Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka boom. If you thought four hours a day dred
minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last
remnants of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house
of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. That it does,
and we are back at it in the Magic Podcast
Shop here as we are in the air everywhere the
vast power of my heart, the global reach of podcasting,
and thank you for choosing us to listen to. We
(00:44):
appreciate it. A lot of audio options and we're glad
you have chosen to stumble into the Fifth Hour and
myself Bennell with the man that does not know how
to park in a normal way David Gascon And wow,
I really appreciate that, you know, I'm I'm only one
(01:06):
of the two people in this party that's been driving
and parking and actually showed up to work every day,
and so uh yeah, and I appreciate the eloquent introduction
done now, Well, you don't need to pat yourself on
the back. I am following company guidelines. I am following
what my bosses have told me to do. And I
want you to know that I did have some traffic
(01:27):
making my way to the studio in a previous show
because I Bella was laying in the hallway, so I
had to I had to jump over Bella to get
in here. You're like, easy, You're lucky you don't drink.
I mean, because you could. You can really do some
damage if you trip over her. That's A's a little dog. Yeah,
she's the size of an ee walk. She's smaller than
(01:48):
an e walk. Uh, yeah, she was. She fell asleep
though she was bored the other night with my monologues.
And I looked over and she was like, I see,
I texted you before you started that shell and I said,
this is gonna be hammock Radio by Ben Maller and
sure ship your dog passes out while you're doing a monologue.
Well keep in mind, though, Guesstcon, you're very uncomfortable with originality.
(02:11):
That's not originals and uh and all that. That was
one of the more Now this Gascon was upset because
we did the Sour Hour where people called up and
just bitched and complained invented about things that were going
on in life. What you don't understand, I'm gonna teach
you about radio guests gone that kind of stuff. People
loved all right. The people could not get enough of that.
(02:33):
We spilled that into a second hour. It was magical.
So that you're wrong, You're just completely wrong. I don't
know if people love that. People have been watching the
news seven and they've been watching all the negative pub
social media, why do they need an hour strictly for
that on your show? Because it's you don't understand this,
(02:55):
because you know you don't. You live in a bubble,
your West of the four oh five guy. But there's
a lot of people that listen to the radio that
are by themselves, and people who don't have any family around.
They're boxed in their apartments and they they're just they
feel like the world has been boxed off for them.
And if you give them the opportunity and they're alone,
(03:18):
they're scared to get on the radio and complain and vent.
It's it's therapeutic, it's empowering. People love it. They can't
get enough of it. You don't understand. You think everyone's
got a bunch of family around a bunch of friends,
and it's not like that for a lot of people. Unfortunately,
for whatever reason, life has led them astray and they're
(03:40):
by themselves and they the only friends they have. Or
the radio. Wait a minute, they have the radio, they
have social media, they have a telephone, Like, why not
pick up the phone or call somebody or send a
text message? Send you the hell? Are you gonna call
guests on at three o'clock in the fucking morning? All right?
When I'm on, who you gonna call? First of all,
(04:00):
I'm awake during that time. Second? Loser? Wait, I mean
I'm a loser. So you're calling your own listeners losers
because they're also wake at that time. I'm calling you
a loser is what I call. You're a loser. You know,
I'm not usually working. I'm usually cutting up sound for
your show, trying to make your podcast better. By the way,
I got some great news for you, and I have
a wonderful idea that I have not disclosed for you
(04:21):
just yet with this podcast. A right, Well, don't wait,
are you teasing that? Are you gonna pay off the
tease right now? I will wait. I will wait, because
you have some things on the menu as well. I
do have some things on the menu. So we've got
the Kiwi Pink Slip, the Lenny Review, and we'll get
to that. We might get some other stuff as well
along the way, but we've definitely got those stories to
get to. So I'll start with the Kiwi Pink Slip
(04:44):
and I have been impacted by the coronavirus. The economy
has started to affect me here and if you've followed
the show, you know that. In addition to doing the
radio show for Fox in this podcast for years, I
have been, believe it or not, an international radio correspondent
for Radio Sport out of Auckland, New Zealand, which is
(05:07):
a national network. New Zealand is not a huge country,
but it is on all over New Zealand and they
talk about things like cricket and soccer and things like that.
But they have me on once a week and I
have been doing this for about a decade going on,
making weekly appearances talking in US sports because they get
(05:29):
the US sports games football and basketball, mostly not so
much baseball, but they get those games on television in
New Zealand and so I had become over the years,
I was a staple with Darcy walder Grave, who was
a big radio personality in New Zealand. He did a
morning show. I started on his morning show as a correspondent,
(05:51):
and then he moved to afternoon drive a number of
years ago, and I went on with Darcy in afternoon Drive.
And we become pen pals, We become friends. We text
each other. Uh. Just a radio guy. And I love
the fact that we can tell, you know, trade stories
about what radio is like in New Zealand. And he
he'll tell me his stories and I'll tell him the
struggles that I have here doing a radio in the
(06:11):
United States. And so we shoot the ship a lot,
and on and off the air, and on and off
the air, and uh and and so it turns out
that I got a phone call. Yeah, I was out
for a walk. Actually, I was taking my walk around
the neighborhood and Darcy says, I got some bad news
for us. I said, okay, I'm ready for the bad news.
(06:32):
What's the bad news? And he said that they were
shutting down the entire network that radio Sport, which had
been on the air for like twenty years in New Zealand,
and they were they were going off the air. And
he didn't have a lot of information. Um he just
told me that there's no guarantee it comes back once
the uh everything's done and we get back to normal
(06:52):
life in the world. So he didn't know about that.
