August 3, 2025 • 28 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
The Jederal Program starring Jack Fenny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris,
Kenny Baker, and Yours Truly Don Wilson. The orchostraphens a
program with It's All Yours. The other day, one of
(00:22):
those inquiring reporters stopped me on the street with this question,
do you believe that men know as much about cooking
as women? Well? I had the answer to that one,
and I said no, but they know plenty about good
things to eat. And that, I told him is why
they all like jello, and ladies, I'll get your own
experience is showing you how true that is why everybody
likes jello, and no wonder that delicious, expert rich fruit
(00:46):
flavor makes every jello desert a brand you an exciting treats.
It's a fruit flavor that's rich in, full bodied and
supremely satisfying right from your first tempting spoonful to the
very last. And jello is really doubly satisfying because it
looks so delicious, so gay and cheerful and appetizing. It's
a swell dessert. It is hurt. You can serve as
(01:06):
often as you like, for the family will always enjoy it.
So look for those big red letters on the box.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
They spell Jello, and Jello spells a treat.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
That was It's all yours, played by the orchestra. Now,
ladies and gentlemen, Next Thursday evening, February the twenty third,
the winners of the Annual Academy Award for Distinguished Achievements
in Motion Pictures will be announced. That's right. The recipient
of this great honor for outstanding performances on the screen
will receive gold statues symbolic of their unquestioned ability. Yes,
sir so, Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a
(02:04):
man who hasn't a chinaman's chance. Jack Benny, Well you, yeah,
this is Jack Benny talking and Don that was very
funny but uncalled for FI were you, mister Wilson, I
wouldn't be so sure about my not winning the Academy
(02:25):
Award for the Best Actor. Well, Jack, you'll have to
admit that your name hasn't been mentioned in that connection.
Well that doesn't mean anything. I can always be a
dark horse, you know, can't. I fail? Not with that
gray Man, Wait a minute, fail, don't jump at conclusion?
Did you see my last picture? Artists and models abroad. No,
(02:46):
I didn't go ahead, you fire me. Not gonna fire you, Phil.
I'm just trying to bring out a point, that's all.
Don Did you see artists and models abroad? I was
attended the truth, Jack Garry didn't. However, it was raining
one night and I intend to go. Now what happened
it stopped raining. Well, it's too bad because you sure
(03:06):
missed a Rio tree. Hello Jack, Hello, Kenny, Say Kenny,
did you see artist and models abroad? Oh? Sure? I
went the very first week, and I took my girl along.
Oh well, what did you kids think of it? Don't
ask goush We were neck in life six feet. That's fine.
(03:29):
You two always neck when you go to a picture.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Kenny.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
No, during the Good Earth we made Mudfie. Well you
were younger, then I'm gonna find somebody who saw my
picture if I have to start a contest anyway, Fellaws,
my performance and artist and Models abroad is deserving of
some recognition. I don't say that I'm positive of getting
the Academy Award, but if I don't, it's a frame us. Listen, Jack,
(03:54):
I don't want to shout at your hopes. But there's
a rumor that Clark Gable has an excellent chance of
winning the award. Mark Gabels gabeled a fine chance he's got.
Not only that, I hear that, Jimmy Cagney's lable to
step right up from top the prize. Cagney, Yes, Cagney,
piss that little guy for what?
Speaker 3 (04:14):
For?
Speaker 1 (04:15):
What did you see him in Angels with dirty Faces? Yes?
I did you call that a performance? I certainly do.
Oh why you take that scene where he was an electrocuted?
He didn't get one last some performer? Well, for heaven's sake,
you don't expect the guy to get a laugh when
he's gonna be electrocutor do you I'd have got a laugh,
(04:35):
you'd have got a crawl. Well, Phil, if you're going
to make a joke out of it, there's no use
discussing it any further. Ollo, Mary, Hello Jack, what are
you all excited about? Twenty Hill? Here? Doesn't think I
have a chance in the world of winning the Academy Award?
He doesn't. How does John feel about it? Well? Don
agrees with Phil? Oh move over fallas you hear this
(04:58):
game talk? You think I was a flopper an actor? Oh?
Speaker 4 (05:01):
Jack, you always get so upset when these awards are
being given out. Last year, you were jealous because Spencer
Tracy wanted.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Me jealous of Tracy. I was not.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
You weren't and tell him what they did? Do a
picture on the billboards all over town?
Speaker 1 (05:14):
All right, So I drew a few mustashes. Is that
a crime? Me jealous of Tracy?
Speaker 5 (05:20):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
And the things you said about him. Now, wait a minute, Mary,
all I said was I wish I had my ability
and his luck. That's all. Why Jack, Benny, what are
you talking about? Spencer Tracy's one of the greatest actors
on the screen today or any other day. Oh he is.
Why certainly, of course he is. That goes for me too, John.
With Benny Kenny, this isn't a revolution. We're just having
(05:43):
a little discussion. So I don't care. Don is right. Listen, Kenny,
I'm just as good as Spencer Tracy any day. All
I need is a break. All I can't stand this. Wait,
as some gentlemen, the next time you go to your neighborhoods,
growths are asking for the package of jello. It comes
to sixty listened flavors. Strawberry around Terry Arn's leven a
lime I'm going off for a smoke. Hm. Well, how
(06:08):
do you like that? First time I've ever seen Don
so upset? Yeah, even in his favorite dessert didn't calm him down. Mary,
do you think he was really mad? Yes? His kinds were,
Jack quivering, he is. It's getting so a guy can't
even express an opinion around him. I don't see why
Don should jump on me, after all, I after all
I've done for him? What did you ever do for Don?
