August 18, 2024 • 39 mins
Ben Maller & Danny G. have Mail Bag fun for your Sunday! All questions sent in by new listeners & P1's of the #MallerMilitia! Download, subscribe, and remember that sharing is caring (unless it's an STD.) Follow Danny G. @DannyGradio and Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and listen to the original terrestrial radio edition of "Ben Maller Show," Monday-Friday on Fox Sports Radio, 2a-6a ET, 11p-3a PT!...Follow, rate & review "The Fifth Hour!"
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kabbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
In the air everyway, and welcome in to the extra crispy,
extra spicy Fifth Hour, every f and day here at
the Sweatshop, the audio sweatshop that we hang out at. Myself,
Big Ben, and my radio brother from a different mother,
(00:49):
Danny G Radio. You hear him with Covino and Rich
during the week. You hear me on the original recipe
Ben Mahler Show, which is going to be back later tonight.
This the eighteenth day of August, this Sunday, Happy National
Faheata Day. I will put my fijetas up against anyone's
fihetas on the Mallard griddle. A lot of work to
(01:09):
make proper fihetas, but when done right, wonderful, absolutely wonderful.
It is also bad Poetry Day. So celebrate appropriately. Isn't
all poetry bad poetry? Is that shot? Is that unacceptable?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah, that's unacceptable because Tupac wrote a book of poems
and there's some poetry that's turned into some great music
over the years.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Everything with you goes back to Tupac. It's always back
to Tupac.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
It is are you're going to be.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Tupac again when Halloween comes around? Your wife retired that
Tupac mask, right, that was always your go to.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Oh, she didn't have anything to do with that. Going away.
Last Halloween, I couldn't find the mask because I wrap
it up and bubble wrap to protect it and hide
it in the garage, and Halloween I couldn't find where
I hit it.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Okay, that was what happened.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Do you ever do that where you want to keep
something safe so you hide it so well that you
can't find it.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yes, And I have moved a couple times in the
last ten years, and it I still haven't found things.
There are things I remember packing up and making a
big deal about it so I wouldn't lose it. And
I need to find a treasure map to find it
because I don't know where it is.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
It's the worst effing feeling, because the whole reason you
go to such great lengths you don't want anything to
happen to it, and you wind up losing it. Yeah,
it sucks.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Well, roses are red virus of blue, and I can
find stuff better than you.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Is that I thought you were going to bumst out
a Tupac poem, the Rose that grew through the concrete.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Well, I will tell you my favorite story with poetry
does involve does involve Steve di Seger, And you know
that story. It's one of the all time great stories.
I don't know, do we want to get into it here.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
But it involved a quick version.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Yeah, I'll give you the quick version. So we had
this great caller, like the male Genie meant for Jimmy
Ray from Tampa Bay. Oh, I love that man, Rest
in piece, Jimmy Ray. So, Jimmy Ray died years ago,
and a friend of his emailed me and said, listen,
Jimmy loved your show. And you know he's really sick,
and he had an alcohol problem the last couple of
(03:29):
years of his life, and you know, you give this
a really wonderful message about how the show really kept
him going. He loved the show, and he was a
character on the show and made me feel really good.
And he said, you didn't know this about Jimmy, but
Jimmy liked to write little poems, and so we thought
it would be a great tribute if you could read
some of his poetry on the air as a tribute.
(03:51):
So I'll give you the rest of the story in
a minute, as Paul Harty was saying, but I read
the poetry on the air, and I think Jimmy would
appreciate this. If there's if he's behind the pearly gates,
if there's an afterlife, and somehow hears about this. So
I read the poetry. Was it was absolutely horrible. It
was my God, was it bad?
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Right?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
But I knew that this was I knew this was
important to the friends of Jimmy Ray. So I read it.
And in the middle of me, in the middle of
me reading the poetry, I was working with the great
Steve de Seger. I love to sega when my great
radio people, wonderful person. So in the middle list the
(04:33):
saga interrupts and he he does the old Broses are
read by this of blue. And I can write poetry
better than Jimmy Ray from Tampa Bay. Uh. Well, the
rest of the story is the reason the friends wanted
me to read the poetry is because they were recording
the show to play at Jimmy Ray's funeral.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Oh, I don't feel bad now about that time we
got called to the principal's office for talking about Steve Disager.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
I don't know what you're talking about, but uh, Danny,
I I kept trying to sell. I was like, Steve,
you know, but I to say. He's like, in his defense,
he said, well, you didn't tell me that before. I
was like, well, I did, just I was kind of
why would.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
I read this?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
It's you know, it's like anyway. But uh, I can
only imagine what it must have been like at that
memorial service when they played.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
You think that anybody in the family was good at
editing audio?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Uh, I don't.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I just oh my god, it was that's my that's
bad poetry right there.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
That is uncle had one of the early versions of Adobe.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Yeah, exactly, Oh, Danny, one of those I want to
get away moments, you know Southwest Airlines want to get away,
want to get far, far far away. Oh, before we
get into the mailbag. A programming note. I I said
last week, Hey, I'm back for the long haul. The company, though,
has other ideas. They have other ideas. So I will
(06:06):
be back tonight in the audio Dojo. I will be
on Tomorrow night, Monday into Tuesday on the Audio Dojo,
and then Tuesday and Wednesday I will not be on
because we are going to do a cross promotion. I
have been called in out of the bullpen the rare
and appropriate, rare and appropriate Maler fill in. I will
be working with my friend Rob Parker sound the Alarm.
(06:31):
I'll be in the Chris Broussard chair, and that'll be
on Tuesday, so I will be in there much.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Earlier, balling on a budget Brothers.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, Benny the brother Racist. What time is that is that?
What time is that show? Seven o'clock Eastern? I don't
even know.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
It comes on right after Covino and Rich.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Okay, so like seven to ten? Is that? Am I
correct on that? Seven to ten eastern, four to seven Pacific?
I think I'm right on that.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Yeah, I think I'm right.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
So that'll be Tuesday. Robbie the Mark at three hours,
Robbie the Marina Fan is supposed to be in on
Monday hanging out with us. So yeah, this week and
then I'll be back the next day on the Overnight show.
So just one day cameo with Rob Parker, Rob Parker,
so that'll be.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Coming to park Sports Radio logo on it.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
And you're you hear the podcast. You're getting that. No
one else has it. I didn't announce that. I didn't
say that on the Overnight show. So you're getting that
because you're a pee wow.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
And now are you coming into the studio? Are you
going to do this from your home studio.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
The remote studio? That's a game time decision. I do
not know, but I'm thinking about going in there. But
then I'm also thinking about, well, wait a minute, what's
the traffic situation and and all that. So we'll see.
We'll see what the traffic is, and then if it's reasonable,
I might come in. If not, I'll just crank on
the remote studio and we'll be on our way. Let's
get to the mail bag. Ohio Wow, it's this mail
(07:59):
bag all right, thank you very much, the great Ohio.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Al.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
These are actual letters by actual listeners who want to
send a question to the esteemed panel. On the fifth
Army and Danny g you can send that to Real
fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Real fifth Hour at
gmail dot com. Alf from the Malard Militia headquarters. Right sin,
he says, is there any truth of the rumor Gagon
(08:28):
decided to update your computer during the Mailbag podcast recording
session from Las Vegas. That's right, Danny, we had a
podcast catastrophe that took place. Very unfortunate, Danny, very unfortunate.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Well, I wouldn't call it a catastrophe because I received
several messages saying listeners loved the great moments in Malor's
show history. In fact, in its entirety, I played the
Malor Mountain of Money where your boy from Fremont, California,
Andrew killed two people. As Carson Palmer, your natural hysterical
(09:14):
laugh is one of the best ever on radio, and
you were hysterically laughing.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah. I had another one of those moments this week, Nanny,
and I hope we can play that on the podcast here. So,
I don't know if you heard about He's probably didn't
because you're you know, you're working a different shift. But
Dick and Dayton calls up the last Hour. Now, the
great thing about dick. That sounds dirty. But the thing
that I enjoy about his calling the show the Dixter
is he doesn't listen to the show, but he loves
(09:43):
the show. It's fascinating. He loves being a character on
the show, but he does not like like actually listening
to the show. So we've been kicking around is Mallard
Meet and Greed? And in fact, on this podcast we
have been given an all offer to have a Mather
Meet and Greed in in Ohio. We've we've talked about
(10:07):
this and a gentleman and his his girlfriend this this
bar in Columbus. Zach has offered the hostess. He's like
a big shot there at the bar and it's a
it's a hockey bar for the Blue Jackets and they
do very well, and so it's it's really colose. He
(10:27):
offered to host it and nothing scheduled, but we were
like twenty twenty five fact, I told my wife this
was Jack contacted me before the Charleston Meet and Greed
and he's he's the guy that he told us the story.
