I'm a Pilot! (Act 1)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour

(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now that it does, and
we are in the air everywhere the vast power of
the I Heart podcast network a global reach. We are
not held down by the radio signal on this dopey
little podcast that we do every week. Because four hours

(00:44):
on the overnight, five days a week not enough, we
need to harass you and stake your time away on
the weekend. So here it is the Fifth Hour with
Ben Mallard and uh, because apparently I can't do this
by myself. The dead weight of the fifth are my guy,
David Gascon. If you want to have somebody valet park

(01:05):
for you, hired David Gascon for your party. People will
love the fund that he provides. Well, you hit the
nail right on the head, because no, you cannot do
this without me. So it wouldn't sound as good. Uh,
you wouldn't sound as bad. Let me tell you something
right now, gas, Okay, I did. When I was doing
stuff at w e I, there were nights I was

(01:26):
on a nighttime show in a blizzard. The only people
listening were the people driving around the Boston area in
snow plow trucks. That was it, period, hard stop. It
was pretty much me reading out of a phone book
for for like four hours or whatever. That was back
in the day, a couple of years ago. So and

(01:48):
that was amazing. That sounds as a Marconi winning radio station.
By the way, how about that. Yeah, it's it's probably
equivalent of the crackheads that listened to you money through Fridays.
So well, again, you're very jealous of the people follow
me around there. They're called the Mallar Militia. They hate you.
They think of you as the stuff behind the toilet.
That's they tell me all the time. That's not true.
Jay Scoop actually personally email me just a couple of

(02:10):
days ago and invited me to uh to visit him,
to visit the better halves up in the Pacific Northwest,
and I I will gladly accept that invitation. Here in
the near future. Well, Jay Scoop is very nice, but
he behind your back trash is you. I want you
to know that. He has told me many times what
a scumbag you are, and so it's a I don't
know what he's doing with that. He probably has ulterior motives.

(02:33):
That's not true. Terry Scoop is a He's a senior
general in the Mallar militias. So this guy has some juice,
he's got some weights. So Terry overseas has wanted to
come on and talk to us on the podcast. Um,
I will go, So why don't you do that? I mean,
we we talked about this. I had brought this up
right away the first podcast. I said, hey, we can
sit down and end to a brief BS segment with

(02:55):
Chris and Houston for example. Now it's not worth it
like Terry would be worth it. I'm a pilot would
be worth it. I know he's proud. If you want
you want to put the pilot on, why not? Yeah?
Because you want to get those buddy passes is what
you want to get. I know what you're up to, guests, Dan,
I'm all, I know exactly what you're you're up to.
You're so disingenuous here. I'm not going to care about

(03:16):
the pilot at all. You're just like, hey, this guy
can help me. You are such an l A weasel
is what you are? You deem it necessary if someone
can help you. How dare you? You know? Chris and
Houston cannot help me at all? Filexis the drag queen
in Rochester or Buffalo now, cannot help me. Mark the
full name guy is a psychopath. Cannot help me. But

(03:38):
you know what, I still put him on. How about that? Well, yeah,
because you need breaks during your four hour show. That's
not a break. No, it's not a break. It's stressful
call in radio show. It is stressful. Is that what
you said? Stressful? It is? It is he's got Let
me tell you. I took a call from Doc Mike

(04:00):
the other day, and Doc Mike is like Archie Bunker,
which I guess is an outdated reference now. But Doc
uses the same language he used which society allowed when
he was, you know, twenty years old or whatever. But
docs can't believe Doc's getting up there. He started he's
calling my show. He was in his fifties. Now he's
in his seventies. Holy crap. Uh, well, no, he Doc

(04:24):
what he came back from Ecuador. That's where he goes.
He goes to Ecuador. But he's back in Chicago now,
and uh, you know, he's talking about the coronavirus. And
so Doc does a little six minute monologue about how
you need to drink your own piss uh to to
beat the coronavirus, and in the middle of that, then
talks about the origins of the coronavirus and uses a

(04:47):
patently racist term about our brothers and sisters of the
Asian community. And I said, Doc, what are you doing.
You can't say that on the radio. Why would you say? Well,
when I grew up that I'd rather let's into that.
Then you have Chris and Houston be a jackass and
start talking about guys, wives and girlfriends. Yeah, Chris, like

(05:10):
accusing you on the live air this week of being
into some shenanis. In fact, I was gonna save that
for the grab bag because there I'm getting questions now
if you get that asshole on every one of our
shows on Fox Sports ready to asking other hosts about
Brian Family's mom, Like, who gives a shit about Brian

(05:31):
Family's mom? But this idiot not in Houston wants to
worry about other people's part of the problem. And I
love Brian, But Brian, he offered up the fact that
his mom was in like Playboy or something. But who
cares these guys? Apparently only one guy cares. It's the
guy that's probably not getting laid period. That's Chris and Houston.

(05:51):
Well what about Justin and Cincinnati. Justin I think he
went on eBay and bought the Playboy or said he
was gonna buy the Playboy. Yeah, I wonder if it's
in mid condition, Like, do you those are obviously collectible items,
So do you think it's in those paper sleeves that
I don't I don't know, Yes, I like those could

(06:12):
be like the old school, you know, like when we
were younger at the Becketts, those baseball cards that would
have the values and those and those things were framed
all the time, and it was all bullshit. It was
all a scam. I watched that documentary on baseball cards
that ruined my entire childhood. I was wasting my time
whittling away with these stupid baseball cards. Meanwhile, the greedy
card sharks, the people that were behind the card companies,

(06:34):
were printing up endless amounts of cards because it was Chiching, Chaching, Chiching.
All the dumb twelve year olds would run out and
buy the cards. And yeah, but I got a bunch
of questions actually Colin in Denver, and I'm gonna say
most of these two the grab bag says, and this
is just an example. What's the true nature of Gascon
and Ben's wife's relationship? That's from and this is a

(06:55):
direct result of of christ and Houston. Well, part of
it's because we're in the same age bracket. Uh. The
other part is we're actually the ones that go to
the gym, not you. Um. The other part, what do
you talk I go to the gym more of my wife.
We're talking about we're extroverts. You're an introvert. There's all
these dynamics that come into place. The other one is

(07:16):
this as we are both the crutches and the anchors
for Ben Mallory. Because Ben Mallory, when you eat somebody,
you're there calling your wife or you're calling me. So
that's not true. That is true, not true at all.
That is factually true. Listen, I am in my zen
right now because everyone and the mother is going batshit

(07:39):
crazy over this coronavirus, and they're telling people to not
go out. Well, that's the life I've lived. This is
my life. Finally the world is coming to me. And
it's okay to be a shrinking violet. It's not bad
to be a potted plant. Just don't leave your house.
That's I mean, this is wonderful, this is great. See.
And that's why I've always said that radio people I've

(08:02):
been in the radio business entire life, are introverts. TV
people are extroverts. So you're really a TV person pretending
to be a radio person. That's why it's so awkward.
I'm a hybrid, you know. Speaking of that, I'm glad
you brought that up, because I actually had someone, uh
send me a note and a screenshot of some don't
do that dog? Do that? You dirty dog? That's made it?

(08:24):
Sent that your dirty dog? What do you mean it's
you that. I know what you're I know what you're
about to say. No, that's I'm aware of what you're
about to say. No, you're not. Yes, I know you're
not hand the guy. I will I will bet you tacos.
I'll bet you a drink on Saturday. How about that.
I'll bet your drinks. Yeah, well, I don't even know
if you're gonna be allowed to go on saturdays of

(08:45):
your horse and you still haven't paid up the Super
Bowl bet where I picked Kansas City to win. We can.
By the way, was it a ninth horse that died
at Santa Anita last week? Damn? I missed it. Another horse.
I gotta get sin and maybe I'll go tomorrow Santa Anita.
I don't know this weekend, I might have to go
out to send any Do you think there'll be anybody
out there? What do you think anybody will be there? Oh? Yeah,

(09:07):
I believe it. The horse horse people understand that it
is a part of the sport. Horses are gonna die.
Uh maybe not as much as they do it they
need to. But but it's the the animal rights whackles.
The people don't understand horse racing are freaking out. The
people at the track are like, they're not freaking out there.
Horse racing people that's what they do. They live that life.

(09:28):
They love the smell of horse shit in the morning.
They can't get enough of it. Yeah, but I'm talking
about just people like the patrons, like people showing up
to watch. Most people don't care listen that it's all
bullshit in the meeting. Most people don't give a crap.
They're out there and they want to have a good time,
watch the races. Bet a couple of bucks, have a
beer and a hot dog and go home. But they're
not worried about all that other ba humbug crap. Yeah,

(09:50):
but we got California on a on a on the
statewide California is fucked up? What do you want from California?
It's it's a messed up places. The state of emergency
here according to uh to our great governor, Oh, because
of the coronavirus. Coronavirus. So yeah, get that. Get that.
Federal money is what that's code for. Anyways, what's on

(10:12):
the what's on the agenda today? With the All right,
so we have a voter anxiety, but not what you
think you forgot something we have that. We have a
dark cloud grab bag and study this and possibly if
we have time, don't stick to sports stories of the week.
Tremendously excited, but we begin with voter anxiety. And now

(10:34):
we had the election. It was Super Tuesday for those
of us to live in Super Tuesday states, I got
out and voted, made sure to promote myself, pat myself
on the back, I pulled the J. J. Watt, made
sure to take a photo of me with my little
sticker that I got for voting. They're very exciting. Took
a photo of the outside. I can't take a photo
of the inside of the voting room, but I took
a photo of the outside and some signs and whatnot.

(10:56):
And the general consensus is, boy, I would never live
in that from the people in the mallary militia, like
what are you doing? But I did vote. I voted
as I always do my voter or guide book. I
learned this when I was a kid. Uh, anything that
involves a taxation an increase of funds in air quotes,
which is a weasel term, I immediately vote no. I

(11:18):
don't care if it's for kids, I don't care if
it's for sick people, I vote no. There's enough money
in the tax realm, just move it around, dummies. And
the politicians can't seem to figure this out. And the
voters are a bunch of idiot, especially in the state
I live in, and they continue. I know my votes
wasted because all these other idiots vote yes on everything.

(11:39):
I'm still upset about the gas tax from last year.
I've not allowed that to go. I'm still bitter every
time I buy gas, and I think every asshole, every
Mama Luke Schmendrick around me is responsible for me paying
an extra twenty cents a gallon because their ship heads.
I had a buddy of I have a buddy of

(11:59):
mine sent me a snapshot of of him filling up
his gas tank in Oklahoma City. Uh gas at that
time a few days ago or a few weeks ago.
Excuse me, it was two dollars. Oh yeah, it's it's
a it's ridiculous, it's it's but it's total gouging. And
they put all there's a special brew or special blend,

(12:19):
they say, in the gas in California because the the
again the environmental wackos that you know, you have to
have a different thing and all that, and maybe that's true,
but it shouldn't cost that much. I believe they are
taking liberties, much like the insurance industry, you know, and
they know we'll charge you thirty five dollars for an
aspirin and when you go to the hospital, you know,
that kind of stuff. But don't worry, because we need

(12:40):
to tax everybody here in California because after all, we
are the fifth largest economy in the entire world. So
therefore we have to tax you more on top of
that tax, and on top of that tax. So now
you can help me out on this gas. What percentage
of people have to be shipping in the streets before
you become a third world country? Like, because I know
in where I live it's a regular occurrence when I'm

(13:01):
driving into work, I see, look, there's a pile of
feces over there. It's a it's out of control. Like,
how many people have to at the same time ship
in the street before it becomes a world Well, no,
don't worry about that because now in San Francisco, there's
also a new uh, there's a new rule that's in
place because the Attorney General there that if you if

(13:22):
you commit robbery and it's with an item or anything
worth less than a thousand dollars, you get issued a
mere citation. Now that's good. I don't know if you
saw us a couple of days ago, but it won't
viral video in San Francisco were three women went into
a beauty store and started putting trash bags worth of

