Today On The Breakfast Club, Tim Ross Talks ‘The Missing Peace,’ Being Sexually Assaulted, Healing, Faith Vs. Fear. Listen For More!
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Every day a week ago, clicks.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Up the Breakfast Club. You're gonna finish for y'all.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Done morning.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Everybody is DJ Envy, Jess, Hilarious, Charlamagne, the gud We
are the Breakfast Club, Lawl the Roses here as well.
We got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed,
brother Tim Ross. He has a new book that's out
right now, The Missing Piece, Good morning.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Good morning, not just the missing Piece.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
I love the subtitle how to be Held Together when
You're Falling Apart. I think great conversation to have during
this mental health away in this month.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Absolutely, man, absolutely, I'm so grateful to be here with y'all.
Speaker 5 (00:32):
Thank you so much. How are you feeling? First and foremost?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I feel good? Man, good, Yeah, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Do you feel peace this morning?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Much peace?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yeah, I'm chilling.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
What's the biggest lie people will leave about having peace
that's actually keeping them stuck? The biggest lie about having
piece that's actually keeping them stuck. Probably that money is
gonna get you peace, or marriage is gonna get you peace,
or the right zip code is gonna get you peace,
or promotion is gonna get you.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Peace, or a platform is gonna get you peace. All
of those are temporary. It'll give you a good dopamine
hit and make you feel secure, but it's not gonna last.
Peace has to be something that is cultivated and settled
in from the inside out, not from the outside in.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
When you talk about holding yourself together, right, is it
okay to fall apart though?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Oh? For sure?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Is it okay to let things get to your lowest
And I always say when you get that load, you're
sitting it for a little bit.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
So there's a misconception that if you have peace that
means you have the absence of turbulence, you have the
absence of struggle. I contend that you can have peace
and be angry. You can have peace and be sad.
You can have peace and be at the lowest state
(01:53):
of grief. I lost my father two years ago, and
thank you, I appreciate it. And that was my hero, Okay,
Charles Edward Ross is like my hero hero, and so
was I was grieving, but still peaceful. I missed him,
his absence. It was looming at the time, but I
(02:14):
wasn't in despair because I had peace on the inside.
Speaker 6 (02:19):
What I was watching you preach on Sundays He's the Greatness.
And you talked about the Book of Philippians and how
those letters were written from prison, right, So it's like
in the midst of the chaos, right, what has been
something for you that has felt like you know that
that prison, but like you've had to reteach yourself how
to find that piece to write those letters in the
midst of it.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah. So when I've had a lot of loss in
my life. So I've had a lot of people die
that I've loved. My brother Myles, was killed in a
car accident in September seventeenth of two thousand and four.
That was probably the deepest, darkest despair. That's why I
had to give to old girl that yeah, Shanta d Yeah,
silence a shame because I've been at that point. The
(03:01):
four months that I was depressed after Myles's death was
like the darkest season I had ever been in. You
was young twenty then, yeah, yeah, I was. I was
late twenties. Actually I was about I was twenty nine.
He would have turned twenty eight in November. So I
had my dad's revolver and I was like, I can't,
I don't want to go on. It's not that I
(03:22):
didn't believe I can go on. I didn't want to
without him. We were seventeen months apart. That's like my
best friend. And after I came out of that, I
was like, oh, I almost believed I almost believed a
lie and did something permanent based on a feeling that
was temporary. And when you can navigate out of that,
(03:44):
you realize, Okay, I can't go back to that again. Yeah.
Speaker 6 (03:48):
I was just going to ask, but emotion doesn't stop, right,
So in real time you still are getting to that
place where your emotion is clouding was actually happening.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (03:57):
What's the talk through then, where you're not getting back
to that place of like letting it all kind of
take everything away?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, So I think the talk through has to be
first of all, you can't talk by yourself. You can't
talk in the silo, something that I write about in
the book. You have to break the silence. Whatever, whatever
you can't put into words is going to choke you.
Silence isn't golden. Silence is not golden after all. So
one of the synthesis that I've come out of this
(04:25):
in the twenty eight years that I've been in therapy
is whatever doesn't come up and out of your mouth
through words, will come up and out of your body
through actions, and what you can't actually speak out, you
will act out. That's why I talk so much, man,
to be honest, you think that's the reason. I think.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
That's what I gotta say it. Yeah, No, I always
been that.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I got to say yeah, yeah, I don't like talking
behind people back.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
I got to say it to the person.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah, for sure. So I got sexually abused when I
was eight. But did you at eight eight years old? Wow? Bro? Yeah?
So it was an older teen each boy that lives
across the street and wasn't the boy was an older
woman understood it doesn't don't. Yeah, you just wanted to
you just you just want to record.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
That one.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
So he was so clear already bond.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
He was like, he was like.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
But I have other genders. You're right, I wanted to
be and she was older.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
I hate this guy.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Damn sorry because he because it was a bond at person.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Ye that I wanted to make the record clear, that's all.
I had nothing to do with nothing, But but for
who who did you make the record clear? For it?
For the people that's gonna cut it, That's all. Okay,
so that's all you gonna leave me out here. We
both had some ambiguity into until you wanted to.
Speaker 5 (05:51):
Go your own way, but.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
He was he didn't even so he's like the gender
to it. I didn't think the gender man way.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
You know what, because it's a part of my whole
story and it is it is something that so many
men go through that I don't want to leave it
out to identify with the men who will never speak
up on this and it's killing them. Okay, so that
(06:23):
happened to me at eight, but I didn't share it
with my parents until I was nineteen.
Speaker 5 (06:27):
Why not?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Do you know? At the time, in my mind envy,
I knew my dad would have killed him and my
brother would have buried the body. Wow, that's rue. And
I was eight. So I look at eight year olds
and I'd be like, how was I thinking that at eight?
But I was so afraid of blowing up my life,
(06:51):
and I was projecting the actions of adults, and so
I was actually protecting my abuser and protecting my family
at the same time.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Was your dad mad at you when you finally told him?
Speaker 2 (07:04):
No?
Speaker 5 (07:04):
Really?
Speaker 6 (07:05):
No?
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Actually, so here's the story. My mom actually caught me
watching porn at nineteen two o'clock in the morning, and
being the woman that she is, she went straight to
her room, hit her knees and started praying. So, I'm embarrassed,
and this is nineties porn dog like, this is VHS
in a VCR. Right, this ain't flip up on the
(07:27):
on the on the screen. You know what I'm saying.
You can I'm looking at and stop exactly right. So
I go on my I go on my mom's room
and I tell her. I said, hey, Mom, I don't
want you to think I'm nasty. I don't want you
to think I'm a pervert. But I got abused when.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
I was eight.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
So so the eight year old was in a nineteen
year old body and finally got to tell mommy where
it hurt. The The profound thing about that moment is
my mom contained me, held space for me, woke my
younger brother up, who was abused by the same dude, damn.
And then my dad, who was working at the post
office at night he had to come home. So that
(08:05):
in this one night what should have been like hella
embarrassing and like full of shame, healing sound healing dude
I woke up the next morning and I felt like
a two thousand pound slab of concrete came off my chest.
And he said, your brother too, My brother got abused
by this both of your brother.
Speaker 5 (08:20):
Did y'all know? Did y'all ever talk about it?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
So I found out. I found out he got abused
by bro when I was fifteen. He went to jail
on an unrelated chart. So when he came out, we
were gonna kill him, and like we in assassins. You
know what I'm saying, This is like teenagers, like let's
just kill the nigga that you know did us dirty,
because I think I was more hurt when I found
that it happened to him than it happened to me. So
(08:45):
like we just got the GENSU knives out the drawer
and they had like a welcome home party for him,
and we were like come out into the street. And
I've said this once before, and I had some dudes
I think that I was like out of my mind,
but I couldn't start sticking him until like I knew
(09:07):
he knew why he was getting stuck, you know what
I mean, Like I didn't I had to look him
in the eye, like you know what you did, right,
And I couldn't see it in his eyes now, whether
it was real there or not, I wouldn't be sitting
with you all right now because I've been doing time
and probably would have never left. L A want him
to know why this is Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know
what I'm saying. If I just start carving you up
and you just like I don't understand, you know what
(09:28):
I mean? Like I had enough decency to be like,
you need to know what you're doing, but I didn't.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
Just do it.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Oh no, dude. You know how it stopped. My older
brother found him with the next door neighbor. Wow, and
my fears at eight were confirmed because my older brother
almost killed him. So I'm like, if this is the
way you reacting over the neighbor, you wouldn't be here
(09:55):
right now if you knew what happened to me. So
that level of silence with a whole neighborhood or boys,
when I came out of that at nineteen, I was like,
I'm never going to have a secret again as long.
