March 8, 2019 • 48 mins
Mario sits down with his friend and former TV Executive Stefanie Ziev who gave up a successful career in television to become a life coach! Stefanie explains why she made the decision to quit tv and start coaching high level executives and other prominent people. She also explains to Mario what goes into being a life coach, the benefits of working with one, and even convinces Mario to let her coach him in a future episode!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, another episode of L t M. Listen to Mario,
(00:04):
and I'm very excited for my guest, Stephanie Ziv. Now,
I've known Stephanie for years. We met when she was
a TV executive. She had a very important job. She
was a very big deal here in Hollywood. Anyway, she
gave it up to pursue something totally different life coaching,
working with some really prominent people, to kind of like
(00:26):
that character in Billions, which I love anyway, Fascinated by
her story, So let's get to it. Stephanie Ziv. So
good to see Zavendez. I make everyone Latino, as you know,
only if I like him, I give him a nickname,
or I give a little Latin flavor to it or
Latin X. Have you heard that expression about it? I'm
(00:47):
so over that. I don't know exactly what it means,
you know why, because it doesn't mean anything. You're trying
to like the non binary these words to trying to
change perception. It's yeah, it's all like, come on, you
know how I feel about all that. Anyway, Good to
see you. You know, there was a joke. For a
long time, I didn't know you knew my first name
Stephanie rightly. Yes, it's only what gosh, well, that's the thing.
(01:08):
We've known each other for a long time. When we met,
I was doing a movie of the Week on the
Oxygen Network with Mark and Swelos Kelly Ripper's husband. Um,
what was it called? Husband for Higher? That's right, Husband
for a Higher, A romantic comedy. I was a bad
guy a few times. I was that former manudo dancer,
(01:31):
that's right. And I did a menudo dance. We gotta
pull that up and get that um that little dance clip.
I should post that for like a throwback Thursday. But
that's why I had to learn and with a choreographer,
I did a whole manudle routine. Yes, yeah, I like that.
That was a highlight for me. Um. But you were
the executive in charge of this network and you were
(01:53):
so cool. We hit it off and obviously we remained friends.
But how did you go from like basically running this
network to now being and a life coach? Like, how
does one that doesn't seem like a natural transition? No,
you don't think No, I mean you were always I
kind of when we became friends. You were always really
great at advice. When I went and and well, that's
(02:14):
just because you're smart, nice, and I only solicit advice
from people that are smart and nice and honest with me.
So thank you. So how did what what was the
genesis there? Well, first of all, let me acknowledge you,
because you are one of the only people that actually
remained my friend when I made that transition. I liked
you for you right, you did. I mean that's saying
(02:36):
a lot. I always say that about you, you know,
because I feel like we do have a genuine friendship
and it was not based on needing or wanting anything
like Hollywood stuff. Yeah, like Hollywood stuff. You know, you're
a New Yorker, so you're not Hollywood. I am a
New Yorker, but I was in Hollywood for many years. No, no,
I know. But you still had that that New York
soul and vibe, which I think because I love New York.
(02:59):
I like to visit it. I love Son all the time.
That's why I'm here in l A. But you know,
but I love New York the people and that vibe
and energy. That's and that's you anyway. I mean, when
I lived in l A, I had my foot, I
was I worked at Dream works and I worked at
I worked for you know, I worked on pilots and
different television shows. And then I also, um had my
(03:21):
foot in the world of personal development. So I don't
even know if you know this, but I did a
I did something. I did a year of a master's
in spiritual psychology while I was here. Yeah, that sounds
kind of cool. I know it was cool. And the
premise of that whole thing, which is a little super
whoo woo if if, but it's but I like it,
which is, if we're soul's having a human experience, what
(03:42):
are we here to learn? So like looking at everything
as Earth school and everything that triggers you as your teacher,
and what do we get to learn? And I love
all that because I feel like we're humans and we
are there's just so much going on. I think it's
a great lens to even look into two get more joy,
to thrive, to to heal, to rise up to you know,
(04:04):
it helps it to be a better person, all the things. So, um,
then I made my dream come true to move to
New York. So I didn't actually finish that program, and
then I ended up UM and then I moved there
and I was at Oxygen and but I still always
had my foot in that world. And then um, there
came a point where I was a VP and I
(04:25):
was I was given the opportunity to put my name
in um the ring for an s v P. And
I was like, I do not want that job, you know, yeah,
which is one of the most jobs. It was a
big coveted job. It would have been a big deal.
It would have changed the trajectory of my of my
life female and power position to a t And you
(04:46):
said no, So I didn't put my hat in the ring.
And I and at the same time, I was dating
a guy that I thought I was going to marry
and I was the breadwinner. And I said to him
one day, I said, if I wanted to stay at
home and have you know, and be like a stay
at home mom, how how would that be? And he said, well,
if that's who you are, then I'm not the man
(05:06):
for you. And I said, okay, well we're done here.
And wow, that is cold as ice? Are you serious?
A wait? Wait, so he there's a whole community. This
is what blows me away about l A. There's a
whole community of men that just sponge off of women. Yeah.
I I never saw that growing up. But there's like
a gang of dudes out here that just they're kept men,
and that trips me out. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with
(05:28):
like a stay at home down. I get that if
you're pulling your weight, but just just being taken care
of it, it's the weirdest thing. And he was He
was not for me, and I was not for him.
And so that end, really, I don't know, it's it's
it was. It was a very very it was too
long of a lapse of reason. And now I'm now,
I'm now, I'm I'm all right. So he bounced, but
so so he left. And then what happened was, actually
(05:50):
there was a big job that came up at NBC
as an s v P there, and I was like,
and then someone put someone here in l A. Put
my hat in the ring there, but it was for
a big job in New York. So I went. I
went and met with a career counselor and to get
myself all ready for this thing and um that. And
then the job went away, meaning the job moved back
(06:12):
to l A, where I did not you know, as
much as I love you, I didn't want to live here,
So you should have had these conversations with me how
to try I would convinced, I know, but I was like,
this does not feel right. So so I was like, okay,
well I'm gonna let that go now. I have three
more sessions left left with this woman. And I had
said to her, you know, spiritual advisor. She wasn't a
spiritual advisor. She was just a career counselor coach then,
(06:33):
so she says, I said to her, you know, if
I could do anything, you know what, I said, I
would actually facilitate personal development workshops. And she said, why
don't you be a life coach? I was like, I
have no idea what that is. So when did I
become a thing? It became a thing like thirty years ago,
but it's only become a more popular thing recently. And
the problem is that a lot of people can just
hang the shingle and not have a certification. That was
(06:55):
not going to be me. I need some letters beyond
my name. I'm a legit New Yorker. I'm like, I
would never go to someone who didn't have some sort
of training. It's like you wouldn't go to a yoga teacher.
Wasn't who wasn't certified? Right? Yeah, because I don't consider
myself life coach esque your life. But I don't have
a letter behind my name here because I feel, honestly,
(07:17):
I feel like I'm pretty good at at giving um
my friends when asked advice, I think I'm coming from
a good place. I'll be honest with him. But but yes,
you're right, there is a I get a skill set.
Here's the difference that the difference is that you giving
advice to your friends, is you as a friend giving
advice to your friends. The difference is also that, uh,
we are that the coaches are not meant to be
(07:41):
the advice givers. They are really designed. It's it's really
about asking powerful questions. Because I'm the xpert of you,
you're the expert of you. So my advice doesn't actually
matter despite the fact that I give you some advice.
Sometimes I'm more life really does matter, Actually it's got it,
So then I'm essentially more life coach adjacent your life.
Goa to day okay, as you were, you turned out
(08:02):
your day two networks. You're gonna be a VP. Women,
you don't see that position? Why didn't you talk to
me I would have totally convinced. You see, there would
have been my life coaching me right there. I was like,
what's the matter with you? Nobody said okay, So because
I think from a value standpoint, I was like, you know,
at that time, at that time, the you know, when
I did my the movie I did with You was
the last movie I did, and it was and I
loved those movies. They were sweet and they were loving,
(08:25):
and they were funny. And I remember you telling me. Now,
I remember they were starting to get into like bad
girls kids, like I don't want to be part of that.
I did not want to be a part of that.
In fact, they started ghetto, in fact that oxygen. I
would go in there and they would want notes, you know,
and I my note was, why are we doing this?
(08:45):
Like we are a women's network? Who and now you're
gonna put women hating women and beating women up? Like
I don't get it. They're like, Stephanie, you're banned from
this meeting. And they banned me from the meeting. I
was never allowed back into a Bad Girls Club had spinoffs. Oh,
it was, yes, and it was like one of the
most successful franchises of that network ever. You know, see
(09:07):
look at that. What does that say? So I was like,
this is not aligned with my values and I gotta go.
So my spiritual advisor would not approve right exactly, So
I I it wasn't working. I just couldn't. I couldn't.
I was having trouble going to work. I loved my
what I here's what I loved. I loved I loved
managing my team. I loved my people. I loved connecting.
(09:31):
I loved being the coach right. I loved being that
kind of a leader. I was during the transition where
NBC was end up. You know, I was going to
buy oxygen. Everybody was freaking out except me because I
was like, I just got certified, and you know, it
was like November twelve. I got let go on November
with the severance. But but before that happened, everybody was
(09:51):
coming into my office crying, freaking out. What am I
going to do? And I would at all my coaching.
I was like, if you could do anything, what would
you do? And I had people say I would be
an olive farmer in Italy. I'm like, do that, yes,
go do that. They didn't, but you know, but that's
what I was excited to hear. If you didn't have
this construct, what would you do? You know? So it
(10:13):
became I really had like I gave free coaching. It
was like my best UM, it was like my best practice.
So okay, so wait a minute, So when did you
have this like epiphany or or this moment of clarity
that this is what I want to do? It was
That was two thousand and six, and then January. That
was like July somewhere of two thousand and six, and
then July and then January of two thousand and seven.
(10:34):
I ended up going to get certified. So I was
quietly being certified on the side while I was at Oxygen,
and then I then I and UM. Like one of
the last days, you know, before I had just gotten certified,
I was in the ladies room of Oxygen, which of
course is a lot of ladies in there, and I
found myself talking to UM. I was talking to someone
(10:55):
about the fact that I just got certified, and then
someone walked out of one of the stalls and said,
you know, looking for a life coach, So what what
what does this sort of certification process look like? UM?
For my program, which was an International Coaches UM that
Oh my god, I see us. Yeah, it paid off.
