March 30, 2025 • 50 mins
In this episode, I’m gonna be disgusting why it’s OK for black women to not be accepted by black men who have made it clear that they don’t want you. Just because we want certain things, doesn’t mean that it’s going to be reciprocated. And sometimes we have black women have to accept the fact that black men in their preferences, and move on to the type of men that will find you as their preference. It is sad that a lot of black women are now single mothers because they thought that the black men that they wanted in these relationships wanted them, when in all actuality, they were just seat fillers until these men got with the women they actually want to. But this isn’t just black women, there are a lot of women and men that basically go through the same thing when it comes to people that only want them because of what they have, what they do for that person, how they treat that person, and how you build these people up. so I wanted to give black women some inspiration just to say that it’s OK that you’re not chosen by black men. You can actually focus on yourselves, building your own businesses and brands, taking care of your children on your own, and being the Queens of your own castles
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Hello, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome to my podcast, African Melanin Queens and Unperfectly Imperfected.
I'm your host. I'm meant to say perfectly imperfected.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
I'm your host.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
God is Asha Maria. I'm gonna thank you guys for
joining me for this episode. If you guys like the
comments area, please go to speaking dot com for slash
African melanin Queens and Perfectly Imperfected podcasts. You can also
listen to it on Spotify, our Her, iHeartRadio, Amazon, iTunes,
Google and.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Multiple other streaming companies as well.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
If you want to basically be a sponsor for my channel,
or you have products and services you would like for
me to promote, or you're gonna be a guest on
my podcast, please go to my email address A s
H A dot M A r I A M A
zero one at gmail dot com. It's a s H
A dot M A r I A M A zero
(00:59):
one gmail dot com. A little bit u me. I
may certify recovery and healing coach as well as a
mental health practitioner and well being practitioner. I should say,
and I'm all about helping people when it comes to
overcoming the fears, the discouragements, the health issues, anything that's
(01:20):
keeping you from being the best version of yourselves. And
far as your self esteeing, self worth, self value, self respect,
self confidence, and you believing in self.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Being at a place where you see the world for
what it is and the only thing you can change
is yourself.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Now, both of these podcasts, as far as the topic
that I will be talking about today, hits both sides. Now,
you have people that are African American women and women
that are African descent that have been through a lot,
not only during slavery but also in today's and you
(02:01):
have people on the flip side that have been dealing
with the same struggles and the same issues when it
comes to how you look your flaws, your imperfections, disabilities,
mistakes you've made in your past. Both sides have been bullied, harassed,
(02:22):
people that make you feel like you're not good enough,
that you're not worthy, that you're enough, that you're not enough.
You have people that are sitting up here telling you
you don't fit society standards, so you don't belong. You
have people telling black women in particular that they're not
(02:42):
meant to be married. But yet we're single mothers. Black
women need to do this. Black women need to do that,
But other races are not going through this like Black
women are going through it. Black women are the highest
when it comes to being single mothers and the lowest
that comes to marriage. You have a lot of women
(03:04):
that have given their bodies to men and trying to
be what men want them to be, and that has
not worked out well for majority of women in general,
but Black women in particular. We all know our history
as Black women when it came from slavery all the
way up to now, so I don't need to go
into that. But on the flip side of that, you
(03:28):
have people that cannot help. They have a disability, they
cannot help their flaws, their imperfections, and yet they can't
get a person to even try to get to know them.
And just like Black women and women that are not
good enough, no matter what they do, no matter how
(03:49):
much they try to do everything that is right, you're
still not gonna be chosen. You're still not gonna be enough,
and no person is ever gonna want you unless you're
sat Filler, Captain Saberjo.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Build a Bear, Bill Doahll, or Pupilie.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
It is really sad that in this society, it's not
about who a person is or their character. It's all
about what somebody looked like. It's all about what somebody has.
It's all about how that person is in bed, what
their career is. In other words, the external but not
the internal. It's not even about the fact that you're
(04:28):
a godly person. It's not even about meeting someone and
it not being about being attracted to that person.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
It's just about getting.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
To know them. It's never about just sitting down and
having a conversation and it not be about some type
of agenda.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
It's sad that we have people.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Whether it be black women or women and men that
are imperfect, that are always told they're never enough. No
matter what you do, no matter how good of a
person that you are, no matter how faithful you are,
you have people telling you that because of what you
(05:15):
look like, you're never gonna get married, You're never gonna
have a relationship, because you're a black woman, You're just
gonna constantly be a seafiller.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
It is sad of the way that both.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Of these podcasts, as far as these type of people
that listen to this podcast are being looked at I
don't think it's fair that people cannot find love just
because of what they look like, or just because they
have a disability or mistakes they've made in their past.
(05:53):
Why it's constantly being thrown up in their faces. Well today,
that's a topic. Why is it that no matter what
you do, no matter how much you change yourself, no
matter if you lose weight, no matter if you are
a black woman that is successful, people always want you
(06:16):
to throw in your face everything that either happened in
the past or the reputation of being a black woman.
It is sad that black women are the only ones
that men complain about.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
They always complain.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
About black women being too strong, black women being too independent,
Black women have an attitude black women demasculating black men.
It's really annoying to be honest. And then on the
flip side of that, you have people telling people because
they have a disability, they have flaws and imperfections, or
(06:56):
they made mistakes in their past, it's constantly being thrown
in their face.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
You canna have a.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Woman, regardless of what race they are, on my perfectly
imperfection tunnel that can lose forty pounds and look absolutely
great and somebody from their family is gonna remind them
they used.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
To be two hundred and something pounds.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
You can ask somebody that can be very successful, but
yet it will never be enough.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
You can be in a situation where.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
You're the one that's been taking care of your family,
and yet you don't get to enjoy the fruits of
your own label. And then you get a telephone call
by accident of your mother and your family members dogging
you out, and yet your siblings can't do no wrong.
(07:54):
You helped your sibling, You helped all your family members,
and yet insteal their using you, and they're trashing you
behind your back, not in front of your base, behind
your back.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
You found out this whole time time they've been lying
to you about the money that you've given them.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
You paid their rent, you paid their way through school,
and you get nothing in return. And you're the child
that your parents care nothing about.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Excuse me, You're the.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Child that your siblings are the golden job, golden children,
the ones that can't do no wrong, the ones that
get the best gifts, to get the best everything, and
yet they give you nothing. You then accepted to go
to college. They ain't even got the money to put
you through school, But yet they'll pay your siblings to
(08:46):
go to school. They have the money for them, but
not for you. You're the one that got to sit
there and work extra hard, but yet they don't have
to work hard at all. And then all of a sudden,
you hear that type of conversation of your parents and
your siblings trashing you. You up here working and busting
(09:07):
your behind, missing out on vacations and missing out on
all this other stuff. While your parents are going on
vacation without you knowing about it. You're not being invited nowhere.
But then when you cut them off, all of a sudden,
you're in the room. How could you cut us off?
We're family?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
How we family?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
When you just trashed me, talked about me like a dog,
sat up here and said I was nothing and that
all I was was an ATM machine to you. You
don't invite me to any of the cookouts, You don't
invite me to any of the parties, and yet instill you.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Want me to pay your bills. You didn't even give me.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Even a decent gift for my birthday, and yet in
still now then I decided to cut you off. Now
decide now I don't want nothing to do with you
no more. Now the sudden, it's how could I just
cut you off? How could I just sit up here
and all of a sudden just say I don't want
(10:13):
nothing to do with Challah.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
How could I sit up here and just decide, you.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Know what, I'm just gonna cut you off. I'm gonna
cut you completely off. I don't want nothing to do
with you at this point, and I ain't doing nothing
else for you. So now they're calling you. How in
the world could you just cut me off? How in
the world is it that you're not gonna pay our
(10:40):
bills because I'm not. Why would I pay your bills
after I just heard you talk about me like a dog.
You're on vacation with money that I paid to help
you out, and that ain't where it's going. Money that
I could have kept to myself. But thinking that I'm
(11:02):
gonna somehow get your acceptance and then eventually you're gonna
like me, and eventually you're gonna accept me, and now
I find out you don't really accept me at all.
