March 16, 2026 • 30 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the We Don't Podcast, starring husband and wife
Mojo from Mojo in the Morning and his better half Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
On this episode coming up on this episode of the
Weedme podcast, every marriage goes through six phases. But the
interesting part is most partners quit after three phases, and
this podcast, we're going to talk about when we're going
to quit.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
No, I will talk about those phases.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Here we go, well, all right, all right, all right,
without further delay, here are Mojo and Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
All right, so, Chelsea, you and I are going to
talk about something here today that's going to be very,
very difficult. Okay, We're going to talk about what phase
we are in in our relationship. It's wild to think
that most marriages are very similar, you know. It's interesting
that not everything. We're all built different, right, we're all
(01:07):
made different, but most of the time our lives are similar.
We go through similar stages of life, right.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Sure, we're all unique, but very similar experiences.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
It's wild whenever I hear somebody tell a story, one
of the people on our show or friends of ours,
and they'll tell a story about something that they're really
struggling with, and I go, I remember, and you you know,
and you never want to discount anybody's towards it because
when you're in the storm or their experience, yeah, the storm,
the storm always feels way worse than it does when
(01:38):
you look out and say, Okay, yeah that kind of sucked,
but it's going to be Okay, here's what's going to
end up happening. But we're going to talk about the
phases of marriage and the stages of marriage, and some
marriage counselors and therapists say that there are six of them.
The very first one is the dream thing, which the
(02:01):
dream phase, they say, is you imagine the perfect life together.
Everything feels special, easy and exciting. Reality has not set
in yet. Do you remember that phase?
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Yes, that's the beginning of marriage.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
That's actually kind of the phase that we're going through
watching U Joe before he even gets married. Yeah, yep,
where they the planning process and what they want to
have done and the perfection of how kind of they
want to have their weddings.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Well, it's all about the wedding day right now. Yeah,
there is no reality of what life is like after
they've been they've lived together for basically as soon as
they met, they moved in together, but so they they
have that reality, they've shared that, but it's that's still
not there is something so final to when you sign
a piece of paper. It's not as easy to leave
(02:55):
and as easy to walk out, you know, because.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
If we lived together before or we got married, we
would have even gotten married because they were what two
years or three years now that they've been together.
Speaker 4 (03:06):
Mike, he moved there in twenty twenty. I want to
say they started dating in twenty twenty one, so this
summer will be five years that they've been dating, So
five years that they've lived together.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
If you and I live together for that long of
a time, because I would say that the five year
point of our marriage was not a spectacular time. It
was good, but it wasn't spectacular. We had gone through
some struggles with each other.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Well not as bad that like I as been as
a ten year mark. What anyway, I don't think that
that was I mean, right away we started having babies
and that reality was it was a distraction and it
was always different and it was also difficult.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Do you think though, that we would have No, I
would not have gotten married.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
No think so yeah, do you?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I don't think you would have married me. I really don't.
I think that I would have. Probably I would have
married you, but I don't think you would have married me.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Well, I think it was also very early in your career,
and so I would have I would not have had kids,
so I would have realized how lonely it was, because
it was very lonely. Yeah, in the beginning, it was
a lot of me staying home with the kids by
myself a lot. And maybe it would have been different
if I would have had my own life, you know.
(04:26):
The difference was I my life was wrapped around being
a mom.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
So I wonder what that would have been like.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Because I wonder we started, like you said, so fast
having the kids, that if you continued working and I
was working and we were, you know, meeting me at
home and going out for dinners and doing all the
rest of that stuff, like, would it be the fun
of dating? Because we got right into the heat of
a relationship and family.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
We did Stage two.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Oh, so you get to read all of them?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Oh, you know, go ahead, you know, No, you too.
You will switch back and forth.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
The stage true too is the truth phase. So the
masks start to fall away, you start noticing flaws, habits
and scars, and the question appears, can I truly love
them as they are?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
It's interesting because one of the things that.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Well, how often how soon do you think that sets in?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I think that that's I think that's what year is that.
I think it's the five year part, like I think
it really is.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Like they always talk about how most marriages, if they
can make it past five years, they'll probably go to ten.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Like they'll well, or there's the seven year itch. I
don't know. I think that there. I don't know what
the number is. I think once you start adding different
factors in kids, job loss, job change, moving, like all
of the death and families like those things start bringing
(05:58):
out those we'll make the mask fall off and the
true person come out. And plus, you're not looking forward
to something that you're not putting on a show. You're
not putting your best foot forward because you want this
person to ask you to marry them, and you're not.
You know, then the real you comes out.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
The honeymoon phase is over, way over. Yeah, And I
think that it's the going to bed at night and
waking up in the morning phase, which is the phase
that you see that person's true self.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Oh, you have to pick up after them. You have
to put the toilet lid down.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
I know.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I hate doing that for you. We got to talk
about that. That's got to be a big discussion about
the toilet lid. You're obsessed with that lately.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
So and then well, that and always leaving bags on
the counter. I can't handle it. You unload a grocery
bag and you leave or a takeout bag and you
leave the bag on one is right there.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
John Jay's son Dutch was telling me and it's like,
oh my god, John Jay and are so similar. But
he says when his mom goes away. If his mom
is away and John Jay's just there, he'll order DoorDash
for every meal and I'll leave every door dash bag
up there and they'll just throw all their garbage back
into the door dash bag and he'll leave it up
on the counter.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
And she comes home and we'll complain.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Well, yesterday you got Starbucks and I had leaked all
over the place and you left the wet bag on
the counter. I'm like, oh, what is okay?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Anyway?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Because who wants to throw away stuff? I'm very big
on recycling. It's interesting because I don't I think that
the truth phase, the phase that you start realizing. It's
really interesting for me when I start talking to friends,
you know where you see them just recently either you know,
(07:51):
married or remarried, and when they get to that truth phase,
I think that they start realizing, Okay, either what did
I get myself into or I truly love this person
even more, like it could go either way, it could
fall deeper and in love.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Stage three.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And now this is interesting because they say about this
stage is when you usually see relationships in stage three,
the struggle phase. This is not what I expected. Arguments
hurt more, doubts grow, and you start wondering if you
chose the wrong person.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Which would make sense that's why it ends in divorce.
