June 20, 2021 • 34 mins
Imagine living in the Sunflower State, but being a snowflake. A sad state of affairs has disrupted a poor soul.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
If you thought more hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now that it does. We are in
the air everywhere bloviating eight days a week, eight days
a week. This is obviously a spinoff of the radio show.
It's been a wacky weekend though in the podcast world,
because this is the only podcast this weekend where together united.
(00:48):
The Sunday Mailbag podcast from West of the four oh five. David,
I'm a cloud mores pin, w wild and crazy, and
I think the crowd is excited that you are actually
in the house for two consecutive days. You go from
(01:09):
Saturday to Sunday. I'm really enthusiastic about this. Well, I
would like to thank you, guess, as you know, I
on the Saturday podcast, which I did alone, I explain
what has been going on in my life here and
I recently moved to the I call it the halfway
house because it's halfway between my my last house and
(01:30):
my next house, which is being renovated right now. And
so I'm in a temporary situation. And everything has been
walking wonky and crazy. But you know, it's not walking
and crazy. The mail bell boy, the mail bag is
not wonky crazy. And I hear from sources, gas Gun,
(01:50):
that you you like the mail bag you even though
people just kill you and destroy you. And I have
noticed going through the mail that a lot of a
lot of hate mixed with a couple of a couple
of plants, a couple of plants, team Gascon going in
there and doing that thing. But for the most part
(02:12):
it's been all negative, with a few exceptions. So I
want to get right now. I don't want to waste
any time. Yes, I don't want to waste any time.
To me, this is my favorite podcast of the weekend, okay,
because it's the last. All Right, I'm a pilot, writes
(02:32):
in from Parts Unknown. He says, catching up on the
Sunday mail Bag and listening to YouTube muppets food phobias,
he's re frank to the last Sunday podcast that we
did prior to this one. Obviously, had me shaking my head.
That's my line. You can't shake your head. I'm allowed
to shake my head. He says. I do most of
the cooking at home, and my five year olds have
(02:55):
a better food path than you do. Uh. He says,
and rare or medium rare is the only choice when
cooking steak. No, that's wrong, you're wrong. I'm a pilot.
It's well done with ketchup or a one sauce. That
is the way to eat a steak, I says. The
last fourth of July cooking steaks, my girls said well done,
(03:18):
and I made them go to do Oklahoma drills. That's well,
that's good parenting, good parenting. I'm a pilot, I said,
Seeing how you are a nonpracticing Jew, that is true. Uh.
Not eating pork in itself is blasphemy. We'll blame my
parents because I didn't need it when I was a kid.
It's just one of those things I haven't done it
(03:39):
as I never had a cup of coffee. That's just
kind of how how that goes, he says, going through
life with no bacon, it's God's candy. He says, this
is true, guest, gun is bacon God's candy. Yeah, I
think you would enjoy it, and if you dip down
into the depths of of meat, especially at breakfast Britto.
We're in California. I think it's it's well accustomed for
(03:59):
those that were early morning or late night like you
do breakfast, brittle eggs. I think love the breakfast. You
love the breakfast the biggest thing. You should open a
restaurant and just serve breakfast. Burrito. You know what. I'm
a fan of the larger tortillas, especially when you get
to double wrap your burritos. We don't have many places,
so you are when it comes to burritos. You're a
(04:20):
size queen when it comes to brito. Yes, you know sizes.
Size matters. Bellor, I thought it was the motion in
the ocean. I thought that was there. It's that's all
about size, Okay, is that right? I didn't know. I
guess you're hanging out with an interesting crowd there, He says. Uh,
(04:41):
I'm a pilots as his kids his girls are routinely
eat their weight and bacon and would gnaw your hand
if you tried to take away there. Berkshire pork Job
bowed in no less, because I'm raising winners. Not participants,
says David Berkshire. Pork is the co be of pork
added to your shopping list. I'll have to do that.
(05:03):
I feel like that was a really emasculating email from
I'm a pilot, very rare that he will take a
shot at me. But I will respond, and I will.
It's not done the email. This is a long email.
Just no, no seafood, no sushi. I will eat cod beer,
battered cod fish sticks. I'll eat that. He says. How
(05:25):
can you how you can live on planet Earth where
seventy percent of it is ocean? Got a good point.
Then he says, that's God's supermarket with a lot of
God references here. You love Boston, that's true. I do
love Boston. I almost worked if I did work there,
but I almost moved there. It was offered a job
in Boston a couple of times, he says. But will
(05:45):
will not taste the greatness of the lobster roll or
fresh shucked oysters. No, I I well the idea of
the oysters texture. I wouldn't want to eat oysters just
on the texture alone. Looking at them, Yeah, I don't
want to eat them, he said, a big bowl of
steam clams, grilled shrimp or props. No, that sounds disgusting.
That texture of fish is the problem. The smell and
(06:08):
the texture. Beer battered fish sticks are like eating chicken fingers,
So it doesn't really bother me. It's like dipping in
tartar sauce, put some whatever else on it, and you're
good to go. Everything but ranch, right, No ranch, he says,
Like I'm a pass Like I tell my kids, try
everything three times, including vegetables. Trying taking asparagus from them.
(06:29):
You would get shived, he said. That's what he said,
s HIV eating. I'm I'm throwing down a fought law
to you guys to change up your menu selections and
venture out at least one new food a week and
report back. Wow, that's what he says. That's a challenge.
What's in it like for for me? I think I
(06:52):
think bacon is the easiest one for you to do.
What's the carrot on the end of the stick, though,
what's the carrot on the end of the I don't know.
I'm a pilot, a craft you guy, he's probably your
most prominent caller, listener, um interactor. Just having his respect.
I think that's what stopped stopping. You're such a toe sucker,
it's so embarrassing, he said. Also here, by the way,
(07:13):
he took another shot at you. I'm a pilot. He's
turning on you, He says. I showed my kids both
your pictures and said, these guys don't like seafood. They
asked if you always were picked last, and said tell
them to get the sand out of their panties and
that the kid's table is in the other room. Well,
for the record, I'm a pilot, and for your your kids, Um,
(07:36):
when I was young, when I was when I was
young before fourteen, I was typically picked middle to last,
and then hit the gross spurt when I was always
picked first after that. So no, I was picked last
because I was fat. So you know, you play soccer handball,
you don't want the fat kids rustling Kansas right soon
(07:58):
says I love the podcast for over a year now,
but I just can't tolerate Gagon's extreme ego anymore. I
don't care if he was actually the greatest person that
ever was, which he clearly is not. Russell says, just
don't act that arrogant. He complains constantly about your toe lickers,
(08:20):
as he calls them. Thankfully he doesn't have many of
his ego or his Egolas says, would wouldn't fit in
the universe. So sad to say goodbye to the podcast.
We have lost Russell in Kansas because of you guests.
Now we have lost a podcast. That's a download that
we have lost. But here's a good thing though. We
have a new category because with Russell leaving, that means
(08:44):
we go from boot liquors to a nut hugger. Russell
as a full fledged nut hugger of Ben Mallary. No, no,
if he was a nut hugger, he would continue to
listen to the podcast, listen to you. He's not going anywhere.
But he said, he just says he's called him a liar. Yeah,
I'm calling him a liar, an egomania, calling a guy
a lot. For the record, liar, Yeah, he is a
(09:07):
he is a liar. But for the record, he should
acknowledge the fact that it is about me, Like he
is listening for us and I am on this stupid podcast,
so it is about me. What else you did do? Wait?
