June 24, 2026 • 36 mins
What if the opportunity that changes your business is already sitting inside a relationship you've been nurturing for years?
In this practical and deeply personal conversation, Bri Seeley sits down with entrepreneur, master connector, and Built By Us co-founder Hilary Gadsby to explore how meaningful professional relationships shape careers, create unexpected opportunities, and open doors that strategy alone cannot. Together, they share stories from their own entrepreneurial journeys, including how a connection that began more than a decade ago ultimately led them into business together.
You'll learn what separates genuine relationship building from transactional networking, how to stay connected when life gets busy, and why community remains one of the most valuable assets an entrepreneur can cultivate.
In this episode, we cover:
Be sure to subscribe to get every episode of Big Goal Energy delivered straight to your device, and please leave a rating and review. If you have any questions you'd like covered on a future episode, you can email us info@briseeley.com.
In this practical and deeply personal conversation, Bri Seeley sits down with entrepreneur, master connector, and Built By Us co-founder Hilary Gadsby to explore how meaningful professional relationships shape careers, create unexpected opportunities, and open doors that strategy alone cannot. Together, they share stories from their own entrepreneurial journeys, including how a connection that began more than a decade ago ultimately led them into business together.
You'll learn what separates genuine relationship building from transactional networking, how to stay connected when life gets busy, and why community remains one of the most valuable assets an entrepreneur can cultivate.
In this episode, we cover:
- How to build meaningful professional relationships that stand the test of time
- The difference between networking and genuine connection
- Why curiosity creates stronger business relationships
- How referrals and social capital accelerate business growth
- Practical ways to stay connected with your network
- What to do when business relationships experience challenges
- How to create community that supports long-term success
- Why some of the best opportunities emerge years after a relationship begins
Be sure to subscribe to get every episode of Big Goal Energy delivered straight to your device, and please leave a rating and review. If you have any questions you'd like covered on a future episode, you can email us info@briseeley.com.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is probably going to be the most practical relationship
conversation that I have ever had on Big Goal Energy.
And if you're a subscriber to the podcast, you know
I have had a lot of conversations. Today, I am
sitting down with one of my favorite humans, Hillary Gadsby.
She is an entrepreneur, she is a connector extraordinaire, and
(00:23):
she's my new business partner. But we're going to share
more about that later, so stay tuned. Hillary is someone
who has literally built her entire business model around the
idea that.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Your relationships are your business.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
In fact, our entire story, which I'm sure we'll share
with you today, is literally playing out before you. Twelve
years after we first met. Hillary has been so incredible
at building and maintaining relationships that, again, twelve years after
we first met, we're now going into business together. So
in this episode of Big Goal Energy, we're going to
(00:59):
dive into when it actually takes to build the kind
of relationships that last. Not the surface level networking stuff,
not the you're gonna clean your drawer out a year
from now and have all these business cards that you
throw in the garbage, but the deep, trust based connections
that truly open doors, that truly create opportunities, and that
(01:20):
truly change the trajectory of your career. And who knows,
maybe you will even open a business in twelve years
with someone that you don't even know yet.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
We're so happy you're here.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Get excited because those two bonuses are coming to you,
one in the middle of the episode and one at
the end of the episode.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
You were never meant for a small life. You have
bold ideas, audacious dreams and visions that keep you up
at night. But the truth is, big goals don't come
with step by step instruction, and success doesn't come from
doing more.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
It comes from becoming more.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Welcome to Big Goal Energy a podcast for high achieving
way women who are done shrinking, striving, and second guessing
and are ready to defy reality in pursuit of the
life they actually want. I'm your hostess, free sealy, go architect,
subconscious strategist, and your permission slip to want what you want.
(02:16):
Join me as we go beyond the service level success
to explore the mindset, identity, and inner work required to
bring your biggest, most delulu goals to life. This is
your space to be seen, to be expanded, and to
remember that you are not alone on this journey. Let's
get into it before we start this conversation. Hillary, Yes,
(02:39):
please introduce yourself and tell us how and maybe why
you became a master connector.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
So, Hillary Gadsby as a lot and I am the
founder of Boss Talks Network. It was a global mentorship
platform for women entrepreneurs. We grew too fourteen chapters across
the USA, Canada, and then I shut it all down
in twenty twenty five after Art Conference. I got completely
burned out and wanted to really create something brand new,
(03:10):
which Rie and I will tell you later. But the
reason why I became a connector is actually because of
my mother. So my mother she had the gift of gap.
My dad had the gift of gad. My mom was
in real estate. My dad was in many different things,
including being a fly fishing guide in Sunvalley, Idaho. And
not only he was also a ski instructor. And when
you are in a position of service, you have to
(03:33):
build relationships. That is what my mother taught me. So
when I was fifteen years old, I was working in
a store called the Brass Ranch in Sun Valley, Idaho
selling Ralph Lauren skiwear, sportswear, things like that, and I
was a huge fan of Ralph Lauren. My mom came
in one day with this gentleman. She and I were
planning on having lunch and she comes in with this guy.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I had no idea who he was.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
He was just this older guy, and she said, I
would like to introduce you to Steve Winn. Yes, that's
Steve Winn, the one that owns the casinos, the ones
that you hear about in Las Vegas. I was fifteen
years old, folding around Florence sweater. My mom comes in
and brings Steve there, and I had no idea what
(04:16):
she was doing. And he was asking me questions like
when I thought of the brand Ralph Lauren, and I
was very excited about it. And he was like, my
really good friend happens to be Ralph Lauren, and if
you ever wanted to meet him, I.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Can put you in depth with him. And I thought
that was so cool.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I was going into the fashion industry. I wanted to
do fashion in Paris and New York and all of that,
so I thought it was the coolest thing. And I thought,
oh my gosh, I could meet the fashion icon. What
happened was he said, let me give you my cell
phone number, and if you ever want to meet him,
when you're ready, you just let me know. Fast forward
to when I was about nineteen living in Paris.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I was sitting in.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
My flat in Paris, going to school there at the
American University of Paris, and I to do an internship.
I needed to do something that was in the fashion
industry because that's where I was.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Planning on going.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
And I remembered what Steve Wynne had told me about
Ralph Lauren. I thought maybe I could just reach out
to him and see if he could help me with
my internship. Lo and behold, he remembered me.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I did. I reached out to him.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
I realized right then and there the power of a
connection what it means to leverage a relationship for not
only for yourself, but for others. I did end up
getting in an internship at Ralph Lauren because he opened
that door for me.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
He said, send me your resume.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
He sent it to Ralph and David Lauren, his son,
reached out to me within a week and told me
I had an interview at a few resources. I nailed
that interview and bought the internship. And so I leveraged
the relationships that I built throughout my entire career to
build my own business and help others build theirs. That
is how I became a master connector. It came through
(05:56):
my parents.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Thank you for introducing yourself. I'll introduce myself quickly as well.
