Payton's Predictions: Your Fake Insta Flex

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Peyton, what's the vibe for horoscopes today?

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Well, today is National Main Character Energy Day today. So basically,
everyone's Instagram story is like a crime scene of fake confidence.
So I feel like I'm going to tell you basically
what your social media, what your fake social media flexes.
So this goes for you and your Zodiac sign. Or
if there's someone who you follow and you're like, oh, yeah,
they're giving fake. This is some good insight on who

(00:25):
they actually are.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yeah. So if it's your birthday today, you're a Virgo.
You share a birthday with comedian Matt Rife and ballet
dancer Misty Copeland. So John Jay, you're a Virgo. So
let's start with Virgos. Virgos, your guys' fake social media flex.
You will like post a screenshot of your clean area.
We know that you're a hot mess. There is nothing
over there that's actually truly organized. My Virgos, you guys

(00:48):
are thriving while you make people think that your personal
life is actually complete.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Okay, that's funny. I take a picture of my clean area.
I don't have a clean area.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (00:58):
Nicole, good morning. What's your sign? Good morning.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
I'm a Gemini. All right, Gemini's your guys' fake Instagram flex.
You guys will post a boomerang holding a drink with
like three different hands tag, pretending that you're having the
time of your life while you actually only stayed for
like 12 minutes. You took the picture and then you
went home and went to bed.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
Photo op. Yes, I could totally see myself like that.
I do do that.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
At least you're honest about it.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
Thanks, Nicole. Yeah, have a nice day.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
Bye-bye. Bye. Good morning, Layla. Good morning.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
What's your sign? Taurus.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
All right, so for my tourists, your guys' fake Instagram flex,
you guys are posting like aesthetically pleasing photos of your
iced matcha latte in an unopened book, acting like you're
living in this slow, peaceful life when you actually just
spent like $ 30 on breakfast and haven't left the couch.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Interesting. Interesting. Okay, Layla. Yeah. Have a great day. Thank you,
you too. How about Pisces?

Speaker 2 (01:59):
Rich, your fake Instagram flex. You're going to post some
dramatic photo carousel, and then you're going to post some weird,
sad track behind it, romanticizing your entire life while ignoring
the six really important emails that you promised to answer
hours ago. Listen, the background music is so important on
your carousel post. Not more than those emails that you

(02:21):
haven't gotten to.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
Got to set the mood. Text your boss back. He
told me to tell you so.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
You need a cinematic mood. Okay.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
How about Libros?

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Kyle, you will post like a soft launch photo of
like two coffee cups on a table making everyone think
that you're on like a cutesy little date. Meanwhile, you're
just sitting across from your best friend who you're currently
mad at.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
I can do that. What about you?

Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, us Leos are fake Instagram flex. We will post
a quote unquote casual full outfit photo dumped caption just
a quick dump acting like we just threw it on
when we actually spent two hours taking 400 photos in
different lightings just to find one acceptable angle. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
I can see you doing that. That's on brand. By
the way, speaking of fake flexes, I saw this video
Jennifer Lopez did. I don't know if you guys saw
it or not. It was about two or three weeks ago.
I thought it was so cool. I think she was
launching a new drink or something or a wine or something.
So she's sitting there at the table. And you can
see her in a glass of wine and someone's pouring
the wine in. And she goes, no, no, no, that's enough.

(03:17):
That's enough. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Fine. Okay.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
And they fill it up and the camera pans back in.
It's herself. Her arm is like, her arm is filling
it up. I thought it was so cool. It was very,
very clever. Jennifer Lopez. Hey, if we missed your sign,
they're all posted on our website right now at johnjainrich.com.