July 26, 2025 • 19 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
The program starring Jack Benny with Marion evingson Pillaris.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Rochester downa state.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Here, Trollie Dodwells, the lad is some government. Let's go
out to Beverly Hills to the Benny household. It's morning
and Rochester is bringing Jack his breakfast.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Now, let's see if I have everything on the tree, silverware, napkin,
the morning paper, and his favorite magazine.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Two confessions. They've read mister Benny's story in it.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
What a title.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
I was ruined by.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Hollywood night Life.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
He wrote them under his pen names Ulula Heavingway. I'm
ruined by Hollywood Nightlife. He must have been ruined in
the afternoon. He's sleeping at ten o'clock. Well, I better
bring him his chain and wake him up.
Speaker 5 (01:12):
Me.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Look at him sleep there not a care in the world.
Look at that smile on his face. He must be
having the same dream he has every night. He thinks
he's just been the violin concert at Carnegie Hall and
the hall audience and a pardon.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
And yelling bowels. Yep, that was it. He took the
bowl and guarded where am I?
Speaker 6 (01:49):
What happened?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
He must have been dreaming, boss, Yeah, I've got you
your breakfast. Oh good, good, oh boy, I'm going this morning.
Let's see orange h So hop neil bake in toast.
What do you want to drink with your toes? Same
as I've been having all week? Just clean water, boss.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
I don't think there's one man campaign if yourder is
going to bring the parts of coffee.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Back, Dad, I can't understand why it keeps going up
in price.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Well, mister Belly and simple in school, are still in
the national economics in school?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yeah, Now, in school I learned to pronounce economic.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I want to.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Explain this to you. Let me explain to it now. Well,
here we go, and the go ahead.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Explain it to me, rocher hour. Most of the coffee
comes from Brazil. In fact, Brazil's may exports are bananas,
coffee and ten. So what, Well, Brazil starts off the
international trade by something husband happened for which we send
them winding it equipment.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Then they wind the.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
Ten and send the ten to us, and we make
tim cans. No, then we send them to canv they
fill them with coffee and.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Send them back to us. And there you are, Well,
how does that affect the price of coffee? I don't
know why I quit school Da Rochester. I don't think
you know what you're talking about. I'll have this Hello,
(03:30):
I at Talula Kalula. I read it dad. You Well,
I'm just about to have breakfast. Now what do you want, Jackson?
I may have to miss Rehearchal Saturday.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
I've got to go over twenty six three Fox for
retakes on the picture walk Backs Avenue.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So you finish that in July. You've been doing retakes
on it for the past three months. Well, it ain't
exactly retakes. You see, there's a scene in the picture
of me singing that's what I like about the South,
uh huh.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
And because of the foreign market, I've been down to
the studio dubbing in the lyrics in France, Germans, any Greek,
Portuguese and Italian Portuguese.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yes, you went us school with Rochet.
Speaker 7 (04:11):
Thank you, Portuguese and Italian Portuguese and the pat I say,
now you know something, Jackson, You've been right all these
years about what that song stinks in six different languages.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Well, don't tell me you're getting sick of it too. Yeah, Hey, Jackson,
get a load of this in French. That free book.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Popek Ma Jalla Bona Locke who reckon all my shareb Mom?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
You see Jackson in French you can't understand me. I
never understood it. But anyway, Phil has been a lot
of publicity about Walbash Avenue. Isn't fiction of the tour?
In that picture with you? Uh huh and Betty Gravel? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Hey Jackson, listener, there's once seen in the picture of
just me and Betty at the beach and those new
French bathing suits. Wow, they had to shoot that scene
over again too, daring. No, they want Betty to wear one.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Too, well, that would be a shame, Phil, see ladless
steal the scene from you.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Yeah, but it's the last time I ever make a
picture with Gravel and matured why with her legs and
his chest?
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I ain't worth a turn up? Green? What or if
we say in French tourney Green eye, don't don't worry
about it, Phill. You can listen rehearsal if you want to.
