August 8, 2025 • 7 mins
Donald Trump “wins” another golf tournament at his own club—again—despite viral video showing some highly questionable caddie behavior. Rick Reilly calls it cheating, and we call it Tuesday.
Then South Park returns with a brutal takedown of JD Vance, Kristi Noem, and Charlie Kirk—featuring sentient Botox, baby oil for Satan, and Cartman doing exactly what you think he’s doing.
Also: JD Vance allegedly gets the Army Corps of Engineers to raise and lower a lake for better kayaking. Because apparently the Vice President can now adjust water levels like he’s ordering room service.
Plus a shoutout to Paranormal Aliens, and yes—still waiting on those Epstein files.
Then South Park returns with a brutal takedown of JD Vance, Kristi Noem, and Charlie Kirk—featuring sentient Botox, baby oil for Satan, and Cartman doing exactly what you think he’s doing.
Also: JD Vance allegedly gets the Army Corps of Engineers to raise and lower a lake for better kayaking. Because apparently the Vice President can now adjust water levels like he’s ordering room service.
Plus a shoutout to Paranormal Aliens, and yes—still waiting on those Epstein files.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Callaroga shark media from Washington, DC, where some people cheat
at golf.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This is ballet and you know what some people don't do,
They don't release the Epstein files.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Let's hit this.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm Patrick Gutfield and Donald Trump just won another golf
tournament at one of his own clubs, and sportswriter Rick
Riley is calling it exactly what it looks like cheating again. Riley,
who literally wrote a book called Commander in Cheat, How
Golf Explains Trump, shared a viral video that appears to
show Trump's caddie illegally dropping a ball on the green
(00:40):
during Saturday's round at Trump National Golf Club, Bedminster, and
Riley did not hold back in his analysis. So you know,
it's never legal for your caddy to drop a ball.
You can drop one, but never on a green, Riley
posted on x and since this was a full score event,
it's not legal for Trump to drag the ball into
the hole. No, no, no, Our President is an effing
(01:01):
golf cheat. This happened the same day the White House's
Instagram account proudly announced that Trump seventy nine won the
twenty twenty five Men Senior Club Championship with a gross
score of sixty nine three under par and a net
sixty seven, which is impressive if you ignore the whole
caddy illegally placing ball situation. Riley actually predicted this would
(01:23):
happen on Friday. He posted, Hey, Trump, tomorrow is the
senior champ at Bedminster? Are you shameless enough to pretend
you want it? Even after the whole planet saw you
cheat in Scotland? Is your ego that sick? Turns out?
The answer was yes. After Trump was declared the winner,
Riley's follow up was simple, guess we got our answer?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
What a child?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
The Scotland incident Riley mentioned happened last month when Trump
was accused of having his caddy place his ball in
a favorable spot instead of where it actually landed. So
this isn't a one time thing. This is a parent
standard operating procedure. Here's what makes this extra ridiculous. Trump
has a history of somehow managing to win tournaments at
(02:08):
his own clubs. He won a member member championship at
Bedminster last month, and a senior club championship at his Jupiter,
Florida course in January, where nobody saw him play. According
to the Palm Beach post nobody saw him play at
his own tournament that he won. That's not suspicious at all.
(02:29):
The pattern here is pretty clear. Trump plays golf at
his own courses, with his own caddies, under his own rules,
and somehow always manages to come out on top. It's
like being the house in Vegas, except the house also
gets to move the roulette ball after it stops spinning.
Golf is supposed to be a gentleman's game built on
honor and self policing. You're expected to call penalties on
(02:53):
yourself and follow the rules even when no one's watching.
