Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
And welcome in. I'm Johnny Heartwell and this is Johnny's
Dead Air Podcast, a production of iHeartRadio. You know you
can call me whatever you want. The Reaper, the end,
Joe Black, the Quiet One, the pale Writer, or even death.
(00:21):
I've heard it all. I don't correct anyone. Names are
just how people try to get comfortable with things they
don't understand. Well tonight, I'm not here to scare anyone tonight.
I'm just remembering, reminiscing because every time I hear the
twenty seven Club, it's like folklore. You know the twenty
(00:44):
seven club, don't you the collection of artists that pass
away at the age of twenty seven. Oh, the twenty
seven Club, Like if you say the number enough times,
it becomes a spell, a way to keep the danger
at arm's length. Well, I don't remember a number. I
remember rooms. I remember lights spilling through curtains that weren't
(01:06):
fully closed. I remember weather, you know, rain on pavement,
gray mornings, and quiet afternoons. I remember ordinary moments that
kept happening right up until they didn't. And the people
always ask me the same two questions, first what happened?
And then a softer question, why, so pull up your
(01:30):
chair a little closer. I'll tell you what I saw,
and I'll tell you this up front. It still hurts
because I was a fan long before I was a
witness Act one Little Wing. The late sixties, I felt
like standing too close to a fire. Everything was burning,
(01:51):
politics and culture and music too. The world was trying
to tear itself apart and rebuild it at the same time,
and nobody, nobody knew the instructions. And then then Jimmy
Hendrix walked out with a guitar and made it sound
like the future had already arrived. He didn't play notes,
he bent reality. Feedback became a language, and silence became tension.
(02:16):
The guitar didn't accompany the song, it was the song itself.
And here's what people forget about that kind of brilliance.
Once you show the world something new, it never lets
never lets you rest. By nineteen seventy, Jimmy wasn't touring.
He was surviving expectations, the crowds and the deadlines and
(02:37):
the managers and the planes and the studios and the interviews,
always always being needed, never alone too, never without anyone either.
And that kind of loneliness is loud London, early morning.
It was September, the same mark and hotel wasn't clamorous
(02:58):
at all. It wasn't to be remembered at all. Narrow
halls and thin walls, and furniture chosen for durability of anything,
and certainly not comfort, the kind of place where musicians sleep,
because sleep is all they want. The room was quiet,
not ominous at all, just tired curtains half open, gray daylight,
(03:21):
sneaking in anyway, clothes drop where they fell, no sense
of urgency at all, no sense of danger. All he
wanted was rest, not escape, not oblivion, just rest, sleeping, pills,
alcohol and nervous system that hadn't shut down in years,
(03:44):
and finally being told it was okay to stop fighting.
When I arrived, there was no shock, no panic. His
body was already drifting. And here's the truth. He didn't
meet me so much as slide past. He wasn't surprised
at all. He was more relieved, relieved to stop moving,
(04:07):
relieve to stop being on, relieved not to be extraordinary
just for a few hours. There was no unfinished speech
or no regret, inventory, just a faint sense, like a
melody that hadn't quite resolved, something left open. When I'm sad,
(04:31):
she comes to me a little wing, trying to land.
Loneliness didn't shout in that room. It exhaled act to
peace of my heart. Oh, Janice Janis Janis Janis, Janis
Joplin carried her history in her throat. That voice didn't
(04:53):
come from technique. It came from living from heartbreak and rejection,
trying to be rooms that only wanted a performance. She
sang like someone who knew pain didn't disappear when the
song ended late sixties, it made a space for that honesty.
(05:16):
Monterey and San Francisco, a generation desperate for something real.