Or another example of this, you have a child that's
father passed away or abandoned them.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
You don't even want to.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
You don't even want me to call you mom.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
You want me to call you by your government name.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
You're basically holding against me something that had nothing to
do with me because I didn't have to be here,
and you're upset because you had me at a young age,
and now you wanted to do everything to basically make
me feel bad for something that my dad decided to do.
So I'm just sitting up here trying to get you
to accept me, and yet you treat me like trash because.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Of who my father is. Hmm.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Interesting, So you don't want nothing to do with me,
and so I'm trying hard to build a relationship with you,
and even better, our relationship was fine when my dad
passed away, or my mom before she passed away. Now
(12:13):
you get a new wife an act like I don't
even exist. Now it's like you look at me and
you see my mom, you see my dad, and now
you're punishing me for something I have nothing to do
with it.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
So I decided to leave.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
So then you kick me out the house, and now
I'm out here in the street somewhere, have nowhere to
go because your wife decides she wants to basically get
rid of me. So now I have nowhere to go.
I have no way of being able to know what
I'm supposed to do. Hmm.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Interesting, But yet and still you want to leave me
out here by myself.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
This stuff happens more so than not. Believe it or not.
It happens all the time. Even though it shouldn't happen,
it does more times than not.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
So now you're doing well.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So now your parents give you a lottery ticket for
your birthday, but you give my brother and sister a
new car. You help them, but don't help me. So
now that I'm doing well, now you're calling me. After
all these years, did I haven't spoke to you? Did
(13:40):
had a conversation with you? And now of a sudden,
now you want me to come see you. Now you're
acting all nice to me, but yet you weren't there.
You kicked me out the house because I had a kid.
And now, for whatever reason you now I want to
see me after you disown me. So now, all of
(14:03):
a sudden, now here you come. Now, out of curiosity,
go ahead and go, even though I know I shouldn't,
but I'm just curious to know why you want to
see me.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
All of a sudden.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
So I get there and you're hugging me like I
just saw you the other day. But I ain't seen
you in twelve years. I ain't seen you in a
good little minute since you kicked me out. So now
I come in, I sit down. You make all my
favorite dishes, dishes, and I ain't eighting years, and I
don't even eat no more, don't even know what it
(14:37):
is I eat, don't even know what's going on. Just
to persist, tell me that you've seen how well I'm doing,
or you found that I won the lottery, and now
you want me to do all these.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Things for you.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Interesting, So you want me to take care of you.
You want me to give you money because you're not
doing so well right now, or because a family member
died that helped me out. And now you're upset because
I got the inheritance and not you. That my grandparents
(15:13):
saw the way you treated me, and now I get
an inheritance, and now you want me to just hand
it over. You want me to hand over my husband.
The man is gonna be my husband to my sister
or my brother. It's okay that my sister slept with
my husband or my brother slept with my husband. But
(15:37):
yet you don't even chastise her for it. HM. So
if it would have been reversed, you would have chastised
me every chance you got. But yet it's okay that
she did what she did, and now you want me
(15:58):
to be there for you after all these years.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
HM.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
It's just like the.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Same thing with a man when they choose another woman
over you and then turn around and after everything falls apart,
wants you to wants to come back because when they
were with you, they were doing well. Now that they're
not doing so well, now they want to all of
(16:30):
a sudden come back. They need you now, and you're
now doing well. This person kicked you out, this person
stripped you of everything. And now that you were able
to build back, well, build something new, meet somebody new,
build a new relationship. Now that you're on your own
(16:51):
and another man is helping you to build, helping you
to get over it. Now you wanna come on back
into my life and come on back into my work
like nothing's happened. Now. You want to be there for
your child after all these years, now that he's become
an NBA basketball player or in some type of sport.
(17:11):
Now you want to come back and now you want
to be there for your kid.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
I find that hilariously funny. Hm.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
So at the end of the day, I do find
some things absolutely hilarious. I do.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Why is all of this important?
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Because it's amazing how when all you wanted was to
be loved and accepted by these people, and now all
of a sudden they didn't want to reciprocate it. Now
they want to, all of a sudden reach out to you.
Now that you're successful, now that you're doing well, now
that you're having this happy life.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Pick them all the people.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
That never supported you when it came to your dreams
and your goals and kicked you out because you didn't
want to be a medical doctor. Now you're being successful,
and now they gotta put their tails between their legs
because now they have to apologize. Now they want to
say how proud they are of you because of everything
that you now have accomplished. But it wasn't like that
(18:17):
when you were asking them for support, being that you
had to do it by yourself, being that you had
to get other people to help you. That was not
your parents, that was not your ex, that was not
your family. Or anybody else you built from the ground up.
Now a sudden they wanna congratulate you. Now of a sudden,
(18:38):
they wanna say how proud they are of you, Hm,
But you weren't proud of me when I said I
had that I had a dream. But you supported my
siblings and supported everybody else and not me. Now at
the end of the day, this also can go from
(18:59):
block black women when it come to black men. The
fact that black men have made it clear for the
for the most part, not all, that they want other
races of women. So you're you're the one that's gonna
build them up. And then after you build them up,
then all of a sudden they dump you for the
females that are non black that they actually won't or
(19:21):
when it comes to people that's considered unattractive and average
or have a disability or mistakes made in their past,
this is also what they go through. So my whole
thing is, it doesn't matter whether or not you're a
black woman or unattractive, or you're someone that has a disability,
(19:43):
it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
You're still being treated the same way.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
So, yeah, you're gonna have people that's gonna use you
to build themselves up for you to build them, and
then dump you for someone that hasn't helped them with nothing.
There's all the they're doing is spending their money. All
they're doing is just catering to their emotions. And then
after a while, when you see the fact of all
(20:10):
your money being gone compared to the other person that
actually was independent, self sufficient and dominant, that really was
building their own and building something with you versus you
doing everything yourself fifty to fifty, Now you want to
go back to the woman that was fifty to fifty,
the woman that paid half the bills, the woman that
(20:31):
was there, because now everything is falling apart because the
woman that helped you build was the person that, behind
the scenes, knew how to do all of this stuff,
the person that gave you the money to invest in it.
Now that she's gone and you don't win and get
all these investments, don't know what you're doing because she
(20:51):
was the one that was taking care of all of that,
and the new person that you was with certainly doesn't
know how to do any of that and don't even
have no interest in doing that. You fell apart because
the people that helped you get there. You decided to
do dirty, and you decided to hurt them and do
all these you know, negative things to these individuals that
didn't deserve what you did to them. It's more so
(21:13):
about building somebody else, but not building them and reciprocating
what they did for you. It's just like when it
comes to somebody that you gave money to to invest in,
or you let them borrow money and they act like
they cannot pay it back for the life of them.
You gave them money. Now you're asking for your money back.
(21:34):
As matter of fact, you haven't asked for your money
back in a while, but now you need the money,
and you're going to them and telling them, I need
the money now if they don't have it. And not
only that, they haven't even made the attempt to even
try to pay you monthly installments. No, they ain't done
none of that. So it's really amazing to me how
(21:55):
people have the goll to sit up here and try
to make somebody feel bad and can't understand.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Why people cut people off.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
But what I really don't understand is why do you
continue to have feelings for people that constantly continue to
dog you out? Why do you keep going back to
people that have made it clear you're not what they want.