(13:42):
beauty products in their bags, and these women that were
obviously there in the store saying telling me the women
to leave, They couldn't. They just left. They left with
all those stolen items in there, and all at worst
you would get a citation for that because those products
were valued at less than a thousand dollars. So that's
the that is the state that we're in. So that's

(14:04):
really just if you're a criminal, you've got to have
a calculator to make sure you don't go over the threshold.
As long as you don't go over a thousand dollars,
then you're in in good shape there. I've seen the
story in New York. Hey, in New York, which is California,
the East coast, they have guys robbing banks and then
getting let go because it was a non violent they
didn't use a weapon, and they got like go and

(14:26):
then go robbs somebody else. It's it's good, go ahead,
knock yourself out. But if you call these people out,
you're insensitive, you're politically incorrect. Uh yeah, people have a meltdown.
That's what's wrong with you. You know, it's through you,
it's it's mind boggling because we have videos now that
aren't always showcased on television. They go to YouTube or

(14:47):
Twitter right away. I've got people on the streets new
biling up, you know, shooting heroin, black Tar, heroin, whatever
it may be, and officers can't do anything about it.
You know. I gotta tell you something that being the
overnight guy and getting off work and driving home and
I feel like I see a different place than a

(15:09):
lot of the other people. What I mean by that
is number one, like there's a lot of stuff all
you're sleeping at least where I where I work, where
we work in the Sherman Oaks neighborhood there in the
San Fernando Valley in l A. And then getting from
my I have a very short trip to get on
the freeway. That's only a couple of blocks to get
on a freeway. And the stuff you see overnight, you're

(15:31):
you're allowed to sleep on the streets. So it sucks
when you're homeless. And I'm not, but literally the homeless.
I'm just telling you that it's out of control. What's
going on with people just you know, laying and shifting
on the streets, and it's wild it's like and then
you got to be off the street by was it
six in the morning or something like that when people
start waking up. But I'm not, you know, I'm leaving

(15:53):
and I'm seeing all this and like, whoa, this is crazy,
And this is like a rich neighborhood. There's a lot
of money there. There's a lot of rich Hollywood types
of live in the hills above where we do the
show from and they come down to shop in the
morning at the that the whole foods market right near
where we work, and they don't I don't think they
see any of that because these people are gone. I
don't know where they go during the day, but they

(16:14):
go somewhere and they're not there. I had to give
these security guards that heads up in the building that
we work at because the main streets that we have
that are intersected here, there's like a little bit of
brush and ivy that's covered around the building. And one
day in the middle of the day, I was recording
some stuff here in the studio and I looked outside
just to look at the streets or whatever, and ben

(16:36):
as I look down where the brushes at there's this
open patch of like dead plants, and all I saw
were syringes and vials. That's all I saw. I kid
you not. And there is obviously a band to for
people that wanted to shoot up. So at the crap
that I saw, or like you'd see on in the Wire,

(16:57):
the show on HBO. I know you don't watch that show,
but the stuff that they depicted obviously there in Baltimore,
the streets because the drug wars and whatnot. It is there.
It is here, it's in San Francisco. I know, it's
in San Diego. I remember, like a year or two ago,
we have the hepatatis hepatitis outbreak down there that came
up to Los Angeles. And yeah, so the fifth largest

(17:18):
economy in the world has attacks us more because they
can't get their ship. No pun intended in order whatever,
It's gotta be a way, Like I know, most politicians
are dumb because if you're you're wise, you go into
private business because you can make more. Although if you're
a sleazy politician, you can make a lot of money.
But there's gotta be a way to get it under control.
What they're doing is not working. But this is not

(17:40):
a political show. Guest, gun I know you want to
make this a political show. This is not This is
not politics. This is just you and I. It doesn't
matter if you're a Republican, independent or a Democrat like
you don't want to see that ship in your streets.
You don't want to think I always think so, but
apparently some people are just like I don't care. Man.
Let you know, let's uh love piece ship in this reads.
It's all good. You confined to me because you you

(18:02):
mentioned your voting. How long did it take you to
actually vote? Why I was? I I cheated. I used
to cheat code. Well, I have a mail in ballot,
but I didn't actually mail I did go to the
voting place and turned it in at the voting place
so I could vote. I didn't have to wait in
line or anything like that. But I, uh so I
did do that. It took me. It took me thirty

(18:25):
seven minutes to vote. So when you had your ballot
here in California, I don't know if all the other
states are the same, but in California, when you have
your voting ballot, they have a barcode on it. And
the Russian hackers. Yeah, so the iPads that were used
by the clerks to to validate your ballot, to verify
you and whatnot. They scan the bar codes, the bar

(18:47):
codes for people that were walking in before me wouldn't work.
It frees up all the iPads. Same thing happened to me.
You would freeze up the iPads. So it wait. We
had to wait anywhere from fifteen and twenty minutes just
to vote. And then on top of that, the information
that showed up on the ballot on their computer system
wasn't even accurate for me. And when I told him

(19:08):
my name and my address, they didn't even ask for
an I D. I could have told the knowledge you well,
even like me, like with a mail in ballot, you
could conceivably do the mail in ballot and then you know,
get another ballot. It says not that it's voter fraud
or whatever, but you know, every time I see that,
I think of Chicago and dead people voting, And so

(19:30):
where's the anxiety. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Miller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven
pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart
Radio app. Yeah, so the voter anxiety. So this is
not about the actual election. This is about the John R.
Wooden Award, the most hollowed award in all of sport.
Forget the Heisman, forget these dopey n v P awards.

(19:53):
That John R. Wooden Award is the most important award
out there. So I have been a voder for many years.
And first, I don't brag about it, gascount. I don't
do a segment every year about me being a John R.
Wooden Award voter, because that would be wrong, That would
be wrong to do unless I absolutely do that. I
absolutely do that every year. And it's coming up now.

(20:13):
We're getting into March madness, and it is the time
of the year where we we start getting excited about
college basketball. The college basketball season last one month one month.
So but Eddie brought something up randomly a couple of
weeks ago. He said, Hey, are you still a John A.
Wooden voter? And I thought I had an epiphany, and

(20:39):
I was like, holy fuck, I haven't gotten any email
from the Wooden people. They usually send me updates on
you know, the voting and the finalists for the Wooden
Award and all that stuff, and I hadn't gotten any
in a while. And then I was like, wait a minute.
I changed my email address a couple of months ago,
the one that the Wooden people had, so I have

(21:01):
a new email address, and so when Eddie asked me
about it on the air, I then had a come
to Jesus moment. I had the Aha moment and I said,
holy fun. So then that started a two week sojourn
of email and phone calls because my email that Wooden
had was no longer valid. So I started freaking out,

(21:24):
and for several days I tried to reach out to
the people that I had dealt with at the Wooden
Award panel and to get my status updated as a voter,
and I got nothing. They didn't right back. I'm having anxiety.
I'm freaking out. I'm like, holy funk, this is the
one thing I get to vote for, and now I've
lost the the vote because I have my email changing.

(21:45):
And then finally, after just harassing the people at Wooden,
they got back to me and said, we're got We're
all good. Don't worry, We've updated our records. You're gonna
be fine. So but for a couple of days there,
I was like, oh crap. I mean, I'll never vote
for the Heisman and these other stupid things. This is
my this is my award to vote for. You would

(22:07):
never vote for the Heisman. Well, the Heisman is a
very elitist thing, and you got to know people and
all that stuff. You gotta have somebody that gives you
the green light to vote on that. I don't know
any put I do the Overnight show. I'm a man
of the people. I'm not some daytime guy. You know,
I know there's some afternoon guys that vote for the Heisman.
Fac I know you're gonna bring up one. I know
who you're gonna bring up. But he was like a

(22:29):
morning drive, midday guy, and and so he's got a vote.
But that's yeah, and they don't give it to the
overnight people. Who do you think I was gonna bring up?
And my god, I know exactly what you're gonna bring
up because he also brags about the fact that he
has a Heisman vote. Who cares the Wooden Awards bigger
than the Heisman. Everyone knows that. Um, so you don't
want to bring him up, then well you can if

(22:49):
you want to talk about Steve Hartman, go ahead, bring
up Steve Hartman. Now he's got nicer hair than you,
and he's like twice your age, but he does. I
think he's had some work done though, really I'm think
so things and I don't think that's natural hair club
for men. You know, well whatever it all works were
in Los Angeles, right or you know, back in the
day then when I when I first got into radio,

(23:10):
it was it was Boner pills and there were companies
advertising to have your hair replaced. You know, yeh, come
I should. I'm a perfect candidate for that. Why don't
I get hired to do that? Some of that ship?
Speaking of which, on presentation a load, I did notice
now that your pictures you've done a good job. As
opposed to taking selfies from a distance, you're now taking

(23:32):
up close selfies. And that's I got to give you
a round of applause. Man, I normally don't. I don't
really like complimenting you, but you've done a tremendous job
at losing weight. Thank you. It's called not eating, it's
called just not eating at all, and then you lose weight.
But I do feel more. I'm not as self conscious

(23:52):
now when my photo gets put up other than my hair,
because we all, you know, vanity is part of human nature,
so we all have to we're all vain. So other
than that, I'm not as like you know, I'm a
big fat tub of goo. I'm not one of one
of our addendum to the Wooden Award thing. I would
like to have a write in vote. Who says no,
if I put Thomas snacks Lee as the tenth person

(24:17):
on my ballot, He's not gonna win the Wooden Award,
But wouldn't it be great for him to get a
vote for the John R. Wooden Ward. I'm not supposed
to talk about this because it's you know, you're not
supposed to talk about your vote, but I am considering.
I love this Thomas snacks Lee, this big tub of goo.
I love this guy so much. I'm thinking about giving
him an honorary vote for the Wooden Award. And I'm

(24:37):
not kidding, by the way, I'm not. I think it
would be awesome. Speaking of voting, I'm a little I
am a little thrown off by the fact that I
did not receive a Benny for for my efforts um
with you in your show in twenty nineteen, so you
actually I was. I was told by Robbie the Mariner
Fan have a panel. I Robbie the Mariner fan transgender Dave.

(24:59):
And we also have our friend Felexus in Buffalo that
you are a nominee in twenty one Bennies for non
binary personality at Fox Sports Radio. So you are in
the running for that. It's so far you're the only
person in the category. There's a ton of non binary
personalities here at Fox Sports Radio. I don't know. Would
you like to name them alphabetically? Go ahead, No, I

(25:21):
would take me too long. And we got a long
roster here at Fox Sports Radio of non binary or
no personality talent. Really, yeah, don't you think I don't
know what you're talking about. I love my colleagues, I
love my co workers. I would never trash them like
you don't even have bad team. You don't even hang
out with any of them. I don't like them in
that light, but I respect them as broadcast over under

(25:41):
I think would be under. You probably have no less
than fifty percent of the people at work here by name,
uh like behind the scenes people, all of them? No, No,
I know more than fifty. You know, speak absolutely a
lot of the daytime people. I used to work the daytime,
and there's the same pe bol behind the scenes. The
great John Ramos, l a radio late John Ramos, Big Mike.