Thanks a lot, Jackson. It's awfully nice of you to.
Oh excuse me, Phil, So didn't you tell me last
week you around the water wagon? Yeah? How come you
just hickup? I can't scribe that one for release at
(05:47):
this more convenient time, so by to Lowe.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Oh what a.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Guy say Rochester? With any other phone calls from Eve
before I woke up? Yes, or you bother Ober? What
do you want? He said? Have you been called for
it in thirty days? He's gonna sell it? Come in,
come in.
Speaker 6 (06:11):
All Rochester. Well, oh, miss Livings, and come on in,
mister Benny out.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Yeah, he's getting dressed. Oh, by the way, less living
and we haven't seen you all week? Where have you
been well?
Speaker 6 (06:21):
Right after last Sunday's broadcast, I drove down a Palm Springs.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Oh, you've been out in the desert.
Speaker 6 (06:25):
Yeah, I went there to cool O.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Livings.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
But you didn't have to go all the way to
Palm Springs. Why didn't you come over here? And you've
met to Benny's woming pool.
Speaker 6 (06:34):
My season ticket expired on Labor Days.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Well for you and the man the Jamin maybe Oh home, Mary,
glad to be back in Palm Springs.
Speaker 6 (06:47):
Frankly, no jacket's too hot here.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Oh, everybody's worried about this here.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
It's not hot.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
As I drove a boy, I saw a tongue coming
down on the street with the dog hanging out.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Mary, you've been watching Milton Berla. It's kind early. Have
you had your breakfast? Yeah?
Speaker 6 (07:10):
I bet I could stand a cup of coffee?
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Okay, Oh, Rochester, bring this Livingston a cup of Mary?
How about some tea?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Uh?
Speaker 6 (07:20):
No, thanks, no, no, I just want a cup of
Oh I get at the price of coffee gone up
so high?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
You're drinking water?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yeah? How do you know?
Speaker 6 (07:30):
Figures?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Everybody? What's that magazine you got there?
Speaker 6 (07:37):
A copy of True Confessions?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Oh? Jack?
Speaker 6 (07:40):
Is the story in here by Tallula Hemingway that will
break your heart?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yes? Yes, I read it.
Speaker 6 (07:45):
How all those things could happen to one girl in
thirty nine years?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
I'll never know.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Well, some people live, exciting live. There's some other stories.
The male just gid good, good. Many letters you.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Don't want for me?
Speaker 1 (08:00):
In ten for Thealula. Oh, we'll just put him on
the table. Mary speaking about the heat.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Jack, but you didn't have that operation.
Speaker 6 (08:09):
I'd punch your right in the nose.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Look, Mary, the Warner Brothers bought the story for Joan Crawford.
That's all it counts. Rochester handing my letters? There you are? Thanks?
Uh huh? What's the matter from mister Kerns of the
Colonial Yacht company trying to fight me into buying that
yacht for fifty thousand dollars.
Speaker 6 (08:26):
Well, Jack, this is ably more serious than you think.
They can make you pay her drag you in the court.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
No, Mary, they wouldn't see I don't know. Maybe they would.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
I think they would for us. Mister Kerr called yes
and said if you didn't receive the money by the day,
he was gonna send the lawyer.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Over to see you. Lawyer, lawyer. I got frightened every
time of Well, I might as well answer you. That's funny.
(09:02):
There's nobody here, Oh, mister Benny Dennis, Well, nobody answered
the door. I came in through the window. Oh oh wow, goodness,
see your kid? What's wrong with him.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Napping?
Speaker 6 (09:22):
Dennis? He was expecting a lawyer.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
A lawyer. Who's he suing nobody? I'm being sued. Gee,
that's a switch. And hear you talk. You think I'm
always suing somebody? Well, you sued me once. When did
I ever sue you? That Sunday night when I went
to the movies and didn't listen to your repeat broadcast.
I didn't sue you.
Speaker 6 (09:42):
I warned you, Dennis, this is serious. Jack's gonna be
sued for fifty thousand dollars.