But I remember he was sleeping and in the dark,
and he like he was walking around with naked and
(10:49):
his wife, sisters saw his twigging berries and all I
remember that.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
I remember that, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, quite quite the characters that I like this guy.
So he offered to host it, and I'm like, I'm in, Zach,
I want to do it. I just if football season's
very difficult to get to Ohio, so probably have to
do it either in the spring of twenty twenty five
or somewheer in the summer, depending on other things. So
we were talking about on the air, and I was like,
you know, we were kicking around after we were talking
about Vegas, like what should we do the next meet
(11:16):
and reading. In the course of the conversation, Ohio came up,
and so then Dick in Dayton's on around that time,
and Coop and some of the guys were like, I
don't know, what do you want to go to Ohio?
You know, there's nothing to really do in Ohio. So
I'm like, what are you talking about? There's stuff to
do in Ohio. I believe there's stuff to do everywhere.
(11:38):
So I'm talking to Dick and date. I hope Zach
heard this. I don't know if here it. We're probably
hope we can play it again here Danny. So I
in my head. I said, Okay, Dick and Dayton loves Ohio.
He thinks of it like a country and that you
need a passport to leave Ohio. Like he never goes
anywhere other than Ohio. So he would be the perfect
guy to sing the praises and be part of the
(12:01):
marching and Chowder Society for Ohio. So I was like, Dick,
tell I forget exactly what I said, was like talk
about all the great things in Ohio. And at that
very moment, without missing a beat, Dick and Dayton, without pausing,
all right, have a good night or something like that,
he ends the call. It was it was hilarious, dying.
(12:24):
It was so so wonderful. I want to we can
play that. He would be wonderful because it's one of
the great moments. I want to say, either Sunday or Monday,
the last hour of the show, in near the middle
part of the last hour, Dick and Dayton just just
just absolutely great.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I will find that.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Alf also says, I need to preface my second question
with an apology to Danny g Radio. Some high ranking
officials and the militia have questions regarding the total number
of your nicknames. So can we get a rundown of
your entire list of your nicknames and the total number
to celebrate your new affiliate.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Oh oh crap, Ben, you're breaking up just like you
did in Vegas.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
No no, I think. I think we're good and we're
on now the FM dow the fan in Kansas City,
our newest affiliate, and in honor of that, I am
known as the spin breaking No no no, the spin
Master of misinformation, the banning broadcaster.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
This isn't that the number one station anymore?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I've been called the Beethoven of BS, Tremussion of commentary,
the Chasm of sarcasm, the Czar of zany. They could
stop the Dark Knight, a weak night radio, Mogo of mischief,
Benny the brazen King of zaying moneyball Maller, Benny the bopper,
that's when I play baseball.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
No one has ever called you moneyball Mallard.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Oh no, they have assaulted of insultant, the Shaman of Schotenfreude,
sensitive sniffer, jumping jack of wisecrack, insight of overnight medicine
man Mallard. Wow, Oh my Neighbob of negativity, Sage of outrage,
the pinnacle of Cynical, the Prince of preposterous, Professor of propaganda.
(14:09):
His are hyperbole, the floating turd of the spoken word,
and the mad Hatter of sports chatter. Now that's only
half my nicknames.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Now that floating turd one is actually pretty good. You
like that?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
The floating turd of the spoken word? Yeah, all right,
So I see you're approving, You're you're coming around. You're
warming up to that.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I don't think so. I liked one out of one hundred.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Okay, well here, but wait, there's more. There's a weight,
there's more. Remember the guy were you with me?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
I tell you what. Why don't we do the rest
of the nicknames on the six hour? No?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
No, no, no? Were you with me when we tried
to get Rompo peel on? And then he? Were you
with me at that time? And then he blew? And
then he dropped dead? Anyway, but wait, there's more.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Uh are you saying we're all gonna drop dead for
hearing the names?
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Well, eventually we will all drop it. A Baron of Baldadash,
big gall Bladder, Venice, the Menace, Captain knee Jerk, the
Duke of the north Woods, General of Degenerates, Tycoon of Tea's,
Master of Disaster, Hustler of filibuster, night Light of Nightlife,
Humbler of producers, Benny Brightside, Manatee of insanity, Marconi Maller.
(15:16):
I was impressed by the size, but I'm not gonna lie, Danny.
That was a big cock moneyline. Mallard, masshole, mallar a
mass whole. Mickey gave me that nickname. Emissary of Embellishment,
weak Night, Windbag, Wizard of Wacky, Slayer of Naysayers, Grand
Goober of gab the Ola, Dark of Dark, Tower of
babbel On, honest to Donnis, Nocturnal Colonel, the Underdog of monologue,
(15:41):
and the Holy Pope of the Slippery Slope.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
You get away from me. Oh look at that, the
show's over.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Good night everybody.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Yeah that was brief.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yeah, I lost track. I stopped counting alf so you'll
have to go back and play that back and count
how many they are. Barry in South Carolina and this
is the guy he used to live in Nashville. I
met Beret the Charleston meet and read. Very nice man,
he says, Yo yo Ma. Benny and Danny g was
away all last week in London, found the real Big Ben. Actually,
(16:20):
I found out that Big Ben is the bell which
you can't see. The tower that everyone refers to as
Big Ben is actually the Elizabeth Tower. There's a fun fact.
It is a fun fact. Did you know that?
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Never never even heard that I had not.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
That's good information and that proves what we talked about
the man that shot Liberty Balance Danny. When the legend
becomes the fact, you go with the legend. And the
legend is that building, for those of us around the world,
is Big Ben. The fact that it's actually the Elizabeth
Tower does not matter because for our purposes it is
(16:58):
Big Ben. That's the legend. It is become the fact.
And when the legend becomes the fact, you go with.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
So. Yeah, like in the nineties when all my coworkers
spread a story about me banging some chick in the studio.
I'm not sure that happened or not, but it became
a fat And yeah, those those people, I hear from
them on Facebook sometimes and they're like, remember what you
did in the studio, And I was like, remember nothing
(17:26):
about what I did talking on the radio, only about
what they thought I did behind the scenes in a studio.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, And you'd also do it. Well, if it didn't happen,
it probably should happen. You know, it might not have happened,
but it probably should have happened. So whether it happened
or not, you know that year there was.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
A blondie there, but I just gave her a tour
and then she left.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Yeah it was plutonic or platonic or whatever.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
There you go. So it dropped off some bottled water.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Yeah, that's it. That's the ticket, right, that's the ticket.
What else? Barry also says I raised the question what
international city is on your most want to visit list?
Barry says, I highly recommend London was fabulous and the
museums are free and amazing. That sounds good. I really
(18:17):
had never wanted to go anywhere other than America, But
as I've gotten older, I'm like, I'm more. My wife
really wants to go to Italy and the Netherlands and whatnot,
so and she would like to do it the next
couple of years. So is there anywhere in particular? Not really.
(18:40):
Part of me wants to go to New Zealand because
I did radio there for a long time. I have
a friend Darcy walder Grave who's a big talk show
host in New Zealand. So it would be kind of
cool to hang out with Darcy and have him show
me around as a native of New Zealand. That would
be cool. But then I think, like, why would you
fly all that time in New Zealand's probably just like
going into like Malibu or something, and I can drive
(19:01):
to Malibu.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
You know and all that. But I've loved these malle
meet and greets. You know Dale, the guy, the great
listener Dale in South Carolina who put together the Charleston
Meet and greet. It was great meeting him, and I wondered, like,
could we get a meet and beat? Do we have
enough listeners? And you're in like London. We have a
fair amount of people that contact me from London. Cand
we have a meet and greeting. That'd be crazy to
(19:24):
do one in London. And but then it'd be just
nice to see other parts of the world, like Italy.
Although I don't think i'd like the authentic Italian food.
I like the American version of Italian food, so I
don't know that I like real Italian food, but it
may cool. My my wife's grandfather who passed away a
couple of years ago. It was named Luigi from from Italy.