(06:29):
What did I ever do? Well? For one thing, I
discovered him, That's what I did, discovered him. Yes, when
I first met Don Wilson, he was a barker in
front of a side show Vallet Halloween for a lot
of free That's what he was. How'd you happen to
meet him? Jack was a while man from Walkeegan She now, Mary,
I haven't been around a freak show since I broke
up with Princess Zaza was a snake charmer, So there
(06:52):
no kidd and Jack? Did you really go around with
a snake charmer? Yes, Kenny, she was a lovely girl,
but I couldn't stand that hissing all the time. Now,
if you've got a song ready, we'd like to hear it. Okay,
gets a minute, come in Telagram for Jack Fonny. All right,
here boy, take it married. Okay, here, buddy, here's aniquo
for you. Thanks mister, Now I can get married fresh guy.
(07:15):
Who's a telegram from Mary?
Speaker 4 (07:17):
It's from your father in Miami, Das.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Florida or from Daddy. What does it say?
Speaker 4 (07:21):
It says, my dear boy. Everybody Miami seems to think
you're going to win the Academy Award.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Well, but the son is very hot down here. Oh,
good old dad, always thinking about the weather things, Kenny
saying married. Do you think Don is really offended? Oh?
Speaker 3 (07:54):
I dream in.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
In my heart have a lot of melodies from memory
of love rep m and not the people's time.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
I see us across the.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
Metals of my heart.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
I am in the time.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Of little time, Oh ways, reminding me that me.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
You want the domination and.
Speaker 5 (08:45):
A need me a clown that will not die. Love
is low, the st.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Of yesterday, the usy gone.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
Some time, I won love wi.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
And you allow.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Some mad.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
On my level. And I am once again with you
when my love was you and can insert that was
long ago.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Now. My consolations in the product.
Speaker 5 (09:46):
Fide a hard when you are in my arm, my jail.
How this day love.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Paradies were roses blue? Oh I did in my hearty man,
a lot of melody, No mamory of love, refree.
Speaker 5 (10:27):
A love.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
That was star dust, an old favorite sung by Kenny
Baker and very good Kenny. But what made you sing
such an old number? Oh I don't know, it's Jack,
I get I'm just sandimental. Oh you know what? A
song like that brings back a lot of memories. Believe me,
memory boy, those sure were happy days when I was
just a kid who didn't know what it was all about. Well, well,
(11:10):
happy days are here again. Now Mary, Kenny has just
as much right to reminisce as anybody else. He can
have his memory too, And how brother Kenny, don't be
such a devil. And now, ladies and gentlemen, to get
on with the program. I'd like to announce that next
week we have y He's done. Oh, yes, our Prima
(11:31):
Donna has returned. Hello, Don, did you have a nice smoke? Yes, Jack,
And I'm sorry I lost my temper. Oh that's all right, Don.
We can all make mistake. I didn't make any mistakes. Oh,
but when you say that you're a better active than Spencer,
Tracy park Gable or Jimmy Kay. And it does naugas me.
That's all. Oh, it does. Well, did you hear that, Phil, Well,
(11:51):
Don's right, you found egotistical? Oh I do. Guys. I'm
not the least bit jealous of Paul Whiteman and Stokowski,
but you would be if you were a musician. You're
a fine leader, Phil, You have yet a conductive number
where you didn't finish a minute ahead of the boy. Well,
(12:13):
that's the trouble with them. They're no good in the stretch. Well, anyway,
Phil Don and I are talking about an entirely different
thing now in my picture. Artisan models abrawl.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
Your picture, your picture, that's all you talk about. Well
that Allan was right Wenesday night when he said he
saw you in forum. You can't act at all?
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Oh he did. Well, let me ask you something. You
see Alan in that last picture he made his photo finished? Yes,
I saw. Oh boy, how he fights to hog the camera?
What do you mean, Well, any man that'll put a
false face on the back of his head so he
can appear in every scene, well, and the way he photographs,
(12:56):
but they have to go through to make up that
Pana is quite a job. A job, it's a government project.
I'll ever understand why Universal Studios spend thousands of dollars
to make up Boris Karloff when they can use Alan
and the raw Boy? Will he burn up? When I
win the Academy Award next week? How do you know
you're gonna win it? Because I deserve it. I'm an
(13:17):
actor first last in all wings. You're a hand They
boiled the Pride. Listen, Mary, there's nothing hammy about speaking
the truth. Why in my picture artists and models are
blow This is distrust me. You said it. I'm going
out for a smoke. Well, well, mister Baker joined the
ranks of the pelters around here. You see down the
(13:39):
bad example your set. And now, ladies and gentlemen, that
Kenny is in the other room and it might be
a little quieter in here. I'd like to make the
announcement that I shot at five minutes ago. Next week
is a special attraction we are going to present. Now
what come in? Well? Hello, Andy, how are you well?