Speaker 8 (09:47):
Oh, I can lend you fifty thousand dollars, mister Benny.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Oh, stop being silly. You haven't got that kind of money.
Oh yes I have. My uncle died and left it
to me.
Speaker 6 (09:56):
Your uncle left you fifty thousand dollars.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
He left me his printing press too, Dannis, your uncle
must have been a counterfeitter. Let me see some of
that money. Okay, here's a five dollar bill I can
do with Mary. Look instead of Lincoln. He's got a
picture of a log cabin. Lincoln's in the cabin. What
(10:24):
it's cold outside? Jack Luk?
Speaker 6 (10:35):
Who's coming up the walk?
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Where? Oh my goodness, it's the Currents from the yacht company.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
What are you going to do?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I don't know. Rochester, you answered the door. I'll hide
in the closet. Okay, Rochester, you get in the closet,
answer the door. Yes, how do you do?
Speaker 4 (10:56):
I'm mister Kerns of the Colonial Yacht Company. May I
see mister Benny? Mister who mister Bennett Benny?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yes, Jack Benny, Star of stage, screen and radio.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Who uh, Jack?
Speaker 1 (11:13):
What happened? He said? Star of stage screening? The lady
I took a bow and bump my head on the
Oh there you are, mister Benny. Yes, look here, mister Curran,
I told you before I'm not going to buy that yacht,
and you're wasting your time trying to sell it to me,
so you might as well return my thousand dollars deposit.
Speaker 6 (11:32):
Oh wait a minute, Jack, huh, how do you know
you wouldn't like owning a yacht? A lot of stars
in Hollywood have them. Mary Kerry Cooper has a yacht.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Oh he's richer than i am.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Humphrey Bogart has a yacht.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Well he's richer than i am too. Well, well Flynn
isn't Richard, No, but he's younger. Now, mister Curran, I
don't think there's any.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Just a minute, mister Bennie, missus Livingston gave me an
excellent idea. Perhaps if you took a little cruise on
this yacht it might help you make up your mind,
you know, sort of a demonstration.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
We'll go to Catalina. Well, this will place you under
no obligation at all. Well, good good, but we'll have
to hurry. I told the captain to take her off
in an hour. Oh that's fine. Come on Mary, Hey, Dennis,
you can go with us. Let's go, mister Current. We'll
have a wonderful no obligation time at Dennis, Dennis, get
(12:29):
your hat? Now, who's that? Just when we're in a hurry? Well, hello, Jan,
Oh it's you.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Don all right, brought the sports from sport that over
because we have no idea for a commercial and we
thought that maybe.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I don't have time for that. Now we're all going
for a no obligation cruise on a yacht. Don. If
the yacht sailed without us, it'll be your fall. Now,
don't worry, mister Benny. They won't leave without me. They won't.
Oh well, then come on, we'll go, Don, even though
I'm mad at if you want to join us. Yes,
Jairks Rochester. Rochester was going on and no obligation cruise. Now,
(13:04):
I'll see you when I get back. You won't see
me both, but you can hear me. I'll be all
with Amos and Andy Rochter. You're gonna be on the
Amos and Andy program today. Yeah, we're gonna have corfe
if I have to go out and learn it. Come on,
mister currs, let's get out on that yacht. Well we'll
(13:30):
be out on the yacht in just a minute. Well,
I hope you don't mind riding in this tender. The
seeds kind of rock. Well, it can't get too rough
for me.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
During the First World War, I used to be on.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
The navy, really on our side.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yes, I was a great lakes.
Speaker 6 (13:52):
Mister kans Cat.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Go a little faster.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
No, we have to take it a little slow here
in the harbor because of all these little boats here.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Are a lot of mister Benny, look hooting that boat
over there, well right over hair on the side. Oh,
yes you woo.
Speaker 8 (14:09):
Hello mister Cassel.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Imagine me running into you way out here.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Oo.
Speaker 8 (14:15):
You always find me here on my day off. I
love to book you soon.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Well, well, well, are you catching many PIDs?