(26:04):
I've known him Big Mike since he was nothing. Now
he's a big management guy, Dan Buyer or sports director.
I knew Dan when he was doing the overnights with me,
and I try to set him up with women and
he would freak out the whole thing. Speaking of which,
I know the employees here. You don't know a lot
of them, but your listeners and your followers, I know
a few of them. I think one of my favorites

(26:27):
now besaids I'm a pilot, and Terry and of course
Tammy is is fun House because he showed some light
and I watched this awesome video last night on calling Coward,
and I wish you could be more like him, like
the work ethic, the preparation, like I wish you had

(26:47):
that kind of where of thought. Like he's bounced around
different states, different platforms, and I'm I'm really I gotta
say thank you to fun House because that material is well.
I know you love Cower and he's very popular. A
lot of the guys in the business copy Cowherd's acts. Good,
no one's copying my act, but you have fun House

(27:08):
is wonderful. I did get a kick out of that.
I think we everyone that does a sports radio show
really feels the pain of Colin because in that you're
talking about a video that was on the Athletic that
Funhouse shared, Yes, and he and you know, Colin was
a documentary was well done. Who was the guy that
was behind that was arm and contain? Yeah, yeah, he's
very good. It was very well That was like a

(27:29):
sixty minutes style docu piece on Colin Cowherd. It was
last year and I didn't see it, but us fun
House posted something. I watched it, and I watched I
guess I was able to get the full clip and
uh yeah, it was great. You know, it's we have
a similar life. Me and Colin Cowardy talked about how
there's no easy days in sports radio. I agree on that. Uh.
Then he talked about how tough it is to figure

(27:50):
out what to talk about, and he has a team
of ten producers that sit around and they write out
topic ideas. And I have the same thing. I lived
the same life. I lived the same life, have a
team of ten producers. They show up early. They don't
show up at ten fifty nine, right before the show
goes on there. They are there, early prepared. They're peppering
me with, hey, maybe we could talk about this tonight.

(28:10):
It's a NonStop is a collaborative effort, much like Colin Coward.
We'll see. Since you're heavy with sarcasm right now on this,
On this, I don't know what you're talking about. I
don't know what you're talking about. This answers the question
that people were asking earlier, like why does David and
and your wife have have so much in common? It's

(28:31):
because we are here to support you so well. Again
you're talking about, well this is why Chris and Houston
and others have questions. Well, this is why, and I'm
giving them the answers. Because you don't have ten producers
that are helping you. You have you have me, and
then you you have some like keep trying. Ryan is
always there trying, Ryan Burshea, Gavin Gavin at times sometimes Mary,

(28:58):
I haven't had Gavin as a producer. I don't think
he's allowed to do the overnights. I think it's he's
he said he did not want to do the overnight.
I don't I don't blame him, but he's not He's
much like you. He's not adaptable. He can't change. I
am adaptable, I just not really. You're you're a bit
of a wiss. I prefer the daytime elements. You know,
you like the corporate bs, you like all that. You

(29:21):
don't want to you can't handle the big leagues, overnights,
the big leagues and syndicated radio guests. I'm on more
affiliates than Colin Coward. How about that. I do know that.
I don't know if the ratings are as powerful, but
again it's possibility. If there's people can't sleep, you'd be shocked.
And I've learned this from doing the years of overnight.
How many people have insomnia And it's like a headen

(29:44):
drug that people can't they got they seem to all
have at some point one one point or another. You
had a bad day at work, whatever, you had a
bad meal, you're up late, you're by yourself and your
your partners asleep. If you're married and you're like, I'm lonely,
I'll turn on the radio. Yeah, but I don't know
if they want to listen to too much of your listeners,
that's the only problem. Like you, you go through these

(30:04):
these rants and raves about whatever, and then you go
through story time about a listener that's traveling across the
country or man Man, that's a great referring the movie
Man Matt, that's a great guy. That's a you know that,
I'll teach you about life. Gist, Gun, you have to
be relatable, so you don't care about the common man.
You're an elitist. You're west of the four oh five
guy in l A. This is why people hate you. Okay,

(30:26):
I live east of the four oh five, and so
it's a whole different experience. Like I'm interested. I am
more interested in John the security guard what he had
on his break, or moving man Matt as he travels
his Sodier and across North America, Like, I'm more interested
in that than I am in the one percenters, which
is what you care about. You know what's western, you

(30:47):
know what's east of the four h five Freeway, Beverly, Beverly,
Beverly Hills. You don't live in passage west of the four.
I'm talking about east, and you are east of the
four five Beverly Hills. Dummy, Alright, there's only one of
us that's been camped a first class flight to somewhere
out of California, and that is Ben Maller, the the

(31:10):
white collar of Fox Sports Radio. You are. Everyone knows
the truth here. I'm a man of the people, by
the people, for the people. I am a fan of
the people's team, the Clippers, the working class, the blue
collar team. That's what I'm of course. And the last
time you saw Colin Cowherd was one was that when
a certain corporate event in a rich, upper class area

(31:32):
of California decided to invite you out for for a
round of golf and dinner and rose pedals and and
all that stuff. Yes, I was at I was at
a golf tournament for Fox Sports Radio. I was asked
by my boss, Scott Shapiro to attend. I was in
the past, I've always been shunned at these things, and they,
you know, tossed me a bone. Normally, I'm overlooked and

(31:55):
ignored when it comes to that kind of stuff. I
am unwanted at those type of events. But thought, he
that's for one time. Let's do a solid de Mallard
and Mike Harmon, by the way, who's also ostracized, and
we'll throw these guys a solid We'll let them come
out hang out rub shoulders with the elite, and uh yeah,
I did do that for one day, for about I

(32:16):
don't know, seven hours or whatever. It was the full,
full day of events that we had that day. It
was fun Newport Beach. Yeah, it's really relatable to the
common man. Ben, I'm happy you said that. Yes again,
but that was you know, west of the four oh five.
I don't live there though. I live in a working
class town where I live. And uh, but yeah, I
know you were talking about my my show preparation, my

(32:39):
my versatility as as a host overnight, and it really is,
again a collaborative effort. Um. It is a chorus. It
is not a solo performance. It's not a one man band.
It takes a lot of work to come up with
all those monologues that take hours and hours to put together.
You don't like the several people group. It's the group dynamic.
What's that? It is a group dynamic. But you don't

(33:01):
like listen to people when it comes to that stuff. Oh,
that's not true at all. That's not true at all.
People have good ideas, I listen, they have bad ideas.
I don't listen. The only time I've ever observed you
listen to people's like when you open up your monologues,
and there's certain language in my text messages that you
extract and then you put and then it's like, oh,

(33:21):
wait a minute, this is a liar. Liar pants on.
David Gascon is a fucking snake and a liar I've done.
I only lie about being a snake. That's about it.
Ben Maller. Yeah, you're your nickname. And I don't know
if I should say this in the air, but your
nickname at Fox Sports is old News gas Gon. A
old news Gaston is your nickname because you're like stuck

(33:41):
in a different dimension, your couple of hours or a
couple of days behind the rest of us. It's fascinating. Wow,
I will. It's better than being fake news, Ben Maller.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. So
moving on, you forgot something, you forgot something. And so

(34:02):
this is a personal story I did not tell in
the radio. I've saved it for the fifth hour. So
last weekend I went to see a hockey game. I
don't get out as much as I used to. I
used to live at these events. But then I got
married and now I'm not allowed to go anywhere. But
I went to see the King's play The New Jersey
Devils and catch up with my friends that are on
the beat. And I have friends that cover hockey whatever,

(34:22):
so I chance to get out pressed the flesh, get
a little time in the arena. I love the coldness.
And you walk into an NHL arena and there is this.
I love it. It's cool anyway, So being the nocturnal colonel.
The one problem this was a mattenee. It was a
Saturday afternoon start dropped the puck, I believe at twelve thirty.

(34:44):
They dropped the truck that the park, which is normally
my overnight. I'm a vampire. I don't like to come
out during the daylight. So I'm half asleep, but I'm like,
I gotta go to this this game. I gotta go.
Now I have a chance to get out. The wife
was busy. Whatever, I'll go on, so I'm half asleep.
I drove all the way from the Mallard mansion in
Nevada essentially, and uh. I drove to the downtown l A,

(35:08):
the corridor there around Staples Center and I have a
parking lot which is about a mile away from Staples Center.
It's the cheapest parking lot in the downtown l A
area for these type of events that it's on. Uh,
you know, it's right near that target, you know, the
targeting downtown. It's kind of north. Yeah. How much it

(35:30):
what's that? How much do you pay for it? When
I first started going, there was four dollars. That was
twenty years ago. Now it is up to seven dollars. Okay,
there's one two blocks north on Figure. Oh it's I
think it's on Fig and ninth. I believe it is,
but it's in a it's in between two high rises.
And it's only seven dollars as well. Yeah, yeah, so
it's seven. That's the cheapest you can get. Used to

(35:50):
be four, not the went to five. I was upset
by that six. I didn't like that. Now it's seven
and uh, and they're tearing down more parking lots around there.
So I'm worried. It's gonna tell my wife is so
this thing is gonna be twenty bucks within like a
couple of years. It's just gonna get it's gonna continue
to be out of control and all the stuff. So
but anyway, I go to the parking lot whatever, my
normal thing. The gate comes up, I take the ticket.

(36:11):
After the you know, the gate comes up there and
I go in and I parked my car, and uh,
you know again I'm a half asleep. Um, you know,
you gotta pay. It's a pay lot. It's only seven bucks,
big deal. But I parked the car. I go to
the elevator and I realized I had forgotten something. And
what do you think I forgot? Guess, guy, Uh, it's
not your keys, I'd say, it's obviously it's not my keys.

(36:31):
It's it's your wallet. Yes, yes, I then have anxiety.
I do not have my wallet. I think, well, you know,
maybe it fell out in the car. Maybe you know,
I sat down and it just fell out in the Maltmobile.
It's probably under the seat. So let me go back
to my car and I'll pillage around underneath the seat
to find the wallet, and then I'll be fine, no problem.

(36:51):
I'm sure I have my wallet. So I go back
to the car. Now I see these two, these two
dudes who are smoking the Gondra in the in a car,
right car. I didn't notice this when I first got
out of the car. There's smoking the weed, the Mary
Jane right across me, right, so whatever, So I they
must think I'm nuts because I go back to my
car after like five minutes, and I'm I'm just on

(37:13):
my hands and knees trying to get my wall. Nothing right, nothing,
can't find a damn wallet, something like crap. And now
keep in mind, I don't have my driver's license, I
don't have credit card. I have no way to pay
for the parking, and so I'm like freaking out on what.
You know, I don't have any way to get any money.

(37:33):
I'll be I have to be like that bum in
Miami and start begging for money. So how am I
gonna leave the garage with no money? You know, I
haven't even got on a game yet. I don't have
access to money. And then I had one of those
Eureka moments right where all of a sudden I realized
that I had, As my mom taught me years ago,

(37:55):
you have to have an emergency, a hidden fund somewhere.
And in my I brought my my laptop with me
and my computer bag. Years ago, I'd even forgotten about this.
I had an emergency twenty dollar bill in my computer
bag as insurance in case something like this ever happened.
I never had to use it until this past weekend.

(38:19):
So about that? What is okay? So two questions. One
is where did you find did you find your wallet?
And where did you find it? Out? I was at home.
I left it. I was so tired when I left it,
left it right near the I usually leave it right
near the door, and I just left it. It was
in such a daze when I was leaving, I was
like half asleep. The other question is is what is

(38:39):
up with you dropping ship all over the place now,
your wallet, your phone at Costco. I didn't drop ship.
I I left it because I was tired, all right.
I don't don't make this something. It's not that it
is now I would tell you, and this is trending.
I had to go to see my dad after I know,
hang out with my dad. After I the King game,

(39:00):
I drove Newport Beach. I drove not a a mile
over the speed limit because I didn't have my wallets.
I was like, oh, if I get pulled over, this
becomes a big problem. You know, well, I mean you
still have your registration and insurance in the car, right, Yeah? Yeah,
I had that, so it's only a fixed ticket. I
think it's like thirty five bucks. Oh is that right?
But then I I my wife said, and she works

(39:21):
at the police station, that you can show a photo copy,
like if you took I did take a photo of
my driver's license, so I have that, so I could
have conceivably shown that. Right, you can show that. I
don't know, I haven't been pulled over in a long time. Well,
you have special privileges, you know that have those special privileges.
You know someone's gonna be on board. And someone was talking,
I'm a man of the people. Yeah, well your wife's

(39:43):
your wife's got the privilege to right or no, Oh,
my wife's pretty yeah. I mean because she she knows
the lingo how to get out of a ticket. She
knows what to say and all that. And I'm like,
I'm like, oh funk, I'm getting a ticket. But I'm
with my wife. She'd be like, oh, yeah, she she knows,
like there's certain things you can say. She'll like find
she'll find a way. She's a master. She's like a
ninja of working in the conversation. Oh, by the way,

(40:07):
I'm you know, I work at the police, you know,
and once you say that, it's you know, you're good.
You don't have well, you don't have any stickers in
your car, right, like for like an l A l
A City Fire Department or I'd like to get one,
can you can? You? Guy? Now you want something? Yeah,
something that's like a get out of speeding ticket. That

(40:31):
thing there. That's what the key for me is. I
spent a lot of my time on the highway, so
I need somebody. If there's a Mallard militia guy who's
a highway patrol officer, that's what I would really need
because I'm not really worried about the l A p
D or anything like that. I'm worried about the highway
patrol because those are the guys that go cherry tops
and pull me over. Do we have any do we
have any listening the dark cloud? What the hell is

(40:54):
the dark cloud? Guest? What is this all about? The
dark Cloud? I think started in two thousand nineteen with you,
And it feels like to me that I think this
goes back to you not even getting credentialed for RAMS
game at home. I think it went Rams. Oh, that's right,
the Rams and the Buccaneers. Yes, and the Rams wouldn't

(41:15):
allow me and fund them. Yes. I think it's the Rams.
The Seahawks game and they lost that Get you Up
double Nichols did Jameis Winston that game. That's karma. That's karma, assholes.
But this goes back to all that, like you've had
this dark cloud of misfortune that's happened to you, and
it carried over to me with my car and the
window getting blown out. Been a couple of days ago.

