July 27, 2025 • 19 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
That first joke. Oh brother, it'll kill him.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
But Jack gets such an awful John.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Never mind, there's the signal.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
The Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes program coming to
you from the Army Air Forces Pilot School at Stockton, California.
I'm starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis
Day Rochester and yours TRULEA.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Don Wilson.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Oh boy, I can't wait.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
And now, ladies and gentlemen from the Army Air Force
Pilot School at Stockton, California, we bring you on.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Never mind the introduction. I want to get to that
first joke.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
And here he is, Jack Benny.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Thanks, hello again.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
This is Jack Benny talking and Don don let's not
keep waiting. Let's get into that gag. Go ahead, Don
ask me how I got up to Stockton.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Oh Jack, sai's such.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
A don Don ask me how I got up to
stock Him?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Okay, say Jack, yes, Don.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Jack, how did you get up to Stockton?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I came on foot? I wait to myself. Fellow said
that that's not the joke yet. Wait a minute, that
isn't me. No, wait a minute. I go ahead, Don
ask me why I came on foot?
Speaker 5 (01:27):
Jack, Benny, you ought to be ashamed of.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Don? Ask me why I came on foot? Oh?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
All right, say Jack, Yes, Don, why did.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
You come up to Stockton? Why did you come on foot?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Because I came through the sand walking valley? Get it, fellows,
get it, Sam walk team on foot walking.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
It's a it's a little suckle, you know, but it's
all right. But it's clever.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Jack.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Maybe I don't know much about comedy, but if that's
a clever joke, I eat the buttons off your shirt.
I'm sorry, Don, but the laundry beat you tour? And
don't tell me what's clever or funny?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Oh? Hello Mary, Hello.
Speaker 6 (02:16):
Jack, Hi fellas, Jack, What are you snaring a John for?
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
He tried to tell me that that sandwalking valley gag,
isn't it?
Speaker 6 (02:33):
Jack?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
For heaven's sake, you didn't tell that one here, did you?
Why not? It's very funny. If that joke is funny,
you're too late. The laundry beat your tour anyway. What's
the matter with you and Don? That's the kind of
stuff these guys love. They really laugh at a gag
like that. They wouldn't laugh at that gag. If Colonel
(02:55):
Higgs told us.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Oh, yeah, well, Cardinal Higgs told it to me. Let's
forget it.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Okay, Say, Mary, how do you like being up here
at this army airfield.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Oh it's wonderful down the polite here. It's such a
nice bunch of fellows.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Oh, they certainly are.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I met one this morning.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I said hello. He said how do you do?
Speaker 6 (03:22):
I said how are you? And he said, how about
a kiss?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Mary? You mean he kiss you so fast? Fast? Around
here they call him Wallflower, Wallflower Marry. Nobody could kiss
a girl faster than that. They couldn't, huh. When I
was coming over here from the PX, a group of
polots passed me. They said hello. I said how do
you do? And they showed me Mary stopped making things up.
(04:00):
I'm not even the colonel warned me. The colonel warned you.
Speaker 6 (04:03):
Yeah, he said, if I see any guy around here
with puckered lifts and he isn't carrying a bugle, watch out.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Well.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I explained that this morning the whole camp looked like
Tommy Dorsey's brass section. Anyway, Mary, we're up here to
entertain the boy sole. Oh, hello, Denna, Hello, mister Vinnie.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Dennis. What are you so excited about? I just asked
a pilot how high they fly around here? So he
took me up to show me. Really. Yeah, we went
up to ten thousand feet, and then twenty thousand feet,
and then we went up to thirty thousand feet, and
from then on I had to take his word for it.
Take his word for it. Yeah, I drop my tape measure.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Well, well that's logical. Well, now that you're here, Dennis,
how about a song?
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Okay, But first, mister Benny, ask me how I came
up to Stockton. What ask me how I came up
to Stockton? Dennis, I'm not Yeah, you did it?
Speaker 6 (05:17):
Give him a chance?
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Oh okay, all right, Dennis. How did you come up
to Stockton by bus?
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Well, I'm bad. I don't get at all. I haven't
finished it yet. Now ask me why I came up
by bus?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Dennis, I haven't got time. Yeah, oh all right, Dennis,
why did you come by buzz?