Speaker 8 (14:26):
Look in my desk pit. I got a pickle in
the nele with a hell of a coon.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Come, oh, mister Kitsill, that's cute. Well, mister Benny, we
better get going now. Okay. Oh, by the way, it
was the catchler. What are you using for bait? Sour cream?
(14:51):
In on you, sour cream and on you?
Speaker 6 (14:55):
Haha.
Speaker 8 (14:56):
When I catch a heling, I wanted to be ready.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Oh I see, Well, the buying mister kitten and good luck.
Speaker 6 (15:06):
Good find me.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
Walls from all places of meeting, mister kits of mister Benny,
you better sit down.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
We're going out of the breakwater now.
Speaker 6 (15:19):
Oh it's the Kurrns.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Is that the yacht out there?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
Oh josh, look at those beautiful lines. Now, folks, when
we pull up to the landing platform, please follow my stars.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I know it's the currents. I know when transferring from
one ship to another, you have to go along with
the swell of the wave and jump.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
When both vessels are spent their first to port and
I just starting, they returned to starboard. Thank you, Admiral Yamamoto.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I tore you I was online side. You're gonna stop
being funny. That's the way we used to do it
in the navy. All right, folks, here here we are
at the landing platform. Get in line, and when I
say three, jump all right.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Miss Livingstone one two three, Thank you, mister Day one
two three, Thank you, mister Benny one two three, very.
Speaker 8 (16:29):
Very help me who helped you when you were in
the navy?
Speaker 1 (16:33):
I did before I jumped in on purpose. When I
buy a yad, I want to see what it looks
like underneath. Well I did luck. I don't know I
lost my glasses. But here I take my hand. I
don't be up for pace's wet clothes. I'm louding to
catch cold here. Well, now here, we are all aboard.
I guess we can proceed the catalina. Oh, by the way,
(16:56):
mister Benny, i'd like you.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
To meet our captain, the captain. Captain, this is mister
be Oh. Captain, your face looks familiar. Haven't I seen
you before?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
You might have I used to be an usher at NBC. Oh, yes, yes,
if they fired us.
Speaker 6 (17:22):
Booth the same day.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
Remember, wait a minute, captain, I want to get under way,
all right, Captain, pull steet ahead my eyes.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Well we're on our way. Isn't it wonderful out here
on the ocean? Yes? I know nothing I love better
than no obligation.
Speaker 5 (17:42):
Crew.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Let's look how blue the water is? Say Dennis, isn't
this Dennis? Marry? Where'd that kid go? I don't know
he was here?
Speaker 6 (17:52):
Just Oh, for heaven's sake, look, Jackie's way up on
top of the mask.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
On top of the mask, Dennis, Dennis, come up out.
Speaker 8 (18:00):
Here, mister Christian.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
I see you swinging from the high up Joad on.
Speaker 5 (18:04):
The turn us come down off that mask at Jack,
h The engines are going at full speed, but we're not.
Speaker 6 (18:14):
Even moving dude.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
That's right, mister Wilson, you're standing too far forward. The
propellers are out of the water. Don step back to
the middle of the ship. Now we're going dens that
there you.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
I love us.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Swap the decades. Tell you to the airport.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
There us turned down.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
It's pretty dangerous forton to be up there on the mask.
I know tack got onto you. How to get him down?
Don you run from side to side and rock the
boat down'll make Dennessee sick and be glad to coming.
Oh but Jack, well, how to get that kid down
before he hurts himself. I'll go ahead, run from side
to side, Okay, after DoD back.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Now you gotta rocking, keep it up, keep it rocking.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
It'll have to come down. Oh wait, this is fun.
Keep it up, Keep rocking.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
The boat, keep it rocking until he.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Until he.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
So God, God stop rocking, gone, God stop falling.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Somebody's float on. Don't look at me. I'm sick as a.
Speaker 8 (19:35):
Don what we I'm not by the sailor.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Man, I'm the finished draft.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
You turn this thing around. I want to go home.