(41:39):
I was I was at the gym and I was
working out, and I come home to find out the
water heater blew out, so I had no access to
hot water. In fact, I had no access to water period.
And I had to work late in the afternoon and

(42:00):
I had just finished the gym, so I was nearly
soaking wet, and I had a minute. Did you do?
What did you do? The horse bath is because I
learned that's the term. I didn't have water, so I
did the next best thing I can do. In the
coronavirus outbreak realm that we live in, can you rub
dirt all over yourself? No? I grab I grabbed wipes.

(42:25):
I grabbed like the smell, the handheld wipes, the okay
effective wipes. So I put disinfected on my arms, my hands,
my feet, my legs, um and then I had to
wear obviously jeans and it. Wore a long sleeve shirt
and a sweater to work and then just drenched myself

(42:47):
in deodorant. So I had to go. I went. I
went close to forty hours without a shower. And this
is after a couple of rounds of working out. You
are so neurotic, waiting, neurot Like it just felt like ship.
I was just dirty, couldn't shower. Are you like everyone
else though, like with this coronavirus thing? Like, are you like?

(43:09):
I feel like everyone is a heathen hypochondriac. You know,
everyone thinks whatever is being talked about, they're going to get.
And listen, some people obviously are going to get this coronavirus,
But I'm not obsessed with it. Like I feel like
everyone's obsessed with this, and I feel like they're preoccupied
with all of it. I asked you this, I asked
you a portion of this last week we're talking about mortality,

(43:31):
and you kind of blew me off, like, hey, we're
all gonna go one way or another. But think I
believe that to be true. We we don't know what
we don't know, of course, I think, so I think
I might worry about it. No one, not a single
person who's died has come back, so it must not
be that bad. Well, listen, this all stems from from
the I guess, the unbreakable to the breakable. When when

(43:54):
I was like sixteen or seventeen, I had tore my
road tittor cuff in a football game to me get
my violin out, I'm telling you something, humble, brag, tougher
than you. I broke my collar bone tour my road
to the cuff listening to whatever. Anyway, So a couple
of years later, when I was in college, I also
broke it again in a scrimmage against U C. L A.

(44:16):
But ever since then then I think about my mortality
more than I ever did prior to that, because like,
once you're cracked, then you're cracked, you know, and and
so now I value I hate going to the hospital.
I hate going to funerals. Who the funk likes going
to the hospital. Who are the people's I mean, I'm
sure there's some that just love being the patient, but

(44:36):
most people would not when I was in the hospital
for a week, you didn't come and visit me. Called,
and that's where you're at. I asked, you're okay, but
to your wife, I'm not gonna let you defame me,
like to faming just I know you're sent. The way
you reacted proves I am right. You were very defensive

(44:58):
about this. You did not. I was five days I
could have died. My eyes were turning yellow, I was jaundice.
You didn't come and visit me in the hospital. When
I was on my deathbed. You didn't come and see
me there. Uh, and really nobody did, like you really noticed.
Like when you're in the hospital, you're bored out of
your mind. There's nothing to do. The only one that
visited me was my mother in law. She came and

(45:20):
hung up when she's a nurse, but she came and
kept an eye on me. My own father would not
visit me in the hospital because he told me I
don't really like those those places. Thanks Dad. I appreciated
Dad for the record. I was texting you the entire

(45:41):
time and when I didn't get response, Okay, you didn't
you when we go to the text messages, you loser.
I was I was gonna say something really bad, but
you are such a dingle berry. No, no, I didn't
get a response, and so your wife texted me to
say that you were in the hospital. And then when
I where you were at, I didn't even get a

(46:01):
fucking direct message about where you're at. You're just saying
you was such a buffoon. He was such a washed
up clown. You let me tell you what this hapless
dope dat. Okay, so I'm in the hospital. I'm completely
fucked up. I did at that time. I didn't really
know what was going on, and this guy's harassing me verbally,

(46:23):
this punk is harassing me with these angry text messages.
You were You were just completely intolerable. You are a narcissist.
You are unbearable. I wouldn't go that far. I would would.
I would just remember I remember that reading those message.
I just I was like, I told me, why does

(46:44):
he realize I am in the in the emergency room here,
and I'm like, not doing well? You know, I think
it's all a state of mind. And I felt like
if you were down and out, you wouldn't respond. But
the fact that you did respond just tells me that
you you had your cognitive of motor fi functions up
the operations. So I thought you were okay. But first

(47:05):
of all, I did ask your wife and you where
you're at. I got no response in that. Then I
asked where you're if you're okay. I got very little
response on that, And so you know, it's like you
gotta live with that. You know, I could die. You
didn't come visit me in the hospital on you. If
you were in the hospital, I'd come visit you. Back
to the coronavirus, I'm a better person than you about that. No,

(47:28):
it's too far for you. My mom taught me right.
You'd ask for gas money probably, I'd go out there.
I'd go to Tito's Tacos while you were in the hospital,
neat some tacos. Are you worried about the coronavirus at all?
I am not. I am not worried about this because
I feel like every year there is something that pops up,
whether it's the West Nile virus, the bird flu Bolo

(47:52):
was a big one, the Zekea virus and was going
to kill us all and all that stuff. You know,
Now it's the coronavirus. I'm not. I'm not worried because
by all accounts it's I look at it this way,
like maybe I'll get it. I mean, if enough people
get it, I'm sure my number will come up and
I'll get it. But from everything I've read online, it's

(48:12):
like a different strain of you know, get the cold
or the flu. Like to me, for most people, it
is in that classification. It's in that box where it's
like a different strain of the flu or the cold.
That's the way I'm looking at it. And I don't.
I mean, I don't until somebody tells me this is
the Black plague or something like that, and they can

(48:34):
prove it with the facts. I mean, obviously people, certain
percentage of people are dying. I think it's like the
mortality rate is what three percent or something like that,
but it's a lot. You're talking about old people, You're
talking about people with immune system issues, and you know,
if I was somebody like that, yeah, I wouldn't leave
my house. I would self quarantine if I had that
those kind of issues of us fighting an illness. I mean,

(48:54):
I feel bad for those people, but for a don't
like me at this point in my life. You know,
I'm not gonna worry about it. What about you? Are
you a glass case of emotion? No, I'm not, but
I do. I do take it seriously. I mean it's
a biological weapon. I take it like that. I mean
you think the flu is a biological weapon? No, I don't.

(49:15):
But this is manufactured in China, and you're not getting
accurate numbers from China or Iran, so that that those
numbers are obviously spreading across the United States, in Canada,
in the UK, uh in France. How savage is it
that this came from eating a bat? Right, that this
this is a disease from bats, that it jumps species?

(49:36):
First of all, who the funk is eating bats? That's
number one? Chinese apparently domins cats. It's crazy, man, It's unbelievable,
just ruthless, sys like a nice meal, Let me grab
a bat. Of course, I think it's gad zooks. What
we eat, what we don't eat, you know, like why
we chose the cow, not the horrors. But I remember

(49:59):
that I learned that you're ago because the horse was
valuable and could be the worker, so they couldn't eat
the horse. But other people eat the horse. You know,
it's what you choose to eat what you don't choose.
I do love that our buildings now have signs posted
in the restrooms about washing our hands. It's like, what
the funk of course wash your hands. I see so
many assholes leaving a restaurant restroom, or a a bar restroom,

(50:23):
or even a gym restroom without washing their hands, and
I just want to kick him in the knees, Like,
what kind of asshole do you gotta be to not
wash your hands after you go take a piss or
a deuce? Yeah, well listen, if you don't, there are
ways you can do it without touching you junk. So
if you don't do that, it doesn't matter. It does matter,

(50:45):
it doesn't it. Do pray and pray you're still getting
that ship on your hands, on your wrists, on your
totally no, no no, no. Have you ever looked at a
toilet bowl or like a you're install like you don't
go in there and it's just pristine. Motherfucker's don't know
how to fire and even when they do. That is true,

(51:06):
But I'm talking about from the logistical standpoint of how
you would handle h if you are able to, If
you were like gym shorts and you pull them down,
and there's no contact with your manhood and your hands,
and you don't you use your foot, your shoe flush
the toilet. You haven't made any contact. Now, you could

(51:26):
argue getting into the stall would be a problem that
you have to touch the handle to get in, but
maybe you don't. Maybe you bump your elbow to get
in the stall, and so you've made no contact with
your drunk. You've made no contact with any part of
the toilet, You've made no contact with the door. Why
do you need to wash your hand? That's just lazy.
The handle you mentioned, But explain to me how that's

(51:47):
going to cause a problem. If you didn't touch anything
with your hands, why would that be a problem. One
of the dirtiest pieces of equipment that we use every
day as a cell phone. So you're using your cell
phone prior to go to the bathroom. Anyway, you're you're
steering wheel in your car. So I get that. But
you see you go to the commode, you're in the outhouse,

(52:07):
but you don't. You don't. It's a different By that logic,
you should always wash your hands, you know, seven times
a day and be like, what's that? What's that? Bald
guy in Hollywood, the Howie Mandel having. Yeah, Well, I
shower before I eat, or not shower before I eat, shower,
wash my hands, power before you eat? Right, I washed

(52:28):
my hand. Let it be clean when you're having a
nice I washed my hands before I eat. Um, that's
that's always nice. I wash my hands when I get
to work. I shower before I go to the gym
and then shower after. So yeah, there's nothing wrong with
being clean. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk
lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at

(52:49):
Fox Sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart
Radio app search f s R to listen live. Whatever
you can. We get the grab bag. Can we do
the grad bet? A lot of a lot of questions.
There are actual questions by actual listeners like yourself. You
ask them, We answer them as many as we can
get time permitting. Then we also have coming up lit later.

(53:11):
We've got study this and don't stick to sports stories
of the week. How excited? Hey? By the way, uh
public ply here, we want these podcast numbers to go up, up,
up and away. So tell somebody, anybody, friend, enemy, I
don't care, just tell them, Hey, I hear this. This
podcast is pretty good or whatever you can lie. I

(53:32):
don't care. We need to get on an airline. That's
what we need to do. What's that we need to
get it on an airline Like Delta and Jet Blue
have along with their channels for serious and and Direct TV,
they have a podcasting platform. There's only like six or
seven podcasts on their on their platform, but let me
guess they're all Joe Rogan podcast, mainstream Rogan at all.