But authenticity has a price. Once people realize your pain
moves them, they start expecting it night after night, like
it's fuel you owe them. By nineteen seventy, Janis was trying,
(05:40):
I mean really really trying to get steadier recording, talking
about the future, trying to believe that maybe this time
it could be different. It was Los Angeles, a city
of lost angels, right Landmark Motor Hotel, a place to
sign for passing through sunlight that day looked confident, the
(06:04):
kind of la light that lies to you, you know
makes everything seem manageable. Her day wasn't dramatic at all,
cigarettes thoughts and plans, the choreography of a working musician.
Then she used, and this matters. She didn't think she
(06:25):
was risking her life. Tolerance drops when you stop bodies
forget what minds remember surviving. She went down to the lobby,
spoke to someone, a few words, nothing memorable, nothing heavy.
That moment, that moment really breaks my heart, because that
moment could have changed everything. She'd been with somebody. But
(06:51):
she went back to the room, bedspread, lamp and silence,
and when it began to go wrong, she noticed briefly
a flicker of confusion, a moment of this isn't right,
you know. She was surprised, not terrified, but surprised. And
(07:11):
then the loneliness arrived. No one to notice, no one
to knock, no one to interrupt the quiet. Her regret
wasn't about music. It was about connection, about giving everything
away and still ending up alone. Take another piece of
(07:33):
my heart now, baby, she had. She definitely did that
over and over, and when it arrived, she wasn't pleading,
she was reaching, and then there was nothing to grab. Act.
Three writers on the Storm next Act three on the Storm.
(08:01):
Jim Morrison wasn't never allowed to be just a man.
The world turned him into an emblem danger and poetry
and rebellion, a symbol people could project onto when they
wanted to feel wild without consequences. In nineteen seventy one,
he was just tired of the mask. Paris was an escape.
(08:24):
It was distance, distance from the band and from America,
from the version of himself that had become too loud
to live inside Botallie old building, old air rooms where
sound doesn't travel far at all, Light that lingers instead
of bouncing That night felt heavy, not chaotic at all. Internal.
(08:51):
The official story is incomplete, no autopsy and too many
unanswered questions. But I remember the bathroom, small and tiled,
intimate and ordinary, really water, and there was echoes, a
man realizing his body wasn't cooperating with the myth anymore.
(09:15):
Jim didn't panic, He observed, and there was a moment
of separation, like watching himself from across the room, curiosity
more than fear. If there was regret, it wasn't specific.
It was existential really, too many cells and too many masks,
(09:38):
no quiet place to land in this house. Where born
into the world were thrown, thrown, not held. When I arrived,
he didn't look at me. He looked past me, as
as if he'd already left the room before the rest
(09:58):
of him followed. All apologies. Kurt Cobain, Oh, oh, Kurt,
Kurt felt everything at full volume. Nirvana didn't rise, it exploded,
It detonated, and suddenly his private pain became a public mirror.
(10:24):
People mistook sensitivity for anger. They mistook despair for attitude,
chronic pain, addiction and depression, and the way of being
named a voice for people he had never met. Seattle,
early April, gray that seeps into your bones. His home
(10:48):
on Lake Washington Boulevard, quiet in an expensive way, the
kind of quiet that still can't protect you. The greenhouse,
separate from the house, either inside or out, a space
you can call inconspicuous. Curtain new not dramatically, but calmly.
(11:13):
And that calm scares me because it looks like peace
to people who don't recognize it. He wasn't surprised to
see me at all. He was resolved. Loneliness had been
his constant companion long before fame arrived. Fame just amplified it.
