10 - Eight Girls and a Dog by Carolyn Wells

Eight girls and their dog Timmy Loo take a summer break filled with cooking, self-discovery, and hilarious misadventures in this delightful vacation story. Discover hundreds of ad-free audiobooks, soothing sounds for sleep and meditation, and more—unwind and learn at www.adfreebooks.com!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Domain the plays to the thing. Once started, the play
monopolized all the interest and attention of the club. Aunt
Mollie was called over and the great project was laid
before her. Why it will be lovely, girlies, she said.
What can I do to help? We need sympathy and advice,

(00:21):
said Marjorie, with a judicial air that marked the Duchess's
serious moments. Oh, I'll give you those, said Aunt Mollie.
But I want to be of more material help. Suppose
I provide you with an audience. Yes, do, cried Betty.
Ask the Marlows and the Hillsies, and those nice people

(00:43):
who live on the other side of your house. I
forget their name. But we can't sing this foolishness. We've
written to a lot of strangers, said Nan. Indeed we can,
responded Marguerite. The Blue Ribbon Club can do anything if
it may up. It's mine too. The music would be

(01:03):
prettier if we had some men's voices in it, said Nan,
who was looking over the written sheets. It's all so
high and light. Uncle Ned sings a fine baritone, said Marjorie.
Do you suppose he'd help us out, Auntie? Of course
he would, answered Aunt Mollie heartily. He'd do anything in

(01:24):
his power for the Lambs, as he always calls you girls.
Let's write a part for him, then, said Hester. What
could he be? What is the plot of your play,
asked Aunt Mollie. The girls looked at each other blankly.
Why it hasn't a plot, said Nan. Do plays always
have to have plots? You see, we've just written songs

(01:46):
for each of us in the characters we've assumed down here. Then,
I don't exactly see how Uncle Ned could be brought in,
said Aunt Mollie, smiling. He can't be brought in. He'll
just have to come in, said Betty. Like a burglar,
said Nan. We've expected one ever since we've been here,
and we may have as well, have our expectations realized.

(02:11):
That's not a bad idea, said Hester. The play, of course,
will represent all of us girls here in this cottage.
And Uncle Ned might appear as a burglar, a nice
kind one, you know, like Editha's burglar. Yes, and he
can be real affable and social and sing solos as

(02:32):
he prowls about for his plunder. Now that seems maroca plot.
Let's do it, said Nan. How came the paper pad
and pencils, and genius was set to burning, all of
which resulted in several songs. For Uncle Ned, whose consent
to the plan was fully guaranteed by Aunt Mollie. The

(02:52):
aimable burglar was destined to enter through a window while
singing this solo to the tune Robin adare robin a bank.
I am a burglar, bold, fearless and frank from Fate's
insistent hold fortunes, I yank while honest people sleep, when

(03:13):
cats their vigils keep forth on my raids, I creep
robin a bank. What's petty larceny to robbing a bank?
What sneak thievery to robin a bank? How else is burglary?
What it's cracked up to? Be? Here? It is joy
for me, Robin a bank? Here meet on bootle bent

(03:38):
men of each rank, burglar and president, cashier and crank.
Then when the deed is done, Canada ward we run. Oh,
but it's lots of fun, Robin a bank. On finding
himself fairly in the dining room of Hilarity Hall, he
is seized with compunction at being obliged to rob such

(04:02):
a charming and dainty home, which causes him again to
break forth into song Burglar's song. I'm a tender hearted
chap and I do not care a rap for my
dangerous profession taking underhand possession of the plate silver plate.
And I do not think it fun to burglarize the

(04:25):
timid one. But I think it is my duty to
obtain the costly booty of the great, rich and great.
So I will fulfill my mission softly with expedition. I
my hob nailed boots have taken off for fear. The
girls awaken, for it's late, very late. Those are beautiful verses,

(04:50):
said Aunt Mollie, who knew as much about poetry as
a hop toad. And Uncle Ned will be perfectly delighted
to sing them. When do your rehearsals begin to night,
said Marjorie, growing presidential of aspect. Look here, girls, if
this is going to be at all, it's going to

(05:11):
be a success with a big s. You hear me,
we do, shouted the other seven. Then listen further. There's
no use of our fussing with these verses, for Hester
and Nan are quite capable of making them up alone.
So let them finish the libretto of the play as
they call it. I call it a na bretta. Now

(05:34):
for the stage manager, I appoint Betty and she can
get any one to help her who will. But they
must attend entirely to staging the whole thing, look out
for scenery, lights and all that. The costumes I put
in the capable hands of Marguerite and Jesse, who know

(05:54):
more about clothes in a minute than the rest of
us in a thousand years. Helen, of course, is the orchestra.
If she can get any one to help her, so
much the better. Millicent and I will look after the supper,
for I'm sure you'll need one after this wonderful performance,
to say nothing of the audience, who I feel sure

(06:17):
will be utterly exhausted. Bravo, Marjorie cried Aunt Mollie. You're
a manager, and no mistake. Now I'll help any one
or all of these committees call on me for anything,
and she'll find me willing, if not always capable. Hooray
for Aunt Mollie, cried Marjorie, and all responded with a will.

