July 31, 2021 • 43 mins
Ben is joined by Ryan as he shares a pizza foul and pays homage to the man behind "set it and forget it" Ron Popeil.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the Ghetto Cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House of Hot
takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with
(00:23):
Ben Maller starts right now, back at it again on
a Saturday's Saturday's Saturday. It is another edition of The
Fifth Hour with Ben Mallor as we are back at
it eight days a week. This is the Saturday Podcast.
(00:44):
And I don't know about you. I've done a lot
of these things. That conversation with Tommy john is in
my top five pantheon of things I did not expect now.
I was very excited to talk to Tommy, and I
enjoyed the conversation, and if you didn't hear it, I
do highly recommend going back. Because so often we have
(01:05):
people on who are guarded and afraid to say anything.
Tommy was the opposite. He said whatever was on his
mind and told the fact that he almost died of COVID.
A wild tale from baseball player Tommy Johns so I'm
still I'm still getting over that. I'm still you know,
I'm still enjoying the afterglow of that conversation. But the
(01:30):
podcast game does not end. The podcast machine does not end.
And this the Saturday Podcast, and we thank you for
hitting that subscribe button, giving us five stars and telling
a friend, telling a friend, what does that help us out?
And yet again it's it's like a hostile take over. Here.
Ryan Smith, better known as his wrestling name Ryan McBain
(01:50):
is writing shotgun. Are we still allowed to say that?
He's in the passenger seat here on the fifth Hour
with Ben Maller. So Mr McMahon, the number one Boston
fan that I know that works at Fox Sports Radio Boston,
can kiss my ass. Yes, yes, yes, and yes you
can still say shotgun. Okay good. That has not been
canceled yet. So you're writing shotgun I came, which is
(02:13):
a great reference, as you know, Ryan, because you're a
historian of words. That goes back to the stagecoach days, right,
that was the in the early days of travel in
the Old West. They had the person who was driving
the stage coach, who was holding onto the straps with
the horses, and then the person next to him was
the lookout in case some you know, some hostile attack
on the side of a dirt road somewhere, so they
(02:33):
had you. You were literally holding a shotgun sitting next
to the driver, and you had to obviously defend stage coach. Yes,
I'm your protor. That's right, you are holding the weapon,
protecting us from evil people who from Boston, evil people
from Boston. Yes, here we go again, here we go.
All right, So on this podcast we'll see how much
of this we get too, because I have a lot
(02:54):
of things I wanted to rant about. I've got the eulogy, right,
the eulogy, the p it's a party foul, We've got that.
We have pop quiz and study, you know, let's get
scientifical that kind of stuff. So when we might get
some of that, depending on the time, Depending on the time.
You don't want a tight clock here unless we're not.
But I didn't want to spend some time at the
beginning of the Saturday podcast to acknowledge said it and
(03:20):
forget it. And if you've been a fan of a podcast,
we've been doing this for a while now, and we
we try to get people that touched my life in
one way or another, people I like in radio. Usually
we get a lot of radio nerds that come on here, uh,
and and athletes that I appreciate and whatnot. And with
(03:41):
that as the backdrop, one of the people that I
really wanted to get on the podcast that I tried.
I said, when I got this podcast, I gotta get
this guy on. I want to talk to this guy.
This guy's alleged he's a living legend, and I I
had it booked. It didn't happen. So we're talking about Uh,
(04:02):
the old gangster of infomercials has gone to salesman heaven,
Ron Pope Peel. Ron Pope. Now we mentioned this briefly
in the Overnight the other day, but Ron Popeel not
just an infommercial guy. The guy was an inventor. But
he did become the face of infommercials and the as
seen on TV product line the Showtime Rotisserie, the Pocket Fisherman.
(04:28):
He passed away this week at age six. Apparently had
a brief medical emergency on Tuesday. And life is so fragile,
so fleeting at at all ages, but especially when you
get to that age. And then he passed away the
day after here in Los Angeles at Cedar Sinai where
a lot of the celebrity people go. That's the celebrity
(04:51):
hospital there in La La Land. And and so he
has known as the the the set in the forgett
It And so he's checked out. And I wanted to
give you the backstory if you missed those podcasts, kind
of give you the story here. So I love infomercials.
I've always been more of a night person. And when
(05:12):
I was a kid, there wasn't a lot to watch
late at night on television. A lot of reruns and
a lot of TV stations actually would like shut off
after a certain hour and just have nothing. And then
infomercials came and that was a big thing, and I
would watch quite a bit of infomercis. We didn't have
(05:32):
the interweb the way it is today now. When I
can't sleep, I'll just go on the Internet and I'll
fall into the matrix and I'm good. I can kill
hour after hour on YouTube. But that didn't exist, so
so I watched a lot of infommercials. It was very
influential on my childhood, which is bizarre to say, because
I didn't really buy much. I did buy one thing
(05:53):
I bought the They had car wax that you could
put on the car and you could light it on
fire and the car would not be burned. And this
was such an impressive infomercial to me that I bought
the car wax. And I was so excited because they
threw in all those extras and all that good stuff.
Um so I had. That's the only thing I bought.
(06:15):
But I watched so much of Ron Popel and the
Showtime Rotisserie was the most famous of the late night
infomercial sold a billion, a billion rotisserie cookers one billion,
and and just insane, just just insane. So and uh
(06:36):
and and he was the guy that is credited with
coming up with the most famous phrase in salesmanship. But wait,
there's more. But wait there's more. Is that not perfect?
But wait there's more. So so I attempted to book
Ron POPEO. I have followed him on Facebook for many years.
(06:58):
We are Facebook, Ron Popeel and myself, and so I
reached out on Facebook. I said, hey, Ron, I'm a
radio guy. I put myself up a little bit, put
my look at me. I'm so great. Uh. I do
a radio show and it's on four hundred stations and
it's on all over the world, you know, really pumping
it up, you know, really exaggerated, which is not exaggerate.
I'm just pumping up. So Ron gets back to me
(07:21):
and said, listen to my publicist. Talk to my publicist.
We'll do it, okay. So I talked to the publicist
and then I play email tech with the publicist. We
go back and forth, very nice woman, and she's like,
what's where's the show going to be broadcast? You know,
how long is the inter We're gonna be all those who, what, where? When? Why? Questions?
So I'm okay, all right, you know, I answered all
the questions. We go through everything, um, and she says, okay,
(07:43):
I'll talk to Ron, just make sure he definitely wants
to do it, and we'll get back to So she
emails me back. She says, Ron really wants to do it.
He wants to know who you've had on in the past, though,
some of the names you've had on the past. So
I said, okay, no problem. So then at that time,
it was early in the fifth hour, and at that time,
the only names we had had on on We're like
Tony Bruno and Lenny Dikest. It was like that was it,
(08:07):
and radio's Tony Bruno and baseball's Lenny Dice. So I
wrote back and I said, well, we had Lenny Dikester
was part of the eighties six Mets, you know, it's
a wild character. And baseball we had Tony Bruno, the
guy started ESPN Radio, he started Fox Sports Radio pretty
much is the god of syndicated sports radio. We had
him on. You know, we're just starting the podcast, and
she says, okay, great, I'll go back to Iron and
(08:30):
then we'll come back to you and it should be
no problem. We'll book the podcasts. Yes, sure, no problem,
so I said. I wrote back and said, well Thursday.
You know, we do the normal to record the podcast
in the afternoon on Thursdays. There's good, no problem. So
she then I get no response right for a couple
of days, and I'm like, well, this is not good.
This is not good. You know. She had been writing
back and then like the morning before we were supposed
(08:51):
to record the rom Pool Peel podcast, which I thought
was a tentative green light go in turn. Instead it
was like a yellow light, but it was actually more
of a red light. She writes back, she says, well,
after further review, uh, you know, run just you know,
he's got to spend time with his the grandkids, and
he's got he's got a house in Malibu. I think
it was that he had to go to and he
just doesn't have time to do it, so he can't
(09:12):
do it. She said, okay, great, so why don't we
do it next week. We can do it next week,
maybe he won't be as busy. And then she's she
realized I didn't get the message, you know, the kind
put down, and so then she just said, well, you know,
Ron just he didn't have enough big names on there,
so he didn't want to do it. And I was like,
all right, whatever. I was devastated, but you know, that's fun.
(09:33):
I mean the guy was in his his golden years
and that's that's his position. But it doesn't mean I'm
not a huge fan. A huge fan. I've read books.
Uh that's what a loser I am. I've read books
about informercial. I'm just fascinating. No, no, McBey, no, seriously,
you're laughing at me, Mr Big. But here's my position.
Like radio is, sales were in the sales business, right,
(09:57):
and really all of life is sales. You want people
to like you. You're selling your your personality, You're selling
you know, if your business, you're selling business. And they
have mastered all of these Jedi mind tricks in infomercials.
They really have, and I've I've been fascinated by it.