(11:34):
If there was regret. It was. It was soft, about damage,
about being too heavy to carry. I wish I was
like you, easily amused. That wasn't sarcasm. That was longing,
(11:55):
And when it ended, there was no struggle, just stillness
and the terrible quiet that follows a decision made alone.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Back five, Back to black, Next act five, Back to black,
oh Amy Winehouse. Amy sounded like she had lived three
lives and remembered all of them. Her voice carried history
(12:31):
and ache and humor and defiance too. The world loved
her the way crowds love I don't know fireworks beautiful
but dangerous and very temporary.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
By twenty eleven, her struggle wasn't hidden. Everyone watched. Intervention
is harder than observation. Was London. I think her home
not a tabloid scene, a quiet day, dim light, familiar objects,
the kind of stillness that comes when the world feels
too sharp. She didn't think she was dying. She thought
(13:13):
she was surviving. Actually again, relapse doesn't feel dramatic, it
feels familiar. When her body began to fail, the realization
came too late. A brief shock, then resignation, not sadness,
but fatigue, loneliness dressed up as attention that followed her
(13:38):
for years. So many people, so little shelter. We only
said goodbye with words. That's what it felt like, noise
without connection. When I arrived. She didn't resist. She was
tired of fighting the same old war. The epilogue of
(14:03):
the twenty seven Club A club that never met. Next,
the Club That's Never met. The epilogue is coming up
next of the twenty seven Club. The epilogue of the
(14:24):
twenty seven Club, The club that never met. Yeah, that
bothers me. They never met, not once, No smoky backroom,
no clinking of glasses, no knowing looks across the table
like you two. They didn't compare notes, they didn't laugh
about the number. They didn't even know they were becoming
(14:48):
a category. That part came later, that part, That part
is yours, all yours. Because humans need shapes for grief.
You need name, you need patterns, you need something to
point at so the loss doesn't feel so random, so personal.
So you made a club, but I don't see a club.
(15:12):
I saw five rooms, five closed doors, five moments where
the world kept spinning outside while someone inside slipped further
and further away from it. Loneliness is such a strange thing.
It doesn't always look like isolation. Sometimes it looks like success,
and sometimes it looks like applause. Sometimes it looks like
(15:36):
everyone knowing your name and no one knowing how you're
really doing. Each of them was surrounded and utterly alone
to Jimmy was alone in the quiet after the noise.
Janis was alone even when she reached out. Jim was
(15:58):
alone inside the myth he couldn't step out of. Kurt
was alone with pain no one could feel for him.
And Amy was alone in the room full of concern
that never quite turned into protection. And here's the part
that really gets me, the part I wish people understood
before they start romanticizing the doorway. None of them were
(16:23):
chasing me. They were trying to escape something else. The
pressure and the noise, the ache of being misunderstood, the
exhaustion of being needed but not being held. They didn't
want to die young. They wanted relief, and they wanted quiet.
(16:44):
They wanted one night where they didn't have to be
on and brilliant and useful or strong. They wanted someone
to sit beside them and just stay. That's the heartbreak,
not the age not the fame, not the headlines, the silence,
because in every one of those rooms, there was a moment,
(17:07):
just one where another presence could have changed the ending.
A knock, maybe, a question of voice saying hey you good,
And when that didn't come, I did, and I hate
that I did. I didn't want the number remembered. I
(17:31):
want the conditions to be remembered. I want you to
notice when privacy turns into isolation, when work ethic turns
into erasure, when pain turns into personality and everyone applauds
instead of intervening. I want you to think about the
people you love, the ones who make the room brighter,
(17:53):
and ask yourself who's watching them when the lights go out.
Because the saddest rooms I've ever entered weren't dramatic, weren't violent,
weren't loud. They were quiet rooms where someone finally stopped
hoping anyone else was coming. So if this story hurts, good,
(18:20):
let it. Let it change how you listen, Let it
change how you check in. Let it make you brave
enough to interrupt someone's loneliness before it hardens into something permanent.
Call me whatever you want, but if you love someone,
(18:42):
if you truly love them. Don't turn their endings into legends,
turn them into warnings, turn them into compassion, turn them
into a reason to knock, because I promise you that
us I remember every room, and I would give anything
(19:06):
to forget just one of them. Thank you so much
for listening to Script twenty seven Death and the twenty
seven Club. This has been Johnny's dead air podcast. I'm
Johnny Heartwell, thank you so much for listening, and this
episode is dedicated to Kimmy. May you rest in peace.