There's no guarantee it'll ever come back and uh so,
So I lost that gig and they paid me a
little bit of money every week to go on there.
But I I really feel bad for the people that
I'd become friends with obviously wore out of work. Darcy
said he'll be okay because he's saved up an f
you fund, which is important. Most people haven't done that.
(07:15):
Um so, so, yeah, I lost the gig in New Zealand,
won't be calling into them anymore and I'm hoping that
they will be able to bring that back once all
of this madness in the world that comes to an end.
That's unfortunate. Now did you or have you during your
time your relationship with Darcy, have you ever watched more
sports down Under? Like well it's Australian rules basketball, um
(07:39):
or rugby or maybe some Australian soccer anything like that.
Have you have you dipped your toes and tell God no,
the only thing that's annoyed me. Is I have been
preempted at several times because of cricket. And I didn't
know anything about cricket before I started doing this, And
the cricket is a big sport there, and these games
will sometimes they go like three to seven days. You'll
(08:01):
have a cricket match that will go three to seven days.
There's no clock. People complain about baseball, but imagine being
handcuffed by cricket. My god, I'd rather be drugged, handcuffed
and gagged and I have to sit through seven days
of cricket. But U But yeah, so you know it's
and we have a lot of listeners. You know that
(08:21):
our show, the Overnight Show, was picked up at night
on Radio Sport in New Zealand. We've got a cult
following in that Country's hopefully you guys can still listen
to this podcast if if you're hearing it now, and
you can hear the radio show on I Heart Radio.
And it's not just that. Now, I have our buddy
Art Martinez AREDI Martinez, who had been working at the
(08:44):
NBC Sports Radio network. They shut down that network here
in the United States. They went out of business this
week and that's it. They're done, no more NBC Sports Radio,
and so he lost his job. I gotta tell you,
though I've never told this story before, but years ago,
when my deal was up at Fox, I had had
(09:06):
some conversations they were interested in the Mala brand over
there at the Peacock Radio Network and uh they had
reached out to me about possibly doing some stuff with them.
And fortunately it never got that serious because Fox ended
up keeping the show obviously, and I'm still hearing, very
happy to be here, but they they were flirting with
me a while back doing the old mating dance, and
(09:28):
I am so happy that I did not did not
end up making that that option. I didn't. I don't
really have that option to make. It was building towards that,
but I'm happy that didn't work out for obvious reason.
But it does suck for the my friends and radio
that I've known for years that are that are out
of work there. It reminds me of a story when
I returned home from from Bakersfield after a six month
(09:50):
tour with the Mariners High affiliate, and I had an
offer that was sort of on the table from this UH,
this recruiter who was doing work overseas and uh it
was actually a state run news channel. Uh, and the
People's Republic of China. And I remember you encouraging me
to take this job. I did, I did. I told
(10:12):
you to go to China. I told you to move
to China. Why didn't you move to China? You could
have been right in the front lines of media coverage
in China. Yeah, I could have been on the firing squad.
Could you have a man the choices we do and
do not make? That would have been quite a moment.
I don't even know if I survived. Be sure to
(10:32):
catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at
two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio
and the I Heart Radio app. Isn't it? It's the
old philosophy about life, right. Life is just the product
of the decisions you make right every every day. The
decisions you make leads to the ultimate outcome of your life.
You make the good decisions, and you don't even know
(10:53):
at the time, Like, who the hell? Who knows? You think?
Nobody could have predicted three months ago that we'd be
in the position we're in right now, right, you know?
And so the same people now seem to think they
know what's going to happen three months from not you
don't know, right and speaking and speaking of which, since
we've we've had a bump in in certain things across
the platforms, I think it's a good reminder to tell
(11:15):
folks that listen to this podcast or listen to your
show is the first thing that I would recommend to
do from a financial sense, is to call your credit
card companies, call your home lender, and call anyone that
you have an equity line set up with. Because credit
card companies right now are offering either zero percent a
p R or they're not charging any finance fees for
(11:37):
the months of of March to April, not April to May.
So uh, those are good things to point out right now.
And if you have a situation, whether you're a homeowner
or you're renting, I would talk to the people upstairs
because they're gonna be in a position they're willing to
negotiate with you because you have what they want and
that's the money, it's not the property itself. So these
(12:01):
are trying times for everybody. Obviously, it feel bad for
for you losing your gig down down Under, but there's
actually some good news Ben, because we had just gotten
word earlier this week about the Fifth Hour with Ben
malle a lot with some other podcasts are on the
I Heart platform. But month to date, for the month
of March, we were up sixty seven percent, Wow, sixty
(12:27):
seven percent compared to the month of February. And over
the last sixty days we're actually up thirty nine percent
from from where we were prior to that. So, uh,
there's a lot of good reasons for that, and I
think part of it's the overall health of Ben Mallory.
You don't have any kidney stones or gall stones. Uh,
you don't have a burnt mouth, You're not sick anymore.
(12:48):
You're not losing your phone at Costco anymore. You're not
getting backed into by cars in the parking lot of
cost Nothing bad can happen if you don't love you
leave your house, and right, I mean we're gonna where
everyone's generally, you really have to have some bad luck
if you injure yourself just staying at home all day. Yes, yeah,
(13:08):
we're doing it now. Part of the reason why I
brought up those numbers is I have a good idea
and I think it's a great one for us that
we should execute in the in the month of April
is because just yesterday we had a good conversation, especially
you with the great Prince of Darkness, League Kline, and
I think in the month of April we should do
(13:30):
something a little bit different for the audience where UM,
I pick either a date or sport or one particular
athlete in your lifetime that you can reflect about, and
we can do this in a short form version fifteen
and twenty minutes and to be an isolated event. So
if we were to start this for the month of April,
(13:52):
one player in particular I want you to talk and
reflect about would be Jonathan Broxton. So I do other
random it is. It is random, but there are some
great moments, especially because we got worried earlier this week
that the Dodgers are back on television. UM, you and
Lead talked about a ton of things, mostly Clipper related,
(14:14):
but they're athletes and they're players, and there's dates that
come to mind for everybody, and especially in the sports world.
