was a kid,
he did this weird routine. In the morning, he would
come in I was doing the overnight. He would come
in an hour before his show with a big can
(30:11):
of lysol and he would lysol every little thing in
that studio to the point where I would be coughing
up a lung because all this excess lyesol was going
into my throat and my lungs, and I wanted to puke.
And it got to the point ben where I'd just
start WoT. I'd lift up my shirt and put it
(30:32):
over my nose like this, like I you know, like
somebody cut. One freak would be cleaning. He'd be disinfecting
everything in the studio and then he would get on
the air and he acted like a normal dude, but
off the air, he was very very Howie Mandel.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
That guy must have popped the woody when COVID came
around and everyone was splaying like, oh my god, my
dreams have come true. It's COVID. They get to spray
lysol everywhere, the greatest thing in the freaking world. Oh
my god.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Everyone's now had like Rubbert cleaning gloves on. I mean,
I felt like he was part of the cleaning crew.
Plus he was the AM morning drive guy. It was
really weird.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yeah, wacky, wacky, wacky wacky Tobacci thanks to Caleb ned
And there's a few other people here that we did
not get to, but we we went. We were longer
than we were supposed to go. Danny g. We got
to most everybody. So thank you for sending mail in
and we didn't use your letter. This week we will
have even though I'll be in Minnesota next week, we
(31:35):
will have podcasts up and so those will be available
for you original content and a week less than a
week now because this is Sunday, so less than a
week this coming Saturday, it is on like Donkey Kong,
the first ever Malard meet and greet in Minnesota. Would
love to hang out with you if you are in
the air area. If it's geographically desirable and it's something
(31:58):
you want to do. It's just a casual get together
and we can break bread and be friendly and all
that at the Malor Meet and Greet, which is at
the Mermaid Inn and Events Center in Mounds View, Minnesota.
We'll get out on that, Danny. I'll be back on
the radio tonight from the Mothership. And what do you have, Danny,
(32:20):
anything at all?
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Just one thought on the meet and greet. I bet
our listeners cannot wait to pound the mound.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Well, yes, it's Sunday.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Just gonna watch some NBA playoffs.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
On my Peach Cobbler list.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
It is Mother's Day, so gonna spoil the wife and
take her to get a prenatal massage today.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Well, I can't think of anything more romantic than that.
What a woman would not like that?
Speaker 3 (32:53):
My belly like Buddha?
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Yes, and please, I beg you if you are, and
most people are like I lost my mom ten years ago.
It's actually the ten years since my mom passed away.
Spoil the hell out of your mom. Take advantage of it.
You only have your mom for so long, and damn
it for me, if not for you, Just spoil the
hell out of your mom, make your mom happy. It's
(33:17):
the right thing to do because eventually you won't be
able to do that, so you might as well take
advantage of it. Well you can, why not?
Speaker 3 (33:22):
Absolutely so very true all about Mama today, dear Mama.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
Absolutely, I have a great day and I'll catch you
tonight on the radio.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Austa pasta population
Kabbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now in
the A.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Everyway. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallor and Danny G
Radio is a production of iHeartMedia. Unless it's well, it
is cutting well. There are corporate overlords. They are, but
they don't really mess with us too much. I will
give them credit. They don't even know we really exist. Danny,
I don't think, and we'd like to keep it that way.
I think I don't know. I have no idea in fairness.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
They kind of do know, because we're always like the
third or fourth streamed out of all of iHeart with
thousands of channels. Yes, for some reason, people go to
Fox Sports Radio the most.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Yeah, that is pretty cool. iHeart is the largest audio
company that I know of. Is there anyone bigger than
iHeart in terms of what they produce content.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
No, I think it's iHeart first and then Odyssey second.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah, those are the two big media companies. And yeah,
Fox Sports Radio God bless you because of You is
always in the top five out of all of the
options that you have available, always in the top five.
Which is wonderful, which is glorious and marvelous and all that.
(01:47):
And the Fifth Hour, which is a spin off of
the overnight show, the Ben Malor Show, which I'm part
of with my name on it, and Danny g Radio
Covino and rich On the newest show, the newest weekday show,
and this is Sunday and Danny, what does Sunday mean?
