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October 6, 2022 8 mins

Former 'Bachelor' Nick Viall talks new relationship book & more!

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're on with Mario Littleezel Marial Lopez joining me on
Zoom the season twenty one star of the Batch. Nick Wow,
welcome to show Man. How are you doing to be
with you, Maria? I'm doing well. How about yourself? Good brother, good,
thank you, Congrats on the new book. Don't text your
ex happy birthday. I like a catchy title. I like
a catchy title. Um, I'm assuming this is based on

a true story, and what is the what's the genesis
and objective of the book. Yeah, Well, the genesis of
the book, I suppose, as um all the mistakes I've
made and making them in the in the worst possible way, right.
And I've been through a lot of ups and downs

and it comes to my relationships, I've had to learn
the hard way. And I think my hope was for
this book is anyone who reading it, UM can try
to maybe not make some of the same mistakes I did.
And it's it's easier to learn from others rather than
learn from learning from yourselves. And you know, I'm someone
who when it came to my own relationships and dating, UM,
I felt very kind of out of control, you know,

very helpless. You know, I think when it comes to
dating relationships, we like to we have a tendency of
making other people's choices reflection of our own self worth
and and that can feel a little powerless. And we
started like chasing validation rather than you know, chasing or
seeking out you know, fulfillment and love and things like that.
And so yeah, I wrote this book in hopes that

anyone who read it who's out there and relationships or
dating or struggling and they find themselves feeling less than
or feeling stuck in relationships, um to trying to change
their mindset. This book really is more just about um,
you know, changing your how you perceive any situation changing
to you know, how you see disappointment, being mindful of
things like your ego and and and how that implays

a role in the choices that we make. And so yeah,
I have anecdotal stories about my own life obviously started
from people who call on my show, my friends, and
and just various different kind of relatable situation and that
I think we all find ourselves in. And yeah, and
again ultimately it's just like if if you feel stuck
sometimes when it comes to dating and relationships, are helpless

because we're so frustrated with people's choices or the lack
of commitment, or their lack of communication. I think it's
it's it's a reminder that we have a lot more
control when it comes to our own happiness than sometimes
we give ourselves credit For Are you in a relationship
at the moment? I am, Yeah, I'm lucky enough to
have a wonderful girlth friend named Natalie, even dating for
a couple of years. Now. For are you on the

road to marriage? I would say it's a trending in
that direction. Mario, Yeah, okay, the odd doesn't lend itself
to us. It seem that way that I'm a trustee
on that because people would think, well, why am I
going to get dating advice from someone who has uh haven't,
hasn't had exactly the most healthy relationships, right to which
I would say, well, that's how you learn from your mistakes.

I would agree. I mean, listen, I've had a lot
of great relationships. I've had a lot of not great relationships.
I'm great, it full and like listen, it's just a
matter of again perspective, right, Um, A lot of times
people will exit out of relationship, and we will, we
will feel like we wasted time, will say things like,
well didn't mean anything and things like that, and I
used to feel that way. But I'm grateful for my

ability to, you know, change my perspective on things that
haven't worked out because they were all incredible learning opportunities.
And I've I've dated some great women who have played
significant roles in my life, and I'm certainly grateful for
all the lessons that we taught each other. Uh And
they taught me sometimes in the hardest possible ways, but
it made me a better person. And again, like I said,
I don't have all the answers to every relationship problem,

but what I have been able to do is kind
of adjust my outlook on life and dating and relationships
and you know, you know, whether it's marriage or whether
it's not marriage. Like you know, I think we have
a hard time in this world making human connections because
sometimes we get bogged down on what the expectations society
has of us, or our parents have of us, or
that we have it ourselves. And I think some times

we just want to feel like we can trust the
people were with and we can trust ourselves because again,
once you stop seeking out validation and once you start
like prioritizing, you know, what actually makes you happy and
as opposed to what you think makes you happy, Um,
the world gets a little brighter and we feel a
little bit more in control. You've also got a podcast, right,
the Vile Files, you know, the Vitle Files. Are you

talking about relationships there too? Every every day? Man? Yeah,
I've got the We have a lot of people calling
in and they're grateful enough to share their stories and
their struggles and and they you know, often seek out
my advice. But again, it doesn't come from a place
of any expert or anything like that, just comes from
a place of you know, um, trying to empathize and

trying to again like, no one lies to ourselves. When
we lie to our then we lie. No one lies
to us more than we lie to ourselves. Um. And
I'm someone who sold a lot of lies to myself
about what I think makes me happy, at what I
thought I deserved or what I thought I needed. Um,
And that's something I always really struggled with. And and
once I stopped changing, started changing that outlook, I just

felt a lot more control of my own happiness and
I wanted to kind of share those stories with my audience, Hey,
what do you what do you think about having two
female leads this past season on The Bachelorette? Was it?
Are they jumping the shark? Now? They're trying to think
two out of the box, getting too clever and it's
just not working. I mean, listen, it's so show that's
been around for twenties some years. You gotta try different things.

I don't know if it landed as well as they
thought they did, but at the same time, you know,
think about it, like you had two very compelling, uh
potential leads and Rachel and Gabby very similar storylines, like
how you know it's like how do you choose one
of the over the other? Um, I think we recognize
how having two leads um has, you know, like just

through the dynamic pits them against each other. And I
don't think people really enjoyed watching that, and also limited
our ability to get to know really any of the
men or have you know, like there wasn't anyone relationship
where we were rooting for because it was hard to
get to know any of these relationships. So, UM, I
don't know, I wouldn't call it up In the Shark.
They tried something new I don't see them doing it

anytime soon. Again, that being said, it would be nice
to see two guys fin or you know, compete with
each other. I think VAT Nation would like to see that.
But I think again we have to remind ourselves that
if that happens, um, we're going to be limited in
who we get to know and what relationships rooting for. Yeah.
I think those are solid points and we'll see if

they take note. We'll congrats on everything and on the
new book and podcast you can pick up. Don't text
your ex happy birthday? Why not? By the way, well,
because it's never intended what what it's meant for. I mean,
think about it. And if you're the one who's being
broken up with UH, and you're sad, and chances are
you probably haven't accepted it's totally over, and you're hanging

on to that hope and I certainly have been there.
And then we'll spend the next three weeks thinking of
that perfect message that we'll send, and then we'll send
it and it'll be this long paragraph and it will
end with like, happy birthday. I hope it's special, And
then you get that reply that says thanks, and then
you're reminded of how much they don't want you in
their life. And then if you're the person who's breaking
up with them and you're thinking you're just gonna be nice, well,

trust me, you're not being nice because between that split
second when they get that notification that you text them
and then they read that message that simply says happy birthday,
hope you have a great day, all you are is
reminding them that you still don't want to be with them,
and instead of brightening their day, you just made their
day worse. I wouldn't do it on the heels of
breaking out, that's for sure. Maybe waiting a year or two,

because you never know. You always kind of want to
let them know that they weren't just some random chick too, right. No,
I mean listen, if if you still have an actual
friendship two years later, been want fine, wish them a
happy birthday. But I think the point is that when
we actually move on, we actually feel indifferent. And you
aren't texting people you used to date five years ago
or two years ago. They're not a part of your

life anymore, and you should act that way right away.
That's actually healthy right away. Then later on I happened
to be friendly with a lot of them, but you're
race up for one. But aside from that, you're right
and I like it. It It was a clever title, as
I was saying, pickup, don't text your ex. Happy birthday
wherever you get books, Nick, thanks for hanging out man,
good luck. Appreciate you tomorrow, all right, take care of

ch with Mario Lopez
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