February 13, 2026 • 54 mins
“What if the way you communicate during conflict matters more than the conflict itself?”Beyond Mindset Limits – Communication Is the Remedy explores how trauma, attachment, and family systems shape the way we communicate in high-conflict relationships. Blending insights from Virginia Satir and Wayne Dyer, the show offers practical, compassionate tools to help listeners stay present, communicate effectively, and heal—rather than flee—when relationships get hard.Beyond Mindset Limits Radio Show airs in the Southern California area on KMET1490AM & 98.1 FM, an ABC Talk News Radio Affiliate! www.kmet1490am.com.
Listen
Watch
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to Beyond Mindset Limits with Tisha Marie Kine, where
we explore how unlocking your mindset can pave the way
for unlimited success, learn to create opportunities for legal challenges,
and transform your business and life through the power of
(00:27):
publishing as a brand building tool. And now your host,
Tisha Marie Caine.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Oh my goodness, you guys. We are back for another
week of Beyond Mindset Limits, where clarity meets confidence and
transformation becomes actionable. I love action, right. I normally tell
my clients there's healing is in the doing. What are
you doing to heal from your past wounds? What are
(00:58):
you doing to create the life of your dreams? And
I know sometimes I sound like a preacher and a teacher,
and I am And today I am wired for sounds,
So watch out. And you know why because I had
an extra cup of coffee and it's great. So I'm
here today wired for sound. My name is Tisha Marie Kane.
I am an executive council. I'm an expert mediator, an
(01:24):
expert communicator. I'm a breakthrough mindset coach, clinical hypnote therapist,
a number one international best selling author and artist. And
I'm recognized for my work with Fortune five hundred executives,
with visionary leaders and high performance entrepreneurs. I guide them
(01:45):
through unlocking their purpose in life and I align them
up and we help create lasting impact. I have a
unique blend of expertise legal expertise. I went to law
school and that was daunting, and I specialize in leadership
strategy and transformational coaching. I help individuals and organizations rewire
(02:10):
the subconscious mind, release emotional weight, and elevate their relationship
with money, with power, and with self worth. So I'm
here and I'm wire for sound today and today on
Beyond Mindset Limits, the title today is communication as Remedy,
(02:31):
and I speak about this a lot in all of
the work that I do. What happens when communication stops working.
We're going to talk about that today. It's really really important.
So welcome back for another week with Tisha Marie Kane
Beyond Mindset Limits. Because I'm totally excited, and I was
just speaking with a producer prior to the show and
just saying, it's interesting how I develop these titles for
(02:55):
my radio show program and I arbitrarily willing really create
situations to be able to have a real world experience
going into these shows. So I have tons of stories
today to be able to help illustrate how communication is remedy.
(03:16):
So I wanted to talk about how communication how today
We're talking about something that's going to be really real,
not just like the Instagram version of communication, not the
just talk it out version, but the moment when two
adults are at a stalemate. And I have some real
(03:38):
world experience in regards to being at stalemates with things,
and what that stem from was one party was operating
from do as I say, even though they changed the contract,
and the other party was saying, hey, I'm willing to
meet you halfway, and now communication and felt stuck. So
(04:01):
what do you do when communication itself doesn't seem to
work anymore? What do you do? So let's go deeper.
My next book is going to be called Asking Yourself
the Good Quality Questions. So that's what I do. I'm
an expert mediator, and I'm an expert communicator, and I
help get remedies on the table through the power of communication,
through the power of the written and the spoken word.
(04:24):
Here's the first truth that I want to illustrate here
is it's usually not a communication problem. When two parties
hit a stalemate, it's rarely about vocabulary. It's about power.
One person is speaking from authority and the other person
is speaking from collaboration. So we have two different language
(04:46):
styles that typically happen, and different languages do not resolve
conflicts unless someone translates the structure. So that's why they
hire me. I'm a private mediator. I come in here
and I am able to see right through it all.
This is where most people make a mistake. They try
to talk more, they try to explain more, they try
(05:11):
to justify more. But if one party is committed to
a hierarchy and the other party is committed to partnership,
there is no amount of explaining that is going to
ever close the gap between the two. So I've seen
it where we've had the parent child dynamic, and I
tell you I grew up in a household like this.
(05:33):
My parents were strong Portuguese Catholic religion, face base, do
as I say, not as I do. So when someone
says do as I say, what they are communicating is
I want authority without reciprocity. And the moment you step
into that dynamic, you're no longer in an adult to
(05:54):
adult communication. You're in a parent to child communication, and
adult problems cannot be solved in a parent to child framework.
So a great family therapist. And I love her work.
Virginia Cittaire. I follow her work. I use her principles
in my daily life. I use her principles in my
(06:15):
business life. Virginia Sataire. She taught that beneath rigidy is fear.
So when someone's real rigid, it's because of fear. They
have an authoritative tone, that fear dressed as control. This
was my mother. She was just doing the best she
could with what she had, let's be real, But she
(06:36):
had that fear of what if what if my kids
didn't grow up as good people, what if they weren't humanitarians,
what if they didn't contribute to society? And so my parents,
both of them, sought to control us. And so that
fear is dressed in control. Fear of losing power, fear
(06:58):
of being wrong, fear of losing And when fear runs communication,
the tone hardens. So sometimes in communication, contracts get changed.
Now let's talk about something critical. If a contract was
change unilaterally, and then compliance is demand. This is no
(07:21):
longer about tone. This is about integrity, and you don't
respond emotionally no, and you don't accuse. You shift the frame.
Instead of saying why are you being unfair, you calmly say, hey,
we agree to X. And it changed to why are
you honoring the agreements or not? And it's not emotional,
(07:43):
it's structural. And when you move from an emotional to
a structural base, you elevate the room. So let's talk
about this he I talked about. When I opened this,
I had some real life experience about communication as the remedy,
and I got to play this out this week in
my own personal life and I thought, oh wow, this
(08:03):
is Planet Life School. I am here for Planet Live School.
I'm watching the avatar miist Tisha Marie Kane. How am
I going to communicate through this? Because I hold myself
out as an expert communicator. I hold myself out as
a mediator, someone who helps get remedy on the table
(08:24):
and help helps get contracts and agreements on the table.
And now I'm faced in a situation where I must
take full control of the situation and communicate in a
way that everybody feels valued, seeing and heard. And so
what I witnessed was not the reciprocity. Let's say that. Okay,
(08:47):
I felt myself. It was a real visceral experience. I
was communicating over hey, we had a certain contract. I
believe that this contract was in place, and you guys,
you Neilana, laterally change the contract and now you are
trying to compel performance from me, and that's not right.
(09:07):
And so I felt this visceral experience. I felt my
body heating up. I felt the tone of my voice.
I had pressured speech, I had all the things, and
I thought, you know what, there's power in the pause here.
I told them, you know what, I think that they
are out of integrity and I am getting a little
(09:28):
bit emotional, and I wanted to over communicate. When I
talk about over communication, if you know Tisha Marie Kane,
I am a low context type person. Tell me what
I need to do, and I'll do it. I don't
need all the extras. However, in the face of conflict,
I like to over communicate and give high context because
(09:50):
feelings get in the way. And so I said, hey,
I'm really emotional. I'm going to meditate on this. I'm
going to pray, I'm going to meditate, I'm going to
do all the things that I do to bring myself
back to center, because I know that you guys are
out of integrity, and I know that you guys are
out of alignment with your company values, and I just
(10:11):
need to meditate and pray on this and just if
it's okay, can I have twenty four hours to kind of,
you know, go down through the systems, look at the contract,
looked at the structure, take the emotions out, and come
back and close the loop in twenty four hours. And
they agreed. So that's exactly what happened. So I went
to the drawing board. I looked at the agreement that
(10:33):
was on the table, and I'm trained in the law.
I know the four contracts of the law, the plain
meaning rule, and so I looked at the contract and said, yep, yep,
these guys are out of integrity, they're out of an alignment.
They're trying to compel me to do something that is
outside the agreement and so therefore giving me a counter contract.
(10:57):
And that wasn't right. So breath, meditate on it, took
a deep breath in, and then gave them twenty four
hours and called them back. And when I called them back,
I was calm, I was cool, I was collected, and
I began to use communication as structure. And it works
(11:19):
when there's mutual respect, and it works when there's shared objective,
and it works when there's agreement integrity. If one of
those collapses, though, let's be real, in a conversation, the
conversation alone cannot repair it. And so you need a container,
you need a safe place. And so I typically rely
(11:41):
on the words of Nelson Mandella, and he once said,
if you want to make peace with your enemy, you
have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
But let's be clear, Mandela did not create peace by
surrendering his boundaries. He created peace by I insisting on dignity.
(12:03):
Peace is not weight weakness, and peace is principled in strength.
So the real question becomes, are both parties willing to
operate as equals? Or is one insisting on superiority? So
that was the question. And so going down through this
(12:24):
as communication as structure, I thought, Okay, here's the question.
Are both parties willing to operate as equals?
Speaker 3 (12:32):
That's huge.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
You know, typically I do a lot of divorces. I'm
currently doing seven divorces right now. Out of California where
people have decided not to hire these barcard attorneys. And
I am very passionate about shutting these court systems down.
I'm really passionate about shutting attorneys down.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
I mean, how many attorneys charge you and overcharge you,
And I mean that's the common denominae is like, I
spent way too much money on this attorney, and then
I tell them go out and get yourself a good attorney.
And the problem is, the problem is just because I
had to put go out and get yourself a good
attorney in that sentence, that's a problem right there. So
(13:16):
I'm really passionate about shutting down attorneys because I believe
that communication is the remedy. I don't want to force
this into court now. I also understood that in the
course of the last couple of weeks while I'm doing
this radio show. It's so funny that the communication is remedy.