Speaker 5 (10:06):
As I'll there.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
I always say that the black community we do ourselves
no favor by keeping secrets, not at all, especially especially
black family. Absolutely, and a lot of stuff that we
call generational curses are really generational secrets.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Could have been broken absolutely up. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
Let me ask you a question.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
And this is not to dive to deep in it,
but I always like to hear these stories so other
parents could see what's going on.
Speaker 5 (10:29):
I got, you know, a younger son, So what happened?
What was it?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Was he a lot older? Was he an older man?
And writing into his house? Was he your same age?
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Like?
Speaker 5 (10:38):
What happened to?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
These are the things you know, because when my son
says I want to go on a play date, I'm
always like, nah, I have him come here, you know
what I mean. My daughter says I want to do something,
now I have n't come here. I'm just always nervous.
Speaker 5 (10:48):
So what was it without? You know, I don't want
to be.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Too no, no, I'm open about all this kind of stuff. So,
so first of all, the dad you are is who
Charles Edward Ross was? Everything was at our house. Russell
Mania was at our house. Everybody had to spend a
night at our house. We didn't get to go nowhere. Right,
But a predator is a predator for a reason, right,
A predator praise once you let your guard down. Right.
(11:11):
So this is a neighbor from across the street. I'm eight,
he got to be seventeen or so, and he had
a fine girlfriend, right, And this is one of those
things when you're a little boy. There's nothing sexualized at
eight years old. But you look at his girlfriend and
she's really pretty, and you're like, oh, that's a pretty girl.
(11:33):
And then so this stuff starts happening to you and
you like, why.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
Are you over here with me?
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Like I don't know what boys and girls do, but
I don't think this should be happening. Where's she at?
Speaker 5 (11:42):
Like, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
So it was when you're sexualized at a young age,
there's nothing but confusion. You can relate to that, like
the confusion of like this part of me is awakened,
but I'm still playing with he men, you know what
I mean. I'm still playing with g I Joe.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
And it's a part of you that knows it's wrong,
but it feels good, right right, right, right?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
So and then again the layers of because people always like, well,
I wouldn't let it happen to me. Well, you think
you wouldn't let it happen to you. We all have
this benefit of hindsight on the ouse looking from the
outside end, but from the inside out. I understand why
so many victims of sexual abuse, so many victims of
(12:28):
who have been abused through corersion and manipulation, why it
takes them so long to tell their story because people
don't believe them. And then when they do share their story,
it's why did you wait so long? And I'll be
on the other side, like, if you don't shut the
faith up, you know what I'm saying, Because like, it
(12:48):
was eleven years for me, and it took getting caught too,
got caught watching porn. Porn was never the root of
my issue with the fruit. I was using it to
numb the pain of my trauma. So like, if that
would have never happened and then I couldn't put it
into words, I wouldn't be as free as I am
now and this book would not have been written. What
(13:09):
did it that would make you question your sexuality anyway? Ever? Bro?
Because and there's levels to this. I've been in therapy
for the thirty years. I've been a believer in Jesus.
I've been in therapy for twenty eight so I'm so
great for that mental health in the mental health space
now is what it is. But I was doing it
before it was in vogue at all, right, because I
(13:31):
just wanted to get to the bottom of some things.
I never questioned my sexuality, and that's because my parents
had such a dope marriage that I just wanted what
my dad had. I wanted what my dad had with
my mom, and so there was never a question in
my sexuality where I was like, do I like guys
(13:54):
or do I like girls? To your point where my
dad found out, my dad was crushed. We had already
moved seventy miles away from that neighborhood, so it wasn't
like broke, make a bee line across the street and
handle business. He was just devastated, as my mom was right,
and they're they're questioning, like, what do we do wrong?
(14:16):
What happened?
Speaker 5 (14:17):
How do we missed this? How we didn't see yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah, And I had to continue to reassure them. A
predator is a predator for a reason. That's like asking yourself,
how did I get malled by a lion? Well, you
didn't try. They're predators, right. So but our family bonded
and got closer from that, and it just allowed us
(14:39):
to heal what happened to do you know, I have
no idea. I don't know if he's dead or alive.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
You never wanted to years later say you know what,
let me process this and.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Here's the thing about he arrested or no, no, here's
the thing about that that would have been done? What
was your mind from that would have been and dope,
I think that would have I think that would have
happened with the last person that got abused before my
brother found him, because that particular person, his grandfather was
(15:13):
retired law enforcement. So I don't know exactly if something
happened with that. I've actually reconnected with that dude years
later on Facebook and he was actually like moved to
tears that I was sharing the story, which also is
part of his story. But one thing that I found
(15:33):
out envy is that you don't actually need to see
your abuser face justice for you to heal, Like you
don't need something to happen to them for you to
fy enclosure for you to heal to move on. And
a lot of people think, if I get an apology
from this person, if this person is prosecuted to the
(15:54):
fullest extent of the law, then I will feel justified.
But you actually suspend your healing waiting for something to
happen to them when you can be doing this work yourself.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Now, I wasn't necessarily thinking about your healing other people.
It was abusing so many different people. It was like
stopping that. Like we always say these stories and be like,
if that one person would have said something, maybe would
have stopped twenty.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
Other people forgetting right. Sure, for sure, I always think
about that.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah, yeah, So I hope that the last person that
happened to the fact that their grandfather was in law enforcement.
I hope that led to that, But I wasn't around
for that.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
You know, a lot of people perform peace instead of
living it right, And how do you know when you're
when you're I guess, faking your healing.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Mmm. I think I think you can spot the fakers
when they retell their story but they actually start reliving it.
Like like there's so many people that like we live
in a space right now where like everybody wants to
be vulnerable, right, everybody wants to you know what I
(17:01):
can share and I'm transparent, But then they start talking
about it and then in the middle of talking about it,
they're actually reliving it. And it's like, I don't think
you're talking about a wound that's healed. I think you're
actually still bleeding from this wound and you're in ICU
and you should probably turn off the mic. Right we're
not actually swapping stories right now, and I'm sharing stuff
(17:24):
if I was breaking down like many, I'm glad you
brought that up, Doug. My body is starting to tell
all of y'all. He ain't over this. He trying to
talk about it, but he ain't actually over this. And
our bodies when we don't tell, when our words don't
match our bodies experience. Our bodies tell your skin to
(17:48):
break out, your hair to fall out, your teeth to
fall out, You'll start getting ulcers. You break out in
the wrap like your body is like stop capping. Your
body wants you to tell the truth, and when you
do tell the truth, your nervous system regulates. This is
why light detectors are even though they can't be unless
you're a psychopath. A light detector can detect the liar
(18:10):
because the mouth and the body must live in harmony,
and when it's not, the body starts giving even micro
signals that this person is lying.
Speaker 6 (18:19):
When you When I hear you talk about that, it
makes me wonder, like, is peace ever really a destination
or is it something that like it's like you gradually
get to parts of peace. I don't know if I'm
making sense right, because you think you're someone's at peace,
and then it's like, no, they're probably not, but they
feel like they are because they feel better about it
(18:40):
than they did the.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Day before, the month before. Like that's good.
Speaker 6 (18:43):
So how do you know what the destination of piece is?
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Yeah? So so I'm glad you said that because it
brought up a picture. So let's just say you bought
one hundred acres of land, okay, and you put your
house on one acre of it, right, and you're like, oh,
this is good. Right, I cultivated this, I built a
house on this, I got a little garden out here.
But you got ninety nine other acres. It's just undeveloped.
(19:05):
At some point you need to expand to two. You
are all the land is yours, but now it all
has to be cultivated and that takes work. And so
peace is something that you already have and you can
already partake of. But the development of it could be
a lifelong journey.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
And peace is also a destination that you you know,
you're kind of in and out of. Yeah, like yeah,
I like how you talk about in the book about
how to keep your emotions? Yeah, regulated how to People
don't know how to do that?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Right for sure? I have learned this, especially coming from
the environment I came out of in Inglewood. There there
there is a discipline. You have to choose peace, right
like there, I've seen y'all in here with some people
that you know, y'all have had to choose peace. Not
(20:00):
You're not just choosing to keep your job. You're not
just choosing you know what I'm saying not to go
viral for popping off. You're choosing peace because you know
the alternative is what? Right? You talked about that donkey
of the day, dude, Like why did you over a tip?
Over a tip?
Speaker 4 (20:16):
This is this is how you want to crash run
them over with a cogit get a tip?