If y'all haven't met me yet, I'm Bri Seely. I've
been an entrepreneur for eighteen years, so much of my
success has also come through the people that I know
and the doors that other people are willing to open
for me. And then what's interesting is the ripple effect
that then causes and the doors that I've been able
(06:22):
to open for other people, and the ways that I've
then been able to leverage my impact, my influence to
the relationships that matter in my life. And how when
we pool all of our networks together, we pool all
of our wisdom, our greatness, our resources, our love, our synergies,
(06:44):
our magic together, what happens. I had my own fashion
laboth for the first eight years of my entrepreneurial career,
which is where Hillary and I first met. On the
heels of that I started an on networking community in
Los Angeles, which continued. Hillary and My relationship deepened it
even more, and then I became the Entrepreneur coach from
(07:06):
twenty fifteen to December thirty first of twenty twenty five,
Hillary and I have both traveled honestly parallel paths a
lot of our relationship, and our connection has truly morphed
into more of a friendship. I'm going through a massive
life transition right now, and Hillary was like, you're coming
to stay with me for two weeks. Truthfully, I don't
(07:26):
even know if I'd be alive right now if it
weren't for the relationships in my life and the connections
that I have, And I certainly wouldn't be as successful
as I've been in business without them either. So I
know the power of true relationships, and this is the
first thing I want to get into. There are so
many networking things out there. I am truthfully not a
(07:49):
big networker. I actually don't really care about networking because
I know a lot of people. If I put together
all of the platforms, I probably have fifty thousand people
that I could access with a message, but I don't
personally know them. There's a difference between having a business
card and meeting someone once and actually building a relationship
(08:10):
with people.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I want to get.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Into the difference between transactional versus relational model. Talk to
us Hillary about what does a real business relationship actually look.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Like and how do you know when you have one.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
When I moved to la in two thousand and seven,
I had to build a community because I had event
business that I was trying to build and I was
trying to get new clients. I was invited to a
networking event, a very private networking event. There was more
of a roundtable, and it was a PR firm who
was doing it.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
There was a gentleman by the name of Carl.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
It was like ten to twelve people around his boardroom
table and we would go around and we talk about
both the front and the back of our card. The
front of your card is obviously what you do for
a living, but what the back of your card is like,
what you like to do in your life, if you
have any hobbies, if you have anything like that, Because
(09:08):
those are the touch points that you get from people
when you're building a relationship. You don't want to just
know what they do in life. You want to know
what they're about. Do you connect with them on a
personal level as well. I have built relationships where they've
just become friends, just like you. I feel that you
have that true connection when you start to refer one another.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
But then you also spend a lot.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Of time with them, getting to know them, getting to
know what they like, what they don't like. I know
things happening with people's families. You have to get to
know the person. It's not just the business side. You
have to build the actual relationship. Whether you become friends with.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Them or not.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
You can become an acquaintance, but you have to build
a relationship and you have to know more about them
than just their business. The thing is that when it
comes to the sales side of networking, you're going to
get that as you continue to build relationships. And I'll
give a tip later on that you have to stay
for on how to do that and how to make
(10:06):
your brain work.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Like a whiteboard.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Piggybacking off of that, I mentioned a lot of people
know me from the un networking community that I ran
in Los Angeles ten years ago. I've been to so
many networking events where I do walk away with a
stack of business cards I never talked to any of
those people ever.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Again, our moto when we had the.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Networking company was no one cares about what you do,
and it actually creates more disconnection because if I have
someone come up to me and be like, oh, I'm
a lawyer, I'm like, I don't really have need for
a lawyer.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Thanks so nice to meet you, but bye. We had
a rule.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
At our networking company that you actually weren't allowed to
lead with or ask people so what do you do?
Because our model was no one cares and your job
titles actually don't create a connection. I actually hosted Hillary
was in Los Angeles last week at the same time
time is Me and I hosted a girl's night. Instead
(11:02):
of everyone going around and saying what they did, we
all went around and shared a piece of magic that
we had experienced in.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Our lives recently.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
What's so fascinating about it is that it opened up conversations,
It opened up understandings. Every single woman in the room
was in some sort of transition. It brought that connection
into the room almost instantaneously. Whereas if people had said, Oh,
I'm a coach, I'm a chocolateer, o'ma this, Oh I'm
a that there's no ability to connect there.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
We all leave those.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Events feeling completely empty. But when we shift into curiosity
about things that actually matter to us, or why we
got into the field we got into, or what lights
us up about what we get to do every day,
those are the real questions that create connection. And then
what happens is you find something within yourself that you
(11:55):
can relate to that and the two of you were
off to the races having a real conversation then saying,
oh my gosh, we need to get coffee next week,
or oh my gosh, let's set up a call, or
the coolest part is that business gets done. The chocolate
shop that we were in a week ago was a
woman I met ten years ago hosting one of those
(12:18):
on networking events. Literally calla made I think her evening.
I think she tapped out over fifteen hundred dollars in
that two hour event. That was ROI from a relationship
that started ten years and all the stuff that's happened
in that ten years as well. That's so cool to
(12:39):
say a relationship that we invested in ten years ago
is still bringing both of us success.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
It's fun cool it.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
I love that you hit a nail on the head there, Brave,
when you're talking about don't just ask for what you do.
When I was hosting the Boss Talks events when I
first did it and starting in twenty fourteen, one of
the things that I did was I asked people what
they were working on, what their needs were, what are
It was like a needs and leads what do you need?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
And then I was able.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
To find someone in the room that could maybe help them,
or somebody would raise their hand and say, oh, I
know so and so who can't help you with that?
That's how the relationships are built. Every single time somebody
would come every month and that they brings someone else
who could help someone else. And it was all about
utilizing your social capital, either in the room of the
networking event or in your own life. How do you
(13:34):
leverage your social capital to get where you want to
go and how you can get other people to go
where they want to go.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Spoiler alert, We're going to be building and baking some
of what Hillary just said into built by us when
we launch it, so make sure you stay to the
end to learn about how to get on the wait
list for them. Let's talk about consistency in relationships. I
don't know about you. I'm going a phase in my
life right now. I'm the most inconsistent that I've ever
been in my name.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
There's too much going on in the world, there's too
much going on in our person. I don't know what
it is.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
But how do you and I.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Have one very specific tip on this, but how do
you stay present and engaged in your network when you're
running a business, when you're running a household. You had
a cross country move, your health, your relationship, everything else
that's going on. Do you have a practical system or
habit for staying authentic with people?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
I used to. I think what happened.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
I was really lucky to have every single month an
event where people would come and I was able to
continue to nurture those relationships. And then when that ended
during COVID, we shut it all down and went completely virtual.
It was a lot harder to develop those relationships and
to continue to have those touch weights. One of the
(14:49):
things that I do is I try to call people.
I try to call them and see how they're doing.
Especially now, I just pick up the phone and call you.
You text me, and I'm like nope. By calling her
that time. But I'm all, I know, I'm every eight
years old. I'm gonna be old school.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Yeah, if I text Hillary, I know.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I don't text her unless I know that I can
pick up the phone because I know she's gonna call
me immediately once she gets my text.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
I try to call my friend who's my colleagues as
much as I possibly can. It has been difficult between
last year and this year and moving to a different
state and getting married and the whole life life is lifing. Basically,
I would say you should try to have a touch
point every single month with your network, at least something,
whether it be a personal email or a text message
(15:39):
or a phone call.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
You need to have that personal touch. One of the
things that I will say, and I'm not perfect.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I started it earlier this year and I have completely
dropped off and forgotten about it is I've had so.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Many coffee meetings over the years, and.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I honestly can't tell you who I have had virtual
coffee meetings with over the last five years. This year,
I was like, I'm gonna do it purposeful. I'm going
to be so intentional about this. I'm starting a spreadsheet
and it's gonna have follow up notes in it. And
then my life has also lifed this year and I
have not maintained it, but I did think about it.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
I had a really.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Great connection call on Tuesday, and I was like, I
need to pick the spreadsheet back up and have it
as like a Monday thing for me of who on
the spreadsheet have I connected with this year that I
really want to touch base with. Maybe we had a
follow up plan that just fell through the cracks or whatever.