I got to step up into a new level of
(13:38):
Tisham Marie Kane and really handle this in a way
that I would illustrate to my clients. And I'm an
a student, okay. I was just looking at some stuff
from high school last night, I was doing some you know,
walking down memory lane, and I'm like, okay, I have
a four point twenty five, and okay, I have all
the accolades. And not only do I have my block
(13:59):
D and my numeral in my scroll, I have two
block ds and two normal rules and two scurorels. So
I'm an a student. I like to get it right
the first time. So I got to watch myself communicate
as structure to these people who were out of integrity,
who were out of alignment, and we were not operating
as equals, and in fact, there was a hierarchy in this.
(14:22):
They were one of those parent child do you know
it is what it is type thing? As soon as
you say it is what it is, Huh, that's a
breakdown in communication right there. And so that's what they
were basically telling me. And so I believe we can
shut down these courts. I believe we can shut down
every barcard attorney in American history if we go back
(14:44):
to the fundamentals of communication. The problem becomes I saw
I saw in the face of this this week. This
is why we have courts. Because someone is out of alignment,
someone is out of integrity. Because I tell you right now.
If you ever come into my space say hey, Tisha,
I've been harmed by you, I would say, hey, hey, hey,
wait a minute, let's talk this through. Let's figure out
(15:06):
where there was a breakdown in communication, and so I
can get better at my communication, I can get better
at my contracts. I can get better. I believe that
feedback really is a gift, right. So I watched myself
behave in this situation, and so when talking made it worse,
I paused. The power of the pause is huge. I
(15:28):
cannot extress that enough. So sometimes people don't like to hear, hey,
let's take a pause. And sometimes communication stops working because
someone does not want resolution, they want control, and you
can't negotiate with someone who's negotiating for dominance. Let's be real.
(15:49):
This is where you stop trying to persuade and you
become clear. You ask, so back to the good quality questions,
what is our shared objective here? What agreement was originally made,
and what outcome protects both parties dignity? If those questions
cannot be answered directly, then you have your answer, right.
(16:14):
So I mean I'm passionate about communicating. I'm passionate about
getting parents to come to the table to decide matters
of their affairs about their family. I believe that God
entrusted these children with you, and there is no authority
outside of you that should decide matters of your family.
(16:34):
But you right, so you are the sole authority to
decide matters of your child. Why would you be so
stupid and give your authority over to these court systems,
to these judges in black dresses, like these men worrying dresses.
It's funny, like I would never or I did, And
that's why I went to law school to figure it
(16:56):
all out. And what I realized was was one out
of integrity. I was out of alignment with my life
purpose and I don't sure wasn't communicating good. So this
stems back from way back when twenty twenty five thirty
probably years ago, of not being able to communicate, and
(17:16):
I've been hell bent ever since to go and help
people communicate in a matter that people feel seen, heard, loved, validated.
There's another communication style called the halfway party. Now, let's
speak to the one willing to meet halfway. That's me.
I'm always like, you know, what, who cares? I can
if I can pay for peace. I'm gonna pay for peace, right,
(17:38):
but be careful. Meeting halfway does not mean tolerating in equity.
Compromise only works when both parties move. If only one
side bends, that's not compromised. That's imbalanced, and imbalance breeds resentment.
I also talk about the Churchill principle and the things
that I do. Churchill, you know whence church Hill, he
(18:00):
once said, tact is the ability to tell someone to
go to hell in such a way that they look
forward to the trip.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
He had tact, And I think that is the reason
why today in our current political climate, there's no tact.
We're just like spewing things out of our mouth without
without even having a clear common goal or line of
sight and mind. It's not not that it's humorous, because
(18:29):
it's not what Churchill said. It's not humorous, but it
carries a lot of truth. Communication is not about being aggressive,
It's about being precise. What are our goals?
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Right?
Speaker 2 (18:40):
So this is where I help families when they're going
through a divorce, how to communicate better. What is your goal? Okay,
we want, you know, half of the equity of the house. Okay,
we get to sell the house, or the other one
buys the other one out, or we figure out what's
going to be the best for both parties. It's about
being precise, and it's about holding your ground without losing
your comp composure in that because once composure leaves, clarity
(19:06):
leaves and you can't see through it. So this is
why I help people communicate at deeper levels. This is
why I want to over communicate when it comes to conflict,
Like I really just want to go underneath what's underneath that,
and underneath that and underneath that and continue to ask
(19:26):
those good quality questions to get to the deeper meaning.
Because what I've found in my line of work of
doing what I do is, you know what's underneath all
of it? Do you really know? It's really a lot
of love. It's a really a lot of hard work,
sweat and tears of building empires and they're hurt and
(19:49):
they're you know, mistrought, and they don't know where to go.
But when I dive deeper to really communicate what's underneath
all of the conflict, it's love, it's hurt feelings, and
if you can talk about that, it's great, you know.
So I also had another story. I'll dive deeper back
into that when we're going to go to a break
(20:11):
here soon. But I'm going to dive deeper into this
other story about communication personally. But I want to let
you know that communication as a remedy is always the first.
We must communicate. Let's be honest. If one party refuses accountability,
if they insist on authority without reciprocity, if they will
(20:31):
not honor agreements, then you have three options. Option one,
you recontract. That's what we do. We break the marriage
contract and we do a new contract. It's called the
marriage settleman agreement. It's really not easy, right We recontract,
put everything down back on paper, reset expectations, define authority clearly,
(20:54):
structure protects clarity. Option two bring in a neutral third party,
a mediator, a facilitator, a legal review. That's where I
come in. This is what I do. I look at
both sides and I am able to see who's out
of alignment. Sometimes communication fails because there is no solid,
(21:17):
safe container where feelings can be brought up and discussed
and structure can be outlined and accountability can be held.
So I just create that. I create that for you.
And an option three is decide your standard. And this
is the hardest. You have to ask yourself the good
(21:38):
quality questions. Ask yourself, am I willing to stay in
a dynamic where respect is conditional? Communication cannot fix a
values mismatch. No amount of eloquence can correct a lack
of integrity. And let me say that again, because this
is huge. Communication cannot fix a values mismatch. So when
(22:03):
families come to me and say, hey, we're getting divorced,
typically ninety five percent out of the time, it's because
their values have changed. They no longer value what they
once valued, and so they're going their separate ways. No harm,
no foul, But hey, our values are mismatched. Now I
am committed to this, this and this, and you aren't,
and so we need to go our separate ways. And
(22:24):
this is where it gets to be really good because
we communicate that out. Hey, we're no longer aligned. And
I've seen stupid reasons why people get divorced, but they
just you know, they're not vibrating at the same level
anymore like they once were when they first got married
because their values changed. Maybe ones now into fitness and
(22:45):
health where they'd never been, and so they're always at
the gym, and they're working on their bodies and they're
working on their mind, and the other one's stuck at
home on the sofa, eating bombbonds and watching TV and
coding themselves with fear and lazy and not motivated like before.
And sometimes that's reason for ear reconcile.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
Defenses.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
You know, we got to break up because I'm over
this and I'm moving towards this goal, and our goals
are the longer line. So we are talking about communication
as the remedy. We are talking about. The more we talk,
the less all that bull crap goes away. And if
you can't talk, if the other one shuts down, you know,
(23:30):
sometimes that's a remedy too. You just got to shut down.
Put a pause like I did on this bad actor yesterday.
Put a pause on it, take a twenty four hour hold,
and let me just see if I'm acting out of alignment.
Let me see if I'm over communicating. And what I
found was I was right in line. I typically am
because I take the emotion out of it. I've been
(23:51):
trained in corporate America take the emotion out. But sometimes
I'm a woman and the emotion does come in. So
let me leave you with that, but I want to
tell you a story we get back. I want to
pause right there, and then we are going to break
for a moment from our sponsors. Just listen, hang in there,
and we'll come back here in a few minutes.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Thank you, guys.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
What if the secret edge separating good leaders from exceptional
ones isn't strategy, experience, or intelligence, but mindset. Behind closed doors,
many elite C suite leaders and senior executives rely on
a powerful, yet rarely discussed tool, hypnosis. With over twenty
two years of experience, executive counsel Tisha Marie Kane works
(24:58):
with C suite leaders and high performing executives to quiet
internal noise, sharpen decision making, release unconscious limitations and success blocks,
and operate from a place of calm authority, especially under pressure.
The most effective leaders don't push harder, They lead from alignment, clarity,
and control. To schedule your private hypnotherapy appointment today, visit
(25:19):
Tisha Marie Kine dot com.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Did you know most people pay thousands of dollars more
than they need to for legal services. That's why choosing
the right team matters more than you think. With over
twenty six years of experience. Cain's Legal Support proudly serves
California and the City of Las Vegas with personalized legal support.
(25:53):
We handle everything from divorce mediation, family law, custody matters,
dot com, comment preparation, and landlord tenant issues. Plus Caine's
Legal Support offers notary public wedding efficient services and black
line security for executive protection, residential security, and celebrity security
(26:17):
where we turn monitoring into action. So whatever your legal
and security needs are, Cain's Legal Support is your concierge
legal and protection services every step of the way. Contact
Caine's Legal Support today at Caine's Legal Support dot Com
(26:38):
for personalized legal and security solutions that fit your needs.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
And we are back with Tisha Marie Kine with Beyond
Mindset Limits and today we're talking about communication as the remedy.
And I love this because this is what I am
an expert in and I love communicating. I over communicate
(27:20):
in the face of conflict, and that's what the teachings
are here today. If you find yourself in conflict, whether
you're feeling a certain way or not, over communicating is
going to be the key. So I had something happen
to me about a month ago and an email was
sent out and I was pushed to the peripheral. They said, okay,
(27:45):
just for clarity, let's just have everything on email and
no more talks on the phone. And I was like what.