I was a kid, I had no business, I didn't
even have any money or a credit card, and I
(10:20):
would watch for hours these infomercials and be captivated. You
should have lined by the way. You should have said, yeah,
we had we had lots of big names on on
the pond. That's what you should have done. I know
on on hindsight. We used to have a producer I
will not say the name, uh, but famously would book
star baseball players and sometimes he would say he was
(10:43):
the Today Show or you know, because it was he
was doing. He was perusing a morning show and so
he was like, yeah, hey, it's so and so from
the Today Show. Can you come on? And then they'd
be like, Okay, sure, I think I know who the
producer is. You probably do know who the producer is.
You probably do no wire, I don't know is I
know it's morally not proper Ryan, I know it's morally not.
(11:04):
I don't know if it's illegal to say that. I'm
not sure about the hell it is. The show does
take place in the morning, yeah, yeah, and you could
say that among the people on the show, that's what
we call it. You could say, that's the name that
we have for the show. So, uh, be sure to
catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at
(11:25):
two am eastern pm Pacific. Anyway, just to wrap up,
I won't spend the whole thing on rom Po Peo,
but he did influence me a little bit and actually
a lot. And he had the whole Ronco line of products.
I mean this this was all kinds of crap that
has just filled landfills over the years, right, I mean
and for radio, now, this is something I did have,
(11:48):
but I didn't get it off an infomercial. My mom
bottle for me because she knew I was a fat
kid that wasn't gonna make it in sports. And I
wanted to be on radio. Mr microphone, Mr microphone. Uh
that was all you could hook up to the radio
and beyond the radio, and that mattered back in those days. Now,
of course, you go on YouTube, you know different there's
a stone age back then. But I was a big deal.
It's like the first karaoke machine. I had a MR microphone,
(12:10):
I did, I still have one that I'm a grown up.
I have a I'm a grown ass man. I have
a MR microphone, radio studio here um. And he had
the pocket Fisherman. You know what, any jokes didn't Saturday
Night Live in the old days. I think they did
jokes about the pocket Fisherman. Goofund on, Ron popeel Um.
I mean, there's all kinds of stuff. His his stuff
is in the Smithsonian's that's wild. So rest in peace,
(12:34):
Ron Popio in fullmercial god, who ended his life worth
two hundred million dollars two hundred million smackaroos. And I
know even in recent years from being Facebook friends with him,
that he would still hang out with the other big
stars of the infomercial world. Like there's this tight fraterning
(12:55):
there and I know it's table. I think this guy
has been banned by a lot of people. I off
photo of him with the my pillow guy saying with him,
I know you're a big fan Ryan, not at all,
not at I'm not a fan of him. Who do
you hate more than my pillow guy or Boston. Oh,
that's a good question. That's a selfie's choice, that's a
(13:17):
pick your poison. Yeah, I ain't. I guess, I guess
how to go with Boston? I guess, But let's put
you you really don't hate the my pillow guy as much.
That's pretty close close. So on a scale of one
to tend Ryan McBain, what how big a loser am
I that my hero, one of my heroes as a kid,
(13:39):
was a guy hawking products on infomercials. I wouldn't say
you're a loser at all. I would say that you're uh.
You just give a valuable lesson, and that lesson is
if you want that big interview, you gotta lie. Yes,
that is true. That's a teachable moment. That is correct
teachable moment. But all the tricks, and think out the
(14:00):
tricks that are used today in sales, like the feigning.
A small amount of one of the tricks that he
learned on the I think it was on the Jersey
shore at the boardwalk on Atlantic City is Ron Popeo
was out and he was before he became an informercial guy.
I remember reading a book about his his early life
and he would be out on the boardwalk. His father
(14:20):
was in the business, and he would get people walking
down the boardwalk and he'd have these over the top
sales pitches like a carnival barker, but you're selling a
pasta maker or something like that, you know. And and
then he he would have a crowd. He build a
crowd up, and then he would sell products. And then
before he sold all the products, he would he would
(14:42):
say we we ran out, and he'd keep the crowd.
So then the next time he started it over the
same bullshit, the bullshit, he would have a crowd. And
then he realized that other people, because human nature, and
this has been proven, when people see a line people
waiting for something, they think it's a more important They
they're curious, right, I guess the first thing would be curious.
(15:03):
Secondly they're like, what, well, this must be really good.
People are waiting online for this, and so it's he
channels human nature. And to this day, when you open
a restaurant, if you pay, you're not gonna have to pay.
But if you get a crowd of relatives and friends
to fill up the restaurant and make it seem like
it's really popular, people that would never eat at that
(15:23):
restaurant will come to the restaurant thinking, you know, there's
something amazing about that. There's a scientific name for it.
I don't remember it offhand here, I have to look
it up, but it's true. My my wife's the same way.
My wife, Well, we've got to go to that restaurant.
It's popular. I'm like, no, I'm the opposite. I'm like,
I'm an introvert like you McBain, and I want I
don't want to go anywhere near where it's popular. I
(15:46):
want I want to go where there's no one. I
want to go where they haven't served uh that meal
in two months. That's where I want to go, exactly
because you're seated quicker. Absolutely, I totally agree with you exactly,
all right, So, uh we have a pizza party. Foul
Tales from the Halfway House at the Mallard Mansion Tails
(16:10):
from the Halfway House at the Mallard Mansion. Now, as
you know, I dabble. I dabb only kitchen, and since
I am living in a temporary place with a rather
small kitchen, I would say this is the smallest kitchen
I've had since I lived in a little ship whole
apartment in Hollywood. It's very tiny. It's a little like
(16:33):
a small wrap around kind of corner, doesn't even go
through the whole corner of the room type of thing.
I bet your kitchens bigger than my entire apartment, no chance,
how big. You have a studio or a one bedroom.
I have a one bedroom. Well, yeah, you don't even
have If you don't, if you had a studio, then
you could make that argument. Studio apartments blow terrible. I
(16:54):
hate studio apartments. So you have a one bedroom, one bedroom,
one bath. Of course that's all you need. Now, if
you had no bath, you'd have a problem. If you
have no bath, you'd have an issue. That would be
a problem, slight problem. So it's a small, small kitch
and there's a lot of stuff in boxes. And I'm
I'm not the first world problem. It's a good problem
(17:14):
to have them living the whole ball life. Fine, whatever
I signed up for in any event, get to the point, please.
So this week, in my haste to make the perfect
Mallard pizza, it's the one thing I still cook. Everything
else I got to eat out of a doggy bag
because I have to get It's the one thing I
can cook in this in this fugazy kitchen, I got
so the Mallard pizza, and I am very meticulous. I
(17:39):
am a person that follows the recipe exactly. But I
have made the Mallard brand pizza so often that it
has become second nature. I make it every week, normally
on Tuesday. That's pizza day. Don't eat on Monday, eat
break the fast with the Mallard pizza on Tuesday. Well, unfortunately,
as I said, to my haste to make the perfect
Mallard pizza, I did not pay proper attention to detail
(18:00):
this week and this week different than all other weeks.
And so after rolling out the dough, putting the tomato
sauce on, spreading out the mazzarella, the spices, the Italian seasoning,
the pizza spices, the garlic, the onion, the bell pepper,
all that, so I get to the very end. My
my last touch on the pizza is I try to
(18:21):
make a big fat crust and I like to put
parmesan a cheese around the crust. You know, that sprinkle
sprinkle of parmesan cheese. And to me, that's that's a
nice touch. Yes, So I like that. That's my move.
So I go to the refrigerator. McBain, I grabbed the
parmer gan a cheese. I grabbed, I take it out
and i started sprinkling it around the pizza and I'm
(18:41):
about done, and much to my shock, I noticed that
the palm just didn't look right. Jesus Christ, Yeah, now, Keiman,
why Now? I did look in the bag of cheese,
and the top layer was fine. It was the proper color,
it was the proper texture of parmegana cheese. But as
I went underneath that top layer, there was some moldiness there.
(19:05):
And I had just covered the crust of my pizza
with moldy parmesan cheese. Well, you know, some people do
like penicillin on their pizza. Now at this point, we're
at a crossroads. What do you think I did at
this particular point. I know, damn well, you ate that pizza.
Damn right, absolutely correct. So so here's my move, right,
(19:27):
So I'm like, holy fuck, I mean, one am. I
I didn't have another thing at doll I didn't have
more tomato sauce. This was the one pie and I
was hungry. I hadn't eaten since Sunday and it was Tuesday.
So I gotta eat. And so so I'm like examining
the pie with my I'm getting right up with my
putting my nose in the in the dog, trying to
(19:50):
see the the moldy cheese. And so I went over
there and tried to remove. As they say in in gardening,
you removed the dead wood, right, you cut the dead
wood out. So I'm trying to remove the cheese, the
moldy cheese. I think I got about of the moldy
cheese out and then I just gave up. I figured, well,
of moldy cheese, I think I'll be okay, and I
(20:11):
and I cooked it and I ate it and I'm
still alive to talk about it. So it didn't kill me.
You can't eat moldy cheese, Yeah, because I think like
the heat. Wouldn't the heat like get rid of the bacteria?
Is that? Isn't that how it works? I hope you're right.
