March 28, 2021 • 46 mins
The emails flow in after a magical week on the Ben Maller Show.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka boom boom. If you thought four hours a day,
hundred minutes a week was enough, I think again. He's
the last remnants of the old republic, a sole fashion
of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the
same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to
clearing house of hot takes, break free for something Special
(00:22):
Tour with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere. Hello, Shalom, Cornicia.
However you want to say greetings and salutations. I don't
know how many other ways can you say hello? How
do you? How do you do? I don't know, Good day,
Aloha whatever. Welcome to the Sunday mail Bag Podcast. I'm
(00:44):
like a greeter at Walmart, welcoming you in, shepherding you
in to the eighth day of the week, the eighth
day of the week. Here he spin off of the
overnight Ben Mallory radio show, and here we are in
the air everywhere, the vast power of my heart, the
global reach of podcasting on demand, whenever you want to
(01:05):
hear this only in the podcast format, This is not
broadcast on radio. We can say really bad words. I
can say ship, I can't say that. On the radio,
I can say shit, I gotta say ver cocta instead
of ship when I'm on the radio, But here I
can say bad words. And so we're back at it again.
David Gascon in for the mail bag on Sunday, a
full Gascon weekend. There he is right over there, excited
(01:27):
to be here. I know, I get a lot of
praise for what I did during the middle of the week.
I thought fastening, astounding, capturing, invigorating, um everything. There are
a lot of people very excited when they found out
you did not do the Friday show. They got a
lot of babies on that show too, though there's a
lot of little they got to say a reave it
(01:47):
that Jay to to you Asta la vista, get out
of here. Females that are saying chow and nothing wrong
with that. Yeah, the females on that show like me.
They kind of adored me. So Rachel and Montabello called
the other night, you're you're admitting you're admitting a guess
gun that only one percent of the audience likes you,
(02:10):
because that's about one percent of our audiences women, as
you know, ninety nine is dudes, ninety nine percent of
the audience, dudes, Mr West of the four Old. But
as you would know being a radio professional, all you
need is one that's actually not true. That's all you know,
that's actually not true. If you find, if you find
the right one, all you need is on. Now I
just had the one percent, but they are the female contingency,
(02:33):
so it's it's all good. You live in your own
parallel dimension away from reality. Yeah, at least I have
self away about that, right, Yeah, you might want to
look out there. That's the signpost ahead of ahead there.
That's called traffic. That's called traffic. Your next up, the
Twilight Zone is I mean, you're traveling through another dimension.
(02:57):
But I mentioned not only of sight and sound, put
of mind, a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries
are that of imagination. Are you trying to go old
school Roberts Stack with that? That's Rod Sterling Man, come
on Twilight Zone back in the day. Yeah, I was
gonna say unsolved mysteries with no no. That's why when
I was a kid, they had the reruns of the
(03:19):
Twilight Zone, and I used to watch that. There was
nothing else that was good. Yeah, yeah, and I did
live that. That cult horror movie. We all did The
Last Man on Earth when the COVID hit last year,
and I thought I was an a Vincent Price movie
driving home and I thought there was There was no
(03:39):
one else. I could have parked my car sideways on
the one thirty four freeway there in Burbank, and uh,
nobody was coming in either direction. It was wild man,
other where did everyone go? No cars in the road
and no toilet paper in the grocery stores? How about that?
No toilet paper, no disposable white snow, none of that
(04:00):
in a world? Man? What a world? What a world
we lived through? It's crazy, crazy crazy. Uh So, before
we get to the mailbag, cameo, cameo, cameo, cameo, cameo, cameo, cameo,
cameo dot com if you want to personalize video message,
we've done a few of these for p ones. If
you're a super fan, or your your dad's a fan,
or you're probably not your mom, but your uncle. Somebody's
(04:21):
a big fan. Uh and when I surprise him love
to to do a money. We try to make them
as unique and original and uh, you know the good
thing about it's a it's a blessing. And a curse
about cameo because I don't get a lot of cameo
request But when we get them, because I don't get
a lot, I can personalize the cameo christ Moore, where
if I got a ton of them, I would just
(04:41):
be like an assembly line. But you know, I'm not
like that. I'm not like the soup Nazi who's making
two dollars a year doing cameo. I'm not um. But anyway,
so you can check that out cameo dot com and
guesscon's on there. He's actually done a cameo. I did
it a cameo for you. What's the VIA four files
(05:01):
the beach and I will use that when the lawsuit
comes in. I will use that as evidence. What about
the recall? The recall? Yeah, when you get recall? Are
you talking about? You know we got we got three
recalls pending here in California. One of them was a
nonrelative with the same last name got the governor. And
the governor is under some fire. Now, how about that
(05:22):
heat he's got it's all the Republicans fault counter to
the governor's all the races. Oh yeah, what about the mistress?
That's uh, that's the Republicans fault. He if they hadn't
been Republicans, he wouldn't have screwed around his wife. Clearly,
come on, please yeah, unreal, unreal anyway, all right, So
these are actual questions from actual listeners. Here the mailbag
(05:45):
submitted on the Facebook page. The facebook page there, you
can check that out and a lot of comments about
you gas gun and uh. Keith says Gagon sucks. Can't
even put the podcast asked in the right order? There?
There was that there. How how lazy of a piece
of ship do you need to be to complaint about
(06:06):
the order of a podcast going from four to one
or one to four, like I put, I understand the
complaint because it's it's a it's a convenience issue. It's
not if you put them in the right order. You
play podcast one hour one and then it just rolls
smoothly into our two hour, three hour four. You get
the full experience without having if you can do the opposite,
(06:27):
and then you're hearing the show in reverse. But it
doesn't matter anyway, because you're stuck listening to these stupid
ads that we have to put in front and in
the back, in the middle. You call them stupid ads.
I call them very important pieces of real estate audio
real estate. I call them stupid. Wow. Yeah, disrespect. But anyways,
if if you are, if you're that lazy to not
(06:49):
be able to push a button to go to the
next episode, you've got bigger issues you think about it.
I mean, you might want to look, you know, down
below at that gut, get out a little bit, do
some card, you eat a little bit better if you're
bitching about podcast. So how hard is it just to
put the thing in the right or you gotta put
them up there anyway, So why not just do them
in the right order? Why is it so hard to
do that? You blaming You're blaming the victim. No, I'm victim.
(07:13):
There's what you are. They're playing the victim card. I mean,
this is like, that's a crime against the podcast listener.
I just think it's more of an indictment on some
of the militia members that are really feudial with what
they're trying to do right now. And um talks about
the betas that you have on your on your show,
It's uh, that's unfortunate, but you know, it's the world
(07:33):
we live in right now. You have a bunch of
boot liquors and suck ups and sicko fans and people
that just really can't get abound, you know, everyday life
without having to suck on your tit. Yeah, it's reality.
You're really handling the fact that everyone hates you. Well,
you're embracing I like that. Good. You're not. You're not
(07:54):
letting it get to you. I'm not. It's a death
defying act of court, like they said back in the circus,
is right. I thought I thought it worked well. I
thought I pitched two perfect games. Like if you had
to compare these performances, those eight strong innings, shut out ball,
gave up a couple of it's no runs. I was strong.
It's always nice when you can go into work and
(08:15):
know that I have your back, isn't it? Yeah? It
reminds me of the quote from from Costanza. Right, it's
it's uh, it's not a lie if you believe it. Right,
it's not a lie if you believe in it's certainly
some truth can truth truth in that for you? All Right,
(08:37):
let's get to the amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing questions
sent in by the Mallard Militia. AMM it the blind
Seahawk fan Olimpia Washington says this is for gag on.
Uh do you hate the militia? All right? Uh? He says,
(09:00):
why why do you hate the militia? And then also,
what's your favorite ice cream? Talking about a non sequitor
from Emmett. I think I think we've had this conversation
a few times. It's a three way time for me.
Rocky Road cookies and cream and mitt and chocolate chip
mint because my grandfather was a huge mint fan grown
up in the day, so when I don't know what
(09:20):
they were called, but those little mint candies there were
size of like a little square. Yeah, yeah, those are good.
Those chocolate you talking about the chocolate ones that the minute,
Yeah those are solid. My grandfather used to have those
over when we come over as kids, and I used
to grow up on on mint. So yeah, I was
a huge, huge, five big three. I've got cookie dough.
(09:41):
That's good. Love love the cookie dough. I can't get
enough of the cookie dough. I like strawberry, but I
also love mintship. Yeah, I also love Minship. My dad
was a big Midship fan, so I feel like I'm
honoring my dad when I eat mit chip and I'm
getting fat at the same time, So it's a win win.
Didn't I think it was Anthony and Annaheim? Wasn't he
talking about because you were mentioning ice cream sandwiches and
(10:02):
I think, oh, yeah, I love ice cream sandwich. The
two big oversized chocolate chip cookies with the vanilla ice
cream in the middle. Amazing. Yeah, it's a great There's
a there's actually a place that's unfortunately's west of the
four oh five that makes an amazing ice cream sandwich.
There's a confectionery over there. I kinta, you know, I
don't know the name of it off the top of
(10:22):
my head, but I'll get it to you. We should
go there sometime down that I will travel west of
the four oh five to get that ice cream sandwich.
Robbins back in the day used to have those those
giant ice cream sandwiches and I get them every time.
I remember when the ice cream cake became a thing
a million years ago. This was a big deal in
the Mallor household. My mom was like, we gotta get
(10:44):
the ice cream cake, you know, So it was like
a big deal. And they really didn't master the ice
cream cake at Baskin Robbin's right away. They were not.
You know, they've gotten better over the years. Let's say that.
How about that the quality has improved for the ice
cream cake, as you would expect with any product, over time,
things improved. All right? This is from Mike from Courtland,
(11:08):
New York, home of the Smith Corona Typewriter. It's like
a bad sitcom from Courtland, New York, home of the
Smith Corona Typewriter. Not that they make those anymore, but
still all right? Uh, he says, did you ever consider coaching?
And if so, which sport? Well? Hell, yes, of course.
(11:29):
Uh will be a great play caller in football, great
play caller in football, offensive play caller. I'd be a
good head coach. You imagine me coming out giving pep talks,
guest on man, I fire you up every week. I
gotta drag you in here by your hair and but
but think of the Mallard pep talk. I do these
(11:49):
anyway for free, Uh, I get paid. But on the radio,
I get rob Ross speeches, right win one for the Mallard.