Why is it that because you want something, you're going
after something or someone that.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
You really shouldn't be going after in the first place.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
At the end of the day, you shouldn't be going
after anybody that don't want you. You shouldn't be dealing
with people that basically essentially do not want you to
be a part of their situation. So I've been watching
these African folk tales and folk stories, which is what
(22:52):
made me decide to talk about this. It's just like
when your family tell you I'm not even inviting you
to Thanksgiving dinner, or you weren't invited to a party,
and that basically essentially you're not invited, but yet I'm
(23:13):
taking care of you.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
So it's okay when money's involved and.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
That basically essentially I've been there for you, but it's
not reciprocated to Like another skit, husband hands her water,
but the day before she finds out there he basically
took out a life insurance policy, so he's about to
end her life. So at the end of the day,
like I said, the sad part about all of this
(23:46):
is you have people that either want to end your life,
or they want to take what you got and they
just want to basically have it for themselves because they
don't want to work for nothing. Oh, they don't want
to work for nothing. They want you to do it all. Then,
like another one, husband attends a mistress party while his
(24:08):
wife is in the hospital.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
So it's crazy how this works out. So in the end,
it's insane.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
He sold his stepsister to a ruthless man, but the
wedding night changed everything. So it's really really insane how
people will sit up here and have you sitting still
(24:43):
while they're doing what they want to So while you're
sitting here doing what you're supposed to do, this other
person is doing what they want to do and then
come back like it's nothing. Well, guess what to both sides.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
That's what people are doing to you.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
So you're the one that's independent, self sufficient and dominant,
and you're the one that's sitting up here doing everything,
and this other person's reaping the benefits of it. So
you can't even have your blessings because the facts of
(25:23):
the matter.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
That you have to share with everybody else.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
So you can't have nothing that is of yourself or
anything that is of you, because society's about.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
No, you need to give to somebody else. Know, what
I got is for me.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
If I choose share it, then I have the right
to do that. But no, the society wants to take
away your freedom of choice and free will and wants
you to basically essentially do what they want you to do.
So in the end, this is how that works. So
(26:10):
it's crazy how certain things play out. So this is
what I say, because you'll see a lot of stories
about women going through divorce and how they're moving forward
(26:33):
without that person. You have a lot of people that
are documentaring their lives and everything they've been through. But
what both sides need to understand is y'all gotta stop
being Seephiller's captain, save a whole building, bears and bill dogs.
(26:53):
You can't continue to do that. You can't continue to
be options for people that when they're in between relationships
that basically essentially they're just with you. They just settle
for you. When somebody tells you know you just accept
(27:17):
it and keep pushing it and don't worry about it.
Sometimes we have to accept things for what they are
and not what we want them to be. Sometimes that
may not even be a place that God wants you
to be or where you should be. So at the
end of the day, going after what you want may
or may not always be a good thing because there's
no guarantee that it's gonna be reciprocated. Then the question
(27:40):
is is it something temporary or something permanent. So, yeah,
you can go after something. It doesn't mean that it's
gonna last. Doesn't mean that you're gonna have it forever.
You may only have for a short period of time.
It's like saying when you win the lottering and all
these people want a part of it or want a
piece of it, but you're like, no, I'm not gonna
(28:02):
do that. And now all of a sudden, these people
are mad. Now they want to take your life and
want to unerlive you because of the fact you won't
give them whatever it is that they want, and because
you won't, now they're pissed off about it. So some
of y'all should understand what I'm saying without saying it.
(28:24):
As a recovery coach, I learned my blessings of mine.
I was talking to one of my family members about
the situation that I'm currently dealing with, and we both
say it.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
We're no longer being people pleasers at this point because
we're not.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
We've been always too in the family that have always
been the ones that always been there for everybody and
haven't been able to enjoy nothing that is in ourselves.
And now we're starting to get to that place. My
cousin is now traveling, she's now, you know, happy, she's
in a relationship and she's good. I am getting to
that place, back to traveling and seeing the world and
doing things and holding onto my money. So if it's
(29:06):
not my parents, and it's not people that have been
there for me, I'm not doing it. It's not my clients,
I'm not doing it. So what I want people to
understand is you gotta sometimes accept the fact of things
for what they are, and even though you may want something,
(29:27):
sometimes it may not be meant for you. And sometimes
it's meant for you to do and be somewhere else.
And for black women and for people that are basically
don't fit society standards, y'all gon't understand. The men you
won't may not be the men that are meant for you.
Sometimes you may have to go a different direction. Sometimes
(29:50):
you may have to do something a little bit different
than what you've been doing. Sometimes you may have to
go the opposite direction, and that's just how you're gonna
have to do. So things like this happen all the time.
(30:14):
So these things happen. So what I want people to
understand is we all have to go about things a
different way. You have a lot of people, like I'm
looking at Jessica Simpson, she left her husband.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Now she's back to doing music.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
So you'll be amazed how a lot of people that
basically get into these relationships y'all have no idea how
their relationships really are. And in the beginning, it's cool,
everything is fine, but it doesn't mean that in the
end that it's gonna turn out that way. It's no
longer about death, do us partner more. It's no longer
(31:00):
about it being evenly yoked or everything that is the
right way of being in a relationship. Now it's about
doing everything that is wrong in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
So that's what people need to understand.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
So, like I said, I just feel like in the end,
we have to figure out what our destiny is.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
And what it is that we are meant to do.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
So I'm gonna use me for example, these past three
months have been interesting.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
But enlightening.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
At the same time, my issulation, cocoon and hibernation stage
has been very interesting.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
I've learned a lot. So God pulling me from the world.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Was the best thing that could have happened, because now
I'm doing something different. Last night I was on a
live and I was doing something about country Wayne Skits,
which is what I'll be doing on another platform. On
the podcast I will be creating about the country Wayne Skits,
and I'm gonna start doing those via podcasting as well.
(32:16):
But I realized that things have changed when it comes
to social media, and I decided that, you know what,
I'm gonna do something different, not making money on social media.
And when I do these panels with the country Wayne Skits,
(32:39):
nobody one person wants to come up.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
I don't know why, but they don't want to.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Come up now, and yet they go on everybody else's
platform and they'll go up there. So what I'm learning
is that basically, essentially, people like to look at my videos,
but they don't want to.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Go on live.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
When I'm going live about Conchaw Wayne Skits. Now, another
example of this, I had somebody reach out to me
about them having a child than autism and that they
basically created something because of it. And we're gonna be
doing that. And I'm gonna meeting with them Monday, don't
(33:19):
know what time, but it's gonna be Monday. About doing
that actual podcast. I have another lady and I'm hoping
I can get both of these young ladies. These women
lost their children, their sons in particular to police brutality.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
I'm looking forward to doing that.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
I have an ex NBA player that basically mentors children.
Can't wait to have him on my podcast as well.
So in the end of all of this, I realized
we're going into the jail the Jay Shetty direction of
doing interviews.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Who would have thought.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
But I'm excited because I'm planning on doing a channel
that's specifically for these interviews, either on Facebook or on YouTube.
So I said, you know what, I need to revam
some things. That's what I need to do. I need
to revamp things. But then again, I said, you know what, No,
(34:23):
I'm gonna lead things as they are, but I might
add some Now some people may say, well, why is
she gonna do that? Well, because I don't want to
forget when I was sick trying to do this and
trying to build this because I was sick, so trying
to be professional being sick at the same time. It's
(34:43):
kind of hard to do, especially when you're not at
your best. Now that I'm getting there, I'm ready to
introduce a new version of me. But I'm still not
done yet. I still got some work to do. So
if you think that I'm still not doing my recovery professionally,
I actually am. I'm just showing my journey of me
going through what I'm going through to get to the
(35:05):
other side, showing you how difficult it is to do this.
It's not easy, but guess what, I'm still gonna do
it because that's just how I am with things.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Nothing I said was.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Traveling more it's out of the travel channel. Excited about
that Vegas is in actually two months, a month in
twenty four days. Excited about that I'm moving in two weeks.
A boy to do some packing this evening. So this
evening is gonna be going through these drawers and make
(35:37):
sure everything is folded, everything is together, washing clothes, cleaning up.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
That's what I'm doing today.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
So, yeah, these journeys are not easy. But it's worth
it in the end. Am I doing this without a man? Absolutely?
But being by myself and being without a man has
been very enlightening and very good because see, this is
the thing, by me showing what I really look like,
(36:08):
being who I really am. When people see the new
and improved me, they're gonna be shocked because I look different.
I don't look the same as I did before, and
people like, oh my god, you look so you know different,
You don't look the same.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
No, I don't, And I'm okay with that. I am so.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
I'm excited, new apartment, new look at the house, very
excited about this new beginning.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
I am so. You're only gonna be in your best at.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
A place that makes you feel like you're at you
should be at your best. You're only gonna be in
your best in a relationship that makes you feel like
you can be your best. But you're not gonna be
in your best around people that make you feel miserable
or make you feel less than. You're not gonna feel
at your best.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
You're just not.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
So the want people to understand is it's okay to
not be accepted, It's okay not to be chosen because
here's the thing. God didn't choose that person you did.