I don't know. I I assume that makes sense. That's
a logical way to look at it. Now, keep in mind,
I did have the Tennessee trots, but I get that. Yeah,
(20:35):
that's what they when you have dysentery, when you get
to run to the bathroom. It was this organ trail. Well, no,
that's an old that's like a civil war term. I think. Yeah,
uh no, I could say Mona Zuma's revenge. Has that
been canceled? I don't know. Drink the water. Yeah, it's
whenever I fast, since I had my gallbladder taken out,
(20:57):
whenever I fast for a long time, it doesn't matter
what I eat, I immediately have to make a run
for the commode. So I'm not sure if it was
the mold or it was just my gall bladder acting
up after I hadn't eaten in a while. So that
was my pizza party foul with the moldy moldy. Gee,
now here's the thing you called a foul. I think
(21:18):
it's a story of redemption because you mess up the pizza,
the nice Pizza Pa, and you fixed it and you
still ate it. So that's a story of redemption. Ben, Well,
thank you, you've you've just validated my position. I told
my wife that. She said, if you did that with
my pizza, you'd have to throw that out and start off.
I said, well, it's not your pizza. People don't appreciate
(21:39):
pizza Pa. That's what I'm saying, right, this is confirmation
that you can have a little mold on your pizza
and you're gonna be okay. You shouldn't be wasting food
during a global pandemic. Now, granted, like you might have
invented some type of COVID variant, but I'm just saying
the mold variant of the mold. Help centered is the
(22:02):
the people over at Delta? Are they upset? Like? Wait
a minute here, I mean, you assholes. At first it
was called the coronavirus, so you're ruined Corona beer. Now
it's the Delta variant, so you've screwed up the airline
bed job by you. You know, It's like, what's going on,
Let's get down to business. As long as it's not
the whiskey variant, I think I'm fine. I'm good. Whereas
(22:23):
there's nothing with the whiskey. Keep very open and shut,
keep the whiskey cabinet, the whiskey bottle clear of any damage. Yes,
I got you. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven
pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart
Radio app. Hey it's me Rob Parker. Check out my
(22:45):
weekly MLB podcast, Inside the Parker for twenty two minutes
of piping hot baseball talk featuring the biggest names of
newsmakers in the sport. Whether you believe in analytics or
the eye test. We've got all the bases called New
Episodes drops every Thursday, So do yourself a favor and
listen to Inside the Partner with Rob Partner on the
(23:08):
I Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcast.
Let's get scientifical. Let's get scientifical. Do a few science
stories here now. And this is a tribute. I used
to love the show called Bullshit. It was on HBO Showtime.
I forget. It was a penn and teller and they
examined random things and says this real or is it bullshit?
(23:30):
And a lot of science. I love reading studies, scientifical
studies from universities mostly, and I have learned over the
years that there's so many weasel words in this. You
really have to go over these things with a microscope
and use critical thinking. You can't believe every single study
(23:51):
because they throw a lot of weasel words out. Here's
a study that says testosterone levels don't drive success, do
not drive success? Uh, and this, this, this is good
news if you're not an alpha male obviously, because you
have a lot of tester testosterone a beta male. And
they say it does not drive success in men, and
(24:17):
they say much less important than previously claimed. Bullshit. Yeah,
I I tend to agree. I think this is bullshit.
I think this is the University of Bristol. They claim
it's a myth that testosterone levels drive success in life,
contradicting explain porn stars, well, well in that business, and
(24:41):
I would say athletics. I mean, your brother was a
pro basketball player, right, did he have an increased testosterone? Never,
that's a question I never asked him. Ben Well, I understand,
but just I mean, you know you're around, and you
know when they're they a little more testosterone. He's got
two kids, I mean, big stuff. Look at that. Look
at that going for it. Yeah. I don't believe that one.
(25:03):
I find that hard to believe. So I'm gonna choose
not to believe that. Here's a fun story about bees.
It's for the bees. It's the bee's knees. Bees, according
to science, get buzzed off caffeine just like human bees do,
and it makes them better. It makes them better. The
bees are better bees when they're out doing their thing.
(25:25):
This is why we have science. It's things like this.
It's things like this. Uh. This is according to Greenwich
University in southeast London. This is what they're doing in London.
The caffeine is like cocaine or something. Well, it says
a new study shows that bees also get a buzz
from caffeine. It helps them become more productive on the job,
(25:49):
more productive. I'm not a coffee drinker. I've never had
a cup of coffee in my life, and I'm at
the point now where I can't have a cup of
coffee because I like to tell people I haven't had
a cup of coffee, so I can't have a cup
of coffee. I do take caffeine supplements every once in
a while when I'm driving and I don't want to
fall asleep and die when I'm driving in a ditch
somewhere along the side of the road, but I generally
don't even do a lot of that. It's the same
(26:11):
thing though, Just drink some coffee. Yeah. Yeah, it's cheaper too,
if you get a bottle of caffeine supplements that Walmart
is somewhere it's very cheap for a bottle. A bottle
of caffeine supplements is as much as a one one
cup of Starbucks coffee and it'll last year, an entire
month or longer. Fun fact. Yeah, anyway, what does it say?
(26:34):
Let me go deeper into the study, says, scientists say
the the pollinator learns better so when nectar is laced
with the pick me up of a caffeine, and they
go into a lot of scientifical minutia in this. But
the study was published in Current Biology found bumble bees
(26:55):
fed caffeine were better at remembering the smell of a
specific flower and the nectar inside. How the hell do
they know that? How do you feed a bee caffeine?
By the way, Oh, that's a good question, says let
me try to find it here. I think you're not
giving the coffee. No, no, uh, let's see here. Let's
(27:16):
just say, uh, I think it's in in some of
the flowers. I think I must I'm not reading this
right here, it's in here somewhere. Uh. This as many
stray towards neighboring wildflowers instead of the delicious summer fruit.
But those that have had the the caffeine. I enjoy it. Uh,
(27:42):
let's see here, what is it saying? La la la
la la la la. Yeah, yeah, that's a great question, right,
where is there natural caffeine? It doesn't it's not jumping
out to me here, and we don't have time to read.
It's a long study. And if I read the whole thing,
no one will be listening to the podcast. So uh,
(28:02):
they see they buy dozens or even hundreds of boxes
of commercial bumbees a year to boost crops. All right,
so this is something to help the farming farming community.
So I don't know, there's gotta be natural caffeine. Just
google it, probably get the answer, quicker. Just google it.
There you go, says In test eighty six, previously untrained
(28:24):
bumblebees were divided into three groups. Two got either the
strawberry odor or the caffeineated sugar solution, uh sugar solutional.
And also they gave them the calf. Wait a minute,
that's not It's cheating, isn't it. That's cheating anyway? They
they they said the ones with the caffeine did better. Boy, okay,
(28:45):
I didn't think we spent a lot of time on that.
We did a deadly spider venom. As we get scientifical,
deadly spider venom can help heart attack survivors recover. This
could be a live change and could being a weasel
word bullshit called bullshit on this. According to another study.
(29:06):
This is from the University of Queensland in Brisbane, Australia.
They say that the eight legged spiders friendly you know,
eight legged spider may turn out to be life savers.
The researchers report that venom from one particular type of
spider is the integral ingredient in a new life saving
(29:26):
treatment for heart attack victims who knew. The spider in question,
formerly known as the Frasier Island funnel Web spider, is
considered among the world's most deadly creepy crawler. And they
say that a molecule extracted from the spider's venom is
(29:50):
being used now to produce a new drug. That is
a new drug candidate capable of both preventing heart attack
damage and extending the life of donor art it's used
for organ transplant. Okay, let's just say it like that
this story is true. How in the world would they
figure that out? Well, I'm dumb, so I'm not the
(30:13):
person to ask. But there are people that are very smart.
I'm not one of those people. I'm an idiot. I
talk about sports for a living. I'm a moron. It's
a great question. And they say that this drug, the
new drug, actually blocks a death signal sent from the
heart during a heart attack. The death signal. That's called
(30:35):
that's what I'm reading it out of study. I'm reading
it out of the study. It's from the University of Queensland.
The death signal. Yeah, that's what it says right here.
So is that how it works, like when you have
a heart attack, that the heart sends a message of
the brand. All right, we're done, shut her off. That's it.
(30:57):
Good by everybody, We're out of here. Is that how
that works? The death signal. I'm gonna steal that. I'm
gonna use that. It makes no sense. No, I'm gonna
I am going to steal that and use that in
a future Mallon monologue. The death signal. It's like the
death star from Star Wars. I want to know what
type of drugs these doctors are on to figure that out?
(31:18):
You know what, man, You know we should try get
some spiders, man, and just to see what happens. Now,
here's the here's the thing, right, So I am of
the belief. Tell me if I'm crazy this. I believe
that all of the solutions to life problems are on
this planet. We just haven't found them. Like every illness,
(31:41):
I believe there is a cure for for that set
illness on this planet, but we haven't yet discovered it.
Am I crazy? Or am I on the path to salvation?