(53:54):
It was like some cooking bullshit, a political one. You
just want to know about that. Yeah, it is pretty
cool though. Fox Sports Radio is on some of those
airlines and people can listen and obviously on the cross country,
continental intercontinental flight or whatever, you can listen to this
show and it's uh. I remember we used to have

(54:15):
a guy, Steve Stillwell, it worked in our place and
he flew from I think it was from from Buffalo
to l A, or was from New York City to
l A and he listened to UH. I used to
do the show with the TV Dennis The Blitz, which
was on Sunday was seven hours of updating the NFL
right all day long and this uh, this guy alright,

(54:39):
this loser and I know he's a nice guy, but
he he flew listened to the show and then was
so agitated by the show. He was distraught. He said,
you know, they're just giving scores for seven hours rather boring.
I say, hey, dummy, that's how the show works. Why
are you confus used by that? And he worked on

(55:01):
the show, which made it even more ridiculous. All right,
Jesse from Pomona Rights, and he says, my question is
would you rather? Would you rather stay at your overnight
position on Fox with the same crew, same money, or
would you take a TV gig with gag on for
a slight three raise the answer to this, that's for Jesse. Well, no,

(55:23):
I'm an over I I want my cake and I
want to eat it too, so I would I would
like both, um, but three per cents not enough. TV
money is different, Jesse, than radio money, and certainly different
than overnight money in radios. So if any TV job
would pay a tremendous amount of money compared to what

(55:43):
I make right now, so I would be very interested
in that. But I would like to keep the the show.
We have such a great thing going on. Why blow it? Right?
Come on? Uh, let's see a new in Owensboro, Kentucky.
Rights in. He says, Ben, since you have family New York,
which happens to be my hometown, did you ever ride

(56:03):
the subway? What do you think of it? Yes, I knew.
I ride the subway all the time, although not the
last couple of trips because my wife is very boogie.
She's not a woman of the people and she cannot
handle public transportation. But um went in rollm act like
a rollman, right, uh? And I when I went in
New York, you take the subway. I I don't mind it,
although I understand the subway has gotten gotten bad, much

(56:24):
like l A and San Francisco and all that with
the homeless people and whatnot. But yeah, I have fond
memories when I when I first went to New York
and I was like still a teenager and trying to navigate.
I've never been on the public transportation trying to navigate
the the train system in New York. And I remember
one time I got confused and I thought, hey, um,

(56:48):
the train will just go back to where you know,
if I stay on the train, it'll stop at the
end and then go back to where I got on.
The train didn't quite work out. The train stopped in
Harlem and and uh, and this is when Harlem was
worse than it is now. And you know, they cleaned
it up, but it was not a good part of
New York. And the conductor gets on and says, all right,

(57:09):
end of the line, trains going out of service. So
I'm this naive kid from the O c uh and
I get out of the train. I'm like, holy fuck,
I'm in Harlem. And it was late. You know, I
didn't know the train schedule at that station, and I
was like, oh man, But yeah, I have fun memories
of the the train. I like it. I think it's cool.

(57:31):
How I took the public transportation in l A I
used to live. When I lived in Lincoln Heights, I
lived right near a Gold Line station, and I took
that all the time. Do you like the subway better
than the tea in Boston? Uh? The t is pretty cool. Yeah,
I mean, I like all. I think it's all kind
of same. I like the Tea, which is mostly above ground.
There was the underground part, but I you know, I'm

(57:54):
fine with any of that. I think Seattle is pretty cool.
Seattle has like the the Metro. It's like the thing
at Disneyland. What do you call it, monil the mono rail. Yeah,
it's like a mono rail type thing. Yes, I haven't
seen that, which is kind of cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Uh let's see here. Nick in Omaha rights and he says,
who was your childhood sports hero? Did you ever meet them? Yes? Nick,

(58:16):
in fact, this is very bizarre. But I got started
in the business when I was nineteen years old. So
I got into radio when I was nineteen, and I
got a pretty big break kind of early. I got
hired by the Mighty six ninety in San Diego to
be their roaming radio stringer, which was a cool job,
and it was a job that didn't pay a lot,

(58:37):
but I got to go to games every night, Like
I'd go to the you know, Angels, Dodgers, Lakers, Clippers, Kings,
and then the Ducks do some of that stuff too.
So I was on out of game every night, USC football,
U c l A Basketball, I kind of stuff. But
when I first started was nineteen, so you know, six
years earlier, I was thirteen, or you know, seven years
I was twelve, and a lot of those guys were

(58:59):
still playing, and so I remember, like the people I
looked up to, like Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan's and
all this. And Reggie Jackson. Now Reggie wasn't playing, but
he was broadcasting, and so I got to meet him.
He was my big baseball He was read Mr October.
Reggie Jackson. I loved the swagger and all that stuff,
and I got to meet him, and uh, it was

(59:20):
very weird, though. It was like surreal because when you're
through the eyes of a child, you look at these
people as these unbelievable, bigger than life people, and then
you meet them and you know they they fart and
do stuff that we all do. You know, it's very
it's very weird. I remember one time Kirby Puckett, the
late great Kirby Puckett in the Uh in the locker

(59:43):
and they were playing like a game of marbles. How
about that. That's a long time ago. I don't think
they play marbles anymore, but they were betting on it
in the Twins locker room and uh, Kirby and I
was a fan of his. I love because he was
very diminutive for the Twinkies, Kirby Puckett back in the day,
and he was you know he was the round mound
of baseball town. And but he remember he came up

(01:00:06):
to me because I was like, I was very fat
at this time and massive, and he was like blown
away by how big I was and uh and he
was cracking jokes with the guys on the Twins. And
I remember because it was I was like, wow, this
guy used to I remember watching him in the World
Series and now making this great play in center field
for the Twins. And now he's making he's making derogatory

(01:00:26):
comments about me, how great is my life? But I
mean there's a bunch of little stories like that that
that are kind of cool. But what about you? Gascon
and he and he asked me Eric and omaha, but
did you ever or Nick and olmah brother, did you
ever meet anybody that you was a hero of yours
as a kid. Yeah, I've only met one um when

(01:00:47):
I was a kid, I mean across the platform football, basketball, baseball,
and hockey. But I've met Gretzky once. Um. Actually no
strike that I met him twice. The one time I
didn't meet him was on a real sour note. I
don't know if you you've ever saw I think it
was Superman too, and that's very sour Superman too. Listen, well,

(01:01:07):
Christopher Reeve as Superman comes down with a virus or
like they called a cold. Was it the coronavirus? I
don't know, because he survived um and he gets this
vicious twelve o'clock shodow. He just turns into a bad guy.
I bring that up because the last time I saw Gretzky,
it was at the Venetian Hotel and he was playing

(01:01:27):
blackjack with his agent and a buddy mine saw him,
and so he said, you should go play at the
same table with Gretzky. So I sat down. I was
playing with him and Ben. He just had stacks of chips,
but he was losing his ass. It was hand after
hand after hand. My buddy over my shoulders, like, hey,
that's a great one. And he heard him and he

(01:01:49):
was like, yeah, not so great anymore. And he proceeded
just to continue to lose his ass. He walked away.
He had stacks of chips, watched away. There was nothing
left in his in his tank. So I had a
chance meet him once as an adult, once as a
kid um, but never had the chance to meet meet
John Elway. He was he was my favorite growing up.

(01:02:09):
I was like, you like Barkley. I liked her Schizer
and sosha Um, but never had a chance to meet
to meet John l A. I had a moment with Barkley.
I love Barkley and I had a moment when he
was playing at the end of his career and it
was at the l A Line I think it was
actually so it's twenty one years ago. It was the
last year of State of Sports Arena before Staples Center,

(01:02:34):
and so it was like they were talking about the
final year of the NBA, and so they wanted me
to get sound bites to these guys. So I this
was a viral moment before the Internet really took over.
And I asked Barkley, I said, hey, you have any
fond memories of the l A Sports Arena, And he
proceeded to tell me that he he would like to

(01:02:54):
be there when they detonate the explosives in the arena
that could be arranged, which eventually I guess they did
use a wrecking ball. It did come down, but that
was a long time after the the arena. I remember
one time when I was a kid, I went to
a Clippers sixers game when Barkley was a big star

(01:03:15):
for the Sixers, you know, and and that asshole got
ejected in the first quarter. He got two technical fouls,
you know. And I'm like, oh my go I want
to see him once a year, and this a hole
got ejected. I was so piste off. I was so
bummed up. That's pretty good. You know what a funny story.
There's a there's this woman she passed away I think
last year. She went by the name of Boston Donna,

(01:03:38):
and she was friends with my my dad and at
the time, back in the day, as a kid, Boston
Donna was the stylist, the little stylist for the Lakers
and Kings players. So she cut everybody's hair like owners, general, managers, players,
And that meant as a stylist, you knew dirt on
fucking everybody. Uh my first come to Jesus moment. I

(01:04:03):
don't know if you remember, at the Form Club, which
is in the middle portion of the Great Western Forum,
debauchery took place. Yes, yes, a lot of a lot
of it. Well, my dad and mom were there for
a King's game. They took me as a kid into
the Form Club and Boston Donna went rogue. She went
in front of my parents to Bruce mcnal, who was

(01:04:25):
the former general manager of the l A Kings but
went to prison for on the owner, yeah, general owner, yeah,
so on on federal charges. He went away, but she
called him out on all that stuff. She's like, I
know about you, motherfucker. You're a crook, you're a thief,
you're a steel all the and I you know, I'm
eight years old. I had no idea what's up from

(01:04:46):
down and she was calling him out before any of
the stuff transpired. But this is the year that he
acquired Gretzky from the Edmonton Oilers in exchange for some
cash and some players. And obviously that cash was not
is but he was an embezzling, like the whole nine yards, right,
this is the guy that went to federal prison. Uh,

(01:05:07):
you have five six, seven years later and she called
him out in the mid eighties. So it was a
pretty wild time that was. That was a fascinating moment
as a youth at the Form club. Yeah, well, did
you know have you heard the Bruce mcnal stories when
he went to jail. No, these are legendari these are
part of l A Sports legends. So Bruce mcnaal, everyone
loved him. Yeah, he was really loved him. He had

(01:05:29):
a big personality and he was very social and everyone
could not say good things about if you knew this guy,
he treated you well. He spoiled everybody, um, and so
people loved him. And then when he went to jail,
he was It is the definition of club fet you know,
like the good fellows were all cooking a nice meals
and there lobster and so the story was on the

(01:05:52):
weekends they'd have these softball games at the jail that
Bruce mcnal was. I think it was near Santa Barbara,
if I remember correctly. They used to know all the details.
Over time, I've forgotten them, um, but it was I
think one of the Santa Barbara and a lot of
the celebrities that would go to the keys games would
go hang out at the jail to watch Bruce McNall
play in the celebrity softball games. Hand to god and uh.

(01:06:16):
It was such a relaxed environment because it was you know,
white collar criminal and all that stuff. And the stories
I heard, obviously they were second hand. I never went,
but then they were legendary stories. Legendaries, and you imagine
you're at a prison softball game and there's all these
Hollywood starts. Yeah, because what do they say in good Fellas?

(01:06:36):
Like you went away to get away from your wife?
That's what? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I love good I
heard good Fellows is back on Netflix. I gotta watch
it this weekend. I love That's my favorite movie. Good Fellas,
good Fellas or Casino? Did you like Casino too? No,
I'm good Fellas, Goo, good fellow I gotta watch Casino.
I haven't watched that in a long time. I gotta
check that out. But good Fellas is the all time great.
Eric and Omaha, we went back to back, belly to belly.