Authentic Italian dude. It'd be kind of cool to see
(19:45):
where he grew up because we became friends near the
end of his life, and so that would be that
would be neat. So yeah, verry the food and how's
the food in line after the Food's not very good,
but I'd probably love it because it's my kind of food.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
It's like, yeah, fish and I was just going to say,
you like chicken tenders, so I could see you eating
fish and chips.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Yeah, probably, so probably, So Ozzie was speaking of international
Ozzie was right. Sin from Western Australia says my mate's
big men and Danny gees. Sorry, I have not interacted
with you guys for a bit. Still listening. Just super
busy with work, doing thirteen hour days and home life,
so let's get into it, says living where we do,
(20:27):
it's about an hour away from a big supermarket. We
do a monthly shop for groceries. Think about that. We
do get all of our meat like pork, lamb and
beef fresh from the farm. So we have two freezers
and three fridges and yes, one is a beer fridge.
(20:48):
You got to live up to the Australian lifestyle. Ozzie
was all the way. You can't be called Ozzie Wash
if you don't have a refrigerator just filled with beer.
You cannot have that. You can't have that name if
you don't have that. He says, how many do you
guys have in the Malar Mansion and the Danny g Castle.
So we actually have We have a few. We don't
(21:10):
need them. We have a freezer we got for long
term frozen meats and stuff, like one of those black
you know, the small freezers that you can get. You
uould be able to get them for like one hundred bucks.
Now they're probably two hundred bucks.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Yeah, one of those.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
We have a refrigerator, and then when my father passed away,
we inherited his refrigerator. So we have three, well two refrigerators,
and then that's like a combo with the freezer, and
then we have one just freezer. But yeah, we have three.
What about you, Danny?
Speaker 3 (21:41):
So my eight oh five beer is in the fridge
downstairs in the garage that is like the flow over
freezer slash fridge. The older refrigerator and then the new
refrigerator is in the kitchen. Okay, so you got a
couple may sure too that because I'm not fancy like
you with your ice cube machine or ice maker.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Gotta get it.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
The one thing from your mansion I was most jealous
of was your ice machine. This new fridge we got
has an ice maker, which is nice, but it's no
Sonic and Chick fil A.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
You have that in the kitchen, Yeah, it's It is
one of the great things in life. It's one of
the little joys in life you should get. They're not
that expense if you use it all the time. I
use that thing. I love ice water, so I'm drinking water.
I don't eat a lot, so I drink the water.
I'm all about the water. But it's pretty pretty cool.
Ozzy Was also says, ps, do you still want a
(22:34):
pig to go head to head with Poppy or is
he calls him Poopy? I can probably arrange that, yeah,
Ozzy Was. If you're willing to commit, it's a long commitment.
It's a twenty twenty weeks of NFL football, actually longer
than that with the playoffs and all. But if you're
down for it, we can set that up. We have
(22:55):
to come up with a creative name. Ozzie was his
pig and Poppy. Yeah, absolutely, if you're serious about that,
let us know. It sounds like you're letting us know,
Ben and Danny. This one comes from Reggie from Detroit,
says Ben. What was the fallout from the Pizzagate scandal
on the show? Did Coop really eat pizza and leave
(23:15):
the studio during the show or was that a bit
that's from Reggie. Reggie, first of all, your airport is insane.
There We talked about that running through the Detroit airport
this weekend. But yes, we had a Pizzagate scandal, not
like the one in DC. So we time shifted Mallard
(23:37):
of the third degree, Danny, and I'm not making this up.
We didn't do this as a bit, it was it
happened organically. So the way it works when you time
shift Mallard of the third degree for ratings purposes, you
probably know this Reggie from being a listener. So we
shifted to after the monologue the following out. So I
will finish the monologue. I will then toss to the
(23:58):
third degree. I will and be asked a series of
questions by Coopoloo that's how we do it. So I
finished the monologue. I've got these bright lights on me
because they're recording the show for YouTube. I'm a YouTuber influencer, so,
you know, with the monologue and I just you know,
muscle memory, I'm like, all right, let's get the mallet
of the third degree with the kopoloo and the open plays.
(24:22):
And I look over to the producer's station in the
other room across the glass and there's no one there.
It's it's it's just a chair. And then I look
over the rain as standing where she's supposed to be,
and there's there's no coup And I'm like, Okay, did
(24:42):
he have a heart attack. Maybe he's on the floor.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
What happened?
Speaker 1 (24:46):
And I think you heard what happened? Reggie Coop had
left because he was heating up some pizza. He wanted
to get the pizza, and uh, I guess an extra
two minutes would have ruined the pizza. That's it. My
favorite part of this is his response when I said,
you know, Coop, you maybe should have just left the
(25:07):
pizza in and done the bit, but I want to
mount it. And he said, Danny, he deadpanned, it would
have burned.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
It said when if you have taken your fire compliance,
your safety compliance online for our building, you would know
that They tell us we have to stand there with
our microwave or meal in the toaster oven, whatever we're
doing in that big, bad blue kitchen. It says that
you should not ever leave your food unattended while it's cooking.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, that training did. Now when did you tell I
just took it like the other.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Day, like three days ago.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
This is should I should I say the quiet part
out loud? Should I say the quiet part out loud?
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Or should I no? Do it? Do it?
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Management doesn't listen to this podcas yes, right. So the
way the training is, they have like an eight or
a nine minute video and then they have a quiz
and you have to get one hundred percent right to
pass the quiz. But I hope you realize what I realized.
All of these quizzes are for liability. The only reason
they do that is because you know, if the building
(26:19):
burns up and we die, you can't sue us because
you took training and you did the wrong thing, and
you know it's on you. You're responsible. But I know
why they do so knowing that, and then I realized
after the first video, which took eight minutes or whatever
it is, to play about what they do during an earthquake.
The next chapter of the training, I didn't watch the video.
(26:42):
I just went to the quiz because ninety five percent
of the questions are just obvious, you know what I mean, Dan,
It's just common sense. I know common sense isn't common,
but it's just common sense answers. And I got on
the quiz. I got all all of them right except
for two. But here's the thing. They told you which
(27:04):
ones you got wrong, So then you just go back
and you correct those two and then you're good. And
so yeah, I didn't I didn't watch any of the
videos other than the first one, and I got all
of the quizzes one hundred percent, So.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Yeah, well you didn't do bad. Then I half watched
and I only got one incorrect. But you're right. It
self corrects tells you you have to go back and
do it over again, but you just repeat all your
same answers and fix the one you boo booed on.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Yeah, so you're fine. So what's the point again, It's
just for liability, that's why they do it. Wayne from
Cansauh City Rights and he says, Ben, your show is
now on ninety six point five FM, the Fan in
Can's I think I did I say that.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
I think.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
This whole weekend's a blur. Anyway, when he says you're
on the You're now on ninety six point five the
Fan in Kansas City rather than six ten sports. It
is the home of the Royals and the Chiefs. Is
this a game changer, it says Winn No. I mean
it's you know, it's a game changer. It's a game
changer for my my friend Bob Fesco, who does the
morning show, because I said this, I was the first
(28:11):
guest on ninety six point five FM the Fan there
in Kansas City, which was cool on his morning show.
It's a much bigger deal when you're on FM as
opposed to AM, and so that's really cool. It doesn't
change our show because we do the same show whether
we're on AM or FM, or we get covered up
because of the Royals or the Chiefs or Kansas or
(28:33):
Missouri or whoever's on there. So yeah, it's good for them,
but I don't know game changer. I hope the station
does very well. I have some friends that work there,
and yeah, for us, it doesn't really change much other
than hopefully we have more people that can hear the show.
In the Kansas City market, there are more people listen
to FM than AM. But a lot of this these days,
(28:55):
Danny is based on streaming anywhere. They'll spend some more
money because it's a new branded station. So I would
imagine the people over at Odyssey who own that station
will end up spending more money for billboards and things
like that, which will trickle down, as Ronald Reagan taught us,
trickle down economics, and then we'll benefit from some of that.
(29:15):
Mike and Fullerton rights and he says, how do you do? Ben?
And Danny g He says, Ben, if you're looking for
good barbecue in the area, head over to Fullerton. Mike
and Bulletin says, over the past five years, more than
thirty new restaurants and bars have opened in Fullerton's so
Co district. It's been dubbed Bourbon Street West. You ever
(29:38):
heard that, Danny, Bourbon Street West isn't Fullerton now, he said,
OC Weekly called it Bourbon Street West. I'm sure you'll
find what you're looking for there. Notice that Mike did
not do the legwork to try to find a restaurant
that serves barbecue. He just said just to go there.