(06:39):
Then Marjorie and Jesse put their pretty heads together and
planned costumes for the young actresses that were to be
dreams of beauty. But how can we get all this
charlatan and stuff, said Marguerite. I'll run up to New York,
said Jesse. I can go in the morning and be
back by six o'clock. And you know, the success of

(07:02):
this thing depends as much on the costume effects as
on the music. Betty announced that her committee of stage
managers would be increased by the addition of Aunt Molly
and Uncle Ned, and this proved a wise arrangement, for
it ensured attractive stage settings and a curtain in footlights

(07:24):
that worked beautifully. Hester and Nan, feeling the burden of
the li libretto heavily upon them, went to work and
soon achieved a jolly duet for Marguerite and Uncle Ned,
whose voices were most harmonious. The air was from Melcado.
The words were these, chaperone burglar, a duet burglar. There's

(07:51):
beauty in the trade of burglary. There's a subtle fascination
that I feel as I searched from ground to attic.
I admit a thrill, a static as long as there's
anything to steal chaperone, Yes, I have a kindred feeling
that there's something nice in stealing. As long as there's

(08:13):
anything to steal corus. If that is so, sing deary down, dearie,
it's very evident, very our tastes are one while dance
and sing so merrily, dripping and happily skipping till set
of sun. Burglar. The darkness has attractions. Oftentimes electric lighting

(08:36):
has no charms for me, though I must say, when
I am scooting, that the merits of quick shooting have
often struck me very forcibly. Chaperone. Yes, although I cannot
stifle my objections to a rifle, yet its merits sometimes
strike me forcibly. Chorus. This was pronounced so clever and

(09:01):
was sung at the rehearsal so prettily by Marguerite and
the aimable Burglar, that the low breddest wrote another duet
for the same voices, Chaperon Burglar. A duet Chaperone, Prithee,
gentle Burglar, tell me tell me true, Hey, but I'm curious, Willow,

(09:22):
Willow Wally, all the strange adventures that have happened unto you, Hey,
Willow WALLIAU all your deeds discover O, my gentle rover, Hey,
Willow Wallia Burglar Chaperon, I've wallowed all my life in gore,
But Hey, she's curious, Willow Willow waally, you would shrink

(09:44):
and Tearor if I told you more, Hey Willow wallioh,
lift not the dark curtain for my life uncertain, Hey
Willow WALLIAU. Then the play began to assume a sort
of plot, a bit inkohe to be sure, but still
enough of a thread to string songs upon. The burglar

(10:07):
proved to be a most kind gentleman, quite won the
hearts of the inmates of Hilarity Hall, and they, in
turn grew so fond of him that they wished to
be adopted. Their plea was that, all being nieces of
the burglar's wife, he ought to give them a home.
This was musically set forth by solos and choruses of

(10:29):
the old tune of Solomon Levi. Solos and choruses. Oh
I am the capable chaperone. I'll come at your command,
and I will rule with the rot of iron this rollicking,
frolicking band. And I'm the shiniest scullery maid. I'll keep
your pants so bright that your kitchen will seem a

(10:50):
golden dream, and your scullery your delight. Chorus, Oh, mister Burglar,
take us to live with you. Dear mister Burglar, take
up to live with you where nieces of your wife.
You know you ought to care for such. And besides,
we are very capable girls, and we could help you much.