(01:06:57):
People from Omaha that loved the fifth Hour. By the way,
my old boss, the great Mike Thompson, program director extraordinaire
of the Big Sports talk station in Omaha, Nebraska. How
about that, my old boss running things in Omaha's true story?
All right, if you had a time machine, what decade
in the nineteen hundreds did you go back and live in?
That's from Eric in Omaha. Well, Eric, there's two ways

(01:07:21):
I will answer this. Number One, from a sports standpoint,
I think it would be kind of cool to see
the legendary Babe Ruth play for the Yankees. So that
would be in New York. But from a financial standpoint,
I would like to live in Los Angeles in the
early nineteen hundreds of San Francisco and by real estate.
All right, that's what I would like to do because

(01:07:43):
that would lead to tremendous wealth for future generations. What
about you guess, Gunn Yeah, I'm thinking seventies or eighties
would be en seventies or eighties, you know, No, I'm
talking about early nineteen hundreds. Week in real estate was
cheap still, well, real estate was cheap in the seventies
and eighties, but not as cheap as it wasn't like
the thirties. But you gotta go through the depression. And

(01:08:05):
you also had to go through the wars too, the
Wars the Crimal But have you bought my My grandfather
had a chance to buy a bunch of land in
the sand San Fernando Valley because nobody wanted to live
there and it was nothing, it was farmland, and he
didn't do it. And now I drive through the San
Fernando Valley in l A. It's like you gotta be
freaking kidding me. You know this is the whole family

(01:08:27):
would have generational wealth if he had done that. I'm
seventies or eighties. Man, I couldn't go that far back.
Oh please, it's it's a hypothetical question, dummy. I wouldn't
want to go that far back, all right. Jason in
Tampa says, after listening to your podcast, I must truly
say Rob Manford and gag On have one major thing
in common. They are both truly full of shit and

(01:08:51):
live in their own reality and don't have a clue
what is really going on around them. Your thoughts, Oh,
that's just well. Put where's he from again? Tampa? FLOORA
Jason and TAMAI you go to Florida. Maybe you can
visit Jason, have a lunch with him. There's a there's
an awesome hotel. Uh, speaking of Tampa, he can actually
attest to this. It's in St. Petersburg called the Donces

(01:09:14):
Are it is you spoke about good Fellas, Ben, This
hotel is is straight out of good Fellas or Casino.
It's it's pink with white lining around the overall hotel
and the beaches there the sand is solid white. It's
absolutely gorgeous, But yeah, the don cs Are Hotel in St.

(01:09:37):
Petersburg and Ben that was the That was the spot
where my bosses would go all the time. And if
you ever get a chance to go down to Tampa,
I would highly recommend if you you and the missles go,
or if you go down there to watch a raised
game with your boy Blake snell Um, No, what the
funk is he talking about? Like, I don't have a

(01:09:57):
clue a clue about what? Like what is her referencing?
I can try to touch with society much like Rob Manford.
You want me to interpret what Jason is saying. Moron
members out of touch with the common man. The common
sports fan thinks the astros should be punished. I think
you think those players should be actually be banned. I
think the two titles between Houston and Boston should be

(01:10:19):
vacated and nobody should have gotten them in two thousand.
So Jason saying that Rob Manford's out of touch with
the populace, you're also out of touch with the Mallem militia.
You don't relate to the common man. So it's different.
But it's because you west of the four fun I
get paid peanuts just like they do. There's only you're not.
You know, you're dealing with people that have hard working jobs,

(01:10:41):
blue collar jobs. Most of them don't relate to these people,
so do I. It is very blue collar to do
the ship that I do for you, for the network
and for other platforms that because I do it all
by myself. All right, Moving on Kohlie in Round Rock
right San, he says, with toilet paper being completely bought
out by paranoid masses at Costco, what would your go

(01:11:04):
to be for backdoor maintenance? And he says, a sock, cat,
et cetera, some cold, well cold. That's a great question.
I often think about what do you do if you
run out of toilet paper? What do you do? Um,
there's several options. You could obviously just use your hand
and then wash your hand really good. That would be
rather disgusting. I think I'd go old school gascon number two.

(01:11:25):
I would use leaves, because it wasn't that the original
toilet paper? Yeah? Yeah, so I think I would go
with a nice But you gotta make sure the leaf
is just freshly pulled off the tree, right. You don't
want to use a leaf that's been laying on the
ground for a while because that's on sanitary if you
get poison ivy, yeah, you would like that free. Could
you imagine that? By the way, where is your defecated

(01:11:47):
underwear at these days? Uh, you know it's been washed
and you know clean. And I had a couple of
people that responded to me, men and women, that said
that they related to your your misfortune about the pants. Yes,
that was wild. It's uh see, I'm not alone. There's
a lot of people that don't talk about See. I
made the mistake of talking about it, and I compromised

(01:12:08):
myself by talking about it. But yeah, it's a it
is a great story. You figure most people after ship
at least a couple of times a day, at least
once a day. So if you do the math and
you look at how many people live in the world,
you know, something goes haywire. You know, something goes something
from a job inside there. The timing is all wrong
and uh, you know you have an accent. It happens.

(01:12:30):
You gotta use it. Yeah, you gotta use leaves. You
gotta if you don't have if you don't have any
other supplies. Ricky, Ricky and Beantown Rights and He says,
have you enjoyed a nice Asian massage parlor? Ricky, I
think we've had this question needed on the show. Yeah,
well last week we had it. All right, So Ricky,
we had this last week and no. Yeah. J from Scottsville,

(01:12:54):
Kentucky rights in a great place on God's green Earth.
He says, if you blinked and when you open your eyes,
you were in a new career unrelated to radio. What
job do you see yourself in? All right, well, thank you, Jay.
I see myself as a podcaster. That's what I see myself.

(01:13:15):
Uh No, listen. I wonder like what would have happened
if I hadn't made it in radio, if I hadn't
been able to get a job and keep a job
for a while, Like what would I do? And I
I've I've often said I think I could push the
shopping carts at Costco. I think I could work at
Costco behind the scenes there. I think that would be
a a job that I would enjoy. But as far
as like other jobs, I've been an amateur lawyer. I've

(01:13:39):
been an amateur lawyer on the radio. So I think
practicing law on getting into a heated legal argument, would
be fun. I think that would be good. I'm also
interested in real estate and investing in real estate and
that kind of thing, so I think that would be interesting.
You know, so that that kind of stuff. What about you,
guess I've always said this, um waking up, I would

(01:14:00):
say I am a hospitality executive. I love hotels, Ben.
I don't know if it's because of Vegas. I'd go
when I was a teenager to where I'm at now.
But I love hotels like the w Hotel here in
l a Um, the Langham Hotel in Pasadena. It's old school. No,

(01:14:20):
they're in Los Angeles. Who cares? I just mentioned the dances.
Are you think about the MGM Hotel in Vegas, the Venetian,
the Bellagio. I love hotels. I think it's fascinating that
you can take care of people just to get them
away from their everyday live You mentioned sports why the
beds usually suck? And I've been to hotels people leave

(01:14:42):
ship in the rule, they don't clean the room properly.
I want. I stayed at hotel in Vegas one time
and there's somebody's driver's license and UH was in the room.
They left their driver's license, and they're like, was there
cocaine on a license? I don't. I don't know about that.
I stay at the Cosmopolitan in Vegas a few years ago. Open.
I have this standard operating procedure when I check in,

(01:15:06):
I under the bed, opened up the sheets and there
was a used condim and it it was pretty good.
Was it yours? No? It was not mine. I just
got in there, dummy. I like hotels, man, I like
you made that very clear that ULI hotels. You don't
need to repeat yourself. It's it's fine, we we do that.
You would work at a hotel, is what you're saying now.
I'd be an executive, like designing hotels and and building

(01:15:29):
across the world. I'd love to do something like that,
like a brand. Brian from north Bridge in Massachusetts. North
Bridge from mass Right, Cindy says, been seeing that gascon
proves how awful he is in every podcast. Do you
think that I Heart Media is trying to savogage you? Also?
Do you think he actually gagged while trying to advance

(01:15:52):
his career. That's from Brian. I don't know the second
part of that, but it has been whispered in hush
tones that gascon Is, but he's been placed to derail
my career, that he has been put in there to
bring me down. No, No, I have actually said that
to you via text, I think a couple of times,
like I am here to try to derail your show. Yeah,

(01:16:14):
and you are. You have man handled many a great show,
that's true. I mean there's no you have people here
in the building that can oppose my will so um, ironically,
you don't have a lot of manhood, but you have
made the man handle your Christmas parties anyway. Yeah, yeah,
he showed up late and complained the food was cold

(01:16:36):
when it was hot, when everyone else ate the food.
I remember that. And then you you're like on the
prowl at the at the party. There nothing wrong with that.
Control yourself, Dan and Kalamazoo Rights. In Beautiful Calamazoo, he says,
does Gagon get his creatine from Ashley Manning? I mean

(01:16:56):
Chelsea Manning, fucking idiot? No, I think he's referring to
ash Manning, which is Peyton Manning's wife. Oh, I think
with the other way, Yeahsie, you're actually more relatable to
the other any other Manning. You're an idiot. I got
you well, you brought that up. I didn't bring it up.

(01:17:17):
What's any thoughts on that? Get Where do you get
your creating? How much does Create Team cost these days?
I bought some Create Team for fifty dollars, but the
servings it's just one table spoon and it's not enough.
You want on the costco of creating. That's actually what
it is. It's it's good for like sixty days or
something like that. So are you a crusader to celebrate

(01:17:38):
the virtues of creating? No? But Mark McGuire circle, No,
I did do Andrew when they were on that home
run spree. That actually got me into doing Andrew like
him Sosa. Shannon Sharp was a big spokesman for e S.
I remember that. Yeah, yeah, I did all that stuff
back and then I mean it's like monkey see monkey
do And I try to emulate Sharp when I played ball. Also,

(01:18:01):
I don't know, I told you this last week. Just
the age and like getting old and your muscle, you
really try to you still try to emulate the way
you talk. You still emulate Shannon Sharp. What do you
trying to say? Like, I don't I sound like him
when I talked? Yeah, you sound a little like you
have the same cadence is him? You know, I do
not definitely do that. Have you? Have you gone back
and watched our tape when I call that beautiful performance

(01:18:22):
was centennial and Jay Sarah, Oh the seventy thousand and
nothing score that, Yes, it was swept away by the
garbage time programming that we had. The game was a
blowout and we got all your bits in the second half.
So yeah, the only people watching were the mallam militia people.

(01:18:43):
That was it. They only want watching anyway. Moving on here,
let's see what do we have here? More questions? This
is the grab bag, A lot of questions from people
like yourself. Uh, here's one. Are you wearing a face
mask when you go to Costco? This is some Richie
the Boston guy. He says, are you gonna we're wearing
a face mask at Costco this weekend? If you are,
are you bringing the free samples home or eating them

(01:19:05):
in the car? Now? Let me tell you something, Richie.
I am a dare devil. I'm a thrill seeker, all right,
I'm gonn adrenaline junkie. Do you understand that? So it
is I will go to Costco, I will walk around.
It's like swimming with great white sharks in South Africa.
When you go to Costco with a coronavirus, I will
be doing that, just like running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain,

(01:19:28):
or driving two hundred miles an hour in the Autobahn
in Germany going to Costco. But I'm not gonna wear
a mask, and I'm gonna I think it's even better
now because people don't want to go to Costco because
they're afraid of the coronavirus, which means more samples for me,
more samples for me. Don't be such a fat ass.
It's my tradition. You can't get fat eating samples at

(01:19:51):
Costco PA. Yes, yes, you can't. Alright anyway, what else? Uh?
Here's another one from day and in Kalamazoo who wrote
and he says, are you prepared for a couple of
weeks of quarantine if need be? That's from Dan Oh
absolutely not no, no, no, uh and not prepared at all.