And then here's the question, he says, And if you
want to play miniature golf, you don't need to drive
(30:00):
all the way to Myrtle Beach. We've got that here too.
Just go to Camelot Golf Land in Fullerton's sister city, Anaheim.
You're welcome, And he says, do you guys been and
Danny enjoy playing golf or miniature golf more? I haven't
done either in a long time. I feel more grown
up playing golf, but I have more fun playing miniature golf.
(30:22):
Does that make sense? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Did you hear about the new place called Swingers that's
opening at Mandalay Bay in Vegas?
Speaker 1 (30:30):
No.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Three stories, forty thousand square feet, thirty six holes, and
there's going to be bars. It's adults only. It is
like miniature golf on steroids. It's going to open in November.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Nice. Where did they put was that behind Mandalay Bay
where they.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I don't know it did not say that in the article.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
That's cool. Oh, I didn't get to this in Foody Fun.
But this will be something that only you and I
will appreciate. Remember that famous Arby's that closed in Hollywood.
I used to go there when I lived in Hollywood,
the iconic Arby's on it Hollywood Boulevard there. So it closed,
and it has reopened as LA's first drive through pizza place.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Drive through pizza. Yeah, that's a good idea.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Actually, it is a good idea, right. And I looked
at this place and it looks like the food is
absolutely as the kids say on fire. It just looks
really good. So next time I'm in Hollywood, I told
the wife, I said, we got to go. It's called
Prince Street Pizza. I've not been there, but these mazzarella sticks.
If anybody listening in LA has been there, they have
smoked mozzarella sticks. And it's in that old Arby's. They
(31:47):
still have the Arby's sign in front. But it's called
Prince Street Pizza and it looks just freaking awesome, just
freaking awesome. Dummy, I will do a few more Mike
in Northern Wisconsin, says Ben and Danny. Ben, how ups everyone.
(32:07):
Everyone wants to ask about the drama on the show.
We had a Pizzagate question. This one's from from Mike.
He says, how upset you get when the sound doesn't
get played during your monologue? He said, listening, it sounded
like your your head was ready to explode. That's from
Mike in Wisconsin. Yeah, I get, I get, I get
(32:28):
a upset. There's very little I can't control. You know, Danny,
you work with me. You know I'm a bit of
a control freak, right, you know that. But you know
I like to be in control. I like to be
in the driver's seat as much as I can, and
not to get too much into how we make the
hot dogs. However, there's a cadence. I spent a lot
(32:50):
of my time getting ready for the show. I spent
hours trying to find things I think are interesting enough
to put in a monologue, then try to form ideas
and put bullet points down for the monologue. I'm always
trying to come up with different ideas for segments that
we can talk about on the show. So it's a
lot of my day. It's my life's work. I am
such a radio loser. I even find the sound. A
(33:13):
lot of people don't realize this. I'm the one that
finds Coop doesn't do any of that I find all
the sound that we plan on the show, and that's it.
I mean, there are many reasons for that. I don't
want to get into that here, but I have to
find the sound. Normally in big market radio, that's not
how it works, but I have to do it, so
fine whatever. You know, most shows it's not like that,
but that's what I have to do. So to do
(33:33):
all the legwork to you know, it's my job, but
to get ready for the show to in my head
say all right, I'm gonna go from I have a
point I want to make and then I'm going to
play off this audio and the key to the monologue
is the audio, and then I'm going to react to
the audio and that that's how we're going to do it.
And I'm going to craft It's like a craftsman, crafting,
(33:54):
crafting the money monologue. And in my head it just
plays out perfectly. And yeah, Mike, I was. I was
pretty upset because I had some sound that I needed
and I had sent it to Coop, you know, so
i'd do the legwork. All he has to do is
give the number to Loraina and then she plays the
audio and that's how it works. And I tossed to
(34:17):
the audio. I thought it was pretty good toss. I
thought I nailed the toss. And I don't hear it,
and I'm on camera and I look over and to
my right, in my peripheral vision, I see Lorena, I
see Coop and Eddie had walked over from his his booth,
(34:38):
and they're having a really good conversation. I mean, they
seem like they were really enjoying whatever they were talking about.
And I felt kind of rude interrupting what they were
doing because it seemed like they were really enjoying it.
But then I was like, wait a minute, didn't I
just throw to a SoundBite and they're talking, they're playing
grab ass, and so yeah, I got a little I
(34:58):
got a little upset.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
Danny.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
I apologize, you know, heat of the moment, right, Danny,
you know these.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Things, did you call them some names on the air.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Might have said a few mean things, you know, I
might have might have stormed out after the show, and uh,
you know, so I didn't say anything I would regret
that would be involved in hr.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
Lebron Mallard, Oh me.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Oh no, not at all, not at all. I took
my purse and I walked off, and I said that's it.
And yeah, so anyway, thank you, thank you, Mike, I Reagie.
Also thank you for bringing up all all the weak moments.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
On the show. Thank you for making Ben relive all
of the tragic.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Moments PTSD from some of these moments. That's quite the story. Anyway.
A couple more quotes Mike and San Diego says, Hey,
Ben and Danny, Ben, when you worked in San Diego,
do you ever get a chance to meet Ted Lightner
and the Colonel Jerry Coleman. Yes, I didn't. I was
around Jerry Coleman actually more then Ted Lightner, Teddy Ball Game.
(36:02):
I worked for Hacksaw. Ted Lightner was doing an afternoon show.
He was a rival of Hacksaw and Ted was on
I think Channel eight in San Diego is the sports guy.
And I always liked Ted because he was a bullshit guy,
like I thought, you know, I he is the East
Coast guy, but I liked his style and he'd say
my podres and all that. But I was around Jerry Coleman,
(36:24):
the Colonel many more times. I have some great stories.
We don't have time to get to them now, but
there's a story with Jerry Coleman when he was doing
CBS Radio sports play by play. That is one of
my top five all time stories in the business and
involves Jerry Coleman and Jerry couldn't been cool one of
the old guys at the mighty sixth ninety. Dave Marcus
is the radio engineer for the San Diego Padres and
has traveled with the Podreys for like thirty five years
(36:46):
or something like that, and probably not that one about
thirty years. And when he used to go to games
all the time, I'd go out and hang out with
Dave and sometimes I'd be in the Podres booth. And
Jerry Coleman could not have been nicer played for the
New York Yankees back when it matted to play for
the New York Yankees. And he saw a thing or
two in his life. And you can hang a star
on that one, baby, Jerry Coleman. But yeah, I have
(37:07):
fond memories of that. And also Ted Light. Ted was
a legend in San Diego too, voice of the He
was what's the Padres as well, and also San Diego State.
All right, last one wild Man of Morgan Town. He says,
Ben and Danny g I was in the Navy for
twenty two years. When I was in boot camp, I
remember getting leg cramps at night, and all I could
do was extend my legs and hold it until it
(37:29):
went away. Later, I was told to keep yellow mustard
packets close by if I ever got a cramp, it
would bring relief. Is there anything to that? Do you
guys like mustard?
Speaker 3 (37:42):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Now do you run My question to you a while, man,
is do you rub? I've not heard of this. Do
you rub the mustard on your leg? Or do you
eat the mustard? I've not heard about that, so I
can't answer the question. Do I like I don't like
mustard as a grown up, I'll eat it on a
hot dog. I'll do ketchup mustard. Ketchup mustard one of
my costco so I'll eat it like that.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
I looked it up for you. Says there isn't much
scientific evidence that eating mustard can help prevent or treat
leg cramps, but some people claim that it can.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Well some people. That's weasel termino. That's enough, we have
other Listen to me. I didn't get your question. Send
it in resubmitted for next week. Hopefully we'll have time
next week a real fifth hour at.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
I'm gonna go rub some gray poupon on my ass.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Right, you're tushy, I might sting a little bit, all right, Danny,
thank you. Been a fun weekend and good luck with
the week here. Any changes I mentioned I'm with Rob
Parker on Tuesday this week? Are you doing the normal
strow with Cavino and Rich Any changes this week?