(11:10):
So you must see what a scheme it would be
to let the sisters come and will do our best
to make a success of mister Burglar's home. And I'm
the capable camera. Fine with you, I'd like to live.
And though I would take most everything, I won't take

(11:30):
a negative. And I'm the wandering minstrel, and my banjo
I will bring. And should I give you a minstrel show,
i'll play for you and sing chorus. And I'm the
popular poet. Should there ever come a time when you
will not listen to reason, I will make you listen
to rhyme. And I'm the snipping snuffer, and I know

(11:54):
what I'm about. Should any flame of anger rise, I'll
quickly snuff it out chorus. I am the peregrinating pealer.
I will peel your onions well, and when the dinner's ready,
I will gladly peel the bell. And you must see,
and we all agree, when everyone else is took, he'll

(12:16):
certainly make an awful mistake unless you take the cook chorus.
The burglar, appalled at the idea of introducing eight merry
maidens into his quiet and secluded home, voices his indignation
in a bary tone solo Burglar's song, Oh you must

(12:37):
admit that it's not a bit the theme for a
jovial song. That a man should be merry is obliged
to carry his wife's relation along. And I do declare
that it makes my hair stand up in the wildest
twirls when I pause on the brink and stop and
think of the appetites of those girls corrus for the

(13:01):
cooking club eats all night, and the cooking club eats
all day. And you don't think that you will shrink
from boarding them without pay? Shall I tear my hair
in wild despair and wipe my lacrimel glands, and curse
my lot that ever I got a cooking club on
my hands, So great those girls demands that my lacrymal glands.

(13:26):
I shall pipe and rave. When I find I have
a cooking club on my hands, I shall have no
rest for hurles best. And they will crave from morn
till night and express their wishes for dainty dishes, not
offering me a bite, they will make it a habit
to cook Welsh rabbit in the hours we and small,

(13:50):
and again I vow, I don't know how I shall
stand the expense at all, Corrus. But notwithstanding his misgivings,
the Burglar takes the eight sisters into his palatial home
and installs them there, whereupon, his great remonstrances with them

(14:11):
for their great extravagance, calls forth this musical gem, the
Burglar's Song. The Burglar blows about the clothes and costly
jewels the girls are getting. He swears and scowls, and
groans and growls his previous contracts sore, regretting, blow burglar, Blow,

(14:31):
Send the Wild Sisters, flying Blow Burglar, answer echoes, flying flying, flying, Oh,
hark oh hear how loud and clear and louder nearer, madder,
growing with direful threats about his debts, the blustering Burglar
is still blowing. Blow Burglar, Blow, Send the Wild Sisters,

(14:54):
flying Blow Burglar answer echoes, Sign sign zie. Although his
tread may wake the dead, although his voice with wage
may quiver, will never stop from shop to shop, will
buy forever and ever blow, Burglar, Blow, Send the wild
sisters flying, blow burglar, answer sisters, buying, buy and buying.

(15:18):
This declaration of independence meets with favor among the extravagant eight,
and they indulge in a gleeful chorus, sing a song
of samples, pocket full of stuff, four and twenty patterns,
But we haven't got enough. When the shops are open,
the girls begin to flock. Isn't that a pretty piece

(15:42):
to make a pretty frock? The burglars in the tantrums
cause we spend his money. He's always in a fidget
cause creditors are doney. But the sisters are in clover.
And you may suppose sitting on the parlor floor choosing
summer clothes. As Milicent positively declared she could not sing

(16:05):
a solo, Nan wrote a recitation for her, and one
of the gems of the whole performance was Millicent's well
rendered monologue, All the world's a stage, and all the
men and women merely players, but lovely women with her
witching wiles far better acts her part than awkward men

(16:30):
with clever ready wit. She takes her cues, adapts herself
to each in every role, is sad or merry Grave
or gay at will innates with equal ease the pert
serbrette or blushing and genuine or tragic queen, and in

(16:51):
her time plays many various parts, her acts being seven ages.
At first the infant, noting the ribbons on her nurse's cap,
and then the school girl with her shining braids and
spotless pinafore conning her task, rising from form to form

(17:12):
until she blooms in cap and gown, a sweet girl graduate.
And then the lovely debutante, all smiles and airy chiffon gowns,
in ribbons, white and flowers and fans, and just a
trace or two of sentiment embodied in a note or
faded flower or treasured photograph. And then the beauteous bell

(17:37):
of all the ball rooms, heroine of several winters, clever, cool,
graciously kind to foreign noblemen seeking a title roll, lest
she remain as now a peerless beauty. Then the bride
in fair white trailing robes with orange blossoms, priceless ancestral

(17:59):
lace and family pearls, with blushing, downcast glance and modest mien,
unthinking vows love, honor and obey. And then the widow
in her dainty weeds, whose youthful charms and coquit glance
beligh her stalwart sons, her matron's voice turning again to

(18:25):
happy girlish tones, so well she plays her part. Last
scene of all that ends the strange, eventful history, the
dowager with jewels and feathers, decked, eager to gossip, eager
to hear the latest scandal, seeing everything through glasses, darkly

(18:46):
charming to the last, a wondrous masterpiece of modern art.
False teeth, false hair, false skin, false everything. End of
chapter ten,