Bridging the Gap: Understanding Identity and Gender with Ami Herrick

Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_05 (00:00):
Hey, buddy for people.
Welcome back to XTime BridgetGap Podcast.
I'm your family banks.
Well, as we close our Primemonth of 2025, I wanted to share
something really specific about.
A few months ago, I had anincredible live guest
conversation that I knewdeserved the perfect moment to
reach all of you on everyplatform.
And that moment is now.

(00:21):
But today's episode is about somuch more than just
understanding the LGBTQ in thecommunity.
It's about understanding thebeautiful complexity of human
identity that lives out withinall of us.
Whether you're questioning andexploring or simply want to be
better, to understand the peoplein your life, this conversation

(00:41):
will open your heart and expandthe prospect of.
Today I was joined by theamazing Aimee Harris, a
transgender author, podcaster,and activist who reminds us that
gender isn't just about onecommunity.
It's about the human experiencethat we all navigate.
From the science behind theidentity to deeply personal

(01:03):
stories of transformation, withbridging gaps, and building up
the data.
So grab your favorite joint, getcomfortable, and let's dive into
this powerful conversation aboutidentity, authenticity, and the
courage of taking a little bitof stuff.
Because at the end of the day,we all deserve to feel the
natural beauty that we are.

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Join Naomi Banks at Dog TownMike Weekly for an unforgettable
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Get ready to bridge the gap,expand your horizon, and immerse

(02:42):
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Subscribe now and stay tuned fora podcast journey like no other.

SPEAKER_05 (02:50):
This conversation today, I am so ready for it.
I'm so good.
Joining me today is a wonderfulI mean Eric.
I mean is a transgender author,podcaster, and activist who is
committed to normalizingconversations about gender
identity.
But before we bring her to thestage, we're gonna take a quick
break, alright?
It's your goddess number bankshere on Axe Name VisionGap

(03:13):
Podcast, and we'll be rightback.

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Washington Wells Institute focuses on healing
always.
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What are some common barriers that prevent people
from expressing?

SPEAKER_04 (03:51):
Hey, it's your goodie goddess Nami Banks here
from the Season to Suff LovePodcast.

SPEAKER_03 (03:57):
Yeah, I would say remorse.
So shame and guilt is a verydividing emotional.

SPEAKER_04 (04:03):
And these are one of the many amazing conversations
that we have every day, Mondaythrough Friday, right here on
the Season to Stuff Love Podcastwith myself, Namley Banks, as
well as our resident therapist,Dr.
Will Washington of WashingtonWellness Institute.

SPEAKER_03 (04:21):
Come by the reality of our relationship today.

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Come by.

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A lot of times we're afraid of how people look at us.
And so that compassion can'tenter us.

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You can hit us on the website.com.

SPEAKER_05 (04:35):
Is it all right?
Well, welcome! Welcome, welcome.
How are you?

SPEAKER_01 (04:43):
I'm doing okay.
Hello, Naomi.
You're looking amazing, by theway.

SPEAKER_05 (04:47):
Thank you.
We're twinning right now.
We are definitely here, huh?

SPEAKER_01 (04:51):
You think you change it out for every guest, right?

SPEAKER_05 (04:56):
Yes, mate.
And again, welcome to the show.
I am so excited for this show.
Um BTG crew, hey, hey, hey.
I we got a nice little livecrowd right here that is
commenting as we speak rightnow.
But today's episode is titledBridging the Gap in

(05:16):
Understanding Identity andGender, where we explore the
science of gender, the personalstories, activism, and the
universal relevance of identity.
You know, listeners, I encourageyou to engage with us on the
social media using hashtagbridging identity to share your
thoughts and reflections.
So let's begin.
All right, so let's start bybreaking down some of the

(05:38):
science behind gender.
I mean, many people hear theword sex in gender, right?
And they assume that we mean thesame thing.
So can you explain thedistinction between them and why
it's important?

SPEAKER_01 (05:51):
Absolutely.
Um, if you look at earlybiologists, so I'm gonna do a
little history lesson because Icould talk about all kinds of
like sciencey stuff, genetics,or we could talk about various
pieces of whatever, lots ofbiology.
But if you if you look at earlybiologists, they were trying to
uh classify species.

(06:13):
And they said, okay, look, wecan figure we figured out that
some species uh reproducesexually, so it takes at least
two organisms to to um toreproduce.
And so we classified the twodifferent types by the size of
of one cell, what's called agamete, and that's sperm or ova.
These are pretty obvious.

(06:35):
But then we realized there weresome species that could produce
both sperm and ova.
So that each organism couldcould produce both.
Sometimes they would producethem sequentially, they'd start
off making one gamete and changeover to something else.
Uh, sometimes they would changebecause of social pressures,
like there are fish that umeverybody starts off female and

(07:00):
then one of them will turn malebased on on social pressures.
So biologists say we've we needsomething else.
Sex is too limited.
If we just say, what's what celldo you make?
It didn't um it doesn't explainenough.
And so the best way to definethis, or at least in my own
words, is to say that sex is sexmakes sense when you're having

(07:24):
one act of reproduction, andgender, which is your individual
expression of biology,biochemistry, and the social
environment, is gender.
So gender is pretty muchanything.
I like to think of it like this.
Sex makes sense when you'vegotten to the bedroom, gender is

(07:44):
everything else that gets you tothe bedroom.
That's I think that's a good wayto think of it.