I immediately picked up the phone because you can't in
text and in email, you can't understand what someone's going through, right,
You can't hear and tenor of someone's voice. And I
knew there was some big feelings surrounding that email, so
(28:07):
I wanted to make sure that hey, this was in
no way shape of form whatever you're making it mean.
I just wanted a line of sight to the next
big endeavor that we are going to create together. And
I was pushed to the peripheral and the calls weren't returned,
and everything was like stopped, and I was like feeling
(28:28):
a certain way because I was like, Wow, this other
person on the other side of this email had made
meaning of whatever she wanted to make meaning of, but
it wasn't the truth. And I get that she had
her truth and I had my truth. But my truth
was I'm excited for what's next, and we're going to
partner together and we're going to figure this out. And
(28:50):
then all communications was stopped. I was blocked. I was,
you know, I couldn't have any more phone conversations. It
was all email. And then I felt, okay, wow, okay,
I guess it, you know, and I let it go
for twenty four hours. I took a pause and thought
maybe I was, you know, didn't want to force my
communication on them. And I just took a pause and said,
(29:13):
maybe they'll want to come back to the table and
have some agreement tomorrow. And that never happened, and then
another day never happened in another day. And one of
the maxims of law is do not slumber on your rights,
you know, don't let this come out. And I just
had a guy call right before I got on the
show today and he's all, hey, my ex wife owes
(29:35):
me two hundred thousand dollars from a house that we
split like seven years ago. And I'm like, why are
you just coming to me seven years later. That needed
to be dealt with head on first, out the gate,
because bad news doesn't get good with time, right, And
so I was like, okay, So when communication stops, you
(29:57):
just got to say okay, I tried to communicate, you
sent off emails to say, hey, maybe you didn't you know,
is there a room for negotiation? Is there room for talk?
Because I want you to feel good about it, and
then then nothing right. So the goal must stay bigger
than the emotion. And so I preach on that. I
take a deep breath and I just come back to center.
(30:19):
Conflict doesn't disapplear because we ignore it. It dissolves when
communication is clear and respectful and purpose driven. And so
that's why I say, make sure you have the same
goal in mind. What is your goal here in this communication?
And I write it down because there's something happens when
you take pin to paper. Okay, my goal here, whatever
(30:42):
it be. I talk about divorce because I do those
all day every day, because I think the you know,
the planet is rising, people are raising their vibration. We're
in a critical stage in humanity. People are waking up saying, hey,
I didn't choose this relationship consciously. Now I want to
start living consciously. And I think that's the reason for
a divorce right now. And there's wonky stuff going on
in the world that I don't even know about because
(31:03):
I don't even pay attention to all that stuff. So
I get it. I get it. It dissolves conflict that
dissolves when communication is clear and respectful and purpose driven.
So have your goal and write it down. What is
my goal? My goal is to split everything equitabilly. My
(31:24):
goal is to share the children on holidays. My goal is,
you know, to honor the original contract and not have
someone come and change the contract nine weeks later. You
know that's not right. So the goal is to stay
in integrity. Right, So no name calling, no finger pointing,
(31:47):
no fighting all night and then fighting all day, no
no listening, no pause, no dignity. Right. The moment respects,
the moment respect leaves the room, solutions become impossible. So
just know that I was in a hotel room a
(32:09):
couple of weeks ago as I travel back and forth
a lot from California to Nevada, and I was in
a hotel room and my neighbors were fighting all night,
and and the all night I was I just you know,
I could I could hear through the walls, and I
was at a really nice boujie hotel, but the hotel
(32:29):
walls were very very thin, and I could hear everything
that was going on. So I just sat on my
bed and did my water color and was thinking through
the day and how I was gonna, you know, add
more value to my client. And as I was doing that,
I heard every word that they were saying. And he
was it was a woman and a man, and he
was finger pointing, he was name calling her, he was
(32:53):
raising his voice at her. I never once heard her,
but I heard every word that he had said. He
was aggress said, he was over bearing, he was controlling.
It was all the things. And this went on for
like four hours straight, and then I just put my
headphones on and said, okay, whatever, they're going to figure
it out. Well. Then the next morning it started up again,
(33:15):
and I was like, what the heck is going on?
Like these two people should have left the situation last night.
They should have taken a pause, they should have broke away.
So communication is to relationships, what breath is to life.
One of them should have been the bigger person instead. Okay,
you know what, whatever we got going on right now
(33:37):
is not working. I'm going to take a twenty four
hour pause and we're going to come back here and
really define our goals. What do we want to happen?
And then remember that Nelson Mandela he said, if you
want to make peace with your enemy, you have to
work with your enemy. Then they become your partner. You know,
let's work it out. Let's sit back and decide what's
(34:00):
going to work out best. Otherwise we're going to spend
nine thousand dollars on an attorney to come in here,
get a retainer, argue, argue right, That's why they told
me in law school, tisha, argue your point. Well, what
happens when I argue Chi ching Chi ching? As a
barcard attorney, I would get a lot of money. I
(34:21):
would keep people in argument. That's what they do. But hey,
if you set out the goal, Hey, I'm going to
tie it back up. I'm not going to argue. I'm
going to sit here. I'm not going to attack you.
I'm going to get really clear on our goal and
go in directly. Ask directly, is my communication designed here
(34:47):
to win the situation? Or am I here to resolve
this situation? And that goes back to the good quality questions. Right,
am I here to win? Or am I here to resolve?
What are we doing? What's my goal? So words create
outcomes and finger pointing creates fall out. What you point
(35:09):
at determines what you get. So here's the core teaching
in this words either invite understanding or they trigger a defense.
And the fastest way to shut down resolution is to blame,
and the fastest way to open it up is ownership
and clarity. Do you know how many times I've read
(35:31):
an email that says, Okay, I understand, I see what
you mean. Just right there dissolves any tension in it
in the conversation, like okay, cool, Just the fact that
they said, I understand, I see what you mean. I
was like, okay, cool, I can breathe, I can take
a breathe. At least they understood, and then they can
go out all out and tell me all the other things.
But least they clearly illustrated to me they understood what
(35:55):
I wanted to say. So pause before there's any disrespis
these two neighbors in this hotel room. They should have
left that hotel room long ago. I don't know what
the heck they were doing. I almost went over there
and knocked on the door and gave him my card,
but I knew in the process of high emotions and
high I mean, it became a point the next day
(36:18):
that it was it was unhinged, and I did have
to initially on the onset of that, call the front
hotel desk and let them know that, you know, we
got we got some something going on over here that
we need to definitely attend to. So I shut that down.
But so pause before there's disrespect in the communication. Teach
(36:41):
teach pausing to your kids when they feel like they're
escalating and they're you know, raising their voice, when your
voice rises, when names appear, when sarcasm starts to sneak in,
that's the clue to stop, take a walk regularly your
nervous system, and ask to return to the conversation, not
(37:04):
just storm off, not just say this is over right,
Like if I can demonstrate this, this is where I think,
coming on camera here in the next few weeks is
gonna be important to have people come in, guests on
the show, to come in and demonstrate what this looks like,
what effectsive communication looks like. Don't storm off, Don't send
(37:26):
a three page text, No they're not gonna read that.
Don't fire off an email and I can't hear your
tone or they can't hear your tone. Tacked is the
ability to tell someone to go to hell in such
a way that they look forward to take in the trip,
have some tact right. You can be right or you
(37:49):
can be peaceful. And you know, at this stage of
the game, I'm gonna be tiss a five point zero
this year in August. At this stage of the game,
I don't care, you know what. I'm just here to
do good, grow my impact, help people in a way.
If someone's coming at me with language that's disrespectful or
harmful and they can't communicate, They're just gonna put them
on pause, put them on the bench until they can right.
(38:13):
If you can't say it with respect, just don't say it.
And I've done that, I'm like, okay, well, all right,
whatever I'm gonna say right now is not going to
be to the highest alignment of my best good. And
so I'll see in a couple hours. Okay, I just
need to take a break and a pause and come
back to this. I want to also tell you that
assumptions are expensive, So don't assume unspoken feelings cost real money.
(38:39):
People have taken money right out of their pocket because
they were unwilling to answer the phone. Answer the phone.
Because a lot of this. The more you communicate, the
less all those big feelings or the more. Rather, the
more all those big feelings go away. Why people decide
what nothing meant without or I'm sorry, When people decide
(39:03):
what something meant without checking in, they'd cut themselves off
from support, from opportunity, from solutions, And like, what did
you make that mean when I said that? Well? I
made that mean that I'm a no good, dirty slum
Well That's not what I meant. And I'm sorry, and
please forgive me. Can we go back and let me
rewind and let me put this in a different way
(39:25):
so that you comprehend where I'm coming from. I want
to give you a line of sight. I'll want to
let you know where we're going. I want to take
you along for this ride. And I didn't mean it
that way.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
Please forgive me.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
And then it like de escalates things, right, But silence
doesn't always protect you. It isolates you. So on my client,
she had big feelings. She I was fully available to
talk anything through, but she interpreted emotion and an email
(39:59):
that hadn't she pulled back instead of calling me. She
couldn't help in her process, and the result, thousands of
dollars were left off the table when she could have
just answered the phone and we could have talked about it.
The story she told herself cost her real results. And
you know what, I'm not putting any blame. I'm speaking
(40:22):
from lived experience. I have lived a thousand lives in
this avatar, Tisha Marie King. I had to go to
the pit and live in the pit for a long
long time until I'm like, oh, really, there's another way
we can handle this situation. We get to talk about
our feelings. Because you know, Corporate America, you know, my
executives were always take the emotion out, Miss Tisha Marie Kane.