God didn't bring that person you.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Went looking for him. So I just want people to.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Understand that when you you know what I'm saying, figure
it out as far as what's best, and you find
out what works for you.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Then you're gonna do things a little bit differently.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
So it's just like there's this one that marked her
because she was bald and too as a prince came
and chose her everybody else. So again, just because you're
not chosen now doesn't mean you won't be chosen eventually.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
But here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
When you're chosen by the person that God sent you,
and you're around the people that are meant to be
your friends or help you through whatever, these are people
that's gonna.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Be in your life for a very long time.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Why because God sends you, sends them to you, and
sends you to them.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
In other words, y'all met each other.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
So if you just sit back and leave well enough alone,
pray on it, continue to work, continue to do what
you're doing, you're going to see the difference of how
this works versus going out here chasing things and don't
work well for you.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
So what I've learned.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Is I'm no longer chasing at this point, and I
no longer want anything at this point. Everything that I
feel I need I go get, but based on wanting,
things on desire, No, not trying to do that, things
based on need. You're like, the stuff for my newer
(39:04):
apartment that I'm getting are things that I needed didn't buy.
I mean, they are things I wanted, but there are
things I also needed. So I needed these things, but
I bought what it was I wanted, in other words,
how I wanted my house to look. So let me
explain this for the next five minutes before we end
(39:24):
this podcast. What I wanted in this new apartment is
a theme. My whole entire house has a theme. My
bedroom is going to be very sensual, but it's not
gonna be in a way that goes against God. But
it's something that makes me feel good. My whole entire
(39:48):
two bedroom sets that I bought are representing love. Operative
word love and queen are the two whole entire themes
of my whole entire house. Not only do I want
love in my house, but I also want to be
a queen in my house because I am the queen
(40:09):
of my castle. So that's the thing about my own
entire house. Now, mind you, I got stuff for the
bedroom in the bathroom. I got some really cute curtains
for my bedroom, but I haven't gotten any for my
I asked selling for my living room. Now, the stuff
in my living room I haven't decided on yet because
(40:33):
I don't know how my living room is gonna be.
But my kitchen is actually going to be pink and
Carolina blue, my living room is gonna be My couch
is green, and my table is brown, which I love.
And I'm getting I don't know if I'm gonna get
(40:53):
in tables or not. I don't think I'm going to,
but I am gonna get a carpet. But if there's
a carpet then and I'm just going to keep the
carpet that they got and eventual later on get another
carpet to go in there. So what I'm gonna do
is I'm going to go and look at my apartment
when I go pick up the keys, and when I
(41:16):
go pick up the keys, I'm gonna walk in there,
take some stuff over to the house, aka all of
my clothes and stuff and stuff that I can put
in boxes. Then a smaller boxes gonna be already the
house in the closet, So the only thing I have
to do is just get all the bigger stuff and
have it taken to the house, so that way it
(41:39):
will be taken to my apartment. Now when I get there,
while they're over there, straight and everything out, we should
be done by the time I have to come back
here and let the cleaning people in so they can clean.
And then once they clean, the only thing I may
have to do is get a shampoo and shampoo the rugs.
(42:06):
That might be the only thing I have to do,
so I might buy shampoo because if I have carpet,
then that's gonna be on that. Traveling, planning on doing that,
selling my jury, planning on doing that, making jury, planning
on doing that, going to the Chris Brown concert, planning
on doing that, going to see Kenja Lamar, planning on
(42:28):
doing that.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
So now it's about driving, planning on doing that. I
can't wait for that. Lord y'all have no idea how
long I cannot wait.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Drive In mind you, I ain't gonna drive too far
for a little bit, but slowly. If I'm with somebody,
then I might drive a little bit longer. And if
I can drive a little bit longer by myself, then
I'm gonna drive a little bit longer by myself. But
in the end, not once did I say anything about
a man. God knows what kind of man I need
(43:05):
for myself, and I'm going to wait until God brings
me up, if you know. And that person may be
the same where they're waiting on me, and they're gonna
wait for us to meet, So it's not gonna be
I'm looking for him, he looking for me. We just
meet each other, get to know each other and see
(43:27):
where it goes. Might meet him in another country, might
meet him here. Done, but I'm looking forward to finding out.
So I'm not having any expectations when I put applications
in for jobs, I have no expectations because I don't.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
I don't at all.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
I just continue to do what I do, and whatever's
meant to me, meant for me, will come. And everything
I give thanks to for this.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
Is the will of God.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
In Jesus Christ can discerning you.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
It's been a challenging year.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
My husband works in a volatile industry and was laid
off after his company merged with another. The layoff came
as a surprise, and at the time when we have
been hit with some unexpected expensive chiefly for home maintenance
(44:26):
as we deal with the old roof and an old furnace.
And yet there's there are blessings. His company gave him
a generous severance which allows him time to figure out
his next steps for his career without panicking. We have
savings that help us financially far as a new roof,
(44:50):
and I reminded to be grateful that we have a
roof over our heads. Ours is a happy home, filled
with children and pets, books and music and sunlight. Dear Lord,
even in hard times, there's always something for which I
(45:11):
can be grateful for. Opposites don't attract nearly as often
as they repel. And if we are to believe the headlines,
pick race, color, creed and or lifestyle. Lord of all,
and we find something to fight about. Deliver us from
(45:34):
the stereotypes, inspire us to spot value and.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
Everyone we meet.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
As we dodge the curses and hatred, we are relieved
that there is room for all. Beneath your wings, bless
our diversity, May it flourish, So stop worrying about what
other people think, stop worrying about the color of your
skin and how that can be a disadvantage. I always
(46:03):
learned the forty eight laws of power is something that's
always going to be important. So in the end, like
I said, even though things may turn out somewhat bad,
thank God for the wisdom to know when to speak,
what to say, and.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
How to say it.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
Guide my mouth today from any form of foolishness, that
in all circumstances I might honor you with my words.
So again, words only have power if you allow it
to give it power depending on if it's negative or positive.
(46:43):
So regardless of what negative people say on both sides
of these podcasts, for those of you that are listening
to it, understand they don't define you. And these are
not people that's meant to be in your life anyway.
These are not people you're supposed to be dealing with anyway.
So why does it matter? And if you're alone, it's
not the of the world, because guess what, you can
enjoy your life all by yourself, build a business, build
(47:05):
a brand, and build a career because guess what, you
have nothing and nobody standing in your way. You can
get up and go whenever you want to and do
whatever you want to, versus women that have children and cannot,
people that are married and they can't do what they
want to, people still living under their parents roof and
can't do what they want to, think at a job.
So you have a freedom of being single that you
(47:26):
don't even know that you have. And in this single
in this season, we will be talking about the difference
between being really truthfully single and those who are really
not single as you may think they are, but that
they claim.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
So understand that it's okay to be single. It is
okay to be.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
Alone for a while because while you are alone, you
are alone with God and you are working on yourself
and you are building something and you're doing something and
no one can stand in your away, versus you being
with other people and they're talking you out of it.
So there are benefits to being alone. But being single
(48:11):
is not still looking for someone. Being single is you
are just you, yourself and you and no one else, and
that's it. So that's what is important. Being alone sometimes
can be a good thing. Being alone sometimes can be
a great thing, just depending on the purpose of you
(48:34):
being alone and what it is that you're trying to accomplish.
But like I said, when you get around other people,
you get distracted and you don't get done and what
you need to do, and then you're going through the
cut as should have wood us. So sometimes you have
to be alone to get the things done that you
want to do, and do the things that you want
to do and enjoy the life that you want to enjoy.
(48:57):
And even though it's scary at first being by you,
but God will send people eventually to help you as
you go through the journey. But you're gonna have to
go through it alone at first and see what you
can do for yourself in order to decide what it
is that you need other people to help you with
and in what way they should be in your life.
That's how that works. So for both of you, stop
(49:19):
feeling like you're less than because you don't belong in
a society that will never accept you.
Speaker 1 (49:24):
Who cares? Who cares if black men don't want you?