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Because if I came on foot, I'd have to tell
that lousy joke. That's not a lousy joke and go
ahead and sing. Okay. I never met a kid like that,
no sense of humor at all.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
That I was now I know sung by Dennis Day.
Very good, Dennis, you sang that beautifully.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
What's your opinion against all my fans?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
No use weight?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
And I'll have to have a talk with that kid,
say Jack.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
When you talk to him, be sure to tell him
about grape nuts and grape nuts flakes.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Don Dennis knows all about grape nuts and grape nuts flakes.
He does not. He does too, I do not, Dennis.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
What has mister Wilson been yelling about for the past
two years?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
More money?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Look, Dennis, mister Wilson's been talking about those Marley rich
sweedies are not grape nuts and grape nuts flakes.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
That's right, Dennis, mister Benny's riot.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
You're just siding in with him because you want more money.
Oh now I've heard everything.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
No, Dennis, I don't want more money. What No, no demeanor.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
It's too late. Don Jack got.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Witnesses, Mary, I don't need witnesses. Don's perfectly happy with
his salary, aren't you down? And now, Fellas tonight, tonight
we have a surprise for you for our feature attraction.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
We are here. I am Jackson. Hi you Fellas well? Hoo?
Well where were you?
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Phil?
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I was outside.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Am I too late to save the show? What what
do you mean save the show? Well, I was sitting
out in the car and I heard the first part
of it. That's sand walking Valley.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
Joe go o habah haba o hal bah.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Hibah. Listen, what's the matter with that?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Joe?
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Listen?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Jackson.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
They write funnier stuff than that on tombstones all the stop.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Look, if you want to make these guys laugh.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Give them some real humor. Oh fine, I mean that
sharp stuff. Now get a load of this, say fellas.
Did you hear about the flying cadet that went to
the bur last show? Well? Please?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
He wanted to see how they could take off on
such a short runway. Harris, you're so lovely and you're
not even drying.
Speaker 6 (08:51):
I thought you were having breakfast.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
We were, but until that guy picks up a check.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Oh brother.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Well, anyway, when I old Hope we were going to
play the army here if you let stock, and he
told me to be sure and say hello to his brother,
Sergeant George Hope, who was stationed here. I told him
I would, And not only that, I've asked him to
come up here and say hello. And here he is
Bob Hope's brothers sergeants George Hope, Hello everybody. Well, George
(09:28):
is nice to have you here with us.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
And incidentally, when I.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Saw your brother Bob, he had to hurry away on
a tour. Your brother sure plays a lot of cams,
doesn't he.
Speaker 7 (09:36):
Yeah, in fact, I enlisted in the army so i'd
get to see him.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Well, tell me, George, are there just you and Bob
and the family. Oh no, there's seven brothers, Jack, there's Bob, Jack, Iver, Fred, Sid,
Jim and me. Seven boys. Not even one sister?
Speaker 7 (09:52):
Oh? Sure one?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
What's her name?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Poor Miriam?
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Oh come, George, poor Miriam. Isn't your sister? She's a
gal who can't get a date.
Speaker 7 (10:06):
Yeah, she's a female sad sack.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
That's what I thought.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Well, George, when I see Bob again, I'll tell him
that I saw you and you're looking fine.
Speaker 7 (10:14):
Thanks Jack, and tell him I miss him a lot.
You know, I don't even get to hear Bob's program.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
You don't, No, I haven't got a radio. Why you
need to say you never get a chance to hear
Bob Hope's program your own brother? No, Well that's a shame.
I'll tell you what, George, You sit right down here
and we'll put on one of his programs especially for you.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
You will, yes, sir, Hey kid, come here, we're gonna
put on a Bob Hope program.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Now. I'm gonna be Bob.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Mary, you'll be Francis Langford. Okay, Dennis, yes, please, Dennis,
you'll be Professor Colonna.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Professor Klena said, wish you told me that this morning?
Why I would have raised the mustache. She's silly.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Now it so happens that we have no girl to
play the part of Via Bay. So hey, wait a minute, Jackson,
I ain't gonna play the part of no dame.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Why not? Gee? And Charlie's an I play the part
of a woman. Yeah, but you've got the shape for it.