Speaker 3 (38:44):
We are back to our regular programming in the afternoon
slash early evening.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
All right, very good. I have a wonderful rest of
your Sunday. I'll be on tonight, back in the audio
dojo full week, and I'll just be on a little
different time on Tuesday. But we'll talk to you then.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
A Plasta got a murder. I gotta go.
Kabbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
In the air everyway, and welcome in to the extra crispy,
extra spicy Fifth Hour, every f and day here at
the Sweatshop, the audio sweatshop that we hang out at. Myself,
Big Ben, and my radio brother from a different mother,
(00:49):
Danny G Radio. You hear him with Covino and Rich
during the week. You hear me on the original recipe
Ben Mahler Show, which is going to be back later tonight.
This the eighteenth day of August, this Sunday, Happy National
Faheata Day. I will put my fijetas up against anyone's
fihetas on the Mallard griddle. A lot of work to
(01:09):
make proper fihetas, but when done right, wonderful, absolutely wonderful.
It is also bad Poetry Day. So celebrate appropriately. Isn't
all poetry bad poetry? Is that shot? Is that unacceptable?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah, that's unacceptable because Tupac wrote a book of poems
and there's some poetry that's turned into some great music
over the years.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Everything with you goes back to Tupac. It's always back
to Tupac.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
It is are you're going to be.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Tupac again when Halloween comes around? Your wife retired that
Tupac mask, right, that was always your go to.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Oh, she didn't have anything to do with that. Going away.
Last Halloween, I couldn't find the mask because I wrap
it up and bubble wrap to protect it and hide
it in the garage, and Halloween I couldn't find where
I hit it.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Okay, that was what happened.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Do you ever do that where you want to keep
something safe so you hide it so well that you
can't find it.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yes, And I have moved a couple times in the
last ten years, and it I still haven't found things.
There are things I remember packing up and making a
big deal about it so I wouldn't lose it. And
I need to find a treasure map to find it
because I don't know where it is.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
It's the worst effing feeling, because the whole reason you
go to such great lengths you don't want anything to
happen to it, and you wind up losing it. Yeah,
it sucks.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Well, roses are red virus of blue, and I can
find stuff better than you.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Is that I thought you were going to bumst out
a Tupac poem, the Rose that grew through the concrete.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Well, I will tell you my favorite story with poetry
does involve does involve Steve di Seger, And you know
that story. It's one of the all time great stories.
I don't know, do we want to get into it here.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
But it involved a quick version.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Yeah, I'll give you the quick version. So we had
this great caller, like the male Genie meant for Jimmy
Ray from Tampa Bay. Oh, I love that man, Rest
in piece, Jimmy Ray. So, Jimmy Ray died years ago,
and a friend of his emailed me and said, listen,
Jimmy loved your show. And you know he's really sick,
and he had an alcohol problem the last couple of
(03:29):
years of his life, and you know, you give this
a really wonderful message about how the show really kept
him going. He loved the show, and he was a
character on the show and made me feel really good.
And he said, you didn't know this about Jimmy, but
Jimmy liked to write little poems, and so we thought
it would be a great tribute if you could read
some of his poetry on the air as a tribute.
(03:51):
So I'll give you the rest of the story in
a minute, as Paul Harty was saying, but I read
the poetry on the air, and I think Jimmy would
appreciate this. If there's if he's behind the pearly gates,
if there's an afterlife, and somehow hears about this. So
I read the poetry. Was it was absolutely horrible. It
was my God, was it bad?
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Right?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
But I knew that this was I knew this was
important to the friends of Jimmy Ray. So I read it.
And in the middle of me, in the middle of
me reading the poetry, I was working with the great
Steve de Seger. I love to sega when my great
radio people, wonderful person. So in the middle list the
(04:33):
saga interrupts and he he does the old Broses are
read by this of blue. And I can write poetry
better than Jimmy Ray from Tampa Bay. Uh. Well, the
rest of the story is the reason the friends wanted
me to read the poetry is because they were recording
the show to play at Jimmy Ray's funeral.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Oh, I don't feel bad now about that time we
got called to the principal's office for talking about Steve Disager.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
I don't know what you're talking about, but uh, Danny,
I I kept trying to sell. I was like, Steve,
you know, but I to say. He's like, in his defense,
he said, well, you didn't tell me that before. I
was like, well, I did, just I was kind of
why would.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
I read this?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
It's you know, it's like anyway. But uh, I can
only imagine what it must have been like at that
memorial service when they played.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
You think that anybody in the family was good at
editing audio?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Uh, I don't.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I just oh my god, it was that's my that's
bad poetry right there.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
That is uncle had one of the early versions of Adobe.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Yeah, exactly, Oh, Danny, one of those I want to
get away moments, you know Southwest Airlines want to get away,
want to get far, far far away. Oh, before we
get into the mailbag. A programming note. I I said
last week, Hey, I'm back for the long haul. The company, though,
has other ideas. They have other ideas. So I will
(06:06):
be back tonight in the audio Dojo. I will be
on Tomorrow night, Monday into Tuesday on the Audio Dojo,
and then Tuesday and Wednesday I will not be on
because we are going to do a cross promotion. I
have been called in out of the bullpen the rare
and appropriate, rare and appropriate Maler fill in. I will
be working with my friend Rob Parker sound the Alarm.
(06:31):
I'll be in the Chris Broussard chair, and that'll be
on Tuesday, so I will be in there much.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Earlier, balling on a budget Brothers.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, Benny the brother Racist. What time is that is that?
What time is that show? Seven o'clock Eastern? I don't
even know.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
It comes on right after Covino and Rich.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Okay, so like seven to ten? Is that? Am I
correct on that? Seven to ten eastern, four to seven Pacific?
I think I'm right on that.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Yeah, I think I'm right.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
So that'll be Tuesday. Robbie the Mark at three hours,
Robbie the Marina Fan is supposed to be in on
Monday hanging out with us. So yeah, this week and
then I'll be back the next day on the Overnight show.
So just one day cameo with Rob Parker, Rob Parker,
so that'll be.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Coming to park Sports Radio logo on it.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
And you're you hear the podcast. You're getting that. No
one else has it. I didn't announce that. I didn't
say that on the Overnight show. So you're getting that
because you're a pee wow.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
And now are you coming into the studio? Are you
going to do this from your home studio.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
The remote studio? That's a game time decision. I do
not know, but I'm thinking about going in there. But
then I'm also thinking about, well, wait a minute, what's
the traffic situation and and all that. So we'll see.
We'll see what the traffic is, and then if it's reasonable,
I might come in. If not, I'll just crank on
the remote studio and we'll be on our way. Let's
get to the mail bag. Ohio Wow, it's this mail
(07:59):
bag all right, thank you very much, the great Ohio.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Al.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
These are actual letters by actual listeners who want to
send a question to the esteemed panel. On the fifth
Army and Danny g you can send that to Real
fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Real fifth Hour at
gmail dot com. Alf from the Malard Militia headquarters. Right sin,
he says, is there any truth of the rumor Gagon
(08:28):
decided to update your computer during the Mailbag podcast recording
session from Las Vegas. That's right, Danny, we had a
podcast catastrophe that took place. Very unfortunate, Danny, very unfortunate.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Well, I wouldn't call it a catastrophe because I received
several messages saying listeners loved the great moments in Malor's
show history. In fact, in its entirety, I played the
Malor Mountain of Money where your boy from Fremont, California,
Andrew killed two people. As Carson Palmer, your natural hysterical
(09:14):
laugh is one of the best ever on radio, and
you were hysterically laughing.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah. I had another one of those moments this week, Nanny,
and I hope we can play that on the podcast here. So,
I don't know if you heard about He's probably didn't
because you're you know, you're working a different shift. But
Dick and Dayton calls up the last Hour. Now, the
great thing about dick. That sounds dirty. But the thing
that I enjoy about his calling the show the Dixter
is he doesn't listen to the show, but he loves
(09:43):
the show. It's fascinating. He loves being a character on
the show, but he does not like like actually listening
to the show. So we've been kicking around is Mallard
Meet and Greed? And in fact, on this podcast we
have been given an all offer to have a Mather
Meet and Greed in in Ohio. We've we've talked about
(10:07):
this and a gentleman and his his girlfriend this this
bar in Columbus. Zach has offered the hostess. He's like
a big shot there at the bar and it's a
it's a hockey bar for the Blue Jackets and they
do very well, and so it's it's really colose. He
(10:27):
offered to host it and nothing scheduled, but we were
like twenty twenty five fact, I told my wife this
was Jack contacted me before the Charleston Meet and Greed
and he's he's the guy that he told us the story.