I pontificate and blow viaton, have all those inspirational speeches.
It's like my man Victor break back in the day
giving high coups. I can give high coups to football teams,
or basketball teams, or baseball teams, maybe more of a
coach than a coordinator, because you know, after the end
(12:11):
of the first half, you need to make some in
game adjustments. I don't know you when you go out
of script, he gets a little gets a little wobbly.
Just oh, it happens all the time. We go off,
We we go out and out about there. Guesscan and uh,
you know we changed on the flight. Unfortunately, in the
overnight there's not a lot that happens other than people
getting arrested. I can see it used to be trades,
but then the who's that? Rachel Nichols complained that the
(12:33):
trade deadline was at midnight, so she ruined our fun
because she wanted her sleep. Rachel Nichols at ESPN. The
NBA listened to her because she complained, it's not fair
we have to stay until midnight to watch trades. Oh
my god. I can see more as a baseball skipper
than anything else, maybe like a Jack McKeon, like you'd
be sitting on the pine smoking a cigar. I can
see that, maybe drinking like some grape welches. I can
(12:57):
see I can give me a hipper. In baseball, yeah,
I think why could would be like little sort of
back and day waddling out to the mound that I
can pitching change and you know, why not? What the
hell talking ship to a reporter or two for some
bad pub Yeah, baseball managers are famous for that. J
Bone from Portland, Maine rights and he says, what's the
(13:18):
drunkest you have ever been? And did you do anything
really stupid and or funny? Well, I've told the story,
J Bone. I'm not a big drinker. But back in
my younger days in radio, we were very depressed. One night,
it was back in the nineties, there was a trial
sport Women's Olympic hockey which, for some reason the program
director decided that we needed a broadcast this game, which
(13:39):
preempted my night show. Uh, and so the boss as
I you know, i'll repeat the stories. I remember the
boss said, hey, uh, you guys might be called and
you probably won't be called in, but just stay in
the area, stay in the neighborhood where the radio station is.
You go out, have a dinner or whatever, and we
probably won't need you. But just be in the area. Well,
we'll we'll call you. This is in the days before
(14:01):
text messaging. We'll call you if you have to come in.
I said, fine, all right. Uh So it was the
Ben and Dave show. Myself and Dave, Mark Smith and
a couple of other guys went to Adults in Burbank,
which was across the street that was the k Rock building.
We were the Kiss FM building right near Warner Brothers
there and all those radio stations have relocated. But anyway,
(14:22):
we walked over to where Adults is or was, uh
and uh we ordered the chicken fingers and uh, you know,
we somebody said, hey, why don't we have a couple
of pops. So we had a couple of pops and
we kept drinking and watching whatever was on TV, and uh,
you know, time kind of like we lost track of time.
And then we gotta we gotta call around ten o'clock, uh,
(14:43):
saying hey, I need you to come in and do
like forty five minutes of radio. Um. We were all
like ship faced at this point. We were we were
we were pretty messed up, but we uh, we walked
across the street and of course didn't dry. We walked
across the street to the radio station, got in there,
and then proceeded to use all kinds of foul language
(15:04):
because we didn't realize what I did. I I cursed
all like it was. It was a nightmare, it was
a disaster. But fortunately nobody heard it because it was
following a women's trial hockey game in the Olympics, which
I'm convinced no one was listening to on the radio
because it was tape delane, which makes it even better.
That's good, That's really good, you guess. And I told
(15:26):
some stories about that. Yeah, I um. I had this
bad experience with a bunch of my buddies when I
lived in San Diego. It was a tradition you never
let the guys find out when your birthday it is,
because they would beat the shift out of you. Well,
my buddies found out my birthday, and on my twenty
fifth birthday, we went to this Mexican spot in Mission
Valley down in San Diego and we were doing shots.
(15:49):
I don't I forget the name of it, but basically
it's when you put tequila, you put hot sauce in tequila.
So I was drinking those at this Mexican spot and
I had six of those within a thirty minutes, and
it was yeah. So I went into the bathroom, threw
it up, came back out, continued to drink, and then
we went down to Pacific Beach and I was trying
(16:10):
to be on alert because I figured there's gonna be
a point where these guys started kicking my ass. It
didn't come, and we were like a big crowd of people.
I started talking to a couple of girls and I remember,
in a specific conversation with this female, I'm getting her number.
And as soon as I get her number, one of
my buddies puts me in a headlock and they dragged
(16:31):
me out in the middle of San Diego's like Pacific
Beach area Rapa Garnett. Garnet's like a main street in
PB and they started beating the ship out of me
in the middle of the street, and I'm they took
my belt off and stripped my pants down. They started
whipping me with my own belt. Ben I was completely defenseless.
(16:53):
I was so fucked up. I had no chance of
defending myself. Wow, it was pretty bad. Animals. Do you
hang out with stuff? But well, remember the immortal words
of Homer J. Simpson to alcohol the cause of and
the solution to all of life's problems. On the Great
(17:13):
Quotes of All Time of Homer Simpson. There and you
know you've you've mocked the show and you said, you know,
I've heard you in the past say there's only drunk
people that listen to the show. But guess what, guess what,
guess Here's here's a fun factor, right. I learned this
couple of weeks ago, at any given time, zero point
seven percent of the global population is drunk. That means
(17:36):
we have a potential audience of at least fifty million
people at any time we're on the radio. About that
fifty million drunk people they estimate at any given time.
So I'd take an audience of fifty million. I take
an audience at five million. I'd be very happy with that.
And you're amplified because the six affiliates and then the
(17:57):
armed forces, that is an insane you know, we're in
the business, so it's big for us, but that is
an insane number of affiliates. I was at Fox Sports
Radio when we went on in Bingham to New York
on a on a test run dry run Bingham to
New York, Pittsburgh, where are two affiliates? As I remember
(18:17):
the early days of Fox Sports, like the first couple
of weeks the network was on the air, Um, they
wanted to work out the kinks before we went on
other radio stations. It took us a long time to
get into markets like Boston. We were not on in
San Francisco for a while. The bigger top ten markets
it took a long time to get into. So it's
(18:39):
it's pretty cool that the network is matured and now
has six hundred affiliates. Wild as an insane, I mean
I when I was you wanted to be the guy
on the radio. I just want to be on one
radio station. I just want to be on one radio station.
And that's it. And it's it's insane. It's your head
just spins when you think about But I try not
(19:00):
to think about it. I try to think the only
people listening are beer drinking Brian and Half Pint, and
that's it. And no one else is listening. I'm only
talking to beer drinking Brian and Half Pint. I'm doing
the show for beer drinking Brian and Half Pint, and
that's it. There's no one else from your bad with
the jamazone. Don't be jealous, Okay, alright, Dan, in Chicago,
I got Mallard family in Chicago. The Mallard family, part
(19:21):
of it roots in the Windy City, uh Dan writes,
insists for eight days a week you coop a loop.
Eddie and Roberto are in the air everywhere, even Gascon
as well. I have been listening since last year. Keep
up the great job, Bet. If steroid users are inducted
in the Baseball Hall of Fame, why can't Pete Rose?
(19:41):
That's my question. Well, Dan, we've answered this question before,
but you're new to the show relatively do The answer
is because of Bart Giamanti and the passing of Bart Giamanti,
and if Bart, who had a heart attack, if he
had survived that and lived on, I'm be confident that
Pete would have been allowed, at least back on the
(20:03):
ballot to be voted into the Hall of Fame. But
it is crazy to think that many regional baseball networks
will be named after a casino shortly or some already have.
And Baseball has partnerships with gambling there in the gambling business.
But at that time, Pete Rose obviously was not you
know he was banned and but that the main reason
(20:25):
is because of Bart g Money died and that that's
that's taboo. You can't allow Pete in the Hall of Fame.
Pete also has some major character issues, but so do
a lot of people in the Halliday. So yeah, I
remember when he was on Fox though, doing the Baseball
I was really he was pretty good. It was good.
It was pretty good for a baseball commentary that was
baseball guys suck. He was pretty good. Yeah. Jose from
(20:46):
Nork Houses, my name is Jose, and I agree with
everything you say, Lord Benn. How about that for respect?
Lord Ben is pretty good. Yeah, David Gagan sucks on
the show. He is soft. Like the NBA players. Bring
Brian Finley in cancel gascons from Jose in Northern California.
Big fan of your work. Northern California. They don't know
(21:08):
ship about southern California. So right, uh, yeah, don't call
it no Cal. Don't call you get upset when you
say no, call yeah. People in San Francisco, haye, when
you say San fran they hate Frisco. That's oh, I
I said, Frisco went to Oh my god, dude, I
had a play by play guy for one of the
teams in the Bay Area, who's a friend of mine.
(21:29):
Send me a message? Is nasty messages? You don't say
frisco very upset. John the jailer in Allen Town p A. Right,
So John, this is John the jail the guy's alleged
I remember we heard the story. John saved the guy's
life there and just another day on the job, he says.
Bening Gascon a k a. The Salamander going full heel
(21:51):
on the overnight show, he says, was comedy gold. No,
do not encourage that, John the Jailer, do not encourage that.
Is there any way to get back in the good
graces of the Mallard Militia after that performance? Or has
Gus gone gone complete? Hollywood? Well that's a great question. Uh.
(22:11):
And Jess and you shown no effort to bury the
hatchet with the Mallard Militia. Well, I think this is
because you specifically have said, never ever apologize, never bend
the knee. You just put your head down and you
drive right through the car crash. No, but you could
have a peace offering, right and and the Mallew Militia
(22:33):
will be willing to let bygones be bygones. You don't
have to go like Coop and smoke the peace pipe
and all that. You didn't have to do that, that
whole thing. But they'd be willing to wipe the slate clean.
You obviously got off to a bad, bad start here.
I'd be willing to mediate if you want. I can mediate,
mitigate the damage, patch up your differences with the Malley militia.
There's only a few people that have an issue with me.
(22:54):
I don't have an issue with anybody. Nine percent. You've
admitted it. There's only one percent of the women that
that think you're apparently that's your words, not mine. The
rest of it's a tinder box. I'm all right with it,
all right, there you go. You have gun Hollywood, bad
job by you. Shame on you, all right. Sarah in
Minnesota sent a couple of messages. She's a big fan
(23:16):
of me. I don't know about that. She says, I
get a lot of laughs these days. Uh, she said,
it's hard to get a lot of laughs these days. Rather,
but she loved the Mallard Odyssey song made my day.