You got the curl. Never mind, Phil, You're gonna be
Via Bag And that sets it all right down. Introduce
the program. Well, here we go, George. Are you excited?
Speaker 7 (11:26):
I sure I am.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Take it. Don Well, the Armed Forces at the Stockton
Army Air Force Pilot School, we bring you the pepsil
Nut Show starring Bob Benny.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Oh, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
How do you do, ladies and gentlemen, This is Bob
Stockton Airfield Benny telling you all to use Pepso nuts
because it's got what it takes, and after you brush
your teeth you can eat those plates. Or this is
Bob air Force Benny telling all you aviators that Pepso
nuts will give your face that gleam, and then when
(12:17):
you smile, all the Stockton babes will come in on
the beam. Ah, I thought I had another one, Yes, sir,
Stockton Airfield. The boys here love this camp. One other
camp is there where a soldier can get leave, wash up,
get a shave and a haircut, shining a manicure, then
going to stock and spend a lovely evening standing on
a street corner, howling at the moon.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Thank you, fellow howlers.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
And here comes Francis Langstone, I mean living for I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Here's Francis.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Hello, Bob, Hello Francis. How do you like it here
in stock fine?
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Fine, Bob.
Speaker 6 (13:06):
I like it much better than Holly.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
What's that's because of the men here? They're different. Wait
a minute, Francis, what do you mean the men are different? Well,
all the men in Hollywood are wolves. I wait a minute.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I resent that, After all, I'm a Hollywood man, I
don't look like a wolf, do I? No, he looks
more like a gopher with an inferiority complex.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Hey, Bob, Hope, shows going as good as ours, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
And now Francis Langford will sing. I couldn't sleep a
wink last night.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
I couldn't sleep a wings last night because.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You, Francis Langlord, Well, Cargent Hope, how do you like
it so far?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Well?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I ain't heard nothing yet, George, because here come Professor Colonna.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Hello, Professor Kenjins.
Speaker 7 (13:50):
Get did you get with.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Coll me? Colonna? Are you enjoying yourself here at camp A? Yes?
But I really came to visit my brother, and now,
much to my surprise, I found that my brother was
washed out. Your brother was washed out? What was wrong?
Too little?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
High Q?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
No, too much? Veo y Colonna.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I've got a secret for you. There's no place on
this program for a jackass. Hee, gad, don't tell me
you're quitting. I don't mind that brush march. I suppose
you sing a song for us?
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Ay?
Speaker 7 (14:31):
Yes, music please.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
To my lay abroad. Wasn't it come down black than
part need all the time? Wow?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
That's very good, colonel. Colonel and I've got a job
for you. Remember the big sprize we planned for the
soldiers here, the.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Big surprise we planned for the soldiers here. Ah. Yes,
we're supposed to act out of play, Colona, you fool.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
That was supposed to be a secret. You let the
cat out of the bag silent.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
You're speaking of the woman I love, Kallola.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
We need a leading lady for our play, and I
want you to go out and find one.
Speaker 6 (15:41):
Ah.
Speaker 7 (15:42):
Yes, goodbye, Now I'll be back soon with a female.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Goonay, George, George, how do you like it? Now? Well,
hada boy, And pretty soon we're gonna have mister Hall.
Why you, dear sister, Hope, it's me in the flash.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Well, it's a shame they gave you such a sloppy fitty.
You look like an Antika from Mantika.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
Oh you dear dear boy, bless your little heart.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Yes, you must.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Have come over sometime and I'll open up a gas jet.
Speaker 5 (16:24):
Oh you're cooking?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Say, I wonder what's taking Kelowna so long? Hello? Hello,
Hope speaking, you know speaking? Put horf on.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
This is Hope.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
What's our professor? He's hell it Hope. I found a
leading lady for your play. I found it here in
New York. I wait a minute.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
New York was three thousand miles away, and you left
here only two minutes ago. How did you get there
so fast?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Coup the stacks and mount Oh so you took the
stock from bus? Did you get a seat? Did you
get a seat on the bus? Dave?