What else are you gonna do? In Kansas? Kansas is
a great place on God's green Earth. It's a lot
of God fearing people in Kansas, a lot of good,
hard working people. That's the bread basket as part of
(09:30):
the bread basket of America. Boy, Kansas, and you're you're
shipping all over Kansas. That's a bad job by you.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show
weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox
Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio. A moving on,
(09:52):
we gotta go quick, rabbit tat tat. I'm gonna be
as many as we can. Kevin in Kansas, right so,
and he says, Ben and day, once again, you're a podcast,
continue to inform and entertain. So here's a guy in
Kansas that likes the podcast. Is there a butt coming
in here? I've noticed that both of you have vast
experiences covering or calling a variety of sports. What kind
(10:14):
of prep do you have to do to be competent
or better at broadcasting or writing about lacrosse or other
such sports? Yeah, well, that that's the equivalent of speaking
Chinese or Russian. Uh. The sport of lacrosse. I just
I don't know much about it. I've seen it a
(10:34):
few times. I had friends that played lacrosse. But lacross
is not big where I grew up. I know in
the Northeast the crosses is very big. But like anything,
if I were to be assigned a big television deal
to broadcast lacrosse, then I would do my copious amounts
of research and try to become a savant in lacrosse.
(10:56):
What's the I did soft but I was in college.
I did softball. That was odd, but it was just
like baseball. It was a softball. When he's referencing what
I mentioned last week, I had called a championship lacrosse
match in Tustin in your neck of the woods, Oh yeah,
that's right. Well I'm from just across the way from
Tustin and Irvine, North Part Yeah. I so, okay, I
(11:17):
guess he's asking you then, Yes, what did you do?
A lacrosse expert? I'm not an across expert, but I'm
familiar with the game. Called it pretty pretty decently. I
think the challenge will be um this tonight. I think
the challenge will be tonight. I'm calling my first game
for the European League of Football. And so the majority
of the players on these rosters are from Germany, Poland
(11:39):
and Spain. So not the game traveling to Germany. No,
I'll be doing things uh in studio remotely, yeah, remotely,
but the pronunciations of these guys will be a kick
in the ass. Here's what you do. What's all right?
Number twelve drops back, throws the number over the middle.
That's the first the big german. Uh, you could have
(12:09):
some fun to see if anyone is actually paying attention.
You could like it's like I had a program director
tell me that, you know, sometimes the phone is when
I when I used to be desperate for call, not
I don't really care. I mean I take calls, but
I don't really need them. But I remember I first
started your your dependent on phone calls, and I had
a program director said this have been if no one's calling,
if you want to see if they're listening, there's two
(12:30):
things you can do. You can either you can either
curse and then the people will get upset, or you
can make a mistake intentionally and then have people call
up to try to correct you. And hand to god,
it's it's kind of like the the trope of the Internet.
You know how they say about the internet. If you
want to get an answer to something, give the wrong
answer right. People love to correct you. And it's true
(12:53):
with the radio, like if you make a mistake, they
love to call up and correct the idiot on the radio.
Can't get enough of it. Love it, love it, love it,
love it, love it. Uh. Let's see here, who do
we have august ones from? Should I say the name
of this? Maybe I'll give the name at the end. Ben,
I have listened to your Overnight show for years. I
(13:15):
have been loyal, supportive, and appreciative of the content and
effort of the crew to make the show better than
the best. I have listened to the Fifth Hour podcast
since its inception. I find David a worthy opponent to
your argumentative ways. He has creative, loyal, and supportive building
your brand. However, the Benn Maller Show in the Fifth
(13:37):
Hour have gone off the third rail so many times
with the content and the guest you have interviewed that
I have come to realize, how dare you tease me
with this greatness? Put time limits on your untouchable content?
How dare you stir the pot and offer an honest,
(13:58):
differing opinion on taboo subjects. The nerve you and David
have to rock the boat with topics and guests who
provide enlightening conversations so that I can question topics, educate myself,
and emphasize with situations and individuals. How dare you if
the fifth hour podcast at the Ben Mallow Show stopped
(14:19):
this off? The high volters third real content, I may
have to quit listening signed what do you think wrote that? Well?
The fact that that thing was nice and eloquent, succinct
and well thought out. I would say it's one of
your more coherent your listeners and callers, someone that has
teeth um some of that doesn't have needles in their arms.
(14:39):
I'm gonna go to Tammy from Montown almost like almost
like you've seen that email before, almost like you told
her to send all the listeners that we have. You
guess Tammy and Montana ding Ding Ding ding Ding just
been exposed that you've just been Paint's just been paying
basically a handful of people that actually right thoughtful into
(15:01):
an email. I'm a pilots one of them. She's another,
And I think what blind Scott maybe blank Scott. Yeah,
I have noticed that when blind Scott's been battling some
some demons. But when he's back with the demons, he
calls the show every day. When he's not on the demons,
he kind of just forgets about us. He hangs out
with his dog Dylan, and that's it. Kyrie in Okay
(15:25):
See writes, and he says, Hey, Betty the Bopper, I
love Jed who fled as a caller. There's the one
guy that loves Jed who fled as a caller. He
is one of my favorites. I listened to the game
show the other night, and how mad you you get
when you lose the game shows? He says. It's freaking
hilarious to hear another sore loser like myself. I'm not
(15:45):
a sore loser, Kyrie, he says. I. Kyrie says, though,
I am one of the worst in the world. I
once put my uncle out of my house over a
video game. Video game, I don't know, he didn't say.
He says he's serious, though, what sports moment or radio
moment has angered you the most in your life? The
same question for gag On two. I like the West
(16:08):
of the Four Oh five responses, what's go ahead? I'm
gonna guess that it was Game five of the seventeen
World Series with Kershaw on the bump. Uh No, I
was actually Game seven or it was just the most
annoyed you know, because I come in people love to
bust my balls, and I bust people's balls, and I
get it. But the Clippers blowing the lead against the
(16:31):
Rockets when they were going to the Western Conference they
were gonna win the game, go to the Western Conference
finals against Golden State, and they had a double digit lead.
They're up like fifteen points like that late third quarter.
I'm leaving Staples Center. People I've known for fifteen years plus,
twenty years plus are like, they know I like the
(16:51):
Clippers are like, give me high fives, congratulations. Great moment
for the Clippers. By the time I get to the studio,
the Clippers that lost the I I think I told
you this. The worst moment I ever had. Was my
first on air opportunity was San Diego State basketball the
game day host, and the opening segment was also the
(17:12):
first play out of the TV time out where Joe
Flacco burn raheem more over the top to Jacobe Jones
in that playoff game and through its seventy yards. Being
a huge Bronco fan, I saw that on live TV
in my studio while I'm on air. I wanted to
I wanted to punch somebody. It's absolutely awf Yeah, yeah,
(17:36):
you know. I I just a lot of the radio stuff,
like I get frustrated when the equipment doesn't work, I
start throwing stuff. But a lot of that's out of
my control. Yeah, so I I've come to grips with that. Um.
But the sports stuff, I mean, when you think something's
gonna go one way and then it just you know, shot,
(17:57):
just brutal, even if you have money on the ann
Wars now, Uh, Barry, that's true. Berry from Nashville, Yo Yo,
mob Benny in a In the recent months, it seems
like there has been a lot of songs, awesome songs
written for your show. Why do you think that has
happened all of a sudden. Uh, well, Bart, I'll answer that.