(40:44):
Just take the emotions out, and you just need to,
you know, deploy the results and get the results out
of your drivers as you need.
Speaker 4 (40:50):
And I'm like, okay, but I'm a woman and I
have some emotions, and my emotions are coming up, and
how do I regulate and how did I bring that
into the conversation So I feel.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Better about it. So I understood that there was a
better way to communicate. When you change the way that
you look at things, the things you look at change.
Mister Wayne Dyer, He's one of my biggest mentors. I
love that guy. And I don't know if you guys
remember Victoria Joy. A lot of her stuff was ripped
(41:21):
out of the ripped out of the system. But she
talked about honor and dishonor. And I teach this too
in my private mediation. Reviews honor, ask questions and dishonor
writes conclusions about the other party. So I'm going to
challenge you before you pull away, pick up the phone,
(41:44):
send one last talk, one last text. Do you want
to talk that do those things, because communication really is
the remedy. You know I told you about I'll tell
you again. But there was a kid who came to
me that wanted to file a small claims action because
his neighbor had a security screen door that slammed every
(42:09):
day and every hour of the day and he was
a day sleeper, and he wanted to take them to
small claims court. And what I got them to do
is communicate. He went down there and said, hey, you know,
is there any way we can work this out? And
they worked it out and he never had to go
to small claims court because he was able to go
down there and talk about what was going on and
(42:30):
how that was making him feel. So that was so good.
So I want to get into We had some audience questions,
and there's been many people writing in about communication for
today's show, and I wanted to think all of you.
I can't get to all of you today, but I
wanted to address some of them here. And they're general questions,
(42:50):
So I want to talk about that. So we have
Joanne in Foothill Ranch and she says, I'm going through
a divorce. Every conversation turn turns into an argument. How
do I communicate with someone who is committed to fighting
me instead of resolving issues? Whoa girl, I've been in
your situation? First off, I know it. I get it. First,
(43:13):
Remove the goal of emotional harmony because that's not gonna
be happening in a high conflict of divorce. Communication is
not for connection, It's for documentation, and it's for resolution
when you're going through it. So shift from let's see
you're gonna want to shift from how do I feel? Too?
What are the terms right? And uh, if you guys
(43:36):
know anything about Miss Tisha Marie Kane, I am a
triple virgo my sun Moon and rising. I have spreadsheets
for my spreadsheets, and I have little systematic approaches that
I use to help make my life simpler. And so
I have a biff biff communication model that I use brief, informative, friendly,
in firm. Brief, informative, friendly, and firm. And you're going
(44:00):
through high conflicts and situations, so you're going to be brief.
Get in there, tell them, Hey, I'm asking for these terms.
You want to inform them that we want to change
the terms you're going to Hey, thank you for your time,
and this is this is what I prefer. Do not defend,
do not explain your character, and do not take the bait,
(44:20):
Deborah or is no Joanne? Sorry Joanne, do not take
the bait. You move from emotional language to contract contractual language.
So then you are parenting schedule. You can say something
like this. The parenting schedule states why, and so I'd
like to go ahead and follow why please, So when
(44:41):
someone wants war with you, always go to neutral. Neutrality
is going to be your superpower. And you know, I
believe since we're talking about communication, I think a lot
of people use the word narcissists. It's overused, Like finally, people, oh,
this is the new word narcissists out in the dictionary,
(45:03):
have been there forever, but people over use that word,
and I think really to be transparent. There's a lot
of people who have narcissistic tendencies. They're not necessarily narcissistic,
but they have narcissistic tendencies. They use coercive control, they
use all of these patterns because they don't know how
(45:23):
to communicate, because no one teaches us proper effective communication.
So you have things like that that come in and
so there's methods like the gray Rock method, right, so
you gray rock them. You make sure you know you
(45:43):
can research that on your own. I forget all the
little tactics, but you know, you just mute yourself down.
You don't become, you know, too overly involved in their situation,
and you just kind of have communication be flat when
you are dealing with people with these narcissistic So I
use this framework called BIFF BIFF brief Informative Friendly Infirm,
(46:06):
especially in high conflict situations. So I hope that helps you, Joan.
I know it's tough, stay grounded, make sure you eat,
make sure you drink, do all the things because it
can be a lot. So Jessica from Temecula, thank you
for writing in. She says, what do you do when
(46:28):
someone changes the contract and then insists that you comply?
Oh yeah, interesting, now that question came in and that
was something I lived over the last week, when someone
changed the contract in the middle of it. You can't
do that. But here's here's how I answer that from
an expert opinion. Communication isn't the problem. Integrity is the problem.
(46:51):
And here's the remedy. Do not argue fairness. You restate
the agreement. The sign contract reflects a Any modification requires
mutual consent, and I do not consent to changing that.
So what I want to know is are we renegotiating
or are we enforcing? And so I want you to notice, Jessica,
(47:17):
the neutrality in that just asking questions. The person who
asked the questions is the one who remains in authority. Right,
You always ask a question, who was I watched the
firm with Who's in that Tom Cruise the other night
because I love Lost Stories and Perry Mason. I love
(47:38):
all those things. So I thought, oh, this is a
nineteen ninety film firm with Tom Cruise, and they've even
had a little nugget in there. That's that you always
ask a question. With a question so you go back
and you say, hey, the sign contract reflects. Hey, any
modifications results in their mutual consent. I do not consent,
And I just want to know are you if you
(48:00):
renegotiating the contractor are we going to enforce it here? Right?
And so it escalates it, you know, it de escalates it.
If they escalate it emotionally, you stay neutral. You just
go back to neutrality. And structure is the adult language
of conflict. So if anyone refuses to operate structurally, you
(48:22):
escalate to a formal process, not emotional debate. And this
is I mean, this is why the courts are in business,
because we're not able to communicate deeper. And my mission
on planet Earth is to shut these court systems down.
If we can go back to the fundamentals of actively
(48:42):
effectively communicating in a way where the other person can
know what is going on and where you feel and
where you're coming from in an aligned, integral way, then
the other person can meet you there. Now, I get it.
It's easier said than done. I get it, Jesse. I
know you're out there listening, but that's got to be
(49:04):
the goal. And I know that they've changed words around,
like I remember remember when that big billboard it was
blue and it said cookies on the highway And I
told my husband, I said, let's go get cookies. And
he's laughing at me the whole way because he said, Babe,
that doesn't mean cookies. And I said, what do you mean.
(49:25):
It doesn't mean cookies. It says come get said cookies.
I said, I want cookies. I'm like, you know, and
then I started salivating over chocolate chip cookies with almonds.
Can we find those? And can we go to the
mall to you know, cookie vendor who made some hot
And he's like, oh my gosh, that's not what that means.
That's the problem is we have language not meaning what
(49:46):
it says it means. So, you know, when I write
legal documents, I tell them what what a dictionary I use?
I say, we are using the Webster's Dictionary of nineteen
nineteen and these are the words in which they mean.
You know. So I mean it's great. So thank you, Jessica.
I hope that helps. We also have Deborah from Rivers side.
(50:08):
She says, if someone harmed my reputation or business, how
do I communicate without sounding threatening? Oh? I love this. Yeah,
It's like when harm is involved, tone must be precise,
so you never threaten. You state impact and opportunity for remedy. Example,
something like this, the statements made on January fifth have
(50:32):
materially harmed my business, and I'm requesting retractions of that
statement and correction by January nineteenth. You're calm, you're clear.
It's time bound, and so intarts. Clarity matters. Emotion weakens
your position, so stay strong in this. Precision strengthens it.
(50:57):
So it's important when we're dealing with things like that, especially,
I know emotions get in the way. They do get
in the way. That's why it's important to go back,
remain calm, clear, focus up on your goal. What is that,
Wendy from Palm Springs? Okay, Wendy, my adult child says,
(51:19):
I'm controlling. I say, I'm guiding. How do I fix this?
Speaker 3 (51:22):
Huh okay?
Speaker 2 (51:23):
So if you were my client, what I would say is, whoo,
that's a lot. Your adult child says you're controlling. Why
one is your adult child still living at home? And
two the issue is not love here, it's autonomy. So
ask this question, are you asking for advice or are
you asking for support? And I don't know your family dynamic.
(51:46):
I don't know why your adult child is still living
at home, but you just simply ask them the good
quality questions. Are you asking for advice from me? Or
are you asking for support? Most family conflict disappear when
roles are clarified. Right. I'm really careful these days to
even give my opinion unless they say, hey, what's your
(52:08):
opinion on this? Then I'm like, oh, I'm all in.
That's my green light. Right. Otherwise I just stay back
here and I just wait. So this is what I'm
telling you, guys, that if you clarify the roles, parents
must transition from authority to consultant. Especially with an adult child,
(52:28):
Authority without consent becomes control. And so if you just
ask those self the good quality questions, you're going to
be there. So I just wanted to thank you, guys.
I want to wrap this up. Communication is the remedy.
Go back to high context communication. And if you're in
the face of all of these emotions, I want you
(52:49):
to put a pause on it, put a pin in it.
I want you to step aside for twenty four hours
and then come back and focus up on your goal.
This is Tisha Marie Kine. I'm Beyond Mindset Limits. We
talk about all things communication, legal, coaching, hypnotherapy, publishing books,
(53:10):
writing your story. I'm a unicorn. I get it all out,
and I'm really excited to be able to share my
medicine and my wisdom because I believe that education and
experience equals the wisdom. And I've lived a thousand lifetimes
here as this avatar, and i just want to be
able to help. I want to serve and help on
(53:30):
a bigger way to grow my impact and help you
guys shut down these family court systems and all the
court systems. So until next week, I'm signing out. Bye, guys.
Speaker 1 (53:44):
Thank you for joining tisham Marie Kaning for Beyond Mindset Limits.