The program starring Jack Benny with Marion evingson Pillaris.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Rochester downa state.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Here, Trollie Dodwells, the lad is some government. Let's go
out to Beverly Hills to the Benny household. It's morning
and Rochester is bringing Jack his breakfast.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Now, let's see if I have everything on the tree, silverware, napkin,
the morning paper, and his favorite magazine.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Two confessions. They've read mister Benny's story in it.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
What a title.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
I was ruined by.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Hollywood night Life.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
He wrote them under his pen names Ulula Heavingway. I'm
ruined by Hollywood Nightlife. He must have been ruined in
the afternoon. He's sleeping at ten o'clock. Well, I better
bring him his chain and wake him up.
Speaker 5 (01:12):
Me.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Look at him sleep there not a care in the world.
Look at that smile on his face. He must be
having the same dream he has every night. He thinks
he's just been the violin concert at Carnegie Hall and
the hall audience and a pardon.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
And yelling bowels. Yep, that was it. He took the
bowl and guarded where am I?
Speaker 6 (01:49):
What happened?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
He must have been dreaming, boss, Yeah, I've got you
your breakfast. Oh good, good, oh boy, I'm going this morning.
Let's see orange h So hop neil bake in toast.
What do you want to drink with your toes? Same
as I've been having all week? Just clean water, boss.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
I don't think there's one man campaign if yourder is
going to bring the parts of coffee.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Back, Dad, I can't understand why it keeps going up
in price.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Well, mister Belly and simple in school, are still in
the national economics in school?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yeah, Now, in school I learned to pronounce economic.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I want to.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Explain this to you. Let me explain to it now. Well,
here we go, and the go ahead.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Explain it to me, rocher hour. Most of the coffee
comes from Brazil. In fact, Brazil's may exports are bananas,
coffee and ten. So what, Well, Brazil starts off the
international trade by something husband happened for which we send
them winding it equipment.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Then they wind the.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
Ten and send the ten to us, and we make
tim cans. No, then we send them to canv they
fill them with coffee and.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Send them back to us. And there you are, Well,
how does that affect the price of coffee? I don't
know why I quit school Da Rochester. I don't think
you know what you're talking about. I'll have this Hello,
(03:30):
I at Talula Kalula. I read it dad. You Well,
I'm just about to have breakfast. Now what do you want, Jackson?
I may have to miss Rehearchal Saturday.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
I've got to go over twenty six three Fox for
retakes on the picture walk Backs Avenue.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So you finish that in July. You've been doing retakes
on it for the past three months. Well, it ain't
exactly retakes. You see, there's a scene in the picture
of me singing that's what I like about the South,
uh huh.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
And because of the foreign market, I've been down to
the studio dubbing in the lyrics in France, Germans, any Greek,
Portuguese and Italian Portuguese.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yes, you went us school with Rochet.
Speaker 7 (04:11):
Thank you, Portuguese and Italian Portuguese and the pat I say,
now you know something, Jackson, You've been right all these
years about what that song stinks in six different languages.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Well, don't tell me you're getting sick of it too. Yeah, Hey, Jackson,
get a load of this in French. That free book.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Popek Ma Jalla Bona Locke who reckon all my shareb Mom?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
You see Jackson in French you can't understand me. I
never understood it. But anyway, Phil has been a lot
of publicity about Walbash Avenue. Isn't fiction of the tour?
In that picture with you? Uh huh and Betty Gravel? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Hey Jackson, listener, there's once seen in the picture of
just me and Betty at the beach and those new
French bathing suits. Wow, they had to shoot that scene
over again too, daring. No, they want Betty to wear one.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Too, well, that would be a shame, Phil, see ladless
steal the scene from you.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Yeah, but it's the last time I ever make a
picture with Gravel and matured why with her legs and
his chest?
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I ain't worth a turn up? Green? What or if
we say in French tourney Green eye, don't don't worry
about it, Phill. You can listen rehearsal if you want to.
Thanks a lot, Jackson. It's awfully nice of you to.