(18:20):
I think there's a couple of things in play here.
We've been playing the songs more now. We've had songs
written off and on sporadically for years. We had Tammy
and Montana and Rod the Ambassador of Bakersfield collaborated on
a tune that was professionally done and we played that
a lot. And we've had a few others, but I
really give credit to Jay Scoop and Just Josh. Those
(18:43):
two guys have collaborated on a number of songs and
they've been so good and so professionally done that we've
had Raz quit the band who's also a musician in Minnesota,
and he's he started to put songs out really quick.
Raditat hat you have like three songs in a row,
and so there's like this rivalry of people putting songs out.
(19:05):
And then we've the Talent Show. Every year we get
a couple of songs that are that are out, that
are that are pretty exciting. Uh. Berry also says, as
a contributing member of the podcast since day one, I
really appreciate you having my payments being switched from checks
to direct deposit. It really is more convenient and hits
(19:25):
my bank account much faster. Well, I'm glad to help
you out, Barry of Christia. We we do not have
anyone that is on the show or send an email
who doesn't get paid wink wink not not so Yeah,
we have a big budget here. This is like a
high high budget Morning Zoo. Uh uh aiming in your
Belinda in so Cap in North O. Have you ever
been to your Belinda? Yeah? Out there? Yeah uh, It
(19:49):
says big Ben, I love you in the show. I've
been a listener since the old Benn and Dave days,
while I'm back with a different Dave. Uh Benn in
Dave of the old his radio show, he says, I
used to love the way you guys would torture Lee
Klein at the end of your show during the cross like,
oh that was fun. Lee would get so frustrated and
annoyed because Lee and we've had him on this podcast,
(20:12):
but Lee would Lee thought like, you know, he did
highbrow radio, and that myself and Dave Smith when we
did the show, we appealed to the unwashed, you know,
the losers. But he had an adult, mature audience and
of course was all bullshit. Um, you know, he's he
had the same people listening to him that we're listening
to us. He just he in his head, he had
this neurosis like, oh, I'm you know, I'm more mature
(20:33):
than these idiots. These guys are doing nonsense radio and
all that stuff shock jock radio. Uh, he says, what
happened your old partner, David his league Klins still alive? Wow,
Lee is still alive. I check in with Lee. We
had him on the podcast, as I said, aim and
and Lee is still He's retired, he's not working right now,
living living a good life. And David Smith is working
(20:56):
in radio. He's got a weekend radio show at A
I would give the name, i'd plug it. I don't,
off the top of my head remember the name of
the network. It's A it's a smaller outfit. But he's
got a radio show on the weekends. And uh so
he's he's still working actively in the business, and uh,
from what I understand, is doing pretty well. So well.
I'm happy for him, and we should get him on
(21:17):
the podcast at some point, but we haven't been able
to work that out. Well, since you wanted to plug him,
why don't you actually plug Friday's episode with me and
Ryan Harris? I thought I did a great job Bronco
Fani with a former Bronco player. You know, it was
well rounded minutes, great content, hard hitting questions. We should
have called that one the sixth hour. Why should call
(21:38):
it because that's not the fifth the fifth Hour with
Ben Maller. It's not the fifth Hour with Gascon and
a Denver Bronco that used to play. Because you love
the Broncos so much, you tracked out a Bronco. Was
just gonna tell the audience during that episode that you
were in the recovery room, you were getting your m
R I had done on your knee with your torn
a c l you and your boyfriend Hitle Leonard. I
(21:59):
just yeah, listen, that's why they play the games. Well, man,
that's why they play the games. And uh, guys get hurt. Kauai.
You knew when you signed Kauai that he was injury prone.
I'm not like devastated by it. I mean, this was
a possibility. Its people are like, oh man, you're gonna
be so up. I'm not upset. I'm upset. I'm not up.
I mean, this is it. I mean it. Actually, the
(22:21):
whole Kauai injury thing makes it better because from my perspective,
it's like, well, now it's just you've just in your
head lost and if the Clippers would like come back
and and win or something like that, then that's amazing.
And what an embarrassment would be for the Utah Jazz,
which is probably just not gonna happen. So yeah, I
mean it's fine. It's you know, you have no chance
without Ka, I don't win a championship. So that's fine.
(22:44):
That's what I can deal with that. And I've been
very consistent on It's like, you know, injuries are part
of it. They're not robots. And you got I need
to rant about this the other night about Lebron. What
a dummy Lebron is told to do because the short
and season. Yeah, Kawhile Leonards stepping awkwardly on you know someone,
or Kyrie Irving coming down on Janice A, Denta Coombo,
(23:06):
U Joel and Bead who's always hurt getting hurt it's
Alope because they came back too soon. Yeah, sure, Lebron,
do your homework, Lebron. James Harden out of shape trying
to play his way into shape is not the NBA's vault.
But Lebron's got all the answers. She's so smart with
his high school diploma that he knows everything that's going
on in the world. My god. All right, moving on.
(23:28):
This one's from Helen and Stu and Palmetto Bay, Florida.
Where is that at in Florida? It's beautiful. You've never
been to Palmetto Bay, No, I have not. I've only
been to I've been to Miami. I've been to Tampa.
I've been to St. Petersburg. You've just been to the
Big seen you do Orlando? I bet I've been to Orlando?
Have you? You've not been? Yeah, I've been. Well, I
was there for spring training, so I drove. The Dodges
(23:50):
were in Vero Beach. We flew into Orlando and drove
all over the God's Green Earth in Florida. But Palmetto
Bay is actually in the Miami Dad, It's it's in
that area. It's uh, I'm looking at photos of It's
pretty nice. It's pretty nice. Not far from Key Biscayne there.
Um yeah, solid, I'd live there anyway. Helen and Steu says,
(24:16):
why bother doing the Fifth Hour podcast when all that
disloyal David Gascon does his sabotage your two tin cans
and string audio? Good point. Yeah, Well, I've often said,
Helen and Stu that the most important thing, there's two
things that are important in broadcasting. The most important is
(24:36):
to actually be able to hear the broadcast. I have
learned over the years. If if you the listener has
to work to hear what the broadcast is saying, you're
not gonna listen. And the other thing we learned from
John sterling sell the soap. You've got to sell the soap.
So advertising is you could say it's number one, because
other than that you're just doing free stuff. But if
you can't hear the broadcast, what's the point of doing
(24:56):
the broadcast? Uh? And Helen and Steu signed fire guests
on and replace him with Roberto whoam? Do you think
she wrote this after or before she put on her
diapers and her husband's Wow, what are you doing in Florida?
You know you weren't diapers for years. I don't know
what you're playing about a little bit. Glenn in Chicago writes,
(25:18):
and he says, what do you guys hate more junk
email or junk mail? Yeah, j junk email is easy,
just delete, delete. You know you gotta spam folder. Nobody deal.
I just I don't like the fact that they, you know,
with credit cards or with any kind of advertisers, the
junk mail they become. They come in these large envelopes
(25:38):
and letters, and you've spent a lot of money for
business expenses to get these things out there. Well, my parents,
my mom ran a mailing service and most of her
business was drunk mail from realtors. That that was bulk
mail service. Because that was you'd have title and estro companies.
