February 2, 2026 • 34 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the We Don't Podcast starring husband and wife
Mojo from Mojo in the Morning and his better half Chelsea.
On this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Coming up on this episode of the podcast, what are
we talking about here at Chelse, We.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Are going to talk about four things to fix your
marriage after that last podcast?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Oh, that last podcast? All right, let's begin.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Well, all right, all right, all right, without further delay,
here are Mojo and Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
All right after the last podcast. I will tell you
this that it was a real one.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
It was.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I think you thought I took it harder than I did, though,
because the funny thing was the days after the podcast,
you were.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Are you doing okay? Everything? Okay? What's going on?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
And then it's funny because of I caught you in
the kitchen actually listening to the podcast too.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Well, because I felt bad. I felt like I was
a little harsh, but I was in the moment. I mean,
it was a true I was still frustrated. It was
fresh frustration from our fight, and you know, sometimes I
feel like I'm you don't hear why I'm frustrated, And
so I felt maybe like I had a little bit
more of your attention and maybe a little bit more
(01:34):
power on my side because there was a microphone in
front of my mouth.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
What did you think when you heard it?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I mean, I listen again, I was frustrated, So I
think I.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
Felt bad because.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
I felt a little bit bad, But then I also
felt like this is how I felt in the moment,
like it was our truth in that time, and I
was trying to get my point across to you with
how you know what I want without exactly telling you,
because you know what I want. I've told you. I
was just trying to get my point across.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
My favorite was listening to the podcast and hearing you
listen to the podcast and seeing you listen to the
podcasting at one point that.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Was cooking dinner at one point, which way I do
cook dinner every once in a while.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
By the way, I was pretty good. That was awesome.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
At one point though, I look over at your face
for one second, glance up, and you kind of like
like jumped for one second because you were your Your
tone came across probably harder than it was. I know
the words were one of those things that I needed
to hear and you probably needed to say. But then
(02:47):
also I think that you know I was able to
say a couple of things that I try.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I don't want people to think that you're this horrible person,
you know, and that I don't want it to like
people that think I'm being verbally abused by you when
we fight or you know, you definitely do use your
words more than I do in a fight, like I do.
Tend to want to just you get frustrated and blow right,
(03:15):
which some people do.
Speaker 5 (03:16):
I'm not saying, and then I tend to want to.
I let it.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
I do blow. It's not like I don't blow, but
I I. It's just different. It's all the way I
can explain, Like I I can sit there and talk
to you. I'd like to talk to you more than yell,
because it just yelling gets nowhere.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
And there was one.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Point in our marriage where you and it would drive
me crazy, but when we would fight, you would try
to talk like an octave lower than me, because I'm
sure a therapist told you that that's how you can
get control if you're which is it's true. If you're
(04:01):
the person who isn't acting like a fucking lunatic and screaming.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Louder, you lose, is what I was taught.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
Oh, Okay, well, there you go, there you go.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
So I but I was taught that by not a therapist,
has taught that by a radio program director who.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Okay, well, hats off to whomever that was, and that
but it would drive because you would always say, I'm
not the one that's yelling in the situation. Now you
are like you, And it would drive me crazy. And
so maybe now that's driven in the back of my
head where and it's.
Speaker 5 (04:37):
True you I get it blow.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Yes, voices can get louder and a fight and tension
spoil and you do, and you can scream, but you
do get more out of it if you're talking and
not yelling.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
The program same program director, you used to always say
to me, the person who speaks most is usually the
one that's thought of, not as the most intelligent, it's
the person who speaks least. So that was he used
to actually say that because I would talk about our
old producer, Chad, our good friend Chad Mitchell. Chad Mitchell
would go into meetings and he would say four sentences
(05:17):
and everybody would walk away from the meeting going, that's
the smartest guy in the room.
Speaker 5 (05:21):
But it was funny.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Chad would let everybody get older, you know, kind of
stick out, and then he would just say, here's my
ideas and I want to get.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
Out of here.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
So funny.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
All right, let's move on. What do we got today?
What we what are we doing on this podcast here?
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Oh a wise wise? I'm just kidding how wise it was.
It's just on TikTok. So that's like.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Need to always reference that you saw it on TikTok.
I read it in a book.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
It used to be.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
It's funny that it used to.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
Be just being honest.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
A book one time.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
I read it in a book or the Bible told me,
and now it's like, hey, TikTok is telling me because
it is.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
So and I just this I found found very interesting.
It's not like it is the Bible or solid advice,
but I thought, okay, this is funny to bring up
after our last podcast. So it is four things to
fix your marriage, Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Okay, are you going to go through all four or
one by one? We'll discuss one by one, okay.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
So the first one is to have more fun together
versus or have more fun together and less grievance. And
the example that they gave of grievance was basically, when
you're in counseling and you're trying to fix your marriage,
counseling is grievance. I'm airing my grievance. You're airing your grievance,
(06:46):
and we're trying to find something.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
But you're miserable while you're in counseling.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
It's not a typically not a happy fun time while
you're there. Right, I'm trying to prove my point. You're
trying to prove why I'm wrong. So his whole thing
was if you set out intentionally trying to have some
fun together. There's reason that you guys got together in
(07:12):
the first place, right, So try to find something fun
in the day, whether it's you know, they didn't give examples.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Well, well, I mean there's a bunch of things, so
you can think of that. You could do something. It
could be just go to lunch together. Others could be
you and I played sometimes we'll play golf together. Yeah,
and it's just a fun round of us just saying,
you know, hanging out with each other. I want to
bring up some stories. The first story is do you
(07:41):
remember when we went to that therapist on Northwestern Highway
and we would go and we drove separately, always to it,
and I'll never I drive by that place every day
am I way to and from work? Oh yeah, and
I swear to you every time that I'm driving. For
some reason, my head glances over in that bark you line.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
Tell someone one of our friends to go there and
they end up divorced.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
No, that was another therapist. Remember Jeff Saque and Kim.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Why would you give their names?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Because Jeff and Jeff would get I gave. I gave
that one doctor, the guy that looked like Sigmund Freud.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
Yeah, he was on Northwestern too.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
No, it was a different one.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
This is the one. So we went to so many
therapists together. We've had lawyers all this stuff. You yeah,
but let me finish. Let me finish the therapist, and
then maybe I'll bring up the story because Jeff says
to me all the time, he always goes, yeah, thanks
a lot, You're the reason I'm divorced.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
No.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
So this therapist that we went to was on Northwestern Highway.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
It was further up the.