Hats off to just Josh and Jay Scoop really well
done a gentleman. She's a huge uh David Bowie fan.
(23:41):
And and there's a little turntable shrine. She in fact,
she say she said she named her dog Bowie about that.
There you go. Uh, And she she says she's not
gonna send it. She's been sending me some third rail stories,
trying to get us to go down a third round.
What the fox send him to me? Then, damn it? Yeah,
but she had sent the last couple of she sent
(24:01):
after we had already started recording the podcast, so I
didn't get until after the podcast, and they're kind of
dated now. But she says things have gotten worse in Minnesota. Yeah. Yeah,
it's gonna be bad. I feel bad, you know, for
our friends in the in the Twin Cities because this
this trial it's gonna be taking place. Pretty much any
outcome from that trial, guilt innocence, is going to lead
(24:23):
to more chaos. Yeah. Like, I don't see a scenario
where there is no I hope I'm wrong, but I
don't see a scenario where there's no I mean, if convicted, uh,
they'll say not enough, uh, not convicted more the same acquitted,
they'll say, here we go again. So I don't see
a scenario where there's not you know, hoodlum is running
(24:45):
around burning things. I hope I'm wrong. Well, and just
on top of that is the billions of damn billions
of dollars worth of damage in that city alone. The
taxpayers are are footing the bill for that. You've had
small businesses and meeting size that have have bolted the
city just fucking awful. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
(25:07):
eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am eastern eleven
pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio. A.
Sarah says, in the Mallard Museum, I think she meant
Mallard Militia. But she said in Mallard Museum, I wish
there was a Mallard museum. Uh did you find anything
that made you laugh? At ye? Maybe she's referencing my
(25:28):
father's house. I think she's referencing the the house the museum.
I think that's what she's getting at here. Uh yeah,
just a volume, the sheer volume, Sarah, of stuff like
we went to a family reunion in like nineteen seventies
something late seventies, and they still had like the buttons
and the hats they had saved from the family. I
(25:50):
mean just just like just insane that the amount of
stuff that was was kept, the knickknacks and things like that.
But you know, actually laugh, I think I guess some
of my old Little league stuff that I had not
seen in years, I didn't know it's still existed, that
kind of stuff. She says. Her dad is eighties six
has warned suspenders forever, and she says she has a
(26:13):
picture of him with Carl Eller, Minnesota sports legend, when
he is wearing his suspenders, so she wanted to pass
that on. Yeah, my dad wore suspenders all the time.
When I get dressed up. From now on, I'm gonna
honor my pops with the suspenders there. And yeah, yeah, yeah,
I like him to classy up a little b yeah,
(26:34):
a little bit. Uh. She says, I listened to your
fifth hour, uh, and you mentioned that you've been trying
to interview Paul Allen, voice of the Vikings. He is
an awesome voice, and I always have him on the
radio and mute the TV for the games. But She
says Sarah that she stopped listening to his k Fan
show from nine to noon because because he had Mike
(26:56):
Florio on on Tuesdays and they had Motivation Monday every
other Monday with Kevin Warren really gross and gaggable or
to Sarah, she also though filled me and she says
that that Paul. She doesn't think Paul Allen would get
the show, but I thought you reached out to him,
(27:17):
to him, did he does? He's had hazard ye know, yeah,
he I mean he knows you. And yeah, the reason
why he doesn't hate me, right, No, No, the reason
why we couldn't get him on was he was actually
doing some commentary for horse races. Yeah, he was at
the track in Minnesota. We couldn't get him on. Yeah.
I don't know if he was actually calling it for
TV or radio or if he was actually the MC
(27:38):
for the for the races, but yeah, he was. He
was busy all all summer long. Yeah. And then she
filled me in on our favorite Minnesota Twins beat writer
is no longer a Minnesota Twins beat writer. Lavelle Neil,
the Great lavel E Neil Minnesota is a mallor militia
guy and he's tweeted the show. He listens, I guess
he's got insomnia. And she tells us that he's now
(27:59):
a Collamus. He's been promoted. He's a columnist for the
Star Tribute and that's a big gig. So good for Lavelle.
We're happy for you. I hope you still stay up
late at night and listen to our show. And if
you want to write a column about the Mallar militia, Lavell,
I'd be willing to give you some quotes. I just
want to throw that out there. You know, like Minnesota, Man,
let me tell you something. We've been on a lot
of states. We do very well in Boston over the years.
(28:21):
We've done great there, l A, Seattle, Houston, Las Vegas.
But Minnesota, man, that that Minnesota Twin Cities market amazing.
I mean, you guys have been great. You get the show,
you support the show, your loyal and man, is that
a tremendous, tremendous set up there in in Minnesota. They
(28:45):
love their sports radio, man, they love it. They do.
Chris and Marre Coca to Iowa says, what is your
Mallard maneuver to get out of the doghouse with the wife.
Can you get Cowherd on the podcast? Well, surely he
would help out a co worker, all right, Now, guess
God claims to be a friend of Colin Coward. He
likes to brag about how he's had drinks and meals
(29:07):
with Coward. I've only had one one interaction with Coward.
We actually I've had a couple. I knew him a
little I do a little bit when he was at ESPN.
Uh and I had actually gone back to interview for
a job in Bristol and they brought me in and
I met Cowhard then years ago, and then I met
him at the golfing and uh, he was very nice,
(29:27):
very polite. Uh. I think there's no chance he would
come on this podcast. I think there's zero chance. But
guess Karen, why don't you, why don't you kind of
grease him up a little bit and see if you
can get him on here. I'll see what I can do.
Tell him we'll just talk about his career, and we'll
talk about radio and you know, the whole thing I love.
He loves talking about that. He loves talking shot. Yeah,
I mean, his show is fantastic. I don't know if
(29:48):
you get a chance to listen to it, and that's
an overnight show for me, I'm sleeping on. That's a
good show. You should stay up and listen. I see
the clips though, that guy fun House put clips. Big
fun House is not a fan of manipulating his work
a little a bit. I don't know why. And campaign
he's saving certain clips and then putting them out there.
But fun House man, he's he's locked and loaded. Yeah,
(30:12):
guy's a beast. He's got receipts. Yeah, I don't know
how he does it because I don't know what he's
got going on. I don't think he's making money with that.
I know he used to work the Third Chef. He
used to be a Mallard militia guy, and he listened
to the show, and right, I think he still stays
up crazy hours. But those are shows. Those are daytime shows.
(30:32):
But didn't w f A n Funk with him because
of his feed. They didn't like that he was taking
shots at friends. But that was Mike Francessa. But now
I heard he's on good terms with w f A
and again, but I don't know what's really going on.
But yeah, Francessa, because he was this. This whole bit
was the goof on Francessa back after this was a
Francisca Francesca line. There. Francessa kept calling my different names,
(30:56):
but Mike and the mad Dog. Um, so yeah, get
book Cowhert. We've now, we've accomplished me had Tim Donnie.
I wanted to get him on. We've gotten him on.
Who else do we? We gotta get Petros on at
some point, but Petros is usually on the radio when
we record these podcasts, so it's gonna be tough. We
gotta wait for baseball when the Dodgers are playing when
we record the podcast, like a day game. Cowhards west
(31:19):
of the four oh five. I don't know if he
wants to come on. Yeah, no, I understand it. I
mean he's probably playing tennis or something like that. You know.
I'm just looking at the beach, looking at the way
it's crash onto the sand, looking at the pollution. Understand.
Mr Luciano from Los Angeles Rights, And he says, Benende,
(31:40):
which state would you like to travel to? And why?
And which state would you not travel to? And why? Mexico.
I'd like to go a lot of place He wouldn't
you wouldn't go to Mexico, New Mexico, No chance, not
no New Mexico. What about Mexico, Yeah, it's not a state.
Well I'm talking about Mexico. Yeah, the country. It's not
(32:02):
a state. He said, whatich state would you want to
go to? You? Yeah, but you know it's a state
of the state of mind. U. I want to check
everything out. I'd love to be able to have time
and have my bills paid and drive across the country
and see all of America and go from coast to
coast and eventually get to Alaska. And I want to
(32:23):
go back to Hawaii. I love Hawaii. I'd love to
live there someday and it would be great. I don't
think that'll ever happen, but uh, yeah, I want to
I want to see everything. I haven't really spent a
lot of time in the South. I've heard some good
stories about the South. I've heard some terrible stories about
the South. I'd like to experience it for myself. Uh.
Drive through the corn fields of of Iowa. I've been
(32:45):
to Kansas and Missouri in places like that, but I
haven't really been to Iowa. I haven't been to Minnesota.
I've actually been to the airport in Minnesota, only count
There's a lot to see. I'd love to check it
all out. Yeah, the flyovers states right like South Dakota,
North Dakota, Wyoming, Montana. I haven't spent time in Colorado.
I'd like to go to Denver and hang out, have
the Ben Mallard Chicken you know sandwich there in Denver, Man. Yeah,
(33:09):
I think you'd enjoy it. I think I would too,
So that's all that. It's really no where I wouldn't
want to go. I mean, be places I wouldn't particularly
be excited, but I don't think there's much of for
me to do in South Dakota. What are you gonna
do in New Mexico? New Mexico. It's just I got
a buddy of mine that works radio in Albuquerque, so
I could catch up with him, and I got I
could check out Albuquerque case that was the first place
(33:29):
that offered me a job in radio, A big paying
job was in Albuquerque, and I turned it down. It's good,
but I could have done sports radio in Albuquerque. The
big sports talker in that city, Kevin in Kansas right
since he's been in Gascon our school district just returned
from spring break. What did you guys do for spring breaks?
And where did you go? Keep up the great show? Uh?
(33:51):
I didn't do really do much for springue. I think
the most exotic I got was I went to to
the Cactus League for some spring training baseball. That was
about it. It didn't really travel. I didn't go to
a cancoon. I didn't go to Mexico or the Bahamas
or anywhere exotic. Just kept it local, down low, and
what about you. Some of my my best memories have
been going to spring training. So during spring break, I
(34:14):
had a buddy of mine who was a Giants fan.