I think if you had a chance to point about
that person or that event for fifteen or twenty minutes,
it's a lot of the background stuff that you know,
you as a fan can elaborate on just because the
anguish or the excitement that you had or do still
(14:35):
have about that particular person. So I think that'd be
a good treat, just a little bit of an appetizer
before we get to the main course with everyone else
that we bring. So we can add that to the
two future editions of the show. But you know, Broxton.
The first thing I remember about Jonathan Broxton, my memory
of him as a Dodger was that home run he
gave up in the against the Philadelphia Philist Stairs. Yeah,
(15:00):
was at I was at that game in the auxiliary
press box, and I think that ball is still sailing
around the world. I believe it is. It's like a
comet at this point. That ball was hit so so
fucking far by Matt Stairs. It was unbelievable. Uh that,
And I remember Broxton just being morbidly obese. He was
like three pounds, some massive human being. Jonathan Broxton, he
(15:24):
was huge. I was hoping he'd maybe recapture a little
bit of his glory when he went to Cincinnati, but
after Matt Stairs just destroyed him, Oh that was it. Yeah,
he was never he was and he had been a
dominant pitcher for the Dodgers the first few years he
was there, Uh, the relief guy, their closer. He was
(15:44):
e r a s that were ridiculously low and he
was a dominant picture. But he never trusted him. You know,
It's like it was one of these guys. He had
great numbers, but then it seemed like in big spots
he would puke all over the mound. And and I
recall that, and he bounced around after he left the Dodgers,
he went from team the team, the team, and he
(16:07):
played for four other teams. He's not even that he
should still be pitching, but he was so bad and
he's out of baseball. I think he's you're like thirty
five now and he's not not pitching at less. Well,
no one's pitching anywhere right now because what's going on.
But he's he's been out of baseball for a couple
of years. I believe he's done skis at this particular point.
That ball was absolutely crushed. I I haven't seen a
(16:29):
ball hit that hard since Mark McGuire did that back
in Dodger Stadium in the in the Glory days. Were
hit one out of the stadium, but man, he fucking
tattooed Broxton in that game. And that was the That
was the m the Dodgers. Yeah, it was. It was
absolutely insane. Uh And and because of that, you talk about,
(16:49):
you know, decisions or and this wasn't really a decision,
like it was a poor decision, but it was an incident.
Like Jonathan Broxton's career went to ship after that home run.
And Matt Stairs is for the rest of his life
Philadelphia sports legend. Like my guy Fats in Philly and
all you guys in Philly, this guy's because of that
(17:09):
Pinship home run, that two run moonshot at Dodger Stadium.
That that and and for those who don't recall, the
Dodgers would have been even up to two in the NLCS.
It was. It was Game four and because the Stairs
at that home run and some other things happened, the
Dodgers lost the Phillies one. They were they were up
three oh of. The series was pretty much over, and
(17:32):
it did turn out to be over. But Matt Stairs,
I believe he was doing some television work for the
Phillies and uh he I know he's beloved there because
of that home run, and he didn't play for the
Phillies all that much. He There's another guy, Matt Stairs.
I remember him mostly with the with the Oakland Athletics,
but he played with a bunch of different teams. He
bounced all over the place. But in Philadelphia, man he is,
(17:55):
He's all about it and they love him. Yeah, it
was like it was like Stairs, Daniel Murphy. There were
just certain guys during the Dodgers run of the last
handful of years that have picked them apart. Like Daniel
Murphy was batting four hundred. I think in a couple
of series against the Dodgers, Matt Stairs ruined them. And
then of course you know what happened with Houston too.
(18:16):
But they're just guys in particular that really lit up
the Dodgers and in crunch time situations. I gotta tell you, though,
I liked Matt Stairs, although no, I don't like what
he did to the Dodgers, but I remember when he
was a young player. Um, he came up with Montreal
and he played somewhere else. But I remember him in
the mid nineties with Oakland and they came in. I
(18:38):
was covering the Angels and he came in there and
he remember I was in the a's dugout, and he
walked into the dugout and he looked out at the
field at the Big A and he just like, oh,
this is so excited. He had never been there before
at that point, and he was like so excited, like
he like he was like like a kid. Like it's
it's the same reaction like I would have if I
was a kid walking into a ballpark, or any of
(18:58):
us would have for the first time. How cool was
It was just neat to see that because it was
like it was humanizing. You know, a lot of these
guys are complete douchebags and they're just you know whatever.
But he was like he really was appreciative of the moment,
which is kind of cool. That's what I mean. That's
what minor league players talk about. Is the show, right,
Like you always think, well, what's the show? Like the
show is is major league Baseball. It's like when you
(19:18):
get between the lines, that shock and you are in
a major league facility, not not rookie ball. I'm not
a double A facility, not somewhere in the sticks. But man, like,
when you get to the show, it's I mean, it
doesn't matter if you're playing in Oakland or Pittsburgh where
it's an empty yard like when you're there, that's that's it.