Speaker 5 (08:41):
Road, the one we had to ring the bell.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
We would go into it and the guy we would
sit down and you and I would walk in there.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
But there we were there, yeah, we would.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
We would go in there kind of talking to each other.
We were really bad at that time, like it was.
It was bad, like to a point that you and I.
Speaker 5 (09:02):
Okay, we get it was that.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
Yeah, it was awful, got it. We were so much
worse when we would leave that place.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
He never gave us anything to work on to try
to get closer together. He would just sit there and
listen to us, and then at the end of the
therapy session he would recap what each of us said,
just pissing you off even more. And I would look
over going why is he doing this? And then he
(09:30):
would bring the stuff up that you said during the
and he would never go he'd go, okay, so we'll
meet again next week. And it was like, wait a second.
You didn't give us anything. And it was funny because
when we went to Rob, the guy that we have
kind of always done therapy with and probably one of
the better therapists that we've seen. Rob was similar in
(09:53):
regards to He would let us kind of spout off,
but at the end of the whole thing he would say,
you know, here's some things that I really think that
you guys got to be mindful of.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Rob was also the one that the first time we
went to him, Yeah, you would say everything I did
wrong and then fall asleep. And then I had one
on one counseling with him and his advice.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I remember he told you he gave you the advice
to write a letter to your dad and even if
you don't send it, to just write the letter. But
going to therapy, and I am an advocate of therapy,
but going to therapy can ruin your marriage. And it's
a very fine line. I think individual therapy is better
(10:35):
than marriage therapy. And I'm going to tell you why
individual therapy works on you and how you cope with things,
how you are able to process things, how you're able
to maybe become a better person or become a better you.
Marriage therapy is almost like sitting in a court room
(11:00):
room and taking the stand head each time.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
And having But here's the thing that individual counseling can
be a benefit, yes to you. But that's that's me
telling my therapist my side of the story. Yes, And
in a situation, there's always three sides, so I can
tell them. And by the way, you can lie to
your therapists too, like they don't know they don't.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
But this is hold on.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
So what I'm like, I think it is important though,
at some point to do couples because if you're if
you're struggling and in a bad place, because then they
can say, Okay, here's my side, here's my side. If
it's a great counselor he'll realize, you know, they're somewhere
in between lies the truth, and then they can help
(11:50):
you and give you tools, just like an individual therapist,
but give you tools on how to work, if not
to help with the conflict, with conflict resolution, but also.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
Because you're gonna fight again. You know, you're.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Obviously in the heat and in the throes of possible
going down the road of divorce. So hopefully he can
give he or she can give you better tools on
how to handle the conflict and handle help you work
through it constructively. Bad ones won't yeah, you know, like, yeah,
(12:30):
we've had bad, we've had good and that the.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Therapists though that we talked about that told our friends,
you know that or didn't do it. You know, he
obviously didn't help keep their marriage together. But he told
me to get divorced from you, like he said, And
I remember going to what do.
Speaker 5 (12:51):
We keep you behind? Did I walk out first? No,
we didn't go send you a note.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
We didn't go together to that therapist.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
You went and saw the woman that was in that
same there at the office, and he said to me,
he goes, I don't see a reconciliation. And he actually
insinuated to me that your therapist, you know, and he
were talking to each other, and which I don't know
if that's a right thing to.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
Do or not, but he was.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
He was detrimental to I think a lot of my
at the time happiness because then when I went and
saw the therapist that I got now or i've had now,
I haven't gone to him in a while. With Dennis, Dennis,
when I told him the story, was like dumbfounded, because
he takes the approach of if there's no physical or
(13:40):
verbal abuse and there is love in the relationship, let's
try to see what we can do, and if it's
really unreconcilable, then you know, I want to see if
I can get both of you guys together in the
same room before I give you that advice. So he
would ask you to come in and have conversation with him.
But this whole technique of do something together is so
(14:03):
important fun do something fun together, because I have more.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Fun together and less grievances.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Because it's funny in the last podcast, when we were
going back and forth and then you said, you know,
I've known you since you were seventeen years old, and
I've been with you since seventeen years old, and I've
known I've not gotten this, but I've also known that
I've gotten, you know, good from you.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Yeah, We've had a lot of great together.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
And I would never even if even if we ended
up in divorced, I would say I number one, I
have three amazing gifts from you, you know.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
Yeah, But we also have had some amazing.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
We've got a couple of dogs too.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
Six I'm going to get lily.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
But we've had some amazing times and I would never
discount them, and I would never, you know. Yeah, And
even when we're I think when we do get in
fights recent like more recently, we do end up talking about, Okay,
we do have a lot of good in our lives,
(15:06):
because I think it's unrealistic to think I don't see
part of me. And we're getting way off topic here,
But I wonder sometimes like what you think a good
marriage is, or because I feel like you think that
we don't have a good marriage sometimes.
Speaker 5 (15:26):
And I don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
If it's because you're you work with a person that's
a newlywed and so their life is so she's on
her second marriage, so it's a lot different than the
first marriage.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
And I know you want to talk cold that thought.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
And I think that you compare to the newness of
their relationship. They have sex all the time, they do
this all the time, they you know, but it's new.
They've been married for a year and a half, are
coming up on two years this year. It's very new,
very new. Then you work with someone who who is
(16:02):
single and he's living the life and he's having a
great time, he says me once. Well, you know, there's
part of him that wants it, but he's living a
great so I And when you compare yourself to others,
which is so natural we all compare ourselves to other people,
I think it's like, Huh, how come how come I
(16:25):
don't feel as happy as her and her newness of
her marriage or or and why am I not as
happy as he is? And he has this like I
think that when we just need to take a step back,
and for I'll say for myself, take a step back
and be like, this isn't this isn't bad life.
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Life is full of ups and downs.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
And see I don't compare myself to anybody I work with.
I just look at Instagram and realize everybody's got such
amazing life.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
So, because Instagram is the realistic Bible.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
What's the number two? Let's go.