Speaker 7 (17:02):
Little character?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Isn't he.
Speaker 6 (17:05):
Well?
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Colonna?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
What's the name of the leading lady? Some kid called
Cleo Packer Colona? Cleo Patter has been dead for thousands
of years.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
If you've got Cleopatra with you, she's only a mummy.
You mean she's not a knife? Of course not mm
get off my lap on you and a little to
an edge.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
As long as she won't do find another girl call
me again, you know, Francis, Someday that professor is.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Hello Bob Hope speaking Who bob Hole? Who bob Hole?
Speaker 3 (17:42):
No, No, mister Berry.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Why don't we be satified?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
But what we've gotten? Just do the business kids.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Never mind imagine phoning right before the finale bank or
the memory.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
We've had a lot of fun. We're sorry that it's done,
but now our show was over.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
And we really have to run.
Speaker 5 (18:12):
So thank you somorrow, mister Wilson. Yes, Herman, can I
call on you tomorrow morning? I have something very interesting.
(18:34):
I'm sorry, Herman, but I'm tired up tomorrow morning. Oh
I'm about tomorrow afternoon.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Well, I have a date for tomorrow afternoon.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Oh I'm about tomorrow night now, Herman.
Speaker 5 (18:46):
The fact is that I just can't afford to buy
any more insurance by it.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
A couple of weeks ago, you told me to eat
grape nuts.
Speaker 5 (18:53):
Yes, Herman, but well I've done so much better that
I want to give you an insurance policy. Oh well, well, Furman,
that's very kind of you, and I'm glad that my.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Advice worked out so well.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Top knots breakfast treat or grape nuts bring you all
around whole grain nourishment. You get iron niasin extra vitamin
B one money and I will be broadcasting from Vancouver,
British Columbia, for the opening of Canada six War long Drives.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Oh Jack, Jack Bob Hope must have heard the show.
Here's a wire from him. Oh well, read it to me.
You don't read this kind of a wire just twisted
around your neck. Oh your might everywhere?
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Oh hi to your grocer.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Mother, get hop grape.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Not sweet me.
That first joke. Oh brother, it'll kill him.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
But Jack gets such an awful John.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Never mind, there's the signal.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
The Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes program coming to
you from the Army Air Forces Pilot School at Stockton, California.
I'm starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis
Day Rochester and yours TRULEA.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Don Wilson.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Oh boy, I can't wait.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
And now, ladies and gentlemen from the Army Air Force
Pilot School at Stockton, California, we bring you on.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Never mind the introduction. I want to get to that
first joke.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
And here he is, Jack Benny.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Thanks, hello again.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
This is Jack Benny talking and Don don let's not
keep waiting. Let's get into that gag. Go ahead, Don
ask me how I got up to Stockton.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Oh Jack, sai's such.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
A don Don ask me how I got up to
stock Him?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Okay, say Jack, yes, Don.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Jack, how did you get up to Stockton?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I came on foot? I wait to myself. Fellow said
that that's not the joke yet. Wait a minute, that
isn't me. No, wait a minute. I go ahead, Don
ask me why I came on foot?
Speaker 5 (01:27):
Jack, Benny, you ought to be ashamed of.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Don? Ask me why I came on foot? Oh?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
All right, say Jack, Yes, Don, why did.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
You come up to Stockton? Why did you come on foot?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Because I came through the sand walking valley? Get it, fellows,
get it, Sam walk team on foot walking.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
It's a it's a little suckle, you know, but it's
all right. But it's clever.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Jack.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Maybe I don't know much about comedy, but if that's
a clever joke, I eat the buttons off your shirt.
I'm sorry, Don, but the laundry beat you tour? And
don't tell me what's clever or funny?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Oh? Hello Mary, Hello.
Speaker 6 (02:16):
Jack, Hi fellas, Jack, What are you snaring a John for?
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
He tried to tell me that that sandwalking valley gag,
isn't it?
Speaker 6 (02:33):
Jack?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
For heaven's sake, you didn't tell that one here, did you?