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Andy?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
We haven't seen you for some time now. I was
hoping you'll drop in last week for my birthday. Well,
better late than never. Buck, here's a little present Mam
made for you. Well, thank Andy, thanks very much. Here
you are, Buck, I hope you like it. Well, gosh, look, fella,
it's just what I needed. A hand hated sofa pillow. Hey,
that'll come in mighty handy.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Yeah, you can put her in your pants in case
you meets Pans or Tracy.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Never mind, man, he's so nice and softy shirt. Thank
your maw for me, Andy, Well, you better thank Paul too.
He got an awful cold in his chest on account
of that pillow he did here, Ma stuffed it with
his beer. Oh, so he cut PAW's beer it off? Hey,
what was a big idea? Well, Ma thought he was
making faces at her and she wanted to pray. Now
(14:49):
I see, Well, I'm surprised your Paul let her do it.
Is he better looking without it? Oh? He's handsome now
he is?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah. When Ma was shaving him, she suck a dipple
in his chair. Well he is. That's something. It's too
bad about him losing his Adam's appleable. Well, we'll all
have trouble for this little pillow anyway. Thanks again, Andy,
I'm gonna keep this in the living room right next
to my melodeon. And now, folks, but Jack, can you
(15:15):
get change?
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Yeah, tell mister Baker, did you have a nice smoke? Yeah,
that's good boy? Am I juzy? Well it serves you're right.
And now, folks, once more, I'd like to announce that
ain't fuck what are you laughing at? Sit you here?
Fred Allen Wednesday night? Oh him again? Why he said
(15:40):
you were so cheap? You're putting your long underwear away?
Sooken weft so the mass but jetstve Oh he said that. Hey, well,
how would you like to know that Ali doesn't wear
any underwear at all? He does it? No, when it
gets real cold, he just pins his short tail around
him and lets the rest of the world go by.
So he better shut up.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
I can say anything he wants to about you because
you call him a rat?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Why, Mary Livingston, I called him nothing of the kind.
You didn't say he was a rat, definitely not. All
I said was if the pipe piper ever came to
New York and walked down the street, Alan would join
the parade, That's what I said. Oh, then you didn't
refer to him as a robin. No, And the fact
that he's partial. The food a grotten is just a coincidence.
(16:24):
And now, ladies and gentlemen, now that I've put me
for a in his place, we will have a number
by the orchestras. What are you gonna play? Phil? Yeah?
Yeah too? Mean an hour after the number is over
and he's sitting around, Phil's gonna rip into a selection
for us. Okay, I can stand it if you can
hit it mine throw ready, boys one for the money,
poops the show, nuts the benny, and here we go.
(16:44):
I'll killed, I'll pillou. Do you.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Not that.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Something that's not the land? That was either deeper sweepers
(18:40):
or this can't be loved? Played by Phil Harrison? His
arkis did I guess right? Phil? Now the name of
that was whole tight? But you were close. Thanks. You know, Phil,
I've been wondering for some time. Why do you have
two piano players in your bands? Too?
Speaker 3 (18:52):
I only have one?
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Who's that little guy with a mustache at the other piano?
Oh he's lost. He thinks I'm Guy Lombardo. So good heavens,
don't tell him you don't feel one thing I've noticed lately. Her.
Pardon me for interrupting Bucks, but I think I'll be
running along. No, I got work to do, okay, Andy,
(19:14):
see you later. So on, so long, cold tray Bucks.
I'm gonna ask you, did you really get a polar
bear for a birthday present last week? Or was that
justin Gary? See what way low on there? I wish
it was a gag. Andy. Believe me, I've had plenty
of trouble with that polar bear, haven't I? Married?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
So what happened when you were training him the other afternoon? Oh,
that's say that could happen to anybody training him? What
are you training the bear for? Jack? Why?
Speaker 4 (19:42):
I should be ready in case Vaudville comes back.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
That's not the only reasons anyhow, Let's forget about that
polar bear. Oh no, what happened when Jack was training him? Mary?
Go ahead, your little tattle tam did hi? Joshing and
Jack pass the other day?
Speaker 4 (19:57):
And there he was all dressed up in a leopard
tin of Beanie and a wizard in him.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
That so swell. When the bears shopped laughing, he wasn't laughing.
I had him scare to death. Anyway.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Jack crashed the whip and made him sit up and said,
knife there, give.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Me your paw and what happened? Jack got it right,
and the kisses well, I can hardly feel it anyway.
I got him tamed now, and he knows who his
master is. Jack. Do you think you know who sent
it up? Bear? I don't know down At first I
thought it might be Fred Allen, but I'm positive now
that it wasn't. Why well, I had Alan's program on
last Wednesday and the bear turned it off. So he's
(20:39):
a pretty intelligent animal. You know, Hey, Jack, what are
you gonna do with that bear? Anyway? Are you gonna
keep him? Well, i'd like you, Kenny, but it's so expensive.
He eats fish like mask and he's so fussy. He
won't eat what I give him. No wonder that's what
tailed on Tariff. I told him they were bolted. What's
the difference. They're good for him, Hey, Brot, I got
(21:00):
to go now, see you later. So on golong andy,
and thanks again for the present. Oh you're welcome. I
hope you get to the Academy award, but I don't
know why that should be so funny. It might all
be surprised. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I started
to announce, so many times. This evening next week is
(21:21):
our feature attraction. We are going to present the year's
supreme effort by the Benny Overestimated Art Group, none other
than our version of Darryl Zenny's twentieth Century Fox production.