Speaker 5 (17:03):
So number two is to pray and meditate together.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
We don't do that. You need to do it more.
We did it a lot when we've gone through both
of our.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Yeah, when there's health stuff going on, we will pray together.
Yeah we don't.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Yeah, we need to do that more. It does bring
you closer together. There's no doubt. We used to never
go to bed at night and even hold each other's hands.
And now I really do feel first, So I feel
like I fall asleep so much faster. You probably don't
my kind, but I but I do think that that
(17:41):
would be nice. Yeah, we should. We should pray ourselves
to sleep. That would be that'd be kind of a
nice thing.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
God, please let him fall asleep.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Tell him to stop taking as testosterone exactly.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
God, what's number three.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
So number three and this I thought was so interesting
because this is so important to me and I even
said it to you the other night. It is make
eye contact whenever you talk, and it's most important for women.
It's three times. I can't understand my notes here, but
(18:17):
it must triple women's oxytocin when you are having conversations
with them and you look at them. It is my
biggest pet. One of my biggest aside from you eating
those fucking pretzels. The one of my bigger pet peeves
when we especially are in a fight and you're like
(18:39):
opening he's opening it.
Speaker 5 (18:40):
It's wide looking at me.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
But when the other night, like you, I said, are
you going to look at the television or are you
going to look at me? You turned off the TV
and then you started staring up at the wall. Talking
but looking at the wall. It drives me insane. And
there is a connection that you make when you are
are looking at that person. And I think it for
(19:03):
you when you have a microphone in front of your
face at work, you also are doing seven other things.
Minimum you know, you're trying to think ahead of where
the topic is going to go, how you're going to
end at what song is coming up next, or what
commercial you have to do, or what collar you're pulling
up and looking at it different screens. So you are
really good at multitasking. You excel at multitasking. You really
(19:30):
suck at this one on one thing, this with having
this podcast, you're great At the minute we turn the
microphones off, you do sail off into another world.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
I find this when I'm working the show, and you
can see it from the videos or our live streams.
I find when I am looking at you, I am
not listening to you, really, and as weird as it sounds,
because I listen in my headphones with people like I
(20:05):
can't do the show without headphones. Like we've had situations
where we've like you and I are really we don't
do this with headphones on it. When I do the
radio show and there's people talking, I really have to
hear the headphones because that can it helps me hear
people better. Okay, which is funny because I can't hear
very well. I warren headphone for so long.
Speaker 5 (20:23):
Oh really can't hear well? Is that way? I have
to repeat myself and yell at you.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
But there are times though, when I I'll let that pass.
There are times when I am talking and I'm not
looking at you right now because I'm trying to think.
There are times when I and you can see it,
I'm talking to Shannon or Kevin or whoever, and I
lose my train of thought a little bit. So I'm
(20:49):
not making that as my excuse, but that is a
little bit of the excuse as far as you are concerned.
You intimidate me. Okay, when we're in an argument. You're
way too smart for me. You you call it my bullshit,
But no, I when when you just spoke, I listen.
(21:13):
I looked at you the whole time, but talking to
you back, I have a hard time looking.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
I don't know why that is.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
I don't either, and it really drives me crazy because
I feel like you don't respect that moment for us.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
And it comes across as I'm not telling you the truth.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
It's not so much that you're not telling me the
truth that I don't say no eye contact is that one. Well,
I don't take it that way. I just take it
as a lack of respect. I'm trying to because it's
not with you when you're talking, it's when I'm talking
to you as well. And it's like I want your attention.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
You know, do you think I might have a little
bit of the tism?
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Honestly, do you think I might be a little testing?
Speaker 5 (21:53):
No, I don't. I think I.
Speaker 4 (21:54):
Think I think I have. I think I have.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Well, I know I have a I know that I've
never been fully diagnosed as dyslexic, but I knew. I
had a reading teacher that told me that I had.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
You're not dyslexic, you have a hard I think what
it is.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
You are words differently?
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Well, I think your.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Brain is always moving so fast before your mouth, so
when you read, if you just would slow down, which
is really hard for you because again professionally, you're always
a couple steps ahead of and even in conversation, not
even just reading, but conversation, you're always.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
Like like when you.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Talk to someone and you meet someone new and you
love to interview them. And I mean, I feel whether
it's a waitress at our table, or the driver uber driver,
or it's just someone we're in an elevator with, it's
you know, you never meet a stranger, do you always
(22:57):
come out you know, you're a front and by the
time you're done with them, and you always like sometimes
I think, Okay, you're not even listening to how they're
the answer they're giving you. You're like already next question. Yes, yeah,
But I think that that's just you. I don't think
that you are that's a silly thing. I think if anything,
(23:19):
you'd have ADHD. But again, I think that it's just you.
I think your profession has made you be this way
as well.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
What's number four?
Speaker 5 (23:31):
Number four you're gonna like.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
And again, what is the title of this thing?
Speaker 3 (23:34):
This is it's four things to fix your marriage, which
alright made by a man? Okay, so number four a
b T.
Speaker 5 (23:44):
Do you know what that stands for?
Speaker 1 (23:46):
A B T?
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Ask boob?
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Okay, Always be touching, which is more important for the man.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
You hate that too.
Speaker 5 (23:56):
I almost I almost try to think of a new
one before.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
Always be touching, meaning holding hands always.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
Yeah, but not let's not take it literally, but I like.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Try try to make sure.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Yeah, like, at some point in the day, make an
intentional time to touch. Yeah, but not knotty parts. It's
just like holding hands.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
Well, how do you know it's not naughty parts?
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Because I know that's your version.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Of touches is so important. I think it really is
but I think it's I think it's important, as you say,
for men, but I also think that there are women
that benefit off of it.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
I think that you.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Can if that is their love language, Well, you cannot
lie about a touch like you can't. You can't lie
when because somebody, if somebody is touching you for their
pleasure or touching you for your pleasure, but it's just
touching you just to be able to be connected to you.
And I think that there is something to just the like,
(25:01):
you know, the hand. I know that we went through
a period and we might still be in it right now,
but we went through a period like four years ago
where it was like if you touch somebody, you're going
to you know, jail or canceling or whatever the deal is.
But I think in general, but I think in general,
one of the things that used to be the human
touch of just you know, are you okay?