I know, it seems a little Oh, you're spreadsheeting your
(16:37):
relationships in a way, but I have so much going
on right now, and especially now being a full time nomad,
I'm moving every two to four weeks.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
I took a nap.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Earlier and as I was waking up, I was like,
wait a minute, where am I. I can't keep track
of where I am, much less who.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I need to follow up with or talk to.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Maybe it quote unquote sucks to have to spreadsheet relationship,
but also for me, it's guardrails, or if you think
about bowling, it's like the bumpers so that my ball
doesn't constantly go in the gutter.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping a spreadsheet
of the people that you want to connect with and
that you want to make sure you know what's happening
in their lives, because everybody's lives are changing. As we
saw last week at the Chocolate Chop, everybody is in
a transitionary period.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
It was really nice to connect with a lot of
people that I hadn't seen in years. What was really
interesting is one of those people.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Lorie, was like Hilaria was here for nineteen years and
then she just up and left. It made me think
I really should have done a better job connecting with
those people. But I lost a lot of touch with
people because of what happened in the pandemic, and I
lost the community that I had built so well in
LA and I take complete responsibility for that. You having
(17:54):
a spreadsheet and saying these are the people I want
to connect with on a monthly basis, I think that's
a great idea. I don't think there's anything wrong with
having this spreadsheet.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
We're going to take a quick break.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Make sure you listen to this break because this is
right where I'm going to be dropping and inserting my
tip on relationship building. So BRB, Hello everyone, Bricaly here,
I am bringing you a tip on how to build
real relationships. And while I mentioned it briefly in the episode,
(18:28):
already the biggest thing about building real relationships is getting
curious about the person that you're actually standing across from. Again,
it's not about their job title, it's not about their accolades,
it's not about any of that stuff. It's about truly
getting to know them as a human being. I actually
recommend before going to any sort of networking group, before
going into any networking calls, come up with five or
(18:51):
six interesting questions where you can get curious about the
person that you are talking to. First off, when you
ask different questions, you're going to stand out in that
person's mind because I can guarantee you you're probably the
only one in the room asking them that question. And second,
it's going to build that true connection, that true relationship,
(19:13):
like we have talked about in the episode, it's going
to give you the opportunity to go deeper with that person.
And also it's going to weed out the people that
are not there for that, the people that don't want
to go deep with you, the people that want transactional stuff.
I was at a networking event in La once and
this guy walked up to me. He's like, oh, so
what do you do? And I said, I'm a fashion
design and he goes, oh, I have no need for
(19:34):
that in my life, and he turned around and walked away,
and I was like, well, thank you for self selecting
out and not wasting my time. You're going to know
immediately if you ask someone a really deep question and
they're like, yeah, no, I'm not here for that, You're
going to know immediately, and then you're not going to
waste your time trying to get to know that person.
You're going to know their intentions straight away. So sit
down and come up with five or six signature questions
(19:56):
that are yours that you can ask someone at an
event that no one else is gonna ask, so that
you can build that deeper relationship and stand out from
the crowd. Again, thank you for joining us for this episode.
Keep listening. We have plenty more for you, and don't
forget to stick around until the end because Hillary's gonna
be giving her tip.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Then welcome back.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Let's talk about what happens when relationships go wrong, because
I always think it's inevitable when something's gonna happen. Two
people are gonna disagree. It just is what it is
personal relationships. Just like business, we have ruptures in our relationships.
It just is what happens. A client gets let down,
a collaboration falls apart, a referral partner goes cold. What
(20:38):
do you do when these breaks happen in relationships? And
I know obviously it's situational as well. Do you have
some thoughts about accountability, about repair, about deciding what relationships
are worth fighting for?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Yes, and no.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
I've had several relationships that have fractured due to many
different things in business.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Sometimes I just let it go.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
I don't dwell on it, and I say, okay, I
guess that relationship didn't work out.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Obviously in my own mind, I have to.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Sit with it and be okay with it because a
lot of the times, and I said this before, is
like I become friends with a lot of the people
that I do business with. It's also not just a
fracture in the business side. It's a fracture in the friendship.
So it takes a little time to be able to
move through that. And sometimes you don't move through it.
When it comes to things that are really painful, I
(21:32):
typically let them go. But there are some that I
feel that you want to hold on to, and then
the way to do it is take accountability yourself of
what happened, and then hopefully they'll take accountability at the
same time and you can move past it. If not,
they were not the right relationship in the first place.
I think everybody needs to take a poutability when there's
(21:54):
a fracture, and if you can't on either side, then
the relationship wasn't strong enough to begin with.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
I agree it's so important to remember that not everyone's
open to nor capable of repairing relationships, and not.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Everyone wants it either.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Both of us have had business partnerships split in the past,
friendships colleagues. I do think it's really important to differentiate
and also to not take personally if someone else is
either incapable or uninterested in repair. Those two of my
biggest things. But also there's something really powerful about coming
to the table and being like, here's the responsibility I'm
(22:33):
willing to take in the breakdown of what happened, and
there is repair leading from that vulnerable place is what
inevitably opens up to repair. I'm always going to try
unless the person has irreparably harmed me in some way,
and then it's like, I'm good, I don't need to
try to repair this.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
But if it was a.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Misunderstanding, if it was a miscommunication, I'm always going to try.
And then it is the other person willing to meet me.
There my indication of whether or not we're going to
do it. Let's talk about building relationships at scale. Because
we are all very busy ladies. We all have a
finite amount of time and energy. What happens when our
(23:14):
ability to connect one on one started bumping up against
time and our bandwidth.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
How do you one.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Build intentionally and then two build relationships that are at scale.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
That's a tough question.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Actually, I can't really tell you how I do that
because I haven't been great at that. I try to
keep my circle of influence and the people in my
life smaller, and especially as I get older. It was
really easy for me to be able to connect with
people at scale when I had events that happened every
(23:50):
single month. That was the best way to build relationships
at scale.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
When you don't.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Have that, you have to do things like you do
where you're building a spreadsheet and making sure that you
are connecting with the right people and how you're leveraging
each one of those relationships for yourself and for others.
And so that's really the answer that I can give
you is that the way I did it was through events,
and that's what I'm good at. I have the gift
(24:17):
of gap, just like my parents too.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Truthfully, what you're touching on, and it's what you and
I have both done individually in our businesses and now
what we're doing together as well is community. Even being
here in LA right now, if I were to meet
one on one with everyone that wanted to see me,
it would be constant. It would be coffee, breakfast, coffee brunch,
coffee lunch, coffee, happy hour, dinner, it would be NonStop.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
That's honestly.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Part of why I hosted the Chocolate Night last week
is because I just don't have the capacity to.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
See everyone one on one while I'm here.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Also, I wanted to say shout out to the chocolate dispensary.