Speaker 5 (20:20):
Right?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
So so, so piece is a choice, and I choose
not your trade in my eternal piece for a temporary
version that's going to bring me back to a disregulated state.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Anyway, How do you regulate your emotions while still honoring them,
because you still gotta feel your feels as you think
for sure.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Yeah so, but but our feelings, Charlemagne, our feelings are
nothing more than informants. They're little snitches. They just come
to tell us what's going on right now. They come
to give us information. But we still get to choose
what we do with that information, right. I just I
just celebrated my twenty seventh wedding anniversary with Juliet, right,
thank you, we got married May first. I still see
(20:59):
other attract the women, right. My attraction is not a sin.
That's not a boundary to cross. My wife aint gonna
be mad because I think another girl is pretty. My
reaction to that attraction can get me in trouble. I
have a choice in that. If you get bricked up,
that's biological. If I get bricked up, well yeah that
is biological. Okay, So my penis got hard and what No,
(21:23):
that's just biology. Right then you could be stimulated by
something if you flicking channels. You know what I'm saying, niggas,
Niggas got hard looking at animal kingdoms sometimes, you know
what I'm saying. So that I didn't say me I
generalize I've gotten hard. Well, they're on their own. I
(21:55):
didn't say I did, right, So so all I'm saying
is biology says that that attraction is not a sin, right,
our reactions to our attractions can be that sin. So
in anything, if I'm feeling anger, Bible says you can
be angry but not sin right, So you can. Our
emotions come to inform us of what we're feeling, but
we still have a choice if we're going to trade
(22:16):
our peace for an emotion that could take us out
of the will of God.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
That's so good.
Speaker 6 (22:23):
I keep hearing this message over and over again, and I.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Think I need to hear it, Okay.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
And the reason that's so good is because whenever, like
you know, you have an emotional outburst, whatever it may be,
whether it's happiness, whether it's anger, whatever it is, shall
always just sit with it afterwards and be like, Okay,
what was that?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
What was the root cause of why I react? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (22:43):
That way?
Speaker 4 (22:44):
Yeah, and you'd be surprised, like what some of the
root causes are. Like sometimes anger can be loved.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Oh absolutely, you can love somebody so much that you
angry about it, right, right, depending on what they do
to you. And again the feeling comes to give you
the information, but what you do with that information is
going to dictate if you keep your peace or mine.
But I'm curious what you're feeling, why you keep here.
Speaker 6 (23:05):
Pastor Sarah was at church as He's a greatness. She
talked about anger and women in grief, but separately, and
she talked about it's okay to be angry, and a
lot of times as women, you try not to be,
or if you are, you're so angry that you don't
think through the anger. But if you think through it,
you sit and you figure out, like why you're angry,
you take accountability in the anger, and then you repoint
(23:26):
it and you focus it. It's powerful because a woman
on the mission is a woman on the mission, you
know what I mean, especially a Black woman. And then
you're talking about the emotional and she talked about managing
your emotion and you're talking about basically like an emotional
discipline of sorts.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
That's right.
Speaker 6 (23:40):
And when you said tip, I'm thinking about like in news,
you get tips and it just leads you somewhere, but
that's not what you hang on to.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
It might be right, it might be wrong.
Speaker 6 (23:47):
And I think One of the things that I'm realizing
in world time, as I'm learning to take accountability, is
that sometimes my emotion leads my final end all be
all of my thought, and I'm so deep into the
thought that like, none of that clarity happens. So this
is the second time that I've heard it, like very
clearly of like here's what, here's here's the plan. You
(24:08):
gotta listen, you gotta or moving forward ain't gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Yeah, I was watching Godfather three on the way here.
I just like had to watch that trilogy because I
had just finished the Sopranos, so I was like, I
gotta go back to the og. So I'm watching Godfather three.
Michael Coleone is dealing with a person that they ultimately
need to get rid of. But it was profound what
he said. He was like, Yo, you're allowing your anger
(24:33):
to dictate what you're going to do to this person
instead of understanding this person's nature. This is their nature,
this is who they are. They are not going to change.
And if I allow my emotions to be dictated by
their nature, I am a slave to them. Every time
(24:53):
I'm in their circumference, every time I get in their presence.
You gonna own me because oh, Charlemagne is like this,
and time charlote man' get like this, then I get
like that and you control me. Though anytime I come
into your environment, you control me. I'm not gonna let
that happen. I come in with peace. My piece is internal,
the chaos is external. I have to choose to trade
(25:15):
my internal peace for the external chaos. And you gotta
slow your body down. It doesn't mean my heart race.
My heart beat donge and go up. My blood pressure
don't go up. I can feel my ears burning. But
on the inside, I'm like, I'm not giving up this
piece for y'all. M y'all can have all of that storm.
It ain't coming in here.
Speaker 6 (25:34):
What about what about being able to do that in
certain situations but not being able to do it in
other situations, Like if you've mastered piece over here on
the left, but on the right. It's just not like
there's no one central peace mass like a board.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
We have the ability to leave. Right when Jesus would
be crowned king, he slipped away. When he would be stoned,
before he would be crucial, he slipped away. He didn't
stay in every situation. Some situations. He stood there and
was like, I can take all of this other situations.
He was like, yeah, nah, fam my, Mom, you know
(26:12):
what I'm saying. So we have the ability to leave.
These these MMA fighters when you're talking to them and
they're talking about their training or whatever, they're like, Okay, Well,
what if you go to a bar and some dude's
drunk and he wants to fight you. He was like,
I just back up, But what if he keeps advances
of you? I just keep backing up. Well what if
he pushes up on you? I leave the restaurant. Why
I'm gonna loot? If I engage, I'm gonna kill him
(26:34):
and I'm gonna go to jail. I fight for a living.
His liquid courage got him in my face, but I'm trained.
So this man is going to be in critical condition
or he's gonna be dead. So I have to make
the choice to remove myself from the situation. I think
a lot of people who talk about keeping their peace
also stay in situations where their piece is compromised. Every
(26:56):
situation is not gonna be conducive to your peace being maintained,
So you got to move yourself out of the situation,
and it takes humility to do that.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
How much of people's lack of peace is trauma and
how much is just avoidance of truth?
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Oh, in twenty twenty six, I can't get percentages to
it because I don't want to dismiss anybody's trauma. And
somebody's trauma can be can be kind of balled up
in them not being willing to hear the truth. But
Charlamagne bro we live in a time right now that
if you tell somebody the truth, they because mental health
(27:36):
has turned into three minute TikTok soundbites. You tell somebody
the truth and they just gonna throw what they heard
as they screw through TikTok. You're a narcissist.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
You just gasling me.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
I'm trigger and you're like, you don't even know what
these terms mean. I just told you your breath. Think
you need a tongue scraper.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
That's just the truth.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
That white film on your tongue is not coming off
because you brush your teeth. You need an instrument that
just scrapes your tongue. Dog, there's a film based on
the fish and the cereal you had last night. I
don't know why you had a piece of fish and
then a bowl of cereal. But that doesn't lead to
good morning breath. Right, But we can't tell nobody that
(28:28):
now without it being you disrupted my piece. I'm just
trying to help you out right, And so truth, truth
is objective. If it's the truth, right, it's gonna be
the same every single time. But we have fragilized an
entire country to the point that we can't have discourse
(28:51):
based on the truth.
Speaker 6 (28:52):
Man, what's a horizontal confession?
Speaker 2 (28:59):
The confession that gets you healed? So, as a believer
in Jesus, you know horror. Vertical confession is I confess
whatever to the Lord, right, God, I'm going through this.
I'm going through that. Whatever horizontal confession is. I'm gonna
tell Envy something that I ain't tell nobody else. I've
told God for five years. I ain't told Envy. Right.
(29:21):
The moment I tell you, I get healed in a
way that I don't get healed with God. And I
know it's gonna mess some Christians up because all I
need is Jesus. I'm in my prayer room. All I
gotta do is pray. Oh my bad.
Speaker 4 (29:32):
That's the Christians should have told me first.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
So so we share stuff, right, we pray, we do
all this kind of stuff. But then I'm gonna share
something with envy that i haven't shared, and Something's gonna
happen in my nervous system that I'm not even aware
of at the moment. Because healing comes when I'm face
to face with another human being and I'm saying, hey,
I'm scared right now, bro, you know what, my business
(30:02):
is experiencing some low points. I'm might have to lay
some employees off, and I'm actually terrified, and I ain't
shared it with nobody. I'm scared. Dog that right there.
Your body's like, we can calm down there. You're not
trying to pin that up. You're not trying to thub through.
You're not trying to And so horizontal confession heals us
in a way that vertical confession doesn't, because vertical confession
(30:26):
will get you forgiven, it would get you cleansed, but
horizontal confression will get you healed. I like that.
Speaker 4 (30:30):
And the reason I like that is because you know,
of course I love God. All praisers do God all
the time, but human connection.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Is just as important. It is like God put us
all here for a reason. Together.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Yeah, we're not supposed to be isolated from one another.