SPEAKER_05 (07:48):
So right, that's that's such an important um
clarification.
I think a lot of a lot ofmisconception stems from the
idea that biology is simple,absolute, right?
When in reality, you know,identity is influenced by a
combination of biological,social, and psychological
factors.
So, what are some of the biggestmyths, the biggest myths or

(08:10):
misunderstandings that you comeacross when discussing gender
with people?

SPEAKER_01 (08:14):
The probably the biggest one.
So the idea that gender is isbinary.
I mean, you've said, you know,the big word is biopsychosocial,
right?
So biology, psychology,sociology.
Um, I love so when people say,Oh, well, gender is binary, and
then and then ask me, so it'ssupposed to be a challenge.
Like I go, mmm, how do I answerthis?

(08:35):
People say, How many genders arethere?
I say, only one, yours, becausethat's what you can understand.
You can't understand everythingabout me.
You can't understand my biology.
You don't live in my body.
I know how much we're twinning,but you don't live in my body,
right?
Um, you don't live in my head.
Uh so you can only understandyour own identity, your own

(08:58):
expression of gender.
So I would say that's thebiggest myth, is that people
come at me and say, Well,there's man and woman, that's
it.
And you go, but everybody hasdifferent expression.
Actually, because let me changemy answer a little bit.
Forgive me.
I'd say the biggest myth is thatgender only applies to humans,

(09:20):
because gender applies to allbiology: cats, dogs,
chimpanzees, uh, trees,rhododendrons.
You bring me a give me aspecies.
Whatever you had, genderapplies.
And we seem to think it's only ahuman thing, and that's why
you'll have some presidents, notall, thankfully, but some

(09:41):
presidents who are rightexecutive orders trying to say,
I'm gonna redefine words thatare owned by science.
They the myth is that it's apolitical thing as opposed to a
biology, it's a definition madeby biologists to to cover all of
the expression that we see in inuh you know the richness of

(10:03):
biology.
So I think that's the biggestmyth that I got.

SPEAKER_05 (10:07):
You know, thank you for that answer.
So let's get let's get personal.
So you have a model that you saythat I absolutely love making
transgender normal in 2022.
So can you share what that meansto you and how your journey has
shaped your active activism?

SPEAKER_01 (10:24):
Oh gosh, yes, what a beautiful question.
When I when I made that littlethat little slogan, making
transgender normal since 2022,the the idea is that that when I
so here's what happened.
I started transitioning gender.
I was 52 years old, and it firstand it just I started writing.

(10:45):
I thought I've got to writeabout this because all I did was
put on an estrogen patch, andall of a sudden my head cleared
up, my thoughts were, mythoughts were more clear, my
emotions were under control.
I just felt in general so muchbetter.
And I said, Well, I'm ascientist, right?
I started off as a biologist, ageneticist, so let me explore

(11:07):
this.
And so I started writing aboutit, and I thought, okay, I'm
writing about the transgenderexperience, but pretty quickly I
realized, no, I'm writing aboutlike an LGBTQ experience, and
then I realized that gender issomething we all do.
Like you had to develop yourgender.
You part of developing yourgender expression has been to

(11:28):
add some purple in your hair.
We do this all our lives.
It's not my it's not just forme, it's not just for the queer
community, it's for every singlehuman.
And so when I talk about genderand say that it's normal, it's
because each one of us has todevelop this.
So, so that was part of thejourney.
I started off very, very, I gotto 52 years old and I was so

(11:52):
tired and and hurting verybadly.
And when I started transition, Imean I turned into somebody very
happy and who really wants tolive.
And I don't think I was everable to say that in my life
before, that I wanted to live,and it's because I was
suppressing who I was.
It's what our society wants usto do, suppress who we are in

(12:15):
whatever ways.
You can look at entrenchedsexism, entrenched racism.
We have a Western society isvery good at saying, don't be
who you are, right?
Be who we want you to be.
So if we can make the idea thatthe idea that each of us has to
develop who we are normal,because it is, because each of

(12:37):
us does this, then transgender,being transgender is totally
normal.
I did the same process you did,just got to a different
destination.
So right.

SPEAKER_05 (12:47):
So let me ask you this, um, because you mentioned
with me before that is your yourbirthday just passed.
Happy birthday.

SPEAKER_01 (12:52):
Oh, yes, yeah, yesterday, yes.

SPEAKER_05 (12:53):
Yes, happy birthday.
So you you mentioned um just afew moments ago that you were 52
when you when you transitioned,when you transitioned over.
So let me ask you, what came,what made you say, okay, it's
time, it is time for me to makethat move, it is time for me to
embrace all of me.
What was it?

SPEAKER_01 (13:14):
So I knew this, I was well aware by about four
years old.
I I knew I was a girl.
By eight years old, um, I couldtell that people were treating
me differently.
So from about eight years olduntil 52, it was just um pushing
it all aside.
I I actually looked intotransition in 2001.

