How to Heal a Broken Heart: The 5-Step Framework Men & Women Need | Heartbreak Recovery, Moving On After Breakup, Emotional Healing - Ask Nyomi " Bridging The Gap" Podcast

Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (01:09):
You're ready to break the gap.
Expand your bridge yourself forthe world.
But now it's taken to a podcastjourney.

SPEAKER_13 (01:21):
All right, all right, all right.

SPEAKER_14 (01:22):
My beautiful people.
My sexy people.
Welcome back to X Name with theGap Podcast.
This is where we talk aboutlove, sex, relationship,
cultural differences, and somuch more.
Right, bridging the gap betweenthem all and teaching the world
on sex language, attitude, andspiritual uplifting.
I am your girl, the goddess nowMe Banks here.
I'm here with Doc Pom Mike,Mike, what's going on?

(01:44):
All right, and I see BTG.
I seen them in here early, earlybefore we even came on.
Hey, hey, how y'all doing outthere?
Y'all ready for thisconversation?
All right, y'all.
So y'all know tonight.
Tonight is a special night, andit's actually very much needed.
But we got some new stuff that'sgoing on tonight.
We got some new, some new toys,some new twickets going on,

(02:08):
right?
So for the very first time, wegot some polls that are going
on.
We're gonna do some live polls.
We're gonna do some live pollstonight.
Um going in.
So we're gonna start in aminute, in a minute.
But tonight's show, as I said,is needed.
Tonight is about is gonna be oneof those shows that uh I know
that's gonna touch somebody'ssoul.

(02:28):
Because what started last weekhas turned into something so
much bigger than I ever evenrealized.
You see, last week we had talkedabout a long distance um love in
bedroom toys, right?
And you know, remember I read umTracy's letters and we had a
great conversation.
But what happened after theshow?
What happened after the show,baby, the universe started

(02:54):
working.
You see, one of our new viewers,a woman, let's call her Kay,
Miss Kay, she was in the chatsand she watched the whole show.
And it was something about theway that we held space,
something about the realness,and something about the
vulnerability, and it moved her.
So she wrote me a letter.
And y'all, when I read thisletter, I I felt her.

(03:18):
I felt her pain, I felt therawness.
And you know why?
It's because I've been there.
That very place that she was atright now, that she's at right
now, I've been there before.
And so I felt her.
So what I did was I turned herletter into this week Talk to Me
Tuesday episode.
It actually is episode four.
How do I get over a brokenheart?

(03:41):
And when I dropped that episode,y'all, the response.
People wrote in saying theycried, they said they felt it,
they felt seen, they said theyplayed it over and over again
because they needed to hear it.
But here's what really got me itwas the men.
It was the men that werecommenting up under the post.

(04:04):
Men saying things like, we gothrough this too, we hurt too,
but nobody talks about us whenwe're heartbroken.
And that right now, I'm like,mmm.
But also, Miss K, she wrote meagain after listening to that
episode.

(04:25):
And when I tell you y'all, herwords, AB, her words were so
moving.
So tonight we're continuing thisconversation.
We are going deeper.
We are talking about how to heala broken heart from both
perspectives, both male andfemale.
So, Mike Mike, are you ready forthis one?

SPEAKER_05 (04:48):
Alright, already.
It's deep.
It says deep.

SPEAKER_14 (04:53):
Because I know I need for you tonight, Mike Mike,
I need for you to be the maleperspective.
I need you to help me to holdspace for them as well as for
the women as well, because weare going to need this.
And I want my chat, I want y'allto be very interactive today,
very interactive today.
So, what I want y'all to do,chat, for me right now, I want

(05:14):
y'all to drop me the brokenheart in the chat.
If you ever, if you ever had umyour heart broken, let me see
it.
Let me see who's here tonightthat has ever had their heart
broken.
This is where this is the safestplace that you can ever be,
because there is no judgment.
There is no judgment here atall.
Thank you, baby.

(05:35):
Thank you.
This is where, right, thank you,thank you, Charmaine.
Thank you.
This is where it's going, thisis where we at, and this is
where we're gonna be.
So remember, pause for a second,talk about my mind.
So, this is where I said thatwe're trying something new, and
I am so happy for this.
Um, that we're doing this, andthis, and I want to give this

(05:57):
too, I want to give thisdisclaimer too, because I want
to let y'all know that I'm justnot out here telling this young
lady's business.
So, even when she had emailed meagain and I had told her, you
don't understand how um how Godand how the universe works.
It really does.
Last week was really our firsttime even seeing this um young
lady, you know, in our chats andin our, you know, in our on our

(06:20):
channel, period.
And she was very active in that.
But not only that, but she hadthe courage to write me on
Monday, not knowing that I havealready recorded my Monday show
for the season of self-love.
And she wrote me a letter, andit just intertwined, just write
in what I was talking about forum the things that she needed to

(06:44):
do for herself, for healing.
You understand what I'm saying?
For healing and getting pastthat space.
So it just worked out so clear.
When I tell you that you don'tknow how you can be a ripple,
how you can be that pebble in aripple in somebody's life to
move spaces and places for otherpeople, her letter alone opened

(07:09):
up a door for men to come in andbe so much vulnerable, not only
in my DMs and in emails, butalso on comments up under post.
Up under post.
And I wrote her after she gaveme, and I'm gonna read, I'm
gonna read part of her email,part of her emails, both of

(07:30):
them.
I'm not gonna give it to youall.
I'm gonna give to some of it toyou.
I am, but her conversations werereal and they were raw.
And I we're gonna hold space forher, but I want to thank her
because that takes so muchcourage and strength to do it,
to be there, but also to lookingfor the healing.
So, baby, you already there.

(07:50):
You took one step forward, butnot only did you take one step
forward, but you allow yourselfto be a vessel in it as well.
So I want to thank you, and Isee you.
I want to thank you for allowingme to use you in this moment,
all right?
All right, so now I'm gonnacontinue.

(08:12):
So before I dive in, I needy'all to know that next week
there will be no live show.
There will be no live show.
So we're in production for culttwo episodes three and four.
So we'll be shooting next week,and so this will be our last
show this week, and then we comeback um in two weeks, I believe

(08:32):
it is.
In two weeks, we'll be back upand running.
Um, but tonight we're turningthis up, and what I mean we're
turning this up, we're turningthis up because we got a new
thing with the live polls, withthe live polls.
So pause me right here.
I want you to go back to thepolls.
I want you to go back to thepolls because I want to I want
to make sure this is working forus right now.

(08:53):
So this is the first live pollthat we're gonna do right now.
Have you ever have you ever hadyour heart broken?
All right.
So I don't know if you see themin a poll in in the Western A
right now.
It's up there right now, andwe're doing a live, a live.
So y'all let me know if y'allsee it.
Go go to the comments, DocPalmike, right?

(09:15):
I'm excited about it.
Let me know if y'all see it, ify'all see it in there.

SPEAKER_03 (09:20):
I see it over here on Instagram.

SPEAKER_14 (09:21):
Yeah, okay, okay.
Yeah, let me let me know ify'all see it.
And vote on it, vote on it.
Um, and so throughout the night,we're going to be um posting
different questions to do thepolls, you know, here and there.
Great, beautiful.
And we're gonna come back andgive you percentage and stuff
like that.
But, you know, we here, youknow, it's something that I

(09:44):
always say.
And for us to truly be in uh ahealthy relationship, we have to
heal ourselves.
We have to we have to loveourselves with self-love.
And it starts with healing.
We cannot love someone elsewithout loving ourselves first,
right?

(10:05):
Stop funny, without lovingourselves first, and so this is
where we have to do the work.
But the good thing is that weare being a community and doing
it.
The one thing is that what I dois I work on myself so I can be
a reflection to my community, soI can be a reflection to my
community and say, wow, I wantto heal too.

(10:30):
Does that make sense?
But if it doesn't, by the end ofthe tonight and other nights,
you'll know exactly what I'mtalking about.
All right, because theseconversations right now that
we're having, they're going tobe real, they're going to be
vulnerable, and it might even beemotional.
So if you're going through abreakup right now, if you're
healing from betrayal, if youare trying to figure out how to

(10:53):
love again, this episode is foryou.
So I want you to getcomfortable.
And if you have to, grab yousome tissue.
All right.
So let's do this.
You ready, Mike Mike?

SPEAKER_05 (11:03):
Let's do it.

SPEAKER_14 (11:04):
Y'all ready, BTG Um G crew over here?
Y'all ready?
I see y'all all over the place.
I see y'all all over the place.
All right.
So let me so let me read y'allMiss K's letter, all right.
So this is the letter that trulystarted it all.
This is the one that became theTalk to Me Tuesday, episode
four.

(11:24):
Um, so Miss K, I know youwatching.
I want to thank you again fortrusting me with your heart.
Truly thank you for trusting mewith your heart, and you're
trusting me with your words.
I'm not gonna say all of yourwords, but I'm gonna say some of
them, all right.
She said, Hello, Miss Naomi.
My name is Miss K.
Um, I'm I'm 42.

(11:48):
She's from Florida, and shesaid, The other night I turned
into your show aboutlong-distance love bedroom toys
when he intimidated.
I was the one that was doing allthe talking and commenting in
chat, giving my input.
She said, Anyway, but girl, Ilove your channel, especially
that piece you did about whatyou learned from all your exes.

(12:09):
Girl, that really hit home.
Anyway, Miss Naomi, my reasonfor writing is I wanted to ask
your advice.
I'm going through a painfulbreakup with my ex.
And I broke up about a year ago,but it feels like it happened
yesterday.
It feels like it happenedyesterday, and I'm trying to get

(12:29):
over the hurt and pain in orderto move on, but the sore is
still open and fresh.
I want that hurt and pain to goaway.
Given oh, I want to get over abroken heart.
How do I get over it?
I still believe in love, and Ido want to find love again.

(12:52):
I do want to give love anotherchance again, and I want to date
again.
So what should I do?
What should I do, Miss Naomi?
Any input will be greatlyappreciated.
Thank you.

(13:16):
Y'all, when I read that, when Iread this, my heart, it just the
one part it says, it feels likeit happened yesterday.
Stop right there.
It feels like it happenedyesterday.
And I'm I'm gonna be, I'm gonnabe very, I've had a heartbreak

(13:38):
before.
I had two heartbreaks before.
And when I read that letter, ittook me back to that heartbreak
probably over 20, 24, 24 yearsago.
And I remembered thatheartbreak.
Just when she when she saidthat, I remembered that
heartbreak.
And then she said, it feels likeit happened yesterday.

(14:03):
So I know what that feels like.
And people don't give you, noone gives you that roadmap on
how to heal from it.
You have people that surroundyou every day that want to help
you heal from it, and they'llsay, girl, if it was meant to
be, it would be.
Y'all remember that?

(14:23):
If it was meant to be, it willbe.
Don't let them see you cry.
Oh boy, don't don't you dare cryover that girl.
But also remembered, also, shesaid that sore is still open and
fresh.
I know, I knew what that feltlike.

(14:46):
I want that hurt and pain to goaway.
How many of us have been righthere?
How many of us have been righthere one year later and still
feel like it was yesterday?
I know she wasn't the only one.
I know because I've been there.

(15:07):
I'm not even gonna lie.
I am not gonna lie.
Because here's the thing aboutheartbreak time doesn't
automatically heal.
You gotta do something, yougotta do something with that
time, you gotta actually workthrough it.
But what really got me aboutMiss K.

(15:29):
Letter is this part.
She said, I still believe inlove, and I do want to find love
again.
I do want to give love anotherchance again and date again.
So, what should I do, MissNaomi?
That right there, that'scourage, that's hope.

(15:51):
That's that's somebody saying,I'm hurt, but I'm not giving up.
I am hurt, but I'm not givingup.
Mike, Mike, I got a question foryou.
What do you hear when you hearthat letter?