Would go to Scottsdale and where the Giants played at
they had this right field area which was kind of bougie,
but you paid a hundred dollars for a ticket, and
with that hundred dollars, you'd be seating in a sitting
in a private area where you'd get alcohol and food,
all you can eat, all you can drink for free,
(34:35):
and you can arrive ninety minutes prior to first pitch
and stay ninety minutes after the ball game ends. And
so we would do that, would go to Scottsdale for
three or four days party it up and have a
great time. So I do that or do Vegas Miami
a few times during spring break. I've done Vegas and
and I have not done Miami for spring break. Yeah,
I haven't gone full of Cooper Loop. Although he's a
(34:56):
little out of the age of spring break. But he's
enjoying his own spring a little that he trashes that
governor and goes to that state. But you know, we
need him to run for president. Don't you waste him?
If you have long you can have Trump's gonna run.
Well let's say Trump doesn't run. Let's say he doesn't,
(35:17):
then it would be the Santis. Yes, yeah, who else
can the Republicans put up that would have a chance.
They can't. Like they only thought was maybe it was
that Christie Naom, the governor of South Dakota. But she
just went corporate and started um backtracking. Well no, she
started backtracking on females in sports. Well then she's yeah,
(35:40):
she spun it. I saw she was interviewed. I saw
this week and she spun the story and all that. Yeah. Yeah, so,
which is a slick political move, by the way, I mean,
that's just politics. Just she's perfect, Yeah, exactly, And then
she blames the people. You're impatient. You know you just
did patients. Just calmed down. Don't be an eager beaver.
(36:02):
Calm down, you're so over anxious. Yeah, all right, we
have about Carlos, Carlos our guy and Bang Bang Houston.
He says, Ben, you said that you knew the voice
of the Rockets, Craig Ackerman. Try getting him on the podcast. Yeah.
I met Craig Craigs and Maller militia guy. And I
don't know if he's allowed to admit that, because you
know he's in Houston. But Craig's great guy. I hung
(36:24):
out with him, and uh, I know a couple of
guys on the Rockets broadcast that are that are good dudes,
and I'd love to get him on. Although I feel
like I lost a lot of these NBA guys because
they don't travel anymore because of COVID, and the guys
would listen to me on their way home or flying
around on planes going from city to city on the
NBA circuit, you know, going to live in the vagabond lifestyle,
(36:48):
and they don't do that anymore. They call the games
at home, so it's not the same the same set up.
He also says, what is the origin of Lance the
bus driver? I swear you guys cracked me up when
he it's on their Well, Lance isn't just a he's
an actual bus to not really a bus driver anymore.
He's been on disability for like several years, taking money
to not work. But Lance is a fascinating character. He's
(37:10):
a tremendously large human being that you would just imagine
a big burley bus driver. Uh. And he's got a
son who's humanity, his kid Lance and his kid came
and I met Lance a couple of times. He's come
to the radio station and his kid was like fifteen,
the size of a left tackle for the Raiders. Uh. Insane. Um,
(37:31):
you know, just a big burley, big bone guy. And
but but Lance to we just started, he started busting
my balls. I started, you know, calling him the worst
bus driver in North America. And uh, he would tell
stories of him driving around the bus in San Francisco
with all the homeless people and all the crime, and
you know, the politicians just looked the other way when
all this was going on. And he drive through the
(37:52):
worst neighborhoods in San Francisco, and uh, and we would
we would always goof on him because he would be
on the phone while drive people around the bus, which
is not you know, they finally banned him from doing that,
and we're like, he's the worst bus driver in San Francisco.
And but it's all in, it's all in fun. It's
all in in good fun with Lancelee bust driver Fats
(38:13):
in Philadelphia. Boy, Fats really laid you out with some
internet memes this week, guest. Amazing. I mean, I mean,
between him lighting himself on fire and trying to find
his own Dick's just absolutely amazing. It was a searching
recovery mission. US said that. Fats says, if you and
I had chicken chicken finger eating contest, would you beat me? Man?
(38:39):
For sure, I'd give you a run for your money, Fats,
I'd give you a run free. But you probably stopped
midway through and light yourself on fire. So I I
think I got you. I think I got you on that.
I think he'd stopped in the middle and started giving
you a BackRub. Nothing wrong with that, Rob, Rob writes
in from parts of Notice, says, any advice for insomnia, No,
I don't want to. I don't want to cure insomnia,
(38:59):
I'd lose half my audiences. I mean cur insomnia. It's
my meal ticket. What are you talking about? Pierre from Springfield,
mass Right, since this ben, If you were given the
keys to the castle a k A GM or team
president of any professional sports franchise, which sport and team
would you choose? And why? And that was his first question?
(39:23):
He has another one. Uh, yeah, I think baseball would
be the most fun as a general manager. Football would
be good, but there's a lot of bullshit in football,
or you know, you don't really spend that much time
on offensive defensive lineman and safeties and things like that. Um,
it'd be fun to pick quarterbacks and receivers and running
backs and things like that. But baseball building a team
(39:45):
would be cool. Uh. He says. Also, how can someone
who is attempting to ride your coattails on the climb
up the corporate ladder be so ungrateful to you? He
puts maximum effort into berating you in the mallad militia,
yet it's little to no effort into his fill in
duties on the radio program Don't Bite the hand that
(40:06):
feeds You gag On. Signed Pierre from Springfield, mass Well,
thank you, Pierre. You clearly understand that giscon is writing
the Mather Express all the way up the mountain, all
the way up the mountain expressed that guy's got a
master's degree in rim jobs. I swear to God, that
guy's on social media. He's right a day, he's right
(40:26):
out the alien Piner. He's absolutely correct. I mean, if
if Deshaul Watson ever needed another Massius, Pierre's the guy
like that dude is just all on your nuts. It's weird.
Well again, you're it's blaming the messenger, but you're avoiding
the question. You're avoiding the statement. It's a stupid I
wouldn't even dignify it. That's how bad it is. So
(40:48):
you're not saying he's yeah, okay, how do you feel uncomfortable?
Job by Pierre, two thumbs up? Don't you feel uncomfortable?
I give you three thumbs up, but three thumbs up
and I only have two. All right? Kevin from Rockford, Illinois,
right city, says Mr Mallard and gas man, Uh, this
is my question. In fact, this is a fact. He says,
(41:09):
Culver's is much better than in and out. That's what
a Hamburger is all about whatever you get the chance,
you need to try Culver's. My suggestion is the double
bacon cheddar butter burger with cheese kurds. There, it's a
double bacon good. I would like to experience Culver's. I
(41:30):
have not enjoyed Cavers. I've heard tremendous things about it.
There's a cult following of that. And the problem that's
a locate It's a location situation. The closest Culver's is
in actually in Arizona. There's white one for some odd
reason in Arizona, but it's mostly an Upper Midwest chain Wisconsin, Minnesota,
(41:51):
the Dakota's, Illinois, places like that, Michigan. Um. So there's none.
There's nothing within you know, short driving distance it. I
would like to check out the menu. Man, does I
look good? I mean, of course, I've I've been fasting
for for a fair amount of time here. But the
butter burger. They've got the frozen custard, which doesn't look
(42:13):
all that bad. There they have a little seafood, they've
got the chicken tenders don't look good to me. I
gotta tell you, I don't like the chicken tenders. I'm not.
I'm not gonna go there for the chicken tenders, but
the chicken sandwich looks all right. And yeah, yeah, I
get some good stuff variety. I get a fair amount
and a I don't know about that pot roast sandwich.
I'm not a big pot roast gay pot ross gay. No,
(42:36):
not really. The grilled the grilled Ruben. I like a Reuben. Yeah,
I'm a fan of the Ruben. I do like that.
So anyway, Uh, we'll check that out at somewhere where
I gotta visit my brother who loves in Wisconsin. So
when I'm back visiting him, all like, let's go have
lunch at Culver So, I mean, boom, I'll get some custard.
Mike from Vegas last one. He wants to know guests
(42:58):
gotten boxers and Briefe neither. Wow. Uh. He also says
which major league managers are on the hot seat heading
into season. That's a very sport oh question by you,
Mike in Vegas. Yeah, we try to avoid even though
it is a plausibly a sports show, we try to
(43:19):
avoid those. But I just just off the top of
my head, if you if you look at the current
major league managers, who is likely to be on the
hot seat. Uh, the first name that pops up would
be Aaron Boone. The Yankees have been a playoff team,
but if they don't get over the hump, I could
(43:40):
see the Yankees pulling the plug on Aaron Boone moving
on from him. Also, Luis Rojan, I'll go double up
on New York Luis Rojas. The expectations are high for
the Mets. If they fail to live up to those expectations,
and I'll say Gabe Kapler also because I don't think
he knows what he's doing. Do you think, Well, what
about Dave Roberts? Though, what happens that the Dodgers just
(44:00):
tank this season? Now they won the World Series. He's
got he's got a little, he's got time. But if
they didn't fire him when they kept choking in the playoffs,
and I gonna fire him after one down year after
winning the World Series, Dodgers are pretty loyal. Kelly Jensen, Kershaw, Roberts, Yeah,
Johnny who else? I like Joe Madden, but he was
(44:22):
that was a hot mess last year. They have another
bad year, but they had no pitching last season. They
have no pitching this year either. They've recreated the Baltimore
Orioles rotation of seventeen eighteen. What are they doing? You
can get somebody that wasn't a fucking pitcher for the Orioles.
How about that? Oh my god, judicous? Oh I got
how about LaRussa? About Larusa? Right? Yeah, he's on a
(44:44):
short leash. That's lightning in the bottle with that team though. Yeah,
I could see Terry Francone. He's been around Cleveland the
Indians for a long time, and he's had a lot
of health problems. I could see a scenario where he
he's gonna get fired, but they just like he retires,
you know, I kind of ups away for health reasons.
You can see that. All right? There it is Gascon.
(45:05):
We've had another successful addition of the Fifth Hour podcast.
Anything that we forgot we should have said? Here? Guests,
reviews on Apple iTunes, Follow us on social media and Twitter, Facebook, cameo, camio, cameo, camyo, camyokemyo,
cameo did I say cameo? You did? Yeah? Search my
name there. Love to help you out, have a great
(45:25):
rest of your day. We're gonna have a big Bafo
Sako show tonight tonight in the Magic Radio Box, the
little college basketball, not too much college basketball, and all
the gossip of the weekend from the NFL and whatever
whatever else happened. I'm supposed to pretend like I knew
at this point what happened. I don't know what happened,
but I'll I'll know what happened by the time I
(45:47):
come in and hey, yeah, so have a great rest
of your day. Thanks for supporting the podcast. Tell a friend,
Tell a friend, spread the word, word of mouth advertising
the most effective advertising, and we'll catch you next time.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller Show
(46:08):
weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox
Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app
Ka boom boom. If you thought four hours a day,
hundred minutes a week was enough, I think again. He's
the last remnants of the old republic, a sole fashion
of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the
same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to
clearing house of hot takes, break free for something Special
(00:22):
Tour with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere. Hello, Shalom, Cornicia.