We keep saying the chocolate shop, But the chocolate Dispensary,
go shop. If you're not in LA, they have an
online store you can buy. I have one hundred dollars
worth of chocolate sitting on my counter right now, and
Hillary has two hundred dollars worth of chocolate sitting on
her counter right now, and it's fucking worth it, so
(25:12):
go shop it unsponsored, not.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Not at a company.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
He's just a really good friend of ours and we
want a support her.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Good friend, forward client, all the things.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I try to coordinate bringing multiple people together at the
same time for two reasons. One freeze up my bandwidth
because I got a lot that I'm building right now
behind the scenes. And two, what's really cool is people
that would never ever meet getting the chance to connect.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
There was a woman at that thing I went to
high school with.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
You never would have met her ever if I had
not brought everyone together. And the other thing I've been
doing is hosting. This actually gets into not just scaling relationships,
but scaling your business. Is the idea that we can't
all also know everything all the time, or have all
the resources. I've been hosting monthly calls for friends and
colleagues saying what do you need in your business right now?
(26:06):
Do you need an introduction, do you need a tool,
do you need a client, do you need a contractor
what do you need in your business right now? And
how can we HiveMind it so that we're all getting
together and bringing our resources, wisdom, knowledge to help everyone
else succeed as well. A lot of these things honestly
because we've seen them work. We're baking them into built
(26:28):
by us as well. We're going to be talking about
that in just a minute, so stick around. But getting
into a room of twenty five people and then Hillary
and I know all the women on it, and then
we can say, oh, you actually need to know her,
and then you don't need to meet everyone in the room,
but we know that you're looking for a thing that
this person can help you fulfills you guys, make a
connection and then take that up. So in terms of
(26:50):
scaling relationships, I like being in one too many situations
because it helps me not feel overwhelmed. But then also
it helps me create wins and resources and introductions for
other people that they wouldn't maybe not have gotten without it.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
I agree. I want to wrap with one question that's fun.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
I'm going to caveat this by saying, you can't tell
the story that you told at the beginning of.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
The podcast episode.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Okay, okay, what is one piece of magic that has
come to you from prioritizing lasting relationships.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
I was at.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
A dinner in la in early two thousand and eight,
two thousand and nine. She was our realtor who found
my ex husband and I are placed in Brentwood. We
were invited to her house for a barbecue and there
was a guy there named Christian who she went to
school with. We found out that he went to school
(27:50):
with the people that I was neighbors with when I
was growing up. He and I were just chatting and
he asked me what I did and everything, and I
told him what I did and he said, a Actually,
my company is looking for somebody to help us with
events where our clients. Would you consider putting a proposals
together for us?
Speaker 2 (28:08):
And can we talk more about it.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
He was my first ever client in my business, and
then from his relationship, I built more relationships.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
He was part of YPO.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
They became a client of mine because of him, and
it's snowballed that way. That relationship built even more relationships
and got me more clients.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
My story is.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
This, it's been Hillary and I met in Los Angeles
when I went to New York. We stayed in touch
when I was back in Northfield, Minnesota.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
My hometown during the pandemic for four months.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I remember walking around the neighborhood with Hillary in my ears,
having business conversations about how do you do this and
how are you figuring that out?
Speaker 2 (28:51):
And what's this mighty networks thing that you're on. And
then Hillary's seeing me move to Tulsa and staying connected.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
And we've had moments where we've dropped and not for
a while, and then we come back together now having
the privilege to get into business together and to create
something because both of us have been creating networks separately,
and like you said, you burnt out.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
I burnt out.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
I think I put when I did our Instagram post
was like it nearly killed both of us. Yeah, And
now because we know each other so well and because
we're invested in each other, we also now get to
build something really beautiful together. And I think that this
is one of the bigger pieces of magic that's come
to me this year. I'm really grateful for you and
(29:36):
you being persistent in some of the moments where I
was off doing my own thing and us continuously circling back.
It's really special. We were standing in that room last
week at the Chocolate dispensary. I swear to God, I'm
not getting paid to say that. Almost everyone in the
room I had known for over a decade, and I
feel like that is so rare nowadays. Having you in
(29:58):
my life and in my corner for the last twelve
years has been incredible, and now we get to make
more magic together.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
And we've obviously supported and helped each other throughout the
time that we've known each other. I was alone when
Christmas and Brie was like, come over to my potluck
and have Christmas with me, and I did. It was
so great, and I got to meet a lot of
really wonderful people. Over the years, we've deepened our relationship
as friends and business colleagues.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
She was one of our mentors.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
She was actually the reason why we had mentorship for
Boss Talks is because she's like, you should have in
house mentors, and I'll be one of them. And I
was just like, that's exactly what I'll do, and I
did and it worked out really well, and I always
credit you to helping us develop that. I'm stoked about
our business relationship and continuing our friendship. I think we've
(30:47):
done a really good job separating the two and combining
the two.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Especially in the online business world, there's this lone wolf mentality. Yeah,
like you have to do it alone and you can't
trust other people and no one's going.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
To help you, and it's so harmful. There are a lot.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Of communities out there. I think it's important to really
be purposeful about being in the right communities and being
with the right relationships. Yeah, ideally we're building that. But
we're going to take one more break. If you're listening
to this. On the podcast episode, Hillary is going to
drop in her tip for how to monetize relationships, and
(31:27):
then I'm going to come back. We're going to wrap
it up. I'm going to tell you how you can
get on the wait list. We're built by us and yeah,
so BRB.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
My tip for building relationships is a little bit different
than a lot of people. One of the things that
I do is I do the whiteboard method. Say you're
building a business and you need to find all the
components to build that business, and what do we typically do.
We typically take a whiteboard out and we start building
out what it is that we're looking for. We say, okay,
(31:59):
this is the end result. How do I get to
said result? Do the same thing with relationships. What I
want you to do is to take the ten people
that are in your life for your business, that are
your best referral sources, your best sources, and start to
put them in a white board and connect the dots.
(32:20):
How do you solve a problem by connecting the dots
utilizing those ten people that you have, then those people
are probably going to find five to ten more people
who might be able to help you to get to
the goal that you had set out.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
And that is the whiteboard method.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
First of all, thank you to everyone who joined us today.
We are so grateful that you are joining us on
this journey. If anything we talked about today resonated with you,
especially the idea that your relationships deserve to have a
real community, I do want to invite you to check
out what Hillary and I are building together at Built
(32:58):
by Us now. There's not a lot of information out
there about Built by Us right now, and it's one purpose.
We are slowly rolling out the details about what this
community will be, but we can tell you that it
is going to be different than anything on the market
right now.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
We spotted a gap.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
I don't think a single community is offering what we're
going to be offering, and we're solving.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
We are solving for that gap.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
If you're curious at all what that gap is, follow along, y'all,
because we're not ready to tell you yet. Built by
Us is a membership community that's designed specifically for female
entrepreneurs who are ready to grow alongside other women, hands
in the mud together, doing it together, not encouraging, but
actually supporting. We currently have our founders wait list open.
(33:50):
Founding members are going to get access to pricing and
perks that are never going to be available again once
we open the doors publicly. The best way to find
that waitlist is to go to our Instagram We are
Built by Us, and of course first follow the account.
Thank you to the six hundred and seventy two people
(34:12):
that currently follow us, and then make sure you visit
the link in our bio to get on that waitlist.