Tune in every Wednesday at four pm as a conversation
continues around mindset, legal insight, and public as a strategic
tool for business positioning. Visit Tishamrie Kane dot com or
(54:09):
Caine's Legal Support dot com for more information or to
schedule your private appointment
Welcome to Beyond Mindset Limits with Tisha Marie Kine, where
we explore how unlocking your mindset can pave the way
for unlimited success, learn to create opportunities for legal challenges,
and transform your business and life through the power of
(00:27):
publishing as a brand building tool. And now your host,
Tisha Marie Caine.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Oh my goodness, you guys. We are back for another
week of Beyond Mindset Limits, where clarity meets confidence and
transformation becomes actionable. I love action, right. I normally tell
my clients there's healing is in the doing. What are
you doing to heal from your past wounds? What are
(00:58):
you doing to create the life of your dreams? And
I know sometimes I sound like a preacher and a teacher,
and I am And today I am wired for sounds,
So watch out. And you know why because I had
an extra cup of coffee and it's great. So I'm
here today wired for sound. My name is Tisha Marie Kane.
I am an executive council. I'm an expert mediator, an
(01:24):
expert communicator. I'm a breakthrough mindset coach, clinical hypnote therapist,
a number one international best selling author and artist. And
I'm recognized for my work with Fortune five hundred executives,
with visionary leaders and high performance entrepreneurs. I guide them
(01:45):
through unlocking their purpose in life and I align them
up and we help create lasting impact. I have a
unique blend of expertise legal expertise. I went to law
school and that was daunting, and I specialize in leadership
strategy and transformational coaching. I help individuals and organizations rewire
(02:10):
the subconscious mind, release emotional weight, and elevate their relationship
with money, with power, and with self worth. So I'm
here and I'm wire for sound today and today on
Beyond Mindset Limits, the title today is communication as Remedy,
(02:31):
and I speak about this a lot in all of
the work that I do. What happens when communication stops working.
We're going to talk about that today. It's really really important.
So welcome back for another week with Tisha Marie Kane
Beyond Mindset Limits. Because I'm totally excited, and I was
just speaking with a producer prior to the show and
just saying, it's interesting how I develop these titles for
(02:55):
my radio show program and I arbitrarily willing really create
situations to be able to have a real world experience
going into these shows. So I have tons of stories
today to be able to help illustrate how communication is remedy.
(03:16):
So I wanted to talk about how communication how today
We're talking about something that's going to be really real,
not just like the Instagram version of communication, not the
just talk it out version, but the moment when two
adults are at a stalemate. And I have some real
(03:38):
world experience in regards to being at stalemates with things,
and what that stem from was one party was operating
from do as I say, even though they changed the contract,
and the other party was saying, hey, I'm willing to
meet you halfway, and now communication and felt stuck. So
(04:01):
what do you do when communication itself doesn't seem to
work anymore? What do you do? So let's go deeper.
My next book is going to be called Asking Yourself
the Good Quality Questions. So that's what I do. I'm
an expert mediator, and I'm an expert communicator, and I
help get remedies on the table through the power of communication,
through the power of the written and the spoken word.
(04:24):
Here's the first truth that I want to illustrate here
is it's usually not a communication problem. When two parties
hit a stalemate, it's rarely about vocabulary. It's about power.
One person is speaking from authority and the other person
is speaking from collaboration. So we have two different language
(04:46):
styles that typically happen, and different languages do not resolve
conflicts unless someone translates the structure. So that's why they
hire me. I'm a private mediator. I come in here
and I am able to see right through it all.
This is where most people make a mistake. They try
to talk more, they try to explain more, they try
(05:11):
to justify more. But if one party is committed to
a hierarchy and the other party is committed to partnership,
there is no amount of explaining that is going to
ever close the gap between the two. So I've seen
it where we've had the parent child dynamic, and I
tell you I grew up in a household like this.
(05:33):
My parents were strong Portuguese Catholic religion, face base, do
as I say, not as I do. So when someone
says do as I say, what they are communicating is
I want authority without reciprocity. And the moment you step
into that dynamic, you're no longer in an adult to
(05:54):
adult communication. You're in a parent to child communication, and
adult problems cannot be solved in a parent to child framework.
So a great family therapist. And I love her work.
Virginia Cittaire. I follow her work. I use her principles
in my daily life. I use her principles in my
(06:15):
business life. Virginia Sataire. She taught that beneath rigidy is fear.
So when someone's real rigid, it's because of fear. They
have an authoritative tone, that fear dressed as control. This
was my mother. She was just doing the best she
could with what she had, let's be real, But she
(06:36):
had that fear of what if what if my kids
didn't grow up as good people, what if they weren't humanitarians,
what if they didn't contribute to society? And so my parents,
both of them, sought to control us. And so that
fear is dressed in control. Fear of losing power, fear
(06:58):
of being wrong, fear of losing And when fear runs communication,
the tone hardens. So sometimes in communication, contracts get changed.
Now let's talk about something critical. If a contract was
change unilaterally, and then compliance is demand. This is no
(07:21):
longer about tone. This is about integrity, and you don't
respond emotionally no, and you don't accuse. You shift the frame.
Instead of saying why are you being unfair, you calmly say, hey,
we agree to X. And it changed to why are
you honoring the agreements or not? And it's not emotional,
(07:43):
it's structural. And when you move from an emotional to
a structural base, you elevate the room. So let's talk
about this he I talked about. When I opened this,
I had some real life experience about communication as the remedy,
and I got to play this out this week in
my own personal life and I thought, oh wow, this
(08:03):
is Planet Life School. I am here for Planet Live School.
I'm watching the avatar miist Tisha Marie Kane. How am
I going to communicate through this? Because I hold myself
out as an expert communicator. I hold myself out as
a mediator, someone who helps get remedy on the table
(08:24):
and help helps get contracts and agreements on the table.
And now I'm faced in a situation where I must
take full control of the situation and communicate in a
way that everybody feels valued, seeing and heard. And so
what I witnessed was not the reciprocity. Let's say that. Okay,
(08:47):
I felt myself. It was a real visceral experience. I
was communicating over hey, we had a certain contract. I
believe that this contract was in place, and you guys,
you Neilana, laterally change the contract and now you are
trying to compel performance from me, and that's not right.
(09:07):
And so I felt this visceral experience. I felt my
body heating up. I felt the tone of my voice.
I had pressured speech, I had all the things, and
I thought, you know what, there's power in the pause here.
I told them, you know what, I think that they
are out of integrity and I am getting a little
(09:28):
bit emotional, and I wanted to over communicate. When I
talk about over communication, if you know Tisha Marie Kane,
I am a low context type person. Tell me what
I need to do, and I'll do it. I don't
need all the extras. However, in the face of conflict,
I like to over communicate and give high context because
(09:50):
feelings get in the way. And so I said, hey,
I'm really emotional. I'm going to meditate on this. I'm
going to pray, I'm going to meditate, I'm going to
do all the things that I do to bring myself
back to center, because I know that you guys are
out of integrity, and I know that you guys are
out of alignment with your company values, and I just
(10:11):
need to meditate and pray on this and just if
it's okay, can I have twenty four hours to kind of,
you know, go down through the systems, look at the contract,
looked at the structure, take the emotions out, and come
back and close the loop in twenty four hours. And
they agreed. So that's exactly what happened. So I went
to the drawing board. I looked at the agreement that
(10:33):
was on the table, and I'm trained in the law.
I know the four contracts of the law, the plain
meaning rule, and so I looked at the contract and said, yep, yep,
these guys are out of integrity, they're out of an alignment.
They're trying to compel me to do something that is
outside the agreement and so therefore giving me a counter contract.
(10:57):
And that wasn't right. So breath, meditate on it, took
a deep breath in, and then gave them twenty four
hours and called them back. And when I called them back,
I was calm, I was cool, I was collected, and
I began to use communication as structure. And it works
(11:19):
when there's mutual respect, and it works when there's shared objective,
and it works when there's agreement integrity. If one of
those collapses, though, let's be real, in a conversation, the
conversation alone cannot repair it. And so you need a container,
you need a safe place. And so I typically rely
(11:41):
on the words of Nelson Mandella, and he once said,
if you want to make peace with your enemy, you
have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
But let's be clear, Mandela did not create peace by
surrendering his boundaries. He created peace by I insisting on dignity.
(12:03):
Peace is not weight weakness, and peace is principled in strength.
So the real question becomes, are both parties willing to
operate as equals? Or is one insisting on superiority? So
that was the question. And so going down through this
(12:24):
as communication as structure, I thought, Okay, here's the question.
Are both parties willing to operate as equals?
Speaker 3 (12:32):
That's huge.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
You know, typically I do a lot of divorces. I'm
currently doing seven divorces right now. Out of California where
people have decided not to hire these barcard attorneys. And
I am very passionate about shutting these court systems down.
I'm really passionate about shutting attorneys down.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
I mean, how many attorneys charge you and overcharge you,
And I mean that's the common denominae is like, I
spent way too much money on this attorney, and then
I tell them go out and get yourself a good attorney.
And the problem is, the problem is just because I
had to put go out and get yourself a good
attorney in that sentence, that's a problem right there. So
(13:16):
I'm really passionate about shutting down attorneys because I believe
that communication is the remedy. I don't want to force
this into court now. I also understood that in the
course of the last couple of weeks while I'm doing
this radio show. It's so funny that the communication is remedy.