We are supposed to have human connection, share those emotions,
share those things where you know, going through others.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And I don't think that's trauma dumping either.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
No, it's not. Genesis chapter number two, add A nine
is the one who says it's not good for man
to be alone. He creates Adam, and he says it's
not good for man to be alone. The presumption is
that means marriage. The macro of that is that means relationship.
There are no lone wolves. Lone wolves die right, you
(31:19):
look good, Right, I'm out here by myself. You're gonna
die by yourself. None of us were supposed to live
life alone. And so community, common unity is incredibly important
and true healing only is sustained in community. It is
not an isolation.
Speaker 6 (31:36):
And you talk about that a lot in your book.
When you talk about accountability and accountability not being parole,
but having people that keep you accountable, that's trust.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Yeah. Absolutely. So you know, I grew up listening to
a generation talk about accountability and being from the hood
where I'm from, it sounded like parole to me. I'm like, so,
I gotta check in with Charlottmaye every and tell him, hey, man,
I ain't looked at no booty on Instagram, and you
know I'm just this checklist, right. Accountability, true accountability is
(32:11):
not me checking in with you or you calling me
to see have you done something wrong? It's me saying,
you know what, every time I'm alone, I slip into
maladaptive behaviors that don't suit me well. Whether that's drinking
too much, whether that's rolling up too many blunts, whether
(32:33):
that's snorting some cocaine, looking at booty and masturbating. I
want to stop that. If I want to stop that,
then I want to hold myself accountable. I'm calling you
when I'm tempted, not after I've done it. Yo, dude,
this is a tough night tonight. I'm a caller. Her
(32:53):
y'all broke up like five times. You know she ain't
no good for you, but she called tonight and she
sent the pick. All right, Doug, Then what you're gonna do?
All right, I'm turning off my phone. I'm going to bed.
I don't know. I'm turning my location services on right,
like like if you see my blue dot move from
my house right check me like, if you people that
(33:17):
want to change do everything they can to change. People
that don't want to change say they want to change,
but lead the environment the exact same and fall into
the same issues over and over and over.
Speaker 4 (33:28):
That's you a question about that relationship wise wise right?
Should your significant other be your accountability partner? And that's
what I mean I'm talking about in particular in regards
to affairs of lust. Right, you talking about seeing a
woman early like, oh man, she's pretty. H You tell
your wife that and be like, yo, I'm just she's pretty.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
No, I don't. I don't tell Juliette about every beautiful
woman I see. If it turned into something of an
attraction that I felt myself, like Michael Jackson's smooth criminal
leaning over into right, if I if I, if I've
leaned that much, then I need to tell Juliet.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
If it's somebody I see in the airport, I'm not
I'm not gonna see him again. I saw you, b bro,
like you know, yeah, yeah, if it's in if it's
within my space, right, the realm that I live in.
And because again, attraction is not planned. I don't wake
up in the morning like I can't wait to see
somebody is fine, as Juliet. No attraction is not planned.
It's like getting hit in the head with a brick.
(34:28):
Your reaction to your attraction, that's what's gonna be planned, right.
So if I see that, like, oh yo, I'm I'm
starting to lean for old girl and I'm gonna and
she's gonna be around a lot.
Speaker 4 (34:39):
I gotta tell Juliet, sometimes all you need is the conversation.
The conversation snashs you back to reality, saying what you
can call your homeboy and your homeboil tatoes.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
Sometimes when it's that your significant other, it's the same.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Whatever's in silence grows and whatever's whatever's been spoken shrinks.
I'm telling you, I have talked to too many people
that have called me on the p late that night,
like going through I don't say nothing for twenty minutes.
They just after they've done, they like a nigga, you
are real one, dog, I feel so much better, And
(35:11):
I'm like.
Speaker 5 (35:11):
I don't say nothing.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
I just contained them, right. And some people don't need advice,
They just need a safe place to be able to vent.
And if we give them that safety, then they can
they can find the peace that they've really been looking for.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
You know, one affirmation I always tell myself to keep
the peace is that faith and fear can't coexist.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
But my body tells me that's not true.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
Right, So, can you have faith in God and still
feel lost or anxious?
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Broken?
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Does that means something off?
Speaker 2 (35:42):
No, bro, Faith is not the absence of fear. Faith
is the substance of things hope for Hebrews eleven says,
the substance of things hope for the evidence of things
not seen. It's not the absence of fear, it's the
it's the presence of God in the middle of all
(36:03):
of that fear. So I'm twenty three, David wrote, Yay,
though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for Thou are with me.
It's only his presence that anchors me when I feel
like my world is falling apart. So absence of your
presence notice, not a word, not money. Your presence will
(36:26):
make it possible for me to navigate something that's very,
very scary. My son, my sons were in the house.
We moved from a house that was like twenty one
hundred square feet on a zero lot to a house
that was three acres five thousand square feet. My boys
were seven and five when we moved in. House is
much bigger. They got a lot more room to run around,
(36:48):
and they running around the house. One day, my wife
is going, my mother in law's gone, I'm in the house,
but I'm in the master closet doing like folding clothes
or something. My boys are running around the house looking
for a parent and can't find nobody right, so they
are just shook, Mama, daddy. They screaming for anybody. They
(37:08):
think they're in the house by themselves, so they panic.
Why do they panic because they don't sense our presence.
So for five minutes, they running around screaming to the
top of they lungs. I just think they're playing. I
hear them screaming. I don't know they'd looking for anybody's attention.
So I finally go in the room. I finally come
out of my room and I'm like Nathan, Noah, And
(37:29):
they were like, I was like, y'all know, just knowing
my presence was there, the nervous systems calm down. So
anxiety spikes when we believe in are alone, and it
comes down when we know someone is present. That's crazy.
(37:52):
That was just a little little boy.
Speaker 4 (37:54):
Whenever I have panic attacks, anybody attacks, I would say,
I love your hold God in this Sunday Yue Christ.
I love your hold God in Sunyuechrist. Love you, Oh
God and Son Jesus Christ. Fuck Saytan Fox, Satan Fox.
My mindset used to be, you know. Uh, they wanted
Joe's wife wanted him to curse God and die. So
if I cursed Satan, then I probably lived. But it
really was just reminding myself someone was with you.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
That's exactly right. Yeah, even if you're not in the
same room, he's present, right. Yeah. You dedicate this book
to all the mental health professionals.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
You said, why do you?
Speaker 4 (38:25):
You said, Uh, you said, this book is for the
mental health professionals, the real ones, the ones who didn't
just help me survive my trauma, but gave me the
tools to thrive despite it.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Y'all do holy work, and I'm living proof of it.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
Why do you consider the word of mental health professionals
to be holy work?
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Saved my life? Bro or somebody else's. Like where I
came from. I told you about the time I was
gonna in my life, but there's been some times somebody
else's life was going to be ended, and mental health
professionals have created space for me and millions of others
(39:00):
to come and sit down and listen to the deepest,
darkest parts of our soul. They are patient enough with us,
not in one session, not in two sessions, but I'm
talking sessions over years getting us down to the core
of what it is that we're truly wrestling with. It
(39:20):
took me, I think, fifteen years to get to the
core roots of my trauma, which are abandonment issues and
anxiety attachment issues. They if it wasn't for their patients,
I would snap. Bro. People are out here acting out
(39:43):
crazy because they can't put their feelings into words, and
mental health professionals have paid a significant price to be
able to give us language to our feelings so that
we can navigate life's issues and storms and journeys.
Speaker 5 (40:00):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (40:00):
Yeah, man, I hope you joined us this year at
this year's Mental Wealth Exbo Mental Wealth ex Yeah. I
would love to be October. I would love to have
you there, man, the missing piece. If you want to
do anything for somebody this Mental health Awareness month, go
get them. Tim Ross's the missing piece.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
Ma.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
That's right, and we appreciate you so much for joining us,
to sharing your story and being a share honest man.
Speaker 5 (40:17):
Hopefully that somebody see what you went through and know
that they can do it.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Absolutely, appreciate it all. I appreciate you to follow you
to Upset the Talk on TikTok, Upset the Gram on
Instagram and on YouTube, The Basement with Tim all.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
Right, it's Tim Ross, It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning,
and before we go, if you don't mind, we always
end on a prayer. Can you end this on a prayer?
Speaker 2 (40:43):
For sure? Absolutely? God, thank you so much for this team.
I thank you for Envy, Charlemagne, for Lauren, for Jessica.
I thank you for the annointing that you have placed
on their life. I thank you for the call of
God this on their life. But thank you for the
influence that you have given them to Steward. May it
continue to be used to give people a safe place
(41:04):
to find peace in Jesus' name. Amen, Amen, Hold.