(13:35):
So originally, you know, alittle more than 20 years ago,
um, I was going to transitionthen and it was much more
difficult.
So I'll give you I'll give you areally personal story because in
2011, um well, in 2010, we foundout that my wife was pregnant,
and so we were gonna have a kid.

(13:55):
And I thought, well, of coursewe're gonna have a girl, but it
turned out to be a boy.
And I thought to myself, I don'tknow how to handle boys, I don't
know boy things.
What the hell am I gonna do?
And so what I did was say, I'vegotta push all of this
completely out of my head.
I have to suppress it until ituntil I don't know anything that

(14:18):
like I never knew that anythingfeminine because boys need
fathers, and fathers are men.
This is what I had um as mymantra.
Thank you, Charmaine, for thebirthday wishes, by the way.
Um and that was reallydifficult.
It took uh it's I it took about10 years before finally

(14:40):
everything broke down, and I hada really big had a really big
mental lapse.
And my wife said, Listen, I'veknown you for 20 whatever years
now.
Um I need you to explore yourgender.
And really what so what happenedis I had I had pushed myself
aside, uh, you know, really,really hid myself for a decade,

(15:02):
and it just it just broke apart.
I was I was a very sad and acrabby old man wanting to die.
It wasn't hoping, it waswanting, and just I gotta get
out of here.
And so I started thinking aboutit.
I really didn't want not dying,sorry, I started thinking about
transition, and I really didn'twant to for the long it took six

(15:24):
months, seven months, yeah, tillit was total of six months
before I said, All right, I'lldo it.
Because again, I couldn't getout of my head.
Boys need fathers, and fathersare men.
And here's this here's the crazything.
My son and I really didn't havea relationship because I
resented him.

(15:45):
Because I had to push myselfaside for him.
And now that I've transitioned,we have a great relationship.
Um it's a beautiful thing.
I my my relationship with mywife got better, my relationship
with my son got better, I'mhappy, I'm expressive, and I the

(16:05):
idea that that anybody shouldpush themselves aside because
society says you should, yeah,is ridiculous.
You're you're harming onlyyourself.
So hopefully that wasn't too itwasn't too much of a tearjerker
there.

SPEAKER_05 (16:23):
Actually, it was a tearjerker for me because my
eyes are a little watery righthere.
Um, but first of all, thank youfor sharing that story.
And the reason why, because it'slike I felt you, I felt your
emotions, even when you saidthat in 2011 that your wife was
pregnant, and you're hoping fora girl, and then now there's a
boy, and you can't connect inthat way because now you feel

(16:44):
like you're less than um aperson to be able to help him
become the man that societywants him to be, and you
definitely don't want him to gothrough the same things that
you've been going through sinceyou've been four years old.
And so that kind of pulled at myheart, you know.
Stream was like, Oh my god, likebeing being really trapped in

(17:08):
your body, being trapped in thatbody that you you are not
comfortable with, that is nottruly you, and that you're
unable to have a voice to speakand say, you know, and and I
felt that.
I felt that.
Yeah, knowing that I I love mywife, I love my son, I love what

(17:30):
all of that, but I cannot be, Icannot give him what it is for
me unless I'm taking it, youknow, we're making it
agenda-wise.
And I guess this is why the wordlove is so important in that it
goes beyond gender.
And when I say this, I knowpeople are gonna say, no, Naomi,
you wrong.
No, let's let's let's do thisfor real.

(17:51):
We talk about masculinity andfeminine, and I know a lot of
people say that you need uh afather and a mother to be able
to raise a child, whether it's agirl or whether it's a boy.
And I do understand that, butall in instant, it takes love
first.
It takes love first, and when Isay this, it takes love first.

(18:17):
Let's not talk about let's takelove first.
How the the climate of societyis right now, and with our new
elective um president, how areyour your emotions right now?
How are you moving forward rightnow as a lot of the rights are

(18:37):
being taken away from?
Um, things are changing um everyday, um, that you would no
longer be looked at as, youknow, transgender, but as your
birth as a male.
How does that make you feel nowthat even though it's only been
three years, happy birthdayagain, three years of you, you

(18:57):
know, doing that?
How do you feel right now?

SPEAKER_01 (19:01):
It's really we all feel under attack.
I mean, I think I'm just gonnaleave it at that.
We as soon as Trump was elected,I'll say the name the last time,
as soon as the newadministration was elected, all
of us thought, you know, whatare we gonna do?
This this one one of the bigcampaign promises was I'm gonna

(19:22):
eradicate this idea that thatyou can be different than than
we want you to be.
And and obviously we've seen auh flurry of executive orders
redefining words, um, you know,banning people from the
military, uh taking medical careaway from people based on on

(19:43):
psychological ideas as opposedto uh to biological.
I mean, we're seeing violationsof the Constitution.
It's we're all under attack andand we're all in a lot of pain.
I think I'm just gonna leave itat that.
Now, having said all of this,this is also an excellent

(20:03):
opportunity.
It's an opportunity for if youlook at the queer community,
there's generally not a lot ofunity.
We have a f uh, you know, aprogress flag, and we say, okay,
well, this is everybody, LGBTQ,IA plus, you've got two spirits,
you know, we make out likethere's a unity, but generally

(20:25):
we leave each other behind.
Yeah, and this is a time that weall get to come together because
there's no way.
I right now I'm on the choppingblock.
Many of my my friends, mycolleagues are on the chopping
block, but this administrationwouldn't stop there.
If you look at some of theseexecutive orders, it also

(20:46):
targets it's pretty much anyminority.
Actually, I'm gonna rephrasethat.
It's anybody who's not part ofthe Trump administration.
Damn, I said his name again.
I gave it power.
Um but but it's it's pretty muchanybody who is not part of the
administration.
Everybody's on the choppingblock.