If you want to start connecting with us right now,
come find us on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Our community is open.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
And active and full of seventeen thousand women doing exactly
what we talked about today. The link is in the
same place. Go to Instagram, We are Built by Us,
Go to the links, join the Facebook group, Come introduce yourself,
we'd love to have you. And before we wrap, last, Lee,
a huge thank you to Hillary for again, like I said,
(34:48):
being persistent and consistent one of the most persistent and
consistent relationships in my life, for maintaining this vision of
us being in business together, and for being patient while
both of our lives played out.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
I am incredibly grateful to know you and to be
in partnership with you.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
And last, but not least, please make sure that you
are subscribed to the Big Goal Energy podcast.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
There are plenty.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
More episodes posted and more episodes coming that you need
to hear. If this episode lit something up in you,
share it, text it to a friend, post it to
your stories, or leave a review.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Because Big Goal.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Energy is meant to be felt far and wide, and
if you're ready to go deeper, explore the tools, hypnosis,
sessions and support. Because your vision deserves more than hustle,
join us on the Big Goal Energy app by visiting
your app store and typing in Big Goal Energy. Your vision,
your goals deserve alignment, ease, and your fullest self behind them.
(35:53):
Until next time, Trust yourself, dream bigger, and never forget
you are here for greatness.
This is probably going to be the most practical relationship
conversation that I have ever had on Big Goal Energy.
And if you're a subscriber to the podcast, you know
I have had a lot of conversations. Today, I am
sitting down with one of my favorite humans, Hillary Gadsby.
She is an entrepreneur, she is a connector extraordinaire, and
(00:23):
she's my new business partner. But we're going to share
more about that later, so stay tuned. Hillary is someone
who has literally built her entire business model around the
idea that.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Your relationships are your business.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
In fact, our entire story, which I'm sure we'll share
with you today, is literally playing out before you. Twelve
years after we first met. Hillary has been so incredible
at building and maintaining relationships that, again, twelve years after
we first met, we're now going into business together. So
in this episode of Big Goal Energy, we're going to
(00:59):
dive into when it actually takes to build the kind
of relationships that last. Not the surface level networking stuff,
not the you're gonna clean your drawer out a year
from now and have all these business cards that you
throw in the garbage, but the deep, trust based connections
that truly open doors, that truly create opportunities, and that
(01:20):
truly change the trajectory of your career. And who knows,
maybe you will even open a business in twelve years
with someone that you don't even know yet.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
We're so happy you're here.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Get excited because those two bonuses are coming to you,
one in the middle of the episode and one at
the end of the episode.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
You were never meant for a small life. You have
bold ideas, audacious dreams and visions that keep you up
at night. But the truth is, big goals don't come
with step by step instruction, and success doesn't come from
doing more.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
It comes from becoming more.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Welcome to Big Goal Energy a podcast for high achieving
way women who are done shrinking, striving, and second guessing
and are ready to defy reality in pursuit of the
life they actually want. I'm your hostess, free sealy, go architect,
subconscious strategist, and your permission slip to want what you want.
(02:16):
Join me as we go beyond the service level success
to explore the mindset, identity, and inner work required to
bring your biggest, most delulu goals to life. This is
your space to be seen, to be expanded, and to
remember that you are not alone on this journey. Let's
get into it before we start this conversation. Hillary, Yes,
(02:39):
please introduce yourself and tell us how and maybe why
you became a master connector.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
So, Hillary Gadsby as a lot and I am the
founder of Boss Talks Network. It was a global mentorship
platform for women entrepreneurs. We grew too fourteen chapters across
the USA, Canada, and then I shut it all down
in twenty twenty five after Art Conference. I got completely
burned out and wanted to really create something brand new,
(03:10):
which Rie and I will tell you later. But the
reason why I became a connector is actually because of
my mother. So my mother she had the gift of gap.
My dad had the gift of gad. My mom was
in real estate. My dad was in many different things,
including being a fly fishing guide in Sunvalley, Idaho. And
not only he was also a ski instructor. And when
you are in a position of service, you have to
(03:33):
build relationships. That is what my mother taught me. So
when I was fifteen years old, I was working in
a store called the Brass Ranch in Sun Valley, Idaho
selling Ralph Lauren skiwear, sportswear, things like that, and I
was a huge fan of Ralph Lauren. My mom came
in one day with this gentleman. She and I were
planning on having lunch and she comes in with this guy.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I had no idea who he was.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
He was just this older guy, and she said, I
would like to introduce you to Steve Winn. Yes, that's
Steve Winn, the one that owns the casinos, the ones
that you hear about in Las Vegas. I was fifteen
years old, folding around Florence sweater. My mom comes in
and brings Steve there, and I had no idea what
(04:16):
she was doing. And he was asking me questions like
when I thought of the brand Ralph Lauren, and I
was very excited about it. And he was like, my
really good friend happens to be Ralph Lauren, and if
you ever wanted to meet him, I.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Can put you in depth with him. And I thought
that was so cool.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I was going into the fashion industry. I wanted to
do fashion in Paris and New York and all of that,
so I thought it was the coolest thing. And I thought,
oh my gosh, I could meet the fashion icon. What
happened was he said, let me give you my cell
phone number, and if you ever want to meet him,
when you're ready, you just let me know. Fast forward
to when I was about nineteen living in Paris.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I was sitting in.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
My flat in Paris, going to school there at the
American University of Paris, and I to do an internship.
I needed to do something that was in the fashion
industry because that's where I was.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Planning on going.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
And I remembered what Steve Wynne had told me about
Ralph Lauren. I thought maybe I could just reach out
to him and see if he could help me with
my internship. Lo and behold, he remembered me.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I did. I reached out to him.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
I realized right then and there the power of a
connection what it means to leverage a relationship for not
only for yourself, but for others. I did end up
getting in an internship at Ralph Lauren because he opened
that door for me.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
He said, send me your resume.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
He sent it to Ralph and David Lauren, his son,
reached out to me within a week and told me
I had an interview at a few resources. I nailed
that interview and bought the internship. And so I leveraged
the relationships that I built throughout my entire career to
build my own business and help others build theirs. That
is how I became a master connector. It came through
(05:56):
my parents.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Thank you for introducing yourself. I'll introduce myself quickly as well.