(11:15):
I have no idea. No, it's so long ago. We're
taking those letters behind it for the accredited programs, which
mine was, which I remember so vividly. Um, the process
is that there's it's like a nine month process and
the last six months of it you're actually coaching people.
(11:37):
And actually I coached someone on my very first day
that like I had to come there with someone that
I was going to be ready to call at later
that day, and um and coach and so it's like
it's like completely experiential in that way. And yeah, and
what how what does a life coach do? Exactly? Because
(11:58):
to me, correct me if I'm wrong, I've always interpreted
it as like a gym coach, if you will, someone
who's training you physically and put you on a program
and getting you on the right path physically for your lifestyle.
Is that essentially what you're doing as a life coach,
but mentally psychologically getting them on the right path, having
them look, getting giving them some structure. Is it? It's
(12:20):
a combo package of who are you being and what
are you doing? So it's not just about the doing,
it's it's a mindset shift. It's like, you know you
are you know I always ask you this question, like
what is it that drives you? What is it that
like how do you get up every morning and do
what you do? And well, that is exactly what you said.
I always say that. I'm like because I was so
(12:42):
earnest about it, Like Mario, what is it? What's your mission? Whatever?
You're like money, it's not that complicated. But if we
if we dove into that, I would guess that it
would be something a little bit meteor like freedom or
something wait, really, well we could die because I'm pretty transparent.
But one thing about the because I want to get
into that. But there's a show on TV that's one
(13:05):
of my favorite shows. I think I've mentioned it to you.
It's called Billions on Showtime. Awesome show and um acts
who runs this big venture capital firm and he's a billionaire,
very successful and makes a ton of decisions a day.
He doesn't make any of his big moves without his
in house life coach, right, which is is a fascinating character.
(13:26):
And I love her and all these guys who are
wildly successful in the show and really intelligent, they feel
like they need her but is that so even men
who are or women for that matter, who are at
these high levels. Um, did it surprise you thinking that
these incredibly successful people still sort of long or or
look for these because I guess I would. I would
(13:48):
always think like you would, one would want something like
to get to that point. But even at this point,
or maybe that's why going back to the gym trainer
to stay in shape, right, yes, going back to the
so that I just feel like we cannot do this
life alone, we cannot do business alone. We are interdependent people.
Doesn't mean we have to be codependent, but we are
not independent, right, I mean we're just not that that
(14:11):
that's a misnomer. We're not doing anything by ourselves, right,
We're not even that even our food, like there are
a million steps before we eat something that got us
that food. Right. So, um, yeah, I think people at
high high levels, I mean the c suite coaching. I mean,
I'm very much in the executive coaching world right now. Really,
(14:32):
I am for anyone corrupt the loyalty and I have
never received a million dollar car, so let's just say
not yet, not yet, not yet. I'm I'm I don't
really need a car you know what that that's right,
You're in New York, but I bet you that character
on that show probably helped your life. Coach community, right,
(14:55):
I don't know. Maybe I think a lot of high
level executives and people and high performers have coaches. It's
like it's like think about Olympians, right, It's like anything
to get better, you're having another person in your corner,
especially one who's who's helping you to see things differently
(15:16):
or ask questions that you might not have thought of.
His unlocking a potential that you don't even know you
have yet necessarily right, because we think about it, we
we there's a little bit that we know that we know.
You know that your name is Mario, you know that
I'm sitting in front of you, you know, you know,
you know who you're married to. Then there's a little
bit that you know that you don't know what? Don't
you know? What? Do you know that you don't know? What?
Do I know that I don't know? I don't know
(15:37):
a lot I know that. Do you know how kind
you know? I kind of like just act like I
know it and then people believe it. Do you know
that you do you know how to do brain surgery?
Do you know how to fly a plane? Okay, so
those are things that you know that you don't know.
Let's say that's ten percent of the pie. Then there's
this nine that we don't know that we don't we
(15:59):
don't know what, we don't know that we don't even know,
we don't know, right, But that's where the possibility lives.
So I think that when when these high level executives
or even just you know, an individual is hiring a coach,
it is with the intent to unlock the possibilities. It's
the intent to dive into what else is possible, whether
(16:20):
you have thought about it or not. It's to unlock
this potential. And going back to like what a coach does,
it is not just about the coach creating the program
for the client. It's really about helping the helping the
client access that inner wisdom, that inner knowing, that expertise within.
So it is a gym coach for your minds, it is,
it's a it's a fitness trainer for your minds, like
(16:42):
having a personal trainer for your life. Right do they
go in with do a client's go in with um
a certain agenda? Like I just want to perform better
in my business? Yeah? Or is it? Or do most
go in I want to find um be open more
to love? Or what am I doing to turning that off?
(17:02):
Is it? Or do you understand I'm saying this is
usually pretty uh channel towards one thing? Or is it
just the overall want help my experience? The people come
in to coaching for a reason that is obvious and
tangible and other things are then presented and like, I'll
give you an example. I just came off of a
call before I got here with I have a senior
(17:25):
executive at a at a national company, and um, she
is a badass and powerful woman, right she? And she
is it? Yeah? You're like, really there's a woman executive.
That's no, No, I didn't interest. You've been thinking about men?
Oh yeah, I've been thinking about men, That's what I
(17:46):
was saying. That's interesting. Yeah, I was thinking man thinking
about men. I don't know, I would think the opposite
gender wid one another perspective. I don't know, maybe getting
just to hear another opinion is that is that is
that odd? I would probably because I would think, like
how a man is your Latin already think I'm not
trying to be I would already think how a man
would think, I want to hear from a woman's perspective
(18:07):
that maybe so you would hire a woman. I'm saying
that's what was interesting that a woman. Okay, that's interesting,
that's you know what I mean. I would think that.
I don't think it ever matters. I'm sure it doesn't.
I'm just saying I don't think it never matters. I
think that that there there has to be a coach
fit for sure, right, personality a thousand percents this executive.
(18:28):
So she came in really being, you know, a gangbuster.
And how how can I She's already a ridiculously high
performer performing higher? Right, She's an endurance athlete, she has
two children, she is she is unstoppable, she's unbelievable her
and she's amazing and and and now what's happening. I've
been working with her for several months. And what's happening
(18:50):
is like she's kind of unlocking this other part of
her that doesn't feel like it would look like what
an executive might unlock, which is kind of a deeper
capacity for um, compassion and and love, even which sounds
so potentially counterintuitive to just being this high level performer, right,
(19:12):
but there is something kind of extraordinary about what that is.
It's like, we're stronger with you, No, I think the
more holistic. It's not even about relationship love. It's not
even like it's just like, what if she were being
the essence of this quality in her work, in her
life and with her kids, in her you know, the
holistic version of her what is possible? Then that kind
(19:35):
of it taps into that the access of like what
else is possible? And that's a state of mind, It's
a being nous. It's something other than just like, what
are we doing? We think we're always human doings, but
we we we are really human beings. So whoever we're being,
whatever part of us is sitting at the head of
the table is dictating play. If we're dictating from a
place of being mean, then that's going to perpetuate and
(19:57):
facilitate more meanness in the world. If you're if you're
operating from a place of compassion and presence and and empathy,
that's gonna involve and evolve more of that. I always
try to come from a good place, in a place
I love, and I feel like you can't really go wrong.
But doesn't something always suffer if you're trying to do
a lot is I mean, it's sort of hard to
have that, and I always worry, Like personally, I don't
(20:19):
want to come home and I do a million things
during the day. I don't want to come home and
give my family leftovers, right, I don't. Sometimes I'm exhausted,
and I'll suck it up for you know, for the kids,
and they want to play and they want to wrestle,
and then you know, and not I want my wife
and she wants to hear about stuff, and I don't
want to talk about it just sometimes because I've probably
been doing is talking all day and going from the
(20:40):
radio to TV to meetings to do another start you
come home, so you know, and so and so I
like kind of bite down and and and I'll have conversations,
and to be quite honest, I really don't want to
have because I'm tired, right, and I just want to
get home and chill and and uh. And usually it's
after by therapy or before it was after jiu jitsu
(21:01):
or boxing. I'm just I'm just tired. But that's not fair.
I realized I can't just come home and just don't
talk to me five minutes. No, I do it. But
I'm just saying I'm like kind of making like fortunate.
I'm not embracing it, like of course I look forward
to seeing my families in that, but I just feel
like I'm burning working really hard for them, right as
(21:22):
you know, you know, and I love my family, you
know that. It's just I just I struggle with sometimes,
like I don't want to come home and just get
them leftovers either, what do you want to give them?
I want to have the same energy that I attacked
my whole rest of my day with, right, you know,
So what I'm human, like you said, so I only
have so much. I only have so many, you know,
which is what makes you so good? Well, thank you,
(21:44):
I think. But but to me, there's like a million
other things in there. It's like what is you know,
you are a doer, I mean you are really you
are as I'd like to say, you're a doo Right,
You're a doer, And so the question really becomes like
what are you doing that? Like, is there any space
that you can take in your day so that you're
not just completely depleted by the end of the day.
Not really, because I'm always of the mentality that as
(22:06):
soon as I slow down, things are gonna But that
is that is exactly a mindset that's going to keep
you in this perpetual state of not being present because
you think that something's going to go wrong if you stop.
So that's the place where you have an opportunity to
shift that narrative and the story and stuff. That's no
(22:27):
expensive if but tell you. But you know, it's like,
it's like people who meditate talk about how do you meditate?
You know? I pray? Okay, so I feel like that's
my form of meditation, and I do that every day
every night, and uh, that's my my good one and
then uh a little bit in the morning quickly. To
(22:47):
be honest, maybe I gotta start the day at the
end of the day. Maybe if I can offer you
a prayer, pray to to experience time expanded, you know,
I'd be like a superpower. I would love that. But
but it's possible. It's like if people who meditate, I
when I when I meditate, which is I like it? Yeah?
(23:07):
And my experience is that that when I meditate on
the days I meditate, my my day is longer I
feel there's more spaciousness in my day, so there's more
to get done. But but what I'm saying to you
is you have this story, which most people do. Most
people run on an unconscious narrative that you know that
ends up creating their experience. Okay, so we are powerful
(23:29):
creators and we are constantly creating. It's like I talked
about this in terms of people's results. You're if you
It's like, if you want to know what you want,
look at what you have. We're always creating. But then
people will say, well, I want to be in a relationship,
but I don't have a relationship. I'm like, well, what
part of you is telling a story that you're not
worthy of or you really don't want it, or there's
a part of it that like your freedom? Oh yeah,
(23:50):
come on, it's most of your stuff is real quick.