Speaker 2 (49:27):
Who cares that other people don't want to be your
friends because of it, or your family or anybody else
don't accept you. The point is you accept yourself and
God accepts you, and God loves you even when no
one else does. So that being said, just some food
for thought. So that being said, I love all of y'all.
Thank you guys for joining me for this episode. I
(49:49):
really hope this episode gives you inspiration this week and
gets you through some of the toughest time because you
got this. With that being said, I'm Ausha Maryama. I
appreciate y'all and I will talk to you next time.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Bye.
Hello, Hello, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome to my podcast, African Melanin Queens and Unperfectly Imperfected.
I'm your host. I'm meant to say perfectly imperfected.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
I'm your host.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
God is Asha Maria. I'm gonna thank you guys for
joining me for this episode. If you guys like the
comments area, please go to speaking dot com for slash
African melanin Queens and Perfectly Imperfected podcasts. You can also
listen to it on Spotify, our Her, iHeartRadio, Amazon, iTunes,
Google and.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Multiple other streaming companies as well.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
If you want to basically be a sponsor for my channel,
or you have products and services you would like for
me to promote, or you're gonna be a guest on
my podcast, please go to my email address A s
H A dot M A r I A M A
zero one at gmail dot com. It's a s H
A dot M A r I A M A zero
(00:59):
one gmail dot com. A little bit u me. I
may certify recovery and healing coach as well as a
mental health practitioner and well being practitioner. I should say,
and I'm all about helping people when it comes to
overcoming the fears, the discouragements, the health issues, anything that's
(01:20):
keeping you from being the best version of yourselves. And
far as your self esteeing, self worth, self value, self respect,
self confidence, and you believing in self.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Being at a place where you see the world for
what it is and the only thing you can change
is yourself.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Now, both of these podcasts, as far as the topic
that I will be talking about today, hits both sides. Now,
you have people that are African American women and women
that are African descent that have been through a lot,
not only during slavery but also in today's and you
(02:01):
have people on the flip side that have been dealing
with the same struggles and the same issues when it
comes to how you look your flaws, your imperfections, disabilities,
mistakes you've made in your past. Both sides have been bullied, harassed,
(02:22):
people that make you feel like you're not good enough,
that you're not worthy, that you're enough, that you're not enough.
You have people that are sitting up here telling you
you don't fit society standards, so you don't belong. You
have people telling black women in particular that they're not
(02:42):
meant to be married. But yet we're single mothers. Black
women need to do this. Black women need to do that,
But other races are not going through this like Black
women are going through it. Black women are the highest
when it comes to being single mothers and the lowest
that comes to marriage. You have a lot of women
(03:04):
that have given their bodies to men and trying to
be what men want them to be, and that has
not worked out well for majority of women in general,
but Black women in particular. We all know our history
as Black women when it came from slavery all the
way up to now, so I don't need to go
into that. But on the flip side of that, you
(03:28):
have people that cannot help. They have a disability, they
cannot help their flaws, their imperfections, and yet they can't
get a person to even try to get to know them.
And just like Black women and women that are not
good enough, no matter what they do, no matter how
(03:49):
much they try to do everything that is right, you're
still not gonna be chosen. You're still not gonna be enough,
and no person is ever gonna want you unless you're
sat Filler, Captain Saberjo.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Build a Bear, Bill Doahll, or Pupilie.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
It is really sad that in this society, it's not
about who a person is or their character. It's all
about what somebody looked like. It's all about what somebody has.
It's all about how that person is in bed, what
their career is. In other words, the external but not
the internal. It's not even about the fact that you're
(04:28):
a godly person. It's not even about meeting someone and
it not being about being attracted to that person.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
It's just about getting.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
To know them. It's never about just sitting down and
having a conversation and it not be about some type
of agenda.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
It's sad that we have people.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Whether it be black women or women and men that
are imperfect, that are always told they're never enough. No
matter what you do, no matter how good of a
person that you are, no matter how faithful you are,
you have people telling you that because of what you
(05:15):
look like, you're never gonna get married, You're never gonna
have a relationship, because you're a black woman, You're just
gonna constantly be a seafiller.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
It is sad of the way that both.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Of these podcasts, as far as these type of people
that listen to this podcast are being looked at I
don't think it's fair that people cannot find love just
because of what they look like, or just because they
have a disability or mistakes they've made in their past.
(05:53):
Why it's constantly being thrown up in their faces. Well today,
that's a topic. Why is it that no matter what
you do, no matter how much you change yourself, no
matter if you lose weight, no matter if you are
a black woman that is successful, people always want you
(06:16):
to throw in your face everything that either happened in
the past or the reputation of being a black woman.
It is sad that black women are the only ones
that men complain about.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
They always complain.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
About black women being too strong, black women being too independent,
Black women have an attitude black women demasculating black men.
It's really annoying to be honest. And then on the
flip side of that, you have people telling people because
they have a disability, they have flaws and imperfections, or
(06:56):
they made mistakes in their past, it's constantly being thrown
in their face.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
You canna have a.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Woman, regardless of what race they are, on my perfectly
imperfection tunnel that can lose forty pounds and look absolutely
great and somebody from their family is gonna remind them
they used.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
To be two hundred and something pounds.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
You can ask somebody that can be very successful, but
yet it will never be enough.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
You can be in a situation where.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
You're the one that's been taking care of your family,
and yet you don't get to enjoy the fruits of
your own label. And then you get a telephone call
by accident of your mother and your family members dogging
you out, and yet your siblings can't do no wrong.
(07:54):
You helped your sibling, You helped all your family members,
and yet insteal their using you, and they're trashing you
behind your back, not in front of your base, behind
your back.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
You found out this whole time time they've been lying
to you about the money that you've given them.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
You paid their rent, you paid their way through school,
and you get nothing in return. And you're the child
that your parents care nothing about.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Excuse me, You're the.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Child that your siblings are the golden job, golden children,
the ones that can't do no wrong, the ones that
get the best gifts, to get the best everything, and
yet they give you nothing. You then accepted to go
to college. They ain't even got the money to put
you through school, But yet they'll pay your siblings to
(08:46):
go to school. They have the money for them, but
not for you. You're the one that got to sit
there and work extra hard, but yet they don't have
to work hard at all. And then all of a sudden,
you hear that type of conversation of your parents and
your siblings trashing you. You up here working and busting
(09:07):
your behind, missing out on vacations and missing out on
all this other stuff. While your parents are going on
vacation without you knowing about it. You're not being invited nowhere.
But then when you cut them off, all of a sudden,
you're in the room. How could you cut us off?
We're family?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
How we family?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
When you just trashed me, talked about me like a dog,
sat up here and said I was nothing and that
all I was was an ATM machine to you. You
don't invite me to any of the cookouts, You don't
invite me to any of the parties, and yet instill you.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Want me to pay your bills. You didn't even give me.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Even a decent gift for my birthday, and yet in
still now then I decided to cut you off. Now
decide now I don't want nothing to do with you
no more. Now the sudden, it's how could I just
cut you off? How could I just sit up here
and all of a sudden just say I don't want
(10:13):
nothing to do with Challah.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
How could I sit up here and just decide, you.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Know what, I'm just gonna cut you off. I'm gonna
cut you completely off. I don't want nothing to do
with you at this point, and I ain't doing nothing
else for you. So now they're calling you. How in
the world could you just cut me off? How in
the world is it that you're not gonna pay our
(10:40):
bills because I'm not. Why would I pay your bills
after I just heard you talk about me like a dog.
You're on vacation with money that I paid to help
you out, and that ain't where it's going. Money that
I could have kept to myself. But thinking that I'm
(11:02):
gonna somehow get your acceptance and then eventually you're gonna
like me, and eventually you're gonna accept me, and now
I find out you don't really accept me at all.
Or another example of this, you have a child that's
father passed away or abandoned them.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
You don't even want to.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
You don't even want me to call you mom.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
You want me to call you by your government name.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
You're basically holding against me something that had nothing to
do with me because I didn't have to be here,
and you're upset because you had me at a young age,
and now you wanted to do everything to basically make
me feel bad for something that my dad decided to do.