That's that's real. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, man, it's and and
(19:39):
then way these the baseball stadiums in the major leagues,
it's it's the taj Mahall. It's insane, like there's no
There used to be some some shiphole stadiums that were
terrible and disgusting, you know, like Sha Stadium, Comiskey, Wrigley Field,
even before they renovated Wrigley Field was just the visiting
locker room. You had to walk like a stair maze
(20:02):
to get to the locker room. You have to walk
through a little catwalk where the fans were below you,
and it was wild. And it's not like that from
what I understand anymore. They've admitted much better. Um So
everywhere is first class. All the way they they they
say clubhouse, it's really like at a five star golf resort,
(20:22):
and you know, like you're at a golf resort in
the locker room and the way it's set up and
all that. Um Now, I wanted to bring up the
Lenny Dikestra interview from last week. Alright, so, uh, now
we both had the same idea. After we had talked
to him, I thought Lenny was great man. Was he entertaining?
You told some wonderful stories, wild and crazy. It was
(20:45):
classic Lenny Dikestra. So I figured, hey, we get some
publicity out of this, right because Lenny said what I
felt were several newsworthy things. We didn't get any though,
gasco now and I found out why. I reached out
to some of my friends who work in the mainstream
media at big newspapers, and they almost all said the
(21:11):
same thing, some version of the same thing. They essentially
said that they are ignoring Lenny. It's like the Boy
that Cried Wolf. That Lenny has done and said so
many outrageous things over his last few years since he's
had some legal problems that they've just decided to stop
(21:33):
covering and they stopped reporting his amazing declarations and all that.
So it sucks. But I felt like the fact that
he said he was gonna get pardoned by Donald Trump,
I thought that was interesting. And some of the stories
he said about Barry Bonds and I thought all of
that was fascinating. But it's only only for our ears, apparently,
(21:53):
I don't know. I mean, there were a lot of
people that did respond via social media though, enjoying the
stories or saying like he's batshit crazy. Um, there's quite
a few that that echered my sentiments about how the
fund does he live that long? You know, he's fifty seven. Now, well,
that's a great point because I remember the joke not
so much with Lenny, but years ago the joke was,
(22:16):
and it was kind of a sick mccob joke was like, wow,
you know, Mike Tyson is not gonna make it to
forty or or Darryl Strawberry or Dwight Gooden, you know,
the guys that were just going for it back in
the day with the coke and all that, just living
life to a life of excess. And here we are
in these games. Mike Tyson is a mellow guy. You know,
(22:37):
he's he's got he's got cats, but they're kitty cats,
not not big tigers and big cats. And and he's
living a tranquil life and doing yoga and all that stuff.
And Darryl Strawberry is a like a preacher in St. Louis.
He's a he's a man of God. Now, Dwight Gooden
still crazy. Dwight Gooden is still doing wild stuff and
(22:58):
getting arrested and living life on the edge, but he's
still around. And then you got Lenny Distre, who was
like the party boy from the Phillies and the Mets,
and it seems like he's doing better. Actually thought Lenny
sounded better than I was expecting, to be honest with you,
because last I had heard Lenny, he was not doing good. Yeah.
I mean I when I had to look at some
some background stuff going on Google, you just see pictures
(23:22):
of him, and the first thing I thought was, man,
he looks like he's seventy, not fifty seven. He just
looked banged up and worn and like an old glove.
And yeah, he Well, that's what over indulgence will do, right,
you live live in the fast lane. It's uh. Burning
the candle at both ends eventually catches up to Yeah,
(23:42):
him and I think Lawrence Taylor, those are the two
guys that really worked it from both sides of the candle,
and they have maxed down on what they've done on
and off the field. So colorful men, I will say
that much. Because they got a decorated past of accomplishment,
and of course some some infamous moments. To be sure
(24:03):
to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays
at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. So now we
can do some study this if you want gascon you
are you were going to tell some you were saving something.
Weren't you saving something that you wanted to rant about
right now before we get to the other stuff. Oh no,
I mean that was that? Was it earlier? What I
what I thought when you mentioned yeah, because that was
(24:23):
it you were teasing that. Well, yeah, I think it's important,
right because sixty seven percent in in a month, that's
that's huge. You should be happy about that. No, I'm
glad people are enjoying the show. I what's the point
of doing if nobody's gonna listen to what I can
just you know, sit in the room and not spend
(24:44):
all this time doing this nonsense. Why I know. But
we've had more people than have participated in it, and
I think that it's I think it's a good cause,
right Like that's you you said a couple of weeks
ago that we want to run and gown with with
the big people that are are here at Fox. At
my heart in you know, we're putting the town. We're
putting the work, and that's paying off a little bit.
I mean not monetarily, but of course. But it's a
(25:06):
funnel rama. It's the funnel rama. Guest. It's not about
the money man, it's not about that. Listen. Well, we're
just killing time. We got nothing else to do, right,
come on, you got nothing else going on? What do
you got going on? You watched The Animal Kingdom on
TV or something like that. What do you got going on? So?
I have been busy. I've been reading a lot more.