Speaker 4 (25:23):
Like whatever is that?
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Like you would walk up if you saw somebody crying,
you would you know, walk up to a person in
hand on their shoulder or whatever that deal is, or
you know, reach to see are you okay? Can I
help you with anything? Help somebody up? Like nowadays you
just don't do it because nobody wants you in their
personal space. And it's kind of sad that we have
let bad situations take it to the point where we
(25:47):
cannot be there for others or our most loved people.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
But I think, like in a marriage and in ours,
if there's not if you're not feeling nurture, and because
again I think touch is very meant. It's you could
be completely in this huge fight and then you still
as a man, you're gonna want to touch your wife later.
You're still gonna want to have sex later. Like, but
(26:13):
a woman takes that and is it's like emotional if
she's if she's not fulfilled emotionally, it doesn't feel taking
care of emotionally, then forget the touch, like not happening.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Is there a spot on your body where if you
touch you that's it feels good? Because when we first
got together, I always felt like if I kissed your
neck or something, it just made you.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
There was something about the connection that we had.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Hmmm, I don't know, like is there something that you
I don't know, like there's something there's there's a part
of you that because you do you, you do come
across sometimes to people, but also you are you don't
like personal space being invaded. I don't, but early in
(27:05):
our relationship and actually through some of the parts of
our relationship, I could, you know, I could easily just
kiss your neck.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
My love language is not physical touch one hundred percent.
I can say that with full.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Is not think it ever was, you know, I don't
love languages change.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
I mean I can tell you having children and then
having kids hanging on me all the time and all
day and listen, I would do it all over again
to have that. You know, I don't care if it's
my kid hanging on me, but for the love of God,
I just don't need anyone else hanging on me.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
There, Yeah, I don't. I don't know why.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
And I think also there, you know, as you get older,
our bodies go through different changes.
Speaker 5 (27:56):
Women go through different changes too, And it's just a lot.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Like I think if one man had to go through menopause,
it would be a different world. It would be a
different world. There is so much that goes on chemically, physically.
It's just and like I said the other day on
(28:22):
the on the podcast, life isn't fair.
Speaker 5 (28:24):
It's not fair, and it sucks.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
I have someone reaching out to me because she's gonna
have to have a hysterectomy and she's worried about some stuff.
And I sent her my notes that I took every
day after my surgery, and I said to her because
she's like, oh, I'm just a worried about my husband,
and I said, hey, not to be mean, but it's
not about him. It's about you. And it does suck,
(28:50):
and it's hard, and literally, I feel like your brain
chemistry changes with menopause. It's just and the pery the
perimenopause is awful and then the it's it's just awful.
And if you do change so much, you don't you're
(29:11):
not the person that you were before. And I think
that that's unfortunate for your husband's in a way. You know,
sometimes it's freeing for us because we finally get to
tell people how we feel. But it's you know, and
blame it on menopause.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
But did you say you were gonna end with a
question or oh.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
I know. Are we approaching the thirty minute?
Speaker 4 (29:32):
We are approaching.
Speaker 5 (29:35):
God forbid.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
Sorry for those of you that have to hear longer
than thirty minutes.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
It's going to go long.
Speaker 5 (29:40):
I know, it's really hard for him. Okay, are you ready?
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (29:45):
If this was was to be our last conversation, what
would you.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
Not want me to forget? And why?
Speaker 2 (29:55):
From this conversation that we just had?
Speaker 5 (29:59):
This we're starting over?
Speaker 3 (30:00):
If this is our last conversation conversation, what would you
not want me to forget?
Speaker 5 (30:06):
And why I.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Would not want you to forget that.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
I feel like I tried my best. I know I
always didn't accomplish my best, but I truly and genuinely,
with all my heart love you and want you to
(30:33):
know that I have so much respect for you. I
don't necessarily think that you and I ever pictured what
we are in right now as far as our relationship
is concerned. But I would never change a thing of this,
(30:55):
even the hardest times. And I know that the best
times that we have had so.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
Far are not over with.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
And I know that this is our last conversation, and
I think you're that would be the last conversation, But no,
I think that you and I will spend e turnity together.
Speaker 6 (31:19):
Really yeah, I can happen together if you make it there,
and if you don't make it there, I'll go.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
Okay, who else is next?
Speaker 5 (31:34):
Next?
Speaker 4 (31:35):
What would you what would be your answer to that question?
Speaker 3 (31:37):
So I would not want you to forget because I'm thinking,
like for me, this would be I'm imagining I would
be saying this to you, this is so morbid, but
saying it to you like what if I was dying right, yeah,
my death, bet, So I would not want you to forget.
Speaker 5 (31:57):
That I love you.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
I would not want you to forget because obviously, if
I was dying before you, you would just be a
mess because you know it's just.
Speaker 5 (32:13):
Horrible for you.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
But I would not want you to forget the good
times you know that we had and you're really good
at that though you kind of make after someone, no,
you're you martyr people after they're gone, so that for me,
that's good. So I would not want you to forget.
(32:37):
I would not want you to forget your relationship with
the boys and what they bring to the table for you,
and how what a gift they are.
Speaker 4 (32:53):
Are you saying that because of my dad.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
I would not want you to forget. Well, I'm saying
that because you know I get worried. You know, you
see it a lot would menormarry you know, I would
not want you to forget what you bring to the
table in situations and how amazing you are and don't
(33:17):
get taken advantage of. I don't forget my voice nagging
in your head, you know, and uh, I don't you
to forget how annoying it is when you chew those
pretzels with their mouth over.
Speaker 4 (33:37):
Listen.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
I don't ever want you to think that I regret anything.
Speaker 5 (33:46):
Oh I regret you have regrets.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
No, but I don't want you to everything I think
it'd be.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
We regret getting married sometimes I regret that, but not
all the time.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
But I want you, but I want you to know
that I know that they're.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Is a purpose of why we are have been together.
But I also know that everything that you just said
that you don't want me to forget is the reason why.
Speaker 4 (34:13):
I am who I am.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
Today because you're right with everything you just said, and
you have always made me better as a dad, better
at not being taken advantage of, you know, better at
all the things that you just said. You're great And
with that said, we have given them way more time
(34:35):
than we need to
Speaker 5 (34:38):
Perfect
Welcome to the We Don't Podcast starring husband and wife
Mojo from Mojo in the Morning and his better half Chelsea.