If y'all haven't met me yet, I'm Bri Seely. I've
been an entrepreneur for eighteen years, so much of my
success has also come through the people that I know
and the doors that other people are willing to open
for me. And then what's interesting is the ripple effect
that then causes and the doors that I've been able
(06:22):
to open for other people, and the ways that I've
then been able to leverage my impact, my influence to
the relationships that matter in my life. And how when
we pool all of our networks together, we pool all
of our wisdom, our greatness, our resources, our love, our synergies,
(06:44):
our magic together, what happens. I had my own fashion
laboth for the first eight years of my entrepreneurial career,
which is where Hillary and I first met. On the
heels of that I started an on networking community in
Los Angeles, which continued. Hillary and My relationship deepened it
even more, and then I became the Entrepreneur coach from
(07:06):
twenty fifteen to December thirty first of twenty twenty five,
Hillary and I have both traveled honestly parallel paths a
lot of our relationship, and our connection has truly morphed
into more of a friendship. I'm going through a massive
life transition right now, and Hillary was like, you're coming
to stay with me for two weeks. Truthfully, I don't
(07:26):
even know if I'd be alive right now if it
weren't for the relationships in my life and the connections
that I have, And I certainly wouldn't be as successful
as I've been in business without them either. So I
know the power of true relationships, and this is the
first thing I want to get into. There are so
many networking things out there. I am truthfully not a
(07:49):
big networker. I actually don't really care about networking because
I know a lot of people. If I put together
all of the platforms, I probably have fifty thousand people
that I could access with a message, but I don't
personally know them. There's a difference between having a business
card and meeting someone once and actually building a relationship
(08:10):
with people.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I want to get.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Into the difference between transactional versus relational model. Talk to
us Hillary about what does a real business relationship actually look.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Like and how do you know when you have one.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
When I moved to la in two thousand and seven,
I had to build a community because I had event
business that I was trying to build and I was
trying to get new clients. I was invited to a
networking event, a very private networking event. There was more
of a roundtable, and it was a PR firm who
was doing it.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
There was a gentleman by the name of Carl.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
It was like ten to twelve people around his boardroom
table and we would go around and we talk about
both the front and the back of our card. The
front of your card is obviously what you do for
a living, but what the back of your card is like,
what you like to do in your life, if you
have any hobbies, if you have anything like that, Because
(09:08):
those are the touch points that you get from people
when you're building a relationship. You don't want to just
know what they do in life. You want to know
what they're about. Do you connect with them on a
personal level as well. I have built relationships where they've
just become friends, just like you. I feel that you
have that true connection when you start to refer one another.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
But then you also spend a lot.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Of time with them, getting to know them, getting to
know what they like, what they don't like. I know
things happening with people's families. You have to get to
know the person. It's not just the business side. You
have to build the actual relationship. Whether you become friends with.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Them or not.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
You can become an acquaintance, but you have to build
a relationship and you have to know more about them
than just their business. The thing is that when it
comes to the sales side of networking, you're going to
get that as you continue to build relationships. And I'll
give a tip later on that you have to stay
for on how to do that and how to make
(10:06):
your brain work.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Like a whiteboard.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Piggybacking off of that, I mentioned a lot of people
know me from the un networking community that I ran
in Los Angeles ten years ago. I've been to so
many networking events where I do walk away with a
stack of business cards I never talked to any of
those people ever.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Again, our moto when we had the.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Networking company was no one cares about what you do,
and it actually creates more disconnection because if I have
someone come up to me and be like, oh, I'm
a lawyer, I'm like, I don't really have need for
a lawyer.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Thanks so nice to meet you, but bye. We had
a rule.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
At our networking company that you actually weren't allowed to
lead with or ask people so what do you do?
Because our model was no one cares and your job
titles actually don't create a connection. I actually hosted Hillary
was in Los Angeles last week at the same time
time is Me and I hosted a girl's night. Instead
(11:02):
of everyone going around and saying what they did, we
all went around and shared a piece of magic that
we had experienced in.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Our lives recently.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
What's so fascinating about it is that it opened up conversations,
It opened up understandings. Every single woman in the room
was in some sort of transition. It brought that connection
into the room almost instantaneously. Whereas if people had said, Oh,
I'm a coach, I'm a chocolateer, o'ma this, Oh I'm
a that there's no ability to connect there.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
We all leave those.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Events feeling completely empty. But when we shift into curiosity
about things that actually matter to us, or why we
got into the field we got into, or what lights
us up about what we get to do every day,
those are the real questions that create connection. And then
what happens is you find something within yourself that you
(11:55):
can relate to that and the two of you were
off to the races having a real conversation then saying,
oh my gosh, we need to get coffee next week,
or oh my gosh, let's set up a call, or
the coolest part is that business gets done. The chocolate
shop that we were in a week ago was a
woman I met ten years ago hosting one of those
(12:18):
on networking events. Literally calla made I think her evening.
I think she tapped out over fifteen hundred dollars in
that two hour event. That was ROI from a relationship
that started ten years and all the stuff that's happened
in that ten years as well. That's so cool to
(12:39):
say a relationship that we invested in ten years ago
is still bringing both of us success.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
It's fun cool it.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
I love that you hit a nail on the head there, Brave,
when you're talking about don't just ask for what you do.
When I was hosting the Boss Talks events when I
first did it and starting in twenty fourteen, one of
the things that I did was I asked people what
they were working on, what their needs were, what are
It was like a needs and leads what do you need?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
And then I was able.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
To find someone in the room that could maybe help them,
or somebody would raise their hand and say, oh, I
know so and so who can't help you with that?
That's how the relationships are built. Every single time somebody
would come every month and that they brings someone else
who could help someone else. And it was all about
utilizing your social capital, either in the room of the
networking event or in your own life. How do you
(13:34):
leverage your social capital to get where you want to
go and how you can get other people to go
where they want to go.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Spoiler alert, We're going to be building and baking some
of what Hillary just said into built by us when
we launch it, so make sure you stay to the
end to learn about how to get on the wait
list for them. Let's talk about consistency in relationships. I
don't know about you. I'm going a phase in my
life right now. I'm the most inconsistent that I've ever
been in my name.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
There's too much going on in the world, there's too
much going on in our person. I don't know what
it is.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
But how do you and I.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Have one very specific tip on this, but how do
you stay present and engaged in your network when you're
running a business, when you're running a household. You had
a cross country move, your health, your relationship, everything else
that's going on. Do you have a practical system or
habit for staying authentic with people?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
I used to. I think what happened.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
I was really lucky to have every single month an
event where people would come and I was able to
continue to nurture those relationships. And then when that ended
during COVID, we shut it all down and went completely virtual.
It was a lot harder to develop those relationships and
to continue to have those touch weights. One of the
(14:49):
things that I do is I try to call people.
I try to call them and see how they're doing.
Especially now, I just pick up the phone and call you.
You text me, and I'm like nope. By calling her
that time. But I'm all, I know, I'm every eight
years old. I'm gonna be old school.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Yeah, if I text Hillary, I know.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I don't text her unless I know that I can
pick up the phone because I know she's gonna call
me immediately once she gets my text.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
I try to call my friend who's my colleagues as
much as I possibly can. It has been difficult between
last year and this year and moving to a different
state and getting married and the whole life life is lifing. Basically,
I would say you should try to have a touch
point every single month with your network, at least something,
whether it be a personal email or a text message
(15:39):
or a phone call.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
You need to have that personal touch. One of the
things that I will say, and I'm not perfect.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I started it earlier this year and I have completely
dropped off and forgotten about it is I've had so.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Many coffee meetings over the years, and.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I honestly can't tell you who I have had virtual
coffee meetings with over the last five years. This year,
I was like, I'm gonna do it purposeful. I'm going
to be so intentional about this. I'm starting a spreadsheet
and it's gonna have follow up notes in it. And
then my life has also lifed this year and I
have not maintained it, but I did think about it.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
I had a really.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Great connection call on Tuesday, and I was like, I
need to pick the spreadsheet back up and have it
as like a Monday thing for me of who on
the spreadsheet have I connected with this year that I
really want to touch base with. Maybe we had a
follow up plan that just fell through the cracks or whatever.