I'm actually writing a pilot as we speak. Um. I
(25:27):
have a makeshift little workout in my backyard, a medicine ball,
a heavyweight ball, two dumbbells, a heavy rope, and some
jump rope. So it's actually you said too, but you've
actually got three dumbells when you include your that's not
I mean you could save that for your your overnight
show with the lightweights and drunks and methodics. So um,
(25:50):
but yes, I'm doing my best to exercise and maintain
some kind of a semblance. Um, but we need to
get back to work as a country man. I was
watching a couple of days ago on Fox on Big
Big Fox Um Laura Ingram had a doctor on. His
name is Steven Smith. He was a I think he's
(26:12):
an infectious disease specialist, and he was on. He was
talking about the chloroquine, the hydroxy chloroquin and saying that
that was a game changer in his and his thoughts
about how he's been treating people, and his patients haven't
been intubated, so they're not having the you know, basically
the entire was I guess a pipe like a windpipe
(26:33):
broken through with their with their throat all the way
down to help them breathe. And he thinks that with
the way that they've been treating people that this can
help obviously push people from being an impatient to an
outpatient with obviously proper medical care. But I mean, Matt,
New York has been hit so hard and say with
New Jersey, I think we're doing a pretty good job
here in California so far. Yeah, you know, I I'm
(26:56):
hoping that the doom and gloom crowd will not be
proven correct. You know that they're not. Oftentimes they're wrong.
These these bold declarations that are that are being made,
But that drug turns out to be the one that
that can put a stop to this or at least
treat the people so they don't die. I mean that
that would be a wonderful thing obviously, and that would
(27:19):
that would get us back. But there there is a point.
It's an odd thing. You know, there's fine balance. You
know that that you have to at some point you
gotta get back or else there's nothing to get back to. Yeah,
I mean, and and so you have to you have to.
People say that's cold, and that's not right. You can't
say that, but that's just the reality of the world.
You at some point you have to make a decision
(27:40):
where we have to get commerce back or else there's
there's just gonna be people dying from from not having
jobs and not being able to pay for anything. Everyone
be it's just gonna be brutal. Yeah, because it all compounds, right,
because if you're not if you're at home, you're not exercising,
probably you're probably not eating well, you're either smoking or
(28:01):
drinking or doing both. You're going batch it crazy because
you're stuck at home and pretty much into quarantine. There's
no engagement with people, like you can't go out and interact,
you can't go to a bar or restaurants. So I
just think for your inner self, you need that. You
need to get out and scream a little bit, right.
I mean I blitz right down the four oh five
and the one Tin Freeway. But man, this is like
(28:22):
one of those times where I wish there actually was
traffic because I I need that normal stay. I need
the engagement. And we can do as much as we
can on the podcast and you you on your radio show,
but without having that kind of connectivity with sports and
movies and shows and a lot of stuff. There's yeah,
we need it all, man, and then we need to
back as soon as possible. So it's a it's a huge,
(28:43):
huge accomplishment about what the you know, people in the
medical field, doctors and nurses and surgeons and people in
the ICU are doing right now, because yeah, those are
our heroes right now, and those are on the front lines.
It's not I mean, our military can only do so much,
but right now, it's it's the people that are in
their sc ups right now doing all the heavy lifting
for us. Yeah. Absolutely. And the other thing too about
(29:03):
that is, you know we've seen in Italy and I
guess parts of America now medical students that normally would
have to spend years before they get to the front
lines are now being put into the front lines because
desperate times call for desperate measure, right, as that old
old saying goes. And I'm hopeful that what you referred
(29:24):
to as far as the uh, the situation with the
the drug that they think might be a breakthrough that
help treat the coronavirus, that that they they're not gonna
gonna wait a year, that whatever it takes right that
you need to have some uh you know, expediting of
the process or process right You've you you can't just
(29:45):
sit back and wait for a year. You're gonna if
this is working, then keep giving it to people. Yeah,
absolutely so in the meantime, I still would encourage a
lot of people that we've had a few but when
you listen to the podcast, make sure to rate us, subscribe,
download it, and then give us five stars. But we
always listen or always read the reviews on it, so
(30:06):
there's something we can tweak or something we can improve
on or do something different. We're all ears. It's not
like we have just a proper format that we follow,
you know, nine to five on a schedule. So yes,
it's a lot of improv on the podcast, and though
we're we're open if you want to hear us talk
to somebody in particular that maybe you know that we know,
(30:27):
or you'd just like to hear that you think would
be good. I know justin in Cincinnati and some other
people have actually been reaching out to try to get
certain people on the podcast. So it's uh, yeah, so
le's good. We're open to that. Absolutely. Have we Have
you had any adult adult actresses hit you up to
get a little air time? Uh? No, No. The only
(30:50):
people in the porn industry have been guys that were
friends of the show. Yeah, I've I've told the story before,
but I've had several adult male obviously porn stars who
who were big Mallard Militia guys. Yeah. In fact, the
great Seymour Butts, one of the great porn guys. He's
been open up about it and all that he's I
(31:12):
don't think he's I don't know if he's working right now,
still in the business, but he he was a big
fan of the show. And there was a couple of
guys back that are out of the adult industry that
we're big, big fans back in the day, and they
would tell me like they were. They would be up
at night editing their hard work, and uh, they would
(31:32):
be listening to the show. So it's rather interesting what
they were doing while they were listening to the show.
But you know what, teach their own why not? Oh
that's good. Yeah, all right, let's do a little study
this and then we'll put the the baby to bed,
as they say. So a new study several several listeners
(31:53):
sent this to me. They they were like, hey, did
you see this, mallor because it relates to Doc Mike
and what he thinks is the treatment for all of
life sells. But a new study sets that, uh, astronauts
in you know, they got out of space in the future,
that their urine, their pp uh could end up creating
moon concrete. They could use their own urine to build
(32:16):
big structures on on the moon. About that they could
make a base on the moon with their own urine
and make the concrete from the moon dirt. How about that?
So what do they do with their fecal manner? I
guess they can. They can make some bricks out of that. Also,
why not I don't know, I didn't see that part
of the story, but I did that. People are very
(32:37):
excited to think that your urine is so powerful that
it could be used to create like concrete, you know,
our special magical urine. What would cause you, like, how
many days into the wilderness would you have to be
in before you drink your own piss? That's a good question.