SPEAKER_05 (16:06):
We're right there from that letter, from from the
way you read it, and and when Isee it, it's like you hear the
hurt.
You hear the heartbreak.
You hear someone that that wantsto find love again, but
sometimes that that heartbreakis so bad, so strong, that you

(16:27):
don't want to take it into thenext step, into the next thing
you're trying to find, into thenext love, you know, because it
can always come up again.
Yeah, it can always come upagain.

SPEAKER_14 (16:41):
Yeah, exactly.
And and and and that's what weare addressing tonight.
Because a year later, and stillfeeling that pain, I'm gonna
tell you this, Miss K, andwhoever else is listening, you
are not crazy, you're human, youare human, but what we gotta do
is we gotta help you to movethrough it, we gotta help you to

(17:03):
heal from that.
Now, let me read what Miss Kwrote after she listened to Talk
to Me Tuesday episode.
And I'm gonna paraphrase some ofit.
I'm not gonna give you all ofwhat she said in that letter,
but I'm gonna give you some bitsand pieces of what she said, all

(17:24):
right?
So after the Talk to Me Tuesdayepisode dropped, Miss K has sent
me this letter, and y'all, thisis why, this is what it was
confirmation and no, once again,is why I do what I do.
And she said, Miss Naomi, I justgot through listening to your
podcast.

(17:45):
My episode.
Yes, that was your episode,baby.
And I have to say, I find thisto be so encouraging and so
inspirational.
I broke into tears and I startedcrying.
She said, I'm not gonna lie.
And she said, I won't lie.
I was checking, I was checkingmy ex on social media several

(18:06):
times a day, seven days a week,every day.
She said, I saw meaning her forthings that they said about me
on social media, calling medumbass, like my love and my
time that I invested into makingthat relationship work, didn't
matter to them.
And then I saw them move on likeit wasn't nothing.

(18:31):
That was what kept me stuck.
And then she said, what reallyhurt Miss Naomi is this person
showed me they self astrustworthy and broke down my
walls and earned my trust and mylove.

(18:53):
Now I want you to pause onemoment right there, because I I
even hear in Dog Pound Mike Mikein your voice, in your breeze,
like damn.
So I want y'all to let that sinkin for a minute, but yeah, you
you you understand what I'msaying?

SPEAKER_05 (19:10):
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
In relationships, you you buildup that trust, you build up that
technique togetherness, and atthe end of it, when the other
person moves on and makes youfeel like I'm just be honest,

(19:30):
like you was nothing.
That just adds on to theheartbreak.
That's just adds on to youmoving on and almost doing
anything in your life, notalone, another relationship, but
it hurts you like you even can'tmove on to do anything.
Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_14 (19:47):
And again, I want to say this uh again, you know.
I I I thank you again, Miss K,for sharing this because a lot
of people can't be this honestand this um vulnerable in
sharing how they feel in theiremotions.
A lot of people keep it balledup and continue to go through
this cycle of hurt and traumathat carries on into other

(20:08):
relationships, right?
It carries on into otherrelationships, you know, and so
when we we find a way to we haveto find a way to heal from it,
and I talked about it on Tuesdayshow on different tools on how

(20:30):
to get through it, and we'regonna talk about it today.
We're gonna we we're going totalk about it today, is because
Ms.
K is not the only one that goesthrough this.
You know what I'm saying?
Everybody goes through this,everybody has been through this,
you know, everyone has beenthrough this.

(20:52):
So I can only imagine what thatfeels like, and sometimes when
you are watching that, you know,back in the day, I'm I'm I'm a
little bit older than probably alot of you are, and so you know,
my broke my breakup, my heartbroke breakup 20 years ago,
pause for me, 20 years ago inthat love space.

(21:15):
Um I didn't get to see it playout, you know what I'm saying,
or see that because we didn'thave social media like that.
But I also want to tell you thatheartbreak comes in different
forms.
It doesn't just come in arelationship with lover
relationship, it could come in arelationship of family, it could
come in a relationship offriends.
That you you understand what I'msaying, and that's something

(21:37):
that I've had breakups in, heartbreaks up in that longevity that
I had to heal from as well.
But my question is right now isthat we have to come from a
space to be stuck out of thatstuck space.
So it's like how many of us havebeen stuck because of someone we

(21:57):
love chose to be cruel to us.
After the breakup.
How many of us have had an ex goout of their way to hurt us
again after again already?
Just a pat on.

(22:19):
But what I love about again,about Miss K, and I'm I'm gonna
have to keep saying this, comeand give you your flowers, baby
girl, is that you using yourstory not only to heal yourself,
but it actually have given me areason to talk about something
that we don't talk about,especially when it comes to both

(22:41):
men and women.
Because you think that only oneside hurts.
You know what I mean?
You know, so we have to make ita way to where we are working
together to heal, at least inthis space.
You know, at least in this placespace.

(23:04):
We have to be authentic, we haveto be genuine in when we're
doing these conversations.
When we having theseconversations, you keep rolling.
Because again, this is a nojudgment zone, this is a safe

(23:24):
zone, this is a no judgmentzone, this is a safe zone, and I
I I just want to thank youagain.
That's all I want to thank youagain.
All right, so this is wherewe're gonna go with this.
It's because it's something thatI talked about on Tuesday, and I
talked about entering into aspace when you have put up your

(23:47):
boundaries and you broke from arelationship and you moved on.
Sometimes you are in this middleground or there's an empty space
that's there.
And sometimes you have to acceptthe fact that that individual is
gone now, and you got to startpainting that new room to do
that inner work on yourselfbefore you bring a new person
into that equation.

(24:09):
A lot of times we want to moveon to get over somebody else,
and that's fine.
Well, no, it's not fine.
Hold up for a second.
That's not fine.
Let's let's heal ourselves firstand then go on to that next one.
We all had to learn the hardway, but I knew 20 years ago,

(24:30):
over 20 years ago, I knew thatwas my last time going into
another toxic relationship.
That was the time that I satdown and I got real with myself
and I started to write the book,my book, the book on how to love
me and my realness, and thenthat next person I gave that
book to, and that book was therealness of me.

(24:53):
And I am still with that personto that to this day.
Period.
But I had to heal first.
I had to heal first before I gotthere, and it ain't it wasn't

(25:15):
easy, it wasn't easy, it wasn'teasy, because the thing is, is
that we all deserve to be in agreat relationship.
We all deserve to be to givesomeone a healed version of

(25:35):
ourselves and also to be withsomebody in their here version.
Did y'all get that?
To be there, get somebody intheir healed version.
That's that's my brain fallworking, but did y'all get that?
You know, and it is one thingthat she said that really

(25:58):
touched me, that really justmade me like, wow.
She said, You never know what aperson is going through on the
inside.
She said, Because there wassadness behind my smile.
She said, There was sadnessbehind my smile.
Now I don't know what thisbeautiful woman looked like.

(26:18):
I can only imagine what thatwhat she looks like.
But now, now that smile can notonly come from here your mouth,
but now that smile could comefrom behind your eyes.
And I hope you understand what Imean by that.

(26:42):
So I hope you also understandthat whatever that you've been
through in your relationship,that's anybody else that's
listening.
That anything that you've beenthrough in your past, in your
relationship, does it does notdefine you?
You do not let the person besomeone else's headache.

(27:06):
But then also at the end of it,she gave me some encouraging
words, which I love.
Not only did she get get, butshe gave too.
And she gave me some encouragingwords, and she said, She told me
to keep going, Miss Naomi.
Continue to let your light shineno matter what, because you
don't know who's watching andwho life you're going to touch

(27:30):
with your very encouraging,insightful words of wisdom.
I saw you, and I'm gonna saythis again because I have to
give you your flowers, beautifulgirl.
Even in where you think is yourlowest moment, you have given
one of the most powerful things.

(27:50):
So again, I thank you.
I thank you because you neverknow what the person is giving
through on the inside when thesadness behind the smile, all
right?
Because know that the nextperson deserves to be with that
heel person, that healed versionof who you are.

(28:12):
That's what it's all about.
It's all about seeing eachother, it's about holding each
other, it's about healingtogether.
So, chat, this is what I wanty'all to type right now.
I want y'all to type sadnessbehind my smile.
If you ever felt this, if youever felt like you were faking,
and in pause for a second.

(28:33):
And I don't want to say likefaking like fake, but yeah, yes,
I do.
I do want to say like fakingbecause remember when we talked
about that mask.
Remember a few, was it a fewmonths ago where we talk about
that mask?
Or was I on the season ofCephula?
But when we talk about that maskand removing that mask, this is

(28:54):
a time that we have to removethe mask.
This is the time that we have toremove the mask.
So we can see one another.
So we can see those reflections.

(29:19):
So we can see those reflections.
Because we are a reflection ofone another, whether good or
bad.
So it's up to you to figure outwhat what reflection you're
going to show to someone else.
So I'm looking at all of y'all.

(29:39):
I see y'all over there.
I see y'all over there, and Ithank you.
I thank you all for being activein these chats.
All right, y'all.
So let's let's break this down.
Let's talk about how to actuallyheal a broken heart.
All right.
But first, we got to addresssomething important.

(30:01):
I want to talk about um from themale perspective of it all, and
I want to um go ahead and imposethis this um excuse me, this
poll um for the men.
How do you typically handle theheartbreak?
How do you typically handle theheartbreak?

(30:24):
Show it.
All right.
Do you well you y'all can readit over there?
Because I can't see it, right?

SPEAKER_05 (30:36):
I I can read it too.

SPEAKER_14 (30:37):
Okay, go ahead, go ahead.
Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_05 (30:40):
Have you ever had your heart broken?
This is for the men.
And uh one one option, yes, andI'm still healing.
Two is yes, but I've moved on.
Three is yes multiple times, andnumber four is no, not yet.

SPEAKER_14 (30:56):
All right, but then I need you to scroll down to the
one that I need you to put upthere.
That one right there.

SPEAKER_05 (31:03):
Okay, yep.
And this one is and how do mentypically handle heart
correction?

SPEAKER_14 (31:12):
Yep, that's the one.

SPEAKER_05 (31:14):
And one is talk about it with your uh friends
and family, keep it to myself,stay busy and work through it,
or other coping methods.

SPEAKER_14 (31:27):
Yeah, yeah.
All right, all right, so sobefore we get into the healing
steps, I need to addresssomething that came up in the
comments.
And um, after the Talk to MeTuesday episode dropped, and
like I told you, I had multiplemen reach out saying, Thank you
for this.
I mean, we go through this alot, but nobody talks about men

(31:47):
when we had heartbroken.
It was one comment that reallystuck with me.
And he said that men are silentsufferers.
He said, We are programmed notto show emotion, and as a
result, we have more problems toovercome a broken relationship.
So, Mike, Mike, talk to me.

(32:07):
Um, talk to me.
Why do you think men'sheartbreaks get ignored?

SPEAKER_05 (32:15):
Okay, here.
Give me a second to take a deepbreath.
Okay.
So, I mean, it is one thingthat's even in this is men are
silent stuff.
Yes, men are.
Because uh we have been imposedon, we have been trained, we
have been in the society to tobe strong, right?

(32:37):
Take care of our family and uhtake care of ourselves, and just
this person of being strong menthat I guess even with some
answers in there, one answer iswe we suffer in silence.
We do we say silence about it.
A lot of men don't go to workand talk about it with their
co-workers, you know.
They'll go to work and theirheart could be broken, and they

(32:59):
talk about the game last night.
They talk about they talkingabout other things, right?
Um, and we just tend to keep itto ourselves, keep it to
ourselves.
And another one on this poll isother coping methods.
Now that's the scary one.
Right.
So that's the real scary onebecause that coping could be
positive, it could be verynegative.

(33:21):
I mean, right.
That could be drugs, that couldbe drinking, that could be
abuse, that could be a lot ofthings that come out of that for
men.

SPEAKER_16 (33:28):
Right.