I know, it seems a little Oh, you're spreadsheeting your
(16:37):
relationships in a way, but I have so much going
on right now, and especially now being a full time nomad,
I'm moving every two to four weeks.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
I took a nap.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Earlier and as I was waking up, I was like,
wait a minute, where am I. I can't keep track
of where I am, much less who.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I need to follow up with or talk to.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Maybe it quote unquote sucks to have to spreadsheet relationship,
but also for me, it's guardrails, or if you think
about bowling, it's like the bumpers so that my ball
doesn't constantly go in the gutter.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping a spreadsheet
of the people that you want to connect with and
that you want to make sure you know what's happening
in their lives, because everybody's lives are changing. As we
saw last week at the Chocolate Chop, everybody is in
a transitionary period.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
It was really nice to connect with a lot of
people that I hadn't seen in years. What was really
interesting is one of those people.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Lorie, was like Hilaria was here for nineteen years and
then she just up and left. It made me think
I really should have done a better job connecting with
those people. But I lost a lot of touch with
people because of what happened in the pandemic, and I
lost the community that I had built so well in
LA and I take complete responsibility for that. You having
(17:54):
a spreadsheet and saying these are the people I want
to connect with on a monthly basis, I think that's
a great idea. I don't think there's anything wrong with
having this spreadsheet.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
We're going to take a quick break.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Make sure you listen to this break because this is
right where I'm going to be dropping and inserting my
tip on relationship building. So BRB, Hello everyone, Bricaly here,
I am bringing you a tip on how to build
real relationships. And while I mentioned it briefly in the episode,
(18:28):
already the biggest thing about building real relationships is getting
curious about the person that you're actually standing across from. Again,
it's not about their job title, it's not about their accolades,
it's not about any of that stuff. It's about truly
getting to know them as a human being. I actually
recommend before going to any sort of networking group, before
going into any networking calls, come up with five or
(18:51):
six interesting questions where you can get curious about the
person that you are talking to. First off, when you
ask different questions, you're going to stand out in that
person's mind because I can guarantee you you're probably the
only one in the room asking them that question. And second,
it's going to build that true connection, that true relationship,
(19:13):
like we have talked about in the episode, it's going
to give you the opportunity to go deeper with that person.
And also it's going to weed out the people that
are not there for that, the people that don't want
to go deep with you, the people that want transactional stuff.
I was at a networking event in La once and
this guy walked up to me. He's like, oh, so
what do you do? And I said, I'm a fashion
design and he goes, oh, I have no need for
(19:34):
that in my life, and he turned around and walked away,
and I was like, well, thank you for self selecting
out and not wasting my time. You're going to know
immediately if you ask someone a really deep question and
they're like, yeah, no, I'm not here for that, You're
going to know immediately, and then you're not going to
waste your time trying to get to know that person.
You're going to know their intentions straight away. So sit
down and come up with five or six signature questions
(19:56):
that are yours that you can ask someone at an
event that no one else is gonna ask, so that
you can build that deeper relationship and stand out from
the crowd. Again, thank you for joining us for this episode.
Keep listening. We have plenty more for you, and don't
forget to stick around until the end because Hillary's gonna
be giving her tip.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Then welcome back.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Let's talk about what happens when relationships go wrong, because
I always think it's inevitable when something's gonna happen. Two
people are gonna disagree. It just is what it is
personal relationships. Just like business, we have ruptures in our relationships.
It just is what happens. A client gets let down,
a collaboration falls apart, a referral partner goes cold. What
(20:38):
do you do when these breaks happen in relationships? And
I know obviously it's situational as well. Do you have
some thoughts about accountability, about repair, about deciding what relationships
are worth fighting for?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Yes, and no.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
I've had several relationships that have fractured due to many
different things in business.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Sometimes I just let it go.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
I don't dwell on it, and I say, okay, I
guess that relationship didn't work out.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Obviously in my own mind, I have to.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Sit with it and be okay with it because a
lot of the times, and I said this before, is
like I become friends with a lot of the people
that I do business with. It's also not just a
fracture in the business side. It's a fracture in the friendship.
So it takes a little time to be able to
move through that. And sometimes you don't move through it.
When it comes to things that are really painful, I
(21:32):
typically let them go. But there are some that I
feel that you want to hold on to, and then
the way to do it is take accountability yourself of
what happened, and then hopefully they'll take accountability at the
same time and you can move past it. If not,
they were not the right relationship in the first place.
I think everybody needs to take a poutability when there's
(21:54):
a fracture, and if you can't on either side, then
the relationship wasn't strong enough to begin with.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
I agree it's so important to remember that not everyone's
open to nor capable of repairing relationships, and not.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Everyone wants it either.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Both of us have had business partnerships split in the past,
friendships colleagues. I do think it's really important to differentiate
and also to not take personally if someone else is
either incapable or uninterested in repair. Those two of my
biggest things. But also there's something really powerful about coming
to the table and being like, here's the responsibility I'm
(22:33):
willing to take in the breakdown of what happened, and
there is repair leading from that vulnerable place is what
inevitably opens up to repair. I'm always going to try
unless the person has irreparably harmed me in some way,
and then it's like, I'm good, I don't need to
try to repair this.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
But if it was a.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Misunderstanding, if it was a miscommunication, I'm always going to try.
And then it is the other person willing to meet me.
There my indication of whether or not we're going to
do it. Let's talk about building relationships at scale. Because
we are all very busy ladies. We all have a
finite amount of time and energy. What happens when our
(23:14):
ability to connect one on one started bumping up against
time and our bandwidth.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
How do you one.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Build intentionally and then two build relationships that are at scale.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
That's a tough question.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Actually, I can't really tell you how I do that
because I haven't been great at that. I try to
keep my circle of influence and the people in my
life smaller, and especially as I get older. It was
really easy for me to be able to connect with
people at scale when I had events that happened every
(23:50):
single month. That was the best way to build relationships
at scale.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
When you don't.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Have that, you have to do things like you do
where you're building a spreadsheet and making sure that you
are connecting with the right people and how you're leveraging
each one of those relationships for yourself and for others.
And so that's really the answer that I can give
you is that the way I did it was through events,
and that's what I'm good at. I have the gift
(24:17):
of gap, just like my parents too.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Truthfully, what you're touching on, and it's what you and
I have both done individually in our businesses and now
what we're doing together as well is community. Even being
here in LA right now, if I were to meet
one on one with everyone that wanted to see me,
it would be constant. It would be coffee, breakfast, coffee brunch,
coffee lunch, coffee, happy hour, dinner, it would be NonStop.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
That's honestly.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Part of why I hosted the Chocolate Night last week
is because I just don't have the capacity to.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
See everyone one on one while I'm here.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Also, I wanted to say shout out to the chocolate dispensary.
We keep saying the chocolate shop, But the chocolate Dispensary,
go shop. If you're not in LA, they have an
online store you can buy. I have one hundred dollars
worth of chocolate sitting on my counter right now, and
Hillary has two hundred dollars worth of chocolate sitting on
her counter right now, and it's fucking worth it, so
(25:12):
go shop it unsponsored, not.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Not at a company.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
He's just a really good friend of ours and we
want a support her.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Good friend, forward client, all the things.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I try to coordinate bringing multiple people together at the
same time for two reasons. One freeze up my bandwidth
because I got a lot that I'm building right now
behind the scenes. And two, what's really cool is people
that would never ever meet getting the chance to connect.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
There was a woman at that thing I went to
high school with.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
You never would have met her ever if I had
not brought everyone together. And the other thing I've been
doing is hosting. This actually gets into not just scaling relationships,
but scaling your business. Is the idea that we can't
all also know everything all the time, or have all
the resources. I've been hosting monthly calls for friends and
colleagues saying what do you need in your business right now?