(25:59):
So yeah, we had. I can't say when I was
in like junior high and high school how many stickers
I put on, like some flyers that because I was
before the internet was big, and that's the only way
you could get the word out is you just mass
mailed junk mail to people, hoping that people, you know,
a few people would respond. Glenn in Chicago writes in
(26:20):
Beautiful Deep Dish Chicago Pizza. I only had it for
the first time a few years ago, Game Changers. Game Changer.
I didn't think I would like it because the tomato
sauce on top of amazing, it is amazing. They do
it right, Glenn and Chicago says, what do you guys
hate more? Actually, he continues the email. He says, when
will gag On realize you are great and suck your toes?
(26:46):
When will that happen? Guess you're laughing. I have good
toes have big toes, big toes, crusted toes. I have
a lot of callous on my feet from walking around barefoot.
Now after your after your better half almost ditched you
last week for condemning Ranch, do you think she would
ever consider licking your toes? Well, I you know, I
(27:07):
keep what happens in the bedroom in the bedroom guest,
and I know you'd like to get out of there.
But but no, she wasn't. On a serious note, Glenn says,
I want to say thank you for your energy and
the laughs on air and on the podcast. My father
passed away back in March from brain cancer. He opted
out of treatment. The most horrific last six months of
(27:29):
my life and and his. But thank you for the
great monologues and laughs. I extend the thank you to Coop, Roberto,
Eddie and even Gascon. I'll even include Jonas Knox and
Brady Quinn on that. Really the only times I smiled
and laughed. Well, thank you, Glenn. You said you've been
listening to me since five ish. I appreciate that. I
(27:52):
my dad passed away suddenly this year, as you know,
my mom had cancer though, so I went through that
a little bit she had breast answer, she beat that,
actually had she had cancer three times? She beat it
three times. The fourth time kotor uh, but yeah, she
it had spread to her liver the last time. So
(28:12):
I dealt with that. And I know how how horrific
it is to go to hospice. And you know, you
don't know, I mean the cooling my mom did. And
I think she did this intentionally when she When my
mom went to hospice, they said, well, you know, she
she might have you know, five months, maybe six, you know,
who knows, he might be less than that. She lasted
eleven days in hospice, and I think that's since she
(28:35):
realized I'm not gonna get get out of here. Might
as well, I don't want these kids to suffer, and
she she checked out. But um my condolences to you gone,
thank you for listening, and I do appreciate. I hope
you'll continue to listen when things get better and things improved.
Carlos in Houston, Texas writes and Bang Bang. He says,
what is the origin story of Justin and Cincinnati? Also,
(28:57):
did you guys have a crush on any teach hers
back in the day? Now, I didn't have any hot teachers.
I had one. I did not. I had a lot
of older women and like I'm I'm saying older, I'm
going real old. And I had dudes, So I went
on the dudes. But you know, for you, for those
(29:18):
of you that are fine, Uh yeah I didn't. Yeah,
I did not have any. I can't recall. Maybe a
substitute occasionally would be hot and that would be exciting,
but that would only last a day or two. My
fourth grade teacher was really hot. Her name was Mrs
tun t o n. She was extremely hot, cravaceous or
(29:40):
just a beautiful, smart, beautiful smile. Yeah, she looked like
an actress and she was. She actually had a She
was a bit, which probably made her hotter. Like she
was that female dog. Yeah, no, she was. She had
a serious attitude and I always got busted in her class.
But see that's the con. I always hated women with attitude.
(30:02):
I was like, you're not better than anybody, what are
you doing? He did it. I think I'm attracted a
woman with attitude and I can't stand it. I like
the relatable human being, whether you're a guy or a girl.
I don't need the I'm better than you know, it's
fuck you. You're not better than me. As far as
Justin and Cincinnati, Justin's been listening for a very long time.
(30:26):
He has had some odd jobs in Cincinnati. And I
don't know what you what. I can tell he listens
to Fox Sports Radio more than our management listens to
Fox Sports radier guy. He listens all day and all night.
He knows everything that happens. I don't think he sleeps.
I think he might be a lizard person Justin and
he's awake all the time, and he doesn't I don't know.
I do know that Justin has a ghoulish sense of humor.
(30:50):
And he did work delivering picking up bodies, and famously
he claims he picked up the wrong body. He was
supposed to pick up a white guy's body from the hospital,
picked up the black guy's body and it became a
big didn't you didn't you tell me he tried having
sex with that buddy? No, that's what you you said.
I didn't necrophilia. Uh. This one was from Scott, formerly
(31:13):
from Rancho Cucamonga, Quas now in northern Kentucky. He says, Ben,
first of all, I want to thank for your awesome
cameo you did for my wife's birthday. Well, you're welcome,
you wan uh as she tolerates your show better than most.
I make her listen to it. It was hilarious and
put a smile on her face. And I'm glactually like that.
If you were to get a cameo from anyone past
(31:35):
or present, who would it be from? I suppose Gagon
can answer that to ha ha ha uh. It would
be somebody in radio that I you know. Jim Healy
probably would be the guy, you know if he could
bring him back from the dead, and I was a
huge fan of his show. It's one of the influences
why I got into radio. That would be that would
(31:56):
be a big one. I ever got to meet him.
I've been lucky enough to meet most everyone else in
one way or another. That I him and Paul Harvey.
I remember Paul Harvey. But Art Bell showed up at
a Christmas party. I was a big fan of Art Bells.
I got an autograph from Howard String the book signing,
so I didn't really meet him, but I get an
autograph right in front of him anyway. Uh. He says
(32:16):
love to show on the podcast, and he says new nickname,
perhaps Captain Cameo. Captain Cameo, Yeah, I'm forget a cameo
would be from Scully Vince Kelly would be I've had
dinner with not that I'm bragging. All right, Now, here's
the deal. So it's kind of a wonky schedule right
(32:37):
now because I'm in this halfway house situation. So we
actually are going to record the podcast earlier next week.
So if if you if I didn't use your email
and I think it's good, I will use your posting
in next week's mail bag. Okay, next week mail bag. Uh,
So we'll do that. And then also in addition, if
(32:58):
you you want to send in a new question, you
do that, I'll put something up on Facebook. What probably Monday,
I think Monday, or maybe I'll even do it today
on Sunday. I don't know. So we'll get that going.
And thank you for all your amazing contributions a lot
of email and questions on Facebook for the mail bag.
And again, if you missed any of the weekend podcast,
go back. We had the this Saturday podcast with Me
(33:21):
Just Me, It's all about Me Ben telling you the
story of the big relocation situation, the temporary Mallard mansion
and how that all went down. Give you the inside skinny.
That's a that's an exclusive only on the podcast. I've
not talked about that on the radio show. And then
it was all Gascon on Friday with one of his
bff from the Broncos, Ryan Harris, former Notre Dame Fighting
(33:43):
Irish offense tackle and motivational speaker, author champion of the
Super Bowl winning team back in Super Bowl fifty of
the Denver Broncos, gift by Cam Newton. Problem problem. But
did net did Ryan in the podcast? I gotta go
back and here did he mention how they pushed Peyton
Manning's rotting carcass across the finish line that year? Did
(34:05):
they talk about that? Didn't get into any of that,
but it is an enjoyable one. It was hard, oh
sports talk, So I do apologize for those that were
hard x is and OH sports talk. Yeah, there's no
third rail chatter, so I do apologize in advance. That's
gonna upset Chris and Houston. All right, listen, we are
out of here. Have a great rest of your Sunday,
and we will catch you well tonight on the radio
(34:29):
in the podcast next week. As well. See you then,
be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show
weekdays at two am eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox
Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app
If you thought more hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now that it does. We are in
the air everywhere bloviating eight days a week, eight days
a week. This is obviously a spinoff of the radio show.