Why not? It's very funny. If that joke is funny,
you're too late. The laundry beat your tour anyway. What's
the matter with you and Don? That's the kind of
stuff these guys love. They really laugh at a gag
like that. They wouldn't laugh at that gag. If Colonel
(02:55):
Higgs told us.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Oh, yeah, well, Cardinal Higgs told it to me. Let's
forget it.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Okay, Say, Mary, how do you like being up here
at this army airfield.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Oh it's wonderful down the polite here. It's such a
nice bunch of fellows.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Oh, they certainly are.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I met one this morning.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I said hello. He said how do you do?
Speaker 6 (03:22):
I said how are you? And he said, how about
a kiss?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Mary? You mean he kiss you so fast? Fast? Around
here they call him Wallflower, Wallflower Marry. Nobody could kiss
a girl faster than that. They couldn't, huh. When I
was coming over here from the PX, a group of
polots passed me. They said hello. I said how do
you do? And they showed me Mary stopped making things up.
(04:00):
I'm not even the colonel warned me. The colonel warned you.
Speaker 6 (04:03):
Yeah, he said, if I see any guy around here
with puckered lifts and he isn't carrying a bugle, watch out.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Well.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I explained that this morning the whole camp looked like
Tommy Dorsey's brass section. Anyway, Mary, we're up here to
entertain the boy sole. Oh, hello, Denna, Hello, mister Vinnie.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Dennis. What are you so excited about? I just asked
a pilot how high they fly around here? So he
took me up to show me. Really. Yeah, we went
up to ten thousand feet, and then twenty thousand feet,
and then we went up to thirty thousand feet, and
from then on I had to take his word for it.
Take his word for it. Yeah, I drop my tape measure.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Well, well that's logical. Well, now that you're here, Dennis,
how about a song?
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Okay, But first, mister Benny, ask me how I came
up to Stockton. What ask me how I came up
to Stockton? Dennis, I'm not Yeah, you did it?
Speaker 6 (05:17):
Give him a chance?
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Oh okay, all right, Dennis. How did you come up
to Stockton by bus?
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Well, I'm bad. I don't get at all. I haven't
finished it yet. Now ask me why I came up
by bus?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Dennis, I haven't got time. Yeah, oh all right, Dennis,
why did you come by buzz?
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Because if I came on foot, I'd have to tell
that lousy joke. That's not a lousy joke and go
ahead and sing. Okay. I never met a kid like that,
no sense of humor at all.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
That I was now I know sung by Dennis Day.
Very good, Dennis, you sang that beautifully.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
What's your opinion against all my fans?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
No use weight?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
And I'll have to have a talk with that kid,
say Jack.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
When you talk to him, be sure to tell him
about grape nuts and grape nuts flakes.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Don Dennis knows all about grape nuts and grape nuts flakes.
He does not. He does too, I do not, Dennis.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
What has mister Wilson been yelling about for the past
two years?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
More money?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Look, Dennis, mister Wilson's been talking about those Marley rich
sweedies are not grape nuts and grape nuts flakes.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
That's right, Dennis, mister Benny's riot.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
You're just siding in with him because you want more money.
Oh now I've heard everything.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
No, Dennis, I don't want more money. What No, no demeanor.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
It's too late. Don Jack got.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Witnesses, Mary, I don't need witnesses. Don's perfectly happy with
his salary, aren't you down? And now, Fellas tonight, tonight
we have a surprise for you for our feature attraction.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
We are here. I am Jackson. Hi you Fellas well? Hoo?
Well where were you?
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Phil?
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I was outside.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Am I too late to save the show? What what
do you mean save the show? Well, I was sitting
out in the car and I heard the first part
of it. That's sand walking Valley.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
Joe go o habah haba o hal bah.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Hibah. Listen, what's the matter with that?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Joe?
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Listen?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Jackson.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
They write funnier stuff than that on tombstones all the stop.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Look, if you want to make these guys laugh.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Give them some real humor. Oh fine, I mean that
sharp stuff. Now get a load of this, say fellas.
Did you hear about the flying cadet that went to
the bur last show? Well? Please?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
He wanted to see how they could take off on
such a short runway. Harris, you're so lovely and you're
not even drying.