Oh excuse me, Phil, So didn't you tell me last
week you around the water wagon? Yeah? How come you
just hickup? I can't scribe that one for release at
(05:47):
this more convenient time, so by to Lowe.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Oh what a.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Guy say Rochester? With any other phone calls from Eve
before I woke up? Yes, or you bother Ober? What
do you want? He said? Have you been called for
it in thirty days? He's gonna sell it? Come in,
come in.
Speaker 6 (06:11):
All Rochester. Well, oh, miss Livings, and come on in,
mister Benny out.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Yeah, he's getting dressed. Oh, by the way, less living
and we haven't seen you all week? Where have you
been well?
Speaker 6 (06:21):
Right after last Sunday's broadcast, I drove down a Palm Springs.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Oh, you've been out in the desert.
Speaker 6 (06:25):
Yeah, I went there to cool O.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Livings.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
But you didn't have to go all the way to
Palm Springs. Why didn't you come over here? And you've
met to Benny's woming pool.
Speaker 6 (06:34):
My season ticket expired on Labor Days.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Well for you and the man the Jamin maybe Oh home, Mary,
glad to be back in Palm Springs.
Speaker 6 (06:47):
Frankly, no jacket's too hot here.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Oh, everybody's worried about this here.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
It's not hot.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
As I drove a boy, I saw a tongue coming
down on the street with the dog hanging out.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Mary, you've been watching Milton Berla. It's kind early. Have
you had your breakfast? Yeah?
Speaker 6 (07:10):
I bet I could stand a cup of coffee?
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Okay, Oh, Rochester, bring this Livingston a cup of Mary?
How about some tea?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Uh?
Speaker 6 (07:20):
No, thanks, no, no, I just want a cup of
Oh I get at the price of coffee gone up
so high?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
You're drinking water?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yeah? How do you know?
Speaker 6 (07:30):
Figures?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Everybody? What's that magazine you got there?
Speaker 6 (07:37):
A copy of True Confessions?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Oh? Jack?
Speaker 6 (07:40):
Is the story in here by Tallula Hemingway that will
break your heart?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yes? Yes, I read it.
Speaker 6 (07:45):
How all those things could happen to one girl in
thirty nine years?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
I'll never know.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Well, some people live, exciting live. There's some other stories.
The male just gid good, good. Many letters you.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Don't want for me?
Speaker 1 (08:00):
In ten for Thealula. Oh, we'll just put him on
the table. Mary speaking about the heat.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Jack, but you didn't have that operation.
Speaker 6 (08:09):
I'd punch your right in the nose.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Look, Mary, the Warner Brothers bought the story for Joan Crawford.
That's all it counts. Rochester handing my letters? There you are? Thanks?
Uh huh? What's the matter from mister Kerns of the
Colonial Yacht company trying to fight me into buying that
yacht for fifty thousand dollars.
Speaker 6 (08:26):
Well, Jack, this is ably more serious than you think.
They can make you pay her drag you in the court.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
No, Mary, they wouldn't see I don't know. Maybe they would.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
I think they would for us. Mister Kerr called yes
and said if you didn't receive the money by the day,
he was gonna send the lawyer.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Over to see you. Lawyer, lawyer. I got frightened every
time of Well, I might as well answer you. That's funny.
(09:02):
There's nobody here, Oh, mister Benny Dennis, Well, nobody answered
the door. I came in through the window. Oh oh wow, goodness,
see your kid? What's wrong with him.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Napping?
Speaker 6 (09:22):
Dennis? He was expecting a lawyer.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
A lawyer. Who's he suing nobody? I'm being sued. Gee,
that's a switch. And hear you talk. You think I'm
always suing somebody? Well, you sued me once. When did
I ever sue you? That Sunday night when I went
to the movies and didn't listen to your repeat broadcast.
I didn't sue you.
Speaker 6 (09:42):
I warned you, Dennis, this is serious. Jack's gonna be
sued for fifty thousand dollars.