Before I ask this, though, a lot of successful people
I assume meditate, I think, so, yeah, I'm and I
think it's a really powerful tool that actually allows you
to be still, take a time out. Stillness is really important,
and it does it does expand time in my experience.
I know that sounds like super you know, woo woo,
(24:13):
But it does you know, I'm like, tell you know,
I go to church or I know, but you know
guilty when I know, so I'll go. But what how
is that serving you to feel guilty? I feel guilty
because I feel like I as busy as I am
and as blessed as i've been, if I can't take
an hour out of my week and then I'll go back.
(24:34):
I just I don't know. It's Catholic kilt. But then
but it's a useless emotion that's wasting your energy. But
you can't force yourself to feel choose differently. You are.
You are choosing to feel guilty. It is a story
you're telling yourself, and and and you and a million
other people who are listening, right, we all do it
to ourselves. It is the So you're you're representing quite
(24:56):
well for the for the common the common folk, you
and not just even the common folk, I mean for everybody.
Everybody feels stuff that is just a waste of energy.
Think about if you were to bottle all the times
that you felt guilty, how much more time would you have? Yeah,
I don't feel that guilty that often, just on the weekends.
All right, Well that's the only time you need to
(25:17):
on the weekend. Don't feel guilt I do if I
don't go. If I go to church, I'm fine. Then
if I go to mass I'm fine. But but why
you can sit here and pret I know, I know,
But like I always feel like, really, you can't take
an hour out of your day? I blessed you? What this? Once?
You can? Do? You think? Do you think God is
upset with you? Yeah? Really I feel like, Yeah. I
find was like an employer and I was taking care
of my employee and I asked him to do something
(25:40):
out of respect. They couldn't take an hour out of it.
I didn't ask you to do it. The Bible is
this saying things that's another, that's a whole other. It's
like down the street from my house, I don't say
here the shoot thing is, that's the that's the bad
that that's where where that good thing is bad. You
don't want to shoot all over yourself, as they say,
I don't want to should you don't want to shoot
(26:00):
all over yourself? Well what happens? It's like, you know,
there's if you have again, it goes back to the story.
It's yes, it's n if I think about how you
would be with your kids if they're saying I should
do this, I should do that, and not stuff that
you think that they also should do. Should end quotes do.
But what if you were I talk about this, you know,
turning chore into choice. If if we're looking at something
(26:22):
as a chore, then the energy around it's going to
be weighted and heavy and angry and guilty and upset.
And that's how I feel about my DVR because I
can't get through all the shows. So you are shooting
all over yourself, over myself. You know, there's so much
good TV I almost don't enjoy because like as soon
as I finish Narcos, I gotta Google, I gotta get
into a handmade sale, and then I go it's like second,
(26:42):
it's it's it's I'm not enjoying it. So you get
to choose. I'm shooting. You are shooting all over you.
I'm shooting. I'm such a sugar. I didn't know that
you are. You're a shutter. And what about what are
your thoughts on New Year's resolutions. I don't like that word.
I don't need like the word resolution. Resolution feels very
(27:02):
absolute to me, and it's just flexibility, right I am.
I am a rare you know. I don't know if
I have heard a coach say this, but for me,
I am a fan of like change the goal to
meet the goal. It's like, for instance, convenient, that convenient.
But I say it like you just you just you
(27:22):
just did. What did you do to your achilles he ruptured?
You ruptured it? So if you were supposed to run
a marathon and then you ruptured your achilles heel and
the and the marathon was a week later, would you
still run the marathon? I wouldn't, right, So you have
to change the goal to meet the goal, right, So
so aw, yes, exactly. And I think that there's always
(27:43):
reasons for that stuff. I think that, you know, the
universe will wake us up if we're not getting the
message you had to slow down. It's funny that you
say that because I actually had a goal, because I
just got my blue belt, and you just congratulation, thank you,
which I got in pretty quick time, like half. I
have no doubt because I know anything to do him excessive.
So my goal was I was going to get my
(28:06):
purple belt. I wanted to get it in a half
the time. Usually it takes about two and a half years,
and I wanted to get it in about a year
or so. And then when I got because I was
gonna go off in and you know, my wrestling background tells, um,
when I got hurt, obviously couldn't do it. It It just
put everything on a year track. It got that was
the first time I ever got a little bit depressed.
And I never I never have gotten depressed. And I
(28:27):
got like, i got depressed that I've never been immobile.
I've never been um just just still. Yeah, you had
to get super I had to get super present, had
to slow down. And then I it took me a
minute to kind of get out of that funk into
just focus on healing and being in a bitter place.
And and now fast forward, I've got the medical boot
(28:48):
off a few weeks back. But it's I'm not depressed,
but I'm a little frustrated that I'm not healing as
quickly as I want because they didn't want me doing
anything until June. Um, but my was more January February.
So I always want to want to do in a
different schedule. Yeah. Yeah, so I want to tell the
doctors that's not gonna work for me, that's way too long.
(29:10):
I struggle then, right, because but then what you're not
doing is you're not respecting the process, right, You're not
because if you're pushing something, you could reinjure yourself like right,
So it's kind of like to me, this is a
divine intervention for you, you know where if you can
look at it like that, where going back to what
I said, Yeah, I feel like God made me want
(29:31):
to slow down, like we're doing too much. That's right,
burning the candle both ends you needed right, slow down
and be still and and I think in this again
it goes back to that belief in the stillness and
does that expand do you get more time? If you're
constantly spinning and being in that doing space and not
taking a breath, you're even missing out right because you're
(29:52):
not even because even guilt is like you're you're focusing
on what you don't want rather than what you do,
and then you're creating more of that. You are a
powerful career it or you have to be really conscious
about what you are creating from a place of who
are you being and what is that story that you're
telling yourself. I'm getting I'm getting animated thinking I want
to I want to slow you down. I need to.
I need to be more like you. You need to
(30:13):
be more like me in the middle, I could be
a little more motivated in the exercise place. I could,
you know, thank you. So if you don't resolutions, what
do you call them? Um? I call them results or goals?
I mean I I call I call them results statements.
(30:35):
But the way that I have people do it is
I I mean, the way that I ask people to
actually create their their results statements when I work with them,
is I have them right a day in their extraordinary
life or their awesome life ten years from now, or
if you want to do it, if if it's if
it's the next year, I have them right out a
vision for the year, like what and I have them
right in the first person, as if it's happening right
(30:56):
the second and as if it's already done right so
like I'm so happy, be grateful, I wake up today,
I'm I'm fitting into my little black dress that I
that I you know, I haven't worn since high school.
I'm I'm I'm you know, I'm with the love of
my life. Whatever it is, right or I just I'm
so happy and grateful. I just I completed the the
like the marathon or whatever. The thing is? Right? The
(31:18):
problem is that most people they don't envision what they
really want, and they certainly don't think about why they
want it. And oftentimes, especially because we know it's going
to be a lot of I want to lose weight.
I always like the statement, if you lose weight, you're
gonna find it, so let's release it, right, um, And
if you're gonna find you, or it'll find you. And
if you're releasing it, like, what is really what is
(31:40):
the weight? What? What is the weight about? Is it?
Is it? Are you releasing unworthiness? Are you releasing a
story about um? Guilt? Are? Like? What is the physical weight?
Is always an indication of some other um internal weight
or or or emotional weight that we're holding onto. Don't
you think it's not ever just about the physical weight
(32:02):
that we are letting go. So if that's a if
that's a goal or a resolution or of a result,
it doesn't really matter what you call it. It's really
just about the relations if that you have to it.
The experience I think with most people with with New
Year's resolutions is that they like by January. There's nobody
in the gym anymore. Right there, They're like super, they're
(32:23):
they're they're super, They're fired up and then it and
then it fizzles out because people are not connected to
their why. Right. So that's really I think the most
important thing is to come up with your thing that
you want to create and know why. And then that
goes into how do you how do you stay accountable?
You know? But I think before you can stay accountable,
(32:45):
you have to know why this is important to you
and what it really means and is it just about
looking good or you know, you always say you work
out for for sanity, not vanity, and that is something
that keeps you very committed correct right. And then ironically,
another thing I'm struggling with now that I'm getting older.
You're getting older, I have you don't look at well,
(33:06):
thank you, but my body is telling me it and
I have to sort of adjust now. And that's the
part of the thing. I like doing these physical things
like boxing and jiu jitsu. It makes me feel young,
I feel alive. Plus I gotta you know, a lot
of testosterone. Still. I guess I just want to get it.
I just get it out but that's the really thing.
I'm wrestling around or fighting with guys in their twenties
(33:27):
and stuff, and it makes me makes me feel young. Um,
and I got it. I got I can't do that
as often because my body's breaking down. Torn rotator cuff,
ruptured achilles. You know, your body is talking to you,
I know, and it sucks. I don't want to play golf.
I don't want to do you know, I don't want
to do that sort of. I don't want to. I
feel like I'm too young for that. Well, I would
ask you, what does it mean to feel young? I
(33:48):
feel alive? But is it? But? But what is that? So?
Where else do you feel alive? Is it only when
you're beating twenty year olds? Up? Yeah, it's a big,
big part of it. It's a big part of it,
to be honest. And I have young kids, and I
started late, right. So my dad when he was my age,
I was already in ties. That's amazing. So my dad
(34:09):
had a lot of energy, you know, and he's I'm
fortunate to still have him now. But I gotta I
want to stay young too, because my kids, you know,
they're little, So I want to be able to be
able to keep up with I would be really curious
to know what to be I have no doubt, but
there's going to be technology for that to right. It's happening.
(34:30):
But I would be so curious to know what would
happen with you if you were meditating and how that
would impact Do I pray, pray me to meditate. In
addition to the exactly yes, a friend of mine wrote
a book called Just Sit and it's the subtitle is
for people who don't meditate but no they should, or
something like me. Yeah, it's most of us. It's a
(34:52):
really funny book and it's great and it's totally digestible,
and um, I love it. My brother in law Kylie Wong,
great guy. And that's a better guy to marry my sister. Um.
He went to Stanford Real somewhere. He was a professional
football player or whatever. Anyway, he's big into meditation, like big,
like like an hour or two sometimes. But then again
(35:15):
he's got like four kids, so I told him he
just needs time. But we got on top of the
garage they built like a little dance studio for the kids,
and then he's got a meditation rooms. Great, and so
he's always telling me. He gives me these things to
listen to feel there's something's an appen and I feel
back as like I lied to him. I'm like, yeah,
let's do it, Kylie. I go bad because I know
(35:36):
he means well. By the way, Yes, and he is
the most He's got the best energy, best personality, and
he's he's got such a chilled out sort of the
like quality. It's like he is living proof of everything.