That dynamic stream classic, that gripping melodrama, that thrilling and
sensational tiems Jesse James, thank you. Now, owing to the
(21:44):
importance of this great feature tonight, we are going to
present a few of the highlights from this tremendous attraction. First,
pardon me, hello, oh miss rod Jesters. So if you'll
have to call me back later, rocheter, I'm right in
the middle of an important announced though. Okay, Boss, I'll
just leave my resignation on the dresses. Yeah, do that
your resignation. What are you talking about? Now? Look, Boss,
(22:07):
I don't mind opening doors, running there, driving your car
and cleaning the house. But when you expect me to
be lady and waiting for that north Pole kissing, I quit.
I don't get excited. Rochester in the first place, to
cast quick this minute. I haven't paid here yet. But
that's all right. I'll just take some spools. We'll do
(22:29):
nothing of the kind I'll tell me. What's the matter
with Carmichaus, that's the bear. What's wrong with the Rochester? Well?
Every time I'm meaning me wants to rummer with me. Oh,
he's just being playful. Why her to dance with him?
I did this morning and when we got three, re
applauded the water. Say that was huge, huge moving. My
head was clean and Paul, Oh that's too bad. I'm
(22:56):
all stashed up like a near sighted Darrin Pickers. Well, look, Rochester,
you should have done what I told you to. I
told you to put that polar bear in the garage.
I did that a half hour ago. That's no good.
Why not? I looked out the winden just now and
he was driving buying the car, Rochester, are you shorting
(23:22):
with him? I'm positive he waved at me. Then it
was Carmichael. My goodger, Rochester. How are you gonna get
him back? Don't worry, boy, he can't go plot Why not?
The car's nearly out of Garson. He didn't take any
money with him. Well, I'll be home pretty soon. We'll
go out looking for him. Okay, sold on gold on
gona save Paul? Yes, if you win the Academy award.
Will you give me a raise? I certainly will. You'll
(23:44):
get a nice substantial increase. Man, I sure wish you
was a better access. I'll wait a minute, Rochester, Yes,
for the actor's gonna go, what's that well? Blow me down? Here,
come carm iggle up the driveway. I'll bet he's got
to pigot check it. How do you know he's got
(24:05):
a police one in his mouth? Go on, say you
know what, Fellas, I got a regular gold mine in
that bear. He can dance, drive a car and everything.
See if he can leave an arc and see if
a shoot still hairt Hey, there's an idea. I'll get
him a baton tomorrow. Oh yes, our half hours nearly up.
So right now, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to
give you a preview of some of the highlights for
(24:26):
next week's attracting Jesse James drama. Now listen, missus James.
We're gonna run a railroad through your land. So I'm
giving you just ten minutes to pack. Your dad's can't
get off?
Speaker 4 (24:38):
I get him off, oh Jesse Jesse, Yes, moll, this
man it's trying to take our farm away from us.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Oh he is a yeah, what are you gonna do
about it? Nothing?
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Now?
Speaker 1 (24:45):
But you wait till next Sunday night. Oh, hey, you what?
I'm at your hand? Check him up quick? Okay, but
you waste your time. I haven't got any money, you
haven't a well. I'll give you just seven days to
get something, Robert. Oh, Derelda, Derelda, will you marry me? No, Jesse,
(25:05):
I hand you have no tricks to feel well, I'll
get them by next week. No, don't shoot him, Jesse,
don't shoot him? Why not right away? Six before you? Elia, temper? Okay,
Crawberry raspberry, cherry orn, fleming, and ye. These are just
a few of the thrills that will come to you
next Sunday night. So we turn tune in Playfield. You know,
(26:04):
a holiday is a grand excuse to have company for dinner,
and I think everybody enjoys that. So here's a swell
idea for a Washington's birthday dinner. A delicious new fruit
salad made with cherry jello. You can serve it as
your salad and dessert course all in one, and it's easy.
Here's how to make it. There's all one package of
cherry jello and a pint of hot water and chill
(26:25):
and go slightly thickened, then pulled in one half cup
of seated canned white cherries cutting quarters, and one half
cup of dice canned pineapple. Serve on crisp lettuce with
plenty of Rieu golden mayonnaise, and believe me, you've got something.
Or Cherry Jello has a deep, glowing crimson color that's
mighty tempting and the delicious extraitsch fruit flavor that just
(26:46):
can't be popped. Combined with white cherries and tangy pineapples,
you get a colorful, shimmering salad that really a picture
and taste just as good as it looks. So ask
your girls tomorrow for some cherry jello. And prior of
this delicious you solid the last number of the twenty
(27:34):
first program in the New Jello series, and we will
be with you again next Sunday night at the same time,
So be sure and listen in fos Jesse James will
be our piece for attraction. Say Mary, remind me to
stop in the market on the way home. I want
to get a can of sardine for Tarmichael. One can
for that big day, yes, and one sandwich out of it.
For me good Night. Anny Baker pays on the Jello
(28:03):
Program to curtsy margin awry productions. Included on today's program.
We're serving lands we'll never know, and it's all your
frenchars in your eyes. This is the National Broadcasting Company.