It's been a wacky weekend though in the podcast world,
because this is the only podcast this weekend where together united.
(00:48):
The Sunday Mailbag podcast from West of the four oh five. David,
I'm a cloud mores pin, w wild and crazy, and
I think the crowd is excited that you are actually
in the house for two consecutive days. You go from
(01:09):
Saturday to Sunday. I'm really enthusiastic about this. Well, I
would like to thank you, guess, as you know, I
on the Saturday podcast, which I did alone, I explain
what has been going on in my life here and
I recently moved to the I call it the halfway
house because it's halfway between my my last house and
(01:30):
my next house, which is being renovated right now. And
so I'm in a temporary situation. And everything has been
walking wonky and crazy. But you know, it's not walking
and crazy. The mail bell boy, the mail bag is
not wonky crazy. And I hear from sources, gas Gun,
(01:50):
that you you like the mail bag you even though
people just kill you and destroy you. And I have
noticed going through the mail that a lot of a
lot of hate mixed with a couple of a couple
of plants, a couple of plants, team Gascon going in
there and doing that thing. But for the most part
(02:12):
it's been all negative, with a few exceptions. So I
want to get right now. I don't want to waste
any time. Yes, I don't want to waste any time.
To me, this is my favorite podcast of the weekend, okay,
because it's the last. All Right, I'm a pilot, writes
(02:32):
in from Parts Unknown. He says, catching up on the
Sunday mail Bag and listening to YouTube muppets food phobias,
he's re frank to the last Sunday podcast that we
did prior to this one. Obviously, had me shaking my head.
That's my line. You can't shake your head. I'm allowed
to shake my head. He says. I do most of
the cooking at home, and my five year olds have
(02:55):
a better food path than you do. Uh. He says,
and rare or medium rare is the only choice when
cooking steak. No, that's wrong, you're wrong. I'm a pilot.
It's well done with ketchup or a one sauce. That
is the way to eat a steak, I says. The
last fourth of July cooking steaks, my girls said well done,
(03:18):
and I made them go to do Oklahoma drills. That's well,
that's good parenting, good parenting. I'm a pilot, I said,
Seeing how you are a nonpracticing Jew, that is true. Uh.
Not eating pork in itself is blasphemy. We'll blame my
parents because I didn't need it when I was a kid.
It's just one of those things I haven't done it
(03:39):
as I never had a cup of coffee. That's just
kind of how how that goes, he says, going through
life with no bacon, it's God's candy. He says, this
is true, guest, gun is bacon God's candy. Yeah, I
think you would enjoy it, and if you dip down
into the depths of of meat, especially at breakfast Britto.
We're in California. I think it's it's well accustomed for
(03:59):
those that were early morning or late night like you
do breakfast, brittle eggs. I think love the breakfast. You
love the breakfast the biggest thing. You should open a
restaurant and just serve breakfast. Burrito. You know what. I'm
a fan of the larger tortillas, especially when you get
to double wrap your burritos. We don't have many places,
so you are when it comes to burritos. You're a
(04:20):
size queen when it comes to brito. Yes, you know sizes.
Size matters. Bellor, I thought it was the motion in
the ocean. I thought that was there. It's that's all
about size, Okay, is that right? I didn't know. I
guess you're hanging out with an interesting crowd there, He says. Uh,
(04:41):
I'm a pilots as his kids his girls are routinely
eat their weight and bacon and would gnaw your hand
if you tried to take away there. Berkshire pork Job
bowed in no less, because I'm raising winners. Not participants,
says David Berkshire. Pork is the co be of pork
added to your shopping list. I'll have to do that.
(05:03):
I feel like that was a really emasculating email from
I'm a pilot, very rare that he will take a
shot at me. But I will respond, and I will.
It's not done the email. This is a long email.
Just no, no seafood, no sushi. I will eat cod beer,
battered cod fish sticks. I'll eat that. He says. How
(05:25):
can you how you can live on planet Earth where
seventy percent of it is ocean? Got a good point.
Then he says, that's God's supermarket with a lot of
God references here. You love Boston, that's true. I do
love Boston. I almost worked if I did work there,
but I almost moved there. It was offered a job
in Boston a couple of times, he says. But will
(05:45):
will not taste the greatness of the lobster roll or
fresh shucked oysters. No, I I well the idea of
the oysters texture. I wouldn't want to eat oysters just
on the texture alone. Looking at them, Yeah, I don't
want to eat them, he said, a big bowl of
steam clams, grilled shrimp or props. No, that sounds disgusting.
That texture of fish is the problem. The smell and
(06:08):
the texture. Beer battered fish sticks are like eating chicken fingers,
So it doesn't really bother me. It's like dipping in
tartar sauce, put some whatever else on it, and you're
good to go. Everything but ranch, right, No ranch, he says,
Like I'm a pass Like I tell my kids, try
everything three times, including vegetables. Trying taking asparagus from them.
(06:29):
You would get shived, he said. That's what he said,
s HIV eating. I'm I'm throwing down a fought law
to you guys to change up your menu selections and
venture out at least one new food a week and
report back. Wow, that's what he says. That's a challenge.
What's in it like for for me? I think I
(06:52):
think bacon is the easiest one for you to do.
What's the carrot on the end of the stick, though,
what's the carrot on the end of the I don't know.
I'm a pilot, a craft you guy, he's probably your
most prominent caller, listener, um interactor. Just having his respect.
I think that's what stopped stopping. You're such a toe sucker,
it's so embarrassing, he said. Also here, by the way,
(07:13):
he took another shot at you. I'm a pilot. He's
turning on you, He says. I showed my kids both
your pictures and said, these guys don't like seafood. They
asked if you always were picked last, and said tell
them to get the sand out of their panties and
that the kid's table is in the other room. Well,
for the record, I'm a pilot, and for your your kids, Um,
(07:36):
when I was young, when I was when I was
young before fourteen, I was typically picked middle to last,
and then hit the gross spurt when I was always
picked first after that. So no, I was picked last
because I was fat. So you know, you play soccer handball,
you don't want the fat kids rustling Kansas right soon
(07:58):
says I love the podcast for over a year now,
but I just can't tolerate Gagon's extreme ego anymore. I
don't care if he was actually the greatest person that
ever was, which he clearly is not. Russell says, just
don't act that arrogant. He complains constantly about your toe lickers,
(08:20):
as he calls them. Thankfully he doesn't have many of
his ego or his Egolas says, would wouldn't fit in
the universe. So sad to say goodbye to the podcast.
We have lost Russell in Kansas because of you guests.
Now we have lost a podcast. That's a download that
we have lost. But here's a good thing though. We
have a new category because with Russell leaving, that means
(08:44):
we go from boot liquors to a nut hugger. Russell
as a full fledged nut hugger of Ben Mallary. No, no,
if he was a nut hugger, he would continue to
listen to the podcast, listen to you. He's not going anywhere.
But he said, he just says he's called him a liar. Yeah,
I'm calling him a liar, an egomania, calling a guy
a lot. For the record, liar, Yeah, he is a
(09:07):
he is a liar. But for the record, he should
acknowledge the fact that it is about me, Like he
is listening for us and I am on this stupid podcast,
so it is about me. What else you did do? Wait?