Speaker 4 (41:10):
Up every day awake, click your ass up the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
Finish y'all dumb
Every day a week ago, clicks.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Up the Breakfast Club. You're gonna finish for y'all.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Done morning.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Everybody is DJ Envy, Jess, Hilarious, Charlamagne, the gud We
are the Breakfast Club, Lawl the Roses here as well.
We got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed,
brother Tim Ross. He has a new book that's out
right now, The Missing Piece, Good morning.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Good morning, not just the missing Piece.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
I love the subtitle how to be Held Together when
You're Falling Apart. I think great conversation to have during
this mental health away in this month.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Absolutely, man, absolutely, I'm so grateful to be here with y'all.
Speaker 5 (00:32):
Thank you so much. How are you feeling? First and foremost?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I feel good? Man, good, Yeah, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Do you feel peace this morning?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Much peace?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yeah, I'm chilling.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
What's the biggest lie people will leave about having peace
that's actually keeping them stuck? The biggest lie about having
piece that's actually keeping them stuck. Probably that money is
gonna get you peace, or marriage is gonna get you peace,
or the right zip code is gonna get you peace,
or promotion is gonna get you.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Peace, or a platform is gonna get you peace. All
of those are temporary. It'll give you a good dopamine
hit and make you feel secure, but it's not gonna last.
Peace has to be something that is cultivated and settled
in from the inside out, not from the outside in.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
When you talk about holding yourself together, right, is it
okay to fall apart though?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Oh? For sure?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Is it okay to let things get to your lowest
And I always say when you get that load, you're
sitting it for a little bit.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
So there's a misconception that if you have peace that
means you have the absence of turbulence, you have the
absence of struggle. I contend that you can have peace
and be angry. You can have peace and be sad.
You can have peace and be at the lowest state
(01:53):
of grief. I lost my father two years ago, and
thank you, I appreciate it. And that was my hero, Okay,
Charles Edward Ross is like my hero hero, and so
was I was grieving, but still peaceful. I missed him,
his absence. It was looming at the time, but I
(02:14):
wasn't in despair because I had peace on the inside.
Speaker 6 (02:19):
What I was watching you preach on Sundays He's the Greatness.
And you talked about the Book of Philippians and how
those letters were written from prison, right, So it's like
in the midst of the chaos, right, what has been
something for you that has felt like you know that
that prison, but like you've had to reteach yourself how
to find that piece to write those letters in the
midst of it.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah. So when I've had a lot of loss in
my life. So I've had a lot of people die
that I've loved. My brother Myles, was killed in a
car accident in September seventeenth of two thousand and four.
That was probably the deepest, darkest despair. That's why I
had to give to old girl that yeah, Shanta d Yeah,
silence a shame because I've been at that point. The
(03:01):
four months that I was depressed after Myles's death was
like the darkest season I had ever been in. You
was young twenty then, yeah, yeah, I was. I was
late twenties. Actually I was about I was twenty nine.
He would have turned twenty eight in November. So I
had my dad's revolver and I was like, I can't,
I don't want to go on. It's not that I
(03:22):
didn't believe I can go on. I didn't want to
without him. We were seventeen months apart. That's like my
best friend. And after I came out of that, I
was like, oh, I almost believed I almost believed a
lie and did something permanent based on a feeling that
was temporary. And when you can navigate out of that,
(03:44):
you realize, Okay, I can't go back to that again. Yeah.
Speaker 6 (03:48):
I was just going to ask, but emotion doesn't stop, right,
So in real time you still are getting to that
place where your emotion is clouding was actually happening.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (03:57):
What's the talk through then, where you're not getting back
to that place of like letting it all kind of
take everything away?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, So I think the talk through has to be
first of all, you can't talk by yourself. You can't
talk in the silo, something that I write about in
the book. You have to break the silence. Whatever, whatever
you can't put into words is going to choke you.
Silence isn't golden. Silence is not golden after all. So
one of the synthesis that I've come out of this
(04:25):
in the twenty eight years that I've been in therapy
is whatever doesn't come up and out of your mouth
through words, will come up and out of your body
through actions, and what you can't actually speak out, you
will act out. That's why I talk so much, man,
to be honest, you think that's the reason. I think.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
That's what I gotta say it. Yeah, No, I always
been that.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I got to say yeah, yeah, I don't like talking
behind people back.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
I got to say it to the person.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah, for sure. So I got sexually abused when I
was eight. But did you at eight eight years old? Wow? Bro? Yeah?
So it was an older teen each boy that lives
across the street and wasn't the boy was an older
woman understood it doesn't don't. Yeah, you just wanted to
you just you just want to record.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
That one.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
So he was so clear already bond.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
He was like, he was like.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
But I have other genders. You're right, I wanted to
be and she was older.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
I hate this guy.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Damn sorry because he because it was a bond at person.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Ye that I wanted to make the record clear, that's all.
I had nothing to do with nothing, But but for
who who did you make the record clear? For it?
For the people that's gonna cut it, That's all. Okay,
so that's all you gonna leave me out here. We
both had some ambiguity into until you wanted to.
Speaker 5 (05:51):
Go your own way, but.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
He was he didn't even so he's like the gender
to it. I didn't think the gender man way.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
You know what, because it's a part of my whole
story and it is it is something that so many
men go through that I don't want to leave it
out to identify with the men who will never speak
up on this and it's killing them. Okay, so that
(06:23):
happened to me at eight, but I didn't share it
with my parents until I was nineteen.
Speaker 5 (06:27):
Why not?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Do you know? At the time, in my mind envy,
I knew my dad would have killed him and my
brother would have buried the body. Wow, that's rue. And
I was eight. So I look at eight year olds
and I'd be like, how was I thinking that at eight?
But I was so afraid of blowing up my life,
(06:51):
and I was projecting the actions of adults, and so
I was actually protecting my abuser and protecting my family
at the same time.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Was your dad mad at you when you finally told him?
Speaker 2 (07:04):
No?
Speaker 5 (07:04):
Really?
Speaker 6 (07:05):
No?
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Actually, so here's the story. My mom actually caught me
watching porn at nineteen two o'clock in the morning, and
being the woman that she is, she went straight to
her room, hit her knees and started praying. So, I'm embarrassed,
and this is nineties porn dog like, this is VHS
in a VCR. Right, this ain't flip up on the
(07:27):
on the on the screen. You know what I'm saying.
You can I'm looking at and stop exactly right. So
I go on my I go on my mom's room
and I tell her. I said, hey, Mom, I don't
want you to think I'm nasty. I don't want you
to think I'm a pervert. But I got abused when.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
I was eight.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
So so the eight year old was in a nineteen
year old body and finally got to tell mommy where
it hurt. The The profound thing about that moment is
my mom contained me, held space for me, woke my
younger brother up, who was abused by the same dude, damn.
And then my dad, who was working at the post
office at night he had to come home. So that
(08:05):
in this one night what should have been like hella
embarrassing and like full of shame, healing sound healing dude
I woke up the next morning and I felt like
a two thousand pound slab of concrete came off my chest.
And he said, your brother too, My brother got abused
by this both of your brother.
Speaker 5 (08:20):
Did y'all know? Did y'all ever talk about it?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
So I found out. I found out he got abused
by bro when I was fifteen. He went to jail
on an unrelated chart. So when he came out, we
were gonna kill him, and like we in assassins. You
know what I'm saying, This is like teenagers, like let's
just kill the nigga that you know did us dirty,
because I think I was more hurt when I found
that it happened to him than it happened to me. So
(08:45):
like we just got the GENSU knives out the drawer
and they had like a welcome home party for him,
and we were like come out into the street. And
I've said this once before, and I had some dudes
I think that I was like out of my mind,
but I couldn't start sticking him until like I knew
(09:07):
he knew why he was getting stuck, you know what
I mean, Like I didn't I had to look him
in the eye, like you know what you did, right,
And I couldn't see it in his eyes now, whether
it was real there or not, I wouldn't be sitting
with you all right now because I've been doing time
and probably would have never left. L A want him
to know why this is Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know
what I'm saying. If I just start carving you up
and you just like I don't understand, you know what
(09:28):
I mean? Like I had enough decency to be like,
you need to know what you're doing, but I didn't.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
Just do it.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Oh no, dude. You know how it stopped. My older
brother found him with the next door neighbor. Wow, and
my fears at eight were confirmed because my older brother
almost killed him. So I'm like, if this is the
way you reacting over the neighbor, you wouldn't be here
(09:55):
right now if you knew what happened to me. So
that level of silence with a whole neighborhood or boys,
when I came out of that at nineteen, I was like,
I'm never going to have a secret again as long.