The Jederal Program starring Jack Fenny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris,
Kenny Baker, and Yours Truly Don Wilson. The orchostraphens a
program with It's All Yours. The other day, one of
(00:22):
those inquiring reporters stopped me on the street with this question,
do you believe that men know as much about cooking
as women? Well? I had the answer to that one,
and I said no, but they know plenty about good
things to eat. And that, I told him is why
they all like jello, and ladies, I'll get your own
experience is showing you how true that is why everybody
likes jello, and no wonder that delicious, expert rich fruit
(00:46):
flavor makes every jello desert a brand you an exciting treats.
It's a fruit flavor that's rich in, full bodied and
supremely satisfying right from your first tempting spoonful to the
very last. And jello is really doubly satisfying because it
looks so delicious, so gay and cheerful and appetizing. It's
a swell dessert. It is hurt. You can serve as
(01:06):
often as you like, for the family will always enjoy it.
So look for those big red letters on the box.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
They spell Jello, and Jello spells a treat.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
That was It's all yours, played by the orchestra. Now,
ladies and gentlemen, Next Thursday evening, February the twenty third,
the winners of the Annual Academy Award for Distinguished Achievements
in Motion Pictures will be announced. That's right. The recipient
of this great honor for outstanding performances on the screen
will receive gold statues symbolic of their unquestioned ability. Yes,
sir so, Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a
(02:04):
man who hasn't a chinaman's chance. Jack Benny, Well you, yeah,
this is Jack Benny talking and Don that was very
funny but uncalled for FI were you, mister Wilson, I
wouldn't be so sure about my not winning the Academy
(02:25):
Award for the Best Actor. Well, Jack, you'll have to
admit that your name hasn't been mentioned in that connection.
Well that doesn't mean anything. I can always be a
dark horse, you know, can't. I fail? Not with that
gray Man, Wait a minute, fail, don't jump at conclusion?
Did you see my last picture? Artists and models abroad. No,
(02:46):
I didn't go ahead, you fire me. Not gonna fire you, Phil.
I'm just trying to bring out a point, that's all.
Don Did you see artists and models abroad? I was
attended the truth, Jack Garry didn't. However, it was raining
one night and I intend to go. Now what happened
it stopped raining. Well, it's too bad because you sure
(03:06):
missed a Rio tree. Hello Jack, Hello, Kenny, Say Kenny,
did you see artist and models abroad? Oh? Sure? I
went the very first week, and I took my girl along.
Oh well, what did you kids think of it? Don't
ask goush We were neck in life six feet. That's fine.
(03:29):
You two always neck when you go to a picture.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Kenny.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
No, during the Good Earth we made Mudfie. Well you
were younger, then I'm gonna find somebody who saw my
picture if I have to start a contest anyway, Fellaws,
my performance and artist and Models abroad is deserving of
some recognition. I don't say that I'm positive of getting
the Academy Award, but if I don't, it's a frame us. Listen, Jack,
(03:54):
I don't want to shout at your hopes. But there's
a rumor that Clark Gable has an excellent chance of
winning the award. Mark Gabels gabeled a fine chance he's got.
Not only that, I hear that, Jimmy Cagney's lable to
step right up from top the prize. Cagney, Yes, Cagney,
piss that little guy for what?
Speaker 3 (04:14):
For?
Speaker 1 (04:15):
What did you see him in Angels with dirty Faces? Yes?
I did you call that a performance? I certainly do.
Oh why you take that scene where he was an electrocuted?
He didn't get one last some performer? Well, for heaven's sake,
you don't expect the guy to get a laugh when
he's gonna be electrocutor do you I'd have got a laugh,
(04:35):
you'd have got a crawl. Well, Phil, if you're going
to make a joke out of it, there's no use
discussing it any further. Ollo, Mary, Hello Jack, what are
you all excited about? Twenty Hill? Here? Doesn't think I
have a chance in the world of winning the Academy Award?
He doesn't. How does John feel about it? Well? Don
agrees with Phil? Oh move over fallas you hear this
(04:58):
game talk? You think I was a flopper an actor? Oh?
Speaker 4 (05:01):
Jack, you always get so upset when these awards are
being given out. Last year, you were jealous because Spencer
Tracy wanted.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Me jealous of Tracy. I was not.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
You weren't and tell him what they did? Do a
picture on the billboards all over town?
Speaker 1 (05:14):
All right, So I drew a few mustashes. Is that
a crime? Me jealous of Tracy?
Speaker 5 (05:20):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
And the things you said about him. Now, wait a minute, Mary,
all I said was I wish I had my ability
and his luck. That's all. Why Jack, Benny, what are
you talking about? Spencer Tracy's one of the greatest actors
on the screen today or any other day. Oh he is.
Why certainly, of course he is. That goes for me too, John.
With Benny Kenny, this isn't a revolution. We're just having
(05:43):
a little discussion. So I don't care. Don is right. Listen, Kenny,
I'm just as good as Spencer Tracy any day. All
I need is a break. All I can't stand this. Wait,
as some gentlemen, the next time you go to your neighborhoods,
growths are asking for the package of jello. It comes
to sixty listened flavors. Strawberry around Terry Arn's leven a
lime I'm going off for a smoke. Hm. Well, how
(06:08):
do you like that? First time I've ever seen Don
so upset? Yeah, even in his favorite dessert didn't calm him down. Mary,
do you think he was really mad? Yes? His kinds were,
Jack quivering, he is. It's getting so a guy can't
even express an opinion around him. I don't see why
Don should jump on me, after all, I after all
I've done for him? What did you ever do for Don?