What else are you gonna do? In Kansas? Kansas is
a great place on God's green Earth. It's a lot
of God fearing people in Kansas, a lot of good,
hard working people. That's the bread basket as part of
(09:30):
the bread basket of America. Boy, Kansas, and you're you're
shipping all over Kansas. That's a bad job by you.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show
weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox
Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio. A moving on,
(09:52):
we gotta go quick, rabbit tat tat. I'm gonna be
as many as we can. Kevin in Kansas, right so,
and he says, Ben and day, once again, you're a podcast,
continue to inform and entertain. So here's a guy in
Kansas that likes the podcast. Is there a butt coming
in here? I've noticed that both of you have vast
experiences covering or calling a variety of sports. What kind
(10:14):
of prep do you have to do to be competent
or better at broadcasting or writing about lacrosse or other
such sports? Yeah, well, that that's the equivalent of speaking
Chinese or Russian. Uh. The sport of lacrosse. I just
I don't know much about it. I've seen it a
(10:34):
few times. I had friends that played lacrosse. But lacross
is not big where I grew up. I know in
the Northeast the crosses is very big. But like anything,
if I were to be assigned a big television deal
to broadcast lacrosse, then I would do my copious amounts
of research and try to become a savant in lacrosse.
(10:56):
What's the I did soft but I was in college.
I did softball. That was odd, but it was just
like baseball. It was a softball. When he's referencing what
I mentioned last week, I had called a championship lacrosse
match in Tustin in your neck of the woods, Oh yeah,
that's right. Well I'm from just across the way from
Tustin and Irvine, North Part Yeah. I so, okay, I
(11:17):
guess he's asking you then, Yes, what did you do?
A lacrosse expert? I'm not an across expert, but I'm
familiar with the game. Called it pretty pretty decently. I
think the challenge will be um this tonight. I think
the challenge will be tonight. I'm calling my first game
for the European League of Football. And so the majority
of the players on these rosters are from Germany, Poland
(11:39):
and Spain. So not the game traveling to Germany. No,
I'll be doing things uh in studio remotely, yeah, remotely,
but the pronunciations of these guys will be a kick
in the ass. Here's what you do. What's all right?
Number twelve drops back, throws the number over the middle.
That's the first the big german. Uh, you could have
(12:09):
some fun to see if anyone is actually paying attention.
You could like it's like I had a program director
tell me that, you know, sometimes the phone is when
I when I used to be desperate for call, not
I don't really care. I mean I take calls, but
I don't really need them. But I remember I first
started your your dependent on phone calls, and I had
a program director said this have been if no one's calling,
if you want to see if they're listening, there's two
(12:30):
things you can do. You can either you can either
curse and then the people will get upset, or you
can make a mistake intentionally and then have people call
up to try to correct you. And hand to god,
it's it's kind of like the the trope of the Internet.
You know how they say about the internet. If you
want to get an answer to something, give the wrong
answer right. People love to correct you. And it's true
(12:53):
with the radio, like if you make a mistake, they
love to call up and correct the idiot on the radio.
Can't get enough of it. Love it, love it, love it,
love it, love it. Uh. Let's see here, who do
we have august ones from? Should I say the name
of this? Maybe I'll give the name at the end. Ben,
I have listened to your Overnight show for years. I
(13:15):
have been loyal, supportive, and appreciative of the content and
effort of the crew to make the show better than
the best. I have listened to the Fifth Hour podcast
since its inception. I find David a worthy opponent to
your argumentative ways. He has creative, loyal, and supportive building
your brand. However, the Benn Maller Show in the Fifth
(13:37):
Hour have gone off the third rail so many times
with the content and the guest you have interviewed that
I have come to realize, how dare you tease me
with this greatness? Put time limits on your untouchable content?
How dare you stir the pot and offer an honest,
(13:58):
differing opinion on taboo subjects. The nerve you and David
have to rock the boat with topics and guests who
provide enlightening conversations so that I can question topics, educate myself,
and emphasize with situations and individuals. How dare you if
the fifth hour podcast at the Ben Mallow Show stopped
(14:19):
this off? The high volters third real content, I may
have to quit listening signed what do you think wrote that? Well?
The fact that that thing was nice and eloquent, succinct
and well thought out. I would say it's one of
your more coherent your listeners and callers, someone that has
teeth um some of that doesn't have needles in their arms.
(14:39):
I'm gonna go to Tammy from Montown almost like almost
like you've seen that email before, almost like you told
her to send all the listeners that we have. You
guess Tammy and Montana ding Ding Ding ding Ding just
been exposed that you've just been Paint's just been paying
basically a handful of people that actually right thoughtful into
(15:01):
an email. I'm a pilots one of them. She's another,
And I think what blind Scott maybe blank Scott. Yeah,
I have noticed that when blind Scott's been battling some
some demons. But when he's back with the demons, he
calls the show every day. When he's not on the demons,
he kind of just forgets about us. He hangs out
with his dog Dylan, and that's it. Kyrie in Okay
(15:25):
See writes, and he says, Hey, Betty the Bopper, I
love Jed who fled as a caller. There's the one
guy that loves Jed who fled as a caller. He
is one of my favorites. I listened to the game
show the other night, and how mad you you get
when you lose the game shows? He says. It's freaking
hilarious to hear another sore loser like myself. I'm not
(15:45):
a sore loser, Kyrie, he says. I. Kyrie says, though,
I am one of the worst in the world. I
once put my uncle out of my house over a
video game. Video game, I don't know, he didn't say.
He says he's serious, though, what sports moment or radio
moment has angered you the most in your life? The
same question for gag On two. I like the West
(16:08):
of the Four Oh five responses, what's go ahead? I'm
gonna guess that it was Game five of the seventeen
World Series with Kershaw on the bump. Uh No, I
was actually Game seven or it was just the most
annoyed you know, because I come in people love to
bust my balls, and I bust people's balls, and I
get it. But the Clippers blowing the lead against the
(16:31):
Rockets when they were going to the Western Conference they
were gonna win the game, go to the Western Conference
finals against Golden State, and they had a double digit lead.
They're up like fifteen points like that late third quarter.
I'm leaving Staples Center. People I've known for fifteen years plus,
twenty years plus are like, they know I like the
(16:51):
Clippers are like, give me high fives, congratulations. Great moment
for the Clippers. By the time I get to the studio,
the Clippers that lost the I I think I told
you this. The worst moment I ever had. Was my
first on air opportunity was San Diego State basketball the
game day host, and the opening segment was also the
(17:12):
first play out of the TV time out where Joe
Flacco burn raheem more over the top to Jacobe Jones
in that playoff game and through its seventy yards. Being
a huge Bronco fan, I saw that on live TV
in my studio while I'm on air. I wanted to
I wanted to punch somebody. It's absolutely awf Yeah, yeah,
(17:36):
you know. I I just a lot of the radio stuff,
like I get frustrated when the equipment doesn't work, I
start throwing stuff. But a lot of that's out of
my control. Yeah, so I I've come to grips with that. Um.
But the sports stuff, I mean, when you think something's
gonna go one way and then it just you know, shot,
(17:57):
just brutal, even if you have money on the ann
Wars now, Uh, Barry, that's true. Berry from Nashville, Yo Yo,
mob Benny in a In the recent months, it seems
like there has been a lot of songs, awesome songs
written for your show. Why do you think that has
happened all of a sudden. Uh, well, Bart, I'll answer that.