Speaker 5 (10:06):
As I'll there.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
I always say that the black community we do ourselves
no favor by keeping secrets, not at all, especially especially
black family. Absolutely, and a lot of stuff that we
call generational curses are really generational secrets.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Could have been broken absolutely up. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
Let me ask you a question.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
And this is not to dive to deep in it,
but I always like to hear these stories so other
parents could see what's going on.
Speaker 5 (10:29):
I got, you know, a younger son, So what happened?
What was it?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Was he a lot older? Was he an older man?
And writing into his house? Was he your same age?
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Like?
Speaker 5 (10:38):
What happened to?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
These are the things you know, because when my son
says I want to go on a play date, I'm
always like, nah, I have him come here, you know
what I mean. My daughter says I want to do something,
now I have n't come here. I'm just always nervous.
Speaker 5 (10:48):
So what was it without? You know, I don't want
to be.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Too no, no, I'm open about all this kind of stuff. So,
so first of all, the dad you are is who
Charles Edward Ross was? Everything was at our house. Russell
Mania was at our house. Everybody had to spend a
night at our house. We didn't get to go nowhere. Right,
But a predator is a predator for a reason, right,
A predator praise once you let your guard down. Right.
(11:11):
So this is a neighbor from across the street. I'm eight,
he got to be seventeen or so, and he had
a fine girlfriend, right, And this is one of those
things when you're a little boy. There's nothing sexualized at
eight years old. But you look at his girlfriend and
she's really pretty, and you're like, oh, that's a pretty girl.
(11:33):
And then so this stuff starts happening to you and
you like, why.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
Are you over here with me?
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Like I don't know what boys and girls do, but
I don't think this should be happening. Where's she at?
Speaker 5 (11:42):
Like, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
So it was when you're sexualized at a young age,
there's nothing but confusion. You can relate to that, like
the confusion of like this part of me is awakened,
but I'm still playing with he men, you know what
I mean. I'm still playing with g I Joe.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
And it's a part of you that knows it's wrong,
but it feels good, right right, right, right?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
So and then again the layers of because people always like, well,
I wouldn't let it happen to me. Well, you think
you wouldn't let it happen to you. We all have
this benefit of hindsight on the ouse looking from the
outside end, but from the inside out. I understand why
so many victims of sexual abuse, so many victims of
(12:28):
who have been abused through corersion and manipulation, why it
takes them so long to tell their story because people
don't believe them. And then when they do share their story,
it's why did you wait so long? And I'll be
on the other side, like, if you don't shut the
faith up, you know what I'm saying, Because like, it
(12:48):
was eleven years for me, and it took getting caught too,
got caught watching porn. Porn was never the root of
my issue with the fruit. I was using it to
numb the pain of my trauma. So like, if that
would have never happened and then I couldn't put it
into words, I wouldn't be as free as I am
now and this book would not have been written. What
(13:09):
did it that would make you question your sexuality anyway? Ever? Bro?
Because and there's levels to this. I've been in therapy
for the thirty years. I've been a believer in Jesus.
I've been in therapy for twenty eight so I'm so
great for that mental health in the mental health space
now is what it is. But I was doing it
before it was in vogue at all, right, because I
(13:31):
just wanted to get to the bottom of some things.
I never questioned my sexuality, and that's because my parents
had such a dope marriage that I just wanted what
my dad had. I wanted what my dad had with
my mom, and so there was never a question in
my sexuality where I was like, do I like guys
(13:54):
or do I like girls? To your point where my
dad found out, my dad was crushed. We had already
moved seventy miles away from that neighborhood, so it wasn't
like broke, make a bee line across the street and
handle business. He was just devastated, as my mom was right,
and they're they're questioning, like, what do we do wrong?
(14:16):
What happened?
Speaker 5 (14:17):
How do we missed this? How we didn't see yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah, And I had to continue to reassure them. A
predator is a predator for a reason. That's like asking yourself,
how did I get malled by a lion? Well, you
didn't try. They're predators, right. So but our family bonded
and got closer from that, and it just allowed us
(14:39):
to heal what happened to do you know, I have
no idea. I don't know if he's dead or alive.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
You never wanted to years later say you know what,
let me process this and.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Here's the thing about he arrested or no, no, here's
the thing about that that would have been done? What
was your mind from that would have been and dope,
I think that would have I think that would have
happened with the last person that got abused before my
brother found him, because that particular person, his grandfather was
(15:13):
retired law enforcement. So I don't know exactly if something
happened with that. I've actually reconnected with that dude years
later on Facebook and he was actually like moved to
tears that I was sharing the story, which also is
part of his story. But one thing that I found
(15:33):
out envy is that you don't actually need to see
your abuser face justice for you to heal, Like you
don't need something to happen to them for you to
fy enclosure for you to heal to move on. And
a lot of people think, if I get an apology
from this person, if this person is prosecuted to the
(15:54):
fullest extent of the law, then I will feel justified.
But you actually suspend your healing waiting for something to
happen to them when you can be doing this work yourself.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Now, I wasn't necessarily thinking about your healing other people.
It was abusing so many different people. It was like
stopping that. Like we always say these stories and be like,
if that one person would have said something, maybe would
have stopped twenty.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
Other people forgetting right. Sure, for sure, I always think
about that.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah, yeah, So I hope that the last person that
happened to the fact that their grandfather was in law enforcement.
I hope that led to that, But I wasn't around
for that.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
You know, a lot of people perform peace instead of
living it right, And how do you know when you're
when you're I guess, faking your healing.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Mmm. I think I think you can spot the fakers
when they retell their story but they actually start reliving it.
Like like there's so many people that like we live
in a space right now where like everybody wants to
be vulnerable, right, everybody wants to you know what I
(17:01):
can share and I'm transparent, But then they start talking
about it and then in the middle of talking about it,
they're actually reliving it. And it's like, I don't think
you're talking about a wound that's healed. I think you're
actually still bleeding from this wound and you're in ICU
and you should probably turn off the mic. Right we're
not actually swapping stories right now, and I'm sharing stuff
(17:24):
if I was breaking down like many, I'm glad you
brought that up, Doug. My body is starting to tell
all of y'all. He ain't over this. He trying to
talk about it, but he ain't actually over this. And
our bodies when we don't tell, when our words don't
match our bodies experience. Our bodies tell your skin to
(17:48):
break out, your hair to fall out, your teeth to
fall out, You'll start getting ulcers. You break out in
the wrap like your body is like stop capping. Your
body wants you to tell the truth, and when you
do tell the truth, your nervous system regulates. This is
why light detectors are even though they can't be unless
you're a psychopath. A light detector can detect the liar
(18:10):
because the mouth and the body must live in harmony,
and when it's not, the body starts giving even micro
signals that this person is lying.
Speaker 6 (18:19):
When you When I hear you talk about that, it
makes me wonder, like, is peace ever really a destination
or is it something that like it's like you gradually
get to parts of peace. I don't know if I'm
making sense right, because you think you're someone's at peace,
and then it's like, no, they're probably not, but they
feel like they are because they feel better about it
(18:40):
than they did the.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Day before, the month before. Like that's good.
Speaker 6 (18:43):
So how do you know what the destination of piece is?
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Yeah? So so I'm glad you said that because it
brought up a picture. So let's just say you bought
one hundred acres of land, okay, and you put your
house on one acre of it, right, and you're like, oh,
this is good. Right, I cultivated this, I built a
house on this, I got a little garden out here.
But you got ninety nine other acres. It's just undeveloped.
(19:05):
At some point you need to expand to two. You
are all the land is yours, but now it all
has to be cultivated and that takes work. And so
peace is something that you already have and you can
already partake of. But the development of it could be
a lifelong journey.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
And peace is also a destination that you you know,
you're kind of in and out of. Yeah, like yeah,
I like how you talk about in the book about
how to keep your emotions? Yeah, regulated how to People
don't know how to do that?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Right for sure? I have learned this, especially coming from
the environment I came out of in Inglewood. There there
there is a discipline. You have to choose peace, right
like there, I've seen y'all in here with some people
that you know, y'all have had to choose peace. Not
(20:00):
You're not just choosing to keep your job. You're not
just choosing you know what I'm saying not to go
viral for popping off. You're choosing peace because you know
the alternative is what? Right? You talked about that donkey
of the day, dude, Like why did you over a tip?
Over a tip?
Speaker 4 (20:16):
This is this is how you want to crash run
them over with a cogit get a tip?
Speaker 5 (20:20):
Right?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
So so, so piece is a choice, and I choose
not your trade in my eternal piece for a temporary
version that's going to bring me back to a disregulated state.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Anyway, How do you regulate your emotions while still honoring them,
because you still gotta feel your feels as you think
for sure.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Yeah so, but but our feelings, Charlemagne, our feelings are
nothing more than informants. They're little snitches. They just come
to tell us what's going on right now. They come
to give us information. But we still get to choose
what we do with that information, right. I just I
just celebrated my twenty seventh wedding anniversary with Juliet, right,
thank you, we got married May first. I still see
(20:59):
other attract the women, right. My attraction is not a sin.