Speaker 6 (08:51):
I thought you were having breakfast.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
We were, but until that guy picks up a check.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Oh brother.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Well, anyway, when I old Hope we were going to
play the army here if you let stock, and he
told me to be sure and say hello to his brother,
Sergeant George Hope, who was stationed here. I told him
I would, And not only that, I've asked him to
come up here and say hello. And here he is
Bob Hope's brothers sergeants George Hope, Hello everybody. Well, George
(09:28):
is nice to have you here with us.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
And incidentally, when I.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Saw your brother Bob, he had to hurry away on
a tour. Your brother sure plays a lot of cams,
doesn't he.
Speaker 7 (09:36):
Yeah, in fact, I enlisted in the army so i'd
get to see him.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Well, tell me, George, are there just you and Bob
and the family. Oh no, there's seven brothers, Jack, there's Bob, Jack, Iver, Fred, Sid,
Jim and me. Seven boys. Not even one sister?
Speaker 7 (09:52):
Oh? Sure one?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
What's her name?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Poor Miriam?
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Oh come, George, poor Miriam. Isn't your sister? She's a
gal who can't get a date.
Speaker 7 (10:06):
Yeah, she's a female sad sack.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
That's what I thought.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Well, George, when I see Bob again, I'll tell him
that I saw you and you're looking fine.
Speaker 7 (10:14):
Thanks Jack, and tell him I miss him a lot.
You know, I don't even get to hear Bob's program.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
You don't, No, I haven't got a radio. Why you
need to say you never get a chance to hear
Bob Hope's program your own brother? No, Well that's a shame.
I'll tell you what, George, You sit right down here
and we'll put on one of his programs especially for you.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
You will, yes, sir, Hey kid, come here, we're gonna
put on a Bob Hope program.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Now. I'm gonna be Bob.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Mary, you'll be Francis Langford. Okay, Dennis, yes, please, Dennis,
you'll be Professor Colonna.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Professor Klena said, wish you told me that this morning?
Why I would have raised the mustache. She's silly.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Now it so happens that we have no girl to
play the part of Via Bay. So hey, wait a minute, Jackson,
I ain't gonna play the part of no dame.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Why not? Gee? And Charlie's an I play the part
of a woman. Yeah, but you've got the shape for it.
You got the curl. Never mind, Phil, You're gonna be
Via Bag And that sets it all right down. Introduce
the program. Well, here we go, George. Are you excited?
Speaker 7 (11:26):
I sure I am.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Take it. Don Well, the Armed Forces at the Stockton
Army Air Force Pilot School, we bring you the pepsil
Nut Show starring Bob Benny.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Oh, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
How do you do, ladies and gentlemen, This is Bob
Stockton Airfield Benny telling you all to use Pepso nuts
because it's got what it takes, and after you brush
your teeth you can eat those plates. Or this is
Bob air Force Benny telling all you aviators that Pepso
nuts will give your face that gleam, and then when
(12:17):
you smile, all the Stockton babes will come in on
the beam. Ah, I thought I had another one, Yes, sir,
Stockton Airfield. The boys here love this camp. One other
camp is there where a soldier can get leave, wash up,
get a shave and a haircut, shining a manicure, then
going to stock and spend a lovely evening standing on
a street corner, howling at the moon.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Thank you, fellow howlers.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
And here comes Francis Langstone, I mean living for I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Here's Francis.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Hello, Bob, Hello Francis. How do you like it here
in stock fine?
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Fine, Bob.
Speaker 6 (13:06):
I like it much better than Holly.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
What's that's because of the men here? They're different. Wait
a minute, Francis, what do you mean the men are different? Well,
all the men in Hollywood are wolves. I wait a minute.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I resent that, After all, I'm a Hollywood man, I
don't look like a wolf, do I? No, he looks
more like a gopher with an inferiority complex.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Hey, Bob, Hope, shows going as good as ours, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
And now Francis Langford will sing. I couldn't sleep a
wink last night.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
I couldn't sleep a wings last night because.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You, Francis Langlord, Well, Cargent Hope, how do you like
it so far?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Well?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I ain't heard nothing yet, George, because here come Professor Colonna.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Hello, Professor Kenjins.