However you want to say greetings and salutations. I don't
know how many other ways can you say hello? How
do you? How do you do? I don't know, Good day,
Aloha whatever. Welcome to the Sunday mail Bag Podcast. I'm
(00:44):
like a greeter at Walmart, welcoming you in, shepherding you
in to the eighth day of the week, the eighth
day of the week. Here he spin off of the
overnight Ben Mallory radio show, and here we are in
the air everywhere, the vast power of my heart, the
global reach of podcasting on demand, whenever you want to
(01:05):
hear this only in the podcast format, This is not
broadcast on radio. We can say really bad words. I
can say ship, I can't say that. On the radio,
I can say shit, I gotta say ver cocta instead
of ship when I'm on the radio, But here I
can say bad words. And so we're back at it again.
David Gascon in for the mail bag on Sunday, a
full Gascon weekend. There he is right over there, excited
(01:27):
to be here. I know, I get a lot of
praise for what I did during the middle of the week.
I thought fastening, astounding, capturing, invigorating, um everything. There are
a lot of people very excited when they found out
you did not do the Friday show. They got a
lot of babies on that show too, though there's a
lot of little they got to say a reave it
(01:47):
that Jay to to you Asta la vista, get out
of here. Females that are saying chow and nothing wrong
with that. Yeah, the females on that show like me.
They kind of adored me. So Rachel and Montabello called
the other night, you're you're admitting you're admitting a guess
gun that only one percent of the audience likes you,
(02:10):
because that's about one percent of our audiences women, as
you know, ninety nine is dudes, ninety nine percent of
the audience, dudes, Mr West of the four Old. But
as you would know being a radio professional, all you
need is one that's actually not true. That's all you know,
that's actually not true. If you find, if you find
the right one, all you need is on. Now I
just had the one percent, but they are the female contingency,
(02:33):
so it's it's all good. You live in your own
parallel dimension away from reality. Yeah, at least I have
self away about that, right, Yeah, you might want to
look out there. That's the signpost ahead of ahead there.
That's called traffic. That's called traffic. Your next up, the
Twilight Zone is I mean, you're traveling through another dimension.
(02:57):
But I mentioned not only of sight and sound, put
of mind, a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries
are that of imagination. Are you trying to go old
school Roberts Stack with that? That's Rod Sterling Man, come
on Twilight Zone back in the day. Yeah, I was
gonna say unsolved mysteries with no no. That's why when
I was a kid, they had the reruns of the
(03:19):
Twilight Zone, and I used to watch that. There was
nothing else that was good. Yeah, yeah, and I did
live that. That cult horror movie. We all did The
Last Man on Earth when the COVID hit last year,
and I thought I was an a Vincent Price movie
driving home and I thought there was There was no
(03:39):
one else. I could have parked my car sideways on
the one thirty four freeway there in Burbank, and uh,
nobody was coming in either direction. It was wild man,
other where did everyone go? No cars in the road
and no toilet paper in the grocery stores? How about that?
No toilet paper, no disposable white snow, none of that
(04:00):
in a world? Man? What a world? What a world
we lived through? It's crazy, crazy crazy. Uh So, before
we get to the mailbag, cameo, cameo, cameo, cameo, cameo, cameo, cameo,
cameo dot com if you want to personalize video message,
we've done a few of these for p ones. If
you're a super fan, or your your dad's a fan,
or you're probably not your mom, but your uncle. Somebody's
(04:21):
a big fan. Uh and when I surprise him love
to to do a money. We try to make them
as unique and original and uh, you know the good
thing about it's a it's a blessing. And a curse
about cameo because I don't get a lot of cameo
request But when we get them, because I don't get
a lot, I can personalize the cameo christ Moore, where
if I got a ton of them, I would just
(04:41):
be like an assembly line. But you know, I'm not
like that. I'm not like the soup Nazi who's making
two dollars a year doing cameo. I'm not um. But anyway,
so you can check that out cameo dot com and
guesscon's on there. He's actually done a cameo. I did
it a cameo for you. What's the VIA four files
(05:01):
the beach and I will use that when the lawsuit
comes in. I will use that as evidence. What about
the recall? The recall? Yeah, when you get recall? Are
you talking about? You know we got we got three
recalls pending here in California. One of them was a
nonrelative with the same last name got the governor. And
the governor is under some fire. Now, how about that
(05:22):
heat he's got it's all the Republicans fault counter to
the governor's all the races. Oh yeah, what about the mistress?
That's uh, that's the Republicans fault. He if they hadn't
been Republicans, he wouldn't have screwed around his wife. Clearly,
come on, please yeah, unreal, unreal anyway, all right, So
these are actual questions from actual listeners. Here the mailbag
(05:45):
submitted on the Facebook page. The facebook page there, you
can check that out and a lot of comments about
you gas gun and uh. Keith says Gagon sucks. Can't
even put the podcast asked in the right order? There?
There was that there. How how lazy of a piece
of ship do you need to be to complaint about
(06:06):
the order of a podcast going from four to one
or one to four, like I put, I understand the
complaint because it's it's a it's a convenience issue. It's
not if you put them in the right order. You
play podcast one hour one and then it just rolls
smoothly into our two hour, three hour four. You get
the full experience without having if you can do the opposite,
(06:27):
and then you're hearing the show in reverse. But it
doesn't matter anyway, because you're stuck listening to these stupid
ads that we have to put in front and in
the back, in the middle. You call them stupid ads.
I call them very important pieces of real estate audio
real estate. I call them stupid. Wow. Yeah, disrespect. But anyways,
if if you are, if you're that lazy to not
(06:49):
be able to push a button to go to the
next episode, you've got bigger issues you think about it.
I mean, you might want to look, you know, down
below at that gut, get out a little bit, do
some card, you eat a little bit better if you're
bitching about podcast. So how hard is it just to
put the thing in the right or you gotta put
them up there anyway, So why not just do them
in the right order? Why is it so hard to
do that? You blaming You're blaming the victim. No, I'm victim.
(07:13):
There's what you are. They're playing the victim card. I mean,
this is like, that's a crime against the podcast listener.
I just think it's more of an indictment on some
of the militia members that are really feudial with what
they're trying to do right now. And um talks about
the betas that you have on your on your show,
It's uh, that's unfortunate, but you know, it's the world
(07:33):
we live in right now. You have a bunch of
boot liquors and suck ups and sicko fans and people
that just really can't get abound, you know, everyday life
without having to suck on your tit. Yeah, it's reality.
You're really handling the fact that everyone hates you. Well,
you're embracing I like that. Good. You're not. You're not
(07:54):
letting it get to you. I'm not. It's a death
defying act of court, like they said back in the circus,
is right. I thought I thought it worked well. I
thought I pitched two perfect games. Like if you had
to compare these performances, those eight strong innings, shut out ball,
gave up a couple of it's no runs. I was strong.
It's always nice when you can go into work and
(08:15):
know that I have your back, isn't it? Yeah? It
reminds me of the quote from from Costanza. Right, it's
it's uh, it's not a lie if you believe it. Right,
it's not a lie if you believe in it's certainly
some truth can truth truth in that for you? All Right,
(08:37):
let's get to the amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing questions
sent in by the Mallard Militia. AMM it the blind
Seahawk fan Olimpia Washington says this is for gag on.
Uh do you hate the militia? All right? Uh? He says,
(09:00):
why why do you hate the militia? And then also,
what's your favorite ice cream? Talking about a non sequitor
from Emmett. I think I think we've had this conversation
a few times. It's a three way time for me.
Rocky Road cookies and cream and mitt and chocolate chip
mint because my grandfather was a huge mint fan grown
up in the day, so when I don't know what
(09:20):
they were called, but those little mint candies there were
size of like a little square. Yeah, yeah, those are good.
Those chocolate you talking about the chocolate ones that the minute,
Yeah those are solid. My grandfather used to have those
over when we come over as kids, and I used
to grow up on on mint. So yeah, I was
a huge, huge, five big three. I've got cookie dough.
(09:41):
That's good. Love love the cookie dough. I can't get
enough of the cookie dough. I like strawberry, but I
also love mintship. Yeah, I also love Minship. My dad
was a big Midship fan, so I feel like I'm
honoring my dad when I eat mit chip and I'm
getting fat at the same time, So it's a win win.
Didn't I think it was Anthony and Annaheim? Wasn't he
talking about because you were mentioning ice cream sandwiches and
(10:02):
I think, oh, yeah, I love ice cream sandwich. The
two big oversized chocolate chip cookies with the vanilla ice
cream in the middle. Amazing. Yeah, it's a great There's
a there's actually a place that's unfortunately's west of the
four oh five that makes an amazing ice cream sandwich.
There's a confectionery over there. I kinta, you know, I
don't know the name of it off the top of
(10:22):
my head, but I'll get it to you. We should
go there sometime down that I will travel west of
the four oh five to get that ice cream sandwich.
Robbins back in the day used to have those those
giant ice cream sandwiches and I get them every time.
I remember when the ice cream cake became a thing
a million years ago. This was a big deal in
the Mallor household. My mom was like, we gotta get
(10:44):
the ice cream cake, you know, So it was like
a big deal. And they really didn't master the ice
cream cake at Baskin Robbin's right away. They were not.
You know, they've gotten better over the years. Let's say that.
How about that the quality has improved for the ice
cream cake, as you would expect with any product, over time,
things improved. All right? This is from Mike from Courtland,
(11:08):
New York, home of the Smith Corona Typewriter. It's like
a bad sitcom from Courtland, New York, home of the
Smith Corona Typewriter. Not that they make those anymore, but
still all right? Uh, he says, did you ever consider coaching?
And if so, which sport? Well? Hell, yes, of course.
(11:29):
Uh will be a great play caller in football, great
play caller in football, offensive play caller. I'd be a
good head coach. You imagine me coming out giving pep talks,
guest on man, I fire you up every week. I
gotta drag you in here by your hair and but
but think of the Mallard pep talk. I do these
(11:49):
anyway for free, Uh, I get paid. But on the radio,
I get rob Ross speeches, right win one for the Mallard.
I pontificate and blow viaton, have all those inspirational speeches.