(32:58):
At some point you go to survival mode, right, So
if you really want to, if you love life and
you still want to live and you're not ready to
check out, then you would do it. It's just like
remember the movie the plane crash where they started eating
the people. I mean, you never think you'll get to
that point, but you're only a couple of decisions away
or bad things happening to you from But I'd really
(33:19):
have to be out. I mean, I have no interest,
and you're you're more of the kind of a freak
than I am. Gastcon You probably occasionally drink your own urine,
you know, have many calls for a time. I might
have to do it, And it's all about surviving, right
all right. A new study out this week shows that
alcohol sales up fifty five cent fifty five and people
(33:41):
following the shelter in place orders, but they are doing it,
and I've noticed this. Now. I always have a lot
of drunks that caught me up on the overnight, but
it has been a special breed that has called up
here in recent days on my show. So I I
have my own scientific data, guesscont I don't need some
study to tell me that alcohol consumption is up. I
(34:04):
think it's up, like seven is what I think. Okay,
it's beer, it's whiskey, it's a fireball, you name it.
Whatever it is that people can't get enough of it. Man,
it's out of control. I'm a part of the statistic
because I have ordered wine and and scotch for certain friends.
A couple of buddies that are married. I've gotten them
wine because their attorneys and they're stuck at home. And
(34:27):
a couple other buddies that are always on the go
because they're in sales. Our sales people. They go a
little bit harder with their with their toys, whether it's
alcohol or extracurricular drugs. Uh So, yeah, I'm I'm a
part of the stats that I have got them little
little gifts of of alcohol. But you've got to maintain somehow, right, Yeah. Yeah,
(34:47):
Like I'm not. I have not gone to that extreme,
but I can't really because I still have to work.
So I think if I was all schnocker on the radio,
that would be um, it might be better. I don't
know ifrobably get in trouble for it, so I don't
think that's a good idea. But I'm one of the
few people that is not just boozing, just on the
booze cruise and just going for it. And I think
(35:09):
next week I'm gonna do an hour, the Drunk Hour
and only have people call up that are completely slashed,
and we'll just we'll just play a game with the
drunk people, because you know, when someone's completely hammered. Every
drunk caller I've ever had, if you ask them, I
do this bit where I asked him to blow into
the phone. Right. We pretend like we have a breathalyzer
(35:31):
test to determine how drunk they are, and if you're drunk,
every drunk does it. They might complain about it, but
they're gonna do it, and uh it's it's a good indicator.
So it's pretty funny, all right. New survey out says
that influencers have shown engagement has been spiking in recent
weeks on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok and whatnot that I won't
(35:57):
use TikTok uh definitely will not use that for several reasons.
But I believe in what the influencers, and this is
a great time for us too, especially if we could
put some stuff out there that people can engage on
on Instagram, because you think about it, right now, people
want to advice and a couple of things. First of all,
they want some advice on how to work out or
what to do when they're at home. Second of all,
(36:18):
I would imagine there's probably an uptick in people showcasing
how they cook. I know I'm one of them. I
was teaching you and rich Ornberger earlier than you are
such a narcissist. Wait wait, you can't you just say
thank you for supplying me with some excellent No, no, no,
no no, I'm trying to help you out. I want
you to be more likeable, you know, be a man
(36:39):
of the people. I know you're west of the four
or five. When we live west of the four or five,
it's hard to be relatable to the common man. But
the common man does not send out photos of what
they cook and brag about how long they fast. The
douchebag sends that out, not that dosten I faster this week?
For I think it was like over sixty hours. Did
I post on social media that I fasted? I did not.
(37:03):
I didn't even send you. I couldn't. I could have
sent you a photo of the screen on my phone.
I didn't do it because I didn't want to be
called a douche bag. Well, I'm sorry that you feel
that way. You're the same asshole. It takes pictures of
my car and the way that I parked because it's
an inconvenience for you to lock an extra ten feet
for the studio. Because you're you're, you're, you're completely an ignoramus,
(37:25):
all right when it comes to parking, you are a
stumble bum. And I am shaming you because I believe
you will be scared straight by the Mallar militia. And
you will be scared straight by the Mallew militia, and
I want and the circle back to the original topic
at hand. For for everyone out there, I made a
man's meal. It was a filet wrapped in bacon, three strips,
(37:47):
some potatoes, and a couple of green beans. And I'm
not gonna say who told me that you don't actually
you didn't actually make that. You don't know how to
cook what I've heard, No, you heard wrong. I've heard
you don't know how to cook. I d all my cooking.
I don't burn my mouth, I don't burn my pizza.
I do my steak about medium to medium. Well, now
(38:09):
I'm thinking about starting a YouTube cooking channel. That's how
good a cook I am. And I couldn't make a
YouTube cooking channel. You already have a functioning kitchen. How
the funk are you gonna have a YouTube cooking channel?
The kitchen is like done, but considering what's going on
in the world, it will never actually be finished. I'm
convinced that this will just be nine percent done and
then the last five percent will never actually be finished.
(38:31):
Like the power that's out in part of the kitchen
will never be repaired because we can't have anyone come
over because of what's going on, uh and all that.
But no, wouldn't that be We should start a YouTube
cooking channel. And I'll bet you my videos when I'm
making that Mallard pizza pie or those Mallard chicken strips
or or any of the other dishes that I prepare.
People would love that. Oh my god, it would be
(38:53):
a cooking sensation on the YouTube. You have a lot
of sick of fans, That's why they would love it.