Speaker 7 (13:50):
Get did you get with.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Coll me? Colonna? Are you enjoying yourself here at camp A? Yes?
But I really came to visit my brother, and now,
much to my surprise, I found that my brother was
washed out. Your brother was washed out? What was wrong?
Too little?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
High Q?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
No, too much? Veo y Colonna.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I've got a secret for you. There's no place on
this program for a jackass. Hee, gad, don't tell me
you're quitting. I don't mind that brush march. I suppose
you sing a song for us?
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Ay?
Speaker 7 (14:31):
Yes, music please.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
To my lay abroad. Wasn't it come down black than
part need all the time? Wow?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
That's very good, colonel. Colonel and I've got a job
for you. Remember the big sprize we planned for the
soldiers here, the.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Big surprise we planned for the soldiers here. Ah. Yes,
we're supposed to act out of play, Colona, you fool.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
That was supposed to be a secret. You let the
cat out of the bag silent.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
You're speaking of the woman I love, Kallola.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
We need a leading lady for our play, and I
want you to go out and find one.
Speaker 6 (15:41):
Ah.
Speaker 7 (15:42):
Yes, goodbye, Now I'll be back soon with a female.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Goonay, George, George, how do you like it? Now? Well,
hada boy, And pretty soon we're gonna have mister Hall.
Why you, dear sister, Hope, it's me in the flash.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Well, it's a shame they gave you such a sloppy fitty.
You look like an Antika from Mantika.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
Oh you dear dear boy, bless your little heart.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Yes, you must.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Have come over sometime and I'll open up a gas jet.
Speaker 5 (16:24):
Oh you're cooking?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Say, I wonder what's taking Kelowna so long? Hello? Hello,
Hope speaking, you know speaking? Put horf on.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
This is Hope.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
What's our professor? He's hell it Hope. I found a
leading lady for your play. I found it here in
New York. I wait a minute.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
New York was three thousand miles away, and you left
here only two minutes ago. How did you get there
so fast?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Coup the stacks and mount Oh so you took the
stock from bus? Did you get a seat? Did you
get a seat on the bus? Dave?
Speaker 7 (17:02):
Little character?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Isn't he.
Speaker 6 (17:05):
Well?
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Colonna?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
What's the name of the leading lady? Some kid called
Cleo Packer Colona? Cleo Patter has been dead for thousands
of years.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
If you've got Cleopatra with you, she's only a mummy.
You mean she's not a knife? Of course not mm
get off my lap on you and a little to
an edge.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
As long as she won't do find another girl call
me again, you know, Francis, Someday that professor is.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Hello Bob Hope speaking Who bob Hole? Who bob Hole?
Speaker 3 (17:42):
No, No, mister Berry.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Why don't we be satified?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
But what we've gotten? Just do the business kids.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Never mind imagine phoning right before the finale bank or
the memory.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
We've had a lot of fun. We're sorry that it's done,
but now our show was over.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
And we really have to run.
Speaker 5 (18:12):
So thank you somorrow, mister Wilson. Yes, Herman, can I
call on you tomorrow morning? I have something very interesting.
(18:34):
I'm sorry, Herman, but I'm tired up tomorrow morning. Oh
I'm about tomorrow afternoon.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Well, I have a date for tomorrow afternoon.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Oh I'm about tomorrow night now, Herman.
Speaker 5 (18:46):
The fact is that I just can't afford to buy
any more insurance by it.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
A couple of weeks ago, you told me to eat
grape nuts.
Speaker 5 (18:53):
Yes, Herman, but well I've done so much better that
I want to give you an insurance policy. Oh well, well, Furman,
that's very kind of you, and I'm glad that my.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Advice worked out so well.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Top knots breakfast treat or grape nuts bring you all
around whole grain nourishment. You get iron niasin extra vitamin
B one money and I will be broadcasting from Vancouver,
British Columbia, for the opening of Canada six War long Drives.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Oh Jack, Jack Bob Hope must have heard the show.
Here's a wire from him. Oh well, read it to me.
You don't read this kind of a wire just twisted
around your neck. Oh your might everywhere?
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Oh hi to your grocer.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Mother, get hop grape.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Not sweet me.
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