It's like my man Victor break back in the day
giving high coups. I can give high coups to football teams,
or basketball teams, or baseball teams, maybe more of a
coach than a coordinator, because you know, after the end
(12:11):
of the first half, you need to make some in
game adjustments. I don't know you when you go out
of script, he gets a little gets a little wobbly.
Just oh, it happens all the time. We go off,
We we go out and out about there. Guesscan and uh,
you know we changed on the flight. Unfortunately, in the
overnight there's not a lot that happens other than people
getting arrested. I can see it used to be trades,
but then the who's that? Rachel Nichols complained that the
(12:33):
trade deadline was at midnight, so she ruined our fun
because she wanted her sleep. Rachel Nichols at ESPN. The
NBA listened to her because she complained, it's not fair
we have to stay until midnight to watch trades. Oh
my god. I can see more as a baseball skipper
than anything else, maybe like a Jack McKeon, like you'd
be sitting on the pine smoking a cigar. I can
see that, maybe drinking like some grape welches. I can
(12:57):
see I can give me a hipper. In baseball, yeah,
I think why could would be like little sort of
back and day waddling out to the mound that I
can pitching change and you know, why not? What the
hell talking ship to a reporter or two for some
bad pub Yeah, baseball managers are famous for that. J
Bone from Portland, Maine rights and he says, what's the
(13:18):
drunkest you have ever been? And did you do anything
really stupid and or funny? Well, I've told the story,
J Bone. I'm not a big drinker. But back in
my younger days in radio, we were very depressed. One night,
it was back in the nineties, there was a trial
sport Women's Olympic hockey which, for some reason the program
director decided that we needed a broadcast this game, which
(13:39):
preempted my night show. Uh, and so the boss as
I you know, i'll repeat the stories. I remember the
boss said, hey, uh, you guys might be called and
you probably won't be called in, but just stay in
the area, stay in the neighborhood where the radio station is.
You go out, have a dinner or whatever, and we
probably won't need you. But just be in the area. Well,
we'll we'll call you. This is in the days before
(14:01):
text messaging. We'll call you if you have to come in.
I said, fine, all right. Uh So it was the
Ben and Dave show. Myself and Dave, Mark Smith and
a couple of other guys went to Adults in Burbank,
which was across the street that was the k Rock building.
We were the Kiss FM building right near Warner Brothers
there and all those radio stations have relocated. But anyway,
(14:22):
we walked over to where Adults is or was, uh
and uh we ordered the chicken fingers and uh, you know,
we somebody said, hey, why don't we have a couple
of pops. So we had a couple of pops and
we kept drinking and watching whatever was on TV, and uh,
you know, time kind of like we lost track of time.
And then we gotta we gotta call around ten o'clock, uh,
(14:43):
saying hey, I need you to come in and do
like forty five minutes of radio. Um. We were all
like ship faced at this point. We were we were
we were pretty messed up, but we uh, we walked
across the street and of course didn't dry. We walked
across the street to the radio station, got in there,
and then proceeded to use all kinds of foul language
(15:04):
because we didn't realize what I did. I I cursed
all like it was. It was a nightmare, it was
a disaster. But fortunately nobody heard it because it was
following a women's trial hockey game in the Olympics, which
I'm convinced no one was listening to on the radio
because it was tape delane, which makes it even better.
That's good, That's really good, you guess. And I told
(15:26):
some stories about that. Yeah, I um. I had this
bad experience with a bunch of my buddies when I
lived in San Diego. It was a tradition you never
let the guys find out when your birthday it is,
because they would beat the shift out of you. Well,
my buddies found out my birthday, and on my twenty
fifth birthday, we went to this Mexican spot in Mission
Valley down in San Diego and we were doing shots.
(15:49):
I don't I forget the name of it, but basically
it's when you put tequila, you put hot sauce in tequila.
So I was drinking those at this Mexican spot and
I had six of those within a thirty minutes, and
it was yeah. So I went into the bathroom, threw
it up, came back out, continued to drink, and then
we went down to Pacific Beach and I was trying
(16:10):
to be on alert because I figured there's gonna be
a point where these guys started kicking my ass. It
didn't come, and we were like a big crowd of people.
I started talking to a couple of girls and I remember,
in a specific conversation with this female, I'm getting her number.
And as soon as I get her number, one of
my buddies puts me in a headlock and they dragged
(16:31):
me out in the middle of San Diego's like Pacific
Beach area Rapa Garnett. Garnet's like a main street in
PB and they started beating the ship out of me
in the middle of the street, and I'm they took
my belt off and stripped my pants down. They started
whipping me with my own belt. Ben I was completely defenseless.
(16:53):
I was so fucked up. I had no chance of
defending myself. Wow, it was pretty bad. Animals. Do you
hang out with stuff? But well, remember the immortal words
of Homer J. Simpson to alcohol the cause of and
the solution to all of life's problems. On the Great
(17:13):
Quotes of All Time of Homer Simpson. There and you
know you've you've mocked the show and you said, you know,
I've heard you in the past say there's only drunk
people that listen to the show. But guess what, guess what,
guess Here's here's a fun factor, right. I learned this
couple of weeks ago, at any given time, zero point
seven percent of the global population is drunk. That means
(17:36):
we have a potential audience of at least fifty million
people at any time we're on the radio. About that
fifty million drunk people they estimate at any given time.
So I'd take an audience of fifty million. I take
an audience at five million. I'd be very happy with that.
And you're amplified because the six affiliates and then the
(17:57):
armed forces, that is an insane you know, we're in
the business, so it's big for us, but that is
an insane number of affiliates. I was at Fox Sports
Radio when we went on in Bingham to New York
on a on a test run dry run Bingham to
New York, Pittsburgh, where are two affiliates? As I remember
(18:17):
the early days of Fox Sports, like the first couple
of weeks the network was on the air, Um, they
wanted to work out the kinks before we went on
other radio stations. It took us a long time to
get into markets like Boston. We were not on in
San Francisco for a while. The bigger top ten markets
it took a long time to get into. So it's
(18:39):
it's pretty cool that the network is matured and now
has six hundred affiliates. Wild as an insane, I mean
I when I was you wanted to be the guy
on the radio. I just want to be on one
radio station. I just want to be on one radio station.
And that's it. And it's it's insane. It's your head
just spins when you think about But I try not
(19:00):
to think about it. I try to think the only
people listening are beer drinking Brian and Half Pint, and
that's it. And no one else is listening. I'm only
talking to beer drinking Brian and Half Pint. I'm doing
the show for beer drinking Brian and Half Pint, and
that's it. There's no one else from your bad with
the jamazone. Don't be jealous, Okay, alright, Dan, in Chicago,
I got Mallard family in Chicago. The Mallard family, part
(19:21):
of it roots in the Windy City, uh Dan writes,
insists for eight days a week you coop a loop.
Eddie and Roberto are in the air everywhere, even Gascon
as well. I have been listening since last year. Keep
up the great job, Bet. If steroid users are inducted
in the Baseball Hall of Fame, why can't Pete Rose?
(19:41):
That's my question. Well, Dan, we've answered this question before,
but you're new to the show relatively do The answer
is because of Bart Giamanti and the passing of Bart Giamanti,
and if Bart, who had a heart attack, if he
had survived that and lived on, I'm be confident that
Pete would have been allowed, at least back on the
(20:03):
ballot to be voted into the Hall of Fame. But
it is crazy to think that many regional baseball networks
will be named after a casino shortly or some already have.
And Baseball has partnerships with gambling there in the gambling business.
But at that time, Pete Rose obviously was not you
know he was banned and but that the main reason
(20:25):
is because of Bart g Money died and that that's
that's taboo. You can't allow Pete in the Hall of Fame.
Pete also has some major character issues, but so do
a lot of people in the Halliday. So yeah, I
remember when he was on Fox though, doing the Baseball
I was really he was pretty good. It was good.
It was pretty good for a baseball commentary that was
baseball guys suck. He was pretty good. Yeah. Jose from
(20:46):
Nork Houses, my name is Jose, and I agree with
everything you say, Lord Benn. How about that for respect?
Lord Ben is pretty good. Yeah, David Gagan sucks on
the show. He is soft. Like the NBA players. Bring
Brian Finley in cancel gascons from Jose in Northern California.
Big fan of your work. Northern California. They don't know
(21:08):
ship about southern California. So right, uh, yeah, don't call
it no Cal. Don't call you get upset when you
say no, call yeah. People in San Francisco, haye, when
you say San fran they hate Frisco. That's oh, I
I said, Frisco went to Oh my god, dude, I
had a play by play guy for one of the
teams in the Bay Area, who's a friend of mine.
(21:29):
Send me a message? Is nasty messages? You don't say
frisco very upset. John the jailer in Allen Town p A. Right,
So John, this is John the jail the guy's alleged
I remember we heard the story. John saved the guy's
life there and just another day on the job, he says.
Bening Gascon a k a. The Salamander going full heel
(21:51):
on the overnight show, he says, was comedy gold. No,
do not encourage that, John the Jailer, do not encourage that.
Is there any way to get back in the good
graces of the Mallard Militia after that performance? Or has
Gus gone gone complete? Hollywood? Well that's a great question. Uh.
(22:11):
And Jess and you shown no effort to bury the
hatchet with the Mallard Militia. Well, I think this is
because you specifically have said, never ever apologize, never bend
the knee. You just put your head down and you
drive right through the car crash. No, but you could
have a peace offering, right and and the Mallew Militia
(22:33):
will be willing to let bygones be bygones. You don't
have to go like Coop and smoke the peace pipe
and all that. You didn't have to do that, that
whole thing. But they'd be willing to wipe the slate clean.
You obviously got off to a bad, bad start here.
I'd be willing to mediate if you want. I can mediate,
mitigate the damage, patch up your differences with the Malley militia.
There's only a few people that have an issue with me.
(22:54):
I don't have an issue with anybody. Nine percent. You've
admitted it. There's only one percent of the women that
that think you're apparently that's your words, not mine. The
rest of it's a tinder box. I'm all right with it,
all right, there you go. You have gun Hollywood, bad
job by you. Shame on you, all right. Sarah in
Minnesota sent a couple of messages. She's a big fan
(23:16):
of me. I don't know about that. She says, I
get a lot of laughs these days. Uh, she said,
it's hard to get a lot of laughs these days. Rather,
but she loved the Mallard Odyssey song made my day.