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Mail? Mother sucker?
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Ohioal will you please do the honors? It's this mail bag.
These are actual questions by actual listeners. And I was
(02:29):
concerned when we started this podcast years ago that we
would not get enough email every week to have a
mail bag. And originally we did this podcast. I think
we did it, if I remember correctly, one day a week.
Then we went to two days a week, and then
we said I'll screw it, We'll do it three days
a week because we're losers and not you, Danny. That
(02:49):
was before you came on. We were losers. Other people
were losers, and here we are three days a week.
So anyway, whenever you want real fifth hour at gmail
dot com, all letters, no numbers, knock yourself out first
on the mailbag. Mike in Fullerton writes in he says,
I called it, guys. I predicted your old studio would
(03:11):
be used for podcasts. I also guess it would become
a hobo hangout, which would have been a lot cooler.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Though there are some sleeping bags I've seen in there.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yeah, there is still an opportunity for that to become
a homeless shelter. It is not over All that would
take is to open that door that goes out to
the street where all the homeless guys are hanging out.
Just let them in, just shepherd them in and be
and then you'd be fine. I have been hanging out
(03:42):
a lot in the old studio. The company thought it
would be a good idea for me to come into
the studio a little bit more. And you know, I
drive out from the north Woods. It's a nice long drive,
and so I have to leave at a certain time
because I'm supposed to watch these late NBA playoff games.
I've determined it's very hard to do that, Danny. When
you're sitting on the one oh one freeway or the
(04:06):
four oh five, it's very difficult to actually be able
to watch an NBA playoff game and do your job
properly when you anyway, So I've been getting there hanging
out in the old studio and it's great because no
one bugs me. But I say, no one bugs me,
but there have been people that have like walked by
and kind of distracted me, which I don't. I mean,
(04:27):
because that's a soundproof room.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Well it's to be expected because there's at that time
of the night, there's producers and editors, and it used
to be interns. Right, When are we going to bring
interns back?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
By the way, I demand, we need interns. Why do
we not have it?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
COVID.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
COVID's over COVID the world organization, and bring them back,
bring the interns back.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
And of course they see a celebrity sitting in that room,
they're gonna pop in and say something.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Oh, of course, you know, it's it's a it's like
a beehive there. The later you get, the more activity,
and all the management people I run into, all the
salespeople everyone. That's really why I need to be there, Danny,
to out with the sales staff and the management people
and the people cleaning the toilets, unless none of those
(05:19):
people are there, unless none of them are there and.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Anyway, But I was talking about Jason Smith too, and
I said celebrity.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Uh, Mike Harmon's the star of that show. The great
Mike Harmon is the one that moves the needle on
that show. And Mike also says, Danny gee, he says,
as far as the movie thing, he says, forget the movies.
If you want to be a real hero, though, you
should buy some of those half price Clipper jerseys you
mentioned last week and pass them out to the class.
(05:50):
Kids know it's hip the clip, Thank you, Mike.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yeah, I's never seen one kid wearing one piece of
Clippers tire on that entire campus of eleven hundred kids.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
That's a lie, you're lying.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Oh, I'm serious.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
I saw a throwback Chris Paul one day. That's it.
But I was thinking, Ben, I should at least bring
in a dozen donuts on the last day of school.
I take that back, the last day of school. Everybody
thinks that so the kids are overwhelmed with donuts and
things like that. So probably the third to last day
(06:29):
or the second to last day, you get to jump
on the competing teachers.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah, plus, isn't the common decorum in my day, you're
supposed to give the teacher a gift the last day
of school.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
To think you would think that, But nowadays the kids
run the world, so it's like, you know, everybody's giving
them gifts for some.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Reason, if them teachers is what they say.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yeah, yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
All right, well great email Mike. Absolutely hip the clip.