(21:08):
In fact, they're probably aminority.
The people that thisadministration would serve is
now is probably a minority, sothis is an opportunity, is what
I want to say.
It's an opportunity for us allto unite and show what real
America is like, what real loveis, like you mentioned.

SPEAKER_05 (21:26):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (21:28):
So I'm finished.
Go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 (21:30):
So you know, as you mentioned before, but also I
want to say this withstorytelling.
Storytelling is a very powerfultool for our activism, right?
And the more that we hear thedifferent narratives, the more
that we realize that identity isnot only one size fit all um
experience.
So, what role do analogy andstorytelling play in shifting

(21:54):
perspectives on gender?

SPEAKER_01 (21:56):
Oh my gosh, that is a beautiful.
question.
I am so happy to answer thisquestion.
I love using stor first of all,I love being a storyteller.
I love to my friend Morgan andI.
Hi Morgan.
Morgan's in the uh um the chatby the way and and by the way
mini St.
Clair what a St.

(22:17):
Clair that what a perfect way ofsaying that.
What I'm described were systemicbarriers.
And thank you for your um foryour your uh I can't think of
the word I want to say approvalbut anyway um I love being a
storyteller and part of whatMorgan and I did we drove we
just drove for 13 hours justtelling each other stories just

(22:38):
making up characters and doingcrazy things.
What what's important withstories is that it it's
generally easy to put yourselfinto a story.
We see ourselves in a story andso like I actually I spoke to um
I spoke to somebody aboutmarketing really so

(22:59):
representation and marketing I'mjust trying to figure out how to
package this but she was askingme she says well what is you
know what is it like to go intosay a department store and look
for clothes and I said oh youknow when I first started it was
really hard because I don't knowexactly what what to look for
what brands how do I find allthese things uh then I put them

(23:21):
on what's gonna shape my or youknow make my body shape look
best and I said you know it'skind of like um what did you do
when you were 13 and she goes ohsame right I just I had to go to
a a department store and try oneverything because who knew what
I was gonna like and we did thisthree or four times.
She said well what was it likelearning uh various other

(23:43):
aspects makeup hair whatever andI every time I said what did you
do and she said same and I'mlike right see growing up
growing up feminine means thatyou just learn certain things
growing up masculine means youlearn certain things but we're
always experimenting and it'sthe same experimentation whether

(24:05):
I did it or whether you did it.
So storytelling is superimportant because if I can tell
you what I did I think you'llsee me differently the reason
why I like to do shows like thiswhich by the way thank you for
the invitation the reason why Ilove doing these shows is
because I want people to look atme and say this is somebody

(24:26):
who's articulate hopefully thisis somebody who's articulate
this is somebody who'sintelligent and this is not a
weird person.
Yeah because the media likes touse caricatures and that's not
our story.
That's almost nobody's story.
Yeah so that this is anotheraspect of normalizing um like I

(24:47):
like I want to do this is justmaking each of our stories part
of the human experience so thatnobody is othered.

SPEAKER_05 (24:56):
So I I hope that I hope that touched on everything
you hoped I would you know itdid it you know because even as
you speaking right now you knowhow we generalize a lot of
things things I generalize evenfor me you know being a former
adult star you know it'severything is so generalized is
this is what it is and it's notthat it's not black and white
there are shades of gray that iswithin all of that.

(25:19):
So let me ask you this because Iknow at a point in time and I'm
gonna be very honest there wereum and I don't know how true
this is that when it came totransgender, when it came to he,
she, her and come to the womanfrom a natural born woman to a
transgender, there was a warthat was going on between those

(25:41):
two because there were in what Iwas reading is there was a lot
of things that they wanted totake away from the natural born
woman for one instance that Ithought that was so silly it was
the song um by um I'm a naturalwoman and yes that that song you

(26:01):
know for me I'm not gonna lie Iwas like the hell why why we
cannot use that because that iswho we we are that song was
there before you you knowanything.

SPEAKER_01 (26:13):
So let me ask you what is your take on that it's
so here I'm gonna I'm gonna giveyou a story all right I met
somebody so I've put videos onTikTok um because I love that
and I I met somebody there andshe had had um uh PCOS so it's

(26:33):
polycystic ovarian syndrome Ithink I got that right yeah and
as a result she um she had everya full hysterectomy so that's
her uterus was removed her herfallopian tubes the ovaries were
removed and one of the firstquestions she asked me because
she says oh I saw your videos uhyou you look neat and I'm like

(26:54):
thanks and she goes hey I had afull hysterectomy and I went oh
gosh I'm sorry and she goes howdifferent are we like
biologically are we differentand I went no I guess not
because like after surgery Idon't have a uterus I don't have
ovaries she doesn't have auterus she doesn't have ovaries

(27:14):
what is the difference betweenus why why would we make a
distinction between the two ofus because according to at least
executive orders my friend is awoman but I am not but she has
no parts that that I that differfrom mine at this point after
surgery so hopefully this thisthis story is illustrating

(27:38):
everything do I think do I thinkthat transgender women women
steal anything away from fromcisgender women no because our
bodies are not they're not justgenetics first of all and
they're also not clear cutgenetics is nowhere near clear
cut we we know so little I meanwe finished the human genome

(28:02):
project some 23 years ago Ithink it was many many years ago
and we said oh we totally knoweverything about humans but we
don't every single person isunique you go to the doctor and
if he goes oh you need vitamin Dor something not everybody needs
as much vitamin D as you do allof our bodies are different.