Hats off to just Josh and Jay Scoop really well
done a gentleman. She's a huge uh David Bowie fan.
(23:41):
And and there's a little turntable shrine. She in fact,
she say she said she named her dog Bowie about that.
There you go. Uh, And she she says she's not
gonna send it. She's been sending me some third rail stories,
trying to get us to go down a third round.
What the fox send him to me? Then, damn it? Yeah,
but she had sent the last couple of she sent
(24:01):
after we had already started recording the podcast, so I
didn't get until after the podcast, and they're kind of
dated now. But she says things have gotten worse in Minnesota. Yeah. Yeah,
it's gonna be bad. I feel bad, you know, for
our friends in the in the Twin Cities because this
this trial it's gonna be taking place. Pretty much any
outcome from that trial, guilt innocence, is going to lead
(24:23):
to more chaos. Yeah. Like, I don't see a scenario
where there is no I hope I'm wrong, but I
don't see a scenario where there's no I mean, if convicted, uh,
they'll say not enough, uh, not convicted more the same acquitted,
they'll say, here we go again. So I don't see
a scenario where there's not you know, hoodlum is running
(24:45):
around burning things. I hope I'm wrong. Well, and just
on top of that is the billions of damn billions
of dollars worth of damage in that city alone. The
taxpayers are are footing the bill for that. You've had
small businesses and meeting size that have have bolted the
city just fucking awful. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
(25:07):
eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am eastern eleven
pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio. A.
Sarah says, in the Mallard Museum, I think she meant
Mallard Militia. But she said in Mallard Museum, I wish
there was a Mallard museum. Uh did you find anything
that made you laugh? At ye? Maybe she's referencing my
(25:28):
father's house. I think she's referencing the the house the museum.
I think that's what she's getting at here. Uh yeah,
just a volume, the sheer volume, Sarah, of stuff like
we went to a family reunion in like nineteen seventies
something late seventies, and they still had like the buttons
and the hats they had saved from the family. I
(25:50):
mean just just like just insane that the amount of
stuff that was was kept, the knickknacks and things like that.
But you know, actually laugh, I think I guess some
of my old Little league stuff that I had not
seen in years, I didn't know it's still existed, that
kind of stuff. She says. Her dad is eighties six
has warned suspenders forever, and she says she has a
(26:13):
picture of him with Carl Eller, Minnesota sports legend, when
he is wearing his suspenders, so she wanted to pass
that on. Yeah, my dad wore suspenders all the time.
When I get dressed up. From now on, I'm gonna
honor my pops with the suspenders there. And yeah, yeah, yeah,
I like him to classy up a little b yeah,
(26:34):
a little bit. Uh. She says, I listened to your
fifth hour, uh, and you mentioned that you've been trying
to interview Paul Allen, voice of the Vikings. He is
an awesome voice, and I always have him on the
radio and mute the TV for the games. But She
says Sarah that she stopped listening to his k Fan
show from nine to noon because because he had Mike
(26:56):
Florio on on Tuesdays and they had Motivation Monday every
other Monday with Kevin Warren really gross and gaggable or
to Sarah, she also though filled me and she says
that that Paul. She doesn't think Paul Allen would get
the show, but I thought you reached out to him,
(27:17):
to him, did he does? He's had hazard ye know, yeah,
he I mean he knows you. And yeah, the reason
why he doesn't hate me, right, No, No, the reason
why we couldn't get him on was he was actually
doing some commentary for horse races. Yeah, he was at
the track in Minnesota. We couldn't get him on. Yeah.
I don't know if he was actually calling it for
TV or radio or if he was actually the MC
(27:38):
for the for the races, but yeah, he was. He
was busy all all summer long. Yeah. And then she
filled me in on our favorite Minnesota Twins beat writer
is no longer a Minnesota Twins beat writer. Lavelle Neil,
the Great lavel E Neil Minnesota is a mallor militia
guy and he's tweeted the show. He listens, I guess
he's got insomnia. And she tells us that he's now
(27:59):
a Collamus. He's been promoted. He's a columnist for the
Star Tribute and that's a big gig. So good for Lavelle.
We're happy for you. I hope you still stay up
late at night and listen to our show. And if
you want to write a column about the Mallar militia, Lavell,
I'd be willing to give you some quotes. I just
want to throw that out there. You know, like Minnesota, Man,
let me tell you something. We've been on a lot
of states. We do very well in Boston over the years.
(28:21):
We've done great there, l A, Seattle, Houston, Las Vegas.
But Minnesota, man, that that Minnesota Twin Cities market amazing.
I mean, you guys have been great. You get the show,
you support the show, your loyal and man, is that
a tremendous, tremendous set up there in in Minnesota. They
(28:45):
love their sports radio, man, they love it. They do.
Chris and Marre Coca to Iowa says, what is your
Mallard maneuver to get out of the doghouse with the wife.
Can you get Cowherd on the podcast? Well, surely he
would help out a co worker, all right, Now, guess
God claims to be a friend of Colin Coward. He
likes to brag about how he's had drinks and meals
(29:07):
with Coward. I've only had one one interaction with Coward.
We actually I've had a couple. I knew him a
little I do a little bit when he was at ESPN.
Uh and I had actually gone back to interview for
a job in Bristol and they brought me in and
I met Cowhard then years ago, and then I met
him at the golfing and uh, he was very nice,
(29:27):
very polite. Uh. I think there's no chance he would
come on this podcast. I think there's zero chance. But
guess Karen, why don't you, why don't you kind of
grease him up a little bit and see if you
can get him on here. I'll see what I can do.
Tell him we'll just talk about his career, and we'll
talk about radio and you know, the whole thing I love.
He loves talking about that. He loves talking shot. Yeah,
I mean, his show is fantastic. I don't know if
(29:48):
you get a chance to listen to it, and that's
an overnight show for me, I'm sleeping on. That's a
good show. You should stay up and listen. I see
the clips though, that guy fun House put clips. Big
fun House is not a fan of manipulating his work
a little a bit. I don't know why. And campaign
he's saving certain clips and then putting them out there.
But fun House man, he's he's locked and loaded. Yeah,
(30:12):
guy's a beast. He's got receipts. Yeah, I don't know
how he does it because I don't know what he's
got going on. I don't think he's making money with that.
I know he used to work the Third Chef. He
used to be a Mallard militia guy, and he listened
to the show, and right, I think he still stays
up crazy hours. But those are shows. Those are daytime shows.
(30:32):
But didn't w f A n Funk with him because
of his feed. They didn't like that he was taking
shots at friends. But that was Mike Francessa. But now
I heard he's on good terms with w f A
and again, but I don't know what's really going on.
But yeah, Francessa, because he was this. This whole bit
was the goof on Francessa back after this was a
Francisca Francesca line. There. Francessa kept calling my different names,
(30:56):
but Mike and the mad Dog. Um, so yeah, get
book Cowhert. We've now, we've accomplished me had Tim Donnie.
I wanted to get him on. We've gotten him on.
Who else do we? We gotta get Petros on at
some point, but Petros is usually on the radio when
we record these podcasts, so it's gonna be tough. We
gotta wait for baseball when the Dodgers are playing when
we record the podcast, like a day game. Cowhards west
(31:19):
of the four oh five. I don't know if he
wants to come on. Yeah, no, I understand it. I
mean he's probably playing tennis or something like that. You know.
I'm just looking at the beach, looking at the way
it's crash onto the sand, looking at the pollution. Understand.
Mr Luciano from Los Angeles Rights, And he says, Benende,
(31:40):
which state would you like to travel to? And why?
And which state would you not travel to? And why? Mexico.
I'd like to go a lot of place He wouldn't
you wouldn't go to Mexico, New Mexico, No chance, not
no New Mexico. What about Mexico, Yeah, it's not a state.
Well I'm talking about Mexico. Yeah, the country. It's not
(32:02):
a state. He said, whatich state would you want to
go to? You? Yeah, but you know it's a state
of the state of mind. U. I want to check
everything out. I'd love to be able to have time
and have my bills paid and drive across the country
and see all of America and go from coast to
coast and eventually get to Alaska. And I want to
(32:23):
go back to Hawaii. I love Hawaii. I'd love to
live there someday and it would be great. I don't
think that'll ever happen, but uh, yeah, I want to
I want to see everything. I haven't really spent a
lot of time in the South. I've heard some good
stories about the South. I've heard some terrible stories about
the South. I'd like to experience it for myself. Uh.
Drive through the corn fields of of Iowa. I've been
(32:45):
to Kansas and Missouri in places like that, but I
haven't really been to Iowa. I haven't been to Minnesota.
I've actually been to the airport in Minnesota, only count
There's a lot to see. I'd love to check it
all out. Yeah, the flyovers states right like South Dakota,
North Dakota, Wyoming, Montana. I haven't spent time in Colorado.
I'd like to go to Denver and hang out, have
the Ben Mallard Chicken you know sandwich there in Denver, Man. Yeah,
(33:09):
I think you'd enjoy it. I think I would too,
So that's all that. It's really no where I wouldn't
want to go. I mean, be places I wouldn't particularly
be excited, but I don't think there's much of for
me to do in South Dakota. What are you gonna
do in New Mexico? New Mexico. It's just I got
a buddy of mine that works radio in Albuquerque, so
I could catch up with him, and I got I
could check out Albuquerque case that was the first place
(33:29):
that offered me a job in radio, A big paying
job was in Albuquerque, and I turned it down. It's good,
but I could have done sports radio in Albuquerque. The
big sports talker in that city, Kevin in Kansas right
since he's been in Gascon our school district just returned
from spring break. What did you guys do for spring breaks?
And where did you go? Keep up the great show? Uh?
(33:51):
I didn't do really do much for springue. I think
the most exotic I got was I went to to
the Cactus League for some spring training baseball. That was
about it. It didn't really travel. I didn't go to
a cancoon. I didn't go to Mexico or the Bahamas
or anywhere exotic. Just kept it local, down low, and
what about you. Some of my my best memories have
been going to spring training. So during spring break, I
(34:14):
had a buddy of mine who was a Giants fan.
Would go to Scottsdale and where the Giants played at
they had this right field area which was kind of bougie,
but you paid a hundred dollars for a ticket, and
with that hundred dollars, you'd be seating in a sitting
in a private area where you'd get alcohol and food,
all you can eat, all you can drink for free,
(34:35):
and you can arrive ninety minutes prior to first pitch
and stay ninety minutes after the ball game ends. And
so we would do that, would go to Scottsdale for
three or four days party it up and have a
great time. So I do that or do Vegas Miami
a few times during spring break. I've done Vegas and
and I have not done Miami for spring break. Yeah,
I haven't gone full of Cooper Loop. Although he's a
(34:56):
little out of the age of spring break. But he's
enjoying his own spring a little that he trashes that
governor and goes to that state. But you know, we
need him to run for president. Don't you waste him?