And he's an exerciser, he was, he's a player. Does
he feel alive? You've never asked him alive? Right now?
(35:58):
Your only relationship with feeling alive is being physical, and
there's and I would ask you what would be physical?
And I used to be sexual but now married. Okay,
I can't feel that alive. I can't be that woke.
That might that's that's all good, But there there might
be another layer of exploration for you and what alive means? Yeah,
(36:21):
I don't know. I mean it would be so interesting,
especially given the fact that you've been the doer for
your whole life. I mean, right, yeah, well we'll see.
It would be really interesting. Have you ever done yoga?
I've done it a couple of times. It's a good stretch.
It's a good stretch, but not not not a spiritual practice.
Not a spiritual practice. I think yoga is a great
(36:43):
compliment to um your workout program. Not in lieu of
a of a right, No, not for you, not for me.
But as I'm getting older, I want to start incorporating
a little bit more because I feel it will help
with less uh problems with injury. Yeah have you? So
I actually am going to start to incorporate a little
bit more. And by the way, I don't think like
(37:04):
a hot yoga I like to sw Yeah, you don't
have to meditate for two hours either. You can meditate
for two minutes and build up to like even meditation,
meditation like that. I am a fifteen minute meditator. Wow, Okay, okay,
I like that. I think there are apps and there
are different ways to do it. But I am a
(37:25):
silent like the silence. But it's really just about breathing.
But it's so I would I've got to revisit the
app I got. But but the breathing thing, Yeah, no,
I think. Okay, I want to try real quick though.
I wanted to ask you, you've got five steps to
stick to and achieve goals that people want to achieve.
So what are your five steps to stay accountable for
(37:46):
your new year's goals? Let's say Yeah, I think in
the spirit of the gym's being empty by they of January,
I think the real conversation, everyone knows how to create
a goal, although I still wouldn't I would very much
invite people to con or the y of the goal
and to root in that. And then they don't want
to be fat. They don't want to be fat. Why
(38:08):
do you want Why do you want a job because
I wanted I need money? I think, so here, you
you're the first layer. You're my You're you're my deep
not deep. Friends know you that you are deep. I
know you just play not deep. You know, but honestly
(38:30):
you are again speaking for the for the natural default
that a lot of us think. Right, Oh, why do
I want to lose weight? Because I want to because
I want to be thin, because I want to go
to my I want to go to my reunion, and
you know whatever, I want to stick it to them,
right um. I don't want cu Lary exactly right um.
But I think that there, I think that if we
(38:52):
go into the deeper version of the why that's where
the that's where the longevity happens. You know, that's maybe
where you can it can just exactly. You are a
good example, despite your shallow answers sometimes about your You
are someone who exercises because you know that if not,
you will go crazy. This is for your you know,
(39:13):
the vanity is a byproduct, but the sanity was the
y Right, you are so deep. We just have to
access through the first layer. Okay, so the step one,
so when you are in the throes of the of
of going into the you know, of the doing, of
(39:34):
doing the goals, of taking the steps to get to
the goal, that during that process you get to I
call this kind of it's like the re series, the
r E series, right, So it's you have to first revisit,
revisit the goal. You really get to be consistent about
checking back in with what is the goal? What is
my vision? Why do I want this? And make that
something that that really guides you. Right, Let that be
(39:56):
the guiding light, is the revisiting connect and then that
goes in to the next one, which is um two.
If it's not sitting with you anymore, if it doesn't
inspire you, if you're not feeling alive. If I can
use your word, then that that's an opportunity to revise it. Right,
and revise. When I say that, I mean literally to
to see it again, to look again in a new way,
(40:19):
with new eyes, with with a deeper awareness of like,
you know what, I've started this process, I like it
or I don't what I've learned because because I've started
the processes is I I've been training to run and
I hate running, Okay, So why am I doing that
if it's not for something deeper than maybe I want
to switch to a bike something or whatever it is? Right, Um,
(40:41):
But to revise, I I am someone who I think
it's okay to revise. I think it's okay to tweak.
I think it's okay to um expand I think it's
okay to You're always exactly So it's you're evolving, so too,
should your goals or or do your your goals get
to evolve? Right, I'm not going to should it all
over this? Uh? And then and then again, in the
(41:04):
spirit of staying accountable, there's you get to reconnect, so
connect again, right, and that goes back to the meaning
behind the mission and really just continuing to unpack and
and go to those deeper layers. Ask yourself why you
know it would be like a kid, and why and
why and why? So to find that inner core of
(41:25):
why this is so important to you, because if you don't,
then it's going to be another goal that you do
not meet, and then you get to feel guilt and
should all over yourself and beat yourself up, and then
that's not gonna work, right Maria, Right, Okay, good, I'm
I'm gonna try to. I'm working on my should. We're
gonna get rid of that guilt. I'm Jewish, I'm supposed
(41:45):
to have Jewish guilt, so I gave that up a
long time ago. Um. And then, of course along the way,
you must also recommit right commit again. And I always
tell you know, I don't know if you I coortinitly
do this, but I do know married couples who consciously
wake up and commit again that day to being in
that marriage. Right, you do need to write, I get
that that, UM rings true, because you do need to recommit,
(42:09):
not just in your romantic relationships, but I think a
lot of personal relationships, everything and whatever. You're not just
your goals, but uh to keep yourself sort of inspired
to want to keep consistent with it. Because consistency. I've
always been pretty good about being disciplined and being consistent.
You do need to be uh, you do need to
(42:30):
recommit to not get complacent, and to make it a
conscious choice. Because if it's conscious, then you're then you're
you're choosing it right. I'm choosing to recommit. I'm choosing
to commit again to this thing that I said I
am committed to doing, and to make that a conscious act,
to make it a it's it is another form of
(42:51):
bringing um. You know, you're you're just rooting in the
in the choice around it, as opposed to something being
put upon. I think again, people think they would have
a New Year's resolution. They think they should lose a
certain amount of waight, they think they should run a marathon,
they think they should do all these things. And that's
that's not who said, you know, and there are no rules,
and if you're going to commit to it, then then
(43:13):
commit to it every day, right, which leads us then
to the respond right. So responsibility is the ability to respond.
It's that's really what what what it's about. We have choices,
So we have choices even inside of that. So so
again it's like, after you've assessed your needs and made
(43:34):
made any changes that you need, this is where you
get to take that fuller responsibility for yourself and your results.
And you are not a victim. It's the other way
to say that you're not a victim to these resolutions
or these results or these goals or this or this
action plan. You are the master, you are the author.
You are the authority, and you get to choose how
(43:55):
you respond. And I'll just you know, reiterate again that
this is all the opportunity in any goal that you
set for yourself is to turn the chore of it
into the choice. It's more empowering. It is more empowering,
and it's more fun, and it's more joyful and it's
just and then you are alleviating all of that other
then you're then you're leading from that place of joy
(44:17):
and choice versus guilt and should and stress. Because again, whoever,
whatever part of us is sitting at the head of
the table or leading, is what we are then infusing
into the activity and then creating more of Does that
make sense? So it's like we are It's like if
if we're gonna I I raised. I just had someone
(44:41):
write me the meanest email, and I was so shocked
by it. I don't know it was a very no,
it was it was it was an executive coaching situation.
And where the where someone at this company um wrote
me a really mean email and I it wasn't a sess.
They were not my client. I had a meeting with
(45:02):
with with the boss of the client. And I was
so shocked by this tone because I'm not used to it,
you know, because I live a Pollyanna life apparently where
no one's mean to me because I'm nice and I
lead with that, right, And I got this and I
thought my first thought was, oh my goodness, this person
(45:22):
needs a hug, you know. And I almost wrote back,
do you need a hug? Right? But I'm thinking of myself,
what is the what? What? What are the family units,
the cultures at work that we live in? Like what
is the energy that is perpetuated? Right? It's like, so
we all get we all have a responsibility the ability
(45:43):
to respond to things. I could have written back and
killed her, and I could have. I could have I
could have like nailed her, right, and I didn't. I
wrote back with love and I just I didn't say
do you need a hug? I wanted to, but my
energy was I'm sending this with a hug because you, oh,
I can't get into it. You can't get person. I'm
afraid I was slim, which honestly just there was a
(46:07):
there was a disconnect in terms of the purpose of
a meeting, and you were supposed to I'm just reading
between the lines. You were supposed to hook her up somehow,
and then the boss ended up maybe no, no, this
was the boss. No, right, So who was the actual client?
The client was what the client wasn't A part of
the client was in the meeting, but the intent was
to align with the goals, got it right, That's what
(46:30):
I'm saying. They went out, they thought you were going
to have them see it one way and end up
kind of yeah yeah, and I and then I was
deemed ineffective. I'm like, well, we haven't done a major
portion yet, but if but then at that point, I'm like,
I'm like, if you if this is not a match,
it's okay, but you still need a hug, Bubba. How
can people find out if they want to find out
(46:50):
more about about hugs, about Stephanie's a vendez vendez um.
I have a website which is my real name Stephanie
with an F S T E F A N I
E and my last name is Ziv spelled zee like zebra,
I E V like Victor dot com Stephanie dot com.
(47:12):
I'll tell you what, Stephanie dot com. I so enjoyed
speaking with you, and I want to be selfish or
I don't want to be selfish with your time at
the moment, but would you please come back and we
can have a proper session. I'd love it, like because
I got a lot of issues and I do I feel,
you know what I feel honestly, just real quick. If
I was to diagnose myself real quick, I come. I'm
(47:35):
a happy individual. People can I rarely wake up not
in a good You're genuinely happy. I'm happy to really am.
It's not a it's not a it's not like something
you just take around. No. I like being happy, and
and as I've gotten older, I've chilled out a lot more.
I used to go from happy, but then if you
upset me, I can get you know what I'm up.