SPEAKER_05 (33:29):
You know, so I think the most thing is silent
sufferers, just we keep it toourselves and we deal with it
and we go to work and we workthrough it and we don't talk to
nobody.
A lot of men don't want to go tocounseling, don't want to go to
you know, things that reallyhelp them heal, because for the
most part, we feel we got it.

(33:50):
Right.

SPEAKER_14 (33:51):
You know, right, right.
You know, thank thank you, Dr.
Mike Mike, for you know, to tofor sharing that with me.
And again, I see the comments inum for the BTG crew, you know,
over here, because that is veryimportant um for you know us to
be talked about.
And you know, and that's real,you know, because society does

(34:11):
tell tells men that um excuseme, that society does tell men
to be strong, tell men to bestrong, to don't cry.
You know, it tells men to manup, it tells them all of that.
Get over it.
Um, you know, all of those goodthings.

(34:33):
Go find another one.
That's one of the biggest thingsthat's been told to them.
Go find another one, go findanother one.
But it's like, do you reallywant them to go find another one
before they heal?
You know, let's be honest.
Because it is okay to hurt, it'sokay to grieve, it's okay to
feel.
So now it's like, so whathappens?

(34:54):
Men suppress it, right?
Men internalize it, right?
Men numb with work, with thegym, as you said, Dr.
Mike Mike, with other women,with alcohol, with anything that
they can avoid the feeling, andthen that unhealed pain shows up
in the next relationship.
And what that does is bring alot of unhealed situations out

(35:16):
that's that just shows up,right?
Yeah, yeah, it shows up aswalls, it shows up as a fear of
commitment, it shows up asemotional unavailability, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So, as you said, how do mentypically handle heartbreak?
Like you said, what do y'all dowhen you're hurting?

(35:39):
What do you do when you'rehurting?

SPEAKER_05 (35:42):
You know something, and and a lot of men keep it in
even when you're hurting, andthat's probably why it caused
other hurting within your body,you know.
And being a black man, we talkabout diabetes, we talk about uh
high blood pressure, we talkabout a lot of stresses that

(36:05):
comes on like that.
It it could be just for thatfact that you are holding in,
you are being strong, you arenot healing everything, and it
comes and it does, it hits yourbody in other ways.
Yeah, it hits your bodies otherways, you know, whether you go
to drinking or you go to somedrugs, but it can all be
stimulated from that heartbreak.

(36:26):
Yeah, you know, yeah, and onemore thing, and it's just
something that I've beenthinking about is heart being
getting your heart broke andbeing the heartbroken goes in
different ways because I trulyfeel that sometimes you can be
heartbroken even when you wasthe one breaking the other

(36:47):
person's heart.

SPEAKER_15 (36:50):
Interesting, you know.

SPEAKER_05 (36:52):
I mean, if you was in a relationship and you you
you caused you caused aheartbreak, you weren't fake for
you weren't honest, you know,you know, in all times for men,
that don't mean you didn't lovea person, but you was and you
caused their heartbreak, whichsometime after it's over with,
and you sit back and realizewhat you did, and realize the

(37:14):
person you lost, and this is foruh Miss K, the person you lost
doing that did all this stuff,even though it's his heart could
be broken too, because it soundslike he lost a great woman, you
know, and sometimes a lot of menmove to the other side, think
the grass is greener, and theyget to the other side and it

(37:36):
ain't as good.
And this still can causeheartbroken them, and that can
go that can go to some very,very bad things too.
Because, like you say, some mendon't even want to realize that
their heart is broke.
Let's go back to that beingstrong, cope with it, get over
it.
Oh, I'm all right, you know, asman, I'm all right, it's good,

(37:58):
no matter how it happened, andthey move on, right?

SPEAKER_14 (38:01):
But that's how they end up causing the heartbreak.
Yes, you understand what I'msaying, and they may go to
another relation and cause awhole nother heartbreak, even
though so that's what we need totalk about now, is about really
just truly healing because noone needs to be dealing with
that.
All right, men in the chat.

(38:22):
How do you handle heartbreak?
I see y'all over the uh uh overthere.
Do you talk about it?
Do you suppress it?
What do you do?
Drop it in the chat, drop it inthe chat, and yes, your man,
yes, hurt people, hurt people.
You are so right, you are soright again.
I'm gonna thank you all for justbeing active in um in the chats

(38:42):
today.
I I really, really do.
Um, drop out my mic, do me afavor, go back to the polls
right now.
And could you take those pollsdown for me?
Yep, yep, take those polls downfor me.
All right, all right, and thisthis is so important, y'all,
because if we're going to bridgethe gap, we gotta hold space for

(39:06):
everybody's pain, foreverybody's pain.
All right, now let's get intohealing.
Y'all ready to get into healing?
So, we're gonna talk about howto heal a broken heart.
And the framework is like this.
So, based on everything that Isaid in Talk to Me Tuesday
episode, and based on my ownjourney, based on the many

(39:26):
people that I've coached throughHeartbreak, here's the framework
for healing a broken heart.
And Mike, Mike, I want you totell me this if it resonates
with the male perspective too,when I tell when I read this,
all right?
So there are five steps.
There are five steps, and we'regonna go through each one of
them.

(39:47):
Each one of them, we are goingto go through.
All right, so this is what we'regonna do real quick.
Before we go through thesefives, we're going to take a
quick break, all right?
It's your girl the goddess NaomiBanks here on Axe Naomi Bridge
and the Gap Podcast, and we willbe right back.

SPEAKER_13 (40:07):
What are some common barriers that prevent people
from expressing?

SPEAKER_14 (40:10):
Hey, it's your girl D Goddess Naomi Banks here from
the Season to Self Love Podcast.

SPEAKER_09 (40:17):
Yeah, I would say remorse.
So shame and guilt is a verydivided emotional.

SPEAKER_14 (40:23):
And these are one of the many amazing conversations
that we have every day, Mondaythrough Friday, right here on
the Season to Self Love Podcastwith myself, Naomi Banks, as
well as our resident therapist,Dr.

SPEAKER_01 (40:36):
Will Washington of Washington Wellness Institute.

SPEAKER_06 (40:40):
Come by.

SPEAKER_01 (40:42):
Come by.

SPEAKER_08 (40:43):
A lot of times we're afraid of people look at us, and
so that compassion can't enterus.

SPEAKER_15 (40:48):
You can hit us on the website the season of suffer
podcast.com.

SPEAKER_12 (40:53):
With the truth, is it the all right?

SPEAKER_14 (40:59):
Well, welcome back to Axe Name originally got
podcasts.
It's your girl, got his namebanks here with Double Power
Mike Mike.
What's going on?

SPEAKER_03 (41:05):
It's all good, all good.

SPEAKER_14 (41:06):
All right, we are here with BTG crew.
Hey, hey, I see y'all in the inthe chats, and y'all are truly
having a great conversation.
Okay, so before we get into thetopic, and our topic tonight is
how do I heal from um, excuseme, from heartbreak, and I'm
about to give you five steps ofhealing, but before we do that,
um, and I'm hoping my palm mightmight have been, you know,

(41:28):
giving count of it because thething is, and I hope that I'm
saying this right, you know, wegot these socks right here.
We still doing giveaways.
We already gave away, we givingthem, we gave away some last
week, this week, and we got ourbox.
We got our box full, so we'll beshipping them out um next week.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll be shipping them out nextweek.
Um, a pair of socks.

(41:49):
These socks are um pink socks,uh, pink socks.
They call it pink sockslifestyle.
We had an amazing guest twoweeks ago, um, Mr.
Atkins.
Mr.
Atkins came by and it's allabout spreading love.
All about spreading love.
And so we'll give you a pair ofthese, and it um definitely

(42:11):
we'll explain this a little bitlater.
Hopefully, I can remember itfrom the top of my dom.
Well, you know, we can explainit later.
But uh, you become active inhere.
There's giveaways that we got.
We already got two that one wegot, Miss Charmaine and um Miss
Um Cassandra.
Miss Cassandra, yes.
So, gentlemen, make sure, Imean, I see a lot of gentlemen

(42:32):
in in the chats today that'sbeen that's being very active.
All right.
All right, so let's get backinto the topic of hearing is
today.
We're talking about how do Iheal from a heartbreak?
How do I heal from a heartbreak?
And um, before the break, I wasgoing, I'm giving the five steps
to um healing.

(42:53):
And this is something that I'venot only used myself, I use
myself, but also I've used withuh a lot of my clients, a lot of
my clients to help them to getthrough a lot of their
heartbreaks.
All right.
So we're gonna start with thefirst one.
Step one is to feel it, feel iton event.
You cannot heal what you don'tfeel, you cannot process what

(43:17):
you don't, what you what yousuppress.
So that means if you got a cry,you got to scream, you got a
journal, you gotta pray, yougotta rage, you gotta grieve.
I want you to give yourselfpermission to be heartbroken
because you are, and that'sokay.
That's not a weak weakness.
This is human.

(43:38):
And so, and when I say this,pause for me for a second.
When I say this, I want you tobe, and it's and I don't know
when I say I'm for real.
Be responsible when you do this.
When I say do scream, cry, pray,rage.
I don't mean going out there anddoing no stupid stuff on
somebody else.
That's not what I mean.
That's not what I mean.
Be responsible when you do this.

(43:59):
When I mean be responsible.
You go to your space in yourplace in your home and you have
that moment with yourself.
You have that moment withyourself.
Mike, my question for you do mengive themselves permission to
feel?

SPEAKER_05 (44:18):
Um that's a good one.
Um most time no.
Most of the time no.
And I just even heard what yousaid that uh go to that space in
your heart, go to that place,you know.
Um some men ain't got places togo.
Some men don't have places togo.

(44:38):
And sometimes they get in theircar, and that scream and that
rage may come out a bad way.
You know, that may come out withsomebody cut them off and they
taking out things on otherpeople that even is not for
them.
You know, um, you know, we don'tsupposed to cry.

(45:02):
You know, a lot of men do pray,but even in prayer, sometimes
they're they're praying forother people.
I mean, another questionprobably for another show do men
pray for themselves?
Do they pray for their familyand their you know, parents and
their kids and things like that?
So, yeah, a lot of men they theydon't.

(45:24):
They they suppress.

SPEAKER_14 (45:25):
Yeah, but you know, I I see somebody saying about
music, which is a great, a greatoutlet, but also, you know,
using artistry art artistry, um,paint, drawing, writing, rap.
You know, one of one one of myfavorite cousins, he he uses rap
to, you know, to to you know,get out his anger.

(45:47):
You know, whatever it is to getit out, get it out versus then
hurting someone.
Um, even if you write in aletter to yourself, you know,
that's something that I do, youknow, I I tell I even tell my
daughters that.
You know, I've had my daughterswriting in their journals ever
since they were eight or nineyears old.
Whatever feelings that theyhave, especially when they

(46:07):
pissed off of me, write it in ajournal.
Write it in a journal.
Um I'm gonna tell y'all rightnow, I used to find your
journals, but write it in ajournal, you know, on your
feelings and your emotionbecause you need to be able to
get that out, you know, get thatout sometimes.
You know, my car, you you spokeabout car, man.
My car still to this day hasbeen part of my sanctuary.

(46:30):
Um, it's been, you know, part ofwhere I'm able to get some of my
biggest ideas and where I'm ableto truly be able to speak to
God, right there in my car, youknow.
So wherever it is that you canfind your safe space, that's
where it is that's safe for you,that's safe for you and healthy.
That's where you can do it rightthere, you know?

(46:55):
You know, yeah, yeah.
I hear you, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there he go again, boy.
Bo, I love it, I love it.
You know, thank thank you, Mark.
I I see you, Mark, and I want tothank you because you were the
one.
You were the one that got it,yeah, yeah.