(06:29):
What did I ever do? Well? For one thing, I
discovered him, That's what I did, discovered him. Yes, when
I first met Don Wilson, he was a barker in
front of a side show Vallet Halloween for a lot
of free That's what he was. How'd you happen to
meet him? Jack was a while man from Walkeegan She now, Mary,
I haven't been around a freak show since I broke
up with Princess Zaza was a snake charmer, So there
(06:52):
no kidd and Jack? Did you really go around with
a snake charmer? Yes, Kenny, she was a lovely girl,
but I couldn't stand that hissing all the time. Now,
if you've got a song ready, we'd like to hear it. Okay,
gets a minute, come in Telagram for Jack Fonny. All right,
here boy, take it married. Okay, here, buddy, here's aniquo
for you. Thanks mister, Now I can get married fresh guy.
(07:15):
Who's a telegram from Mary?
Speaker 4 (07:17):
It's from your father in Miami, Das.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Florida or from Daddy. What does it say?
Speaker 4 (07:21):
It says, my dear boy. Everybody Miami seems to think
you're going to win the Academy Award.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Well, but the son is very hot down here. Oh,
good old dad, always thinking about the weather things, Kenny
saying married. Do you think Don is really offended? Oh?
Speaker 3 (07:54):
I dream in.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
In my heart have a lot of melodies from memory
of love rep m and not the people's time.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
I see us across the.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
Metals of my heart.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
I am in the time.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Of little time, Oh ways, reminding me that me.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
You want the domination and.
Speaker 5 (08:45):
A need me a clown that will not die. Love
is low, the st.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Of yesterday, the usy gone.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
Some time, I won love wi.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
And you allow.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Some mad.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
On my level. And I am once again with you
when my love was you and can insert that was
long ago.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Now. My consolations in the product.
Speaker 5 (09:46):
Fide a hard when you are in my arm, my jail.
How this day love.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Paradies were roses blue? Oh I did in my hearty man,
a lot of melody, No mamory of love, refree.
Speaker 5 (10:27):
A love.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
That was star dust, an old favorite sung by Kenny
Baker and very good Kenny. But what made you sing
such an old number? Oh I don't know, it's Jack,
I get I'm just sandimental. Oh you know what? A
song like that brings back a lot of memories. Believe me,
memory boy, those sure were happy days when I was
just a kid who didn't know what it was all about. Well, well,
(11:10):
happy days are here again. Now Mary, Kenny has just
as much right to reminisce as anybody else. He can
have his memory too, And how brother Kenny, don't be
such a devil. And now, ladies and gentlemen, to get
on with the program. I'd like to announce that next
week we have y He's done. Oh, yes, our Prima
(11:31):
Donna has returned. Hello, Don, did you have a nice smoke? Yes, Jack,
And I'm sorry I lost my temper. Oh that's all right, Don.
We can all make mistake. I didn't make any mistakes. Oh,
but when you say that you're a better active than Spencer,
Tracy park Gable or Jimmy Kay. And it does naugas me.
That's all. Oh, it does. Well, did you hear that, Phil, Well,
(11:51):
Don's right, you found egotistical? Oh I do. Guys. I'm
not the least bit jealous of Paul Whiteman and Stokowski,
but you would be if you were a musician. You're
a fine leader, Phil, You have yet a conductive number
where you didn't finish a minute ahead of the boy. Well,
(12:13):
that's the trouble with them. They're no good in the stretch. Well, anyway,
Phil Don and I are talking about an entirely different
thing now in my picture. Artisan models abrawl.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
Your picture, your picture, that's all you talk about. Well
that Allan was right Wenesday night when he said he
saw you in forum. You can't act at all?
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Oh he did. Well, let me ask you something. You
see Alan in that last picture he made his photo finished? Yes,
I saw. Oh boy, how he fights to hog the camera?
What do you mean, Well, any man that'll put a
false face on the back of his head so he
can appear in every scene, well, and the way he photographs,
(12:56):
but they have to go through to make up that
Pana is quite a job. A job, it's a government project.
I'll ever understand why Universal Studios spend thousands of dollars
to make up Boris Karloff when they can use Alan
and the raw Boy? Will he burn up? When I
win the Academy Award next week? How do you know
you're gonna win it? Because I deserve it. I'm an
(13:17):
actor first last in all wings. You're a hand They
boiled the Pride. Listen, Mary, there's nothing hammy about speaking
the truth. Why in my picture artists and models are
blow This is distrust me. You said it. I'm going
out for a smoke. Well, well, mister Baker joined the
ranks of the pelters around here. You see down the
(13:39):
bad example your set. And now, ladies and gentlemen, that
Kenny is in the other room and it might be
a little quieter in here. I'd like to make the
announcement that I shot at five minutes ago. Next week
is a special attraction we are going to present. Now
what come in? Well? Hello, Andy, how are you well?