(28:22):
And so I guess to I mean by theway I love that song the Aretha
Franklin song I mean maybe inpart because I love to sing it
and go yeah you make me feellike a natural woman so anyway I
guess I'm gonna say what I wouldsay to it is that bodies are not
the genitalia bodies are noteven the the the glands that

(28:46):
make estrogen or testosteronebecause you could expand this
out because you can go well whyshould you come into my bathroom
why should you play in my sportsum and and it's it's just more
complicated than that if if youlook at sports um in particular
which I know you didn't ask mebut I was okay go ahead jump on

(29:08):
in there jump on in therebecause because look at this so
we've like let's look atAmerican football there are
major leagues right and thenthere's my lease you have the
NFL and then you might havepeople on the CFL which by the
way I have a podcast coming outwith an NFL a retired NFL guy
tomorrow who's fantastic uh aninterview by the way um quick

(29:30):
plug I guess sorry anyway um ifyou look at that we have major
leagues we have minor leagueshow do we distinguish those it's
not by sex right like we're notgoing hang on we're not sure if
you're gonna make it to NFLlet's check okay nope you got it
in the pants go on to the NFLit's based on ability right they

(29:50):
don't get a quarterback who'slike who can't throw very far I
know kind of fuck all aboutfootball here okay so bear with
me a little bit quarterback'sthe guy who throws it right I
don't know okay thanks Mike soanyway but it's based on on
ability right um when you lookedat the uh the Olympics last year

(30:15):
when when we had um uh ImaniKhalif right who was accused of
being transgender uh she's acisgender woman and I have no
doubt if I got into a boxingring with her she'd knock me
right the fuck out I'd be lyingon the ground not because you
know I'd not be not becauseshe's transgender but because

(30:37):
she's a much more capable boxerthan I am so when you look at
sports when you look at prettymuch anything none of our bodies
are are are universal they'renot there's there are no like
really clear cut categories withthe exception of ability you're
a good football player you're agood boxer it doesn't make a
difference if you have ovariesor testicles some of us are

(31:01):
better at things than others sodid that give you any answers
whatsoever I feel like I wentall over the place.

SPEAKER_05 (31:08):
Yes no no you know because I'm because I'm thinking
and I'm I'm making sure I wantto stay I guess with the
estrogen you know we we'velooked at that that men uh
masculinity when you be a littlebit more powerful than women in
certain things you understandwhat I'm saying and so it seems
to be that it's not a faircompetition when they're able to

(31:31):
when transgenders are able to gocome into a sport against a
woman especially when in mything is I play basketball and
track.
Oh okay I play basketball andtrack and so and I'm just gonna
be really honest if I thoughtthat I felt that it was a and
maybe this is because I'mignorant to the fact of some

(31:52):
information and that could be alot of things that someone else
that is that was born a man bybiologically and just
transgender over you know tookyou know whatever it is that
caused you that they have a disthey have an advantage over me
you know sure because of thatyou know and so I I be like wow

(32:15):
wait hold on like right whereand and please forgive me when I
say this is that um could wejust have and this might sound
so and and this really come thisis and as I say this know that
my heart is genuine I'm liketrying to just bring another
category because we got the themale the female in the

(32:40):
transgender and the transgendermaybe yeah can we can we do that
would that be you know becauseit's universal would that be
love for all of us to be able todo that where no one doesn't see
anybody stepping on anybody toesyou know is it you know you
understand what I'm saying youunderstand what I'm saying what

(33:01):
I don't call my phone I I dolike anybody I'm like you know
no it's it's a it's a greatquestion and I mean if you think
of it this way too right insupposedly there's only one to
two percent of of the populationthat is transgender or gender
nonconforming and if you were tolook at it that you go well it's

(33:22):
just a tiny percentage anywayhow about if we just keep them
out of sports like that's youknow we could just do that but
um but I want to give you myexperience because because I so
I ran a marathon in 2002 I was30s was 31 years old I'm kind of
a miserable runner I'm not avery good runner um you know if

(33:44):
there were any runners out thereI I was I got as good as about
an eight minute 30 second mileso like a miserable runner.