(47:17):
You know, and the one thing isthat I want to make sure that
you you you all get this,especially the men.
Because women, we expressourselves.
We we we express ourselves a lotmore than men do.
We do.
And the problem with men isbecause they do, they want to
skip over their feelings andthey want to skip over the

(47:38):
healing, and you can't.
You can't.
You can't think that you can'tthink your way out of
heartbreak.
You cannot, you cannot logicyour way out of it, you cannot
logic your way through it.
You can't say you're busy yourway past it.
You gotta feel it.

(48:00):
And feeling looks like cryingwhen you need to cry, talking to
someone who you trust that's notgonna use it against you,
writing it out in a journal.
Your words don't have to beperfect.
Screaming in your car, sittingwith the pain instead of running

(48:23):
from it, don't do that.
Because what it does, it cancreate stress and create other
things, as Mike was saying.
Because here's the truth theonly way out is through.
So, chat.
Right now, I want you to I wantyou to type feel it for me.
Feel it if you're givingyourself permission to feel your

(48:44):
heart break instead ofsuppressing it.
Type feel it.
Yes, thank you, thank you.
I see it, thank you.
Yes, I see it, yes, I see it,thank you, thank you.

(49:07):
I see it, thank you, thank you.
You know what?
Pause for a moment and let mesee this, say this because I
have to say this because notonly are we on live right now,
but also we do a uh a restreamor how we uh upload.
And so if you are listeningright now on a replay and you're
wondering, just being here liveis is so good.

(49:29):
I love that you listen to me ona replay, but being here live
and the energy in these roomsand these spaces is so
wonderful, it really is.
It's so wonderful just to behere in these spaces um with it.
All right, so I see all ofy'all.
All right, let's go to step two.
And this one is big.
This one is big.

(49:51):
Leave the empty room and claimyour space.
All right, so for step two, thisis one that is so important
because this is something thatI'm actually doing a whole
series right now, right now,this concept right now on the
Season of Self-Love podcast.
And it's leave the empty roomand to claim your space.

(50:12):
You see, last month in March, itwas all about reclaiming your
boundaries.
But when you reclaim yourboundaries, you always just
stand there.
You don't know what to do withthem afterwards.
So here's what happened whensomeone leaves your life.
When someone leaves your life,when they leave an empty room,
all right, not just physically,emotionally, energetically, and

(50:36):
spiritually, when thatrelationship ends, there's
suddenly all this space.
There's now space in yourschedule, there's now space in
your bed, there's now space inyour mind, and now there's space
in your heart.
And you have two choices.

(50:59):
Option one, you can keep goingback to that empty room and keep
staring at the walls, you cankeep replaying the memories,
keep wishing that they comeback, and keep trying to what?
Recreate what was.
Option two, you can accept thatroom is empty, close the door,

(51:22):
and start rebuilding a new room.
You cannot move forward whileyou're still living in the past.
Now, here's where this getsdeeper, and this is what we talk
about, what we're talking aboutright now on the season of

(51:43):
self-love.
You see, we're in we're inApril, and April is all about
unashamed growth, specificallyweek one.
It's about unashamed space.
That means taking up room togrow.
Because here's what I'velearned: boundaries, when you
set boundaries, it createsspace.

(52:04):
But what you have to do, youhave you actually have to claim
that space that you have nowtaken back.
See, when you set a boundary,when you say, I'm not texting
you anymore, when you unfollowthem, when you delete their
number, when you stop going tothe places that they go, you're
creating space.

(52:26):
But that space can feel scary.
That space can be empty, itfeels empty.
And what is your first instinctto do is to fill it, and fill it
to what?
With something familiar.
Even if that familiar is what?

(52:49):
If it's pain.
So you go back to that emptyroom, you scroll their
Instagram, you drive by theirhouse, you replay that last
conversation, you text them,just checking in.
Because that empty room feelssafer than the unknown.

(53:12):
But baby, you can't grow in anempty room.
You gotta leave that empty room,and you gotta claim the space
that your boundaries created.
I got a question for you.
Have you ever seen someone, manor woman, who just cannot let

(53:36):
go?
That they keep going back tothat empty room.

SPEAKER_05 (53:40):
For sure.
For sure.
Um, because even though thatroom is empty, that room is so
familiar to them.
You know, that room, most peoplesit back in that room, even
though it's empty, and all theycan think about is what that
room was.

(54:01):
You know, and a lot of peoplebeing heartbroken, they try to
bring, they try to just thinkabout the the good times because
every late every relationshiphas some good times.
You know, things went bad, butthey had good times, and they
think about the good times.
And they try to, like you said,they try to recreate them, they

(54:24):
try to build new things withthem, but they in that same
empty room, yeah, and thosewalls hold so many feelings in
that room.
So it yes, it is hard for peopleto leave.

SPEAKER_14 (54:36):
Yeah, you know, yeah, and you know, just even
watching that, and just evenremembering just in what I said
when I read um Miss K first umemail, it took me back.
It took me back over 20 years tothat heartbreak that I that I
had, and I remember for thefirst few years is going through
that empty room that I had, andI didn't know what it I was just

(54:58):
filling it with all kinds ofbull crap, you know, because it
was just familiar.
And not understanding what itwas, and I was stuck.
I was stuck, and it's soheartbreaking to watch right
now, to watch somebody becausethey are stuck, they're not
feeling, they're just existingin that pain.

(55:22):
So here's what leaving the emptyroom looks like practically.
What you're leaving behind.
You're deleting, you're deletingtheir numbers, or at least
removing it from your favorites.
We're gonna be real, we're gonnatake it a little step, little
bit step, okay?

(55:43):
We ain't gonna go from zero to100 right away.
If you ain't got the strength togo from zero, let's let's do a
little bit.
You're gonna unfollow them onsocial media, unmuting them.
You're gonna remove their photosfrom your phone or moving them
to the hidden folder, boxing upthe gifts and putting them away,
or better yet, donating them,changing your routines if they

(56:06):
trigger memories, stopping thewhat if conversations in your
head.
That's those that's the one.
That's the one, that's the onewhere you start creating, you
start creating a whole series ofwhat that conversation would
have been if you would have saidthis and then if he would have

(56:28):
said that before you knew it,you got a whole soul problem in
your head on this one situation,then you believe in it.
But I want to tell you thisyou're not erasing the person,
you're not pretending that itdidn't happen, you're just
creating a space to heal.
But here's the part where peopleskip you can't just leave that

(56:52):
empty room, you have to fillthat space.
And on this week's ActionWednesday episode from yesterday
on the season of self-love, wedid an exercise called mapping
your space.
And it's all about, you know,I'm about to walk y'all through
it right now because it'sperfect for heartbreak, right?
So in the chat, if you got yourphones, if you got some notes,

(57:15):
now I put it up there and Isaid, make sure y'all have y'all
journals or whatever.
Or if you got a journal, I wanty'all to grab it.
We about to do some work rightnow.
We about to do some, we're aboutto do some work right now.
Mike, might you ready?

SPEAKER_05 (57:28):
Uh yeah, we work, we work.

SPEAKER_14 (57:30):
Yeah, we we got to, we gotta work through it.
We gotta run it.
Did somebody say, can somebodypeek the first step?
I love it.
I love it.
The first step is to fill it,baby, is to fill it.
All right, so here's thethree-part exercise that I had,
and I want you to actually doit, not just listening, do it.

(57:53):
All right.
Exercise one is I want you toname your space.
This is the first question thatI want you to put down.
What space did this relationshipending create?
I want you to write this down.
What opened up when you set theboundary of it's over in that

(58:14):
relationship?
So I'm gonna give you someexamples.
Maybe it's time, your eveningsare suddenly free, your weekends
are open, maybe it's energy.
You're not constantly worryingor fighting or explaining or
defending.
Maybe it's an emotionalbandwidth that you got back,
you're not drained by theirdrama, their needs, their chaos.

(58:38):
Maybe it's physical space, yourbed, your home, your car, your
favorite spots?
Or maybe it's mental clarity.
Your mind isn't consumed by themanymore.
So, chat.
What I want you to do is I wantyou to drop in the chat right

(58:59):
now.
What space did your breakupcreate?
Did it create time, energy,mental space, or physical space?
Y'all can take a minute andthink about it.
What opened up for you?

(59:24):
What opened up for you?

SPEAKER_05 (59:27):
That's a deep.

SPEAKER_14 (59:28):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (59:29):
I mean, people out there thinking about it, they
gotta think.

SPEAKER_16 (59:32):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (59:32):
Times.
I mean, said time.

SPEAKER_14 (59:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, and let me say thisagain.
I know, in the beginning, time,a lot of people say time.
You know, I want to say thisbeginning because heartbreak is
more than just a lover, aboyfriend, a husband, a wife.
It can be friends, it can be,you know, a sister, a brother, a
mother, a father, or a daughter,a child.

(59:58):
It can be any relationship thatyou have that you are no longer
connected to can be aheartbroke, a broken, you know
what I'm saying?
A heartbreak.
You know, so you think aboutwhen you put up those boundaries
and you're no longer connectedwith that person, what what now
is in that empty space?
What's now there?
What are you gonna claim it as?

(01:00:20):
What now have you get gottenback from it?
Or what are you going to reclaimback from that?
You know, and this is where youhave to be honest with yourself.
This is where that mask is off.
And you say, Okay, I want to bebetter, I want to be better for
myself, so then I can startattracting, you know, better for

(01:00:44):
myself.

SPEAKER_05 (01:00:46):
Yes, it does.
Yes, yes, it does.
Makes a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_14 (01:00:49):
Good, and thank you.
I see y'all being honest, I seey'all.
I see y'all being honest, I seethe energy, I see the peace, I
see the time.
I see time all in there.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:02):
Time is all in there.
Because time is one thing youcan't get back to.

SPEAKER_14 (01:01:07):
You cannot, yes, yes, yes.
But you know what?
Let me say this too.
Let me let me say this too.
Is um one of my favorite peoplethat I that I talk to a lot, um,
Dr.
Will, he's one of my favoritepeople.
And I say to him about when wewe talk about, you know, when

(01:01:30):
going through things and going,you know, with time.
And let's let's speak abouttime.
And then I'm just gonna go frommy heartbreak back 20 years ago.
That heartbreak taught me somuch.
It's probably was the mostvaluable lesson that I could
ever have, which probably mademe a better lover, a better

(01:01:51):
person in my relationship now.
And so, which might sound crazyto you all, but I needed that
because it made me look atmyself and redirect me in what I
needed to heal, because itwasn't like it was just on them,
it was all some stuff that Ibrought up in there.

(01:02:13):

SPEAKER_04 (01:02:15):
It does.

SPEAKER_14 (01:02:16):
You you understand what I'm saying?
And so, in in that, in that timethat you know that I got I got
back, I'm gonna make it work.
What did I learn from that timethat I was with that person
that's gonna make this timereally mean some shit?
Excuse my language.

SPEAKER_04 (01:02:35):
Yes, it does.
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_14 (01:02:38):
All right, exercise two is name what you're afraid
to fill it with, name it whatyou are afraid to fill it with
now.
This is a hard one.
This is a hard one.
This is a hard one.
What are you afraid to fill thatspace with?

(01:03:02):
Because the truth is we'reafraid to claim that space.
You know why?
Because we are afraid to expand.
Because we think, what if I fillit with me and I realize I don't
know who I am without them?
Or what if I feel it with mydreams and I fail?

(01:03:25):
What if I fill it with healingand it's too hard?
What if I fill it with joy andpeople think I didn't really
love them?
What if?
So we leave it empty, or we fillit with distractions, or we get,
yo, we go back to the X.

(01:03:46):
I know shit, I excuse me.
I did it.
I did it three times with thatone X.
Three times in 10 years.
Went back, back, back, back,back.
Pause for a second.
Back, back, back, back, back.

(01:04:07):
Thought it was gonna get better,and no, it wasn't, and it wasn't
just on them, it was on me too.
Because of some of these thingsI was afraid of.
Right, so you have to be honest.
What are you afraid to fill thatspace with?