But yeah, those fights get really intense and you really
personalize them and say things that can really hurt your
hurt hurt people, hurt people, you know, so you really
start to personalize it and get it to where you know,
you're trying to make your points, so you really hurt
(08:48):
them with personalized It's weird.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
I feel like I can tell you the years of
these and our relationship.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
We had many of these, Like we struggle a lot, and.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Yeah, struggle the struggle phase. Definitely, it was multiple years.
But I can tell you the first years that we
had it, and I can tell you that they weren't good.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
And they're not meant to be good struggle.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
And it's wile to think back because and you tell
me your thoughts on this, but we each probably were
in different places where one of us is struggling with
it more than the other was, and the other one
was just trying to keep the other person happy. But
what do you think kept it together? Like, what do
(09:31):
you think kept it from just Well, for me.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
It was I didn't trust your judgment of who you
would bring around Luke, like when the ship really hit
the fan. For me, I just I thought I'd rather
suffer than have him suffer with who you would bring
around him. And not that you would bring a horrible
person that would mean to him, but I.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Just horrible is actually the key word.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
So I didn't trust you. I didn't trust that you
wouldn't bring multiple people. I didn't trust that because you
you are one that falls and falls hard and falls fast,
and I just I could see it being played out
and he was so young, and so I thought, you know,
what if someone's going to be miserable. It's going to
be me. It won't be my kid, and I didn't
(10:20):
want to share him. I didn't want to. I remember
we went and saw the therapist that was going to
tell us how to tell the kids that we're getting divorced.
And you know, I remember Joe was in college, Jacob
was in high school, and Luke was in elementary school,
(10:41):
and they said, you know, they kind of spelled it
out for us in the sense that you know, Joe,
of course, when he comes home, he has will choose
his his home base will be wherever he wants it
to be. Jacob more than likely his home because he
can choose. His home base will probably be his mom's
(11:01):
because that's where he grew up and that's what But
Luke will have to go in between. There is no
choice until he reaches a certain age then he can choose.
And it just it really I just couldn't do it.
I couldn't do it. So I think that and then
laziness like it became a Mexican standoff, you know, like
(11:22):
I mean, if we're being truthful, you had gone and
seen an entur I did after you did, but and
my attorney reached out to your attorney and said it's
up to him to file, please present it to me,
not at the house in front of the kids. So
I thought, you know, you you started the ball rolling,
but for whatever reason, you didn't continue it. So and
(11:44):
I wasn't gonna file.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
So mine was every night not being able to put
the kids to bed, even though I really don't think
I ever really put the kids to bed. I think
it's just knowing that. For me, it was in the
same house, being in the same house and wanting to
know that they were under the same roof.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Stage four, Now, if you make it past stage three,
that's a good thing, right.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
Right, right. So stage four is the growth phase, So
instead of trying to change each other, you begin to
understand one another, boundaries are honored, and love becomes a
mindful choice.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Oh I kind of like that. Did we have that
for like six months or how long did that last? Well?
Speaker 4 (12:29):
That one is a huge choice phase, right, So the
others kind of naturally just happen, I think. But then
you're choosing. You're choosing because you really there are things
that I can never change about you. I cannot. I've
asked you a billion times when you take off your socks.
Can you not leave them inside out? Because that's an
(12:49):
extra step for me when I wash them, Like just
the laundry today, driving me crazy, pulling your socks inside
out the toilet seat. Can you put the lid down
before where you flash the toilet? That's so disgusting? The
answer is no, because I've asked you all weekend specifically
and keep on not doing it. And then the bag
(13:09):
on the island. Can you just relatives?
Speaker 3 (13:13):
I'm going to do all of them.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
Why I party did your laundry, but I'll come, you'll
go finish. No, But I was just gonna say, I
think that I cannot change that about you. I'm going
to ask you, and I probably will ask you until
my dying day, can you please do these things? And
you won't, And so I just have to accept it,
you know, either stop asking or laugh about whatever, because
(13:38):
I cannot change you. That is who you are.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
A disgusting Our boundary is boundary.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Something that's new.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Is that just a new I think it's a term
that they were able to label the feeling or the
description of what that is. And it's all becoming more
because when you and I were in counseling before even
earlier in our marriage. It was never set a boundary.
It was more respect feelings, which then in turn is
now like it's all the trendy terms, right, same thing,
(14:12):
just a different term.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Yeah, I could.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
It was funny because I remember, you know, my therapists
bringing up boundaries, and then he gave me the Boundaries book.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
And I read the Boundaries book.
Speaker 4 (14:22):
Which did you read it?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
I did because it was honestly as easy as Catcher
in the Rye. It was very easy, easy reading. And
I even bought it on tape and said, you know what,
I'm gonna listen to it on tape because I really
wanted because he was he was saying to me that
for people that I work with, I needed to set boundaries,
and then for at home, I needed to obey in obey.
That sounds bad, but I guess it was right. Obey
(14:45):
Chelsea's boundary.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
No, not obey, it's respect.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Respect.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
Yes, yes, it's not obey, it's respect.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
And so I actually, you know, saw that, and then
I it made me think back then and I never
really vocalized it, but I'm like, I never heard the
word boundaries at all with my parents and I never
We never talked about it with your parents or even
early in our real life.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
Again, I think the terms it's a trendy term. Yeah right,
So all.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Right, Stage five, the real love phase. You have faced
storms together, after seeing each other's lowest moments, you still
choose to stay. The bond is now calm, passionate, and
deeply connected.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Okay, I got nothing to say.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
What do I think that you and I have gone
through some We have been there for each other's lowest
of lows for sure, which I would say in our marriage,
that is definitely a choice. You know, you wake up
every day again, I believe, and you choose either it's
by you're being lazy that's a choice, or you're really
(15:57):
putting the work into it. Like what however you want
to how you wanted to look at that time, you
know it's inconvenient to get divorced, which divorce is very difficult.