But I remember he was sleeping and in the dark,
and he like he was walking around with naked and
(10:49):
his wife, sisters saw his twigging berries and all I
remember that.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
I remember that, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, quite quite the characters that I like this guy.
So he offered to host it, and I'm like, I'm in, Zach,
I want to do it. I just if football season's
very difficult to get to Ohio, so probably have to
do it either in the spring of twenty twenty five
or somewheer in the summer, depending on other things. So
we were talking about on the air, and I was like,
you know, we were kicking around after we were talking
about Vegas, like what should we do the next meet
(11:16):
and reading. In the course of the conversation, Ohio came up,
and so then Dick in Dayton's on around that time,
and Coop and some of the guys were like, I
don't know, what do you want to go to Ohio?
You know, there's nothing to really do in Ohio. So
I'm like, what are you talking about? There's stuff to
do in Ohio. I believe there's stuff to do everywhere.
(11:38):
So I'm talking to Dick and date. I hope Zach
heard this. I don't know if here it. We're probably
hope we can play it again here Danny. So I
in my head. I said, Okay, Dick and Dayton loves Ohio.
He thinks of it like a country and that you
need a passport to leave Ohio. Like he never goes
anywhere other than Ohio. So he would be the perfect
guy to sing the praises and be part of the
(12:01):
marching and Chowder Society for Ohio. So I was like, Dick,
tell I forget exactly what I said, was like talk
about all the great things in Ohio. And at that
very moment, without missing a beat, Dick and Dayton, without pausing,
all right, have a good night or something like that,
he ends the call. It was it was hilarious, dying.
(12:24):
It was so so wonderful. I want to we can
play that. He would be wonderful because it's one of
the great moments. I want to say, either Sunday or Monday,
the last hour of the show, in near the middle
part of the last hour, Dick and Dayton just just
just absolutely great.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I will find that.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Alf also says, I need to preface my second question
with an apology to Danny g Radio. Some high ranking
officials and the militia have questions regarding the total number
of your nicknames. So can we get a rundown of
your entire list of your nicknames and the total number
to celebrate your new affiliate.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Oh oh crap, Ben, you're breaking up just like you
did in Vegas.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
No no, I think. I think we're good and we're
on now the FM dow the fan in Kansas City,
our newest affiliate, and in honor of that, I am
known as the spin breaking No no no, the spin
Master of misinformation, the banning broadcaster.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
This isn't that the number one station anymore?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I've been called the Beethoven of BS, Tremussion of commentary,
the Chasm of sarcasm, the Czar of zany. They could
stop the Dark Knight, a weak night radio, Mogo of mischief,
Benny the brazen King of zaying moneyball Maller, Benny the bopper,
that's when I play baseball.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
No one has ever called you moneyball Mallard.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Oh no, they have assaulted of insultant, the Shaman of Schotenfreude,
sensitive sniffer, jumping jack of wisecrack, insight of overnight medicine
man Mallard. Wow, Oh my Neighbob of negativity, Sage of outrage,
the pinnacle of Cynical, the Prince of preposterous, Professor of propaganda.
(14:09):
His are hyperbole, the floating turd of the spoken word,
and the mad Hatter of sports chatter. Now that's only
half my nicknames.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Now that floating turd one is actually pretty good. You
like that?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
The floating turd of the spoken word? Yeah, all right,
So I see you're approving, You're you're coming around. You're
warming up to that.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I don't think so. I liked one out of one hundred.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Okay, well here, but wait, there's more. There's a weight,
there's more. Remember the guy were you with me?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
I tell you what. Why don't we do the rest
of the nicknames on the six hour? No?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
No, no, no? Were you with me when we tried
to get Rompo peel on? And then he? Were you
with me at that time? And then he blew? And
then he dropped dead? Anyway, but wait, there's more.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Uh are you saying we're all gonna drop dead for
hearing the names?
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Well, eventually we will all drop it. A Baron of Baldadash,
big gall Bladder, Venice, the Menace, Captain knee Jerk, the
Duke of the north Woods, General of Degenerates, Tycoon of Tea's,
Master of Disaster, Hustler of filibuster, night Light of Nightlife,
Humbler of producers, Benny Brightside, Manatee of insanity, Marconi Maller.
(15:16):
I was impressed by the size, but I'm not gonna lie, Danny.
That was a big cock moneyline. Mallard, masshole, mallar a
mass whole. Mickey gave me that nickname. Emissary of Embellishment,
weak Night, Windbag, Wizard of Wacky, Slayer of Naysayers, Grand
Goober of gab the Ola, Dark of Dark, Tower of
babbel On, honest to Donnis, Nocturnal Colonel, the Underdog of monologue,
(15:41):
and the Holy Pope of the Slippery Slope.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
You get away from me. Oh look at that, the
show's over.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Good night everybody.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Yeah that was brief.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yeah, I lost track. I stopped counting alf so you'll
have to go back and play that back and count
how many they are. Barry in South Carolina and this
is the guy he used to live in Nashville. I
met Beret the Charleston meet and read. Very nice man,
he says, Yo yo Ma. Benny and Danny g was
away all last week in London, found the real Big Ben. Actually,
(16:20):
I found out that Big Ben is the bell which
you can't see. The tower that everyone refers to as
Big Ben is actually the Elizabeth Tower. There's a fun fact.
It is a fun fact. Did you know that?
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Never never even heard that I had not.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
That's good information and that proves what we talked about
the man that shot Liberty Balance Danny. When the legend
becomes the fact, you go with the legend. And the
legend is that building, for those of us around the world,
is Big Ben. The fact that it's actually the Elizabeth
Tower does not matter because for our purposes it is
(16:58):
Big Ben. That's the legend. It is become the fact.
And when the legend becomes the fact, you go with.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
So. Yeah, like in the nineties when all my coworkers
spread a story about me banging some chick in the studio.
I'm not sure that happened or not, but it became
a fat And yeah, those those people, I hear from
them on Facebook sometimes and they're like, remember what you
did in the studio, And I was like, remember nothing
(17:26):
about what I did talking on the radio, only about
what they thought I did behind the scenes in a studio.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, And you'd also do it. Well, if it didn't happen,
it probably should happen. You know, it might not have happened,
but it probably should have happened. So whether it happened
or not, you know that year there was.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
A blondie there, but I just gave her a tour
and then she left.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Yeah it was plutonic or platonic or whatever.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
There you go. So it dropped off some bottled water.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Yeah, that's it. That's the ticket, right, that's the ticket.
What else? Barry also says I raised the question what
international city is on your most want to visit list?
Barry says, I highly recommend London was fabulous and the
museums are free and amazing. That sounds good. I really
(18:17):
had never wanted to go anywhere other than America, But
as I've gotten older, I'm like, I'm more. My wife
really wants to go to Italy and the Netherlands and whatnot,
so and she would like to do it the next
couple of years. So is there anywhere in particular? Not really.
(18:40):
Part of me wants to go to New Zealand because
I did radio there for a long time. I have
a friend Darcy walder Grave who's a big talk show
host in New Zealand. So it would be kind of
cool to hang out with Darcy and have him show
me around as a native of New Zealand. That would
be cool. But then I think, like, why would you
fly all that time in New Zealand's probably just like
going into like Malibu or something, and I can drive
(19:01):
to Malibu.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
You know and all that. But I've loved these malle
meet and greets. You know Dale, the guy, the great
listener Dale in South Carolina who put together the Charleston
Meet and greet. It was great meeting him, and I wondered, like,
could we get a meet and beat? Do we have
enough listeners? And you're in like London. We have a
fair amount of people that contact me from London. Cand
we have a meet and greeting. That'd be crazy to
(19:24):
do one in London. And but then it'd be just
nice to see other parts of the world, like Italy.
Although I don't think i'd like the authentic Italian food.
I like the American version of Italian food, so I
don't know that I like real Italian food, but it
may cool. My my wife's grandfather who passed away a
couple of years ago. It was named Luigi from from Italy.