I didn't want to get feel bad, and that was
(47:56):
bad but I I feel like I don't know, I
feel like as I've gotten older and putting more pressures
on myself, and there's a there's still there's just I
got other little things that, you know what, why am
I feeling this? I shouldn't feel like this, and just
need a little clarity. There's my should. I'm not gonna
should myself over yourself. I'm gonna shot all over. I'm
(48:18):
gonna I'm not gonna shoot all over. I'm gonna get
I'm gonna get over it. So if you would come
back and we can do a proper session and we
can really kind of dive in there, and I promise
I'm wonna follow up with nasty emails, thank you, nor
should anyone else. Stephanie's life coach, Thanks for hanging out,
Thanks for having me,
All right, another episode of L t M. Listen to Mario,
(00:04):
and I'm very excited for my guest, Stephanie Ziv. Now,
I've known Stephanie for years. We met when she was
a TV executive. She had a very important job. She
was a very big deal here in Hollywood. Anyway, she
gave it up to pursue something totally different life coaching,
working with some really prominent people, to kind of like
(00:26):
that character in Billions, which I love anyway, Fascinated by
her story, So let's get to it. Stephanie Ziv. So
good to see Zavendez. I make everyone Latino, as you know,
only if I like him, I give him a nickname,
or I give a little Latin flavor to it or
Latin X. Have you heard that expression about it? I'm
(00:47):
so over that. I don't know exactly what it means,
you know why, because it doesn't mean anything. You're trying
to like the non binary these words to trying to
change perception. It's yeah, it's all like, come on, you
know how I feel about all that. Anyway, Good to
see you. You know, there was a joke. For a
long time, I didn't know you knew my first name
Stephanie rightly. Yes, it's only what gosh, well, that's the thing.
(01:08):
We've known each other for a long time. When we met,
I was doing a movie of the Week on the
Oxygen Network with Mark and Swelos Kelly Ripper's husband. Um,
what was it called? Husband for Higher? That's right, Husband
for a Higher, A romantic comedy. I was a bad
guy a few times. I was that former manudo dancer,
(01:31):
that's right. And I did a menudo dance. We gotta
pull that up and get that um that little dance clip.
I should post that for like a throwback Thursday. But
that's why I had to learn and with a choreographer,
I did a whole manudle routine. Yes, yeah, I like that.
That was a highlight for me. Um. But you were
the executive in charge of this network and you were
(01:53):
so cool. We hit it off and obviously we remained friends.
But how did you go from like basically running this
network to now being and a life coach? Like, how
does one that doesn't seem like a natural transition? No,
you don't think No, I mean you were always I
kind of when we became friends. You were always really
great at advice. When I went and and well, that's
(02:14):
just because you're smart, nice, and I only solicit advice
from people that are smart and nice and honest with me.
So thank you. So how did what what was the
genesis there? Well, first of all, let me acknowledge you,
because you are one of the only people that actually
remained my friend when I made that transition. I liked
you for you right, you did. I mean that's saying
(02:36):
a lot. I always say that about you, you know,
because I feel like we do have a genuine friendship
and it was not based on needing or wanting anything
like Hollywood stuff. Yeah, like Hollywood stuff. You know, you're
a New Yorker, so you're not Hollywood. I am a
New Yorker, but I was in Hollywood for many years. No, no,
I know. But you still had that that New York
soul and vibe, which I think because I love New York.
(02:59):
I like to visit it. I love Son all the time.
That's why I'm here in l A. But you know,
but I love New York the people and that vibe
and energy. That's and that's you anyway. I mean, when
I lived in l A, I had my foot, I
was I worked at Dream works and I worked at
I worked for you know, I worked on pilots and
different television shows. And then I also, um had my
(03:21):
foot in the world of personal development. So I don't
even know if you know this, but I did a
I did something. I did a year of a master's
in spiritual psychology while I was here. Yeah, that sounds
kind of cool. I know it was cool. And the
premise of that whole thing, which is a little super
whoo woo if if, but it's but I like it,
which is, if we're soul's having a human experience, what
(03:42):
are we here to learn? So like looking at everything
as Earth school and everything that triggers you as your teacher,
and what do we get to learn? And I love
all that because I feel like we're humans and we
are there's just so much going on. I think it's
a great lens to even look into two get more joy,
to thrive, to to heal, to rise up to you know,
(04:04):
it helps it to be a better person, all the things. So, um,
then I made my dream come true to move to
New York. So I didn't actually finish that program, and
then I ended up UM and then I moved there
and I was at Oxygen and but I still always
had my foot in that world. And then um, there
came a point where I was a VP and I
(04:25):
was I was given the opportunity to put my name
in um the ring for an s v P. And
I was like, I do not want that job, you know, yeah,
which is one of the most jobs. It was a
big coveted job. It would have been a big deal.
It would have changed the trajectory of my of my
life female and power position to a t And you
(04:46):
said no, So I didn't put my hat in the ring.
And I and at the same time, I was dating
a guy that I thought I was going to marry
and I was the breadwinner. And I said to him
one day, I said, if I wanted to stay at
home and have you know, and be like a stay
at home mom, how how would that be? And he said, well,
if that's who you are, then I'm not the man
(05:06):
for you. And I said, okay, well we're done here.
And wow, that is cold as ice? Are you serious?
A wait? Wait, so he there's a whole community. This
is what blows me away about l A. There's a
whole community of men that just sponge off of women. Yeah.
I I never saw that growing up. But there's like
a gang of dudes out here that just they're kept men,
and that trips me out. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with
(05:28):
like a stay at home down. I get that if
you're pulling your weight, but just just being taken care
of it, it's the weirdest thing. And he was He
was not for me, and I was not for him.
And so that end, really, I don't know, it's it's
it was. It was a very very it was too
long of a lapse of reason. And now I'm now,
I'm now, I'm I'm all right. So he bounced, but
so so he left. And then what happened was, actually
(05:50):
there was a big job that came up at NBC
as an s v P there, and I was like,
and then someone put someone here in l A. Put
my hat in the ring there, but it was for
a big job in New York. So I went. I
went and met with a career counselor and to get
myself all ready for this thing and um that. And
then the job went away, meaning the job moved back
(06:12):
to l A, where I did not you know, as
much as I love you, I didn't want to live here,
So you should have had these conversations with me how
to try I would convinced, I know, but I was like,
this does not feel right. So so I was like, okay,
well I'm gonna let that go now. I have three
more sessions left left with this woman. And I had
said to her, you know, spiritual advisor. She wasn't a
spiritual advisor. She was just a career counselor coach then,
(06:33):
so she says, I said to her, you know, if
I could do anything, you know what, I said, I
would actually facilitate personal development workshops. And she said, why
don't you be a life coach? I was like, I
have no idea what that is. So when did I
become a thing? It became a thing like thirty years ago,
but it's only become a more popular thing recently. And
the problem is that a lot of people can just
hang the shingle and not have a certification. That was
(06:55):
not going to be me. I need some letters beyond
my name. I'm a legit New Yorker. I'm like, I
would never go to someone who didn't have some sort
of training. It's like you wouldn't go to a yoga teacher.
Wasn't who wasn't certified? Right? Yeah, because I don't consider
myself life coach esque your life. But I don't have
a letter behind my name here because I feel, honestly,
(07:17):
I feel like I'm pretty good at at giving um
my friends when asked advice, I think I'm coming from
a good place. I'll be honest with him. But but yes,
you're right, there is a I get a skill set.
Here's the difference that the difference is that you giving
advice to your friends, is you as a friend giving
advice to your friends. The difference is also that, uh,
we are that the coaches are not meant to be
(07:41):
the advice givers. They are really designed. It's it's really
about asking powerful questions. Because I'm the xpert of you,
you're the expert of you. So my advice doesn't actually
matter despite the fact that I give you some advice.
Sometimes I'm more life really does matter, Actually it's got it,
So then I'm essentially more life coach adjacent your life.
Goa to day okay, as you were, you turned out
(08:02):
your day two networks. You're gonna be a VP. Women,
you don't see that position? Why didn't you talk to
me I would have totally convinced. You see, there would
have been my life coaching me right there. I was like,
what's the matter with you? Nobody said okay, So because
I think from a value standpoint, I was like, you know,
at that time, at that time, the you know, when
I did my the movie I did with You was
the last movie I did, and it was and I
loved those movies. They were sweet and they were loving,
(08:25):
and they were funny. And I remember you telling me. Now,
I remember they were starting to get into like bad
girls kids, like I don't want to be part of that.
I did not want to be a part of that.
In fact, they started ghetto, in fact that oxygen. I
would go in there and they would want notes, you know,
and I my note was, why are we doing this?
(08:45):
Like we are a women's network? Who and now you're
gonna put women hating women and beating women up? Like
I don't get it. They're like, Stephanie, you're banned from
this meeting. And they banned me from the meeting. I
was never allowed back into a Bad Girls Club had spinoffs. Oh,
it was, yes, and it was like one of the
most successful franchises of that network ever. You know, see
(09:07):
look at that. What does that say? So I was like,
this is not aligned with my values and I gotta go.
So my spiritual advisor would not approve right exactly, So
I I it wasn't working. I just couldn't. I couldn't.
I was having trouble going to work. I loved my
what I here's what I loved. I loved I loved
managing my team. I loved my people. I loved connecting.
(09:31):
I loved being the coach right. I loved being that
kind of a leader. I was during the transition where
NBC was end up. You know, I was going to
buy oxygen. Everybody was freaking out except me because I
was like, I just got certified, and you know, it
was like November twelve. I got let go on November
with the severance. But but before that happened, everybody was
(09:51):
coming into my office crying, freaking out. What am I
going to do? And I would at all my coaching.
I was like, if you could do anything, what would
you do? And I had people say I would be
an olive farmer in Italy. I'm like, do that, yes,
go do that. They didn't, but you know, but that's
what I was excited to hear. If you didn't have
this construct, what would you do? You know? So it
(10:13):
became I really had like I gave free coaching. It
was like my best UM, it was like my best practice.
So okay, so wait a minute, So when did you
have this like epiphany or or this moment of clarity
that this is what I want to do? It was
That was two thousand and six, and then January. That
was like July somewhere of two thousand and six, and
then July and then January of two thousand and seven.
(10:34):
I ended up going to get certified. So I was
quietly being certified on the side while I was at Oxygen,
and then I then I and UM. Like one of
the last days, you know, before I had just gotten certified,
I was in the ladies room of Oxygen, which of
course is a lot of ladies in there, and I
found myself talking to UM. I was talking to someone
(10:55):
about the fact that I just got certified, and then
someone walked out of one of the stalls and said,
you know, looking for a life coach, So what what
what does this sort of certification process look like? UM?
For my program, which was an International Coaches UM that
Oh my god, I see us. Yeah, it paid off.
(11:15):
I have no idea. No, it's so long ago. We're
taking those letters behind it for the accredited programs, which
mine was, which I remember so vividly. Um, the process
is that there's it's like a nine month process and
the last six months of it you're actually coaching people.