You are crazy and you're also correct? No, I can't
be both. You gotta pick. You can't. You can't stay
on the for the fans. Ryan, you gotta get off
(32:01):
the fence. Come on. I mean, I I agree with
what you're saying, but I mean you're also kind of insane,
which is fine. I don't think I am. I think
I'm I'm right. I think that with all the different
plants and all the things in the ocean, that we
have no idea what the hell is there? And it
doesn't mean we'll ever find the solutions to this, doesn't
(32:23):
mean we'll ever find the answers, but they're there. I
really think they are there. I think everything we need
is right here on this planet. We just have to
find I'm becoming Benny Brightside, I'm becoming Mr Positive here.
Let's not put the cart in front of the horse.
Calm down, Calm down, All right, let's see what's next.
(32:43):
Here we go. Study finds that friends who behave badly
are easier to forgive than strangers. I'll go for it.
This is obviously real and we didn't need to study
to tell us that the reason you will forgive bad
behavior by friends is because us. Hello there, your friends.
(33:03):
You don't know a stranger from Tim Buck two, So
who can't? I mean, what are you gonna do? Right,
You're not gonna if you don't know somebody and they're
an asshole to you, you're not going to give them
the time of the day, right, Yeah? Like, I mean,
you run across some stranger, You're like, okay, what if
you guys a dick, I'm I'm out of here. But
if it's a friend, you're like, well, what did you
do that? You know? You're like, you figure out a solution.
(33:26):
Global Let's say there's a global collapse, global collapse. Oh
my god, there's a global collapse and a cataclysmic global collapse.
Where is the place that you need to be to
survive a cataclysmic global collapse. I'm talking about anywhere on
this little blue marble we call Earth. Well, I know
(33:48):
the place you're not supposed to be. Where would that be?
That would be Boston, Massachusetts, there you there, you well,
anywhere in the corridor to be fair, anywhere e c. Philly,
New York, Boston. I had a buddy of mine who
was a sportswriter who despised all the attention the Red
Sox and Yankees got, and he called that the axis
(34:11):
of evil, the corridor. He was the access of evil
because everything in the country comes out of that region. Boston,
New York, Philly, Washington, d c uh to this day. Uh.
The answer, though, Ryan is New Zealand. Why they're New Zealand,
(34:32):
they say tops the list because of their favorable island conditions.
They identified five places with favorable conditions to survive a
global cataclysmic event. New Zealand came out number one, followed
by Iceland, the u k. Tasmania, and Ireland. Okay, so
(34:57):
where's the last place wherever you are? Probably? Probably yeah, exactly,
they say. Threats to society globally floodings, route pollution, pandemic, superbugs, wildfires, food,
loss severe financial crisis are all listened. There. The great
(35:20):
thing about these studies, let me tell you why these
are great, because if there is a cataclysmic global collapse,
no one's gonna go back to look at the studies
see if they're right or not. So it doesn't like
this is one of those things like, oh, whakay, that's important,
but no one's gonna say that you got it right.
No one's gonna look it up down the line if
something terrible happens. So it's it's one of those bull
(35:45):
crap story. Bull crap story. So here's an exciting story
from androids, from robots taking over the world, and I
am convinced at some point we will have the battle
the bots for real, like legitimate, big time robots. We'll
have robots playing sports mixed with human beings. It's going
(36:07):
to happen. Given enough time. We won't be around for it,
but it will happen. So two legged robots are becoming
more and more popular science, trying to master the art
of walking like humans, making them look like humans. So
there's a robot called Casey with the Sea and it
has made history. It is completed a five k marathon
(36:29):
in fifty three minutes. Fifty three minutes. But the robot
they call it, she does it have she robot parts
or he? All right? Anyway? Uh said she had to
stop twice after her computer overheated and she fell while
(36:49):
taking a corner too fast. Okay, so there is that.
And they say that the makers of this robot are
hoping to use it to deliver package is or work
in warehouses. Well, this has Amazon written all over it,
doesn't He says, like Amazon, Hey, we don't have to
pay people, and we don't have to give them medical insurance,
(37:10):
and we don't have to worry about them getting hurt
on the job or not being productive. I'll just have
a bunch of robots. Jeff Bezos saves more money so
he can go into outer space. Again, if you had
f you money and you were the richest person in
the world, you'd probably do the same thing you're going.
I mean, I wouldn't want to do that, but I
get it. Like if you just think about this, they
(37:31):
dude made so much money. He was bored to death.
He was like, you know what, I'm gonna go out
of space. Well, and it's really because these other the
other there's like two or three other rich dudes like that.
We're doing the same thing, right. Uh, what's the guy
from Tesla? What's that cat's name? I forget the guy's name,
but he he was going out of space. Elon Musk. Yeah,
(37:52):
I keep forgetting Elon must name. But he was going
to space. He was doing some stuff in space. And
then the guy from that airline, the rich I Virgin
Airlines that or something. Yes, yeah, Richard Branson's his name.
Look at you. You're connected, guy, I'm connected. And I
also say this, if you have so much money that
(38:12):
you can go to outer space, you're not paying enough taxes. Now,
come on, I am no, no, no, you should not
pay a lot of taxes every If you have that
much money, you're not paying enough taxes. I'm sorry. That
is a fact. Put that on my tombstone. Listen. I
don't know about you, but I, like everyone else, I
would think when it comes time to do the taxes,
(38:34):
you you find it. Either you do your taxes or
you find an accountant that will make you pay the
least amount of taxes. Whether you're Bezos or Bezos or
whatever his name or anybody, that's just how you want
to pay it the full amount in taxes. Who wants
to pay the full amount of taxes if you could
not pay the full amountain taxes. So you're saying, oh,
he has to pay more taxes, he might not be
(38:54):
able to go out of space. Oh no, no, I
I don't care whether it goes to outer space or not.
The most amazing thing about Bezos is that he is
stooping a woman that I know. That is that blows
me away that the richest man in the history of
the world, you know, at least in modern times, is
dating a woman that used to cover the Lakers for
(39:15):
Fox Sports West in Lauren Sanchez and I had dinner
with her at Staples Center. Man, no, I'm not name shopping.
It is amazing to me because I remember in the
locker room she covered the Lakers, like in the shack
Kobe days, the early days of Kobe and Shock was there.
And I mean she's a very attractive woman. Yeah, I
(39:37):
would imagine if I'm not gonna go there, never mind,
she's a lovely lady in my apologies tour, But the
players and the Lakers were, I mean, they were giving
her a lot of attention. You know what. I'm saying yeah, which, which,
which goes back to my other point. What's proves that
he's not paying enough taxes? To Bezos going out of space?
Didn't nobody's hot women pay more taxes. That's my point.
(40:00):
I respect people that try to pay as little as
possible because I've tried to pay as little in tax Okay, okay,
but you're not You're you're not Jeff Bezos. No, but
here's the thing you should you're you're directing your rage
at the wrong people. The people you should be upset
about are the politicians that allow that to be possible. Right,
if you are a rich enough person, you can make
a deal and you can go to Congress and get
(40:22):
laws change and get tax loopholes and go in there
these things called lobbyists, and that's what the rich people do.
And so that's really the problem. It's not it is,
You're right, it is a problem. They always say like, oh,
you know, if they don't pay a lot of taxes,
it will trickle down and people will get more jobs
(40:44):
and work more. No, these people will just go to
our space. That's where the money is going. Is not
going to the people. Yeah, well, I don't know. It's
kind of Dooby I I was. I watched that on
YouTube when when Bezos went out of space, and I
was expecting like a lot more than I got so
angry about this. I'm not really angry. I don't really
care whatever. It's fine. You know, eventually they'll be regular flights.
(41:08):
You'll go to l A X. All right, We're going
to go up to outer space for ten minutes and
then we'll come back. And the man is so rich.
He got married, divorced, lost a ship ton of money,
and he's still the richest man in the world. That's
all Richie is. Well. I say good for him. He
came up with something that society clearly loves and spends
(41:30):
a shipload of money on. And I think we should
encourage more people to be the next Jeff Bezos and
come up with a product and that everyone needs and
makes their life easier. And I think that's that should
be encouraged. I think that you should want to be
the next Bezos and create something and get the riches
of not Solomon, that's beyond the riches of Solomon. That's unbelievable,
(41:51):
my god. All right, I think we've gone long on this.
We should put the baby to bed. Unfortunately, the will
will know we'll do no pop quiz will do that
next week. And so Ryan, thank you? How can how
can the masses follow you? Ryan McMahon, I knew you've
been doing a tremendous job, yeoman's work here over the
last nth last month. I'm sure management will give you
(42:13):
a big fat raise at some point. Yes, yeah, I'm
sure Jeff Bezos will pay more taxes before that happens,
But I digress. You can find me on Twitter, Ryan
McBain R Y A N M C B A I
N and on Twitch Yes Twitch Ryan McBain on there
as well, one of those twitch people yes with Twitters,
(42:35):
which is also owned by Jeff Bezoz. Yes, you're helping
them out. You're you're helping the man out right there. Anyway, listen,
have a great rest of your Saturday. We got the
mail bag right around the corner on Sunday. You can
follow me on you know, the social media channels. Ben
Maller on Twitter, Instagram, Ben Maller on Fox, the Facebook
page Ben Mallers shown. If you did not hear the
(42:55):
Tommy John interview, you gotta go back and hear it
from Friday and have a great rest of your day.