I got to step up into a new level of
(13:38):
Tisham Marie Kane and really handle this in a way
that I would illustrate to my clients. And I'm an
a student, okay. I was just looking at some stuff
from high school last night, I was doing some you know,
walking down memory lane, and I'm like, okay, I have
a four point twenty five, and okay, I have all
the accolades. And not only do I have my block
(13:59):
D and my numeral in my scroll, I have two
block ds and two normal rules and two scurorels. So
I'm an a student. I like to get it right
the first time. So I got to watch myself communicate
as structure to these people who were out of integrity,
who were out of alignment, and we were not operating
as equals, and in fact, there was a hierarchy in this.
(14:22):
They were one of those parent child do you know
it is what it is type thing? As soon as
you say it is what it is, Huh, that's a
breakdown in communication right there. And so that's what they
were basically telling me. And so I believe we can
shut down these courts. I believe we can shut down
every barcard attorney in American history if we go back
(14:44):
to the fundamentals of communication. The problem becomes I saw
I saw in the face of this this week. This
is why we have courts. Because someone is out of alignment,
someone is out of integrity. Because I tell you right now.
If you ever come into my space say hey, Tisha,
I've been harmed by you, I would say, hey, hey, hey,
wait a minute, let's talk this through. Let's figure out
(15:06):
where there was a breakdown in communication, and so I
can get better at my communication, I can get better
at my contracts. I can get better. I believe that
feedback really is a gift, right. So I watched myself
behave in this situation, and so when talking made it worse,
I paused. The power of the pause is huge. I
(15:28):
cannot extress that enough. So sometimes people don't like to hear, hey,
let's take a pause. And sometimes communication stops working because
someone does not want resolution, they want control, and you
can't negotiate with someone who's negotiating for dominance. Let's be real.
(15:49):
This is where you stop trying to persuade and you
become clear. You ask, so back to the good quality questions,
what is our shared objective here? What agreement was originally made,
and what outcome protects both parties dignity? If those questions
cannot be answered directly, then you have your answer, right.
(16:14):
So I mean I'm passionate about communicating. I'm passionate about
getting parents to come to the table to decide matters
of their affairs about their family. I believe that God
entrusted these children with you, and there is no authority
outside of you that should decide matters of your family.
(16:34):
But you right, so you are the sole authority to
decide matters of your child. Why would you be so
stupid and give your authority over to these court systems,
to these judges in black dresses, like these men worrying dresses.
It's funny, like I would never or I did, And
that's why I went to law school to figure it
(16:56):
all out. And what I realized was was one out
of integrity. I was out of alignment with my life
purpose and I don't sure wasn't communicating good. So this
stems back from way back when twenty twenty five thirty
probably years ago, of not being able to communicate, and
(17:16):
I've been hell bent ever since to go and help
people communicate in a matter that people feel seen, heard, loved, validated.
There's another communication style called the halfway party. Now, let's
speak to the one willing to meet halfway. That's me.
I'm always like, you know, what, who cares? I can
if I can pay for peace. I'm gonna pay for peace, right,
(17:38):
but be careful. Meeting halfway does not mean tolerating in equity.
Compromise only works when both parties move. If only one
side bends, that's not compromised. That's imbalanced, and imbalance breeds resentment.
I also talk about the Churchill principle and the things
that I do. Churchill, you know whence church Hill, he
(18:00):
once said, tact is the ability to tell someone to
go to hell in such a way that they look
forward to the trip.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
He had tact, And I think that is the reason
why today in our current political climate, there's no tact.
We're just like spewing things out of our mouth without
without even having a clear common goal or line of
sight and mind. It's not not that it's humorous, because
(18:29):
it's not what Churchill said. It's not humorous, but it
carries a lot of truth. Communication is not about being aggressive,
It's about being precise. What are our goals?
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Right?
Speaker 2 (18:40):
So this is where I help families when they're going
through a divorce, how to communicate better. What is your goal? Okay,
we want, you know, half of the equity of the house. Okay,
we get to sell the house, or the other one
buys the other one out, or we figure out what's
going to be the best for both parties. It's about
being precise, and it's about holding your ground without losing
your comp composure in that because once composure leaves, clarity
(19:06):
leaves and you can't see through it. So this is
why I help people communicate at deeper levels. This is
why I want to over communicate when it comes to conflict,
Like I really just want to go underneath what's underneath that,
and underneath that and underneath that and continue to ask
(19:26):
those good quality questions to get to the deeper meaning.
Because what I've found in my line of work of
doing what I do is, you know what's underneath all
of it? Do you really know? It's really a lot
of love. It's a really a lot of hard work,
sweat and tears of building empires and they're hurt and
(19:49):
they're you know, mistrought, and they don't know where to go.
But when I dive deeper to really communicate what's underneath
all of the conflict, it's love, it's hurt feelings, and
if you can talk about that, it's great, you know.
So I also had another story. I'll dive deeper back
into that when we're going to go to a break
(20:11):
here soon. But I'm going to dive deeper into this
other story about communication personally. But I want to let
you know that communication as a remedy is always the first.
We must communicate. Let's be honest. If one party refuses accountability,
if they insist on authority without reciprocity, if they will
(20:31):
not honor agreements, then you have three options. Option one,
you recontract. That's what we do. We break the marriage
contract and we do a new contract. It's called the
marriage settleman agreement. It's really not easy, right We recontract,
put everything down back on paper, reset expectations, define authority clearly,
(20:54):
structure protects clarity. Option two bring in a neutral third party,
a mediator, a facilitator, a legal review. That's where I
come in. This is what I do. I look at
both sides and I am able to see who's out
of alignment. Sometimes communication fails because there is no solid,
(21:17):
safe container where feelings can be brought up and discussed
and structure can be outlined and accountability can be held.
So I just create that. I create that for you.
And an option three is decide your standard. And this
is the hardest. You have to ask yourself the good
(21:38):
quality questions. Ask yourself, am I willing to stay in
a dynamic where respect is conditional? Communication cannot fix a
values mismatch. No amount of eloquence can correct a lack
of integrity. And let me say that again, because this
is huge. Communication cannot fix a values mismatch. So when
(22:03):
families come to me and say, hey, we're getting divorced,
typically ninety five percent out of the time, it's because
their values have changed. They no longer value what they
once valued, and so they're going their separate ways. No harm,
no foul, But hey, our values are mismatched. Now I
am committed to this, this and this, and you aren't,
and so we need to go our separate ways. And
(22:24):
this is where it gets to be really good because
we communicate that out. Hey, we're no longer aligned. And
I've seen stupid reasons why people get divorced, but they
just you know, they're not vibrating at the same level
anymore like they once were when they first got married
because their values changed. Maybe ones now into fitness and
(22:45):
health where they'd never been, and so they're always at
the gym, and they're working on their bodies and they're
working on their mind, and the other one's stuck at
home on the sofa, eating bombbonds and watching TV and
coding themselves with fear and lazy and not motivated like before.
And sometimes that's reason for ear reconcile.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
Defenses.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
You know, we got to break up because I'm over
this and I'm moving towards this goal, and our goals
are the longer line. So we are talking about communication
as the remedy. We are talking about. The more we talk,
the less all that bull crap goes away. And if
you can't talk, if the other one shuts down, you know,
(23:30):
sometimes that's a remedy too. You just got to shut down.
Put a pause like I did on this bad actor yesterday.
Put a pause on it, take a twenty four hour hold,
and let me just see if I'm acting out of alignment.
Let me see if I'm over communicating. And what I
found was I was right in line. I typically am
because I take the emotion out of it. I've been
(23:51):
trained in corporate America take the emotion out. But sometimes
I'm a woman and the emotion does come in. So
let me leave you with that, but I want to
tell you a story we get back. I want to
pause right there, and then we are going to break
for a moment from our sponsors. Just listen, hang in there,
and we'll come back here in a few minutes.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Thank you, guys.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
What if the secret edge separating good leaders from exceptional
ones isn't strategy, experience, or intelligence, but mindset. Behind closed doors,
many elite C suite leaders and senior executives rely on
a powerful, yet rarely discussed tool, hypnosis. With over twenty
two years of experience, executive counsel Tisha Marie Kane works
(24:58):
with C suite leaders and high performing executives to quiet
internal noise, sharpen decision making, release unconscious limitations and success blocks,
and operate from a place of calm authority, especially under pressure.
The most effective leaders don't push harder, They lead from alignment, clarity,
and control. To schedule your private hypnotherapy appointment today, visit
(25:19):
Tisha Marie Kine dot com.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Did you know most people pay thousands of dollars more
than they need to for legal services. That's why choosing
the right team matters more than you think. With over
twenty six years of experience. Cain's Legal Support proudly serves
California and the City of Las Vegas with personalized legal support.
(25:53):
We handle everything from divorce mediation, family law, custody matters,
dot com, comment preparation, and landlord tenant issues. Plus Caine's
Legal Support offers notary public wedding efficient services and black
line security for executive protection, residential security, and celebrity security
(26:17):
where we turn monitoring into action. So whatever your legal
and security needs are, Cain's Legal Support is your concierge
legal and protection services every step of the way. Contact
Caine's Legal Support today at Caine's Legal Support dot Com
(26:38):
for personalized legal and security solutions that fit your needs.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
And we are back with Tisha Marie Kine with Beyond
Mindset Limits and today we're talking about communication as the remedy.
And I love this because this is what I am
an expert in and I love communicating. I over communicate
(27:20):
in the face of conflict, and that's what the teachings
are here today. If you find yourself in conflict, whether
you're feeling a certain way or not, over communicating is
going to be the key. So I had something happen
to me about a month ago and an email was
sent out and I was pushed to the peripheral. They said, okay,
(27:45):
just for clarity, let's just have everything on email and
no more talks on the phone. And I was like what.
I immediately picked up the phone because you can't in
text and in email, you can't understand what someone's going through, right,
You can't hear and tenor of someone's voice. And I
knew there was some big feelings surrounding that email, so
(28:07):
I wanted to make sure that hey, this was in
no way shape of form whatever you're making it mean.