So I'm just sitting up here trying to get you
to accept me, and yet you treat me like trash because.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Of who my father is. Hmm.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Interesting, So you don't want nothing to do with me,
and so I'm trying hard to build a relationship with you,
and even better, our relationship was fine when my dad
passed away, or my mom before she passed away. Now
(12:13):
you get a new wife an act like I don't
even exist. Now it's like you look at me and
you see my mom, you see my dad, and now
you're punishing me for something I have nothing to do
with it.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
So I decided to leave.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
So then you kick me out the house, and now
I'm out here in the street somewhere, have nowhere to
go because your wife decides she wants to basically get
rid of me. So now I have nowhere to go.
I have no way of being able to know what
I'm supposed to do. Hmm.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Interesting, But yet and still you want to leave me
out here by myself.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
This stuff happens more so than not. Believe it or not.
It happens all the time. Even though it shouldn't happen,
it does more times than not.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
So now you're doing well.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So now your parents give you a lottery ticket for
your birthday, but you give my brother and sister a
new car. You help them, but don't help me. So
now that I'm doing well, now you're calling me. After
all these years, did I haven't spoke to you? Did
(13:40):
had a conversation with you? And now of a sudden,
now you want me to come see you. Now you're
acting all nice to me, but yet you weren't there.
You kicked me out the house because I had a kid.
And now, for whatever reason you now I want to
see me after you disown me. So now, all of
(14:03):
a sudden, now here you come. Now, out of curiosity,
go ahead and go, even though I know I shouldn't,
but I'm just curious to know why you want to
see me.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
All of a sudden.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
So I get there and you're hugging me like I
just saw you the other day. But I ain't seen
you in twelve years. I ain't seen you in a
good little minute since you kicked me out. So now
I come in, I sit down. You make all my
favorite dishes, dishes, and I ain't eighting years, and I
don't even eat no more, don't even know what it
(14:37):
is I eat, don't even know what's going on. Just
to persist, tell me that you've seen how well I'm doing,
or you found that I won the lottery, and now
you want me to do all these.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Things for you.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Interesting, So you want me to take care of you.
You want me to give you money because you're not
doing so well right now, or because a family member
died that helped me out. And now you're upset because
I got the inheritance and not you. That my grandparents
(15:13):
saw the way you treated me, and now I get
an inheritance, and now you want me to just hand
it over. You want me to hand over my husband.
The man is gonna be my husband to my sister
or my brother. It's okay that my sister slept with
my husband or my brother slept with my husband. But
(15:37):
yet you don't even chastise her for it. HM. So
if it would have been reversed, you would have chastised
me every chance you got. But yet it's okay that
she did what she did, and now you want me
(15:58):
to be there for you after all these years.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
HM.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
It's just like the.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Same thing with a man when they choose another woman
over you and then turn around and after everything falls apart,
wants you to wants to come back because when they
were with you, they were doing well. Now that they're
not doing so well, now they want to all of
(16:30):
a sudden come back. They need you now, and you're
now doing well. This person kicked you out, this person
stripped you of everything. And now that you were able
to build back, well, build something new, meet somebody new,
build a new relationship. Now that you're on your own
(16:51):
and another man is helping you to build, helping you
to get over it. Now you wanna come on back
into my life and come on back into my work
like nothing's happened. Now. You want to be there for
your child after all these years, now that he's become
an NBA basketball player or in some type of sport.
(17:11):
Now you want to come back and now you want
to be there for your kid.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
I find that hilariously funny. Hm.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
So at the end of the day, I do find
some things absolutely hilarious. I do.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Why is all of this important?
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Because it's amazing how when all you wanted was to
be loved and accepted by these people, and now all
of a sudden they didn't want to reciprocate it. Now
they want to, all of a sudden reach out to you.
Now that you're successful, now that you're doing well, now
that you're having this happy life.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Pick them all the people.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
That never supported you when it came to your dreams
and your goals and kicked you out because you didn't
want to be a medical doctor. Now you're being successful,
and now they gotta put their tails between their legs
because now they have to apologize. Now they want to
say how proud they are of you because of everything
that you now have accomplished. But it wasn't like that
(18:17):
when you were asking them for support, being that you
had to do it by yourself, being that you had
to get other people to help you. That was not
your parents, that was not your ex, that was not
your family. Or anybody else you built from the ground up.
Now a sudden they wanna congratulate you. Now of a sudden,
(18:38):
they wanna say how proud they are of you, Hm,
But you weren't proud of me when I said I
had that I had a dream. But you supported my
siblings and supported everybody else and not me. Now at
the end of the day, this also can go from
(18:59):
block black women when it come to black men. The
fact that black men have made it clear for the
for the most part, not all, that they want other
races of women. So you're you're the one that's gonna
build them up. And then after you build them up,
then all of a sudden they dump you for the
females that are non black that they actually won't or
(19:21):
when it comes to people that's considered unattractive and average
or have a disability or mistakes made in their past,
this is also what they go through. So my whole
thing is, it doesn't matter whether or not you're a
black woman or unattractive, or you're someone that has a disability,
(19:43):
it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
You're still being treated the same way.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
So, yeah, you're gonna have people that's gonna use you
to build themselves up for you to build them, and
then dump you for someone that hasn't helped them with nothing.
There's all the they're doing is spending their money. All
they're doing is just catering to their emotions. And then
after a while, when you see the fact of all
(20:10):
your money being gone compared to the other person that
actually was independent, self sufficient and dominant, that really was
building their own and building something with you versus you
doing everything yourself fifty to fifty, Now you want to
go back to the woman that was fifty to fifty,
the woman that paid half the bills, the woman that
(20:31):
was there, because now everything is falling apart because the
woman that helped you build was the person that, behind
the scenes, knew how to do all of this stuff,
the person that gave you the money to invest in it.
Now that she's gone and you don't win and get
all these investments, don't know what you're doing because she
(20:51):
was the one that was taking care of all of that,
and the new person that you was with certainly doesn't
know how to do any of that and don't even
have no interest in doing that. You fell apart because
the people that helped you get there. You decided to
do dirty, and you decided to hurt them and do
all these you know, negative things to these individuals that
didn't deserve what you did to them. It's more so
(21:13):
about building somebody else, but not building them and reciprocating
what they did for you. It's just like when it
comes to somebody that you gave money to to invest in,
or you let them borrow money and they act like
they cannot pay it back for the life of them.
You gave them money. Now you're asking for your money back.
(21:34):
As matter of fact, you haven't asked for your money
back in a while, but now you need the money,
and you're going to them and telling them, I need
the money now if they don't have it. And not
only that, they haven't even made the attempt to even
try to pay you monthly installments. No, they ain't done
none of that. So it's really amazing to me how
(21:55):
people have the goll to sit up here and try
to make somebody feel bad and can't understand.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Why people cut people off.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
But what I really don't understand is why do you
continue to have feelings for people that constantly continue to
dog you out? Why do you keep going back to
people that have made it clear you're not what they want.
Why is it that because you want something, you're going
after something or someone that.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
You really shouldn't be going after in the first place.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
At the end of the day, you shouldn't be going
after anybody that don't want you. You shouldn't be dealing
with people that basically essentially do not want you to
be a part of their situation. So I've been watching
these African folk tales and folk stories, which is what
(22:52):
made me decide to talk about this. It's just like
when your family tell you I'm not even inviting you
to Thanksgiving dinner, or you weren't invited to a party,
and that basically essentially you're not invited, but yet I'm
(23:13):
taking care of you.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
So it's okay when money's involved and.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
That basically essentially I've been there for you, but it's
not reciprocated to Like another skit, husband hands her water,
but the day before she finds out there he basically
took out a life insurance policy, so he's about to
end her life. So at the end of the day,
like I said, the sad part about all of this
(23:46):
is you have people that either want to end your life,
or they want to take what you got and they
just want to basically have it for themselves because they
don't want to work for nothing. Oh, they don't want
to work for nothing. They want you to do it all. Then,
like another one, husband attends a mistress party while his
(24:08):
wife is in the hospital.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
So it's crazy how this works out. So in the end,
it's insane.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
He sold his stepsister to a ruthless man, but the
wedding night changed everything. So it's really really insane how
people will sit up here and have you sitting still
(24:43):
while they're doing what they want to So while you're
sitting here doing what you're supposed to do, this other
person is doing what they want to do and then
come back like it's nothing. Well, guess what to both sides.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
That's what people are doing to you.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
So you're the one that's independent, self sufficient and dominant,
and you're the one that's sitting up here doing everything,
and this other person's reaping the benefits of it. So
you can't even have your blessings because the facts of
(25:23):
the matter.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
That you have to share with everybody else.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
So you can't have nothing that is of yourself or
anything that is of you, because society's about.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
No, you need to give to somebody else. Know, what
I got is for me.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
If I choose share it, then I have the right
to do that. But no, the society wants to take
away your freedom of choice and free will and wants
you to basically essentially do what they want you to do.