Authentic Italian dude. It'd be kind of cool to see
(19:45):
where he grew up because we became friends near the
end of his life, and so that would be that
would be neat. So yeah, verry the food and how's
the food in line after the Food's not very good,
but I'd probably love it because it's my kind of food.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
It's like, yeah, fish and I was just going to say,
you like chicken tenders, so I could see you eating
fish and chips.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Yeah, probably, so probably, So Ozzie was speaking of international
Ozzie was right. Sin from Western Australia says my mate's
big men and Danny gees. Sorry, I have not interacted
with you guys for a bit. Still listening. Just super
busy with work, doing thirteen hour days and home life,
so let's get into it, says living where we do,
(20:27):
it's about an hour away from a big supermarket. We
do a monthly shop for groceries. Think about that. We
do get all of our meat like pork, lamb and
beef fresh from the farm. So we have two freezers
and three fridges and yes, one is a beer fridge.
(20:48):
You got to live up to the Australian lifestyle. Ozzie
was all the way. You can't be called Ozzie Wash
if you don't have a refrigerator just filled with beer.
You cannot have that. You can't have that name if
you don't have that. He says, how many do you
guys have in the Malar Mansion and the Danny g Castle.
So we actually have We have a few. We don't
(21:10):
need them. We have a freezer we got for long
term frozen meats and stuff, like one of those black
you know, the small freezers that you can get. You
uould be able to get them for like one hundred bucks.
Now they're probably two hundred bucks.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Yeah, one of those.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
We have a refrigerator, and then when my father passed away,
we inherited his refrigerator. So we have three, well two refrigerators,
and then that's like a combo with the freezer, and
then we have one just freezer. But yeah, we have three.
What about you, Danny?
Speaker 3 (21:41):
So my eight oh five beer is in the fridge
downstairs in the garage that is like the flow over
freezer slash fridge. The older refrigerator and then the new
refrigerator is in the kitchen. Okay, so you got a
couple may sure too that because I'm not fancy like
you with your ice cube machine or ice maker.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Gotta get it.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
The one thing from your mansion I was most jealous
of was your ice machine. This new fridge we got
has an ice maker, which is nice, but it's no
Sonic and Chick fil A.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
You have that in the kitchen, Yeah, it's It is
one of the great things in life. It's one of
the little joys in life you should get. They're not
that expense if you use it all the time. I
use that thing. I love ice water, so I'm drinking water.
I don't eat a lot, so I drink the water.
I'm all about the water. But it's pretty pretty cool.
Ozzy Was also says, ps, do you still want a
(22:34):
pig to go head to head with Poppy or is
he calls him Poopy? I can probably arrange that, yeah,
Ozzy Was. If you're willing to commit, it's a long commitment.
It's a twenty twenty weeks of NFL football, actually longer
than that with the playoffs and all. But if you're
down for it, we can set that up. We have
(22:55):
to come up with a creative name. Ozzie was his
pig and Poppy. Yeah, absolutely, if you're serious about that,
let us know. It sounds like you're letting us know,
Ben and Danny. This one comes from Reggie from Detroit,
says Ben. What was the fallout from the Pizzagate scandal
on the show? Did Coop really eat pizza and leave
(23:15):
the studio during the show or was that a bit
that's from Reggie. Reggie, first of all, your airport is insane.
There We talked about that running through the Detroit airport
this weekend. But yes, we had a Pizzagate scandal, not
like the one in DC. So we time shifted Mallard
(23:37):
of the third degree, Danny, and I'm not making this up.
We didn't do this as a bit, it was it
happened organically. So the way it works when you time
shift Mallard of the third degree for ratings purposes, you
probably know this Reggie from being a listener. So we
shifted to after the monologue the following out. So I
will finish the monologue. I will then toss to the
(23:58):
third degree. I will and be asked a series of
questions by Coopoloo that's how we do it. So I
finished the monologue. I've got these bright lights on me
because they're recording the show for YouTube. I'm a YouTuber influencer, so,
you know, with the monologue and I just you know,
muscle memory, I'm like, all right, let's get the mallet
of the third degree with the kopoloo and the open plays.
(24:22):
And I look over to the producer's station in the
other room across the glass and there's no one there.
It's it's it's just a chair. And then I look
over the rain as standing where she's supposed to be,
and there's there's no coup And I'm like, Okay, did
(24:42):
he have a heart attack. Maybe he's on the floor.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
What happened?
Speaker 1 (24:46):
And I think you heard what happened? Reggie Coop had
left because he was heating up some pizza. He wanted
to get the pizza, and uh, I guess an extra
two minutes would have ruined the pizza. That's it. My
favorite part of this is his response when I said,
you know, Coop, you maybe should have just left the
(25:07):
pizza in and done the bit, but I want to
mount it. And he said, Danny, he deadpanned, it would
have burned.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
It said when if you have taken your fire compliance,
your safety compliance online for our building, you would know
that They tell us we have to stand there with
our microwave or meal in the toaster oven, whatever we're
doing in that big, bad blue kitchen. It says that
you should not ever leave your food unattended while it's cooking.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, that training did. Now when did you tell I
just took it like the other.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Day, like three days ago.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
This is should I should I say the quiet part
out loud? Should I say the quiet part out loud?
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Or should I no? Do it? Do it?
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Management doesn't listen to this podcas yes, right. So the
way the training is, they have like an eight or
a nine minute video and then they have a quiz
and you have to get one hundred percent right to
pass the quiz. But I hope you realize what I realized.
All of these quizzes are for liability. The only reason
they do that is because you know, if the building
(26:19):
burns up and we die, you can't sue us because
you took training and you did the wrong thing, and
you know it's on you. You're responsible. But I know
why they do so knowing that, and then I realized
after the first video, which took eight minutes or whatever
it is, to play about what they do during an earthquake.
The next chapter of the training, I didn't watch the video.
(26:42):
I just went to the quiz because ninety five percent
of the questions are just obvious, you know what I mean, Dan,
It's just common sense. I know common sense isn't common,
but it's just common sense answers. And I got on
the quiz. I got all all of them right except
for two. But here's the thing. They told you which
(27:04):
ones you got wrong, So then you just go back
and you correct those two and then you're good. And
so yeah, I didn't I didn't watch any of the
videos other than the first one, and I got all
of the quizzes one hundred percent, So.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Yeah, well you didn't do bad. Then I half watched
and I only got one incorrect. But you're right. It
self corrects tells you you have to go back and
do it over again, but you just repeat all your
same answers and fix the one you boo booed on.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Yeah, so you're fine. So what's the point again, It's
just for liability, that's why they do it. Wayne from
Cansauh City Rights and he says, Ben, your show is
now on ninety six point five FM, the Fan in
Can's I think I did I say that.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
I think.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
This whole weekend's a blur. Anyway, when he says you're
on the You're now on ninety six point five the
Fan in Kansas City rather than six ten sports. It
is the home of the Royals and the Chiefs. Is
this a game changer, it says Winn No. I mean
it's you know, it's a game changer. It's a game
changer for my my friend Bob Fesco, who does the
morning show, because I said this, I was the first
(28:11):
guest on ninety six point five FM the Fan there
in Kansas City, which was cool on his morning show.
It's a much bigger deal when you're on FM as
opposed to AM, and so that's really cool. It doesn't
change our show because we do the same show whether
we're on AM or FM, or we get covered up
because of the Royals or the Chiefs or Kansas or
(28:33):
Missouri or whoever's on there. So yeah, it's good for them,
but I don't know game changer. I hope the station
does very well. I have some friends that work there,
and yeah, for us, it doesn't really change much other
than hopefully we have more people that can hear the show.
In the Kansas City market, there are more people listen
to FM than AM. But a lot of this these days,
(28:55):
Danny is based on streaming anywhere. They'll spend some more
money because it's a new branded station. So I would
imagine the people over at Odyssey who own that station
will end up spending more money for billboards and things
like that, which will trickle down, as Ronald Reagan taught us,
trickle down economics, and then we'll benefit from some of that.
(29:15):
Mike and Fullerton rights and he says, how do you do? Ben?
And Danny g He says, Ben, if you're looking for
good barbecue in the area, head over to Fullerton. Mike
and Bulletin says, over the past five years, more than
thirty new restaurants and bars have opened in Fullerton's so
Co district. It's been dubbed Bourbon Street West. You ever
(29:38):
heard that, Danny, Bourbon Street West isn't Fullerton now, he said,
OC Weekly called it Bourbon Street West. I'm sure you'll
find what you're looking for there. Notice that Mike did
not do the legwork to try to find a restaurant
that serves barbecue. He just said just to go there.