(01:04:27):
So, chat.
If you feel comfortable, drop inthe chat.
What are you afraid to fill yourspace with?
You got a whole room.

SPEAKER_05 (01:04:37):
I you know this chat that they they in here tonight
because uh DJ Miller said theunknown.
Afraid to fill it with theunknown.
That was mine, yeah.

SPEAKER_14 (01:04:47):
That was mine, yep.

SPEAKER_05 (01:04:49):
Charmaine as well, fear of the unknown, you know,
and Dre, Dre 19.
Great.
He said, I'm afraid to fill itwith the void, fill that void
with myself.

SPEAKER_14 (01:05:04):
We're gonna talk about that.

SPEAKER_05 (01:05:05):
Yeah, yeah.
And civilization said, I'mafraid to fill that void with
bitterness.

SPEAKER_14 (01:05:18):
Is that bitterness or bitterness?

SPEAKER_05 (01:05:20):
Betterness.
And I guess even in that feelingtoo, with with betterness, is if
your heart been broken and nowyou're feeling it with
bitterness, you know, that thatleaves the ten you to think so
much about that pastrelationship.

(01:05:41):
You know, how long did you stayin that relationship, which now
you're in a new one doingbetter, which, like, wow, I wish
I was doing this all along.

SPEAKER_14 (01:05:51):
You know, that's that's where you have to
appreciate the lessons that werelearned.

SPEAKER_05 (01:06:00):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 (01:06:00):
Because for you to for you to go through that to
get to that point.

SPEAKER_05 (01:06:05):
Right.

SPEAKER_14 (01:06:05):
You understand?
To get to that perspective.
To get to because you've learnedthat.
You learned that by goingthrough it.
You learned that by goingthrough it.
And you're now you've healedfrom it because you've now done
the work.

SPEAKER_05 (01:06:21):
Yes, yes.
You know, and for a man, itreally makes sense because
sometimes you you may move on,but have you really healed?
You know, have you really takenthe time to heal and grow and
get past that that hurt?
Because, like we talked aboutbefore, men brush it off.

SPEAKER_14 (01:06:42):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (01:06:43):
They sit in silence.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 (01:06:46):
Yeah.
Again, I'm gonna thank, I'mgonna thank the chats because
you you guys are really showing,um, showing up.
Yeah, really showing.
And I I I thank you.
I thank you all for just beingcomfortable with sharing
publicly right here.
And if you if you're not, ifyou're looking, we see a lot of
we see a lot of eyes out thereright now, a lot of eyes right
now.
And if you're not comfortablesharing publicly, write it down

(01:07:07):
for yourself.
Write it down for yourself,write it down for yourself, and
you will have it.
You will have it.
Look, when I say this, um pausefor me for a second.
When I say this, um a lot of myclients are men.
Uh, and and and what I loveabout this is that when I when I

(01:07:33):
started, when I became a lifecoach, sex and relationship
coach, I really thought that itwould be more um women and
couples, if anything.
Um, I didn't know that therewould be so many men that were
comfortable with opening up.
And I love that they they trustme with that.

(01:07:55):
You know, they trust me withthat maybe because maybe with
the the career and field that Iam, that they know that I'm not
gonna judge them.
Yes, yes, and so they're able toshare that space with me because
I've shared my most vulnerableasset with them on this screen,

(01:08:16):
you know.
So that's like, okay, she's notgonna judge me because she's
been in that very space, so Ican be real broad with them.
But also in that in that sense,it's been hard for them to trust
to do the work.
It's been hard for me, like,really, do that really work?
Yes, it does.
It does work.

(01:08:36):
And I remember, I remember whatit was like maybe two or three
of them came in, like, I don'tknow if if that meditation is
gonna work, I don't know if ifthat journalist is gonna work, I
don't know if this, and by what,six six weeks, even the third
week, they was like, oh my god,that worked.
Yes, it does.

(01:08:56):
And you don't have to share itand tell it to your friends or
anybody like that, you know.
Sometimes sometimes they need anoutlet to talk to, you know,
sometimes they need an outlet totalk to, you know, and I like
that.
I saw somebody said the fear ofthe betterness, and let me tell
you why that feel of betterness,too, because and I remember I

(01:09:18):
had this as well.
I had this as well, because whenyou have this fear and you're
getting better with yourself,when you start to do that,
everything around you start tobe revealed, and in that
process, when the things aroundyou are revealed to you, you
feel alone, you feel alonebecause you are no longer

(01:09:41):
aligned with the circle or thepeople around you, and so now is
up to you to say, wow, it's timefor me to move on, to move
forward.
What does that look like for me?

(01:10:04):
Yeah, that's all that'ssomething else.
That's where we got to go withsomething else.
See now, y'all y'all going,y'all need to come over to this
the season of Steph Love overthere.
Yeah, but I love this.
I want to thank y'all for justbeing honest, you know.
I I love this.

(01:10:24):
I I I truly do I love this.
I love y'all being vulnerable.
I love this.
I see y'all.
I see I man.
I man, I see y'all.
Let me tell you something.
Y'all don't understand what Isee right here.
Y'all don't understand what Isee right here.
Right here, I see part of mydreams becoming a reality.

(01:10:48):
You guys are making part of mydreams come a reality.
When I was a little big girl, Ialways say I wanted to change
the world, whatever way possiblethat was.
When I got into the adultindustry, I was told that I
probably wouldn't be able to donothing but that what I was
doing, and nothing else that Ihave ruined my life.

(01:11:11):
No, I wasn't taking that.
I wasn't taking that.
And right now, watching thesenumbers, watching these
response, the conversations thatwe have on here versus on here

(01:11:33):
in the season of self-love, wetalk about more than just sex.
We talk about more than justrelationships, we talk about
healing.
Because that's the only way thatwe can have healthy
relationships.
That's the only way that we canhave good sex.

(01:11:55):
You understand?
That's the only way is for us tobe honest so we can be real.
This is the only way that we canbecome unstuck, right?

SPEAKER_04 (01:12:12):
You're right.

SPEAKER_14 (01:12:14):
So I thank you all.
I thank you, man.
Let me go on to exercise threebefore I go give me some tissue,
and I want y'all to choose onebold action this week, and then
next month, not next month, butthis week, when you feel ready

(01:12:35):
this week with one bold action,you can take a you can claim
your space, and it has to bevisible.
And let me tell you how it hasto be real, it can just, and I'm
gonna give you an example.
If your space is time, soremember we get the time.
If your space is time, I wantyou to sign up for a class, that

(01:12:56):
class that you've been wanted totake, whatever that class is, or
book a trip, book a trip,whatever that trip that you
want, or start a project thatyou said you was gonna take,
gonna do.
If your space is energy, I wantyou to start therapy, join a
support group, begin journalingevery morning.

(01:13:17):
If your space is physical,redecorate your bedroom or your
backyard, buy yourself flowersor whatever, create a new
routine.
If your space is emotional,write a letter to yourself about
who you're becoming.
Set a new boundary with someoneelse who's draining you.

(01:13:42):
Chat, this is what I want you todo right now.
Tell me what is your bold actionfor this week?
What is your bold action forthis week?
What is one thing, one thingthat you can do to claim your
space?
You don't have to think hard.
What's the first thing that camein your mind?

(01:14:08):
Y'all don't be thinking it ain'tno right or wrong answer.
I promise you, there's no rightor wrong answer.
There's no right or wronganswer.

SPEAKER_05 (01:14:37):
That's a big step for people coming out of our
place.

SPEAKER_14 (01:14:47):
You know what?

SPEAKER_05 (01:14:50):
No longer that side, dude.

SPEAKER_14 (01:14:54):
Oh wow.

SPEAKER_05 (01:14:59):
And we hear Rusty say, loving myself more and more
each day.

SPEAKER_14 (01:15:03):
That's right, that's right.
Loving myself more and more eachday.

SPEAKER_05 (01:15:11):
And that's a big thing, you know.

SPEAKER_14 (01:15:12):
That is, that's a big thing.
Yes, that is, Dre.
That is, that's an action, baby.
You no longer the sad dude.
Just tell your baby that.

SPEAKER_17 (01:15:22):
Right.

SPEAKER_14 (01:15:23):
Yes, yes.
You you're not sad material.
Tell him you're main.
Tell you the main event.
Yes.
Yes, that is an action.
That's that is an action.

(01:15:43):
Start a new business.
Yes, start it.
Yes.
Yes, Cassandra.
Start that new business.
That's what I'm talking about.
I love it.
I love it.
For real, Mark.

(01:16:06):
Yes, that's good.
That's good.
That's good.
That's good.
You know, it's all about beingbold.
So when you've been shriekingyourself just to fit into
someone else's life, taking upspace is bold.
So when you've been quiet aboutyour knees, using your voice is
being bold.

(01:16:26):
Now, here's the accountabilitypiece of it all.
And this is very critical,y'all.
I want you to share your boldaction with someone.
You can either DM me onInstagram and tell me this week

(01:16:52):
I am claiming my space bywhatever you're claiming your
space by.
Don't be in there acting mannishor nasty.
You bet not, or I'm gonna blockyou.
Or text someone that you trustright now and say, I'm doing
this and hold me accountable.

(01:17:12):
So I want y'all to comment inthe chat right now so the BTG
community can witness it.
I want y'all to do it now beforewe talk before you talk yourself
out of it.
Mike, Mike, what's your boldaction you taking?

SPEAKER_05 (01:17:26):
Oh well, my whole action, you know, something I
wasn't even thinking about, butI guess it's to is to really do
something for myself.
Nice, you know, take some timejust for me.

SPEAKER_14 (01:17:42):
Nice.
Yeah, I love that.
I love that.
You know, I do.
I chat, I see y'all.
I I I I love the the boldactions that y'all, yeah.
I I I love I I love seeing that.
And thank you, Dr.
Pop Mike Bright was just showingthis uh saying that.
Yeah, yeah.

(01:18:03):
And you know, y'all, thank y'allfor doing the work.
I I didn't know exactly how thiswas gonna show up on the live.
I do this um with the season ofself-love, but it's really, you
know, pre-recorded, and I willget, you know, the um the
listeners that would write meemails and stuff like that and
and tell me about the work thatthey've done.
But just to see this in realtime live, it it do, it it warms

(01:18:26):
my heart and it really justreally pause for a second.
It really, you know, my I seeit.
Yeah, I I see it.
And it's truly, it's truly abeautiful thing, thing.
It really is.
It's really a beautiful thing.
Um when you're doing the work inreal time, and let me tell you
what happens.

(01:18:46):
That fear, fear is going to showup.
When you start doing the thework in real time, fear is going
to show up, and that shame isgonna show up too.
It's gonna show up and it'sgonna whisper to you, and it's
gonna say, You're doing toomuch, you're being too dramatic.

(01:19:07):
You should just get back to themor what happened.
You should do that, or it wantsto say out loud, um, and you say
out loud, you know, I'll go sitdown somewhere because I'm
claiming my space.
And I'm going, I'm growingunapologetically, because this
is not too much.
This is exactly right, and I amunashamed.

(01:19:33):
All right, so I want y'all tosay this with me right now.
I am claiming my space, I amgrowing unapologetically, and
this is not too much.
This is exactly right.
I am unashamed.
So in the chats right now, Iwant you to type claimed.
If you just commit it to yourbold action, just write claimed.

(01:20:00):
Just write claimed.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
So, Dre 19, when we come back intwo weeks, I'm gonna ask you, is
you still that side?

SPEAKER_04 (01:20:23):
He said he's gonna post that video.

SPEAKER_14 (01:20:25):
Okay, or if you the main man now.
Go on a cruise.
Nice, nice.
Yeah, so I see, I see y'all.
I see y'all, I see y'all.
You know, y'all, this honestly,this is what healing looks like

(01:20:46):
in real time.
And listen, if you if you wantto go deeper with with the work,
truly go listen to the Season ofSelf-Love podcast this week.
Monday episode is calledUnashamed Growth: Redefining
What It Means to Bloom.
And that's where I talk about mygreen bathroom story and uh
choosing growthunapologetically.