SPEAKER_01 (33:52):
Uh now that I've transitioned so I don't I got
surgery right I've got nothingthat generates testosterone any
more than your body does becauseyour body makes testosterone my
body or my brain still does butonly your brain does well your
ovaries do a little bit but mypoint was going to be that I've
slowed down about three minutesa mile from through true during

(34:17):
transition.
Now admittedly I'm older but umI've removed my source of
testosterone like if I were justto say yes I'm a woman and now
I'm in basketball yeah all of asudden you got Rodman who comes
into you know WMBA sure you gothat's kind of odd but if Rodman

(34:37):
got the uh got surgery if Rodmanhad been had been taking
estrogen I lost a lot of musclemass he would too I lost a lot
of endurance I lost a lot ofstrength he would too because
the it's it's the hormonalbalance that differs here you're
each human every human body willrespond both to uh estrogen and

(35:01):
testosterone I just had apreponderance of uh a
predominance of testosterone youhad a predominance of estrogen
but I've had a predominance ofestrogen now for running on
three years and most of I meanI'm not sure how much you can
see but most of this is me I dohave a little I got a little
help but um my butt got big itwas always big but now I have a

(35:23):
big huge a big huge ass um Ichanged my body changed because
my body responded to estrogenjust like yours did so anyway I
don't have an answer that's whyI would rather look at
capability and say would I beable to beat up Imani Khalif
then put me into the Olympicswith her?

(35:44):
If I can't then put her above melike put me in classes way below
you know I that's what I wouldso I guess what I'm saying if if
to to answer your questiondirectly like Rodman wouldn't
end up in the WMBA because he'slike you know a foot taller than
everybody whatever you knowwhatever it might be um and if

(36:06):
so if we thought of it if wethought of it that way you know
maybe maybe it would it wouldblend more blend more uh uh more
smoothly but I don't have a goodanswer I I will just say my
experience is that like there'sno way I could compete in men's
sports it this way there's noway not a chance in hell I

(36:27):
couldn't couldn't before becauseI was never very sporty right
but um but it's worse nowbecause I just I don't have a
source of testosterone toprovide the extra strength and
power and everything that youbrought up so that help answer
anything to smuddy the waterjust a little all right so one
of the most compelling aspectsof your work is how you

(36:49):
emphasize on identity and notjust concern about transgender
individuals but for one why isidentity critical for every
human being I I can I can sumthat up in one sentence I chose
not to I chose to suppress myidentity and it almost killed me

(37:12):
that's it you want to live youwant to be happy you have to
figure out who you are and youhave to express that yeah you
have to there isn't a choice inthis there's not at all and I
know you can there are peoplewho will say no no no no it's
all nurture we you know you getborn into a family you learn

(37:32):
what the family is no there'snature we are born this way in
some way um you were born yourway I was born my way everybody
in the chat is born their way wewe have no choice but to be who
we are because each of us is whowe are as our creator however
you might put that made youright so so that's it that's why

(37:58):
identity is is critical becauseif we don't express ourselves we
don't live our lives and and I Iwanted to to exit and and now I
want to live now I love my lifeand I love my friends my family
I love the world I'm trying tolove my country my country's
having trouble loving me for alittle bit here it'll come back

(38:22):
I know it yeah but um yeah didthat answer that all right yeah
it did you yeah you did you didand thank you for that you know
some people they may think thatgender is only relevant when it
comes to transgender individualbut in reality if it affects all
of us um what would you say tosomeone who believes gender is

(38:42):
just something weird transgenderpeople need to worry about
there's a so a great example soJudith Butler in in 1991
published so this is aphilosopher if for anybody who
doesn't know Judith Butler theypublished a book called gender
trouble in 1991 and that was oneof the first expressions of the

(39:04):
idea that gender is a socialconstruct and from Butler's work
some some of what contributed tothat is like if I if I were to
give you three characteristicsand ask you whether they were
masculine or feminine well herelet's do it live on the air if I
were to say long hair lavishmakeup and high heels are those

(39:26):
masculine or feminine you wouldthink society would say that
that's feminine right if youlook at uh pre-revolution France
those are all highly masculinebecause you had big wigs to make
you yeah it was a status symbolto have to have uh fake hair um

(39:50):
makeup made them look morepowerful heels made them taller
so they could be more imposingthose were highly masculine
characteristics so because youyour question you question was
what would what would I say topeople um you know who say that
gender is for the weird right isis only for the weird gender

(40:12):
changes gender expressionchanges depending upon who you
who what time you're you ah thetime and the place it was an
interesting so I went toThailand for for uh to get my
surgery and there were there wasa I remember walking through a a
shopping mall which by the wayif you haven't been to Thailand

(40:32):
oh it's so beautiful it's suchan amazing place but I was
walking through a shopping malland I saw a picture there was a
guy who had this amazing makeuphis his lips were made up really
beautifully this great eyemakeup and this was a normal
advertisement it was an I meanit was an advertisement with

(40:53):
just a guy walking by and thereason I bring him up is because
I he is a man he's expressingwhat men look like and I
wondered if I had been born inThailand today and it would have
been okay for me to expressmyself like that with makeup

(41:14):
would I ever have wanted totransition gender our society
it's the way we expressourselves is very socially
contextual.
Yeah so it is not for just theweird because each of us does it
right I mean you chose purplepurple uh streaks in your hair

(41:35):
for some reason presumablybecause you like them I'm not
gonna guess it was just for mebut it was but you you chose the
flowers you've chosen all thethings about yourself Mike has
dog pound Mike has has done allof the uh all of his expression
assuming he him pronouns sorryMike um all right but you know