You know, a hard marriage is hard, but a divorce
is hard. To pick and choose your hard, you know,
make it having a great marriage. It's hard to so
pick your hard like It's just I don't think that
(16:19):
there's anything easy. I think Hollywood and the Hallmark Channel
has ruined, ruined, what marriage should be. You know, if
they really want truth, they really should bring the truth
into what marriage is so people can I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
I think Hollywood does more now broken marriages than ever,
do they?
Speaker 4 (16:38):
I mean, I don't know. I just think that, you know,
everyone should look a certain way, and everyone should have
this by this age and have that, and your life
should be this. It's a wonderful vacations and having sex
seventeen times a day maybe, And you're talking, well, it's
all bull crap.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Do you think that if we were to hear all
these stages of marriage that it would make us more
anxiety filled? Like I wonder sometimes, like we're talking about
this now because we've kind of gone through and actually
even the sixth stage is actually I feel like we're
in it a little bit. No, no, just agree, Okay,
well here do you think we're in the fifth stage?
Speaker 4 (17:19):
I think that we go back and forth.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Between the fifth and the third.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
I think we go three four five a lot, three
four five a lot. I think that that's you know,
we bounce in between them for sure.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
I My problem sometimes if I know the future, I
worry about what's going to happen. So if I know
what's going to happen, so I almost and I know
it's good to like premieral Counseling is something that I
think we've been really having to struggle with Joe and
Alyssa on is that they have not done it, and
I think that it's going to affect them. But I
also think that sometimes you can get over counseled and
(17:55):
sorry about that.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Yeah, well, here's the thing. I think that it's like,
you know, you can tell someone you know when they
have a baby. You know, man, the days are long
with the years are short, and everyone's you know, when
they hear it, they roll their eyes. They don't get
it until they've lived it, until they've done it, until
that's happened to them. So you can tell someone you know,
(18:21):
being married is some of the best days of your life,
but it's also some of the hardest days of your life.
And you really it, truly, truly, truly. Love is a choice.
It's not a feeling. This feeling that you're feeling today,
especially on your wedding day, will not be here in
a little bit, like sometimes it gets replaced with hate
(18:45):
sometimes like and that's just the reality or disgust or
disdain or resentment, and that is marriage and it takes
work to get out of those feelings. And I think
that if you asked couples who have been married for fifty,
sixty years, seventy, you know, you see those couples that
(19:06):
have been married for so long, and if you ask
them what their secret was, you know, patience, alcohol, I mean,
I don't know, but I think I think that you know,
I don't know that there's just one solid answer, but
I think if you were to look, if you and
(19:27):
I were to look inside of a crystal ball, and
someone would have said to us, you're going to go
through these phases. I think, just like when we were
so young, and I know my mental state was but
I love him and will never that is not no,
We're so different because I love him, and that is
just being young and being naive, but also being naive
(19:49):
and being in love, because you can be any age
and think that your love will overcome anything, when the
truth is, it's not the love that over overcomes anything.
It's the choice that you make to overcome it. And
sometimes the choices I'm.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Not going to but yeah, sometimes and honestly, sometimes the
easy choice is to stay. I hate to say it,
and a lot of times I.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
Think it was you hear this very easy, you hear a.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Lot of people will say it is. You know, yeah,
it's it's easy just to get out. It is not
easy to now it's easier to stay. And that's why
you see a lot of times where some people are
in really miserable relationships and they're still in those relationships.
The it's wild because stage five, you know, you talk
(20:37):
about this, You face storms together, after seeing each other's
lowest moments, you choose to stay. Your bond is now calm, passionate,
and deeply connected. We definitely have connected more off of
some of the storms that we've had, and some of
those storms have been not easy. And when I mean that,
it's not storms that you and I have dealt with
(21:00):
because of each other, it's because of our health and
other things that have gone on with our family. So
and I think that the biggest thing that I would
say to you know you with the Joe and Alyssa
going back to those guys because they're going to be
starting a new relationship, is I don't think that I
(21:22):
knew how to ask questions of my dad, because I
don't think my dad to me, looked like a model
of marriage. And I wish I would have asked him
more questions.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
I wish you interesting though, he didn't divorce your mom,
so I.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Don't know why that would and he was remarried to
somebody that he was married to as long as my mom.
But I wish I would ask him questions. I wish
Joe would ask me more questions and you more questions.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
Well, so then that's just because he's not you know.
I think then we need to open up the communication.
If he chooses to communicate with us, he does, if
he doesn't, he doesn't, you know, that would be the boundary.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
We stage six.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
The stage six is a legacy phase.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
And I thought that we were in this, but you
say no, No.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
I don't think so without even trying. Your relationship becomes
an example. Your love story inspires others, leaving behind something
lasting and meaningful. The reason I say no is because
I think that there again, I think we go in
between three four and five, three four and five, you know,
sometimes five four, you know, five three, you know, I
(22:30):
just think that that's just marriage. I think that to me,
the legacy phase is the end of your marriage because
no one dies or something. I don't know. I just
I don't see.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
I look at the legacy thing is and it's not.
I think you're right.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I think that three four, five six, maybe a little bit,
because I think that there are some people that will
look in and say and I don't ever want to
be an example like I was. Somebody was asking me
the question the other day about you know, isn't it
great that you can be an example of radio people.
I'm like, I'm a bad example of radio people because honestly,
I'd never have felt like I was good enough to
do what I do. And also I feel like I
(23:12):
overly focused on radio, and I wish that I looked
at other guys that were more successful or as successful
as me, and they didn't look like they worked as
hard as I had to work, you know what I mean.