(26:06):
Do you need an introduction, do you need a tool,
do you need a client, do you need a contractor
what do you need in your business right now? And
how can we HiveMind it so that we're all getting
together and bringing our resources, wisdom, knowledge to help everyone
else succeed as well. A lot of these things honestly
because we've seen them work. We're baking them into built
(26:28):
by us as well. We're going to be talking about
that in just a minute, so stick around. But getting
into a room of twenty five people and then Hillary
and I know all the women on it, and then
we can say, oh, you actually need to know her,
and then you don't need to meet everyone in the room,
but we know that you're looking for a thing that
this person can help you fulfills you guys, make a
connection and then take that up. So in terms of
(26:50):
scaling relationships, I like being in one too many situations
because it helps me not feel overwhelmed. But then also
it helps me create wins and resources and introductions for
other people that they wouldn't maybe not have gotten without it.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
I agree. I want to wrap with one question that's fun.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
I'm going to caveat this by saying, you can't tell
the story that you told at the beginning of.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
The podcast episode.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Okay, okay, what is one piece of magic that has
come to you from prioritizing lasting relationships.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
I was at.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
A dinner in la in early two thousand and eight,
two thousand and nine. She was our realtor who found
my ex husband and I are placed in Brentwood. We
were invited to her house for a barbecue and there
was a guy there named Christian who she went to
school with. We found out that he went to school
(27:50):
with the people that I was neighbors with when I
was growing up. He and I were just chatting and
he asked me what I did and everything, and I
told him what I did and he said, a Actually,
my company is looking for somebody to help us with
events where our clients. Would you consider putting a proposals
together for us?
Speaker 2 (28:08):
And can we talk more about it.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
He was my first ever client in my business, and
then from his relationship, I built more relationships.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
He was part of YPO.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
They became a client of mine because of him, and
it's snowballed that way. That relationship built even more relationships
and got me more clients.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
My story is.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
This, it's been Hillary and I met in Los Angeles
when I went to New York. We stayed in touch
when I was back in Northfield, Minnesota.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
My hometown during the pandemic for four months.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I remember walking around the neighborhood with Hillary in my ears,
having business conversations about how do you do this and
how are you figuring that out?
Speaker 2 (28:51):
And what's this mighty networks thing that you're on. And
then Hillary's seeing me move to Tulsa and staying connected.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
And we've had moments where we've dropped and not for
a while, and then we come back together now having
the privilege to get into business together and to create
something because both of us have been creating networks separately,
and like you said, you burnt out.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
I burnt out.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
I think I put when I did our Instagram post
was like it nearly killed both of us. Yeah, And
now because we know each other so well and because
we're invested in each other, we also now get to
build something really beautiful together. And I think that this
is one of the bigger pieces of magic that's come
to me this year. I'm really grateful for you and
(29:36):
you being persistent in some of the moments where I
was off doing my own thing and us continuously circling back.
It's really special. We were standing in that room last
week at the Chocolate dispensary. I swear to God, I'm
not getting paid to say that. Almost everyone in the
room I had known for over a decade, and I
feel like that is so rare nowadays. Having you in
(29:58):
my life and in my corner for the last twelve
years has been incredible, and now we get to make
more magic together.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
And we've obviously supported and helped each other throughout the
time that we've known each other. I was alone when
Christmas and Brie was like, come over to my potluck
and have Christmas with me, and I did. It was
so great, and I got to meet a lot of
really wonderful people. Over the years, we've deepened our relationship
as friends and business colleagues.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
She was one of our mentors.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
She was actually the reason why we had mentorship for
Boss Talks is because she's like, you should have in
house mentors, and I'll be one of them. And I
was just like, that's exactly what I'll do, and I
did and it worked out really well, and I always
credit you to helping us develop that. I'm stoked about
our business relationship and continuing our friendship. I think we've
(30:47):
done a really good job separating the two and combining
the two.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Especially in the online business world, there's this lone wolf mentality. Yeah,
like you have to do it alone and you can't
trust other people and no one's going.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
To help you, and it's so harmful. There are a lot.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Of communities out there. I think it's important to really
be purposeful about being in the right communities and being
with the right relationships. Yeah, ideally we're building that. But
we're going to take one more break. If you're listening
to this. On the podcast episode, Hillary is going to
drop in her tip for how to monetize relationships, and
(31:27):
then I'm going to come back. We're going to wrap
it up. I'm going to tell you how you can
get on the wait list. We're built by us and yeah,
so BRB.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
My tip for building relationships is a little bit different
than a lot of people. One of the things that
I do is I do the whiteboard method. Say you're
building a business and you need to find all the
components to build that business, and what do we typically do.
We typically take a whiteboard out and we start building
out what it is that we're looking for. We say, okay,
(31:59):
this is the end result. How do I get to
said result? Do the same thing with relationships. What I
want you to do is to take the ten people
that are in your life for your business, that are
your best referral sources, your best sources, and start to
put them in a white board and connect the dots.
(32:20):
How do you solve a problem by connecting the dots
utilizing those ten people that you have, then those people
are probably going to find five to ten more people
who might be able to help you to get to
the goal that you had set out.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
And that is the whiteboard method.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
First of all, thank you to everyone who joined us today.
We are so grateful that you are joining us on
this journey. If anything we talked about today resonated with you,
especially the idea that your relationships deserve to have a
real community, I do want to invite you to check
out what Hillary and I are building together at Built
(32:58):
by Us now. There's not a lot of information out
there about Built by Us right now, and it's one purpose.
We are slowly rolling out the details about what this
community will be, but we can tell you that it
is going to be different than anything on the market
right now.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
We spotted a gap.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
I don't think a single community is offering what we're
going to be offering, and we're solving.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
We are solving for that gap.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
If you're curious at all what that gap is, follow along, y'all,
because we're not ready to tell you yet. Built by
Us is a membership community that's designed specifically for female
entrepreneurs who are ready to grow alongside other women, hands
in the mud together, doing it together, not encouraging, but
actually supporting. We currently have our founders wait list open.
(33:50):
Founding members are going to get access to pricing and
perks that are never going to be available again once
we open the doors publicly. The best way to find
that waitlist is to go to our Instagram We are
Built by Us, and of course first follow the account.
Thank you to the six hundred and seventy two people
(34:12):
that currently follow us, and then make sure you visit
the link in our bio to get on that waitlist.
If you want to start connecting with us right now,
come find us on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Our community is open.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
And active and full of seventeen thousand women doing exactly
what we talked about today. The link is in the
same place. Go to Instagram, We are Built by Us,
Go to the links, join the Facebook group, Come introduce yourself,
we'd love to have you. And before we wrap, last, Lee,
a huge thank you to Hillary for again, like I said,
(34:48):
being persistent and consistent one of the most persistent and
consistent relationships in my life, for maintaining this vision of
us being in business together, and for being patient while
both of our lives played out.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
I am incredibly grateful to know you and to be
in partnership with you.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
And last, but not least, please make sure that you
are subscribed to the Big Goal Energy podcast.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
There are plenty.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
More episodes posted and more episodes coming that you need
to hear. If this episode lit something up in you,
share it, text it to a friend, post it to
your stories, or leave a review.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Because Big Goal.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Energy is meant to be felt far and wide, and
if you're ready to go deeper, explore the tools, hypnosis,
sessions and support. Because your vision deserves more than hustle,
join us on the Big Goal Energy app by visiting
your app store and typing in Big Goal Energy. Your vision,
your goals deserve alignment, ease, and your fullest self behind them.
(35:53):
Until next time, Trust yourself, dream bigger, and never forget
you are here for greatness.
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