And all those little kids will be grown up in
twenty years. They're going to all go to the into
a dome and they'll be able to piss wherever they
want because there's more toilets there than the other arena
in the NBA, and their urine, their bladder, the little
(07:15):
boys and girls bladder will thank the world that Steve
Baumer put all those urinals and all the urinal cakes
and all the toilets in that new arena.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
So the ghost of Bomber, you guys will have a
different curse working against you, dare.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
You, Alf writes, and he says Ben, the alpmobile will
soon be in need for a new set of tires,
and I was wondering if you could give me that
you were, Danny G you could give me that tire
Rack super secret P one promo discount code for the
one dollar off per tire per year for listening to
the Ben Mahler Show and the Third Shift with Ben
(07:51):
Mahler and the Fifth Hour. I will take my answer
off the air. Yes, well, Danny, people at tire Racket,
great spot, and I'm I'm sure you can pass that on, right, Danny,
you're you're the one that went out of your way
to make sure to get that code, And.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Yeah, I can get you at least a seven percent
off discount.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yeah, we'll hook you up ALF whatever you need. And
in fact, we'll actually, because you're such a big p
one Alf, we're gonna get you hot wheel size ties.
We can afford that. We'll get you the hot wheel
size tires, the actual tires for the grown up car
a little more expensive, yep.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
And just because you are ALF, I'll get you roadside
assistance for free.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
That's the way to do it. Sure, absolutely. Fred in Spring,
Texas says, Hi, guys, great show. Fred's a big fan
of emails. All the time. He says, do either one
of you employ techniques to help you deal with stress, meditation, exercise,
et cetera. I do bite my fingernails. That helps the
(08:58):
I like going to the tread motes. It's like a
double whammie because you get to you get the little
sweat going. You think you're doing yourself a good mitzvah,
staying in shape, and it's kind of it's kind of
nice to just let yourself go. I like going out
of the beach during the summer. I've talked about this
in mountains and the snow. I was just in the
snow for my birthday out in Sequoia, which I thought
(09:19):
was great. What about you, Danny, You a big meditator,
deep breathing exercises.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Nah, you know that new age stuff. I go old
school Hugh Hefner. When I'm stressed, my wife he gives
me a nice back massage. She says, oh, you're tight,
you seem stressed, and then she'll just go to town on
my back. And then somehow she starts going lower and
I don't call nine to one one.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Do you wear your your Hugh Heffner outfit? Do you
have the.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Silk robe and the smoking pipe.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Yeah, the pipe. You gotta have the pipe there, that's
the key. Uh, clearly, Walt writes in from what Talk,
he says last Saturday, I was hiking on a south
mountain in Phoenix. Here, he says, around ten pm, all
of a sudden, I heard a strange noise. It sounded
like air escaping from an irrigation system when it started up.
(10:17):
So I turned my cheap Walmart headlamp in the direction
of the noise and found a rattlesnake hanging out just
off the trail. Its tail was up in the air, shaking,
and it was looking directly at me, he says, for
half about half a second, he said, I thought of
(10:39):
taking a picture of it, but thought better and backed up.
When I got home, I immediately ordered an expensive and
much brighter headlamps. Either of you encountered a potentially deadly
creature in the wild. We We've been asked this before.
I think the deadliest cree I've been around are human beings.
(11:02):
Those are the ones that scared me the most. I
was actually having this conversation. I'm gonna name drop here
with our morning guy, Jonas Knox, who, as we have
the same battle driving in at really bad hours. He
drives in at a bad hour. I drive home at
a terrible hour. And we were telling stories about how
twice in my actually three times, but twice in the
(11:24):
span of a couple of days, wrong way drivers on
the highway, driving late at night, hardly any traffic, somebody's
coming at you eighty miles an hour. What do you do?
That's happened to me twice? Well, once was on the highway,
once was on a surface street near Dodger Stadium in
(11:46):
Lincoln Heights where I used to live in LA And
that was a that was a scary one. Also. So
as far as like outdoors, now I think it'd be
kind of cool to say I had like a bear,
but now it would be cool after it was over.
I think the animal I brought up before is like
(12:07):
we've seen like bobcats, coyotes, those kind of things walking around.
But that's about it.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
What about you, Danny, Yeah, I've told the stories before
about how my cousin would take me on some hiking trips,
especially during the summer, and one of the Yellowstone trips
he's famous for saying, oh, it's a it's a beginner's hike,
don't worry. And it turned out to be a nine
to ten mile hike, and one of those. He kept
(12:35):
telling me, I just want to see a grizzly on
this trip. I want to see one grizzly. We're on
this nine mile hike and we hear a grizzly bear growling.