On this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Coming up on this episode of the podcast, what are
we talking about here at Chelse, We.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Are going to talk about four things to fix your
marriage after that last podcast?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Oh, that last podcast? All right, let's begin.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Well, all right, all right, all right, without further delay,
here are Mojo and Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
All right after the last podcast. I will tell you
this that it was a real one.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
It was.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I think you thought I took it harder than I did, though,
because the funny thing was the days after the podcast,
you were.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Are you doing okay? Everything? Okay? What's going on?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
And then it's funny because of I caught you in
the kitchen actually listening to the podcast too.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Well, because I felt bad. I felt like I was
a little harsh, but I was in the moment. I mean,
it was a true I was still frustrated. It was
fresh frustration from our fight, and you know, sometimes I
feel like I'm you don't hear why I'm frustrated, And
so I felt maybe like I had a little bit
more of your attention and maybe a little bit more
(01:34):
power on my side because there was a microphone in
front of my mouth.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
What did you think when you heard it?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I mean, I listen again, I was frustrated, So I
think I.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
Felt bad because.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
I felt a little bit bad, But then I also
felt like this is how I felt in the moment,
like it was our truth in that time, and I
was trying to get my point across to you with
how you know what I want without exactly telling you,
because you know what I want. I've told you. I
was just trying to get my point across.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
My favorite was listening to the podcast and hearing you
listen to the podcast and seeing you listen to the
podcasting at one point that.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Was cooking dinner at one point, which way I do
cook dinner every once in a while.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
By the way, I was pretty good. That was awesome.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
At one point though, I look over at your face
for one second, glance up, and you kind of like
like jumped for one second because you were your Your
tone came across probably harder than it was. I know
the words were one of those things that I needed
to hear and you probably needed to say. But then
(02:47):
also I think that you know I was able to
say a couple of things that I try.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I don't want people to think that you're this horrible person,
you know, and that I don't want it to like
people that think I'm being verbally abused by you when
we fight or you know, you definitely do use your
words more than I do in a fight, like I do.
Tend to want to just you get frustrated and blow right,
(03:15):
which some people do.
Speaker 5 (03:16):
I'm not saying, and then I tend to want to.
I let it.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
I do blow. It's not like I don't blow, but
I I. It's just different. It's all the way I
can explain, Like I I can sit there and talk
to you. I'd like to talk to you more than yell,
because it just yelling gets nowhere.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
And there was one.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Point in our marriage where you and it would drive
me crazy, but when we would fight, you would try
to talk like an octave lower than me, because I'm
sure a therapist told you that that's how you can
get control if you're which is it's true. If you're
(04:01):
the person who isn't acting like a fucking lunatic and screaming.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Louder, you lose, is what I was taught.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
Oh, Okay, well, there you go, there you go.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
So I but I was taught that by not a therapist,
has taught that by a radio program director who.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Okay, well, hats off to whomever that was, and that
but it would drive because you would always say, I'm
not the one that's yelling in the situation. Now you
are like you, And it would drive me crazy. And
so maybe now that's driven in the back of my
head where and it's.
Speaker 5 (04:37):
True you I get it blow.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Yes, voices can get louder and a fight and tension
spoil and you do, and you can scream, but you
do get more out of it if you're talking and
not yelling.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
The program same program director, you used to always say
to me, the person who speaks most is usually the
one that's thought of, not as the most intelligent, it's
the person who speaks least. So that was he used
to actually say that because I would talk about our
old producer, Chad, our good friend Chad Mitchell. Chad Mitchell
would go into meetings and he would say four sentences
(05:17):
and everybody would walk away from the meeting going, that's
the smartest guy in the room.
Speaker 5 (05:21):
But it was funny.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Chad would let everybody get older, you know, kind of
stick out, and then he would just say, here's my
ideas and I want to get.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
Out of here.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
So funny.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
All right, let's move on. What do we got today?
What we what are we doing on this podcast here?
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Oh a wise wise? I'm just kidding how wise it was.
It's just on TikTok. So that's like.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Need to always reference that you saw it on TikTok.
I read it in a book.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
It used to be.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
It's funny that it used to.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
Be just being honest.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
A book one time.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
I read it in a book or the Bible told me,
and now it's like, hey, TikTok is telling me because
it is.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
So and I just this I found found very interesting.
It's not like it is the Bible or solid advice,
but I thought, okay, this is funny to bring up
after our last podcast. So it is four things to
fix your marriage, Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Okay, are you going to go through all four or
one by one? We'll discuss one by one, okay.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
So the first one is to have more fun together
versus or have more fun together and less grievance. And
the example that they gave of grievance was basically, when
you're in counseling and you're trying to fix your marriage,
counseling is grievance. I'm airing my grievance. You're airing your grievance,
(06:46):
and we're trying to find something.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
But you're miserable while you're in counseling.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
It's not a typically not a happy fun time while
you're there. Right, I'm trying to prove my point. You're
trying to prove why I'm wrong. So his whole thing
was if you set out intentionally trying to have some
fun together. There's reason that you guys got together in
(07:12):
the first place, right, So try to find something fun
in the day, whether it's you know, they didn't give examples.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Well, well, I mean there's a bunch of things, so
you can think of that. You could do something. It
could be just go to lunch together. Others could be
you and I played sometimes we'll play golf together. Yeah,
and it's just a fun round of us just saying,
you know, hanging out with each other. I want to
bring up some stories. The first story is do you
(07:41):
remember when we went to that therapist on Northwestern Highway
and we would go and we drove separately, always to it,
and I'll never I drive by that place every day
am I way to and from work? Oh yeah, and
I swear to you every time that I'm driving. For
some reason, my head glances over in that bark you line.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
Tell someone one of our friends to go there and
they end up divorced.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
No, that was another therapist. Remember Jeff Saque and Kim.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Why would you give their names?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Because Jeff and Jeff would get I gave. I gave
that one doctor, the guy that looked like Sigmund Freud.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
Yeah, he was on Northwestern too.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
No, it was a different one.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
This is the one. So we went to so many
therapists together. We've had lawyers all this stuff. You yeah,
but let me finish. Let me finish the therapist, and
then maybe I'll bring up the story because Jeff says
to me all the time, he always goes, yeah, thanks
a lot, You're the reason I'm divorced.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
No.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
So this therapist that we went to was on Northwestern Highway.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
It was further up the.