So in the end, this is how that works. So
(26:10):
it's crazy how certain things play out. So this is
what I say, because you'll see a lot of stories
about women going through divorce and how they're moving forward
(26:33):
without that person. You have a lot of people that
are documentaring their lives and everything they've been through. But
what both sides need to understand is y'all gotta stop
being Seephiller's captain, save a whole building, bears and bill dogs.
(26:53):
You can't continue to do that. You can't continue to
be options for people that when they're in between relationships
that basically essentially they're just with you. They just settle
for you. When somebody tells you know you just accept
(27:17):
it and keep pushing it and don't worry about it.
Sometimes we have to accept things for what they are
and not what we want them to be. Sometimes that
may not even be a place that God wants you
to be or where you should be. So at the
end of the day, going after what you want may
or may not always be a good thing because there's
no guarantee that it's gonna be reciprocated. Then the question
(27:40):
is is it something temporary or something permanent. So, yeah,
you can go after something. It doesn't mean that it's
gonna last. Doesn't mean that you're gonna have it forever.
You may only have for a short period of time.
It's like saying when you win the lottering and all
these people want a part of it or want a
piece of it, but you're like, no, I'm not gonna
(28:02):
do that. And now all of a sudden, these people
are mad. Now they want to take your life and
want to unerlive you because of the fact you won't
give them whatever it is that they want, and because
you won't, now they're pissed off about it. So some
of y'all should understand what I'm saying without saying it.
(28:24):
As a recovery coach, I learned my blessings of mine.
I was talking to one of my family members about
the situation that I'm currently dealing with, and we both
say it.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
We're no longer being people pleasers at this point because
we're not.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
We've been always too in the family that have always
been the ones that always been there for everybody and
haven't been able to enjoy nothing that is in ourselves.
And now we're starting to get to that place. My
cousin is now traveling, she's now, you know, happy, she's
in a relationship and she's good. I am getting to
that place, back to traveling and seeing the world and
doing things and holding onto my money. So if it's
(29:06):
not my parents, and it's not people that have been
there for me, I'm not doing it. It's not my clients,
I'm not doing it. So what I want people to
understand is you gotta sometimes accept the fact of things
for what they are, and even though you may want something,
(29:27):
sometimes it may not be meant for you. And sometimes
it's meant for you to do and be somewhere else.
And for black women and for people that are basically
don't fit society standards, y'all gon't understand. The men you
won't may not be the men that are meant for you.
Sometimes you may have to go a different direction. Sometimes
(29:50):
you may have to do something a little bit different
than what you've been doing. Sometimes you may have to
go the opposite direction, and that's just how you're gonna
have to do. So things like this happen all the time.
(30:14):
So these things happen. So what I want people to
understand is we all have to go about things a
different way. You have a lot of people, like I'm
looking at Jessica Simpson, she left her husband.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Now she's back to doing music.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
So you'll be amazed how a lot of people that
basically get into these relationships y'all have no idea how
their relationships really are. And in the beginning, it's cool,
everything is fine, but it doesn't mean that in the
end that it's gonna turn out that way. It's no
longer about death, do us partner more. It's no longer
(31:00):
about it being evenly yoked or everything that is the
right way of being in a relationship. Now it's about
doing everything that is wrong in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
So that's what people need to understand.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
So, like I said, I just feel like in the end,
we have to figure out what our destiny is.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
And what it is that we are meant to do.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
So I'm gonna use me for example, these past three
months have been interesting.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
But enlightening.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
At the same time, my issulation, cocoon and hibernation stage
has been very interesting.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
I've learned a lot. So God pulling me from the world.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Was the best thing that could have happened, because now
I'm doing something different. Last night I was on a
live and I was doing something about country Wayne Skits,
which is what I'll be doing on another platform. On
the podcast I will be creating about the country Wayne Skits,
and I'm gonna start doing those via podcasting as well.
(32:16):
But I realized that things have changed when it comes
to social media, and I decided that, you know what,
I'm gonna do something different, not making money on social media.
And when I do these panels with the country Wayne Skits,
(32:39):
nobody one person wants to come up.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
I don't know why, but they don't want to.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Come up now, and yet they go on everybody else's
platform and they'll go up there. So what I'm learning
is that basically, essentially, people like to look at my videos,
but they don't want to.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Go on live.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
When I'm going live about Conchaw Wayne Skits. Now, another
example of this, I had somebody reach out to me
about them having a child than autism and that they
basically created something because of it. And we're gonna be
doing that. And I'm gonna meeting with them Monday, don't
(33:19):
know what time, but it's gonna be Monday. About doing
that actual podcast. I have another lady and I'm hoping
I can get both of these young ladies. These women
lost their children, their sons in particular to police brutality.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
I'm looking forward to doing that.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
I have an ex NBA player that basically mentors children.
Can't wait to have him on my podcast as well.
So in the end of all of this, I realized
we're going into the jail the Jay Shetty direction of
doing interviews.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Who would have thought.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
But I'm excited because I'm planning on doing a channel
that's specifically for these interviews, either on Facebook or on YouTube.
So I said, you know what, I need to revam
some things. That's what I need to do. I need
to revamp things. But then again, I said, you know what, No,
(34:23):
I'm gonna lead things as they are, but I might
add some Now some people may say, well, why is
she gonna do that? Well, because I don't want to
forget when I was sick trying to do this and
trying to build this because I was sick, so trying
to be professional being sick at the same time. It's
(34:43):
kind of hard to do, especially when you're not at
your best. Now that I'm getting there, I'm ready to
introduce a new version of me. But I'm still not
done yet. I still got some work to do. So
if you think that I'm still not doing my recovery professionally,
I actually am. I'm just showing my journey of me
going through what I'm going through to get to the
(35:05):
other side, showing you how difficult it is to do this.
It's not easy, but guess what, I'm still gonna do
it because that's just how I am with things.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Nothing I said was.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Traveling more it's out of the travel channel. Excited about
that Vegas is in actually two months, a month in
twenty four days. Excited about that I'm moving in two weeks.
A boy to do some packing this evening. So this
evening is gonna be going through these drawers and make
(35:37):
sure everything is folded, everything is together, washing clothes, cleaning up.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
That's what I'm doing today.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
So, yeah, these journeys are not easy. But it's worth
it in the end. Am I doing this without a man? Absolutely?
But being by myself and being without a man has
been very enlightening and very good because see, this is
the thing, by me showing what I really look like,
(36:08):
being who I really am. When people see the new
and improved me, they're gonna be shocked because I look different.
I don't look the same as I did before, and
people like, oh my god, you look so you know different,
You don't look the same.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
No, I don't, And I'm okay with that. I am so.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
I'm excited, new apartment, new look at the house, very
excited about this new beginning.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
I am so. You're only gonna be in your best at.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
A place that makes you feel like you're at you
should be at your best. You're only gonna be in
your best in a relationship that makes you feel like
you can be your best. But you're not gonna be
in your best around people that make you feel miserable
or make you feel less than. You're not gonna feel
at your best.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
You're just not.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
So the want people to understand is it's okay to
not be accepted, It's okay not to be chosen because
here's the thing. God didn't choose that person you did.