(42:01):
we choose all of these things wewe develop gender we don't
inherit it right and so so it'snot for the weird it's for
everybody every single personhad to go through this and and
experiences it so so that's whatI would say it's it's ridiculous
to think that that some peoplejust sort of magically appear

(42:24):
they go look I I'm my identityis finished my gender is
finished because we developidentity always it's an ongoing
process you're not going to bethe same tomorrow as you are
today right so let me ask youthis um yeah knowing that you
you you decided and you choselike I'm get ready to make a

(42:46):
change at 52 years old how wouldyou what advice would you give
to someone let's say they'rethey're 20 30 years old and they
they feel like they're trappedwhat would that conversation be
to that 20 uh 30 or 40 year oldperson to own themselves now or
who they are yeah this is thework that I do I mean first of

(43:11):
all the the writing and thepodcast that podcasting that I
do videos I make I do coachpeople through gender transition
um the first the first so therethe I would say two things and
the first one is the mostimportant be safe you don't want
to express something that yoursocial environment will attack

(43:33):
you for don't don't get yourselfhurt.
Get yourself get to anenvironment where you can be
safe first if you need to um andthen the second thing is it it
sounds so silly but like thinkabout yourself.
I have journals and journals ofjust me writing with a pen on

(43:55):
paper who am I?
What's important to me?
These are questions I know wedon't really want to ask.
Because if you if you askyourself who am I, you might
come up with an answer that'sdifferent from what say our
government wants you to be, whatyour parents want you to be,

(44:16):
what your church wants you tobe, what what your neighborhood
wants you to be, any of these.
And that's where we start to goastray.
We put neighborhoods, church,government, parents above self.
And and then we all hurt.

(44:37):
So who am I?
Ask the question, who am I?
And write and write and writeand write or type whatever, but
but ask yourself, who are you?
It took me 50, it was about 54years, because it took about two
years of transition before Ifinally sorry, I'm gonna get

(44:58):
emotional here.
It took me about 54 years beforeI finally was able to look at
myself in the mirror and go, oh,I am amethyst uh.
And I owned that as a as a I ownthat as a badge.

SPEAKER_05 (45:16):
Jesus could fall apart.
No, go ahead, baby.
You good, you good, you are sogood.

SPEAKER_01 (45:22):
I own this, thank you.
I own this as a badge of pridenow that I'm a I was able to I'm
able now to look in the mirrorand go, I see me.
And and it was so many yearsthat I looked in the mirror and
said, I don't know who that is.
So who am I?
Is the is the big, big question.

(45:46):
Sorry, I got a little bit no.

SPEAKER_05 (45:48):
I you know what I love this.
Um, I have another podcastcalled The Season of Self-Love.
Yeah, it's my daily podcast, andI talk about this is where we
have that intimate relationshipwith ourselves, and we have to
love ourselves, we have tounderstand every bit of part of
us, and who am I is one of thebiggest things beside what

(46:09):
anybody else thinks of you.
What is your identity?
What are you?
And that's breaking all thelimited limitations that people
believe that people put on us,and it's hard to break from
that, it's very challenging.
And so when when that came to myheart and my spirit to create
that podcast, you know, it wasjust like, yeah, this is it.

(46:30):
And just you, I want to thankyou so much for even being
courageous enough to stand inyour truth and your story and
decide on who you wanted to beand show your authentic self.
Because a lot of a lot of us outthere, we continue to wear the
mask and not take the mask offbecause we're looking for

(46:51):
validation outside or we feelfear because no one will love
us.
So let me ask you a questionbecause you spoke of you having
a wife.
Are you still with your wife tothis day?

SPEAKER_01 (47:03):
Yes, we're still together.
We, you know, there are changeswe had to make, right?
And and I will tell you right atthe very beginning, I didn't
want to hold her hands because Ididn't want I didn't want people
to think less of her.
That she was with, you know,somebody like I am.

(47:26):
Somebody was going throughgender transition, so I didn't
want to hold her hands.
And now, you know, for the mostpart, when I go out in public, I
don't get in I don't get weirdlooks.
I do get people who go, what thewow, purple hair.
Wow, what happened there, youknow.
But I don't get people who wholook at me funny, and now we we
walk hand in hand, and it justlooks like a lesbian couple, and

(47:49):
we will still get some looks.
But it to answer the question,we're we're still together.
There are there are just changesthat we've made.
The best thing is that I I'mthree years ago I wasn't capable
of being close to anybodybecause I wasn't even close to

(48:09):
myself, I didn't have theself-love, as you mentioned.
I really hated myself, and andthat keeps you from being able
to love anybody else.

SPEAKER_06 (48:18):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (48:19):
And who would have thought?
I was like, Well, I've been inthis relationship tw almost 25
years.
In a month, we will have beentogether 25 years, and I I look
back at 25 years and I go, I wasnever really capable of loving
her.
Never's capable, never wascapable of loving my son.

SPEAKER_06 (48:38):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (48:39):
And now I can.
Yeah, because I didn't lovemyself, right?
And and and so now I can.
So ultimately what happens isthat our our relationship is
better because I I I came out.
I don't that came out as a likea queer sounding thing, but like
what everything that was insidehas has can come out of me now.