Speaker 8 (09:47):
Oh, I can lend you fifty thousand dollars, mister Benny.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Oh, stop being silly. You haven't got that kind of money.
Oh yes I have. My uncle died and left it
to me.
Speaker 6 (09:56):
Your uncle left you fifty thousand dollars.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
He left me his printing press too, Dannis, your uncle
must have been a counterfeitter. Let me see some of
that money. Okay, here's a five dollar bill I can
do with Mary. Look instead of Lincoln. He's got a
picture of a log cabin. Lincoln's in the cabin. What
(10:24):
it's cold outside? Jack Luk?
Speaker 6 (10:35):
Who's coming up the walk?
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Where? Oh my goodness, it's the Currents from the yacht company.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
What are you going to do?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I don't know. Rochester, you answered the door. I'll hide
in the closet. Okay, Rochester, you get in the closet,
answer the door. Yes, how do you do?
Speaker 4 (10:56):
I'm mister Kerns of the Colonial Yacht Company. May I
see mister Benny? Mister who mister Bennett Benny?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yes, Jack Benny, Star of stage, screen and radio.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Who uh, Jack?
Speaker 1 (11:13):
What happened? He said? Star of stage screening? The lady
I took a bow and bump my head on the
Oh there you are, mister Benny. Yes, look here, mister Curran,
I told you before I'm not going to buy that yacht,
and you're wasting your time trying to sell it to me,
so you might as well return my thousand dollars deposit.
Speaker 6 (11:32):
Oh wait a minute, Jack, huh, how do you know
you wouldn't like owning a yacht? A lot of stars
in Hollywood have them. Mary Kerry Cooper has a yacht.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Oh he's richer than i am.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Humphrey Bogart has a yacht.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Well he's richer than i am too. Well, well Flynn
isn't Richard, No, but he's younger. Now, mister Curran, I
don't think there's any.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Just a minute, mister Bennie, missus Livingston gave me an
excellent idea. Perhaps if you took a little cruise on
this yacht it might help you make up your mind,
you know, sort of a demonstration.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
We'll go to Catalina. Well, this will place you under
no obligation at all. Well, good good, but we'll have
to hurry. I told the captain to take her off
in an hour. Oh that's fine. Come on Mary, Hey, Dennis,
you can go with us. Let's go, mister Current. We'll
have a wonderful no obligation time at Dennis, Dennis, get
(12:29):
your hat? Now, who's that? Just when we're in a hurry? Well, hello, Jan,
Oh it's you.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Don all right, brought the sports from sport that over
because we have no idea for a commercial and we
thought that maybe.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I don't have time for that. Now we're all going
for a no obligation cruise on a yacht. Don. If
the yacht sailed without us, it'll be your fall. Now,
don't worry, mister Benny. They won't leave without me. They won't.
Oh well, then come on, we'll go, Don, even though
I'm mad at if you want to join us. Yes,
Jairks Rochester. Rochester was going on and no obligation cruise. Now,
(13:04):
I'll see you when I get back. You won't see
me both, but you can hear me. I'll be all
with Amos and Andy Rochter. You're gonna be on the
Amos and Andy program today. Yeah, we're gonna have corfe
if I have to go out and learn it. Come on,
mister currs, let's get out on that yacht. Well we'll
(13:30):
be out on the yacht in just a minute. Well,
I hope you don't mind riding in this tender. The
seeds kind of rock. Well, it can't get too rough
for me.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
During the First World War, I used to be on.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
The navy, really on our side.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yes, I was a great lakes.
Speaker 6 (13:52):
Mister kans Cat.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Go a little faster.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
No, we have to take it a little slow here
in the harbor because of all these little boats here.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Are a lot of mister Benny, look hooting that boat
over there, well right over hair on the side. Oh,
yes you woo.
Speaker 8 (14:09):
Hello mister Cassel.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Imagine me running into you way out here.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Oo.
Speaker 8 (14:15):
You always find me here on my day off. I
love to book you soon.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Well, well, well, are you catching many PIDs?