We booked, we ran, we hauled ass Ben down this trail,
and he changed his mind quickly. Just the ferocious sound
(12:56):
of that beast would scare you know, whole brother. So
we hauled out away from that part of the trail.
Oh yeah, brother, And then he told me when we
got back to the car, he told me, I changed
my mind. I don't think I really want to meet
it grizzly on this trip.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
On second thought, I think we are good. I think
we are good on that. Next up, Barry from Nashville,
he says. For now, anyway, Berry on the move, he says,
yo yo, Ma, Benny, one of my favorite sayings is
he was sucking. One of your favorite sayings is he
was sucking his toes. Well, well, well, well, well do
(13:36):
you think this guy is a Ben Mallor fan? He
sends me this. I'm sure you saw the story Danny,
this guy at a hotel in Nashville was arrested for
going into the room and sucking on the toes of
a customer at the hotel there that happened to be sleeping.
(13:57):
And he says, the question is, have either of you
ever had had anything weird like this happened to you
in your hotel room. I did have someone walk into
my room in the middle of the night, but no
toe sucking. He also says Barry that this hotel this
happened at was at a He says, I guess we
can name them. We can name the hotel. I mean,
that's what this is. This is from Barry in Nashville.
(14:19):
He says it was a Hilton hotel. So he said
it wasn't some cheap mom and pop hotel. He says,
this was a big hotel chain. Yeah, what other decisions
you think the guy made to get to that point,
by the way, where he's like, you know, I think
today's the day I'm going to go into the room
and this person needs it sucked, and I'm the person
(14:41):
that's going to be the one to do that.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, So I've had, yeah, I have had people pop
in that that that went to the wrong room. We're
gonna do maintenance in the room. But that's it. I've
never had any anyone come in there and like to
suck the gunk under my toenails. I've never that happen.
And so uh well, never a good looking woman by.
(15:06):
It's always some weird looking dude that's into these, right,
you know. It's never a good looking lady. It's always
some weird Maybe maybe we don't hear about the good
looking women they're into that danny. Maybe they just they're
off on an island somewhere.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
I thought my birthday last year was gonna be extra
special because we did a staycation for my birthday the
day after Christmas. It's weird timing. It's always weird to
celebrate a birthday around that time of the year. Anyways,
So my girl got a room at the Westlake Village Inn,
which is a fancy hotel here in our area. We go,
(15:39):
we check in, we get the hotel card, the key card,
We go upstairs to our room. She opens the door
and there is this milf sitting on the bed, a
gig any. My girl really surprised me. This birthday.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
We're gonna have a happy, happy, happy birthdays where you're
gonna have.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
But then I quickly realized the way they were looking
at each other that they did not know each other.
And we walked in on somebody's room, which was awkward,
and so we had to back up and apologize, and
the lady ran over and shut the door and locked it,
and we're like, oh, we were so sorry. So we
went down to the lobby and it wound up giving
(16:21):
us a upgrade because the girl at the front desk
was so embarrassed. She's like, I'm gonna upgrade your guys's
room because of that. So we got one of the
best rooms in the hotel. But as I was sitting there,
I was thinking, man, instead of an upgrade in the room,
I would have rather had that.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Hey, when you were backing out, did you make the
sound of a dump truck? Wow? So did the woman
in the room that you walked in on? Did she
get an upgrade as well? Or just a lawsuit, just
a nice lawsuit? Yeah? Nick in Wisconsin right since its
(16:59):
b and Danny g it has been a couple of
weeks because I have not been able to think of
anything good. He says, I am super pumped for the
meet and greet on the twentieth, and my wife still
thinks I'm a loser for going next week. No, no Nick,
no bad job by the wife. How dare you? The
(17:21):
wife should be very supportive that you do a lot
of help with the kids and all that. You want
to go and hang out for a night. What's the
big deal? You don't have to stay the whole time.
Come hang out, You get to meet Doc, Mike, Regina, Me,
whoever else shows up, all the big superstars. There's a
rumor hollering James is going to show up unconfirmed. Big Night,
(17:44):
Big Night, anyway, says onto the question, would you rather
fight a kangaroo or a badger?