So I think about that with marriage too, Like I
definitely don't think that this is an example because you and.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
I you don't think that ours is an example.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I think it will be an example maybe one day.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
Okay, so then you agree we're not in the legacy phase.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
No, I think that there are.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
Times because legacy would be an example, I know.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
But there are times though, where I do think that
that we may not be an example, but there may
be some inspiration in what we have done, you know,
and been able to do the thing that we started
off with. And saying that there are these six phases.
Most relationships, a matter of fact, majority of them, more
than like fifty percent of them don't get past the
(24:03):
third phase, which is the struggle phase, and the arguments
and the fighting and the doubts grow and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
And I think it's.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Interesting because I do think sometimes the phases, like you said,
go back and forth, and you will face even if
you feel like you've gotten past stage three, it could
come back at any time.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
For sure. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yeah, let's talk real quick about the bathroom thing.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
I want to talk about that.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Okay, I have a real problem with this bathroom thing,
and I don't understand your obsession with it. For those
that are wondering why it is, I can't put the
toilet seat down. We're not talking about the toilet seat
that you sit on like your asses on. Chelsea thinks
that you should put the actual cover of the toilet seat,
the lid down, and she thinks that that should always
(24:52):
be down on the toilet when you flush it correct,
which I think is the most unbelievably grow host saying
to think about, especially if you have gone to the
bathroom and you have things in there that you're flushing
it and it's now all hitting the lid of this toilet.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Well, are you licking the lid?
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Okay, So unless you're wiping the lid, and also I
think that.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
You're not wiping the lid. You don't touch the lid. Ever,
the lid is there. You push the lid down, and
so that way, when you flush the toilet, and all
the peepy articles that are in the water and the
poopoo articles that are in the water that spray out
of the toilet when you flush, it doesn't go everywhere.
So you just that's why there's a lid to keep
(25:40):
everything contained and inside of it.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
What if I flush it with the lid down and
then reopen it so that I let the the because
I don't want I do think that the lid. First off,
you may have to run to the bathroom very quickly,
and lifting the lid takes a couple of seconds if you're.
Speaker 4 (25:58):
It literally it takes the half of a second to
lift a lid.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Usually women want the just the seat down. They want
it so they don't fall through it, like in the
middle of the night.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
I for sure you want the seat down, But I
think it's also when you're done using it, close the lid.
I don't know who raised.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
You and what barble always done it this way?
Speaker 4 (26:19):
No, no, no, no, no, close the lid. Yeah, I
think so, unless literally, I've just had a lapse of memory,
which you know, who knows my memory is actually.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
On TikTok that said something about this.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
No, I literally it's but this last week, every time
I go to the use the bathroom, the lid is up,
and it drives me insane enough that I brought it
up to you.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
I know, and I said, you another thing to make
you happy.
Speaker 4 (26:46):
We used to. Haven't done it, though, I'm.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Going to try to do it. I am going to try,
all right.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Looking back on this and looking back on the six
stages that your marriage goes through, and us even talking
about like if we were to have lived together beforehand,
would we even get married? There are so many differences
that two people have with each other, and I do
believe this that you have to weigh what are those
(27:15):
differences that you can deal with and what are those
differences that you can't deal with?
Speaker 4 (27:19):
Well, someone said to me, whatever drives you crazy about
that person before you marry them is amplified after you
marry them, because they're not going to change. Getting married.
Walking down the aisle and saying I do does not
magically make them put their clothes in the laundry basket
(27:42):
for you.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Or clean moo.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
Or socks, Oh my god, no, especially if they're black
socks and they take them off on a white rug
and there's black fuzzies all over the place. That was
a heck of us.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
I changed my socks because of that.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
I don't use the same sock.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
Handle.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
It don't bytance socks because I like them.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
But I mean, there are things that you just that
it will never change. You cannot change the person. You
just can't or change their habits. I mean maybe if
you drill it into them enough and you grind them down.
But I just think that you have to realize so
then becomes a choice. Is it that important to me?
(28:27):
Like I just every day I would vacuum up the
little fuzzies or I would just leave them there like
it was a choice. It was a choice because it
was driving.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
Me crazy, and put them all in like my counter.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
I thought about picking them up and putting them in
an envelope and collecting them for a while that I.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
And mailing them to me.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
No, no, I was just going to put them on
your bathroom sink, but in a pile. But I just thought,
you know, that's a lot of work for me, and
you wouldn't even understand it.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
So I honestly would think that you were psychotic if
you did that, Like this woman is nuts.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
Well, I mean, and I just think, by the way,
like they're just things that are important to you and
things that are important to me, Like I liked, I've
gotten a little bit laxed as I've gotten older, but
a clean, tidy place, you know, no even little fuzzies.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
I have Burgo, But I have nothing that bothers me
about you Like, why why is that because I'm perfect?
Speaker 3 (29:22):
No, it is not.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
It's because I can deal with things. I mean, there's
plenty of shit that drives me crazy, but I but
I don't get that nuts about it.
Speaker 4 (29:31):
Well, maybe you just let things roll off your back
a lot. I just that's not who I am.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Actually, there is one of the things that drives me nuts,
and you've noticed this probably lately, is there are times
where I just don't want to talk about certain things.