I just wanted a line of sight to the next
big endeavor that we are going to create together. And
I was pushed to the peripheral and the calls weren't returned,
and everything was like stopped, and I was like feeling
(28:28):
a certain way because I was like, Wow, this other
person on the other side of this email had made
meaning of whatever she wanted to make meaning of, but
it wasn't the truth. And I get that she had
her truth and I had my truth. But my truth
was I'm excited for what's next, and we're going to
partner together and we're going to figure this out. And
(28:50):
then all communications was stopped. I was blocked. I was,
you know, I couldn't have any more phone conversations. It
was all email. And then I felt, okay, wow, okay,
I guess it, you know, and I let it go
for twenty four hours. I took a pause and thought
maybe I was, you know, didn't want to force my
communication on them. And I just took a pause and said,
(29:13):
maybe they'll want to come back to the table and
have some agreement tomorrow. And that never happened, and then
another day never happened in another day. And one of
the maxims of law is do not slumber on your rights,
you know, don't let this come out. And I just
had a guy call right before I got on the
show today and he's all, hey, my ex wife owes
(29:35):
me two hundred thousand dollars from a house that we
split like seven years ago. And I'm like, why are
you just coming to me seven years later. That needed
to be dealt with head on first, out the gate,
because bad news doesn't get good with time, right, And
so I was like, okay, So when communication stops, you
(29:57):
just got to say okay, I tried to communicate, you
sent off emails to say, hey, maybe you didn't you know,
is there a room for negotiation? Is there room for talk?
Because I want you to feel good about it, and
then then nothing right. So the goal must stay bigger
than the emotion. And so I preach on that. I
take a deep breath and I just come back to center.
(30:19):
Conflict doesn't disapplear because we ignore it. It dissolves when
communication is clear and respectful and purpose driven. And so
that's why I say, make sure you have the same
goal in mind. What is your goal here in this communication?
And I write it down because there's something happens when
you take pin to paper. Okay, my goal here, whatever
(30:42):
it be. I talk about divorce because I do those
all day every day, because I think the you know,
the planet is rising, people are raising their vibration. We're
in a critical stage in humanity. People are waking up saying, hey,
I didn't choose this relationship consciously. Now I want to
start living consciously. And I think that's the reason for
a divorce right now. And there's wonky stuff going on
in the world that I don't even know about because
(31:03):
I don't even pay attention to all that stuff. So
I get it. I get it. It dissolves conflict that
dissolves when communication is clear and respectful and purpose driven.
So have your goal and write it down. What is
my goal? My goal is to split everything equitabilly. My
(31:24):
goal is to share the children on holidays. My goal is,
you know, to honor the original contract and not have
someone come and change the contract nine weeks later. You
know that's not right. So the goal is to stay
in integrity. Right, So no name calling, no finger pointing,
(31:47):
no fighting all night and then fighting all day, no
no listening, no pause, no dignity. Right. The moment respects,
the moment respect leaves the room, solutions become impossible. So
just know that I was in a hotel room a
(32:09):
couple of weeks ago as I travel back and forth
a lot from California to Nevada, and I was in
a hotel room and my neighbors were fighting all night,
and and the all night I was I just you know,
I could I could hear through the walls, and I
was at a really nice boujie hotel, but the hotel
(32:29):
walls were very very thin, and I could hear everything
that was going on. So I just sat on my
bed and did my water color and was thinking through
the day and how I was gonna, you know, add
more value to my client. And as I was doing that,
I heard every word that they were saying. And he
was it was a woman and a man, and he
was finger pointing, he was name calling her, he was
(32:53):
raising his voice at her. I never once heard her,
but I heard every word that he had said. He
was aggress said, he was over bearing, he was controlling.
It was all the things. And this went on for
like four hours straight, and then I just put my
headphones on and said, okay, whatever, they're going to figure
it out. Well. Then the next morning it started up again,
(33:15):
and I was like, what the heck is going on?
Like these two people should have left the situation last night.
They should have taken a pause, they should have broke away.
So communication is to relationships, what breath is to life.
One of them should have been the bigger person instead. Okay,
you know what, whatever we got going on right now
(33:37):
is not working. I'm going to take a twenty four
hour pause and we're going to come back here and
really define our goals. What do we want to happen?
And then remember that Nelson Mandela he said, if you
want to make peace with your enemy, you have to
work with your enemy. Then they become your partner. You know,
let's work it out. Let's sit back and decide what's
(34:00):
going to work out best. Otherwise we're going to spend
nine thousand dollars on an attorney to come in here,
get a retainer, argue, argue right, That's why they told
me in law school, tisha, argue your point. Well, what
happens when I argue Chi ching Chi ching? As a
barcard attorney, I would get a lot of money. I
(34:21):
would keep people in argument. That's what they do. But hey,
if you set out the goal, Hey, I'm going to
tie it back up. I'm not going to argue. I'm
going to sit here. I'm not going to attack you.
I'm going to get really clear on our goal and
go in directly. Ask directly, is my communication designed here
(34:47):
to win the situation? Or am I here to resolve
this situation? And that goes back to the good quality questions. Right,
am I here to win? Or am I here to resolve?
What are we doing? What's my goal? So words create
outcomes and finger pointing creates fall out. What you point
(35:09):
at determines what you get. So here's the core teaching
in this words either invite understanding or they trigger a defense.
And the fastest way to shut down resolution is to blame,
and the fastest way to open it up is ownership
and clarity. Do you know how many times I've read
(35:31):
an email that says, Okay, I understand, I see what
you mean. Just right there dissolves any tension in it
in the conversation, like okay, cool, Just the fact that
they said, I understand, I see what you mean. I
was like, okay, cool, I can breathe, I can take
a breathe. At least they understood, and then they can
go out all out and tell me all the other things.
But least they clearly illustrated to me they understood what
(35:55):
I wanted to say. So pause before there's any disrespis
these two neighbors in this hotel room. They should have
left that hotel room long ago. I don't know what
the heck they were doing. I almost went over there
and knocked on the door and gave him my card,
but I knew in the process of high emotions and
high I mean, it became a point the next day
(36:18):
that it was it was unhinged, and I did have
to initially on the onset of that, call the front
hotel desk and let them know that, you know, we
got we got some something going on over here that
we need to definitely attend to. So I shut that down.
But so pause before there's disrespect in the communication. Teach
(36:41):
teach pausing to your kids when they feel like they're
escalating and they're you know, raising their voice, when your
voice rises, when names appear, when sarcasm starts to sneak in,
that's the clue to stop, take a walk regularly your
nervous system, and ask to return to the conversation, not
(37:04):
just storm off, not just say this is over right,
Like if I can demonstrate this, this is where I think,
coming on camera here in the next few weeks is
gonna be important to have people come in, guests on
the show, to come in and demonstrate what this looks like,
what effectsive communication looks like. Don't storm off, Don't send
(37:26):
a three page text, No they're not gonna read that.
Don't fire off an email and I can't hear your
tone or they can't hear your tone. Tacked is the
ability to tell someone to go to hell in such
a way that they look forward to take in the trip,
have some tact right. You can be right or you
(37:49):
can be peaceful. And you know, at this stage of
the game, I'm gonna be tiss a five point zero
this year in August. At this stage of the game,
I don't care, you know what. I'm just here to
do good, grow my impact, help people in a way.
If someone's coming at me with language that's disrespectful or
harmful and they can't communicate, They're just gonna put them
on pause, put them on the bench until they can right.
(38:13):
If you can't say it with respect, just don't say it.
And I've done that, I'm like, okay, well, all right,
whatever I'm gonna say right now is not going to
be to the highest alignment of my best good. And
so I'll see in a couple hours. Okay, I just
need to take a break and a pause and come
back to this. I want to also tell you that
assumptions are expensive, So don't assume unspoken feelings cost real money.
(38:39):
People have taken money right out of their pocket because
they were unwilling to answer the phone. Answer the phone.
Because a lot of this. The more you communicate, the
less all those big feelings or the more. Rather, the
more all those big feelings go away. Why people decide
what nothing meant without or I'm sorry, When people decide
(39:03):
what something meant without checking in, they'd cut themselves off
from support, from opportunity, from solutions, And like, what did
you make that mean when I said that? Well? I
made that mean that I'm a no good, dirty slum
Well That's not what I meant. And I'm sorry, and
please forgive me. Can we go back and let me
rewind and let me put this in a different way
(39:25):
so that you comprehend where I'm coming from. I want
to give you a line of sight. I'll want to
let you know where we're going. I want to take
you along for this ride. And I didn't mean it
that way.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
Please forgive me.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
And then it like de escalates things, right, But silence
doesn't always protect you. It isolates you. So on my client,
she had big feelings. She I was fully available to
talk anything through, but she interpreted emotion and an email
(39:59):
that hadn't she pulled back instead of calling me. She
couldn't help in her process, and the result, thousands of
dollars were left off the table when she could have
just answered the phone and we could have talked about it.
The story she told herself cost her real results. And
you know what, I'm not putting any blame. I'm speaking
(40:22):
from lived experience. I have lived a thousand lives in
this avatar, Tisha Marie King. I had to go to
the pit and live in the pit for a long
long time until I'm like, oh, really, there's another way
we can handle this situation. We get to talk about
our feelings. Because you know, Corporate America, you know, my
executives were always take the emotion out, Miss Tisha Marie Kane.
(40:44):
Just take the emotions out, and you just need to,
you know, deploy the results and get the results out
of your drivers as you need.
Speaker 4 (40:50):
And I'm like, okay, but I'm a woman and I
have some emotions, and my emotions are coming up, and
how do I regulate and how did I bring that
into the conversation So I feel.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Better about it. So I understood that there was a
better way to communicate. When you change the way that
you look at things, the things you look at change.