Speaker 5 (08:41):
Road, the one we had to ring the bell.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
We would go into it and the guy we would
sit down and you and I would walk in there.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
But there we were there, yeah, we would.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
We would go in there kind of talking to each other.
We were really bad at that time, like it was.
It was bad, like to a point that you and I.
Speaker 5 (09:02):
Okay, we get it was that.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
Yeah, it was awful, got it. We were so much
worse when we would leave that place.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
He never gave us anything to work on to try
to get closer together. He would just sit there and
listen to us, and then at the end of the
therapy session he would recap what each of us said,
just pissing you off even more. And I would look
over going why is he doing this? And then he
(09:30):
would bring the stuff up that you said during the
and he would never go he'd go, okay, so we'll
meet again next week. And it was like, wait a second.
You didn't give us anything. And it was funny because
when we went to Rob, the guy that we have
kind of always done therapy with and probably one of
the better therapists that we've seen. Rob was similar in
(09:53):
regards to He would let us kind of spout off,
but at the end of the whole thing he would say,
you know, here's some things that I really think that
you guys got to be mindful of.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Rob was also the one that the first time we
went to him, Yeah, you would say everything I did
wrong and then fall asleep. And then I had one
on one counseling with him and his advice.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I remember he told you he gave you the advice
to write a letter to your dad and even if
you don't send it, to just write the letter. But
going to therapy, and I am an advocate of therapy,
but going to therapy can ruin your marriage. And it's
a very fine line. I think individual therapy is better
(10:35):
than marriage therapy. And I'm going to tell you why
individual therapy works on you and how you cope with things,
how you are able to process things, how you're able
to maybe become a better person or become a better you.
Marriage therapy is almost like sitting in a court room
(11:00):
room and taking the stand head each time.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
And having But here's the thing that individual counseling can
be a benefit, yes to you. But that's that's me
telling my therapist my side of the story. Yes, And
in a situation, there's always three sides, so I can
tell them. And by the way, you can lie to
your therapists too, like they don't know they don't.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
But this is hold on.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
So what I'm like, I think it is important though,
at some point to do couples because if you're if
you're struggling and in a bad place, because then they
can say, Okay, here's my side, here's my side. If
it's a great counselor he'll realize, you know, they're somewhere
in between lies the truth, and then they can help
(11:50):
you and give you tools, just like an individual therapist,
but give you tools on how to work, if not
to help with the conflict, with conflict resolution, but also.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
Because you're gonna fight again. You know, you're.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Obviously in the heat and in the throes of possible
going down the road of divorce. So hopefully he can
give he or she can give you better tools on
how to handle the conflict and handle help you work
through it constructively. Bad ones won't yeah, you know, like, yeah,
(12:30):
we've had bad, we've had good and that the.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Therapists though that we talked about that told our friends,
you know that or didn't do it. You know, he
obviously didn't help keep their marriage together. But he told
me to get divorced from you, like he said, And
I remember going to what do.
Speaker 5 (12:51):
We keep you behind? Did I walk out first? No,
we didn't go send you a note.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
We didn't go together to that therapist.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
You went and saw the woman that was in that
same there at the office, and he said to me,
he goes, I don't see a reconciliation. And he actually
insinuated to me that your therapist, you know, and he
were talking to each other, and which I don't know
if that's a right thing to.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
Do or not, but he was.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
He was detrimental to I think a lot of my
at the time happiness because then when I went and
saw the therapist that I got now or i've had now,
I haven't gone to him in a while. With Dennis, Dennis,
when I told him the story, was like dumbfounded, because
he takes the approach of if there's no physical or
(13:40):
verbal abuse and there is love in the relationship, let's
try to see what we can do, and if it's
really unreconcilable, then you know, I want to see if
I can get both of you guys together in the
same room before I give you that advice. So he
would ask you to come in and have conversation with him.
But this whole technique of do something together is so
(14:03):
important fun do something fun together, because I have more.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Fun together and less grievances.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Because it's funny in the last podcast, when we were
going back and forth and then you said, you know,
I've known you since you were seventeen years old, and
I've been with you since seventeen years old, and I've
known I've not gotten this, but I've also known that
I've gotten, you know, good from you.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Yeah, We've had a lot of great together.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
And I would never even if even if we ended
up in divorced, I would say I number one, I
have three amazing gifts from you, you know.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
Yeah, But we also have had some amazing.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
We've got a couple of dogs too.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
Six I'm going to get lily.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
But we've had some amazing times and I would never
discount them, and I would never, you know. Yeah, And
even when we're I think when we do get in
fights recent like more recently, we do end up talking about, Okay,
we do have a lot of good in our lives,
(15:06):
because I think it's unrealistic to think I don't see
part of me. And we're getting way off topic here,
But I wonder sometimes like what you think a good
marriage is, or because I feel like you think that
we don't have a good marriage sometimes.
Speaker 5 (15:26):
And I don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
If it's because you're you work with a person that's
a newlywed and so their life is so she's on
her second marriage, so it's a lot different than the
first marriage.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
And I know you want to talk cold that thought.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
And I think that you compare to the newness of
their relationship. They have sex all the time, they do
this all the time, they you know, but it's new.
They've been married for a year and a half, are
coming up on two years this year. It's very new,
very new. Then you work with someone who who is
(16:02):
single and he's living the life and he's having a
great time, he says me once. Well, you know, there's
part of him that wants it, but he's living a
great so I And when you compare yourself to others,
which is so natural we all compare ourselves to other people,
I think it's like, Huh, how come how come I
(16:25):
don't feel as happy as her and her newness of
her marriage or or and why am I not as
happy as he is? And he has this like I
think that when we just need to take a step back,
and for I'll say for myself, take a step back
and be like, this isn't this isn't bad life.
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Life is full of ups and downs.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
And see I don't compare myself to anybody I work with.
I just look at Instagram and realize everybody's got such
amazing life.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
So, because Instagram is the realistic Bible.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
What's the number two? Let's go.