SPEAKER_04 (49:02):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (49:04):
And it's it's I gotta tell you, I'm so it's such
a beautiful thing.
It's so beautiful.
Um when I've when I've spoken topeople, so during my coaching,
um, any of the coachingpractice, I've had people, um
I've had people say, you know,I'd really like X, Y, or C.
And I go, cool, let's worktoward it.

(49:25):
And they go, like I can do this?
Yeah.
And I go, absolutely.
And I've seen I have seen eyesthat are kind of dead just light
up.
Yeah and I go, it was the birthof a human here.
Right before you were a shell.

(49:45):
Yeah.
Birth of a human happening righthere.
It's it's amazing.
It's amazing.
This is why I'm so passionateabout this, because people wake
up, people become, truly become,and and it's it's I'm just gonna
say it's beautiful.
I'm sorry, I could go on for thenext 20 minutes just gushing

(50:06):
about it.

SPEAKER_05 (50:07):
Right.
That sounds like you know, Ilove when I I love watching
someone living their light, ifyou know what I mean.
Um I see your bright purplehair, you know, and that is um a
sign um of I am me, I am who Iam, and I want to be seen.

(50:30):
So you you know that, right?
That's just you.
I want I want to be seen.
So let me say this to you.
So when you're walking around,you hold that woman's hand, you
hold your wife's hand becausethat is support that you can't
get from nowhere else.
Do you understand?
She was chosen exactly for you,exactly for you.

(50:51):
And the thing is, is that thisis just a tip of what you're
going to do in your life, just atip, and so that supports the
girl.
If you don't hold her hand andwalk with your head held high,
don't ever let me hear you sayagain, like, no, no, we we here

(51:12):
now.
We here that this is my this ismy lover, this is my lady, this
is my bonnie to my bonnie.

SPEAKER_01 (51:23):
I will hold on, I will hold on.
You know what?
Just for a callback, now now shemakes me feel like a natural
woman.

SPEAKER_05 (51:31):
Well, see, there you go.
I love that.
I love that.
You know, Amy, um, this has beensuch a very enlightening
conversation, and I just enjoyedit.
But before we wrap with thisone, I want your final thoughts
um that you like to leave withour listeners and when it comes

(51:52):
to understanding identity andgender.

SPEAKER_01 (51:57):
So my entire my entire work is is founded on um
on two principles.
And so here we go.
This is I have this completelycompletely ready for you.
Not that I knew you were gonnaask, but there are two
principles.
The first is that your identitybelongs to you, nobody else.
You know who you are, and sonobody else can tell you you're

(52:20):
wrong.
You know, your identity belongsto you.
That's that that's the first uhfirst statement and the first
foundation there.
The other statement is yourpurpose and life, the reason
you're here, the your you to putit in whatever language, your
purpose for living is to expressthat.

SPEAKER_05 (52:42):
Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
So do it, go do it.
Beautiful.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much, thank you somuch.
Now, I want to do is tell wherecan they find you?
Where can if they if they needeven your service, where?
Give it to us, drop it to us.

SPEAKER_01 (52:59):
Thank you.
So it's a great question.
Um, my personal website isamethista.io.
So that's the uh that's the gemamethyst with an A on the N dot
IO.
You can find all my social mediastuff there.
You can follow me, you can watchmy YouTube stuff, my TikTok
stuff, usually they theyoverlap.
Um, if you're looking for myprofessional sort of

(53:22):
philosophical um musings, myarticles, the podcasts I do,
which are not alwaysphilosophical.
Some I try to make jokes andstuff too, but that is at
genderidentytoday.com.
And there's a link fromamethista.io over to
genderidentytoday.com as well.
But yeah, I would love to, Iwould love to talk to anybody.

(53:46):
I one of the things that thepeople have said, wow, so crazy
about you is that I'm willing totalk about this experience and
and engage with people becauseyou have to meet people where
they are, not where you are.
Yeah, if you're gonna explainthis.
So so that's it.
I will that's it.
Naomi, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_05 (54:05):
Oh, thank you so much.
This has been this has been soenlightening.
It's been a great interactionwith energy and just just
hearing your story is justamazing.
I'm just watching you shine,just so bright.
And again, happy birthday, notonly on 55, but also on three.
You know what I mean?

(54:26):
Yes, thank you.
You know what I mean?
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
And to our listeners, Iencourage you to engage in this
conversation about identitybeyond what you think that you
know.
I want you to share yourthoughts with us by using
hashtag bridging identity.
And I want you to check outAmi's work and continue
exploring these discussions inyour own communities.

(54:47):
And next time we are diving intoanother powerful conversation
that you won't want to miss, sostay tuned.
Again, thank you, beautiful.
Thank you so much for joiningus, and thank you to everyone
that's listening to BTG Crew.
Thank you for being just asgreat with our guests today.
And until next time, you knowwhat I always say.
Be good to one another in yourhouse, and always keep you

(55:10):
saying.
Have an amazing, amazingweekend.
All right, beautiful people.
That is the wrap for anotherepisode of Ad Naomi Booting Ad.
And I hope today's conversationhas beautiful to engage you the
tools to elevate your love andlike to the next one.

(55:33):
I have this one conversation,one point, and one moment of
project.
So don't worry about it.

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