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Andy?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
We haven't seen you for some time now. I was
hoping you'll drop in last week for my birthday. Well,
better late than never. Buck, here's a little present Mam
made for you. Well, thank Andy, thanks very much. Here
you are, Buck, I hope you like it. Well, gosh, look, fella,
it's just what I needed. A hand hated sofa pillow. Hey,
that'll come in mighty handy.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Yeah, you can put her in your pants in case
you meets Pans or Tracy.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Never mind, man, he's so nice and softy shirt. Thank
your maw for me, Andy, Well, you better thank Paul too.
He got an awful cold in his chest on account
of that pillow he did here, Ma stuffed it with
his beer. Oh, so he cut PAW's beer it off? Hey,
what was a big idea? Well, Ma thought he was
making faces at her and she wanted to pray. Now
(14:49):
I see, Well, I'm surprised your Paul let her do it.
Is he better looking without it? Oh? He's handsome now
he is?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah. When Ma was shaving him, she suck a dipple
in his chair. Well he is. That's something. It's too
bad about him losing his Adam's appleable. Well, we'll all
have trouble for this little pillow anyway. Thanks again, Andy,
I'm gonna keep this in the living room right next
to my melodeon. And now, folks, but Jack, can you
(15:15):
get change?
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Yeah, tell mister Baker, did you have a nice smoke? Yeah,
that's good boy? Am I juzy? Well it serves you're right.
And now, folks, once more, I'd like to announce that
ain't fuck what are you laughing at? Sit you here?
Fred Allen Wednesday night? Oh him again? Why he said
(15:40):
you were so cheap? You're putting your long underwear away?
Sooken weft so the mass but jetstve Oh he said that. Hey, well,
how would you like to know that Ali doesn't wear
any underwear at all? He does it? No, when it
gets real cold, he just pins his short tail around
him and lets the rest of the world go by.
So he better shut up.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
I can say anything he wants to about you because
you call him a rat?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Why, Mary Livingston, I called him nothing of the kind.
You didn't say he was a rat, definitely not. All
I said was if the pipe piper ever came to
New York and walked down the street, Alan would join
the parade, That's what I said. Oh, then you didn't
refer to him as a robin. No, And the fact
that he's partial. The food a grotten is just a coincidence.
(16:24):
And now, ladies and gentlemen, now that I've put me
for a in his place, we will have a number
by the orchestras. What are you gonna play? Phil? Yeah?
Yeah too? Mean an hour after the number is over
and he's sitting around, Phil's gonna rip into a selection
for us. Okay, I can stand it if you can
hit it mine throw ready, boys one for the money,
poops the show, nuts the benny, and here we go.
(16:44):
I'll killed, I'll pillou. Do you.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Not that.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Something that's not the land? That was either deeper sweepers
(18:40):
or this can't be loved? Played by Phil Harrison? His
arkis did I guess right? Phil? Now the name of
that was whole tight? But you were close. Thanks. You know, Phil,
I've been wondering for some time. Why do you have
two piano players in your bands? Too?
Speaker 3 (18:52):
I only have one?
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Who's that little guy with a mustache at the other piano?
Oh he's lost. He thinks I'm Guy Lombardo. So good heavens,
don't tell him you don't feel one thing I've noticed lately. Her.
Pardon me for interrupting Bucks, but I think I'll be
running along. No, I got work to do, okay, Andy,
(19:14):
see you later. So on, so long, cold tray Bucks.
I'm gonna ask you, did you really get a polar
bear for a birthday present last week? Or was that
justin Gary? See what way low on there? I wish
it was a gag. Andy. Believe me, I've had plenty
of trouble with that polar bear, haven't I? Married?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
So what happened when you were training him the other afternoon? Oh,
that's say that could happen to anybody training him? What
are you training the bear for? Jack? Why?
Speaker 4 (19:42):
I should be ready in case Vaudville comes back.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
That's not the only reasons anyhow, Let's forget about that
polar bear. Oh no, what happened when Jack was training him? Mary?
Go ahead, your little tattle tam did hi? Joshing and
Jack pass the other day?
Speaker 4 (19:57):
And there he was all dressed up in a leopard
tin of Beanie and a wizard in him.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
That so swell. When the bears shopped laughing, he wasn't laughing.
I had him scare to death. Anyway.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Jack crashed the whip and made him sit up and said,
knife there, give.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Me your paw and what happened? Jack got it right,
and the kisses well, I can hardly feel it anyway.
I got him tamed now, and he knows who his
master is. Jack. Do you think you know who sent
it up? Bear? I don't know down At first I
thought it might be Fred Allen, but I'm positive now
that it wasn't. Why well, I had Alan's program on
last Wednesday and the bear turned it off. So he's
(20:39):
a pretty intelligent animal. You know, Hey, Jack, what are
you gonna do with that bear? Anyway? Are you gonna
keep him? Well, i'd like you, Kenny, but it's so expensive.
He eats fish like mask and he's so fussy. He
won't eat what I give him. No wonder that's what
tailed on Tariff. I told him they were bolted. What's
the difference. They're good for him, Hey, Brot, I got
(21:00):
to go now, see you later. So on golong andy,
and thanks again for the present. Oh you're welcome. I
hope you get to the Academy award, but I don't
know why that should be so funny. It might all
be surprised. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I started
to announce, so many times. This evening next week is
(21:21):
our feature attraction. We are going to present the year's
supreme effort by the Benny Overestimated Art Group, none other
than our version of Darryl Zenny's twentieth Century Fox production.