It doesn't you can ship into a fucking oven and
your fans with loving man. That was the greatest ship
I've ever seen. Please don't wipe, please, please please? Can
I have your soiled underwear from work? Hashtag blessed? Yeah? Alright,
(39:14):
calm down, calm down. Like Sprinkles the Clown over there,
Lenny's old friend. We didn't We should have brought that.
I remember Sprinkles the Clown and Lenny doing the dumpster dive,
and remember that back in the day. Next time we
have Lenny on, we'll have to ask him about Sprinkles. Yeah,
after he's pardoned from Trump and yes, the whole thing. Uh.
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
(39:37):
the nation. Catch all of our shows at Fox sports
Radio dot com and within the I Heart Radio app
search f s R to listen live. Al Right, how
about this. Here's a depressing story. New York restaurants lost
at least two billion dollars in sales the first twenty
two days of the month of March. That according to
a survey of business in the state of New York.
(40:02):
And it's not any different anywhere else. Even this is
the same in every big city and pretty much everywhere
that has been locked down. You're looking at these kind
of losses like what we talked about earlier, and the
fact you've got to get back working, right, you get
back out there and work now. I will I will
say for where we're at. I don't know about you
(40:22):
in your area, but where we work in Sherman Oaks
in Los Angeles, a lot of the establishments have kept
It's almost like Valentine's Day where they have kept business open.
But they actually have their own specific menu. So it's
not like they're gonna go from appetizers to a main
course to desert or whatever. But they have streamlined a
menu for for picking up, especially like in Sherman Oaks
(40:44):
in the studio. City makes it easy, so we popped
in and out of the studio. We can place an
order and you can either get it to go on
your own or have someone else pick it up, like
for door Dash or whatever. But at least some of
the places here in l a they've kept it open,
but yeah, that's gonna be a brutal shot to New York.
How is your brothers surviving out there by the way, Um,
he's doing okay. You know, they're they're cooped up in
(41:05):
their apartment obviously, so they don't have like a backyard
to go out and wander around, and so they've been
trying to go out and walk. I really feel bad
for my nieces though. I mean my one, my older niece,
she's a senior in high school. This is our last
year in high school, and this is how she ends
her high school career. You know, he's always a big deal.
You don't get any of the fun things that you
(41:26):
would normally get at the end of high school, you know,
especially like she's social. I'm not I didn't really mind it.
I hated high school, but but she liked it. And
she's getting ready to go to college. And that's the
other thing. Like she's going to college next I guess
later this year now in South Carolina, Charleston, And who
knows if that's gonna happen, right, I mean, is this
(41:47):
we're gonna start next school year? Is this still gonna
be going on? And she gonna have to do online
classes and uh, but my brother seems to be doing
pretty well. They're all in good health. Last we check
knock on wood and but they're wandering around and they're
right in the belly of the beast there in New
York City where it's been brutal. And since we have downtime,
that that means we should be pressing on with our
(42:09):
ambitions of of doing television work. Yes, I mean we
should be networking and reaching out to people and and
pitching stuff. But it seems like I have been doing
that and you've just I'm not. I really haven't been
reaching out to anybody because I just feel like no one,
no one's hiring anybody right now, no one, that none
of this stuff is gonna happen right now. So what
are we doing. You're casting a line, You're casting a
(42:31):
line for future. Not I feel and I feel guilty
though so many of my friends are losing their jobs.
I think, am I really gonna be talking about you
just lost a job a couple of days ago. I
know I did lose one of my jobs, So I'm like, yeah,
do you feel bad for me? I've lost a couple
of jobs, so far and not really feel bad for
Should I feel bad for you? I think so, because
(42:53):
it all, it all ties into you. I mean, but
you'll get your jobs back, like your jobs are you
do play by play? Like that will come back. There
will be games in and they will hire you to
play by play. They can't really hire you to do
play by play. What are you gonna do play by play?
On marketing? My cooking, My cooking is great. I can
do some play by playing. You're cooking. Let me do
a couple more quick ones because I want to get
(43:14):
these in because I I put these things together, so
I don't want to waste my hard work preparing these.
A new survey suggested that more than half of concert
attendees in the United States might that's a weasel word,
might not buy tickets for a considerable period after the
current coronavirus restrictions are lifted. So they're concerned this is
going to destroy the live venue business model with concerts
(43:40):
and comedy and all that, that people are not going
to go out. And I think this is a legitimate concern.
I only this is bullshit because a certain number of people,
and maybe it's rightfully so, have been scared beyond belief
because of this, and so it's gonna take a decent
amount of time for people to be willing to go
out and experience these things and not be scared out
(44:01):
of their minds. I will admit to you and to
those listening, I was hesitant about going to concerts or
these big public events after the Las Vegas shooting, you know,
I mean the Las Vegas shooting. I've had people that
were actually there that were impacted by it, um, but
I was really really apprehensive about going to any kind
(44:24):
of large event, whether it's for sports or for music.
And I love going to Staples obviously for you know,
Kings and Lakers and Clippers or whatever, and Hollywood Bowls
right next to us too for music events and concerts.
But yeah, I mean I can't imagine that. I mean,
it's fortunate though, if you wanted to ben there's some
great deals online if you want to buy flights, and
(44:46):
most of the major airlines if you book like for
for example, like Jet Blue and a couple of their airlines.