Speaker 5 (17:03):
So number two is to pray and meditate together.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
We don't do that. You need to do it more.
We did it a lot when we've gone through both
of our.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Yeah, when there's health stuff going on, we will pray together.
Yeah we don't.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Yeah, we need to do that more. It does bring
you closer together. There's no doubt. We used to never
go to bed at night and even hold each other's hands.
And now I really do feel first, So I feel
like I fall asleep so much faster. You probably don't
my kind, but I but I do think that that
(17:41):
would be nice. Yeah, we should. We should pray ourselves
to sleep. That would be that'd be kind of a
nice thing.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
God, please let him fall asleep.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Tell him to stop taking as testosterone exactly.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
God, what's number three.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
So number three and this I thought was so interesting
because this is so important to me and I even
said it to you the other night. It is make
eye contact whenever you talk, and it's most important for women.
It's three times. I can't understand my notes here, but
(18:17):
it must triple women's oxytocin when you are having conversations
with them and you look at them. It is my
biggest pet. One of my biggest aside from you eating
those fucking pretzels. The one of my bigger pet peeves
when we especially are in a fight and you're like
(18:39):
opening he's opening it.
Speaker 5 (18:40):
It's wide looking at me.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
But when the other night, like you, I said, are
you going to look at the television or are you
going to look at me? You turned off the TV
and then you started staring up at the wall. Talking
but looking at the wall. It drives me insane. And
there is a connection that you make when you are
are looking at that person. And I think it for
(19:03):
you when you have a microphone in front of your
face at work, you also are doing seven other things.
Minimum you know, you're trying to think ahead of where
the topic is going to go, how you're going to
end at what song is coming up next, or what
commercial you have to do, or what collar you're pulling
up and looking at it different screens. So you are
really good at multitasking. You excel at multitasking. You really
(19:30):
suck at this one on one thing, this with having
this podcast, you're great At the minute we turn the
microphones off, you do sail off into another world.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
I find this when I'm working the show, and you
can see it from the videos or our live streams.
I find when I am looking at you, I am
not listening to you, really, and as weird as it sounds,
because I listen in my headphones with people like I
(20:05):
can't do the show without headphones. Like we've had situations
where we've like you and I are really we don't
do this with headphones on it. When I do the
radio show and there's people talking, I really have to
hear the headphones because that can it helps me hear
people better. Okay, which is funny because I can't hear
very well. I warren headphone for so long.
Speaker 5 (20:23):
Oh really can't hear well? Is that way? I have
to repeat myself and yell at you.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
But there are times though, when I I'll let that pass.
There are times when I am talking and I'm not
looking at you right now because I'm trying to think.
There are times when I and you can see it,
I'm talking to Shannon or Kevin or whoever, and I
lose my train of thought a little bit. So I'm
(20:49):
not making that as my excuse, but that is a
little bit of the excuse as far as you are concerned.
You intimidate me. Okay, when we're in an argument. You're
way too smart for me. You you call it my bullshit,
But no, I when when you just spoke, I listen.
(21:13):
I looked at you the whole time, but talking to
you back, I have a hard time looking.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
I don't know why that is.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
I don't either, and it really drives me crazy because
I feel like you don't respect that moment for us.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
And it comes across as I'm not telling you the truth.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
It's not so much that you're not telling me the
truth that I don't say no eye contact is that one. Well,
I don't take it that way. I just take it
as a lack of respect. I'm trying to because it's
not with you when you're talking, it's when I'm talking
to you as well. And it's like I want your attention.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
You know, do you think I might have a little
bit of the tism?
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Honestly, do you think I might be a little testing?
Speaker 5 (21:53):
No, I don't. I think I.
Speaker 4 (21:54):
Think I think I have. I think I have.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Well, I know I have a I know that I've
never been fully diagnosed as dyslexic, but I knew. I
had a reading teacher that told me that I had.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
You're not dyslexic, you have a hard I think what
it is.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
You are words differently?
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Well, I think your.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Brain is always moving so fast before your mouth, so
when you read, if you just would slow down, which
is really hard for you because again professionally, you're always
a couple steps ahead of and even in conversation, not
even just reading, but conversation, you're always.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
Like like when you.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Talk to someone and you meet someone new and you
love to interview them. And I mean, I feel whether
it's a waitress at our table, or the driver uber driver,
or it's just someone we're in an elevator with, it's
you know, you never meet a stranger, do you always
(22:57):
come out you know, you're a front and by the
time you're done with them, and you always like sometimes
I think, Okay, you're not even listening to how they're
the answer they're giving you. You're like already next question. Yes, yeah,
But I think that that's just you. I don't think
that you are that's a silly thing. I think if anything,
(23:19):
you'd have ADHD. But again, I think that it's just you.
I think your profession has made you be this way
as well.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
What's number four?
Speaker 5 (23:31):
Number four you're gonna like.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
And again, what is the title of this thing?
Speaker 3 (23:34):
This is it's four things to fix your marriage, which
alright made by a man? Okay, so number four a
b T.
Speaker 5 (23:44):
Do you know what that stands for?
Speaker 1 (23:46):
A B T?
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Ask boob?
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Okay, Always be touching, which is more important for the man.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
You hate that too.
Speaker 5 (23:56):
I almost I almost try to think of a new
one before.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
Always be touching, meaning holding hands always.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
Yeah, but not let's not take it literally, but I like.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Try try to make sure.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Yeah, like, at some point in the day, make an
intentional time to touch. Yeah, but not knotty parts. It's
just like holding hands.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
Well, how do you know it's not naughty parts?
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Because I know that's your version.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Of touches is so important. I think it really is
but I think it's I think it's important, as you say,
for men, but I also think that there are women
that benefit off of it.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
I think that you.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Can if that is their love language, Well, you cannot
lie about a touch like you can't. You can't lie
when because somebody, if somebody is touching you for their
pleasure or touching you for your pleasure, but it's just
touching you just to be able to be connected to you.
And I think that there is something to just the like,
(25:01):
you know, the hand. I know that we went through
a period and we might still be in it right now,
but we went through a period like four years ago
where it was like if you touch somebody, you're going
to you know, jail or canceling or whatever the deal is.
But I think in general, but I think in general,
one of the things that used to be the human
touch of just you know, are you okay?