(18:20):
I think there's a couple of things in play here.
We've been playing the songs more now. We've had songs
written off and on sporadically for years. We had Tammy
and Montana and Rod the Ambassador of Bakersfield collaborated on
a tune that was professionally done and we played that
a lot. And we've had a few others, but I
really give credit to Jay Scoop and Just Josh. Those
(18:43):
two guys have collaborated on a number of songs and
they've been so good and so professionally done that we've
had Raz quit the band who's also a musician in Minnesota,
and he's he started to put songs out really quick.
Raditat hat you have like three songs in a row,
and so there's like this rivalry of people putting songs out.
(19:05):
And then we've the Talent Show. Every year we get
a couple of songs that are that are out, that
are that are pretty exciting. Uh. Berry also says, as
a contributing member of the podcast since day one, I
really appreciate you having my payments being switched from checks
to direct deposit. It really is more convenient and hits
(19:25):
my bank account much faster. Well, I'm glad to help
you out, Barry of Christia. We we do not have
anyone that is on the show or send an email
who doesn't get paid wink wink not not so Yeah,
we have a big budget here. This is like a
high high budget Morning Zoo. Uh uh aiming in your
Belinda in so Cap in North O. Have you ever
been to your Belinda? Yeah? Out there? Yeah uh, It
(19:49):
says big Ben, I love you in the show. I've
been a listener since the old Benn and Dave days,
while I'm back with a different Dave. Uh Benn in
Dave of the old his radio show, he says, I
used to love the way you guys would torture Lee
Klein at the end of your show during the cross like,
oh that was fun. Lee would get so frustrated and
annoyed because Lee and we've had him on this podcast,
(20:12):
but Lee would Lee thought like, you know, he did
highbrow radio, and that myself and Dave Smith when we
did the show, we appealed to the unwashed, you know,
the losers. But he had an adult, mature audience and
of course was all bullshit. Um, you know, he's he
had the same people listening to him that we're listening
to us. He just he in his head, he had
this neurosis like, oh, I'm you know, I'm more mature
(20:33):
than these idiots. These guys are doing nonsense radio and
all that stuff shock jock radio. Uh, he says, what
happened your old partner, David his league Klins still alive? Wow,
Lee is still alive. I check in with Lee. We
had him on the podcast, as I said, aim and
and Lee is still He's retired, he's not working right now,
living living a good life. And David Smith is working
(20:56):
in radio. He's got a weekend radio show at A
I would give the name, i'd plug it. I don't,
off the top of my head remember the name of
the network. It's A it's a smaller outfit. But he's
got a radio show on the weekends. And uh so
he's he's still working actively in the business, and uh,
from what I understand, is doing pretty well. So well.
I'm happy for him, and we should get him on
(21:17):
the podcast at some point, but we haven't been able
to work that out. Well, since you wanted to plug him,
why don't you actually plug Friday's episode with me and
Ryan Harris? I thought I did a great job Bronco
Fani with a former Bronco player. You know, it was
well rounded minutes, great content, hard hitting questions. We should
have called that one the sixth hour. Why should call
(21:38):
it because that's not the fifth the fifth Hour with
Ben Maller. It's not the fifth Hour with Gascon and
a Denver Bronco that used to play. Because you love
the Broncos so much, you tracked out a Bronco. Was
just gonna tell the audience during that episode that you
were in the recovery room, you were getting your m
R I had done on your knee with your torn
a c l you and your boyfriend Hitle Leonard. I
(21:59):
just yeah, listen, that's why they play the games. Well, man,
that's why they play the games. And uh, guys get hurt. Kauai.
You knew when you signed Kauai that he was injury prone.
I'm not like devastated by it. I mean, this was
a possibility. Its people are like, oh man, you're gonna
be so up. I'm not upset. I'm upset. I'm not up.
I mean, this is it. I mean it. Actually, the
(22:21):
whole Kauai injury thing makes it better because from my perspective,
it's like, well, now it's just you've just in your
head lost and if the Clippers would like come back
and and win or something like that, then that's amazing.
And what an embarrassment would be for the Utah Jazz,
which is probably just not gonna happen. So yeah, I
mean it's fine. It's you know, you have no chance
without Ka, I don't win a championship. So that's fine.
(22:44):
That's what I can deal with that. And I've been
very consistent on It's like, you know, injuries are part
of it. They're not robots. And you got I need
to rant about this the other night about Lebron. What
a dummy Lebron is told to do because the short
and season. Yeah, Kawhile Leonards stepping awkwardly on you know someone,
or Kyrie Irving coming down on Janice A, Denta Coombo,
(23:06):
U Joel and Bead who's always hurt getting hurt it's
Alope because they came back too soon. Yeah, sure, Lebron,
do your homework, Lebron. James Harden out of shape trying
to play his way into shape is not the NBA's vault.
But Lebron's got all the answers. She's so smart with
his high school diploma that he knows everything that's going
on in the world. My god. All right, moving on.
(23:28):
This one's from Helen and Stu and Palmetto Bay, Florida.
Where is that at in Florida? It's beautiful. You've never
been to Palmetto Bay, No, I have not. I've only
been to I've been to Miami. I've been to Tampa.
I've been to St. Petersburg. You've just been to the
Big seen you do Orlando? I bet I've been to Orlando?
Have you? You've not been? Yeah, I've been. Well, I
was there for spring training, so I drove. The Dodges
(23:50):
were in Vero Beach. We flew into Orlando and drove
all over the God's Green Earth in Florida. But Palmetto
Bay is actually in the Miami Dad, It's it's in
that area. It's uh, I'm looking at photos of It's
pretty nice. It's pretty nice. Not far from Key Biscayne there.
Um yeah, solid, I'd live there anyway. Helen and Steu says,
(24:16):
why bother doing the Fifth Hour podcast when all that
disloyal David Gascon does his sabotage your two tin cans
and string audio? Good point. Yeah, Well, I've often said,
Helen and Stu that the most important thing, there's two
things that are important in broadcasting. The most important is
(24:36):
to actually be able to hear the broadcast. I have
learned over the years. If if you the listener has
to work to hear what the broadcast is saying, you're
not gonna listen. And the other thing we learned from
John sterling sell the soap. You've got to sell the soap.
So advertising is you could say it's number one, because
other than that you're just doing free stuff. But if
you can't hear the broadcast, what's the point of doing
(24:56):
the broadcast? Uh? And Helen and Steu signed fire guests
on and replace him with Roberto whoam? Do you think
she wrote this after or before she put on her
diapers and her husband's Wow, what are you doing in Florida?
You know you weren't diapers for years. I don't know
what you're playing about a little bit. Glenn in Chicago writes,
(25:18):
and he says, what do you guys hate more junk
email or junk mail? Yeah, j junk email is easy,
just delete, delete. You know you gotta spam folder. Nobody deal.
I just I don't like the fact that they, you know,
with credit cards or with any kind of advertisers, the
junk mail they become. They come in these large envelopes
(25:38):
and letters, and you've spent a lot of money for
business expenses to get these things out there. Well, my parents,
my mom ran a mailing service and most of her
business was drunk mail from realtors. That that was bulk
mail service. Because that was you'd have title and estro companies.
(25:59):
So yeah, we had. I can't say when I was
in like junior high and high school how many stickers
I put on, like some flyers that because I was
before the internet was big, and that's the only way
you could get the word out is you just mass
mailed junk mail to people, hoping that people, you know,
a few people would respond. Glenn in Chicago writes in
(26:20):
Beautiful Deep Dish Chicago Pizza. I only had it for
the first time a few years ago, Game Changers. Game Changer.