But when you're the President of the United States and
you own the course, apparently those quaint traditions go out
the window.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
The fact that we have viral video evidence of.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
What appears to be blatant rule violations and the White
House is still posting about tournament victories on Instagram shows
a level of shamelessness that's almost impressive. Almost Rick Riley
has made a career out of calling this stuff out,
and he's not backing down just because his target happens
to be the most powerful person in the world.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
When your golf cheating is so.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Notorious that sports writers write entire books about it. Maybe
it's time to consider playing by the rules. But then again,
when has Donald Trump ever let rules get in the
way of declaring victory. So South Park is back for
season twenty seven, and they're going after the Trump administration
harder than a debt collector on Payday. Two weeks after
(03:46):
portraying Trump in a romantic relationship with Satan, which honestly
feels like restrained commentary for South Park, They've now turned
their attention to JD. Vance and Christy Nome. The show
introduced Vance as Trump's tiny surve dressed like tattoo from
Fantasy Island. You know, the little guy who used to
yell the plane, the plane, Except now he's yelling the boss,
(04:09):
the Boss. They've got Trump literally kicking Vance off screen
like a football, and Vance just bounces back, asking if
he can help with Satan's personal grooming routine. The specific
request involves baby oil in Satan's posterior, which is somehow
both the most ridiculous and most believable thing you could
imagine Vance saying. But they really went after Homeland Security
(04:32):
Secretary Christy Nome. Remember when she wrote in her book
about shooting her own dog well, South Park has her
shooting dogs throughout the entire episode. They also gave her
a face full of botox that keeps sliding off, which
eventually becomes sentient and crawls around mar A Lago on
its own. Her face literally develops a mind of its
(04:53):
own and starts moving around the floor. That's not political satire,
that's horror comedy. The episode so also features Cartman as
Charlie Kirk from Turning Point USA. They have him master
debating in his bedroom and yes, they mean exactly what
you think they mean. Cartman brags about having his arguments
(05:13):
rock solid so he can destroy unprepared college girls than
editing out anyone who argues back. Well, the real Charlie
Kirk saw this portrayal and tweeted not bad Cartman, which
might be the most on brand response possible.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
JD. Vance apparently had the Army Corps.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Of Engineers adjust water levels at Caesar Creek Lake in
Ohio to make his family kayaking trip more enjoyable, and
suddenly we're living in a world where the Vice President
can order lake renovations like he's calling room service. According
to the Guardian, the Army Corpt received a request to
temporarily increase outflows from Caesar Creek Lake to support safe
(05:54):
navigation of US Secret Service personnel, but an anonymous source
claims the real reason was to create ideal kayaking conditions
for Vance and his family. So we went from national
security to optimal paddle sports in one bureaucratic memo. The
timing is perfect here. Government data shows Caesar Creek Lake
had a sharp increase in water levels followed by a
(06:14):
sudden drop in early August, right when the Vance family
was vacationing there. The lake literally went up and down,
like Vance's approval ratings. The Secret Service confirmed they worked
with Ohio's Department of Natural Resources in the Army Corps
to plan safe passage of motorized boats, but couldn't discuss specifics. Translation,
yes we did something, but we're not telling you what.
(06:37):
The Army Corps claims this met their operational criteria and
did not require a deviation from normal procedures. They also
said it wouldn't adversely affect water levels upstream or downstream,
so apparently rearranging an entire lake is just standard operating
procedure now. An anonymous source told The Guardian that request
to adjust water levels for specific individuals are extremely which
(07:00):
makes sense because most of us don't have the phone
number for whoever controls the lakes. So now that we
have a vice president who can call up federal agencies
and say, hey, can you make the lake better for
kayaking this weekend, and they apparently just do it next week,
he'll probably ask NASA to adjust the Moon's orbit so
his kids can see it better from their backyard. Speaking
(07:21):
of which, have you checked out the new podcast Paranormal
Aliens yet? I would say that the host, James is crazy,
but he'd probably beat me up. Portions of today's show
were made with the help of the Army Corps of
Engineers AI and release the Epstein files, You golf cheating coward,
Callaroga shark media from Washington, DC, where some people cheat
at golf.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This is ballet and you know what some people don't do,
They don't release the Epstein files.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Let's hit this.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm Patrick Gutfield and Donald Trump just won another golf
tournament at one of his own clubs, and sportswriter Rick
Riley is calling it exactly what it looks like cheating again. Riley,
who literally wrote a book called Commander in Cheat, How
Golf Explains Trump, shared a viral video that appears to
show Trump's caddie illegally dropping a ball on the green
(00:40):
during Saturday's round at Trump National Golf Club, Bedminster, and
Riley did not hold back in his analysis. So you know,
it's never legal for your caddy to drop a ball.
You can drop one, but never on a green, Riley
posted on x and since this was a full score event,
it's not legal for Trump to drag the ball into
the hole. No, no, no, Our President is an effing
(01:01):
golf cheat. This happened the same day the White House's
Instagram account proudly announced that Trump seventy nine won the
twenty twenty five Men Senior Club Championship with a gross
score of sixty nine three under par and a net
sixty seven, which is impressive if you ignore the whole
caddy illegally placing ball situation. Riley actually predicted this would
(01:23):
happen on Friday. He posted, Hey, Trump, tomorrow is the
senior champ at Bedminster? Are you shameless enough to pretend
you want it? Even after the whole planet saw you
cheat in Scotland? Is your ego that sick? Turns out?
The answer was yes. After Trump was declared the winner,
Riley's follow up was simple, guess we got our answer?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
What a child?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
The Scotland incident Riley mentioned happened last month when Trump
was accused of having his caddy place his ball in
a favorable spot instead of where it actually landed. So
this isn't a one time thing. This is a parent
standard operating procedure. Here's what makes this extra ridiculous. Trump
has a history of somehow managing to win tournaments at
(02:08):
his own clubs. He won a member member championship at
Bedminster last month, and a senior club championship at his Jupiter,
Florida course in January, where nobody saw him play. According
to the Palm Beach post nobody saw him play at
his own tournament that he won. That's not suspicious at all.