If you have long you can have Trump's gonna run.
Well let's say Trump doesn't run. Let's say he doesn't,
(35:17):
then it would be the Santis. Yes, yeah, who else
can the Republicans put up that would have a chance.
They can't. Like they only thought was maybe it was
that Christie Naom, the governor of South Dakota. But she
just went corporate and started um backtracking. Well no, she
started backtracking on females in sports. Well then she's yeah,
(35:40):
she spun it. I saw she was interviewed. I saw
this week and she spun the story and all that. Yeah. Yeah, so,
which is a slick political move, by the way, I mean,
that's just politics. Just she's perfect, Yeah, exactly, And then
she blames the people. You're impatient. You know you just
did patients. Just calmed down. Don't be an eager beaver.
(36:02):
Calm down, you're so over anxious. Yeah, all right, we
have about Carlos, Carlos our guy and Bang Bang Houston.
He says, Ben, you said that you knew the voice
of the Rockets, Craig Ackerman. Try getting him on the podcast. Yeah.
I met Craig Craigs and Maller militia guy. And I
don't know if he's allowed to admit that, because you
know he's in Houston. But Craig's great guy. I hung
(36:24):
out with him, and uh, I know a couple of
guys on the Rockets broadcast that are that are good dudes,
and I'd love to get him on. Although I feel
like I lost a lot of these NBA guys because
they don't travel anymore because of COVID, and the guys
would listen to me on their way home or flying
around on planes going from city to city on the
NBA circuit, you know, going to live in the vagabond lifestyle,
(36:48):
and they don't do that anymore. They call the games
at home, so it's not the same the same set up.
He also says, what is the origin of Lance the
bus driver? I swear you guys cracked me up when
he it's on their Well, Lance isn't just a he's
an actual bus to not really a bus driver anymore.
He's been on disability for like several years, taking money
to not work. But Lance is a fascinating character. He's
(37:10):
a tremendously large human being that you would just imagine
a big burley bus driver. Uh. And he's got a
son who's humanity, his kid Lance and his kid came
and I met Lance a couple of times. He's come
to the radio station and his kid was like fifteen,
the size of a left tackle for the Raiders. Uh. Insane. Um,
(37:31):
you know, just a big burley, big bone guy. And
but but Lance to we just started, he started busting
my balls. I started, you know, calling him the worst
bus driver in North America. And uh, he would tell
stories of him driving around the bus in San Francisco
with all the homeless people and all the crime, and
you know, the politicians just looked the other way when
all this was going on. And he drive through the
(37:52):
worst neighborhoods in San Francisco, and uh, and we would
we would always goof on him because he would be
on the phone while drive people around the bus, which
is not you know, they finally banned him from doing that,
and we're like, he's the worst bus driver in San Francisco.
And but it's all in, it's all in fun. It's
all in in good fun with Lancelee bust driver Fats
(38:13):
in Philadelphia. Boy, Fats really laid you out with some
internet memes this week, guest. Amazing. I mean, I mean,
between him lighting himself on fire and trying to find
his own Dick's just absolutely amazing. It was a searching
recovery mission. US said that. Fats says, if you and
I had chicken chicken finger eating contest, would you beat me? Man?
(38:39):
For sure, I'd give you a run for your money, Fats,
I'd give you a run free. But you probably stopped
midway through and light yourself on fire. So I I
think I got you. I think I got you on that.
I think he'd stopped in the middle and started giving
you a BackRub. Nothing wrong with that, Rob, Rob writes
in from parts of Notice, says, any advice for insomnia, No,
I don't want to. I don't want to cure insomnia,
(38:59):
I'd lose half my audiences. I mean cur insomnia. It's
my meal ticket. What are you talking about? Pierre from Springfield,
mass Right, since this ben, If you were given the
keys to the castle a k A GM or team
president of any professional sports franchise, which sport and team
would you choose? And why? And that was his first question?
(39:23):
He has another one. Uh, yeah, I think baseball would
be the most fun as a general manager. Football would
be good, but there's a lot of bullshit in football,
or you know, you don't really spend that much time
on offensive defensive lineman and safeties and things like that. Um,
it'd be fun to pick quarterbacks and receivers and running
backs and things like that. But baseball building a team
(39:45):
would be cool. Uh. He says. Also, how can someone
who is attempting to ride your coattails on the climb
up the corporate ladder be so ungrateful to you? He
puts maximum effort into berating you in the mallad militia,
yet it's little to no effort into his fill in
duties on the radio program Don't Bite the hand that
(40:06):
feeds You gag On. Signed Pierre from Springfield, mass Well,
thank you, Pierre. You clearly understand that giscon is writing
the Mather Express all the way up the mountain, all
the way up the mountain expressed that guy's got a
master's degree in rim jobs. I swear to God, that
guy's on social media. He's right a day, he's right
(40:26):
out the alien Piner. He's absolutely correct. I mean, if
if Deshaul Watson ever needed another Massius, Pierre's the guy
like that dude is just all on your nuts. It's weird.
Well again, you're it's blaming the messenger, but you're avoiding
the question. You're avoiding the statement. It's a stupid I
wouldn't even dignify it. That's how bad it is. So
(40:48):
you're not saying he's yeah, okay, how do you feel uncomfortable?
Job by Pierre, two thumbs up? Don't you feel uncomfortable?
I give you three thumbs up, but three thumbs up
and I only have two. All right? Kevin from Rockford, Illinois,
right city, says Mr Mallard and gas man, Uh, this
is my question. In fact, this is a fact. He says,
(41:09):
Culver's is much better than in and out. That's what
a Hamburger is all about whatever you get the chance,
you need to try Culver's. My suggestion is the double
bacon cheddar butter burger with cheese kurds. There, it's a
double bacon good. I would like to experience Culver's. I
(41:30):
have not enjoyed Cavers. I've heard tremendous things about it.
There's a cult following of that. And the problem that's
a locate It's a location situation. The closest Culver's is
in actually in Arizona. There's white one for some odd
reason in Arizona, but it's mostly an Upper Midwest chain Wisconsin, Minnesota,
(41:51):
the Dakota's, Illinois, places like that, Michigan. Um. So there's none.
There's nothing within you know, short driving distance it. I
would like to check out the menu. Man, does I
look good? I mean, of course, I've I've been fasting
for for a fair amount of time here. But the
butter burger. They've got the frozen custard, which doesn't look
(42:13):
all that bad. There they have a little seafood, they've
got the chicken tenders don't look good to me. I
gotta tell you, I don't like the chicken tenders. I'm not.
I'm not gonna go there for the chicken tenders, but
the chicken sandwich looks all right. And yeah, yeah, I
get some good stuff variety. I get a fair amount
and a I don't know about that pot roast sandwich.
I'm not a big pot roast gay pot ross gay. No,
(42:36):
not really. The grilled the grilled Ruben. I like a Reuben. Yeah,
I'm a fan of the Ruben. I do like that.
So anyway, Uh, we'll check that out at somewhere where
I gotta visit my brother who loves in Wisconsin. So
when I'm back visiting him, all like, let's go have
lunch at Culver So, I mean, boom, I'll get some custard.
Mike from Vegas last one. He wants to know guests
(42:58):
gotten boxers and Briefe neither. Wow. Uh. He also says
which major league managers are on the hot seat heading
into season. That's a very sport oh question by you,
Mike in Vegas. Yeah, we try to avoid even though
it is a plausibly a sports show, we try to
(43:19):
avoid those. But I just just off the top of
my head, if you if you look at the current
major league managers, who is likely to be on the
hot seat. Uh, the first name that pops up would
be Aaron Boone. The Yankees have been a playoff team,
but if they don't get over the hump, I could
(43:40):
see the Yankees pulling the plug on Aaron Boone moving
on from him. Also, Luis Rojan, I'll go double up
on New York Luis Rojas. The expectations are high for
the Mets. If they fail to live up to those expectations,
and I'll say Gabe Kapler also because I don't think
he knows what he's doing. Do you think, Well, what
about Dave Roberts? Though, what happens that the Dodgers just
(44:00):
tank this season? Now they won the World Series. He's
got he's got a little, he's got time. But if
they didn't fire him when they kept choking in the playoffs,
and I gonna fire him after one down year after
winning the World Series, Dodgers are pretty loyal. Kelly Jensen, Kershaw, Roberts, Yeah,
Johnny who else? I like Joe Madden, but he was
(44:22):
that was a hot mess last year. They have another
bad year, but they had no pitching last season. They
have no pitching this year either. They've recreated the Baltimore
Orioles rotation of seventeen eighteen. What are they doing? You
can get somebody that wasn't a fucking pitcher for the Orioles.
How about that? Oh my god, judicous? Oh I got
how about LaRussa? About Larusa? Right? Yeah, he's on a
(44:44):
short leash. That's lightning in the bottle with that team though. Yeah,
I could see Terry Francone. He's been around Cleveland the
Indians for a long time, and he's had a lot
of health problems. I could see a scenario where he
he's gonna get fired, but they just like he retires,
you know, I kind of ups away for health reasons.
You can see that. All right? There it is Gascon.
(45:05):
We've had another successful addition of the Fifth Hour podcast.
Anything that we forgot we should have said? Here? Guests,
reviews on Apple iTunes, Follow us on social media and Twitter, Facebook, cameo, camio, cameo, camyo, camyokemyo,
cameo did I say cameo? You did? Yeah? Search my
name there. Love to help you out, have a great
(45:25):
rest of your day. We're gonna have a big Bafo
Sako show tonight tonight in the Magic Radio Box, the
little college basketball, not too much college basketball, and all
the gossip of the weekend from the NFL and whatever
whatever else happened. I'm supposed to pretend like I knew
at this point what happened. I don't know what happened,
but I'll I'll know what happened by the time I
(45:47):
come in and hey, yeah, so have a great rest
of your day. Thanks for supporting the podcast. Tell a friend,
Tell a friend, spread the word, word of mouth advertising
the most effective advertising, and we'll catch you next time.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller Show
(46:08):
weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox
Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app
Host
Ben Maller
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