(01:21:06):
And Wednesday, the episode isabout claiming your space, the
work of unashamed growth, wherewe do a full version of this
exercise where we even we goeven more in depth.
Um, because y'all, this isn'tjust about heartbreak.
It's not.
This is about life.
This is about every time someoneleaves, every time this a season

(01:21:27):
ends, every time you outgrowsomething or someone, you gotta
leave the empty room and yougotta claim your space.
You gotta claim your space.
All right, so let's get to stepthree.
Let's get to step three.
This is about doing the innerwork.

(01:21:47):
Doing the inner work.
This is where the real healinghappens.
I know y'all like, daddy, nowy'all, we ain't do the real
healing.
No, we still got two more afterthis.
You gotta ask yourself the hardquestion.
What did this relationship teachme about myself?

(01:22:08):
Hmm, what did this relationshipteach me about myself?
What patterns did I repeat?
What boundaries did I ignore?
What red flags did I miss or didI dismiss?
Excuse me, what wounds gottriggered?

(01:22:29):
What do I need to heal in myselfbefore I'm ready to love again?
Yeah, these are questions thatyou have to ask yourself because

here's the truth (01:22:41):
every relationship it's a mirror, and
it shows you what you need towork on, and it shows you your
wounds, and it shows you yourgrowth areas, and if you don't
do the inner work, you justrepeat the same patterns with a

(01:23:03):
different person.
And I saw somebody in the chatearlier today say making the
same mistakes, Mike Mike.
What does your inner work looklike for me?
What do you think that innerwork for men what it looks like?

SPEAKER_05 (01:23:25):
Well, the the inner work for men that we really
gotta we really gotta thinkabout and realize that you know
we have to do a lot of self-uhreflection.
We we really gotta think of ourpart in every part of the
relationship, what we didn't door did do, and we have to take

(01:23:45):
accountability for it.
And um, and a lot of men needsomeone to talk to.
Like I say, um you know, I don'tknow a lot of men, including
myself, that has been thetherapy who think they need
therapy because we're kind oflike we can handle this, we got

(01:24:06):
this, we we we can do this, andwe kind of do self-therapy.
And what that is, that still isholding it in.
That's it's still, you know,that that probably the most
hardest part of in the work formen is the therapy part to talk
to somebody, to getting someadvice, to to having that person

(01:24:29):
to talk to.
Right, you know, but yeah, we wecan self-reflect and do
something, but still you have toput it out there.
Yeah, you gotta put it outthere.

SPEAKER_14 (01:24:39):
Yeah, yeah, you know, thank you for that.
You know, that that is somethingso important.
Again, you know, we we we talkabout women, you know, always,
you know, they they think aboutthemselves.
And what I when I say this thinkabout themselves, like taking
care of themselves, let's put itthat way.
You know, so women more in touchwith their emotions and
feelings, you know, what mentend to not to, and a good thing

(01:25:02):
is that it is good for men toget therapy, you know.
Men do need to therapy, theyneed to journal too.
Men need to sit with themselvesand ask, why did I choose this
person?
Ask, why did I choose thisperson?
What was I trying to fix?
Or what was I avoiding?

(01:25:23):
Inner work is not weakness,inner work is strength.
Inner work is strength.
I'm gonna say it one more time.
Did I say inner?
Inner.
Inner.
And inner work looks like eithertherapy or coaching, generally,

(01:25:47):
regularly meditation or prayer,sitting at your altar or being
honest with yourself, readingbooks about healing, listening
to podcasts like this, one ofthe season of self-love, having
deep conversation with trustedfriends, being willing to see
your part in what happened.

(01:26:08):
You just just you don't have toblame yourself.
Have grace with yourself.
Remember, I had a conversationwith one of my friends about
this, but you do have to behonest with yourself.
So, chat, this is what I wantyou to do right now for your
inner work.
I want you to put you.
I want you to drop in there.

(01:26:32):
Drop you, just you.
I want you to tell me what doesyour inner work look like?
I just want you first.

SPEAKER_16 (01:26:40):
Yo, okay, pause for a second.

SPEAKER_14 (01:27:16):
All right, so what I ask for you this you are because
right now we are a reflection ofone another.
So what we're talking about,we're seeing you.
So that everybody on the chatthat's you, you, you, you, you,
you, you, you, you, you, you,you.
You get that?
You, you, you, you, you, you.
So now, what does the inner worklook like for you?

(01:27:36):
Now I want you to drop in thechat what does that look like
for you?
Now, that you right here, when Itold you to make that you, that
was you being accountable foreverybody in this chat today.

SPEAKER_05 (01:27:54):
Yes, it does.
Yes, it does.

SPEAKER_14 (01:28:05):
I'll wait.
I wish we had some some thememusic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what I love?
I um what I love, I I I createdmy altar.

(01:28:26):
And I've had my it started offin my um in my closet.
It started off a little bit inmy closet.
And then it went from my closet,then I created a whole, what I
call a golden rose room.
And I spend my mornings, that'swhy once I wake up in the
morning, I go right to my altarthe first thing in the morning.
And I pray at that altar.

(01:28:46):
And I asked to guide me through.
I first I do my um my fouragreements.
I make an agreement with myself,the four agreements, and um I
ask to for God to guide methrough what my day is supposed
to be, what I am to do.
And then from there on, youknow, I go with my day.
Um, but I ask for that, youknow.

(01:29:08):
Yeah.
And it's been it's been amazingfor me.
It really have.
I love seeing all of this.
I really do.
I love seeing all of this.
All right, so let's move on tostep four.
All right, step four is toreclaim your identity.
It's reclaim your identity.

(01:29:31):
That's when you are in arelationship, right?
You are in a relationship, andespecially a deep one.
You start to merge youridentities.
You know, we become more commonthan it's we're more common than
I.

(01:29:52):
And then you plan your lifearound them, you make decisions
based on them, and then you losepart of yourself, right?
So then when the relationshipends, you gotta ask, Who am I
without them?
What do I look like?
What do I want?
What are my dreams?

(01:30:13):
What makes me happy?
This is where you gotta reclaimyourself.
This you gotta reclaim yourself.
So for me, that looked likegoing back to things I loved
before the relationship, tryingnew things I was always curious

(01:30:36):
about, spending time with myfriends that I neglected,
rebuilding my relationship withmyself.
So Mike Mike, have you ever lostyourself in a relationship?

SPEAKER_05 (01:30:58):
To be honest, no, I have not.

SPEAKER_12 (01:31:02):
Beautiful.

SPEAKER_05 (01:31:03):
No, I have not.
You know, because it's uh arelationship always starts with
myself, you know, and to to bein a good relationship, you have
to be in with someone that youhave some like-minded thoughts

(01:31:26):
with, you know, and as a coupleyou build those together, so
you're still keeping a part ofyourself while you building
things together, you know.
And do everybody need time totake off for themselves?
Yes, they do, you know.
But to me, that could bewatching a movie, right?

(01:31:48):
To me, going to the game, thatcould be, you know, but if
you're with somebody you're verycompatible with and you do
things together, then even inthat togetherness, you really
don't lose a part of yourself,you know.
Uh some people get caught up inrelationships where it's not a

(01:32:09):
caught-up.
I mean, my first relation, myfirst marriage, we were good
together, really good together,but we really didn't have a lot
in common going into twodifferent directions.
Very wonderful person, stillfriends to this day, but as a
relationship together, we justwasn't going in the same

(01:32:30):
direction.
You know, so we didn't lose, wedidn't lose part of each other
because we never hear that thattogetherness of going in the
same direction.
And when you're young, you dothat sometimes, right?
Because you still gotta find outwho you are.
Before you get in a realrelationship, you gotta find out

(01:32:50):
who you are.

SPEAKER_14 (01:32:51):
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
So it's good to hear that younever get lost in in a
relationship.
I mean, for real, it it isbecause some people don't share
that that same story, you know.
A lot of people, yeah.
Um, because you know, after thatheartbreak, you gotta give back
home to yourself.

SPEAKER_03 (01:33:10):
Right.

SPEAKER_14 (01:33:11):
You know, you really do.
And sometimes they don't knowwhat that is.
You know, um, you know, you talkabout, and I and I'm gonna go
with this, and it's probablygonna go a little further than
this.
When you uh as a mother, as a asa mother that have children and
wife, you know, you lose you dolose yourself.
And I guess maybe it's differentfor men and women because you do

(01:33:33):
lose your identity some becauseyou are you are a caregiver.
You do so many different thingsfor other people.
You know, where that where youget lost on what makes me happy,
or who am I besides a mother, adaughter, a caregiver, a wife?
You know, what is who am I is?

(01:33:54):
And so you have to go about inrediscovering who you are, you
know.
Um so I guess for a man, I guessthe same thing as uh as a
husband, as a as a leader of ahousehold, as a as a man, you
know, where does that come in?
Do you ever lose your identity?

(01:34:15):
Um, Dog Mike might say hedidn't.
He was able to come out of thatrelationship, come out of
relationships and not being lostin there.
Now, if anybody else of a manthat felt like they've got lost,
I would love to hear yourperspective coming from a male
point of view, if you've evergot lost or if it's just a woman
thing, because it might just be,you know.

SPEAKER_05 (01:34:37):
You know, I like to comment on that, on that, and
because you are right, becauseuh as a man, you you working and
you're doing your job, whetherit may be and you taking care of
your family, you take care ofyour household, you being this
provider, so that what youproviding is part of you and
part of who you are, you know.

(01:34:57):
So even if the relationship isgone, you still provide.
But it is harder for a womanbecause there's a lot of women
providers out here too.
Single mothers and women areproviding too.
But women, you lose yourselfwith the kids, you lose yourself
with your man.
You sometimes you lose yourselfin that relationship because not

(01:35:20):
only you're a provider, but yougave life.

SPEAKER_15 (01:35:24):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (01:35:25):
You gave life, you carried, you carried that child,
you have the ability to carrythat child with you, which has
to be a uh a feeling that youcan't get, you don't get rid of.
Not you can't get, you don't getrid of.
So immediately a part of yourlife is is is gone.

SPEAKER_14 (01:35:44):
Right.

SPEAKER_05 (01:35:44):
You lose a part of it.
And you know, so it's some menwho can go to work every day.
Every day, come home, take careof the family, do everything
they're supposed to do, but theystill have their life.
Woman, you gotta go, you gottago to work, take care of the
family, you could come in, andthen you still have to be that
that provider that birthed thatbirthed that child.

SPEAKER_14 (01:36:06):
So let me let me give y'all some examples of well
home to yourself, what it means.
It means rediscovering yourhobbies, reconnecting with your
friends, you know, doing thethings that you enjoy.
Um, even if you were, even ifyour ex had hated them, just do
the things that you enjoy,making decisions based on what
you want, and just building thelife that you want, building

(01:36:29):
your life that you want.
It's not like you're startingover.
It's not like you start, you'recoming back to yourself.
And what does that look like?
So you're reclaiming your life,you're reclaiming.
So, chat.
If you can do this for me, tapchap tap, god dogged at tongue
tied, type in the chat, typeagain reclaim if you're in the

(01:36:53):
process of reclaiming youridentity after a relationship.
If you are reclaiming youridentity after relationship,
type reclaim.

(01:37:13):
Yes, yes, I like seeing that.
Yes, you get wrong.
Yes, yes, I like seeing that.
All right, in step five, chooseto be open again, choose to be
open again, and this is thehardest step, you know, because

(01:37:35):
after you've been hurt, yourinstinct is to build those
walls, to never to love again,never trust anything again, like
I'm never being vulnerableagain, you know.
You you ain't doing nothingagain, you ain't man.
If I could tell you how manytimes some of my good
girlfriends say, Oh here, and Iain't.