If you purchase a ticket right now, I think they'll
give you a refund or a credit with any costs
if you buy anything from now until timber five. So
you know, if you have any thoughts that this could
turn or it could actually correct itself and there's deals
(45:09):
to be had. Yeah, it depends on your level of
daredevil this right, if I guess if you got a antibody, yeah,
well that or if you have like a good mask,
you know, I imagine that's the other thing when we
start flying again, when people start flying, isn't everyone gonna
be wearing masks and gloves and all that when they fly? Now?
Is that going to become the new normal for a
(45:29):
while when people start flying again? I think so? Like,
do you do you in the misses wear masks when
you guys knocked the boots in the bed? Um? That's
kind of a personal question. I'm sorry, it's a personal podcast.
I think my wife actually wants me to wear a mask.
You would prefer that I wear a mask? So yeah,
Like Freddy Krueger, this now, this is this is something
(45:51):
that I've noticed in my life. A new survey shows
that many Americans have reacted to the current events in
the world today, the uncertainty brought on by the current pandemic,
by buying blank or thinking about buying blank. What do
you think guest gun, A gun that is correct. I
(46:14):
when I walk around my neighborhood, and I guess I
live in an interesting part of town because there's a
several gun stores that are kind of around here, and uh,
and there's been lines every day and a hand to
God every day since this started. I have seen a
line of three or four, mostly men, but occasionally women
in line outside the gun shop. And um, I don't
(46:37):
I mean you. I'm assuming you you have a gear,
you're from a police family, guest gun, so you're armed
and ready and all that. I I don't know what.
I've always kind of been against it, but I I'm
not anti gun, but I don't know if I feel
like there's more risk and harming someone from misuse of
the gun than actually defending yourself. But it's an option people.
(47:00):
A lot of people are doing it these days. Yeah,
there's a there's a gun store next to where we'd
go for Tito's Tacos that had a bunch of publicity
on them because they actually had to close down temporarily
because of the l a counter sheriff order saying that
they weren't allowed to sell weapons. And then that was
quickly reversed within a twenty four hour period. But yeah,
(47:21):
I'm I mean, I'm all four protecting yourself, especially in
this day and age. And if a quarantine goes on
any longer. I mean we're in the month of April
right now, but it could bleed into May or June.
And if people do, people aren't working and people are
shure on things. I mean, we lived through the l
A Riots, and you know, it was mad chaos in
the mid nineties, and store owners had to protect themselves.
(47:45):
Homeowners need to protect themselves. And I'm all for self defense,
especially the time that we're living in right now. And
like you said, I've seen men and women alike trying
to turn buy arms. So they're the gun business is
booming right now, all right, A couple of quick one
to her. Uh, more men than women are distracted by
this while driving. What distracts more men than women while driving? Uh?
(48:09):
Normally I'd say racks, but i'd say cell phone, cell phone? Uh, no, billboards, billboards.
Apparently the dudes pay more attention to the billboards than
the ladies. So there's always that one billboard in downtown
Los Angeles with that orchestra, And so I don't know
if you remember this, but when you're driving the one
Tin Freeway towards Dodger Stadium, UM, there's the orchestra on
(48:34):
the on the east side of the one Tin Freeway,
and it's like five or six musicians that are looking
at you, and as you drive, they're still looking at you,
and as you drive past them, they're still looking at you.
So I've always been distracted by that billboard. That's the
one that does it for you. You know, if you're distracted,
why billboards? You should go to Santa Barbara. There's no
billboards in Santa Barbara. It's against the city ordinance. They
(48:56):
are not allowed to have billboards. I love Santa Barbara.
I've not been there in a long time. I can't
go there now either, But Santa Barbara is a wonderful place, right,
beautiful Santa Barbara. They had two great places to eat,
Woodstock Pizza and free Birds, which was Mexican food. It
was it was actually a really good version of what
Chipotle is supposed to be. But those two spots with
the hotspots, when I go to Santa Barbara, alright, last
(49:18):
one I've got here in this hodgepodge of study, this.
They say, the average person has thirteen of these what
are they? Gas thirteen? How about thirteen pairs of shoes?
Uh no, that's a lot of shoes for people. That
The answer, gascon is secrets. Each person has an average
(49:40):
of thirteen secrets? Can they are keeping from the rest
of us? Can you tell me? Can you tell me
a secret? Or two? Um? No, no, because then they
wouldn't be secrets. Well, it's not how it works. If
I tell you the secret, it's no longer a secret.
But we can we can skew that average down a
little bit. You tell me a secret, I'll tell you
off air. Yeah, okay, I'll take you off here too.
(50:01):
How about that? All right, that is it. We'll put
the baby to bed. Listen, be safe, stay healthy, Thank you,
tell your friends about the podcast, keep those downloads coming
and all that. Right, guests, we use one minute, right,
one minute? That's it? So okay? So your Instagram account
is what it's Ben Maller on Fox, Ben Maller on Fox.
I'm on Facebook Ben Maller Show, and I'm on Twitter.
(50:24):
Just my name Ben Maller M A L L E.
Or if you don't know how to spell that, that's
a bad job by you. Yeah. I'm on Twitter at
David J. Gascon and then on Instagram at Dave Gascon.
And that's J just the letter J, not J A Y. Right,
but my my full middle name is j Y. Yes,
but really yeah, but that's like Homer J. Simpson, Yeah,
(50:46):
kind of. My My dad's middle name is is Javier,
after my grandfather, so my mom didn't want me to
carry that same. My mom didn't want me to be
a junior, so she liked to have my middle name
is j Y. Which is it? Flies fun fact about
David guests a secret in a trivia question. It's a secret.
It's a family secret. I know it's amazing. Alright, listen,
(51:06):
have a great weekend what's left of it, and we'll
catch you next time.