(11:37):
And actually I coached someone on my very first day
that like I had to come there with someone that
I was going to be ready to call at later
that day, and um and coach and so it's like
it's like completely experiential in that way. And yeah, and
what how what does a life coach do? Exactly? Because
(11:58):
to me, correct me if I'm wrong, I've always interpreted
it as like a gym coach, if you will, someone
who's training you physically and put you on a program
and getting you on the right path physically for your lifestyle.
Is that essentially what you're doing as a life coach,
but mentally psychologically getting them on the right path, having
them look, getting giving them some structure. Is it? It's
(12:20):
a combo package of who are you being and what
are you doing? So it's not just about the doing,
it's it's a mindset shift. It's like, you know you
are you know I always ask you this question, like
what is it that drives you? What is it that
like how do you get up every morning and do
what you do? And well, that is exactly what you said.
I always say that. I'm like because I was so
(12:42):
earnest about it, Like Mario, what is it? What's your mission? Whatever?
You're like money, it's not that complicated. But if we
if we dove into that, I would guess that it
would be something a little bit meteor like freedom or
something wait, really, well we could die because I'm pretty transparent.
But one thing about the because I want to get
into that. But there's a show on TV that's one
(13:05):
of my favorite shows. I think I've mentioned it to you.
It's called Billions on Showtime. Awesome show and um acts
who runs this big venture capital firm and he's a billionaire,
very successful and makes a ton of decisions a day.
He doesn't make any of his big moves without his
in house life coach, right, which is is a fascinating character.
(13:26):
And I love her and all these guys who are
wildly successful in the show and really intelligent, they feel
like they need her but is that so even men
who are or women for that matter, who are at
these high levels. Um, did it surprise you thinking that
these incredibly successful people still sort of long or or
look for these because I guess I would. I would
(13:48):
always think like you would, one would want something like
to get to that point. But even at this point,
or maybe that's why going back to the gym trainer
to stay in shape, right, yes, going back to the
so that I just feel like we cannot do this
life alone, we cannot do business alone. We are interdependent people.
Doesn't mean we have to be codependent, but we are
not independent, right, I mean we're just not that that
(14:11):
that's a misnomer. We're not doing anything by ourselves, right,
We're not even that even our food, like there are
a million steps before we eat something that got us
that food. Right. So, um, yeah, I think people at
high high levels, I mean the c suite coaching. I mean,
I'm very much in the executive coaching world right now. Really,
(14:32):
I am for anyone corrupt the loyalty and I have
never received a million dollar car, so let's just say
not yet, not yet, not yet. I'm I'm I don't
really need a car you know what that that's right,
You're in New York, but I bet you that character
on that show probably helped your life. Coach community, right,
(14:55):
I don't know. Maybe I think a lot of high
level executives and people and high performers have coaches. It's
like it's like think about Olympians, right, It's like anything
to get better, you're having another person in your corner,
especially one who's who's helping you to see things differently
(15:16):
or ask questions that you might not have thought of.
His unlocking a potential that you don't even know you
have yet necessarily right, because we think about it, we
we there's a little bit that we know that we know.
You know that your name is Mario, you know that
I'm sitting in front of you, you know, you know,
you know who you're married to. Then there's a little
bit that you know that you don't know what? Don't
you know? What? Do you know that you don't know? What?
Do I know that I don't know? I don't know
(15:37):
a lot I know that. Do you know how kind
you know? I kind of like just act like I
know it and then people believe it. Do you know
that you do you know how to do brain surgery?
Do you know how to fly a plane? Okay, so
those are things that you know that you don't know.
Let's say that's ten percent of the pie. Then there's
this nine that we don't know that we don't we
(15:59):
don't know what, we don't know that we don't even know,
we don't know, right, But that's where the possibility lives.
So I think that when when these high level executives
or even just you know, an individual is hiring a coach,
it is with the intent to unlock the possibilities. It's
the intent to dive into what else is possible, whether
(16:20):
you have thought about it or not. It's to unlock
this potential. And going back to like what a coach does,
it is not just about the coach creating the program
for the client. It's really about helping the helping the
client access that inner wisdom, that inner knowing, that expertise within.
So it is a gym coach for your minds, it is,
it's a it's a fitness trainer for your minds, like
(16:42):
having a personal trainer for your life. Right do they
go in with do a client's go in with um
a certain agenda? Like I just want to perform better
in my business? Yeah? Or is it? Or do most
go in I want to find um be open more
to love? Or what am I doing to turning that off?
(17:02):
Is it? Or do you understand I'm saying this is
usually pretty uh channel towards one thing? Or is it
just the overall want help my experience? The people come
in to coaching for a reason that is obvious and
tangible and other things are then presented and like, I'll
give you an example. I just came off of a
call before I got here with I have a senior
(17:25):
executive at a at a national company, and um, she
is a badass and powerful woman, right she? And she
is it? Yeah? You're like, really there's a woman executive.
That's no, No, I didn't interest. You've been thinking about men?
Oh yeah, I've been thinking about men, That's what I
(17:46):
was saying. That's interesting. Yeah, I was thinking man thinking
about men. I don't know, I would think the opposite
gender wid one another perspective. I don't know, maybe getting
just to hear another opinion is that is that is
that odd? I would probably because I would think, like
how a man is your Latin already think I'm not
trying to be I would already think how a man
would think, I want to hear from a woman's perspective
(18:07):
that maybe so you would hire a woman. I'm saying
that's what was interesting that a woman. Okay, that's interesting,
that's you know what I mean. I would think that.
I don't think it ever matters. I'm sure it doesn't.
I'm just saying I don't think it never matters. I
think that that there there has to be a coach
fit for sure, right, personality a thousand percents this executive.
(18:28):
So she came in really being, you know, a gangbuster.
And how how can I She's already a ridiculously high
performer performing higher? Right, She's an endurance athlete, she has
two children, she is she is unstoppable, she's unbelievable her
and she's amazing and and and now what's happening. I've
been working with her for several months. And what's happening
(18:50):
is like she's kind of unlocking this other part of
her that doesn't feel like it would look like what
an executive might unlock, which is kind of a deeper
capacity for um, compassion and and love, even which sounds
so potentially counterintuitive to just being this high level performer, right,
(19:12):
but there is something kind of extraordinary about what that is.
It's like, we're stronger with you, No, I think the
more holistic. It's not even about relationship love. It's not
even like it's just like, what if she were being
the essence of this quality in her work, in her
life and with her kids, in her you know, the
holistic version of her what is possible? Then that kind
(19:35):
of it taps into that the access of like what
else is possible? And that's a state of mind, It's
a being nous. It's something other than just like, what
are we doing? We think we're always human doings, but
we we we are really human beings. So whoever we're being,
whatever part of us is sitting at the head of
the table is dictating play. If we're dictating from a
place of being mean, then that's going to perpetuate and
(19:57):
facilitate more meanness in the world. If you're if you're
operating from a place of compassion and presence and and empathy,
that's gonna involve and evolve more of that. I always
try to come from a good place, in a place
I love, and I feel like you can't really go wrong.
But doesn't something always suffer if you're trying to do
a lot is I mean, it's sort of hard to
have that, and I always worry, Like personally, I don't
(20:19):
want to come home and I do a million things
during the day. I don't want to come home and
give my family leftovers, right, I don't. Sometimes I'm exhausted,
and I'll suck it up for you know, for the kids,
and they want to play and they want to wrestle,
and then you know, and not I want my wife
and she wants to hear about stuff, and I don't
want to talk about it just sometimes because I've probably
been doing is talking all day and going from the
(20:40):
radio to TV to meetings to do another start you
come home, so you know, and so and so I
like kind of bite down and and and I'll have conversations,
and to be quite honest, I really don't want to
have because I'm tired, right, and I just want to
get home and chill and and uh. And usually it's
after by therapy or before it was after jiu jitsu
(21:01):
or boxing. I'm just I'm just tired. But that's not fair.
I realized I can't just come home and just don't
talk to me five minutes. No, I do it. But
I'm just saying I'm like kind of making like fortunate.
I'm not embracing it, like of course I look forward
to seeing my families in that, but I just feel
like I'm burning working really hard for them, right as
(21:22):
you know, you know, and I love my family, you
know that. It's just I just I struggle with sometimes,
like I don't want to come home and just get
them leftovers either, what do you want to give them?
I want to have the same energy that I attacked
my whole rest of my day with, right, you know,
So what I'm human, like you said, so I only
have so much. I only have so many, you know,
which is what makes you so good? Well, thank you,
(21:44):
I think. But but to me, there's like a million
other things in there. It's like what is you know,
you are a doer, I mean you are really you
are as I'd like to say, you're a doo Right,
You're a doer, And so the question really becomes like
what are you doing that? Like, is there any space
that you can take in your day so that you're
not just completely depleted by the end of the day.
Not really, because I'm always of the mentality that as
(22:06):
soon as I slow down, things are gonna But that
is that is exactly a mindset that's going to keep
you in this perpetual state of not being present because
you think that something's going to go wrong if you stop.
So that's the place where you have an opportunity to
shift that narrative and the story and stuff. That's no
(22:27):
expensive if but tell you. But you know, it's like,
it's like people who meditate talk about how do you meditate?
You know? I pray? Okay, so I feel like that's
my form of meditation, and I do that every day
every night, and uh, that's my my good one and
then uh a little bit in the morning quickly. To
(22:47):
be honest, maybe I gotta start the day at the
end of the day. Maybe if I can offer you
a prayer, pray to to experience time expanded, you know,
I'd be like a superpower. I would love that. But
but it's possible. It's like if people who meditate, I
when I when I meditate, which is I like it? Yeah?
(23:07):
And my experience is that that when I meditate on
the days I meditate, my my day is longer I
feel there's more spaciousness in my day, so there's more
to get done. But but what I'm saying to you
is you have this story, which most people do. Most
people run on an unconscious narrative that you know that
ends up creating their experience. Okay, so we are powerful
(23:29):
creators and we are constantly creating. It's like I talked
about this in terms of people's results. You're if you
It's like, if you want to know what you want,
look at what you have. We're always creating. But then
people will say, well, I want to be in a relationship,
but I don't have a relationship. I'm like, well, what
part of you is telling a story that you're not
worthy of or you really don't want it, or there's
a part of it that like your freedom? Oh yeah,
(23:50):
come on, it's most of your stuff is real quick.
Before I ask this, though, a lot of successful people
I assume meditate, I think, so, yeah, I'm and I
think it's a really powerful tool that actually allows you
to be still, take a time out. Stillness is really important,
and it does it does expand time in my experience.