And when I don't want to talk about it, I
shut it down. I shut down. And we talked about
that on the last.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
Podcast that, yes, that drives me crazy if I bring
up something that I want to talk to you about
and you just you. So then the other day when
I was trying to talk to you about something, you
ignored it, you didn't acknowledge it. So then we were
on our way to dinner and you tried to talk
to me, like, are you mad at me? I said, no,
I'm just going to choose what I talked to you about,
(30:09):
and right now it's nothing. I'm going to talk to
you about.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Nothing.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Let's talk about the toilet. So
Welcome to the We Don't Podcast, starring husband and wife
Mojo from Mojo in the Morning and his better half Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
On this episode coming up on this episode of the
Weedme podcast, every marriage goes through six phases. But the
interesting part is most partners quit after three phases, and
this podcast, we're going to talk about when we're going
to quit.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
No, I will talk about those phases.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Here we go, well, all right, all right, all right,
without further delay, here are Mojo and Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
All right, so, Chelsea, you and I are going to
talk about something here today that's going to be very,
very difficult. Okay, We're going to talk about what phase
we are in in our relationship. It's wild to think
that most marriages are very similar, you know. It's interesting
that not everything. We're all built different, right, we're all
(01:07):
made different, but most of the time our lives are similar.
We go through similar stages of life, right.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Sure, we're all unique, but very similar experiences.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
It's wild whenever I hear somebody tell a story, one
of the people on our show or friends of ours,
and they'll tell a story about something that they're really
struggling with, and I go, I remember, and you you know,
and you never want to discount anybody's towards it because
when you're in the storm or their experience, yeah, the storm,
the storm always feels way worse than it does when
(01:38):
you look out and say, Okay, yeah that kind of sucked,
but it's going to be Okay, here's what's going to
end up happening. But we're going to talk about the
phases of marriage and the stages of marriage, and some
marriage counselors and therapists say that there are six of them.
The very first one is the dream thing, which the
(02:01):
dream phase, they say, is you imagine the perfect life together.
Everything feels special, easy and exciting. Reality has not set
in yet. Do you remember that phase?
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Yes, that's the beginning of marriage.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
That's actually kind of the phase that we're going through
watching U Joe before he even gets married. Yeah, yep,
where they the planning process and what they want to
have done and the perfection of how kind of they
want to have their weddings.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Well, it's all about the wedding day right now. Yeah,
there is no reality of what life is like after
they've been they've lived together for basically as soon as
they met, they moved in together, but so they they
have that reality, they've shared that, but it's that's still
not there is something so final to when you sign
a piece of paper. It's not as easy to leave
(02:55):
and as easy to walk out, you know, because.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
If we lived together before or we got married, we
would have even gotten married because they were what two
years or three years now that they've been together.
Speaker 4 (03:06):
Mike, he moved there in twenty twenty. I want to
say they started dating in twenty twenty one, so this
summer will be five years that they've been dating, So
five years that they've lived together.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
If you and I live together for that long of
a time, because I would say that the five year
point of our marriage was not a spectacular time. It
was good, but it wasn't spectacular. We had gone through
some struggles with each other.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Well not as bad that like I as been as
a ten year mark. What anyway, I don't think that
that was I mean, right away we started having babies
and that reality was it was a distraction and it
was always different and it was also difficult.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Do you think though, that we would have No, I
would not have gotten married.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
No think so yeah, do you?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I don't think you would have married me. I really don't.
I think that I would have. Probably I would have
married you, but I don't think you would have married me.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Well, I think it was also very early in your career,
and so I would have I would not have had kids,
so I would have realized how lonely it was, because
it was very lonely. Yeah, in the beginning, it was
a lot of me staying home with the kids by
myself a lot. And maybe it would have been different
if I would have had my own life, you know.
(04:26):
The difference was I my life was wrapped around being
a mom.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
So I wonder what that would have been like.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Because I wonder we started, like you said, so fast
having the kids, that if you continued working and I
was working and we were, you know, meeting me at
home and going out for dinners and doing all the
rest of that stuff, like, would it be the fun
of dating? Because we got right into the heat of
a relationship and family.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
We did Stage two.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Oh, so you get to read all of them?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Oh, you know, go ahead, you know, No, you too.
You will switch back and forth.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
The stage true too is the truth phase. So the
masks start to fall away, you start noticing flaws, habits
and scars, and the question appears, can I truly love
them as they are?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
It's interesting because one of the things that.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Well, how often how soon do you think that sets in?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I think that that's I think that's what year is that.
I think it's the five year part, like I think
it really is.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Like they always talk about how most marriages, if they
can make it past five years, they'll probably go to ten.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Like they'll well, or there's the seven year itch. I
don't know. I think that there. I don't know what
the number is. I think once you start adding different
factors in kids, job loss, job change, moving, like all
of the death and families like those things start bringing
(05:58):
out those we'll make the mask fall off and the
true person come out. And plus, you're not looking forward
to something that you're not putting on a show. You're
not putting your best foot forward because you want this
person to ask you to marry them, and you're not.
You know, then the real you comes out.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
The honeymoon phase is over, way over. Yeah, And I
think that it's the going to bed at night and
waking up in the morning phase, which is the phase
that you see that person's true self.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Oh, you have to pick up after them. You have
to put the toilet lid down.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
I know.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I hate doing that for you. We got to talk
about that. That's got to be a big discussion about
the toilet lid. You're obsessed with that lately.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
So and then well, that and always leaving bags on
the counter. I can't handle it. You unload a grocery
bag and you leave or a takeout bag and you
leave the bag on one is right there.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
John Jay's son Dutch was telling me and it's like,
oh my god, John Jay and are so similar. But
he says when his mom goes away. If his mom
is away and John Jay's just there, he'll order DoorDash
for every meal and I'll leave every door dash bag
up there and they'll just throw all their garbage back
into the door dash bag and he'll leave it up
on the counter.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
And she comes home and we'll complain.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Well, yesterday you got Starbucks and I had leaked all
over the place and you left the wet bag on
the counter. I'm like, oh, what is okay?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Anyway?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Because who wants to throw away stuff? I'm very big
on recycling. It's interesting because I don't I think that
the truth phase, the phase that you start realizing. It's
really interesting for me when I start talking to friends,
you know where you see them just recently either you know,
(07:51):
married or remarried, and when they get to that truth phase,
I think that they start realizing, Okay, either what did
I get myself into or I truly love this person
even more, like it could go either way, it could
fall deeper and in love.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Stage three.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And now this is interesting because they say about this
stage is when you usually see relationships in stage three,
the struggle phase. This is not what I expected. Arguments
hurt more, doubts grow, and you start wondering if you
chose the wrong person.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Which would make sense that's why it ends in divorce.