Will catch you next time.
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the Ghetto Cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House of Hot
takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with
(00:23):
Ben Maller starts right now, back at it again on
a Saturday's Saturday's Saturday. It is another edition of The
Fifth Hour with Ben Mallor as we are back at
it eight days a week. This is the Saturday Podcast.
(00:44):
And I don't know about you. I've done a lot
of these things. That conversation with Tommy john is in
my top five pantheon of things I did not expect now.
I was very excited to talk to Tommy, and I
enjoyed the conversation, and if you didn't hear it, I
do highly recommend going back. Because so often we have
(01:05):
people on who are guarded and afraid to say anything.
Tommy was the opposite. He said whatever was on his
mind and told the fact that he almost died of COVID.
A wild tale from baseball player Tommy Johns so I'm
still I'm still getting over that. I'm still you know,
I'm still enjoying the afterglow of that conversation. But the
(01:30):
podcast game does not end. The podcast machine does not end.
And this the Saturday Podcast, and we thank you for
hitting that subscribe button, giving us five stars and telling
a friend, telling a friend, what does that help us out?
And yet again it's it's like a hostile take over. Here.
Ryan Smith, better known as his wrestling name Ryan McBain
(01:50):
is writing shotgun. Are we still allowed to say that?
He's in the passenger seat here on the fifth Hour
with Ben Maller. So Mr McMahon, the number one Boston
fan that I know that works at Fox Sports Radio Boston,
can kiss my ass. Yes, yes, yes, and yes you
can still say shotgun. Okay good. That has not been
canceled yet. So you're writing shotgun I came, which is
(02:13):
a great reference, as you know, Ryan, because you're a
historian of words. That goes back to the stagecoach days, right,
that was the in the early days of travel in
the Old West. They had the person who was driving
the stage coach, who was holding onto the straps with
the horses, and then the person next to him was
the lookout in case some you know, some hostile attack
on the side of a dirt road somewhere, so they
(02:33):
had you. You were literally holding a shotgun sitting next
to the driver, and you had to obviously defend stage coach. Yes,
I'm your protor. That's right, you are holding the weapon,
protecting us from evil people who from Boston, evil people
from Boston. Yes, here we go again, here we go.
All right, So on this podcast we'll see how much
of this we get too, because I have a lot
(02:54):
of things I wanted to rant about. I've got the eulogy, right,
the eulogy, the p it's a party foul, We've got that.
We have pop quiz and study, you know, let's get
scientifical that kind of stuff. So when we might get
some of that, depending on the time, Depending on the time.
You don't want a tight clock here unless we're not.
But I didn't want to spend some time at the
beginning of the Saturday podcast to acknowledge said it and
(03:20):
forget it. And if you've been a fan of a podcast,
we've been doing this for a while now, and we
we try to get people that touched my life in
one way or another, people I like in radio. Usually
we get a lot of radio nerds that come on here, uh,
and and athletes that I appreciate and whatnot. And with
(03:41):
that as the backdrop, one of the people that I
really wanted to get on the podcast that I tried.
I said, when I got this podcast, I gotta get
this guy on. I want to talk to this guy.
This guy's alleged he's a living legend, and I I
had it booked. It didn't happen. So we're talking about Uh,
(04:02):
the old gangster of infomercials has gone to salesman heaven,
Ron Pope Peel. Ron Pope. Now we mentioned this briefly
in the Overnight the other day, but Ron Popeel not
just an infommercial guy. The guy was an inventor. But
he did become the face of infommercials and the as
seen on TV product line the Showtime Rotisserie, the Pocket Fisherman.
(04:28):
He passed away this week at age six. Apparently had
a brief medical emergency on Tuesday. And life is so fragile,
so fleeting at at all ages, but especially when you
get to that age. And then he passed away the
day after here in Los Angeles at Cedar Sinai where
a lot of the celebrity people go. That's the celebrity
(04:51):
hospital there in La La Land. And and so he
has known as the the the set in the forgett
It And so he's checked out. And I wanted to
give you the backstory if you missed those podcasts, kind
of give you the story here. So I love infomercials.
I've always been more of a night person. And when
(05:12):
I was a kid, there wasn't a lot to watch
late at night on television. A lot of reruns and
a lot of TV stations actually would like shut off
after a certain hour and just have nothing. And then
infomercials came and that was a big thing, and I
would watch quite a bit of infomercis. We didn't have
(05:32):
the interweb the way it is today now. When I
can't sleep, I'll just go on the Internet and I'll
fall into the matrix and I'm good. I can kill
hour after hour on YouTube. But that didn't exist, so
so I watched a lot of infommercials. It was very
influential on my childhood, which is bizarre to say, because
I didn't really buy much. I did buy one thing
(05:53):
I bought the They had car wax that you could
put on the car and you could light it on
fire and the car would not be burned. And this
was such an impressive infomercial to me that I bought
the car wax. And I was so excited because they
threw in all those extras and all that good stuff.
Um so I had. That's the only thing I bought.
(06:15):
But I watched so much of Ron Popel and the
Showtime Rotisserie was the most famous of the late night
infomercial sold a billion, a billion rotisserie cookers one billion,
and and just insane, just just insane. So and uh
(06:36):
and and he was the guy that is credited with
coming up with the most famous phrase in salesmanship. But wait,
there's more. But wait there's more. Is that not perfect?
But wait there's more. So so I attempted to book
Ron POPEO. I have followed him on Facebook for many years.
(06:58):
We are Facebook, Ron Popeel and myself, and so I
reached out on Facebook. I said, hey, Ron, I'm a
radio guy. I put myself up a little bit, put
my look at me. I'm so great. Uh. I do
a radio show and it's on four hundred stations and
it's on all over the world, you know, really pumping
it up, you know, really exaggerated, which is not exaggerate.
I'm just pumping up. So Ron gets back to me
(07:21):
and said, listen to my publicist. Talk to my publicist.
We'll do it, okay. So I talked to the publicist
and then I play email tech with the publicist. We
go back and forth, very nice woman, and she's like,
what's where's the show going to be broadcast? You know,
how long is the inter We're gonna be all those who, what, where? When? Why? Questions?
So I'm okay, all right, you know, I answered all
the questions. We go through everything, um, and she says, okay,
(07:43):
I'll talk to Ron, just make sure he definitely wants
to do it, and we'll get back to So she
emails me back. She says, Ron really wants to do it.
He wants to know who you've had on in the past, though,
some of the names you've had on the past. So
I said, okay, no problem. So then at that time,
it was early in the fifth hour, and at that time,
the only names we had had on on We're like
Tony Bruno and Lenny Dikest. It was like that was it,
(08:07):
and radio's Tony Bruno and baseball's Lenny Dice. So I
wrote back and I said, well, we had Lenny Dikester
was part of the eighties six Mets, you know, it's
a wild character. And baseball we had Tony Bruno, the
guy started ESPN Radio, he started Fox Sports Radio pretty
much is the god of syndicated sports radio. We had
him on. You know, we're just starting the podcast, and
she says, okay, great, I'll go back to Iron and
(08:30):
then we'll come back to you and it should be
no problem. We'll book the podcasts. Yes, sure, no problem,
so I said. I wrote back and said, well Thursday.
You know, we do the normal to record the podcast
in the afternoon on Thursdays. There's good, no problem. So
she then I get no response right for a couple
of days, and I'm like, well, this is not good.
This is not good. You know. She had been writing
back and then like the morning before we were supposed
(08:51):
to record the rom Pool Peel podcast, which I thought
was a tentative green light go in turn. Instead it
was like a yellow light, but it was actually more
of a red light. She writes back, she says, well,
after further review, uh, you know, run just you know,
he's got to spend time with his the grandkids, and
he's got he's got a house in Malibu. I think
it was that he had to go to and he
just doesn't have time to do it, so he can't
(09:12):
do it. She said, okay, great, so why don't we
do it next week. We can do it next week,
maybe he won't be as busy. And then she's she
realized I didn't get the message, you know, the kind
put down, and so then she just said, well, you know,
Ron just he didn't have enough big names on there,
so he didn't want to do it. And I was like,
all right, whatever. I was devastated, but you know, that's fun.
(09:33):
I mean the guy was in his his golden years
and that's that's his position. But it doesn't mean I'm
not a huge fan. A huge fan. I've read books.
Uh that's what a loser I am. I've read books
about informercial. I'm just fascinating. No, no, McBey, no, seriously,
you're laughing at me, Mr Big. But here's my position.
Like radio is, sales were in the sales business, right,
(09:57):
and really all of life is sales. You want people
to like you. You're selling your your personality, You're selling
you know, if your business, you're selling business. And they
have mastered all of these Jedi mind tricks in infomercials.
They really have, and I've I've been fascinated by it.
I was a kid, I had no business, I didn't
even have any money or a credit card, and I
(10:20):
would watch for hours these infomercials and be captivated. You
should have lined by the way. You should have said, yeah,
we had we had lots of big names on on
the pond. That's what you should have done. I know
on on hindsight. We used to have a producer I
will not say the name, uh, but famously would book
star baseball players and sometimes he would say he was
(10:43):
the Today Show or you know, because it was he
was doing. He was perusing a morning show and so
he was like, yeah, hey, it's so and so from
the Today Show. Can you come on? And then they'd
be like, Okay, sure, I think I know who the
producer is. You probably do know who the producer is.