That's not a boundary to cross. My wife aint gonna
be mad because I think another girl is pretty. My
reaction to that attraction can get me in trouble. I
have a choice in that. If you get bricked up,
that's biological. If I get bricked up, well yeah that
is biological. Okay, So my penis got hard and what No,
(21:23):
that's just biology. Right then you could be stimulated by
something if you flicking channels. You know what I'm saying, niggas,
Niggas got hard looking at animal kingdoms sometimes, you know
what I'm saying. So that I didn't say me I
generalize I've gotten hard. Well, they're on their own. I
(21:55):
didn't say I did, right, So so all I'm saying
is biology says that that attraction is not a sin, right,
our reactions to our attractions can be that sin. So
in anything, if I'm feeling anger, Bible says you can
be angry but not sin right, So you can. Our
emotions come to inform us of what we're feeling, but
we still have a choice if we're going to trade
(22:16):
our peace for an emotion that could take us out
of the will of God.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
That's so good.
Speaker 6 (22:23):
I keep hearing this message over and over again, and I.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Think I need to hear it, Okay.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
And the reason that's so good is because whenever, like
you know, you have an emotional outburst, whatever it may be,
whether it's happiness, whether it's anger, whatever it is, shall
always just sit with it afterwards and be like, Okay,
what was that?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
What was the root cause of why I react? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (22:43):
That way?
Speaker 4 (22:44):
Yeah, and you'd be surprised, like what some of the
root causes are. Like sometimes anger can be loved.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Oh absolutely, you can love somebody so much that you
angry about it, right, right, depending on what they do
to you. And again the feeling comes to give you
the information, but what you do with that information is
going to dictate if you keep your peace or mine.
But I'm curious what you're feeling, why you keep here.
Speaker 6 (23:05):
Pastor Sarah was at church as He's a greatness. She
talked about anger and women in grief, but separately, and
she talked about it's okay to be angry, and a
lot of times as women, you try not to be,
or if you are, you're so angry that you don't
think through the anger. But if you think through it,
you sit and you figure out, like why you're angry,
you take accountability in the anger, and then you repoint
(23:26):
it and you focus it. It's powerful because a woman
on the mission is a woman on the mission, you
know what I mean, especially a Black woman. And then
you're talking about the emotional and she talked about managing
your emotion and you're talking about basically like an emotional
discipline of sorts.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
That's right.
Speaker 6 (23:40):
And when you said tip, I'm thinking about like in news,
you get tips and it just leads you somewhere, but
that's not what you hang on to.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
It might be right, it might be wrong.
Speaker 6 (23:47):
And I think One of the things that I'm realizing
in world time, as I'm learning to take accountability, is
that sometimes my emotion leads my final end all be
all of my thought, and I'm so deep into the
thought that like, none of that clarity happens. So this
is the second time that I've heard it, like very
clearly of like here's what, here's here's the plan. You
(24:08):
gotta listen, you gotta or moving forward ain't gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Yeah, I was watching Godfather three on the way here.
I just like had to watch that trilogy because I
had just finished the Sopranos, so I was like, I
gotta go back to the og. So I'm watching Godfather three.
Michael Coleone is dealing with a person that they ultimately
need to get rid of. But it was profound what
he said. He was like, Yo, you're allowing your anger
(24:33):
to dictate what you're going to do to this person
instead of understanding this person's nature. This is their nature,
this is who they are. They are not going to change.
And if I allow my emotions to be dictated by
their nature, I am a slave to them. Every time
(24:53):
I'm in their circumference, every time I get in their presence.
You gonna own me because oh, Charlemagne is like this,
and time charlote man' get like this, then I get
like that and you control me. Though anytime I come
into your environment, you control me. I'm not gonna let
that happen. I come in with peace. My piece is internal,
the chaos is external. I have to choose to trade
(25:15):
my internal peace for the external chaos. And you gotta
slow your body down. It doesn't mean my heart race.
My heart beat donge and go up. My blood pressure
don't go up. I can feel my ears burning. But
on the inside, I'm like, I'm not giving up this
piece for y'all. M y'all can have all of that storm.
It ain't coming in here.
Speaker 6 (25:34):
What about what about being able to do that in
certain situations but not being able to do it in
other situations, Like if you've mastered piece over here on
the left, but on the right. It's just not like
there's no one central peace mass like a board.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
We have the ability to leave. Right when Jesus would
be crowned king, he slipped away. When he would be stoned,
before he would be crucial, he slipped away. He didn't
stay in every situation. Some situations. He stood there and
was like, I can take all of this other situations.
He was like, yeah, nah, fam my, Mom, you know
(26:12):
what I'm saying. So we have the ability to leave.
These these MMA fighters when you're talking to them and
they're talking about their training or whatever, they're like, Okay, Well,
what if you go to a bar and some dude's
drunk and he wants to fight you. He was like,
I just back up, But what if he keeps advances
of you? I just keep backing up. Well what if
he pushes up on you? I leave the restaurant. Why
I'm gonna loot? If I engage, I'm gonna kill him
(26:34):
and I'm gonna go to jail. I fight for a living.
His liquid courage got him in my face, but I'm trained.
So this man is going to be in critical condition
or he's gonna be dead. So I have to make
the choice to remove myself from the situation. I think
a lot of people who talk about keeping their peace
also stay in situations where their piece is compromised. Every
(26:56):
situation is not gonna be conducive to your peace being maintained,
So you got to move yourself out of the situation,
and it takes humility to do that.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
How much of people's lack of peace is trauma and
how much is just avoidance of truth?
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Oh, in twenty twenty six, I can't get percentages to
it because I don't want to dismiss anybody's trauma. And
somebody's trauma can be can be kind of balled up
in them not being willing to hear the truth. But
Charlamagne bro we live in a time right now that
if you tell somebody the truth, they because mental health
(27:36):
has turned into three minute TikTok soundbites. You tell somebody
the truth and they just gonna throw what they heard
as they screw through TikTok. You're a narcissist.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
You just gasling me.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
I'm trigger and you're like, you don't even know what
these terms mean. I just told you your breath. Think
you need a tongue scraper.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
That's just the truth.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
That white film on your tongue is not coming off
because you brush your teeth. You need an instrument that
just scrapes your tongue. Dog, there's a film based on
the fish and the cereal you had last night. I
don't know why you had a piece of fish and
then a bowl of cereal. But that doesn't lead to
good morning breath. Right, But we can't tell nobody that
(28:28):
now without it being you disrupted my piece. I'm just
trying to help you out right, And so truth, truth
is objective. If it's the truth, right, it's gonna be
the same every single time. But we have fragilized an
entire country to the point that we can't have discourse
(28:51):
based on the truth.
Speaker 6 (28:52):
Man, what's a horizontal confession?
Speaker 2 (28:59):
The confession that gets you healed? So, as a believer
in Jesus, you know horror. Vertical confession is I confess
whatever to the Lord, right, God, I'm going through this.
I'm going through that. Whatever horizontal confession is. I'm gonna
tell Envy something that I ain't tell nobody else. I've
told God for five years. I ain't told Envy. Right.
(29:21):
The moment I tell you, I get healed in a
way that I don't get healed with God. And I
know it's gonna mess some Christians up because all I
need is Jesus. I'm in my prayer room. All I
gotta do is pray. Oh my bad.
Speaker 4 (29:32):
That's the Christians should have told me first.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
So so we share stuff, right, we pray, we do
all this kind of stuff. But then I'm gonna share
something with envy that i haven't shared, and Something's gonna
happen in my nervous system that I'm not even aware
of at the moment. Because healing comes when I'm face
to face with another human being and I'm saying, hey,
I'm scared right now, bro, you know what, my business
(30:02):
is experiencing some low points. I'm might have to lay
some employees off, and I'm actually terrified, and I ain't
shared it with nobody. I'm scared. Dog that right there.
Your body's like, we can calm down there. You're not
trying to pin that up. You're not trying to thub through.
You're not trying to And so horizontal confession heals us
in a way that vertical confession doesn't, because vertical confession
(30:26):
will get you forgiven, it would get you cleansed, but
horizontal confression will get you healed. I like that.
Speaker 4 (30:30):
And the reason I like that is because you know,
of course I love God. All praisers do God all
the time, but human connection.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Is just as important. It is like God put us
all here for a reason. Together.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Yeah, we're not supposed to be isolated from one another.