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Stinking badgers?
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Let's see here. I've seen those videos of kangaroo's boxing,
and I think I could take a medium sized kangaroo.
I think I would be okay. A badger seems more
deadly to me. Am I wrong? Danny?
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Yeah, I think you're right about that. What if we
throw an alligator into the mix, Sarness, though, it'd have
to be a baby gator. I'm not talking one of
those huge crocodiles.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Those nine foot two hundred year old crocodiles.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
If it's a huge alligator, I don't want any business
in the water with that.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Oh no, no, no, no, yeah, Well.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Kwaight Travis Aw he's used to brag on the air
that he could beat an alligator with his bare hands.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
What is going on? I don't know that I would
test that out. I don't think I would go down
down that road. Well, that could be part of Animal Thunderdome.
Do that and you could have clayon and.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
Yeah coming in twenty twenty four, twenty one four, Danny, twenty,
my son is gonna host it.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yes, your son's son will host it on with Fox Travis. Yes,
Jennifer and beautiful Richmond, Virginia.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
That's one of his sons.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
By the way, Okay, says Ben and Danny. G Of
all the vegetables, do you know which one ranks at
the top of the stinkiest, raunchiest, gag inducing stench if
it's been cooked and left over, sitting out in the
fridge or in the trash. You want to take a guest,
(19:37):
Danny hmm.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
One of the Jennifer says, this is the stinkiest vegetable.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
That's according to Jennifer, she has done her own think tank,
the Jennifer Think Tank. She has done the research, she
has lived her life. She has figured this out. She
has solved one of the great mysteries of life. She says.
The hint here Danny. It starts with a bee and
an with an eye.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yeah, I was gonna guess califlower. It's in that family.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Yeah, cauliflower is is terrible and nasty and all that.
I am not a fan of the broccoli either. I'm
not a fan of the There's a lot of vegetables.
There's some cheeses that smell horrific.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
I like three cheese broccoli cheddar soup from Whole Foods,
but barely any broccoli in it, which is why it's good.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Well, I love garlic, and some people can't freaking stand garlic.
They like it. There are anti garlic people, you know,
we call them Danny the Devil, but they don't like
garlic and they are bothered by garlic and they can't
stand it and it drives them insane and all that.
And I have noticed most of the things that smell
(20:55):
pretty bad leave you with gas and bloating, right.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
Is it? Like?
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Don't don't most of these things that smell like cabbage
smells disgusting. I don't eat it. Broccoli, No, but don't.
Aren't these things they they're not good for your your
bloating situation at all.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Yeah, you're not wrong. It turns our nose off and
our stomach's off.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Yeah. And like Limburger cheese, which is the most often
called the most disgusting smelling cheese, Limburger cheese. I have
a theory that the cheese, these products smell like this
because you're they don't want you to eat it. It's
like a defense system for the for the broccoli. Don't
eat me. I smelled disgusting, horrible, all of that nasty
(21:40):
spin cycle. Regina right, since says what are you most
looking forward to when you get boots on the ground
in Minnesota? Yes, I was looking up some different places.
I've never been, so I've only been to the airport.
I want to get the vibe of the city. I
want to go. Uh, there's some I was looking up
some different things in Minnesota. There's like these old mills
on the Mississippi River which looked pretty cool. There's an
(22:03):
art there's this like outdoor art thing that I want
to check out. And I want to eat a lot
of good food like juicy Lucy's and all that stuff.
And I want to go to a lot of lakes.
It's the land of ten thousand Lakes. I would like.
I want to go to the lake where the Vikings
love boat happen. That's where I want to go. That's
where I want to hang out. Come on in, man,
(22:26):
Pete writes in He says, this is Pete and the
Machinist in Albany, Oregon. He says, I understand your position
on ranch dressing and how it is one of the
most despicable things on earth. To you, he says, short story.
When I started high school. I went to high school
with there was about twelve hundred people or so pizza
day in the cafeteria. You never saw a cup of
(22:46):
ranch dressing. My next year, I moved to my dad's
house in a rural town, one of these po dunk towns.