You probably do no wire, I don't know is I
know it's morally not proper Ryan, I know it's morally not.
(11:04):
I don't know if it's illegal to say that. I'm
not sure about the hell it is. The show does
take place in the morning, yeah, yeah, and you could
say that among the people on the show, that's what
we call it. You could say, that's the name that
we have for the show. So, uh, be sure to
catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at
(11:25):
two am eastern pm Pacific. Anyway, just to wrap up,
I won't spend the whole thing on rom Po Peo,
but he did influence me a little bit and actually
a lot. And he had the whole Ronco line of products.
I mean this this was all kinds of crap that
has just filled landfills over the years, right, I mean
and for radio, now, this is something I did have,
(11:48):
but I didn't get it off an infomercial. My mom
bottle for me because she knew I was a fat
kid that wasn't gonna make it in sports. And I
wanted to be on radio. Mr microphone, Mr microphone. Uh
that was all you could hook up to the radio
and beyond the radio, and that mattered back in those days. Now,
of course, you go on YouTube, you know different there's
a stone age back then. But I was a big deal.
It's like the first karaoke machine. I had a MR microphone,
(12:10):
I did, I still have one that I'm a grown up.
I have a I'm a grown ass man. I have
a MR microphone, radio studio here um. And he had
the pocket Fisherman. You know what, any jokes didn't Saturday
Night Live in the old days. I think they did
jokes about the pocket Fisherman. Goofund on, Ron popeel Um.
I mean, there's all kinds of stuff. His his stuff
is in the Smithsonian's that's wild. So rest in peace,
(12:34):
Ron Popio in fullmercial god, who ended his life worth
two hundred million dollars two hundred million smackaroos. And I
know even in recent years from being Facebook friends with him,
that he would still hang out with the other big
stars of the infomercial world. Like there's this tight fraterning
(12:55):
there and I know it's table. I think this guy
has been banned by a lot of people. I off
photo of him with the my pillow guy saying with him,
I know you're a big fan Ryan, not at all,
not at I'm not a fan of him. Who do
you hate more than my pillow guy or Boston. Oh,
that's a good question. That's a selfie's choice, that's a
(13:17):
pick your poison. Yeah, I ain't. I guess, I guess
how to go with Boston? I guess, But let's put
you you really don't hate the my pillow guy as much.
That's pretty close close. So on a scale of one
to tend Ryan McBain, what how big a loser am
I that my hero, one of my heroes as a kid,
(13:39):
was a guy hawking products on infomercials. I wouldn't say
you're a loser at all. I would say that you're uh.
You just give a valuable lesson, and that lesson is
if you want that big interview, you gotta lie. Yes,
that is true. That's a teachable moment. That is correct
teachable moment. But all the tricks, and think out the
(14:00):
tricks that are used today in sales, like the feigning.
A small amount of one of the tricks that he
learned on the I think it was on the Jersey
shore at the boardwalk on Atlantic City is Ron Popeo
was out and he was before he became an informercial guy.
I remember reading a book about his his early life
and he would be out on the boardwalk. His father
(14:20):
was in the business, and he would get people walking
down the boardwalk and he'd have these over the top
sales pitches like a carnival barker, but you're selling a
pasta maker or something like that, you know. And and
then he he would have a crowd. He build a
crowd up, and then he would sell products. And then
before he sold all the products, he would he would
(14:42):
say we we ran out, and he'd keep the crowd.
So then the next time he started it over the
same bullshit, the bullshit, he would have a crowd. And
then he realized that other people, because human nature, and
this has been proven, when people see a line people
waiting for something, they think it's a more important They
they're curious, right, I guess the first thing would be curious.
(15:03):
Secondly they're like, what, well, this must be really good.
People are waiting online for this, and so it's he
channels human nature. And to this day, when you open
a restaurant, if you pay, you're not gonna have to pay.
But if you get a crowd of relatives and friends
to fill up the restaurant and make it seem like
it's really popular, people that would never eat at that
(15:23):
restaurant will come to the restaurant thinking, you know, there's
something amazing about that. There's a scientific name for it.
I don't remember it offhand here, I have to look
it up, but it's true. My my wife's the same way.
My wife, Well, we've got to go to that restaurant.
It's popular. I'm like, no, I'm the opposite. I'm like,
I'm an introvert like you McBain, and I want I
don't want to go anywhere near where it's popular. I
(15:46):
want I want to go where there's no one. I
want to go where they haven't served uh that meal
in two months. That's where I want to go, exactly
because you're seated quicker. Absolutely, I totally agree with you exactly,
all right, So, uh we have a pizza party. Foul
Tales from the Halfway House at the Mallard Mansion Tails
(16:10):
from the Halfway House at the Mallard Mansion. Now, as
you know, I dabble. I dabb only kitchen, and since
I am living in a temporary place with a rather
small kitchen, I would say this is the smallest kitchen
I've had since I lived in a little ship whole
apartment in Hollywood. It's very tiny. It's a little like
(16:33):
a small wrap around kind of corner, doesn't even go
through the whole corner of the room type of thing.
I bet your kitchens bigger than my entire apartment, no chance,
how big. You have a studio or a one bedroom.
I have a one bedroom. Well, yeah, you don't even
have If you don't, if you had a studio, then
you could make that argument. Studio apartments blow terrible. I
(16:54):
hate studio apartments. So you have a one bedroom, one bedroom,
one bath. Of course that's all you need. Now, if
you had no bath, you'd have a problem. If you
have no bath, you'd have an issue. That would be
a problem, slight problem. So it's a small, small kitch
and there's a lot of stuff in boxes. And I'm
I'm not the first world problem. It's a good problem
(17:14):
to have them living the whole ball life. Fine, whatever
I signed up for in any event, get to the point, please.
So this week, in my haste to make the perfect
Mallard pizza, it's the one thing I still cook. Everything
else I got to eat out of a doggy bag
because I have to get It's the one thing I
can cook in this in this fugazy kitchen, I got
so the Mallard pizza, and I am very meticulous. I
(17:39):
am a person that follows the recipe exactly. But I
have made the Mallard brand pizza so often that it
has become second nature. I make it every week, normally
on Tuesday. That's pizza day. Don't eat on Monday, eat
break the fast with the Mallard pizza on Tuesday. Well, unfortunately,
as I said, to my haste to make the perfect
Mallard pizza, I did not pay proper attention to detail
(18:00):
this week and this week different than all other weeks.
And so after rolling out the dough, putting the tomato
sauce on, spreading out the mazzarella, the spices, the Italian seasoning,
the pizza spices, the garlic, the onion, the bell pepper,
all that, so I get to the very end. My
my last touch on the pizza is I try to
(18:21):
make a big fat crust and I like to put
parmesan a cheese around the crust. You know, that sprinkle
sprinkle of parmesan cheese. And to me, that's that's a
nice touch. Yes, So I like that. That's my move.
So I go to the refrigerator. McBain, I grabbed the
parmer gan a cheese. I grabbed, I take it out
and i started sprinkling it around the pizza and I'm
(18:41):
about done, and much to my shock, I noticed that
the palm just didn't look right. Jesus Christ, Yeah, now, Keiman,
why Now? I did look in the bag of cheese,
and the top layer was fine. It was the proper color,
it was the proper texture of parmegana cheese. But as
I went underneath that top layer, there was some moldiness there.
(19:05):
And I had just covered the crust of my pizza
with moldy parmesan cheese. Well, you know, some people do
like penicillin on their pizza. Now at this point, we're
at a crossroads. What do you think I did at
this particular point. I know, damn well, you ate that pizza.
Damn right, absolutely correct. So so here's my move, right,
(19:27):
So I'm like, holy fuck, I mean, one am. I
I didn't have another thing at doll I didn't have
more tomato sauce. This was the one pie and I
was hungry. I hadn't eaten since Sunday and it was Tuesday.
So I gotta eat. And so so I'm like examining
the pie with my I'm getting right up with my
putting my nose in the in the dog, trying to
(19:50):
see the the moldy cheese. And so I went over
there and tried to remove. As they say in in gardening,
you removed the dead wood, right, you cut the dead
wood out. So I'm trying to remove the cheese, the
moldy cheese. I think I got about of the moldy
cheese out and then I just gave up. I figured, well,
of moldy cheese, I think I'll be okay, and I
(20:11):
and I cooked it and I ate it and I'm
still alive to talk about it. So it didn't kill me.
You can't eat moldy cheese, Yeah, because I think like
the heat. Wouldn't the heat like get rid of the bacteria?
Is that? Isn't that how it works? I hope you're right.