(01:37:59):
But that's not healing, that ishiding.
Healing is when you say, Thatperson hurt me, but I'm not
going to let their actions closemy heart.
The next person deserves to meetthe healed version of me, not
the broken, bitter, guardedversion.
And that is what Miss Case saidin her letter.

(01:38:21):
She said, I am open to loveagain.
The next person deserves theheal version of me.
Now that's growth, that'shealing.
So being open again doesn't meanbeing naive.
No, it doesn't.
It doesn't mean having noboundaries, and it doesn't mean

(01:38:42):
trusting everyone, it doesn'tmean that.
What it means that is that it'snot punishing the new person for
the old person's mistakes.
It means being willing to bevulnerable again, it means
trusting yourself to recognizered flags, and it means

(01:39:07):
believing that healthy love ispossible, believing that healthy
love is possible.
So Mike Mike, what would you sayto someone, man or woman, who is
scared, who is scared to be openagain after a heartbreak?

SPEAKER_05 (01:39:39):
Well now, first thing I would tell them is take
your time.
Take your time to heal yourselfand find yourself again.
You know, find who you arebefore you can even start taking
that taking that step of beingopen after heartbreak.

(01:40:01):
Because heartbreaks are theythat's exactly what they it
feels like your heart isbreaking and your heart is
broke.
So it is just about being openagain and healing yourself and
finding your your words, findingwho you are before you can move

(01:40:22):
on.

SPEAKER_14 (01:40:23):
Right.
All right, that's that's a goodone.
All right, chat.
The chat is open.
So look, if you're choosing tokeep your heart open even after
it's been broken, you know, Ilove this beautiful.
This is this is healing rightnow in real time.
So those are my five steps.

(01:40:45):
Those are the five steps.
I want you to feel it, all ofit, and leave that empty room
and claim your space and do theinner work.
And I want you to claim, reclaimyour identity.
Reclaim your identity and chooseto be open again.
So here go to five again.
If you missed it again, fill it,all of it, leave the empty room

(01:41:10):
and claim your space, do theinner work, reclaim your
identity and choose to be openagain.
Now let's hear from y'all.
What questions do you have?
If you have any questions, yougo ahead and put them down in
there.

(01:41:30):
And um, what we're gonna do realquick, we're gonna take a quick
break, one more last time.
Um, and then we're gonna comeback and we're gonna answer some
questions, all right?
It's your girldy guidance, uhNaomi Banks here on Axe Naomi
Bridging the Gap Podcast, and webe right back.

SPEAKER_10 (01:41:48):
Washington Wellness Institute focuses on healing
always.
For me, if I look good, then Ifeel good.
If I feel good, then I share thegood.
If I share the good, then Icelebrate the good.
If I celebrate the good, then Ilive the good.
So I can be paid to be mygreatest.
But I have to learn the good tobe the good.

SPEAKER_07 (01:42:09):
So, what does it take to be the greatest?
It's as simple as a free15-minute consultation.
Be kind to yourself and healalways.

SPEAKER_13 (01:42:21):
What are some common barriers that prevent people
from expressing?

SPEAKER_14 (01:42:25):
Hey, it's your greedy guy, it's Nami Banks here
from the Season to Suffle UpPodcast.

SPEAKER_09 (01:42:31):
Yeah, I would say remorse.
So, shame and guilt is a verydividing emotional.

SPEAKER_14 (01:42:37):
And these are one of the many amazing conversations
that we have every day, Mondaythrough Friday, right here on
the Season to Suffer LovePodcast with my stuffed Namley
Banks, as well as our residenttherapist, Dr.

SPEAKER_06 (01:42:50):
Will Washington of Washington Wellness Institute.
Come by.
The reality of our relationshiptoday.

SPEAKER_01 (01:42:57):
Come by.

SPEAKER_08 (01:42:57):
A lot of times people look at us, and so that
compassion can't enter us.
You can hit us on the website.

SPEAKER_12 (01:43:09):
Is it the all right?

SPEAKER_14 (01:43:13):
Well, welcome back to this to ask that we bring it
together podcast.
Here with Dr.
Pop Mike Mike, what's going on?
All right, I see the chat stand.
I want to get thank you, BTGcrew.
All right, so chat, whatquestions do you have about
healing a broken heart?
What are you struggling with?
Um, what do you need to heartonight?

(01:43:33):
I want you to drop the umquestions in the chat.
And Mike Mike, uh, you want toopen up the stream if anybody
wants to hop in on us live.
Um if they want to do that, umuh participants address a few
you know questions to get themgoing um from there.
Um so he's gonna drop it in thein the in the chat right now.

(01:43:56):
Um remember the rules is whenyou come on here and you're able
to come through, um, be veryrespectful when you when you
come on live um with us here.
We you know, yeah, right?

SPEAKER_16 (01:44:09):
Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_14 (01:44:10):
Yeah, right?
All right, so you know, aquestion that was posed to me um
through social media was howlong does it take to heal?
All right, and that's thequestion that everyone asks.
And the truth is that itdepends.
It depends on how deep therelationship was, and it depends
on how much work that you do, itdepends on whether you're

(01:44:32):
actually healing or if you'rejust um distracting yourself.
There's no timeline for healing,there's no timeline, but there
are milestones, and you knowyou're healing when you can
think about them without crying.
You can see them or hear aboutthem without your whole day

(01:44:56):
being ruined.
You know when you're healing,when you can be happy for
yourself without comparing it tothem.
You know you're healing when youstop checking their social
media.
You know that you were healingwhen you stop hoping that
they'll come back.
And you know that you're healingwhen you stop feeling
excitement, when you startfeeling excited about your life.

(01:45:19):
The whole thing is don't rushit, don't, but don't camp out in
the pain.
Don't just sit in it, don'tmarinate it in it, don't, don't
do that.
So, my mate, what would you do?

SPEAKER_05 (01:45:33):
I mean, all of them.
I mean, like you said, when youstart feeling, when you're
feeling good about yourself,when you're feeling more
confident, when you're havingmore things to do, you know,
with yourself and being yourselfbefore you was in that
relationship, you know, that'sthat's when you can start
getting ready to to move on.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 (01:45:54):
Yeah.
All right.
Another question is, what if Ican't keep going back to them?
Then you're not ready to leavethe empty room yet, and that's
okay.
But you gotta ask yourself, whyam I going back?
Are you going back because yougenuinely believe it can work?
Or are you going back becauseyou're scared to be alone?
Are you going back becausethey've changed, or are you

(01:46:15):
going back because the pain ofmissing them feels worse than
the pain of being with them?
You know, because sometimes wego back because we're not ready
to grieve, we're not ready toaccept that it's over.
And sometimes, you gotta go backto finally be done.

(01:46:37):
I told y'all, I went back threetimes.
But if you keep going back andnothing changes, you're just
choosing what the same pain overand over and over again.
So, chat, I want y'all to bereal.

(01:46:58):
Has anybody been stuck in thiscycle of going back and forth?
Let me know in the chat.
Let me know in the chats.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 (01:47:18):
Yeah.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 (01:47:25):
Yeah.
And you know, you you can youcan you can either even stop.
I know um when I read um in MissK, keep keep it going.
I read in um and Miss K, youknow, and she has said about you
know looking at the the socialmedia thing.
You know, unfollow mute andblock if you have to, because
sometimes they stuff just comeup there.

(01:47:46):
You know, I know it feelsextreme, but baby, you cannot
hear while you're watching themlie live their life.
You can't.
So every time you check theirpage, you're reopening the womb
all over again.
It's like you're just pickingthat little sword and it's still
as raw as I don't know what.
So you're going back to thatempty room.

Here's the thing (01:48:06):
social media is lies.
Most of it is lies, it'shighlights, it's curated, and
you don't know what's reallyhappening.
So stop torturing yourself.
If you can't unfollow, get anaccountability partner.
Tell someone if you catch me ona page, call me out.
Not like that, not on Western,but delete the app for we give

(01:48:30):
yourself a break.
Mike Mike, you got anything toadd on that one?

SPEAKER_04 (01:48:37):
Yeah, you just gotta let it go.
Let it go.
You gotta let it go.
Let it go.
Okay, we got somebody with aquestion here.

SPEAKER_14 (01:48:43):
All right.

SPEAKER_04 (01:48:45):
Let's bring them on.

SPEAKER_14 (01:48:46):
All right.

SPEAKER_04 (01:48:47):
Yeah, you just gotta let it go.

SPEAKER_11 (01:48:49):
Hey Dre.
How y'all doing?
Um, I got a question.
So my question is, how do you doyou have any tips rather to for
people that can help us likenavigate the unknown after the
healing?
You know, because I saw in thecomments a lot of people were

(01:49:11):
saying, you know, the fears ofthe unknown.
So I was trying to see, do youhave any like tips to give
people about like, you know,about about certain things?

SPEAKER_14 (01:49:23):
What's the unknown?
But you know, the thing is isthat that's where you have to
figure out what it is that youwant.
Usually what the unknown is whatyour biggest fear is, and that's
not knowing.
So the thing is trusting inwhat's coming first, what's
coming next.
It's surrendering to what ispossible for you.

(01:49:44):
Yeah.
So the thing is that we alwaysin control of something.
We always want to be in controlof something.
We always want to make sure wegot this together, we got this
together together to make thatnext move.
So we don't never just jump.
We we we move cautiously.
So remember when I said, I don'tknow if you heard me when I said

(01:50:04):
that I pray and I go to myaltar, you know, and stuff like
that.
And sometimes you just got to dothe work and allow whatever
happens, happens and moveforward.
So, whatever that you've been inin your life, listen to what I
said, whatever that you've beeninto in your life, whether it's
good or bad, there's lessonsthat you learned throughout that
whole thing that actually showedyou everything that you need to

(01:50:25):
be doing now and in the future.
You just got to go back andlike, damn, that's what that is.
And you just moving in thosesteps and just moving forward
and going in it.
You already know what it is.
You just trying to control itbecause you can't see it.
Do it, yeah.

(01:50:46):
Okay.
I want to make sure.
Now you the one that you you youyou um this next time I see you,
you're gonna be main and not sadno more, right?

SPEAKER_11 (01:50:55):
Oh no, no, no.
I don't want to be main.
I don't want to be her main.
Let me let me say that.
I don't want to be her main.

SPEAKER_14 (01:51:01):
You want to be her main.

SPEAKER_11 (01:51:02):
Yeah, I told her I was her side.
Yeah, I put myself as the sideguy, you know.

SPEAKER_14 (01:51:09):
Okay, but you want to be somebody's main.

SPEAKER_11 (01:51:12):
Yeah.

unknown (01:51:13):
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (01:51:18):
You don't sound sure about that one.
Yeah, you sound like that sidepiece was a good thing there.

SPEAKER_11 (01:51:25):
It is, it is respectfully.
It is, it is.

SPEAKER_14 (01:51:33):
Yeah, but the unknown, the unknown, you
already know what it is.
You just gotta step into it.
Surrender and allow that tohappen.

SPEAKER_11 (01:51:43):
For sure.
I got y'all.
I got y'all.

SPEAKER_14 (01:51:46):
Thank you, though.
This is the first time I see youon here.
Thank you.
I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_11 (01:51:49):
It's good, it's been a minute.
I used to come in regular, butThursdays got hicked.
But I I try to start coming backregular.

SPEAKER_14 (01:51:56):
No, well, thank you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much.
Cool, Dre.
Have a good one.

SPEAKER_11 (01:52:01):
One on it.

SPEAKER_14 (01:52:02):
All right, all right, my beautiful people.
It's your goodie got his namebanks here on Axe Naomi.
Um, we got another one.
Yeah, we got another.
We got uh Tori.
All right.
Hey Tori, you got a question?

SPEAKER_02 (01:52:16):
No, I'm just listening in.
Sorry.