But yeah, those fights get really intense and you really
personalize them and say things that can really hurt your
hurt hurt people, hurt people, you know, so you really
start to personalize it and get it to where you know,
you're trying to make your points, so you really hurt
(08:48):
them with personalized It's weird.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
I feel like I can tell you the years of
these and our relationship.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
We had many of these, Like we struggle a lot, and.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Yeah, struggle the struggle phase. Definitely, it was multiple years.
But I can tell you the first years that we
had it, and I can tell you that they weren't good.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
And they're not meant to be good struggle.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
And it's wile to think back because and you tell
me your thoughts on this, but we each probably were
in different places where one of us is struggling with
it more than the other was, and the other one
was just trying to keep the other person happy. But
what do you think kept it together? Like, what do
(09:31):
you think kept it from just Well, for me.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
It was I didn't trust your judgment of who you
would bring around Luke, like when the ship really hit
the fan. For me, I just I thought I'd rather
suffer than have him suffer with who you would bring
around him. And not that you would bring a horrible
person that would mean to him, but I.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Just horrible is actually the key word.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
So I didn't trust you. I didn't trust that you
wouldn't bring multiple people. I didn't trust that because you
you are one that falls and falls hard and falls fast,
and I just I could see it being played out
and he was so young, and so I thought, you know,
what if someone's going to be miserable. It's going to
be me. It won't be my kid, and I didn't
(10:20):
want to share him. I didn't want to. I remember
we went and saw the therapist that was going to
tell us how to tell the kids that we're getting divorced.
And you know, I remember Joe was in college, Jacob
was in high school, and Luke was in elementary school,
(10:41):
and they said, you know, they kind of spelled it
out for us in the sense that you know, Joe,
of course, when he comes home, he has will choose
his his home base will be wherever he wants it
to be. Jacob more than likely his home because he
can choose. His home base will probably be his mom's
(11:01):
because that's where he grew up and that's what But
Luke will have to go in between. There is no
choice until he reaches a certain age then he can choose.
And it just it really I just couldn't do it.
I couldn't do it. So I think that and then
laziness like it became a Mexican standoff, you know, like
(11:22):
I mean, if we're being truthful, you had gone and
seen an entur I did after you did, but and
my attorney reached out to your attorney and said it's
up to him to file, please present it to me,
not at the house in front of the kids. So
I thought, you know, you you started the ball rolling,
but for whatever reason, you didn't continue it. So and
(11:44):
I wasn't gonna file.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
So mine was every night not being able to put
the kids to bed, even though I really don't think
I ever really put the kids to bed. I think
it's just knowing that. For me, it was in the
same house, being in the same house and wanting to
know that they were under the same roof.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Stage four, Now, if you make it past stage three,
that's a good thing, right.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
Right, right. So stage four is the growth phase, So
instead of trying to change each other, you begin to
understand one another, boundaries are honored, and love becomes a
mindful choice.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Oh I kind of like that. Did we have that
for like six months or how long did that last? Well?
Speaker 4 (12:29):
That one is a huge choice phase, right, So the
others kind of naturally just happen, I think. But then
you're choosing. You're choosing because you really there are things
that I can never change about you. I cannot. I've
asked you a billion times when you take off your socks.
Can you not leave them inside out? Because that's an
(12:49):
extra step for me when I wash them, Like just
the laundry today, driving me crazy, pulling your socks inside
out the toilet seat. Can you put the lid down
before where you flash the toilet? That's so disgusting? The
answer is no, because I've asked you all weekend specifically
and keep on not doing it. And then the bag
(13:09):
on the island. Can you just relatives?
Speaker 3 (13:13):
I'm going to do all of them.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
Why I party did your laundry, but I'll come, you'll
go finish. No, But I was just gonna say, I
think that I cannot change that about you. I'm going
to ask you, and I probably will ask you until
my dying day, can you please do these things? And
you won't, And so I just have to accept it,
you know, either stop asking or laugh about whatever, because
(13:38):
I cannot change you. That is who you are.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
A disgusting Our boundary is boundary.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Something that's new.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Is that just a new I think it's a term
that they were able to label the feeling or the
description of what that is. And it's all becoming more
because when you and I were in counseling before even
earlier in our marriage. It was never set a boundary.
It was more respect feelings, which then in turn is
now like it's all the trendy terms, right, same thing,
(14:12):
just a different term.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Yeah, I could.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
It was funny because I remember, you know, my therapists
bringing up boundaries, and then he gave me the Boundaries book.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
And I read the Boundaries book.
Speaker 4 (14:22):
Which did you read it?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
I did because it was honestly as easy as Catcher
in the Rye. It was very easy, easy reading. And
I even bought it on tape and said, you know what,
I'm gonna listen to it on tape because I really
wanted because he was he was saying to me that
for people that I work with, I needed to set boundaries,
and then for at home, I needed to obey in obey.
That sounds bad, but I guess it was right. Obey
(14:45):
Chelsea's boundary.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
No, not obey, it's respect.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Respect.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
Yes, yes, it's not obey, it's respect.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
And so I actually, you know, saw that, and then
I it made me think back then and I never
really vocalized it, but I'm like, I never heard the
word boundaries at all with my parents and I never
We never talked about it with your parents or even
early in our real life.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
Again, I think the terms it's a trendy term. Yeah right,
So all.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Right, Stage five, the real love phase. You have faced
storms together, after seeing each other's lowest moments, you still
choose to stay. The bond is now calm, passionate, and
deeply connected.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Okay, I got nothing to say.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
What do I think that you and I have gone
through some We have been there for each other's lowest
of lows for sure, which I would say in our marriage,
that is definitely a choice. You know, you wake up
every day again, I believe, and you choose either it's
by you're being lazy that's a choice, or you're really
(15:57):
putting the work into it. Like what however you want
to how you wanted to look at that time, you
know it's inconvenient to get divorced, which divorce is very difficult.