And then here's the question, he says, And if you
want to play miniature golf, you don't need to drive
(30:00):
all the way to Myrtle Beach. We've got that here too.
Just go to Camelot Golf Land in Fullerton's sister city, Anaheim.
You're welcome, And he says, do you guys been and
Danny enjoy playing golf or miniature golf more? I haven't
done either in a long time. I feel more grown
up playing golf, but I have more fun playing miniature golf.
(30:22):
Does that make sense? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Did you hear about the new place called Swingers that's
opening at Mandalay Bay in Vegas?
Speaker 1 (30:30):
No.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Three stories, forty thousand square feet, thirty six holes, and
there's going to be bars. It's adults only. It is
like miniature golf on steroids. It's going to open in November.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Nice. Where did they put was that behind Mandalay Bay
where they.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I don't know it did not say that in the article.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
That's cool. Oh, I didn't get to this in Foody Fun.
But this will be something that only you and I
will appreciate. Remember that famous Arby's that closed in Hollywood.
I used to go there when I lived in Hollywood,
the iconic Arby's on it Hollywood Boulevard there. So it closed,
and it has reopened as LA's first drive through pizza place.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Drive through pizza. Yeah, that's a good idea.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Actually, it is a good idea, right. And I looked
at this place and it looks like the food is
absolutely as the kids say on fire. It just looks
really good. So next time I'm in Hollywood, I told
the wife, I said, we got to go. It's called
Prince Street Pizza. I've not been there, but these mazzarella sticks.
If anybody listening in LA has been there, they have
smoked mozzarella sticks. And it's in that old Arby's. They
(31:47):
still have the Arby's sign in front. But it's called
Prince Street Pizza and it looks just freaking awesome, just
freaking awesome. Dummy, I will do a few more Mike
in Northern Wisconsin, says Ben and Danny. Ben, how ups everyone.
(32:07):
Everyone wants to ask about the drama on the show.
We had a Pizzagate question. This one's from from Mike.
He says, how upset you get when the sound doesn't
get played during your monologue? He said, listening, it sounded
like your your head was ready to explode. That's from
Mike in Wisconsin. Yeah, I get, I get, I get
(32:28):
a upset. There's very little I can't control. You know, Danny,
you work with me. You know I'm a bit of
a control freak, right, you know that. But you know
I like to be in control. I like to be
in the driver's seat as much as I can, and
not to get too much into how we make the
hot dogs. However, there's a cadence. I spent a lot
(32:50):
of my time getting ready for the show. I spent
hours trying to find things I think are interesting enough
to put in a monologue, then try to form ideas
and put bullet points down for the monologue. I'm always
trying to come up with different ideas for segments that
we can talk about on the show. So it's a
lot of my day. It's my life's work. I am
such a radio loser. I even find the sound. A
(33:13):
lot of people don't realize this. I'm the one that
finds Coop doesn't do any of that I find all
the sound that we plan on the show, and that's it.
I mean, there are many reasons for that. I don't
want to get into that here, but I have to
find the sound. Normally in big market radio, that's not
how it works, but I have to do it, so
fine whatever. You know, most shows it's not like that,
but that's what I have to do. So to do
(33:33):
all the legwork to you know, it's my job, but
to get ready for the show to in my head
say all right, I'm gonna go from I have a
point I want to make and then I'm going to
play off this audio and the key to the monologue
is the audio, and then I'm going to react to
the audio and that that's how we're going to do it.
And I'm going to craft It's like a craftsman, crafting,
(33:54):
crafting the money monologue. And in my head it just
plays out perfectly. And yeah, Mike, I was. I was
pretty upset because I had some sound that I needed
and I had sent it to Coop, you know, so
i'd do the legwork. All he has to do is
give the number to Loraina and then she plays the
audio and that's how it works. And I tossed to
(34:17):
the audio. I thought it was pretty good toss. I
thought I nailed the toss. And I don't hear it,
and I'm on camera and I look over and to
my right, in my peripheral vision, I see Lorena, I
see Coop and Eddie had walked over from his his booth,
(34:38):
and they're having a really good conversation. I mean, they
seem like they were really enjoying whatever they were talking about.
And I felt kind of rude interrupting what they were
doing because it seemed like they were really enjoying it.
But then I was like, wait a minute, didn't I
just throw to a SoundBite and they're talking, they're playing
grab ass, and so yeah, I got a little I
(34:58):
got a little upset.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
Danny.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
I apologize, you know, heat of the moment, right, Danny,
you know these.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Things, did you call them some names on the air.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Might have said a few mean things, you know, I
might have might have stormed out after the show, and uh,
you know, so I didn't say anything I would regret
that would be involved in hr.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
Lebron Mallard, Oh me.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Oh no, not at all, not at all. I took
my purse and I walked off, and I said that's it.
And yeah, so anyway, thank you, thank you, Mike, I Reagie.
Also thank you for bringing up all all the weak moments.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
On the show. Thank you for making Ben relive all
of the tragic.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Moments PTSD from some of these moments. That's quite the story. Anyway.
A couple more quotes Mike and San Diego says, Hey,
Ben and Danny, Ben, when you worked in San Diego,
do you ever get a chance to meet Ted Lightner
and the Colonel Jerry Coleman. Yes, I didn't. I was
around Jerry Coleman actually more then Ted Lightner, Teddy Ball Game.
(36:02):
I worked for Hacksaw. Ted Lightner was doing an afternoon show.
He was a rival of Hacksaw and Ted was on
I think Channel eight in San Diego is the sports guy.
And I always liked Ted because he was a bullshit guy,
like I thought, you know, I he is the East
Coast guy, but I liked his style and he'd say
my podres and all that. But I was around Jerry Coleman,
(36:24):
the Colonel many more times. I have some great stories.
We don't have time to get to them now, but
there's a story with Jerry Coleman when he was doing
CBS Radio sports play by play. That is one of
my top five all time stories in the business and
involves Jerry Coleman and Jerry couldn't been cool one of
the old guys at the mighty sixth ninety. Dave Marcus
is the radio engineer for the San Diego Padres and
has traveled with the Podreys for like thirty five years
(36:46):
or something like that, and probably not that one about
thirty years. And when he used to go to games
all the time, I'd go out and hang out with
Dave and sometimes I'd be in the Podres booth. And
Jerry Coleman could not have been nicer played for the
New York Yankees back when it matted to play for
the New York Yankees. And he saw a thing or
two in his life. And you can hang a star
on that one, baby, Jerry Coleman. But yeah, I have
(37:07):
fond memories of that. And also Ted Light. Ted was
a legend in San Diego too, voice of the He
was what's the Padres as well, and also San Diego State.
All right, last one wild Man of Morgan Town. He says,
Ben and Danny g I was in the Navy for
twenty two years. When I was in boot camp, I
remember getting leg cramps at night, and all I could
do was extend my legs and hold it until it
(37:29):
went away. Later, I was told to keep yellow mustard
packets close by if I ever got a cramp, it
would bring relief. Is there anything to that? Do you
guys like mustard?
Speaker 3 (37:42):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Now do you run My question to you a while, man,
is do you rub? I've not heard of this. Do
you rub the mustard on your leg? Or do you
eat the mustard? I've not heard about that, so I
can't answer the question. Do I like I don't like
mustard as a grown up, I'll eat it on a
hot dog. I'll do ketchup mustard. Ketchup mustard one of
my costco so I'll eat it like that.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
I looked it up for you. Says there isn't much
scientific evidence that eating mustard can help prevent or treat
leg cramps, but some people claim that it can.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Well some people. That's weasel termino. That's enough, we have
other Listen to me. I didn't get your question. Send
it in resubmitted for next week. Hopefully we'll have time
next week a real fifth hour at.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
I'm gonna go rub some gray poupon on my ass.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Right, you're tushy, I might sting a little bit, all right, Danny,
thank you. Been a fun weekend and good luck with
the week here. Any changes I mentioned I'm with Rob
Parker on Tuesday this week? Are you doing the normal
strow with Cavino and Rich Any changes this week?
Speaker 3 (38:44):
We are back to our regular programming in the afternoon
slash early evening.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
All right, very good. I have a wonderful rest of
your Sunday. I'll be on tonight, back in the audio
dojo full week, and I'll just be on a little
different time on Tuesday. But we'll talk to you then.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
A Plasta got a murder. I gotta go.
Host
Ben Maller
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