I didn't think I would like it because the tomato
sauce on top of amazing, it is amazing. They do
it right, Glenn and Chicago says, what do you guys
hate more? Actually, he continues the email. He says, when
will gag On realize you are great and suck your toes?
(26:46):
When will that happen? Guess you're laughing. I have good
toes have big toes, big toes, crusted toes. I have
a lot of callous on my feet from walking around barefoot.
Now after your after your better half almost ditched you
last week for condemning Ranch, do you think she would
ever consider licking your toes? Well, I you know, I
(27:07):
keep what happens in the bedroom in the bedroom guest,
and I know you'd like to get out of there.
But but no, she wasn't. On a serious note, Glenn says,
I want to say thank you for your energy and
the laughs on air and on the podcast. My father
passed away back in March from brain cancer. He opted
out of treatment. The most horrific last six months of
(27:29):
my life and and his. But thank you for the
great monologues and laughs. I extend the thank you to Coop, Roberto,
Eddie and even Gascon. I'll even include Jonas Knox and
Brady Quinn on that. Really the only times I smiled
and laughed. Well, thank you, Glenn. You said you've been
listening to me since five ish. I appreciate that. I
(27:52):
my dad passed away suddenly this year, as you know,
my mom had cancer though, so I went through that
a little bit she had breast answer, she beat that,
actually had she had cancer three times? She beat it
three times. The fourth time kotor uh, but yeah, she
it had spread to her liver the last time. So
(28:12):
I dealt with that. And I know how how horrific
it is to go to hospice. And you know, you
don't know, I mean the cooling my mom did. And
I think she did this intentionally when she When my
mom went to hospice, they said, well, you know, she
she might have you know, five months, maybe six, you know,
who knows, he might be less than that. She lasted
eleven days in hospice, and I think that's since she
(28:35):
realized I'm not gonna get get out of here. Might
as well, I don't want these kids to suffer, and
she she checked out. But um my condolences to you gone,
thank you for listening, and I do appreciate. I hope
you'll continue to listen when things get better and things improved.
Carlos in Houston, Texas writes and Bang Bang. He says,
what is the origin story of Justin and Cincinnati? Also,
(28:57):
did you guys have a crush on any teach hers
back in the day? Now, I didn't have any hot teachers.
I had one. I did not. I had a lot
of older women and like I'm I'm saying older, I'm
going real old. And I had dudes, So I went
on the dudes. But you know, for you, for those
(29:18):
of you that are fine, Uh yeah I didn't. Yeah,
I did not have any. I can't recall. Maybe a
substitute occasionally would be hot and that would be exciting,
but that would only last a day or two. My
fourth grade teacher was really hot. Her name was Mrs
tun t o n. She was extremely hot, cravaceous or
(29:40):
just a beautiful, smart, beautiful smile. Yeah, she looked like
an actress and she was. She actually had a She
was a bit, which probably made her hotter. Like she
was that female dog. Yeah, no, she was. She had
a serious attitude and I always got busted in her class.
But see that's the con. I always hated women with attitude.
(30:02):
I was like, you're not better than anybody, what are
you doing? He did it. I think I'm attracted a
woman with attitude and I can't stand it. I like
the relatable human being, whether you're a guy or a girl.
I don't need the I'm better than you know, it's
fuck you. You're not better than me. As far as
Justin and Cincinnati, Justin's been listening for a very long time.
(30:26):
He has had some odd jobs in Cincinnati. And I
don't know what you what. I can tell he listens
to Fox Sports Radio more than our management listens to
Fox Sports radier guy. He listens all day and all night.
He knows everything that happens. I don't think he sleeps.
I think he might be a lizard person Justin and
he's awake all the time, and he doesn't I don't know.
I do know that Justin has a ghoulish sense of humor.
(30:50):
And he did work delivering picking up bodies, and famously
he claims he picked up the wrong body. He was
supposed to pick up a white guy's body from the hospital,
picked up the black guy's body and it became a
big didn't you didn't you tell me he tried having
sex with that buddy? No, that's what you you said.
I didn't necrophilia. Uh. This one was from Scott, formerly
(31:13):
from Rancho Cucamonga, Quas now in northern Kentucky. He says, Ben,
first of all, I want to thank for your awesome
cameo you did for my wife's birthday. Well, you're welcome,
you wan uh as she tolerates your show better than most.
I make her listen to it. It was hilarious and
put a smile on her face. And I'm glactually like that.
If you were to get a cameo from anyone past
(31:35):
or present, who would it be from? I suppose Gagon
can answer that to ha ha ha uh. It would
be somebody in radio that I you know. Jim Healy
probably would be the guy, you know if he could
bring him back from the dead, and I was a
huge fan of his show. It's one of the influences
why I got into radio. That would be that would
(31:56):
be a big one. I ever got to meet him.
I've been lucky enough to meet most everyone else in
one way or another. That I him and Paul Harvey.
I remember Paul Harvey. But Art Bell showed up at
a Christmas party. I was a big fan of Art Bells.
I got an autograph from Howard String the book signing,
so I didn't really meet him, but I get an
autograph right in front of him anyway. Uh. He says
(32:16):
love to show on the podcast, and he says new nickname,
perhaps Captain Cameo. Captain Cameo, Yeah, I'm forget a cameo
would be from Scully Vince Kelly would be I've had
dinner with not that I'm bragging. All right, Now, here's
the deal. So it's kind of a wonky schedule right
(32:37):
now because I'm in this halfway house situation. So we
actually are going to record the podcast earlier next week.
So if if you if I didn't use your email
and I think it's good, I will use your posting
in next week's mail bag. Okay, next week mail bag. Uh,
So we'll do that. And then also in addition, if
(32:58):
you you want to send in a new question, you
do that, I'll put something up on Facebook. What probably Monday,
I think Monday, or maybe I'll even do it today
on Sunday. I don't know. So we'll get that going.
And thank you for all your amazing contributions a lot
of email and questions on Facebook for the mail bag.
And again, if you missed any of the weekend podcast,
go back. We had the this Saturday podcast with Me
(33:21):
Just Me, It's all about Me Ben telling you the
story of the big relocation situation, the temporary Mallard mansion
and how that all went down. Give you the inside skinny.
That's a that's an exclusive only on the podcast. I've
not talked about that on the radio show. And then
it was all Gascon on Friday with one of his
bff from the Broncos, Ryan Harris, former Notre Dame Fighting
(33:43):
Irish offense tackle and motivational speaker, author champion of the
Super Bowl winning team back in Super Bowl fifty of
the Denver Broncos, gift by Cam Newton. Problem problem. But
did net did Ryan in the podcast? I gotta go
back and here did he mention how they pushed Peyton
Manning's rotting carcass across the finish line that year? Did
(34:05):
they talk about that? Didn't get into any of that,
but it is an enjoyable one. It was hard, oh
sports talk, So I do apologize for those that were
hard x is and OH sports talk. Yeah, there's no
third rail chatter, so I do apologize in advance. That's
gonna upset Chris and Houston. All right, listen, we are
out of here. Have a great rest of your Sunday,
and we will catch you well tonight on the radio
(34:29):
in the podcast next week. As well. See you then,
be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show
weekdays at two am eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox
Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app
Host
Ben Maller
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