I started my sophomore year at a high school and
was built that was built around the turn of the
century and had an attendance of about one hundred and
forty people. On pizza day, every one of the students
got a section of their lunch tray filled with ranch dressing.
(23:10):
Oh my god, it's a nightmare to drown the pizza.
And when I say drowned, says, the pizza is the dressing.
That's what he meant. The school would actually water down
the ranch dressing so all the kids could get enough.
After that, Ranch grew on me a bit because I
(23:30):
was surrounded. My question is would there ever be a
situation where you could change your mind on ranch? He says,
I also love blue cheese, chipoltle, aoli, barbecue, sauce, mustard
for dipping. What are your favors? So I like honey mustard,
barbecue is a good one. Yeah, garlic aoli is not
a bad one. So to answer your question, Pete, yes,
(23:53):
I am a believer that every man has his price.
I'll tell you right now, anyone that cuts me a
check for five million dollars tax free, I will not
only eat. I will not only eat ranch dressing. I
will become a spokesperson and I will sing the praises
of the devil's blood. Five million dollars that's after taxes
(24:16):
and we're good. Cut me the check and I will
become an advocate. I will become an influencer for ranch dressing.
I will do the backstroke in a pool of ranch dressing.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
All right, I'm gonna give you a pizza place. It'll
change your life forever because of the pizza and the
ranch that they make in house. It is Toppers Pizza
and there's a location in Valencia, California. So if you
ever visit Magic Mountain, make sure to go to Toppers.
It's on Magic Mountain Parkway, so it's not that far
(24:49):
from the park. And Ben, they're pepperoni and olive pizza
with their homemade ranch. It'll change your life.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Danny, all due respect it you want to start a fight,
we can start a fight. But here's the thing. Okay,
if you make pizza the right way, you don't need
ranch dressing. You don't need any dressing. You don't. It's
the pizza that's the star of the show.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
You know that pizzas a ten out of ten, Ben,
but the homemade ranch makes it at twelve.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Icing on the cake and agree to disagree on that
and we'll just leave it at that. John from Omaha says, guys,
do you think humanity will step foot on Mars by
twenty fifty? You know, I think we will. Actually, I
think that'll be the next big thing. And like the Net,
And maybe not right now, but when we get to
twenty thirty or so, I think there will be human
(25:44):
beings on Mars. But it's really fucked up. Would you
like to be the first peep by curse? Would you
like to be the first people to go to Mars?
There's no food, there's no water, n What the hell
are you going to do? And it takes like a
year to get there. And they think they think you
can grow food in Martian soil, they don't know, but
(26:08):
you need water. Hello, what are you gonna do for
the water?
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Unless there's some Martian hose up there. There's no reason anybody,
any guy, as we learn that word on the podcast Friday,
there's no reason any guy would rush up to that planet.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
You imagine what that would be like, Like I get
upset flying from la to Boston, which is like five
and a half hours or whatever it is, and the
trip to Mars is thirty three point nine million miles away.
Thirty three point nine million miles away. You go there,
there's no water, there's no food. They think they can
(26:50):
grow potatoes and carrots and cabbage in the Martian soil
that they need a greenhouse. But you got to transport everything. Man, man,
oh man. I did see a story this week that
said that the first human crew to Mars should be
all female astronauts. I don't know. Do they know what
(27:12):
happens if you pro create? If they bring men and
women and they you couldn't even you couldn't get someone
pregnant because spoiler alert, there's no hospitals and there's no
doctors in there.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
There's a Mission to Mars show on Netflix that's pretty
good and it's with Hillary Swank. Check that out. Do
a search on that on Netflix. But she's one of
the astronauts who's first to go up to Mars.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Michael writes, and he says from Parts unknown, is swearing
necessary on the Fifth Hour podcast? No, no, no, no, no, no.