Speaker 4 (25:23):
Like whatever is that?
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Like you would walk up if you saw somebody crying,
you would you know, walk up to a person in
hand on their shoulder or whatever that deal is, or
you know, reach to see are you okay? Can I
help you with anything? Help somebody up? Like nowadays you
just don't do it because nobody wants you in their
personal space. And it's kind of sad that we have
let bad situations take it to the point where we
(25:47):
cannot be there for others or our most loved people.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
But I think, like in a marriage and in ours,
if there's not if you're not feeling nurture, and because
again I think touch is very meant. It's you could
be completely in this huge fight and then you still
as a man, you're gonna want to touch your wife later.
You're still gonna want to have sex later. Like, but
(26:13):
a woman takes that and is it's like emotional if
she's if she's not fulfilled emotionally, it doesn't feel taking
care of emotionally, then forget the touch, like not happening.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Is there a spot on your body where if you
touch you that's it feels good? Because when we first
got together, I always felt like if I kissed your
neck or something, it just made you.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
There was something about the connection that we had.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Hmmm, I don't know, like is there something that you
I don't know, like there's something there's there's a part
of you that because you do you, you do come
across sometimes to people, but also you are you don't
like personal space being invaded. I don't, but early in
(27:05):
our relationship and actually through some of the parts of
our relationship, I could, you know, I could easily just
kiss your neck.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
My love language is not physical touch one hundred percent.
I can say that with full.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Is not think it ever was, you know, I don't
love languages change.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
I mean I can tell you having children and then
having kids hanging on me all the time and all
day and listen, I would do it all over again
to have that. You know, I don't care if it's
my kid hanging on me, but for the love of God,
I just don't need anyone else hanging on me.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
There, Yeah, I don't. I don't know why.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
And I think also there, you know, as you get older,
our bodies go through different changes.
Speaker 5 (27:56):
Women go through different changes too, And it's just a lot.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Like I think if one man had to go through menopause,
it would be a different world. It would be a
different world. There is so much that goes on chemically, physically.
It's just and like I said the other day on
(28:22):
the on the podcast, life isn't fair.
Speaker 5 (28:24):
It's not fair, and it sucks.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
I have someone reaching out to me because she's gonna
have to have a hysterectomy and she's worried about some stuff.
And I sent her my notes that I took every
day after my surgery, and I said to her because
she's like, oh, I'm just a worried about my husband,
and I said, hey, not to be mean, but it's
not about him. It's about you. And it does suck,
(28:50):
and it's hard, and literally, I feel like your brain
chemistry changes with menopause. It's just and the pery the
perimenopause is awful and then the it's it's just awful.
And if you do change so much, you don't you're
(29:11):
not the person that you were before. And I think
that that's unfortunate for your husband's in a way. You know,
sometimes it's freeing for us because we finally get to
tell people how we feel. But it's you know, and
blame it on menopause.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
But did you say you were gonna end with a
question or oh.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
I know. Are we approaching the thirty minute?
Speaker 4 (29:32):
We are approaching.
Speaker 5 (29:35):
God forbid.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
Sorry for those of you that have to hear longer
than thirty minutes.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
It's going to go long.
Speaker 5 (29:40):
I know, it's really hard for him. Okay, are you ready?
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (29:45):
If this was was to be our last conversation, what
would you.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
Not want me to forget? And why?
Speaker 2 (29:55):
From this conversation that we just had?
Speaker 5 (29:59):
This we're starting over?
Speaker 3 (30:00):
If this is our last conversation conversation, what would you
not want me to forget?
Speaker 5 (30:06):
And why I.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Would not want you to forget that.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
I feel like I tried my best. I know I
always didn't accomplish my best, but I truly and genuinely,
with all my heart love you and want you to
(30:33):
know that I have so much respect for you. I
don't necessarily think that you and I ever pictured what
we are in right now as far as our relationship
is concerned. But I would never change a thing of this,
(30:55):
even the hardest times. And I know that the best
times that we have had so.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
Far are not over with.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
And I know that this is our last conversation, and
I think you're that would be the last conversation, But no,
I think that you and I will spend e turnity together.
Speaker 6 (31:19):
Really yeah, I can happen together if you make it there,
and if you don't make it there, I'll go.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
Okay, who else is next?
Speaker 5 (31:34):
Next?
Speaker 4 (31:35):
What would you what would be your answer to that question?
Speaker 3 (31:37):
So I would not want you to forget because I'm thinking,
like for me, this would be I'm imagining I would
be saying this to you, this is so morbid, but
saying it to you like what if I was dying right, yeah,
my death, bet, So I would not want you to forget.
Speaker 5 (31:57):
That I love you.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
I would not want you to forget because obviously, if
I was dying before you, you would just be a
mess because you know it's just.
Speaker 5 (32:13):
Horrible for you.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
But I would not want you to forget the good
times you know that we had and you're really good
at that though you kind of make after someone, no,
you're you martyr people after they're gone, so that for me,
that's good. So I would not want you to forget.
(32:37):
I would not want you to forget your relationship with
the boys and what they bring to the table for you,
and how what a gift they are.
Speaker 4 (32:53):
Are you saying that because of my dad.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
I would not want you to forget. Well, I'm saying
that because you know I get worried. You know, you
see it a lot would menormarry you know, I would
not want you to forget what you bring to the
table in situations and how amazing you are and don't
(33:17):
get taken advantage of. I don't forget my voice nagging
in your head, you know, and uh, I don't you
to forget how annoying it is when you chew those
pretzels with their mouth over.
Speaker 4 (33:37):
Listen.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
I don't ever want you to think that I regret anything.
Speaker 5 (33:46):
Oh I regret you have regrets.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
No, but I don't want you to everything I think
it'd be.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
We regret getting married sometimes I regret that, but not
all the time.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
But I want you, but I want you to know
that I know that they're.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Is a purpose of why we are have been together.
But I also know that everything that you just said
that you don't want me to forget is the reason why.
Speaker 4 (34:13):
I am who I am.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
Today because you're right with everything you just said, and
you have always made me better as a dad, better
at not being taken advantage of, you know, better at
all the things that you just said. You're great And
with that said, we have given them way more time
(34:35):
than we need to
Speaker 5 (34:38):
Perfect
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