You know, a hard marriage is hard, but a divorce
is hard. To pick and choose your hard, you know,
make it having a great marriage. It's hard to so
pick your hard like It's just I don't think that
(16:19):
there's anything easy. I think Hollywood and the Hallmark Channel
has ruined, ruined, what marriage should be. You know, if
they really want truth, they really should bring the truth
into what marriage is so people can I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
I think Hollywood does more now broken marriages than ever,
do they?
Speaker 4 (16:38):
I mean, I don't know. I just think that, you know,
everyone should look a certain way, and everyone should have
this by this age and have that, and your life
should be this. It's a wonderful vacations and having sex
seventeen times a day maybe, And you're talking, well, it's
all bull crap.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Do you think that if we were to hear all
these stages of marriage that it would make us more
anxiety filled? Like I wonder sometimes, like we're talking about
this now because we've kind of gone through and actually
even the sixth stage is actually I feel like we're
in it a little bit. No, no, just agree, Okay,
well here do you think we're in the fifth stage?
Speaker 4 (17:19):
I think that we go back and forth.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Between the fifth and the third.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
I think we go three four five a lot, three
four five a lot. I think that that's you know,
we bounce in between them for sure.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
I My problem sometimes if I know the future, I
worry about what's going to happen. So if I know
what's going to happen, so I almost and I know
it's good to like premieral Counseling is something that I
think we've been really having to struggle with Joe and
Alyssa on is that they have not done it, and
I think that it's going to affect them. But I
also think that sometimes you can get over counseled and
(17:55):
sorry about that.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Yeah, well, here's the thing. I think that it's like,
you know, you can tell someone you know when they
have a baby. You know, man, the days are long
with the years are short, and everyone's you know, when
they hear it, they roll their eyes. They don't get
it until they've lived it, until they've done it, until
that's happened to them. So you can tell someone you know,
(18:21):
being married is some of the best days of your life,
but it's also some of the hardest days of your life.
And you really it, truly, truly, truly. Love is a choice.
It's not a feeling. This feeling that you're feeling today,
especially on your wedding day, will not be here in
a little bit, like sometimes it gets replaced with hate
(18:45):
sometimes like and that's just the reality or disgust or
disdain or resentment, and that is marriage and it takes
work to get out of those feelings. And I think
that if you asked couples who have been married for fifty,
sixty years, seventy, you know, you see those couples that
(19:06):
have been married for so long, and if you ask
them what their secret was, you know, patience, alcohol, I mean,
I don't know, but I think I think that you know,
I don't know that there's just one solid answer, but
I think if you were to look, if you and
(19:27):
I were to look inside of a crystal ball, and
someone would have said to us, you're going to go
through these phases. I think, just like when we were
so young, and I know my mental state was but
I love him and will never that is not no,
We're so different because I love him, and that is
just being young and being naive, but also being naive
(19:49):
and being in love, because you can be any age
and think that your love will overcome anything, when the
truth is, it's not the love that over overcomes anything.
It's the choice that you make to overcome it. And
sometimes the choices I'm.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Not going to but yeah, sometimes and honestly, sometimes the
easy choice is to stay. I hate to say it,
and a lot of times I.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
Think it was you hear this very easy, you hear a.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Lot of people will say it is. You know, yeah,
it's it's easy just to get out. It is not
easy to now it's easier to stay. And that's why
you see a lot of times where some people are
in really miserable relationships and they're still in those relationships.
The it's wild because stage five, you know, you talk
(20:37):
about this, You face storms together, after seeing each other's
lowest moments, you choose to stay. Your bond is now calm, passionate,
and deeply connected. We definitely have connected more off of
some of the storms that we've had, and some of
those storms have been not easy. And when I mean that,
it's not storms that you and I have dealt with
(21:00):
because of each other, it's because of our health and
other things that have gone on with our family. So
and I think that the biggest thing that I would
say to you know you with the Joe and Alyssa
going back to those guys because they're going to be
starting a new relationship, is I don't think that I
(21:22):
knew how to ask questions of my dad, because I
don't think my dad to me, looked like a model
of marriage. And I wish I would have asked him
more questions.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
I wish you interesting though, he didn't divorce your mom,
so I.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Don't know why that would and he was remarried to
somebody that he was married to as long as my mom.
But I wish I would ask him questions. I wish
Joe would ask me more questions and you more questions.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
Well, so then that's just because he's not you know.
I think then we need to open up the communication.
If he chooses to communicate with us, he does, if
he doesn't, he doesn't, you know, that would be the boundary.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
We stage six.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
The stage six is a legacy phase.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
And I thought that we were in this, but you
say no, No.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
I don't think so without even trying. Your relationship becomes
an example. Your love story inspires others, leaving behind something
lasting and meaningful. The reason I say no is because
I think that there again, I think we go in
between three four and five, three four and five, you know,
sometimes five four, you know, five three, you know, I
(22:30):
just think that that's just marriage. I think that to me,
the legacy phase is the end of your marriage because
no one dies or something. I don't know. I just
I don't see.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
I look at the legacy thing is and it's not.
I think you're right.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I think that three four, five six, maybe a little bit,
because I think that there are some people that will
look in and say and I don't ever want to
be an example like I was. Somebody was asking me
the question the other day about you know, isn't it
great that you can be an example of radio people.
I'm like, I'm a bad example of radio people because honestly,
I'd never have felt like I was good enough to
do what I do. And also I feel like I
(23:12):
overly focused on radio, and I wish that I looked
at other guys that were more successful or as successful
as me, and they didn't look like they worked as
hard as I had to work, you know what I mean.