One need to be as an asshole and swear, right, Danny,
We don't need to curse.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
It depends what kind of fuckery is going on on
each episode exactly.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Calm down. If you knew how much we could curse
and how much we actually curse, come.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
On, yeah, there's really like two percent cursing on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah, calm down, all right, just you know, go to
pray for me or whatever I am, Alex Writzin, he says,
and this is the last one. Are there a high
percentage of really weird people in the radio business? From
the stories that you guys have told on this podcast,
it sure seems to be the case. Who was is
(28:30):
the most eccentric person you have worked with in the
radio world? Where to begin on this, Danny, It the
strangest people at the radio station are often the head
engineer of the radio station. That is usually the most
(28:52):
out there individual. But it started when I was in
college radio. We had a guy, a DJ named Blue,
that was his DJ name Blue, and he he had
this VW fan and he sometimes would like randomly he'd
played long blocks of in those days, there were certain
(29:16):
songs that were like twenty minutes or whatever you wanted
to break and he would go down to his car
for like ten minutes and sit. I think he was
like meditating as something. But he was like a really
kind of weird, weird dude. But yeah, there's been a
ton I don't is anyone that pops into your head, Danny.
And we told the stories off and on on this
podcast about some of the people we've run across and
(29:40):
I mean, there's there's some interesting cats, and the business
has changed a lot over the years, because it's a
lot different now than when we started because of Yeah
and all that other stuff.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Got him trying to think of the guy's name, But
it doesn't matter to our audience anyways. But up in
the Stockton Modesto, California video market when I was a kid,
he did this weird routine. In the morning, he would
come in I was doing the overnight. He would come
in an hour before his show with a big can
(30:11):
of lysol and he would lysol every little thing in
that studio to the point where I would be coughing
up a lung because all this excess lyesol was going
into my throat and my lungs, and I wanted to puke.
And it got to the point ben where I'd just
start WoT. I'd lift up my shirt and put it
(30:32):
over my nose like this, like I you know, like
somebody cut. One freak would be cleaning. He'd be disinfecting
everything in the studio and then he would get on
the air and he acted like a normal dude, but
off the air, he was very very Howie Mandel.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
That guy must have popped the woody when COVID came
around and everyone was splaying like, oh my god, my
dreams have come true. It's COVID. They get to spray
lysol everywhere, the greatest thing in the freaking world. Oh
my god.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Everyone's now had like Rubbert cleaning gloves on. I mean,
I felt like he was part of the cleaning crew.
Plus he was the AM morning drive guy. It was
really weird.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yeah, wacky, wacky, wacky wacky Tobacci thanks to Caleb ned
And there's a few other people here that we did
not get to, but we we went. We were longer
than we were supposed to go. Danny g. We got
to most everybody. So thank you for sending mail in
and we didn't use your letter. This week we will
have even though I'll be in Minnesota next week, we
(31:35):
will have podcasts up and so those will be available
for you original content and a week less than a
week now because this is Sunday, so less than a
week this coming Saturday, it is on like Donkey Kong,
the first ever Malard meet and greet in Minnesota. Would
love to hang out with you if you are in
the air area. If it's geographically desirable and it's something
(31:58):
you want to do. It's just a casual get together
and we can break bread and be friendly and all
that at the Malor Meet and Greet, which is at
the Mermaid Inn and Events Center in Mounds View, Minnesota.
We'll get out on that, Danny. I'll be back on
the radio tonight from the Mothership. And what do you have, Danny,
(32:20):
anything at all?
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Just one thought on the meet and greet. I bet
our listeners cannot wait to pound the mound.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Well, yes, it's Sunday.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Just gonna watch some NBA playoffs.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
On my Peach Cobbler list.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
It is Mother's Day, so gonna spoil the wife and
take her to get a prenatal massage today.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Well, I can't think of anything more romantic than that.
What a woman would not like that?
Speaker 3 (32:53):
My belly like Buddha?
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Yes, and please, I beg you if you are, and
most people are like I lost my mom ten years ago.
It's actually the ten years since my mom passed away.
Spoil the hell out of your mom. Take advantage of it.
You only have your mom for so long, and damn
it for me, if not for you, Just spoil the
hell out of your mom, make your mom happy. It's
(33:17):
the right thing to do because eventually you won't be
able to do that, so you might as well take
advantage of it. Well you can, why not?
Speaker 3 (33:22):
Absolutely so very true all about Mama today, dear Mama.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
Absolutely, I have a great day and I'll catch you
tonight on the radio.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Austa pasta population
Host
Ben Maller
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