Mister Wayne Dyer, He's one of my biggest mentors. I
love that guy. And I don't know if you guys
remember Victoria Joy. A lot of her stuff was ripped
(41:21):
out of the ripped out of the system. But she
talked about honor and dishonor. And I teach this too
in my private mediation. Reviews honor, ask questions and dishonor
writes conclusions about the other party. So I'm going to
challenge you before you pull away, pick up the phone,
(41:44):
send one last talk, one last text. Do you want
to talk that do those things, because communication really is
the remedy. You know I told you about I'll tell
you again. But there was a kid who came to
me that wanted to file a small claims action because
his neighbor had a security screen door that slammed every
(42:09):
day and every hour of the day and he was
a day sleeper, and he wanted to take them to
small claims court. And what I got them to do
is communicate. He went down there and said, hey, you know,
is there any way we can work this out? And
they worked it out and he never had to go
to small claims court because he was able to go
down there and talk about what was going on and
(42:30):
how that was making him feel. So that was so good.
So I want to get into We had some audience questions,
and there's been many people writing in about communication for
today's show, and I wanted to think all of you.
I can't get to all of you today, but I
wanted to address some of them here. And they're general questions,
(42:50):
So I want to talk about that. So we have
Joanne in Foothill Ranch and she says, I'm going through
a divorce. Every conversation turn turns into an argument. How
do I communicate with someone who is committed to fighting
me instead of resolving issues? Whoa girl, I've been in
your situation? First off, I know it. I get it. First,
(43:13):
Remove the goal of emotional harmony because that's not gonna
be happening in a high conflict of divorce. Communication is
not for connection, It's for documentation, and it's for resolution
when you're going through it. So shift from let's see
you're gonna want to shift from how do I feel? Too?
What are the terms right? And uh, if you guys
(43:36):
know anything about Miss Tisha Marie Kane, I am a
triple virgo my sun Moon and rising. I have spreadsheets
for my spreadsheets, and I have little systematic approaches that
I use to help make my life simpler. And so
I have a biff biff communication model that I use brief, informative, friendly,
in firm. Brief, informative, friendly, and firm. And you're going
(44:00):
through high conflicts and situations, so you're going to be brief.
Get in there, tell them, Hey, I'm asking for these terms.
You want to inform them that we want to change
the terms you're going to Hey, thank you for your time,
and this is this is what I prefer. Do not defend,
do not explain your character, and do not take the bait,
(44:20):
Deborah or is no Joanne? Sorry Joanne, do not take
the bait. You move from emotional language to contract contractual language.
So then you are parenting schedule. You can say something
like this. The parenting schedule states why, and so I'd
like to go ahead and follow why please, So when
(44:41):
someone wants war with you, always go to neutral. Neutrality
is going to be your superpower. And you know, I
believe since we're talking about communication, I think a lot
of people use the word narcissists. It's overused, Like finally, people, oh,
this is the new word narcissists out in the dictionary,
(45:03):
have been there forever, but people over use that word,
and I think really to be transparent. There's a lot
of people who have narcissistic tendencies. They're not necessarily narcissistic,
but they have narcissistic tendencies. They use coercive control, they
use all of these patterns because they don't know how
(45:23):
to communicate, because no one teaches us proper effective communication.
So you have things like that that come in and
so there's methods like the gray Rock method, right, so
you gray rock them. You make sure you know you
(45:43):
can research that on your own. I forget all the
little tactics, but you know, you just mute yourself down.
You don't become, you know, too overly involved in their situation,
and you just kind of have communication be flat when
you are dealing with people with these narcissistic So I
use this framework called BIFF BIFF brief Informative Friendly Infirm,
(46:06):
especially in high conflict situations. So I hope that helps you, Joan.
I know it's tough, stay grounded, make sure you eat,
make sure you drink, do all the things because it
can be a lot. So Jessica from Temecula, thank you
for writing in. She says, what do you do when
(46:28):
someone changes the contract and then insists that you comply?
Oh yeah, interesting, now that question came in and that
was something I lived over the last week, when someone
changed the contract in the middle of it. You can't
do that. But here's here's how I answer that from
an expert opinion. Communication isn't the problem. Integrity is the problem.
(46:51):
And here's the remedy. Do not argue fairness. You restate
the agreement. The sign contract reflects a Any modification requires
mutual consent, and I do not consent to changing that.
So what I want to know is are we renegotiating
or are we enforcing? And so I want you to notice, Jessica,
(47:17):
the neutrality in that just asking questions. The person who
asked the questions is the one who remains in authority. Right,
You always ask a question, who was I watched the
firm with Who's in that Tom Cruise the other night
because I love Lost Stories and Perry Mason. I love
(47:38):
all those things. So I thought, oh, this is a
nineteen ninety film firm with Tom Cruise, and they've even
had a little nugget in there. That's that you always
ask a question. With a question so you go back
and you say, hey, the sign contract reflects. Hey, any
modifications results in their mutual consent. I do not consent,
And I just want to know are you if you
(48:00):
renegotiating the contractor are we going to enforce it here? Right?
And so it escalates it, you know, it de escalates it.
If they escalate it emotionally, you stay neutral. You just
go back to neutrality. And structure is the adult language
of conflict. So if anyone refuses to operate structurally, you
(48:22):
escalate to a formal process, not emotional debate. And this
is I mean, this is why the courts are in business,
because we're not able to communicate deeper. And my mission
on planet Earth is to shut these court systems down.
If we can go back to the fundamentals of actively
(48:42):
effectively communicating in a way where the other person can
know what is going on and where you feel and
where you're coming from in an aligned, integral way, then
the other person can meet you there. Now, I get it.
It's easier said than done. I get it, Jesse. I
know you're out there listening, but that's got to be
(49:04):
the goal. And I know that they've changed words around,
like I remember remember when that big billboard it was
blue and it said cookies on the highway And I
told my husband, I said, let's go get cookies. And
he's laughing at me the whole way because he said, Babe,
that doesn't mean cookies. And I said, what do you mean.
(49:25):
It doesn't mean cookies. It says come get said cookies.
I said, I want cookies. I'm like, you know, and
then I started salivating over chocolate chip cookies with almonds.
Can we find those? And can we go to the
mall to you know, cookie vendor who made some hot
And he's like, oh my gosh, that's not what that means.
That's the problem is we have language not meaning what
(49:46):
it says it means. So, you know, when I write
legal documents, I tell them what what a dictionary I use?
I say, we are using the Webster's Dictionary of nineteen
nineteen and these are the words in which they mean.
You know. So I mean it's great. So thank you, Jessica.
I hope that helps. We also have Deborah from Rivers side.
(50:08):
She says, if someone harmed my reputation or business, how
do I communicate without sounding threatening? Oh? I love this. Yeah,
It's like when harm is involved, tone must be precise,
so you never threaten. You state impact and opportunity for remedy. Example,
something like this, the statements made on January fifth have
(50:32):
materially harmed my business, and I'm requesting retractions of that
statement and correction by January nineteenth. You're calm, you're clear.
It's time bound, and so intarts. Clarity matters. Emotion weakens
your position, so stay strong in this. Precision strengthens it.
(50:57):
So it's important when we're dealing with things like that, especially,
I know emotions get in the way. They do get
in the way. That's why it's important to go back,
remain calm, clear, focus up on your goal. What is that,
Wendy from Palm Springs? Okay, Wendy, my adult child says,
(51:19):
I'm controlling. I say, I'm guiding. How do I fix this?
Speaker 3 (51:22):
Huh okay?
Speaker 2 (51:23):
So if you were my client, what I would say is, whoo,
that's a lot. Your adult child says you're controlling. Why
one is your adult child still living at home? And
two the issue is not love here, it's autonomy. So
ask this question, are you asking for advice or are
you asking for support? And I don't know your family dynamic.
(51:46):
I don't know why your adult child is still living
at home, but you just simply ask them the good
quality questions. Are you asking for advice from me? Or
are you asking for support? Most family conflict disappear when
roles are clarified. Right. I'm really careful these days to
even give my opinion unless they say, hey, what's your
(52:08):
opinion on this? Then I'm like, oh, I'm all in.
That's my green light. Right. Otherwise I just stay back
here and I just wait. So this is what I'm
telling you, guys, that if you clarify the roles, parents
must transition from authority to consultant. Especially with an adult child,
(52:28):
Authority without consent becomes control. And so if you just
ask those self the good quality questions, you're going to
be there. So I just wanted to thank you, guys.
I want to wrap this up. Communication is the remedy.
Go back to high context communication. And if you're in
the face of all of these emotions, I want you
(52:49):
to put a pause on it, put a pin in it.
I want you to step aside for twenty four hours
and then come back and focus up on your goal.
This is Tisha Marie Kine. I'm Beyond Mindset Limits. We
talk about all things communication, legal, coaching, hypnotherapy, publishing books,
(53:10):
writing your story. I'm a unicorn. I get it all out,
and I'm really excited to be able to share my
medicine and my wisdom because I believe that education and
experience equals the wisdom. And I've lived a thousand lifetimes
here as this avatar, and i just want to be
able to help. I want to serve and help on
(53:30):
a bigger way to grow my impact and help you
guys shut down these family court systems and all the
court systems. So until next week, I'm signing out. Bye, guys.
Speaker 1 (53:44):
Thank you for joining tisham Marie Kaning for Beyond Mindset Limits.
Tune in every Wednesday at four pm as a conversation
continues around mindset, legal insight, and public as a strategic
tool for business positioning. Visit Tishamrie Kane dot com or
(54:09):
Caine's Legal Support dot com for more information or to
schedule your private appointment
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.