So I think about that with marriage too, Like I
definitely don't think that this is an example because you and.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
I you don't think that ours is an example.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I think it will be an example maybe one day.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
Okay, so then you agree we're not in the legacy phase.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
No, I think that there are.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
Times because legacy would be an example, I know.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
But there are times though, where I do think that
that we may not be an example, but there may
be some inspiration in what we have done, you know,
and been able to do the thing that we started
off with. And saying that there are these six phases.
Most relationships, a matter of fact, majority of them, more
than like fifty percent of them don't get past the
(24:03):
third phase, which is the struggle phase, and the arguments
and the fighting and the doubts grow and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
And I think it's.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Interesting because I do think sometimes the phases, like you said,
go back and forth, and you will face even if
you feel like you've gotten past stage three, it could
come back at any time.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
For sure. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yeah, let's talk real quick about the bathroom thing.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
I want to talk about that.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Okay, I have a real problem with this bathroom thing,
and I don't understand your obsession with it. For those
that are wondering why it is, I can't put the
toilet seat down. We're not talking about the toilet seat
that you sit on like your asses on. Chelsea thinks
that you should put the actual cover of the toilet seat,
the lid down, and she thinks that that should always
(24:52):
be down on the toilet when you flush it correct,
which I think is the most unbelievably grow host saying
to think about, especially if you have gone to the
bathroom and you have things in there that you're flushing
it and it's now all hitting the lid of this toilet.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Well, are you licking the lid?
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Okay, So unless you're wiping the lid, and also I
think that.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
You're not wiping the lid. You don't touch the lid. Ever,
the lid is there. You push the lid down, and
so that way, when you flush the toilet, and all
the peepy articles that are in the water and the
poopoo articles that are in the water that spray out
of the toilet when you flush, it doesn't go everywhere.
So you just that's why there's a lid to keep
(25:40):
everything contained and inside of it.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
What if I flush it with the lid down and
then reopen it so that I let the the because
I don't want I do think that the lid. First off,
you may have to run to the bathroom very quickly,
and lifting the lid takes a couple of seconds if you're.
Speaker 4 (25:58):
It literally it takes the half of a second to
lift a lid.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Usually women want the just the seat down. They want
it so they don't fall through it, like in the
middle of the night.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
I for sure you want the seat down, But I
think it's also when you're done using it, close the lid.
I don't know who raised.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
You and what barble always done it this way?
Speaker 4 (26:19):
No, no, no, no, no, close the lid. Yeah, I
think so, unless literally, I've just had a lapse of memory,
which you know, who knows my memory is actually.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
On TikTok that said something about this.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
No, I literally it's but this last week, every time
I go to the use the bathroom, the lid is up,
and it drives me insane enough that I brought it
up to you.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
I know, and I said, you another thing to make
you happy.
Speaker 4 (26:46):
We used to. Haven't done it, though, I'm.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Going to try to do it. I am going to try,
all right.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Looking back on this and looking back on the six
stages that your marriage goes through, and us even talking
about like if we were to have lived together beforehand,
would we even get married? There are so many differences
that two people have with each other, and I do
believe this that you have to weigh what are those
(27:15):
differences that you can deal with and what are those
differences that you can't deal with?
Speaker 4 (27:19):
Well, someone said to me, whatever drives you crazy about
that person before you marry them is amplified after you
marry them, because they're not going to change. Getting married.
Walking down the aisle and saying I do does not
magically make them put their clothes in the laundry basket
(27:42):
for you.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Or clean moo.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
Or socks, Oh my god, no, especially if they're black
socks and they take them off on a white rug
and there's black fuzzies all over the place. That was
a heck of us.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
I changed my socks because of that.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
I don't use the same sock.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
Handle.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
It don't bytance socks because I like them.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
But I mean, there are things that you just that
it will never change. You cannot change the person. You
just can't or change their habits. I mean maybe if
you drill it into them enough and you grind them down.
But I just think that you have to realize so
then becomes a choice. Is it that important to me?
(28:27):
Like I just every day I would vacuum up the
little fuzzies or I would just leave them there like
it was a choice. It was a choice because it
was driving.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
Me crazy, and put them all in like my counter.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
I thought about picking them up and putting them in
an envelope and collecting them for a while that I.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
And mailing them to me.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
No, no, I was just going to put them on
your bathroom sink, but in a pile. But I just thought,
you know, that's a lot of work for me, and
you wouldn't even understand it.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
So I honestly would think that you were psychotic if
you did that, Like this woman is nuts.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
Well, I mean, and I just think, by the way,
like they're just things that are important to you and
things that are important to me, Like I liked, I've
gotten a little bit laxed as I've gotten older, but
a clean, tidy place, you know, no even little fuzzies.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
I have Burgo, But I have nothing that bothers me
about you Like, why why is that because I'm perfect?
Speaker 3 (29:22):
No, it is not.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
It's because I can deal with things. I mean, there's
plenty of shit that drives me crazy, but I but
I don't get that nuts about it.
Speaker 4 (29:31):
Well, maybe you just let things roll off your back
a lot. I just that's not who I am.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Actually, there is one of the things that drives me nuts,
and you've noticed this probably lately, is there are times
where I just don't want to talk about certain things.
And when I don't want to talk about it, I
shut it down. I shut down. And we talked about
that on the last.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
Podcast that, yes, that drives me crazy if I bring
up something that I want to talk to you about
and you just you. So then the other day when
I was trying to talk to you about something, you
ignored it, you didn't acknowledge it. So then we were
on our way to dinner and you tried to talk
to me, like, are you mad at me? I said, no,
I'm just going to choose what I talked to you about,
(30:09):
and right now it's nothing. I'm going to talk to
you about.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Nothing.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Let's talk about the toilet. So
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