I know that sounds like super you know, woo woo,
(24:13):
But it does you know, I'm like, tell you know,
I go to church or I know, but you know
guilty when I know, so I'll go. But what how
is that serving you to feel guilty? I feel guilty
because I feel like I as busy as I am
and as blessed as i've been, if I can't take
an hour out of my week and then I'll go back.
(24:34):
I just I don't know. It's Catholic kilt. But then
but it's a useless emotion that's wasting your energy. But
you can't force yourself to feel choose differently. You are.
You are choosing to feel guilty. It is a story
you're telling yourself, and and and you and a million
other people who are listening, right, we all do it
to ourselves. It is the So you're you're representing quite
(24:56):
well for the for the common the common folk, you
and not just even the common folk, I mean for everybody.
Everybody feels stuff that is just a waste of energy.
Think about if you were to bottle all the times
that you felt guilty, how much more time would you have? Yeah,
I don't feel that guilty that often, just on the weekends.
All right, Well that's the only time you need to
(25:17):
on the weekend. Don't feel guilt I do if I
don't go. If I go to church, I'm fine. Then
if I go to mass I'm fine. But but why
you can sit here and pret I know, I know,
But like I always feel like, really, you can't take
an hour out of your day? I blessed you? What this? Once?
You can? Do? You think? Do you think God is
upset with you? Yeah? Really I feel like, Yeah. I
find was like an employer and I was taking care
of my employee and I asked him to do something
(25:40):
out of respect. They couldn't take an hour out of it.
I didn't ask you to do it. The Bible is
this saying things that's another, that's a whole other. It's
like down the street from my house, I don't say
here the shoot thing is, that's the that's the bad
that that's where where that good thing is bad. You
don't want to shoot all over yourself, as they say,
I don't want to should you don't want to shoot
(26:00):
all over yourself? Well what happens? It's like, you know,
there's if you have again, it goes back to the story.
It's yes, it's n if I think about how you
would be with your kids if they're saying I should
do this, I should do that, and not stuff that
you think that they also should do. Should end quotes do.
But what if you were I talk about this, you know,
turning chore into choice. If if we're looking at something
(26:22):
as a chore, then the energy around it's going to
be weighted and heavy and angry and guilty and upset.
And that's how I feel about my DVR because I
can't get through all the shows. So you are shooting
all over yourself, over myself. You know, there's so much
good TV I almost don't enjoy because like as soon
as I finish Narcos, I gotta Google, I gotta get
into a handmade sale, and then I go it's like second,
(26:42):
it's it's it's I'm not enjoying it. So you get
to choose. I'm shooting. You are shooting all over you.
I'm shooting. I'm such a sugar. I didn't know that
you are. You're a shutter. And what about what are
your thoughts on New Year's resolutions. I don't like that word.
I don't need like the word resolution. Resolution feels very
(27:02):
absolute to me, and it's just flexibility, right I am.
I am a rare you know. I don't know if
I have heard a coach say this, but for me,
I am a fan of like change the goal to
meet the goal. It's like, for instance, convenient, that convenient.
But I say it like you just you just you
(27:22):
just did. What did you do to your achilles he ruptured?
You ruptured it? So if you were supposed to run
a marathon and then you ruptured your achilles heel and
the and the marathon was a week later, would you
still run the marathon? I wouldn't, right, So you have
to change the goal to meet the goal, right, So
so aw, yes, exactly. And I think that there's always
(27:43):
reasons for that stuff. I think that, you know, the
universe will wake us up if we're not getting the
message you had to slow down. It's funny that you
say that because I actually had a goal, because I
just got my blue belt, and you just congratulation, thank you,
which I got in pretty quick time, like half. I
have no doubt because I know anything to do him excessive.
So my goal was I was going to get my
(28:06):
purple belt. I wanted to get it in a half
the time. Usually it takes about two and a half years,
and I wanted to get it in about a year
or so. And then when I got because I was
gonna go off in and you know, my wrestling background tells, um,
when I got hurt, obviously couldn't do it. It It just
put everything on a year track. It got that was
the first time I ever got a little bit depressed.
And I never I never have gotten depressed. And I
(28:27):
got like, i got depressed that I've never been immobile.
I've never been um just just still. Yeah, you had
to get super I had to get super present, had
to slow down. And then I it took me a
minute to kind of get out of that funk into
just focus on healing and being in a bitter place.
And and now fast forward, I've got the medical boot
(28:48):
off a few weeks back. But it's I'm not depressed,
but I'm a little frustrated that I'm not healing as
quickly as I want because they didn't want me doing
anything until June. Um, but my was more January February.
So I always want to want to do in a
different schedule. Yeah. Yeah, so I want to tell the
doctors that's not gonna work for me, that's way too long.
(29:10):
I struggle then, right, because but then what you're not
doing is you're not respecting the process, right, You're not
because if you're pushing something, you could reinjure yourself like right,
So it's kind of like to me, this is a
divine intervention for you, you know where if you can
look at it like that, where going back to what
I said, Yeah, I feel like God made me want
(29:31):
to slow down, like we're doing too much. That's right,
burning the candle both ends you needed right, slow down
and be still and and I think in this again
it goes back to that belief in the stillness and
does that expand do you get more time? If you're
constantly spinning and being in that doing space and not
taking a breath, you're even missing out right because you're
(29:52):
not even because even guilt is like you're you're focusing
on what you don't want rather than what you do,
and then you're creating more of that. You are a
powerful career it or you have to be really conscious
about what you are creating from a place of who
are you being and what is that story that you're
telling yourself. I'm getting I'm getting animated thinking I want
to I want to slow you down. I need to.
I need to be more like you. You need to
(30:13):
be more like me in the middle, I could be
a little more motivated in the exercise place. I could,
you know, thank you. So if you don't resolutions, what
do you call them? Um? I call them results or goals?
I mean I I call I call them results statements.
(30:35):
But the way that I have people do it is
I I mean, the way that I ask people to
actually create their their results statements when I work with them,
is I have them right a day in their extraordinary
life or their awesome life ten years from now, or
if you want to do it, if if it's if
it's the next year, I have them right out a
vision for the year, like what and I have them
right in the first person, as if it's happening right
(30:56):
the second and as if it's already done right so
like I'm so happy, be grateful, I wake up today,
I'm I'm fitting into my little black dress that I
that I you know, I haven't worn since high school.
I'm I'm I'm you know, I'm with the love of
my life. Whatever it is, right or I just I'm
so happy and grateful. I just I completed the the
like the marathon or whatever. The thing is? Right? The
(31:18):
problem is that most people they don't envision what they
really want, and they certainly don't think about why they
want it. And oftentimes, especially because we know it's going
to be a lot of I want to lose weight.
I always like the statement, if you lose weight, you're
gonna find it, so let's release it, right, um, And
if you're gonna find you, or it'll find you. And
if you're releasing it, like, what is really what is
(31:40):
the weight? What? What is the weight about? Is it?
Is it? Are you releasing unworthiness? Are you releasing a
story about um? Guilt? Are? Like? What is the physical weight?
Is always an indication of some other um internal weight
or or or emotional weight that we're holding onto. Don't
you think it's not ever just about the physical weight
(32:02):
that we are letting go. So if that's a if
that's a goal or a resolution or of a result,
it doesn't really matter what you call it. It's really
just about the relations if that you have to it.
The experience I think with most people with with New
Year's resolutions is that they like by January. There's nobody
in the gym anymore. Right there, They're like super, they're
(32:23):
they're they're super, They're fired up and then it and
then it fizzles out because people are not connected to
their why. Right. So that's really I think the most
important thing is to come up with your thing that
you want to create and know why. And then that
goes into how do you how do you stay accountable?
You know? But I think before you can stay accountable,
(32:45):
you have to know why this is important to you
and what it really means and is it just about
looking good or you know, you always say you work
out for for sanity, not vanity, and that is something
that keeps you very committed correct right. And then ironically,
another thing I'm struggling with now that I'm getting older.
You're getting older, I have you don't look at well,
(33:06):
thank you, but my body is telling me it and
I have to sort of adjust now. And that's the
part of the thing. I like doing these physical things
like boxing and jiu jitsu. It makes me feel young,
I feel alive. Plus I gotta you know, a lot
of testosterone. Still. I guess I just want to get it.
I just get it out but that's the really thing.
I'm wrestling around or fighting with guys in their twenties
(33:27):
and stuff, and it makes me makes me feel young. Um,
and I got it. I got I can't do that
as often because my body's breaking down. Torn rotator cuff,
ruptured achilles. You know, your body is talking to you,
I know, and it sucks. I don't want to play golf.
I don't want to do you know, I don't want
to do that sort of. I don't want to. I
feel like I'm too young for that. Well, I would
ask you, what does it mean to feel young? I
(33:48):
feel alive? But is it? But? But what is that? So?
Where else do you feel alive? Is it only when
you're beating twenty year olds? Up? Yeah, it's a big,
big part of it. It's a big part of it,
to be honest. And I have young kids, and I
started late, right. So my dad when he was my age,
I was already in ties. That's amazing. So my dad
(34:09):
had a lot of energy, you know, and he's I'm
fortunate to still have him now. But I gotta I
want to stay young too, because my kids, you know,
they're little, So I want to be able to be
able to keep up with I would be really curious
to know what to be I have no doubt, but
there's going to be technology for that to right. It's happening.
(34:30):
But I would be so curious to know what would
happen with you if you were meditating and how that
would impact Do I pray, pray me to meditate. In
addition to the exactly yes, a friend of mine wrote
a book called Just Sit and it's the subtitle is
for people who don't meditate but no they should, or
something like me. Yeah, it's most of us. It's a
(34:52):
really funny book and it's great and it's totally digestible,
and um, I love it. My brother in law Kylie Wong,
great guy. And that's a better guy to marry my sister. Um.
He went to Stanford Real somewhere. He was a professional
football player or whatever. Anyway, he's big into meditation, like big,
like like an hour or two sometimes. But then again
(35:15):
he's got like four kids, so I told him he
just needs time. But we got on top of the
garage they built like a little dance studio for the kids,
and then he's got a meditation rooms. Great, and so
he's always telling me. He gives me these things to
listen to feel there's something's an appen and I feel
back as like I lied to him. I'm like, yeah,
let's do it, Kylie. I go bad because I know
(35:36):
he means well. By the way, Yes, and he is
the most He's got the best energy, best personality, and
he's he's got such a chilled out sort of the
like quality. It's like he is living proof of everything.