(01:20:12):
But you know you can figure out. You'll be fun.
You are prepared because you get you have sick days,
you have vacation days, you have camp days, you have
all you have a plethora of days. That you can
take off from work. Well, I don't need to take
days so I can do the show from the Mallard mansion.
I have to so I don't have to take any
days off. Very relatable, Ben, that is very relatable. Steve

(01:20:35):
Harvey relates to me, Rush Limbaugh does the show from
his house. Very relatable. You know what's relatable as the
figures that they make seven eight nine figures. And Ben
Mallory yeaut there elite uh amilia no from west side
of St. Paul, Minnesota. Right. So he says, question is

(01:20:55):
for everybody there, and it's actually about Roberto. But I
guess we can answer it. Hold on a second, my
headphones came looser, kill yourself, kill yourself a little bit there. Well,
what do you think? What's the name last a couple
of days ago? The gambler? Um, what's the one that
was threatening everybody with this dull knife? Oh? The guy

(01:21:16):
Parley Pat Pats kill yourself jesus. Yeah, well there you guys,
snap my headphones back here. Anyway, Ameliana says, we're Roberto
too scared to enter the verbal octagon with Chris in Houston.
He seemed shocked when Chris called him out as a
little snowflake over blowing him up, hanging up on him,
and was tongue tied. And then he says, will Roberto

(01:21:39):
pull a whoopie pie Blair and no show versus Marcel?
So yeah, I remember that Chris went a tack dog.
He went piranha on Roberto, and uh, Roberto could have
handled that a little bit better. But I would take
Roberto over Chris because Roberto has the power of fading

(01:22:03):
down Chris. So Chris would not get a word in edgewise,
and it would be an advantage. He might be able
to maybe poke the nose of of Roberto, but in
the end Roberto would come back with enough haymakers that
Chris would be marginalized. He's just not good content, Like,
why would you put that guy? I'd rather have Marcel

(01:22:24):
on the air than than than Chris and Hughes, this
is not helpful. Now you're just inspiring him to now
harass you more. He's not gonna He's not harassing me.
I don't even pay attention to that bug, all right?
Moving on, Carlos in Houston writes and he says, I
don't normally ask sports questions, are you guys liking the
new Rockets small ball lineup. Well, you know, Carlos, it

(01:22:47):
goes against my DNA to say anything a negative or
well actually anything positive about Houston and all that stuff.
But I actually do like the small ball because it's
a version of a D'Antoni system. I was a big
fan of the Mike D'Antoni system with the Sons. I
love the way the Sun's played when they had Steve
Nash and Mari Stottomeyer and the Matrix Sean Mary and

(01:23:10):
I love those teams. They were fun to watch. They
were entertaining. You penetrate your pass, you shoot all that
flying around the court. It was awesome. And I we've
got away from that. I know now it's just a
jump shooting consists like a Papa shot uh in the NBA.
But the way I'll answers, do I like it? Yes,

(01:23:32):
I absolutely like the way that the Rockets are playing.
There's no question about it. Will it work? No, it
will not work. They can It's not a sustainable thing.
They're not gonna be able to win a championship playing
that style of play. Uh, And they would have to
break the norms of the NBA to do it. I
don't see them doing it because I believe ultimately the playoffs,

(01:23:54):
Russell Westbrook will be a liability lat in games. James
Harden normally takes one game off in playoff series or
a half off in a in a key game and
derails you. But as far as from an entertainment standpoint,
absolutely absolutely, it's great. And they're gonna get killed rebounding wise,
they better make all their shots. Um, but we'll see

(01:24:16):
you down the line. But it's it's unorthodox, but it's fun.
I would like to see them in a playoff series
against Dallas. I think that would be a lot of
fun because you got Luka don Chich and you've got
porzingists that can shoot from the outside. And like you mentioned,
the best thing is is Russell Westbrook is such a
loose cannon that he can get forty on any given night.

(01:24:37):
He'll go for forty and ten and ten, or he
can go three or thirty from the field and James
Harden won't touch the rock. That's the best part about
watching Russell Westbrook play the game of basketball is that
he can win it for you or he can absolutely
just kill you. He can go vintage, he can go
a vintage Kobe Bryant the two thousand four NBA Finals,
just shoot you out of the series. Yeah, I mean

(01:24:58):
that's the way he's. He's eventually will spiral out of
control at some point and just undisciplined. And that's good
for us because when he when he is unrestrained, and
it makes for great monologues. And I look forward to
doing those monologues. I've done him every year, and I

(01:25:19):
can write a book on how to do a Russell
Westbrook is out of control, careless with the basketball and
hurts his team. But but again, Carlos, I like the
way I like in theory of it, I like their execution.
Probably will not, I will not work study this. You
want to do some study, Yes, yes, let's do it,
all right. A survey what percentage of Americans would turn

(01:25:41):
down a free cruise because of the concerns over the coronavirus.
I'm gonna say, Hi, I'll go like se right now,
So you think seventy three of Americans would say I'm
gonna give you a feel, I'll give you a free
cruise to the Bahamas. And you're like, I'm good, Yeah,
I don't need it. Well, you're actually right, in the

(01:26:04):
ballpark where you need to be. According to the survey,
two thirds two thirds of Americans would turn down a
free cruise because they're freaked out by the coronavirus. We
have a friend who's on a cruise right now. That's right,
Rob Parker's on the Golden Girls cruise. Yeah, did you
see the video he posted of they had a contest,

(01:26:27):
the dance off contest on the Golden Girls cruise. They
were it's the yea the Best Rose contest and robson
a photo from this. It's wild, man, it is crazy.
I don't know what's worst. The videos are the fact
that he posted a picture with his six d dollar
Gucci shoes on that he was happy that he got
at a discounted rate, which were like a thousand dollars

(01:26:50):
that said Gucci on them. Yeah. And I think it
was justin in Cincinnati that pointed out that Rob is
actually cheaper than I am. Like. He will go to
Ross Dress for Less, which is I like Cross. I
actually have shopped there before as well. But it's a
great scavenger hunt when you go to Ross Dress for Less.
But he will like brag about getting a shirt for
one used to be seventy bucks or something. He will

(01:27:13):
because our building is right next to a poil loco.
He wears the chicken. Yeah, he will keep a cut
from a poil loco, just to return the same day
or the next day and ren yes, no, no, yes, Wow,
that's a boss move man. He should write a book.
That's great, man. That makes me seem like a very

(01:27:37):
unfrugal person. I don't think I've ever done that. I
don't recall every doing something as radunculous as that. That's great. Well, yeah,
I've never been on a cruise. I know some people
say you should do it. Would be great, you have
a good time. My wife would like to do it.
But I'm good. I got food on a cruise once. Congratulations,

(01:27:58):
you want a cookie? No, I just cruises. You're just confined,
so it sucks and you get sick. Anything happens, you're
you're fucked. All right, Here we go. A new survey
says blank percent of Americans are avoiding corona beers because
of fears of the coronavirus. For fox sake. Um, you
said two thirds before, so I'll say a third. I'll
say like close again, but not quite right. The answer

(01:28:23):
is thirty eight percent. Thirty According to a new study,
thirty percent of Americans are not drinking as much Corona
beer because they're freaked out by the they got the
heebie gs of the coronavirus. Boy, So does that mean
that thirty eight percent of people are just complete Neanderthal morons?
Is that what that means? Yes? Well, I guess the
other question then, is if you're not drinking Corona beer,

(01:28:45):
what would your alternative be to that? For Mexican beer? Like,
would you go to Cote? Well, that's the only other
Mexican beer I really know, So I think you'd have
to get to Cote. But what kind of primitive, unrefined
people are living amongst us here? Like were they raised
by wolves or something like that? Were they born in
a barn? Gascon that they're Like, I think I can

(01:29:07):
get the coronavirus from a Corona beer with the lime,
you know? Alright? Another one, Americans are spending more for
more for treatment on blank ailments than any other conditions,
according to the research from the US Healthcare Data. So
we're looking for problems that human beings have with their

(01:29:29):
body that they spend the most money on per year.
God my first thing. My first inclination would be mental
to the mental, not mental like physical, like mental physical situation. Okay, um,

(01:29:51):
right now like hands to to to to, Oh, your
time is up and say hey, hands kind of but
I'm not gonna give you credit for that. Americans are
spending more on treatment for spinal issues and joint pain

(01:30:14):
ailments than any other condition. According to the US Health data,
it's neck and lower back pain is the main one. Uh.
This the latest data they have is from and the
amount of money spent on spinal issues and joint pain.
Are you ready for this, guest, guy, painful, you're sitting

(01:30:36):
down three hundred and eighty billion dollars three eight billion
dollars now according to this study, they point out that
that breaks down to almost ten thousand dollars for every man, woman,
and child who is a citizen in the United States.
It is roughly eighteen of the US grows to stick

(01:31:00):
product all right for back pain and uh, and you know,
spinal issues and all that and and joint pain. An't
that crazy? It is? Now? I think do you think
part of that's attributed to the fact that a lot
of us have a sedentary jobs or sitting down a lot,
or drivers that are sitting in traffic a lot, or
commuting for far distances. Yeah, I'm sure that's part of it.

(01:31:24):
And people don't move. You gotta keep your body moving
right as long as you can. You gotta keep body
in motion, stays in motion. That's what I learned as
a kids. Plus, like when you're sitting so much, your
your legs, your hamstrings, and your quads get so tight.
It leads to your hip flex series and it leads
to the back. And the stress for for all of
us is like upper chest and upper back, so the neck.
I don't know. I mean I think the same thing

(01:31:46):
too with with the joints. When you talk about your
hands and elbows, just over usage. See you get on
then get on creatine. Then I think I need to
get on creatine. That that will change my life in
amazing ways. Maybe do you have scoliosis? Uh? Do I
have scoliosis? No? I didn't have sculios. Do you I do? Yeah, scoliosis.

(01:32:09):
I found that out five years ago actually because of
working at Fox Sports Radio. I had back pain working
on one of your shows and went to the doctor
the very next day. Old let me get my and
he he did an X ray and he says, oh,
you've got scoliosis. I said, oh, what the fund? Should
I have been diagnosed with this when I was a kid.
He says, no, it's probably something from from playing your

(01:32:31):
playing days or or driving too much. And yeah, it
was all stem from working on your show. Put a coincidence. Yeah,
are you done? Yeah, I'm done. I'm here for you.
So what else can I do for you? Ben Malley?
All right, here's another fun study doing study this real
or bullshit? Who knew, Gascan that you are like a

(01:32:53):
dog that sexual scent that man can smell when a
woman is aroused? How about that? I did not study.
I did not know that. I think it's bullshit. Well,
Kent University though in the UK, they did the survey

(01:33:14):
and they said that attraction is conveyed through a number
of avenues and many have nothing to do with spoken language. Yeah,
the pheromones, right, whether you're aware of it or not.
Both men and women's body language often changes ever so
slightly when we're around someone we find particularly attractive. And
according to the study, anyone goes into detail here and

(01:33:35):
it says that it's not just it's not just obvious,
sometimes literally. According to study the Nose Nose. The research
team has concluded that men can smell when a woman
is turned on. About that, I must not have this ability.
That must be lacking this ability. Can you go to

(01:33:58):
a doc? But I can't turn them on? Clee, And uh,
I don't know when they're turned on. So maybe I can,
you know, give me a guide book on that that
that you know. Of course you don't know even you know. No,
that's interesting. I was. I was always on an impression
that it was always the pheromones. So like our body
hair would trigger women into the physical attraction too. But

(01:34:24):
if you don't have any body hair, you can't got
body hair I want to wear or another Now, I've
known some people that who is that guy, Charlie Villeneuava.
Oh yeah, he didn't have anybody here. And I have
a guy used to know it was a clipper pr guy.
Good guy. Uh did not he had that same illness.
No body here, no no eyebrows, no nothing, nothing completely gone. Yeah,

(01:34:46):
bad John him. Anyway, here's another random study. Uh, this
this one says Instagram fitness posts by the ladies do
more harm than good for women men's body images. Yeah,
the Instagram is bad for the ladies because the Instagram

(01:35:08):
posts that I see from females, like most of the time,
they're either so lean that you think they're on some
kind of performance enhancing drug, or there's so fake that
you're curious as to what they have injected into them,
like top and bottom ben Oh yeah, yes, don't you
know that? Or don't you see that? Don't I know that?