Speaker 8 (14:26):
Look in my desk pit. I got a pickle in
the nele with a hell of a coon.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Come, oh, mister Kitsill, that's cute. Well, mister Benny, we
better get going now. Okay. Oh, by the way, it
was the catchler. What are you using for bait? Sour cream?
(14:51):
In on you, sour cream and on you?
Speaker 6 (14:55):
Haha.
Speaker 8 (14:56):
When I catch a heling, I wanted to be ready.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Oh I see, Well, the buying mister kitten and good luck.
Speaker 6 (15:06):
Good find me.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
Walls from all places of meeting, mister kits of mister Benny,
you better sit down.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
We're going out of the breakwater now.
Speaker 6 (15:19):
Oh it's the Kurrns.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Is that the yacht out there?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
Oh josh, look at those beautiful lines. Now, folks, when
we pull up to the landing platform, please follow my stars.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I know it's the currents. I know when transferring from
one ship to another, you have to go along with
the swell of the wave and jump.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
When both vessels are spent their first to port and
I just starting, they returned to starboard. Thank you, Admiral Yamamoto.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I tore you I was online side. You're gonna stop
being funny. That's the way we used to do it
in the navy. All right, folks, here here we are
at the landing platform. Get in line, and when I
say three, jump all right.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Miss Livingstone one two three, Thank you, mister Day one
two three, Thank you, mister Benny one two three, very.
Speaker 8 (16:29):
Very help me who helped you when you were in
the navy?
Speaker 1 (16:33):
I did before I jumped in on purpose. When I
buy a yad, I want to see what it looks
like underneath. Well I did luck. I don't know I
lost my glasses. But here I take my hand. I
don't be up for pace's wet clothes. I'm louding to
catch cold here. Well, now here, we are all aboard.
I guess we can proceed the catalina. Oh, by the way,
(16:56):
mister Benny, i'd like you.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
To meet our captain, the captain. Captain, this is mister
be Oh. Captain, your face looks familiar. Haven't I seen
you before?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
You might have I used to be an usher at NBC. Oh, yes, yes,
if they fired us.
Speaker 6 (17:22):
Booth the same day.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
Remember, wait a minute, captain, I want to get under way,
all right, Captain, pull steet ahead my eyes.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Well we're on our way. Isn't it wonderful out here
on the ocean? Yes? I know nothing I love better
than no obligation.
Speaker 5 (17:42):
Crew.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Let's look how blue the water is? Say Dennis, isn't
this Dennis? Marry? Where'd that kid go? I don't know
he was here?
Speaker 6 (17:52):
Just Oh, for heaven's sake, look, Jackie's way up on
top of the mask.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
On top of the mask, Dennis, Dennis, come up out.
Speaker 8 (18:00):
Here, mister Christian.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
I see you swinging from the high up Joad on.
Speaker 5 (18:04):
The turn us come down off that mask at Jack,
h The engines are going at full speed, but we're not.
Speaker 6 (18:14):
Even moving dude.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
That's right, mister Wilson, you're standing too far forward. The
propellers are out of the water. Don step back to
the middle of the ship. Now we're going dens that
there you.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
I love us.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Swap the decades. Tell you to the airport.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
There us turned down.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
It's pretty dangerous forton to be up there on the mask.
I know tack got onto you. How to get him down?
Don you run from side to side and rock the
boat down'll make Dennessee sick and be glad to coming.
Oh but Jack, well, how to get that kid down
before he hurts himself. I'll go ahead, run from side
to side, Okay, after DoD back.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Now you gotta rocking, keep it up, keep it rocking.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
It'll have to come down. Oh wait, this is fun.
Keep it up, Keep rocking.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
The boat, keep it rocking until he.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Until he.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
So God, God stop rocking, gone, God stop falling.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Somebody's float on. Don't look at me. I'm sick as a.
Speaker 8 (19:35):
Don what we I'm not by the sailor.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Man, I'm the finished draft.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
You turn this thing around. I want to go home.
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