I don't know. I I assume that makes sense. That's
a logical way to look at it. Now, keep in mind,
I did have the Tennessee trots, but I get that. Yeah,
(20:35):
that's what they when you have dysentery, when you get
to run to the bathroom. It was this organ trail. Well, no,
that's an old that's like a civil war term. I think. Yeah,
uh no, I could say Mona Zuma's revenge. Has that
been canceled? I don't know. Drink the water. Yeah, it's
whenever I fast, since I had my gallbladder taken out,
(20:57):
whenever I fast for a long time, it doesn't matter
what I eat, I immediately have to make a run
for the commode. So I'm not sure if it was
the mold or it was just my gall bladder acting
up after I hadn't eaten in a while. So that
was my pizza party foul with the moldy moldy. Gee,
now here's the thing you called a foul. I think
(21:18):
it's a story of redemption because you mess up the pizza,
the nice Pizza Pa, and you fixed it and you
still ate it. So that's a story of redemption. Ben, Well,
thank you, you've you've just validated my position. I told
my wife that. She said, if you did that with
my pizza, you'd have to throw that out and start off.
I said, well, it's not your pizza. People don't appreciate
(21:39):
pizza Pa. That's what I'm saying, right, this is confirmation
that you can have a little mold on your pizza
and you're gonna be okay. You shouldn't be wasting food
during a global pandemic. Now, granted, like you might have
invented some type of COVID variant, but I'm just saying
the mold variant of the mold. Help centered is the
(22:02):
the people over at Delta? Are they upset? Like? Wait
a minute here, I mean, you assholes. At first it
was called the coronavirus, so you're ruined Corona beer. Now
it's the Delta variant, so you've screwed up the airline
bed job by you. You know, It's like, what's going on,
Let's get down to business. As long as it's not
the whiskey variant, I think I'm fine. I'm good. Whereas
(22:23):
there's nothing with the whiskey. Keep very open and shut,
keep the whiskey cabinet, the whiskey bottle clear of any damage. Yes,
I got you. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven
pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart
Radio app. Hey it's me Rob Parker. Check out my
(22:45):
weekly MLB podcast, Inside the Parker for twenty two minutes
of piping hot baseball talk featuring the biggest names of
newsmakers in the sport. Whether you believe in analytics or
the eye test. We've got all the bases called New
Episodes drops every Thursday, So do yourself a favor and
listen to Inside the Partner with Rob Partner on the
(23:08):
I Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcast.
Let's get scientifical. Let's get scientifical. Do a few science
stories here now. And this is a tribute. I used
to love the show called Bullshit. It was on HBO Showtime.
I forget. It was a penn and teller and they
examined random things and says this real or is it bullshit?
(23:30):
And a lot of science. I love reading studies, scientifical
studies from universities mostly, and I have learned over the
years that there's so many weasel words in this. You
really have to go over these things with a microscope
and use critical thinking. You can't believe every single study
(23:51):
because they throw a lot of weasel words out. Here's
a study that says testosterone levels don't drive success, do
not drive success? Uh, and this, this, this is good
news if you're not an alpha male obviously, because you
have a lot of tester testosterone a beta male. And
they say it does not drive success in men, and
(24:17):
they say much less important than previously claimed. Bullshit. Yeah,
I I tend to agree. I think this is bullshit.
I think this is the University of Bristol. They claim
it's a myth that testosterone levels drive success in life,
contradicting explain porn stars, well, well in that business, and
(24:41):
I would say athletics. I mean, your brother was a
pro basketball player, right, did he have an increased testosterone? Never,
that's a question I never asked him. Ben Well, I understand,
but just I mean, you know you're around, and you
know when they're they a little more testosterone. He's got
two kids, I mean, big stuff. Look at that. Look
at that going for it. Yeah. I don't believe that one.
(25:03):
I find that hard to believe. So I'm gonna choose
not to believe that. Here's a fun story about bees.
It's for the bees. It's the bee's knees. Bees, according
to science, get buzzed off caffeine just like human bees do,
and it makes them better. It makes them better. The
bees are better bees when they're out doing their thing.
(25:25):
This is why we have science. It's things like this.
It's things like this. Uh. This is according to Greenwich
University in southeast London. This is what they're doing in London.
The caffeine is like cocaine or something. Well, it says
a new study shows that bees also get a buzz
from caffeine. It helps them become more productive on the job,
(25:49):
more productive. I'm not a coffee drinker. I've never had
a cup of coffee in my life, and I'm at
the point now where I can't have a cup of
coffee because I like to tell people I haven't had
a cup of coffee, so I can't have a cup
of coffee. I do take caffeine supplements every once in
a while when I'm driving and I don't want to
fall asleep and die when I'm driving in a ditch
somewhere along the side of the road, but I generally
don't even do a lot of that. It's the same
(26:11):
thing though, Just drink some coffee. Yeah. Yeah, it's cheaper too,
if you get a bottle of caffeine supplements that Walmart
is somewhere it's very cheap for a bottle. A bottle
of caffeine supplements is as much as a one one
cup of Starbucks coffee and it'll last year, an entire
month or longer. Fun fact. Yeah, anyway, what does it say?
(26:34):
Let me go deeper into the study, says, scientists say
the the pollinator learns better so when nectar is laced
with the pick me up of a caffeine, and they
go into a lot of scientifical minutia in this. But
the study was published in Current Biology found bumble bees
(26:55):
fed caffeine were better at remembering the smell of a
specific flower and the nectar inside. How the hell do
they know that? How do you feed a bee caffeine?
By the way, Oh, that's a good question, says let
me try to find it here. I think you're not
giving the coffee. No, no, uh, let's see here. Let's
(27:16):
just say, uh, I think it's in in some of
the flowers. I think I must I'm not reading this
right here, it's in here somewhere. Uh. This as many
stray towards neighboring wildflowers instead of the delicious summer fruit.
But those that have had the the caffeine. I enjoy it. Uh,
(27:42):
let's see here, what is it saying? La la la
la la la la. Yeah, yeah, that's a great question, right,
where is there natural caffeine? It doesn't it's not jumping
out to me here, and we don't have time to read.
It's a long study. And if I read the whole thing,
no one will be listening to the podcast. So uh,
(28:02):
they see they buy dozens or even hundreds of boxes
of commercial bumbees a year to boost crops. All right,
so this is something to help the farming farming community.
So I don't know, there's gotta be natural caffeine. Just
google it, probably get the answer, quicker. Just google it.
There you go, says In test eighty six, previously untrained
(28:24):
bumblebees were divided into three groups. Two got either the
strawberry odor or the caffeineated sugar solution, uh sugar solutional.
And also they gave them the calf. Wait a minute,
that's not It's cheating, isn't it. That's cheating anyway? They
they they said the ones with the caffeine did better. Boy, okay,
(28:45):
I didn't think we spent a lot of time on that.
We did a deadly spider venom. As we get scientifical,
deadly spider venom can help heart attack survivors recover. This
could be a live change and could being a weasel
word bullshit called bullshit on this. According to another study.
(29:06):
This is from the University of Queensland in Brisbane, Australia.
They say that the eight legged spiders friendly you know,
eight legged spider may turn out to be life savers.
The researchers report that venom from one particular type of
spider is the integral ingredient in a new life saving
(29:26):
treatment for heart attack victims who knew. The spider in question,
formerly known as the Frasier Island funnel Web spider, is
considered among the world's most deadly creepy crawler. And they
say that a molecule extracted from the spider's venom is
(29:50):
being used now to produce a new drug. That is
a new drug candidate capable of both preventing heart attack
damage and extending the life of donor art it's used
for organ transplant. Okay, let's just say it like that
this story is true. How in the world would they
figure that out? Well, I'm dumb, so I'm not the
(30:13):
person to ask. But there are people that are very smart.
I'm not one of those people. I'm an idiot. I
talk about sports for a living. I'm a moron. It's
a great question. And they say that this drug, the
new drug, actually blocks a death signal sent from the
heart during a heart attack. The death signal. That's called
(30:35):
that's what I'm reading it out of study. I'm reading
it out of the study. It's from the University of Queensland.
The death signal. Yeah, that's what it says right here.
So is that how it works, like when you have
a heart attack, that the heart sends a message of
the brand. All right, we're done, shut her off. That's it.
(30:57):
Good by everybody, We're out of here. Is that how
that works? The death signal. I'm gonna steal that. I'm
gonna use that. It makes no sense. No, I'm gonna
I am going to steal that and use that in
a future Mallon monologue. The death signal. It's like the
death star from Star Wars. I want to know what
type of drugs these doctors are on to figure that out?
(31:18):
You know what, man, You know we should try get
some spiders, man, and just to see what happens. Now,
here's the here's the thing, right, So I am of
the belief. Tell me if I'm crazy this. I believe
that all of the solutions to life problems are on
this planet. We just haven't found them. Like every illness,
(31:41):
I believe there is a cure for for that set
illness on this planet, but we haven't yet discovered it.
Am I crazy? Or am I on the path to salvation?
You are crazy and you're also correct? No, I can't
be both. You gotta pick. You can't. You can't stay
on the for the fans. Ryan, you gotta get off
(32:01):
the fence. Come on. I mean, I I agree with
what you're saying, but I mean you're also kind of insane,
which is fine. I don't think I am. I think
I'm I'm right. I think that with all the different
plants and all the things in the ocean, that we
have no idea what the hell is there? And it
doesn't mean we'll ever find the solutions to this, doesn't
(32:23):
mean we'll ever find the answers, but they're there. I
really think they are there. I think everything we need
is right here on this planet. We just have to
find I'm becoming Benny Brightside, I'm becoming Mr Positive here.