(01:35:29):
I don't know what's so. I don't think any women
post photos without spandex on in a gym. I've not
seen any of os on Instagram. I'm still waiting for
the first women to post something that's not uh provocative.
But I've been good for them. Why not? Hey, you
know it's working. Clearly a bunch of this horn dogs
are clicking on all that stuff, right, Yeah, but you
just you look at the body and you just think

(01:35:51):
they must have spent close to ten thou dollars on
on some kind of surgery cosmdics. You know what I
love is though, when you go around on and I
see this, everyone want to go out. I don't go
out of my house much, but you're like the tourist
area like in l A and the Instagram model. You
know that's a thing now where they have a people
with them for lighting and the whole thing. It's like

(01:36:13):
some of these things are professional photo shoots for because
their Instagram influencers and they have half a million followers
or whatever, you know, five thousand followers, which is filf
a million. Uh, and then they I just want to
do the math in my head, guestcount. It's pretty funny.
It's like when I remember I used to live in
Hollywood when reality TV became a big deal, and I

(01:36:37):
was stopped on Hollywood Boulevard and they were shooting a scene.
They were crossing the street filming a reality show, and
the signal took a while, and I just, for some reason,
I was stuck at the signal and they kept crossing
the street until they got the right shot. And I

(01:36:58):
was like, you know, that's not really yeah, you know,
I mean you said one take, right. I mean they
kept doing it until they got the right angle. And
the people said that what they were supposed to say.
And it's one of those dopey dating shows. It might
have been The Bachelor, the original how long has the
Bachelor been on? There forever? It was a Bachelor Temptation Island.
It wasn't Temptation Island. Wasn't that fair enough? There was

(01:37:21):
that blind? Was it Blind Date? Was that a reality show?
Remember that one? Yeah? That was all right. According to
a new survey, what how many in thirty people have
pooped in the shower? And thirty people, uh, let's have
admitted to pooping in the show. Oh, I'm gonna say
this is low. I'll say like, I'll say four out

(01:37:44):
of thirty only one one out of thirty people said
they pooped in the shower. Have you guessed, you know,
pooped in the shower? I have not, thankfully God, Hannah, God, yes,
have you in the show? No? I did. Number one
I have no problem with. But the number two it
seems Yeah, it's a problematic situation. Yeah, logistically I don't

(01:38:07):
know how because if you go at number two, you're
getting how do you get rid of it? You're gonna
have to use your hand to pick it up. I
mean that's a big to do. Or it's even worse
as if you take a shower, you dry yourself off
and then you have to take a number two. Yeah,
that is that's bad timing, timing on that's not good
but how about one out of thirty people. That means

(01:38:28):
out of a hundred, that's three little over three out
of a hundred people ship in the shower. Like we
went from death talk radio to shipping on yourself radio.
I'd rather do ship radio and death radio. All you
do it money through Friday. So I think you got
that base cleared. You think you're funny, I thought, pretty

(01:38:52):
damn funny. Yeah, I think it just walked. Don't don't
pull a muscle patting yourself on the back. Pull a
muscle patting yourself. Man. Listen, all right, here's a fun study.
This is you know, we talked about the world we
live in today as opposed to the world that we
grew up in, depending if you're at a certain age. Well,
globally though, does it apply? There was a global study

(01:39:12):
done what percentage of people think it is justified for
a husband to beat his wife? Out of out of
ten people, how many of the people, according to this
global research think it's okay for a man to slap
around his wife in the world. Guess I'm not in America. Obviously, America,
I would think most people think that's not right. But globally,

(01:39:35):
because you brought it up out of ten, I would say, no,
it's not that high, but I still think it's ridiculously height.
It's three out of ten, So thirty of people think
it is allowed for a husband to slap around the wife. There.
It's a new study done by a operation out of Germany,
and they conducted data from seventy five countries covered over

(01:40:00):
world's population, and three out of tends like slapper around. Yeah,
it's wild man. Yeah, if that ever happened to me,
I know, I'd been waking up with something from Good Fellas, right,
like my better half of a gun pointed right at
my fucking head. But yeah, anything like in some parts
like that that whole sharial law thing, you know. I

(01:40:20):
mean that I guess is you know it's wild, but
it's crazy that there's that many. A new survey reveals
that blank percentage of people goof up. I'm not goof up,
that's the wrong word. They they intentionally mislead on their resume.
They lie on their resume, uh, and they get caught.

(01:40:43):
Seven percent of people lie on the resume and get caught.
Only seven percent of the people to do this. Have
have you ever lied on your resume? Unfortunately not. No.
I feel like if I if I needed to know,
there's no reason to you, like, the line of work
that we're in, you can get added right away, and
there's nothing that we do. There's nothing that we do

(01:41:04):
that really put you want to put on a resume anyway,
because you can't justify your performance for what we do
on a resume anyway, right Like you can't talk about number. Yeah,
it's it doesn't I mean, no, I haven't bollished my resume,
but I don't think anyone looks at my resume. I
haven't needed a resume in years anyway, but I needed
a resume. I had no resume. Now that I have

(01:41:27):
a resume, nobody wants my resume. It's all word of mouth.
It's all these jobs are all passed out by who
you know, not what you know. Anyway. Last one on
the study this a new survey found that one in
four Americans admit they have trouble remembering this. What do
you think? One in four Americans have trouble remembering, Um,

(01:41:51):
there their home telephone number? Dude? Do all most people
don't even have a home telephone number anymore. So that's dumb.
It's a bad job by you. One in four Americans
admit they have trouble remembering their a T M pin.
Oh they're automatic teller pin. They cannot remember. I'm in
that group by the one. I think I know what

(01:42:12):
it is, but I don't know if I haven't used
it long a long while. And he don't stick to
sports stories guests. The only way have any quick ones.
We can sneak in here. Yeah, camp, this is now
that the sixth hour. We're into the sixth hour of
the fifth hour. Yeah, it's a bad job by you. Yeah. Whatever.
How about this one? A flight was diverted after a
passenger attempted to open up an exit door in the

(01:42:35):
middle of a flight. Did you hear about this? What's
wrong with that? Uh? No, this is a this is
a shout out to our buddy. I'm a pilot an
American Airlines. I'm a pilot guy. Why do you get
a room with this guy? I think he's a great guy.
He's got a good personality. He's always uh, he's always positive. Anyways,

(01:42:56):
you got you're like weed man, hippie, you got your
hand out man. No way, you're begging. Act like you've
been in the end zone. Before I have come. Have
you seen me at your Christmas parties? Anyways? An American
airline an American Airlines flight bound for Dallas from Chicago
was forced to make an emergency landing because a passenger

(01:43:18):
actually try to open up an emergency door. Bet here's
the kicker on this though, is all the latches he
actually got up. The only reason the door did not
open was because the pressure from the cabin space did
not allow it to open up. That's reassuring. Yes, forty
five minutes into a flight, they had to obviously divert
the flight and touchdown in St. Louis, Missouri because someone

(01:43:41):
obviously tried opening up a flight in midflight of the
cabin doors. So. I don't know what you would do
in something like this, but I die because the door
opens up, You're dead. I'm talking about someone made the
attempt to open up a cab. Yeah, I would go
into survival mode and I would take the guy out

(01:44:02):
and beat his ass is what I would do. I
can't see you doing. Did anyone do that? Though? Yeah?
I would think you're gonna who cares? You're gonna die
if the guy opens the doors. You might as well
go vigilante and kick the guy's ass here. Speaking of which,
this is a great story. This is uh. I know,
obviously determine whether it's a great story. You will not
determine this is good for payback? Then? How about that

(01:44:24):
a woman? This is in in England, a woman was
revealed to having swapped drinks with a stranger she suspected
of trying to spike her drink, before later finding out
that he was passed out in a puddle. So this
woman was in a club and she looked away. She
claimed that drinks between her and a stranger were on

(01:44:45):
a on a tabletop and the guy had put something
in her drink. Later she she shared us on social media.
But she swapped the drink with the guy when he
wasn't noticing. And it turned out that the guy who
was trying to roofy her drank his own poise in
and landed up in a puddle outside of a club.
How good is that? That is pretty good? That's a

(01:45:06):
that's a solid move by that lady. It's a good
job by her. Yeah, that's that's good man, especially not
being too in tune with the elements. I know when
I go out with gascon I gotta make sure to
switch the drinks because that guy, let me tell you something,
he puts crap in drinks. Man, No, no, I try
to put Rufi's in there. You're an idiot. Your nickname
is Cosby. That's what you want. Listen, I I do,
I do need to make a request. Since we're going

(01:45:28):
to a bougie event over the weekend. Um my alcohol
needs to have either one rock or it's neat. Uh.
I guess we'll buy a round of drinks. You will
order the most expensive whiskey on the menu. Yes, maybe
that's good. So I don't want to say what we're
going to because I might not work out. But then
next week we'll have recap coverage all have said social event.

(01:45:51):
If we do end up at Tenny. Now, keep in
mind you were not invited to this. I just want
to point out I I was invited, but to a
Hollywood of but you were not invited. But but out
of feeling pity for you, I decided that you are
such a dope that you need to go to this thing,
and so I I passed the invitation onto you. But

(01:46:14):
you were not invited. Every loss ship needs a lighthouse,
and Ben Mallory. I I am that lighthouse for you,
so I will be. But I am your beacon. I
am your guiding light here, and I do you understand
that I am your inspiration. I'm the one that gets
invited to the A list parties. I just never go
to these things. Like my wife likes to go out,
so every once in a while, throw a bone. You know,

(01:46:34):
we get to go out, throw your wife a bone. Well, no,
because I get invited to a lot of these things
that I never go to him because I don't really
like those. You know that the parties are not my scene.
It's probably once in a while I'll go. That's probably
the why you're stuck on the overnight, not the daytime stuff. See,
I don't look at it as it stuck in the overnight.
I got more affiliates, I'm cleared everywhere. I love the overnight.

(01:46:54):
It's great. Nobody bothers me my own thing. You got
carte blanche there in the overnight. Al right, guess god,
thank you very much, and enjoy the weekend. The rest
of I forgot. Oh my god, I mean, can we
put the baby? But we can't. We can't remember we
have the wager. What was what wager? Okay, I will
refresh the audiences memory or rehash yours anyway, is that? Um,

(01:47:19):
the l A rams have a competition going on here
in the next couple of weeks, I find Oh that's right, yeah, yeah,
well I don't we can't really get into this, but
I have an eye. I would like gascon to try
out to be an l A ram MAO cheerleader. All right,
So I will do it under two terms to two conditions.
Ben always with conditions, there's always an ultimatum with guests.

(01:47:41):
So if we can get my my Twitter following up
to like, let's say, like four thousand, and my Instagram
handle up to like let's say two thousand, I will
do it. So you're basically panhandling for followers. So how many?
How many? What do you need? Even the numbers on
that again? Four thousand on Twitter, all right? And two
thousand on Instagram? Okay, how many do you have on

(01:48:04):
Instagram right now? Instagram? I have like four Oh, you're
not gonna get I've been begging. I just got to
a thousand, and I've been begging every night. There's no chance.
Well what about Twitter? Then? Twitter? I have like, yeah,
Twitter is doable because I, Justin in Cincinnati would just
just to see you as a male cheerleader, would like

(01:48:25):
buy some bots to follow. I wouldn't buy it. I
can't do that gonna be authentic. But I'll do it
even if it's Justin or anyone else that that. No,
I don't want bots. But now they're gonna be bots.
It's gonna be like a bunch of people in India
or whatever that they're gonna be following you the fake account.
So we'll do it. So if you want, if you'd
like to see and I'll go there and I will

(01:48:45):
document Gascon trying out to be a male cheerleader for
the l A RAMS and I think it'd be a
great bit. So if you want to be part of that,
find a way to get gas gone by the Russian
bot followers for Gascon so his Twitter account gets suspended.
That would be great. Have a wonderful weekend. We'll catch
you next time to be back on the radio live
in the overnight on Sunday in the Money eleven in

(01:49:07):
the West, two am in the East of Money. Have
a great weekend.

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Ben Maller

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