SPEAKER_14 (01:52:18):
You just listening in?
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (01:52:20):
Yeah, I'm just listening.
I'm watching the game andlistening, but I'm a I'm a big
fan though.
So I just want to support thestream and whatever you whatever
you're doing, I'm gonna supportit.

SPEAKER_14 (01:52:30):
Oh, well, thank you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you for the love.
Thank you for the love.
Have a good one, Tori.
All right, my beautiful people.
All right, so here's anotherquestion that came up.
What if I what if I see themwith someone new?
That's gonna hurt.
It's gonna hurt.
I ain't gonna lie.

(01:52:51):
But here's what you gottaremember.
Their happiness don't take awayfrom yours.
It does not.
Their new relationship doesn'terase what you had.
And I know it might feel likeit, they might be over there
acting a true blue, likeeverything is is crisp or cream,
like everything is all.
But sometimes people move onfast because they are running

(01:53:12):
from the pain.
And sometimes they move onbecause they're healed.
But either way, it's not aboutyou, it's not.
Your focus is your healing, yourfocus is your growth, your focus
is your life, and one day youwon't even care.
You won't even care.

(01:53:34):
You will not even care.
Remember what I talked aboutearlier today about the four
agreements about me when I doit?
That's it's a great book.
The four agreements.
That's a great book.
Y'all need to get that book.
I think the next time I'm gonnahave it in the in the um in the
chats to make sure that's youknow, in there.

SPEAKER_13 (01:53:56):
And the next one is how do I trust again?

SPEAKER_14 (01:53:58):
You can start by trusting yourself.
That's the first thing you do.
Start by trusting yourself.
Trust yourself, recognize thered flags this time.
Honor your boundaries, honoryour boundaries, stop second
guessing yourself and walk awaywhen something doesn't feel
right.
Choose differently.
You don't have to trusteveryone, you don't have to be

(01:54:20):
wide open and naive.
You don't have to, but you dohave to trust that you can
handle whatever comes.
Trust isn't about them.
Trust isn't about them.
Trust is about you.
Trust is about you.

(01:54:43):
Yes, trust is about you.
It is, it's about you, allright, my beautiful people.
So, this is what I'm gonna doright now, you know, because
we've been doing all thistalking, right?
And uh, I want to talk about oneof our sponsors for tonight, and
that's body odtics.

(01:55:04):
And I should have mentioned itbefore, but we got so deep into
this healing process.
But this is another part of thehealing journey that we are on,
especially me that I'm all thatI'm into.
And you know, about taking careof your whole body, and that's
inside out.
And one of the sponsors that I'mproud to partner with is
Biotics.
Um, now Biotics has um, and Ihope that I'm saying it, by body

(01:55:26):
optics has a highly high qualitysupplements and wellness
products designed to supportyour body naturally.
Um, but what I really want tohighlight right now, excuse me,
right now, is they're tworeusable, what is wrong with me
today?
Menstrual disc set bundles.
And I know some of y'all rightnow, like Naomi, what does that

(01:55:50):
have to do with heartbreak?
What that nope, that's not it.
What does it have to do withheartbreak?
What does that have to do withheartbreak?
But hear me out on this one.
When you're healing fromheartbreak, part of the part of
us reclaiming yourself is takingcare of your body, your physical
health, your wellness, and yourcomfort.

(01:56:10):
And for my ladies, this is formy ladies, this bundle is
perfect.
And that's because it's 30% offright now.
It's 30% off right now andstrong value, it's sustainable
and it's echo-friendly, and it'svery caring for yourself and the
planet.
It's comfortable and it'sreliable, which matters when you

(01:56:35):
already dealing with emotionaldiscomfort.
You don't want no extra stuff.
Yes, it is.
It encourages you to switch toreusable periods.
Wow, which is better for yourbody long term.
It is better for your body longterm.
This is about wellness,sustainability, and a lifestyle.

(01:56:58):
So while we're going throughthat heartache and a brain ache,
we don't want to be goingthrough other things with our
personal stuff.
This is about choosing productsthat's gonna honor our body.
Honor your body when you are inyour healing era.
Every choice that you honoryourself in matters.
So if you're ready, you know, gotake that.
Yeah, make that switch over,take it sustainable,

(01:57:19):
comfortable, you know.
Yeah, check it out.
Bodyotics, the link is in thechat.
So go show uh Drake 19.
Go get that for your newboo-boo.

SPEAKER_05 (01:57:32):
Hey, hey guys, this is when you go to that other
room that we're talking about.

SPEAKER_14 (01:57:37):
Right.
And they also the thing is theyhave they also have other
wellness products andsupplements and health products
there as well.
So, you know, check them out.
But just check them out.
And also last week we had, youknow, one with revive sponsors,
that one right here.
So response is our other um,revive is our other sponsor
there too.
And you know, they have someamazing toys there, um, not only

(01:58:01):
for women, but for couples aswell.
Um, some amazing ones.
Um, and since we're talkingabout open to love again, about
choosing a heel, you can nowshow up whole in your next
relationship.
So let me talk about the wevibe.

SPEAKER_18 (01:58:17):
Y'all know about the we vibe because we talked about
that long distance I speakright.
Long stuff to talk about.

SPEAKER_14 (01:58:23):
You know, so it makes the best couple intimacy
products on the market.
And when you know, when you'reready to date again, when you're
ready to explore intimacy again,you want to show up confident,
and you want to show up present,and you want to show up knowing
your body because you had timeto heal, you know what I mean?

(01:58:46):
So now you got time to know whatyour body feels.
Okay, now I'm gonna kind of go alittle bit, but we vibe it has
that sync too for that longdistance intimacy, perfect for
dating if you're dating someonewho travels.
And then that date night set.
Remember that date night setfrom last week that gets both of
the partners involved?

(01:59:06):
Remember that one?
As well as the romance set.
That means when y'all say we'regonna be a couple or we just
gonna explore some things.
So that was that 12-pieceexploration kit for couples.
Y'all know that with dog poundmic mic, he put it on in there,
he put it on in there, he put iton in the chest for all of y'all
right there.
And it will definitely be in thenotes um if you are listening to

(01:59:30):
this on the replay here.
Um, because again, this is partof the healing from heartbreak.
It's we can reconnecting to yourbody, your pleasure, your
desire.
So whether you are in yourself-love era right now or
you're starting to date againand want to prioritize your
intimacy, revibe have has youcovered.
And again, the link is in thechat and will definitely be in

(01:59:52):
your show notes um down here,you know, at the bottom.
Yeah, you you put a bump, youput it up there.

SPEAKER_05 (01:59:59):
Yes, it's been up there.
Yep.

SPEAKER_14 (02:00:01):
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You know, because when youinvest in your pleasure, you
invest in your healing becauseyou do deserve it.
You do deserve it.
All right, all right, mybeautiful people.
Whoa, we've been on here rockingaround.
I told you we was turning uptoday.
Didn't I say that?

SPEAKER_05 (02:00:19):
Yes, you did.

SPEAKER_14 (02:00:20):
I said we were turning up today.
I said we were turning up today.
All right, BTG family.
So we've covered so muchtonight.
We went deep, we got real, andwe healed together.
So let me leave you all withthis.
All right.
Heartbreak is not the end ofyour story.

(02:00:41):
It's not, it's a chapter, it's achapter, it's a painful chapter,
it's a chapter that you didn'twant to write, but it's a
chapter that is teaching yousomething.
And when you do the work, whenyou feel it, when you leave that

(02:01:01):
empty room, when you claim yourspace, man, when you do the
inner work, when you reclaimyourself, when you choose to be
open again, you become stronger.
You become stronger, you becomewiser, you become that version,

(02:01:23):
that version of yourself that isready for love, ready for the
love that you deserve.
And Miss K, if you still on herewatching, again, I'm gonna say
this again.
I am so very, very proud of youbecause you are doing the work,
even though you think you'renot, you are.
You're healing and you arebecoming.

(02:01:45):
And to everyone in the chatwho's heartbroken right now, I
see you all, and I love you all,and you are gonna be okay.
I want to thank y'all for real.
For real.
For real.
And I want y'all to rememberthis.
It's something that um Miss Kaysaid.
She said about the sad thesadness behind your smile, it

(02:02:05):
won't last forever.
That empty room, you're gonnafill it with something
beautiful.
And that pain, it makes youwiser.
Dow Paul Mike might you got anyfinal words?

SPEAKER_05 (02:02:18):
Great show, beautiful show.
And as Naomi said, for all youpeople, get stronger, heal, get
over the heartbreak, and getready to move on for your life.

SPEAKER_14 (02:02:29):
Beautiful, beautiful.
All right, so here's what I needyou all to do.
All right.
All right, this is what I needy'all to do before we go.
I want y'all to go toaxnaema.com.
And I want y'all to listen toTalk to Me Tuesday, episode
four.
Right?
How do I get over a brokenheart?
If y'all got any time to do so.

(02:02:50):
And then I want y'all to golisten to um the season of step
love as well, um, to thatpodcast this week.
You know, if you haven't.
And um Monday's episode is allabout um unashamed growth is
redefining what it means tobloom.

(02:03:10):
Wednesday episode was all aboutclaiming your space, and that's
the work of the unashamedgrowth.
Well, again, um I oh, let me notforget, we got um giveaway.
Oh, yeah, we do.
We got a giveaway.
Have you been taking uh yes,yes, you have?

SPEAKER_05 (02:03:29):
I have been taking notes on it, and we had some
active people and active mentoday, and uh Russ's Lation was
on early, doing a lot of things,a lot of comments going back and
forth.
Then we have Mark who did a lotof work, and then Dre came in at
the end.
So we we we got a choice tomake.

(02:03:51):
Oh wow, and and they was allmen, they was all involved, they
was getting there, but I mayhave to give it to Dre just
because he popped on.
Okay, Dre.
So Dre 19.
Dre 19.

SPEAKER_14 (02:04:08):
All right, pair of socks, all right.
A pair, I mean, well, two pairsof socks, actually, because you
have to give it to someone, youhave to wear it.
I I we explained it.
How do I I can't explain?
See, I know that's right.
All right, so listen, um, submityour letter to Axe Naomi if
you're going through something.

(02:04:30):
Um it's info at axenaomi.com,and that is uh Naomi spelled
with the Y in Y O M I.
And also you can check out thereclamation series blog on
axenaomi.com too.
Um, I then shame on me.
I supposed to have um thedesigns ready for uh the mental

(02:04:54):
awareness uh month for the loveand mental awareness for next
month.
I don't have it just yet becausewe've been deep down in
production um for call two, um,episode three and four will stop
um shooting next week.
And so I will definitely work onthat this weekend and try to
have it up and promoting itwithin the next week or two uh

(02:05:14):
for that.
So remember, guys, no show nextweek.
No, no show next week, Lord havemercy.
No show next week.
Uh again, because we're inproduction for call to, but
we'll be back in a few weeks.
Um, but also follow us on umcall to cult underscore to the

(02:05:36):
series.
Just follow me.
I'll be posting them.
Go follow over there andremember to do your bold action
and claim your space and claimyour space and claim your space,
right?
It's been good, it's been a goodshow.
You know, as I always say, begood to one another in
yourselves, and always keep itsexy, stay reclaimed and

(02:06:01):
unashamed.
Remember to claim your space,fill it with growth, and
remember your heartbreak doesn'tdefine you.
Keep healing.
Have a good one, have anamazing, amazing day.

SPEAKER_18 (02:06:17):
Hey, InstaGuys Naomi Banks.
And I hope you enjoyed that lastepisode of Axe Naomi Bridges
Gap.
And if you did, please like,subscribe, press that
notification button, as well ascomment.
I'll see you next week.
Keep it sexy.

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How to Heal a Broken Heart: The 5-Step Framework Men & Women Need | Heartbreak Recovery, Moving On After Breakup, Emotional Healing

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}How to Heal a Broken Heart: The 5-Step Framework Men & Women Need | Heartbreak Recovery, Moving On After Breakup, Emotional Healing