That dynamic stream classic, that gripping melodrama, that thrilling and
sensational tiems Jesse James, thank you. Now, owing to the
(21:44):
importance of this great feature tonight, we are going to
present a few of the highlights from this tremendous attraction. First,
pardon me, hello, oh miss rod Jesters. So if you'll
have to call me back later, rocheter, I'm right in
the middle of an important announced though. Okay, Boss, I'll
just leave my resignation on the dresses. Yeah, do that
your resignation. What are you talking about? Now? Look, Boss,
(22:07):
I don't mind opening doors, running there, driving your car
and cleaning the house. But when you expect me to
be lady and waiting for that north Pole kissing, I quit.
I don't get excited. Rochester in the first place, to
cast quick this minute. I haven't paid here yet. But
that's all right. I'll just take some spools. We'll do
(22:29):
nothing of the kind I'll tell me. What's the matter
with Carmichaus, that's the bear. What's wrong with the Rochester? Well?
Every time I'm meaning me wants to rummer with me. Oh,
he's just being playful. Why her to dance with him?
I did this morning and when we got three, re
applauded the water. Say that was huge, huge moving. My
head was clean and Paul, Oh that's too bad. I'm
(22:56):
all stashed up like a near sighted Darrin Pickers. Well, look, Rochester,
you should have done what I told you to. I
told you to put that polar bear in the garage.
I did that a half hour ago. That's no good.
Why not? I looked out the winden just now and
he was driving buying the car, Rochester, are you shorting
(23:22):
with him? I'm positive he waved at me. Then it
was Carmichael. My goodger, Rochester. How are you gonna get
him back? Don't worry, boy, he can't go plot Why not?
The car's nearly out of Garson. He didn't take any
money with him. Well, I'll be home pretty soon. We'll
go out looking for him. Okay, sold on gold on
gona save Paul? Yes, if you win the Academy award.
Will you give me a raise? I certainly will. You'll
(23:44):
get a nice substantial increase. Man, I sure wish you
was a better access. I'll wait a minute, Rochester, Yes,
for the actor's gonna go, what's that well? Blow me down? Here,
come carm iggle up the driveway. I'll bet he's got
to pigot check it. How do you know he's got
(24:05):
a police one in his mouth? Go on, say you
know what, Fellas, I got a regular gold mine in
that bear. He can dance, drive a car and everything.
See if he can leave an arc and see if
a shoot still hairt Hey, there's an idea. I'll get
him a baton tomorrow. Oh yes, our half hours nearly up.
So right now, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to
give you a preview of some of the highlights for
(24:26):
next week's attracting Jesse James drama. Now listen, missus James.
We're gonna run a railroad through your land. So I'm
giving you just ten minutes to pack. Your dad's can't
get off?
Speaker 4 (24:38):
I get him off, oh Jesse Jesse, Yes, moll, this
man it's trying to take our farm away from us.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Oh he is a yeah, what are you gonna do
about it? Nothing?
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Now?
Speaker 1 (24:45):
But you wait till next Sunday night. Oh, hey, you what?
I'm at your hand? Check him up quick? Okay, but
you waste your time. I haven't got any money, you
haven't a well. I'll give you just seven days to
get something, Robert. Oh, Derelda, Derelda, will you marry me? No, Jesse,
(25:05):
I hand you have no tricks to feel well, I'll
get them by next week. No, don't shoot him, Jesse,
don't shoot him? Why not right away? Six before you? Elia, temper? Okay,
Crawberry raspberry, cherry orn, fleming, and ye. These are just
a few of the thrills that will come to you
next Sunday night. So we turn tune in Playfield. You know,
(26:04):
a holiday is a grand excuse to have company for dinner,
and I think everybody enjoys that. So here's a swell
idea for a Washington's birthday dinner. A delicious new fruit
salad made with cherry jello. You can serve it as
your salad and dessert course all in one, and it's easy.
Here's how to make it. There's all one package of
cherry jello and a pint of hot water and chill
(26:25):
and go slightly thickened, then pulled in one half cup
of seated canned white cherries cutting quarters, and one half
cup of dice canned pineapple. Serve on crisp lettuce with
plenty of Rieu golden mayonnaise, and believe me, you've got something.
Or Cherry Jello has a deep, glowing crimson color that's
mighty tempting and the delicious extraitsch fruit flavor that just
(26:46):
can't be popped. Combined with white cherries and tangy pineapples,
you get a colorful, shimmering salad that really a picture
and taste just as good as it looks. So ask
your girls tomorrow for some cherry jello. And prior of
this delicious you solid the last number of the twenty
(27:34):
first program in the New Jello series, and we will
be with you again next Sunday night at the same time,
So be sure and listen in fos Jesse James will
be our piece for attraction. Say Mary, remind me to
stop in the market on the way home. I want
to get a can of sardine for Tarmichael. One can
for that big day, yes, and one sandwich out of it.
For me good Night. Anny Baker pays on the Jello
(28:03):
Program to curtsy margin awry productions. Included on today's program.
We're serving lands we'll never know, and it's all your
frenchars in your eyes. This is the National Broadcasting Company.
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