God didn't bring that person you.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Went looking for him. So I just want people to.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Understand that when you you know what I'm saying, figure
it out as far as what's best, and you find
out what works for you.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Then you're gonna do things a little bit differently.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
So it's just like there's this one that marked her
because she was bald and too as a prince came
and chose her everybody else. So again, just because you're
not chosen now doesn't mean you won't be chosen eventually.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
But here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
When you're chosen by the person that God sent you,
and you're around the people that are meant to be
your friends or help you through whatever, these are people
that's gonna.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Be in your life for a very long time.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Why because God sends you, sends them to you, and
sends you to them.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
In other words, y'all met each other.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
So if you just sit back and leave well enough alone,
pray on it, continue to work, continue to do what
you're doing, you're going to see the difference of how
this works versus going out here chasing things and don't
work well for you.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
So what I've learned.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Is I'm no longer chasing at this point, and I
no longer want anything at this point. Everything that I
feel I need I go get, but based on wanting,
things on desire, No, not trying to do that, things
based on need. You're like, the stuff for my newer
(39:04):
apartment that I'm getting are things that I needed didn't buy.
I mean, they are things I wanted, but there are
things I also needed. So I needed these things, but
I bought what it was I wanted, in other words,
how I wanted my house to look. So let me
explain this for the next five minutes before we end
(39:24):
this podcast. What I wanted in this new apartment is
a theme. My whole entire house has a theme. My
bedroom is going to be very sensual, but it's not
gonna be in a way that goes against God. But
it's something that makes me feel good. My whole entire
(39:48):
two bedroom sets that I bought are representing love. Operative
word love and queen are the two whole entire themes
of my whole entire house. Not only do I want
love in my house, but I also want to be
a queen in my house because I am the queen
(40:09):
of my castle. So that's the thing about my own
entire house. Now, mind you, I got stuff for the
bedroom in the bathroom. I got some really cute curtains
for my bedroom, but I haven't gotten any for my
I asked selling for my living room. Now, the stuff
in my living room I haven't decided on yet because
(40:33):
I don't know how my living room is gonna be.
But my kitchen is actually going to be pink and
Carolina blue, my living room is gonna be My couch
is green, and my table is brown, which I love.
And I'm getting I don't know if I'm gonna get
(40:53):
in tables or not. I don't think I'm going to,
but I am gonna get a carpet. But if there's
a carpet then and I'm just going to keep the
carpet that they got and eventual later on get another
carpet to go in there. So what I'm gonna do
is I'm going to go and look at my apartment
when I go pick up the keys, and when I
(41:16):
go pick up the keys, I'm gonna walk in there,
take some stuff over to the house, aka all of
my clothes and stuff and stuff that I can put
in boxes. Then a smaller boxes gonna be already the
house in the closet, So the only thing I have
to do is just get all the bigger stuff and
have it taken to the house, so that way it
(41:39):
will be taken to my apartment. Now when I get there,
while they're over there, straight and everything out, we should
be done by the time I have to come back
here and let the cleaning people in so they can clean.
And then once they clean, the only thing I may
have to do is get a shampoo and shampoo the rugs.
(42:06):
That might be the only thing I have to do,
so I might buy shampoo because if I have carpet,
then that's gonna be on that. Traveling, planning on doing that,
selling my jury, planning on doing that, making jury, planning
on doing that, going to the Chris Brown concert, planning
on doing that, going to see Kenja Lamar, planning on
(42:28):
doing that.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
So now it's about driving, planning on doing that. I
can't wait for that. Lord y'all have no idea how
long I cannot wait.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Drive In mind you, I ain't gonna drive too far
for a little bit, but slowly. If I'm with somebody,
then I might drive a little bit longer. And if
I can drive a little bit longer by myself, then
I'm gonna drive a little bit longer by myself. But
in the end, not once did I say anything about
a man. God knows what kind of man I need
(43:05):
for myself, and I'm going to wait until God brings
me up, if you know. And that person may be
the same where they're waiting on me, and they're gonna
wait for us to meet, So it's not gonna be
I'm looking for him, he looking for me. We just
meet each other, get to know each other and see
(43:27):
where it goes. Might meet him in another country, might
meet him here. Done, but I'm looking forward to finding out.
So I'm not having any expectations when I put applications
in for jobs, I have no expectations because I don't.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
I don't at all.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
I just continue to do what I do, and whatever's
meant to me, meant for me, will come. And everything
I give thanks to for this.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
Is the will of God.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
In Jesus Christ can discerning you.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
It's been a challenging year.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
My husband works in a volatile industry and was laid
off after his company merged with another. The layoff came
as a surprise, and at the time when we have
been hit with some unexpected expensive chiefly for home maintenance
(44:26):
as we deal with the old roof and an old furnace.
And yet there's there are blessings. His company gave him
a generous severance which allows him time to figure out
his next steps for his career without panicking. We have
savings that help us financially far as a new roof,
(44:50):
and I reminded to be grateful that we have a
roof over our heads. Ours is a happy home, filled
with children and pets, books and music and sunlight. Dear Lord,
even in hard times, there's always something for which I
(45:11):
can be grateful for. Opposites don't attract nearly as often
as they repel. And if we are to believe the headlines,
pick race, color, creed and or lifestyle. Lord of all,
and we find something to fight about. Deliver us from
(45:34):
the stereotypes, inspire us to spot value and.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
Everyone we meet.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
As we dodge the curses and hatred, we are relieved
that there is room for all. Beneath your wings, bless
our diversity, May it flourish, So stop worrying about what
other people think, stop worrying about the color of your
skin and how that can be a disadvantage. I always
(46:03):
learned the forty eight laws of power is something that's
always going to be important. So in the end, like
I said, even though things may turn out somewhat bad,
thank God for the wisdom to know when to speak,
what to say, and.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
How to say it.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
Guide my mouth today from any form of foolishness, that
in all circumstances I might honor you with my words.
So again, words only have power if you allow it
to give it power depending on if it's negative or positive.
(46:43):
So regardless of what negative people say on both sides
of these podcasts, for those of you that are listening
to it, understand they don't define you. And these are
not people that's meant to be in your life anyway.
These are not people you're supposed to be dealing with anyway.
So why does it matter? And if you're alone, it's
not the of the world, because guess what, you can
enjoy your life all by yourself, build a business, build
(47:05):
a brand, and build a career because guess what, you
have nothing and nobody standing in your way. You can
get up and go whenever you want to and do
whatever you want to, versus women that have children and cannot,
people that are married and they can't do what they
want to, people still living under their parents roof and
can't do what they want to, think at a job.
So you have a freedom of being single that you
(47:26):
don't even know that you have. And in this single
in this season, we will be talking about the difference
between being really truthfully single and those who are really
not single as you may think they are, but that
they claim.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
So understand that it's okay to be single. It is
okay to be.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
Alone for a while because while you are alone, you
are alone with God and you are working on yourself
and you are building something and you're doing something and
no one can stand in your away, versus you being
with other people and they're talking you out of it.
So there are benefits to being alone. But being single
(48:11):
is not still looking for someone. Being single is you
are just you, yourself and you and no one else, and
that's it. So that's what is important. Being alone sometimes
can be a good thing. Being alone sometimes can be
a great thing, just depending on the purpose of you
(48:34):
being alone and what it is that you're trying to accomplish.
But like I said, when you get around other people,
you get distracted and you don't get done and what
you need to do, and then you're going through the
cut as should have wood us. So sometimes you have
to be alone to get the things done that you
want to do, and do the things that you want
to do and enjoy the life that you want to enjoy.
(48:57):
And even though it's scary at first being by you,
but God will send people eventually to help you as
you go through the journey. But you're gonna have to
go through it alone at first and see what you
can do for yourself in order to decide what it
is that you need other people to help you with
and in what way they should be in your life.
That's how that works. So for both of you, stop
(49:19):
feeling like you're less than because you don't belong in
a society that will never accept you.
Speaker 1 (49:24):
Who cares? Who cares if black men don't want you?
Speaker 2 (49:27):
Who cares that other people don't want to be your
friends because of it, or your family or anybody else
don't accept you. The point is you accept yourself and
God accepts you, and God loves you even when no
one else does. So that being said, just some food
for thought. So that being said, I love all of y'all.
Thank you guys for joining me for this episode. I
(49:49):
really hope this episode gives you inspiration this week and
gets you through some of the toughest time because you
got this. With that being said, I'm Ausha Maryama. I
appreciate y'all and I will talk to you next time.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Bye.
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