Let's not put the cart in front of the horse.
Calm down, Calm down, All right, let's see what's next.
(32:43):
Here we go. Study finds that friends who behave badly
are easier to forgive than strangers. I'll go for it.
This is obviously real and we didn't need to study
to tell us that the reason you will forgive bad
behavior by friends is because us. Hello there, your friends.
(33:03):
You don't know a stranger from Tim Buck two, So
who can't? I mean, what are you gonna do? Right,
You're not gonna if you don't know somebody and they're
an asshole to you, you're not going to give them
the time of the day, right, Yeah? Like, I mean,
you run across some stranger, You're like, okay, what if
you guys a dick, I'm I'm out of here. But
if it's a friend, you're like, well, what did you
do that? You know? You're like, you figure out a solution.
(33:26):
Global Let's say there's a global collapse, global collapse. Oh
my god, there's a global collapse and a cataclysmic global collapse.
Where is the place that you need to be to
survive a cataclysmic global collapse. I'm talking about anywhere on
this little blue marble we call Earth. Well, I know
(33:48):
the place you're not supposed to be. Where would that be?
That would be Boston, Massachusetts, there you there, you well,
anywhere in the corridor to be fair, anywhere e c. Philly,
New York, Boston. I had a buddy of mine who
was a sportswriter who despised all the attention the Red
Sox and Yankees got, and he called that the axis
(34:11):
of evil, the corridor. He was the access of evil
because everything in the country comes out of that region. Boston,
New York, Philly, Washington, d c uh to this day. Uh.
The answer, though, Ryan is New Zealand. Why they're New Zealand,
(34:32):
they say tops the list because of their favorable island conditions.
They identified five places with favorable conditions to survive a
global cataclysmic event. New Zealand came out number one, followed
by Iceland, the u k. Tasmania, and Ireland. Okay, so
(34:57):
where's the last place wherever you are? Probably? Probably yeah, exactly,
they say. Threats to society globally floodings, route pollution, pandemic, superbugs, wildfires, food,
loss severe financial crisis are all listened. There. The great
(35:20):
thing about these studies, let me tell you why these
are great, because if there is a cataclysmic global collapse,
no one's gonna go back to look at the studies
see if they're right or not. So it doesn't like
this is one of those things like, oh, whakay, that's important,
but no one's gonna say that you got it right.
No one's gonna look it up down the line if
something terrible happens. So it's it's one of those bull
(35:45):
crap story. Bull crap story. So here's an exciting story
from androids, from robots taking over the world, and I
am convinced at some point we will have the battle
the bots for real, like legitimate, big time robots. We'll
have robots playing sports mixed with human beings. It's going
(36:07):
to happen. Given enough time. We won't be around for it,
but it will happen. So two legged robots are becoming
more and more popular science, trying to master the art
of walking like humans, making them look like humans. So
there's a robot called Casey with the Sea and it
has made history. It is completed a five k marathon
(36:29):
in fifty three minutes. Fifty three minutes. But the robot
they call it, she does it have she robot parts
or he? All right? Anyway? Uh said she had to
stop twice after her computer overheated and she fell while
(36:49):
taking a corner too fast. Okay, so there is that.
And they say that the makers of this robot are
hoping to use it to deliver package is or work
in warehouses. Well, this has Amazon written all over it,
doesn't He says, like Amazon, Hey, we don't have to
pay people, and we don't have to give them medical insurance,
(37:10):
and we don't have to worry about them getting hurt
on the job or not being productive. I'll just have
a bunch of robots. Jeff Bezos saves more money so
he can go into outer space. Again, if you had
f you money and you were the richest person in
the world, you'd probably do the same thing you're going.
I mean, I wouldn't want to do that, but I
get it. Like if you just think about this, they
(37:31):
dude made so much money. He was bored to death.
He was like, you know what, I'm gonna go out
of space. Well, and it's really because these other the
other there's like two or three other rich dudes like that.
We're doing the same thing, right. Uh, what's the guy
from Tesla? What's that cat's name? I forget the guy's name,
but he he was going out of space. Elon Musk. Yeah,
(37:52):
I keep forgetting Elon must name. But he was going
to space. He was doing some stuff in space. And
then the guy from that airline, the rich I Virgin
Airlines that or something. Yes, yeah, Richard Branson's his name.
Look at you. You're connected, guy, I'm connected. And I
also say this, if you have so much money that
(38:12):
you can go to outer space, you're not paying enough taxes. Now,
come on, I am no, no, no, you should not
pay a lot of taxes every If you have that
much money, you're not paying enough taxes. I'm sorry. That
is a fact. Put that on my tombstone. Listen. I
don't know about you, but I, like everyone else, I
would think when it comes time to do the taxes,
(38:34):
you you find it. Either you do your taxes or
you find an accountant that will make you pay the
least amount of taxes. Whether you're Bezos or Bezos or
whatever his name or anybody, that's just how you want
to pay it the full amount in taxes. Who wants
to pay the full amount of taxes if you could
not pay the full amountain taxes. So you're saying, oh,
he has to pay more taxes, he might not be
(38:54):
able to go out of space. Oh no, no, I
I don't care whether it goes to outer space or not.
The most amazing thing about Bezos is that he is
stooping a woman that I know. That is that blows
me away that the richest man in the history of
the world, you know, at least in modern times, is
dating a woman that used to cover the Lakers for
(39:15):
Fox Sports West in Lauren Sanchez and I had dinner
with her at Staples Center. Man, no, I'm not name shopping.
It is amazing to me because I remember in the
locker room she covered the Lakers, like in the shack
Kobe days, the early days of Kobe and Shock was there.
And I mean she's a very attractive woman. Yeah, I
(39:37):
would imagine if I'm not gonna go there, never mind,
she's a lovely lady in my apologies tour, But the
players and the Lakers were, I mean, they were giving
her a lot of attention. You know what. I'm saying yeah, which, which,
which goes back to my other point. What's proves that
he's not paying enough taxes? To Bezos going out of space?
Didn't nobody's hot women pay more taxes. That's my point.
(40:00):
I respect people that try to pay as little as
possible because I've tried to pay as little in tax Okay, okay,
but you're not You're you're not Jeff Bezos. No, but
here's the thing you should you're you're directing your rage
at the wrong people. The people you should be upset
about are the politicians that allow that to be possible. Right,
if you are a rich enough person, you can make
a deal and you can go to Congress and get
(40:22):
laws change and get tax loopholes and go in there
these things called lobbyists, and that's what the rich people do.
And so that's really the problem. It's not it is,
You're right, it is a problem. They always say like, oh,
you know, if they don't pay a lot of taxes,
it will trickle down and people will get more jobs
(40:44):
and work more. No, these people will just go to
our space. That's where the money is going. Is not
going to the people. Yeah, well, I don't know. It's
kind of Dooby I I was. I watched that on
YouTube when when Bezos went out of space, and I
was expecting like a lot more than I got so
angry about this. I'm not really angry. I don't really
care whatever. It's fine. You know, eventually they'll be regular flights.
(41:08):
You'll go to l A X. All right, We're going
to go up to outer space for ten minutes and
then we'll come back. And the man is so rich.
He got married, divorced, lost a ship ton of money,
and he's still the richest man in the world. That's
all Richie is. Well. I say good for him. He
came up with something that society clearly loves and spends
(41:30):
a shipload of money on. And I think we should
encourage more people to be the next Jeff Bezos and
come up with a product and that everyone needs and
makes their life easier. And I think that's that should
be encouraged. I think that you should want to be
the next Bezos and create something and get the riches
of not Solomon, that's beyond the riches of Solomon. That's unbelievable,
(41:51):
my god. All right, I think we've gone long on this.
We should put the baby to bed. Unfortunately, the will
will know we'll do no pop quiz will do that
next week. And so Ryan, thank you? How can how
can the masses follow you? Ryan McMahon, I knew you've
been doing a tremendous job, yeoman's work here over the
last nth last month. I'm sure management will give you
(42:13):
a big fat raise at some point. Yes, yeah, I'm
sure Jeff Bezos will pay more taxes before that happens,
But I digress. You can find me on Twitter, Ryan
McBain R Y A N M C B A I
N and on Twitch Yes Twitch Ryan McBain on there
as well, one of those twitch people yes with Twitters,
(42:35):
which is also owned by Jeff Bezoz. Yes, you're helping
them out. You're you're helping the man out right there. Anyway, listen,
have a great rest of your Saturday. We got the
mail bag right around the corner on Sunday. You can
follow me on you know, the social media channels. Ben
Maller on Twitter, Instagram, Ben Maller on Fox, the Facebook
page Ben Mallers shown. If you did not hear the
(42:55):
Tommy John interview, you gotta go back and hear it
from Friday and have a great rest of your day.
Will catch you next time.
Host
Ben Maller
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