We are supposed to have human connection, share those emotions,
share those things where you know, going through others.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And I don't think that's trauma dumping either.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
No, it's not. Genesis chapter number two, add A nine
is the one who says it's not good for man
to be alone. He creates Adam, and he says it's
not good for man to be alone. The presumption is
that means marriage. The macro of that is that means relationship.
There are no lone wolves. Lone wolves die right, you
(31:19):
look good, Right, I'm out here by myself. You're gonna
die by yourself. None of us were supposed to live
life alone. And so community, common unity is incredibly important
and true healing only is sustained in community. It is
not an isolation.
Speaker 6 (31:36):
And you talk about that a lot in your book.
When you talk about accountability and accountability not being parole,
but having people that keep you accountable, that's trust.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Yeah. Absolutely. So you know, I grew up listening to
a generation talk about accountability and being from the hood
where I'm from, it sounded like parole to me. I'm like, so,
I gotta check in with Charlottmaye every and tell him, hey, man,
I ain't looked at no booty on Instagram, and you
know I'm just this checklist, right. Accountability, true accountability is
(32:11):
not me checking in with you or you calling me
to see have you done something wrong? It's me saying,
you know what, every time I'm alone, I slip into
maladaptive behaviors that don't suit me well. Whether that's drinking
too much, whether that's rolling up too many blunts, whether
(32:33):
that's snorting some cocaine, looking at booty and masturbating. I
want to stop that. If I want to stop that,
then I want to hold myself accountable. I'm calling you
when I'm tempted, not after I've done it. Yo, dude,
this is a tough night tonight. I'm a caller. Her
(32:53):
y'all broke up like five times. You know she ain't
no good for you, but she called tonight and she
sent the pick. All right, Doug, Then what you're gonna do?
All right, I'm turning off my phone. I'm going to bed.
I don't know. I'm turning my location services on right,
like like if you see my blue dot move from
my house right check me like, if you people that
(33:17):
want to change do everything they can to change. People
that don't want to change say they want to change,
but lead the environment the exact same and fall into
the same issues over and over and over.
Speaker 4 (33:28):
That's you a question about that relationship wise wise right?
Should your significant other be your accountability partner? And that's
what I mean I'm talking about in particular in regards
to affairs of lust. Right, you talking about seeing a
woman early like, oh man, she's pretty. H You tell
your wife that and be like, yo, I'm just she's pretty.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
No, I don't. I don't tell Juliette about every beautiful
woman I see. If it turned into something of an
attraction that I felt myself, like Michael Jackson's smooth criminal
leaning over into right, if I if I, if I've
leaned that much, then I need to tell Juliet.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
If it's somebody I see in the airport, I'm not
I'm not gonna see him again. I saw you, b bro,
like you know, yeah, yeah, if it's in if it's
within my space, right, the realm that I live in.
And because again, attraction is not planned. I don't wake
up in the morning like I can't wait to see
somebody is fine, as Juliet. No attraction is not planned.
It's like getting hit in the head with a brick.
(34:28):
Your reaction to your attraction, that's what's gonna be planned, right.
So if I see that, like, oh yo, I'm I'm
starting to lean for old girl and I'm gonna and
she's gonna be around a lot.
Speaker 4 (34:39):
I gotta tell Juliet, sometimes all you need is the conversation.
The conversation snashs you back to reality, saying what you
can call your homeboy and your homeboil tatoes.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
Sometimes when it's that your significant other, it's the same.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Whatever's in silence grows and whatever's whatever's been spoken shrinks.
I'm telling you, I have talked to too many people
that have called me on the p late that night,
like going through I don't say nothing for twenty minutes.
They just after they've done, they like a nigga, you
are real one, dog, I feel so much better, And
(35:11):
I'm like.
Speaker 5 (35:11):
I don't say nothing.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
I just contained them, right. And some people don't need advice,
They just need a safe place to be able to vent.
And if we give them that safety, then they can
they can find the peace that they've really been looking for.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
You know, one affirmation I always tell myself to keep
the peace is that faith and fear can't coexist.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
But my body tells me that's not true.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
Right, So, can you have faith in God and still
feel lost or anxious?
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Broken?
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Does that means something off?
Speaker 2 (35:42):
No, bro, Faith is not the absence of fear. Faith
is the substance of things hope for Hebrews eleven says,
the substance of things hope for the evidence of things
not seen. It's not the absence of fear, it's the
it's the presence of God in the middle of all
(36:03):
of that fear. So I'm twenty three, David wrote, Yay,
though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for Thou are with me.
It's only his presence that anchors me when I feel
like my world is falling apart. So absence of your
presence notice, not a word, not money. Your presence will
(36:26):
make it possible for me to navigate something that's very,
very scary. My son, my sons were in the house.
We moved from a house that was like twenty one
hundred square feet on a zero lot to a house
that was three acres five thousand square feet. My boys
were seven and five when we moved in. House is
much bigger. They got a lot more room to run around,
(36:48):
and they running around the house. One day, my wife
is going, my mother in law's gone, I'm in the house,
but I'm in the master closet doing like folding clothes
or something. My boys are running around the house looking
for a parent and can't find nobody right, so they
are just shook, Mama, daddy. They screaming for anybody. They
(37:08):
think they're in the house by themselves, so they panic.
Why do they panic because they don't sense our presence.
So for five minutes, they running around screaming to the
top of they lungs. I just think they're playing. I
hear them screaming. I don't know they'd looking for anybody's attention.
So I finally go in the room. I finally come
out of my room and I'm like Nathan, Noah, And
(37:29):
they were like, I was like, y'all know, just knowing
my presence was there, the nervous systems calm down. So
anxiety spikes when we believe in are alone, and it
comes down when we know someone is present. That's crazy.
(37:52):
That was just a little little boy.
Speaker 4 (37:54):
Whenever I have panic attacks, anybody attacks, I would say,
I love your hold God in this Sunday Yue Christ.
I love your hold God in Sunyuechrist. Love you, Oh
God and Son Jesus Christ. Fuck Saytan Fox, Satan Fox.
My mindset used to be, you know. Uh, they wanted
Joe's wife wanted him to curse God and die. So
if I cursed Satan, then I probably lived. But it
really was just reminding myself someone was with you.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
That's exactly right. Yeah, even if you're not in the
same room, he's present, right. Yeah. You dedicate this book
to all the mental health professionals.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
You said, why do you?
Speaker 4 (38:25):
You said, Uh, you said, this book is for the
mental health professionals, the real ones, the ones who didn't
just help me survive my trauma, but gave me the
tools to thrive despite it.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Y'all do holy work, and I'm living proof of it.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
Why do you consider the word of mental health professionals
to be holy work?
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Saved my life? Bro or somebody else's. Like where I
came from. I told you about the time I was
gonna in my life, but there's been some times somebody
else's life was going to be ended, and mental health
professionals have created space for me and millions of others
(39:00):
to come and sit down and listen to the deepest,
darkest parts of our soul. They are patient enough with us,
not in one session, not in two sessions, but I'm
talking sessions over years getting us down to the core
of what it is that we're truly wrestling with. It
(39:20):
took me, I think, fifteen years to get to the
core roots of my trauma, which are abandonment issues and
anxiety attachment issues. They if it wasn't for their patients,
I would snap. Bro. People are out here acting out
(39:43):
crazy because they can't put their feelings into words, and
mental health professionals have paid a significant price to be
able to give us language to our feelings so that
we can navigate life's issues and storms and journeys.
Speaker 5 (40:00):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (40:00):
Yeah, man, I hope you joined us this year at
this year's Mental Wealth Exbo Mental Wealth ex Yeah. I
would love to be October. I would love to have
you there, man, the missing piece. If you want to
do anything for somebody this Mental health Awareness month, go
get them. Tim Ross's the missing piece.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
Ma.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
That's right, and we appreciate you so much for joining us,
to sharing your story and being a share honest man.
Speaker 5 (40:17):
Hopefully that somebody see what you went through and know
that they can do it.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Absolutely, appreciate it all. I appreciate you to follow you
to Upset the Talk on TikTok, Upset the Gram on
Instagram and on YouTube, The Basement with Tim all.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
Right, it's Tim Ross, It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning,
and before we go, if you don't mind, we always
end on a prayer. Can you end this on a prayer?
Speaker 2 (40:43):
For sure? Absolutely? God, thank you so much for this team.
I thank you for Envy, Charlemagne, for Lauren, for Jessica.
I thank you for the annointing that you have placed
on their life. I thank you for the call of
God this on their life. But thank you for the
influence that you have given them to Steward. May it
continue to be used to give people a safe place
(41:04):
to find peace in Jesus' name. Amen, Amen, Hold.
Speaker 4 (41:10):
Up every day awake, click your ass up the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
Finish y'all dumb
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DJ Envy
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