(02:29):
The pattern here is pretty clear. Trump plays golf at
his own courses, with his own caddies, under his own rules,
and somehow always manages to come out on top. It's
like being the house in Vegas, except the house also
gets to move the roulette ball after it stops spinning.
Golf is supposed to be a gentleman's game built on
honor and self policing. You're expected to call penalties on
(02:53):
yourself and follow the rules even when no one's watching.
But when you're the President of the United States and
you own the course, apparently those quaint traditions go out
the window.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
The fact that we have viral video evidence of.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
What appears to be blatant rule violations and the White
House is still posting about tournament victories on Instagram shows
a level of shamelessness that's almost impressive. Almost Rick Riley
has made a career out of calling this stuff out,
and he's not backing down just because his target happens
to be the most powerful person in the world.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
When your golf cheating is so.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Notorious that sports writers write entire books about it. Maybe
it's time to consider playing by the rules. But then again,
when has Donald Trump ever let rules get in the
way of declaring victory. So South Park is back for
season twenty seven, and they're going after the Trump administration
harder than a debt collector on Payday. Two weeks after
(03:46):
portraying Trump in a romantic relationship with Satan, which honestly
feels like restrained commentary for South Park, They've now turned
their attention to JD. Vance and Christy Nome. The show
introduced Vance as Trump's tiny surve dressed like tattoo from
Fantasy Island. You know, the little guy who used to
yell the plane, the plane, Except now he's yelling the boss,
(04:09):
the Boss. They've got Trump literally kicking Vance off screen
like a football, and Vance just bounces back, asking if
he can help with Satan's personal grooming routine. The specific
request involves baby oil in Satan's posterior, which is somehow
both the most ridiculous and most believable thing you could
imagine Vance saying. But they really went after Homeland Security
(04:32):
Secretary Christy Nome. Remember when she wrote in her book
about shooting her own dog well, South Park has her
shooting dogs throughout the entire episode. They also gave her
a face full of botox that keeps sliding off, which
eventually becomes sentient and crawls around mar A Lago on
its own. Her face literally develops a mind of its
(04:53):
own and starts moving around the floor. That's not political satire,
that's horror comedy. The episode so also features Cartman as
Charlie Kirk from Turning Point USA. They have him master
debating in his bedroom and yes, they mean exactly what
you think they mean. Cartman brags about having his arguments
(05:13):
rock solid so he can destroy unprepared college girls than
editing out anyone who argues back. Well, the real Charlie
Kirk saw this portrayal and tweeted not bad Cartman, which
might be the most on brand response possible.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
JD. Vance apparently had the Army Corps.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Of Engineers adjust water levels at Caesar Creek Lake in
Ohio to make his family kayaking trip more enjoyable, and
suddenly we're living in a world where the Vice President
can order lake renovations like he's calling room service. According
to the Guardian, the Army Corpt received a request to
temporarily increase outflows from Caesar Creek Lake to support safe
(05:54):
navigation of US Secret Service personnel, but an anonymous source
claims the real reason was to create ideal kayaking conditions
for Vance and his family. So we went from national
security to optimal paddle sports in one bureaucratic memo. The
timing is perfect here. Government data shows Caesar Creek Lake
had a sharp increase in water levels followed by a
(06:14):
sudden drop in early August, right when the Vance family
was vacationing there. The lake literally went up and down,
like Vance's approval ratings. The Secret Service confirmed they worked
with Ohio's Department of Natural Resources in the Army Corps
to plan safe passage of motorized boats, but couldn't discuss specifics. Translation,
yes we did something, but we're not telling you what.
(06:37):
The Army Corps claims this met their operational criteria and
did not require a deviation from normal procedures. They also
said it wouldn't adversely affect water levels upstream or downstream,
so apparently rearranging an entire lake is just standard operating
procedure now. An anonymous source told The Guardian that request
to adjust water levels for specific individuals are extremely which
(07:00):
makes sense because most of us don't have the phone
number for whoever controls the lakes. So now that we
have a vice president who can call up federal agencies
and say, hey, can you make the lake better for
kayaking this weekend, and they apparently just do it next week,
he'll probably ask NASA to adjust the Moon's orbit so
his kids can see it better from their backyard. Speaking
(07:21):
of which, have you checked out the new podcast Paranormal
Aliens yet? I would say that the host, James is crazy,
but he'd probably beat me up. Portions of today's show
were made with the help of the Army Corps of
Engineers AI and release the Epstein files, You golf cheating coward,
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