And he's an exerciser, he was, he's a player. Does
he feel alive? You've never asked him alive? Right now?
(35:58):
Your only relationship with feeling alive is being physical, and
there's and I would ask you what would be physical?
And I used to be sexual but now married. Okay,
I can't feel that alive. I can't be that woke.
That might that's that's all good, But there there might
be another layer of exploration for you and what alive means? Yeah,
(36:21):
I don't know. I mean it would be so interesting,
especially given the fact that you've been the doer for
your whole life. I mean, right, yeah, well we'll see.
It would be really interesting. Have you ever done yoga?
I've done it a couple of times. It's a good stretch.
It's a good stretch, but not not not a spiritual practice.
Not a spiritual practice. I think yoga is a great
(36:43):
compliment to um your workout program. Not in lieu of
a of a right, No, not for you, not for me.
But as I'm getting older, I want to start incorporating
a little bit more because I feel it will help
with less uh problems with injury. Yeah have you? So
I actually am going to start to incorporate a little
bit more. And by the way, I don't think like
(37:04):
a hot yoga I like to sw Yeah, you don't
have to meditate for two hours either. You can meditate
for two minutes and build up to like even meditation,
meditation like that. I am a fifteen minute meditator. Wow, Okay, okay,
I like that. I think there are apps and there
are different ways to do it. But I am a
(37:25):
silent like the silence. But it's really just about breathing.
But it's so I would I've got to revisit the
app I got. But but the breathing thing, Yeah, no,
I think. Okay, I want to try real quick though.
I wanted to ask you, you've got five steps to
stick to and achieve goals that people want to achieve.
So what are your five steps to stay accountable for
(37:46):
your new year's goals? Let's say Yeah, I think in
the spirit of the gym's being empty by they of January,
I think the real conversation, everyone knows how to create
a goal, although I still wouldn't I would very much
invite people to con or the y of the goal
and to root in that. And then they don't want
to be fat. They don't want to be fat. Why
(38:08):
do you want Why do you want a job because
I wanted I need money? I think, so here, you
you're the first layer. You're my You're you're my deep
not deep. Friends know you that you are deep. I
know you just play not deep. You know, but honestly
(38:30):
you are again speaking for the for the natural default
that a lot of us think. Right, Oh, why do
I want to lose weight? Because I want to because
I want to be thin, because I want to go
to my I want to go to my reunion, and
you know whatever, I want to stick it to them,
right um. I don't want cu Lary exactly right um.
But I think that there, I think that if we
(38:52):
go into the deeper version of the why that's where
the that's where the longevity happens. You know, that's maybe
where you can it can just exactly. You are a
good example, despite your shallow answers sometimes about your You
are someone who exercises because you know that if not,
you will go crazy. This is for your you know,
(39:13):
the vanity is a byproduct, but the sanity was the
y Right, you are so deep. We just have to
access through the first layer. Okay, so the step one,
so when you are in the throes of the of
of going into the you know, of the doing, of
(39:34):
doing the goals, of taking the steps to get to
the goal, that during that process you get to I
call this kind of it's like the re series, the
r E series, right, So it's you have to first revisit,
revisit the goal. You really get to be consistent about
checking back in with what is the goal? What is
my vision? Why do I want this? And make that
something that that really guides you. Right, Let that be
(39:56):
the guiding light, is the revisiting connect and then that
goes in to the next one, which is um two.
If it's not sitting with you anymore, if it doesn't
inspire you, if you're not feeling alive. If I can
use your word, then that that's an opportunity to revise it. Right,
and revise. When I say that, I mean literally to
to see it again, to look again in a new way,
(40:19):
with new eyes, with with a deeper awareness of like,
you know what, I've started this process, I like it
or I don't what I've learned because because I've started
the processes is I I've been training to run and
I hate running, Okay, So why am I doing that
if it's not for something deeper than maybe I want
to switch to a bike something or whatever it is? Right, Um,
(40:41):
But to revise, I I am someone who I think
it's okay to revise. I think it's okay to tweak.
I think it's okay to um expand I think it's
okay to You're always exactly So it's you're evolving, so too,
should your goals or or do your your goals get
to evolve? Right, I'm not going to should it all
over this? Uh? And then and then again, in the
(41:04):
spirit of staying accountable, there's you get to reconnect, so
connect again, right, and that goes back to the meaning
behind the mission and really just continuing to unpack and
and go to those deeper layers. Ask yourself why you
know it would be like a kid, and why and
why and why? So to find that inner core of
(41:25):
why this is so important to you, because if you don't,
then it's going to be another goal that you do
not meet, and then you get to feel guilt and
should all over yourself and beat yourself up, and then
that's not gonna work, right Maria, Right, Okay, good, I'm
I'm gonna try to. I'm working on my should. We're
gonna get rid of that guilt. I'm Jewish, I'm supposed
(41:45):
to have Jewish guilt, so I gave that up a
long time ago. Um. And then, of course along the way,
you must also recommit right commit again. And I always
tell you know, I don't know if you I coortinitly
do this, but I do know married couples who consciously
wake up and commit again that day to being in
that marriage. Right, you do need to write, I get
that that, UM rings true, because you do need to recommit,
(42:09):
not just in your romantic relationships, but I think a
lot of personal relationships, everything and whatever. You're not just
your goals, but uh to keep yourself sort of inspired
to want to keep consistent with it. Because consistency. I've
always been pretty good about being disciplined and being consistent.
You do need to be uh, you do need to
(42:30):
recommit to not get complacent, and to make it a
conscious choice. Because if it's conscious, then you're then you're
you're choosing it right. I'm choosing to recommit. I'm choosing
to commit again to this thing that I said I
am committed to doing, and to make that a conscious act,
to make it a it's it is another form of
(42:51):
bringing um. You know, you're you're just rooting in the
in the choice around it, as opposed to something being
put upon. I think again, people think they would have
a New Year's resolution. They think they should lose a
certain amount of waight, they think they should run a marathon,
they think they should do all these things. And that's
that's not who said, you know, and there are no rules,
and if you're going to commit to it, then then
(43:13):
commit to it every day, right, which leads us then
to the respond right. So responsibility is the ability to respond.
It's that's really what what what it's about. We have choices,
So we have choices even inside of that. So so
again it's like, after you've assessed your needs and made
(43:34):
made any changes that you need, this is where you
get to take that fuller responsibility for yourself and your results.
And you are not a victim. It's the other way
to say that you're not a victim to these resolutions
or these results or these goals or this or this
action plan. You are the master, you are the author.
You are the authority, and you get to choose how
(43:55):
you respond. And I'll just you know, reiterate again that
this is all the opportunity in any goal that you
set for yourself is to turn the chore of it
into the choice. It's more empowering. It is more empowering,
and it's more fun, and it's more joyful and it's
just and then you are alleviating all of that other
then you're then you're leading from that place of joy
(44:17):
and choice versus guilt and should and stress. Because again, whoever,
whatever part of us is sitting at the head of
the table or leading, is what we are then infusing
into the activity and then creating more of Does that
make sense? So it's like we are It's like if
if we're gonna I I raised. I just had someone
(44:41):
write me the meanest email, and I was so shocked
by it. I don't know it was a very no,
it was it was it was an executive coaching situation.
And where the where someone at this company um wrote
me a really mean email and I it wasn't a sess.
They were not my client. I had a meeting with
(45:02):
with with the boss of the client. And I was
so shocked by this tone because I'm not used to it,
you know, because I live a Pollyanna life apparently where
no one's mean to me because I'm nice and I
lead with that, right, And I got this and I
thought my first thought was, oh my goodness, this person
(45:22):
needs a hug, you know. And I almost wrote back,
do you need a hug? Right? But I'm thinking of myself,
what is the what? What? What are the family units,
the cultures at work that we live in? Like what
is the energy that is perpetuated? Right? It's like, so
we all get we all have a responsibility the ability
(45:43):
to respond to things. I could have written back and
killed her, and I could have. I could have I
could have like nailed her, right, and I didn't. I
wrote back with love and I just I didn't say
do you need a hug? I wanted to, but my
energy was I'm sending this with a hug because you, oh,
I can't get into it. You can't get person. I'm
afraid I was slim, which honestly just there was a
(46:07):
there was a disconnect in terms of the purpose of
a meeting, and you were supposed to I'm just reading
between the lines. You were supposed to hook her up somehow,
and then the boss ended up maybe no, no, this
was the boss. No, right, So who was the actual client?
The client was what the client wasn't A part of
the client was in the meeting, but the intent was
to align with the goals, got it right, That's what
(46:30):
I'm saying. They went out, they thought you were going
to have them see it one way and end up
kind of yeah yeah, and I and then I was
deemed ineffective. I'm like, well, we haven't done a major
portion yet, but if but then at that point, I'm like,
I'm like, if you if this is not a match,
it's okay, but you still need a hug, Bubba. How
can people find out if they want to find out
(46:50):
more about about hugs, about Stephanie's a vendez vendez um.
I have a website which is my real name Stephanie
with an F S T E F A N I
E and my last name is Ziv spelled zee like zebra,
I E V like Victor dot com Stephanie dot com.
(47:12):
I'll tell you what, Stephanie dot com. I so enjoyed
speaking with you, and I want to be selfish or
I don't want to be selfish with your time at
the moment, but would you please come back and we
can have a proper session. I'd love it, like because
I got a lot of issues and I do I feel,
you know what I feel honestly, just real quick. If
I was to diagnose myself real quick, I come. I'm
(47:35):
a happy individual. People can I rarely wake up not
in a good You're genuinely happy. I'm happy to really am.
It's not a it's not a it's not like something
you just take around. No. I like being happy, and
and as I've gotten older, I've chilled out a lot more.
I used to go from happy, but then if you
upset me, I can get you know what I'm up.
I didn't want to get feel bad, and that was
(47:56):
bad but I I feel like I don't know, I
feel like as I've gotten older and putting more pressures
on myself, and there's a there's still there's just I
got other little things that, you know what, why am
I feeling this? I shouldn't feel like this, and just
need a little clarity. There's my should. I'm not gonna
should myself over yourself. I'm gonna shot all over. I'm
(48:18):
gonna I'm not gonna shoot all over. I'm gonna get
I'm gonna get over it. So if you would come
back and we can do a proper session and we
can really kind of dive in there, and I promise
I'm wonna follow up with nasty emails, thank you, nor
should anyone else. Stephanie's life coach, Thanks for hanging out,
Thanks for having me,
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